RKMBs
Disco Steve
K. Velo:

Officially broken by MisterJLA

==

The LegionWorld crowd:

Officially broken by the Nature Boys (most notably Franta), and Rob Kamphausen*

(Rob gets partial credit for refusing to save them and their precious little board)

==

Jack, the Little Death:

bsams, and Rob Kamphausen*

(Again, most RKMB Historians give Rob partial credit, in this case, since Rob threatened to have lildeath's brother deported to Guantanamo Bay, or some nonsense)

==

shazamgrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl:

Joe Mama, and rex(?)

===

Beardguy:

Uschi, and rex

===

Batwoman:

bsams and Franta

(It is argued in many circles that anyone who ever wrote the words "guest" and "list" on a Batwoman thread may be due an assist for record keeping purposes.

==

Pariah Carey (Matt Kennedy):

Officially broken by Pariah

==

*This list is not officially endorsed (yet)by the collective users of RKMB, and is subject to change.

Rob Kamphausen, officially broken in by everyone!
didn't Klint have a major part in Bathag?
Klint only puts his part in men!
Halo82:

Joe Mama & Grimm*

*(With an assist by Prometheus and, it seems, Beardguy)
Ah, but the most important machinations are always the ones that go unnoticed...
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
Halo82:

Joe Mama & Grimm*

*(With an assist by Prometheus and, it seems, Beardguy)

I can tell you right now that a couple of those guys are total assholes. The others are ok.
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA


Jack, the Little Death:

bsams, and Rob Kamphausen*

(Again, most RKMB Historians give Rob partial credit, in this case, since Rob threatened to have lildeath's brother deported to Guantanamo Bay, or some nonsense)



This one has many layers!
Jack challenging bsams to a fight, then me challenging him, then him wimping out with gay excuses............funny stuff!

Oh, and how could you forget Speeedy in the list of breakages.
drzsmiths finest moment alongside bsams, franta and myself......funny stuff!

Then of course theres the multitude of Oakley breakdowns.


As for the Legion, I'd give more credit to Llance for breaking them.
Do i get points for running Lor off?
I think Jermery McGrath was key to that!
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
Disco Steve
K. Velo:

Officially broken by MisterJLA


I was mentioned in his livejournal goodbye post. I want partial credit.


 Quote:
shazamgrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl:

Joe Mama, and rex(?)


Joe gets most the credit but I think my shazamgrrl's vibrator alt was a major tipping point



 Quote:
Beardguy:

Uschi, and rex


I broke him twice. The first time was when I sent him a PM asking him if he was retarded. He didn't post for months after that.
PJP gets credit for every time I've left.


(He's always asked for credit when I came back.)
 Originally Posted By: sneaky bunny
Do i get points for running Lor off?


I think you get the score for both Lor's and Elisa's boobie-fueled meltdowns.
That was such a beautiful thread. Both the boobies and the breakdowns.
Shame it vanished.
yes. yes it is...
then there was PenWing.
I still regret letting you get the drop on me with that one!
I started it, but you defo finished him off in style!
I get at least partial for penwing. My penwing's colon was fucking brilliant.
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
Halo82:

Joe Mama & Grimm*

*(With an assist by Prometheus and, it seems, Beardguy)


The "slayer of conservatives" () is gone forEVAR?
 Originally Posted By: rex
PJP gets credit for every time I've left.


(He's always asked for credit when I came back.)


This is only a list of people who left forEVAR.
 Originally Posted By: sneaky bunny
Do i get points for running Lor off?


She's still around.
Waitaminnit...that bleedin' arse actually referred to himself as "slayer of conservatives???"

Christ, if I'd known that, I would've run him off a helluva lot earlier...and I'm politically apathetic. Oh, and since I know he's still lurking here:

"Go cry to Geoff Johns, you gay cunt!"
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
 Originally Posted By: sneaky bunny
Do i get points for running Lor off?


She's still around.


Barely. I still say Bunny scores the kill.
Lor did have bunny melting over the "Lor talk thread" or whatever it was called...
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
Halo82:

Joe Mama & Grimm*

*(With an assist by Prometheus and, it seems, Beardguy)


The "slayer of conservatives" () is gone forEVAR?



slain by people who don't give a rat's arse about politics.
 Originally Posted By: Grimm
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
Halo82:

Joe Mama & Grimm*

*(With an assist by Prometheus and, it seems, Beardguy)


The "slayer of conservatives" () is gone forEVAR?



slain by people who don't give a rat's arse about politics.


The Unholy Alliance is powerful!
You would never guess whomod was his sponsor...

I thought Uschi brought him here.
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
Halo82:

Joe Mama & Grimm*

*(With an assist by Prometheus and, it seems, Beardguy)


The "slayer of conservatives" () is gone forEVAR?


See this thread and this thread...
No, it was whomod.

They met each other at a looting of a Starbucks in Seattle...
I broke Nonyoxonol9.
They met at the boards where everyone agrees with everyone else on everything and no one makes fun of anyone.
An updated version of this thread will be pinned at the Hall of Fame forum that Rob is working on...
 Originally Posted By: Ultimate Jaburg53
I broke Nonyoxonol9.


I had help.
 Originally Posted By: rex
They met at the boards where everyone agrees with everyone else on everything and no one makes fun of anyone.


Halo Lives to Bitch About the rkmb
cut and paste.
I can't see anything. \:\(
Yeah, somebody show a little love, for fuck's sake.
 Originally Posted By: MrJSA
 Originally Posted By: rex
They met at the boards where everyone agrees with everyone else on everything and no one makes fun of anyone.


Halo Lives to Bitch About the rkmb


This?

 Quote:

Halo82
Posted: Jan 19 2008, 11:37 PM
Report Post



I hate them.

I hate them I hate them I hate them.

Most of all I'm tired of fighting over mother fucking comicbooks. I state an opinion and next thing I know I have some fanatical fanboy going nuts because I like or don't like something they're pathological about. No matter how hard I try to say "I understand what you are saying but I don't see that way" the conversation morphs into "you only disagree cause you refuse to listen" or asking me to spoon feed them every little thing that's led me to feel a certain way.

I go to Comicbloc and I say I can't take Secret Invasion seriously becaue it seems Marvel is using cheap sensationalism (having the heroes get all hysterical) to build up a redundant story that's been done ad nauseum. All of a sudden I'm being lambasted cause I don't have any imagination. As though making Iron Fist have a corronary over a Skrull is imaginative? Everybody keeps on getting the impression that I'm saying the heroes shouldn't react at all but nowhere in my post does my statement even slightly reflect that. So basically instead of just excepting my differing opinion they'd rather put words in my mouth to malign my entire point of view.

And it's not just apologists who are unyielding in there fanatasism. It's the critics who can't except others enjoying/understanding something they hate.

I go to Rob's board or even here with DPW (not trying to start a fight dude, but I need to vent) and say I liked GL Rebirth and it made more sense to make Hal be mind fucked then to just have him crack and turn evil. All of a sudden I'm bombarded by unrelenting fanboys who think Rebirth was stupid because of the "space bug" as if that's any cornier or more improbable then space star fish, penguin men, and guys on surf boards. They liked ET, cool, it still exists, the only diffrence now is that instead of succumbing to madness and becoming an evil asshole, Hal succame to Parallax and is a still a hero. But no, that can't POSSIBLY be exceptable. Cause Hal had a fucking history of breakdowns. I ask "what breakdowns" they say "he had woman troubles" or "he traveled cross country to find himself" I say those aren't breakdowns and all of a sudden I'm a dense asshole.

Fuck fanboys.

End rant.
\:damn\:
Canudiggit?
Whomod posts there too?
 Originally Posted By: Ultimate Jaburg53
Canudiggit?





no. no i cant.
Why wasn't I fucking invited?
 Originally Posted By: Ultimate Jaburg53
 Originally Posted By: MrJSA
 Originally Posted By: rex
They met at the boards where everyone agrees with everyone else on everything and no one makes fun of anyone.


Halo Lives to Bitch About the rkmb


This?

 Quote:

Halo82
Posted: Jan 19 2008, 11:37 PM
Report Post



I hate them.

I hate them I hate them I hate them.

Most of all I'm tired of fighting over mother fucking comicbooks. I state an opinion and next thing I know I have some fanatical fanboy going nuts because I like or don't like something they're pathological about. No matter how hard I try to say "I understand what you are saying but I don't see that way" the conversation morphs into "you only disagree cause you refuse to listen" or asking me to spoon feed them every little thing that's led me to feel a certain way.

I go to Comicbloc and I say I can't take Secret Invasion seriously becaue it seems Marvel is using cheap sensationalism (having the heroes get all hysterical) to build up a redundant story that's been done ad nauseum. All of a sudden I'm being lambasted cause I don't have any imagination. As though making Iron Fist have a corronary over a Skrull is imaginative? Everybody keeps on getting the impression that I'm saying the heroes shouldn't react at all but nowhere in my post does my statement even slightly reflect that. So basically instead of just excepting my differing opinion they'd rather put words in my mouth to malign my entire point of view.

And it's not just apologists who are unyielding in there fanatasism. It's the critics who can't except others enjoying/understanding something they hate.

I go to Rob's board or even here with DPW (not trying to start a fight dude, but I need to vent) and say I liked GL Rebirth and it made more sense to make Hal be mind fucked then to just have him crack and turn evil. All of a sudden I'm bombarded by unrelenting fanboys who think Rebirth was stupid because of the "space bug" as if that's any cornier or more improbable then space star fish, penguin men, and guys on surf boards. They liked ET, cool, it still exists, the only diffrence now is that instead of succumbing to madness and becoming an evil asshole, Hal succame to Parallax and is a still a hero. But no, that can't POSSIBLY be exceptable. Cause Hal had a fucking history of breakdowns. I ask "what breakdowns" they say "he had woman troubles" or "he traveled cross country to find himself" I say those aren't breakdowns and all of a sudden I'm a dense asshole.

Fuck fanboys.

End rant.


that was beautiful.
A space bug made him post that.
IN THE ASS!
 Quote:

Halo82
Posted: Jan 19 2008, 11:37 PM
Report Post



I hate them.

I hate them I hate them I hate them.

Most of all I'm tired of fighting over mother fucking comicbooks. I state an opinion and next thing I know I have some fanatical fanboy going nuts because I like or don't like something they're pathological about. No matter how hard I try to say "I understand what you are saying but I don't see that way" the conversation morphs into "you only disagree cause you refuse to listen" or asking me to spoon feed them every little thing that's led me to feel a certain way.

I go to Comicbloc and I say I can't take Secret Invasion seriously becaue it seems Marvel is using cheap sensationalism (having the heroes get all hysterical) to build up a redundant story that's been done ad nauseum. All of a sudden I'm being lambasted cause I don't have any imagination. As though making Iron Fist have a corronary over a Skrull is imaginative? Everybody keeps on getting the impression that I'm saying the heroes shouldn't react at all but nowhere in my post does my statement even slightly reflect that. So basically instead of just excepting my differing opinion they'd rather put words in my mouth to malign my entire point of view.

And it's not just apologists who are unyielding in there fanatasism. It's the critics who can't except others enjoying/understanding something they hate.

I go to Rob's board or even here with DPW (not trying to start a fight dude, but I need to vent) and say I liked GL Rebirth and it made more sense to make Hal be mind fucked then to just have him crack and turn evil. All of a sudden I'm bombarded by unrelenting fanboys who think Rebirth was stupid because of the "space bug" as if that's any cornier or more improbable then space star fish, penguin men, and guys on surf boards. They liked ET, cool, it still exists, the only diffrence now is that instead of succumbing to madness and becoming an evil asshole, Hal succame to Parallax and is a still a hero. But no, that can't POSSIBLY be exceptable. Cause Hal had a fucking history of breakdowns. I ask "what breakdowns" they say "he had woman troubles" or "he traveled cross country to find himself" I say those aren't breakdowns and all of a sudden I'm a dense asshole.

Fuck fanboys.

End rant.


He's right, you know? It just isn't at all exceptable.
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
 Quote:

Halo82
Posted: Jan 19 2008, 11:37 PM
Report Post



I hate them.

I hate them I hate them I hate them.

Most of all I'm tired of fighting over mother fucking comicbooks. I state an opinion and next thing I know I have some fanatical fanboy going nuts because I like or don't like something they're pathological about. No matter how hard I try to say "I understand what you are saying but I don't see that way" the conversation morphs into "you only disagree cause you refuse to listen" or asking me to spoon feed them every little thing that's led me to feel a certain way.

I go to Comicbloc and I say I can't take Secret Invasion seriously becaue it seems Marvel is using cheap sensationalism (having the heroes get all hysterical) to build up a redundant story that's been done ad nauseum. All of a sudden I'm being lambasted cause I don't have any imagination. As though making Iron Fist have a corronary over a Skrull is imaginative? Everybody keeps on getting the impression that I'm saying the heroes shouldn't react at all but nowhere in my post does my statement even slightly reflect that. So basically instead of just excepting my differing opinion they'd rather put words in my mouth to malign my entire point of view.

And it's not just apologists who are unyielding in there fanatasism. It's the critics who can't except others enjoying/understanding something they hate.

I go to Rob's board or even here with DPW (not trying to start a fight dude, but I need to vent) and say I liked GL Rebirth and it made more sense to make Hal be mind fucked then to just have him crack and turn evil. All of a sudden I'm bombarded by unrelenting fanboys who think Rebirth was stupid because of the "space bug" as if that's any cornier or more improbable then space star fish, penguin men, and guys on surf boards. They liked ET, cool, it still exists, the only diffrence now is that instead of succumbing to madness and becoming an evil asshole, Hal succame to Parallax and is a still a hero. But no, that can't POSSIBLY be exceptable. Cause Hal had a fucking history of breakdowns. I ask "what breakdowns" they say "he had woman troubles" or "he traveled cross country to find himself" I say those aren't breakdowns and all of a sudden I'm a dense asshole.

Fuck fanboys.

End rant.


He's right, you know? It just isn't at all exceptable.



I wonder if making up lying bullshit is exceptable.
is this how everything is going to be from now on? just a great big joke?
Goodbye! Goodbye! A final farewell!
What the fuck? Man. I don't give a rat's ass if you're having fun. Have fun.

But this is a MESSAGE BOARD.
I'm just here to talk, man. I don't understand why you're all acting so bitchy.
I have allowed this place to drain and rot my mind and I thoroughly sick of it. I hate not having the intellectual edge I used to flaunt so effortlessly. So this is it. Auf Wiedersehen.

With regards,
-Uschi Von Büccher
finally figured out the search function, huh?
I get here by bookmark.
"BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH"

-Rob's Weblog
 Originally Posted By: Nonoxynol9
Sigh. I guess I'll just let it go...

Don't consider this a victory for you guys. Because if you do, it's only reinforcing your image as completely retarded and socially irredeemable fuckfaces who think they're actually funny. Hahahhaahahahahah! You guys are so funny! You're so cool! Here on Rob Kamphausen's MBs thinking you're the shit! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Fuckheads.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

Thinkin' you're so hilarious.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

More fuckin' pathetic than anything else.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I WIN AGAIN!


(i know i wasn't here, but i'm that good!)
I'm sooooo jealous of Joe Mama, Grimm, Prometheus and Beardguy (yes, even Beardguy).

I caused some meltdowns before, but Halo's is Legendary.
meh, he wasn't around long enough to really "quit". It was entertaining as hell but it would have been better if he was here longer.
After this thread I knew he wouldn't be around for much longer.
 Originally Posted By: britneyspearsatemyshorts
"IM GAY!"

-Rob's Weblog



fixed that for you...
 Originally Posted By: rex
meh, he wasn't around long enough to really "quit". It was entertaining as hell but it would have been better if he was here longer.
she'll be back.
 Originally Posted By: Ultimate Jaburg53
 Originally Posted By: Nonoxynol9
Sigh. I guess I'll just let it go...

Don't consider this a victory for you guys. Because if you do, it's only reinforcing your image as completely retarded and socially irredeemable fuckfaces who think they're actually funny. Hahahhaahahahahah! You guys are so funny! You're so cool! Here on Rob Kamphausen's MBs thinking you're the shit! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Fuckheads.

HAHSAHAHAHAHAHAHAEHAHAHAHEAHAHA...

Thinkin' you're so hilarious.

HAYHAHAHAHAHAHOAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAUHAHAHAHAIHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHANHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHADHA...

More fuckin' pathetic than anything else.

HAEHAHAHAHCAHAHAHAEHAHAHAHAHAMHAHAHAHAHBAHAHAHAHAHAHEAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHRAHAHAHA!


Looks like I missed out on a good one.

PS: Fixed the HAHAs.
I'm just so...proud. Causing a meltdown that carries over into other message boards is something I never imagined doing. Halo's such a whiny little bitch (that's right, Halo, I know you're still lurking you little twat, and I just called you a whiny bitch) - thanks to Grimm, Pro, and Beardguy (in whomever you are).
Anonymous 02/02/08 12:24 PM Reading a post
Forum: Random Chat - sponsored by PJP
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...

Hi Halo!

 Originally Posted By: PCG342
 Originally Posted By: Ultimate Jaburg53
 Originally Posted By: Nonoxynol9
Sigh. I guess I'll just let it go...

Don't consider this a victory for you guys. Because if you do, it's only reinforcing your image as completely retarded and socially irredeemable fuckfaces who think they're actually funny. Hahahhaahahahahah! You guys are so funny! You're so cool! Here on Rob Kamphausen's MBs thinking you're the shit! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Fuckheads.

HAHSAHAHAHAHAHAHAEHAHAHAHEAHAHA...

Thinkin' you're so hilarious.

HAYHAHAHAHAHAHOAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAUHAHAHAHAIHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHANHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHADHA...

More fuckin' pathetic than anything else.

HAEHAHAHAHCAHAHAHAEHAHAHAHAHAMHAHAHAHAHBAHAHAHAHAHAHEAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHRAHAHAHA!


Looks like I missed out on a good one.

PS: Fixed the HAHAs.
Don't worry......I'm sure some day in the very near future we will be doing a reenactment and you will be playing the part of Nonoxynol9.
remember the time we made that guy fake his suicide so we'd leave him alone?
Maybe it's time to do it again.
when in rome....
Houses of the Holy!
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
 Quote:

Halo82
Posted: Jan 19 2008, 11:37 PM
Report Post



I hate them.

I hate them I hate them I hate them.

Most of all I'm tired of fighting over mother fucking comicbooks. I state an opinion and next thing I know I have some fanatical fanboy going nuts because I like or don't like something they're pathological about. No matter how hard I try to say "I understand what you are saying but I don't see that way" the conversation morphs into "you only disagree cause you refuse to listen" or asking me to spoon feed them every little thing that's led me to feel a certain way.

I go to Comicbloc and I say I can't take Secret Invasion seriously becaue it seems Marvel is using cheap sensationalism (having the heroes get all hysterical) to build up a redundant story that's been done ad nauseum. All of a sudden I'm being lambasted cause I don't have any imagination. As though making Iron Fist have a corronary over a Skrull is imaginative? Everybody keeps on getting the impression that I'm saying the heroes shouldn't react at all but nowhere in my post does my statement even slightly reflect that. So basically instead of just excepting my differing opinion they'd rather put words in my mouth to malign my entire point of view.

And it's not just apologists who are unyielding in there fanatasism. It's the critics who can't except others enjoying/understanding something they hate.

I go to Rob's board or even here with DPW (not trying to start a fight dude, but I need to vent) and say I liked GL Rebirth and it made more sense to make Hal be mind fucked then to just have him crack and turn evil. All of a sudden I'm bombarded by unrelenting fanboys who think Rebirth was stupid because of the "space bug" as if that's any cornier or more improbable then space star fish, penguin men, and guys on surf boards. They liked ET, cool, it still exists, the only diffrence now is that instead of succumbing to madness and becoming an evil asshole, Hal succame to Parallax and is a still a hero. But no, that can't POSSIBLY be exceptable. Cause Hal had a fucking history of breakdowns. I ask "what breakdowns" they say "he had woman troubles" or "he traveled cross country to find himself" I say those aren't breakdowns and all of a sudden I'm a dense asshole.

Fuck fanboys.

End rant.


He's right, you know? It just isn't at all exceptable.


also 'succame' is not the correct spelling of the past participle of 'succumb', which is actually spelled 'succumbed'.

I like to think that my repeated quotation and nitpicking of his spelling and grammar mistakes at least got the ball rolling.
If sammitch really got to him he really must have been a loser.
seriously.
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
Disco Steve
K. Velo:

Officially broken by MisterJLA


i think at least disco steve e was emo mad at me, and left for that. i might have even been threatened in his goodbye post, but i don't remember specifically.

superdog, on the otherhand, lurks.



 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA

The LegionWorld crowd:

Officially broken by the Nature Boys (most notably Franta), and Rob Kamphausen*

(Rob gets partial credit for refusing to save them and their precious little board)


i was, grammatically, an ignoramus.

and llance should a get special, indirect call out.


 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA

Jack, the Little Death:

bsams, and Rob Kamphausen*

(Again, most RKMB Historians give Rob partial credit, in this case, since Rob threatened to have lildeath's brother deported to Guantanamo Bay, or some nonsense)


it wasn't nonsense, jla. it was law.
and i think mxy (?) had a thread with a long list of goodbye forever posters in OT
 Originally Posted By: Ultimate Jaburg53
 Originally Posted By: Nonoxynol9
Sigh. I guess I'll just let it go...

Don't consider this a victory for you guys. Because if you do, it's only reinforcing your image as completely retarded and socially irredeemable fuckfaces who think they're actually funny. Hahahhaahahahahah! You guys are so funny! You're so cool! Here on Rob Kamphausen's MBs thinking you're the shit! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Fuckheads.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

Thinkin' you're so hilarious.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

More fuckin' pathetic than anything else.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


Wait, was he Tom Cruise?
Maybe. I mean how do we really know?
 Originally Posted By: Ultimate Jaburg53
Maybe. I mean how do we really know?


Once, Non didn't see Dave Chappelle.
What about "Radu is My Idol"?

Who gets credit for that, his parents, the NBz, or Net Nanny?
Victor Creed

Oficially broken by maturity
SliderACH

Officially broken by PJP
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch


also 'succame' is not the correct spelling of the past participle of 'succumb', which is actually spelled 'succumbed'.

You got it wrong you gaylord.
It is succame.
Its a Japanese word that men use when they want their penis sucked!
in that case I concede the issue to your superior expertise!
OH SNAP!
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
in that case I concede the issue to your superior expertise!

yer just cranky cause japs eat whales whereas you like to fuck em
How do we know whether the goodbye forever people who came back really wanted to come back and how many simply had their goodbyes unwillingly retconned out of existence by some donkeyfucking editor?

RET
Well, we do know Pariah crushed Pariah Carey.

That's for sure.
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
Well, we do know Pariah crushed Pariah Carey.

That's for sure.


But what if the Pariah Carey that was crushed was really just a Skrull in disguise? Or infected by a yellow space bug? Or if the whole thing was wiped away by a wall-punching emo kid? Or if Pariah Carey made a deal with the devil so that the crushing never happened?

HOW CAN WE TRUST ANY OF THE REALITY ABOUT US WHEN IT CHANGES LIKE A MONGOOSE SHEDDING ITS FEATHERS EVERY OTHER TUESDAY??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!




Okay, back to normal. Carey on.
 Originally Posted By: The Pun-isher
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
Well, we do know Pariah crushed Pariah Carey.

That's for sure.


But what if the Pariah Carey that was crushed was really just a Skrull in disguise? Or infected by a yellow space bug? Or if the whole thing was wiped away by a wall-punching emo kid? Or if Pariah Carey made a deal with the devil so that the crushing never happened?

HOW CAN WE TRUST ANY OF THE REALITY ABOUT US WHEN IT CHANGES LIKE A MONGOOSE SHEDDING ITS FEATHERS EVERY OTHER TUESDAY??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!




Okay, back to normal. Carey on.


Are you really as gay as this alt would suggest?
 Originally Posted By: Nowhereman
 Originally Posted By: The Pun-isher
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
Well, we do know Pariah crushed Pariah Carey.

That's for sure.


But what if the Pariah Carey that was crushed was really just a Skrull in disguise? Or infected by a yellow space bug? Or if the whole thing was wiped away by a wall-punching emo kid? Or if Pariah Carey made a deal with the devil so that the crushing never happened?

HOW CAN WE TRUST ANY OF THE REALITY ABOUT US WHEN IT CHANGES LIKE A MONGOOSE SHEDDING ITS FEATHERS EVERY OTHER TUESDAY??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!




Okay, back to normal. Carey on.


Are you really as gay as this alt would suggest?


As much as I hate to gaynsay a fellow poster (wait...no I don't), I expected a better comeback from you, Nowhereman. You disappoint me.
I think that answers his question, Matt.
 Originally Posted By: The Pun-isher
 Originally Posted By: Nowhereman
 Originally Posted By: The Pun-isher
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
Well, we do know Pariah crushed Pariah Carey.

That's for sure.


But what if the Pariah Carey that was crushed was really just a Skrull in disguise? Or infected by a yellow space bug? Or if the whole thing was wiped away by a wall-punching emo kid? Or if Pariah Carey made a deal with the devil so that the crushing never happened?

HOW CAN WE TRUST ANY OF THE REALITY ABOUT US WHEN IT CHANGES LIKE A MONGOOSE SHEDDING ITS FEATHERS EVERY OTHER TUESDAY??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!




Okay, back to normal. Carey on.


Are you really as gay as this alt would suggest?


As much as I hate to gaynsay a fellow poster (wait...no I don't), I expected a better comeback from you, Nowhereman. You disappoint me.

Gay!
 Originally Posted By: The Pun-isher
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
Well, we do know Pariah crushed Pariah Carey.

That's for sure.


But what if the Pariah Carey that was crushed was really just a Skrull in disguise? Or infected by a yellow space bug? Or if the whole thing was wiped away by a wall-punching emo kid? Or if Pariah Carey made a deal with the devil so that the crushing never happened?

HOW CAN WE TRUST ANY OF THE REALITY ABOUT US WHEN IT CHANGES LIKE A MONGOOSE SHEDDING ITS FEATHERS EVERY OTHER TUESDAY??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!




Okay, back to normal. Carey on.



This sounds like something Matt Kennedy would say.....Hmmmmmm.

...Nah! I still say you're apart of the Insurgency forum dregs.
Someone should tell him a mongoose is a mammal, not a bird!
WII ISNT EVEN A WORD!
 Originally Posted By: Nowhereman
Someone should tell him a mongoose is a mammal, not a bird!


What are you, a fucking park ranger now?
Who gives a shit about the marmot!
Rex.
Broken by Rex's Mom.
Keep telling yourself that beardguy.
Also Dude, let's not forget, let's NOT forget that keeping wildlife, um... an amphibious rodent, for... um, you know domestic... within the city... that ain't legal either.
PCG342 by rex. Feb. 11th, 2008.
Easiest breaking ever.
 Quote:
PCG342
Online nerdy Not dead yet.

Registered: Fri Jun 10 2005
Posts: 5335
Loc: Texas

Broken?
I ain't broken. Just bored. And pissing Rex and Nowhereman off is fun.


Broken.
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
PCG342 by rex. Feb. 11th, 2008.
what did I miss?
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
And pissing Rex and Nowhereman off is fun.




Making an even bigger tard of yourself is not pissing me off. You sucking on g-mans dick does not piss me off. You are noting but an annoying little fly that will go away eventually. Go fake internet kill yourself again and just go away.
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
 Quote:
PCG342
Online nerdy Not dead yet.

Registered: Fri Jun 10 2005
Posts: 5335
Loc: Texas

Broken?
I ain't broken. Just bored. And pissing Rex and Nowhereman off is fun.


Since when did I need to be pissed off to insult or hate someone?
 Originally Posted By: The New Adventures of Old PJP
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
PCG342 by rex. Feb. 11th, 2008.
what did I miss?
You missed blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
 Originally Posted By: The New Adventures of Old PJP
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
PCG342 by rex. Feb. 11th, 2008.
what did I miss?


Yes. Link, please.
Go see the media forum. PCgay spammed all my book reviews calling me a troll and reposting g-mans photoshops of me.

As you can see it worked and I'm no longer here because PCgay is so cool and is able to make me leave the boards.
His "landlord" thinks he's cool. And by "cool," I mean "a good cocksucker and lay."
He's better than his wife.
Better to be a janitor than to be some Air Force perv's gaytoy. Jesus, PCG, have some fucking pride.
PCG, broken in by his landlord!
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
PCG342 by rex. Feb. 11th, 2008.


Well, that was quick.
He was broken before.
 Originally Posted By: Joe Mama
His "landlord" thinks he's cool. And by "cool," I mean "a good cocksucker and lay."

http://www.yourfilehost.com/media.php?cat=audio&file=Anti_Nowhere_League___Landlord_Is_A_Wanker.mp3
 Originally Posted By: Nowhereman
Since when did I need to be pissed off to insult or hate someone?


I think the more relevant question is, when are you not pissed off?
hmmmm
When he's asleep...?
I doubt that.
Well there was that one time when...

Nope, I was pissed off then as well!
 Originally Posted By: rex
He's better than his wife.
 Originally Posted By: Nowhereman
PCG, broken in by his landlord!


I believe the term in the Queen's English would be "Rent Boy"?
Male prostitution is the sale of sexual services by a male prostitute with either male or female clients. The gender of a male prostitute's sexual partner or the sexual act that he and the client participates in may not indicate a prostitute's sexual orientation; a male prostitute may be heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual regardless of his client's gender.
Slang
Common slang terms for males involved in prostitution in the Anglosphere include "escorts", "man-whore", "rentboys", "hustlers", "working boys", "trade", "call-boys". Slang terms from other regions include: "taxi boys" (Argentina and to a lesser extent in Chile), "gigolos" (Turkey), "Callboys" (Germany and in the Philippines), “鸭子” pronounced "yāzǐ" and meaning "duck" (Mainland China),"ホスト" pronounced "hosuto" and meaning "host" (Japan), "gigolò" or "puttano" (Italy), "garoto de programa" meaning "program boy" (Brazil) and "tapins" (France). The rentboy name is derived either from the fact that the boys were renting themselves out, or that they paid their rent with their earnings. An escort who doesn't identify as gay, but who has sex with male clients, is sometimes called "gay for pay" or "rough trade". While less frequent[citation needed], male prostitutes offering services to female customers are sometimes known as "giglis" or "gigolos".

Clients, especially ones who pick up escorts on the street or in bars, are sometimes called "johns" or "tricks". Those working in prostitution sometimes refer to their trade as "turning tricks".

People who prostitute themselves with others while in an amorous/sexual relationship are sometimes said to hustle "on the side".
Ok, I was wrong.
You like Huey Lewis and the News?
whomod by thedoctor and bsams. March 13th, 2008.

link
if you dont frquent the politics forum this one is worth checking out. whomod posted a fake AP story where it cliamed US troops fired at katrina victims. after getting proven a fake, he then posts like a hundred stories to a isolated incendent involving local police and says, see i was right!

classic breakdown!

 Originally Posted By: rex
whomod by thedoctor and bsams. March 13th, 2008.
link


It's an epic takedown, that's for sure. But given the frequency with which whomod has been taken down and quit the board over the years (both under the whomd name and various alts) has he ever been NOT in a state of "broken"?
Fucking bunch of fucking.......


Ah fuck forgot what I was going to say.


Cunts!
wow. i haven't frequented the political forum on a regular basis in some time, but that was ... wow. impressive.

ten consecutive everything-is-bold article posts, over the thorough span of 40 minutes worth of internet research! even if whomod had valid points, how does this look like anything but zany H.E.A.T-like actions? typically, this level of stirring and passionate i-hate-george-lucas-remakes enthusiasm is saved for rebuttals.

damn you, internet. (fuck you: internet?)
MisterJLA Moderator Magnum opus
15000+ posts 03/13/08 10:01 AM Reading a post
Forum: Random Chat - sponsored by PJP
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
What I don't get about this whole thing is, how come no one has posted that Goth Whomod Sucking Cock With LLance In The Microwave picture?
 Originally Posted By: Balloon Knot
Fucking bunch of fucking.......


Ah fuck forgot what I was going to say.


Cunts!


Balloon Knot broken by Balloon Knot on 03/13/08 10:18 AM
Shut up faggot. You don't want to piss off balloonknot. Or make yourself look like a bigger piece of shit.
rex speaks from experience...
And you're speaking out of your ass again. If you don't know what you're talking about, shut the hell up.



This is exactly why I call you black PCgay.
You should apologize to rex for implying he's experienced, K-nut. Every one knows that he has no experience (employment, sexual, life) whatsoever.
 Originally Posted By: Im Not Mister Mxyzptlk
What I don't get about this whole thing is, how come no one has posted that Goth Whomod Sucking Cock With LLance In The Microwave picture?

why is llance in the microwave again? I forget.
=== once over twice twisted ===


...or something.
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
why is llance in the microwave again? I forget.

Why not?
 Originally Posted By: Rob Kamphausen
even if whomod had valid points, how does this look like anything but zany H.E.A.T-like actions?


that's what makes it comedy gold, he proved his points werent valid with ten posts in a row!
Honestly, you guys are the most unhelpful mutherfuckers I have ever seen on the inernet!
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Patritots Defeat Giants In The Superbowl - 2008-03-14 12:03 AM
 Quote:
Patritos Defeat Giants In Superbowl

GLENDALE, Ariz. - With the Super Bowl on the line, look who had the perfection thing down Pat: Eli Manning and the road-conquering New York Giants.

And what a beauty their 11th straight road victory was, a 17-14 Super Bowl win Sunday that shattered the New England Patriots’ unblemished season.

In one of the biggest upsets in Super Bowl history, Manning, New York’s unlikely Mr. Cool, hit Plaxico Burress on a 13-yard fade with 35 seconds left. It was the Giants’ fourth consecutive postseason away win and the first time the Patriots tasted defeat in more than a year.

“There’s something about this team,” Manning said. “The way we win games, and performed in the playoffs in the stretch. We had total confidence in ourselves. The players believed in each other.”

It was the most bitter of losses, too, because 12-point favorite New England (18-1) was one play from winning and getting the ultimate revenge for being penalized for illegally taping opponents’ defensive signals in the season opener against the New York Jets.

“I don’t rank them,” Patriots coach Bill Belichick said. “It’s disappointing.”

The Giants had the perfect answer for the suddenly imperfect Patriots: a big, bad defense and the improbable comeback led by Manning. Yes, Eli Manning, who outplayed league MVP Tom Brady and furthered the family legacy one year after older brother Peyton led Indianapolis to the title.

“I talked to Peyton and he said, ‘Go in there, have some fun, you can do it.”’

It was how Eli and the Giants did it.

After Brady found Randy Moss for a 6-yard touchdown with 2:42 to go, New England’s defense couldn’t stop a final, frantic 12-play, 83-yard drive. It featured Manning’s unlikely sack-avoiding scramble and a spectacular leaping catch by David Tyree, who had scored New York’s first touchdown on the opening drive of the fourth quarter.

“It’s the greatest feeling in professional sports,” Burress said before bursting into tears.

“That’s a position you want to be in,” said Manning, who followed Peyton’s MVP performance last year with one of his own. “You can’t write a better script. There were so many big plays on that drive.”

And now the 1972 Miami Dolphins can pop another bottle of champagne in celebration of a record still intact, the NFL’s only perfect season.

“As for the 1972 Dolphins, I don’t take joy in the fact the Patriots lost — period,” said Jim Mandich, the tight end on the 17-0 team. “But I do relish and savor the fact that there has only been one unbeaten team in the history of the NFL, and it is the 1972 Miami Dolphins.”

The Patriots were done in not so much by the pressure of the first unbeaten season in 35 years as by the pressure of a smothering Giants pass rush. Brady, winner of his first three Super Bowls, was sacked five times, hurried a dozen more and at one point wound up on his knees, his hands on his hips following one of many poor throws in New England’s lowest scoring game of the season.

“They played well,” a dour Belichick said. “They made some plays. We made some plays. They just made a few more. We played as hard as we could. We just couldn’t make enough plays.”

