The king of Doesntreallyexistia has declared war on Chantania....

What to do, what to do????

This sounds like it could turn into the ULTIMATE crossover.

The Estate of Justice....

Since the JLR left to go to the super hero convention, they left their ex-con parolee gardener Larry in charge of the Estate of Justice (the grounds that include the Farmhouse of Justice and the Barn of Justice).

After a long day's work of gardening, Larry unwinds by listening to the news with his radio. After he hears news of the declaration of war made by Doesntreallyexistia against it's neighbor Chantania, a chill runs down his spine. Not so much from the news, but rather from what he heard immediately afterwards.

At first it sounded like thunder, but then it formed into something more recognizable to Larry -- laughter. What truly scared Larry, though, was the fact that the un-earthly thunderous laughter seemed to come from the hayloft of the Barn of Justice.....

[ 01-25-2003, 08:43 PM: Message edited by: Registered Member #552 ]

The republic of WHOSHWO has decided to take the side of DOENSTREALLYEXISTIA!!!

Chantania has made a counterattack at the nearby McDonalds because of the owners relations to Doesntreallyexistia!!!

The JLR animal sidekicks, Buttercup the horse, Napolean the donkey and Esmarelda the chicken, monitor the events of the two fueding nations.

Napolean: This is terrible, should we contact the JLR? *translated from the donkey*

Buttercup: How many times do I have to tell you? We are members of the JLR! We have the JLR insignia branded onto our rears and everything! *translated from the horse*

Esmarelda: Then why aren't we at the tournament with them? *translated from the chicken*

Buttercup: So we could deal with any emergancies such as this, while the rest of the Team focus on the tournament.

Napolean: What? Us go to sort out the problems between Doesntreallyexista and Chantania!

Buttercup: Exactly!

Esmarelda: Why not? Beats hanging around here all day with Larry and that Zues bloke. He gives me the heebies!

Buttercup: Right! JLR ASSEMBLE!!!!

[ 01-31-2003, 06:03 AM: Message edited by: Britannica ]

At the palace of Chantania the old king is holding a warcouncil!!

King Chantawanta: I say we must use deception and trickery to defeat our enemy in this war!!!

Generelissimo: No, no no no no, we must attack headon

Hauptmannpriest: maybe we should play a game with them

King Chantawanta: a game you say, yes, let´s play games with them and the crush them!!!

Hauptmannpriest: ehhhhh???

Generelissimo: that is fine talk, except for the games part, I daresa......Oh me good grief, I daresay have a slight case of the Babs.....well ol´sport, let´s play cricket and drink tea

King Chantawanta and Hauptmannpriest: AAARGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Will the king and the other strange mysterious and weird individual known as the Hauptmannpriest avoid being infected? and what is the king of doesntreallyexistia up to???

read more some other time, in the mean time, have a drink!!

The Throneroom of the King of Doesntreallyexistia....

King: How goes the plans of war, advisor?

Royal Advisor: Well, your Highness, umm... why exactly are we waging war against Chantania?

King: Why?! Why?! Because someone stole money from my personal chambers while I was otherwise indisposed.

RA: "Otherwise indisposed", sir?

King: I was taking a dump, alright?! Geez... I was trying to be discrete about it, man.

RA: Sorry, sir. But Sire, is that a good enough reason to go to war? We don't even know if Chantania was involved....

King: Not involved?! Not involved?! Of course they were! Who else would be underhanded enough to stoop to stealing from me while I was on the crapper?

RA: Well, sir I don't...

King: .... And another thing, advisor. Who around here is wearing a crown, huh?! [points to his head]

RA: Why, you of course, sir...

King: Good, that means I make the rules around here, and if I say we're going to war -- then by golly we're going to war!!

::The King stomps out of the throneroom::

::The Court Musician enters the room after the King exits::

Court Musician: My goodness, the King certainly isn't acting like himself lately, is he?

RA: No, no he's not.... As long as I've known him, he's always been level-headed and reasonable. Something is definitely wrong here...

::The Royal Advisor exits the throneroom, leaving the Court Musician to be the only one in the room to hear an odd thunderous sound in the distance... ::

The kings chief advisor comes running towards the king!!!

Advisor: Sire, Sire!!!!

King: What is it man, speak up!!!

Advisor: well, the surveillance cameras shows that the money was stolen by a band of superheroes, the same heroes that attended your wedding!!!

King: Surveillance cameras??? I thought we were medieval???

Advisor: Well, your majesty, we used a one use spell to travel forth in time to by some surveillance cameras and the traveled back to before the theft and installed them, we then waited till now to inform you of this so we can avoid a war!!!

King: You traveled back again, I thought you said it was one use!!!

Advisor: wellwe traveled far enough into the future to make sure they had invented time travel so they would be able to travel back!!

King: ehhh???

Advisor: Well, you see, it works like this, you create a artificial wormhole in stabil enviroment by the use of radiated solar tachyon particles, this can be done by collecting solar wind in a mylar sail i orbit around the closest planet to the sun.....

the king interrupts the advisor at this point!

King: enough already, don´t you speak doesntreallyexistien???

Advisor: ehhh, that was doesntreallyexistien....

King: shut up!!!. Why are you telling me this now, I will attack Chantania this afternoon, right after tea!!!

Advisor:.......ehhh........ehhhh........ehhhhhh.....yes sire.

In the stacks of the National Library of Chantania. . .

Mr. Misinformation: Tee Hee! My plan is working beautifully!!

She-Chant: Yes, it is a brilliant idea, snookums. Disguise ourselves as the JLR, rob the King of Doesntreallyexista, leave evidence that the JLR were working for the Kingdom of Chantania, start a war between both countires and when they are weakened, we take over both!!

MM: Not only that, but to ensure success, we have kidnapped King RM552.5 and replaced him with Cynthia, one of my harpy/sphinx-proof Amazonian Librarians!!! [Dramatically pulls back a curtain, revieling an alcove, with King RM552.5, gagged and tied to a chair]

King RM552.5: Mmmph!!

The Amazing Harry: And we will re-recruit the deserter Toxic Bob, now Prince of Chantania and husband to Princess Chantina, back into the ranks of the Injustice Reality League!

Bundy-Bear: I miss Toxic Bob

Tractor-Trailer Bob: And all this while the JLR are occupied at that phoney Superhero convention, set-up by our other arch-nemesis Chant.

Superfly, Sr: Nothing in the world can stop us now!!

IRL: Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha

[ 02-07-2003, 10:20 PM: Message edited by: Mr. Misinformation ]

Buttercup, Napolean and Esmarelda arrive at the Doesntreallyexista Castle.

Buttercup: I don't like this idea! *translated from the horse

Esmarelda: But the JLR files say that King RM552.5 is a good man. He is the best person to speak too. Or would you rather talk to Princess Chant-eena *translated from the Chicken

Buttercup: OK, for goodness sakes, knock on the door!

*Knock* *Knock*

Guard: Yes, who goes there?

Napolean: Hello, We are the JLR-ASK (Animal SideKicks) Force, we are here to help! :) *translated from the donkey

Guard: It's the JLR! Fellow Guards of Doesntreallyexista, get them!!

JLR-ASK Force:

Buttercup: Run!!!

[The JLR-ASK Force run away, chased by the Doesntreallyexista Guards]

Esmarelda: Great going Donkey-boy! *puff* You couldn't just say we were the JLR, could you? *huff* Noooo, you had to be all clever! *pant* They must think we are some rogue break-away group of the JLR *wheeze* here to cause trouble. . .

[The JLR-ASK Force turn a corner, when suddenly. . . ]

Behind the scences voice: *Psssst* Over here!!!

*Screeeech* [The JLR-ASk Force stop to look at where the voice came from]

Buttercup: Who's there?

[A pig pops her head out of a secret underground entrance]

Pig: Quick in here! *translated from the pig

[The JLR enter the secret underground entrance, just before the Guards run past]

Esmarelda: Who are you?

Pig: I am Sue-ee, leader of the ACDC.

JLR-ASK Force: Huh?

Sue-ee: Animals of the Chantania and Doesntreallyexista Co-operative. We are a secret underground movement, formed to bring peace to the two countries.

Buttercup: Hello, we are the JLR.

Napolean: JLR-ASK Force!

Buttercup & Esmarelda: *sigh*

Sue-ee: I know who you are. I also know you are here to help, and we will be glad of it. But come, it's not safe here, we will have to go to our command centre. I will bring you up to speed on current events, on the way.

[Sue-ee and the JLR head deeper into the cave structure towards the ACDC command centre]

Napolean: Mines are no place for a donkey

Narrator: Sue-ee, leader of ACDC*, leads the JLR-ASK Force** down the tunnels towards the ACDC Command Centre. Eventually they come to a heavy-metal door. Get it heavy-metal. . . tee hee. . . :lol: hmmph, sorry, back to the story . . .

* ACDC = Animals of Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia Co-operative
** Justice League Reality - Animal SideKicks Force

Sue-ee: Welcome to the ACDC Command Centre. We'll just have to go through security first. Here comes Nick now. * translated from the pig.

[A porcupine wearing an eye-patch and holding a big gun walks towards our heroes]

Nick: What the hell do you think you're playing at Sue? You're too damn important to get yerself killed going on some damn-fool rescue mission! * translated from the porcupine

Sue-ee: Oh come on Nick, I was in no danger I had Peter with me.

[A spider monkey wearing red and blue pyjamas and mask jumps from the ceiling where he was hiding in the shadows]

Peter: How many times do I have to tell you Sue, when we're on a mission, use my code-name. The Amazing Spider-Monkey! * translated from the spider monkey

Napolean: I wonder if they have Ninja Turtles too! *translated from the Dokey

Sue-ee: [ ignoring both Napolean and Peter] Besides Nick, I'm just gonna get rusty sitting in the Command Centre all day!

Nick: I'm just worried a'bout ya, that's all. How we gonna save Doesntreallyexistia and Chantania if yer dead?

Sue-ee: There's always you, darlin'. Anyhow, we're here now with the JLR [Sue-ee indicates the three JLR members. Nick acknowledges them with a curt nod]. Is Dolly ready for the briefing?

Nick: 'Bout half an hour ago.

[The JLR and ACDC members make their way to a conference hall. There are a lot of ACDC operatives sitting and chatting amoungst themselves. When Sue-ee and the others arrive, everyone goes quiet. Sue-ee walks onto the stage.]

Meanwhile, elsewhere...

Mr. Misinformation: That's it!

She-Chant: What's up snookums?

MM: I'm bored! I've had enough of this waiting. Nothing is happening and it's driving me crazy.

SC: Don't worry, most of my alternate-reality-selves are crazy.

MM: It is time that something happened! And I. . .

SC: We...

MM: yes, We...are just the evil geniuses to do it!

SC: What? Now? But snugglepie, the minions are in the room.

MM: What? No. Not that! (well not now anyway ). I'm talking about this!

Mister Misinformation pulls back a curtain to reveal not one, but two - Yes TWO - missiles. Each pointing in a different direction.

SC: Well they're certainly big. What are they for?

MM: I expected all-out war between Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia by now. It is now long overdue. And if there is one thing an evil Librarian will not tolerate is one of my plans being long overdue!

So now, with the help of my two little missiles, we shall facilitate this war by launching a missile at each of the Kingdoms. Both will blame the other for the attack and they will attack each other in force. Allowing us to conquer both Kingdoms! Bwahahhahahahahahahahaha!

Just then Bundy Bear walks in the room with Superfly, Sr and The Amazing Harry...

Bundy Bear: G'Day Misinformation. [points to the two missiles] What are they for, then?

MM: It's Mister Misinformation...and these two missi...oh bugger it! You'll see! Launch the missiles!

A member of the Army of Amazonian Librarians operates some controls and both missles launch, heading towards the Kingdoms of Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia.

Has Mr. Misinformation's plan to take over Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia succeded? Find out next time...

Narrator: At the Estate of Justice, the Justice League of Reality walk out of the garden shed...

CJ: Napolean! Buttercup! Esmeralda! We're home! We won the superhero contest! *

Larry, the ex-con parolee gardiner of the JLR walks up to the team.

Larry: The overs ain't 'ere Ms. Jack. They left this 'ere note on the fridge.

Cowgirl Jack takes the note from Larry.

CJ: Thanks Larry. It's from Esmeralda... um can anyone read chicken? I'm only good with equine...

DBP: Let me try...

As Di Bat Pho attempts to read Esmeralda's scratchy writing...

Brit: So Larry, what has been happening while we were gone?

Larry: The most peculiar goings-on Mr. Britannica, thunder and lighting coming from the attic...

RM552: That would have been Zues.

Larry: creeking and moaning coming from the garden...

Ace: That would have been... Heck! Who would that have been?

Larry: ... Oh yes and Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia are at war.

JLR: War!

Brit: No wonder I couldn't contact King Regiestered Member 552.5 the other day.

RM552: This must all be Chantania's fault!

*snip*

Midnight: We don't know that for certain.

*snip* *snip*

RM552: Come on! King 552.5 is kind and just and nice and stuff!

*snip* *snip* *snip*

Vegi-La: Well we had better go and...

*snip* *snip* *snip* *snip*

Vegi-La: ... excuse me one moment. Larry? What are you doing?

Larry: [holding a pair of garden shears] Begging your pardon, Mr. Machine. You needed a bit of pruning.

Vegi-La: That's very kind of you... but don't. Where was I? Oh yes... and investigate.

CJ: But what about our animal side-kicks?

DBP: Esmeralda says he and the others did not want to disturb you during the convention and have gone to Doesntreallyexistia to investigate.

CJ: I hope they're OK...

Vegi-La: OK everyone. To the broom closet!

As the others race off to the broom closet, Vegi-La hands Larry a bag containing the reward money the JLR received from the convention.

Vegi-La: Oh, would you mind putting this in the safe Larry?

Larry: No trouble, Mr. Machine. No trouble at all...


* - See JLR: The Convention Adventure

Meanwhile back at the ACDC Command Centre conference hall...

Sue-ee: OK everybody. As you all know things are getting desperate, with the deteriorating relations between the kingdoms of Doesntreallyexistia and Chantania...

There are lots of nods of agreement by the ACDC operatives.

Sue-ee However, help is at hand. I'm pleased to annouce that we have three members of the JLR here to assist us. [Sue-ee introduces Buttercup, Napolean and Esmarelda]

There are lots of mutternig (OK squeeking, squawking and growling) by the ACDC operatives.

Napolean: Hi everyone!

Buttercup: Napolean... At least try and act professional...

Sue-ee: OK everyone, settle down.

Everyone keeps talking amoungst themselves...

Sue-ee: Hey!

Everyone still ignores Sue-ee...

Sue-ee: SUE-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Everyone goes silent.

Esmarelda: Ow. A pig with a sonic scream.

Sue-ee: That's better. Now Dolly is ready to give her briefing.

Sue-ee trots aways from the podium, to allow a half sheep-half machine to take the stand.

Dolly the sheep has a cybernetic eye and limbs. The parts of her body that are mechanical are covered in steel-wool. She is branded with the letters L.A.M.B.O.T. on her hind-quarters.

Peter, the Amazing Spider-Monkey: [leans towards the JLR ASK-Force and whispers] Dolly, was an experiment of evil scientists who used to rule Doesntreallyexistia, before King Registered Member 552.5 overthrew them...

JLR ASK-Force: Ohhhh.

Dolly: Greetings, fellow ACDC memebers. After weeks of research, Tactical has concluded that the war betweend the two kingdoms is being maipulated by a person or persons unknown.

More mutterings from the ACDC operatives.

Dolly: The Scientific trust has also concluded that the King Registered Member 552.5 who has been seen for the past 52 days, 7 hours, 5 minutes and 42.6324 seconds is an imposter.

JLR ASK-Force & ACDC:

[b]Dolly: This is based on behavioural anomalies and slight variations of the King's bio-signature.

A bull in the back row interjects...

Toro: How can you be sure?

Dolly: Vlad the mosquito was able to bring back a DNA sample, dispite being struck by the imposter King.

A bee speaks up.

The Buzz: How is he?

Dolly: Vlad is in a stable condition and will recover from his injuries.

Just then a bat flies into the conference hall.

Radar: Sue-ee! Nick! Dolly! We've picked up two missiles heading for the capitals of both Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia. Estimated time of impact is 20 minutes!

Sue-ee: Get the Wing Command in the air... NOW!

To be continued...

In the broom Closet of Justice...

"Oh! Brit, get off my toes."

"Sorry CJ."

"I'm Ace!"

"Oh, sorry Ace."

RM let out a yelp of pain. "Jack! You boot spurs are digging into my ankles! OW!"

"Sorry...Vegi-La, shut the door so we can move!"

Vegi-La tried to shut the door, but couldn't. "There's not enough room!"

"Okay," said Britt. "Vegi-La, Ace, CJ, and RM, leave the closet so there's enough room for the rest of us. Just follow us afterwards."

Britannica's group disappeared, but when Vegi-La's group went through the closet, they came to a bad conclusion.

"Drat," said CJ. "We got transported to another part of the kingdom!"

The Narrator: Meanwhile in the war room of Chantania Generalissimo brings evil tidings to his Lord and Master, King Chantawanta!

Generalissimo: My Liege, I bring evil tidings!

King Chantawanta: Uhu. And what, pray tell, do you have to tell.....wait, that didn´t sound right...

Generalissimo: Our enemies, may their heads fall of at a very inconvinient moment, has lauched a missile against us!.........and yes, I think you´re right there, that didn´t sound right indeed. Maybe we should try and work on your english when we next have group therapy!

The Narrator: King Chantawanta leaps to his feet striking an enraged pose!

King Chantawanta: What? A missile, at us, our enemies? They shall tremble in dispair, they shall cower beneath our wrath, they shall flee before our might!
And one more thing, A MISSILE?!? Hello, we´re still Medieval here!!

Generalissimo: Well, your Majesty, perhaps you would be so kind to explain that to our enemies?

The Narrator: The HauptmannPriest enters the room!

HauptmannPriest: I say, what´s this nonsense about a missile old chap?

King Chantawanta: Our enemies, may they rot in hell, may Zues curse them, may their ears fal....you get the point. Our enemies have launched missiles against us, which is odd, because we are Medieval in this part of the world. We must come up with some sort of response to their attack!
TO THE WAR ROOM!

Generalissimo: Ehhh, we are in the war room Sire

The Narrator: King Chantawanta stops, turning around, obviously confused

King Chantawanta: Ohh, so we are. Well, bring up the radar!

HauptmannPriest: I thought you said we were Medieval Sire?

King Chantawanta: I said they are Medieval, THEY ARE MEDIEVAL!!!

Generalissimo: Umm, He´s right Sire, you did say that We are Medi.....

King Chantawanta: ENOUGH!!! Besides there are various degrees of Medievalness!

The Narrator: Generalissimo and HauptmannPriest looks at each other, and then shrugs

HauptmannPriest: Fair enough, how shall we proceed?

Generalissimo: Well, as we can see on the radar we too have apparently launched a missile at DoesntReallyExistia, so I should say that our countermeasures are way ahead of us!

King Chantawanta: We launched a missile at them....? Ummmm, well, of course, of course we did, it´s all part of the...ummm.....The plan, yes, the plan!

HauptmannPriest: What plan?

The Narrator: King Chantawanta looks around, wringing his hands, looking nervous

King Chantawanta: Ummm, THE GRAND PLAN OF....umm...Conquest, yes, conquest, we must conquer them!

Generalissimo: Who Sire, our enemies or....

King Chantawanta: Ofcourse our enemies, and everyone else!
Now, I´m off for a bath, inform me when the war has been won!


Will the missiles truly hit their targets?
Does King Chantawanta have a grand plan?
Are they about conquest of the world?
Are there really various degrees to Medievalness?
And does King Chantawanta take baths?

Read more some other time!

The Narrator: The Mailmaster of Mayhem Chant stands on the commandbridge of his newly acquired Heli-Carrier which he captured from the Ultimates in the previous adventure. There he surveys his scuttling minions at their work!

Chant: Yes, this is a remarkable piece of machinery, with it death shall come swiftly to my enemies MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA

Mailbot1: Your Magnificence, we are approaching the state of DoesntReallyExistia! What are your orders?

Chant: Ahhh, yes, DoesntReallyExistia, the neighboring nation to Chantania!
Mailbot45, give me situation report!

Mailbot45: Yes Sir, it appears that DoesntReallyExistia is at war with Chantania!

The Narrator: Chant strikes an evil pose, and a matching music course is played in the background!

Chant: At war you say, GOOD NEWS EVERYONE!!
Signal my fleet of Heli-Carriers and set a course for Chantania!

Mailbot1: Yes your Grandeurness!

The Narrator: Vegi-La, Cowgirl Jack, Ace and Registered Member #552 surveys their surroundings, from where they stand they can see a forest, mountains, a small lake and a small farmstead. Suddenly the seriousness of the situation occurs to them as they recognice the strange repugnant smell!

Ace: Ehh, people, you do know that we are standing in the middle of a mound of Manure?

CJ: Ohh, so that´s what that smell is!

RM: Yeah, I thought Vegi-La had let one loose!

Vegi-La:

RM:

Ace: Well, we´re smelling like a dumpster now, I don´t know about you, but I´m gonna take a bath in that small lake down there!

The Narrator: Ace, the card throwing....ace starts to walk towards the lake. The rest of the team looks at eachother, shrugs and follows, with the exception of RM who trips and falls headfirst into the Manure!

Vegi-La: :lol:

RM:

The Narrator: As the Team swims around they suddenly hear a loud.....

Froggy: RIBBIT!!!

CJ: What was that?

Vegi-La: It sounded like a frog!

RM: No frog makes a sound like that

Froggy: RIBBIT RIBBIT!!

Ace: Let´s get out of here!

CJ: Yes, I don´t like it here, and I don´t like frogs, they´re slimy!

RM: where´s our clothes?

Ace: Our clothes are not here!

RM: I can see that, where are they?

Ace: Heck if I know!

Vegi-La: We can use those four barrels for clothing until we fin.......

The Narrator: A small frog comes bouncing out from some bushes, it has one of RMs socks on its head

RM: That´s my so....waitaminnit, isn´t that Chants teleporting frog, Froggy?

CJ: I think you´re right, we better run for it!

Ace: What are you talking about, it´s just a frog!

The Narrator: Ace heads towards the frog, intent on squishing it, suddenly froggy lashes out with its tongue at Ace, and he dissapears with a lound BFAAAMS!

JLR Team:

Vegi-La: Frog my ass, it just vaporized Ace!

JLR Team:

What happened to Ace?
Where are the heroes clothes?`
What happened to the other heroes?
Read more some other time!

Elsewhere...

Brit: What!?!

DBP: This isn't the Doesntreallyexistian throne room!

Wed: So where are we then?

DBP: I do not know...?

Brit: It's a bit dark in here to see anything.

Midnight: Allow me. [his fist begins to glow illuminating the team's surroundings]

Wed: Whoa!... This is really... old.

The Narrator: The heroes find themselves in an old large warehouse. Old-fashioned cipher machines line the wall, next to them stand outdated computer banks. On rows of tables sit old chunky 1980's computer terminals, monitors, dot matrix printers and other outdated computer hardware. None of which appears to be working.

DBP: Should we wait for the others...?

Brit: Or do the cliché thing and walk off, thereby allowing the adventure to progress in two different strands and prolong the conclusion?

Wed: [to Midnight] Have you noticed they're starting to complete each other’s sentences?

Midnight: Yes. Extremely off-putting isn't it? [Midnight then addresses the entire team] I don't see any harm in exploring our immediate surroundings.

Brit: Mind you...

DBP: The others should have arrived by now.

Wed: Will you two stop that!

