RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc 1/24/06

*The lights go out in the Cheesedome and the "Imperial March" begins to play as a red glow rises from the floor of the building. Darth rises from beneath the stage and slowly walks to the ring. The Sith Lord enters the ring and stands in the center. He raises his arms, and his raspy voice is heard over the speakers.*

Behold, the power, of the Dark Saaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiidddd!

*Lightning strikes the four ring posts, but the Cheesedome remains lit only by the red glow.*

Pig Iron, last week you dared to call me out. You dared to call me a vestige of corruptness flowing from Dr. Paragon. You dared to call me the weak link in the Dark Lords. Pig Iron, it is your imagination that has gotten away from you! You have deceived yourself of the reality that is the Dark Days.

You, Pig Iron, obsess with pain and suffering, with war and violence. You give this obsession a name. At first it was Dr. Paragon. Yet now, you call it Darth. Pig Iron, you need do no more than open your eyes to the truth behind the Dark Side, behind the Dark Lords themselves!

For I am the pain and suffering. I am the war and violence. I am all that you worship!

When I first appeared on this stage, I was nothing but directionless, untamed, uncontrolled, raw power. You think I disappeared and fell into Grimm's hands. You think Grimm created the Cell to Hell that he used to summon me, his muscle.

In fact, what you saw was nothing more than a ruse. The Dark Days had begun the moment I came onto this scene. For I brought them with me. Grimm was seduced by the power of the Dark Side long before, and I became his instrument of darkness.

For I am the catalyst of darkness, of pain, of suffering, of violence! I am all that Dr. Paragon fears in the world, and consequently, if you fear Dr. Paragon, then you must also fear me!

Pig Iron, you must overcome your fear. You think of me as a weak link, why? Is it because I stand aside while Grimm leads the Dark Lords? Is it because I do not actively seek out the glory of title belts? And who would I face? There is no worthy opponent for me. There is only Grimm. Shall I seek to take his title and weaken our grip on the RDCW? That is the thought of the true weak link. That is your thought, Pig Iron.

You fear that which you do not know, so you proceed to attack only those you know you can defeat. At the Rumble you face Charlie for the Hardcore Porn Title. It is a title I once held, but you will not. You cannot. To hold a title implies leadership. But how can one be a leader if there is still fear that yearns to be purged from within oneself?

After you realize this weakness within yourself, after the Rumble, you will face me. I have no title on the line for you to grasp at, nor do I wish to grasp at any title you may hold. I only wish to purge the fear from within you.

After the Rumble, Pig Iron, we will purge that fear from you with fire and brimstone! You will either defeat me, defeat your fear willingly, by your own hand, or I will lay you across the brimstone and burn the fear from you by force!

To PenWing, my opponent tonight, your path to darkness is almost complete. Soon, you too shall know the power of the Dark Side. Soon, you shall stand with us, the Dark Lords. You will be the first, but not the last. No. For all will succumb to the power, of the Dark Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiddddd!

*Darth raises his hands and lightning again strikes the four ring posts. Darth disappears in the blinding flash and the lights return to the Cheesedome.*

Monroe: Buhgawb! What does all of this mean? Is there a power struggle within the Dark Lords?

Louie: For their sake, I hope not! Maybe we'll know more after the break!

MisterJLA is strolling through the backstage area, looking sad. As he rounds the corner, he bumps into Chesty LaRue!

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<embarrassed> JLA: Oh, hello there.

Chesty:

JLA:

Chesty: Do you want something, or are you just going to stand there and stare like an idiot?

JLA: Be nice. I only have one thing on my mind right now.

T-I-T-S.

Chesty: Oh, the tournament, eh? I'm sure you'd like your team of The Allied Powers to face The Dark Lords for revenge. Sure you and Howdy won the Hell in a Cell a while back, but last time you clashed with any Dark Lord, Darth took your IC Title in a Casket Match!

Still stings, doesn't it?

Well, I have no control over team matchups in the tournament. But rest assured...

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JLA stares at Chesty's chest, while licking his lips. He then looks confused...

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JLA: Huh? There's a tag tournament going on?

Chesty: Of course! What did you mean when you had only one thing on your mind...

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An outraged look comes across Chesty's face!

SLAP!

JLA hits the floor...

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Chesty: I hope The Powers don't even get invited to T.I...the event! The winning team becomes the number one contenders, and gets a Tag Title shot at RobbleMania! You guys had your run, and it's over!

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Chesty storms off. Captain Howdy then rounds the corner...

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Howdy: What happened this time, gibbon?

JLA: Oh, the usual. Hey! Did you hear about T.I.T.S?

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Howdy arches his neck, and watches Chesty walk away until she disappears out of sight...

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Howdy: Her name is Chesty! And I thought you've given up on her!