Hardly a familiar position for the record-setting Patriots and their megastar quarterback. This time, it wasn’t the Patriots but the Giants making the game-winning rally. This time, the unflappable quarterback making the clutch play wasn’t Brady but Manning, who had been booed by Giants fans for most of his four seasons for a lack of emotion.

Oddly, it was a loss to the Patriots that sparked New York’s stunning run to its third Super Bowl and sixth NFL title. New England won 38-35 in Week 17 to finish the spotless regular season. But by playing hard in a meaningless game for them, the Giants (14-6) gained something of a swagger and Manning found his footing.

Their growing confidence carried them through playoff victories at Tampa, Dallas and Green Bay, and then past the mightiest opponent of all.

“Every team is beatable, you never know,” Giants coach Tom Coughlin said. “The right moment, the right time, every team is beatable.”

Not that the Patriots were very mighty this day. They even conceded with 1 second on the clock as Belichick ran across the field to shake the hand of Coughlin, then headed to the locker room, ignoring the final kneeldown.

That it was Manning taking that knee was stunning. He showed the maturity and brilliant precision late in the game usually associated with, well, Brady.

Peyton Manning was seen in a luxury box jumping up and pumping both fists when Burress, who didn’t practice all week because of injuries, caught the winning score.

“We just hung in there on offense, kept executing,” said Burress, who wasn’t far off on the 23-17 prediction he made a few days ago. “It came down to one play and we made it.”

The Giants became the first NFC wild card team to win a Super Bowl; four AFC teams have done it. They also are the second wild-card champions in three years, following the Pittsburgh Steelers after the 2005 season.

“It’s the way we went about our work,” Coughlin said of the 11-1 road record. “The road signified the coming together of a team. We rode that emotion all the way through.”

The upset also could be viewed as a source of revenge not only for the Giants, but for the other NFL teams over Spygate back in September. That cheating scandal made headlines again late in Super Bowl week, and could have placed an infinite cloud over New England’s perfection.

Until the frantic fourth quarter, the only scoring came on the game’s first two drives.

The Giants did almost exactly what they sought with the opening kickoff, using up nearly 10 minutes to go 63 yards. Almost exactly, but not quite, because they settled for a 32-yard field goal after converting four third downs on the 16-play series. The 9:59 drive was the longest in Super Bowl history.

That 3-0 lead lasted for the rest of the quarter, but only because the Patriots were stopped at New York’s 1 as the period expired. On the next play, Laurence Maroney scored.

New England’s 12-play drive was aided by a 16-yard pass interference penalty on linebacker Antonio Pierce in the end zone. It began with Maroney’s 43-yard kickoff runback.

It was the fewest possessions in the first quarter of a Super Bowl.

New York’s first series of the second quarter looked dangerous after Amani Toomer’s lunging sideline catch for 38 yards. But rookie Steve Smith mishandled Manning’s throw at the New England 10, Ellis Hobbs intercepted and returned it 23 yards.

Those are opportunities teams can’t waste against a strong opponent, let alone the Patriots. It was Manning’s first interception of the postseason, albeit entirely not his fault; the last was by Hobbs in the season finale.

The Giants survived rookie Ahmad Bradshaw’s fumble, which he recovered, on their next series, because their league-leading pass rush came alive when the Patriots got the ball back. New York sacked Brady on successive plays, forcing a punt, but the Giants’ were hurt by an illegal batting of the ball penalty on Bradshaw after reaching the New England 25.

Justin Tuck’s second sack, in the final seconds of the half, forced a fumble recovered by New York teammate Osi Umenyiora. The Giants’ celebrated defensive line controlled much of the half, holding the most prolific offense in NFL history to a measly 81 yards and seven points. New England had the ball only 10:33.

“We played them five weeks ago and it was a three-point game,” Brady said. “And they made enough changes and really eliminated what we did offensively.”

But New York’s mistakes left the Giants with just three points at halftime — and there are no moral victories in Super Bowls.

So the Giants got a real one as the maturing Manning hung in to find Tyree for a 5-yard touchdown to cap an 80-yard drive for a 10-7 lead.

Pressed unlike they are accustomed to, the Patriots responded with their own 80-yard march as Brady finally got some time. Moss, who caught a record 23 of Brady’s record 50 TD throws this year, scored with 2:42 to go when cornerback Corey Webster fell. The first 19-0 season was right there.

Eli and the Giants snatched it away.
Posted By: Rob Re: Patritots Defeat Giants In The Superbowl - 2008-03-14 12:58 AM
Posted By: PJP Re: Patritots Defeat Giants In The Superbowl - 2008-03-14 12:58 AM
is that whomods grandma?
 Originally Posted By: rex



 Originally Posted By: Nowhereman
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
why is llance in the microwave again? I forget.

Why not?


I guess whomod figured: if you're going to give head, why not get a little head too?
i think the government put his head in their because the government hates blacks.
\:\(
sorry k-nut but they turned their backs on the entirely black city of new orleans.
and then shot at em. bastards...


wait. what?
Have you seen the size of LLance?
 Originally Posted By: britneyspearsatemyshorts
i think the government put his head in their because the government hates blacks.


Why would putting LLance's head in the nuker be offensive to blacks?
they were expecting church's chicken!

sincerely,
balloon knot
 Originally Posted By: the G-man
 Originally Posted By: britneyspearsatemyshorts
i think the government put his head in their because the government hates blacks.


Why would putting LLance's head in the nuker be offensive to blacks?

G, its called sarcasm!
Anti-Gaymod sarcasm to be precice!
he had a tough day at traffic court.
Pariah must have been there to fight his ticket.
He still is.

Everyone else though, has gone home!
 Originally Posted By: rex
whomod by thedoctor and bsams. March 13th, 2008 - current


Fixed the dates.
I wonder if I should tell whomod that I was in New Orleans and Gretna, LA on Thursday; and the US troops still weren't letting black people cross the bridge.
If you do, there'll be an "Associated Press" article with a broken link about it within twenty four hours.
And someone posting an APB to let everyone on the 'net know about it.
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
I wonder if I should tell whomod that I was in New Orleans and Gretna, LA on Thursday; and the US troops still weren't letting black people cross the bridge.



it's a good thing you were incognegro!
I think you mean that it was a good thing that I wasn't.
as you are more black than many of the black people I know, you should be aware of what I meant!
Damnit, Grimm! Stop revealing my secrets!






Also, you should really take stock of the black people that you do know. Seriously, Wonder Boy is blacker than most of them.
Most people are blacker than TK.
Even albinos!
 Originally Posted By: britneyspearsatemyshorts
sorry k-nut but they turned their backs on the entirely black city of new orleans.
It's their fault for being poor an getting up on their roofs and thinking their government would rescue them.
no it was because they were black(there are no white people in new orleans), and our goverment is completely white.
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Damnit, Grimm! Stop revealing my secrets!



but I've not yet said anything about your engagement to that female impersonator!


 Quote:
Also, you should really take stock of the black people that you do know. Seriously, Wonder Boy is blacker than most of them.


that was the joke. . .
 Originally Posted By: Grimm
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Damnit, Grimm! Stop revealing my secrets!



but I've not yet said anything about your engagement to that female impersonator!



Does Jeff know about this?
 Originally Posted By: Grimm
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Damnit, Grimm! Stop revealing my secrets!



but I've not yet said anything about your engagement to that female impersonator!


You said that you'd given that up.


 Originally Posted By: Grimm
 Quote:
Also, you should really take stock of the black people that you do know. Seriously, Wonder Boy is blacker than most of them.


that was the joke. . .


I know that, and you know that. Other people didn't. I was trying to keep Pro from coming in here and complaining about everything being an inside joke.
whomod: while still brecovering from his most recent breaking by BSAMS he's then broken some more by an April Fool's Post
And dont fergit this one
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/914288/fpart/2#Post936653
All of this, of course, begs the question: is whomod so broken, permanently, that it's impossible to break him further?
Nope, he can be very much more brokened!
 Originally Posted By: Nowhereman
Nope, he can be very much more brokened!


 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
 Originally Posted By: Grimm
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Damnit, Grimm! Stop revealing my secrets!



but I've not yet said anything about your engagement to that female impersonator!


You said that you'd given that up.



no, I said that YOU'D given up. pronoun trouble abounds. . .


 Quote:
 Originally Posted By: Grimm
 Quote:
Also, you should really take stock of the black people that you do know. Seriously, Wonder Boy is blacker than most of them.


that was the joke. . .


I know that, and you know that. Other people didn't. I was trying to keep Pro from coming in here and complaining about everything being an inside joke.



while he completely ignored the fact that the whole board is one big inside joke.
 Originally Posted By: Grimm
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
 Originally Posted By: Grimm
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Damnit, Grimm! Stop revealing my secrets!



but I've not yet said anything about your engagement to that female impersonator!


You said that you'd given that up.



no, I said that YOU'D given up. pronoun trouble abounds. . .


I think he meant you'd given up being a female impersonator!

Please dont give it up, you look better than Elsia in a dress!
 Originally Posted By: Nowhereman
 Originally Posted By: Grimm
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
 Originally Posted By: Grimm
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Damnit, Grimm! Stop revealing my secrets!



but I've not yet said anything about your engagement to that female impersonator!


You said that you'd given that up.



no, I said that YOU'D given up. pronoun trouble abounds. . .


I think he meant you'd given up being a female impersonator!

Please dont give it up, you look better than Elsia in a dress!




I am a sexy bitch. . .

Might as well make the news of Doc's engagement official.
 Originally Posted By: Grimm
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor


I know that, and you know that. Other people didn't. I was trying to keep Pro from coming in here and complaining about everything being an inside joke.



while he completely ignored the fact that the whole board is one big inside joke.


Why the fuck is everything an fucking inside joke with you two? FUCK!!
Pro is cranky again!
I think he needs Elsia to talk to him again!
whomod is brokeded again.
doesn't this count as one continuous stint of brokenness?
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
whomod is still brokeded.



He hasn't made any sense in any post in a long time.
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
doesn't this count as one continuous stint of brokenness?
....and still no one cares.
Shut up jeremy.
Wow, what a bunch of pathetic, misenthropic, egotistical losers? Are your lives so empty you have to talk big and bad about "breaking" people. Who probaly weren't broken so much as just told you off or were mature enough to move on.
whomod - the brokeded continues
 Originally Posted By: Nowhereman


Another one trick pony.

Only proves how dumb this board is.
Yeah, you do only have that one trick.
 Originally Posted By: rex
Yeah, you do only have that one trick.




Another unimaginative jerkoff.
heh. Pictures. I guess thats one step closer to youtube clips.
 Originally Posted By: rex
heh. Pictures. I guess thats one step closer to youtube clips.


What's your problem with Youtube anyway, son? You'd think if you are willng to spend all your time being a asshole on the internet then youtube wouldn't be a big deal.
 Originally Posted By: David Canary
 Originally Posted By: Nowhereman


Another one trick pony.

Only proves how dumb this board is.

Yeah I agree, Whomod is a one trick pony.
Sucking off ponies though is pretty disgusting!
 Originally Posted By: David Canary
 Originally Posted By: rex
heh. Pictures. I guess thats one step closer to youtube clips.


What's your problem with Youtube anyway, son? You'd think if you are willng to spend all your time being a asshole on the internet then youtube wouldn't be a big deal.



Almost there.
Oh, he's there. I caught him talking to himself over two alts.
 Originally Posted By: Nowhereman
 Originally Posted By: David Canary
 Originally Posted By: Nowhereman


Another one trick pony.

Only proves how dumb this board is.

Yeah I agree, Whomod is a one trick pony.
Sucking off ponies though is pretty disgusting!
Pro has officially broken holo82 (again)

With an assist from Joe Mama.
Admit you started it poopyface!

Zzap!
i got halo good this time check it out


COMEDY GOLD!
 Originally Posted By: britneyspearsatemyshorts
COMEDY GOLD!




I'M SO FUNNY I CAN'T STAND MYSELF!!!!!!!

 Originally Posted By: ISniffBritneySpearsFarts



 Quote:
Hello, my name is Halo82. bsams PWNED me so I figured I'd steal his schtick. Did it work? Dammit!

 Originally Posted By: Halo82
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
 Originally Posted By: Halo82



 Quote:
 Originally Posted By: Halo82
 Originally Posted By: TheTranslator
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
 Originally Posted By: Halo82



 Quote:
 Originally Posted By: Halo82


Translators broken.
 Originally Posted By: britneyspearsatemyshorts
 Originally Posted By: Nowhereman
 Originally Posted By: David Canary
 Originally Posted By: Nowhereman


Another one trick pony.

Only proves how dumb this board is.

Yeah I agree, Whomod is a one trick pony.
Sucking off ponies though is pretty disgusting!
 Originally Posted By: Halo82


COMEDY GOLD!
man...

Rex, Sammitch, and BSAMS, ripping Whomod apart in the John McCain '08 topic yesterday, just...

...wow...


Whomod's been taken down quite a few times, but here he's as infantile and whipped as Halo82.

A sight to behold.
Stop kissing ass. We will never like you.
 Originally Posted By: rex
Stop kissing ass. We will never like you.






Just kidding.
Since when do you like anybody?
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
man...

Rex, Sammitch, and BSAMS, ripping Whomod apart in the John McCain '08 topic yesterday, just...

...wow...


Whomod's been taken down quite a few times, but here he's as infantile and whipped as Halo82.

A sight to behold.


They didn't whip anybody, as always you fucks ganged up on him. If I had been around I'm sure you turds would have been too busy obsessing over me.
 Originally Posted By: rex
Stop kissing ass. We will never like you.


For once I agree with rex's dumbass. Stop kissing up Wonder Boy. That's Prometheus' part to play in this board of morons.
 Originally Posted By: Halo82




 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
 Originally Posted By: Halo82






Another weakling bites the dust.
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
 Originally Posted By: Halo82







 Originally Posted By: britneyspearsatemyshorts
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
 Originally Posted By: Halo82









And the original weakling.
 Originally Posted By: Halo82
 Originally Posted By: britneyspearsatemyshorts
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
 Originally Posted By: Halo82









MAKE IT STOP!



 Originally Posted By: Halo82
They didn't whip anybody, as always you fucks ganged up on him. If I had been around I'm sure you turds would have been too busy obsessing over me.


You sound so hopeful.

Poor baby's gonna that his boyfriend got smacked around again. Perhaps that's the guilt of watching it happen and doing nothing to stop it? I think so, Tommy.
Are wonder mcretard and halo fighting over who I like less?
Do I get official credit for breaking Tommy?
Which time?
 Quote:
Halo82 content User Haloveous
2000+ posts 06/07/08 01:25 PM Reading a post
Forum: Random Chat - sponsored by PJP
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...


I'd say "all of 'em..."

 Originally Posted By: Joe Mama
 Originally Posted By: Halo82
They didn't whip anybody, as always you fucks ganged up on him. If I had been around I'm sure you turds would have been too busy obsessing over me.


You sound so hopeful.

Poor baby's gonna that his boyfriend got smacked around again. Perhaps that's the guilt of watching it happen and doing nothing to stop it? I think so, Tommy.


you make it sound like he didn't stay out of this one on purpose. a little butthurt that whomod didn't come to his rescue, perhaps. and this was the only way he could retaliate without further pummeling - using his teeth didn't end well for him, I'm guessing.
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
 Originally Posted By: Joe Mama
 Originally Posted By: Halo82
They didn't whip anybody, as always you fucks ganged up on him. If I had been around I'm sure you turds would have been too busy obsessing over me.


You sound so hopeful.

Poor baby's gonna that his boyfriend got smacked around again. Perhaps that's the guilt of watching it happen and doing nothing to stop it? I think so, Tommy.


you make it sound like he didn't stay out of this one on purpose. a little butthurt that whomod didn't come to his rescue, perhaps. and this was the only way he could retaliate without further pummeling - using his teeth didn't end well for him, I'm guessing.


Is that how I'm making it sound?
 Originally Posted By: Joe Mama
Do I get official credit for breaking Tommy?


Let's be honest, Joe. Halo's doing most of the work for us. Is there anyway we can give him partial credit for breaking himself?
I thought the qualifications were what other than reality/themselves broke them?
 Originally Posted By: Halo82
And Joe Mama's laughing? I don't get it. What am I missing?
Halo (oops, I meant to say Wank and Cry) and Bionic Redneck.
Yeah, I've heard that before. But why don't you add Rob since he had to go and change my name? Or Nowhereman?

Double Standard much?

Moron.

CHAPTER 1
Marseilles -- The Arrival.

On the 24th of February, 1810, the look-out at Notre-Dame de
la Garde signalled the three-master, the Pharaon from
Smyrna, Trieste, and Naples.

As usual, a pilot put off immediately, and rounding the
Chateau d'If, got on board the vessel between Cape Morgion
and Rion island.

Immediately, and according to custom, the ramparts of Fort
Saint-Jean were covered with spectators; it is always an
event at Marseilles for a ship to come into port, especially
when this ship, like the Pharaon, has been built, rigged,
and laden at the old Phocee docks, and belongs to an owner
of the city.

The ship drew on and had safely passed the strait, which
some volcanic shock has made between the Calasareigne and
Jaros islands; had doubled Pomegue, and approached the
harbor under topsails, jib, and spanker, but so slowly and
sedately that the idlers, with that instinct which is the
forerunner of evil, asked one another what misfortune could
have happened on board. However, those experienced in
navigation saw plainly that if any accident had occurred, it
was not to the vessel herself, for she bore down with all
the evidence of being skilfully handled, the anchor
a-cockbill, the jib-boom guys already eased off, and
standing by the side of the pilot, who was steering the
Pharaon towards the narrow entrance of the inner port, was a
young man, who, with activity and vigilant eye, watched
every motion of the ship, and repeated each direction of the
pilot.

The vague disquietude which prevailed among the spectators
had so much affected one of the crowd that he did not await
the arrival of the vessel in harbor, but jumping into a
small skiff, desired to be pulled alongside the Pharaon,
which he reached as she rounded into La Reserve basin.

When the young man on board saw this person approach, he
left his station by the pilot, and, hat in hand, leaned over
the ship's bulwarks.

He was a fine, tall, slim young fellow of eighteen or
twenty, with black eyes, and hair as dark as a raven's wing;
and his whole appearance bespoke that calmness and
resolution peculiar to men accustomed from their cradle to
contend with danger.

"Ah, is it you, Dantes?" cried the man in the skiff. "What's
the matter? and why have you such an air of sadness aboard?"

"A great misfortune, M. Morrel," replied the young man, --
"a great misfortune, for me especially! Off Civita Vecchia
we lost our brave Captain Leclere."

"And the cargo?" inquired the owner, eagerly.

"Is all safe, M. Morrel; and I think you will be satisfied
on that head. But poor Captain Leclere -- "

"What happened to him?" asked the owner, with an air of
considerable resignation. "What happened to the worthy
captain?"

"He died."

"Fell into the sea?"

"No, sir, he died of brain-fever in dreadful agony." Then
turning to the crew, he said, "Bear a hand there, to take in
sail!"

All hands obeyed, and at once the eight or ten seamen who
composed the crew, sprang to their respective stations at
the spanker brails and outhaul, topsail sheets and halyards,
the jib downhaul, and the topsail clewlines and buntlines.
The young sailor gave a look to see that his orders were
promptly and accurately obeyed, and then turned again to the
owner.

"And how did this misfortune occur?" inquired the latter,
resuming the interrupted conversation.

"Alas, sir, in the most unexpected manner. After a long talk
with the harbor-master, Captain Leclere left Naples greatly
disturbed in mind. In twenty-four hours he was attacked by a
fever, and died three days afterwards. We performed the
usual burial service, and he is at his rest, sewn up in his
hammock with a thirty-six pound shot at his head and his
heels, off El Giglio island. We bring to his widow his sword
and cross of honor. It was worth while, truly," added the
young man with a melancholy smile, "to make war against the
English for ten years, and to die in his bed at last, like
everybody else."

"Why, you see, Edmond," replied the owner, who appeared more
comforted at every moment, "we are all mortal, and the old
must make way for the young. If not, why, there would be no
promotion; and since you assure me that the cargo -- "

"Is all safe and sound, M. Morrel, take my word for it; and
I advise you not to take 25,000 francs for the profits of
the voyage."

Then, as they were just passing the Round Tower, the young
man shouted: "Stand by there to lower the topsails and jib;
brail up the spanker!"

The order was executed as promptly as it would have been on
board a man-of-war.

"Let go -- and clue up!" At this last command all the sails
were lowered, and the vessel moved almost imperceptibly
onwards.

"Now, if you will come on board, M. Morrel," said Dantes,
observing the owner's impatience, "here is your supercargo,
M. Danglars, coming out of his cabin, who will furnish you
with every particular. As for me, I must look after the
anchoring, and dress the ship in mourning."

The owner did not wait for a second invitation. He seized a
rope which Dantes flung to him, and with an activity that
would have done credit to a sailor, climbed up the side of
the ship, while the young man, going to his task, left the
conversation to Danglars, who now came towards the owner. He
was a man of twenty-five or twenty-six years of age, of
unprepossessing countenance, obsequious to his superiors,
insolent to his subordinates; and this, in addition to his
position as responsible agent on board, which is always
obnoxious to the sailors, made him as much disliked by the
crew as Edmond Dantes was beloved by them.

"Well, M. Morrel," said Danglars, "you have heard of the
misfortune that has befallen us?"

"Yes -- yes: poor Captain Leclere! He was a brave and an
honest man."

"And a first-rate seaman, one who had seen long and
honorable service, as became a man charged with the
interests of a house so important as that of Morrel & Son,"
replied Danglars.

"But," replied the owner, glancing after Dantes, who was
watching the anchoring of his vessel, "it seems to me that a
sailor needs not be so old as you say, Danglars, to
understand his business, for our friend Edmond seems to
understand it thoroughly, and not to require instruction
from any one."

"Yes," said Danglars, darting at Edmond a look gleaming with
hate. "Yes, he is young, and youth is invariably
self-confident. Scarcely was the captain's breath out of his
body when he assumed the command without consulting any one,
and he caused us to lose a day and a half at the Island of
Elba, instead of making for Marseilles direct."

"As to taking command of the vessel," replied Morrel, "that
was his duty as captain's mate; as to losing a day and a
half off the Island of Elba, he was wrong, unless the vessel
needed repairs."

"The vessel was in as good condition as I am, and as, I hope
you are, M. Morrel, and this day and a half was lost from
pure whim, for the pleasure of going ashore, and nothing
else."

"Dantes," said the shipowner, turning towards the young man,
"come this way!"

"In a moment, sir," answered Dantes, "and I'm with you."
Then calling to the crew, he said -- "Let go!"

The anchor was instantly dropped, and the chain ran rattling
through the port-hole. Dantes continued at his post in spite
of the presence of the pilot, until this manoeuvre was
completed, and then he added, "Half-mast the colors, and
square the yards!"

"You see," said Danglars, "he fancies himself captain
already, upon my word."

"And so, in fact, he is," said the owner.

"Except your signature and your partner's, M. Morrel."

"And why should he not have this?" asked the owner; "he is
young, it is true, but he seems to me a thorough seaman, and
of full experience."

A cloud passed over Danglars' brow. "Your pardon, M.
Morrel," said Dantes, approaching, "the vessel now rides at
anchor, and I am at your service. You hailed me, I think?"

Danglars retreated a step or two. "I wished to inquire why
you stopped at the Island of Elba?"

"I do not know, sir; it was to fulfil the last instructions
of Captain Leclere, who, when dying, gave me a packet for
Marshal Bertrand."

"Then did you see him, Edmond?"

"Who?"

"The marshal."

"Yes."

Morrel looked around him, and then, drawing Dantes on one
side, he said suddenly -- "And how is the emperor?"

"Very well, as far as I could judge from the sight of him."

"You saw the emperor, then?"

"He entered the marshal's apartment while I was there."

"And you spoke to him?"

"Why, it was he who spoke to me, sir," said Dantes, with a
smile.

"And what did he say to you?"

"Asked me questions about the vessel, the time she left
Marseilles, the course she had taken, and what was her
cargo. I believe, if she had not been laden, and I had been
her master, he would have bought her. But I told him I was
only mate, and that she belonged to the firm of Morrel &
Son. `Ah, yes,' he said, `I know them. The Morrels have been
shipowners from father to son; and there was a Morrel who
served in the same regiment with me when I was in garrison
at Valence.'"

"Pardieu, and that is true!" cried the owner, greatly
delighted. "And that was Policar Morrel, my uncle, who was
afterwards a captain. Dantes, you must tell my uncle that
the emperor remembered him, and you will see it will bring
tears into the old soldier's eyes. Come, come," continued
he, patting Edmond's shoulder kindly, "you did very right,
Dantes, to follow Captain Leclere's instructions, and touch
at Elba, although if it were known that you had conveyed a
packet to the marshal, and had conversed with the emperor,
it might bring you into trouble."

"How could that bring me into trouble, sir?" asked Dantes;
"for I did not even know of what I was the bearer; and the
emperor merely made such inquiries as he would of the first
comer. But, pardon me, here are the health officers and the
customs inspectors coming alongside." And the young man went
to the gangway. As he departed, Danglars approached, and
said, --

"Well, it appears that he has given you satisfactory reasons
for his landing at Porto-Ferrajo?"

"Yes, most satisfactory, my dear Danglars."

"Well, so much the better," said the supercargo; "for it is
not pleasant to think that a comrade has not done his duty."

"Dantes has done his," replied the owner, "and that is not
saying much. It was Captain Leclere who gave orders for this
delay."

"Talking of Captain Leclere, has not Dantes given you a
letter from him?"

"To me? -- no -- was there one?"

"I believe that, besides the packet, Captain Leclere
confided a letter to his care."

"Of what packet are you speaking, Danglars?"

"Why, that which Dantes left at Porto-Ferrajo."

"How do you know he had a packet to leave at Porto-Ferrajo?"

Danglars turned very red.

"I was passing close to the door of the captain's cabin,
which was half open, and I saw him give the packet and
letter to Dantes."

"He did not speak to me of it," replied the shipowner; "but
if there be any letter he will give it to me."

Danglars reflected for a moment. "Then, M. Morrel, I beg of
you," said he, "not to say a word to Dantes on the subject.
I may have been mistaken."

At this moment the young man returned; Danglars withdrew.

"Well, my dear Dantes, are you now free?" inquired the
owner.

"Yes, sir."

"You have not been long detained."

"No. I gave the custom-house officers a copy of our bill of
lading; and as to the other papers, they sent a man off with
the pilot, to whom I gave them."

"Then you have nothing more to do here?"

"No -- everything is all right now."

"Then you can come and dine with me?"

"I really must ask you to excuse me, M. Morrel. My first
visit is due to my father, though I am not the less grateful
for the honor you have done me."

"Right, Dantes, quite right. I always knew you were a good
son."

"And," inquired Dantes, with some hesitation, "do you know
how my father is?"

"Well, I believe, my dear Edmond, though I have not seen him
lately."

"Yes, he likes to keep himself shut up in his little room."

"That proves, at least, that he has wanted for nothing
during your absence."

Dantes smiled. "My father is proud, sir, and if he had not a
meal left, I doubt if he would have asked anything from
anyone, except from Heaven."

"Well, then, after this first visit has been made we shall
count on you."

"I must again excuse myself, M. Morrel, for after this first
visit has been paid I have another which I am most anxious
to pay."

"True, Dantes, I forgot that there was at the Catalans some
one who expects you no less impatiently than your father --
the lovely Mercedes."

Dantes blushed.

"Ah, ha," said the shipowner, "I am not in the least
surprised, for she has been to me three times, inquiring if
there were any news of the Pharaon. Peste, Edmond, you have
a very handsome mistress!"

"She is not my mistress," replied the young sailor, gravely;
"she is my betrothed."

"Sometimes one and the same thing," said Morrel, with a
smile.

"Not with us, sir," replied Dantes.

"Well, well, my dear Edmond," continued the owner, "don't
let me detain you. You have managed my affairs so well that
I ought to allow you all the time you require for your own.
Do you want any money?"

"No, sir; I have all my pay to take -- nearly three months'
wages."

"You are a careful fellow, Edmond."

"Say I have a poor father, sir."

"Yes, yes, I know how good a son you are, so now hasten away
to see your father. I have a son too, and I should be very
wroth with those who detained him from me after a three
months' voyage."

"Then I have your leave, sir?"

"Yes, if you have nothing more to say to me."

"Nothing."

"Captain Leclere did not, before he died, give you a letter
for me?"

"He was unable to write, sir. But that reminds me that I
must ask your leave of absence for some days."

"To get married?"

"Yes, first, and then to go to Paris."

"Very good; have what time you require, Dantes. It will take
quite six weeks to unload the cargo, and we cannot get you
ready for sea until three months after that; only be back
again in three months, for the Pharaon," added the owner,
patting the young sailor on the back, "cannot sail without
her captain."

"Without her captain!" cried Dantes, his eyes sparkling with
animation; "pray mind what you say, for you are touching on
the most secret wishes of my heart. Is it really your
intention to make me captain of the Pharaon?"

"If I were sole owner we'd shake hands on it now, my dear
Dantes, and call it settled; but I have a partner, and you
know the Italian proverb -- Chi ha compagno ha padrone --
`He who has a partner has a master.' But the thing is at
least half done, as you have one out of two votes. Rely on
me to procure you the other; I will do my best."

"Ah, M. Morrel," exclaimed the young seaman, with tears in
his eyes, and grasping the owner's hand, "M. Morrel, I thank
you in the name of my father and of Mercedes."

"That's all right, Edmond. There's a providence that watches
over the deserving. Go to your father: go and see Mercedes,
and afterwards come to me."

"Shall I row you ashore?"

"No, thank you; I shall remain and look over the accounts
with Danglars. Have you been satisfied with him this
voyage?"

"That is according to the sense you attach to the question,
sir. Do you mean is he a good comrade? No, for I think he
never liked me since the day when I was silly enough, after
a little quarrel we had, to propose to him to stop for ten
minutes at the island of Monte Cristo to settle the dispute
-- a proposition which I was wrong to suggest, and he quite
right to refuse. If you mean as responsible agent when you
ask me the question, I believe there is nothing to say
against him, and that you will be content with the way in
which he has performed his duty."

"But tell me, Dantes, if you had command of the Pharaon
should you be glad to see Danglars remain?"

"Captain or mate, M. Morrel, I shall always have the
greatest respect for those who possess the owners'
confidence."

"That's right, that's right, Dantes! I see you are a
thoroughly good fellow, and will detain you no longer. Go,
for I see how impatient you are."

"Then I have leave?"

"Go, I tell you."

"May I have the use of your skiff?"

"Certainly."

"Then, for the present, M. Morrel, farewell, and a thousand
thanks!"

"I hope soon to see you again, my dear Edmond. Good luck to
you."

The young sailor jumped into the skiff, and sat down in the
stern sheets, with the order that he be put ashore at La
Canebiere. The two oarsmen bent to their work, and the
little boat glided away as rapidly as possible in the midst
of the thousand vessels which choke up the narrow way which
leads between the two rows of ships from the mouth of the
harbor to the Quai d'Orleans.

The shipowner, smiling, followed him with his eyes until he
saw him spring out on the quay and disappear in the midst of
the throng, which from five o'clock in the morning until
nine o'clock at night, swarms in the famous street of La
Canebiere, -- a street of which the modern Phocaeans are so
proud that they say with all the gravity in the world, and
with that accent which gives so much character to what is
said, "If Paris had La Canebiere, Paris would be a second
Marseilles." On turning round the owner saw Danglars behind
him, apparently awaiting orders, but in reality also
watching the young sailor, -- but there was a great
difference in the expression of the two men who thus
followed the movements of Edmond Dantes.

We will leave Danglars struggling with the demon of hatred,
and endeavoring to insinuate in the ear of the shipowner
some evil suspicions against his comrade, and follow Dantes,
who, after having traversed La Canebiere, took the Rue de
Noailles, and entering a small house, on the left of the
Allees de Meillan, rapidly ascended four flights of a dark
staircase, holding the baluster with one hand, while with
the other he repressed the beatings of his heart, and paused
before a half-open door, from which he could see the whole
of a small room.

This room was occupied by Dantes' father. The news of the
arrival of the Pharaon had not yet reached the old man, who,
mounted on a chair, was amusing himself by training with
trembling hand the nasturtiums and sprays of clematis that
clambered over the trellis at his window. Suddenly, he felt
an arm thrown around his body, and a well-known voice behind
him exclaimed, "Father -- dear father!"

The old man uttered a cry, and turned round; then, seeing
his son, he fell into his arms, pale and trembling.

"What ails you, my dearest father? Are you ill?" inquired
the young man, much alarmed.

"No, no, my dear Edmond -- my boy -- my son! -- no; but I
did not expect you; and joy, the surprise of seeing you so
suddenly -- Ah, I feel as if I were going to die."

"Come, come, cheer up, my dear father! 'Tis I -- really I!
They say joy never hurts, and so I came to you without any
warning. Come now, do smile, instead of looking at me so
solemnly. Here I am back again, and we are going to be
happy."

"Yes, yes, my boy, so we will -- so we will," replied the
old man; "but how shall we be happy? Shall you never leave
me again? Come, tell me all the good fortune that has
befallen you."

"God forgive me," said the young man, "for rejoicing at
happiness derived from the misery of others, but, Heaven
knows, I did not seek this good fortune; it has happened,
and I really cannot pretend to lament it. The good Captain
Leclere is dead, father, and it is probable that, with the
aid of M. Morrel, I shall have his place. Do you understand,
father? Only imagine me a captain at twenty, with a hundred
louis pay, and a share in the profits! Is this not more than
a poor sailor like me could have hoped for?"

"Yes, my dear boy," replied the old man, "it is very
fortunate."

"Well, then, with the first money I touch, I mean you to
have a small house, with a garden in which to plant
clematis, nasturtiums, and honeysuckle. But what ails you,
father? Are you not well?"

"'Tis nothing, nothing; it will soon pass away" -- and as he
said so the old man's strength failed him, and he fell
backwards.

"Come, come," said the young man, "a glass of wine, father,
will revive you. Where do you keep your wine?"

"No, no; thanks. You need not look for it; I do not want
it," said the old man.

"Yes, yes, father, tell me where it is," and he opened two
or three cupboards.

"It is no use," said the old man, "there is no wine."

"What, no wine?" said Dantes, turning pale, and looking
alternately at the hollow cheeks of the old man and the
empty cupboards. "What, no wine? Have you wanted money,
father?"

"I want nothing now that I have you," said the old man.

"Yet," stammered Dantes, wiping the perspiration from his
brow, -- "yet I gave you two hundred francs when I left,
three months ago."

"Yes, yes, Edmond, that is true, but you forgot at that time
a little debt to our neighbor, Caderousse. He reminded me of
it, telling me if I did not pay for you, he would be paid by
M. Morrel; and so, you see, lest he might do you an injury"
--

"Well?"

"Why, I paid him."

"But," cried Dantes, "it was a hundred and forty francs I
owed Caderousse."

"Yes," stammered the old man.

"And you paid him out of the two hundred francs I left you?"

The old man nodded.

"So that you have lived for three months on sixty francs,"
muttered Edmond.

"You know how little I require," said the old man.

"Heaven pardon me," cried Edmond, falling on his knees
before his father.

"What are you doing?"

"You have wounded me to the heart."

"Never mind it, for I see you once more," said the old man;
"and now it's all over -- everything is all right again."

"Yes, here I am," said the young man, "with a promising
future and a little money. Here, father, here!" he said,
"take this -- take it, and send for something immediately."
And he emptied his pockets on the table, the contents
consisting of a dozen gold pieces, five or six five-franc
pieces, and some smaller coin. The countenance of old Dantes
brightened.

"Whom does this belong to?" he inquired.

"To me, to you, to us! Take it; buy some provisions; be
happy, and to-morrow we shall have more."

"Gently, gently," said the old man, with a smile; "and by
your leave I will use your purse moderately, for they would
say, if they saw me buy too many things at a time, that I
had been obliged to await your return, in order to be able
to purchase them."