DBP: Stop...

Brit: what?

Wed: Aggggggghhhhhh!

Midnight: Will you all stop fooling around and have a look at this?

Brit: Who's...

DBP: fooling...

Wed: around?

Midnight:

Brit: So what have you found....

DBP: Midnight Spectre?

Midnight: Look at the logo on this computer?

Brit & DBP:

Wed: [reading aloud] F. P. I.?

Midnight: *sigh* [wiping away some dust obscuring the middle letter] look again...

Wed: [reading again] F. B. I.... hmmm... Why does that sound familiar?

Mid, Brit & DBP:

Wed: What?

Brit: [looking at another computer] This machine also belongs the F.B.I.

DBP: [looking at one of the cipher machines] As does this one.

Midnight: If this is The Bureau, we must have been diverted way off course.

Wed: The Bureau!?! You mean this is The F.B.I.!?!

DBP: Not The Bureau building itself...,

Brit: ...but probably a storage facility of theirs...

Midnight: Even so, how did this happen? The broom cupboard has never let us down before.

DBP: [looking at the warehouse] Perhaps, we are not so far off course as we think...?

Brit: How so my love?

DBP: The architectural style of this building is definitely pre 1980's Eastern European communist.

Wed: Communists! Are you sure?

DBP:

Wed: Oh yeah...

Midnight: So are we in an old F.B.I. facility designed to look like a former Eastern European communist facility...?

Brit: Or a former Eastern European communist facility with stolen computer equipment from the F.B.I.?

Wed: Good grief. Now Midnight's doing it... But what would communists be doing with old F.B.I. computer equipment?

Brit: Not much by the looks of things...

The Narrator: Britannica experimentally pushes the power button on an old Prime computer.

The machine whirs into life, which starts a chain reaction with the surrounding machines starting up also. The reels on the computer banks start to spin and ticker-tape chatters out of them. The old cipher machines begin to clunk away as the dot matrix printers screech while spewing forth reams of computer paper. The noise is horrendous.

Brit: Oops.

Wed: That can't be good...

Midnight: I don't think this warehouse is abandoned as we thought.

DBP: We shall soon find out.

Brit: Well if it is the F.B.I., I'm sure we can explain everything...?

Midnight: And if it's the communists?

Wed: Run like hell!

The Narrator: The four heroes make a dash for the nearest exit. However before they can make it, a windows-like dialog box pops-up right in front of them, blocking them off from the doorway.

Wed: What the!?!

DBP: How?

Midnight: What does it say, Britannica?

Brit: "You have performed an illegal operation.
You will be terminated.
Click OK to continue."

JLR:

Ace- See guys, I told you it was just a stupid fro....

Ace looks up and notices he's no longer standing beside his teamates at the lake. He's now standing in the nude in the middle of a group of angry townspeople that look strangly familiar. He looks up and sees the sign "Welcome to Chantania."

Townspeople- *Gasp, Shock, and Awe*

Ace- Aww poo....

Townsperson- Hey that's one of them members of JLR. Get 'im.

Ace turns to run but is grabbed to quickly. Being buck naked he has no cards to fight with. Suddenly something totally unexpected happens.

Townspeople- Yayyyy! *Cheers and applause*

Ace-Whu....? You're cheering me?

Townperson- Of course! You are our allies. Robbing the king of Doesntreallyexistia was pure genius.

Ace- I don't remember ever doing something like that.... No, no I think I would certainly remember something that big... I think.

Townspeople- Come come. Now that you've arrived we must take you to the King of Chantania to discuss war plans...... And uhhhh.... maybe find you something to wear.

*Ace tries hiding his privates behind his hands but they're just to darn big!!! (no.... just kidding )*

Ace- No I think you misunderstand. You see me and my team-

Townsperson- My team and I.

Ace- oh yes sorry about that, anyways my team and I are actually here to stop the war between Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia.

Townsperson- Preposterous! Oh, and by the way, that last sentence should have been capitalized.

Ace-

Townsperson- Alright we're there. The King shall see you.

Ace walks in and sees the King sitting on his throne stewing. (Yes that's right- stewing)

King Chantawanta- Oh Ace is it! So glad you could make it. Now with the JLR on our side we can finally stomp Doesntreallyexistia into the ground. Ah, and please take a robe.

Ace- No. What? Nooo... We're her to stop the war. Is this silk? *Ace says rubbing the robe*

King- Thats crazy. Especially considering it was your teams idea to start the war. And you were right! It was about time we showed them Doesntreallyexist-ians who's boss. Oh and blease have some food from our buffet.

Ace- But we didn't have anything to do with this war! *Ace says stuffing his face with the delicacies. Mmmm... this is great.

King- Nothings to great to our heroes, the-

*A royal guard runs into the room*

RG- Sir that missle that Doesntreallyexistia has launched has hit us!

King- What!?!? I thought your JLR were stopping the bomb. I just contacted your team over ten minutes ago!

Ace- But we didn't get any call... (Something fishy must be going on here) Sir royal guard thingy where exactly did the bomb hit?

RG- Well it just landed in an abandoned field. Crater's huge. Our men have searched for any casualties but apparently there were just a bunch of animals gathered there. Were not sure if there okay but I think one of them did chip a tooth!

King- Those scoundrals. And you *King says pointing to Ace* You are responsible for this. You and your team. I should have know better than to team up with you. If there's one thing that I hate more than Doesn'treallyexistia it's the thought of poor helpless little animals getting hurt. Royal guards get him!

Ace- Eeeep!

The Narrator: Once alerted to the missile crisis, Sue-ee mobilized all of ACDC’s forces, ordering all Local Mobile Units to rendezvous at the predicted missile impact zones in Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia.

The Nightwing and Redwing Squadrons of the ACDC Wing Command were scrambled and ordered to intercept with the missiles en route.

Sue-ee decided that the ACDC Elite Unit and the JLR ASK-Force would deal with the missile heading towards Doesntreallyexistia.

Nick: It’ll be quicker if we use the mobile aquatic base and travel down the River Figmentofmyimagination.

Sue-ee: Agreed.

Napoleon: But I get sea-sick…

Buttercup: Esmarelda, did you bring my sugar?

Esmarelda: Sure. It’s in Napoleon’s saddle-pack.

Buttercup: Good. Get it ready on the way. I’ll need it as soon as we reach the Castle.

Esmarelda: Sure thing.

Peter, The Amazing Spider-Monkey: Hurry up, guys. We’re leaving.

Buttercup: We’re right behind you, Peter.

TASM: Oh by the way, it’s The Amazing Spider-Monkey, when we’re on a mission…

Buttercup: Oh, sorry.

Sue-ee: Radar, remain here and keep us updated on the progress of both missiles.

Radar, the Bat: Yes ma’am!

The Narrator: As Radar flies back to his post, the ACDC leads the JLR ASK Force down to a deep underground cavern with a large stream running through the middle.

TASM: This is the source of the River Figmentofmyimagination, which runs right next to the Doesntreallyexistian Castle.

Napoleon: So where’s this mobile aquatic base of yours?

Nick, the Porcupine: Keep your saddle-pack on, soldier. He’ll be here.

JLR ASK-Force: He!?!

The Narrator: At that very moment a Sperm Whale surfaces next to the shoreline…

TASM: Hey Dick!

JLR ASK-Force: Dick!?!

Dick, the Sperm Whale: Peter, my main Monkey! How’s it hanging?

TASM: By the tail, as always, my friend. I’d like you to meet the JLR. Guys, this is the ACDC aquatic mobile base, Dick Johnson.

Sue-ee: Time for introductions later. We have a job to do.

Dick: Suuuuuuue-eeeee. May I say you are looking fine, today? In fact you look good enough to eat.

Nick: That joke was old the first 300 times… Dick.

Dick: So’s that one. Now you be careful, I don’t want no nasty pricks this time. You hear me, porcupine?

Nick: Yeah, yeah. Just open up already!

The Narrator: And with that, the whale opens up his mouth wide. Sue-ee, Nick, Dolly and the rest of the ACDC Elite Unit walk into Dick’s mouth.

Esmarelda: I’m not going in there!

TASM: [leaping over Buttercup and heading towards Dick’s mouth] It’s OK. He doesn’t swallow.

Esmarelda & Napoleon:

Buttercup: What’s the matter with you two? We came here to help. If you’re not coming, fine, but I’m going to stop that missile.

And with that, Buttercup walks into the whale’s mouth

The Narrator: Esmarelda and Napoleon take a last look at each other and tentatively step into the whale’s mouth too.

Dick closes his mouth and submerges into the murky depths…

10 minutes later, Dick is quickly swimming down the river. Inside the whale…

Dolly: Radar has just reported that the missile heading toward Chantania has crashed.

Sue-ee: Damn. Where’d it land?

Dolly: [pauses for a moment while she receives the data] The Nightwing Squadron and Mobile Unit Gamma successfully diverted the missile to an abandoned field.

JLR ASK-Force & ACDC: Whoops of joy. Yes’. Greats. Etc.

Sue-ee: Is everyone OK?

Dolly: [another pause, more data] Bucky the Beaver chipped a tooth. No other casualties reported.

Sue-ee: Make sure Bucky is taken to Doctor Octopus at ACDC Command Centre straight away.

Dolly: Yes Commander.

Sue-ee: …and what’s happening with the Doesntreallyexistian missile?

Dolly: I’m patching through an incoming message from Redwing 1 now.

Thanagar, the Hawk: This is Redwing 1 calling Big Dick. Come in Big Dick…

Sue-ee: This is… Sue here. Go ahead Thanagar. Over.

Thanagar: We have visual on the missile. We estimate 5 minutes to intercept and 6 minutes until impact. We’re going to be cutting this one very fine, Sue. Over.

Sue-ee: Roger that, Thanagar. Do what you can. We should be with you soon. Over and out. [Sue-ee looks up] Dick! Get your tail into gear… Pump it!

The Narrator: Dick delves deeper and deeper almost reaching the bottom of the river. He suddenly thrusts upwards, pushing harder and faster. Faster. FASTER! FASTER!!

Sue-ee: He’s gonna blow!

TASM: [to the JLR ASK-Force] I’d brace yourselves if I were you…

Buttercup: Quick Esmarelda, give me the sugar.

Esmarelda: How much?

Buttercup: All of it.

Esmarelda & Napoleon: Are you…

Buttercup: Just do it!

Esmarelda: Okay, but I’m not sure about this [and feeds Buttercup 2.5 kilos of sugar]

The Narrator: Buttercup begins to shudder and shake just as Dick bursts from the water – spitting out the ACDC and JLR animals – before falling towards the bank of the River Figmentofmyimagination.

Dick: [lying limply on the shoreline] Whew! I’m spent…

The Narrator: The ACDC and JLR animals fly through the air. The ACDC operatives, who have trained this manoeuvre many times, react with precision and land safely to the ground, ready to charge into action.

Napoleon and Esmarelda are not so lucky and land heavily on the ground in a tangle of hooves and wings. However, Buttercup lands on his hooves and races off at super speed towards the Doesntreallyexistian Castle, creating a sonic boom in his wake.

Napoleon: Buttercup! Wait!

The Narrator: Meanwhile, up in the sky… It’s a bird… Well it’s several birds actually.

Thanagar: Redwing 4 - You know what to do. Redwings 2, 3 & 5 – Follow my lead and provide cover for Yankee-Doodle.

The Narrator: Yankee-Doodle, the Pidgin (Redwing 4) pulls out a trumpet Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Doooo and speeds off towards the missile. Maggie, the Magpie (Redwing 2), Coco, the African Swallow (Redwing 3) and Tiny, the Albatross (Redwing 5) manoeuvre into formation behind their leader.

Yankee-Doodle, catches up with the weapon. He positions himself above the nose cone and then does what pidgins do best.

Thanagar: Bombs away!

Splat

The Narrator: The missile begins to veer off course… but unfortunately, it is not enough.

Nick: We’re too damn late! It’s still gonna hit the castle!

Sue-ee: ACDC Elite Unit. Attack that missile… Now!

The Narrator: Toro the Bull shoots bursts of flame from his horns. Peta Gunn, the Frilled-Neck Lizard converts sunlight collected by her frill into a focused energy beam. Sparky, the cat transforms into his electrical form (aka Thundercat) and streaks towards the missile. Sue-ee lets cry her sonic scream. Nick fires his gun, The Amazing Spider Monkey his web-shooters and Dolly her optic laser. Unfortunately, Pisces, the Atlantic Salmon’s ability to mentally control other fish proves ineffective against the missile.

However, Napoleon’s and Esmarelda’s attention is focused on their team-mate. Buttercup’s form is no longer visible to his friends. All they can see is a blur of Chestnut brown as the JLR ASK-Force’s leader gallops around in a large circle in front of the castle. Bursts of energy arc about the chestnut brown vortex.

Napolean: What’s he doing?

Esmarelda: I have no idea.

The Narrator: Suddenly a shout goes out.

Sue-ee: Everybody down!

The Narrator: Napoleon and Esmarelda look up to see the missile spiralling down towards the castle. Though the missile appears to have sustained damage from the ACDC attack, it appears they were only successful in causing the missile to go into a chaotic trajectory.

Buttercup widens his running circle. He appears to be running faster. The vortex he has created rises surrounding the area that the missile will crash into.

Esmarelda: Ohmibob! He’s going to try and catch the missile!

Dolly: 6 seconds to impact.

Napoleon: Can he do that?

Esmarelda: I don’t know…

Dolly: 5 seconds…

Esmarelda: Buttercup! Don’t! [Esmarelda races towards her super-sonic team-mate. Napoleon following close behind.]

Dolly: 4 seconds…

To be continued…

The Narrator: It’s not a hoax. It’s not a dream. In this post, a member of the JLR dies!

--------------------------------------------------
The Narrator: In front of the Doesntreallyexistian Royal Castle…

Esmarelda: Buttercup! Don’t! [Esmarelda races towards her super-sonic team-mate. Napoleon following close behind.]

Dolly: 4 seconds…

--------------------------------------------------
The Narrator: In the Chantanian Royal Castle…

King Chantawanta: Kill him. Kill that no-good double-crossing animal hurting… bad person!

The Narrator: The Chantanian Royal Guards advance menacingly on Ace, with their spears and swords drawn.

Ace: gulp!

--------------------------------------------------
The Narrator: Elsewhere. In a warehouse...

Wednesday: Press OK to continue, huh? OK then… [and goes to press the OK button on the projection in front of him]

Brit, Midnight & DBP: No Wednesday! Don’t!!

--------------------------------------------------
The Narrator: In a forest somewhere…

Vegi-La: Watch out RM552! That frog that vaporised Ace is after you now!

RM552: What did I do to it? Get it away!

Vegi-La: Are you crazy? That thing’s dangerous. I’m not going anywhere near it!

The Narrator: Just then Cowgirl Jack spots something in the bushes.

CJ: Guys. I think I’ve just found my bag! I might have something that can deal with that frog.

Vegi-La: A really big golf club?

RM552: Frog repellent?

CJ: I don’t think so… But this might help…

The Narrator: Cowgirl Jack opens her bag and…SHAZAM! Hoppy, The Marvel Bunny hops out of the bag.

Vegi-La & RM552:

RM552: How’d that psychotic bunny get here?

Hoppy, The Marvel Bunny:

CJ: Well I thought he was so cute. I kept him in my bag after the Convention Dinner and sort of forgot about him…

Hoppy, The Marvel Bunny:

Vegi-La: You forgot you had a killer rabbit in your bag!?!

CJ: OK. I thought he’d make a great addition to our animal sidekicks.

RM552: Are you crazy? Last time we met, he nearly killed us!

The Narrator: Hoppy, the Marvel Bunny gets really mad and launches himself at Registered Member #552.

RM552:

--------------------------------------------------
The Narrator: Back in front of the Doesntreallyexistian Castle…

TASM: Get down! [The Amazing Spider-Monkey releases a line from two of his three web-shooters, attaching them to the two JLR-ASK Force members. The Monkey uses his enhanced strength to pull back the Chicken and Donkey.]

Dolly: 3 seconds…

The Narrator: Buttercup is now running so fast that no one can discern any colour. The vortex he has created is now a blinding white light. From Buttercup’s perspective, the world around him slows to a crawl.

Esmarelda: Lllllleeeeetttttt mmmmmmeeeeee gggggggoooooo!

TASM: Iiiiiiitttttt’’’’’’’sssss ttttttooooo llllllaaaatttteeee!

Dolly: Tttttttttwwwwwwoooooo sssssseeeeeccccccooooonnnndddddssssss………

The Narrator: Buttercup glances up at the missile. It appears to him that it is floating down like a feather, rather than hurtling to the ground, threatening to destroy the Doesntreallyexistian Castle. The supersonic horse grits his teeth and pours on the speed.

Napoleon: Bbbbbuuuuuttttteeeerrrrrcccccuuuuppppp!!!!!! Dddddddoooooonnnnn'''''''ttttttt ddddddooooooo iiiiiitttttttt!!!!

Dolly: Ooooooonnnnneeeee ssssssseeeeeeccccccoooonnnnnddddddd…

Sue-ee: Everyone down. It’s going to hit!

The Narrator: Nick, the Porcupine and Peter, The Amazing Spider Monkey force Esmarelda and Napoleon to the ground.

The ACDC operatives take what cover they can, as the missile diverts from its course as it is sucked into the vortex created by Buttercup.

A blinding flash of energy scorches the sky. The deafening roar of the missile’s engines is replaced with the beginnings of its detonation.

KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

FWOOOOOOOSSSSSHHHH

Nick: “Ka-Fwoosh”!?! What the…!?!

The Narrator: The members of JLR ASK-Force and ACDC look at where the missile was about to strike. The Doestnreallyexistian Castle remains intact. Instead, they see a large shallow crater about the diameter of the area Buttercup was running. Plumes of smoke rise from various points of the crater and an intense heat can be felt coming from the area. There is no sign of the missile...

or of Buttercup.

Napolean & Esmarelda: BUTTERCUP! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Mr. Misinformation: So Deborah. How are my missiles going?

Deborah, the Harpy and Sphinx-proof Amazonian Librarian: [looks sideways at her colleague, Edith] Um… well you see Mr. Misinformation…

MM: yeees?

Edith, the Harpy and Sphinx-proof Amazonian Librarian: Well one missile landed in Chantania.

MM: This is excellent news! Did it cause a lot of damage?

Deborah: Well let’s just say, the Chantanian turnip crop isn’t going to be a good one this year…

MM: Oh… And what about the Doesntreallyexistian missile?

Edith: It disappeared.

MM: What do you mean it disappeared!?!

Deborah: Well just before the Ka-Boom, it… um… disappeared…

MM: I payed a lot of money to get two Ka-Boom’s! What happened to my Ka-Booms!?!
It couldn’t have been those peasants in Chantania or Doesntreallyexistia... They’re medieval. Hmmm. The JLR are tied up with that convention.

Edith: Actually, it’s just finished.

MM: What! Why didn’t anyone tell me? Gee, time flies when your having fun. So, was it those blasted JLR?

Florence, the Harpy and Sphinx-proof Amazonian Librarian: We don’t think so. They wouldn’t have enough time. But then again we can’t find anywhere using the Inter-library network.

MM: Oh good grief! Then why did one of my missiles disappear and the other blow up a field of turnips?

Deborah: Well it appears there are lot of animal activity about the field and the Doesntreallyexistian Royal Castle.

MM: Animals? Foiled my plans? By diverting one of my missiles? And making the other one disappear?

Edith: maybe…

MM: Harry! Get in here now!

The Amazing Harry, Bundy Bear, Tractor-Trailer Bob, Superfly Sr. and Chantyana enter the room.

TAH: Yes Mr. Misinformation, you hollered?

MM: Yes I did. Take us to the Doesntreallyexistian Castle right now!

---------------------------------------

The Narrator: Outside of the Doesntreallyexistian Royal Castle…

Sue-ee: Dolly, what happened? What happened to the missile?

Dolly: My sensors confirm that the missile did detonate.

Sue-ee: But what happened to the Ka-Boom? There was supposed to be a Ka-Boom.

Esmarelda: Stuff the missile! Where’s Buttercup!

Dolly: After conducting a broad-range energy scan, I can confirm that at the exact point of detonation a temporospatial warp was created in the vicinity of Buttercup and the missile. It would appear that both were caught in temporospatial warps effect.

Napoleon: So Buttercup could be alive?

Dolly: There is insufficient data to answer your query.

Esmarelda: What do you mean “insufficient data”? Where is Buttercup now?

Dolly: There is Insufficient data to answer your query.

Napoleon: Just give us a straight answer!

Dolly: I do not like to make guesses. I do not possess all the relevant data. As I have stated, the missile and Buttercup traversed through the temporospatial warp together, at the exact point the missile detonated. It is highly probably that Buttercup and the missile travelled to the same point in the time/space continuum.

Esmarelda & Napoleon: Then what are his chances of surviving?

Dolly: The chances of Buttercup surviving are 299,792,458 to 1 against.

Napoleon: Oh my gob! He’s dead!

ACDC:

TASM: Napoleon. Esmarelda. I’m really sorry...

Esmarelda: [wiping away her tears] No. No. Don’t be sorry. Buttercup… d-died… saving others. That’s how he would have wanted it.

The Narrator: Just then an Army of figures appear from nowhere.

Nick: Who the hell?

Napoleon: Esmarelda, look! It’s Britannica and Any Given Wednesday, with that nice Tractor Trailer-Bob.

Esmarelda: Napoleon, that’s not Britannica and Any Given Wednesday… That’s the Injustice Reality Gang!

MM: You… You… Animals! What did you do with my missile?

Napoleon: Your missile!?!

MM: [turns to Chantyana] Um… what did that Donkey say?

She-Chant: Eeyoh.

MM: Yes, thank you for that, dearest. He doesn’t look very happy, does he?

Bundy Bear: Whatever you did, he ain’t happy with ya, mate. In fact he’s positively pissed. And I don’t mean drunk.

Esmarelda: Mr. Misinformation is ours! You can have the rest, Sue.

The Narrator: And with that Esmarelda and Napoleon charge into battle…

MM: eep.

The Narrator: Suddenly, with a great boom a lightning strikes the ground between the combatants! A figure appears, he is of average height and wears a grey coat and a hat of similiar color!

Mr. Misinformation: Who are you?

The Narrator: I am The Narrator!

ILR:

JLR ASK force:

AC-DC:

The Narrator: And Suddenly the animals of the JLR, Chantania and DoesntReallyExistia left the battlefield for no good reason!

JLR ASK force & AC-DC:

The Narrator: You heard me! I am The Narrator, and I decide what happens!

The Narrator: The animals looked at eachother and shrugged, and with a small "ok" they all left the field for no good reason!

Superfly Sr. : Umm thanks for the rescure there Mr Narrator, that really was a close shave!

MM: Yes, I must say that really was close there, but are you really THE Narrator?

The Narrator: Yes, I am The Narrator, A higher being of this Message board, second only to Gob the Moderator himself!

Bundy the Bear: But why are you here?

Chantyana: Yes mr. Narrator, why did you save us from those rabid animals?

The Narrator: I have come to take part in this conflict, mainly because the JLR has failed to pay me the fee I charge for telling the JLR stories! I have therefor decided to make the ILR the "heroes" of the stories and them in winning!

Toxic Bob: The ILR? That´s us

The Narrator: Exactamundo!

MM: Does that mean that all the stories you tell from now on will be in our favour?

The Narrator: It does, You shall finally have your victory!

ILR: :)

Toxic Bob: Wait a minute, what about Chant, the Mailmaster of Mayhem?

MM: Yes, what about him?

The Narrator: As far as I know he is not a part of this conflict, yet! And if he is, I shall deal with him!