JLA: Nooooo, T.I.T.S.! It's some sort of tag team tournament, or some rubbish. The winning team gets to be #1 contenders for the Tag Team Championships! Just think, we could be #1 contenders if we enter and win!

Howdy: Why should we bother with that?!? We're first in line anyway, since we're the former champions!

JLA:True, but not only could we be first in line, but we could also be #1 contenders!

Howdy: You fucking moron...oh, forget it!

JLA: What?

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Captain Howdy walks away, leaving JLA on the backstage floor, rubbing his face where Chesty slapped him...

Joe Mama walks over to where MisterJLA is sitting and stands beside him for a moment.

JM: I see it went well with Chesty. When's the date?

JLA: She's weakening, I tell you! A few weeks ago, she'd have slapped me AND kicked me in the groin! She'll be mine soon!

JM:

JM: I see. So, would you like a hand getting up? Considering the big match tonight, I'd think you'd wanna discuss strategy. You know, work out a plan to beat the SDC...

MisterJLA gets off the floor...with an assist from Joe Mama.

JLA: Yeah...whuzzupwi'dat? Why is it just a six-man tag match? What're you doing that's so fucking important? Shouldn't you be - oh, I dunno - competing with us? You know, we ARE the IV!!! Not the III...the IV!!!

JM: We discussed this. I don't like this anymore than the rest of you. But the fact is, I've been off my game for a few months now. I've been losing my focus in matches and making rookie mistakes. My promos have been redundant and...

JLA: Long-winded?

The two men look straight at the camera for a moment. Then get go back to the backstage vignette.

JM: Between the injuries and the general burnout, I'm of no use to you three in the ring. You guys deserve better. Our allies and enemies deserve better. And these fans deserve better. Until I know I can compete at the levels I used to and provide promos that are less repetitive and...

JLA: Long-winded?

Another moment looking into the camera...

JM: I'm taking on management duties for the team. That means that I'll be pushing to get you guys the matches and the title shots that men of your caliber...

JLA: Calibre.

JM: What?

JLA: Calibre. You said "caliber". You meant "calibre". Captain Howdy taught me that.

JM:

JM: Listen, let's head back to the locker room and work out our strategy. I may not be competing, but I think I have a few ideas to ensure victory tonight. Get us back on track towards a few more title belts...

JLA: And soon...VERY soon!...Chesty will be MINE!!!

JM: Dude, why do you even want her? You think Darth's the only Dark Lord sabre-slamming her? That chick's swallowing more sith-spawn than...

JLA: Please don't talk about my future wife that way...

JM: *sigh* Okay...c'mon. Let's get ready for the match. I'll tell you more about Chesty later...

The two men walk off. JLA can be heard asking, "Is Chesty really messin' around on Darth?" to which Joe Mama can just barely be heard saying, "If I told you with who, you'd never believe me..." Then fade out and cut to Louie and Mike.

*Havoc returns as we see Louie Bastardo standing on the interview podium with a mic.

LB: As you know, tonight is the inaugural T.I.T.s matches! Right now, we're going to hear from one of the teams in this tournament, "The Loose Cannon" Johnny Evil, and his partner the reigning Hardcore Porn Champion, "The Million $ Pitbull" Charlie!

Johnny and Charlie head out onto the podium, each jockeying for position in front of the camera.

LB: Tonight, you face your former Family members, Howlerama. What are your thoughts?

Johnny begins to speak but Charlie grabs the mic away before he can.

Charlie: I'll tell you our thoughts! It stinks! I have a title defense against Pig Iron to get ready for, and here I am stuck in this tag team tournament against two of my friends!

Johnny pulls the mic back.

JE: Listen, what's your problem here? Look, we're undefeated in tag team competition. We beat Captain Sammitch and PenWing when they were the champions and never got a rematch!

Monroe: He's right, fans!

JE: I know you've got other concerns, but we have a chance to win the tag titles here that we were screwed out of by backstage politics months ago!

Charlie holds up his hardcore porn title.

Charlie: Need I remind you that I already have a title to worry about?

JE: Need I remind you who helped you win that title in the first place?

Charlie: And where were you when I lost the title to Balls, Johnny? Or when I beat three people to win the title back?

JE: And where were you when the Family was-

*Both men are cut off as Howlerama rush the stage, beating both men down. Howler and Highwayman pull out a folding table from nearby and hit La Cosa Bastardo on Johnny, putting him through the table!

Charlie revives just in time to see Howler and Highwayman give him the high sign before returning to the back. Charlie looks around nervously.

Charlie: I. . .I didn't have anything to do with that! You have to believe me!

LB: I believe you! I believe you!

Ariel and Big Fat Elvis head out from the back as EMTs check on Johnny.

Charlie heads over to check on Johnny as Ariel screams at him. He continues to deny any involvement in the situation.