"Do as you please; but, first of all, pray have a servant,
father. I will not have you left alone so long. I have some
smuggled coffee and most capital tobacco, in a small chest
in the hold, which you shall have to-morrow. But, hush, here
comes somebody."

"'Tis Caderousse, who has heard of your arrival, and no
doubt comes to congratulate you on your fortunate return."

"Ah, lips that say one thing, while the heart thinks
another," murmured Edmond. "But, never mind, he is a
neighbor who has done us a service on a time, so he's
welcome."

As Edmond paused, the black and bearded head of Caderousse
appeared at the door. He was a man of twenty-five or six,
and held a piece of cloth, which, being a tailor, he was
about to make into a coat-lining.

"What, is it you, Edmond, back again?" said he, with a broad
Marseillaise accent, and a grin that displayed his
ivory-white teeth.

"Yes, as you see, neighbor Caderousse; and ready to be
agreeable to you in any and every way," replied Dantes, but
ill-concealing his coldness under this cloak of civility.

"Thanks -- thanks; but, fortunately, I do not want for
anything; and it chances that at times there are others who
have need of me." Dantes made a gesture. "I do not allude to
you, my boy. No! -- no! I lent you money, and you returned
it; that's like good neighbors, and we are quits."

"We are never quits with those who oblige us," was Dantes'
reply; "for when we do not owe them money, we owe them
gratitude."

"What's the use of mentioning that? What is done is done.
Let us talk of your happy return, my boy. I had gone on the
quay to match a piece of mulberry cloth, when I met friend
Danglars. `You at Marseilles?' -- `Yes,' says he.

"`I thought you were at Smyrna.' -- `I was; but am now back
again.'

"`And where is the dear boy, our little Edmond?'

"`Why, with his father, no doubt,' replied Danglars. And so
I came," added Caderousse, "as fast as I could to have the
pleasure of shaking hands with a friend."

"Worthy Caderousse!" said the old man, "he is so much
attached to us."

"Yes, to be sure I am. I love and esteem you, because honest
folks are so rare. But it seems you have come back rich, my
boy," continued the tailor, looking askance at the handful
of gold and silver which Dantes had thrown on the table.

The young man remarked the greedy glance which shone in the
dark eyes of his neighbor. "Eh," he said, negligently. "this
money is not mine. I was expressing to my father my fears
that he had wanted many things in my absence, and to
convince me he emptied his purse on the table. Come, father"
added Dantes, "put this money back in your box -- unless
neighbor Caderousse wants anything, and in that case it is
at his service."

"No, my boy, no," said Caderousse. "I am not in any want,
thank God, my living is suited to my means. Keep your money
-- keep it, I say; -- one never has too much; -- but, at the
same time, my boy, I am as much obliged by your offer as if
I took advantage of it."

"It was offered with good will," said Dantes.

"No doubt, my boy; no doubt. Well, you stand well with M.
Morrel I hear, -- you insinuating dog, you!"

"M. Morrel has always been exceedingly kind to me," replied
Dantes.

"Then you were wrong to refuse to dine with him."

"What, did you refuse to dine with him?" said old Dantes;
"and did he invite you to dine?"

"Yes, my dear father," replied Edmond, smiling at his
father's astonishment at the excessive honor paid to his
son.

"And why did you refuse, my son?" inquired the old man.

"That I might the sooner see you again, my dear father,"
replied the young man. "I was most anxious to see you."

"But it must have vexed M. Morrel, good, worthy man," said
Caderousse. "And when you are looking forward to be captain,
it was wrong to annoy the owner."

"But I explained to him the cause of my refusal," replied
Dantes, "and I hope he fully understood it."

"Yes, but to be captain one must do a little flattery to
one's patrons."

"I hope to be captain without that," said Dantes.

"So much the better -- so much the better! Nothing will give
greater pleasure to all your old friends; and I know one
down there behind the Saint Nicolas citadel who will not be
sorry to hear it."

"Mercedes?" said the old man.

"Yes, my dear father, and with your permission, now I have
seen you, and know you are well and have all you require, I
will ask your consent to go and pay a visit to the
Catalans."

"Go, my dear boy," said old Dantes: "and heaven bless you in
your wife, as it has blessed me in my son!"

"His wife!" said Caderousse; "why, how fast you go on,
father Dantes; she is not his wife yet, as it seems to me."

"So, but according to all probability she soon will be,"
replied Edmond.

"Yes -- yes," said Caderousse; "but you were right to return
as soon as possible, my boy."

"And why?"

"Because Mercedes is a very fine girl, and fine girls never
lack followers; she particularly has them by dozens."

"Really?" answered Edmond, with a smile which had in it
traces of slight uneasiness.

"Ah, yes," continued Caderousse, "and capital offers, too;
but you know, you will be captain, and who could refuse you
then?"

"Meaning to say," replied Dantes, with a smile which but
ill-concealed his trouble, "that if I were not a captain" --

"Eh -- eh!" said Caderousse, shaking his head.

"Come, come," said the sailor, "I have a better opinion than
you of women in general, and of Mercedes in particular; and
I am certain that, captain or not, she will remain ever
faithful to me."

"So much the better -- so much the better," said Caderousse.
"When one is going to be married, there is nothing like
implicit confidence; but never mind that, my boy, -- go and
announce your arrival, and let her know all your hopes and
prospects."

"I will go directly," was Edmond's reply; and, embracing his
father, and nodding to Caderousse, he left the apartment.

Caderousse lingered for a moment, then taking leave of old
Dantes, he went downstairs to rejoin Danglars, who awaited
him at the corner of the Rue Senac.

"Well," said Danglars, "did you see him?"

"I have just left him," answered Caderousse.

"Did he allude to his hope of being captain?"

"He spoke of it as a thing already decided."

"Indeed!" said Danglars, "he is in too much hurry, it
appears to me."

"Why, it seems M. Morrel has promised him the thing."

"So that he is quite elated about it?"

"Why, yes, he is actually insolent over the matter -- has
already offered me his patronage, as if he were a grand
personage, and proffered me a loan of money, as though he
were a banker."

"Which you refused?"

"Most assuredly; although I might easily have accepted it,
for it was I who put into his hands the first silver he ever
earned; but now M. Dantes has no longer any occasion for
assistance -- he is about to become a captain."

"Pooh!" said Danglars, "he is not one yet."

"Ma foi, it will be as well if he is not," answered
Caderousse; "for if he should be, there will be really no
speaking to him."

"If we choose," replied Danglars, "he will remain what he
is; and perhaps become even less than he is."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing -- I was speaking to myself. And is he still in
love with the Catalane?"

"Over head and ears; but, unless I am much mistaken, there
will be a storm in that quarter."

"Explain yourself."

"Why should I?"

"It is more important than you think, perhaps. You do not
like Dantes?"

"I never like upstarts."

"Then tell me all you know about the Catalane."

"I know nothing for certain; only I have seen things which
induce me to believe, as I told you, that the future captain
will find some annoyance in the vicinity of the Vieilles
Infirmeries."

"What have you seen? -- come, tell me!"

"Well, every time I have seen Mercedes come into the city
she has been accompanied by a tall, strapping, black-eyed
Catalan, with a red complexion, brown skin, and fierce air,
whom she calls cousin."

"Really; and you think this cousin pays her attentions?"

"I only suppose so. What else can a strapping chap of
twenty-one mean with a fine wench of seventeen?"

"And you say that Dantes has gone to the Catalans?"

"He went before I came down."

"Let us go the same way; we will stop at La Reserve, and we
can drink a glass of La Malgue, whilst we wait for news."

"Come along," said Caderousse; "but you pay the score."

"Of course," replied Danglars; and going quickly to the
designated place, they called for a bottle of wine, and two
glasses.

Pere Pamphile had seen Dantes pass not ten minutes before;
and assured that he was at the Catalans, they sat down under
the budding foliage of the planes and sycamores, in the
branches of which the birds were singing their welcome to
one of the first days of spring.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 2

CHAPTER 3
The Catalans.

Beyond a bare, weather-worn wall, about a hundred paces from
the spot where the two friends sat looking and listening as
they drank their wine, was the village of the Catalans. Long
ago this mysterious colony quitted Spain, and settled on the
tongue of land on which it is to this day. Whence it came no
one knew, and it spoke an unknown tongue. One of its chiefs,
who understood Provencal, begged the commune of Marseilles
to give them this bare and barren promontory, where, like
the sailors of old, they had run their boats ashore. The
request was granted; and three months afterwards, around the
twelve or fifteen small vessels which had brought these
gypsies of the sea, a small village sprang up. This village,
constructed in a singular and picturesque manner, half
Moorish, half Spanish, still remains, and is inhabited by
descendants of the first comers, who speak the language of
their fathers. For three or four centuries they have
remained upon this small promontory, on which they had
settled like a flight of seabirds, without mixing with the
Marseillaise population, intermarrying, and preserving their
original customs and the costume of their mother-country as
they have preserved its language.

Our readers will follow us along the only street of this
little village, and enter with us one of the houses, which
is sunburned to the beautiful dead-leaf color peculiar to
the buildings of the country, and within coated with
whitewash, like a Spanish posada. A young and beautiful
girl, with hair as black as jet, her eyes as velvety as the
gazelle's, was leaning with her back against the wainscot,
rubbing in her slender delicately moulded fingers a bunch of
heath blossoms, the flowers of which she was picking off and
strewing on the floor; her arms, bare to the elbow, brown,
and modelled after those of the Arlesian Venus, moved with a
kind of restless impatience, and she tapped the earth with
her arched and supple foot, so as to display the pure and
full shape of her well-turned leg, in its red cotton, gray
and blue clocked, stocking. At three paces from her, seated
in a chair which he balanced on two legs, leaning his elbow
on an old worm-eaten table, was a tall young man of twenty,
or two-and-twenty, who was looking at her with an air in
which vexation and uneasiness were mingled. He questioned
her with his eyes, but the firm and steady gaze of the young
girl controlled his look.

"You see, Mercedes," said the young man, "here is Easter
come round again; tell me, is this the moment for a
wedding?"

"I have answered you a hundred times, Fernand, and really
you must be very stupid to ask me again."

"Well, repeat it, -- repeat it, I beg of you, that I may at
last believe it! Tell me for the hundredth time that you
refuse my love, which had your mother's sanction. Make me
understand once for all that you are trifling with my
happiness, that my life or death are nothing to you. Ah, to
have dreamed for ten years of being your husband, Mercedes,
and to lose that hope, which was the only stay of my
existence!"

"At least it was not I who ever encouraged you in that hope,
Fernand," replied Mercedes; "you cannot reproach me with the
slightest coquetry. I have always said to you, `I love you
as a brother; but do not ask from me more than sisterly
affection, for my heart is another's.' Is not this true,
Fernand?"

"Yes, that is very true, Mercedes," replied the young man,
"Yes, you have been cruelly frank with me; but do you forget
that it is among the Catalans a sacred law to intermarry?"

"You mistake, Fernand; it is not a law, but merely a custom,
and, I pray of you, do not cite this custom in your favor.
You are included in the conscription, Fernand, and are only
at liberty on sufferance, liable at any moment to be called
upon to take up arms. Once a soldier, what would you do with
me, a poor orphan, forlorn, without fortune, with nothing
but a half-ruined hut and a few ragged nets, the miserable
inheritance left by my father to my mother, and by my mother
to me? She has been dead a year, and you know, Fernand, I
have subsisted almost entirely on public charity. Sometimes
you pretend I am useful to you, and that is an excuse to
share with me the produce of your fishing, and I accept it,
Fernand, because you are the son of my father's brother,
because we were brought up together, and still more because
it would give you so much pain if I refuse. But I feel very
deeply that this fish which I go and sell, and with the
produce of which I buy the flax I spin, -- I feel very
keenly, Fernand, that this is charity."

"And if it were, Mercedes, poor and lone as you are, you
suit me as well as the daughter of the first shipowner or
the richest banker of Marseilles! What do such as we desire
but a good wife and careful housekeeper, and where can I
look for these better than in you?"

"Fernand," answered Mercedes, shaking her head, "a woman
becomes a bad manager, and who shall say she will remain an
honest woman, when she loves another man better than her
husband? Rest content with my friendship, for I say once
more that is all I can promise, and I will promise no more
than I can bestow."

"I understand," replied Fernand, "you can endure your own
wretchedness patiently, but you are afraid to share mine.
Well, Mercedes, beloved by you, I would tempt fortune; you
would bring me good luck, and I should become rich. I could
extend my occupation as a fisherman, might get a place as
clerk in a warehouse, and become in time a dealer myself."

"You could do no such thing, Fernand; you are a soldier, and
if you remain at the Catalans it is because there is no war;
so remain a fisherman, and contented with my friendship, as
I cannot give you more."

"Well, I will do better, Mercedes. I will be a sailor;
instead of the costume of our fathers, which you despise, I
will wear a varnished hat, a striped shirt, and a blue
jacket, with an anchor on the buttons. Would not that dress
please you?"

"What do you mean?" asked Mercedes, with an angry glance, --
"what do you mean? I do not understand you?"

"I mean, Mercedes, that you are thus harsh and cruel with
me, because you are expecting some one who is thus attired;
but perhaps he whom you await is inconstant, or if he is
not, the sea is so to him."

"Fernand," cried Mercedes, "I believed you were
good-hearted, and I was mistaken! Fernand, you are wicked to
call to your aid jealousy and the anger of God! Yes, I will
not deny it, I do await, and I do love him of whom you
speak; and, if he does not return, instead of accusing him
of the inconstancy which you insinuate, I will tell you that
he died loving me and me only." The young girl made a
gesture of rage. "I understand you, Fernand; you would be
revenged on him because I do not love you; you would cross
your Catalan knife with his dirk. What end would that
answer? To lose you my friendship if he were conquered, and
see that friendship changed into hate if you were victor.
Believe me, to seek a quarrel with a man is a bad method of
pleasing the woman who loves that man. No, Fernand, you will
not thus give way to evil thoughts. Unable to have me for
your wife, you will content yourself with having me for your
friend and sister; and besides," she added, her eyes
troubled and moistened with tears, "wait, wait, Fernand; you
said just now that the sea was treacherous, and he has been
gone four months, and during these four months there have
been some terrible storms."

Fernand made no reply, nor did he attempt to check the tears
which flowed down the cheeks of Mercedes, although for each
of these tears he would have shed his heart's blood; but
these tears flowed for another. He arose, paced a while up
and down the hut, and then, suddenly stopping before
Mercedes, with his eyes glowing and his hands clinched, --
"Say, Mercedes," he said, "once for all, is this your final
determination?"

"I love Edmond Dantes," the young girl calmly replied, "and
none but Edmond shall ever be my husband."

"And you will always love him?"

"As long as I live."

Fernand let fall his head like a defeated man, heaved a sigh
that was like a groan, and then suddenly looking her full in
the face, with clinched teeth and expanded nostrils, said,
-- "But if he is dead" --

"If he is dead, I shall die too."

"If he has forgotten you" --

"Mercedes!" called a joyous voice from without, --
"Mercedes!"

"Ah," exclaimed the young girl, blushing with delight, and
fairly leaping in excess of love, "you see he has not
forgotten me, for here he is!" And rushing towards the door,
she opened it, saying, "Here, Edmond, here I am!"

Fernand, pale and trembling, drew back, like a traveller at
the sight of a serpent, and fell into a chair beside him.
Edmond and Mercedes were clasped in each other's arms. The
burning Marseilles sun, which shot into the room through the
open door, covered them with a flood of light. At first they
saw nothing around them. Their intense happiness isolated
them from all the rest of the world, and they only spoke in
broken words, which are the tokens of a joy so extreme that
they seem rather the expression of sorrow. Suddenly Edmond
saw the gloomy, pale, and threatening countenance of
Fernand, as it was defined in the shadow. By a movement for
which he could scarcely account to himself, the young
Catalan placed his hand on the knife at his belt.

"Ah, your pardon," said Dantes, frowning in his turn; "I did
not perceive that there were three of us." Then, turning to
Mercedes, he inquired, "Who is this gentleman?"

"One who will be your best friend, Dantes, for he is my
friend, my cousin, my brother; it is Fernand -- the man
whom, after you, Edmond, I love the best in the world. Do
you not remember him?"

"Yes!" said Dantes, and without relinquishing Mercedes hand
clasped in one of his own, he extended the other to the
Catalan with a cordial air. But Fernand, instead of
responding to this amiable gesture, remained mute and
trembling. Edmond then cast his eyes scrutinizingly at the
agitated and embarrassed Mercedes, and then again on the
gloomy and menacing Fernand. This look told him all, and his
anger waxed hot.

"I did not know, when I came with such haste to you, that I
was to meet an enemy here."

"An enemy!" cried Mercedes, with an angry look at her
cousin. "An enemy in my house, do you say, Edmond! If I
believed that, I would place my arm under yours and go with
you to Marseilles, leaving the house to return to it no
more."

Fernand's eye darted lightning. "And should any misfortune
occur to you, dear Edmond," she continued with the same
calmness which proved to Fernand that the young girl had
read the very innermost depths of his sinister thought, "if
misfortune should occur to you, I would ascend the highest
point of the Cape de Morgion and cast myself headlong from
it."

Fernand became deadly pale. "But you are deceived, Edmond,"
she continued. "You have no enemy here -- there is no one
but Fernand, my brother, who will grasp your hand as a
devoted friend."

And at these words the young girl fixed her imperious look
on the Catalan, who, as if fascinated by it, came slowly
towards Edmond, and offered him his hand. His hatred, like a
powerless though furious wave, was broken against the strong
ascendancy which Mercedes exercised over him. Scarcely,
however, had he touched Edmond's hand than he felt he had
done all he could do, and rushed hastily out of the house.

"Oh," he exclaimed, running furiously and tearing his hair
-- "Oh, who will deliver me from this man? Wretched --
wretched that I am!"

"Hallo, Catalan! Hallo, Fernand! where are you running to?"
exclaimed a voice.

The young man stopped suddenly, looked around him, and
perceived Caderousse sitting at table with Danglars, under
an arbor.

"Well", said Caderousse, "why don't you come? Are you really
in such a hurry that you have no time to pass the time of
day with your friends?"

"Particularly when they have still a full bottle before
them," added Danglars. Fernand looked at them both with a
stupefied air, but did not say a word.

"He seems besotted," said Danglars, pushing Caderousse with
his knee. "Are we mistaken, and is Dantes triumphant in
spite of all we have believed?"

"Why, we must inquire into that," was Caderousse's reply;
and turning towards the young man, said, "Well, Catalan,
can't you make up your mind?"

Fernand wiped away the perspiration steaming from his brow,
and slowly entered the arbor, whose shade seemed to restore
somewhat of calmness to his senses, and whose coolness
somewhat of refreshment to his exhausted body.

"Good-day," said he. "You called me, didn't you?" And he
fell, rather than sat down, on one of the seats which
surrounded the table.

"I called you because you were running like a madman, and I
was afraid you would throw yourself into the sea," said
Caderousse, laughing. "Why, when a man has friends, they are
not only to offer him a glass of wine, but, moreover, to
prevent his swallowing three or four pints of water
unnecessarily!"

Fernand gave a groan, which resembled a sob, and dropped his
head into his hands, his elbows leaning on the table.

"Well, Fernand, I must say," said Caderousse, beginning the
conversation, with that brutality of the common people in
which curiosity destroys all diplomacy, "you look uncommonly
like a rejected lover;" and he burst into a hoarse laugh.

"Bah!" said Danglars, "a lad of his make was not born to be
unhappy in love. You are laughing at him, Caderousse."

"No," he replied, "only hark how he sighs! Come, come,
Fernand," said Caderousse, "hold up your head, and answer
us. It's not polite not to reply to friends who ask news of
your health."

"My health is well enough," said Fernand, clinching his
hands without raising his head.

"Ah, you see, Danglars," said Caderousse, winking at his
friend, "this is how it is; Fernand, whom you see here, is a
good and brave Catalan, one of the best fishermen in
Marseilles, and he is in love with a very fine girl, named
Mercedes; but it appears, unfortunately, that the fine girl
is in love with the mate of the Pharaon; and as the Pharaon
arrived to-day -- why, you understand!"

"No; I do not understand," said Danglars.

"Poor Fernand has been dismissed," continued Caderousse.

"Well, and what then?" said Fernand, lifting up his head,
and looking at Caderousse like a man who looks for some one
on whom to vent his anger; "Mercedes is not accountable to
any person, is she? Is she not free to love whomsoever she
will?"

"Oh, if you take it in that sense," said Caderousse, "it is
another thing. But I thought you were a Catalan, and they
told me the Catalans were not men to allow themselves to be
supplanted by a rival. It was even told me that Fernand,
especially, was terrible in his vengeance."

Fernand smiled piteously. "A lover is never terrible," he
said.

"Poor fellow!" remarked Danglars, affecting to pity the
young man from the bottom of his heart. "Why, you see, he
did not expect to see Dantes return so suddenly -- he
thought he was dead, perhaps; or perchance faithless! These
things always come on us more severely when they come
suddenly."

"Ah, ma foi, under any circumstances," said Caderousse, who
drank as he spoke, and on whom the fumes of the wine began
to take effect, -- "under any circumstances Fernand is not
the only person put out by the fortunate arrival of Dantes;
is he, Danglars?"

"No, you are right -- and I should say that would bring him
ill-luck."

"Well, never mind," answered Caderousse, pouring out a glass
of wine for Fernand, and filling his own for the eighth or
ninth time, while Danglars had merely sipped his. "Never
mind -- in the meantime he marries Mercedes -- the lovely
Mercedes -- at least he returns to do that."

During this time Danglars fixed his piercing glance on the
young man, on whose heart Caderousse's words fell like
molten lead.

"And when is the wedding to be?" he asked.

"Oh, it is not yet fixed!" murmured Fernand.

"No, but it will be," said Caderousse, "as surely as Dantes
will be captain of the Pharaon -- eh, Danglars?"

Danglars shuddered at this unexpected attack, and turned to
Caderousse, whose countenance he scrutinized, to try and
detect whether the blow was premeditated; but he read
nothing but envy in a countenance already rendered brutal
and stupid by drunkenness.

"Well," said he, filling the glasses, "let us drink to
Captain Edmond Dantes, husband of the beautiful Catalane!"

Caderousse raised his glass to his mouth with unsteady hand,
and swallowed the contents at a gulp. Fernand dashed his on
the ground.

"Eh, eh, eh!" stammered Caderousse. "What do I see down
there by the wall, in the direction of the Catalans? Look,
Fernand, your eyes are better than mine. I believe I see
double. You know wine is a deceiver; but I should say it was
two lovers walking side by side, and hand in hand. Heaven
forgive me, they do not know that we can see them, and they
are actually embracing!"

Danglars did not lose one pang that Fernand endured.

"Do you know them, Fernand?" he said.

"Yes," was the reply, in a low voice. "It is Edmond and
Mercedes!"

"Ah, see there, now!" said Caderousse; "and I did not
recognize them! Hallo, Dantes! hello, lovely damsel! Come
this way, and let us know when the wedding is to be, for
Fernand here is so obstinate he will not tell us."

"Hold your tongue, will you?" said Danglars, pretending to
restrain Caderousse, who, with the tenacity of drunkards,
leaned out of the arbor. "Try to stand upright, and let the
lovers make love without interruption. See, look at Fernand,
and follow his example; he is well-behaved!"

Fernand, probably excited beyond bearing, pricked by
Danglars, as the bull is by the bandilleros, was about to
rush out; for he had risen from his seat, and seemed to be
collecting himself to dash headlong upon his rival, when
Mercedes, smiling and graceful, lifted up her lovely head,
and looked at them with her clear and bright eyes. At this
Fernand recollected her threat of dying if Edmond died, and
dropped again heavily on his seat. Danglars looked at the
two men, one after the other, the one brutalized by liquor,
the other overwhelmed with love.

"I shall get nothing from these fools," he muttered; "and I
am very much afraid of being here between a drunkard and a
coward. Here's an envious fellow making himself boozy on
wine when he ought to be nursing his wrath, and here is a
fool who sees the woman he loves stolen from under his nose
and takes on like a big baby. Yet this Catalan has eyes that
glisten like those of the vengeful Spaniards, Sicilians, and
Calabrians, and the other has fists big enough to crush an
ox at one blow. Unquestionably, Edmond's star is in the
ascendant, and he will marry the splendid girl -- he will be
captain, too, and laugh at us all, unless" -- a sinister
smile passed over Danglars' lips -- "unless I take a hand in
the affair," he added.

"Hallo!" continued Caderousse, half-rising, and with his
fist on the table, "hallo, Edmond! do you not see your
friends, or are you too proud to speak to them?"

"No, my dear fellow!" replied Dantes, "I am not proud, but I
am happy, and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride."

"Ah, very well, that's an explanation!" said Caderousse.
"How do you do, Madame Dantes?"

Mercedes courtesied gravely, and said -- "That is not my
name, and in my country it bodes ill fortune, they say, to
call a young girl by the name of her betrothed before he
becomes her husband. So call me Mercedes, if you please."

"We must excuse our worthy neighbor, Caderousse," said
Dantes, "he is so easily mistaken."

"So, then, the wedding is to take place immediately, M.
Dantes," said Danglars, bowing to the young couple.

"As soon as possible, M. Danglars; to-day all preliminaries
will be arranged at my father's, and to-morrow, or next day
at latest, the wedding festival here at La Reserve. My
friends will be there, I hope; that is to say, you are
invited, M. Danglars, and you, Caderousse."

"And Fernand," said Caderousse with a chuckle; "Fernand,
too, is invited!"

"My wife's brother is my brother," said Edmond; "and we,
Mercedes and I, should be very sorry if he were absent at
such a time."

Fernand opened his mouth to reply, but his voice died on his
lips, and he could not utter a word.

"To-day the preliminaries, to-morrow or next day the
ceremony! You are in a hurry, captain!"

"Danglars," said Edmond, smiling, "I will say to you as
Mercedes said just now to Caderousse, `Do not give me a
title which does not belong to me'; that may bring me bad
luck."

"Your pardon," replied Danglars, "I merely said you seemed
in a hurry, and we have lots of time; the Pharaon cannot be
under weigh again in less than three months."

"We are always in a hurry to be happy, M. Danglars; for when
we have suffered a long time, we have great difficulty in
believing in good fortune. But it is not selfishness alone
that makes me thus in haste; I must go to Paris."

"Ah, really? -- to Paris! and will it be the first time you
have ever been there, Dantes?"

"Yes."

"Have you business there?"

"Not of my own; the last commission of poor Captain Leclere;
you know to what I allude, Danglars -- it is sacred.
Besides, I shall only take the time to go and return."

"Yes, yes, I understand," said Danglars, and then in a low
tone, he added, "To Paris, no doubt to deliver the letter
which the grand marshal gave him. Ah, this letter gives me
an idea -- a capital idea! Ah; Dantes, my friend, you are
not yet registered number one on board the good ship
Pharaon;" then turning towards Edmond, who was walking away,
"A pleasant journey," he cried.

"Thank you," said Edmond with a friendly nod, and the two
lovers continued on their way, as calm and joyous as if they
were the very elect of heaven.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 3

Danglars followed Edmond and Mercedes with his eyes until
the two lovers disappeared behind one of the angles of Fort
Saint Nicolas, then turning round, he perceived Fernand, who
had fallen, pale and trembling, into his chair, while
Caderousse stammered out the words of a drinking-song.

"Well, my dear sir," said Danglars to Fernand, "here is a
marriage which does not appear to make everybody happy."

"It drives me to despair," said Fernand.

"Do you, then, love Mercedes?"

"I adore her!"

"For long?"

"As long as I have known her -- always."

"And you sit there, tearing your hair, instead of seeking to
remedy your condition; I did not think that was the way of
your people."

"What would you have me do?" said Fernand.

"How do I know? Is it my affair? I am not in love with
Mademoiselle Mercedes; but for you -- in the words of the
gospel, seek, and you shall find."

"I have found already."

"What?"

"I would stab the man, but the woman told me that if any
misfortune happened to her betrothed, she would kill
herself."

"Pooh! Women say those things, but never do them."

"You do not know Mercedes; what she threatens she will do."

"Idiot!" muttered Danglars; "whether she kill herself or
not, what matter, provided Dantes is not captain?"

"Before Mercedes should die," replied Fernand, with the
accents of unshaken resolution, "I would die myself!"

"That's what I call love!" said Caderousse with a voice more
tipsy than ever. "That's love, or I don't know what love
is."

"Come," said Danglars, "you appear to me a good sort of
fellow, and hang me, I should like to help you, but" --

"Yes," said Caderousse, "but how?"

"My dear fellow," replied Danglars, "you are three parts
drunk; finish the bottle, and you will be completely so.
Drink then, and do not meddle with what we are discussing,
for that requires all one's wit and cool judgment."

"I -- drunk!" said Caderousse; "well that's a good one! I
could drink four more such bottles; they are no bigger than
cologne flasks. Pere Pamphile, more wine!" and Caderousse
rattled his glass upon the table.

"You were saving, sir" -- said Fernand, awaiting with great
anxiety the end of this interrupted remark.

"What was I saying? I forget. This drunken Caderousse has
made me lose the thread of my sentence."

"Drunk, if you like; so much the worse for those who fear
wine, for it is because they have bad thoughts which they
are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts;" and
Caderousse began to sing the two last lines of a song very
popular at the time, --

`Tous les mechants sont beuveurs d'eau;
C'est bien prouve par le deluge.'*

* "The wicked are great drinkers of water
As the flood proved once for all."

"You said, sir, you would like to help me, but" --

"Yes; but I added, to help you it would be sufficient that
Dantes did not marry her you love; and the marriage may
easily be thwarted, methinks, and yet Dantes need not die."

"Death alone can separate them," remarked Fernand.

"You talk like a noodle, my friend," said Caderousse; "and
here is Danglars, who is a wide-awake, clever, deep fellow,
who will prove to you that you are wrong. Prove it,
Danglars. I have answered for you. Say there is no need why
Dantes should die; it would, indeed, be a pity he should.
Dantes is a good fellow; I like Dantes. Dantes, your
health."

Fernand rose impatiently. "Let him run on," said Danglars,
restraining the young man; "drunk as he is, he is not much
out in what he says. Absence severs as well as death, and if
the walls of a prison were between Edmond and Mercedes they
would be as effectually separated as if he lay under a
tombstone."

"Yes; but one gets out of prison," said Caderousse, who,
with what sense was left him, listened eagerly to the
conversation, "and when one gets out and one's name is
Edmond Dantes, one seeks revenge" --

"What matters that?" muttered Fernand.

"And why, I should like to know," persisted Caderousse,
"should they put Dantes in prison? he has not robbed or
killed or murdered."

"Hold your tongue!" said Danglars.

"I won't hold my tongue!" replied Caderousse; "I say I want
to know why they should put Dantes in prison; I like Dantes;
Dantes, your health!" and he swallowed another glass of
wine.

Danglars saw in the muddled look of the tailor the progress
of his intoxication, and turning towards Fernand, said,
"Well, you understand there is no need to kill him."

"Certainly not, if, as you said just now, you have the means
of having Dantes arrested. Have you that means?"

"It is to be found for the searching. But why should I
Considering you're having to expend a hundred times more energy and time than either of them had to get a reaction out of you to for you to only get us all to laugh at you, there's not really a double standard going on at all.
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Considering you're having to expend a hundred times more energy and time than either of them had to get a reaction out of you to for you to only get us all to laugh at you, there's not really a double standard going on at all.


Copy and paste is real hard work, doc. And believe me, we are all happy to see that Rob broke down and Nowhereman helped us out. Make another excuse.

CHAPTER 1
Marseilles -- The Arrival.

On the 24th of February, 1810, the look-out at Notre-Dame de
la Garde signalled the three-master, the Pharaon from
Smyrna, Trieste, and Naples.

As usual, a pilot put off immediately, and rounding the
Chateau d'If, got on board the vessel between Cape Morgion
and Rion island.

Immediately, and according to custom, the ramparts of Fort
Saint-Jean were covered with spectators; it is always an
event at Marseilles for a ship to come into port, especially
when this ship, like the Pharaon, has been built, rigged,
and laden at the old Phocee docks, and belongs to an owner
of the city.

The ship drew on and had safely passed the strait, which
some volcanic shock has made between the Calasareigne and
Jaros islands; had doubled Pomegue, and approached the
harbor under topsails, jib, and spanker, but so slowly and
sedately that the idlers, with that instinct which is the
forerunner of evil, asked one another what misfortune could
have happened on board. However, those experienced in
navigation saw plainly that if any accident had occurred, it
was not to the vessel herself, for she bore down with all
the evidence of being skilfully handled, the anchor
a-cockbill, the jib-boom guys already eased off, and
standing by the side of the pilot, who was steering the
Pharaon towards the narrow entrance of the inner port, was a
young man, who, with activity and vigilant eye, watched
every motion of the ship, and repeated each direction of the
pilot.

The vague disquietude which prevailed among the spectators
had so much affected one of the crowd that he did not await
the arrival of the vessel in harbor, but jumping into a
small skiff, desired to be pulled alongside the Pharaon,
which he reached as she rounded into La Reserve basin.

When the young man on board saw this person approach, he
left his station by the pilot, and, hat in hand, leaned over
the ship's bulwarks.

He was a fine, tall, slim young fellow of eighteen or
twenty, with black eyes, and hair as dark as a raven's wing;
and his whole appearance bespoke that calmness and
resolution peculiar to men accustomed from their cradle to
contend with danger.

"Ah, is it you, Dantes?" cried the man in the skiff. "What's
the matter? and why have you such an air of sadness aboard?"

"A great misfortune, M. Morrel," replied the young man, --
"a great misfortune, for me especially! Off Civita Vecchia
we lost our brave Captain Leclere."

"And the cargo?" inquired the owner, eagerly.

"Is all safe, M. Morrel; and I think you will be satisfied
on that head. But poor Captain Leclere -- "

"What happened to him?" asked the owner, with an air of
considerable resignation. "What happened to the worthy
captain?"

"He died."

"Fell into the sea?"

"No, sir, he died of brain-fever in dreadful agony." Then
turning to the crew, he said, "Bear a hand there, to take in
sail!"

All hands obeyed, and at once the eight or ten seamen who
composed the crew, sprang to their respective stations at
the spanker brails and outhaul, topsail sheets and halyards,
the jib downhaul, and the topsail clewlines and buntlines.
The young sailor gave a look to see that his orders were
promptly and accurately obeyed, and then turned again to the
owner.

"And how did this misfortune occur?" inquired the latter,
resuming the interrupted conversation.

"Alas, sir, in the most unexpected manner. After a long talk
with the harbor-master, Captain Leclere left Naples greatly
disturbed in mind. In twenty-four hours he was attacked by a
fever, and died three days afterwards. We performed the
usual burial service, and he is at his rest, sewn up in his
hammock with a thirty-six pound shot at his head and his
heels, off El Giglio island. We bring to his widow his sword
and cross of honor. It was worth while, truly," added the
young man with a melancholy smile, "to make war against the
English for ten years, and to die in his bed at last, like
everybody else."

"Why, you see, Edmond," replied the owner, who appeared more
comforted at every moment, "we are all mortal, and the old
must make way for the young. If not, why, there would be no
promotion; and since you assure me that the cargo -- "

"Is all safe and sound, M. Morrel, take my word for it; and
I advise you not to take 25,000 francs for the profits of
the voyage."

Then, as they were just passing the Round Tower, the young
man shouted: "Stand by there to lower the topsails and jib;
brail up the spanker!"

The order was executed as promptly as it would have been on
board a man-of-war.

"Let go -- and clue up!" At this last command all the sails
were lowered, and the vessel moved almost imperceptibly
onwards.

"Now, if you will come on board, M. Morrel," said Dantes,
observing the owner's impatience, "here is your supercargo,
M. Danglars, coming out of his cabin, who will furnish you
with every particular. As for me, I must look after the
anchoring, and dress the ship in mourning."