ILR: :)


What is this, has the higher being known as The Narrator taken part in this conflict?
Will this event spell disaster for the two Nations at war?
Will it prove to be the doom of the JLR?
And how come The Narrator himself will deal with Chant, The Mailmaster of Mayhem?
And what has the Republich of WHOSWHO been up to during this war?
The Answer lies ahead of you!

The Narrator: Meanwhile....

Cowgirl Jack: No Hoppy, you must take care of the Teleporting Frog!

Hoppy, the Marvel bunny:

Registered Member #552:

The Narrator: Hoppy, the Marvel Bunny stops and turns towards Cowgirl Jack looking confused

CJ: Yes Hoppy, look, over there, it´s a frog, you must chase it away!

Hoppy:

Vegi-La: For Gobs sake Hoppy, you´re a psychotic killer Rabbit, how hard can it be!

Hoppy:

Vegi-La:

CJ: NO HOPPY, The Frog first, then you can molest the boys!

Vegi-La & RM#552:

CJ (Whispering): Don´t worry boys, when I say when we all run like hell!

Vegi-La & RM#552: Ohhhhhh

The Narrator: Hoppy the Marvel Bunny stands confused, clearly not having decided if it should molest the JLR or Froggy the Teleporting Frog: Ever so slowly it makes up its mind and jumps towards Froggy!

Vegi-La: Pheeww, now it kills that little Frog and we ca.....

The Narrator: Vegi-La is suddenly interrupted by the unbelievable as Froggy lashes out with it´s tongue at Hoppy and teleports the Marvel Bunny away!

Froggy: Ribbit!

JLR:

Froggy: Ribbit!

JLR: Yikes!

Froggy: Ribbit!

The Narrator: The JLR stands with shock on their faces, not believing what they just saw. Suddenly Froggy moves towards them!

JLR: RUUUUUNNNNN!!!!!!!

The Narrator: As the King of Chantania holds council with his most trusted advisors a messenger comes, bearing ill news.

Messenger: Your Majesty, I bear ill news!

King Chantawanta: What?

Messenger: I said, Your Majesty, I bear il....

King Chantawanta: I heard that the first time, what news are you bearing?

Messenger: News, what news?

Generalissimo:

HauptMannPriest: Alright, I see where this is going!

King Chantawanta: You are a messenger, are you not?

Messenger: errrhhh, yes!

King Chantawanta: And messengers bear news, right?

Messenger: ummm, yes, again!

King Chantawanta: And you came here bearing news, right?

Messenger: Yes, sire!

King Chantawanta: And what news are you bearing now?

Messenger: Ummm, oh yes. The capitol has been surrounded by what appears to be a number of huge flying metal ships. They are crewed by several hundreds of metal mailmen, and led by Chant!

King Chantawanta: Good news everyone, Chant is here to help us in our war against the DoesntReallyExistians!

Messenger: Ummm, actually your majesty, Chant is demanding our unconditional surrender.

King Chantawanta: Ohh, that is not good news, I like this not!

HauptMannPriest: Generalissimo, have we anything that can stand against such odds?

Generalissimo: Ummm, Not really, we are Medieval you know!

HauptMannPriest: Yes, I thought as much

King Chantawanta: What on earth are we going to do?

Generalissimo: Well, we do have the old radar Sire

HauptMannPriest: What good is a radar going to do against that?

The Narrator: Suddenly a great booming voice interrupts the council!

Chant: HELLOOOOOO, I´M STILL WAITING FOR YOUR SURRENDER HERE................is, is this thing on, can they hear me?
Oh well, SURRENDER OR BE DESTROYED!!........I`LL DO IT!!!!

King Chantawanta:

HauptMannPriest: We must surrender, we have no other choice!

Generalissimo: NEVER!! We shall never surrender to a dictator such as Chant!

HauptMannPriest: You do know that our own king is a dictator too?

Generalissimo: Reeally?

King Chantawanta: I heard that!

Chant: SURRENDER NOW, OR I SHALL DESTROY YOU!

King Chantawanta: What should we do, what should we do?

Generalissimo: Well, if we don´t surrender Chant will destroy us, if we do surrender he´ll use his great army to destroy his enemies!

King Chantawanta: Reeeally? Including DoesntReallyExistia and WhosWho?

Generalissimo: I should think so!

King Chantawanta: Alright, that settles that! MESSENGER!!!!

Messenger: Ehh, I´m still here your majesty, you do not have to shout!

King Chantawanta: I´ll shout whenever I want!
Now, go and inform Chant that we surrender! And let us sit back and watch the destruction of our enemies!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Suddenly Chantina, Princess of Chantania, daughter of King Chantawanta and sister of Chantyana (commonly referred to by the JLR as She-Chant to avoid confusion with their arch-enemy Chant), bursts into the Chantanian war-room.

King Chantawanta: Ah, Beacon of my existence, Jewel of my Nile. Your beauty radiates this room with light and my heart with joy…

Generalissimo & HauptMannPriest:

King Chantawnata: …but now isn’t the best of times my Petal. We are being attacked by your sister’s evil alternate reality counterpart – He-Chant.

Generalissimo: But Chantyana is evil as well you Deliverance!

HauptMannPriest: And I think he just calls himself Chant too, Milord.

King Chantawanta: Chantyana isn’t evil… it’s just a phase. And Chant two you say… Who’s Chant one?

Generalissimo: Um, that would be Chantyana…

King Chantawanta: Hmm… Well I still think He-Chant is easier to say.

Chantina: [getting madder] Urgle!

King Chantawanta: Oh, sorry my Buttercup, what can I do for you?

Chantina: Gurgle thlurp thoom burp.

King Chantawanta: What!?! Your husband Toxic Bob has disappeared? Thank goodness. Now we might to breath easier at dinner time…

HauptMannPriest: Now we might be able to breath easier, period.

Generalissimo & HauptMammPriest: snigger

Chantina: Urgle Thurp!

Generalissimo & HauptMannPriest: oops

King Chantawanta: Sorry, my Special Delivery, but I can’t spare any guards to look for him at the moment. As I said, we are currently under attack by your sister’s evil alternate reality counterpart – He-Chant… or Chant Two!

Chantina: Thumble gloim zoik! [and the royal troll woman thingy storms out of the war-room]

Generalissimo: Well she took that well…

Chant: [over the loud-speaker] Oi! What’s going on in there? Have you made your decision yet?

Will He-Chant, sorry Chant Two, oops, Chant really take over the Kingdom of Chantania?
Will Princess Chantina sit idly by, while her husband Toxic Bob has disappeared?
And just who is narrating the story, now that The Narrator has joined forces with the IRG?
Find out later in later instalments of JLR War!

The JLR ASK Force and ACDC* find themselves back at the bank of the River Figmentofmyimagination, in the Kingdom of Doesntreallyexistia. They make their way over to the ACDC’s mobile aquatic base – Dick Johnson, the Sperm Whale.

Dick: Um… Guys, what are you doing back here when the bad guys are still over by the castle?

Sue-ee: Bad guys? What bad guys?

Napoleon: We came to stop a missile. There is no missile, so we do not need to be here anymore.

Dick: That’s because it disappeared with your teammate, Buttercup, remember?

Esmarelda: Buttercup? Who’s Buttercup?

Dick: Whoa! Something wacky has happened here. Sue, Nick, Dolly, Peter, you got to remember why we’re here – snap outta it!

Just then… ribbit

Dick: Ribbit?

Dakota: You mean Rabbit.

Dick: I guess so. How’d you get here?

Dakota: A frog teleported me here. Wherever here is.

Dick: You’re at the Doesntreallyexistian castle. So you got licked by a frog, huh?

Dakota: I said teleported. Not beaten! Though a tongue was involved… Um, you don’t look surprised.

Dick: There seems to be a lot of teleporting happening today.

Dakota: So what’s with all the zombie animals?

Dick: These are my team-mates from the ACDC and two members of the JLR…

Dakota: The JLR you say?

Dick: You’ve heard of them?

Dakota: Lets just say I’m here to help.

Dick: Well we could sure use that. One of the JLR has just died.

Dakota: Dead!?! Then what the f#@%ing hell is every one standing around for!?! Vengeance must be swift and decisive!

Dick: They were all fine a moment ago. They were beating up the bad guys over there, until the Inspector Gadget look-a-like and the walking cloud appeared. Then everyone stopped and came back here, acting all spaced out.

Dakota: Then we’re gonna have to snap ‘em outta it.

Dick: No offence dude, but unless you got psychic powers, I can’t see what good you’re gonna be – you’re just a widdle wabbit. Unless of course you’re a magic bunny?

Dakota: Dick.

Dick: Hey! How’d you know my name? You are psychic…?

Dakota: Nah… Just a lucky guess. SHAZAM!

A bolt of lightning and crack of thunder *Ka-Boom* and Dakota is replaced by Hoppy – The Marvel Bunny! He hops over to Napoleon and Esmarelda.

Hoppy: Come on you two. We gotta stop the villains! [He shakes the two JLR members *shake* *shake*]

Napoleon: We came to stop the missile…

Hoppy: Stupid Ass! *Thwack* The missiles gone. And so has your teammate!

Esmarelda: What teammate?

Hoppy: [slaps Esmarelda *slap* ] Um… [turns to Dick] Yeah, what teammate?

Dick: His name was Buttercup.

Hoppy: *slap again* That’s right. Buttercup!

Esmarelda: Buttercup...?

Dick: We’ve been through this already…

Hoppy: Come on Darlin’, you gotta remember…

*slap*

Esmarelda: B…

*slap*

Esmarelda: But…

*slap*

Esmarelda: Butt…

*slap*

Esmarelda: Butter…

*slap*

Esmarelda: Buttercup?

*slap*

Esmarelda: Omigob! Buttercup!

*slap* *slap* *slap*

Dick: Um, Bunny guy, I think she remembers…

Hoppy: Just making sure…

Esmarelda: Thanks, Bunny Boy Bwa wooork [and knocks Hoppy out with a perfectly timed Cluck-Fu (the poultry martial art) kick]

Hoppy: Oooh, that’s my kinda woman… *thud*

Dick: Great to have you back Esmarelda, but I think we needed your friend to wake the others.

Esmarelda: Never seen him before. And we don’t need him. Can you direct your water burst?

Dick: Sure thing, why?

Esmarelda: Great. Shoot a blast at Sparky.

Dick: Heh. I get the idea. Stand back…

*SPLOSH*

Dick directs his water burst at Sparky – The Thundercat, but also sprays the rest of ACDC, Napoleon and Hoppy.

As water is an excellent conductor of electricity…

*ZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAP*

Sue-ee: Eeeeeeeeeeek

Nick: Agggh

Dolly: 01010101101001101101010110

TASM: oooka

ACDC: Lots of ows, etc.

Hoppy: Crappola!

Napoleon: Ooo, I feel all tingly

To be continued…

* - Animals of Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia Co-operative

The Narrator: Meanwhile, over by the Doesntreallyexistian castle, the Injustice Reality Gang prepare their next move…

Mr. Misinformation: Excuse me, but why did you say that?

The Narrator: Say what?

She-Chant: All that stuff about us making our next move.

The Narrator: Oh that. It’s just something I do.

The Amazing Harry: Well it’s going to get annoying mighty quickly.

Superfly Sr.: Word.

Bundy Bear: Bob!

Tractor-Trailer Bob: Yes Bundy?

Bundy: Not you, Bob. That Bob!

The Narrator: Bundy Bear points to Toxic Bob.

Tractor-Trailer Bob: I think everyone saw that Narrator.

Toxic Bob: Yes Bundy?

The Narrator: Bundy Bear gives Toxic Bob a great big bear hug, as the others back away from Bob’s stench.

Bundy: What are you doing here?

Toxic Bob: I am a member of the IRG.

Superfly Sr.: Correctamundo, my gaseous friend. You [I]were[/I] a member of the IRG, until you married that Troll Woman Thingy.

She-Chant: Hey! That’s my sister you’re talking about. And she’s no woman.

Toxic Bob: Troll Woman Thingy? Chantina! Where’s my beloved Chantina? Or to be more precise, where am I? And what am I doing back with you guys?

Tractor-Trailer Bob: Well that’s gratitude.

Superfly Sr.: Can you say Hen-pecked.

The Narrator: As the Injustice Reality Gang look between the bewildered Toxic Bob and the Omniscient The Narrator a crack of thunder can be heard from the distance.

The Amazing Harry: What…

*Ka-Boom*

The Amazing Harry: … thunder?

Tractor-Trailer Bob: I’d say that thunder.

Superfly Sr.: Dodgy mind control, teleportation and precognition. Better watch out Harry, you might be out of a job.

The Amazing Harry:

Mr. Misinformation: This is all very impressive Narrator, and thank you for returning Toxic Bob to us…

Toxic Bob: Hey. I’m Prince of Chantania. I’m not a villain anymore.

Bundy: Oh. That’s a bugger.

Mr. Misinformation: Well if you’re not with us… Harry, gang. Get him!

The Amazing Harry: Right-Oh!

The Narrator: The Amazing Harry lifts his arms...

The Amazing Harry: hmmmm

The Narrator: wiggles his fingers…

The Amazing Harry: grrrr

The Narrator: and shoots two silk ropes from out of his sleeves, entwining the former villain, Toxic Bob.

Toxic Bob: Eek.

The Narrator: As Superfly Sr. and Tractor-Trailer Bob, avoid the JLR’s constant mistake, by securing Toxic Bob’s bonds, The Amazing Harry snaps…

The Amazing Harry: Will you stop that! Agghh!

Mr. Misinformation: Yes Narrator. That is getting annoying. And why the hell did you bring Toxic Bob, if he’s not going to join us?

The Narrator: Chantyana provides the answer…

Bundy: She does?

She-Chant: Well if you’d let me you big waking throw-rug. We already have King Registered Member #552.5 of Doesntreallyexistia as a hostage. Now we have Prince Toxic Bob of Chantania too.

Mr. Misinformation: You’re not just a pretty face my dear.

Superfly Sr. She’s not a pretty face, period.

She-Chant: I heard that!

The Narrator: Just then…

Mr. Misinformation: Just then… What!?!

*ZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAP*

The Narrator: The JLR – ASK Force* and ACDC ** free themselves from The Narrator’s mind manipulation.

She-Chant: JLR… Ask force!?!

Superfly Sr.: ACDC!?!

The Narrator: Look at the bottom of this post. By the * and **

IRG: Oh. OK.

The Narrator: The Injustice Reality Gang walk over to the bottom of this post and read the * and ** subscripts.

IRG: “* JLR – ASK Force = Justice League Reality – Animal SideKicks Force. ** ACDC = Animals of Chantania and Doesntreallyexisita Co-operative.”.

Bundy: ACDC. That’s cute.

She-Chant: If they called themselves “The Animal SideKicks”, they could have been JLR – TASK Force…

Mr. Misinformation: Excuse me everyone, but could we focus here? We’re probably about to be attacked by those animals again. That chicken was mean…

The Narrator: To be continued…

* JLR – ASK Force = Justice League Reality – Animal SideKicks Force.
** ACDC = Animals of Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia Co-operative.

Napoleon: Who are you?

Hoppy: I’m Hoppy – The Marvel Bunny. Who are you?

Napoleon: I’m Napoleon of JLR – ASK Force.

Hoppy: Ask Force!?!

Napoleon: Justice League Reality – Animal SideKicks Force.

Hoppy: If you’d called yourselves “The Animal SideKicks” you could have been JLR – TASK Force.

Napoleon: Could have been. But we didn’t.

Hoppy: [under his breath] Stupid Ass.

Napoleon: What!?!

Hoppy: Never mind. Who else is in this TASK Force?

Napoleon: ASK Force.

Esmarelda: Napoleon and me… now.

Hoppy: *sigh* brilliant…

Esmarelda: So, what’s it to you anyway?

Hoppy: Cowgirl Jack brought me to help the JLR…

Esmarelda and Napoleon: Cowgirl Jack is here!?!

Hoppy: Well, not here exactly. Look can we do the catch-up later, toots? I need to know what you two can do.

Esmarelda: I’m a black-belt mistress of Cluck-Fu – the poultry martial art.

Hoppy: Heh. You said mistress.

Esmarelda: Watch it, I can whoop your cottontail.

Hoppy: Promises. And what about you Donkey Boy?

Napoleon: I… um… carry stuff. And… um… yeah. I’ve got a mean back kick too.

Hoppy: [shaking his head] we’re screwed. And what did Buttercup do? Gallop?

Esmarelda: At super speed.

Hoppy: Speed. Yeah, that’s what we need. [Hoppy looks around the ACDC membership] Hey, Speedy!

Sparky: That’s Sparky. But you can call me Thundercat.

Hoppy: Whatever. You’re coming with us.

Nick: Oh no he isn’t.

Hoppy: Oh yes he is.

Sue-ee: Oh no he isn’t. We’re pulling back until we can figure out a way to protect ourselves against that mind controller who looks like Inspector Gadget.

Dolly: I have accessed Interpol’s files and there is no record of The Narrator. However, like The Amazing Harry, he also possesses some form of teleportational ability.

Hoppy: All the more reason I… we… need the cat! We can take these losers. But we need to do it now!

Peter, The Amazing Spider Monkey: I’m willing to help.

Sue-ee: Peter!

TASM: Sorry Sue, but it’s the least we can do for Esmarelda and Napoleon. We owe it to Buttercup.

Nick: You go on this fool’s errand, and you’re facing a court martial, monkey!

TASM: Fare is nuts.

Esmarelda: Thank you Peter, but we can’t…

TASM: Hey, it’s OK, Esmarelda. I want to help.

Hoppy: So what about you Thundercat?

Sparky: I don’t know…

Hoppy: Pussy!

Sparky: I’m no pussy! Well yes I am… you know what I mean.

Napoleon: Esmarelda. Looks like the IRG are about to move out. And when did Toxic Bob rejoin that team?

Esmarelda: Toxic Bob? He’s Prince of Chantania. What’s he doing here?

TASM: Being tied up by the looks of things.

Hoppy: That’s it. Cat or no cat. JLR – TASK Force – Move out!

Napoleon: Actually it’s, JLR – ASK Force – ASSEMBLE!

Hoppy: [rolling his eyes again] Whatever. Let’s go.

As Hoppy – The Marvel Bunny prepares to hop towards the IRG, when…

Sparky: [transforming into his electrical form – Thundercat] I'm coming too!

Sue-ee: Sparky!

Hoppy: Good on ya Thundercat. Ya got spunk.

Nick: You go now. You’re out of ACDC too!

Thundercat: See you at the court martial, Nick.

And with that, Hoppy – The Marvel Bunny and Sparky, the Thundercat speed through the air towards the Injustice Reality Gang. Peter, The Amazing Spider Monkey, shoots a web-line and swings behind them, as Esmarelda leaps onto Napoleon’s back, as he gallops after his new teammates.

Napoleon: JLR – ASK Force ASSEMBLE!!

Hoppy: Give it a rest will ya!

Find out what happens to the All New, All Different JLR T… ASK Force, in the next couple of posts!

The Narrator: Back on the command bridge of Chant´s Heli-Carrier something different is afoot!

Chant: Who are you, and what is afoot on my command bridge?

The Narrator: I am The Narrator, and I´m afoot!

Chant:

The Narrator: Is it really so hard to understand. The JLR haven´t given me any money for my services, they don´t come for free y´know!

Chant: Sooooo, you don´t have some kind of Narrator Union?

The Narrator: A union you say? Never thought of that!
Naahh, Maiming and destroying is much more fun, more exercise that way!

Chant: Couldn´t agree with you more! So, you´re some kind of Omnipotent being?

The Narrator: Yes, I a.....Heyy, how did you know that??

Chant: Well, you see, I have this magical mailbag that I can pull all kinds of gadgets out of. So I pulled this device that detects Omnipotent beings!

The Narrator:

Chant: And this device steals their power and gives it to me!

The Narrator:

Chant: I´ll be taking your power now, okay?

The Narrator:

Chant: I can feel it, I can feel all the glorious power flowing through my veins....MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

The Narrator: As Chant´s device transferred the power from The Narrator (me) into himself, The Narrator (me) could feel himself (me again) slipping into oblivion.

Chant: AAHHH, YESSSS, THE POWER, THE GLORIOUS POWER!! I can feel my consciousness expand to the farthest reaches of the universe, I am incredible, INCREDIBLE!!!!
NO LONGER CHANT, NO LONGER THE NARRATOR, I AM SOMETHING MORE, SOMETHING BIGGER, I AM THE CHANTERATOR!!!!!

And it feels good too
Now, to try my new power.

The Chanterator: As the new omnipotent being, known as The Chanterator was getting used to his new power the previous omnipotent being, The Narrator, used his last remnant of power to transport himself to an undisclosed location, where he also summoned the JLR!

Ace: Good grief, I´ve got my clothes back, YIPPIEEE

Wednesday: Hold it people, who is that Inspector Gadget look-a-like man

Cowgirl Jack: I recognize his face, it´s Inspector Gadget!!

Brit: No, he´s just a Inspector Gadget Look-a-like, it´s really The Narrator

The Narrator: Yes, it´s true, I am The Narrator, though only a shadow of my former self. My power has been usurped by a villain known as.....

RM# 552: CHHHAAAAAAANNTTTT!!!

The Narrator: Yes, Chant is now an omnipotent being. You must fight him, you must make him relinquish the power he now wields and return it to me!

Brit: Great Gob, why should we return the power to you, seeing as you are a villain too?

Vegi-La: Yeah, we could just keep the power for ourselves, I am sure we can do much good with it!

The Narrator: NOOOO, you cannot control such awesome power, only I can do that!!!

Wednesday: Chant seems to do it alright!

The Narrator: How do you know that???

Wednesday: He´s right there, listening to every word we are saying!

JLR+The Narrator: YIKES!!!

The Chanterator: YES, I have heard every word you have said. And now it is time to deal with my enemy!!!

JLR: YIKES!!!!

The Narrator: JLR, Listen to me, before it is to late! There is one weakness you can exploit, one weakness that is his Achilles´ heel!

Cowgirl Jack: What is it, hurry mr. Inspector Gadget look-a-like Narrator man???

The Narrator: I am The Narrator, and all my power must be used in a story telling act, or it will not work, that is his weakness.

Brit: That´s not much of a weakness, he´ll figure that out real fast.

The Chanterator: And Britannica, The Champion of Knowledge, wielder of the independent third-toe movement power was right! The new Omnipotent being, known as The CHANTERATOR figured it all out very fast! And in a blinding flash with smoke all over, the former Omnipotent being known as The Narrator disapeared, forever!

Midnight Spectre: You, you killed him, you monster!!!

Brit: Right folks, JLR ASSEMBLE!!!!

The Chanterator: Suddenly, as the JLR was assembling and striking their heroic poses, they stopped and decided to hear The Chanterator out!

RM# 552: Maybe we should hear him out first!

JLR: Agreed!

RM# 552: What do you have to say!

The Chanterator: My friends and honored enemies, though I am now The Chanterator, and Omnipotent being, I am still Chant! Chant the Hero, and Chant the Mailmaster of Mayhem.

Midnight Spectre: We can see that!

The Chanterator: Yes, I am aware of that. Though now my agenda has changed! This power has made me the ultimate being on the message board, There is nothing that I cannot do. You pose no threat to me anymore. I can prevent the christmas mail from being delivered. And yet I find that I should not!
Our war is over, the war between Chantania and DoesntReallyExistia is over.

Cowgirl Jack: How do we know that?

Wednesday: She´s got a point there y´know!

The Chanterator: Trust me it´s over, and by the way. Wednesday, In my new state of supreme being I would advice you to keep a low profile, I haven´t forgotten how you deleted me!!!

