RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Tuesday Night Havoc: 4/11/06

Hardcore Division Singles Match single choice

Charlie (80%, 8 Votes)

James Fantastic (20%, 2 Votes)

Total Votes: 10 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-04 3:29 AM

Lucha Libre Lockdown single choice

El Superbeasto (40%, 4 Votes)

Rue de Nocturne (30%, 3 Votes)

Juan "Jefe" Diablo (10%, 1 Votes)

Senore Muerte (0%, 0 Votes)

Senor Perdicion (10%, 1 Votes)

El Daga (10%, 1 Votes)

Total Votes: 10 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-04 3:29 AM

Singles Match single choice

Doc. Mid-Nite (60%, 6 Votes)

Killconey (40%, 4 Votes)

Total Votes: 10 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-04 3:29 AM

Tag Match single choice

The Liberal Conspiracy (40%, 4 Votes)

Rebel Express (60%, 6 Votes)

Total Votes: 10 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-04 3:29 AM

Heavyweight Belt "Gauntlet": Match 1 single choice

Nowhereman (70%, 7 Votes)

Stupid Doog (30%, 3 Votes)

Total Votes: 10 Voting on this poll ends: 2024-06-04 3:29 AM

*Havoc opens with The Doctor already in the center of the ring with mike in hand and a briefcase at his feet.*

Doctor: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the first post-Robblemania Havoc. Tonight you will witness the first ever Lucha Libre Lockdown. Some of our own wrestlers made their names south of the border. Tonight they will battle inside a steel cage for your amusement. But first, I want to talk one on one to our old friend Joe Mama. Come on, Joe. Step out here to the ring with me.

*Joe walks out onto the ramp. He looks around confused since his music doesn't begin playing the moment he stepped through the curtain.*

Doctor: No, no, Joe. Music just eats up time, and I've got too much to say to let it wait.

*Joe climbs into the ring.*

Doctor: Now, Joe, as you and many of the fans may recall, I stated that you were to be suspended had you entered the ringside area during Robblemania's Main Event. As you may also recall, you still exited that rampway during the match. Now, normally, you'd be sitting at home right now, feet kicked up, watching Havoc, and sipping on your Appletini. But MisterJLA stood up for you, and that's commendable.

*Joe nods in agreement.*

Doctor: But there still has to be rules in the RDCW. More importantly, there has to be repercussions for breaking those rules. So, while you may not be suspended from the RDCW, you are hereby suspended from the ringside area during any RDCW event for the next 30 days.

*Joe's face begins to twist in anger. He's about to say something but doesn't have a chance.*

Doctor: In addition, if you want to keep drawing a check every week, you'll have to perform job tasks as I and the rest of the RDCW staff sees fit. And the first thing on that list is simply this...

*The Doctor hands Joe Mama the briefcase. Joe Mama opens it up and pulls out a plunger and toilet brush.*

Doctor: Seems our Lucha Libres have run into a little trouble in their locker room. I probably shouldn't have taken them out to eat Roboken's infamous Cocina de Kamphuaseno Mexicano. Now, if you're not up to the task, you can go home for a full 30 days without pay. No, Joe. Don't thank me. Thank MisterJLA.

*Captain Howdy enters through the curtain and down the ramp.*

Doctor: Howdy, you don't have to say a word. I know exactly what you're about to say. If I do this, neither you or JLA will defend your titles. Well, let me remind you of the clause in all RDCW wrestlers' contracts that specifically states that if they don't defend their titles within a 30 day period, they shall forfeit their championships. If you don't think that I'll excercise that clause, I just suggest that the two of you just try me. Now, Joe, you've got a job to do; and we've got a show to start.

*Havoc music blares as the opening sequence rolls.*

"Breakin' the Law" blares over the Cheesedome PA speakers as the RDCW world tag team champions,the Outcasts,roll down to the ring in their custom-built black Hummer.Chris Oakley strides to the center of the ring with a wireless mic in one hand and a clipboard in the other.

CHRIS: Well, was I right or was I right? I said we'd crush the Sudden Death Connection, and we did! (crowd boos viciously) Any of you still doubt that the Outcasts are the greatest tag team in RDCW history? (brief pause) I didn't think so. Now then...(looks at clipboard)to get down to business. As you may have already heard, we've declared war on the MWO, and we're going to win that war. Why? It's simple: we're smarter than they are, we're tougher than they are, we're more talented than they are, and we're definitely better-looking than they are! (Chris and El Superbeasto laugh as the boos get louder) The only area in which we don't have an advantage over them is numbers-- there's four of them, and only three of us.(indicates himself, Superbeasto, and Nuriko) But we aim to change that...(holds clipboard up so the fans can see it)Right here I have a list of RDCW superstars who we're thinking about inviting to become the fourth member of the Outcasts...next Tuesday, when we've made our final decision, we'll be back to tell you who we've picked!