The owner did not wait for a second invitation. He seized a
rope which Dantes flung to him, and with an activity that
would have done credit to a sailor, climbed up the side of
the ship, while the young man, going to his task, left the
conversation to Danglars, who now came towards the owner. He
was a man of twenty-five or twenty-six years of age, of
unprepossessing countenance, obsequious to his superiors,
insolent to his subordinates; and this, in addition to his
position as responsible agent on board, which is always
obnoxious to the sailors, made him as much disliked by the
crew as Edmond Dantes was beloved by them.

"Well, M. Morrel," said Danglars, "you have heard of the
misfortune that has befallen us?"

"Yes -- yes: poor Captain Leclere! He was a brave and an
honest man."

"And a first-rate seaman, one who had seen long and
honorable service, as became a man charged with the
interests of a house so important as that of Morrel & Son,"
replied Danglars.

"But," replied the owner, glancing after Dantes, who was
watching the anchoring of his vessel, "it seems to me that a
sailor needs not be so old as you say, Danglars, to
understand his business, for our friend Edmond seems to
understand it thoroughly, and not to require instruction
from any one."

"Yes," said Danglars, darting at Edmond a look gleaming with
hate. "Yes, he is young, and youth is invariably
self-confident. Scarcely was the captain's breath out of his
body when he assumed the command without consulting any one,
and he caused us to lose a day and a half at the Island of
Elba, instead of making for Marseilles direct."

"As to taking command of the vessel," replied Morrel, "that
was his duty as captain's mate; as to losing a day and a
half off the Island of Elba, he was wrong, unless the vessel
needed repairs."

"The vessel was in as good condition as I am, and as, I hope
you are, M. Morrel, and this day and a half was lost from
pure whim, for the pleasure of going ashore, and nothing
else."

"Dantes," said the shipowner, turning towards the young man,
"come this way!"

"In a moment, sir," answered Dantes, "and I'm with you."
Then calling to the crew, he said -- "Let go!"

The anchor was instantly dropped, and the chain ran rattling
through the port-hole. Dantes continued at his post in spite
of the presence of the pilot, until this manoeuvre was
completed, and then he added, "Half-mast the colors, and
square the yards!"

"You see," said Danglars, "he fancies himself captain
already, upon my word."

"And so, in fact, he is," said the owner.

"Except your signature and your partner's, M. Morrel."

"And why should he not have this?" asked the owner; "he is
young, it is true, but he seems to me a thorough seaman, and
of full experience."

A cloud passed over Danglars' brow. "Your pardon, M.
Morrel," said Dantes, approaching, "the vessel now rides at
anchor, and I am at your service. You hailed me, I think?"

Danglars retreated a step or two. "I wished to inquire why
you stopped at the Island of Elba?"

"I do not know, sir; it was to fulfil the last instructions
of Captain Leclere, who, when dying, gave me a packet for
Marshal Bertrand."

"Then did you see him, Edmond?"

"Who?"

"The marshal."

"Yes."

Morrel looked around him, and then, drawing Dantes on one
side, he said suddenly -- "And how is the emperor?"

"Very well, as far as I could judge from the sight of him."

"You saw the emperor, then?"

"He entered the marshal's apartment while I was there."

"And you spoke to him?"

"Why, it was he who spoke to me, sir," said Dantes, with a
smile.

"And what did he say to you?"

"Asked me questions about the vessel, the time she left
Marseilles, the course she had taken, and what was her
cargo. I believe, if she had not been laden, and I had been
her master, he would have bought her. But I told him I was
only mate, and that she belonged to the firm of Morrel &
Son. `Ah, yes,' he said, `I know them. The Morrels have been
shipowners from father to son; and there was a Morrel who
served in the same regiment with me when I was in garrison
at Valence.'"

"Pardieu, and that is true!" cried the owner, greatly
delighted. "And that was Policar Morrel, my uncle, who was
afterwards a captain. Dantes, you must tell my uncle that
the emperor remembered him, and you will see it will bring
tears into the old soldier's eyes. Come, come," continued
he, patting Edmond's shoulder kindly, "you did very right,
Dantes, to follow Captain Leclere's instructions, and touch
at Elba, although if it were known that you had conveyed a
packet to the marshal, and had conversed with the emperor,
it might bring you into trouble."

"How could that bring me into trouble, sir?" asked Dantes;
"for I did not even know of what I was the bearer; and the
emperor merely made such inquiries as he would of the first
comer. But, pardon me, here are the health officers and the
customs inspectors coming alongside." And the young man went
to the gangway. As he departed, Danglars approached, and
said, --

"Well, it appears that he has given you satisfactory reasons
for his landing at Porto-Ferrajo?"

"Yes, most satisfactory, my dear Danglars."

"Well, so much the better," said the supercargo; "for it is
not pleasant to think that a comrade has not done his duty."

"Dantes has done his," replied the owner, "and that is not
saying much. It was Captain Leclere who gave orders for this
delay."

"Talking of Captain Leclere, has not Dantes given you a
letter from him?"

"To me? -- no -- was there one?"

"I believe that, besides the packet, Captain Leclere
confided a letter to his care."

"Of what packet are you speaking, Danglars?"

"Why, that which Dantes left at Porto-Ferrajo."

"How do you know he had a packet to leave at Porto-Ferrajo?"

Danglars turned very red.

"I was passing close to the door of the captain's cabin,
which was half open, and I saw him give the packet and
letter to Dantes."

"He did not speak to me of it," replied the shipowner; "but
if there be any letter he will give it to me."

Danglars reflected for a moment. "Then, M. Morrel, I beg of
you," said he, "not to say a word to Dantes on the subject.
I may have been mistaken."

At this moment the young man returned; Danglars withdrew.

"Well, my dear Dantes, are you now free?" inquired the
owner.

"Yes, sir."

"You have not been long detained."

"No. I gave the custom-house officers a copy of our bill of
lading; and as to the other papers, they sent a man off with
the pilot, to whom I gave them."

"Then you have nothing more to do here?"

"No -- everything is all right now."

"Then you can come and dine with me?"

"I really must ask you to excuse me, M. Morrel. My first
visit is due to my father, though I am not the less grateful
for the honor you have done me."

"Right, Dantes, quite right. I always knew you were a good
son."

"And," inquired Dantes, with some hesitation, "do you know
how my father is?"

"Well, I believe, my dear Edmond, though I have not seen him
lately."

"Yes, he likes to keep himself shut up in his little room."

"That proves, at least, that he has wanted for nothing
during your absence."

Dantes smiled. "My father is proud, sir, and if he had not a
meal left, I doubt if he would have asked anything from
anyone, except from Heaven."

"Well, then, after this first visit has been made we shall
count on you."

"I must again excuse myself, M. Morrel, for after this first
visit has been paid I have another which I am most anxious
to pay."

"True, Dantes, I forgot that there was at the Catalans some
one who expects you no less impatiently than your father --
the lovely Mercedes."

Dantes blushed.

"Ah, ha," said the shipowner, "I am not in the least
surprised, for she has been to me three times, inquiring if
there were any news of the Pharaon. Peste, Edmond, you have
a very handsome mistress!"

"She is not my mistress," replied the young sailor, gravely;
"she is my betrothed."

"Sometimes one and the same thing," said Morrel, with a
smile.

"Not with us, sir," replied Dantes.

"Well, well, my dear Edmond," continued the owner, "don't
let me detain you. You have managed my affairs so well that
I ought to allow you all the time you require for your own.
Do you want any money?"

"No, sir; I have all my pay to take -- nearly three months'
wages."

"You are a careful fellow, Edmond."

"Say I have a poor father, sir."

"Yes, yes, I know how good a son you are, so now hasten away
to see your father. I have a son too, and I should be very
wroth with those who detained him from me after a three
months' voyage."

"Then I have your leave, sir?"

"Yes, if you have nothing more to say to me."

"Nothing."

"Captain Leclere did not, before he died, give you a letter
for me?"

"He was unable to write, sir. But that reminds me that I
must ask your leave of absence for some days."

"To get married?"

"Yes, first, and then to go to Paris."

"Very good; have what time you require, Dantes. It will take
quite six weeks to unload the cargo, and we cannot get you
ready for sea until three months after that; only be back
again in three months, for the Pharaon," added the owner,
patting the young sailor on the back, "cannot sail without
her captain."

"Without her captain!" cried Dantes, his eyes sparkling with
animation; "pray mind what you say, for you are touching on
the most secret wishes of my heart. Is it really your
intention to make me captain of the Pharaon?"

"If I were sole owner we'd shake hands on it now, my dear
Dantes, and call it settled; but I have a partner, and you
know the Italian proverb -- Chi ha compagno ha padrone --
`He who has a partner has a master.' But the thing is at
least half done, as you have one out of two votes. Rely on
me to procure you the other; I will do my best."

"Ah, M. Morrel," exclaimed the young seaman, with tears in
his eyes, and grasping the owner's hand, "M. Morrel, I thank
you in the name of my father and of Mercedes."

"That's all right, Edmond. There's a providence that watches
over the deserving. Go to your father: go and see Mercedes,
and afterwards come to me."

"Shall I row you ashore?"

"No, thank you; I shall remain and look over the accounts
with Danglars. Have you been satisfied with him this
voyage?"

"That is according to the sense you attach to the question,
sir. Do you mean is he a good comrade? No, for I think he
never liked me since the day when I was silly enough, after
a little quarrel we had, to propose to him to stop for ten
minutes at the island of Monte Cristo to settle the dispute
-- a proposition which I was wrong to suggest, and he quite
right to refuse. If you mean as responsible agent when you
ask me the question, I believe there is nothing to say
against him, and that you will be content with the way in
which he has performed his duty."

"But tell me, Dantes, if you had command of the Pharaon
should you be glad to see Danglars remain?"

"Captain or mate, M. Morrel, I shall always have the
greatest respect for those who possess the owners'
confidence."

"That's right, that's right, Dantes! I see you are a
thoroughly good fellow, and will detain you no longer. Go,
for I see how impatient you are."

"Then I have leave?"

"Go, I tell you."

"May I have the use of your skiff?"

"Certainly."

"Then, for the present, M. Morrel, farewell, and a thousand
thanks!"

"I hope soon to see you again, my dear Edmond. Good luck to
you."

The young sailor jumped into the skiff, and sat down in the
stern sheets, with the order that he be put ashore at La
Canebiere. The two oarsmen bent to their work, and the
little boat glided away as rapidly as possible in the midst
of the thousand vessels which choke up the narrow way which
leads between the two rows of ships from the mouth of the
harbor to the Quai d'Orleans.

The shipowner, smiling, followed him with his eyes until he
saw him spring out on the quay and disappear in the midst of
the throng, which from five o'clock in the morning until
nine o'clock at night, swarms in the famous street of La
Canebiere, -- a street of which the modern Phocaeans are so
proud that they say with all the gravity in the world, and
with that accent which gives so much character to what is
said, "If Paris had La Canebiere, Paris would be a second
Marseilles." On turning round the owner saw Danglars behind
him, apparently awaiting orders, but in reality also
watching the young sailor, -- but there was a great
difference in the expression of the two men who thus
followed the movements of Edmond Dantes.

We will leave Danglars struggling with the demon of hatred,
and endeavoring to insinuate in the ear of the shipowner
some evil suspicions against his comrade, and follow Dantes,
who, after having traversed La Canebiere, took the Rue de
Noailles, and entering a small house, on the left of the
Allees de Meillan, rapidly ascended four flights of a dark
staircase, holding the baluster with one hand, while with
the other he repressed the beatings of his heart, and paused
before a half-open door, from which he could see the whole
of a small room.

This room was occupied by Dantes' father. The news of the
arrival of the Pharaon had not yet reached the old man, who,
mounted on a chair, was amusing himself by training with
trembling hand the nasturtiums and sprays of clematis that
clambered over the trellis at his window. Suddenly, he felt
an arm thrown around his body, and a well-known voice behind
him exclaimed, "Father -- dear father!"

The old man uttered a cry, and turned round; then, seeing
his son, he fell into his arms, pale and trembling.

"What ails you, my dearest father? Are you ill?" inquired
the young man, much alarmed.

"No, no, my dear Edmond -- my boy -- my son! -- no; but I
did not expect you; and joy, the surprise of seeing you so
suddenly -- Ah, I feel as if I were going to die."

"Come, come, cheer up, my dear father! 'Tis I -- really I!
They say joy never hurts, and so I came to you without any
warning. Come now, do smile, instead of looking at me so
solemnly. Here I am back again, and we are going to be
happy."

"Yes, yes, my boy, so we will -- so we will," replied the
old man; "but how shall we be happy? Shall you never leave
me again? Come, tell me all the good fortune that has
befallen you."

"God forgive me," said the young man, "for rejoicing at
happiness derived from the misery of others, but, Heaven
knows, I did not seek this good fortune; it has happened,
and I really cannot pretend to lament it. The good Captain
Leclere is dead, father, and it is probable that, with the
aid of M. Morrel, I shall have his place. Do you understand,
father? Only imagine me a captain at twenty, with a hundred
louis pay, and a share in the profits! Is this not more than
a poor sailor like me could have hoped for?"

"Yes, my dear boy," replied the old man, "it is very
fortunate."

"Well, then, with the first money I touch, I mean you to
have a small house, with a garden in which to plant
clematis, nasturtiums, and honeysuckle. But what ails you,
father? Are you not well?"

"'Tis nothing, nothing; it will soon pass away" -- and as he
said so the old man's strength failed him, and he fell
backwards.

"Come, come," said the young man, "a glass of wine, father,
will revive you. Where do you keep your wine?"

"No, no; thanks. You need not look for it; I do not want
it," said the old man.

"Yes, yes, father, tell me where it is," and he opened two
or three cupboards.

"It is no use," said the old man, "there is no wine."

"What, no wine?" said Dantes, turning pale, and looking
alternately at the hollow cheeks of the old man and the
empty cupboards. "What, no wine? Have you wanted money,
father?"

"I want nothing now that I have you," said the old man.

"Yet," stammered Dantes, wiping the perspiration from his
brow, -- "yet I gave you two hundred francs when I left,
three months ago."

"Yes, yes, Edmond, that is true, but you forgot at that time
a little debt to our neighbor, Caderousse. He reminded me of
it, telling me if I did not pay for you, he would be paid by
M. Morrel; and so, you see, lest he might do you an injury"
--

"Well?"

"Why, I paid him."

"But," cried Dantes, "it was a hundred and forty francs I
owed Caderousse."

"Yes," stammered the old man.

"And you paid him out of the two hundred francs I left you?"

The old man nodded.

"So that you have lived for three months on sixty francs,"
muttered Edmond.

"You know how little I require," said the old man.

"Heaven pardon me," cried Edmond, falling on his knees
before his father.

"What are you doing?"

"You have wounded me to the heart."

"Never mind it, for I see you once more," said the old man;
"and now it's all over -- everything is all right again."

"Yes, here I am," said the young man, "with a promising
future and a little money. Here, father, here!" he said,
"take this -- take it, and send for something immediately."
And he emptied his pockets on the table, the contents
consisting of a dozen gold pieces, five or six five-franc
pieces, and some smaller coin. The countenance of old Dantes
brightened.

"Whom does this belong to?" he inquired.

"To me, to you, to us! Take it; buy some provisions; be
happy, and to-morrow we shall have more."

"Gently, gently," said the old man, with a smile; "and by
your leave I will use your purse moderately, for they would
say, if they saw me buy too many things at a time, that I
had been obliged to await your return, in order to be able
to purchase them."

"Do as you please; but, first of all, pray have a servant,
father. I will not have you left alone so long. I have some
smuggled coffee and most capital tobacco, in a small chest
in the hold, which you shall have to-morrow. But, hush, here
comes somebody."

"'Tis Caderousse, who has heard of your arrival, and no
doubt comes to congratulate you on your fortunate return."

"Ah, lips that say one thing, while the heart thinks
another," murmured Edmond. "But, never mind, he is a
neighbor who has done us a service on a time, so he's
welcome."

As Edmond paused, the black and bearded head of Caderousse
appeared at the door. He was a man of twenty-five or six,
and held a piece of cloth, which, being a tailor, he was
about to make into a coat-lining.

"What, is it you, Edmond, back again?" said he, with a broad
Marseillaise accent, and a grin that displayed his
ivory-white teeth.

"Yes, as you see, neighbor Caderousse; and ready to be
agreeable to you in any and every way," replied Dantes, but
ill-concealing his coldness under this cloak of civility.

"Thanks -- thanks; but, fortunately, I do not want for
anything; and it chances that at times there are others who
have need of me." Dantes made a gesture. "I do not allude to
you, my boy. No! -- no! I lent you money, and you returned
it; that's like good neighbors, and we are quits."

"We are never quits with those who oblige us," was Dantes'
reply; "for when we do not owe them money, we owe them
gratitude."

"What's the use of mentioning that? What is done is done.
Let us talk of your happy return, my boy. I had gone on the
quay to match a piece of mulberry cloth, when I met friend
Danglars. `You at Marseilles?' -- `Yes,' says he.

"`I thought you were at Smyrna.' -- `I was; but am now back
again.'

"`And where is the dear boy, our little Edmond?'

"`Why, with his father, no doubt,' replied Danglars. And so
I came," added Caderousse, "as fast as I could to have the
pleasure of shaking hands with a friend."

"Worthy Caderousse!" said the old man, "he is so much
attached to us."

"Yes, to be sure I am. I love and esteem you, because honest
folks are so rare. But it seems you have come back rich, my
boy," continued the tailor, looking askance at the handful
of gold and silver which Dantes had thrown on the table.

The young man remarked the greedy glance which shone in the
dark eyes of his neighbor. "Eh," he said, negligently. "this
money is not mine. I was expressing to my father my fears
that he had wanted many things in my absence, and to
convince me he emptied his purse on the table. Come, father"
added Dantes, "put this money back in your box -- unless
neighbor Caderousse wants anything, and in that case it is
at his service."

"No, my boy, no," said Caderousse. "I am not in any want,
thank God, my living is suited to my means. Keep your money
-- keep it, I say; -- one never has too much; -- but, at the
same time, my boy, I am as much obliged by your offer as if
I took advantage of it."

"It was offered with good will," said Dantes.

"No doubt, my boy; no doubt. Well, you stand well with M.
Morrel I hear, -- you insinuating dog, you!"

"M. Morrel has always been exceedingly kind to me," replied
Dantes.

"Then you were wrong to refuse to dine with him."

"What, did you refuse to dine with him?" said old Dantes;
"and did he invite you to dine?"

"Yes, my dear father," replied Edmond, smiling at his
father's astonishment at the excessive honor paid to his
son.

"And why did you refuse, my son?" inquired the old man.

"That I might the sooner see you again, my dear father,"
replied the young man. "I was most anxious to see you."

"But it must have vexed M. Morrel, good, worthy man," said
Caderousse. "And when you are looking forward to be captain,
it was wrong to annoy the owner."

"But I explained to him the cause of my refusal," replied
Dantes, "and I hope he fully understood it."

"Yes, but to be captain one must do a little flattery to
one's patrons."

"I hope to be captain without that," said Dantes.

"So much the better -- so much the better! Nothing will give
greater pleasure to all your old friends; and I know one
down there behind the Saint Nicolas citadel who will not be
sorry to hear it."

"Mercedes?" said the old man.

"Yes, my dear father, and with your permission, now I have
seen you, and know you are well and have all you require, I
will ask your consent to go and pay a visit to the
Catalans."

"Go, my dear boy," said old Dantes: "and heaven bless you in
your wife, as it has blessed me in my son!"

"His wife!" said Caderousse; "why, how fast you go on,
father Dantes; she is not his wife yet, as it seems to me."

"So, but according to all probability she soon will be,"
replied Edmond.

"Yes -- yes," said Caderousse; "but you were right to return
as soon as possible, my boy."

"And why?"

"Because Mercedes is a very fine girl, and fine girls never
lack followers; she particularly has them by dozens."

"Really?" answered Edmond, with a smile which had in it
traces of slight uneasiness.

"Ah, yes," continued Caderousse, "and capital offers, too;
but you know, you will be captain, and who could refuse you
then?"

"Meaning to say," replied Dantes, with a smile which but
ill-concealed his trouble, "that if I were not a captain" --

"Eh -- eh!" said Caderousse, shaking his head.

"Come, come," said the sailor, "I have a better opinion than
you of women in general, and of Mercedes in particular; and
I am certain that, captain or not, she will remain ever
faithful to me."

"So much the better -- so much the better," said Caderousse.
"When one is going to be married, there is nothing like
implicit confidence; but never mind that, my boy, -- go and
announce your arrival, and let her know all your hopes and
prospects."

"I will go directly," was Edmond's reply; and, embracing his
father, and nodding to Caderousse, he left the apartment.

Caderousse lingered for a moment, then taking leave of old
Dantes, he went downstairs to rejoin Danglars, who awaited
him at the corner of the Rue Senac.

"Well," said Danglars, "did you see him?"

"I have just left him," answered Caderousse.

"Did he allude to his hope of being captain?"

"He spoke of it as a thing already decided."

"Indeed!" said Danglars, "he is in too much hurry, it
appears to me."

"Why, it seems M. Morrel has promised him the thing."

"So that he is quite elated about it?"

"Why, yes, he is actually insolent over the matter -- has
already offered me his patronage, as if he were a grand
personage, and proffered me a loan of money, as though he
were a banker."

"Which you refused?"

"Most assuredly; although I might easily have accepted it,
for it was I who put into his hands the first silver he ever
earned; but now M. Dantes has no longer any occasion for
assistance -- he is about to become a captain."

"Pooh!" said Danglars, "he is not one yet."

"Ma foi, it will be as well if he is not," answered
Caderousse; "for if he should be, there will be really no
speaking to him."

"If we choose," replied Danglars, "he will remain what he
is; and perhaps become even less than he is."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing -- I was speaking to myself. And is he still in
love with the Catalane?"

"Over head and ears; but, unless I am much mistaken, there
will be a storm in that quarter."

"Explain yourself."

"Why should I?"

"It is more important than you think, perhaps. You do not
like Dantes?"

"I never like upstarts."

"Then tell me all you know about the Catalane."

"I know nothing for certain; only I have seen things which
induce me to believe, as I told you, that the future captain
will find some annoyance in the vicinity of the Vieilles
Infirmeries."

"What have you seen? -- come, tell me!"

"Well, every time I have seen Mercedes come into the city
she has been accompanied by a tall, strapping, black-eyed
Catalan, with a red complexion, brown skin, and fierce air,
whom she calls cousin."

"Really; and you think this cousin pays her attentions?"

"I only suppose so. What else can a strapping chap of
twenty-one mean with a fine wench of seventeen?"

"And you say that Dantes has gone to the Catalans?"

"He went before I came down."

"Let us go the same way; we will stop at La Reserve, and we
can drink a glass of La Malgue, whilst we wait for news."

"Come along," said Caderousse; "but you pay the score."

"Of course," replied Danglars; and going quickly to the
designated place, they called for a bottle of wine, and two
glasses.

Pere Pamphile had seen Dantes pass not ten minutes before;
and assured that he was at the Catalans, they sat down under
the budding foliage of the planes and sycamores, in the
branches of which the birds were singing their welcome to
one of the first days of spring.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 2

CHAPTER 3
The Catalans.

Beyond a bare, weather-worn wall, about a hundred paces from
the spot where the two friends sat looking and listening as
they drank their wine, was the village of the Catalans. Long
ago this mysterious colony quitted Spain, and settled on the
tongue of land on which it is to this day. Whence it came no
one knew, and it spoke an unknown tongue. One of its chiefs,
who understood Provencal, begged the commune of Marseilles
to give them this bare and barren promontory, where, like
the sailors of old, they had run their boats ashore. The
request was granted; and three months afterwards, around the
twelve or fifteen small vessels which had brought these
gypsies of the sea, a small village sprang up. This village,
constructed in a singular and picturesque manner, half
Moorish, half Spanish, still remains, and is inhabited by
descendants of the first comers, who speak the language of
their fathers. For three or four centuries they have
remained upon this small promontory, on which they had
settled like a flight of seabirds, without mixing with the
Marseillaise population, intermarrying, and preserving their
original customs and the costume of their mother-country as
they have preserved its language.

Our readers will follow us along the only street of this
little village, and enter with us one of the houses, which
is sunburned to the beautiful dead-leaf color peculiar to
the buildings of the country, and within coated with
whitewash, like a Spanish posada. A young and beautiful
girl, with hair as black as jet, her eyes as velvety as the
gazelle's, was leaning with her back against the wainscot,
rubbing in her slender delicately moulded fingers a bunch of
heath blossoms, the flowers of which she was picking off and
strewing on the floor; her arms, bare to the elbow, brown,
and modelled after those of the Arlesian Venus, moved with a
kind of restless impatience, and she tapped the earth with
her arched and supple foot, so as to display the pure and
full shape of her well-turned leg, in its red cotton, gray
and blue clocked, stocking. At three paces from her, seated
in a chair which he balanced on two legs, leaning his elbow
on an old worm-eaten table, was a tall young man of twenty,
or two-and-twenty, who was looking at her with an air in
which vexation and uneasiness were mingled. He questioned
her with his eyes, but the firm and steady gaze of the young
girl controlled his look.

"You see, Mercedes," said the young man, "here is Easter
come round again; tell me, is this the moment for a
wedding?"

"I have answered you a hundred times, Fernand, and really
you must be very stupid to ask me again."

"Well, repeat it, -- repeat it, I beg of you, that I may at
last believe it! Tell me for the hundredth time that you
refuse my love, which had your mother's sanction. Make me
understand once for all that you are trifling with my
happiness, that my life or death are nothing to you. Ah, to
have dreamed for ten years of being your husband, Mercedes,
and to lose that hope, which was the only stay of my
existence!"

"At least it was not I who ever encouraged you in that hope,
Fernand," replied Mercedes; "you cannot reproach me with the
slightest coquetry. I have always said to you, `I love you
as a brother; but do not ask from me more than sisterly
affection, for my heart is another's.' Is not this true,
Fernand?"

"Yes, that is very true, Mercedes," replied the young man,
"Yes, you have been cruelly frank with me; but do you forget
that it is among the Catalans a sacred law to intermarry?"

"You mistake, Fernand; it is not a law, but merely a custom,
and, I pray of you, do not cite this custom in your favor.
You are included in the conscription, Fernand, and are only
at liberty on sufferance, liable at any moment to be called
upon to take up arms. Once a soldier, what would you do with
me, a poor orphan, forlorn, without fortune, with nothing
but a half-ruined hut and a few ragged nets, the miserable
inheritance left by my father to my mother, and by my mother
to me? She has been dead a year, and you know, Fernand, I
have subsisted almost entirely on public charity. Sometimes
you pretend I am useful to you, and that is an excuse to
share with me the produce of your fishing, and I accept it,
Fernand, because you are the son of my father's brother,
because we were brought up together, and still more because
it would give you so much pain if I refuse. But I feel very
deeply that this fish which I go and sell, and with the
produce of which I buy the flax I spin, -- I feel very
keenly, Fernand, that this is charity."

"And if it were, Mercedes, poor and lone as you are, you
suit me as well as the daughter of the first shipowner or
the richest banker of Marseilles! What do such as we desire
but a good wife and careful housekeeper, and where can I
look for these better than in you?"

"Fernand," answered Mercedes, shaking her head, "a woman
becomes a bad manager, and who shall say she will remain an
honest woman, when she loves another man better than her
husband? Rest content with my friendship, for I say once
more that is all I can promise, and I will promise no more
than I can bestow."

"I understand," replied Fernand, "you can endure your own
wretchedness patiently, but you are afraid to share mine.
Well, Mercedes, beloved by you, I would tempt fortune; you
would bring me good luck, and I should become rich. I could
extend my occupation as a fisherman, might get a place as
clerk in a warehouse, and become in time a dealer myself."

"You could do no such thing, Fernand; you are a soldier, and
if you remain at the Catalans it is because there is no war;
so remain a fisherman, and contented with my friendship, as
I cannot give you more."

"Well, I will do better, Mercedes. I will be a sailor;
instead of the costume of our fathers, which you despise, I
will wear a varnished hat, a striped shirt, and a blue
jacket, with an anchor on the buttons. Would not that dress
please you?"

"What do you mean?" asked Mercedes, with an angry glance, --
"what do you mean? I do not understand you?"

"I mean, Mercedes, that you are thus harsh and cruel with
me, because you are expecting some one who is thus attired;
but perhaps he whom you await is inconstant, or if he is
not, the sea is so to him."

"Fernand," cried Mercedes, "I believed you were
good-hearted, and I was mistaken! Fernand, you are wicked to
call to your aid jealousy and the anger of God! Yes, I will
not deny it, I do await, and I do love him of whom you
speak; and, if he does not return, instead of accusing him
of the inconstancy which you insinuate, I will tell you that
he died loving me and me only." The young girl made a
gesture of rage. "I understand you, Fernand; you would be
revenged on him because I do not love you; you would cross
your Catalan knife with his dirk. What end would that
answer? To lose you my friendship if he were conquered, and
see that friendship changed into hate if you were victor.
Believe me, to seek a quarrel with a man is a bad method of
pleasing the woman who loves that man. No, Fernand, you will
not thus give way to evil thoughts. Unable to have me for
your wife, you will content yourself with having me for your
friend and sister; and besides," she added, her eyes
troubled and moistened with tears, "wait, wait, Fernand; you
said just now that the sea was treacherous, and he has been
gone four months, and during these four months there have
been some terrible storms."

Fernand made no reply, nor did he attempt to check the tears
which flowed down the cheeks of Mercedes, although for each
of these tears he would have shed his heart's blood; but
these tears flowed for another. He arose, paced a while up
and down the hut, and then, suddenly stopping before
Mercedes, with his eyes glowing and his hands clinched, --
"Say, Mercedes," he said, "once for all, is this your final
determination?"

"I love Edmond Dantes," the young girl calmly replied, "and
none but Edmond shall ever be my husband."

"And you will always love him?"

"As long as I live."

Fernand let fall his head like a defeated man, heaved a sigh
that was like a groan, and then suddenly looking her full in
the face, with clinched teeth and expanded nostrils, said,
-- "But if he is dead" --

"If he is dead, I shall die too."

"If he has forgotten you" --

"Mercedes!" called a joyous voice from without, --
"Mercedes!"

"Ah," exclaimed the young girl, blushing with delight, and
fairly leaping in excess of love, "you see he has not
forgotten me, for here he is!" And rushing towards the door,
she opened it, saying, "Here, Edmond, here I am!"

Fernand, pale and trembling, drew back, like a traveller at
the sight of a serpent, and fell into a chair beside him.
Edmond and Mercedes were clasped in each other's arms. The
burning Marseilles sun, which shot into the room through the
open door, covered them with a flood of light. At first they
saw nothing around them. Their intense happiness isolated
them from all the rest of the world, and they only spoke in
broken words, which are the tokens of a joy so extreme that
they seem rather the expression of sorrow. Suddenly Edmond
saw the gloomy, pale, and threatening countenance of
Fernand, as it was defined in the shadow. By a movement for
which he could scarcely account to himself, the young
Catalan placed his hand on the knife at his belt.

"Ah, your pardon," said Dantes, frowning in his turn; "I did
not perceive that there were three of us." Then, turning to
Mercedes, he inquired, "Who is this gentleman?"

"One who will be your best friend, Dantes, for he is my
friend, my cousin, my brother; it is Fernand -- the man
whom, after you, Edmond, I love the best in the world. Do
you not remember him?"

"Yes!" said Dantes, and without relinquishing Mercedes hand
clasped in one of his own, he extended the other to the
Catalan with a cordial air. But Fernand, instead of
responding to this amiable gesture, remained mute and
trembling. Edmond then cast his eyes scrutinizingly at the
agitated and embarrassed Mercedes, and then again on the
gloomy and menacing Fernand. This look told him all, and his
anger waxed hot.

"I did not know, when I came with such haste to you, that I
was to meet an enemy here."

"An enemy!" cried Mercedes, with an angry look at her
cousin. "An enemy in my house, do you say, Edmond! If I
believed that, I would place my arm under yours and go with
you to Marseilles, leaving the house to return to it no
more."

Fernand's eye darted lightning. "And should any misfortune
occur to you, dear Edmond," she continued with the same
calmness which proved to Fernand that the young girl had
read the very innermost depths of his sinister thought, "if
misfortune should occur to you, I would ascend the highest
point of the Cape de Morgion and cast myself headlong from
it."

Fernand became deadly pale. "But you are deceived, Edmond,"
she continued. "You have no enemy here -- there is no one
but Fernand, my brother, who will grasp your hand as a
devoted friend."

And at these words the young girl fixed her imperious look
on the Catalan, who, as if fascinated by it, came slowly
towards Edmond, and offered him his hand. His hatred, like a
powerless though furious wave, was broken against the strong
ascendancy which Mercedes exercised over him. Scarcely,
however, had he touched Edmond's hand than he felt he had
done all he could do, and rushed hastily out of the house.

"Oh," he exclaimed, running furiously and tearing his hair
-- "Oh, who will deliver me from this man? Wretched --
wretched that I am!"

"Hallo, Catalan! Hallo, Fernand! where are you running to?"
exclaimed a voice.

The young man stopped suddenly, looked around him, and
perceived Caderousse sitting at table with Danglars, under
an arbor.

"Well", said Caderousse, "why don't you come? Are you really
in such a hurry that you have no time to pass the time of
day with your friends?"

"Particularly when they have still a full bottle before
them," added Danglars. Fernand looked at them both with a
stupefied air, but did not say a word.

"He seems besotted," said Danglars, pushing Caderousse with
his knee. "Are we mistaken, and is Dantes triumphant in
spite of all we have believed?"

"Why, we must inquire into that," was Caderousse's reply;
and turning towards the young man, said, "Well, Catalan,
can't you make up your mind?"

Fernand wiped away the perspiration steaming from his brow,
and slowly entered the arbor, whose shade seemed to restore
somewhat of calmness to his senses, and whose coolness
somewhat of refreshment to his exhausted body.

"Good-day," said he. "You called me, didn't you?" And he
fell, rather than sat down, on one of the seats which
surrounded the table.

"I called you because you were running like a madman, and I
was afraid you would throw yourself into the sea," said
Caderousse, laughing. "Why, when a man has friends, they are
not only to offer him a glass of wine, but, moreover, to
prevent his swallowing three or four pints of water
unnecessarily!"

Fernand gave a groan, which resembled a sob, and dropped his
head into his hands, his elbows leaning on the table.

"Well, Fernand, I must say," said Caderousse, beginning the
conversation, with that brutality of the common people in
which curiosity destroys all diplomacy, "you look uncommonly
like a rejected lover;" and he burst into a hoarse laugh.

"Bah!" said Danglars, "a lad of his make was not born to be
unhappy in love. You are laughing at him, Caderousse."

"No," he replied, "only hark how he sighs! Come, come,
Fernand," said Caderousse, "hold up your head, and answer
us. It's not polite not to reply to friends who ask news of
your health."

"My health is well enough," said Fernand, clinching his
hands without raising his head.

"Ah, you see, Danglars," said Caderousse, winking at his
friend, "this is how it is; Fernand, whom you see here, is a
good and brave Catalan, one of the best fishermen in
Marseilles, and he is in love with a very fine girl, named
Mercedes; but it appears, unfortunately, that the fine girl
is in love with the mate of the Pharaon; and as the Pharaon
arrived to-day -- why, you understand!"

"No; I do not understand," said Danglars.

"Poor Fernand has been dismissed," continued Caderousse.

"Well, and what then?" said Fernand, lifting up his head,
and looking at Caderousse like a man who looks for some one
on whom to vent his anger; "Mercedes is not accountable to
any person, is she? Is she not free to love whomsoever she
will?"

"Oh, if you take it in that sense," said Caderousse, "it is
another thing. But I thought you were a Catalan, and they
told me the Catalans were not men to allow themselves to be
supplanted by a rival. It was even told me that Fernand,
especially, was terrible in his vengeance."

Fernand smiled piteously. "A lover is never terrible," he
said.

"Poor fellow!" remarked Danglars, affecting to pity the
young man from the bottom of his heart. "Why, you see, he
did not expect to see Dantes return so suddenly -- he
thought he was dead, perhaps; or perchance faithless! These
things always come on us more severely when they come
suddenly."

