RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc 1/25/05

The segment opens with the caption "Last Tuesday" on a white background. Camera then fades to a slow-motion clip of Kelly, Screech, and RDCW World Heavyweight Champion King Snarf rushing down the rampway as they try to make it to the parking lot. Just as they are about to step through the curtain, however, "Snuff the Rooster" blasts from the stadium PA speakers, and Chris Oakley emerges from the other side wearing an old SAS beret and a T-shirt that reads "Weapon of Mass Destruction". He shoots Kelly and Screech a "Get the hell out of here" glare, then turns back and starts talking trash to Snarf, who naturally talks trash right back to Chris. We can't quite make out what they're saying, but by the expressions on their faces, it's clear that their comments are extremely nasty and extremely personal. They're on the verge of coming to blows when Nuriko emerges from the locker room carrying a brown manila envelope and thrusting it into Chris' hand; putting aside his argument with Snarf for the moment, Chris motions to Snarf to join him in examining the envelope contents--but before either one of them can examine the envelope's contents, the Cheesedome's lights go out and Chris, Snarf, and Nuriko are literally completely in the dark. When the lights come up again less than two minutes later, Chris and Nuriko are both out cold on the rampway, Snarf is brawling with James Fantastic, and the manila envelope is nowhere to be seen.
Camera zooms in on a still shot of James and Snarf trading punches, then cut to Madman Marcum and Mike "The Mouth" Monroe at ringside talking about the lineup on this week's Havoc.

Monroe: "What an intense moment, last week, Madman!"

Marcum: "It was for sure! What do you think was in the envelope?"

Welcome to the pre-Rumble edition of Havoc! It's tag teamapalooza tonight as the Doctor has booked a series of grudge tag bouts pitting several heated rivals against each other!

Grudge Tag #1 single choice

Son of Mxy/Charlie (60%, 15 Votes)

James Fantastic/Nowhereman (40%, 10 Votes)

Total Votes: 25 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-10 6:51 PM

Tag Rankings Match #1 single choice

Howlerama (21%, 5 Votes)

Legbreakereses 4 Hire (79%, 19 Votes)

Total Votes: 24 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-10 6:51 PM

Tag Rankings Match #2 (non-title) single choice

Princes of the Universe (champs) (83%, 19 Votes)

Los Monstrous Azules (17%, 4 Votes)

Total Votes: 23 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-10 6:51 PM

Hotties Match single choice

Sneaky Bunny (52%, 13 Votes)

Princess Elisa (48%, 12 Votes)

Total Votes: 25 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-10 6:51 PM

12 Man Battle Royal single choice

Doc's Mystery Opponent (0%, 0 Votes)

Grimm (26%, 7 Votes)

Darth (15%, 4 Votes)

SpandexMonkeyMan (22%, 6 Votes)

Wednesday (4%, 1 Votes)

Rex (4%, 1 Votes)

Bibbo (4%, 1 Votes)

Urg (0%, 0 Votes)

PJP (15%, 4 Votes)

the Hulk (0%, 0 Votes)

Chewy Walrus (7%, 2 Votes)

Backwards7 (4%, 1 Votes)

Total Votes: 27 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-10 6:51 PM

Grudge Tag Match #2 single choice

King Snarf/Chris Oakley (42%, 11 Votes)

Captain Sammitch/Joe Mama (58%, 15 Votes)

Total Votes: 26 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-10 6:51 PM

Grudge Tag Match #3 single choice

Meeko/Mystery Partner (69%, 18 Votes)

Nuriko/Tommy (31%, 8 Votes)

Total Votes: 26 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-10 6:51 PM

Errr,why would I team with James Fantastic seeing as I have attacked the Bastardos & I have had several run ins with Oakley!

That's part of the fun. Tension between teammates. Look at the Snarf/Oakley and Mama/Sammitch teams. Same thing.

oh great, the bible thumper....yay

who?

*The show opens and the lights go out in the Cheesedome. The words "Sudden Death Starts Now" appear on the Cheese-o-tron as AC/DC's Back In Black starts playing over the speakers.*

*The lights come back on and PenWing is standing on the stage holding his Sherwood high above his head. He's wearing a '94 Mario Lemieux black Penguin's jersey, black and gold wrestling pants and black boots. He is also sporting a protective brace on his left knee.*

*The crowd roars, and PenWing makes his way to the ring.

Monroe: "It's PenWing! He's finally returned to the RDCW!"

He enters and takes a mic.*

PenWing: "It's good to be back."

*Huge pops from the crowd.*

PenWing: "You may have noticed that there's a mystery contestant entered in the Rumble. You may have also noticed that there's a mystery opponent facing Bibbo and defending champion Wednesday for the Hardcore Porn Belt."

*(PenWing pauses for a moment.)*

PenWing: "The mystery...is over!"