Wednesday:

The Chanterator: But if you want proof of my good intentions, I shall deliver it. AND WITH A BANG A SMALL RABBIT AND A FROG APPEARED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GROUP!

Cowgirl Jack: Ohh, look, it´s Hoppy, the Marvel Bunny, he´s so cute!

Ace: And it´s, yikes, Froggy, the teleporting frog, it´s so disgusting!

The Chanterator: Yes, you have met my creations, I shall now make my sin good again, and return these animals to their normal state. AND SUDDENLY THE ANIMALS WERE NORMAL AGAIN!!!

Britannica: How can we be sure they are normal again.

The Chanterator: Go ahead, say it!

JLR: ummmm, no thanks!

The Chanterator: Then I shall say.....SHAAAZAAAMMMMM!!!

JLR: YIKES!!!!

Britannica: He´s turning the bunny into a psychotic killer rabbit!

Midnight Spectre: Wait, nothing happened, Chant told the truth!

Britannica: That´s a new experience!

The Chanterator: Yes, I know the feeling! Well, I shall take my leave now, Goodbye. AND THE CHANTERATOR DISAPPEARED!

Britannica: Well, he´s gone, there´s nothing for us to do anymore!

RM# 552: It´s kinda sad, I´m going to miss his strange and weird plans.

Ace: Yeah, you remember the DC boards, those were the days!

Cowgirl Jack: What are we going to do? Where are we going to go?

Wednesday: Find some women?

Vegi-La: I just thought of something.

Ace: what?

Vegi-La: This is Chant we´re talking about, a psychotic Mailmaster of Mayhem! Are we really going to believe him when he says that he is no threat anymore?

Britannica: Well, he did seem sincere!

Ace: No, Vegi-La is right, Chant cannot be trusted with such power, noone but the great Gob can!

Cowgirl Jack: But how are we going to survive a battle with him, he´s omnipotent!

Britannica: I know of a way, though it is dangerous, very dangerous!

Midnight Spectre: What is it?

Wednesday: Yeah, tell us!!

Britannica: Well, it was something I found out, after the ordeal in the Room of Spirit and Time!

RM# 552: Surely you don´t mean.....

Britannica: Sadly I do, we need to bring back Dark Wednesday and Dun-Like-Dinner!

Wednesday: No, no, not that!!!

Midnight Spectre: Britannica is right, we need more power than what we currently have to fight Chant!

Wednesday: I suppose you are right, well, there is only one thing to do then!

Wednesday looked from each teammember and extended his hand. One by one they extended their hand and formed a circle!

Britannica: We are agreed then, we must stop Chant before it is too late, even though this will be our final battle!

Cowgirl Jack: It really is sad though....only one thing next...

JLR: JLR!!!!! ASSEMBLE!!!!!!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Coming up next: JLR, THE END!

And I saw another sign in heaven, great and marvelous, seven angels having the seven last plagues; for in them is filled up the wrath of God.—Revelation 15:1

The Narrator: A few minutes ago, outside of the Doesnntreallyexistian castle…

The Amazing Harry: Please let me teleport him away…

Mr. Misinformation And what was all that talk of monkeys and donkeys and chickens?

Tractor Trailer Bob: Watch out! Cat!

Mr. Misinformation: …and cats.

The Narrator: Hoppy, the Marvel Bunny and Sparky the Thundercat streak through the air towards the assembled Injustice Reality Gang.

Hoppy knocks out The Amazing Harry, before the villain is able to conjure a spell…

*Whack*

TAH: I hates you Narratooorrrrrr….

*thud*

The Narrator: But just as Thundercat is about to strike, The Narrator mysteriously disappears.

*Blink*

Thundercat: Blast! Missed him!

Mr. Misinformation: That fink blinked out on us! He could have taken us with him..

Bundy Bear: That’s the least of your troubles, mate. Here comes the rest of the JLR TASK Force.

She-Chant: Aren’t they just adorable.

Superfly Sr.: They look rather pissed to me.

Bundy: Drunk superhero animal mascots? Hey this is a job for me!

Esmarelda: You stupid walking throw rug! He means we’re angry! Bwooooork!

Esmarelda unleashes a flurry of Cluck-Fu (the poultry martial art) kicks, Bundy’s bar-room brawling training is able to block a few of the initial blows, but ultimately the chicken dishes out a lickin’.

Meanwhile….

Napoleon: Hey Superfly! I still owe you for drugging us in The Barn of Justice when you sold us out!

Superfly Sr. Hang on a tick!

Superfly Sr. starts to jump up and down on the spot, runs around in a small circle, wiggles his eye-brows, clicks his fingers and exhales a large breath.

Napoleon: What are you doing?

Superfly Sr.: I’m trying to figure out what this week’s power is…. Hey I can understand you! I can speak Donkey…. Oh crap.

Napoleon: Eeyoh!

*Boot*

Meanwhile….

She-Chant has snuck up behind Hoppy and put him in a vice-like grip.

She-Chant: Aren’t you just the most adowable cutest bunny-kins You got the softest fur. Yes you do [rubbing Hoppy’s face against her cheek]

Hoppy: For the love of Pete, what a revoltin’ development. My paws are pinned, not even the strength of Hercules is gonna get me outta this predicament.

Suddenly Sparky strikes She-Chant with an electrical bolt, forcing her to release the Marvel Bunny.

Hoppy: Thanks, Thundercat!

Thundercat: [streaking off, to take care of Tractor Trailer Bob] No problems.

Unnoticed by anyone else, Hoppy – The Marvel Bunny, starts to fade away…

Hoppy: Oh crap! Not again? It’s days like this, it doesn’t pay to get out of your hutch….

*Blink*

Meanwhile….

Mr. Misinformation: Good grief. It’s so hard to find durable evil team mates these days. I had better get away – so I can mount a rescue for my captured team-mates, of course – before those animals turn their attention to me.

As Mr. Misinformation theatrically tip-toes in the opposite direction of the battle…

*Thwip*

… a white sticky web like substance wraps itself around the villain’s ankles, tripping him up.

Mr. Misinformation: Curses! It’s that blasted Spider-spidermonkey! :mad:

TASM: Enjoy your trip, Mr. Misinformation? And you didn’t even send a postcard. Oh, by the way, that’s The Amazing Spider Monkey to you.

------------------------------------

After The Justice League Reality – The Animal Task Force round up the defeated Injustice Reality Gang…

Napoleon: Is that all of them?

Esmarelda: Well there’s no sign of Inspector Gadget coming back. Better be on the lookout just in case.

TASM: Speaking of disappearing acts, where’s Hoppy?

Sparky: I last saw him when I freed him from She-Chant.

Esmarelda: He’s probably off sulking, about having to be rescued.

Sparky: I don’t know. He actually thanked me.

TASM: Must have been an impostor.

Napoleon: Watch out guys. Here comes Sue-ee.

Sparky & TASM:

JLR: The End

Part One: Rise


Chapter 1: 2 (Hello and Goodbye)

Alice and Beatrice are left standing as the double doors of Chant's Room of Solitude shut in their faces.

Beatrice: What do we do now?

Alice: We go in there and demand to be heard.

Beatrice: But he said he didn't want to be disturbed.

Alice: Aren't you sick and tired of cleaning up Chant's messes?

Beatrice: It's not so bad.

Alice: Not so bad ? Who has to clean up that disappearing frog's frogpen every time he makes a mess that won't go away?

Beatrice: We do.

Alice: And who has to sweep up the pieces every time the JLR destroys one of Chant's "indestructible" paper golems?

Beatrice: We do.

Alice: And who had to clean out Chant's "Inescapable Glue Pit" after the JLR escaped?

Beatrice: Actually, I ended up doing that all by myself. You "weren't feeling good"...

Alice: Well, that's--

Beatrice: ...but you were feeling good enough to eat the last piece of double fudge cheesecake I had in the fridge !

Alice: Look, let's not go assigning blame, here. The point is Chant is wrong, and we can't let him run over us like this.

Beatrice: We can't ?

Alice: B!

Beatrice: We can't .

With a deep breath, Alice and Beatrice gave each other one last glance. Alice reached for the keypad, but the doors flew open without a touch.

His room was dark, darker than either henchgirl has ever seen. Even at night, he had always left a night light on... just in case. At almost the same time, they both noticed the ceiling; it looked much higher than before. But that would be impossible without major construction, and he had only been back at their super secret base for a few minutes. All of his furniture was gone too, replaced with something they were sure was new: a chair of rectangular stainless steel slabs sitting atop a high, stainless steel pillar.

Though there were no steps or elevator the girls could see, The Chanterator sat in his chair, wordless, motionless. His clothes were different than they had been just moments before. This was the first time they'd ever seen their boss dressed in a tux, or anything nearly as formal. It was all white from top to bottom. Even his dress shoes and socks were pearly white. Only his lips moved when he finally spoke.

The Chanterator: Come in.

Alice and Beatrice hesitated, but their legs seemed to have minds of their own. Without warning Alice and Beatrice found themselves marching in large, hurried strides toward their boss.

The Chanterator: Stop.

And they did, suddenly unable to move.

The Chanterator: My instructions were clear.

Alice and Beatrice: ...

The Chanterator: I ordered you not to bother me.

Beatrice: We're sorry, sir.

Alice, however, would not back down so easily.

Alice: We're tired of being treated like this.

The Chanterator: You came into my Room of Solitude, my sanctuary, when I instructed you to leave me be, to complain about work?

Beatrice: We're sorry, sir.

The Chanterator did not stir. He simply pondered. Then...

The Chanterator: You're fired.

Alice and Beatrice: WHAT?!

He leaned forward and looked down at them. There was something in his eyes, now, that made them shiver.

The Chanterator: I think I should be free to work alone from now on.

Beatrice: But I didn't even want to do this!

The Chanterator: It's not you, it's me. I've changed and grown as a deity.

Alice: Sir, I don't think you've thought this through. We'll give you time to think it over. All the time you need.

The Chanterator: I have considered all possibilities, and have concluded I no longer am in need of your services. As I already told you, you're fired... now burn!

Suddenly, both their bodies erupted in flame. They screamed in pain, searching for a cause and solution. Alice tucked and rolled while Beatrice frantically patted herself down, but the flames would not go out.

Alice: Chant, save us!

Beatrice: Sir, we love--

The flames rose brighter and hotter, enveloping their words. Then, it was over.

Finally, The Chanterator stood, floated down to the ground, and landed before the site of his favorite girls' last pleas. All that remained were two smoky piles of ash covered in their unburnt clothing, the mark of a carefully controlled magic flame. There was no remorse as he removed a speck of dust from his tuxedo, only clarity. With a thought, The Chanterator vanished.

It was time to end the world.

To be continued...

Chapter 2: Smash Hit

Wednesday: This isn't working.

Britannica: Just give it time.

Vegi-La: We've been standing like this for over ten minutes.

Ace: My arms are getting tired.

Britannica: We have to summon Dark Wednesday and DLD.

5 minutes later

Wednesday: This isn't working.

Britannica: Just give it a little more time.

Vegi-La: We've been standing like this for over fifteen minutes.

Ace: My arms are getting tired.

Cowgirl Jack: Maybe if we chant or something.

Di Bat Pho: I thought we did not like Chant.

Registered Member 552: We don't. She meant we should—

Midnight Spectre: Try shutting up! I can't concentrate with all this noise !

Wednesday: Oh look, he's mad again.

Vegi-La: Can I at least open my eyes?

Midnight Spectre: I'M NOT MAD !

Wednesday: Okay, Sparky .

Ace: Really, my arms are getting tired.

Britannica: SHUSH!

Ace: Don’t shush me. You SHUSH!

Cowgirl Jack: SHUSH!

Registered Member 552: That’s not very lady-like.

Di Bat Pho: SHUSH!

Britannica: SHUSH!

Di Bat Pho:

Britannica: Sorry. Got carried away.

Midnight Spectre: All of you, SHUSH !

Wednesday: This isn't working.

A loud rumbling noise from above causes the team to look and see that, in seconds, the sky has gone from blue to crimson red. DBP glances to see her worry mirrored in her fiancé’s face. Midnight tightens his hold of CJ’s hand.

Ace: What the—

A falling light in the distant sky stops his obscenity dead its tracks. The team watches as a huge chunk of glowing rock descends from nowhere in the sky, leaving a long trail of smoke in its wake. If someone did't do something soon, it would strike populated land just over the horizon.

Then someone does something. Just before impact, the fiery meteor turns from its intended course…

…And heads straight for the JLR.

Britannica: JLR, go!

Windows shatter when they scatter to either side of the road. It slams into the ground, demolishing buildings, crushing and combusting cars, and melting gravel as it digs along the street. A few seconds after hitting the exact spot where the JLR had stood the meteorite is over a mile away.

But so was Midnight.

There was already too much devastation in this small town, but, for what it’s worth, the JLR did everything they could and more. DBP, Brit, Ace, and Vegi-La used projectiles to rescue as many as they could from the rubble. RM used his strength to divert the gushing water from torn away fire hydrants and put out as many fires as he could.

Clockwork.

Midnight gave himself just enough of a lead then ran directly in front of the rock. He was now in the outskirts of town, less risk, but in less than a minute he and the chunk of cosmic rock would reach Lavannah, a very populated city. He knew it would hurt, but he had no time for second thoughts and pushed against the burning meteorite. His struggle made a small difference, he could feel it slowing down, but it wouldn’t be enough to stem the loss of life. If he was at his full ability, before The Room of Spirit and Time, before his power waned, he could have saved countless lives. He thought about all those lives and pressed his weight and might against the body of rock with everything he could.

Cowgirl Jack: Need a hand?

CJ leaned against her teammate, using his body as a barrier from the heat, but it still burned. She had to try something new. The gears in her speed boots clicked and she ran in the opposite direction of the meteorite, giving added resistance. Sparks flew from her heels as sweat ran down their faces.

Cowgirl Jack: We're not gonna make it!

Midnight Spectre: We have to!

She ran faster still. Her fight added just enough and they stopped.

Cowgirl Jack: We made it.

Midnight Spectre: Thanks to you.

Cowgirl Jack started to fall back, but only bumped something hard. She turned around and three inches from her nose the grey, back wall of Lavannah’s First Municipal Center stood. Several judges, police, and civilians peered out and down their windows at the cooling rock and huffing heroes. More than one had peed their pants.

Wednesday stood in the middle of the street, looking straight ahead, down the path of destruction. He looked to his left and watched Brit and DBP pull a mother and child from the debris of their apartment. He looked to his right to see RM showering down a car mashed into what used to be the town’s favorite convenience store.

Wednesday closed his eyes and laid his palms to the ground. He could feel something surge from him and into the ground. Soon he could almost feel everything around him and down the miles of destruction.

He lost his breath for a moment and almost choked. Then with a cough he opened his eyes, stood up, and looked around.

Other than the shocked faces around him, there was no sign of any devastation. It would later be hailed as a miracle.

Ace: What was that?

Wednesday: I don’t know... All of a sudden, I just knew... My new power, I guess. I didn’t think I could do this, though.

Britannica: On such a high scale. I’ve never seen anything like it.

CJ and Midnight zoomed back into the scene, equally surprised.

Midnight Spectre: How did this happen?

Cowgirl Jack: That's what I'd like to know. You guys can fix an entire town in three minutes, but it's been months and you still haven't fixed the hole in the roof back home.

Ace: CJ, you’re all blistered.

Wednesday: Let me look at that.

BOOM!

With a loud crackle, a bright light appears in the center of the gathering. The JLR step back as gusts of air threaten to take their footing and throw them back. After a few moments, a motorcycle emerges from the light, carrying a man in a glittery, silver motorbiking outfit. Finally, the light disappears, the man gets off the bike, and takes off his helmet. With a shake of his head his hair regains its bounce and he smiles brightly.

Wednesday: Oh no.

Ace Rimmer: Smoke me a kipper. I’ll be back for breakfast !

To be continued...

Chapter 3: The Ol' Kipper

Registered Member 552: I'm sorry, what did you just say?

Ace Rimmer: Smoke me a kipper. I'll be home for breakfast.

Registered Member 552: That's what I thought. Okay, who is this whacko??

Britannica: He's Ace Rimmer. What a guy!

Cowgirl Jack: How'd you know that?

Britannica: I'm an Aussie. Aussies know Ace Rimmer.

Cowgirl Jack: Oh.

Vegi-La [looking up]: Guys!

In every direction, large, red meteors like the one the Justice League Reality had just encountered pour from the sky. Soon, the distant thunder of rock hitting earth can be heard all around.

Britannica: I don't know why you're here, Mr. Rimmer, but it looks like we could use all the help--

Ace Rimmer: Why, haven't you been watching the news?

Wednesday: Of course, the news! How could we forget something as important as the news? Oh, wait! Maybe it has something to do with the fact that WE WERE JUST BUSY SAVING AN ENTIRE TOWN FROM A HUGE, FRIGGIN’ METEORITE!

Midnight Spectre: Now who's getting angry?

Wednesday:

Britannica: Don't mind ‘Day, Rimmer. What's the situation?

Ace Rimmer: Well, the entire world is experiencing what can only be called plagues. In Asia, the water has turned to blood--

Di Bat Pho: What?!

Ace Rimmer: Similarly, the Pacific and Indian Seas surrounding Australia have turned into blood.

Britannica: That's impossible.

Ace Rimmer: No. Impossible is that while the Sun has disappeared over South America, it has gotten much brighter over Antarctica; bright enough to cause the polar ice to start melting.

Cowgirl Jack sits down, her head reeling.

Ace Rimmer: Without warning, all of Europe was invaded by huge swarms of large locusts. The citizens who could make it indoors have boarded themselves in.

Cowgirl Jack: Revelations!

Vegi-La: What is it, CJ?

Cowgirl Jack: What you just described, Mr. Rimmer. It's the Seven Last Plagues of Revelations. The plagues that herald the end of the world.

Di Bat Pho: The End?

Midnight Spectre: CJ, are you saying this is an act of God?

She didn't answer.

Ace Rimmer: Sadly, the governments of this world are a mess. A few are saying it's divine intervention from God. More are calling it an alien attack of some sort. Most, however, are blaming other nations for their plagues.

Midnight Spectre: How about none of the above?

Ace: You know something, don't you, Midnight?

Midnight Spectre: Obviously, if aliens were going to attack us, they wouldn't use blood and locusts. At the same time, no government on Earth has the means to do all this.

Cowgirl Jack: But God would.

Registered Member 552: That first meteor was aimed at us. It turned in mid air and came attacked us. I don't know about Wednesday, but I'm a pretty upstanding guy. I don't think God would have any reason to go for the JLR first.

Wednesday: Yeah, that's... hey!

Vegi-La: Well, you did try to kill us.

Wednesday: That’s just not fair. Try to murder your friends and you never hear the end of it.

Midnight Spectre: The point is, if its divine intervention, it isn't God.

Di Bat Pho: You think it's her, don't you.

Midnight Spectre: The Chanterator's behind this.

Ace Rimmer: Exactly!

Wednesday: How'd you know?

Ace Rimmer: I'm Ace Rimmer !

Wednesday:

Ace: What now?

Ace Rimmer: My bike can take us anywhere in the universe and beyond. Your team has fought Chant before.

Midnight Spectre: He was never this powerful.

Ace Rimmer: But now you have me. With your experience and my leadership, we can--

Frying Pan: BONK!

Ace Rimmer: Kipper.. me a breakfast... baby!

THUMP

Registered Member 552: What did you do that for?!

Wednesday: Sorry, but he's SOOO annoying!

Di Bat Pho: She was the only one who knew how to use the bike. Now we have no way to find Chant!

Wednesday: What? I said I was sorry!

JLR:

Registered Member 552: We should start worrying now.

Vegi-La: Well, maybe we could--

VL grips the bike's steering with both hands. Suddenly, 725 volts of electricity course through him.

Vegi-La: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He jolts back, trembling from the great shock. Luckily, his vegibeastal form is strong enough. But...

Ace: Dude, you smell like burnt broccoli.

RM notices the onboard computer screen.

Registered Member 552: It seems wired to electrocute anyone other than its rider.

Vegi-La: R--rr--eally??? W--w--what was y--y--y--your first c--c--clue, Shh--shhh--erlock??

Di Bat Pho [reading the screen]: It says here it's programmed for Ace. Only he can use it.

Britannica: What did you just say?

Di Bat Pho: It's programmed for Ace. Only she can use it.

Brit walks over and looks at the screen. His eyes light up and he hugs his fiancé.

Britannica: That's a splendid idea. Ta!

Brit walks over to Ace and grabs his wrist. He pulls the JLR's card-carrying member over to the bike and...

Ace: What're you doing?!

Britannica: Trust me.

Brit yanks Ace's hand and puts it on the bike...

Ace Rimmers Bike: User identified as 'Ace.' Welcome aboard.

Britannica: Welcome aboard, Ace .

Ace:

Pleasantly surprised to be alive, Ace jumps sits in the rider's seat. The engine automatically revs.

Vegi-La joins him. Then CJ, RM, Brit, DBP, Wednesday, and Midnight Spectre hop on.

Ace: A little... crowded, don't you think?

Britannica: Only for a short while. It's best we split up and look for Chant in the various places he's been. Also, we'll need to concentrate on soliciting as much help as possible.

Ace: That's great! Now how do I control this thing.

Vegi-La: T--t--ry talking t--t--to it.

Ace: Your brain's overburnt, broccoli-boy. What am I supposed to say: "Take us to Chantania"?

There was a familiar crackle and gust of wind as the engine revved again. Another portal opened before them and the motorcycle left the ground.

Ace: Why do I have a feeling this is gonna hurt!

That was the last thing he said before Ace Rimmer's bike carried the JLR into the light.

To be continued...

Hours earlier, outside of the Doesntreallyexistian Castle....

Sue-ee: Did you get them all? What happened to Inspector Gadget?

Sparky: He blinked out of existence, before I could hit him.

TASM: But we did get the Injustice Reality Gang.

Nick: But that ain't gonna save you two bozos from a court martial.

Sparky: Screw you! These jerks, nearly brought our countries to the brink of civil war. Did you expect us to just stand by and let them?

Nick: I expect you to follow orders! We had the situation under control.

TASM: No offence to Dolly, but we were standing around like sheep.

Sue-ee: That's enough, both of you. So what happened to that obnoxious rabbit?

Napoleon: He seems to have disappeared too. You wouldn't be able to track him down would you?

Esmeralda: Like they were able to find Buttercup!

Sue-ee: Back off, chook. We have more important things to worry about, than your poultry concerns.

Esmarelda: You sow! :mad:

Peter, The Amazing Spider Monkey leaps between the pig and chicken.

TASM: Hold it ladies. We're on the same side here...

Esmarelda & Sue-ee: Peter. Shut up!

*PUNCH*

The Amazing Spider Monkey goes careering into the air, as the leaders of the two animal groups go claw to trotter.

Napoleon: Should we stop them?

Sparky: Probably. It's not my idea of a cat-fight.

Napoleon:

TASM: Ohh, I think I broke my tail... Hey, look it's the Doesntreallyexistian Royal Guard.

Indeed a regiment of Doesntreallyexistian's finest comes marching up to the battle scene.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Sergeant, what is going on over there?

Sergeant: Looks like a cat-fight between a chicken and a pig, sir.

Captain: Then it's not a cat-fight is it. It's more and chicken/pig fight. Hahahahahahaha!

Corporal Punishment: Was that supposed to be a joke?

Private Parts: I'm not sure? If it was, it was pretty lame.

Private Screening: Shush, before the Captain hears you.

Private Property: Can't we just get on with the story please?