SUPERBEASTO: Prepare yourselves, amigos-- next week you will witness RDCW history being made!

NURIKO(bowing): Thank you for your attention.

CHRIS: And remember, like it says on our Hummer: "Outcasts rule!"

"Breakin' the Law" starts playing again as the RDCW world tag team champions climb into their Hummer and drive off.Camera cuts to Monroe and Louie at ringside.

MONROE: RDCW's most controversial trio is on the verge of becoming a quartet... but who have they chosen as their fourth member?

LOUIE: Chill out, Monroe, they'll tell us when they're ready!

MONROE: In any case, things in RDCW have gotten a lot more interesting as we count down the days until Re-hash!

The camera cuts to backstage, where we see the mWo locker room. The Crotch enters, but sees it's empty

Crotch: Uh...hello? It's The Crotch, I was supposed to be interviewing the mWo here?

As he turns to leave, ZOD rolls out from under a bench where he'd been hiding. Chevy Nova steps out from behind the door and Syxxty-Nine steps out from behind a pile of jackets. Finally, a locker door rattles loudly, and as The Crotch opens it SPAMM falls out, red in the face

SPAMM: Hey Crotch! Sorry about that, we thought you were the Outcasts!

The Crotch: Er...right. So, how do you feel about the Outcasts' challenge?

SPAMM: OUTCASTS?! OH, GOD, HIDE!

Chevy Nova leaps into ZOD's arms, who promptly topples over backwards. SPAMM grabs Syxxty and throws her at Crotch before fleeing.

Louie: Well, it looks like the mWo are unchanged by the Outcasts' challenge!

Havoc goes back to the ring as we see Grimm standing inside with a mic in hand. He's wearing a black button up shirt, with grey slacks and a grey tie. He's also wearing shades and seems a bit hesitant to speak.

"I didn't want to come out here tonight. In fact, I was supposed to take some much needed time off after RobbleMania to deal with some personal business. The truth of the matter is, I really don't want to be here in this arena right now. I don't want to be here in the RDCW tonight."

Bastardo: Then why the hell is he?

Monroe: Let him finish! He's obviously got something on his mind!

"You see, there was a match at RobbleMania the other week. . ."

Crowd starts to cheer for the EPIC sold out ppv and the amazing matches on it.

"No, look, guys. Thank you, but I'm trying to say something here. Quiet down. Please. Quiet down."

Grimm pauses and waits for the crowd to quiet, which they soon do.

"Those of you who saw RobbleMania, as you know, there was a brutal hardcore porn match that saw Pig Iron go down in defeat at the hands of Captain Howdy. You know that Pig Iron was taken out of this arena on a stretcher to the Zachary Smith Memorial Hospital in downtown Roboken."

Images of Pig Iron begin to flash on the Cheese-O-Tron as Grimm speaks.

"What you may not know is that Pig Iron. . .David Barker. . .was pronounced dead on arrival by doctors that same day. There was a private funeral ceremony held on April the sixth in Pig Iron's hometown. I don't want to be here right now."

Monroe: Truly tragic. A sad moment for the RDCW and it's fans.

Bastardo: No one likes to see something like that happen. A horrible, sad occurence.

"I was asked. . .I was asked to come out here tonight and give you all this information and to tell Pig Iron's family that if they need anything, the RDCW will be there for them at all times. For the fans, if you wish to send something to the family of Pig Iron, you may send it to the RDCW offices, where it will be forwarded to his family."

"Tonight, the RDCW wishes to dedicate this show, and our careers to Pig Iron. Thank you."

Grimm begins to leave, but is interrupted as "Money For Nothing" begins to play and Charlie heads down to the ring.

Charlie: Well, if we're about done crying in our beers here, I've got something to say! Everyone's crying about Pig Iron backstage and talking about what a good fella he is! Well, I say bollocks to that!

Crowd booes as Grimm remains silent, standing in the ring.

Charlie: That Hardcore Porn title was one that I worked hard to earn and try to bring a little respect to! And what does Pig Iron do? He wins the belt and uses it as a coaster to hold his beer on between matches and drinking binges! He made a mockery out of the title and everyone who's ever fought for it!

Charlie: Then he goes and makes this open invitational and I'm not even considered for it? I'm one of the greatest. . .no, THE GREATEST Hardcore Porn Champ the RDCW's ever seen!