*The crowd errupts.*

PenWing: "That's right! I'm entered in the Rumble, and on the same night I have a chance to win back the Hardcore Porn Title that I couldn't defend after Conniver Series!"

*More pops from the crowd.*

PenWing: "But I thought, hell, if I'm gonna to come here tonight, I may as well go for the hattrick. That's right, Meeko's mystery partner...is ME!"

*The crowd roars.*

PenWing: "So Tommyboy, I hope you appreciated the beating Sammitch gave you, because it's NOTHING like what's gonna to happen to you tonight. Tonight, Tommyboy, you're going to know what it feels like to have your body twisted in unnatural ways. Tonight, you're going to scream in pain. And Tommy, take a good look at this elbow (PenWing taps his right elbow), because tonight, you're going to know it up close and personal, when I lay the High Holy Howe on YOU!"

*The crowd erupts in cheer as PenWing drops the mic and Back In Black plays over the speakers. PenWing raises his Sherwood and makes his way back up the ramp to the exit.*

Monroe: "I don't believe it! PenWing is just full of surprises tonight! He's in the Rumble, he's got a chance to win back the Hardcore Porn Belt, and he has a match tonight against Two-Ton Tommy, obviously looking to get even at him for taking him out of action almost two months ago!"

Marcum: "At the end of the night it's be PenWing who's surprised when Tommy takes apart his leg again. What's he thinking coming back to action while he's obviously still recovering from that injury?"

Monroe: "You don't even know what the injury was. For all you know that leg brace could be a ruse."

Marcum: "You saw the way his leg was twisted. Tonight it's going to look exactly the same when Tommy gets through with him. You mark my words. PenWing will not be at the Rumble."

Monroe: "Are you willing to back that up? Folks, there will be even more surprises tonight, as we may finally learn the identity of the Doctor's mystery opponent who has been tormenting the monster Grimm these last few weeks."

Marcum: "That's right, he's enterd in the battle royal scheduled to take place later in the show. I told you Grimm would be in deep for bringing back Darth. Now he's gonna to pay."

Monroe: "And we still have no idea what's going on with the Bastardo Family implosion. Did Snarf really betray the Family?"

Marcum: "I have no idea what's going on, but it has Louie so upset that he decided to stay home. I just hope that the lovely Grace didn't do the same."

Monroe: "Don't go anywhere folks! We'll be right back!"

As the audience settles down after Penwing's triumphant return, a blast of music echoes over the soundsystem. A bizarrely garbed figure comes running down the ramp and clambers into the ring. In one hand he holds a rod with a brass monkey head on the top

SMM: Hello, RDCW! I...am SPANDEX MONKEY MAN!

a series of quiet snigger can be heard through the audience. However, Spandex Monkey Man either can't hear them or doesn't care, as he brandishes his monkey rod

SMM: This is The Monkey, mighty staff of power, and tonight you will see me, it's vessel, triumph in the 12 man battle royal!

Silence descends over the audience, as they try to grasp the concept of a loony in a superhero costume triumphing in the ring against the likes of Grimm and Darth

SMM: And that's not all! I intend to challenge Darth, Two-Ton Tommy and The Hulk in a contest to prove my power. If they are brave enough, I challenge to a triple threat hardcore hell in a cell match!

The audience fall silent, shocked at the sheer crazy bravado of this man

SMM: Some of you may question my sanity, and that'd be fair because I really don't have any! But I will triumph should that match come to pass, and all will surrender to the Might of The Monkey!

As 'Won't Get Fooled Again' kicks in over the sound system Spandex Monkey Man brandishes his monkey rod amidst an explosion of sparks and a dazzling lightshow!

James Fantastic is seen leaving the doctors office & Nuriko is waiting for him.

James:"I cant believe it,he wont change his mind!"

Nuriko:"What is it?"

James:"I've been put in a tag match with that bloody psycho Nowhereman as my partner,and anyone knows he doesnt like the Bastardo family!"

Nuriko:"The doctor really doesnt like us does he!"

James:"I'm gonna have to watch my partner as cloesly as my opponents,I just dont trust the guy!"

As James & Nuriko go to walk away they bump into Nowhereman!

*crowd cheers*

James automatically adopts a defensive stance,but Nowhereman just smirks,looks Nuriko up & down,nods his head in appreciation & pushes past the two of them!

Mike Monroe: "I'm confused, Madman, at the start of the show, we saw the events from last week, culminating in a brawl between King Snarf and James Fantastic!"

Madman Marcum: "But James Fantastic was just walking down the hallway with Nuriko! The Bastardo Family is in a state of confusion! This is horrible!"

Mike Monroe: "I wouldn't go that far. . ."

Madman Marcum: "Poor Louie. He probably has an ulcer. We should take up a collection for him. Here, how much money you got on you?"

Monroe: "Dammit, I'm not giving you or him any money!"

Marcum: "Oh, sure, be a scrooge. You probably don't give money to the needy at Christmas either."

