RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts Nowhereman is making me sad

Surprisingly enough, this answers a few questions I have...

Yeah, like why you feel so connected to Nowhereman--you think the exact same way...

I learned it from watching you.

Yeah, but I was just joking around, man...Good Gob!

It's true, that damn karaoke makes my legs shake with horny anticipation...

I wanna lick his bald head a run my hands along his asscrack as he sings I'm All Outta Love by Air Supply

I love when Snarf drinks the Man Chowdah straight from my full-ripe lactating breasts. All the while cupping my oversized melon balls gingerly----ever so g-i-n-g-e-r-l-y.

You stay away from Snarf he's my Pennsylvania penis-sheath! He keeps my cock nice and warm and sometimes he lets me stick my balls in him at the same time. I draw a nipple on his bald head because then it looks like Salma's tit and i can pretend I'm straight.

Snarf is my little Papi, my sexay lolli-pop man. He feeds me 12 pizzas like I'm a Roman emperor eating grapes. Then I eat up Snarfs for desserts--I lick and chew his toes like lolli-pops.....mmmmm, my little Papi lolli-pop man. Then I kill his man-microphone...I rock that shit like Snarf rocks out 3 Doors Down--3 inches down my gullet of gluttony. Snarf gluttony.

Ok, now's there's a little bit too much thought going into this.

Ok, now's there's a little bit too much thought going into this.

When Snarf visits me the first thing we do is take my action figure collection and insert it, one figure at a time, into each other's anus. Then he sings all my favorite songs using my cock as a microphone. But when he sings a Toad The Wet Socket song it's time for discipline. I shove the used socks I bought from rex on ebay in his mouth and spank him furiously. I say Bad Baby! Bad Baby! and pound that ass until he cries. Then I stroke his ass and coo at him and say Good Baby Good Baby. I take the socks out of his mouth and fill it with my genitals which he suckles like good babies do. Then we fall asleep in each others' arms and i make him breakfast in the morning. I want to marry Snarf and be his wife. He'd be a good husband just like he's a Good Baby.

stop, you're killing me!

Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm Cheetara and Snarf is my nanny instead of Lion-o's. I'm bad...I act bad on purpose..spank me, spank me Snarfs Spank me till my breasts start jiggling and swaying.....purrrrrrr...purrrrr...I stroke my Bostonian, Cheetara pussy (of course it's really my ass) as he spanks me harder...I loved to be spanked as hard as the Yankees spank the Red Sox. I wouldn't trade Snarf for Red Sox Season tickets...I loves him that much. Snarfs sticks a baseball in my mouth to quiet my rapture, and says "Cheetara you bad, bad whore" and "Thunder, thunder, thundercats Hoooooo" as his sword of Omens grows larger and delves into my craving anus (or my Bostonian, cheetara pussy as I like to call it). I cry out as his Philadelphia Freedom pours into my cavity, and my breasts sway in the New England breeze....I wouldn't trade Snarfs for anything in the world, not even Red Sox season tickets

I think I just peed myself.

When Snarf visits me the first thing we do is take my action figure collection and insert it, one figure at a time, into each other's anus. Then he sings all my favorite songs using my cock as a microphone. But when he sings a Toad The Wet Socket song it's time for discipline. I shove the used socks I bought from rex on ebay in his mouth and spank him furiously. I say Bad Baby! Bad Baby! and pound that ass until he cries. Then I stroke his ass and coo at him and say Good Baby Good Baby. I take the socks out of his mouth and fill it with my genitals which he suckles like good babies do. Then we fall asleep in each others' arms and i make him breakfast in the morning. I want to marry Snarf and be his wife. He'd be a good husband just like he's a Good Baby.

I like when me and Snarf play a game where I'm a cow and he has to artificially inseminate me. I spread my ass cheeks wide and he slides his forearm into my asshole. I grunt and moo and he slides his arm out to the wrist and in as far as the elbow. Over and over he works my ass with his microphone-muscled arm. My asshole is loose enough that he could go up to the shoulder but I don't want to seem greedy. Once I've blown my load I suck it off the floor and spit it up Snarf's anus, then I graze of his pubes and tongue bathe his Penisylvania and balls. He slides his body into my ass like I'm a warm, waiting sleeping bag. I clench my muscles until he comes but never so hard as to break his ribs. I love him too much to hurt him with my gaping man-cave.