Grimm: Look man, I know what you're trying to do here. You're a young guy here, trying to make a name for yourself and I respect that, but listen to me now because I'm going to say this once: THIS. IS. NOT. THE. TIME.

Charlie: Not the time? I think it's the perfect time! While every one's getting all weepy eyed and maudlin, don't forget to order your memorial Pig Iron tshirts and dvds available now in the RDCW Shopzone!

Bastardo: They are nice shirts. . .

Monroe: Would you stop?

Grimm: You've got about another three seconds to finish making your point before I end you, Charlie.

Charlie: My point? My point is simple. I'm the best thing in the RDCW today. I'm a part of this: (Charlie holds up four fingers) The best faction in the world of wrestling. This show, this company is about the Four. Why should valuable air time be wasted on a drunken wretch, when these people out here came to see the best wrestlers alive today?

Grimm: The best? You think you're the best? Funny, but I seem to recall Captain Sammitch whipping your ass at RobbleMania!

Crowd goes nuts as Charlie fumes for a moment before replying.

Charlie: BOLLOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Charlie throws down the mic and charges Grimm, hitting a short version of the Pitbull Spear, knocking the wind out of Grimm. He follows up with a pair of Enforcers, before whipping Grimm back into the ropes with a full on Spear, and finally nailing a Five Points. He locks in the Camel Clutch as security, referees, and medical personnell head down to the ring to break things up.

Finally, Charlie is pulled off of Grimm as a stretcher is called for and Grimm placed on it. Security tries to calm Charlie down, but he escapes and stalks after the stretcher, dumping it over and picking it up before slamming it back down on Grimm's body.
Security once again pulls him off as he makes his way over the announce booth and says: "You just walked the Pitbull Line! And everyone in this company is gonna have to deal with me and the Four!"

Charlie is lead out of the arena, still flashing the Four symbol as the emts right the stretcher and put Grimm back on it.

Monroe: Fans, this is horrible. Another dark moment, hot on the heels of Pig Iron at RobbleMania.

Bastardo: He brought it on himself, Monroe. He should've let Charlie have his say!

Monroe: I'm not even going to dignify that remark. Fans, we'll be back after this.

Hardcore Division Singles Match
James Fantastic vs. Charlie

James Fantastic enters the ring. Charlie enters the ring. They fight..... with weapons. Charlie wins, and his music is played. End of match.

Lucha Libre Lockdown
El Daga vs. Senor Perdicion vs. Senor Muerte vs. Juan "Jefe" Diablo vs. Rue de Nocturne vs. El Superbeasto

*Havoc comes back from commercial. A steel cage is surrounding the ring. El Daga, Perdicion, Muerte, Diablo, and Rue de Nocturne are all standing in the ring. El Superbeasto's music is playing as he's making his way to the ring.*

Monroe: Tonight's Lucha Lockdown match has brought together many of the wrestlers from south of the border who have, at one time or another, fought here in the RDCW. Wait...... wait a minute....... What's Rue de Nocturne doing down there? He's not a luchadore! He's never even fought in Mexico!

Louie: Yeah, but he's French. Which means he's just another lazy, unwashed foreigner like those Mexicans.

*Monroe cups his hand over his mike.*

Monroe: _{Stop it! You're going to get us in trouble with the FCC and BBN!} Now the Senior Official for the RDCW, Lothar, is placing the padlock on the door to the cage. The only way to win is to climb over the top and back down to the arena floor on the outside.

*The bell rings and all hell breaks loose. Daga and Perdicion both go after El Superbeasto, driving the Giant Luchadore into a corner. Diablo and Muerte tie up in the center of the ring. As they trade punches, Rue realizes that no one is paying attention to him. He quickly begins to scale the cage wall. Superbeasto grab Daga and Perdicion by their necks and slam their heads together, dropping them to the floor. He sees Rue climbing to the top. Beasto begins to climb right under him. As Rue begins to pull himself over the top, Beasto uses the ropes for support and turns around, grabs Rue by the legs, and pulls the Frenchman down with a powerbomb.

As the match continues, the contestants batter each other using their own wrestling prowress and the unforgiving cage surrounding the ring to weaken the opposition. El Superbeast climbs one corner and gets ready to ascend the side of the cage. Diablo and Muerte grab a leg each and pull the away from each other. Beasto falls, landing crotch first on the ring post and he falls backwards, hanging upside down. El Daga makes a dash across the ring. Senor Perdicion tosses his former tag partner in the air. Daga drops a flying legdrop on the entangled Beasto.

Muerte attempts and escape, but Rue grabs his legs and pulls them from the cage. Muerte holds onto the cage with both hand as Rue attempts to pull him down. Daga, Perdicion, and Diablo assist causing Muerte to fall face first into the mat.