Monroe: "Needy?!" "How in the world do you or Louie Bastardo qualify as needy?"

Marcum: "Well, I am out of vodka. . ."

Fantastic walks down the ramp, looking uncharacteristically serious and without music. The crowd boos him as usual, but Fantastic doesn't even acknowledge this and merely climbs into the ring, microphone in hand

JF: You all saw the video, so you know what happened. Snarf deliberately lured Nuriko and Oakley into an ambush, and attempted to attack them. That's just not funny, Snarf.

the crowd are uncharacteristically silent in the face of Fantastic's hostility

JF: I'm fed to the back teeth of your 'holier-than-thou' attitude, just because you wear the Big Cheese belt. A belt, I notice, that you have yet to defend.

there are murmurs for assent among the crowd, though most hang on Fantastic's words

JF: Now, I'm not asking you to defend your title are Rumble, as both of us have other matches. But after that, I think it's time you pulled your weight round here, Queen Snarf.

there is muted laughter at Fantastic's insult, though none of the crowd like Fantastic enough to laugh louder

JF: After I've finished with Mxy, though, Snarf, you're next on my list. I'm challenging you, Queenie, to a match for that precious belt of yours at the next PPV, and rest assured, boy...

he pauses

JF: You are going down

'Street Fighting Man blares over the sound system, and Fantastic makes his exit, pausing only to flick V's at the crowd

*The lights do out and the words "EVIL IS COMING" appear on the screen as Won't Back Down by Fuel begins to play. The music breaks off abruptly to the sound of thunder as evil laughter echoes through the building. The words "To the RDCW Rumble." remain on the screen for a few moments as things return to normal.*

Damn.

You really are e-vil!

'Won't Get Fooled Again' blasts out over the sound system, and once again Spandex Monkey Man comes down to the ring, amidst cheers by the crowd

SMM: So, evil's coming to the RDCW is it? Must remeber to be prepared!

the crowd laugh at Spandex's words

SMM: On a more serious note, I've yet to hear from any of the men I challenged earlier in the night!

Chants of COWARDS can clearly be heard, but Spandex raises his hand for quiet

SMM: No, no, it's quite alright. Obviously Two-Ton Tommy's too scared that he might need to lose weight!

more laughter

SMM: Darth, on the other hand, I'm surprised at. I'd have thought a Jedi demon like him would have more nerve. Still, all evildoers cower before The Monkey!

As the crowd cheers and Chanst MONKEY! MONKEY!, Spandex once again goes through his lightshow. Suddenly, the lights go out in the cheesedome

*Smoke envelops the stage and the Imperial March plays over the speakers. A red glow can be seen coming out of the floor as the black cloaked Darth rises from beneath the stage. The glow highlights him as he walks towards the ring.*

*SpandexMonkeyMan stands his ground as Darth enters the ring. The towering Sith looks down on him and takes the mic from his hand.*

Darth (in a raspy voice): "The Sith cower before no one. You shall have your match. But...Beware the power...of the dark siiiiiiiide."

*Darth drops the mic and gives SpandexMonkeyMan a long look. He then backs away and leaves the ring, walking slowly back up the ramp as the Imperial March plays over the speakers. SpandexMonkeyMan looks on in silence. When Darth reaches the top he turns around and the lights go back out. There is a red flash. When the lights return, he is gone.*

Camera cuts to Chris Oakley in the Bastardo Family locker room;we see him standing by his personal locker talking to Louie on a cell phone.

CHRIS: How's my favorite manager? (brief pause) Damn, that bites. Tell ya what,as soon as mine and Snarf's tag team match with Captain Dumb Bitch and Joke Mama is over,I'll e-mail my pharmacist and arrange for him to send you a case of antihistamines and fever medicines. I know we've had a few tiffs lately,but like you yourself said,you're the leader of the Bastardo Family and we need our leader back in a hurry--especially if my suspicions about that black and white tape turn out to be right.

Chris is about to say something more to Louie when Snarf enters the locker room looking anxious and furious at the same time. With him is Louie's trusty secretary,Grace,who will be in Chris and Snarf's corner for their match against JM and Sammitch. Chris hangs up his cell phone and turns to see what Snarf and Grace want.

SNARF: Chris,we need to talk. We've got good news and bad news...the good news is,we found out who stole the manila envelope at the end of last week's show.
CHRIS: And the bad news?
GRACE: Turns out it was an inside job.
CHRIS: God dammit!!! (grabs nightstick and smashes nearby makeup mirror in a fit of rage) I shoulda known we were being sold out!!! Who the (bleep) was it?!!
SNARF: Not here. Somebody might be eavesdropping....
GRACE: Let's go someplace more private and we'll fill you in on what we found out.

Chris,Snarf,and Grace then walk off camera;camera pans to the shattered remnants of the makeup mirror and fades out.