Captain: Yes, good idea. What is going on here, Sergeant? There was a really big pointy thing falling from the sky, a big flash, then all these animals appeared, bashed up those poor innocent people, [he indicates to the IRG] and tied them up.

Sergeant: They're animals sir.

Captain: I know. That's what I said. Untie them now.

Napoleon: But you can't! They're the Injustice Reality Gang! They've kidnapped your King and are the only ones who know where he is!

Captain: What did that donkey say, Sergeant?

Sergeant: ummm.... Corporal Punishment!

Corporal Punishment: Yes Sir!

Sergeant: What did that donkey say, Corporal?

Corporal Punishment: Eeyoh. Sir!

Sergeant: hmmmm... [turns to his Captain] Eeyoh, Sir!

Captain: That's what I thought. Have those poor defenseless people been released yet?

Private Property: Yes Sir. Just untying the last one now, Sir.

Mr. Misinformation: I must thank you and your men, Captain for saving us against those animals. You have been most helpful.

Captain: Don't mention it innocent civilian. We're just doing our duty.

Mr. Misinformation: Well we had better not detain you any further. Say goodbye to the nice soldiers everyone.

IRG: Goodbye to the nice soldiers everyone.

Private Screening: Hey! [pointing to Mr. Misinformation] Does that bloke look familiar to you?

Private Parts: Now that you mention it...

Mr. Misinformation: Harry, if you please?

The Amazing Harry: [rubbing his injured head] It'll be my pleasure.

Sparky: Quick. Stop them! They're going to get away! [Sparky begins to transform into Thundercat]

TASM: I can't get them. I broke my web-shooters too.

But it is too late as The Amazing Harry, teleports the IRG away.

Thundercat: Not again!

Napoleon: Now what?

Esmarelda: [Walking towards TASK Force, nursing her bruised wing] Well obviously we have to find the real King of Doesntreallyexistia by ourselves.

TASM: I'm sure if Sue-ee was conscious, ACDC would help search for him. After all, we were set-up to sort out this kind of problem.

Esmarelda is just about to say something very un-chicken like, when...

Captain: Men! Arrest those animals!

The Doesntreallyexistian Royal Guard charge towards ACDC and JLR TASK Force.

The animals of ACDC immediately retaliate and charge towards the Doesntreallyexistian Royal Guard.

Sparky and Peter are ready to leap into the fray when Esmarelda pulls them back.

Esmarelda: Forget it. We have a more important job to do.

Napoleon: But how are we going to find the King?

Esmarelda: Peter, where's the local library?

End of part 1

Part 2: Journeys, the Sky So Blue


Chapter 4: The Hard to Do

Actually, it didn’t hurt at all.

The JLR arrived in a forest at the very outskirts of of Chantania crowded but unharmed. The motorcycle set down softly on the dirt; its engine purred then shut off. The member disembarked and stretched.

Britannica: Okay, RM and CJ, this is where the two of you get off.

Registered Member 552: Why us?

Britannica: Because CJ’s the only one in the group who has successfully infiltrated a castle. RM, you’re with her because I have a feeling she may need a heavy-hitter.

Cowgirl Jack: I guess. I left my chef disguise at home, though.

The remaining members got back on Ace Rimmer’s bike.

Britannica [DBP jumping on his lap]: I’m sure you’ll think of something.

Vegi-La: Oh, by the way, CJ, here.

Vegi-La handed his teammate a vented vegi-ball. It opened up, in her hand, to reveal a disempowered but unharmed rabbit.

Cowgirl Jack: Hoppy !

Vegi-La: I scooped him up before the meteorite struck. He was in the vegi-ball for his own protection.

Cowgirl Jack: Hoppy !

Vegi-La: Ummmm…. Right! Where to now, Brit?

Britannica: Next stop: Dende’s tower.

Ace: Okay. Bike, Dende’s tower.

The engine revved, there was a crackle and light, the bike rose, and they were off.

Cowgirl Jack: Too bad you never made me a pair of super-secret disguise boots.

Registered Member 552: Of course! They’re in one of your suitcases.

Cowgirl Jack: You mean the ones back home at the barn?

Registered Member 552: Oh yeah.

Cowgirl Jack: Well, you can always dig under the castle.

Registered Member 552: Wait. Do you hear something?

Cowgirl Jack: Oh no, I’m not falling for that. I know what it means when you “hear something.” You’re not getting out of digging.

Then she hears something. It sounds like crickets or…

Hundreds of giant locusts came out from behind the trees of Chantania’s forest and surrounded the duo.

Registered Member 552 and Cowgirl Jack: Crap!

The crackle and boom did little to move Dende. He was expecting the JLR.

Midnight disembarked and somberly approached the guardian.

Midnight Spectre: It’s good to see you, my firend. I wish it could be under happier circumstances.

Dende: As do I. Also, I am afraid you visit may not help you reach your goal. I do not have the power or means to defeat the Chanterator.

Midnight Spectre: Then perhaps you can tell us where he is.

Dende: No. I’ve already tried but I can’t find him. It seems he’s beyond the sight of even a guardian of the Earth.

Midnight Spectre: Then I’m sorry to trouble you, Dende.

Dende [with a slight smile]: I said your visit MAY not help you.

Dende led the team to the back of the tower to a large, red curtain. On his mark, Mr. Popo pulled the curtain to the side.

Midnight Spectre: The door to the Room of Spirit and Time!

Dende: This is an emergency. I’ve made the arrangements for you all to train for the accumulation of one year. As always, only one day will pass in the outside world.

Ace: We don’t have a day.

Midnight Spectre: Then I’ll stay. I will train alone.

Vegi-La: People are dying out there, Mid. We can’t afford to lose you.

Midnight Spectre: If we do not prepare, WE will die. The world can’t afford that. Plus, I may find DLD in there.

Di Bat Pho: We shouldn’t argue. Midnight should train while we look for Chant.

Britannica: I agree. We’ve got to get to Chant’s Secret Lair.

Midnight Spectre: Thank you. This may be the only way, my friends.

Mr. Popo: Are you ready, Mr. Midnight?

Midnight Spectre: Yes, Mr. Popo.

The doors opened and midnight walked in. Without a smile, he turned to his friends as the doors shut.

And somewhere, someone laughed.

The team appeared just outside The Chanterator’s Secret Lair.

Britannica: Wednesday, your stop.

Wednesday: Alrighty then, but I don’t see why I’m the one.

Britannica: Because while the rest of us were stuck in a glue pit, you were exploring this place. You know more about it than anyone.

Wednesday: For the last time, that wasn’t me! That was Superfly Sr..

Britannica: Oh, right. Well, ta! Ace, Greece.

Ace: Bike, Greece.

The engine revved, there was a crackle and light, the bike rose, and they were off.

Wednesday explored each room, looking for the Chanterator but unsure of what he’d do if he came across an angry deity. The place seemed abandoned, though the lights in most rooms were still on.

Finally, he entered a dimly lit corridor different from the others he’d walked and seen. Unlike the other halls, this one only had one door. The door to Chant’s Room of Solitude.

Wednesday swung open the double doors with trepidation. In the darkened room, Wednesday could only make out the large column holding a steel chair. In addition, it looked like two piles of dirt, covered haphazardly with clothes, stood in the center of the room. The piles were an odd sight, though, in a room that was so clean otherwise. A lazy maid, he thought.

Insecure but curious, the hero decided to investigate. With only the light from the halls to help him see, he removed the top layer of clothing. His heart jumped when he saw it. He had only sneaked a peak before, but he was almost sure. He removed the blouse from the other pile and his suspicions were confirmed. Abashed, Wednesday dropped to his knees. He picked up their bras and raised them to the air.

Wednesday: NOOOOOO!!! Why? Why them? Their cups were so big! WHYYYYYY!!!!!

Distant voice: I think I heard something over here.

Wednesday snapped to. Whoever it was, they must have entered the lair after he got there. Whether they were friend or foe, though, he was unsure. He needed somewhere to hide.

The Amazing Harry [entering the room]: There’s someone in here. I no I heard someone.

Mr. Misinformation: Is it Chant?

The Amazing Harry: I don’t see anyone. This place needs some light.

The Amazing Harry clapped and a light from nowhere filled the room.

Wednesday crouched behind the steel column silently cursing the loss of his teleportation power.

Tractor Trailer Bob: I think ol’ Harry is hearing things again. Maybe it was another mouse.

The Amazing Harry: I’ll turn you into a mouse.

Why is it that whenever you find yourself hiding from a team of powerful villains you feel the need to sneeze?

She-Chant: Try to stop fighting for one minute, boys. We have to find Chant. No doubt my double is somehow causing all this chaos.

Bundy Bear: No fair taking over the world without us, right?

Wednesday: AAACHOOOOO!!!!

The Amazing Harry [materializing two inches in front of Wednesday]: I found our mouse.

Bundy Bear: Is it Chant?

The Amazing Harry: No, but it’s still a big one. One of those heroes.

Mr. Misinformation: Please tell me it’s that Britannica.

The Amazing Harry: Sorry, friend. It’s the goofy looking one.

She-Chant: Which goofy looking one?

The Amazing Harry: I believe this one’s called…

POW!!!

The Amazing Harry: …Any Given Wednesday.

Wednesday got up from the floor. The left side of his face stung from The Amazing Harry’s punch. Since when did magicians learn to box?

Wednesday: Actually, it’s just Wednesday now.

Superfly Sr. : Alrighty then. Looks like it’s my turn to have some fun.

Vanessa: Don’t forget to leave some for me, honey.

Wednesday: Crap!

Only Britannica and Di Bat Pho disembarked at the foot of Mount Olympus. The engine of Ace Rimmer’s motorcycle hummed as Brit spoke.

Britannica: The gods owe us one for helping them defeat Chant. If anyone can help us defeat him now, it’s them.

Veg-La: And us?

Britannica: You’ve got the convention center. Look for any clues you can.

Ace: The fake superheroes could still be there too.

Britannica: Don’t engage them if you find them. They’re too powerful and we’re running on the clock.

Ace: Done. Okay, you two, good luck.

Vegi-La gave Brit and DBP a warm smile and thumbs up as Ace commanded the bike to take them to the convention center.

Rev, crackle, flash of light, rising bike, and they were gone.

Di Bat Pho squinted as she looked up, trying to see the peak of the mountain.

Di Bat Pho: Hon, do you think this could really be it?

Britannica: What do you mean, love?

Di Bat Pho looked all around. The town looked deserted. The people had either fled or boarded themselves in because they feared the locusts. There was a nearby stable. It looked abandoned but the animals were still alive and in decent health. Perhaps the swarm hadn’t made it this far yet. Yet. It was as Britannica said: they were running on the clock.

Di Bat Pho: Cowgirl Jack. Do you think there was truth in what he said about this being the end of the world?

Di Bat Pho spoke walked over to a nearby stable. Britannica followed.

Britannica: No, it’s not the end.

DBP yelled a few words in Greek, but her tone was warm. She simply wanted to know who owned the abandoned animals. She turned and spoke to her fiancé in English.

Di Bat Pho: How can you be so sure?

Britannica: Because I have a wedding to get to.

Di Bat Pho smiled.

A portly, old Greek man cracked open the window of his shop next door. He looked at the two with fear and askance, shouted a few words cursing their foolishness, and shut his window again. He, obviously, was not as sure as Brit.

DBP fed two strong, white horses a handful of grain. She walked them from the stables, threw a saddle on each of their backs, and jumped on one.

Di Bat Pho: Let’s go.

Britannica [starting to worry]: I’m not good with horses. We’ve always had Cowgirl Jack for this sort of thing.

Di Bat Pho:

There was definitely some sort of activity in the far back room of the convention center. Ace and Vegi-La parked on the roof, vegi-vined their way down, and snuck around to the front. Silently, Vegi-La tried the door, but to no avail.

Vegi-La: Looks like we gotta do this the loud way.

An explosive vegi-ball formed in his hand.

Ace: Hold on a sec.

Ace slid one of his cards in the crack of the door. After some effort they both heard a click. Ace looked at his partner and smiled.

Vegi-La [smiling]: Show off.

Silently, the two heroes crept in.

Vegi-La: So What do you plan to do if we find him?

Ace: Do what any hero would do. Run the hell outta here and get reinforcements.

Vegi-La: Sounds good to me. Hey.

Ace: What?

They entered the hall leading to the main arena.

Vegi-La: Pull my finger.

Ace: What?!

Vegi-La: Pull my finger.

Ace: Are you crazy? What do you need with a vegi-ball right now?

Vegi-La: It’s not for a vegi-ball.

Ace and Vegi-La walked into the empty main arena.

Announcer [over the PA system]: Welcome heroes.

Vegi-La: Crap! An ambush!

121 fake heroes flowed into the hall from every entrance and direction. Ace and Vegi-La were surrounded.

Mr. Fantastic: Fantastic Faux, get them!

Robin: Wait! We have a score to settle with these two.

Superboy: That’s right. These two are ours.

Superboy whistled and the Supercycle joined them.

Vegi-La: Three against one. That hardly seems fair.

Ace: Agreed!

Ace whistled as loud as he could. Nothing.

Superboy: Who were you expecting? Lassie?

Suddenly, Ace Rimmer’s bike crashed through a window high above. It landed next to a smirking Ace.

That’s how Ace, Vegi-La, and Ace Rimmer’s motorbike finally squared off against Robin, Superboy, and the Supercycle.

To be continued…

Chapter 5: Told you so

The Chanterator: At the secret lair of The Chanterator, The Chanterator sits, secretly observing the movements of The Chanterator’s deadliest enemies – the JLR!

A voice from the shadows: Do you call that narration? That was pathetic.

The Chanterator: What do you mean?

The Voice: You had too many Chanterators. You didn’t say how you were observing the JLR, and you didn’t say “Suddenly, The Chanterator was interrupted by The Narrator”!

The Chanterator: Oh. Suddenly, The Chanterator was interrupted by The Narrator. The Inspector Gadget look-alike walks out of the shadows… Hey! Haven’t I deleted you already?

The Narrator: You do not have the power to delete. Your… My abilities are to narrate. You cannot destroy matter by merely saying “the former Omnipotent being known as The Narrator disappeared, forever”. The best you can do is “send” matter to other parts of the multi-message board-verse.

The Chanterator: Hey! I do the postal jokes around here, pal! Even so, you should have disappeared forever. Why are you back all of a sudden?

The Narrator: I only disappeared to the other side of town.. You really should be more specific when you narrate.

The Chanterator: So you didn’t like my earlier narration, huh? So how do you like these apples? Suddenly, The Narrator finds himself trapped in a strange message board - that of Barbie!

The Narrator: Well, that was a lot more succin… oh bugger. Nooooooooooooooooooo*

*BLINK*

The Chanterator: That’s better. Now where was I? Ah yes…

With his tremendously omniscient powers, The Chanterator mentally scans the movements of his deadliest… well, most annoying enemies – the JLR! … Unless you count that Narrator? He was pretty darn annoying too. And then there was Mr. Misinformation and my RKMB counterpart, She-Chant… Hmm Hmm.

The Chanterator observes each member of the JLR, in their vein attempt to track down their deadliest – and I do mean deadliest – enemy – The Chanterator!

Oh, this is gold, observes the Multiversal Mailmaster, satisfied with his latest narrative handiwork. Though he had wished the JLR would have just stayed at home for once. He was becoming bored with these futile battles. But he could not, would not, tolerate their continuing interference…

Now who poses the most threat? Pondered the Omniscient One. Hmm, Midnight Spectre 2.0 is hiding away in The Room of Spirit and Time. Again!?! Jeez, pal, how much training do ya need!?! Oh well, I’ll deal with him tomorrow.

Ace and Vegi-La are back at the convention venue… ah, but it looks like my former minions will take care of them.

Cowgirl Jack and Registered Member #552 are in Chantania. Hah! They are nowhere near finding me.

Hmmm, what’s this? dun_like_dinner – the missing member! In the realm of gods? But he poses no threat to me now. I will get my revenge on him later…

But wait, Britannica and Di Bat Pho, at the gates of Olympus? Obviously trying to recruit the gods against me. Now I can’t allow that.

But first, what is Wednesday - the deleter, up too? Ah, in the clutches of that cursed Mr. Misinformation and the Injustice Reality Gang. Well, they should take care of each other for me. Good.

But before The Chanterator prepares to make a return trip to Olympus, he prepares yet another plague upon the Earth. Through sheer force of will, The Chanterator disrupts the orbit of the Moon, forcing it closer to the Earth – close enough for the entire world to descend into permanent darkness! Mind you, the resulting devastation caused by the gravitational forces, is just an added bonus.

Then a glass of water… all this narration is leaving me parched.

*glug* *glug* *glug*

Ahhh… That’s better. Now to Olympus!

*BLINK*

Chapter 6 – Lets come together… naturally

At She-Chant’s secret lair…

*THWACK*

Wed: It wasn’t me, I swear! I’ve never seen you before! Though once you’ve lost a few pounds, maybe we could get together sometime?

*THWACK*

Vanessa: You made me fat!!!

*THWACK*

She-Chant: Wow. She’s good.

Mr. Misinformation: But why does she keep calling him Superfly Sr.?

The Amazing Harry: Maybe we should ask him…?

Tractor-Trailer Bob: Superfly?

Superfly Sr.: um… That’s Wednesday… if you don’t mind…?

Suddenly, the earth begins to tremble.

Bundy Bear: Crikey! What was that?

Wed: Chant…

Chantania…

CJ: Now what?

RM552: [using his enhanced vision to look beyond Earth’s atmosphere] The Moon! It’s gravitational orbit… it… it’s heading towards the Earth!

CJ: But that will cause massive devastation!

RM552: Especially if it doesn’t stop.

The Tower of Earth’s guardian…

Mr. Popo: Oh no. Midnight Spectre is too late.

Dende: [looking worriedly towards the doorway to The Room of Spirit and Time] It looks that way my friend.

At the Convention arena, the Fantastic Faux had been watching the thrilling battle of False Superboy, False Robin and the False Super Cycle vs. Ace, Vegi-La and Ace Rimmer’s bike, when the whole venue started trembling, quickly increasing into a full-blown…

False Invisible Woman: Earthquake!

False Hellcat: Quick lets get out of here!

False Rogue: Scaredy cat!

False Hellcat: Hey. Some of us aren’t invulnerable, sugah!

False Dr. Strange: There is wisdom, in Hellcat’s words though…

Hundreds of fake superheroes make a dash for the door.

Ace: Wait! No matter where you run, you can’t escape this destruction!

False Superboy: [landing a punch on Ace’s chin, knocking the hero off Ace Rimmer’s bike] What are you talking about, it’s just an earthquake?

Vegi-La: Ace is right. [Vegi-La, grabs hold of False Superboy with a vine whip and throws him into the nearest barricade] This is The Chanterator’s doing.

False Robin: [Leaping towards the vegibeastal hero] Who?

Vegi-La: You know… Chant.

False Superboy: [Pulling himself out of the barricade and hurling himself towards Ace] I thought Chant was hanging with you bozos now?

Ace: [Dodging out of the way, and flicking a diamond-edged card at the False Boy of Steel] Not only has he gone back to his evil ways. He is now omniscient. He has somehow harnessed the power of The Narrator. We’re trying to find his whereabouts, so we can stop him.

False Superboy: Yeah, pull the other one. [False Superboy goes to punch Ace again]

False Robin: [grabbing hold of False Superboy’s wrist] Wait, Karl. This earthquake has been going on for some time now. Maybe they’re right?

False Mr. Fantastic: Superboy, Robin, hold. The heroes are telling the truth. Doctor Strange has picked up some unnatural forces at work.

False Dr. Strange: Yes, Mr. Fantastic. This is no mere earthquake. I detect some powerful force dragging the Moon closer to the Earth.

Fantastic Faux, Ace & Vegi-La: What!

Vegi-La: Man. This is worse than we thought. How are we gonna stop the Moon crashing into the Earth?

Ace: By stoping Chant. Then we get Fake Doc Strange here, to put the Moon back.

False Dr. Strange: What the hell? You’re kidding right?

Ace: Look whoever you are, Chant gave you the power of Doctor Strange for goodness sakes. If anyone can put the Moon back it’s you!

False Dr. Strange: Maybe Silver Surfer is better suited to this sort of thing?

False Rogue: Sorry sugah, he’s the Silver Salt-Shaker now.

False Dr. Strange: Huh?

Indeed, hundreds of false superheroes have been transformed into pillars of salt.

False Mr. Fantastic: What? How many of us are left?

False Invisible Woman: Besides the four of us, Superboy, Robin, Namor, Fire, Captain Atom, Gambit, Wonder Woman, Venom, and the Hulk.

False Doctor Strange: Right, I’m outta here…

Ace: No. You have to help. If you don’t, you’re as good as dead!

False Dr. Strange: And if I do, I’m certainly going to end up dead. I’m still outta here.

False Captain Atom: It’s a bit academic now, Doc. All the exits are blocked by salty-superhero-statues.

False Doctor Strange: We’re all gonna die! [Turning to Ace and Vegi-La] So how you going to stop Chant now, heroes? You cant’ get out.

Ace: We have my Rimmer bike.

False Mr. Fantastic: What you do in your own time is your own business, sicko.

Fantastic Faux:

False Venom: He said Rimmer.

Ace: I meant Ace Rimmer’s bike! Ace Rimmer’s bike!

Vegi-La: What he means is the bike can teleport us out of here.

False Dr. Strange: Great. But how are we going to defeat someone who can move the Moon for craps sake!?! There’s only 13 of us!

False Wonder Woman: I don’t know. But we have to try something.

False Namor: Plus it will be good to get back at Chant, for leaving us in the lurch during the Convention.

Vegi-La: And remember. You guys won’t be alone. You’ll be with the JLR!

False Superboy: That’s what I’m afraid of.

Vegi-La: We whipped your ass, Super Dud!

Ace: Not now, La! The Convention venue is about to collapse. Quick everyone. Get on the Super Cycle and Ace Rimmer’s bike.

Ace, Vegi-La and the faux heroes clamber onto the two bikes, using False Mr. Fantastic to tie a tether between both bikes.

False Mr. Fantastic: Hey you could have asked first.

Vegi-La: But we still have no idea where Chant is.

Ace: First things, first pal. We gotta pull the team back together. First stop Chantania.

And with the whine of engines, the two bikes and their occupants disappear just as the convention venue collapses…

Doesntreallyexistia

The Amazing Spider Monkey: Um, Es… Things are getting rougher.

Napoleon: … And darker.

Esmarelda: I had noticed, fellas.

Sparky: This is getting surreal… [Sparkly transforms into Thundercat, flies up and blasts a piece of falling masonry] I thought this was supposed to be a straightforward war story?

Esmarelda: So did I. But we still need to find the real King. If the IRG were behind his kidnapping, then we should find him at the local library.

Napoleon: Or the local post office.

TASM: Do the IRG have the power to cause earthquakes and eclipses?

Esmarelda: I didn’t think so. But that Inspector Gadget might.

Napoleon: You know. He looked familiar. I’m sure I’ve seen him around before.

TASM: Inspector Gadget reruns perhaps?

Thundercat: Maybe we should head back and team up with ACDC again. This is beyond the four of us now.

Esmarelda: Look, there’s the library up ahead. We’ll rescue the King, then go back to the castle and offer ACDC any help they need.

Suddenly a geyser of hot molten magma springs up between our heroic animal sidekicks and the library.

TASK Force: Eek!

Thundercat: There’s no way we’re going to get through that.

Napoleon: But what about the King?

TASM: Hopefully, he isn’t in there. So now what Es? Back to the castle?

Esmarelda: No. We protect the civilians and get them out of the way of that mini volcano. JLR – TASK Force – ASSEMBLE!