Monroe: Fans, what have we just witnessed here? Joey Biles is waiting backstage with another interview!

Camera fades to locker room area,where we see Chris Oakley and Joey Biles standing beside a Randy Rumble poster.

JOEY:Chris,you and your new tag team partner El Superbeasto have a pretty full plate these days...not only are you facing the Tuesday Night Rockers in a 3-on-2 match at the Randy Rumble for the RDCW tag team titles,but you're also both entered in the Rumble match itself and tonight you have a T.I.T. tournament match against Los Cazadores.Some people think you guys might be biting off a bit more than you can chew;what's your response?
CHRIS:Those people are going to be proved wrong.(Scattered pops from the crowd watching the interview on the Cheese-O-Tron).Me and the Giant Luchadore may be different in a lot of way,but we have three things in common:1)We both know how to rise from the ashes;2)We're both determined to win;and 3)Anything our opponents can dish out,we can dish right back.
JOEY:This is the first time you and El Superbeasto have faced Los Cazadores as a team...any worries?
CHRIS:Only that those two weasels might try to back out of this match at the last minute.And by the way,Joey,if you happen to see the Tuesday Night Schlockers before you leave the Cheesedome,tell 'em that Chris Oakley and El Superbeasto have a surprise waiting for 'em at the Randy Rumble.

Bigger pops from the Cheesedome crowd as Chris walks off-camera to join El Superbeasto in preparing for their match against Los Cazadores.

JOEY:There you have it,Chris once again throwing the gauntlet down to any and all comers!Back to Monroe at ringside!

Post pending

We go to Fat Retard backstage
FR:"Buhgawb,ah'v just been handed this video tape,and been told to play it!"

After much trouble trying to work out how to use the VCR,Fat Retard puts the tape in & presses play.
The picture appears on the screen & it appears to be a normal suburban street,then a rather battered looking Nowhereman steps into frame

NM:"Now,I bet you are all wondering what this is all about. Well thats what I am here to tell......or rather show you!"

NM starts to walk across the street

NM:"Now as you should all know,there was once a dominant tag team called The Hellions,which yours truly was the star of.
But a tag team isnt a tag team without a partner,and my partner was my pet monkey,Gimmp!"

NM stops at the door of a fairly ordinary looking house

NM:"Now,being that we worked so closely together,I got to know quite a bit about Cromm,and I thought it was time to give you guyz n galz an insight into who he is!"

NM knocks on the door!

NM:"This is where Groo lives,not very scary is it?"

An old lady answers the door,she looks like a stereotypical nice old lady

NM:"I'd like you all to meet Gonks mother!"

Old Lady:"Hello!"

NM:"Now Mrs.Gramps has agreed to let us all see the world her son lives in,when he is not acting all shit your pants scary!"

NM walks into the house,which is full of frilly curtains,china figurines and other homely touches!

NM:"So Mrs.Glomm,can we see where your son stays when he is home?"

OL:"Miss!"

NM:"Pardon?"

OL:"Its Miss.....I have no idea who his father is!"

NM:"Whoops,my bad! Anyway,lets see Grinches room!"

The old lady opens a door that leads to.............the basement!

NM:"Now as we can see,my old friend lives in his mothers basement......I do hope there are no socks laying around!"

As they reach the bottom of the stairs,we get to see "Grimms room"

NM:"Ok,what can we see. Well lets ignore the Justin Timberlake poster on the wall,lets have a look through his CD collection."

NM begins pulling out random CDs

NM:"Backstreet Boys........Vanilla Ice.........Marky Mark & His Funky Bunch......The Spice Girls.....Barry Manilowe Nowhereman looks round & deftly slips the CD into his pocket.........David Hasselhoff.......The Village People!"

NM walks away

NM:"Ok,lets forget about that. Now this looks better,he appears to have some action figures........my mistake,My Little Pony does not count as action figures!"

NM walks over to the PC on the desk in the corner of the room

NM:"Hmmm,looks like the PC is already on,lets check out my old friends internet bookmarks!"

NM begins clicking

NM:"Ok,lets forget about that,this isnt an x-rated show and it certainly isnt the GBW federation!"

NM glances at the bed which has a Strawberry Shortcake duvet cover on it,and shakes his head!

NM:"Ok,I think we have seen enough here. So Gaymm,the Rumble is approaching & you wanna try to put me out of action,but as yet,you have yet to face me one on one! We all know its cause you know you cannot defeat me in a fair fight. Dont get too comfortable wearing that belt,cause its coming home with me,not home to your mummys basement!"

NM walks past the camera,as the cameraman focuses in on a framed picture of Rob Kamphausen on the bedsite locker

*Fat Retard is walking through the CheeseDome backstage, chuckling to himself.