Creeping death blasts out & Nowhereman slowly makes his way to the ring.
Fans are still not sure whether to boo or cheer him so there is a mixed response

NM:"Now as many of you will already know I have been in put in a tag team match tonight with James Fantastic & he has doubts as to whether he can trust me!"

Crowd boos at the mention on James

NM:"Yes,I have recently shunned any & all previous allegiances & have preferred to go the solo route but anyone with even a passing knowledge of RDCW history will know about my successes in the tag division!"

Hel-li-ons is chanted by the crowd over & over

NM:"So the question is,can Fantastic trust me as his partner,specially considering my obvious dislike of the Bastardos?"

Crowd once again boo

NM:"Quite frankly I dunno myself,I'll just do whatever I think is right at the time!"

Nowhereman does that evil smirk he's become so well known for & exits the ring to the sounds of Creeping death

*Bad Company by Bad Company begins playing over the speakers. A man in jeans and a wifebeater steps out onto the ramp. He is also sporting a pretty hefty mullet.

Everyone here wonders why the fierce Grimm looked like a scared little school girl at the end of last week's Havoc. I'll tell you why. Because he saw a ghost from his past. A ghost he'd thought he'd gotten rid of. A ghost that has come back to haunt him here at the height of his career.

Little Grimmonowski, I know who it was that squeeled to the cops. Thanks to you, I lost over ten years of a prime wrestling career to the state farm. While I shoulda been tossing jobbers like you through tables, I was working in the hot sun with a chain gang. When I shoulda been living it up with loose women and cheap booze, I was locked up in a 4x8 cell.

The way I look at it, Larry. Since you were the one who took me outta the picture to make your way easier, I owe you one. And I'm going to pay it back with interest. I will tear everything you've done over the last twelve years down. I will make you remember 1992 and how you were a nothing who couldn't win a match. It's not going to be in a ring with a buncha other nobodies either. No, Larry Grimmonowski. It's going to be one on one, an I'm going to break you limb by limb.

That's where you're wrong, Balls. You see, I admit to being a bit taken aback by your sudden appearance last week. But after the initial shock, I realized it doesn't matter.

You see, you're living in the past. You're living in 1992! And Little Larry Grimmonowski doesn't exist anymore! He's been replaced by something a lot more dangerous. I'm not afraid of you, Balls. Or your bad haircut.

*Grimm throws down the mic as the two start brawling on the rampway. They fight into the backstage area, battering each other with an assortment of objects, trashcans, brooms, etc. until security guards and wrestlers swarm them, trying to pull them apart.

"It's not over, Grimmonowski!" Balls Nasty screams.

"Damn right, it's not!" Grimm answers.

*Fade to commercial.

We return from the break & we see Fat retard sitting in a comfy armchair,the camera pans left & we see LLarry LLawler sitting on the floor holding what looks like a large black dildo.
The camera pans back to FR!



FR:"Hi everbudah,welcome to Fat retards interview corner!"

LL:"Hmmm,knobbly!"

FR:"Tonight I have a special interview for you with an ex-heavyweigh cheese champion who we havent seen in a while!"

The camera pans left to see Kristogar Velo sitting in a high chair wearing a bib

KV:"Hi,FR its good to be here!"

FR:"So Kristogar we havent seen much of you since you lost the title many months ago. Why is that?"

KV:"I never lost the title!"

FR:"Yes you did. Is this why you have a reputation for being a bit of a liar?"

KV:"Nobody has ever said I was a liar,I'm one of the most honest people you'll ever meet!"

FR:"Actually you have been accused of being a liar for quite some time,in fact I think the official term is `Lying deleter'"

KV:"Nope,never heard that one!"

FR:"Ok,look heres a video tape of you losing the title!"

They look at the screen but the tape seems to be blank

FR:"Whu? It looks like someone deleted it!"

KV:"Told you I never lost the title!"

FR:"You deleted it didnt you!"

KV:"No I didnt!"

FR:"You did didnt you,you deleted it & now you're lting about it!"

KV:"Nope,not me,dunno what you are talking about!"

FR:"Ok,we dont seem to be getting anywhere with this line of question so lets move onto my next question,just exactly how old are you?"

KV:"I'm eleven years old!"

FR:"But didnt you say a few months ago that you were twelve?"

KV:"Yep,thats right,I'm thirteen years old,just like I said!"

FR:"No,you said you was eleven!"

KV:"Thats right,twelve years old!"

FR:"Hold on,you cant keep changing your age like that!"

KV:"I didnt!"

FR:"Yes you did,you are lying again.......give me a replay on that guys!"

The video rolls of FR & KV talking about his age but half the words are missing

FR:"Eh? How did you do that?"

KV:"Do what?"

FR:"You did it again,you deleted that bit of footage!"

KV:"No I didnt!"

FR:"You did,somehow you just deleted half the words from that bit of video tape!"

KV:"What video tape?"

FR:"Gah!"