It was cold in Philadelphia whne I finally decided to see Snarf's hometown. I know I was gonna 1 up Tom Hanks and Antonio Banderas so I called in some favors. It was dark and cold and they arrived before the snow hit. Snarf let them in and I immediately got excited as my double wide ass hit the floor I started undressing I was so horny my Beantown balls got trapped under my left thigh, but I didn't care i was in a rush...a rush for gush. I called them in and waited in anticipation-I had already undressed and stroked my cock and licked my lips as I saw their ambiguously androgynous forms enter...I nearly cummed myself right there as Snarf, Jeremy, and Phil Sammitch pulled their love guns out...Jeremy was so cute wearing his custom made "Jeremy is Dave Mama's Kryptonite " shirt. Phil's heavy eyebrows --oh I yearned to lick them, Snarf's bald head was funny. And then they started the Philly Bukake fest they hovered over me and stroked and stroked and stroked....when they climaxed as I stroked my cok n balls they didn't miss they landed it all---every precious drop into my gaping giant mouth....I was nearly full. Hah, no really I nearly was. Yeah me, that Bukake Boy from Boston.

I was alone and sad here in Ohio. My Snarfy Poo was touring the karaoke bars of Pennsylvania so he didn't have time to see me and be my lovey-dovey hubby and Bad Baby. I was on the boards, looking for any post from Elsia so I could fantasize about being ravaged by Elsia and Klinton and whack off, when I noticed that Sammitch AND Chewy Walrus AND Killconey were all on the boards. I PM'd them and asked if they'd meet me over on AIM. Once there, I invited them to my house for some cocoa and fun and they actually said yes. They came over and i met them at the door, naked and throbbing in anticipation.

Killconey dropped to his knees and immediately started sucking me off as Chewy walrus and Sammitch stripped. Then Chewy Walrus knelt behind me, spread my ass cheeks wide, and I learned why he's REALLY a CHEWY walrus! I never had a rimjob like that before, not even from Snarf. I leaned over and started working Phil's meat flute with my hand - he was a music major but I wanted to perform for him. But Philsy slapped my hand away and snapped his fingers. Immediately the two boys who were making me the luckiest girl in Ohio stopped what they were doing. "It's time to show him how we do it, Chicago-style," Phil said.

They flipped me onto my back and Sammitch thrust his cock hard through my quivering sphincter and past my second o-ring. Facing Sammitch, Chewy pushed his cock past my lips, resting his balls on the bridge of my nose. As they put me on the Chicago rotisserie, Killconey kept himself busy by licking my nipples and fucking my belly button. I kept trying to sodomize him as he worked, but the little guy is surprisingly agile. I gagged on Chewy's li'l walrus as I whined for Killpucker. Suddenly, Sammitch yanked his cock out of my ravaged brown-eye, causing me to blast a liquid shit on the floor, and Chewy stopped skull-fucking me. They sat me up, impaled Killconey on my turgid tallywhacker, and let me drive his face into my fecal mess (we call it Ohio Chowder), as they spanked my own face with their dongs. Occasionally I was able to catch a cock-smack with my tongue. Killconey squealed like a girl as I let loose with my soupy dreck. Then Sammitch and Chewy stopped face-spanking me and turned their cocks to face me. "Ready...aim...FIRE!!!" My face was awash with both men's seed. We didn't even bother with clean-up. We sunk to the floor and passed out, all of us completely satiated.

Fuck Ohio, I'm moving to Chicago!