"Ah, ma foi, under any circumstances," said Caderousse, who
drank as he spoke, and on whom the fumes of the wine began
to take effect, -- "under any circumstances Fernand is not
the only person put out by the fortunate arrival of Dantes;
is he, Danglars?"

"No, you are right -- and I should say that would bring him
ill-luck."

"Well, never mind," answered Caderousse, pouring out a glass
of wine for Fernand, and filling his own for the eighth or
ninth time, while Danglars had merely sipped his. "Never
mind -- in the meantime he marries Mercedes -- the lovely
Mercedes -- at least he returns to do that."

During this time Danglars fixed his piercing glance on the
young man, on whose heart Caderousse's words fell like
molten lead.

"And when is the wedding to be?" he asked.

"Oh, it is not yet fixed!" murmured Fernand.

"No, but it will be," said Caderousse, "as surely as Dantes
will be captain of the Pharaon -- eh, Danglars?"

Danglars shuddered at this unexpected attack, and turned to
Caderousse, whose countenance he scrutinized, to try and
detect whether the blow was premeditated; but he read
nothing but envy in a countenance already rendered brutal
and stupid by drunkenness.

"Well," said he, filling the glasses, "let us drink to
Captain Edmond Dantes, husband of the beautiful Catalane!"

Caderousse raised his glass to his mouth with unsteady hand,
and swallowed the contents at a gulp. Fernand dashed his on
the ground.

"Eh, eh, eh!" stammered Caderousse. "What do I see down
there by the wall, in the direction of the Catalans? Look,
Fernand, your eyes are better than mine. I believe I see
double. You know wine is a deceiver; but I should say it was
two lovers walking side by side, and hand in hand. Heaven
forgive me, they do not know that we can see them, and they
are actually embracing!"

Danglars did not lose one pang that Fernand endured.

"Do you know them, Fernand?" he said.

"Yes," was the reply, in a low voice. "It is Edmond and
Mercedes!"

"Ah, see there, now!" said Caderousse; "and I did not
recognize them! Hallo, Dantes! hello, lovely damsel! Come
this way, and let us know when the wedding is to be, for
Fernand here is so obstinate he will not tell us."

"Hold your tongue, will you?" said Danglars, pretending to
restrain Caderousse, who, with the tenacity of drunkards,
leaned out of the arbor. "Try to stand upright, and let the
lovers make love without interruption. See, look at Fernand,
and follow his example; he is well-behaved!"

Fernand, probably excited beyond bearing, pricked by
Danglars, as the bull is by the bandilleros, was about to
rush out; for he had risen from his seat, and seemed to be
collecting himself to dash headlong upon his rival, when
Mercedes, smiling and graceful, lifted up her lovely head,
and looked at them with her clear and bright eyes. At this
Fernand recollected her threat of dying if Edmond died, and
dropped again heavily on his seat. Danglars looked at the
two men, one after the other, the one brutalized by liquor,
the other overwhelmed with love.

"I shall get nothing from these fools," he muttered; "and I
am very much afraid of being here between a drunkard and a
coward. Here's an envious fellow making himself boozy on
wine when he ought to be nursing his wrath, and here is a
fool who sees the woman he loves stolen from under his nose
and takes on like a big baby. Yet this Catalan has eyes that
glisten like those of the vengeful Spaniards, Sicilians, and
Calabrians, and the other has fists big enough to crush an
ox at one blow. Unquestionably, Edmond's star is in the
ascendant, and he will marry the splendid girl -- he will be
captain, too, and laugh at us all, unless" -- a sinister
smile passed over Danglars' lips -- "unless I take a hand in
the affair," he added.

"Hallo!" continued Caderousse, half-rising, and with his
fist on the table, "hallo, Edmond! do you not see your
friends, or are you too proud to speak to them?"

"No, my dear fellow!" replied Dantes, "I am not proud, but I
am happy, and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride."

"Ah, very well, that's an explanation!" said Caderousse.
"How do you do, Madame Dantes?"

Mercedes courtesied gravely, and said -- "That is not my
name, and in my country it bodes ill fortune, they say, to
call a young girl by the name of her betrothed before he
becomes her husband. So call me Mercedes, if you please."

"We must excuse our worthy neighbor, Caderousse," said
Dantes, "he is so easily mistaken."

"So, then, the wedding is to take place immediately, M.
Dantes," said Danglars, bowing to the young couple.

"As soon as possible, M. Danglars; to-day all preliminaries
will be arranged at my father's, and to-morrow, or next day
at latest, the wedding festival here at La Reserve. My
friends will be there, I hope; that is to say, you are
invited, M. Danglars, and you, Caderousse."

"And Fernand," said Caderousse with a chuckle; "Fernand,
too, is invited!"

"My wife's brother is my brother," said Edmond; "and we,
Mercedes and I, should be very sorry if he were absent at
such a time."

Fernand opened his mouth to reply, but his voice died on his
lips, and he could not utter a word.

"To-day the preliminaries, to-morrow or next day the
ceremony! You are in a hurry, captain!"

"Danglars," said Edmond, smiling, "I will say to you as
Mercedes said just now to Caderousse, `Do not give me a
title which does not belong to me'; that may bring me bad
luck."

"Your pardon," replied Danglars, "I merely said you seemed
in a hurry, and we have lots of time; the Pharaon cannot be
under weigh again in less than three months."

"We are always in a hurry to be happy, M. Danglars; for when
we have suffered a long time, we have great difficulty in
believing in good fortune. But it is not selfishness alone
that makes me thus in haste; I must go to Paris."

"Ah, really? -- to Paris! and will it be the first time you
have ever been there, Dantes?"

"Yes."

"Have you business there?"

"Not of my own; the last commission of poor Captain Leclere;
you know to what I allude, Danglars -- it is sacred.
Besides, I shall only take the time to go and return."

"Yes, yes, I understand," said Danglars, and then in a low
tone, he added, "To Paris, no doubt to deliver the letter
which the grand marshal gave him. Ah, this letter gives me
an idea -- a capital idea! Ah; Dantes, my friend, you are
not yet registered number one on board the good ship
Pharaon;" then turning towards Edmond, who was walking away,
"A pleasant journey," he cried.

"Thank you," said Edmond with a friendly nod, and the two
lovers continued on their way, as calm and joyous as if they
were the very elect of heaven.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 3

Danglars followed Edmond and Mercedes with his eyes until
the two lovers disappeared behind one of the angles of Fort
Saint Nicolas, then turning round, he perceived Fernand, who
had fallen, pale and trembling, into his chair, while
Caderousse stammered out the words of a drinking-song.

"Well, my dear sir," said Danglars to Fernand, "here is a
marriage which does not appear to make everybody happy."

"It drives me to despair," said Fernand.

"Do you, then, love Mercedes?"

"I adore her!"

"For long?"

"As long as I have known her -- always."

"And you sit there, tearing your hair, instead of seeking to
remedy your condition; I did not think that was the way of
your people."

"What would you have me do?" said Fernand.

"How do I know? Is it my affair? I am not in love with
Mademoiselle Mercedes; but for you -- in the words of the
gospel, seek, and you shall find."

"I have found already."

"What?"

"I would stab the man, but the woman told me that if any
misfortune happened to her betrothed, she would kill
herself."

"Pooh! Women say those things, but never do them."

"You do not know Mercedes; what she threatens she will do."

"Idiot!" muttered Danglars; "whether she kill herself or
not, what matter, provided Dantes is not captain?"

"Before Mercedes should die," replied Fernand, with the
accents of unshaken resolution, "I would die myself!"

"That's what I call love!" said Caderousse with a voice more
tipsy than ever. "That's love, or I don't know what love
is."

"Come," said Danglars, "you appear to me a good sort of
fellow, and hang me, I should like to help you, but" --

"Yes," said Caderousse, "but how?"

"My dear fellow," replied Danglars, "you are three parts
drunk; finish the bottle, and you will be completely so.
Drink then, and do not meddle with what we are discussing,
for that requires all one's wit and cool judgment."

"I -- drunk!" said Caderousse; "well that's a good one! I
could drink four more such bottles; they are no bigger than
cologne flasks. Pere Pamphile, more wine!" and Caderousse
rattled his glass upon the table.

"You were saving, sir" -- said Fernand, awaiting with great
anxiety the end of this interrupted remark.

"What was I saying? I forget. This drunken Caderousse has
made me lose the thread of my sentence."

"Drunk, if you like; so much the worse for those who fear
wine, for it is because they have bad thoughts which they
are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts;" and
Caderousse began to sing the two last lines of a song very
popular at the time, --

`Tous les mechants sont beuveurs d'eau;
C'est bien prouve par le deluge.'*

* "The wicked are great drinkers of water
As the flood proved once for all."

"You said, sir, you would like to help me, but" --

"Yes; but I added, to help you it would be sufficient that
Dantes did not marry her you love; and the marriage may
easily be thwarted, methinks, and yet Dantes need not die."

"Death alone can separate them," remarked Fernand.

"You talk like a noodle, my friend," said Caderousse; "and
here is Danglars, who is a wide-awake, clever, deep fellow,
who will prove to you that you are wrong. Prove it,
Danglars. I have answered for you. Say there is no need why
Dantes should die; it would, indeed, be a pity he should.
Dantes is a good fellow; I like Dantes. Dantes, your
health."

Fernand rose impatiently. "Let him run on," said Danglars,
restraining the young man; "drunk as he is, he is not much
out in what he says. Absence severs as well as death, and if
the walls of a prison were between Edmond and Mercedes they
would be as effectually separated as if he lay under a
tombstone."

"Yes; but one gets out of prison," said Caderousse, who,
with what sense was left him, listened eagerly to the
conversation, "and when one gets out and one's name is
Edmond Dantes, one seeks revenge" --

"What matters that?" muttered Fernand.

"And why, I should like to know," persisted Caderousse,
"should they put Dantes in prison? he has not robbed or
killed or murdered."

"Hold your tongue!" said Danglars.

"I won't hold my tongue!" replied Caderousse; "I say I want
to know why they should put Dantes in prison; I like Dantes;
Dantes, your health!" and he swallowed another glass of
wine.

Danglars sa
CHAPTER 1
Marseilles -- The Arrival.

On the 24th of February, 1810, the look-out at Notre-Dame de
la Garde signalled the three-master, the Pharaon from
Smyrna, Trieste, and Naples.

As usual, a pilot put off immediately, and rounding the
Chateau d'If, got on board the vessel between Cape Morgion
and Rion island.

Immediately, and according to custom, the ramparts of Fort
Saint-Jean were covered with spectators; it is always an
event at Marseilles for a ship to come into port, especially
when this ship, like the Pharaon, has been built, rigged,
and laden at the old Phocee docks, and belongs to an owner
of the city.

The ship drew on and had safely passed the strait, which
some volcanic shock has made between the Calasareigne and
Jaros islands; had doubled Pomegue, and approached the
harbor under topsails, jib, and spanker, but so slowly and
sedately that the idlers, with that instinct which is the
forerunner of evil, asked one another what misfortune could
have happened on board. However, those experienced in
navigation saw plainly that if any accident had occurred, it
was not to the vessel herself, for she bore down with all
the evidence of being skilfully handled, the anchor
a-cockbill, the jib-boom guys already eased off, and
standing by the side of the pilot, who was steering the
Pharaon towards the narrow entrance of the inner port, was a
young man, who, with activity and vigilant eye, watched
every motion of the ship, and repeated each direction of the
pilot.

The vague disquietude which prevailed among the spectators
had so much affected one of the crowd that he did not await
the arrival of the vessel in harbor, but jumping into a
small skiff, desired to be pulled alongside the Pharaon,
which he reached as she rounded into La Reserve basin.

When the young man on board saw this person approach, he
left his station by the pilot, and, hat in hand, leaned over
the ship's bulwarks.

He was a fine, tall, slim young fellow of eighteen or
twenty, with black eyes, and hair as dark as a raven's wing;
and his whole appearance bespoke that calmness and
resolution peculiar to men accustomed from their cradle to
contend with danger.

"Ah, is it you, Dantes?" cried the man in the skiff. "What's
the matter? and why have you such an air of sadness aboard?"

"A great misfortune, M. Morrel," replied the young man, --
"a great misfortune, for me especially! Off Civita Vecchia
we lost our brave Captain Leclere."

"And the cargo?" inquired the owner, eagerly.

"Is all safe, M. Morrel; and I think you will be satisfied
on that head. But poor Captain Leclere -- "

"What happened to him?" asked the owner, with an air of
considerable resignation. "What happened to the worthy
captain?"

"He died."

"Fell into the sea?"

"No, sir, he died of brain-fever in dreadful agony." Then
turning to the crew, he said, "Bear a hand there, to take in
sail!"

All hands obeyed, and at once the eight or ten seamen who
composed the crew, sprang to their respective stations at
the spanker brails and outhaul, topsail sheets and halyards,
the jib downhaul, and the topsail clewlines and buntlines.
The young sailor gave a look to see that his orders were
promptly and accurately obeyed, and then turned again to the
owner.

"And how did this misfortune occur?" inquired the latter,
resuming the interrupted conversation.

"Alas, sir, in the most unexpected manner. After a long talk
with the harbor-master, Captain Leclere left Naples greatly
disturbed in mind. In twenty-four hours he was attacked by a
fever, and died three days afterwards. We performed the
usual burial service, and he is at his rest, sewn up in his
hammock with a thirty-six pound shot at his head and his
heels, off El Giglio island. We bring to his widow his sword
and cross of honor. It was worth while, truly," added the
young man with a melancholy smile, "to make war against the
English for ten years, and to die in his bed at last, like
everybody else."

"Why, you see, Edmond," replied the owner, who appeared more
comforted at every moment, "we are all mortal, and the old
must make way for the young. If not, why, there would be no
promotion; and since you assure me that the cargo -- "

"Is all safe and sound, M. Morrel, take my word for it; and
I advise you not to take 25,000 francs for the profits of
the voyage."

Then, as they were just passing the Round Tower, the young
man shouted: "Stand by there to lower the topsails and jib;
brail up the spanker!"

The order was executed as promptly as it would have been on
board a man-of-war.

"Let go -- and clue up!" At this last command all the sails
were lowered, and the vessel moved almost imperceptibly
onwards.

"Now, if you will come on board, M. Morrel," said Dantes,
observing the owner's impatience, "here is your supercargo,
M. Danglars, coming out of his cabin, who will furnish you
with every particular. As for me, I must look after the
anchoring, and dress the ship in mourning."

The owner did not wait for a second invitation. He seized a
rope which Dantes flung to him, and with an activity that
would have done credit to a sailor, climbed up the side of
the ship, while the young man, going to his task, left the
conversation to Danglars, who now came towards the owner. He
was a man of twenty-five or twenty-six years of age, of
unprepossessing countenance, obsequious to his superiors,
insolent to his subordinates; and this, in addition to his
position as responsible agent on board, which is always
obnoxious to the sailors, made him as much disliked by the
crew as Edmond Dantes was beloved by them.

"Well, M. Morrel," said Danglars, "you have heard of the
misfortune that has befallen us?"

"Yes -- yes: poor Captain Leclere! He was a brave and an
honest man."

"And a first-rate seaman, one who had seen long and
honorable service, as became a man charged with the
interests of a house so important as that of Morrel & Son,"
replied Danglars.

"But," replied the owner, glancing after Dantes, who was
watching the anchoring of his vessel, "it seems to me that a
sailor needs not be so old as you say, Danglars, to
understand his business, for our friend Edmond seems to
understand it thoroughly, and not to require instruction
from any one."

"Yes," said Danglars, darting at Edmond a look gleaming with
hate. "Yes, he is young, and youth is invariably
self-confident. Scarcely was the captain's breath out of his
body when he assumed the command without consulting any one,
and he caused us to lose a day and a half at the Island of
Elba, instead of making for Marseilles direct."

"As to taking command of the vessel," replied Morrel, "that
was his duty as captain's mate; as to losing a day and a
half off the Island of Elba, he was wrong, unless the vessel
needed repairs."

"The vessel was in as good condition as I am, and as, I hope
you are, M. Morrel, and this day and a half was lost from
pure whim, for the pleasure of going ashore, and nothing
else."

"Dantes," said the shipowner, turning towards the young man,
"come this way!"

"In a moment, sir," answered Dantes, "and I'm with you."
Then calling to the crew, he said -- "Let go!"

The anchor was instantly dropped, and the chain ran rattling
through the port-hole. Dantes continued at his post in spite
of the presence of the pilot, until this manoeuvre was
completed, and then he added, "Half-mast the colors, and
square the yards!"

"You see," said Danglars, "he fancies himself captain
already, upon my word."

"And so, in fact, he is," said the owner.

"Except your signature and your partner's, M. Morrel."

"And why should he not have this?" asked the owner; "he is
young, it is true, but he seems to me a thorough seaman, and
of full experience."

A cloud passed over Danglars' brow. "Your pardon, M.
Morrel," said Dantes, approaching, "the vessel now rides at
anchor, and I am at your service. You hailed me, I think?"

Danglars retreated a step or two. "I wished to inquire why
you stopped at the Island of Elba?"

"I do not know, sir; it was to fulfil the last instructions
of Captain Leclere, who, when dying, gave me a packet for
Marshal Bertrand."

"Then did you see him, Edmond?"

"Who?"

"The marshal."

"Yes."

Morrel looked around him, and then, drawing Dantes on one
side, he said suddenly -- "And how is the emperor?"

"Very well, as far as I could judge from the sight of him."

"You saw the emperor, then?"

"He entered the marshal's apartment while I was there."

"And you spoke to him?"

"Why, it was he who spoke to me, sir," said Dantes, with a
smile.

"And what did he say to you?"

"Asked me questions about the vessel, the time she left
Marseilles, the course she had taken, and what was her
cargo. I believe, if she had not been laden, and I had been
her master, he would have bought her. But I told him I was
only mate, and that she belonged to the firm of Morrel &
Son. `Ah, yes,' he said, `I know them. The Morrels have been
shipowners from father to son; and there was a Morrel who
served in the same regiment with me when I was in garrison
at Valence.'"

"Pardieu, and that is true!" cried the owner, greatly
delighted. "And that was Policar Morrel, my uncle, who was
afterwards a captain. Dantes, you must tell my uncle that
the emperor remembered him, and you will see it will bring
tears into the old soldier's eyes. Come, come," continued
he, patting Edmond's shoulder kindly, "you did very right,
Dantes, to follow Captain Leclere's instructions, and touch
at Elba, although if it were known that you had conveyed a
packet to the marshal, and had conversed with the emperor,
it might bring you into trouble."

"How could that bring me into trouble, sir?" asked Dantes;
"for I did not even know of what I was the bearer; and the
emperor merely made such inquiries as he would of the first
comer. But, pardon me, here are the health officers and the
customs inspectors coming alongside." And the young man went
to the gangway. As he departed, Danglars approached, and
said, --

"Well, it appears that he has given you satisfactory reasons
for his landing at Porto-Ferrajo?"

"Yes, most satisfactory, my dear Danglars."

"Well, so much the better," said the supercargo; "for it is
not pleasant to think that a comrade has not done his duty."

"Dantes has done his," replied the owner, "and that is not
saying much. It was Captain Leclere who gave orders for this
delay."

"Talking of Captain Leclere, has not Dantes given you a
letter from him?"

"To me? -- no -- was there one?"

"I believe that, besides the packet, Captain Leclere
confided a letter to his care."

"Of what packet are you speaking, Danglars?"

"Why, that which Dantes left at Porto-Ferrajo."

"How do you know he had a packet to leave at Porto-Ferrajo?"

Danglars turned very red.

"I was passing close to the door of the captain's cabin,
which was half open, and I saw him give the packet and
letter to Dantes."

"He did not speak to me of it," replied the shipowner; "but
if there be any letter he will give it to me."

Danglars reflected for a moment. "Then, M. Morrel, I beg of
you," said he, "not to say a word to Dantes on the subject.
I may have been mistaken."

At this moment the young man returned; Danglars withdrew.

"Well, my dear Dantes, are you now free?" inquired the
owner.

"Yes, sir."

"You have not been long detained."

"No. I gave the custom-house officers a copy of our bill of
lading; and as to the other papers, they sent a man off with
the pilot, to whom I gave them."

"Then you have nothing more to do here?"

"No -- everything is all right now."

"Then you can come and dine with me?"

"I really must ask you to excuse me, M. Morrel. My first
visit is due to my father, though I am not the less grateful
for the honor you have done me."

"Right, Dantes, quite right. I always knew you were a good
son."

"And," inquired Dantes, with some hesitation, "do you know
how my father is?"

"Well, I believe, my dear Edmond, though I have not seen him
lately."

"Yes, he likes to keep himself shut up in his little room."

"That proves, at least, that he has wanted for nothing
during your absence."

Dantes smiled. "My father is proud, sir, and if he had not a
meal left, I doubt if he would have asked anything from
anyone, except from Heaven."

"Well, then, after this first visit has been made we shall
count on you."

"I must again excuse myself, M. Morrel, for after this first
visit has been paid I have another which I am most anxious
to pay."

"True, Dantes, I forgot that there was at the Catalans some
one who expects you no less impatiently than your father --
the lovely Mercedes."

Dantes blushed.

"Ah, ha," said the shipowner, "I am not in the least
surprised, for she has been to me three times, inquiring if
there were any news of the Pharaon. Peste, Edmond, you have
a very handsome mistress!"

"She is not my mistress," replied the young sailor, gravely;
"she is my betrothed."

"Sometimes one and the same thing," said Morrel, with a
smile.

"Not with us, sir," replied Dantes.

"Well, well, my dear Edmond," continued the owner, "don't
let me detain you. You have managed my affairs so well that
I ought to allow you all the time you require for your own.
Do you want any money?"

"No, sir; I have all my pay to take -- nearly three months'
wages."

"You are a careful fellow, Edmond."

"Say I have a poor father, sir."

"Yes, yes, I know how good a son you are, so now hasten away
to see your father. I have a son too, and I should be very
wroth with those who detained him from me after a three
months' voyage."

"Then I have your leave, sir?"

"Yes, if you have nothing more to say to me."

"Nothing."

"Captain Leclere did not, before he died, give you a letter
for me?"

"He was unable to write, sir. But that reminds me that I
must ask your leave of absence for some days."

"To get married?"

"Yes, first, and then to go to Paris."

"Very good; have what time you require, Dantes. It will take
quite six weeks to unload the cargo, and we cannot get you
ready for sea until three months after that; only be back
again in three months, for the Pharaon," added the owner,
patting the young sailor on the back, "cannot sail without
her captain."

"Without her captain!" cried Dantes, his eyes sparkling with
animation; "pray mind what you say, for you are touching on
the most secret wishes of my heart. Is it really your
intention to make me captain of the Pharaon?"

"If I were sole owner we'd shake hands on it now, my dear
Dantes, and call it settled; but I have a partner, and you
know the Italian proverb -- Chi ha compagno ha padrone --
`He who has a partner has a master.' But the thing is at
least half done, as you have one out of two votes. Rely on
me to procure you the other; I will do my best."

"Ah, M. Morrel," exclaimed the young seaman, with tears in
his eyes, and grasping the owner's hand, "M. Morrel, I thank
you in the name of my father and of Mercedes."

"That's all right, Edmond. There's a providence that watches
over the deserving. Go to your father: go and see Mercedes,
and afterwards come to me."

"Shall I row you ashore?"

"No, thank you; I shall remain and look over the accounts
with Danglars. Have you been satisfied with him this
voyage?"

"That is according to the sense you attach to the question,
sir. Do you mean is he a good comrade? No, for I think he
never liked me since the day when I was silly enough, after
a little quarrel we had, to propose to him to stop for ten
minutes at the island of Monte Cristo to settle the dispute
-- a proposition which I was wrong to suggest, and he quite
right to refuse. If you mean as responsible agent when you
ask me the question, I believe there is nothing to say
against him, and that you will be content with the way in
which he has performed his duty."

"But tell me, Dantes, if you had command of the Pharaon
should you be glad to see Danglars remain?"

"Captain or mate, M. Morrel, I shall always have the
greatest respect for those who possess the owners'
confidence."

"That's right, that's right, Dantes! I see you are a
thoroughly good fellow, and will detain you no longer. Go,
for I see how impatient you are."

"Then I have leave?"

"Go, I tell you."

"May I have the use of your skiff?"

"Certainly."

"Then, for the present, M. Morrel, farewell, and a thousand
thanks!"

"I hope soon to see you again, my dear Edmond. Good luck to
you."

The young sailor jumped into the skiff, and sat down in the
stern sheets, with the order that he be put ashore at La
Canebiere. The two oarsmen bent to their work, and the
little boat glided away as rapidly as possible in the midst
of the thousand vessels which choke up the narrow way which
leads between the two rows of ships from the mouth of the
harbor to the Quai d'Orleans.

The shipowner, smiling, followed him with his eyes until he
saw him spring out on the quay and disappear in the midst of
the throng, which from five o'clock in the morning until
nine o'clock at night, swarms in the famous street of La
Canebiere, -- a street of which the modern Phocaeans are so
proud that they say with all the gravity in the world, and
with that accent which gives so much character to what is
said, "If Paris had La Canebiere, Paris would be a second
Marseilles." On turning round the owner saw Danglars behind
him, apparently awaiting orders, but in reality also
watching the young sailor, -- but there was a great
difference in the expression of the two men who thus
followed the movements of Edmond Dantes.

We will leave Danglars struggling with the demon of hatred,
and endeavoring to insinuate in the ear of the shipowner
some evil suspicions against his comrade, and follow Dantes,
who, after having traversed La Canebiere, took the Rue de
Noailles, and entering a small house, on the left of the
Allees de Meillan, rapidly ascended four flights of a dark
staircase, holding the baluster with one hand, while with
the other he repressed the beatings of his heart, and paused
before a half-open door, from which he could see the whole
of a small room.

This room was occupied by Dantes' father. The news of the
arrival of the Pharaon had not yet reached the old man, who,
mounted on a chair, was amusing himself by training with
trembling hand the nasturtiums and sprays of clematis that
clambered over the trellis at his window. Suddenly, he felt
an arm thrown around his body, and a well-known voice behind
him exclaimed, "Father -- dear father!"

The old man uttered a cry, and turned round; then, seeing
his son, he fell into his arms, pale and trembling.

"What ails you, my dearest father? Are you ill?" inquired
the young man, much alarmed.

"No, no, my dear Edmond -- my boy -- my son! -- no; but I
did not expect you; and joy, the surprise of seeing you so
suddenly -- Ah, I feel as if I were going to die."

"Come, come, cheer up, my dear father! 'Tis I -- really I!
They say joy never hurts, and so I came to you without any
warning. Come now, do smile, instead of looking at me so
solemnly. Here I am back again, and we are going to be
happy."

"Yes, yes, my boy, so we will -- so we will," replied the
old man; "but how shall we be happy? Shall you never leave
me again? Come, tell me all the good fortune that has
befallen you."

"God forgive me," said the young man, "for rejoicing at
happiness derived from the misery of others, but, Heaven
knows, I did not seek this good fortune; it has happened,
and I really cannot pretend to lament it. The good Captain
Leclere is dead, father, and it is probable that, with the
aid of M. Morrel, I shall have his place. Do you understand,
father? Only imagine me a captain at twenty, with a hundred
louis pay, and a share in the profits! Is this not more than
a poor sailor like me could have hoped for?"

"Yes, my dear boy," replied the old man, "it is very
fortunate."

"Well, then, with the first money I touch, I mean you to
have a small house, with a garden in which to plant
clematis, nasturtiums, and honeysuckle. But what ails you,
father? Are you not well?"

"'Tis nothing, nothing; it will soon pass away" -- and as he
said so the old man's strength failed him, and he fell
backwards.

"Come, come," said the young man, "a glass of wine, father,
will revive you. Where do you keep your wine?"

"No, no; thanks. You need not look for it; I do not want
it," said the old man.

"Yes, yes, father, tell me where it is," and he opened two
or three cupboards.

"It is no use," said the old man, "there is no wine."

"What, no wine?" said Dantes, turning pale, and looking
alternately at the hollow cheeks of the old man and the
empty cupboards. "What, no wine? Have you wanted money,
father?"

"I want nothing now that I have you," said the old man.

"Yet," stammered Dantes, wiping the perspiration from his
brow, -- "yet I gave you two hundred francs when I left,
three months ago."

"Yes, yes, Edmond, that is true, but you forgot at that time
a little debt to our neighbor, Caderousse. He reminded me of
it, telling me if I did not pay for you, he would be paid by
M. Morrel; and so, you see, lest he might do you an injury"
--

"Well?"

"Why, I paid him."

"But," cried Dantes, "it was a hundred and forty francs I
owed Caderousse."

"Yes," stammered the old man.

"And you paid him out of the two hundred francs I left you?"

The old man nodded.

"So that you have lived for three months on sixty francs,"
muttered Edmond.

"You know how little I require," said the old man.

"Heaven pardon me," cried Edmond, falling on his knees
before his father.

"What are you doing?"

"You have wounded me to the heart."

"Never mind it, for I see you once more," said the old man;
"and now it's all over -- everything is all right again."

"Yes, here I am," said the young man, "with a promising
future and a little money. Here, father, here!" he said,
"take this -- take it, and send for something immediately."
And he emptied his pockets on the table, the contents
consisting of a dozen gold pieces, five or six five-franc
pieces, and some smaller coin. The countenance of old Dantes
brightened.

"Whom does this belong to?" he inquired.

"To me, to you, to us! Take it; buy some provisions; be
happy, and to-morrow we shall have more."

"Gently, gently," said the old man, with a smile; "and by
your leave I will use your purse moderately, for they would
say, if they saw me buy too many things at a time, that I
had been obliged to await your return, in order to be able
to purchase them."

"Do as you please; but, first of all, pray have a servant,
father. I will not have you left alone so long. I have some
smuggled coffee and most capital tobacco, in a small chest
in the hold, which you shall have to-morrow. But, hush, here
comes somebody."

"'Tis Caderousse, who has heard of your arrival, and no
doubt comes to congratulate you on your fortunate return."

"Ah, lips that say one thing, while the heart thinks
another," murmured Edmond. "But, never mind, he is a
neighbor who has done us a service on a time, so he's
welcome."

As Edmond paused, the black and bearded head of Caderousse
appeared at the door. He was a man of twenty-five or six,
and held a piece of cloth, which, being a tailor, he was
about to make into a coat-lining.

"What, is it you, Edmond, back again?" said he, with a broad
Marseillaise accent, and a grin that displayed his
ivory-white teeth.

"Yes, as you see, neighbor Caderousse; and ready to be
agreeable to you in any and every way," replied Dantes, but
ill-concealing his coldness under this cloak of civility.

"Thanks -- thanks; but, fortunately, I do not want for
anything; and it chances that at times there are others who
have need of me." Dantes made a gesture. "I do not allude to
you, my boy. No! -- no! I lent you money, and you returned
it; that's like good neighbors, and we are quits."

"We are never quits with those who oblige us," was Dantes'
reply; "for when we do not owe them money, we owe them
gratitude."

"What's the use of mentioning that? What is done is done.
Let us talk of your happy return, my boy. I had gone on the
quay to match a piece of mulberry cloth, when I met friend
Danglars. `You at Marseilles?' -- `Yes,' says he.

"`I thought you were at Smyrna.' -- `I was; but am now back
again.'

"`And where is the dear boy, our little Edmond?'

"`Why, with his father, no doubt,' replied Danglars. And so
I came," added Caderousse, "as fast as I could to have the
pleasure of shaking hands with a friend."

"Worthy Caderousse!" said the old man, "he is so much
attached to us."

"Yes, to be sure I am. I love and esteem you, because honest
folks are so rare. But it seems you have come back rich, my
boy," continued the tailor, looking askance at the handful
of gold and silver which Dantes had thrown on the table.

The young man remarked the greedy glance which shone in the
dark eyes of his neighbor. "Eh," he said, negligently. "this
money is not mine. I was expressing to my father my fears
that he had wanted many things in my absence, and to
convince me he emptied his purse on the table. Come, father"
added Dantes, "put this money back in your box -- unless
neighbor Caderousse wants anything, and in that case it is
at his service."

"No, my boy, no," said Caderousse. "I am not in any want,
thank God, my living is suited to my means. Keep your money
-- keep it, I say; -- one never has too much; -- but, at the
same time, my boy, I am as much obliged by your offer as if
I took advantage of it."

"It was offered with good will," said Dantes.

"No doubt, my boy; no doubt. Well, you stand well with M.
Morrel I hear, -- you insinuating dog, you!"

"M. Morrel has always been exceedingly kind to me," replied
Dantes.

"Then you were wrong to refuse to dine with him."

"What, did you refuse to dine with him?" said old Dantes;
"and did he invite you to dine?"

"Yes, my dear father," replied Edmond, smiling at his
father's astonishment at the excessive honor paid to his
son.

"And why did you refuse, my son?" inquired the old man.

"That I might the sooner see you again, my dear father,"
replied the young man. "I was most anxious to see you."

"But it must have vexed M. Morrel, good, worthy man," said
Caderousse. "And when you are looking forward to be captain,
it was wrong to annoy the owner."

"But I explained to him the cause of my refusal," replied
Dantes, "and I hope he fully understood it."

"Yes, but to be captain one must do a little flattery to
one's patrons."

"I hope to be captain without that," said Dantes.

"So much the better -- so much the better! Nothing will give
greater pleasure to all your old friends; and I know one
down there behind the Saint Nicolas citadel who will not be
sorry to hear it."

"Mercedes?" said the old man.

"Yes, my dear father, and with your permission, now I have
seen you, and know you are well and have all you require, I
will ask your consent to go and pay a visit to the
Catalans."

"Go, my dear boy," said old Dantes: "and heaven bless you in
your wife, as it has blessed me in my son!"

"His wife!" said Caderousse; "why, how fast you go on,
father Dantes; she is not his wife yet, as it seems to me."

"So, but according to all probability she soon will be,"
replied Edmond.

"Yes -- yes," said Caderousse; "but you were right to return
as soon as possible, my boy."

"And why?"

"Because Mercedes is a very fine girl, and fine girls never
lack followers; she particularly has them by dozens."

"Really?" answered Edmond, with a smile which had in it
traces of slight uneasiness.

"Ah, yes," continued Caderousse, "and capital offers, too;
but you know, you will be captain, and who could refuse you
then?"

"Meaning to say," replied Dantes, with a smile which but
ill-concealed his trouble, "that if I were not a captain" --

"Eh -- eh!" said Caderousse, shaking his head.

"Come, come," said the sailor, "I have a better opinion than
you of women in general, and of Mercedes in particular; and
I am certain that, captain or not, she will remain ever
faithful to me."

"So much the better -- so much the better," said Caderousse.
"When one is going to be married, there is nothing like
implicit confidence; but never mind that, my boy, -- go and
announce your arrival, and let her know all your hopes and
prospects."

"I will go directly," was Edmond's reply; and, embracing his
father, and nodding to Caderousse, he left the apartment.

Caderousse lingered for a moment, then taking leave of old
Dantes, he went downstairs to rejoin Danglars, who awaited
him at the corner of the Rue Senac.

"Well," said Danglars, "did you see him?"

"I have just left him," answered Caderousse.

"Did he allude to his hope of being captain?"

"He spoke of it as a thing already decided."

"Indeed!" said Danglars, "he is in too much hurry, it
appears to me."

"Why, it seems M. Morrel has promised him the thing."

"So that he is quite elated about it?"

"Why, yes, he is actually insolent over the matter -- has
already offered me his patronage, as if he were a grand
personage, and proffered me a loan of money, as though he
were a banker."

"Which you refused?"

"Most assuredly; although I might easily have accepted it,
for it was I who put into his hands the first silver he ever
earned; but now M. Dantes has no longer any occasion for
assistance -- he is about to become a captain."

"Pooh!" said Danglars, "he is not one yet."

"Ma foi, it will be as well if he is not," answered
Caderousse; "for if he should be, there will be really no
speaking to him."

"If we choose," replied Danglars, "he will remain what he
is; and perhaps become even less than he is."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing -- I was speaking to myself. And is he still in
love with the Catalane?"