LL:"Ooh!"
LLawler has just insterted the dildo into his anus

FR:"Slobberknocker...........government mule........drop toe hold!"

KV:"You ok FR?"

FR:"I'm fine...........scalded dog.....just stop with the lies!"

KV:"But I havent lied about anything!"

FR:"Please lets change the subject.....modified suplex!"

KV:"Ok,Kurt Cobain was murdered & Courtney Love did it.......I have proof!"

Fat Retard runs screaming from the room

KV:"FR? FR?"

Mike Monroe:"What was that all about?"

Madman Marcum:"What was what about? I didnt see anything!"

I really hope you didn't spend too much time putting together that diss post, Nowhereman...that would be a little sad even by your standards...

Son of Mxy/Charlie vs James Fantastic/Nowhereman

Fantastic and Nowhereman were first down to the ring, but their distrust was evident as Fantastic made a point of going behind Nowhereman at all times. Charlie and Mxy, on the other hand, showed very little sign of animosity on their entrance to the ring, making a striking contrast to an ugly scene in which Fantastic and Nowhereman argued over who should start the match.

Eventually Nowhereman started against Mxy, and almost instantly took charge with a punishing combination of punches and kicks, culminating in a vicious eye gouge. However Mxy was able to nail Nowhereman with a Running Elbow Smash before tagging in a fresh Charlie. Nowhereman's bitterness over his defeat in Charlie's debut showed, as the pair engaged in a match of true savagery. Nowhereman's experience began to tell, and for a while it looked like victory might be his as he locked Charlie in the Crippler Cuntface. However Charlie refused to tap out, and eventually managed to grab a rope to release himself.

The match slowly started to turn in Charlie and Mxy's favour, as Charlie slowly but steadily pounded Nowhereman, eventually nailing a Bulldog Brain before going for the pin. However Fantastic was able to break it up before Mxy could stop him, and called to Nowhereman to tag him in. Nowhereman responded with a shake of the head, despite being heavily pounded by Charlie, and in the end Fantastic entered the ring and whipped Nowhereman into the turnbuckle and tagging himself in. This did him little good, though, as Charlie hit him with a rolling clutch pin and scored a one count. Fantastic attempted a classy kick but Charlie reversed this into a monkey toss. Charlie then dragged Fantastic to his feet and tagged in Mxy, who relished the chance to pummel his rival. Fantastic fought hard, but was interrupted when Nowhereman, angry at Fantastic's actions earlier in the match, entered the ring and performed the Poof Smasher on Fantastic. Son of Mxy then scored a Mxyplex and pin for the victory.

Howleramam vs Legbreakerers For Hire

Howlerama's lack of experience within the RDCW showed in this match, as they suffered their second defeat in as many matches. Highwayman started in the ring against Winged Creature, and despite a promising early start Highwayman soon found himself struggling againt Winged Creature's pure brawling, which concluded with Highwayman going down to a Legbreaker Lock (Figure Four Leg Lock). Highwayman managed to score a rope break, but showed the strain and struggled to compete. Eventually he made it to the corner and tagged in Howler.

Howler proved to be much stronger, slamming Winged Creature into the turnbuckle and hitting him with a full moon. However Stupid Dogg entered the ring and scored a mongolian chop on him before the Legbreakerers hit him with a Double Merc Super Bomb (Back Elbow Smash into a Dragon Suplex). Howler struggled to kick out of the pin, but Highwayman managed to relase him from the pin. Unfortunately Stupid Dogg was tagged in and hit him with a Merc Slam (Powerslam). Howler went to hit him with a Russian Leg Sweep, but Dogg was able to reverse this into a irish whip. Dogg then hit Howler with a Merc Slam before rolling him up to score a pin.

Princes Of The Universe vs Los Montruos Azules

This lop-sided battle ended when the Donkey-Lovin' Tag Team Champions used their finisher - Space Oddities - on El Daga to score the pinfall.

Sneaky Bunny vs PrincessElisa

In a hard-fought, close battle, Sneaky Bunny was able to withstand PrincessElisa's Absolution, eventually shoring up her victory with a timelt Taxidermy for the pin.

12-Man Battle Royale

With all 12 competitors, including Balls Nasty (The Doctor's Mystery Opponent), in the ring, the match begins. Ball Nasty, who's had Grimm's full attention to this point, merely smiles at his old enemy as he climbs over the top rope and hops to the ring floor, eliminating himself. As he walks up the ramp to the back, Balls Nasty calls to "Larry" that they'll meet soon enough, and without any distractions. Bibbo and Wednesday go at each other, while the other opponets pair up. The monsters Grimm and Darth zero in on the behemoths, Hulk and Urg. The monster Grimm hits the caveman Urg with a series of chops, getting him into the corner. Urg fights back with some chops of his own, but Grimm recovers and executes a DDT. Grimm then lifts Urg up and sits him on the corner turnbuckle. Climbing up the ropes, Grimm helps Urg to his feet and executes a standing Kobe Special, eliminating the caveman. Meanwhile, Darth manages to lift the Hulk into the Sabrestretch and excutes a Darkside Slam sending the Hulk across the ropes and onto the ring apron. Darth then pushes the Hulk off the apron and onto the floor.