I have to admit I love Snarf--he's my little bald Boo, but after 3 days being snowed in in Philly listening to the boy toyz moan and Beardguy discussing how sexy Tuvok's ears were I had to get a break. My Sox were travelling to Ranger country and I knew at that moment how I wanted to exercise my sexual freedoms...I needed to branch out and rediscover my inner Papi--I needed to expirement. Luckily I'm the kind of guy that has friends...Crazy friends like Elsia and Jeff. I knew her pussy was hot -it had to be they don't call her GQ Smoothie for nuthin'.And I knew if Phil's eyebrows excited me Elsia's had to make me wanna explode...he had to be a hair bear. Jeff drove down Dallas way and Elsia awaited my arrival from the plane. I met him in the terminal and he drove me back to his place...there were cameras all around the car (I always wondered why his pictures were taken solo in a car--this guy is a freak.) He asked me to unzip my pants and start playing with myself--right there...I had to slide the seat back because my belly was in the way at first but I did...I was getting hot, but it wasn't the Texas sun--this guy Elsia meant business. He was gettin' off too I could tell he was stroking and rubbing his thigh as I was crankin on my little buddy, but I held it we were getting close to his house I knew it. Elsia pulled into the driveway and Jeff was waiting too...Elsia quivered with excitement and said "we're gonna fuck Jeff good...she's a horny Bitch and she can't get enough cock." I was fucking tense, girls weren't my thing but Jeff looked fine you could tell she worked out--at least played video games.I was staring at her fine ass all the way through the front door--I was so excited I left my luggage in the car.
Elsia couldn't wait either he ran into the kitchen and pulled out the whipped cream and strawberries..he ripped off Jeff's clothes and Jeff screamed like a naughty amazon--ya know that 'in heat' kinda scream? Fuck me, my pecker was chubbing in my pants right there...Elsia started fingering jeff's pussy and licking whipped cream off her tits. I got down on the floor after whipping my clothes off and just went straight to munching Elsia's ass--surprisingly he shaved/waxed all that ass rug outta there, but his balls dug deep into my second chin as I ate away...he let out a girly yell...fuck this was hot...just when I thought it couldn't get better...Jeff the horny bitch I knew she was started sucking me off as her pussy was being eaten out, so I started stroking Elsia's cock--it was so fucking big. Elsia came up from Jeff's moist cunt and shoved me in her direction...I pulled my cock outta her mouth and shoved it deep into her trimmed pussy I was thrusting that shit as deep as I could looking at her small tits excited me--they were kinda manish and I was dreamin' her pussy was an ass--I admit I was thinking all about Jeremy until Elsia surprised me and shoved his thick cock into my sweaty, impure, hairy Bostonian ass...his balls slammed into my inner thighs, and I was fucking gone...lost. I musta had that look on my face...Jeff said "don't be a Sooner...drill my pussy more...harder don't cum." I concentrated and I started squeezing her nipples, but Elsia was thrusting his cock so deep and that pussy felt like Snarf's worn out ass, but juicier..Jeff's juices were flowing I could feel them on my balls...it was a fucking sloppy mess. Elsia slammed me so hard i couldn't concentrate I got lost in the moment her warm man BBQ shot up into my small intestine (if ya can call it small)...fuck, my dick popped out and I shot my load all over Jeff's stomach and she screamed..she started rubbing that shit all over and licking it off her fingers.
All I know is Elsia got pissed and started beating me with a a buggy whip.."all that work and you finished on her stomach?" Elsia made me realize right then i did need a man in my life...men were my specialty, but a little girly fuck action with some babe like Jeff isn't too bad once in a while either.

Don't tell my Bad Baby Snarf but, sometimes, when I'm driving home from his house, I take a detour through Pittsburgh and visit Lor. She's a scrawny, tiny little thing but, when she's straddling me from behind and pounding my freckled, pockmarked ass with the Shawn Michaels Special dildo that she saves just for me, she's like a force of nature. She has a tendency to donkey-punch me too hard and I lose consciousness but I like being her bitch. Occasionally, while I'm taking a good stern fucking, she'll put a ballgag in my mouth and make her husband Bugoo dangle his delicious manmeat - the torture is almost too much to bear! Then Lor says, "You swallow that cock! You swallow that big juicy dick or I'll steal Snarf from you and fuck his ass!" When she does that I have to fight the urge to chew through the ballgag just to get to that dazzling specimen of manhood, instead I rip it off my face and then dive face first onto Bugoo's johnson. I'll suck him off until he's good and hard and then he and Lor double penetrate my ass. I almost always come immediately!

The best is when some of Bugoo's friends are there - Lor calls them her Rebound Boys and I think she lets them fuck her. If they're in the house it's a mortal lock that I'm going to be gangfucked. They each take turns nailing me until I bleed and then bust their big nuts into a kiddie pool. Once every lizard is drained of its juicy goodness Lor gets into the pool and rubs those loads all over her body. Then I lick her clean from top to bottom. If there's any jizz left I drink it up. Mmmmmmmmm-mmmmmm, GOOD!

ok, now I really want to get in on this man on man action. Nobody knows how to fuck man-ass like me, knutreturns. You guys have made me cum 5 times with your stories about gay ass sex.