"Over head and ears; but, unless I am much mistaken, there
will be a storm in that quarter."

"Explain yourself."

"Why should I?"

"It is more important than you think, perhaps. You do not
like Dantes?"

"I never like upstarts."

"Then tell me all you know about the Catalane."

"I know nothing for certain; only I have seen things which
induce me to believe, as I told you, that the future captain
will find some annoyance in the vicinity of the Vieilles
Infirmeries."

"What have you seen? -- come, tell me!"

"Well, every time I have seen Mercedes come into the city
she has been accompanied by a tall, strapping, black-eyed
Catalan, with a red complexion, brown skin, and fierce air,
whom she calls cousin."

"Really; and you think this cousin pays her attentions?"

"I only suppose so. What else can a strapping chap of
twenty-one mean with a fine wench of seventeen?"

"And you say that Dantes has gone to the Catalans?"

"He went before I came down."

"Let us go the same way; we will stop at La Reserve, and we
can drink a glass of La Malgue, whilst we wait for news."

"Come along," said Caderousse; "but you pay the score."

"Of course," replied Danglars; and going quickly to the
designated place, they called for a bottle of wine, and two
glasses.

Pere Pamphile had seen Dantes pass not ten minutes before;
and assured that he was at the Catalans, they sat down under
the budding foliage of the planes and sycamores, in the
branches of which the birds were singing their welcome to
one of the first days of spring.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 2

CHAPTER 3
The Catalans.

Beyond a bare, weather-worn wall, about a hundred paces from
the spot where the two friends sat looking and listening as
they drank their wine, was the village of the Catalans. Long
ago this mysterious colony quitted Spain, and settled on the
tongue of land on which it is to this day. Whence it came no
one knew, and it spoke an unknown tongue. One of its chiefs,
who understood Provencal, begged the commune of Marseilles
to give them this bare and barren promontory, where, like
the sailors of old, they had run their boats ashore. The
request was granted; and three months afterwards, around the
twelve or fifteen small vessels which had brought these
gypsies of the sea, a small village sprang up. This village,
constructed in a singular and picturesque manner, half
Moorish, half Spanish, still remains, and is inhabited by
descendants of the first comers, who speak the language of
their fathers. For three or four centuries they have
remained upon this small promontory, on which they had
settled like a flight of seabirds, without mixing with the
Marseillaise population, intermarrying, and preserving their
original customs and the costume of their mother-country as
they have preserved its language.

Our readers will follow us along the only street of this
little village, and enter with us one of the houses, which
is sunburned to the beautiful dead-leaf color peculiar to
the buildings of the country, and within coated with
whitewash, like a Spanish posada. A young and beautiful
girl, with hair as black as jet, her eyes as velvety as the
gazelle's, was leaning with her back against the wainscot,
rubbing in her slender delicately moulded fingers a bunch of
heath blossoms, the flowers of which she was picking off and
strewing on the floor; her arms, bare to the elbow, brown,
and modelled after those of the Arlesian Venus, moved with a
kind of restless impatience, and she tapped the earth with
her arched and supple foot, so as to display the pure and
full shape of her well-turned leg, in its red cotton, gray
and blue clocked, stocking. At three paces from her, seated
in a chair which he balanced on two legs, leaning his elbow
on an old worm-eaten table, was a tall young man of twenty,
or two-and-twenty, who was looking at her with an air in
which vexation and uneasiness were mingled. He questioned
her with his eyes, but the firm and steady gaze of the young
girl controlled his look.

"You see, Mercedes," said the young man, "here is Easter
come round again; tell me, is this the moment for a
wedding?"

"I have answered you a hundred times, Fernand, and really
you must be very stupid to ask me again."

"Well, repeat it, -- repeat it, I beg of you, that I may at
last believe it! Tell me for the hundredth time that you
refuse my love, which had your mother's sanction. Make me
understand once for all that you are trifling with my
happiness, that my life or death are nothing to you. Ah, to
have dreamed for ten years of being your husband, Mercedes,
and to lose that hope, which was the only stay of my
existence!"

"At least it was not I who ever encouraged you in that hope,
Fernand," replied Mercedes; "you cannot reproach me with the
slightest coquetry. I have always said to you, `I love you
as a brother; but do not ask from me more than sisterly
affection, for my heart is another's.' Is not this true,
Fernand?"

"Yes, that is very true, Mercedes," replied the young man,
"Yes, you have been cruelly frank with me; but do you forget
that it is among the Catalans a sacred law to intermarry?"

"You mistake, Fernand; it is not a law, but merely a custom,
and, I pray of you, do not cite this custom in your favor.
You are included in the conscription, Fernand, and are only
at liberty on sufferance, liable at any moment to be called
upon to take up arms. Once a soldier, what would you do with
me, a poor orphan, forlorn, without fortune, with nothing
but a half-ruined hut and a few ragged nets, the miserable
inheritance left by my father to my mother, and by my mother
to me? She has been dead a year, and you know, Fernand, I
have subsisted almost entirely on public charity. Sometimes
you pretend I am useful to you, and that is an excuse to
share with me the produce of your fishing, and I accept it,
Fernand, because you are the son of my father's brother,
because we were brought up together, and still more because
it would give you so much pain if I refuse. But I feel very
deeply that this fish which I go and sell, and with the
produce of which I buy the flax I spin, -- I feel very
keenly, Fernand, that this is charity."

"And if it were, Mercedes, poor and lone as you are, you
suit me as well as the daughter of the first shipowner or
the richest banker of Marseilles! What do such as we desire
but a good wife and careful housekeeper, and where can I
look for these better than in you?"

"Fernand," answered Mercedes, shaking her head, "a woman
becomes a bad manager, and who shall say she will remain an
honest woman, when she loves another man better than her
husband? Rest content with my friendship, for I say once
more that is all I can promise, and I will promise no more
than I can bestow."

"I understand," replied Fernand, "you can endure your own
wretchedness patiently, but you are afraid to share mine.
Well, Mercedes, beloved by you, I would tempt fortune; you
would bring me good luck, and I should become rich. I could
extend my occupation as a fisherman, might get a place as
clerk in a warehouse, and become in time a dealer myself."

"You could do no such thing, Fernand; you are a soldier, and
if you remain at the Catalans it is because there is no war;
so remain a fisherman, and contented with my friendship, as
I cannot give you more."

"Well, I will do better, Mercedes. I will be a sailor;
instead of the costume of our fathers, which you despise, I
will wear a varnished hat, a striped shirt, and a blue
jacket, with an anchor on the buttons. Would not that dress
please you?"

"What do you mean?" asked Mercedes, with an angry glance, --
"what do you mean? I do not understand you?"

"I mean, Mercedes, that you are thus harsh and cruel with
me, because you are expecting some one who is thus attired;
but perhaps he whom you await is inconstant, or if he is
not, the sea is so to him."

"Fernand," cried Mercedes, "I believed you were
good-hearted, and I was mistaken! Fernand, you are wicked to
call to your aid jealousy and the anger of God! Yes, I will
not deny it, I do await, and I do love him of whom you
speak; and, if he does not return, instead of accusing him
of the inconstancy which you insinuate, I will tell you that
he died loving me and me only." The young girl made a
gesture of rage. "I understand you, Fernand; you would be
revenged on him because I do not love you; you would cross
your Catalan knife with his dirk. What end would that
answer? To lose you my friendship if he were conquered, and
see that friendship changed into hate if you were victor.
Believe me, to seek a quarrel with a man is a bad method of
pleasing the woman who loves that man. No, Fernand, you will
not thus give way to evil thoughts. Unable to have me for
your wife, you will content yourself with having me for your
friend and sister; and besides," she added, her eyes
troubled and moistened with tears, "wait, wait, Fernand; you
said just now that the sea was treacherous, and he has been
gone four months, and during these four months there have
been some terrible storms."

Fernand made no reply, nor did he attempt to check the tears
which flowed down the cheeks of Mercedes, although for each
of these tears he would have shed his heart's blood; but
these tears flowed for another. He arose, paced a while up
and down the hut, and then, suddenly stopping before
Mercedes, with his eyes glowing and his hands clinched, --
"Say, Mercedes," he said, "once for all, is this your final
determination?"

"I love Edmond Dantes," the young girl calmly replied, "and
none but Edmond shall ever be my husband."

"And you will always love him?"

"As long as I live."

Fernand let fall his head like a defeated man, heaved a sigh
that was like a groan, and then suddenly looking her full in
the face, with clinched teeth and expanded nostrils, said,
-- "But if he is dead" --

"If he is dead, I shall die too."

"If he has forgotten you" --

"Mercedes!" called a joyous voice from without, --
"Mercedes!"

"Ah," exclaimed the young girl, blushing with delight, and
fairly leaping in excess of love, "you see he has not
forgotten me, for here he is!" And rushing towards the door,
she opened it, saying, "Here, Edmond, here I am!"

Fernand, pale and trembling, drew back, like a traveller at
the sight of a serpent, and fell into a chair beside him.
Edmond and Mercedes were clasped in each other's arms. The
burning Marseilles sun, which shot into the room through the
open door, covered them with a flood of light. At first they
saw nothing around them. Their intense happiness isolated
them from all the rest of the world, and they only spoke in
broken words, which are the tokens of a joy so extreme that
they seem rather the expression of sorrow. Suddenly Edmond
saw the gloomy, pale, and threatening countenance of
Fernand, as it was defined in the shadow. By a movement for
which he could scarcely account to himself, the young
Catalan placed his hand on the knife at his belt.

"Ah, your pardon," said Dantes, frowning in his turn; "I did
not perceive that there were three of us." Then, turning to
Mercedes, he inquired, "Who is this gentleman?"

"One who will be your best friend, Dantes, for he is my
friend, my cousin, my brother; it is Fernand -- the man
whom, after you, Edmond, I love the best in the world. Do
you not remember him?"

"Yes!" said Dantes, and without relinquishing Mercedes hand
clasped in one of his own, he extended the other to the
Catalan with a cordial air. But Fernand, instead of
responding to this amiable gesture, remained mute and
trembling. Edmond then cast his eyes scrutinizingly at the
agitated and embarrassed Mercedes, and then again on the
gloomy and menacing Fernand. This look told him all, and his
anger waxed hot.

"I did not know, when I came with such haste to you, that I
was to meet an enemy here."

"An enemy!" cried Mercedes, with an angry look at her
cousin. "An enemy in my house, do you say, Edmond! If I
believed that, I would place my arm under yours and go with
you to Marseilles, leaving the house to return to it no
more."

Fernand's eye darted lightning. "And should any misfortune
occur to you, dear Edmond," she continued with the same
calmness which proved to Fernand that the young girl had
read the very innermost depths of his sinister thought, "if
misfortune should occur to you, I would ascend the highest
point of the Cape de Morgion and cast myself headlong from
it."

Fernand became deadly pale. "But you are deceived, Edmond,"
she continued. "You have no enemy here -- there is no one
but Fernand, my brother, who will grasp your hand as a
devoted friend."

And at these words the young girl fixed her imperious look
on the Catalan, who, as if fascinated by it, came slowly
towards Edmond, and offered him his hand. His hatred, like a
powerless though furious wave, was broken against the strong
ascendancy which Mercedes exercised over him. Scarcely,
however, had he touched Edmond's hand than he felt he had
done all he could do, and rushed hastily out of the house.

"Oh," he exclaimed, running furiously and tearing his hair
-- "Oh, who will deliver me from this man? Wretched --
wretched that I am!"

"Hallo, Catalan! Hallo, Fernand! where are you running to?"
exclaimed a voice.

The young man stopped suddenly, looked around him, and
perceived Caderousse sitting at table with Danglars, under
an arbor.

"Well", said Caderousse, "why don't you come? Are you really
in such a hurry that you have no time to pass the time of
day with your friends?"

"Particularly when they have still a full bottle before
them," added Danglars. Fernand looked at them both with a
stupefied air, but did not say a word.

"He seems besotted," said Danglars, pushing Caderousse with
his knee. "Are we mistaken, and is Dantes triumphant in
spite of all we have believed?"

"Why, we must inquire into that," was Caderousse's reply;
and turning towards the young man, said, "Well, Catalan,
can't you make up your mind?"

Fernand wiped away the perspiration steaming from his brow,
and slowly entered the arbor, whose shade seemed to restore
somewhat of calmness to his senses, and whose coolness
somewhat of refreshment to his exhausted body.

"Good-day," said he. "You called me, didn't you?" And he
fell, rather than sat down, on one of the seats which
surrounded the table.

"I called you because you were running like a madman, and I
was afraid you would throw yourself into the sea," said
Caderousse, laughing. "Why, when a man has friends, they are
not only to offer him a glass of wine, but, moreover, to
prevent his swallowing three or four pints of water
unnecessarily!"

Fernand gave a groan, which resembled a sob, and dropped his
head into his hands, his elbows leaning on the table.

"Well, Fernand, I must say," said Caderousse, beginning the
conversation, with that brutality of the common people in
which curiosity destroys all diplomacy, "you look uncommonly
like a rejected lover;" and he burst into a hoarse laugh.

"Bah!" said Danglars, "a lad of his make was not born to be
unhappy in love. You are laughing at him, Caderousse."

"No," he replied, "only hark how he sighs! Come, come,
Fernand," said Caderousse, "hold up your head, and answer
us. It's not polite not to reply to friends who ask news of
your health."

"My health is well enough," said Fernand, clinching his
hands without raising his head.

"Ah, you see, Danglars," said Caderousse, winking at his
friend, "this is how it is; Fernand, whom you see here, is a
good and brave Catalan, one of the best fishermen in
Marseilles, and he is in love with a very fine girl, named
Mercedes; but it appears, unfortunately, that the fine girl
is in love with the mate of the Pharaon; and as the Pharaon
arrived to-day -- why, you understand!"

"No; I do not understand," said Danglars.

"Poor Fernand has been dismissed," continued Caderousse.

"Well, and what then?" said Fernand, lifting up his head,
and looking at Caderousse like a man who looks for some one
on whom to vent his anger; "Mercedes is not accountable to
any person, is she? Is she not free to love whomsoever she
will?"

"Oh, if you take it in that sense," said Caderousse, "it is
another thing. But I thought you were a Catalan, and they
told me the Catalans were not men to allow themselves to be
supplanted by a rival. It was even told me that Fernand,
especially, was terrible in his vengeance."

Fernand smiled piteously. "A lover is never terrible," he
said.

"Poor fellow!" remarked Danglars, affecting to pity the
young man from the bottom of his heart. "Why, you see, he
did not expect to see Dantes return so suddenly -- he
thought he was dead, perhaps; or perchance faithless! These
things always come on us more severely when they come
suddenly."

"Ah, ma foi, under any circumstances," said Caderousse, who
drank as he spoke, and on whom the fumes of the wine began
to take effect, -- "under any circumstances Fernand is not
the only person put out by the fortunate arrival of Dantes;
is he, Danglars?"

"No, you are right -- and I should say that would bring him
ill-luck."

"Well, never mind," answered Caderousse, pouring out a glass
of wine for Fernand, and filling his own for the eighth or
ninth time, while Danglars had merely sipped his. "Never
mind -- in the meantime he marries Mercedes -- the lovely
Mercedes -- at least he returns to do that."

During this time Danglars fixed his piercing glance on the
young man, on whose heart Caderousse's words fell like
molten lead.

"And when is the wedding to be?" he asked.

"Oh, it is not yet fixed!" murmured Fernand.

"No, but it will be," said Caderousse, "as surely as Dantes
will be captain of the Pharaon -- eh, Danglars?"

Danglars shuddered at this unexpected attack, and turned to
Caderousse, whose countenance he scrutinized, to try and
detect whether the blow was premeditated; but he read
nothing but envy in a countenance already rendered brutal
and stupid by drunkenness.

"Well," said he, filling the glasses, "let us drink to
Captain Edmond Dantes, husband of the beautiful Catalane!"

Caderousse raised his glass to his mouth with unsteady hand,
and swallowed the contents at a gulp. Fernand dashed his on
the ground.

"Eh, eh, eh!" stammered Caderousse. "What do I see down
there by the wall, in the direction of the Catalans? Look,
Fernand, your eyes are better than mine. I believe I see
double. You know wine is a deceiver; but I should say it was
two lovers walking side by side, and hand in hand. Heaven
forgive me, they do not know that we can see them, and they
are actually embracing!"

Danglars did not lose one pang that Fernand endured.

"Do you know them, Fernand?" he said.

"Yes," was the reply, in a low voice. "It is Edmond and
Mercedes!"

"Ah, see there, now!" said Caderousse; "and I did not
recognize them! Hallo, Dantes! hello, lovely damsel! Come
this way, and let us know when the wedding is to be, for
Fernand here is so obstinate he will not tell us."

"Hold your tongue, will you?" said Danglars, pretending to
restrain Caderousse, who, with the tenacity of drunkards,
leaned out of the arbor. "Try to stand upright, and let the
lovers make love without interruption. See, look at Fernand,
and follow his example; he is well-behaved!"

Fernand, probably excited beyond bearing, pricked by
Danglars, as the bull is by the bandilleros, was about to
rush out; for he had risen from his seat, and seemed to be
collecting himself to dash headlong upon his rival, when
Mercedes, smiling and graceful, lifted up her lovely head,
and looked at them with her clear and bright eyes. At this
Fernand recollected her threat of dying if Edmond died, and
dropped again heavily on his seat. Danglars looked at the
two men, one after the other, the one brutalized by liquor,
the other overwhelmed with love.

"I shall get nothing from these fools," he muttered; "and I
am very much afraid of being here between a drunkard and a
coward. Here's an envious fellow making himself boozy on
wine when he ought to be nursing his wrath, and here is a
fool who sees the woman he loves stolen from under his nose
and takes on like a big baby. Yet this Catalan has eyes that
glisten like those of the vengeful Spaniards, Sicilians, and
Calabrians, and the other has fists big enough to crush an
ox at one blow. Unquestionably, Edmond's star is in the
ascendant, and he will marry the splendid girl -- he will be
captain, too, and laugh at us all, unless" -- a sinister
smile passed over Danglars' lips -- "unless I take a hand in
the affair," he added.

"Hallo!" continued Caderousse, half-rising, and with his
fist on the table, "hallo, Edmond! do you not see your
friends, or are you too proud to speak to them?"

"No, my dear fellow!" replied Dantes, "I am not proud, but I
am happy, and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride."

"Ah, very well, that's an explanation!" said Caderousse.
"How do you do, Madame Dantes?"

Mercedes courtesied gravely, and said -- "That is not my
name, and in my country it bodes ill fortune, they say, to
call a young girl by the name of her betrothed before he
becomes her husband. So call me Mercedes, if you please."

"We must excuse our worthy neighbor, Caderousse," said
Dantes, "he is so easily mistaken."

"So, then, the wedding is to take place immediately, M.
Dantes," said Danglars, bowing to the young couple.

"As soon as possible, M. Danglars; to-day all preliminaries
will be arranged at my father's, and to-morrow, or next day
at latest, the wedding festival here at La Reserve. My
friends will be there, I hope; that is to say, you are
invited, M. Danglars, and you, Caderousse."

"And Fernand," said Caderousse with a chuckle; "Fernand,
too, is invited!"

"My wife's brother is my brother," said Edmond; "and we,
Mercedes and I, should be very sorry if he were absent at
such a time."

Fernand opened his mouth to reply, but his voice died on his
lips, and he could not utter a word.

"To-day the preliminaries, to-morrow or next day the
ceremony! You are in a hurry, captain!"

"Danglars," said Edmond, smiling, "I will say to you as
Mercedes said just now to Caderousse, `Do not give me a
title which does not belong to me'; that may bring me bad
luck."

"Your pardon," replied Danglars, "I merely said you seemed
in a hurry, and we have lots of time; the Pharaon cannot be
under weigh again in less than three months."

"We are always in a hurry to be happy, M. Danglars; for when
we have suffered a long time, we have great difficulty in
believing in good fortune. But it is not selfishness alone
that makes me thus in haste; I must go to Paris."

"Ah, really? -- to Paris! and will it be the first time you
have ever been there, Dantes?"

"Yes."

"Have you business there?"

"Not of my own; the last commission of poor Captain Leclere;
you know to what I allude, Danglars -- it is sacred.
Besides, I shall only take the time to go and return."

"Yes, yes, I understand," said Danglars, and then in a low
tone, he added, "To Paris, no doubt to deliver the letter
which the grand marshal gave him. Ah, this letter gives me
an idea -- a capital idea! Ah; Dantes, my friend, you are
not yet registered number one on board the good ship
Pharaon;" then turning towards Edmond, who was walking away,
"A pleasant journey," he cried.

"Thank you," said Edmond with a friendly nod, and the two
lovers continued on their way, as calm and joyous as if they
were the very elect of heaven.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 3

Danglars followed Edmond and Mercedes with his eyes until
the two lovers disappeared behind one of the angles of Fort
Saint Nicolas, then turning round, he perceived Fernand, who
had fallen, pale and trembling, into his chair, while
Caderousse stammered out the words of a drinking-song.

"Well, my dear sir," said Danglars to Fernand, "here is a
marriage which does not appear to make everybody happy."

"It drives me to despair," said Fernand.

"Do you, then, love Mercedes?"

"I adore her!"

"For long?"

"As long as I have known her -- always."

"And you sit there, tearing your hair, instead of seeking to
remedy your condition; I did not think that was the way of
your people."

"What would you have me do?" said Fernand.

"How do I know? Is it my affair? I am not in love with
Mademoiselle Mercedes; but for you -- in the words of the
gospel, seek, and you shall find."

"I have found already."

"What?"

"I would stab the man, but the woman told me that if any
misfortune happened to her betrothed, she would kill
herself."

"Pooh! Women say those things, but never do them."

"You do not know Mercedes; what she threatens she will do."

"Idiot!" muttered Danglars; "whether she kill herself or
not, what matter, provided Dantes is not captain?"

"Before Mercedes should die," replied Fernand, with the
accents of unshaken resolution, "I would die myself!"

"That's what I call love!" said Caderousse with a voice more
tipsy than ever. "That's love, or I don't know what love
is."

"Come," said Danglars, "you appear to me a good sort of
fellow, and hang me, I should like to help you, but" --

"Yes," said Caderousse, "but how?"

"My dear fellow," replied Danglars, "you are three parts
drunk; finish the bottle, and you will be completely so.
Drink then, and do not meddle with what we are discussing,
for that requires all one's wit and cool judgment."

"I -- drunk!" said Caderousse; "well that's a good one! I
could drink four more such bottles; they are no bigger than
cologne flasks. Pere Pamphile, more wine!" and Caderousse
rattled his glass upon the table.

"You were saving, sir" -- said Fernand, awaiting with great
anxiety the end of this interrupted remark.

"What was I saying? I forget. This drunken Caderousse has
made me lose the thread of my sentence."

"Drunk, if you like; so much the worse for those who fear
wine, for it is because they have bad thoughts which they
are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts;" and
Caderousse began to sing the two last lines of a song very
popular at the time, --

`Tous les mechants sont beuveurs d'eau;
C'est bien prouve par le deluge.'*

* "The wicked are great drinkers of water
As the flood proved once for all."

"You said, sir, you would like to help me, but" --

"Yes; but I added, to help you it would be sufficient that
Dantes did not marry her you love; and the marriage may
easily be thwarted, methinks, and yet Dantes need not die."

"Death alone can separate them," remarked Fernand.

"You talk like a noodle, my friend," said Caderousse; "and
here is Danglars, who is a wide-awake, clever, deep fellow,
who will prove to you that you are wrong. Prove it,
Danglars. I have answered for you. Say there is no need why
Dantes should die; it would, indeed, be a pity he should.
Dantes is a good fellow; I like Dantes. Dantes, your
health."

Fernand rose impatiently. "Let him run on," said Danglars,
restraining the young man; "drunk as he is, he is not much
out in what he says. Absence severs as well as death, and if
the walls of a prison were between Edmond and Mercedes they
would be as effectually separated as if he lay under a
tombstone."

"Yes; but one gets out of prison," said Caderousse, who,
with what sense was left him, listened eagerly to the
conversation, "and when one gets out and one's name is
Edmond Dantes, one seeks revenge" --

"What matters that?" muttered Fernand.

"And why, I should like to know," persisted Caderousse,
"should they put Dantes in prison? he has not robbed or
killed or murdered."

"Hold your tongue!" said Danglars.

"I won't hold my tongue!" replied Caderousse; "I say I want
to know why they should put Dantes in prison; I like Dantes;
Dantes, your health!" and he swallowed another glass of
wine.

Danglars saw in the muddled look of the tailor the progress
of his intoxication, and turning towards Fernand, said,
"Well, you understand there is no need to kill him."

"Certainly not, if, as you said just now, you have the means
of having Dantes arrested. Have you that means?"

"It is to be found for the searching. But why should I
meddle in the matter? it is no affair of mine.";

"I know not why you meddle," said Fernand, seizing his arm;
"but this I know, you have some motive of pers
CHAPTER 1
Marseilles -- The Arrival.

On the 24th of February, 1810, the look-out at Notre-Dame de
la Garde signalled the three-master, the Pharaon from
Smyrna, Trieste, and Naples.

As usual, a pilot put off immediately, and rounding the
Chateau d'If, got on board the vessel between Cape Morgion
and Rion island.

Immediately, and according to custom, the ramparts of Fort
Saint-Jean were covered with spectators; it is always an
event at Marseilles for a ship to come into port, especially
when this ship, like the Pharaon, has been built, rigged,
and laden at the old Phocee docks, and belongs to an owner
of the city.

The ship drew on and had safely passed the strait, which
some volcanic shock has made between the Calasareigne and
Jaros islands; had doubled Pomegue, and approached the
harbor under topsails, jib, and spanker, but so slowly and
sedately that the idlers, with that instinct which is the
forerunner of evil, asked one another what misfortune could
have happened on board. However, those experienced in
navigation saw plainly that if any accident had occurred, it
was not to the vessel herself, for she bore down with all
the evidence of being skilfully handled, the anchor
a-cockbill, the jib-boom guys already eased off, and
standing by the side of the pilot, who was steering the
Pharaon towards the narrow entrance of the inner port, was a
young man, who, with activity and vigilant eye, watched
every motion of the ship, and repeated each direction of the
pilot.

The vague disquietude which prevailed among the spectators
had so much affected one of the crowd that he did not await
the arrival of the vessel in harbor, but jumping into a
small skiff, desired to be pulled alongside the Pharaon,
which he reached as she rounded into La Reserve basin.

When the young man on board saw this person approach, he
left his station by the pilot, and, hat in hand, leaned over
the ship's bulwarks.

He was a fine, tall, slim young fellow of eighteen or
twenty, with black eyes, and hair as dark as a raven's wing;
and his whole appearance bespoke that calmness and
resolution peculiar to men accustomed from their cradle to
contend with danger.

"Ah, is it you, Dantes?" cried the man in the skiff. "What's
the matter? and why have you such an air of sadness aboard?"

"A great misfortune, M. Morrel," replied the young man, --
"a great misfortune, for me especially! Off Civita Vecchia
we lost our brave Captain Leclere."

"And the cargo?" inquired the owner, eagerly.

"Is all safe, M. Morrel; and I think you will be satisfied
on that head. But poor Captain Leclere -- "

"What happened to him?" asked the owner, with an air of
considerable resignation. "What happened to the worthy
captain?"

"He died."

"Fell into the sea?"

"No, sir, he died of brain-fever in dreadful agony." Then
turning to the crew, he said, "Bear a hand there, to take in
sail!"

All hands obeyed, and at once the eight or ten seamen who
composed the crew, sprang to their respective stations at
the spanker brails and outhaul, topsail sheets and halyards,
the jib downhaul, and the topsail clewlines and buntlines.
The young sailor gave a look to see that his orders were
promptly and accurately obeyed, and then turned again to the
owner.

"And how did this misfortune occur?" inquired the latter,
resuming the interrupted conversation.

"Alas, sir, in the most unexpected manner. After a long talk
with the harbor-master, Captain Leclere left Naples greatly
disturbed in mind. In twenty-four hours he was attacked by a
fever, and died three days afterwards. We performed the
usual burial service, and he is at his rest, sewn up in his
hammock with a thirty-six pound shot at his head and his
heels, off El Giglio island. We bring to his widow his sword
and cross of honor. It was worth while, truly," added the
young man with a melancholy smile, "to make war against the
English for ten years, and to die in his bed at last, like
everybody else."

"Why, you see, Edmond," replied the owner, who appeared more
comforted at every moment, "we are all mortal, and the old
must make way for the young. If not, why, there would be no
promotion; and since you assure me that the cargo -- "

"Is all safe and sound, M. Morrel, take my word for it; and
I advise you not to take 25,000 francs for the profits of
the voyage."

Then, as they were just passing the Round Tower, the young
man shouted: "Stand by there to lower the topsails and jib;
brail up the spanker!"

The order was executed as promptly as it would have been on
board a man-of-war.

"Let go -- and clue up!" At this last command all the sails
were lowered, and the vessel moved almost imperceptibly
onwards.

"Now, if you will come on board, M. Morrel," said Dantes,
observing the owner's impatience, "here is your supercargo,
M. Danglars, coming out of his cabin, who will furnish you
with every particular. As for me, I must look after the
anchoring, and dress the ship in mourning."

The owner did not wait for a second invitation. He seized a
rope which Dantes flung to him, and with an activity that
would have done credit to a sailor, climbed up the side of
the ship, while the young man, going to his task, left the
conversation to Danglars, who now came towards the owner. He
was a man of twenty-five or twenty-six years of age, of
unprepossessing countenance, obsequious to his superiors,
insolent to his subordinates; and this, in addition to his
position as responsible agent on board, which is always
obnoxious to the sailors, made him as much disliked by the
crew as Edmond Dantes was beloved by them.

"Well, M. Morrel," said Danglars, "you have heard of the
misfortune that has befallen us?"

"Yes -- yes: poor Captain Leclere! He was a brave and an
honest man."

"And a first-rate seaman, one who had seen long and
honorable service, as became a man charged with the
interests of a house so important as that of Morrel & Son,"
replied Danglars.

"But," replied the owner, glancing after Dantes, who was
watching the anchoring of his vessel, "it seems to me that a
sailor needs not be so old as you say, Danglars, to
understand his business, for our friend Edmond seems to
understand it thoroughly, and not to require instruction
from any one."

"Yes," said Danglars, darting at Edmond a look gleaming with
hate. "Yes, he is young, and youth is invariably
self-confident. Scarcely was the captain's breath out of his
body when he assumed the command without consulting any one,
and he caused us to lose a day and a half at the Island of
Elba, instead of making for Marseilles direct."

"As to taking command of the vessel," replied Morrel, "that
was his duty as captain's mate; as to losing a day and a
half off the Island of Elba, he was wrong, unless the vessel
needed repairs."

"The vessel was in as good condition as I am, and as, I hope
you are, M. Morrel, and this day and a half was lost from
pure whim, for the pleasure of going ashore, and nothing
else."

"Dantes," said the shipowner, turning towards the young man,
"come this way!"

"In a moment, sir," answered Dantes, "and I'm with you."
Then calling to the crew, he said -- "Let go!"

The anchor was instantly dropped, and the chain ran rattling
through the port-hole. Dantes continued at his post in spite
of the presence of the pilot, until this manoeuvre was
completed, and then he added, "Half-mast the colors, and
square the yards!"

"You see," said Danglars, "he fancies himself captain
already, upon my word."

"And so, in fact, he is," said the owner.

"Except your signature and your partner's, M. Morrel."

"And why should he not have this?" asked the owner; "he is
young, it is true, but he seems to me a thorough seaman, and
of full experience."

A cloud passed over Danglars' brow. "Your pardon, M.
Morrel," said Dantes, approaching, "the vessel now rides at
anchor, and I am at your service. You hailed me, I think?"

Danglars retreated a step or two. "I wished to inquire why
you stopped at the Island of Elba?"

"I do not know, sir; it was to fulfil the last instructions
of Captain Leclere, who, when dying, gave me a packet for
Marshal Bertrand."

"Then did you see him, Edmond?"

"Who?"

"The marshal."

"Yes."

Morrel looked around him, and then, drawing Dantes on one
side, he said suddenly -- "And how is the emperor?"

"Very well, as far as I could judge from the sight of him."

"You saw the emperor, then?"

"He entered the marshal's apartment while I was there."

"And you spoke to him?"

"Why, it was he who spoke to me, sir," said Dantes, with a
smile.

"And what did he say to you?"

"Asked me questions about the vessel, the time she left
Marseilles, the course she had taken, and what was her
cargo. I believe, if she had not been laden, and I had been
her master, he would have bought her. But I told him I was
only mate, and that she belonged to the firm of Morrel &
Son. `Ah, yes,' he said, `I know them. The Morrels have been
shipowners from father to son; and there was a Morrel who
served in the same regiment with me when I was in garrison
at Valence.'"

"Pardieu, and that is true!" cried the owner, greatly
delighted. "And that was Policar Morrel, my uncle, who was
afterwards a captain. Dantes, you must tell my uncle that
the emperor remembered him, and you will see it will bring
tears into the old soldier's eyes. Come, come," continued
he, patting Edmond's shoulder kindly, "you did very right,
Dantes, to follow Captain Leclere's instructions, and touch
at Elba, although if it were known that you had conveyed a
packet to the marshal, and had conversed with the emperor,
it might bring you into trouble."

"How could that bring me into trouble, sir?" asked Dantes;
"for I did not even know of what I was the bearer; and the
emperor merely made such inquiries as he would of the first
comer. But, pardon me, here are the health officers and the
customs inspectors coming alongside." And the young man went
to the gangway. As he departed, Danglars approached, and
said, --

"Well, it appears that he has given you satisfactory reasons
for his landing at Porto-Ferrajo?"

"Yes, most satisfactory, my dear Danglars."

"Well, so much the better," said the supercargo; "for it is
not pleasant to think that a comrade has not done his duty."

"Dantes has done his," replied the owner, "and that is not
saying much. It was Captain Leclere who gave orders for this
delay."

"Talking of Captain Leclere, has not Dantes given you a
letter from him?"

"To me? -- no -- was there one?"

"I believe that, besides the packet, Captain Leclere
confided a letter to his care."

"Of what packet are you speaking, Danglars?"

"Why, that which Dantes left at Porto-Ferrajo."

"How do you know he had a packet to leave at Porto-Ferrajo?"

Danglars turned very red.

"I was passing close to the door of the captain's cabin,
which was half open, and I saw him give the packet and
letter to Dantes."

"He did not speak to me of it," replied the shipowner; "but
if there be any letter he will give it to me."

Danglars reflected for a moment. "Then, M. Morrel, I beg of
you," said he, "not to say a word to Dantes on the subject.
I may have been mistaken."

At this moment the young man returned; Danglars withdrew.

"Well, my dear Dantes, are you now free?" inquired the
owner.

"Yes, sir."

"You have not been long detained."

"No. I gave the custom-house officers a copy of our bill of
lading; and as to the other papers, they sent a man off with
the pilot, to whom I gave them."

"Then you have nothing more to do here?"

"No -- everything is all right now."

"Then you can come and dine with me?"

"I really must ask you to excuse me, M. Morrel. My first
visit is due to my father, though I am not the less grateful
for the honor you have done me."

"Right, Dantes, quite right. I always knew you were a good
son."

"And," inquired Dantes, with some hesitation, "do you know
how my father is?"

"Well, I believe, my dear Edmond, though I have not seen him
lately."

"Yes, he likes to keep himself shut up in his little room."

"That proves, at least, that he has wanted for nothing
during your absence."

Dantes smiled. "My father is proud, sir, and if he had not a
meal left, I doubt if he would have asked anything from
anyone, except from Heaven."

"Well, then, after this first visit has been made we shall
count on you."

"I must again excuse myself, M. Morrel, for after this first
visit has been paid I have another which I am most anxious
to pay."

"True, Dantes, I forgot that there was at the Catalans some
one who expects you no less impatiently than your father --
the lovely Mercedes."

Dantes blushed.