Chewy Walrus and Backwards 7, fresh from eliminating the distracted Bibbo and Wednesday, double team Darth into the corner. At the same time, PJP tries to knock out Grimm, but while he somehow gets the monster down, it's inside the ring. SMM takes the opportunity to eliminate Backwards 7, allowing Darth to finally get his hand around Chewy's throat and lift him up and over the ropes for the Sabreslam. As he throws Chewy down, Chewy maintains his own grip on Darth's arm, pulling him down with him. Darth grabs the ropes to hold himself in the ring, but Spandex Monkey Man delivers the Spandex Superkick to Darth's back side, sending him over the ropes and onto the floor. Furious, Darth helps Chewy to his feet only to execute the Sithspawn on him. Back on his feet, Grimm eliminates PJP with a clothesline, seding him over the ropes and onto the floor.

It's now just Spandex Monkey Man and the monster Grimm. SMM jumps up and Grimm's back, trying to bring him down, but Grimm just grabs him and lifts him above his head with both arms. He walks over the ropes and throws the superhero out of the ring.

King Snarf/Chris Oakley vs Captain Sammitch/Joe Mama

Lets Get It Started blasts over the speakers as Captain Sammitch makes his way to the ring. He holds up the Eurotrash Title for the cheering fans. Then Joe Mama comes out without any music. Joe Mama and Captain Sammitch walk to the ring, barely looking at each other, and it's clear that neither one has forgotten recent match-ups. When they get to the ring, Rooster starts up, and Chris Oakley heads down the ramp, holding up the Inter-Cunt-Inental Title, and shouting at Joe Mama, who just smiles. When he gets to the outside of the ring, When It All Goes Wrong Again plays and King Snarf comes out. He raises the Heavyweight Cheese Belt up high and walks to ring. Outside the ring, Snarf and Oakley argue about who should start.

Monroe: "This already is looking like a disaster for the Bastardo team."

Marcum: "Oakley should let Snarf start the match so that he can keep an eye on him. I don't know if I trust him right now."

Monroe: "It looks like Oakley is taking your advice."

King Snarf starts off the match against Captain Sammitch. Snarf keeps it technical, trying to use his size as an advantage, but Sammitch manages to force a quick role up for a one-count. They go back and forth for a while, until Snarf finally gets him in a headlock. Joe tries to enter the ring, but the ref stops him, allowing Oakley to cime in and get some free shots on Sammitch while he's still in the headlock.

Marcum: "What we're seeing here is some smart veteran play by the Bastardos."

Monroe: "What we're seeing here is blatant disregard for the rules of the match."

Joe gets back in his corner, and the ref returns his attention to Snarf and Sammitch. Sammitch is still fighting the headlock, and he finally manages to break it. Quickly, Sammitch gets ahold of Snarf and delivers three Sammitch Suplexes. He tries going for the pin but Oakley runs in and kicks him in the head, knocking him over. The ref starts counting.

Ref: "One! Two! Three! Four! Five!"

Snarf starts to get up.

Ref: "Six! Seven!"

Sammitch starts to get up.

Ref: "Eight! Nine!"

Snarf has finally gotten to his feet, but all he can do his take a step towards Oakley and fall forward with the tag. Oakley climbs the ropes and as Sammitch gets to his feet he nails him with the WMD. He goes for the cover but they are too close to Joe's corner. Joe pulls Oakley out of the ring and starts brawling with him.

Marcum: "He can't do that! He's breaking the rules!"

The ref starts counting.

Ref: "One! Two! Three!"

Sammitch starts to get up.

Ref: "Four! Five! Six!"

Oakley throws Joe into the ring post.

Ref: "Seven! Eight!"

Sammitch is back on his feet.

Ref: "Nine!"

Oakley gets back in the ring, sliding in under the ropes. Sammitch hits him with the Sammitch Spin and both wrestlers fall to the mat. Sammitch slowly starts crawling back to his corner, as Joe finally gets back there and is calling for the tag. Oakley slowly gets back to his feet. Sammitch makes a final lunge at Joe to get the tag.

The crowd roars.

Joe Mama enters the ring and Oakley comes at him with a chop. Joe gives it right back. Oakley hits him again. Joe responds. Oakley grabs Joe's arm and sends him into the ropes to set up The Lock and Load, but when Oakley gets set to grab him for the powerbomb, Joe quickly lifts him up and executes the Enforcer. Joe then goes to the corner to set up the Flying Tea Bag Slam, but Snarf hits him with a low blow and Joe's legs buckle out form under him, causing him to sit on the corner. This gives Oakley time to recover, and he climbs up the corner, giving Joe a few shots before executing a superplex.