FR: Strawberry Shortchake. . .huh huh huh. . .DROP TOEHOLD!!!. . .buhgawb. . .huh huh huh. . .

*He stops in his tracks hearing the loud crack of a whip.

Harleykwin: Retard!!!!! What the hell was that?

FR: Sternum???

Grimm steps up to Retard, getting in his face.

Grimm: I suppose you and Nowhereman think you're pretty funny, don't you?

FR: Powerbomb!

Grimm: Let me explain something to you. I am the RDCW World Heavyweight Champion. I defeated three other men to win this title. Three former tag team champions. Two former IC Champions. Two former World Champions. I deserve some respect around here.

FR: Grimmlock. . .Queen! Grimmlock!

Grimm: If I don't get that respect. . .this is going to happen.

Grimm grabs Retard by his jacket and and slams him face first into the wall. Retard staggers back into a clothesline from Grimm as Grimm begins punching away at Retard's forehead, bloodying him. Officials run to the scene, but Harleykwin's whip keeps them at bay. Grimm holds Retard's bloodied face up for the cameras before locking him in the Koji Clutch, holding him there for several moments before the announcer passes out from the pain. Grimm releases the hold and looks into the cameras.

Grimm: This is what your little prank has bought you, Nowhereman. Next week, at the Randy Rumble, I'm going to do to you what I just did to your fat little friend here. And I'm going to enjoy it! For I am the way to a forsaken people. I am the road to the end. Abandon all hope.

Grimm grabs the camera and slams into a wall, knocking out the power as the screen goes black.

After a commercial for Rob's Randy Rumble, MisterJLA and Joe Mama are still seen walking through the back corridors...

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Monroe: They're still walking back there? How long does it take them to walk through the backstage area???

Bastardo

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A little kid holding a large photo runs up to JLA...

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Little Kid: Mister! Mister! Can I have your autograph?

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JLA plays it cool...

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JLA: WHY SURE, SON!

Pardon me, Joe, but this fella wants my autograph! Must make time for the fans!

Joe: All right. I'll catch up with you later.

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Joe heads for the "IV" locker room.

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JLA: OK, kid: cash or check?

Little Kid: Wha...?

JLA: How will you be paying for my autograph?

Little Kid: Nowhereman didn't ask for money!

JLA: Let me see that!

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MisterJLA rips the glossy photo out of the kid's hand, and looks at it. The camera pans the photo; it's a photo signed by Nowhereman of MisterJLA's classic battle with him, in which Nowhereman took the IC Championship from MisterJLA. In the photo, Nowhereman has JLA in the Crippler Cuntface!

JLA seethes!

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JLA: Now why would I want to sign that?!?

Little Kid: Uh...because it shows how tough you are to take a hold like that?

JLA: Hmm...good point.

Little Kid: <snicker>

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As MisterJLA continues to look at the photo, some chatter can be heard. Soon, Captain Sammitch and Chewy Walrus are seen...

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Little Kid: WHOA! Chewy and Sammitch!

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The kid runs toward them, leaving JLA talking to himself...

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JLA: You seen, son, if you train hard, write Rob private messages, and eat plenty of Taco Bell, maybe you too can be a RDCW super...

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JLA looks around, and sees that the kid has gone, and is now talking to Sammitch and Chewy!

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Little Kid: WOW! You guys are the best! Thanks for signing my RDCW hat for free!

Chewy: What kind of a scoundrel would charge a fan for an autograph?

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JLA confronts the two...

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JLA: Me! I was ready to get at least 20 bucks for some quality autographed merchandise, and you stole my sale!

Sammitch: Nonsense! This fan nicely asked us to sign his hat, and we...

JLA: BULLSHIT!

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A shocked Chewy Walrus covers the fan's ears.

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Walrus: Please, not in front of the child!

JLA: Ah, stick it. I hate you goodie two shoes types! Well, tonight, in the six man tag, The "IV"...uh, The "III" will reign supreme, even though you have us outnumbered!

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Walrus, the kid, and Sammitch look at each other.

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Sammitch: What do you mean, outnumbered?

JLA: Don't play coy with me! It's a six-man tag, and even though I only have Howdy and Mid-Nite as teammates, we'll beat the six opponents we will face with ease!

Walrus: JLA...A six man tag means there will be 3 wrestlers on each team...you guys won't be facing six men, there's six competitors total, meaning this will be a fair fight, because in Sudden Death Rules, we are all about playing fair and...

JLA: Better yet! It's an even fight!

Sammitch: Actually, each team has an odd number of participants, but I see...

JLA: Shut it! Tonight, we're gonna kick...your...

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Walrus covers the young fan's ears.

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JLA: Oh, forget it. Friggin' good guys.

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JLA storms off...

