Deep Thought: If Superman...?

RKMBs

...busts a nut, does he shoot faster than a speeding bullet? And if so, does that make his penis a lethal weapon? Maybe that's why he wears his underwear on the outside.

This question was answered in "The Pro" by Garth Ennis & Amanda Conner.Not only is it fast,it'll also clip the wing off any nearby airplane.

The Pro was cute.

But then - how does he have sex with Lois without killng her?

kryptonite condom.

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allan1 said:
This question was answered in "The Pro" by Garth Ennis & Amanda Conner.Not only is it fast,it'll also clip the wing off any nearby airplane.

Actually, it was first answered by Larry Niven. Dave posted the essay here.

Yeah,but The Pro was funnier.

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thedoctor said:
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allan1 said:
This question was answered in "The Pro" by Garth Ennis & Amanda Conner.Not only is it fast,it'll also clip the wing off any nearby airplane.

Actually, it was first answered by Larry Niven. Dave posted the essay here.

The Doctor is correct.

In fact, that essay has been mentioned here multiple times, for example:

here;
here; and
here.

Not to mention the film Mallrats:

Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry his child? He's an alien for Christ sake! His kryptonian biological makeup is enhanced by Earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan, the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom . . . that would kill them.

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the G-man said:

Not to mention the film Mallrats:

The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom . . . that would kill them.

Actually, wouldn't that kill him, not the chippies?

I would think it would weaken his super-penis to the point of flaccidness thereby leaving the girl unsatisfied and heading for the Bat-Cave.

I would think being repeatedly stabbed in the vagina by a jagged green rock could, in fact, kill a woman, regardless of the radioactive properties of said rock.

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allan1 said:
I would think it would weaken his super-penis to the point of flaccidness thereby leaving the girl unsatisfied and heading for the Bat-Cave.

Go Batman!

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the G-man said:
I would think being repeatedly stabbed in the vagina by a jagged green rock could, in fact, kill a woman, regardless of the radioactive properties of said rock.

I would think the kryptonite would kill him long before he could get a chance at "stabbing" the poonanny.

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allan1 said:
This question was answered in "The Pro" by Garth Ennis & Amanda Conner.Not only is it fast,it'll also clip the wing off any nearby airplane.

So I gather the consensus is "more powerful than a locomotive".

yes.

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harleykwin said:
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the G-man said:
I would think being repeatedly stabbed in the vagina by a jagged green rock could, in fact, kill a woman, regardless of the radioactive properties of said rock.

I would think the kryptonite would kill him long before he could get a chance at "stabbing" the poonanny.

Agreed. I believe he wears lead underwear (it does effect his x-ray vision) Again, that also might be the reason why he wears his underwear on the outside (y'know, to prevent chafing because it has to get super sweaty down there after a long day)

G-Man didn't want this thread in the Johnny Depp forum because he hates Superman for ridiculing the KKK.

Superman is a prejudiced person!

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Im Not Mister Mxypltk said:
G-Man didn't want this thread in the Johnny Depp forum because he hates Superman for ridiculing the KKK.

I didn't move this. Maybe Wednesday did. He's probably the basis for that Dave Chappelle skit.

It was Wednesday? Nevermind, what the hell was this doing in the Deep Thoughts forum anyway? Some respect, people.

Blame Ray. He was whining Wednesday didn't spend enough time there moderating.

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Son of Mxy said:
Superman is a prejudiced person!

That may be. Remember how nervous he was when Lois decided to become a sister?

no wonder wednesday moved this thread!

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the G-man said:
I would think being repeatedly stabbed in the vagina by a jagged green rock could, in fact, kill a woman, regardless of the radioactive properties of said rock.

Your actually suggesting he straps a jagged rock to his super-penis to use as a condom? Couldnt someone melt it down, rubberise it, filter out all the deadly radiation, and give it back to him? If Luthor is a true mad scientist then he can surely transform a rock into a condom!

seek help flame guy.

Obviously you havn't read the Silver Age issue where Luthor goes into the condom making business.

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Flameswordsman said:
filter out all the deadly radiation

Thereby making it ineffective.

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thedoctor said:
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Flameswordsman said:
filter out all the deadly radiation

Thereby making it ineffective.

Deadly radiatonal effects towards humans, not Kryptonians. Other forms of Kyryptonite have already proven that killing is not the materials only effect

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Lex Luthor said:

Its theorised that the radiational effects act on 2 different physiological levels. One miosis of radiation effects humans, thereby poisoning them and leading to a horrific and rather amusing death. The other level of radiation is exclusive to Kryptonian DNA, causing a wide variety of spectral-anamorphic relay effects on their filthy alien posteria's. [insidious laughing]

Possible, but then again you're still killin' the superwillie. Unless you go Smallville and use Red K. Then Supes violently bangs Lois to death.

Hey, I never said the idea was perfect!

What if he used Batmans synthesized K, Supes would be screaming out in agony, but im sure if Lois wore earmuffs it would still be a pleasurable experience...