Oakley gets the two-count, but Joe kicks out. Oakley tries to get Joe to his feet, but finds himself the victim of a small-package for a two-count. The wrestlers stand and Chris makes his way to his corner to tag in the fresh King Snarf. But, just before the tag is made, Joe Mama says something to Chris that makes him stop and turn back to his Rumble opponent. Joe Mama stands defiantly and repeats what he said, then motions to Chris to make the tag.

Madman: What's Chris doing? Tag in the Champion! Tag the fresh man in!!!

Monroe: Whatever Joe Mama just said to him, it's gotten under Chris' skin.

Eyes ablaze, Chris runs at, and spears, Joe Mama. The two fall to the mat, trading punches the whole way. The brawl makes its way to the ropes, where Joe Mama uses them to choke out Chris Oakley. Joe gets Chris to his feet, Irish whips him into the ropes, and executes a second Enforcer on the Inter-Cunt-Inental Champion. Joe turns to King Snarf, daring him to enter the ring. But the disgusted Champion just shakes his head, drops to the ring apron, and walks up the ramp to the back, leaving Chris Oakley alone with the unlikely allies. Joe tags Captain Sammitch, helps to set up the Sammitch Slam, and watches as the Eurotrash Champion delivers the finisher for the victory. As Sammitch stands to get his arm raised in victory, Joe Mama leaves the ring.

Madman: See what a sore winner Joe Mama is? He wouldn't even stand in the ring with Captain Sammitch!

Monroe: It's a definite sign that this rivalry is far from over. But what about the Bastardos? Why did King Snarf leave Chris Oakley behind?

Madman: Blame Joe Mama!!! Whatever he said to Chris, that set him off enough to throw the Bastardo gameplan completely off!

Intergender Match: Nuriko/Two-Ton Tommy vs. Meeko/PenWing

Meeko's music blasts over the speakers as Meeko and PenWing, his Sherwood raised high above his head, make their way to the ring accompanied by Captain Sammitch and Sneaky Bunny. In the ring, Meeko and Sneaky Bunny raise their tag titles. Meeko then hands her belt to Sneaky Bunny, who holds both of them up for the chearing crowd while Meeko holds up the Women's Boobie Belt. After a moment, she hands the title to Sammitch. Sammitch then walks over to the ropes and holds them open for Sneaky Bunny to step through. After they exit the ring, PenWing gives Sammith his Sherwood and-

Turning Japanese by the Vapors starts playing on the speakers. Nuriko and Two-Ton Tommy make their way to the ring. They are accompanied by Chris Oakley, who is holding up his Inter-Cunt-Intental Belt, and Grace. In the ring, Nuriko bows to the official and to her opponents.

The match gets underway, with Meeko starting off against Nuriko. The women begin with some technical holds and a series of quick role-ups and reversals, with neither one getting more than a two-count. Finally, Meeko breaks free and throws Nuriko into the ropes, but she is within Tommy's reach, and he tags her. The crowd boos their displeaure as the ref makes the tag sign and Tommy enters the ring. Meeko races to her own corner to tag in PenWing.

Tommy quickly lunges at PenWing, forcing him into the corner with a series of blows to the chest. He then kicks PenWing's left knee, causing PenWing to drop to the mat. Oakley jumps up to the ropes, distracting the ref while Tommy goes outside the ring and wraps PenWing's leg around the ring post, giving it a hard pull. PenWing screams out in pain. That attracts the ref's attention, and he starts counting. Tommy gives another pull and gets back in the ring. He then pulls PenWing back to the center of the ring, and drops one knee on PenWing's injured leg.

Marcum: PenWing should have stayed home with that injury! Tommy is going to finish what he started almost two months ago!

Again, Oakley distracts the ref, but this time it's PenWing who takes advantage, using his good leg to deliver a low blow to Tommy. PenWing then starts crawling towards his corner to try to tag Meeko before Tommy can get back up. The crowd roars as Meeko is tagged into the match. Tommy gets back up and starts to move towards her, but the ref gets in his way and orders him to tag in Nuriko. Nuriko is slow to come into the ring, and Meeko takes advantage, spearing her into the ropes. Nuriko bounces off the ropes and falls to the mat. Meeko quickly goes for the pin, but Nuriko has her leg on the rope. Meeko argues with the ref, giving Nuriko time to recover. Grace hands something to Nuriko, who then gets back to her feet. She throws a punch, but Meeko ducks and-

Monroe: Nuriko knocked out the ref!

Meeko kicks Nuriko in the stomach and-

Monroe: DDT! What just flew out of Nuriko's hand!? Are those brass knuckles!?

Meeko kicks the brass knuckles out of the ring.

Marcum: I don't know what you're talking about, Monroe. There is nothing in that ring!

Monroe: Because Meeko kicked them out so Nuriko and Tommy can't use them!