T.I.T.s match:

Playaz Club vs. Punch/Counterpunch

The Playaz Club defeated the brawling brothers with their signature "Playa Hatin" maneuver, advancing in the T.I.T.s!

T.I.T.s match:
Oakley/Superbeasto vs. Los Cazadores

Chris Oakley & El Superbeasto(The Outcasts) vs. Los Cazadores

El Aguila Joven and El Huracan had their work cut out for them as they faced off against the Giant Luchadore and the angriest man in RDCW.But nonetheless,they were game for it,and dominated the first ten minutes of the match with a barrage of high-speed manuvers that left Oakley and Superbeasto dizzy.

MONROE:If this keeps up,Oakley and the Giant Luchadore will have vertigo by the time this match is over...

LOUIE:Shut the hell up,Monroe!Show some respect!These are two of the greatest athletes in RDCW history,and I should know...I brought them here!

Huracan mounted the top rope to try and deliver a 450 splash on Superbeasto,but the Giant Luchadore surprised him--and everyone else--by reversing it into a spinning powerslam.Aguila tried to come to his partner's aid only to wind up on the wrong end of a Red Alert by Oakley.With Joven lying dazed in a corner,Chris signalled his huge tag team partner to,in the immortal words of Bubba Ray Dudley,"GET THE TABLE!"

MONROE:What's going on here?

LOUIE:Chris and Superbeasto are sendin' a message to James Fantastic and the Tuesday Night Rockers,that's what!

Chris stretched Huracan across the table;moments later,the crowd watched in disbelief and horror as Superbeasto delivered a Giant Elbowdrop on Joven,putting him right through the table.But the Outcasts weren't finished yet--a second table was brought out,and Chris planted a Full Metal Jacket on Huracan for the three-count and the victory.

LOUIE:Yeah,baby,yeah!The Giant Luchadore and the RDCW's wildest brawler move on to the T.I.T.'s next round!

MONROE:But at what price?Chris Oakley has turned on his fans...

LOUIE:They turned on him first!

Aguila Joven went after Chris in a wild post-match brawl,tearing into the former Bond Brigade captain to huge pops from the crowd;however,the Outcasts had the final word as Superbeasto levelled Joven with a Chokeslam to Oblivion.The partners high-fived one another and left the ring to massive boos from the crowd as the camera faded out.

T.I.T.s match:
Howlerama vs. JE/Charlie

Before the match, Charlie confronted Howlerama about their earlier attack on Johnny Evil. Howlerama began protesting, but Johnny Evil stormed out of nowhere and the two teams began brawling down the hallway! Battling into the ring, the match started properly, as both teams attempted working over the other.

Big Fat Elvis and Arial made their way down to cheer on Johnny. Despite arguing all through the match, Johnny and Charlie defeated Howlerama when Johnny hit a WEDway Peoplemover for the pin! It looked as if Charlie was going to clock Johnny with his diamond knuckledusters afterwards, but apparently he thought better of it!

T.I.T.s match:
Senor Muerte/Hombre Lagarto vs. PJP/Urg

PJP and Urg defeated the luchadores, when PJP hit a Stiff Cock in the Face on Lagarto and Urg followed up with a Caveman Crunch for the win! Afterwards, Urg's handlers, the Teen Angels swarmed the ring and celebrated the victory!

Grudge Match
PenWing vs. Darth

*The Imperial March plays over the speakers as the lights dim. Darth and Chesty Lerou rise from beneath the stage and slowly walk to the ring. At the steps, the couple part ways as Darth enters the ring and Chesty makes her way to the announce table.

Monroe: Is Chesty coming to sit with us?

Louie: I believe she is, why don't you get a chair for her?

Chesty: Gentlemen. Why thank you, Mike.

*As Chesty sits down, "Detroit Rock City" starts playing and PenWing runs down the ramp and slides into the ring. He goes right after Darth and Lothar signals the bell. Darth is initially caught off guard by PenWing's attack, but soon the match looks to be well in the Sith Lord's hands as Darth takes advantage of PenWing's wild attacks.

Monroe: In all my years, I have never seen anyone in the RDCW self destruct like PenWing has.

Louie: You're not giving Darth enough credit tonight, Monroe. PenWing may have lost his mind, but the fact is, Darth is not someone you want to cross. Just ask my former associate, the Reverend Willie Williams.

Chesty: Ha! Now there's a good laugh. Louie, I don't know why you went into business with that sleaze bag.

Monroe: Sleaze bag? Chesty, the man has reformed! He's going to bring respect back to this company! Unlike some people...

Chesty: And just what are you alluding to, Mike?

*Darth is about to Sabreslam PenWing, but the former Cheese champ twists out of the move and pulls the Sith Lord to the mat with a DDT. The move takes a lot out of PenWing, and it takes him too long to make the cover.