The match continues on as the particpants begin to show their exhaustion. El Superbeasto notices an opportunity and begins to climb the cage again. As he nears the top, he looks back and sees El Daga and Senor Perdicion setting Diablo up for double team Alabama Slam. He ponders for a second before balancing himself on the top of the cage.*

Monroe: MY GAWD!!! GIANTSAULT! GIANTSAULT! GIANTSAULT OFF THE TOP OF THE STEEL CAGE!

*El Superbeasto crashes into the three men, driving them into the canvas. He then, slowly, gets to his knees. Rue and Muerte look at each other and nod. They charge the downed Beasto, but he catches them off guard and grabs them by the necks. Beasto lifts himself to his feet and hits the Chokeslam to Oblivion on both men. He catches his breath for a second before climbing back up the side of the cage. He's slow to pull himself over the top; but when he does, he hangs himself over the side for a few seconds before dropping to the floor. Beasto doesn't even wait for the announcement of his victory before he begins to wobble his way back to the locker room.

As he is exiting, G-Man and Wannabuyamonkey, dressed in SWAT gear, rush the ring.*

Monroe: What's Homeland Security doing here? They don't have a match tonight.

*As Lothar removes the lock and opens the gate, G-Man slams it shut. Wannabuyamonkey pushes the officials away as a van with the letters I.N.S. painted on the side backs down the rampway.*

Louie: Looks like they're doing their job, Monroe, and keeping this great nation of ours safe. Safe from dirty, degenerate Mex.....

*There is a loud hiss and pop as Monroe yanks the cord from Louie's headset from the broadcast feed.*

Monroe: I think it's time for a commercial break.

*The picture fades as El Daga, Senor Perdicion, Senor Muerte, Juan "Jefe" Diablo, and Rue de Nocturne are being dragged into the back of the van.*

Singles Match
Killconey vs. Doc. Mid-Nite

Killconey and Doc. Mid-Nite yell loud, unintelligible words at each other. Then they fight. Doc. Mid-Nite wins. A rabid fan celebrates by lighting his flatulence on fire.

Tag Match
Rebel Express vs. The Liberal Conspiracy

The Rebel Express enter the arena with a lot of energy and fanfare. The Liberal Conspiracy walks down to the ring while a documentary plays on the Cheese-o-tron trying to connect the RDCW Board of Trustees to the 9/11 Hijackings.

"RDCW CEO, Rob Kamphausen, can be linked to Osama Bin Laden."

The bell rings, and the match ensues. Lot of the usual tag team action with near falls, run ins, and the unexplained superpowered entrance. Rebel Express wins.

Mike The Mouth Monroe is standing in the middle of the ring, looking sad...

Quote:

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OK, let's get this over with. Ladies and gents, the new World Champion: MisterJLA

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Rob's Damn Killer Instinct Rip Off Theme Music plays, and MisterJLA heads for the ring alone. His new, custom-made Big Cheese Title is fastened around his waist. He is wearing all black, with a black armband on, with the letters "P.I." inscribed on it. He is also carrying a black bag. JLA takes the mic out of Monroe's hand.

Quote:

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JLA: Normally, I'd celebrate, and share some EPIC news for all of you JLA fans about my title reign, which will be the greatest World Title run EVAR. But before I get into that, I'd like to take out some time to talk about our fallen comrade, Pig Iron.

Yes, Pigsy. Even though he tried to take my dearly departed DCMB Title twice: and failed: he was a true war-yah of pain, or however that goes, and he died doing what he was best at: losing...I mean competing here in the RDCW. His Hardcore Poon title defense at RobbleMania was awe-inspiring. He will be missed by us all, friend and foe alike. Out of respect for this great man, I'd like a moment of silence. Mike...

---

JLA hands the mic to an astonished Monroe, who is taken back by JLA's kind words. The crowd gets to its feet, and Monroe and JLA bow their heads in silence. Ring announcer James White begins to ring the bell at his table.

Two seconds later...

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JLA: YES INDEEED! Pig Iron was a RDCW icon!

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The crowd goes wild! They boo JLA, and throw debris into the ring!

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JLA: What? We had our moment of silence!

Monroe:

JLA: Now then, if you really cared that much about Pigs, look to the CheeseTron!

---

The lights dim, and the CheeseTron lights up. The crowd turns their attention to the gigantic screen. On the screen, is an image of Pigsy's face on a black T-shirt.