Olympus

Britannica: What do you mean, you can’t help us!?! Haven’t you noticed the plagues? The earthquakes? The eclipse? The Earth needs the aid of the gods of Olympus!

Zeus: Tis not like we don’t want to help thee mortal, it’s just that soon the decision will be taken out of thine hands.

Di Bat Pho: What are you talking about?

*BLINK*

The Chanterator: He would be talking about me, toots.

Brit: Chant!

The Chanterator: Can't you read? It’s The Chanterator now. But before Britannica can answer the gods of Olympus are transported to another realm. That of the Teletubbies message board.

Zeus: See, mortal. I told you sooooooooooooooooo*

*BLINK*

DBP: The Teletubbies?

Brit: That’s inhuman!

The Chanterator: And with that, the Multiversal Mailmaster bids his arch-foe, adieu. Adieu.

*BLINK*

DBP: So what do we do now, my love?

Brit: For once. I don’t have an answer.

The lone Midnight Spectre 2.0 traverses The Room of Spirit and Time, fighting against the raging maelstrom...

MS2: Must focus.

Zues: Doesn’t thoust think thee have already wasted enough time in here?

MS2: Zues!?! How did you get in here?

Zues: I am a god. I can do anything I please. But mine question still stands.

MS2: If you must know, the others think I’m here for more training. But I’m on a mission to locate dun_like_dinner. This was his last known location.

Zues: My son is not here.

MS2: Your son!?!

Zues: Thine godly sight, can see events are slipping away from thee. Perhaps tis time that I returned to thine godly kingdom. Come Brian A. Ortiz. Methinks, that mine son will be pleased to see thee.

FA-FOOM

And now the Room of Spirit and Time stands empty.

Castle Doesntreallyexistia

Sue-ee: Oh, my head. Why do I feel so wobbly?

Sue-ee, leader of ACDC looks upon the chaos in front of the castle. ACDC members and Doesntreallyexistian Royal Guards are lying everywhere, having been knocked off their feet by the latest shockwave.

Nick: Sue! Glad to see you’re awake at last. This mission has gone pair shaped.

Sue-ee: It went pair shaped ages ago. What’s the situation?

Nick: The IRG has escaped. So have Peter, Sparky and TASK Force. ACDC were in battle with the Doesntreallyexistian Royal Guard, when the Earthquakes started. Now it looks like there is an unscheduled eclipse.

Sue-ee: Some days, it’s just not worth getting out of the stye. Dolly!

Dolly: Yes, Commander?

Sue-ee: What’s causing this eclipse?

Dolly: My sensors indicate that the Moon’s orbit is degrading.

Nick: Huh?

Dolly: The Moon is getting closer to the Earth.

Nick: Holly crap!
Sue-ee: eek!

Dolly: This phenomenon is resulting in the increased geological activity we are experiencing.

Nick: …

Sue-ee: Earthquakes.

Dolly: However, the cause for the degrading orbit is unknown at this stage. Also unknown is the cause of the reported worldwide meteorite bombardment, the plague of Rolf Harris’ throughout the United Kingdom and the cause of the River Figmentofmyimagination changing it’s chemical composition from H2O into a haemoglobin/plasma/DNA composition

Nick: Huh?

Sue-ee: From water into blood.

Dick Johnson: Agggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get me outta here. It’s disgusting!!!!!!

Sue-ee: OK Dolly. Translate for me.

Dolly: Proceed.

Sue-ee via Dolly: Captain. The situation is beyond the capabilities of your guards. We offer our assistance in evacuating the castle.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Excuse me talking sheep, but I’ll have you know that we are Doesntreallyexistian’s finest. We have complete control of our facilities… and our faculties, thank you.

Private Screening: Is that why he’s talking to a sheep?

Sergeant Pepper: Private. That is no way to talk about your Captain!

Private Screening: Sorry Sir.

Sergeant Pepper: That’s better. Everyone saw the sheep talk first.

Sue-ee via Dolly: Dolly is merely translating my words into Doesntreallyexistian. [Dolly indicates Sue-ee] I am Sue-ee, Commander of ACDC.

Captain: ACDC?

Sue-ee via Dolly: Animals of Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia Collective

Private Property: That’s cute.

Sue-ee via Dolly: It is time to put this silly war between Doesntreallyexistia and Chantania to rest. This is now a matter of survival.

Corporal Punishment: But Chantania fired a big pointy flying thing at us. We can’t let that go unpunished.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Oh, Sergeant Pepper…

Sergeant Pepper: Corporal Punishment! You will not interrupt the Captain!

Corporal Punishment: Sorry Sir.

Sergeant Pepper: You have been a very bad Corporal, Corporal. Go administer a flogging.

Corporal Punishment: Yes Sir…

Sergeant Pepper: Captain.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Thank you Sergeant. [The Captain turns his attention back to Sue-ee] But Chantania fired a big pointy flying thing at us. We can’t let that go unpunished.

Sue-ee via Dolly: The missile was fired by the Injustice Reality Gang. They have been engineering the war between Doesntreallyexistia and Chantania.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Missile? Engineering? What are these strange words you are using? We’re medieval dontcha know.

A voice from behind a bush: And so is Chantania.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Who said that?

Sergeant Pepper: It was the bush sir.

Dolly: It is Toxic Bob.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Show yourself!

Toxic Bob: I can’t you idiots. You left me tied up!

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Sergeant. I thought I ordered that all civilians were to be released?

Sergeant Pepper: Yes you did Captain.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Then would you like to explain…? [The Captain points to Toxic Bob]

Sergeant Pepper: Corporal!

Corporal Punishment: [in the distance] Bad Corporal…

Sergeant Pepper: Corporal Punishment!!!

Corporal Punishment: [sticking his head over the ridge] Yes Sergeant?

Sergeant Pepper: Would you like to explain… [points to Toxic Bob]

Corporal Punishment: The Captain’s orders were to release the civilians, sir. He didn’t mention anything about the Prince of our sworn enemy, sir.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: And rightly so. You followed my orders precisely.

ACDC and the Privates:

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Give that man a medal, Sergeant.

Sergeant Pepper: Yes sir.

Corporal Punishment:

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: So who are these Injustice Reality Gang?

Sue-ee via Dolly: The civilians you released.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Sergeant. Who released the IRG?

Sergeant Pepper: That would have been Privates Parts, Property and Screening, sir.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Put them on report.

The Privates:

Suddenly a massive form shambles up the hill towards the group.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: What the? Another plague?

Dolly: It is Princess Chantina of Chantania.

Toxic Bob: Petal! You found me, thank goodness.

Chantina: urgle google oogle.

The husband and wife kiss, as everyone else looks away in disgust. Chantina unties her husband’s bonds, then turns to Captain Doesntreallyexistia.

Chantina: Shoogle froogle frump.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: umm…

Dolly: Princess Chantina proposes a truce in this time of cataclysm, and offers the hand of neighbourly friendship, as the two great kingdoms of Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia weather this storm together.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: umm…

Sue-ee via Dolly: They want to stop fighting, and want the two countries to help each other against the plagues.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Oh. Why didn’t you say so?

Private Property: Great. Now that we’re all friends can we start evacuating the castle? It’s looking a little wobbly…

Chantania.

CJ: No time for subtlety.

RM552: Agreed.

Dakota: Hey, don’t ask my opinion! *

The two heroes and the de-powered rabbit break down the main door, gaining entrance to the castle. Taking advantage of the guard’s confusion during recent events, they are able to quickly make their way to the King’s war room.

King Chantawanta: King Registered Member 552.5!

RM552: [looking around] Where?

CJ: [whispering] He means you.

RM552: [whispering back] I knew that. [then addressing the King in a clear loud voice] Yes King… of Chantania. It has been a long time. Your daughter’s wedding wasn’t it?

King Chantawanta: First you attack my beloved kingdom with a flying pointy thingy. Now you rub in the fact that by beloved daughter ended up marrying that odorous excuse for a son-in-law instead of you! Do you know how much we have to spend on air-freshener now?

CJ: Flying pointy thingy? You mean a missile?

King Chantawanta: Ah ha! So you admit it! Lucky for you a bunch of animals brought it down in an empty field.

CJ: [grasping hold of RM552’s arm] He must mean our animal sidekicks!

Dakota: Nah. It was probably ACDC. *

CJ: Are the animals OK, your highness?

King Chantawanta: I believe one of them chipped a tooth.

RM552: Well the missile wasn’t fired by Doesntreallyexistia.

CJ: [whispering again] How do you know?

RM552: [whispering back again] Because the Doesntreallyexistian people are civilised. And besides, they’re also medieval.

CJ: I thought Doesntreallyexistia was former communist? With a scientific program and everything? Isn’t that how you got your powers?

RM552: Doesntreallyexistia had a scientific program. They got kicked out when we took over.

CJ: We?

King Chantawanta: Perhaps it was He-Chant?

The two heroes snap out of their private conversation.

RM552: He-Chant?

HauptMannPriest: [crawling out from under the table] He means Chant. He tried to take us over about an hour and a half ago.

RM552: He must have been behind the war.

Dakota: No. It was the IRG!!! *

CJ: Hey, calm down, little bunny.

Dakota:

RM552: King… I propose that we join forces against Chant.

King Chantawanta: Who?

RM552: Um. He-Chant.

King Chantawanta: Agreed. Generalissimo!

Generalissimo: [crawling out from under the table too] Yes my liege?

King Chantawanta: Martial our armies. We’ve got two countries to save.

Generalissimo: Yes my liege. [Generalissimo departs, looking for the Messenger to martial the armies of Chantania]

Suddenly everyone hears the whining down of engines, then they see two bikes appear, carrying 15 bodies.

CJ: Ace! Vegi-La!

Ace: Heya Ceej!

RM552: I see you’ve brought reinforcements.

Vegi-La: Don’t get too excited. They’re the fake heroes from the convention.

CJ & RM552: Oh.

False Mr. Fantastic: Hey, we have a team name now you know! We are the Fantastic Faux!

RM552: We’ve had a few foes in our day. You weren’t that fantastic.

CJ: Fantastic Pho? Fantastic Street? That doesn’t make sense.

False Mr. Fantastic: Faux. F. A. U. X.

King Chantawanta: Damn French.

False Gambit: Zere iz nothing wrong with ze French mon ami.

Vegi-La: You may have a team name, but you’re still running around calling yourselves after real heroes.

False Mr. Fantastic: We’ll show you. I will now be called… Mr. Spectacular!

JLR:

False Dr. Strange: And I will now be known as Dr. Peculiar!

JLR:

False Invisible Woman: And I am now the Invisible Hermaphrodite!

Everyone:

False Rogue: How about Syphon?

Ace: Oh yeah

False Fire: Verde Fogo - Portuguese for Green Fire.

False Gambit: La Dealer

False Superboy: Super Dude

Vegi-La: Still think Super Dud’s better.

False Robin: Acro-Bat.

False Wonder Woman: I am now Warrior Woman

False Namor: Well I’m sticking with Namor.

RM552: How about Flying Fish Man?

Flying Fish Man: :mad:

Syphon: So what are we going to call those two? [pointing to Venom and the Hulk]

Mr. Spectacular: For Venom, how about Symbiote?

Dr. Peculiar: Oh, very original.

Mr. Spectacular: Don’t see you coming up with anything better.

Warrior Woman: Perhaps the Jolly Green Paper Golem for the Hulk?

JLR:

Da Bomb: It’ll do.

Ace: Well now that you have that out of your system. CJ. RM…

RM552: Your Majesty, if you don’t mind. [using his head to indicate King Chantawanta]

Ace: Eh? Right… your majesty… Dr. Peculiar here says Chant is pulling the Moon towards the Earth.

CJ: We know. We’ve enlisted some help ourselves. The King here has offered the armies of Chantania.

Ace: That’s great!

Vegi-La: What about the armies of Doesntreallyexistia?

RM552: Well I’ll have to ask them first.

King Chantawanta: Ask!?!

RM552: Eh. Command. Yes, I meant command.


* Of course Dakota speaks rabbit. Unfortunately CJ, RM552 or any of the others don’t.

FA FOOM

Midnight Spectre fought against the wave of disorientation and nausea. Not from the teleportation effect, but because of his new surroundings.

His ears were bombarded with blaring noise. The stench was sickening. And blinding flashing coloured light was making him giddy.

Midnight focused within himself. Calming… Controlling his baser instincts, wiping away his initial nausea, enough to take in more of his surroundings.

The noise was still unbearably loud. The continuos beat, felt like a physical force. The smell was not much better. The room was dark, but the flashing and strobing coloured light, was just enough to see further into the gloomy room.

The next thing Midnight noticed was that he was standing on a raised gantry, looking down onto a massive pit. The pit was filled with thousands of scantly clad writhing bodies. The smell of sweat and other bodily fluids mixed with smoke rose from the pit. He looked away from this unholy sight and noticed that the coloured lights were being reflected and refracted by strange mirror balls-like objects, literally suspended in mid-air. Midnight couldn’t see any wire connecting them to the ceiling.

Then he noticed Zues standing next to him.

MS2: [shouting above the din] What is this place? Is this Hell?

Zues: Ha Ha! [slapping Midnight Spectre 2.0 on the back] Nay mortal. Welcome to thine home. Welcome to the realm of the Partyon

MS2: The Partyon? [He scans his surroundings again]. It’s a giant nightclub… a rave party!

Midnight Spectre 2.0 finally discovers the source of the light and noise. A woman, dressed in baggy pants and tank top, with a long overcaot.

MS2:

Zues: Mine daughter, Raevon. Goddess of DJ's and party tunes. But I see the land of Mosh is not to thy tastes, Midnight Spectre. Let us depart for more… sedate surrounds.

Midnight Spectre is surprised that Zues did not teleport them again, but rather guided the hero to a door located behind them.

The door led them out into a large courtyard. The sky ablaze with bursts of reds, yellows, blues and oranges.

MS2: Fireworks?

Zues: Probably Pompus’ doing. He is the god of celebrations. All these parties can be very wearying, after a while. Tis why I left for the land of mortals.

MS2: I can imagine... Hang on. I thought you were created by a spelling mistake? How did you end up with a history and culture, all of a sudden?

But Zues does not answer, as he spots a tall, dark woman with her back to them. She has long dreadlocks and is dressed in a black leather jacket and pants. It looks like she is standing guard.

Zues calls out to her.

Zues: Greetings Bounca!

The woman instantly spins around, raising her fists and adopting a battle stance. Midnight Spectre 2.0 reflexively adopts a similar pose. He instinctively scans his opponent. Tall, swarthy and muscular. Yet somehow feminine at the same time. As Wednesday would probably say – bouncy. He can’t see the woman’s eyes, as she wears a pair of trendy sunglasses, similar to a visor. She shows no sign of emotion. Until she realises who called out to her.

Bounca: High Father!

Zues: High yourself! Did thee miss me?

The goddess walks up to the High Father, with open arms. Zues reciprocates. However, rather than hugging, Bounca punches Zues right on the jaw, sending him sprawling to the ground.

Midnight glows with blue energy, ready to protect the fallen god.

Zues: Hold mortal. Tis just Bounca’s way of showing she cares.

Bounca: [helping Zues up off the ground] Tis indeed good to see you oh Father. Tis been too long since the Partyon have looked upon thine countenance. Pompus will no doubt wish to organise a celebration.

Zues: No doubt.

Bounca: [looking appreciatively at Midnight Spectre 2.0] So this is a mortal. Is he a present?

Midnight Spectre turns a slight shade of scarlet.

Zues: Ha Ha. Of sorts daughter. But not for thee.

Bounca: Pity. The mortal looks like he could handle a rough time.

Zues: This is Midnight Spectre 2.0 of the Justice League Reality.

Bounca: The Justice League Reality…? Ah! The heroes’ dun_like_dinner speaks of. Though he hath not mentioned Midnight Spectre before.

MS2: He knew me as (young)Nightwing

Bounca: Ah yes.

MS2: Look, time is running out. Is dun_like_dinner here or not?

Zues: Indeed. Bounca, we must call together the Partyon levee.

Outside Castle Doesntreallyexistia.

Corporal Punishment: The civilians have been evacuated from the castle and secured in the old underground bunker, Sir.

Sergeant Pepper: Very good, Corporal.

Corporal Punishment: Though there was no sign of the King.

Private Parts: And now the Captain has disappeared.

---------------------

Nick: Putting the population in an underground bunker? Are they mad?

Dolly: The bunker is from the old scientific era. It was designed to withstand a direct strike from nuclear warheads.

Toro: So what do we do now, Sue-ee?

Sue-ee: We establish the closest township in trouble and we go and help out.

Peta Gunn: It’s going to be a loooong day.

Sue-ee: Dolly, patch me through to Nightwing Squadron.

Dolly: Patching through now, Commander.

Sue-ee: Come in Nightwing 1. This is Sue-ee, please respond…

A burst of static comes from Dolly’s audio-relay circuits.

Dolly: Excuse me.

Sue-ee: What’s wrong?

Dolly: Several communication satellites have gone off-line. I am attempting to re-route our communication systems now. Please proceed.

Sue-ee: Nightwing 1, do you copy? Over.

Hooters, the owl (Nightwing 1): Barely, Commander. Over.

Sue-ee: What is your situation? Over.

Hooters: Nightwing Squadron is now flying over the Town Square. A small volcano has erupted in front of the library. Over

Sue-ee: Copy that. We’ll be able to assist in 15 minutes. Over.

Hooters: Copy that. Mobile Unit Gamma, are approximately 10 minutes behind us. But, it looks like some ACDC operatives are already evacuating civilians. Over.

Nick: We don’t have any operatives in that sector?

Sue-ee: He must mean Peter and Sparky. Copy that Nightwing 1. Assist in the evacuation. We’ll be there stat. Over and out. Dolly, please translate again.

Dolly: Proceed.

Sue-ee via Dolly: Princess, Captain. I believe we have our next mission.

Toxic Bob: Where are we going?

SvD: Town Square. A volcanic geyser has erupted in front of the library.

Chantina: Gargle thog!

Toxic Bob: Yes. But where is the Captain?

Captain Doesntreallyexistia staggers out of the castle, carrying a large wooden chest. He makes his way over to the group, dropping the chest with a large thud.

*LARGE THUD*

Private Screening: Doing a spot of treasure hunting Sir?

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: No Private. [the Captain takes an old-fashioned brass key out of his pocket, crouches down and unlocks the large padlock securing the chest] Desperate times call for desperate measures. [Captain Doesntreallyexistia starts to undress down to his boxers]

Everyone:

Private Parts: Get a room, will ya.

Private Property: He did say he was desperate...

Private Screening: But come on, there are appropriate times and places.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia removes a suit of armour from the chest and puts it on. The armour consists of purple, blue and brown (the national colours of Doesntreallyexistia) plate-mail breast place, over blue chain mail. There is a large blue letter D on the middle of his chest. The Captain removes a purple helmet, which he places on his head. The helmet covers the top part of his face, though there are eye slots for him to look out of. There are to large brown metal wings protruding from the helmet’s temples and a blue D printed on the forehead. Finally, the Captain removes a large heavy shield. Once more in purple, blue and brown. Once again a blue D appears in the middle.

Sergeant Pepper: Who would have thought? Captain Doesntreallyexistia being Doesntreallyexistia’s national hero – Captain Doesntreallyexistia

ACDC, Chantina, Toxic Bob, Corporal Punishment & the Privates:

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Now, what was that about a volcano?

Inside Castle Doesntreallyexistia.

5 minutes later.

Ace, Vegi-La, Cowgirl Jack, Registered Member #552, Dakota, the Fantastic Faux, King Chantawanta, HauptMannPriest, Generalissimo and 10,000 Chantanian infantry appear in the Great Hall.

Ace: I think we’re going to have to give the engines a rest. [Ace waves away a wisp of smoke coming form the engines] I don’t think Rimmer’s bike was designed to carry this many people, even with the help of the Fake Super Cycle.

Mr. Spectacular: And what about the help of Mr. Spectacular? Oh me achin’ back. And I would appreciate it if all these soldiers could get off me now!

King Chantawanta: So, King Registered Member 552.5, where are your armies?

RM552: ummm…

Vegi-La: They must have high-tailed it during the earthquakes.

King Chantawanta: Hah! So much for the bravery of Doesntreallyexistia’s mighty armies!

RM552: I’m sure they’re off bravely doing some mighty army-type duties.

King Chantawanta:

RM552: Oh, for Gobs sake! Let’s just go pick up Wednesday!

She-Chant’s lair…

The Amazing Harry: Geez, you couldn’t have installed windows in this place could ya? We have no idea what’s going on out there.

She-Chant: Well I don’t know – Windows in super villain’s secret lairs isn’t really in fashion this year!

Bundy Bear: It’d be a lot healthier.

SC: What?

BB: Well ya know, natural light, fresh air. Better than air-conditioning.

SC: Well if you want a window, get Harry to create one. He is a magician. Sort of.

TAH: Hey! :mad: I’ll show you…

The Amazing Harry closes his eyes. His brow furrows in concentration as he starts mumbling an incantation. He makes mysterious gestures, only known to him, with his hands.

Tractor-Trailer Bob: I’ve got the tractor out back. Maybe we should just make a run for it?

Superfly Sr.: Sounds good to me.

Mr. Misinformation: Will you lot shut up a moment. I’m trying to interrogate the prisoner.

Wednesday: Look, I’ve already told you. Chant has stolen the power of The Narrator and is using it to create plagues across the world. What more do you need to know?

SC: Nothing really. We just like interrogations, don’t we Honeycomb?

MM: It’s what we do best, Snuggle bunny.

Wed: Sickos.

TAH: Ah Ha! Doubt my magical abilities will you. What do ya think of this?

Everyone looks and inspects The Amazing Harry’s handiwork – a large ornate stained-glass window depicting the events of the last supper and crucifixion of Christ.

TTB, BB & SFs: [*clapclapclap*] Bravo! Well done, Sir! Magnificent! [*clapclapclap*]

SC: So you going to open it?

TAH: Open it? Um…

SC: You created a window, you can’t open.

TAH: Just a minor technicality. Just give me a moment to…

SC: Forget it. [She-Chant picks up a chair] Out of the way boys.

TTB, BB, SFs: [who have been marvelling at the detail of the window turn around] Huh? [to see She-Chant rush at them with a chair] [they get out of the way just as…]

*SMASH*
*Smash*
*Smash*
*Smash*
*Smash *
*Smash *
*Smash*

TTB, BB, SFs: Philistine. No artistic taste, whatsoever. What a waste.

SC: [tossing the chair to one side and wiping her hands] There you go, now lets see… Hey! It’s pitch black out there!

SFs: But its only 4 o’clock in the afternoon.

Superfly Sr. moves closer to the window to look outside.

Wed: I’ve got a bad feeling about this. Somebody get me out of these chains.

After a brief inspection, Superfly Sr. turns to talk to his teammates.

SFs: Well I can’t see anything out…

He notices that his teammates aren’t looking at him, but rather past him.

SFs: Hey, do you mind? I’m speaking here… how rude.

He then notices his teammates slowly backing away, fear etched on their faces.

SFs: What’s up?

BB: [pointing and mouthing the words “behind you”]

Superfly Sr. slowly turns to look out the window. A giant luminous reptilian eye looks back at him. The pupil focuses on the super pimp, as he lets out a girly scream.

SFs: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!!

The Injustice Reality Gang turn and make a run for it, as a giant clawed hand rips off the roof.

IRG: Aghh!

A giant two-legged lizard stares down at them. It has bony plates on it’s back. Standing next to the lizard is a giant gorilla, above them hovers a giant moth.

IRG: Aaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

The IRG scarper for the door.

Wed: What about me?