Monroe: Darth kicks out at two!

Louie: I think Monroe was referring to Joe Mama's comments earlier about your private life. Personally, I have no interest in who you spend time with on the side, so long as you know what you're doing.

Chesty: Oh, that... Joe's got a big mouth.

Monroe: You mean you and Joe Mama?!

Louie: That lucky bastard! He truly is a Bastardo after all!

Chesty: Boys! If that's what it would take to motivate Darth to win it all, then maybe I would let the rumors Joe is spreading stand. But the truth is so much better.

*PenWing hits the Drag'n'whip on Darth, but the Sith Lord manages to avoid the spear, and PenWing gets tangled in the ropes. Darth runs at him with a clothesline, and both wrestlers fall out of the ring.

Chesty: You see, boys, I'll be honest here. All these rumors started after the Christmas party last month. You remember the party, right?

Louie: How could I forget? The drinks, the girls...

Chesty: The mistletoe.

Louie: Ah, yes, the mistletoe. I believe Monroe here finally got his first kiss from one of our divas because Marcum pushed him under the mistletoe. Good guy, that Madman.

*Darth launches a Concussion Missile at PenWing, standing outside the ring. The impact sends PenWing's head into the crowd barrier, busting him open. Darth begins to slam his head into anything he can find. PenWing manages to stop Darth from sending his head into the ring steps, and instead sends Darth's head into them.

Chesty: Well, I don't know about that, he happened to push Mike here into me. And that's when things got a little out of hand. See, after I gave Mike the obligatory kiss, a very drunk Joey Biles got the idea to tear down the mistletoe, tie it around his head, and run around trying to get all the girls to, well, kiss his sorry ass.

Louie: You know, I do vaguely remember something about that.

Chesty: You would, he tried to kiss you.

Louie:

Chesty: It's okay, Louie, you were saved when Nowhereman jumped up on a table and started shouting for all the divas to show their tits.

Monroe: Speaking of T.I.T.s, don't forget to tune in next Havoc as the tournament continues!

Louie:

*Darth lifts PenWing up and throws him over the ropes and into the ring. The Sith Lord enters the ring after him, but PenWing trips him with a drop toe hold. Slowly, PenWing stands up and drops an elbow on Darth's head. PenWing then tries to lock Darth into the Sharpshooter, but the Sith Lord kicks him into the corner. Darth gets back to his feet and runs at PenWing with a Stinger Splash. Darth whips PenWing to the other corner and runs at him for another Stinger Splash, but PenWing falls to the mat, and Darth runs into the turnbuckle.

Chesty: Well, at that point, Joey was about to pass out, so I took pity on him and helped him to the bathroom, where he proceeded to, well, you know. He broke the rules, he paid the price. Anyway, the guy looked so pitiful, I figured I would at least do something to try and put a smile on his face, so I flashed him.

Louie: What did he do to deserve that?

Chesty: Nevermind that, it was the biggest mistake I ever made. The poor guy was a mess, and I went and did him a favor like that, and the next thing I know, Joe Mama's spreading rumors backstage that I've been spending private time with people other than Darth! Well, Mr. Mama, I know you're watching right now, and I'll have you know that my needs are special, and you couldn't last five seconds with me, let alone the five hours I- heh, maybe I should stop now...

*PenWing tries another Drag'n'whip, but it's Darth who whips PenWing into the ropes. As PenWing runs back at Darth, the Sith Lord Mauls him and immediately goes for the cover. However, before Lothar can count, there is a loud "Eek!" Darth looks up and finds Spandex Monkey Man about to leap off the corner ropes with Mr. Sledge Hammer. The Sith Lord quickly roles out of the way and Spamm hits PenWing with Here Comes Mr. Sledge Hammer. Lothar signals the bell and disqualifies Darth.

Monroe: Buhgawb! Spamm just cost Darth the match!

Louie:

Chesty: I think I better go now...

*Darth walks over to Spamm, who is standing over PenWing, and the two begin to argue.

Darth: Just what do you think you're doing?

Spamm: What're you talking about? I carried out the plan. See, right here: Hit Faggy dude in face with Mr. Sledge Hammer. I couldn't find MisterJLA, so this was the best I could do. See, I've even got the plan here.

Spamm produces a crumpled piece of paper with some notes jotted down on it. Darth takes the paper into his hands, crumples it up, and throws it out of the ring.

Darth: You were supposed to wait until after the match.

Spamm: See, THIS is the sorta thing you shoulda told me first. And anyway, that plan sucks. You get to do the fun beat-down first, and he'd be all saggy and beaten by the time I got to him.

*Spamm folds his arms and looks defiantly at Darth. The Sith Lord is fuming, and it looks like he's about to turn on his tag team partner when Chesty slips between them.