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JLA: That's right folks! As my teammate Charlie so eloquently and tactfully informed you before, Pig Iron T shirts are available in the RDCW Shopzone! How much would you expect to pay for such a finely made T Shirt? $99.99? $79.99? No! Because it's Pigs, you can get your memorial T Shirt for just $59.99!!!

---

The crowd is now nearly ready to riot, because of JLA's insensitivity. Monroe leaves the ring in disgust.

Quote:

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JLA: Oh, I get it. You're all offended by this. Well, rest assured that all proceeds will go to the Pig Iron Memorial Fund.

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The crowd slowly calms down...

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_{JLA: Managed by me...}

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JLA OK, then! Yeah! And don't forget the DVD's, too! That will help me...honor the memory of Pig Iron!

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JLA points toward the heavens, and mouths "This is for you, Piggie!

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JLA: On to other matters. As we all know: I AM THE NEW BIG CHEESE CHAMPION!

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The crowd boos...

Quote:

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JLA: RobbleMania was an interesting night. Interesting because as a result of what went down in the Main Event, I gained some new respect for my arch nemesis: thedoctor.

That's right, the same GM that has been doing his best to hold me back. He promised to ban anyone who showed up at ringside during my Main Event match, and Joe Mama, Captain Howdy and myself tried to call his bluff. We figured that with two major championships to bargain with, he would cave in. And while Joe Mama hasn't been banned for life, getting banned for 30 days without pay, and worse yet, cleaning any toilet within the bowels of the Cheesedome is a terrible punishment.

It was a show of power, and I can appreciate that. As the new champion, I decided to talk to the man one-to-one. I presented him with my new vision for the Big Cheese Championship, and to my surprise, we saw eye-to-eye.

Simply put, this championship has lost some of its luster. Nowhereman lost the title twice in a matter of a few months. SPAMM had a very, very brief run as champion. This belt needs to be prestigious again. If someone wants a chance at it, they must earn it. Which leads me into some bad news for you cheap assholes at home:

See this belt?

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JLA points to his championship...

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JLA: Take a good look at it, because times like now are the only way you'll EVAR see it! From now on, I'm Mr. PPV! I'm only going to defend this championship on PPV events! Not here on HAVOK!

If you want to see World Title matches, dig into your pockets and shell out the money to watch our Pay-Per-Views, you cheap cunts! Or buy a ticket like these fine people in attendance tonight!

I'll still cut some EPIC promos on HAVOK like this one, and compete in exhibition matches, but this belt is reserved for the big time moneymaking Pay Per Views! Suck on that!

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The CheeseDome audience voices its disapproval once again...

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JLA: As for who will be the unfortunate sucker to lose to me at the PPV's, that will be decided here on HAVOK! Conventional wisdom would suggest that as the former champion, Nowhereman would be first in line...WRONG!

Former champ or not, that goon will have to earn his rematch! At that begins tonight! Now here man will have to run my personal gauntlet!

I decided to go outside of The IV to find his first opponent. If Now here man loses, he loses his rematch, simple as that! And I'm not ashamed to admit that I found an opponent that will not only defeat him, but also injure him in the process! A man who will...break his legs!

Here he is: one half of the LegBreakereseseses for Hire: Stoooooooooopid Dooooooooooog!

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Stoopid Doog enters the ring to JLA's Kick FUCKING ass theme music. He stands next to JLA...

Quote:

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JLA: Doog, you know what to do. Prevent Nowhereman from making it to our next PPV, and the contents of this bag are yours!

Stoopid Doog: I got it. 25,000 dollars to eliminate him!

JLA: _{That's actually 25,000 RACK points...}

Doog: Huh?

JLA: Nothing.

JLA: Nowhereman, bring your "A" game, 'cause I know the Doog man will!

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JLA slams the mic down onto the canvas, and leaves the ring with Stoopid Doog not far behind...

Heavyweight Belt "Gauntlet": Match 1
Stupid Doog vs. Nowhereman

Very, very brief recap:

Stupid Doog did his best to break Nowhereman's legs, using figure four leglocks, ankle locks, and other leg submission holds.

In the end, Nowhereman's brawling style was too much for Doog, as he ended the match with "The Black n Blue", his Last Ride-styled powerbomb.

JLA watched the entire match from the rampway, and approached it after the match.

Nowhereman dared him to enter the ring, and just as JLA seemed ready to climb into the ring, winged creature attacked Nowhereman from behind!

WC pummeled Nowhereman, as JLA looked on and laughed. Security soon pulled WC off of Nowhereman, and JLA screamed into a microphone:

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Now here man, meet your next opponent in the gauntlet here on HAVOK next week: Winged Creature!

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Camera fades to black...

I didn't read all that.

I never learned how to read.