*SLAM*

Wed: It isn’t fair.

Outside…

TTB: Are they who I think they are?

MM: Yes. Godzilla, King Kong and Mothra.

The IRG go to dash over to Tractor-Trailer Bob’s tractor when a baby deer walks out from behind it.

TAH: It’s not another one of those ACDC TASK Force animals is it?

SC: No. I’d recognise that baby deer anywhere. It’s Bambi!

The IRG heave a sigh of relief.

TTB: Oh is that all. I’ve seen Bambi and Godzilla vs. Bambi, he shouldn’t be a problem.

BB: [pushing his contemporaries to one side] Allow me. I’m a Polar Bear. He’s a baby Deer. I’m higher on the food chain. Excuse me. [Bundy Bear walks off to take care of the baby Deer]

Rrrrrrraaaaaagggggghhhhhhhhh
Eeeeek
Claw Claw
Ow
Bite Bite
helpme
Rip
Mother!
Tear
Shred
Boot
Wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Oooooooo

IRG: urgh

Bundy Bear staggers back, with his fur ripped off, a broken paw and an ear missing.

MM: Obviously you haven’t seen the Disney Nasty - Bambi goes Ape-Bonkers with a Drill and Sex...

BB: We’ll never get past that thing.

Just then Godzilla and King Kong appear from around the corner of the building, looking down upon the villains.

IRG: Eek!

The throne room at Mount Olympus.

Britannica is sitting on Zeus’ throne, inspecting a gold plate with little interest.

Di Bat Pho: You are sulking.

Brit: Am not.

DBP: Are too.

Brit: C-3PO.

DBP: Pardon.

Brit: Sorry. I thought we were word associating.

DBP: Surely there is something we can do here?

Brit: [tossing the gold plate to one side, which lands on the floor with a clatter] We might as well look around while we wait for the others...

The Grand Parlour in the Realm of the Partyon

DLD: (young)Nightwing!

MS2: dun_like_dinner! It’s Midnight Spectre 2.0 now. How did you end up here?

DLD: Well it turns out Zues is my Dad, and I’m the god of cleaners and janitors.

MS2: I’ve never heard of a god of janitors before.

DLD: You’re not a janitor.

MS2: Good point. It’s good to see you. We were all worried when you disappeared from the Room of Spirit and Time.

DLD: Sorry about that. How’d things go at the convention?

MS2: Wednesday went insane just before we left the Room, the convention and heroes turned out to be fakes, your plane is impounded, Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia are at war and Chant’s evil again, stolen the powers of The Narrator and is calling himself The Chanterator and causing plagues across the world.

DLD: Sounds like a normal day at the office.

MS2: Hmmm. On the good side, we received a financial reward for capturing the fake heroes and we were both inducted into the inaugural JLR Hall (of Justice) Fame, along with Registered Member #552 and Starky_Hutch76.

DLD: um, Starskywho?

MS2: Nevermind, before your time. But the reason I’ve been looking for you is that we need you back to help stop Chant.

DLD: You know I’ll help. It’s just that I’ll have to go through the appropriate rituals of leave of course.

MS2: Of course. Can we speed up the process? We are running out of time.

DLD: Unfortunately we have to wait for Refundus and Annaversarae to arrive before we can start the levee.

MS2: Refund Us? Anniversary?

DLD: My uncle and aunt. The god of tax accountants and the goddess of birthdays, weddings and other special occassions.

MS2: Hmmm.

DLD: Come on. Let me introduce you to the rest of my family.

Inside She-Chant’s lair.

Wednesday is still chained to the wall and is now buried under debris from the roof.

Wed: Oh great.

Suddenly someone starts to remove the rubble off the hero.

Wed: Vanessa? You shouldn’t be lifting heavy things. You’re pregnant.

Vanessa bends down close to Wednesday.

Vanessa: Though I hate you for leaving me and our baby, Superfly Sr., as you’re the best I’ve ever had, it would be a waste to let you die. You’re far more manly than that girly wimp Wednesday.

Wed: Why thank you. But you should now I’m n…

Wednesday isn’t able to finish his sentence, as Vanessa kisses him long and passionately. After what appears ages, she stands up, fixes her hair and walks over to the door.

Vanessa: And besides, you’re not getting out of alimony payments that easily. [and with that she leaves]

Wed: [a little breathless] Wow. Hey! You could’ve released… [suddenly he notices the shackles have been unlocked] … oh, nevermind.

Wednesday stands up and rubs his wrists to regain his circulation – instantly healing himself.

Wed: I could get used to this power. Now, while those monsters are keeping the IRG busy…

Wednesday goes to sneak out the front door, when he suddenly hears the screams of the IRG.

Wed: Oh darn.

When Wednesday reaches outside, he is shocked by the scene of carnage before him.

Bundy Bear is lying on the ground with third degree burns. Obviously he hadn’t got out of the way of Godzilla’s flame breath in time.

Superfly Sr. is being beaten up by a baby deer.

The Amazing Harry is trying to distract King Kong with illusionary bananas, while Tractor-Trailer Bob tries to get to his tractor.

She-Chant fires her envelope glue-gun at Mothra, while Mr. Misinformation is attempting to stun Godzilla with his information overload ability.

Wednesday races over and lays hands on the barbequed polar bear, restoring Bundy Bear to full health – if not better.

BB: This is great. I’ve never felt this powerful before! Cheers mate.

Wed: Don’t mention it [secretly thinking How’d I do that? I only wanted to heal him :?! Do you think you can keep that deer busy, while I heal Superfly Sr.?

BB: I wouldn’t have before, but now I feel like I can take on the world.

And with that, Wednesday and Bundy race towards Bambi.

Meanwhile, The Amazing Harry successfully distracts King Kong enough for Tractor-Trailer Bob to reach his tractor. Tractor-Trailer Bob pulls out the key and attempts to start the engine.

Nothing.

He tries again.

Nothing.

He thumps the dashboard.

TTB: Come on. Come on.

Once more.

*Brrrrrroooooommmmmm*

At last the engine starts.

Though the sound of the tractor, alerts King Kong. The Great Ape steps on The Amazing Harry and turns to take care of Tractor-Trailer Bob.

Mothra blasts She-Chant with it’s lasers and manoeuvres towards the tractor too.

Meanwhile, Mr. Misinformation uses his independent third-toe movement ability to climb up Godzilla’s back.

BB: [Barely holding his own against Bambi] Hurry up… nng… Wednesday!

Wednesday lays hands on Superfly Sr., Wednesday’s reality restoration abilities not only heals the villain, but replaces Superfly’s donkey communication ability, with reality restoration abilities as well.

Wed: What the hell’s going on here?

The dimensional doppelgangers gang up on Bambi, assisting Bundy Bear in finally bringing down the devil-deer – just.

BB: [pointing to Tractor-Trailer Bob] Crikey! They’re gonna get Bob!

Indeed King Kong and Mothra advance ever closer to Tractor-Trailer Bob.

TTB: [flicking more switches] Shields? Guns? Anything…?

Suddenly a burst of flame strikes Mothra, forcing it to plummet from the sky, landing on top of King Kong. The Great Ape staggers back in his attempt to throw Mothra off himself.

SFs: It's Mr. Misinformation! He’s controlling Godzilla!

MM: Oh no, he isn’t. Hurry up dammit.

As Godzilla finally throws Mr. Misinformation off his back, Tractor-Trailer Bob flicks a switch on the dashboard, releasing a plasma cannon from the body of his tractor and shoots the mighty Kong.

Wed: Bundy, Bob. Go help Mr. Misinformation.

SFs: What about us?

Wed: You go help Harry.

SFs: Right.

Godzilla stalks towards the stunned Mr. Misinformation. He lets out a triumphant roar. Bundy Bear races towards the giant lizard, striking it with his relatively small paw. But it is enough to divert Godzilla’s attention from the Evil Librarian. A burst of flame strikes the spot, Bundy had just been standing.

Tractor-Trailer Bob, flicks a couple of switches and pushes some buttons and his tractor transforms into a giant humanoid robot. With grinding gears and smoke pouring from its exhaust, Bob steers his Tractor-bot over to Godzilla. The two giants push against each other, as Bundy picks up Mr. Misinformation and gets out of the way of the battle, as Godzilla’s tail demolishes the She-Chant’s lair behind them.

-----------

SC: Wha? Where am I?

Wed: Welcome back.

SC: Get off me, you pervert! What’s going on?

TAH: Somehow, we’ve been brought back from the brink of death… and augmented.

Bundy Bear and Mr. Misinformation join the group.

MM: [looking appreciatively at She-Chant] And what augmentation!

SC: [looking down at her chest] huh? Hey!

Wed:

SFs: Do you want some help there, Mr. M?

MM: No, I’ll be fine [wiping away some blood] But Bob’s not going to last much longer against that lizard.

Suddenly energy bursts from a tear in the space/time continuum.

TAH: Now what?

BB: It’s not Chant is it?

Wed: I hope not. Quick, find some cover just in case.

As Wednesday and the IRG find shelter, the tear grows larger. There is a loud bang as 2 bikes, 4 heroes, 13 fake heroes, 1 king, 1 priest, 1 general, 1 rabbit and 10,000 medieval soldiers appear.

Wed: Smoke me a kipper.

Olympus.

Britannica and Di Bat Pho are searching the realm of the Olympian gods, when suddenly…

Grecian urn Hail Britannica.

Brit: Hail Grecian urn. Um, who are you?

Grecian urn: You do not recognise my voice, mortal. Even after we who fought side-by-side on the field of battle.

DBP: Who is it my love?

Brit: Of course! It’s Hercules. Greetings Hercules.

Hercules: Well met, mortal.

DBP: But I thought Chant had banished all of the Olympian gods.

Brit: He did. But he didn’t say anything about the demi-gods. But where are you Hercules?

A muscular 3’ 5” tall midget walks out from behind the urn.

Brit & DBP:

Brit Hercules?

Hercules: Aye Britannica.

Brit: My, you’ve certainly… shrunk since our last meeting.

Hercules: Alas, you see me in my true form. I didth save countless lives and perform the twelve labours in the form you see me in now.

Brit: But you’ve always been depicted as a tall, strapping man. That’s how I certainly remember you in our last encounter.

Hercules: Olympian P.R. You know how it is. Every time someone tells your tale, you get bigger and mightier, thine enemies get more ferocious. After a while it got hard to convince people I was really me. So Zeus transformed me into the more established form you encountered before. But with Zeus gone, so has his spell.

Brit: I can see the problem that might pose. Oh, please allow me to introduce you to my fiancé, Di Bat Pho.

DBP: Hello, it is nice to meet you.

Hercules: And I you, fair maid. [Hercules gently takes Di Bat Pho’s hand and kisses it] I would normally suggest that we celebrate your future nuptials, but alas I am heavy in heart.

Brit: Quite understandable, Hercules. We came here to enlist your father’s aid against Chant.

Hercules: That miscreant.

Brit: Indeed. But even so, he has become infinitely more powerful since you encountered him. He is the one responsible for the gods disappearing.

Hercules: Then the lion of Olympus is yours to command.

Hercules shakes Britannica’s hand.

Brit: Oof. [shaking the circulation back into his hand] I see you haven’t lost your grip.

Hercules: Come. We must prepare for battle.

Brit: Excellent. Please lead the way.

As Hercules walks off, Di Bat Pho stops her fiancé and gives him a kiss on the cheek.

DBP: It is good to see you happy again my love.

Brit: I wasn’t sulking… Oops, come on. For a little fellow, Hercules sure is quick.

The Doesntreallyexistian Town Square

The JLR TASK Force are joined by the ACDC Nightwing Squadron, consisting of:

• Hooters, the owl (Nightwing 1)
  
• Darkwing, the duck (Nightwing 2)
  
• The Crow, the crow (Nightwing 3)
  
• Robin – The bird wonder (Nightwing 4)
  and
  
• Mozart – The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtledove (Nightwing 5)

Thundercat: Hooters! It’s good to see you. And the rest of Nightwing Squadron.

Hooters: I wish I could say the same under the present circumstances. What is the current situation?

Thundercat: Well my colleagues in the JLR, are evacuating the area south of the library, but they can’t get past the volcano, to rescue the citizens on the other side of the square.

Hooters: Leave that to us. Mobile Gamma Squad should be here soon, as will Sue-ee.

Thundercat: Fine. When Gamma arrives they can assist you. Sue-ee and her group can help us mop up. Good luck.

Hooters: And you, Thundercat.

Ace: [patting out an electrical fire on the control panel of Ace Rimmer's bike] I dinna think the engines canna take anymore Cap’n.

CJ: Nevermind that. You’ve brought us to the wrong reality. Look! [Cowgirl Jack points to a battle between a giant robot and giant fire-breathing lizard]

Ace: Oops. Maybe we didn’t allow enough time for the engines to cool down first. It must have sent us to a side-ways dimension.

RM552: There’s certainly no sign of She-Chant’s lair here.

Wed: [running up to the others] Guys! Am I glad to see you!

Vegi-La: Hey Wednesday. How’d you end up in this other dimension too?

Wed: Huh?

RM552: [slapping Vegi-La across the back of the head] Fool. This is the real world after all. Obviously the giant robot and lizard are more of Chant’s plagues.

Wed: Godzilla is. The ‘robot’ is Tractor-Trailer Bob’s Tractor-bot.

JLR: Whoa!

Wed: We’ve already brought down King Kong, Mothra and Bambi…

CJ: Bambi!?! Oh, how could you?

Wed: Not now Ceej. We’re gonna need some help against Godzilla.

CJ: We?

The IRG come out of hiding.

RM552: The IRG.

MM: The JLR.

She-Chant: Cowgirl Jack.

Cowgirl Jack: She-Chant.

Ace: The Amazing Harry.

The Amazing Harry: Ace.

Fantastic Faux: Who?

Bundy Bear: Huh?

Wed: Can we do this later!

Vegi-La: Jeez, you’re getting as angry as Midnight these days.

With an order for the Chantanians, Dakota, Wednesday and Superfly Sr. hang back [Wed: Well we don’t want to heal Godzilla by mistake now do we], the Justice League Reality, Injustice Reality Gang and Fantastic Faux race forward to assist Tractor-Trailer Bob.

Two lots of playing cards, envelopes, baterangs, boot missiles, vegi-balls, information overload attacks, green flame, psionic spider webbing, atomic energy blasts, two types of mystical energy and invisible force bubbles repeatedly strike Godzilla.

This is followed up with punches from Polar Bears, Gamma-powered Paper Golems, fake Kryptonians, fake Amazons, fake Atlantians, fake Mutants and fake Doesntreallyexistian royalty.

Mr Spectacular wraps himself around the giant lizard’s legs, as Tractor-Trailer Bob’s Tractor-bot king-hits Godzilla, sending him crashing into an abandoned building. He does not get up.

Everyone: We did it!

As everyone regroups around the two bikes, the hear…

Rrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

A singed and smouldering King Kong raises from the ground. He lets out an enormous bellow of rage as he beats his chest with his fists.

Everyone:

Everyone focuses their powers on King Kong. Once more the mighty beast falls.

Everyone: Phew.

A bit later…

Wed: So you guys didn’t have any luck finding Chant either, huh?

CJ: Nope. But as you can see we haven’t been idle.

Wed: So now we go pick up Brit and Di?

Ace: Inspecting the engines of Ace Rimmer’s bike] I don’t think we’re going anywhere anymore, man.

RM552: If we could only get to my workshop, I could probably repair it.

Mr. Spectacular: If we could get to my workshop, I could probably improve it.

RM552:

Wed: Let me try something. [making sure Ace is ready to override the security system, Wednesday places a hand on Ace Rimmer’s bike. It is instantly repaired]

Ace: Wow, that’s great. A useful power, finally.

Wed: Hey you!

Ace: But will you be able to do a repeat performance? ‘Cause our main problem still stands [he indicates the 10,003 Chantanians, 13 Faux heroes and Dakota]

MM: Perhaps we could be of assistance.

JLR: Huh!?!

MM: Well the IRG sort of… mumble Wednesday for… mumbling us against those monsters.

Wed: What was that?

MM: We sort of… owe Wednesday for… assisting us against those monsters.

Wed: Pardon?

MM: OK. We owe Wednesday for saving our bacon! But just so you know, we’re mainly helping to stop Chant’s universal domination scheme because it conflicts with our own.

Wed: Sure. It’s ‘cause you owe me.

MM: Is not.

Wed: Whatever.

MM: Grrrrrrrrr.

CJ: Now Wednesday, we had better not antagonise the help. So how can you help us Mr. Misinformation?

MM: Well we have a tractor…

Vegi-La: Are you sure?

With crunching gears and bellowing smoke from the exhaust, Tractor-Trailer Bob attempts to transform his Tractor-bot back into the tractor. However the process comes to a grinding halt part way through.

TTB: Looks like the old girl copped a bit of damage from Godzilla.

SFs: Allow me.

Superfly Sr. puts a hand on the Tractor-bot, making it better than brand new. The Tractor-bot transform smoothly into a tractor once more.

TTB: Now all we have to do is jerry-rig some cables between the two bikes and my tractor to share the power load.

RM552: Excellent idea. Let’s get started.

Mr. Spectacular: You’ll obviously need my assistance.

Super Dude: Hey, you’re not touching my Super cycle, without me.

MM: While they’re working on that, if I could have some assistance clearing an opening to our… former headquarters, I can probably rustle up some Amazonian Librarians.

Several members of the Fantastic Faux and one thousand Chantanian soldiers volunteer for the job.

Vegi-La: Looks like we’re going to be stuck here a while. I might as well give ‘em a hand, or three.

CJ: One moment Wednesday. Could you answer a question please?

Wed: Sure CJ. What is it?

CJ: Would you care to explain how the IRG became so powerful all of a sudden?

Wed:

CJ: [slapping Wednesday across the back of the head] Good one.

-----------------------------

King Chantawanta: Rosebud!

She-Chant: Dad!?! What are you doing here?

King Chantawanta: [putting his daughter in a bear hug] Why do you never call your old man?

She-Chant: Because you're medieval and don't have a phone. Dad... can you let go now, you're embarrising me in front of my teammates...

BB, TAH & SFs:

MS2:

DLD: Yeah, sorry about Entertainus. He likes a bit of a laugh.

MS2: [Rubbing his hand after falling prey to Entertainus’ electric hand shake buzzer] Your brother you say?

DLD: Uh, yeah…. [guiding the hero away from his brother before Midnight Spectre 2.0 thumps Entertainus] We’ll see you later, bro.

Entertainus pulls out a long string of hankies from his pocket and blows his nose in farewell.

DLD: Ah. Here’s a relative you’ll like. Collectus!

Collectus: Greetings, Cleanforus!

MS2: Clean for us?

DLD: My godly name… um, Collectus here, is the god of comic book and related paraphernalia store owners.

MS2: I collect comics, and I’ve never heard of you before? Are you sure you’re not making this stuff up, DLD?

Collectus: Hmph. On occasion, I have walked your world in mortal guise. Perez. Perhaps you have heard of him?

MS2: You’re Perez!?! That explains a lot.

Collectus: Ah, here comes my wife. [the god calls to his wife] Megabitae!

A stunning blonde woman walks up to the group. She is naked, except for strategically placed pixelation effects covering her breasts and pubic region.

MS2: Megabitae? Goddess of message board users, right?

DLD: Hey, you’re getting good at this. How’d you guess?

MS2: Just a hunch.

Suddenly the door to the Grand Parlour bursts open and in walks…

Refundus: So, my good-for-nothing brother Zues, hath returned. Let’s get this levee started with, then.

MS2: How did a god of tax accountants end up in this Partyon?

DLD: He’s our equivalent of Hades. He is overlord of a dark lightless oppressive realm called the Office.

MS2: Sounds horrible. And while we’re on the subject how did a god of janitors end up here too?

DLD: Someone has to clean up all the mess after all those parties.

Suddenly, Raevon - goddess of DJs and party, opens her mouth and a trumpet call sounds.

All of the gods and Midnight Spectre 2.0 turn to look at the raised dais, and out walks Pompus – god of celebrations.

Pompus looks like a small rotund middle-aged man. He also has a comb-over. His clothing is a couple of generations too young and one size too small for him. He wears a golden laurel on his head.

Pompus: Gweetings my bwothers and sisters, aunts and uncles – my fellow gods of the Pwartyon! Today is a most special occasion – the weturn of our bewoved Highfather – Zues!

The gods, except for Refundus give out a cheer.

Pompus: But first, we must conduct a woll-call. [Pompus produces a scroll] Annaversarae - of the land of Calenda. Goddess of public wholidays, birfdays, weddings and special occasions.

Annaversarae: Here, as scheduled, Pompus.

Pompus ticks off his aunt’s name.

Pompus: Bounca, goddess of bouncers and bwa-fights. Defender of the Wealm…

MS2:

The Doesntreallyexistian Town Square…

Things were getting grim, the ash from the volcano, was making flying conditions for the Nightwing Squadron difficult, though they did their best to direct local citizens to safety.

Thundercat continued to zap falling molten rock out of the sky, while The Amazing Spider Monkey and Napoleon constructed a barricade on the south side, while Esmarelda directed more residents away.

Sue-ee: Do you need a trotter?

Esmarelda: I would be glad of the help.

Chantina and Toro helped carry the wounded to safety, while Captain Doesntreallyexistia used his shield to protect trapped residents from any falling rocks until his troops could free them. The others helped evacuate residents, while Dolly provided real-time analysis of the situation and Dick Johnson fired his waterspout at the edge of the oncoming lava, to cool it down.

On the north side, Mobile Unit Gamma arrived. The Shoveller, the mole, dug a trench to slow down the lava flow, while BigBad, the wolf huffed and puffed and cooled the lava down. Meanwhile Shadowcat, the panther used her shadow-teleportation abilities to move more residents to safety, while Colossus, the armadilloused his armoured form and super strength to rescue residents trapped under collapsed buildings.

The heroes were able to save many of the town’s residents. Unfortunately they were unable to save a lot more. The Town Square was now completely covered over with magma.

Napoleon: All those poor people. And the King! What about the King?

Esmarelda: I… I don’t know, Napoleon. It doesn’t look good.

Zeus’ throne room, Olympus

Ace: Doesn’t look like anybody’s here.

RM552: Thank goodness for that. It’s squashed enough in here as it is, with all of us.

CJ: I hope Di and Brit are OK.

Wed: I’m sure they’re fine. Brit’s probably giving the gods a detailed briefing on the situation.

Vegi-La: Here they come now. They’re riding in a chariot. But I don’t see any gods with them.

RM552: [squinting into the distance, RM552 spots something with his enhanced vision] Not quite. I can see someone with them. A midget!?!

Britannica, Di Bat Pho and Hercules pull up in Helios’ chariot, disembark and walk up to Zeus’s throne room.

CJ: Brit! Di! Where have you been?

Brit: Hello everyone. Wow, it looks like you have all been very productive… Hang on! Mr. Misinformation and the IRG?!?

MM: Britannica.

CJ: Yeah, we’ve got a sort of truce going.

Brit: Hmmm…

Wed: But what happened with you? Where are the gods?

Brit: Chant must be worried. He banished the gods of Olympus.

Ace: Banished?

Brit: To the realm of the Teletubbies.

Everyone: That’s inhuman!

Brit: But fortunately we still have Hercules here [he indicates the lion of Olympus]

RM552: Are you sure? He’s a bit… [RM552 indicates Hercules small stature]

Hercules: I am indeed the son of Zeus, mortal.

Brit: Look we don’t have time for this. Trust me, this is Hercules. And while we may not have the gods to help us, we were able to find some of their weaponry.