"Ah, ha," said the shipowner, "I am not in the least
surprised, for she has been to me three times, inquiring if
there were any news of the Pharaon. Peste, Edmond, you have
a very handsome mistress!"

"She is not my mistress," replied the young sailor, gravely;
"she is my betrothed."

"Sometimes one and the same thing," said Morrel, with a
smile.

"Not with us, sir," replied Dantes.

"Well, well, my dear Edmond," continued the owner, "don't
let me detain you. You have managed my affairs so well that
I ought to allow you all the time you require for your own.
Do you want any money?"

"No, sir; I have all my pay to take -- nearly three months'
wages."

"You are a careful fellow, Edmond."

"Say I have a poor father, sir."

"Yes, yes, I know how good a son you are, so now hasten away
to see your father. I have a son too, and I should be very
wroth with those who detained him from me after a three
months' voyage."

"Then I have your leave, sir?"

"Yes, if you have nothing more to say to me."

"Nothing."

"Captain Leclere did not, before he died, give you a letter
for me?"

"He was unable to write, sir. But that reminds me that I
must ask your leave of absence for some days."

"To get married?"

"Yes, first, and then to go to Paris."

"Very good; have what time you require, Dantes. It will take
quite six weeks to unload the cargo, and we cannot get you
ready for sea until three months after that; only be back
again in three months, for the Pharaon," added the owner,
patting the young sailor on the back, "cannot sail without
her captain."

"Without her captain!" cried Dantes, his eyes sparkling with
animation; "pray mind what you say, for you are touching on
the most secret wishes of my heart. Is it really your
intention to make me captain of the Pharaon?"

"If I were sole owner we'd shake hands on it now, my dear
Dantes, and call it settled; but I have a partner, and you
know the Italian proverb -- Chi ha compagno ha padrone --
`He who has a partner has a master.' But the thing is at
least half done, as you have one out of two votes. Rely on
me to procure you the other; I will do my best."

"Ah, M. Morrel," exclaimed the young seaman, with tears in
his eyes, and grasping the owner's hand, "M. Morrel, I thank
you in the name of my father and of Mercedes."

"That's all right, Edmond. There's a providence that watches
over the deserving. Go to your father: go and see Mercedes,
and afterwards come to me."

"Shall I row you ashore?"

"No, thank you; I shall remain and look over the accounts
with Danglars. Have you been satisfied with him this
voyage?"

"That is according to the sense you attach to the question,
sir. Do you mean is he a good comrade? No, for I think he
never liked me since the day when I was silly enough, after
a little quarrel we had, to propose to him to stop for ten
minutes at the island of Monte Cristo to settle the dispute
-- a proposition which I was wrong to suggest, and he quite
right to refuse. If you mean as responsible agent when you
ask me the question, I believe there is nothing to say
against him, and that you will be content with the way in
which he has performed his duty."

"But tell me, Dantes, if you had command of the Pharaon
should you be glad to see Danglars remain?"

"Captain or mate, M. Morrel, I shall always have the
greatest respect for those who possess the owners'
confidence."

"That's right, that's right, Dantes! I see you are a
thoroughly good fellow, and will detain you no longer. Go,
for I see how impatient you are."

"Then I have leave?"

"Go, I tell you."

"May I have the use of your skiff?"

"Certainly."

"Then, for the present, M. Morrel, farewell, and a thousand
thanks!"

"I hope soon to see you again, my dear Edmond. Good luck to
you."

The young sailor jumped into the skiff, and sat down in the
stern sheets, with the order that he be put ashore at La
Canebiere. The two oarsmen bent to their work, and the
little boat glided away as rapidly as possible in the midst
of the thousand vessels which choke up the narrow way which
leads between the two rows of ships from the mouth of the
harbor to the Quai d'Orleans.

The shipowner, smiling, followed him with his eyes until he
saw him spring out on the quay and disappear in the midst of
the throng, which from five o'clock in the morning until
nine o'clock at night, swarms in the famous street of La
Canebiere, -- a street of which the modern Phocaeans are so
proud that they say with all the gravity in the world, and
with that accent which gives so much character to what is
said, "If Paris had La Canebiere, Paris would be a second
Marseilles." On turning round the owner saw Danglars behind
him, apparently awaiting orders, but in reality also
watching the young sailor, -- but there was a great
difference in the expression of the two men who thus
followed the movements of Edmond Dantes.

We will leave Danglars struggling with the demon of hatred,
and endeavoring to insinuate in the ear of the shipowner
some evil suspicions against his comrade, and follow Dantes,
who, after having traversed La Canebiere, took the Rue de
Noailles, and entering a small house, on the left of the
Allees de Meillan, rapidly ascended four flights of a dark
staircase, holding the baluster with one hand, while with
the other he repressed the beatings of his heart, and paused
before a half-open door, from which he could see the whole
of a small room.

This room was occupied by Dantes' father. The news of the
arrival of the Pharaon had not yet reached the old man, who,
mounted on a chair, was amusing himself by training with
trembling hand the nasturtiums and sprays of clematis that
clambered over the trellis at his window. Suddenly, he felt
an arm thrown around his body, and a well-known voice behind
him exclaimed, "Father -- dear father!"

The old man uttered a cry, and turned round; then, seeing
his son, he fell into his arms, pale and trembling.

"What ails you, my dearest father? Are you ill?" inquired
the young man, much alarmed.

"No, no, my dear Edmond -- my boy -- my son! -- no; but I
did not expect you; and joy, the surprise of seeing you so
suddenly -- Ah, I feel as if I were going to die."

"Come, come, cheer up, my dear father! 'Tis I -- really I!
They say joy never hurts, and so I came to you without any
warning. Come now, do smile, instead of looking at me so
solemnly. Here I am back again, and we are going to be
happy."

"Yes, yes, my boy, so we will -- so we will," replied the
old man; "but how shall we be happy? Shall you never leave
me again? Come, tell me all the good fortune that has
befallen you."

"God forgive me," said the young man, "for rejoicing at
happiness derived from the misery of others, but, Heaven
knows, I did not seek this good fortune; it has happened,
and I really cannot pretend to lament it. The good Captain
Leclere is dead, father, and it is probable that, with the
aid of M. Morrel, I shall have his place. Do you understand,
father? Only imagine me a captain at twenty, with a hundred
louis pay, and a share in the profits! Is this not more than
a poor sailor like me could have hoped for?"

"Yes, my dear boy," replied the old man, "it is very
fortunate."

"Well, then, with the first money I touch, I mean you to
have a small house, with a garden in which to plant
clematis, nasturtiums, and honeysuckle. But what ails you,
father? Are you not well?"

"'Tis nothing, nothing; it will soon pass away" -- and as he
said so the old man's strength failed him, and he fell
backwards.

"Come, come," said the young man, "a glass of wine, father,
will revive you. Where do you keep your wine?"

"No, no; thanks. You need not look for it; I do not want
it," said the old man.

"Yes, yes, father, tell me where it is," and he opened two
or three cupboards.

"It is no use," said the old man, "there is no wine."

"What, no wine?" said Dantes, turning pale, and looking
alternately at the hollow cheeks of the old man and the
empty cupboards. "What, no wine? Have you wanted money,
father?"

"I want nothing now that I have you," said the old man.

"Yet," stammered Dantes, wiping the perspiration from his
brow, -- "yet I gave you two hundred francs when I left,
three months ago."

"Yes, yes, Edmond, that is true, but you forgot at that time
a little debt to our neighbor, Caderousse. He reminded me of
it, telling me if I did not pay for you, he would be paid by
M. Morrel; and so, you see, lest he might do you an injury"
--

"Well?"

"Why, I paid him."

"But," cried Dantes, "it was a hundred and forty francs I
owed Caderousse."

"Yes," stammered the old man.

"And you paid him out of the two hundred francs I left you?"

The old man nodded.

"So that you have lived for three months on sixty francs,"
muttered Edmond.

"You know how little I require," said the old man.

"Heaven pardon me," cried Edmond, falling on his knees
before his father.

"What are you doing?"

"You have wounded me to the heart."

"Never mind it, for I see you once more," said the old man;
"and now it's all over -- everything is all right again."

"Yes, here I am," said the young man, "with a promising
future and a little money. Here, father, here!" he said,
"take this -- take it, and send for something immediately."
And he emptied his pockets on the table, the contents
consisting of a dozen gold pieces, five or six five-franc
pieces, and some smaller coin. The countenance of old Dantes
brightened.

"Whom does this belong to?" he inquired.

"To me, to you, to us! Take it; buy some provisions; be
happy, and to-morrow we shall have more."

"Gently, gently," said the old man, with a smile; "and by
your leave I will use your purse moderately, for they would
say, if they saw me buy too many things at a time, that I
had been obliged to await your return, in order to be able
to purchase them."

"Do as you please; but, first of all, pray have a servant,
father. I will not have you left alone so long. I have some
smuggled coffee and most capital tobacco, in a small chest
in the hold, which you shall have to-morrow. But, hush, here
comes somebody."

"'Tis Caderousse, who has heard of your arrival, and no
doubt comes to congratulate you on your fortunate return."

"Ah, lips that say one thing, while the heart thinks
another," murmured Edmond. "But, never mind, he is a
neighbor who has done us a service on a time, so he's
welcome."

As Edmond paused, the black and bearded head of Caderousse
appeared at the door. He was a man of twenty-five or six,
and held a piece of cloth, which, being a tailor, he was
about to make into a coat-lining.

"What, is it you, Edmond, back again?" said he, with a broad
Marseillaise accent, and a grin that displayed his
ivory-white teeth.

"Yes, as you see, neighbor Caderousse; and ready to be
agreeable to you in any and every way," replied Dantes, but
ill-concealing his coldness under this cloak of civility.

"Thanks -- thanks; but, fortunately, I do not want for
anything; and it chances that at times there are others who
have need of me." Dantes made a gesture. "I do not allude to
you, my boy. No! -- no! I lent you money, and you returned
it; that's like good neighbors, and we are quits."

"We are never quits with those who oblige us," was Dantes'
reply; "for when we do not owe them money, we owe them
gratitude."

"What's the use of mentioning that? What is done is done.
Let us talk of your happy return, my boy. I had gone on the
quay to match a piece of mulberry cloth, when I met friend
Danglars. `You at Marseilles?' -- `Yes,' says he.

"`I thought you were at Smyrna.' -- `I was; but am now back
again.'

"`And where is the dear boy, our little Edmond?'

"`Why, with his father, no doubt,' replied Danglars. And so
I came," added Caderousse, "as fast as I could to have the
pleasure of shaking hands with a friend."

"Worthy Caderousse!" said the old man, "he is so much
attached to us."

"Yes, to be sure I am. I love and esteem you, because honest
folks are so rare. But it seems you have come back rich, my
boy," continued the tailor, looking askance at the handful
of gold and silver which Dantes had thrown on the table.

The young man remarked the greedy glance which shone in the
dark eyes of his neighbor. "Eh," he said, negligently. "this
money is not mine. I was expressing to my father my fears
that he had wanted many things in my absence, and to
convince me he emptied his purse on the table. Come, father"
added Dantes, "put this money back in your box -- unless
neighbor Caderousse wants anything, and in that case it is
at his service."

"No, my boy, no," said Caderousse. "I am not in any want,
thank God, my living is suited to my means. Keep your money
-- keep it, I say; -- one never has too much; -- but, at the
same time, my boy, I am as much obliged by your offer as if
I took advantage of it."

"It was offered with good will," said Dantes.

"No doubt, my boy; no doubt. Well, you stand well with M.
Morrel I hear, -- you insinuating dog, you!"

"M. Morrel has always been exceedingly kind to me," replied
Dantes.

"Then you were wrong to refuse to dine with him."

"What, did you refuse to dine with him?" said old Dantes;
"and did he invite you to dine?"

"Yes, my dear father," replied Edmond, smiling at his
father's astonishment at the excessive honor paid to his
son.

"And why did you refuse, my son?" inquired the old man.

"That I might the sooner see you again, my dear father,"
replied the young man. "I was most anxious to see you."

"But it must have vexed M. Morrel, good, worthy man," said
Caderousse. "And when you are looking forward to be captain,
it was wrong to annoy the owner."

"But I explained to him the cause of my refusal," replied
Dantes, "and I hope he fully understood it."

"Yes, but to be captain one must do a little flattery to
one's patrons."

"I hope to be captain without that," said Dantes.

"So much the better -- so much the better! Nothing will give
greater pleasure to all your old friends; and I know one
down there behind the Saint Nicolas citadel who will not be
sorry to hear it."

"Mercedes?" said the old man.

"Yes, my dear father, and with your permission, now I have
seen you, and know you are well and have all you require, I
will ask your consent to go and pay a visit to the
Catalans."

"Go, my dear boy," said old Dantes: "and heaven bless you in
your wife, as it has blessed me in my son!"

"His wife!" said Caderousse; "why, how fast you go on,
father Dantes; she is not his wife yet, as it seems to me."

"So, but according to all probability she soon will be,"
replied Edmond.

"Yes -- yes," said Caderousse; "but you were right to return
as soon as possible, my boy."

"And why?"

"Because Mercedes is a very fine girl, and fine girls never
lack followers; she particularly has them by dozens."

"Really?" answered Edmond, with a smile which had in it
traces of slight uneasiness.

"Ah, yes," continued Caderousse, "and capital offers, too;
but you know, you will be captain, and who could refuse you
then?"

"Meaning to say," replied Dantes, with a smile which but
ill-concealed his trouble, "that if I were not a captain" --

"Eh -- eh!" said Caderousse, shaking his head.

"Come, come," said the sailor, "I have a better opinion than
you of women in general, and of Mercedes in particular; and
I am certain that, captain or not, she will remain ever
faithful to me."

"So much the better -- so much the better," said Caderousse.
"When one is going to be married, there is nothing like
implicit confidence; but never mind that, my boy, -- go and
announce your arrival, and let her know all your hopes and
prospects."

"I will go directly," was Edmond's reply; and, embracing his
father, and nodding to Caderousse, he left the apartment.

Caderousse lingered for a moment, then taking leave of old
Dantes, he went downstairs to rejoin Danglars, who awaited
him at the corner of the Rue Senac.

"Well," said Danglars, "did you see him?"

"I have just left him," answered Caderousse.

"Did he allude to his hope of being captain?"

"He spoke of it as a thing already decided."

"Indeed!" said Danglars, "he is in too much hurry, it
appears to me."

"Why, it seems M. Morrel has promised him the thing."

"So that he is quite elated about it?"

"Why, yes, he is actually insolent over the matter -- has
already offered me his patronage, as if he were a grand
personage, and proffered me a loan of money, as though he
were a banker."

"Which you refused?"

"Most assuredly; although I might easily have accepted it,
for it was I who put into his hands the first silver he ever
earned; but now M. Dantes has no longer any occasion for
assistance -- he is about to become a captain."

"Pooh!" said Danglars, "he is not one yet."

"Ma foi, it will be as well if he is not," answered
Caderousse; "for if he should be, there will be really no
speaking to him."

"If we choose," replied Danglars, "he will remain what he
is; and perhaps become even less than he is."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing -- I was speaking to myself. And is he still in
love with the Catalane?"

"Over head and ears; but, unless I am much mistaken, there
will be a storm in that quarter."

"Explain yourself."

"Why should I?"

"It is more important than you think, perhaps. You do not
like Dantes?"

"I never like upstarts."

"Then tell me all you know about the Catalane."

"I know nothing for certain; only I have seen things which
induce me to believe, as I told you, that the future captain
will find some annoyance in the vicinity of the Vieilles
Infirmeries."

"What have you seen? -- come, tell me!"

"Well, every time I have seen Mercedes come into the city
she has been accompanied by a tall, strapping, black-eyed
Catalan, with a red complexion, brown skin, and fierce air,
whom she calls cousin."

"Really; and you think this cousin pays her attentions?"

"I only suppose so. What else can a strapping chap of
twenty-one mean with a fine wench of seventeen?"

"And you say that Dantes has gone to the Catalans?"

"He went before I came down."

"Let us go the same way; we will stop at La Reserve, and we
can drink a glass of La Malgue, whilst we wait for news."

"Come along," said Caderousse; "but you pay the score."

"Of course," replied Danglars; and going quickly to the
designated place, they called for a bottle of wine, and two
glasses.

Pere Pamphile had seen Dantes pass not ten minutes before;
and assured that he was at the Catalans, they sat down under
the budding foliage of the planes and sycamores, in the
branches of which the birds were singing their welcome to
one of the first days of spring.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 2

CHAPTER 3
The Catalans.

Beyond a bare, weather-worn wall, about a hundred paces from
the spot where the two friends sat looking and listening as
they drank their wine, was the village of the Catalans. Long
ago this mysterious colony quitted Spain, and settled on the
tongue of land on which it is to this day. Whence it came no
one knew, and it spoke an unknown tongue. One of its chiefs,
who understood Provencal, begged the commune of Marseilles
to give them this bare and barren promontory, where, like
the sailors of old, they had run their boats ashore. The
request was granted; and three months afterwards, around the
twelve or fifteen small vessels which had brought these
gypsies of the sea, a small village sprang up. This village,
constructed in a singular and picturesque manner, half
Moorish, half Spanish, still remains, and is inhabited by
descendants of the first comers, who speak the language of
their fathers. For three or four centuries they have
remained upon this small promontory, on which they had
settled like a flight of seabirds, without mixing with the
Marseillaise population, intermarrying, and preserving their
original customs and the costume of their mother-country as
they have preserved its language.

Our readers will follow us along the only street of this
little village, and enter with us one of the houses, which
is sunburned to the beautiful dead-leaf color peculiar to
the buildings of the country, and within coated with
whitewash, like a Spanish posada. A young and beautiful
girl, with hair as black as jet, her eyes as velvety as the
gazelle's, was leaning with her back against the wainscot,
rubbing in her slender delicately moulded fingers a bunch of
heath blossoms, the flowers of which she was picking off and
strewing on the floor; her arms, bare to the elbow, brown,
and modelled after those of the Arlesian Venus, moved with a
kind of restless impatience, and she tapped the earth with
her arched and supple foot, so as to display the pure and
full shape of her well-turned leg, in its red cotton, gray
and blue clocked, stocking. At three paces from her, seated
in a chair which he balanced on two legs, leaning his elbow
on an old worm-eaten table, was a tall young man of twenty,
or two-and-twenty, who was looking at her with an air in
which vexation and uneasiness were mingled. He questioned
her with his eyes, but the firm and steady gaze of the young
girl controlled his look.

"You see, Mercedes," said the young man, "here is Easter
come round again; tell me, is this the moment for a
wedding?"

"I have answered you a hundred times, Fernand, and really
you must be very stupid to ask me again."

"Well, repeat it, -- repeat it, I beg of you, that I may at
last believe it! Tell me for the hundredth time that you
refuse my love, which had your mother's sanction. Make me
understand once for all that you are trifling with my
happiness, that my life or death are nothing to you. Ah, to
have dreamed for ten years of being your husband, Mercedes,
and to lose that hope, which was the only stay of my
existence!"

"At least it was not I who ever encouraged you in that hope,
Fernand," replied Mercedes; "you cannot reproach me with the
slightest coquetry. I have always said to you, `I love you
as a brother; but do not ask from me more than sisterly
affection, for my heart is another's.' Is not this true,
Fernand?"

"Yes, that is very true, Mercedes," replied the young man,
"Yes, you have been cruelly frank with me; but do you forget
that it is among the Catalans a sacred law to intermarry?"

"You mistake, Fernand; it is not a law, but merely a custom,
and, I pray of you, do not cite this custom in your favor.
You are included in the conscription, Fernand, and are only
at liberty on sufferance, liable at any moment to be called
upon to take up arms. Once a soldier, what would you do with
me, a poor orphan, forlorn, without fortune, with nothing
but a half-ruined hut and a few ragged nets, the miserable
inheritance left by my father to my mother, and by my mother
to me? She has been dead a year, and you know, Fernand, I
have subsisted almost entirely on public charity. Sometimes
you pretend I am useful to you, and that is an excuse to
share with me the produce of your fishing, and I accept it,
Fernand, because you are the son of my father's brother,
because we were brought up together, and still more because
it would give you so much pain if I refuse. But I feel very
deeply that this fish which I go and sell, and with the
produce of which I buy the flax I spin, -- I feel very
keenly, Fernand, that this is charity."

"And if it were, Mercedes, poor and lone as you are, you
suit me as well as the daughter of the first shipowner or
the richest banker of Marseilles! What do such as we desire
but a good wife and careful housekeeper, and where can I
look for these better than in you?"

"Fernand," answered Mercedes, shaking her head, "a woman
becomes a bad manager, and who shall say she will remain an
honest woman, when she loves another man better than her
husband? Rest content with my friendship, for I say once
more that is all I can promise, and I will promise no more
than I can bestow."

"I understand," replied Fernand, "you can endure your own
wretchedness patiently, but you are afraid to share mine.
Well, Mercedes, beloved by you, I would tempt fortune; you
would bring me good luck, and I should become rich. I could
extend my occupation as a fisherman, might get a place as
clerk in a warehouse, and become in time a dealer myself."

"You could do no such thing, Fernand; you are a soldier, and
if you remain at the Catalans it is because there is no war;
so remain a fisherman, and contented with my friendship, as
I cannot give you more."

"Well, I will do better, Mercedes. I will be a sailor;
instead of the costume of our fathers, which you despise, I
will wear a varnished hat, a striped shirt, and a blue
jacket, with an anchor on the buttons. Would not that dress
please you?"

"What do you mean?" asked Mercedes, with an angry glance, --
"what do you mean? I do not understand you?"

"I mean, Mercedes, that you are thus harsh and cruel with
me, because you are expecting some one who is thus attired;
but perhaps he whom you await is inconstant, or if he is
not, the sea is so to him."

"Fernand," cried Mercedes, "I believed you were
good-hearted, and I was mistaken! Fernand, you are wicked to
call to your aid jealousy and the anger of God! Yes, I will
not deny it, I do await, and I do love him of whom you
speak; and, if he does not return, instead of accusing him
of the inconstancy which you insinuate, I will tell you that
he died loving me and me only." The young girl made a
gesture of rage. "I understand you, Fernand; you would be
revenged on him because I do not love you; you would cross
your Catalan knife with his dirk. What end would that
answer? To lose you my friendship if he were conquered, and
see that friendship changed into hate if you were victor.
Believe me, to seek a quarrel with a man is a bad method of
pleasing the woman who loves that man. No, Fernand, you will
not thus give way to evil thoughts. Unable to have me for
your wife, you will content yourself with having me for your
friend and sister; and besides," she added, her eyes
troubled and moistened with tears, "wait, wait, Fernand; you
said just now that the sea was treacherous, and he has been
gone four months, and during these four months there have
been some terrible storms."

Fernand made no reply, nor did he attempt to check the tears
which flowed down the cheeks of Mercedes, although for each
of these tears he would have shed his heart's blood; but
these tears flowed for another. He arose, paced a while up
and down the hut, and then, suddenly stopping before
Mercedes, with his eyes glowing and his hands clinched, --
"Say, Mercedes," he said, "once for all, is this your final
determination?"

"I love Edmond Dantes," the young girl calmly replied, "and
none but Edmond shall ever be my husband."

"And you will always love him?"

"As long as I live."

Fernand let fall his head like a defeated man, heaved a sigh
that was like a groan, and then suddenly looking her full in
the face, with clinched teeth and expanded nostrils, said,
-- "But if he is dead" --

"If he is dead, I shall die too."

"If he has forgotten you" --

"Mercedes!" called a joyous voice from without, --
"Mercedes!"

"Ah," exclaimed the young girl, blushing with delight, and
fairly leaping in excess of love, "you see he has not
forgotten me, for here he is!" And rushing towards the door,
she opened it, saying, "Here, Edmond, here I am!"

Fernand, pale and trembling, drew back, like a traveller at
the sight of a serpent, and fell into a chair beside him.
Edmond and Mercedes were clasped in each other's arms. The
burning Marseilles sun, which shot into the room through the
open door, covered them with a flood of light. At first they
saw nothing around them. Their intense happiness isolated
them from all the rest of the world, and they only spoke in
broken words, which are the tokens of a joy so extreme that
they seem rather the expression of sorrow. Suddenly Edmond
saw the gloomy, pale, and threatening countenance of
Fernand, as it was defined in the shadow. By a movement for
which he could scarcely account to himself, the young
Catalan placed his hand on the knife at his belt.

"Ah, your pardon," said Dantes, frowning in his turn; "I did
not perceive that there were three of us." Then, turning to
Mercedes, he inquired, "Who is this gentleman?"

"One who will be your best friend, Dantes, for he is my
friend, my cousin, my brother; it is Fernand -- the man
whom, after you, Edmond, I love the best in the world. Do
you not remember him?"

"Yes!" said Dantes, and without relinquishing Mercedes hand
clasped in one of his own, he extended the other to the
Catalan with a cordial air. But Fernand, instead of
responding to this amiable gesture, remained mute and
trembling. Edmond then cast his eyes scrutinizingly at the
agitated and embarrassed Mercedes, and then again on the
gloomy and menacing Fernand. This look told him all, and his
anger waxed hot.

"I did not know, when I came with such haste to you, that I
was to meet an enemy here."

"An enemy!" cried Mercedes, with an angry look at her
cousin. "An enemy in my house, do you say, Edmond! If I
believed that, I would place my arm under yours and go with
you to Marseilles, leaving the house to return to it no
more."

Fernand's eye darted lightning. "And should any misfortune
occur to you, dear Edmond," she continued with the same
calmness which proved to Fernand that the young girl had
read the very innermost depths of his sinister thought, "if
misfortune should occur to you, I would ascend the highest
point of the Cape de Morgion and cast myself headlong from
it."

Fernand became deadly pale. "But you are deceived, Edmond,"
she continued. "You have no enemy here -- there is no one
but Fernand, my brother, who will grasp your hand as a
devoted friend."

And at these words the young girl fixed her imperious look
on the Catalan, who, as if fascinated by it, came slowly
towards Edmond, and offered him his hand. His hatred, like a
powerless though furious wave, was broken against the strong
ascendancy which Mercedes exercised over him. Scarcely,
however, had he touched Edmond's hand than he felt he had
done all he could do, and rushed hastily out of the house.

"Oh," he exclaimed, running furiously and tearing his hair
-- "Oh, who will deliver me from this man? Wretched --
wretched that I am!"

"Hallo, Catalan! Hallo, Fernand! where are you running to?"
exclaimed a voice.

The young man stopped suddenly, looked around him, and
perceived Caderousse sitting at table with Danglars, under
an arbor.

"Well", said Caderousse, "why don't you come? Are you really
in such a hurry that you have no time to pass the time of
day with your friends?"

"Particularly when they have still a full bottle before
them," added Danglars. Fernand looked at them both with a
stupefied air, but did not say a word.

"He seems besotted," said Danglars, pushing Caderousse with
his knee. "Are we mistaken, and is Dantes triumphant in
spite of all we have believed?"

"Why, we must inquire into that," was Caderousse's reply;
and turning towards the young man, said, "Well, Catalan,
can't you make up your mind?"

Fernand wiped away the perspiration steaming from his brow,
and slowly entered the arbor, whose shade seemed to restore
somewhat of calmness to his senses, and whose coolness
somewhat of refreshment to his exhausted body.

"Good-day," said he. "You called me, didn't you?" And he
fell, rather than sat down, on one of the seats which
surrounded the table.

"I called you because you were running like a madman, and I
was afraid you would throw yourself into the sea," said
Caderousse, laughing. "Why, when a man has friends, they are
not only to offer him a glass of wine, but, moreover, to
prevent his swallowing three or four pints of water
unnecessarily!"

Fernand gave a groan, which resembled a sob, and dropped his
head into his hands, his elbows leaning on the table.

"Well, Fernand, I must say," said Caderousse, beginning the
conversation, with that brutality of the common people in
which curiosity destroys all diplomacy, "you look uncommonly
like a rejected lover;" and he burst into a hoarse laugh.

"Bah!" said Danglars, "a lad of his make was not born to be
unhappy in love. You are laughing at him, Caderousse."

"No," he replied, "only hark how he sighs! Come, come,
Fernand," said Caderousse, "hold up your head, and answer
us. It's not polite not to reply to friends who ask news of
your health."

"My health is well enough," said Fernand, clinching his
hands without raising his head.

"Ah, you see, Danglars," said Caderousse, winking at his
friend, "this is how it is; Fernand, whom you see here, is a
good and brave Catalan, one of the best fishermen in
Marseilles, and he is in love with a very fine girl, named
Mercedes; but it appears, unfortunately, that the fine girl
is in love with the mate of the Pharaon; and as the Pharaon
arrived to-day -- why, you understand!"

"No; I do not understand," said Danglars.

"Poor Fernand has been dismissed," continued Caderousse.

"Well, and what then?" said Fernand, lifting up his head,
and looking at Caderousse like a man who looks for some one
on whom to vent his anger; "Mercedes is not accountable to
any person, is she? Is she not free to love whomsoever she
will?"

"Oh, if you take it in that sense," said Caderousse, "it is
another thing. But I thought you were a Catalan, and they
told me the Catalans were not men to allow themselves to be
supplanted by a rival. It was even told me that Fernand,
especially, was terrible in his vengeance."

Fernand smiled piteously. "A lover is never terrible," he
said.

"Poor fellow!" remarked Danglars, affecting to pity the
young man from the bottom of his heart. "Why, you see, he
did not expect to see Dantes return so suddenly -- he
thought he was dead, perhaps; or perchance faithless! These
things always come on us more severely when they come
suddenly."

"Ah, ma foi, under any circumstances," said Caderousse, who
drank as he spoke, and on whom the fumes of the wine began
to take effect, -- "under any circumstances Fernand is not
the only person put out by the fortunate arrival of Dantes;
is he, Danglars?"

"No, you are right -- and I should say that would bring him
ill-luck."

"Well, never mind," answered Caderousse, pouring out a glass
of wine for Fernand, and filling his own for the eighth or
ninth time, while Danglars had merely sipped his. "Never
mind -- in the meantime he marries Mercedes -- the lovely
Mercedes -- at least he returns to do that."

During this time Danglars fixed his piercing glance on the
young man, on whose heart Caderousse's words fell like
molten lead.

"And when is the wedding to be?" he asked.

"Oh, it is not yet fixed!" murmured Fernand.

"No, but it will be," said Caderousse, "as surely as Dantes
will be captain of the Pharaon -- eh, Danglars?"

Danglars shuddered at this unexpected attack, and turned to
Caderousse, whose countenance he scrutinized, to try and
detect whether the blow was premeditated; but he read
nothing but envy in a countenance already rendered brutal
and stupid by drunkenness.

"Well," said he, filling the glasses, "let us drink to
Captain Edmond Dantes, husband of the beautiful Catalane!"

Caderousse raised his glass to his mouth with unsteady hand,
and swallowed the contents at a gulp. Fernand dashed his on
the ground.

"Eh, eh, eh!" stammered Caderousse. "What do I see down
there by the wall, in the direction of the Catalans? Look,
Fernand, your eyes are better than mine. I believe I see
double. You know wine is a deceiver; but I should say it was
two lovers walking side by side, and hand in hand. Heaven
forgive me, they do not know that we can see them, and they
are actually embracing!"

Danglars did not lose one pang that Fernand endured.

"Do you know them, Fernand?" he said.

"Yes," was the reply, in a low voice. "It is Edmond and
Mercedes!"

"Ah, see there, now!" said Caderousse; "and I did not
recognize them! Hallo, Dantes! hello, lovely damsel! Come
this way, and let us know when the wedding is to be, for
Fernand here is so obstinate he will not tell us."

"Hold your tongue, will you?" said Danglars, pretending to
restrain Caderousse, who, with the tenacity of drunkards,
leaned out of the arbor. "Try to stand upright, and let the
lovers make love without interruption. See, look at Fernand,
and follow his example; he is well-behaved!"

Fernand, probably excited beyond bearing, pricked by
Danglars, as the bull is by the bandilleros, was about to
rush out; for he had risen from his seat, and seemed to be
collecting himself to dash headlong upon his rival, when
Mercedes, smiling and graceful, lifted up her lovely head,
and looked at them with her clear and bright eyes. At this
Fernand recollected her threat of dying if Edmond died, and
dropped again heavily on his seat. Danglars looked at the
two men, one after the other, the one brutalized by liquor,
the other overwhelmed with love.

"I shall get nothing from these fools," he muttered; "and I
am very much afraid of being here between a drunkard and a
coward. Here's an envious fellow making himself boozy on
wine when he ought to be nursing his wrath, and here is a
fool who sees the woman he loves stolen from under his nose
and takes on like a big baby. Yet this Catalan has eyes that
glisten like those of the vengeful Spaniards, Sicilians, and
Calabrians, and the other has fists big enough to crush an
ox at one blow. Unquestionably, Edmond's star is in the
ascendant, and he will marry the splendid girl -- he will be
captain, too, and laugh at us all, unless" -- a sinister
smile passed over Danglars' lips -- "unless I take a hand in
the affair," he added.

"Hallo!" continued Caderousse, half-rising, and with his
fist on the table, "hallo, Edmond! do you not see your
friends, or are you too proud to speak to them?"

"No, my dear fellow!" replied Dantes, "I am not proud, but I
am happy, and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride."

"Ah, very well, that's an explanation!" said Caderousse.
"How do you do, Madame Dantes?"

Mercedes courtesied gravely, and said -- "That is not my
name, and in my country it bodes ill fortune, they say, to
call a young girl by the name of her betrothed before he
becomes her husband. So call me Mercedes, if you please."

"We must excuse our worthy neighbor, Caderousse," said
Dantes, "he is so easily mistaken."

"So, then, the wedding is to take place immediately, M.
Dantes," said Danglars, bowing to the young couple.

"As soon as possible, M. Danglars; to-day all preliminaries
will be arranged at my father's, and to-morrow, or next day
at latest, the wedding festival here at La Reserve. My
friends will be there, I hope; that is to say, you are
invited, M. Danglars, and you, Caderousse."

"And Fernand," said Caderousse with a chuckle; "Fernand,
too, is invited!"

"My wife's brother is my brother," said Edmond; "and we,
Mercedes and I, should be very sorry if he were absent at
such a time."

Fernand opened his mouth to reply, but his voice died on his
lips, and he could not utter a word.

"To-day the preliminaries, to-morrow or next day the
ceremony! You are in a hurry, captain!"

"Danglars," said Edmond, smiling, "I will say to you as
Mercedes said just now to Caderousse, `Do not give me a
title which does not belong to me'; that may bring me bad
luck."

"Your pardon," replied Danglars, "I merely said you seemed
in a hurry, and we have lots of time; the Pharaon cannot be
under weigh again in less than three months."

"We are always in a hurry to be happy, M. Danglars; for when
we have suffered a long time, we have great difficulty in
believing in good fortune. But it is not selfishness alone
that makes me thus in haste; I must go to Paris."

"Ah, really? -- to Paris! and will it be the first time you
have ever been there, Dantes?"

"Yes."

"Have you business there?"

"Not of my own; the last commission of poor Captain Leclere;
you know to what I allude, Danglars -- it is sacred.
Besides, I shall only take the time to go and return."

"Yes, yes, I understand," said Danglars, and then in a low
tone, he added, "To Paris, no doubt to deliver the letter
which the grand marshal gave him. Ah, this letter gives me
an idea -- a capital idea! Ah; Dantes, my friend, you are
not yet registered number one on board the good ship
Pharaon;" then turning towards Edmond, who was walking away,
"A pleasant journey," he cried.

"Thank you," said Edmond with a friendly nod, and the two
lovers continued on their way, as calm and joyous as if they
were the very elect of heaven.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 3

Danglars followed Edmond and Mercedes with his eyes until
the two lovers disappeared behind one of the angles of Fort
Saint Nicolas, then turning round, he perceived Fernand, who
had fallen, pale and trembling, into his chair, while
Caderousse stammered out the words of a drinking-song.

"Well, my dear sir," said Danglars to Fernand, "here is a
marriage which does not appear to make everybody happy."

"It drives me to despair," said Fernand.

"Do you, then, love Mercedes?"