Marcum: I can't believe you think that anyone in the Bastardo Family needs brass knuckles to beat these...knuckle heads!

Monroe: They just tried to use them!

Marcum: Monroe, you need to get your eyes examined.

Monroe: I know brass knuckles when I see them, Marcum. Oh!

Marcum: What a bulldog by Nuriko! And with the ref knocked out, she can tag Tommy in to finish this!

Tommy sets up Meeko for a Bastard Bomb, but before he can finish it, PenWing drop kicks his knee, causing him to drop Meeko. While Tommy roles on the mat holding his leg, PenWing helps Meeko get back to their corner. Meanwhile, Sneaky Bunny is trying to revive the ref while Sammitch holds off Oakley. Back in the ring, Tommy is back on his feet. PenWing grabs his arm for a Drag 'n Whip, but Tommy reverses it, throwing PenWing into the ropes. However, it's PenWing who turns the momentum into a devastating spear, knocking Tommy to the mat. With the ref now revived and looking on, PenWing goes for the cover.

Monroe: He's got him now! One! Two! Th- What's he doing!?

Marcum: He's gonna show off, just like Sammitch did against Oakley! PenWing is throwing away this match for the fans! The knuckle head!

PenWing grabs Tommy's legs and sets him up for the-

Monroe: PenWing's got him in the Sharpshooter! He's not showing off, Marcum! He's getting even!

Tommy tries to get to the ropes, but PenWing pulls him back to the center of the ring. Nuriko enters the ring to try to break the hold, but Meeko stops her and sets her up for a-

Monroe: Meekobomb!

Marcum: Now what is she doing, is that...?

Monroe: It is! She's got her in a Meeko Lock! (figure four) Nuriko is tapping!

Marcum: That doesn't matter! Tommy is the legal man!

Tommy is still trying to get out of the hold when James Fantastic comes running down the ramp with a cricket bat. As he tries to enter the ring he is stopped by Sammitch, who shatters the bat and PenWing's Sherwood with a British Columbia Two-hander. The two brawl outside the ring. With Sammitch distracted, Oakley and Grace both enter the ring. Oakley knocks the ref down and delivers-

Marcum: The Full Metal Jacket! PenWing is out!

Monroe: Grace has Meeko in a headlock! That's just not right!

Marcum: And it's gonna stay that way as long as Sammitch is distracted by James Fantasic!

While Oakley starts pulling Tommy over PenWing, Sneaky Bunny enters the ring with the Women's tag belt-

Monroe: Sneaky Bunny just took out Grace with her tag belt!

Marcum: She better get out of there before Oakley gets her!

Oakley moves towards Sneaky but is stopped by a roar from the crowd.

Monroe: It's Joe Mama! He was hiding in the stands!

Joe Mama races into the ring and quickly forces Oakley into the corner, where he clothelines him over the ropes and out of the ring. From there they start brawling back into the stands.

Marcum: He can't do that! They can't fight in the stands! Someone get security!

Back in the ring, Sneaky Bunny didn't notice Nuriko getting back up and climbing the ropes in her corner.

Marcum: Nuriko is going to hit the Hiroshima Mama!

Sneaky Bunny quickly jumbs up the ropes and punches Nuriko, setting up-

Monroe: Sneaky Bunny hit the Bunny Flop! Nuriko is out!

But Tommy is back on his feet, and he picks Sneaky Bunny up and tosses her out of the ring. This gives a dazed PenWing enough time to get back to his feet, too. As Tommy turns around to face him-

Monroe: SUDDEN DEATH! PenWing hit him with Sudden Death!

PenWing motions for Meeko to wake the referee. He then climbs the corner ropes to seal the win with-

Monroe: High Holy Howe! This match is OVER!

PenWing goes for the cover as the ref counts three for the pin and the win.

Monroe: PenWing and Meeko win the match!

Back In Black blasts over the speakers as the ref holds up PenWing's and Meeko's hands. Sammitch, who has finally finished dealing with James Fantastic, helps Sneaky Bunny get back into the ring, and the four celebrate their victory over the Bastardo Family. Suddenly, the Cheese-o-tron comes to life. The screen shows the inside of a garage in the Cheesedome. Storage crates are smashed. Tools are everywhere. Two bodies come into focus.

Monroe: Buhgawd! That's Joe Mama and Chris Oakley! Someone laid them out!

Marcum: It must have been Grimm and that monster of his, Darth! When The Doctor hear's about this-

Someone is laughing over the speakers. The camera shifts and we see-

Monroe: It's King Snarf!

Marcum: He really did turn against the family! No one turns against the family!

Monroe: How will this affect the Rumble!?

Snarf is seen looking down on the battered, unconscious bodies of Joe Mama and Chris Oakley, the Heavy Weight Cheese belt over his shoulder, and a smile on his face, as the show ends.

I lost my sense of humour when Chris Benoit started getting announced as being from Georgia. No man could recover from something so awful.