Chesty: Boys! This is not how to instill fear into your opponents! Spamm jumped the gun, it happens! So what are you going to do now?

*Spamm sits down cross legged on the mat. He rests his chin on one fist in a thinking position, and starts scratching his head with his other hand. After a few seconds, he raises his finger as if a little idea bulb lit up outside his head. The Monkey Man exits the ring and walks over the to announce table. He begins removing the video monitors. Darth follows his lead and drags PenWing's limp body to the side of the ring. The Sith Lord steps out of the ring and lifts PenWing into the Sabrestretch.

Monroe: Oh no, he's not going to do this! Chesty, you have to stop him! This is madness!

Chesty: No, Mike, this...is darkness!

*Darth executes the Dark Side Slam, sending PenWing through the table. The Dark Lords then exit the arena as the Imperial March plays over the speakers.

Main Event
6 Man Tag
Sammitch/Chewy/Killconey vs. Midnite/Allied Powers

"Rob's Killer Instinct Rip-Off Theme Music" plays over the speakers as the Allied Powers and Doc Mid-Nite make their way to the ring, followed closely by Joe Mama, who makes his way to the announcer's table and sits down. The crowd cheers for the trio of wrestlers in the ring, but falls eerily silent as JLA strips off his shirt to reveal the words RACK me!! Sharpied on his chest, then begins murmuring uneasily as JLA leaps to the top of the turnbuckle and proclaims "I am a golden MOD!!!"

Monroe: And joining us at ringside is the IV's manager, former Heavyweight Champion Joe Mama. Good to see you, Joe.

Louie: Heya Joe, looks like you're starting to follow in a certain former mentor's footsteps!

Monroe:

JM: Gentlemen, it's good to be here. Louie, I'm willing to say that these men are easily as good as a certain mentor's former associates. I expect big things in the coming months.

"Let's Get it Started" blares throughout the Cheesedome and the fans go wild as Captain Sammitch, Chewy Walrus, and Killconey make their way to the ring. Mid-Nite and the Allied Powers vacate the ring, and JLA is visibly irritated that their celebration has been cut short. Killconey jumps around the ring like a madman as Chewy Walrus strikes a pose and Sammitch climbs another turnbuckle to salute the crowd, pumping the volume up even higher...>

Louie: Joe, you don't seem too troubled by the SDC's grandstanding.

JM: I don't begrudge anyone the right to play up to the crowd. Let these Chippendale wannabes do their dance...
The match starts off with Chewy Walrus and Captain Howdy in the center of the ring. Chewy attempts to shake hands with Howdy before starting the match. Howdy stares incredulously for a moment, then slaps Chewy's hand away and delivers a shot to the face.

Monroe: What a cheap shot!

Louie: That's where bein' nice gets ya!

JM: I didn't see a cheap shot. I saw one man start the match while his opponent tried to make buddies.

Howdy attempts to whip Chewy into the ropes, but the much bigger Chewy reverses and slings Howdy across the ring. Howdy stumbles a bit on the rebound, and Chewy seizes the opportunity to execute his Walrus Wallop clothesline!

Monroe: Buhgawd!

Chewy circles around and attempts his Wrecking Ball (Samoan leg-drop), but Mister JLA yanks Howdy out of the way by one leg, then scurries out of the ring when Chewy gets up and decides to come after him instead. Chewy tags in Killconey, and Howdy tags in JLA...

Monroe: Looks like MisterJLA is a bit more eager to take on someone closer to his own size.

Louie: That's disrespectful, Monroe!

JM: Actually, I can't argue too much...same size, same mindframe, same skill set. Though, let's face it, JLA's a certified Champion. Killconey's just plain certifiable...

Killconey lands a couple good moves, but JLA's size advantage allows him to push Killconey around for a minute or two. Killconey manages to get to his corner and tries to tag Sammitch, but stumbles and tags Chewy in instead. Chewy shrugs and heads back into the ring.

Louie: Are Sammitch and Mid-Nite gonna come out and play at some point?

JM: Of course, Louie! When the time's right...

JLA barely manages to keep Chewy at arm's length for another minute or so, then manages to lure him into the corner, where Howdy hops up onto the other side of the ropes and lands a couple good hits. Chewy staggers back for a moment, and when he turns around, it's just in time for JLA to deliver Final Justice!



JM: JM: Looks like this match is about over...

JLA tags Howdy in, and Howdy immediately drops to the mat and begins hammering away at Chewy before going for the cover. Lothar counts to two - a bit slowly according to Howdy - and Chewy kicks out right before the three-count.

JM: BULLSHIT!!! THAT COUNT WAS BULLSHIT!!!

Louie: Kind of a slow count if you ask me!

Monroe: It's the same count everybody gets!

Louie: Are you saying Lothar's slow, Monroe?