Indeed Hercules is decked out in his Nemean Lion armour and club. He also carries Athena’s shield – Aegis. Artemis’ bow with a quiver full of Zeus’ lightning bolts are slung across his back. He has one of Ares’ battle-axes, strapped to one side of his waist and Hephaestos’ hammer on the other. Hermes’ caduceus is tucked into the front of his belt, with Poseidon’s trident strapped to his back. Somehow all this weaponry fits his size perfectly.

RM552: Well I guess it’ll do.

CJ: If Chant knows what we’re up to we’d better pick up Midnight, now.

Brit: No. Midnight’s day in the Room isn’t up yet. Even with all the help you guys have found, we are still short on power. We need to find our sidekick animals first. That’ll give Midnight a bit more training time. Then hopefully we can convince Dende and Popo to let him out early.

Ace: Um, could we use Helios’ chariot? Even with Tractor-Trailer Bob’s tractor, we’re still a bit… cosy.

Hercules: If it shall aid our cause, then it shall be thine.

Ace: Great. We better hook ‘em up, with the rest of our transports.

CJ: Let me give you a hand guys. I’m great with horses.

With preparations being made for their next departure, She-Chant notices Mr. Misinformation starring at Di Bat Pho.

She-Chant: Is everything OK, Snuggle pie?

MM: Hmm. Oh yes. Everything is… perfect...

On the outskirts of the Doesntreallyexistian Town Square…

The rescuers were exhausted. Though they continued to work, doing their best to tend to the wounded.

Half an hour later, Dr. Octopus, Nurse Nightingale, Bucky the Beaver (with a new stainless steel front-tooth), Vlad, the Mosquito and Radar, the Bat arrive, having evacuated ACDC headquarters.

Dr. Octopus and Nurse Nightingale, immediately begin to administer treatment to wounded residents and operatives alike. Bucky and Radar start to distribute food and water.

Private Parts: Hay? Birdseed? You haven’t got a steak have you?

Toro:

Private Parts: Hay’s good.

Out of nowhere, 7 JLR, Dakota, 6 IRG, 13 Fantastic Faux, King Chantawanta, HauptMannPriest, Generalissimo, Hercules, 500 Amazonian Librarians and 10,000 medieval soldiers appear on 2 bikes, a tractor and trailer and a four-horse drawn chariot.

Napoleon: Look, it’s the JLR!

Esmarelda: Look, it’s Dakota!

Nick: Look, it’s the IRG!

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Look, it’s a Chantanian invasion force!

Corporal Punishment: Look, it’s King Registered Member 552.5!

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Oh yes. So it is.

Britannica: Should we ask who all these other people and animals are?

Ace: Probably safer not too.

RM552: Well, the bloke with the shield and winged helmet is Captain Doesntreallyexistia, our national hero.

Ace: Told you it’d be safer not to know.

The JLR – TASK Force come up to the JLR party.

CJ: Oh the poor dears, they look tired and injured.

Wed: No problemo. It’ll only take a minute to fix that.

Vegi-La: Where’s Buttercup?

Esmarelda & Napoleon:

Brit: Well?

DBP: [translating for the animals] Buttercup is… is dead.

JLR: Oh no.

After a few more details…

Brit: The IRG will pay for their crimes.

IRG:

Brit: Later. However, we have bigger fish to fry.

Pisces:

Brit: Sorry, I mean, more important things to do. Chant has to be stoped. We need all available JLR members on active duty.

DBP: According to Esmarelda, there are three new members of JLR TASK Force…

RM552: TASK Force?

DBP: The Animal SideKicks Force.

CJ: That’s so cute.

Brit: Good. Bring them along too.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia, Sergeant Pepper, Corporal Punishment, Private Parts, Private Property and Private Screening march up to Registered Member #552 and kneel down before him.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Hail Oh great King Registered Member 552.5!

RM552: Uh. Hi. Captain Doesntreallyexistia. [quickly looking to see if King Chantawanta is watching] I see my mighty army is bravely doing mighty-army type duties.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: Indeed we are, Your Majesty.

RM552: Excellent.

King Chantawanta: Not much of an army, is it?

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: How would you command us our lord?

RM552: Come with me, my brave and mighty army. Help us in the defeat of the villainous Chant, who has been subjecting our country to teror and turmoil.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: We are yours to command.

King Chantawanta: [to Generalissimo] It’s true what they say. The Doesntreallyexistian army is truly brave. There are only six of them, yet I’m sure they would take on the 10,000 soldiers we have with us.

Generalissimo: Yes my liege. We must study their tactics, while we have the opportunity.

King Chantawanta: Indeed we must…. [King Chantawanta spots his other daughter] Chantina! [the King grabs hold of both his daughters and hugs them tightly. Very tightly] Both my angels together, with their old man. This is a most joyous occasion. A happy family reunion.

HauptMannPriest: Well it would be, except for all this war preparation…

Chantina: guuuurgle erk.

She-Chant: Dad… choking… me...

The animals of ACDC walk up to the JLR.

Sue-ee via Dolly: Hello JLR. I am Sue-ee of the Animals of Chantania and Doesntreallyexistia Collective.

Vegi-La: Hey! That’s ACDC!

Brit: Yes it is Vegi. Um, hello. How can we help you?

Sue-ee via Dolly: Actually I was going to ask, how can we help you?

DBP: Esmarelda says that they would be of great help.

CJ: Well we do need more help. And they look soooo cute. Can we bring them Brit? Can we?

Brit: Well we don’t have a lot of room to take too many more…

Sue-ee via Dolly: We should be able to help with that too…

15 minutes later.

Dick Johnson: Hey! Don’t tie that rope too tight! I can’t feel my tail!

Mr. Spectacular: That's no rope!

As the animals of ACDC enter their aquatic mobile base…

Ace: Temple of Earth’s guardian, Brit?

Brit: Indeed.

Brit: Will you open that door!

Mr. Popo: We can’t.

CJ: But we need Midnight Spectre.

Wed: Now.

Vegi-La: If not sooner.

Dende: Truly, we would like too. But we cannot open the door.

RM552: We’re screwed. Now what do we do?

Brit: We’ll just have to hold off Chant as long as we can, until Midnight can arrive.

Ace: That’s a big ask.

Brit: I know.

DBP: And we still do not know where Chant is located.

Brit: I know.

Vegi-La: And we still have no idea where dun_like_dinner is.

Brit: I know.

Wed: So what are we going to do?

Brit: [taking a deep breath] OK, so this is the situation. We're two members down, facing impossible odds and we still have no idea where Chant is.

Everyone: We know.

Brit: We go back to the Estate of Justice. Collect Larry our ex-con, parolee gardener and add him to our ranks.

RM552: Larry?

Brit: I know. But desperate times… Besides we’ll have a better chance of locating Chant with our equipment back at the HQ.

Dende: If it is of any help, I also offer my services in your battle against Chant.

Wed: That’s very kind of you. But you’re no Midnight Spectre.

Dende: I know. Mr. Popo will remain here. When Midnight Spectre leaves the Room, Popo can tell him of your plans.

Brit: Agreed. OK Ace, let’s head back to the Estate.

Ace: Actually Brit. I’ve got an idea…

Pirate Pete: Arrrr, With the seas turning to blood, me new pirate ship harbour cruise business is going under. Landlubbers can’t stomach seas of blood. Count me in, m’ hearties.

The Anti-Chant army arrive at the Estate of Justice, Pennsylvania

With a combined effort, they push Pirate Pete’s ship and Dick Johnson into the Pond of Justice.

Dick: Ah. Come on in Pisces, the water’s fine!

Pisces: [diving into the pond] I never thought I’d see water again.

Brit: Water?

MM: So, where is this Larry?

CJ: He must be around here somewhere? [Cowgirl Jack calls out to the gardener] Larry!

The Anti-Chant army spread out to look for Larry around the Estate.

Napoleon: [looking in the Barn of Justice] Not here.

CJ: He’s not in the kitchen!

Dick: He’s not in the pond either.

Ace and Vegi-La check the Garden Shed of Justice.

Vegi-La: Hey!

Ace: Is Larry in there, pal?

Vegi-La: Nah. But all our reward money is spread over the floor.

Ace: [looking inside the shed too] It looks like it’s been rolled in?

Vegi-La and Ace:

-----------------------------------

Brit: Did you check the Danger Room?

Wed: Come on, Brit. If he’s in there, the man’s entitled to a little privacy.

Brit: Come on. Let’s go check.

At the door of the Danger Room.

*Knock Knock Knock*

Brit: Larry? Are you in there?

Suddenly a strange sound comes from behind the door. Not that kind of sound…

Sound from behind the door: Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Wed: See, told ya. The man needs privacy.

Brit: [knocking on the door again] Larry? Are you OK?

Sound from behind the door: Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!

Brit: Something’s wrong.

Wed: I’ll say. The man needs more fibre.

Brit: Help me knock down the door.

Wed: What!?! I’m not going in there now.

Brit: Wednesday…

Wed: OK, OK. [yelling out to Larry] You better spray in there Larry, you here me!

Brit: OK. 1… 2… 3!

Britannica and Wednesday rush towards the Danger Room door and are instantly repelled.

Brit: Again!

Once more they try, but the door does not budge.

Di Bat Pho and Cowgirl Jack come from the kitchen.

DBP: What are you doing?

CJ: See. I told you we needed a second Danger Room, but would you listen?

Another attempt. Another failure.

RM552: What’s going on here?

Brit: [rubbing his shoulder] Ah good. RM, help Wednesday break down the Danger Room door.

RM552: Um… okay? Can I ask why?

Wed: Better do it. Brit’s getting moody.

RM552 and Wednesday rush at the door.

Wed: Hey. I felt the door give a little that time.

Brit: One more go, guys.

Ace and Vegi-La walk up to the rest of the team.

Ace: Hey we’ve just seen the strangest thing.

Vegi-La: Okay, make that the second strangest thing.

Ace: OK Ceej, I agree. We need another Danger Room.

*CRACK*

RM552 and Wednesday finally break down the door.

JLR:

Rather than the small cubicle the JLR expect, they see a vast chamber. Larry the ex-con, parolee gardener is tied up and gagged, lying on the floor.

Larry: Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!

The Chanterator: Behind the gardener, stands The Chanterator. Hope you don’t mind. I did a spot of redecorating.

Part 3, Chapter 7 - War

Vegi-La: I like the floral pattern.

Brit: You really shouldn't complement the villain, La.

The Chanterator: But flattery will get you everywhere.

Vegi-La: And it is a nice pattern.

Wed: Typical. We search all over the RKMB to find his HQ, and its been in our Danger Room all this time.

The Chanterator: Well usually it's the only place you can get some privacy. Until someone knocks the door down that is!

Brit: Well it was our door...

CJ: But more importantly, what did you do with our Danger Room facilities? It was the only one we had.

The Chanterator: Oh that. I sent it over to Plumbing World.

Ace: I hope Brit doesn't need to go. You know what he's like.

Brit: I'm telling you, I went before we left Olympus!

The Chanterator: But enough of this. It's very rude of you to leave your guests waiting outside...

The JLR look very sheepish, checking out their fingernails, looking at the ceiling, whistling while rocking back and forth on the balls of their feet...

Wed: What guests?

The Chanterator: The Chanterator sends the Farm House of Justice to the The Pennsylvania Country Home and Building Guide

TASK Force, IRG, ACDC, FF, etc:

Wed: Oh... those guests.

CJ: Well, there goes another H.Q.

The Chanterator: So. Shall we begin?

DBP: Everybody spread out!

RM552: And attack!!!

The Chanterator: 10,000 Medieval Soldiers, 500 Amazonian Librarians and three Privates charge at The Chanterator.

Private Parts: No they bloody well don't!

The Chanterator: Wha!?! But you have too...

Private Property: Why?

The Chanterator: Because I said.

Private Screening: If you think we're stupid enough to change at someone who make a farmhouse instantly disappear, you've got another thing coming, mate.

Privates Parts and Property, 500 librarians and 10,000 medieval soldiers: Yeah!

The Chanterator: Look, how about I make it fair for you.

The Privates: Oh yeah...?

The Chanterator: The Chanterator produces a piece of parchment and an old-fashioned quill pen. He starts scribbling like mad. After a few minutes he finishes with a flourish and hands the parchment to the three Privates.

The Privates cautiously take the parchment and start to read.

Private Parts: Hmmm....

Private Property: mmmm....

Private Screening: uh huh.

Colon-El of the Chantanian Army: What's it say?

Gladys the Amazonian Librarian: Shhh. Let them finish.

Private Parts: Well it all seems in order...

Private Property: He says he'll give us a couple of posts to battle his robotic mail minions while he deals with the JLR.

Colon-El: Sounds reasonable.

Henrietta another Amazonian Librarian: Can we trust him?

The Chanterator: Cross my fingers and hope you die.

Colon-El: What!?!

The Chanterator: Cross my heart... yes my heart... and hope to die.

Private Screening: One second please...

The Chanterator: Be my guest. The three Privates, 500 Amazonian Librarians and 10,000 Chantanian soldiers form a huddle...

Private Property: OK. You've got a deal.

The Chanterator: Excellent.

Private Parts: But no sneakily banishing us to other websites during the battle, OK?

The Chanterator: The merest possibility of the slightest thought had not even contemplated crossing my mind... much.

Brit: Obviously Narrators can't internally monologue.

The Chanterator: Did I say that out loud?

RM552: Excuse me everyone. We've got a War to finish here.

The Chanterator: 10,503 robotic mail minions charge at the 10,000 Chantanian Soldiers, 500 Amazonian Librarians and three Privates.

Colon-El: That's better.

Private Property: Hmm, I think we may have miscalculated somewhere in our negotiations.

The Chanterator: Charge, my robotic mail minions!

RM552: Attack!!!

Pompus: ... and Teasa. Goddess of the fwendship zone.

Teasa: Hey boys.

the male gods and MS2: [lots of wolf-whistles]

MS2: That's your sister? Can I get her phone number?

DLD: Back off buddy... She's mi...

MS2: Um, DLD. She's your sister.

DLD: I know.

Pompus: It is now wiv the gwatest of pleasure, that I now call upon the High Pawents to gwace us wiv their pwessence, to adwess their childwen and once more take their wightful place at the head of the...

Refundus: [heckling from the back] Oh for Zues' sake, get on with it...

Pompus: Oh yes. The High Mother - Cosmopolitina - goddess of welationship pop-quizzes, and the High Father - Zues - god of...

The rest of Pompus' sentence is drowned out by the large cheer from the gods of the Partyon, as Zues and his wife Cosmopolitina walk into the Grand Parlour.

gods of the Partyon: Hoorah!

Zues: [gesturing for a bit of quite] As the mortals doth say. Heya kiddos. How's it hanging?

gods of the Partyon (except Refundus):

Refundus:

Zues: As you all know, I have walked the land of mortals for some months now.

Cosmopolitina: [under her breath] None of mine quizzes predicted that one coming... ...

Zues: It's not a bad place you know. Lots of entertainment, music, art, superhero battles. But the land of mortals tis in grave peril.

the gods of the Partyon: oooh

Zues: Some being calling himself The Chanterator, hath pilfered the power of a being superior and mightier than us. The power belonging to The Narrator.

the gods of the Partyon:

Zues: The gods of Olympus, save for Hercules, are no more. Even now, the only thing holding this The Chanterator, at bay, are the mortals known as the Justice League Reality. Heroes known to thy brother Cleanforus.

DLD: [whispering to Midnight Spectre 2.0] That means the rest of JLR are already battling Chant.

MS2: We have to get to them now.

Zues: If the JLR fail, there is nothing to stop The Chanterator from destroying us or going after the power of Gob, himself.

the gods of the Partyon:

Zues: For the first time in our... short... history, we must put aside our laid-back ways and aid in this battle. Who shalt go to the mortal world?

Cleanforus... I mean DLD: Well I'm going!

Bounca: I shalt aid the mortal, Midnight Spectre too.

MS2: Um, thanks. But it's 2.0.

Entertainus: Produces a plastic trumpet and gives it a mighty blow.

Raevon: Let's get down with the homies... eh mortals.

Consumus - the god of party food and beverages: I shall join with thee.

Consuma - the goddess of shopping mall-rats: I shalt not let mine twin brother, go on this expedition without me.

Collectus: Aye!

Megabitae: Megabitae said at 15:50pm: Aye!

Decoraeta - goddess of fashion and interior designers: I'll cast my eye on this situation.

Teasa: Why not.

Annaversarae: I must decline. I have a prior engagement.

Refundus: Well, I'm not going on this fool's errand. I have important work to do.

Pompus: Though doest know, that we shall follow thee anywhere fawther.

Zues: That's great son. But I'm not going either.

Pompus: But why?

Zues: Well you know how it is... Tis time to let the children grow up and forge their own paths in the wide world.

Cosmopolitina: That and you haven't seen your wife in months.

Zues: That too.

MS2: Whatever. Can we go now please?

Pompus: Gods of the Pwatyon. Pwepware yourselves!

MS2: Finally...

To be continued...

The Chanterator: 10,503 robotic mail minions charge at 10,000 medieval soldiers, 500 Amazonian Librarians and 3 Privates, as they charge at 10,503 robotic mail minions... Does that mean I have 21,006 robotic mail minions? Math was never my strong suit...

Anyhoo! Their battle cries are drowned out by the clash of metal upon metal, as the two armies merge into a large writhing mass.

Maces, swords, war hammers and volumes of Library of Congress Subject Headings turn dozens of robots into scrap metal. However the Anti-Chanterator army also sustain many casualties in the initial charge. A dozen Amazonian Librarians and nearly 100 Chantanian soldiers disappear, sent to various messageboards and internet sites throught the multiverse.

Private Parts: Hey! I thought you weren’t going to do that!

The Chanterator: Our agreement was that I wouldn’t send any soldiers to other message boards. However, I didn’t say anything about my robotic mail minions… Bwa Hahahahahahaha!

Private Parts: We really need to work on our negotiating skills.

The Chanterator: Unfortunately for Private Parts, he doesn’t notice Robotic Mail Minion #7,654, until it’s too late.

Robotic Mail Minion #7,654: Special Delivery for Private Parts…

Private Parts: Nooooooooooooo……*

*Pop*

Privates Property and Screening:

Sergeant Pepper: Sir, they've struck our Private Parts.

Captain Doesntreallyexistia: That's a low blow. Follow me men!

The Chanterator: The Doesntreallyexistian army, along with Colon-El, Hercules, Pirate Pete and several of the Fantastic Faux get ready to charge. Da Bomb (the fake Captain Atom), raises his hand and sends a burst of radiation at the robots, blowing up 1000 of them. Fortunately, for me, the explosion takes out more of the Anti-Chanterator forces.

Da Bomb: Oops. Don't know my own strength.

Wednesday: Amature.

RM552: TASK Force and ACDC help the cannon-fodder!

TASK Force, ACDC & CJ: Huh!?!

RM552: I meant, help those brave men and women against those nasty robots.

DBP: The rest of us must concentrate our firepower at Chant. We must stop her!

SC: Hey! I’m on your side now, sweetie.

The Chanterator: I believe she meant me. And it’s The Chanterator now. Can’t you people read!?!

Brit: We know about your change of name, Chant. [Britannica raises his Britannerang] It’s just too long to type.

The Chanterator: The Chanterator raises his golden sceptre (a gold postbox on a pole) menacingly above Di Bat Pho and She-Chant… Don’t move or the women get it.

Brit: [hesitates with indecision] ...

The Chanterator: Ha! See, Britannica. Relationships make you soft! Take a leaf out of my book and stay single, women ain't worth the trouble.

DBP: [via their telepathic link] Britannica, you must stop her!

Brit: It's not that. I don't want to hit you by accident.

DBP: Then aim at me. Whack her!

The Chanterator: Di Bat Pho back-flips out of the way, as Britannica hurls his Brita-water-filter-thingy at The Chanterator... oops...

*WHACK*

The Chanterator: ...and She-Chant goes down.

Brit: Oops.

Mr. Misinformation:Hey, whack your own girlfriend, pal!

Brit: How you and I are supposed to be the same person, I will never know, sicko

Mr. Misinformation: At least I don't pretend to be able to use a boomerang. And who came up that stupid name for that flying stick of yours anyway...

The Chanterator: The Chanterator interupts the so-called intellectual duo. Excuse me, whose battling whom here?

Sue-ee: Dolly. Call in the S.W.A.T. Team.

The Chanterator: As The Chanterator is berating Britannica and Mr. Misinformation for being Off-Topic, The Chanterator is suddenly attacked by a swarm of insects!

Ow damn! That stings. Why you little… The Chanterator brings down his mighty sceptre swatting the annoying insects like… insects.

Suddenly The Chanterator's sceptre is knocked out of his hands... Ow! Huh!?! He looks around to see Vegi-La, Ace and La Dealer, the latter two with cards at the ready.

La Dealer: Nice shot, mon ami.

Ace: Why thank you.

The Chanterator: Suddenly The Chanterator is pummelled with a flurry of palying cards and a vegi-ball, which releases pollen on contact.

*thud* *poof*

The Chanterator: aggghhh! My *atichoo* allergies!

Brit: Quick, here's our opening! Grab him!

The Chanterator: RM *wheeze* 552...

*Punch*

The Chanterator: *cough* DBP...

*Kick*

The Chanterator: ...Bundy *can't breeth* Bear... *choke* and... *wheeze* several *hack* members of the Fantastic *cough* Faux *splutter*

Boot, Bam, Pow, Whammy, Whack, Ka-Pow!, etc*

The Chanterator: *cough*..ian... a.er..olem..

Cowgirl Jack: Look out! Giant Paper Golems!

Di Bat Pho: There are at least a dozen.

RM552: Hercules, Bundy Bear, Fake Rogue, Superboy, Hulk & Venom, Captain Doesntreallyexistia, Flying Fish Man and Tractor Trailer Bob, stop those Goloms!

Syphon (aka Falase Rogue): Hey Sugah, you could at least lend us a hand.

Ace: I'll lend you more than a hand.

Brit: Ace!

Ace: Wha!?!

Brit: The paper vs. paper thing...

Ace: Oh yeah...

Brit: RM, CJ and Di, help slow down those Paper Golems. Wednesday, Superfly & Dr. Peculiar, help any of our wounded...

RM552. CJ, DBP, Wed, SFs & DP: Right!

Vegi-La: But what about Chant?

Brit: Keep those spoors coming. If we can stop Chant from talking, we might just win this thing.

Vegi-La: You want to see a special delivery Chant? Here's one right atcha!

*bounce*

Vegi-La: Huh!?!

The Invisible Hermaphrodite Hey! I'd recognise an invisible barrier anywhere.

MM: Look in Chant's hands!

Brit: Where the bloody hell, did he get that pen and post-it notes from!?!

Vegi-La: What's that note he's holding up say?

Brit: "Suddenly an invisible force barrier appears between The Chanterator and his enemies". Damn.

Vegi-La: He's at it again. What's this one say?

MM: "With the anti-Chanterator forces split, The Chanterator..." "calls for more reinforcements..."

Brit: "From The Warhammer site..." "Space Marines!" "From Wonka's..." "Oompa Loompas" "and finally all four Teletubbies"! " Hang on. He's writing something else.

Ace: Isn't that enough Chant?

Brit: "Oh and it's time for another plague!"

MM: Give us a break.

Ace: Uh, a plague of what?

Vegi-La: Why has he stopped writing?

Brit: Ha! He's run out of post-its

MM: And what’s he pointing at anyway?

Vegi-La: [turning to the direction of Chant's pointing finger] It’s Midnight Spectre 2.0!

Ace: Hey is that dun_like_dinner with him?

Brit: Why yes it is. And a whole bunch of other people too.

Chanterator:

To be continued...