JM: I want a copy of the tape of this match! That was gross incompetence on Lothar's part!!!

Louie: He sounds like a great manager already!

An irate Howdy tags in Doc Mid-Nite and the crowd cheers. At the last instant, Chewy manages to roll to his corner and tags in Captain Sammitch! The cheers intensify as the two face off in the ring.

Monroe: Here we go!

Howdy continues to rant and rave at the officials for the slow count that prevented him from claiming the win, but unfortunately he remains stationary on the apron long enough for Killconey to launch off the nearest turnbuckle and execute Xenocide, piledriving Captain Howdy into the arena floor! Both wrestlers appear to have been knocked out cold, but inside the ring, the action continues.

Louie: Lothar's lost control of this match...

JM: That moron should be calling this match and awarding my guys with the victory! If Lothar isn't the worst ref in the RDCW, I'm damned if I know who is!!!

Doc Mid-Nite is quick and vicious, but Captain Sammitch is a step quicker and his martial-arts bankground gives him an edge in experience... and in patience. Mid-Nite wastes no time unloading on Sammitch, unleashing almost every move in his arsenal, while Sammitch dodges as many of Mid-Nite's attacks as he can and rolls with the ones he can't.

Louie: What's Sammitch waiting for? He's gonna get demolished if he keeps wasting time like this!

JM: This match is a travesty...

Mid-Nite whips Sammitch into the corner and charges at him, landing a hard dropkick to the midsection. Sammitch rebounds off the turnbuckle and staggers across the ring, winded. Picking up momentum, Mid-Nite leg-drops Sammitch, then rolls away and lets Sammitch slowly get to his feet before attacking again.

JM: At this point, I think it's easy to see who's the better wrestler in this match.

Louie: I've said it before and I'll say it again. He's just barely too good to be all talk, but Captain Sammitch is at least ninety percent show!

Mid-Nite takes the initiative and slings Sammitch into the other corner and charges again - only to be cut off by a kick to the side of the head.

Monroe: Buhgawd! Is this a taste of what we're going to see in the Running Man Match at the Rumble?

Now furious, Mid-Nite whips Sammitch toward the ropes one more time, but Sammitch reverses, then on the rebound locks Mid-Nite up for the Sammitch Suplex! The crowd counts along...

ONE! TWO! THREE!! FOUR!!!

After the fourth Sammitch Suplex, Doc Mid-Nite breaks the hold and staggers away.

Meanwhile, Captain Howdy has somehow regained consciousness and has dragged himself to his feet at the edge of the apron across from the announcer's table. He picks up where he left off, shouting and cursing at the ref about the slow two-count, which distracts the ref long enough to buy Mid-Nite some time. Mister JLA slips into the ring as Sammitch watches Mid-Nite, and sizes Sammitch up for the Final Justice. But before he can get Sammitch to turn around, he is grabbed from behind by Killconey! JLA struggles, shouting "You can't do this to me! I AM A GOLDEN M-" before he is cut off by Chewy's Walrus Tusk spear.

During this altercation, Doc Mid-Nite manages to regain his rhythm, and he gets in a few good attacks on Captain Sammitch. The match looks to be going Mid-Nite's way, and the crowd begins frantically cheering Sammitch on as Mid-Nite slings Sammitch into the corner yet again, then charges after him. Mid-Nite attempts to set Sammitch up for a top-rope Lethal Dose as the crowd reaches a deafening volume...

Louie: Both men are climbing the ropes!

JM: C'mon, Doc...finish this thing...

Doc Mid-Nite launches himself off the top rope for the Lethal Dose, but incredibly, Captain Sammitch reverses in midair and slams Mid-Nite into the mat with a force that shakes the whole ring!

Monroe: Sammitch Slam!!! I don't believe it!

Louie: How in the hell did he do that?!?

Sammitch goes for the cover, and James White rings the bell. The crowd goes ballistic as Chewy Walrus and Killconey jump into the ring and the trio celebrates.

Monroe: A helluva match between these two teams!

Louie: Are you kidding? Lothar botched this match and cost the IV the victory! I'm sure, Joe m'boy, you can't be pleased with what you've seen!

JM: Actually, Louie, I'm very happy overall. Sure, Lothar's an idiot and this match will have to be reviewed by the powers that be. And, sure, the SDC is a strong team that works well together. But I've had plenty of time to scout them tonight and I like our chances at the Randy Rumble.

Monroe: I think you're just trying to spin...

JM: Monroe, be a bit smarter. Do you really think my men were working at 100% tonight? The SDC won this battle but, at the Randy Rumble, I guarantee that we'll win the war!

Louie: Spoken like a true manager! I'm so proud...

Monroe: Get ready, folks! Rob's Randy Rumble is almost here!