"I adore her!"

"For long?"

"As long as I have known her -- always."

"And you sit there, tearing your hair, instead of seeking to
remedy your condition; I did not think that was the way of
your people."

"What would you have me do?" said Fernand.

"How do I know? Is it my affair? I am not in love with
Mademoiselle Mercedes; but for you -- in the words of the
gospel, seek, and you shall find."

"I have found already."

"What?"

"I would stab the man, but the woman told me that if any
misfortune happened to her betrothed, she would kill
herself."

"Pooh! Women say those things, but never do them."

"You do not know Mercedes; what she threatens she will do."

"Idiot!" muttered Danglars; "whether she kill herself or
not, what matter, provided Dantes is not captain?"

"Before Mercedes should die," replied Fernand, with the
accents of unshaken resolution, "I would die myself!"

"That's what I call love!" said Caderousse with a voice more
tipsy than ever. "That's love, or I don't know what love
is."

"Come," said Danglars, "you appear to me a good sort of
fellow, and hang me, I should like to help you, but" --

"Yes," said Caderousse, "but how?"

"My dear fellow," replied Danglars, "you are three parts
drunk; finish the bottle, and you will be completely so.
Drink then, and do not meddle with what we are discussing,
for that requires all one's wit and cool judgment."

"I -- drunk!" said Caderousse; "well that's a good one! I
could drink four more such bottles; they are no bigger than
cologne flasks. Pere Pamphile, more wine!" and Caderousse
rattled his glass upon the table.

"You were saving, sir" -- said Fernand, awaiting with great
anxiety the end of this interrupted remark.

"What was I saying? I forget. This drunken Caderousse has
made me lose the thread of my sentence."

"Drunk, if you like; so much the worse for those who fear
wine, for it is because they have bad thoughts which they
are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts;" and
Caderousse began to sing the two last lines of a song very
popular at the time, --

`Tous les mechants sont beuveurs d'eau;
C'est bien prouve par le deluge.'*

* "The wicked are great drinkers of water
As the flood proved once for all."

"You said, sir, you would like to help me, but" --

"Yes; but I added, to help you it would be sufficient that
Dantes did not marry her you love; and the marriage may
easily be thwarted, methinks, and yet Dantes need not die."

"Death alone can separate them," remarked Fernand.

"You talk like a noodle, my friend," said Caderousse; "and
here is Danglars, who is a wide-awake, clever, deep fellow,
who will prove to you that you are wrong. Prove it,
Danglars. I have answered for you. Say there is no need why
Dantes should die; it would, indeed, be a pity he should.
Dantes is a good fellow; I like Dantes. Dantes, your
health."

Fernand rose impatiently. "Let him run on," said Danglars,
restraining the young man; "drunk as he is, he is not much
out in what he says. Absence severs as well as death, and if
the walls of a prison were between Edmond and Mercedes they
would be as effectually separated as if he lay under a
tombstone."

"Yes; but one gets out of prison," said Caderousse, who,
with what sense was left him, listened eagerly to the
conversation, "and when one gets out and one's name is
Edmond Dantes, one seeks revenge" --

"What matters that?" muttered Fernand.

"And why, I should like to know," persisted Caderousse,
"should they put Dantes in prison? he has not robbed or
killed or murdered."

"Hold your tongue!" said Danglars.

"I won't hold my tongue!" replied Caderousse; "I say I want
to know why they should put Dantes in prison; I like Dantes;
Dantes, your health!" and he swallowed another glass of
wine.

Danglars saw in the muddled look of the tailor the progress
of his intoxication, and turning towards Fernand, said,
"Well, you understand there is no need to kill him."

"Certainly not, if, as you said just now, you have the means
of having Dantes arrested. Have you that means?"

"It is to be found for the searching. But why should I
meddle in the matter? it is no affair of mine.";

"I know not why you meddle," said Fernand, seizing his arm;
"but this I know, you have some motive of pers
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Considering you're having to expend a hundred times more energy and time than either of them had to get a reaction out of you to for you to only get us all to laugh at you, there's not really a double standard going on at all.


Copy and paste is real hard work, doc. And believe me, we are all happy to see that Rob broke down and Nowhereman helped us out. Make another excuse.


You haven't aggravated anyone like Rob and Nowhereman have obviously aggravated you. You're doing this because you think it'll piss us off. Nowhereman just showed you how inept your tactics are. We're all laughing, Hal.... Wanking and Crying. We're all laughing. At you. Not with you.
That's why sammy samuel edits our posts, right?
Who? I think you have the wrong boards. There's no one here by that name.
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Considering you're having to expend a hundred times more energy and time than either of them had to get a reaction out of you to for you to only get us all to laugh at you, there's not really a double standard going on at all.


Copy and paste is real hard work, doc. And believe me, we are all happy to see that Rob broke down and Nowhereman helped us out. Make another excuse.


You haven't aggravated anyone like Rob and Nowhereman have obviously aggravated you. You're doing this because you think it'll piss us off. Nowhereman just showed you how inept your tactics are. We're all laughing, Hal.... Wanking and Crying. We're all laughing. At you. Not with you.


"OBVIOUSLY"

CHAPTER 1
Marseilles -- The Arrival.

On the 24th of February, 1810, the look-out at Notre-Dame de
la Garde signalled the three-master, the Pharaon from
Smyrna, Trieste, and Naples.

As usual, a pilot put off immediately, and rounding the
Chateau d'If, got on board the vessel between Cape Morgion
and Rion island.

Immediately, and according to custom, the ramparts of Fort
Saint-Jean were covered with spectators; it is always an
event at Marseilles for a ship to come into port, especially
when this ship, like the Pharaon, has been built, rigged,
and laden at the old Phocee docks, and belongs to an owner
of the city.

The ship drew on and had safely passed the strait, which
some volcanic shock has made between the Calasareigne and
Jaros islands; had doubled Pomegue, and approached the
harbor under topsails, jib, and spanker, but so slowly and
sedately that the idlers, with that instinct which is the
forerunner of evil, asked one another what misfortune could
have happened on board. However, those experienced in
navigation saw plainly that if any accident had occurred, it
was not to the vessel herself, for she bore down with all
the evidence of being skilfully handled, the anchor
a-cockbill, the jib-boom guys already eased off, and
standing by the side of the pilot, who was steering the
Pharaon towards the narrow entrance of the inner port, was a
young man, who, with activity and vigilant eye, watched
every motion of the ship, and repeated each direction of the
pilot.

The vague disquietude which prevailed among the spectators
had so much affected one of the crowd that he did not await
the arrival of the vessel in harbor, but jumping into a
small skiff, desired to be pulled alongside the Pharaon,
which he reached as she rounded into La Reserve basin.

When the young man on board saw this person approach, he
left his station by the pilot, and, hat in hand, leaned over
the ship's bulwarks.

He was a fine, tall, slim young fellow of eighteen or
twenty, with black eyes, and hair as dark as a raven's wing;
and his whole appearance bespoke that calmness and
resolution peculiar to men accustomed from their cradle to
contend with danger.

"Ah, is it you, Dantes?" cried the man in the skiff. "What's
the matter? and why have you such an air of sadness aboard?"

"A great misfortune, M. Morrel," replied the young man, --
"a great misfortune, for me especially! Off Civita Vecchia
we lost our brave Captain Leclere."

"And the cargo?" inquired the owner, eagerly.

"Is all safe, M. Morrel; and I think you will be satisfied
on that head. But poor Captain Leclere -- "

"What happened to him?" asked the owner, with an air of
considerable resignation. "What happened to the worthy
captain?"

"He died."

"Fell into the sea?"

"No, sir, he died of brain-fever in dreadful agony." Then
turning to the crew, he said, "Bear a hand there, to take in
sail!"

All hands obeyed, and at once the eight or ten seamen who
composed the crew, sprang to their respective stations at
the spanker brails and outhaul, topsail sheets and halyards,
the jib downhaul, and the topsail clewlines and buntlines.
The young sailor gave a look to see that his orders were
promptly and accurately obeyed, and then turned again to the
owner.

"And how did this misfortune occur?" inquired the latter,
resuming the interrupted conversation.

"Alas, sir, in the most unexpected manner. After a long talk
with the harbor-master, Captain Leclere left Naples greatly
disturbed in mind. In twenty-four hours he was attacked by a
fever, and died three days afterwards. We performed the
usual burial service, and he is at his rest, sewn up in his
hammock with a thirty-six pound shot at his head and his
heels, off El Giglio island. We bring to his widow his sword
and cross of honor. It was worth while, truly," added the
young man with a melancholy smile, "to make war against the
English for ten years, and to die in his bed at last, like
everybody else."

"Why, you see, Edmond," replied the owner, who appeared more
comforted at every moment, "we are all mortal, and the old
must make way for the young. If not, why, there would be no
promotion; and since you assure me that the cargo -- "

"Is all safe and sound, M. Morrel, take my word for it; and
I advise you not to take 25,000 francs for the profits of
the voyage."

Then, as they were just passing the Round Tower, the young
man shouted: "Stand by there to lower the topsails and jib;
brail up the spanker!"

The order was executed as promptly as it would have been on
board a man-of-war.

"Let go -- and clue up!" At this last command all the sails
were lowered, and the vessel moved almost imperceptibly
onwards.

"Now, if you will come on board, M. Morrel," said Dantes,
observing the owner's impatience, "here is your supercargo,
M. Danglars, coming out of his cabin, who will furnish you
with every particular. As for me, I must look after the
anchoring, and dress the ship in mourning."

The owner did not wait for a second invitation. He seized a
rope which Dantes flung to him, and with an activity that
would have done credit to a sailor, climbed up the side of
the ship, while the young man, going to his task, left the
conversation to Danglars, who now came towards the owner. He
was a man of twenty-five or twenty-six years of age, of
unprepossessing countenance, obsequious to his superiors,
insolent to his subordinates; and this, in addition to his
position as responsible agent on board, which is always
obnoxious to the sailors, made him as much disliked by the
crew as Edmond Dantes was beloved by them.

"Well, M. Morrel," said Danglars, "you have heard of the
misfortune that has befallen us?"

"Yes -- yes: poor Captain Leclere! He was a brave and an
honest man."

"And a first-rate seaman, one who had seen long and
honorable service, as became a man charged with the
interests of a house so important as that of Morrel & Son,"
replied Danglars.

"But," replied the owner, glancing after Dantes, who was
watching the anchoring of his vessel, "it seems to me that a
sailor needs not be so old as you say, Danglars, to
understand his business, for our friend Edmond seems to
understand it thoroughly, and not to require instruction
from any one."

"Yes," said Danglars, darting at Edmond a look gleaming with
hate. "Yes, he is young, and youth is invariably
self-confident. Scarcely was the captain's breath out of his
body when he assumed the command without consulting any one,
and he caused us to lose a day and a half at the Island of
Elba, instead of making for Marseilles direct."

"As to taking command of the vessel," replied Morrel, "that
was his duty as captain's mate; as to losing a day and a
half off the Island of Elba, he was wrong, unless the vessel
needed repairs."

"The vessel was in as good condition as I am, and as, I hope
you are, M. Morrel, and this day and a half was lost from
pure whim, for the pleasure of going ashore, and nothing
else."

"Dantes," said the shipowner, turning towards the young man,
"come this way!"

"In a moment, sir," answered Dantes, "and I'm with you."
Then calling to the crew, he said -- "Let go!"

The anchor was instantly dropped, and the chain ran rattling
through the port-hole. Dantes continued at his post in spite
of the presence of the pilot, until this manoeuvre was
completed, and then he added, "Half-mast the colors, and
square the yards!"

"You see," said Danglars, "he fancies himself captain
already, upon my word."

"And so, in fact, he is," said the owner.

"Except your signature and your partner's, M. Morrel."

"And why should he not have this?" asked the owner; "he is
young, it is true, but he seems to me a thorough seaman, and
of full experience."

A cloud passed over Danglars' brow. "Your pardon, M.
Morrel," said Dantes, approaching, "the vessel now rides at
anchor, and I am at your service. You hailed me, I think?"

Danglars retreated a step or two. "I wished to inquire why
you stopped at the Island of Elba?"

"I do not know, sir; it was to fulfil the last instructions
of Captain Leclere, who, when dying, gave me a packet for
Marshal Bertrand."

"Then did you see him, Edmond?"

"Who?"

"The marshal."

"Yes."

Morrel looked around him, and then, drawing Dantes on one
side, he said suddenly -- "And how is the emperor?"

"Very well, as far as I could judge from the sight of him."

"You saw the emperor, then?"

"He entered the marshal's apartment while I was there."

"And you spoke to him?"

"Why, it was he who spoke to me, sir," said Dantes, with a
smile.

"And what did he say to you?"

"Asked me questions about the vessel, the time she left
Marseilles, the course she had taken, and what was her
cargo. I believe, if she had not been laden, and I had been
her master, he would have bought her. But I told him I was
only mate, and that she belonged to the firm of Morrel &
Son. `Ah, yes,' he said, `I know them. The Morrels have been
shipowners from father to son; and there was a Morrel who
served in the same regiment with me when I was in garrison
at Valence.'"

"Pardieu, and that is true!" cried the owner, greatly
delighted. "And that was Policar Morrel, my uncle, who was
afterwards a captain. Dantes, you must tell my uncle that
the emperor remembered him, and you will see it will bring
tears into the old soldier's eyes. Come, come," continued
he, patting Edmond's shoulder kindly, "you did very right,
Dantes, to follow Captain Leclere's instructions, and touch
at Elba, although if it were known that you had conveyed a
packet to the marshal, and had conversed with the emperor,
it might bring you into trouble."

"How could that bring me into trouble, sir?" asked Dantes;
"for I did not even know of what I was the bearer; and the
emperor merely made such inquiries as he would of the first
comer. But, pardon me, here are the health officers and the
customs inspectors coming alongside." And the young man went
to the gangway. As he departed, Danglars approached, and
said, --

"Well, it appears that he has given you satisfactory reasons
for his landing at Porto-Ferrajo?"

"Yes, most satisfactory, my dear Danglars."

"Well, so much the better," said the supercargo; "for it is
not pleasant to think that a comrade has not done his duty."

"Dantes has done his," replied the owner, "and that is not
saying much. It was Captain Leclere who gave orders for this
delay."

"Talking of Captain Leclere, has not Dantes given you a
letter from him?"

"To me? -- no -- was there one?"

"I believe that, besides the packet, Captain Leclere
confided a letter to his care."

"Of what packet are you speaking, Danglars?"

"Why, that which Dantes left at Porto-Ferrajo."

"How do you know he had a packet to leave at Porto-Ferrajo?"

Danglars turned very red.

"I was passing close to the door of the captain's cabin,
which was half open, and I saw him give the packet and
letter to Dantes."

"He did not speak to me of it," replied the shipowner; "but
if there be any letter he will give it to me."

Danglars reflected for a moment. "Then, M. Morrel, I beg of
you," said he, "not to say a word to Dantes on the subject.
I may have been mistaken."

At this moment the young man returned; Danglars withdrew.

"Well, my dear Dantes, are you now free?" inquired the
owner.

"Yes, sir."

"You have not been long detained."

"No. I gave the custom-house officers a copy of our bill of
lading; and as to the other papers, they sent a man off with
the pilot, to whom I gave them."

"Then you have nothing more to do here?"

"No -- everything is all right now."

"Then you can come and dine with me?"

"I really must ask you to excuse me, M. Morrel. My first
visit is due to my father, though I am not the less grateful
for the honor you have done me."

"Right, Dantes, quite right. I always knew you were a good
son."

"And," inquired Dantes, with some hesitation, "do you know
how my father is?"

"Well, I believe, my dear Edmond, though I have not seen him
lately."

"Yes, he likes to keep himself shut up in his little room."

"That proves, at least, that he has wanted for nothing
during your absence."

Dantes smiled. "My father is proud, sir, and if he had not a
meal left, I doubt if he would have asked anything from
anyone, except from Heaven."

"Well, then, after this first visit has been made we shall
count on you."

"I must again excuse myself, M. Morrel, for after this first
visit has been paid I have another which I am most anxious
to pay."

"True, Dantes, I forgot that there was at the Catalans some
one who expects you no less impatiently than your father --
the lovely Mercedes."

Dantes blushed.

"Ah, ha," said the shipowner, "I am not in the least
surprised, for she has been to me three times, inquiring if
there were any news of the Pharaon. Peste, Edmond, you have
a very handsome mistress!"

"She is not my mistress," replied the young sailor, gravely;
"she is my betrothed."

"Sometimes one and the same thing," said Morrel, with a
smile.

"Not with us, sir," replied Dantes.

"Well, well, my dear Edmond," continued the owner, "don't
let me detain you. You have managed my affairs so well that
I ought to allow you all the time you require for your own.
Do you want any money?"

"No, sir; I have all my pay to take -- nearly three months'
wages."

"You are a careful fellow, Edmond."

"Say I have a poor father, sir."

"Yes, yes, I know how good a son you are, so now hasten away
to see your father. I have a son too, and I should be very
wroth with those who detained him from me after a three
months' voyage."

"Then I have your leave, sir?"

"Yes, if you have nothing more to say to me."

"Nothing."

"Captain Leclere did not, before he died, give you a letter
for me?"

"He was unable to write, sir. But that reminds me that I
must ask your leave of absence for some days."

"To get married?"

"Yes, first, and then to go to Paris."

"Very good; have what time you require, Dantes. It will take
quite six weeks to unload the cargo, and we cannot get you
ready for sea until three months after that; only be back
again in three months, for the Pharaon," added the owner,
patting the young sailor on the back, "cannot sail without
her captain."

"Without her captain!" cried Dantes, his eyes sparkling with
animation; "pray mind what you say, for you are touching on
the most secret wishes of my heart. Is it really your
intention to make me captain of the Pharaon?"

"If I were sole owner we'd shake hands on it now, my dear
Dantes, and call it settled; but I have a partner, and you
know the Italian proverb -- Chi ha compagno ha padrone --
`He who has a partner has a master.' But the thing is at
least half done, as you have one out of two votes. Rely on
me to procure you the other; I will do my best."

"Ah, M. Morrel," exclaimed the young seaman, with tears in
his eyes, and grasping the owner's hand, "M. Morrel, I thank
you in the name of my father and of Mercedes."

"That's all right, Edmond. There's a providence that watches
over the deserving. Go to your father: go and see Mercedes,
and afterwards come to me."

"Shall I row you ashore?"

"No, thank you; I shall remain and look over the accounts
with Danglars. Have you been satisfied with him this
voyage?"

"That is according to the sense you attach to the question,
sir. Do you mean is he a good comrade? No, for I think he
never liked me since the day when I was silly enough, after
a little quarrel we had, to propose to him to stop for ten
minutes at the island of Monte Cristo to settle the dispute
-- a proposition which I was wrong to suggest, and he quite
right to refuse. If you mean as responsible agent when you
ask me the question, I believe there is nothing to say
against him, and that you will be content with the way in
which he has performed his duty."

"But tell me, Dantes, if you had command of the Pharaon
should you be glad to see Danglars remain?"

"Captain or mate, M. Morrel, I shall always have the
greatest respect for those who possess the owners'
confidence."

"That's right, that's right, Dantes! I see you are a
thoroughly good fellow, and will detain you no longer. Go,
for I see how impatient you are."

"Then I have leave?"

"Go, I tell you."

"May I have the use of your skiff?"

"Certainly."

"Then, for the present, M. Morrel, farewell, and a thousand
thanks!"

"I hope soon to see you again, my dear Edmond. Good luck to
you."

The young sailor jumped into the skiff, and sat down in the
stern sheets, with the order that he be put ashore at La
Canebiere. The two oarsmen bent to their work, and the
little boat glided away as rapidly as possible in the midst
of the thousand vessels which choke up the narrow way which
leads between the two rows of ships from the mouth of the
harbor to the Quai d'Orleans.

The shipowner, smiling, followed him with his eyes until he
saw him spring out on the quay and disappear in the midst of
the throng, which from five o'clock in the morning until
nine o'clock at night, swarms in the famous street of La
Canebiere, -- a street of which the modern Phocaeans are so
proud that they say with all the gravity in the world, and
with that accent which gives so much character to what is
said, "If Paris had La Canebiere, Paris would be a second
Marseilles." On turning round the owner saw Danglars behind
him, apparently awaiting orders, but in reality also
watching the young sailor, -- but there was a great
difference in the expression of the two men who thus
followed the movements of Edmond Dantes.

We will leave Danglars struggling with the demon of hatred,
and endeavoring to insinuate in the ear of the shipowner
some evil suspicions against his comrade, and follow Dantes,
who, after having traversed La Canebiere, took the Rue de
Noailles, and entering a small house, on the left of the
Allees de Meillan, rapidly ascended four flights of a dark
staircase, holding the baluster with one hand, while with
the other he repressed the beatings of his heart, and paused
before a half-open door, from which he could see the whole
of a small room.

This room was occupied by Dantes' father. The news of the
arrival of the Pharaon had not yet reached the old man, who,
mounted on a chair, was amusing himself by training with
trembling hand the nasturtiums and sprays of clematis that
clambered over the trellis at his window. Suddenly, he felt
an arm thrown around his body, and a well-known voice behind
him exclaimed, "Father -- dear father!"

The old man uttered a cry, and turned round; then, seeing
his son, he fell into his arms, pale and trembling.

"What ails you, my dearest father? Are you ill?" inquired
the young man, much alarmed.

"No, no, my dear Edmond -- my boy -- my son! -- no; but I
did not expect you; and joy, the surprise of seeing you so
suddenly -- Ah, I feel as if I were going to die."

"Come, come, cheer up, my dear father! 'Tis I -- really I!
They say joy never hurts, and so I came to you without any
warning. Come now, do smile, instead of looking at me so
solemnly. Here I am back again, and we are going to be
happy."

"Yes, yes, my boy, so we will -- so we will," replied the
old man; "but how shall we be happy? Shall you never leave
me again? Come, tell me all the good fortune that has
befallen you."

"God forgive me," said the young man, "for rejoicing at
happiness derived from the misery of others, but, Heaven
knows, I did not seek this good fortune; it has happened,
and I really cannot pretend to lament it. The good Captain
Leclere is dead, father, and it is probable that, with the
aid of M. Morrel, I shall have his place. Do you understand,
father? Only imagine me a captain at twenty, with a hundred
louis pay, and a share in the profits! Is this not more than
a poor sailor like me could have hoped for?"

"Yes, my dear boy," replied the old man, "it is very
fortunate."

"Well, then, with the first money I touch, I mean you to
have a small house, with a garden in which to plant
clematis, nasturtiums, and honeysuckle. But what ails you,
father? Are you not well?"

"'Tis nothing, nothing; it will soon pass away" -- and as he
said so the old man's strength failed him, and he fell
backwards.

"Come, come," said the young man, "a glass of wine, father,
will revive you. Where do you keep your wine?"

"No, no; thanks. You need not look for it; I do not want
it," said the old man.

"Yes, yes, father, tell me where it is," and he opened two
or three cupboards.

"It is no use," said the old man, "there is no wine."

"What, no wine?" said Dantes, turning pale, and looking
alternately at the hollow cheeks of the old man and the
empty cupboards. "What, no wine? Have you wanted money,
father?"

"I want nothing now that I have you," said the old man.

"Yet," stammered Dantes, wiping the perspiration from his
brow, -- "yet I gave you two hundred francs when I left,
three months ago."

"Yes, yes, Edmond, that is true, but you forgot at that time
a little debt to our neighbor, Caderousse. He reminded me of
it, telling me if I did not pay for you, he would be paid by
M. Morrel; and so, you see, lest he might do you an injury"
--

"Well?"

"Why, I paid him."

"But," cried Dantes, "it was a hundred and forty francs I
owed Caderousse."

"Yes," stammered the old man.

"And you paid him out of the two hundred francs I left you?"

The old man nodded.

"So that you have lived for three months on sixty francs,"
muttered Edmond.

"You know how little I require," said the old man.

"Heaven pardon me," cried Edmond, falling on his knees
before his father.

"What are you doing?"

"You have wounded me to the heart."

"Never mind it, for I see you once more," said the old man;
"and now it's all over -- everything is all right again."

"Yes, here I am," said the young man, "with a promising
future and a little money. Here, father, here!" he said,
"take this -- take it, and send for something immediately."
And he emptied his pockets on the table, the contents
consisting of a dozen gold pieces, five or six five-franc
pieces, and some smaller coin. The countenance of old Dantes
brightened.

"Whom does this belong to?" he inquired.

"To me, to you, to us! Take it; buy some provisions; be
happy, and to-morrow we shall have more."

"Gently, gently," said the old man, with a smile; "and by
your leave I will use your purse moderately, for they would
say, if they saw me buy too many things at a time, that I
had been obliged to await your return, in order to be able
to purchase them."

"Do as you please; but, first of all, pray have a servant,
father. I will not have you left alone so long. I have some
smuggled coffee and most capital tobacco, in a small chest
in the hold, which you shall have to-morrow. But, hush, here
comes somebody."

"'Tis Caderousse, who has heard of your arrival, and no
doubt comes to congratulate you on your fortunate return."

"Ah, lips that say one thing, while the heart thinks
another," murmured Edmond. "But, never mind, he is a
neighbor who has done us a service on a time, so he's
welcome."

As Edmond paused, the black and bearded head of Caderousse
appeared at the door. He was a man of twenty-five or six,
and held a piece of cloth, which, being a tailor, he was
about to make into a coat-lining.

"What, is it you, Edmond, back again?" said he, with a broad
Marseillaise accent, and a grin that displayed his
ivory-white teeth.

"Yes, as you see, neighbor Caderousse; and ready to be
agreeable to you in any and every way," replied Dantes, but
ill-concealing his coldness under this cloak of civility.

"Thanks -- thanks; but, fortunately, I do not want for
anything; and it chances that at times there are others who
have need of me." Dantes made a gesture. "I do not allude to
you, my boy. No! -- no! I lent you money, and you returned
it; that's like good neighbors, and we are quits."

"We are never quits with those who oblige us," was Dantes'
reply; "for when we do not owe them money, we owe them
gratitude."

"What's the use of mentioning that? What is done is done.
Let us talk of your happy return, my boy. I had gone on the
quay to match a piece of mulberry cloth, when I met friend
Danglars. `You at Marseilles?' -- `Yes,' says he.

"`I thought you were at Smyrna.' -- `I was; but am now back
again.'

"`And where is the dear boy, our little Edmond?'

"`Why, with his father, no doubt,' replied Danglars. And so
I came," added Caderousse, "as fast as I could to have the
pleasure of shaking hands with a friend."

"Worthy Caderousse!" said the old man, "he is so much
attached to us."

"Yes, to be sure I am. I love and esteem you, because honest
folks are so rare. But it seems you have come back rich, my
boy," continued the tailor, looking askance at the handful
of gold and silver which Dantes had thrown on the table.

The young man remarked the greedy glance which shone in the
dark eyes of his neighbor. "Eh," he said, negligently. "this
money is not mine. I was expressing to my father my fears
that he had wanted many things in my absence, and to
convince me he emptied his purse on the table. Come, father"
added Dantes, "put this money back in your box -- unless
neighbor Caderousse wants anything, and in that case it is
at his service."

"No, my boy, no," said Caderousse. "I am not in any want,
thank God, my living is suited to my means. Keep your money
-- keep it, I say; -- one never has too much; -- but, at the
same time, my boy, I am as much obliged by your offer as if
I took advantage of it."

"It was offered with good will," said Dantes.

"No doubt, my boy; no doubt. Well, you stand well with M.
Morrel I hear, -- you insinuating dog, you!"

"M. Morrel has always been exceedingly kind to me," replied
Dantes.

"Then you were wrong to refuse to dine with him."

"What, did you refuse to dine with him?" said old Dantes;
"and did he invite you to dine?"

"Yes, my dear father," replied Edmond, smiling at his
father's astonishment at the excessive honor paid to his
son.

"And why did you refuse, my son?" inquired the old man.

"That I might the sooner see you again, my dear father,"
replied the young man. "I was most anxious to see you."

"But it must have vexed M. Morrel, good, worthy man," said
Caderousse. "And when you are looking forward to be captain,
it was wrong to annoy the owner."

"But I explained to him the cause of my refusal," replied
Dantes, "and I hope he fully understood it."

"Yes, but to be captain one must do a little flattery to
one's patrons."

"I hope to be captain without that," said Dantes.

"So much the better -- so much the better! Nothing will give
greater pleasure to all your old friends; and I know one
down there behind the Saint Nicolas citadel who will not be
sorry to hear it."

"Mercedes?" said the old man.

"Yes, my dear father, and with your permission, now I have
seen you, and know you are well and have all you require, I
will ask your consent to go and pay a visit to the
Catalans."

"Go, my dear boy," said old Dantes: "and heaven bless you in
your wife, as it has blessed me in my son!"

"His wife!" said Caderousse; "why, how fast you go on,
father Dantes; she is not his wife yet, as it seems to me."

"So, but according to all probability she soon will be,"
replied Edmond.

"Yes -- yes," said Caderousse; "but you were right to return
as soon as possible, my boy."

"And why?"

"Because Mercedes is a very fine girl, and fine girls never
lack followers; she particularly has them by dozens."

"Really?" answered Edmond, with a smile which had in it
traces of slight uneasiness.

"Ah, yes," continued Caderousse, "and capital offers, too;
but you know, you will be captain, and who could refuse you
then?"

"Meaning to say," replied Dantes, with a smile which but
ill-concealed his trouble, "that if I were not a captain" --

"Eh -- eh!" said Caderousse, shaking his head.

"Come, come," said the sailor, "I have a better opinion than
you of women in general, and of Mercedes in particular; and
I am certain that, captain or not, she will remain ever
faithful to me."

"So much the better -- so much the better," said Caderousse.
"When one is going to be married, there is nothing like
implicit confidence; but never mind that, my boy, -- go and
announce your arrival, and let her know all your hopes and
prospects."

"I will go directly," was Edmond's reply; and, embracing his
father, and nodding to Caderousse, he left the apartment.

Caderousse lingered for a moment, then taking leave of old
Dantes, he went downstairs to rejoin Danglars, who awaited
him at the corner of the Rue Senac.

"Well," said Danglars, "did you see him?"

"I have just left him," answered Caderousse.

"Did he allude to his hope of being captain?"

"He spoke of it as a thing already decided."

"Indeed!" said Danglars, "he is in too much hurry, it
appears to me."

"Why, it seems M. Morrel has promised him the thing."

"So that he is quite elated about it?"

"Why, yes, he is actually insolent over the matter -- has
already offered me his patronage, as if he were a grand
personage, and proffered me a loan of money, as though he
were a banker."

"Which you refused?"

"Most assuredly; although I might easily have accepted it,
for it was I who put into his hands the first silver he ever
earned; but now M. Dantes has no longer any occasion for
assistance -- he is about to become a captain."

"Pooh!" said Danglars, "he is not one yet."

"Ma foi, it will be as well if he is not," answered
Caderousse; "for if he should be, there will be really no
speaking to him."

"If we choose," replied Danglars, "he will remain what he
is; and perhaps become even less than he is."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing -- I was speaking to myself. And is he still in
love with the Catalane?"

"Over head and ears; but, unless I am much mistaken, there
will be a storm in that quarter."

"Explain yourself."

"Why should I?"

"It is more important than you think, perhaps. You do not
like Dantes?"

"I never like upstarts."

"Then tell me all you know about the Catalane."

"I know nothing for certain; only I have seen things which
induce me to believe, as I told you, that the future captain
will find some annoyance in the vicinity of the Vieilles
Infirmeries."

"What have you seen? -- come, tell me!"

"Well, every time I have seen Mercedes come into the city
she has been accompanied by a tall, strapping, black-eyed
Catalan, with a red complexion, brown skin, and fierce air,
whom she calls cousin."

"Really; and you think this cousin pays her attentions?"

"I only suppose so. What else can a strapping chap of
twenty-one mean with a fine wench of seventeen?"

"And you say that Dantes has gone to the Catalans?"

"He went before I came down."

"Let us go the same way; we will stop at La Reserve, and we
can drink a glass of La Malgue, whilst we wait for news."

"Come along," said Caderousse; "but you pay the score."

"Of course," replied Danglars; and going quickly to the
designated place, they called for a bottle of wine, and two
glasses.

Pere Pamphile had seen Dantes pass not ten minutes before;
and assured that he was at the Catalans, they sat down under
the budding foliage of the planes and sycamores, in the
branches of which the birds were singing their welcome to
one of the first days of spring.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 2

CHAPTER 3
The Catalans.

Beyond a bare, weather-worn wall, about a hundred paces from
the spot where the two friends sat looking and listening as
they drank their wine, was the village of the Catalans. Long
ago this mysterious colony quitted Spain, and settled on the
tongue of land on which it is to this day. Whence it came no
one knew, and it spoke an unknown tongue. One of its chiefs,
who understood Provencal, begged the commune of Marseilles
to give them this bare and barren promontory, where, like
the sailors of old, they had run their boats ashore. The
request was granted; and three months afterwards, around the
twelve or fifteen small vessels which had brought these
gypsies of the sea, a small village sprang up. This village,
constructed in a singular and picturesque manner, half
Moorish, half Spanish, still remains, and is inhabited by
descendants of the first comers, who speak the language of
their fathers. For three or four centuries they have
remained upon this small promontory, on which they had
settled like a flight of seabirds, without mixing with the
Marseillaise population, intermarrying, and preserving their
original customs and the costume of their mother-country as
they have preserved its language.

Our readers will follow us along the only street of this
little village, and enter with us one of the houses, which
is sunburned to the beautiful dead-leaf color peculiar to
the buildings of the country, and within coated with
whitewash, like a Spanish posada. A young and beautiful
girl, with hair as black as jet, her eyes as velvety as the
gazelle's, was leaning with her back against the wainscot,
rubbing in her slender delicately moulded fingers a bunch of
heath blossoms, the flowers of which she was picking off and
strewing on the floor; her arms, bare to the elbow, brown,
and modelled after those of the Arlesian Venus, moved with a
kind of restless impatience, and she tapped the earth with
her arched and supple foot, so as to display the pure and
full shape of her well-turned leg, in its red cotton, gray
and blue clocked, stocking. At three paces from her, seated
in a chair which he balanced on two legs, leaning his elbow
on an old worm-eaten table, was a tall young man of twenty,
or two-and-twenty, who was looking at her with an air in
which vexation and uneasiness were mingled. He questioned
her with his eyes, but the firm and steady gaze of the young
girl controlled his look.

"You see, Mercedes," said the young man, "here is Easter
come round again; tell me, is this the moment for a
wedding?"

"I have answered you a hundred times, Fernand, and really
you must be very stupid to ask me again."

"Well, repeat it, -- repeat it, I beg of you, that I may at
last believe it! Tell me for the hundredth time that you
refuse my love, which had your mother's sanction. Make me
understand once for all that you are trifling with my
happiness, that my life or death are nothing to you. Ah, to
have dreamed for ten years of being your husband, Mercedes,
and to lose that hope, which was the only stay of my
existence!"

"At least it was not I who ever encouraged you in that hope,
Fernand," replied Mercedes; "you cannot reproach me with the
slightest coquetry. I have always said to you, `I love you
as a brother; but do not ask from me more than sisterly
affection, for my heart is another's.' Is not this true,
Fernand?"

"Yes, that is very true, Mercedes," replied the young man,
"Yes, you have been cruelly frank with me; but do you forget
that it is among the Catalans a sacred law to intermarry?"

"You mistake, Fernand; it is not a law, but merely a custom,
and, I pray of you, do not cite this custom in your favor.
You are included in the conscription, Fernand, and are only
at liberty on sufferance, liable at any moment to be called
upon to take up arms. Once a soldier, what would you do with
me, a poor orphan, forlorn, without fortune, with nothing
but a half-ruined hut and a few ragged nets, the miserable
inheritance left by my father to my mother, and by my mother
to me? She has been dead a year, and you know, Fernand, I
have subsisted almost entirely on public charity. Sometimes
you pretend I am useful to you, and that is an excuse to
share with me the produce of your fishing, and I accept it,
Fernand, because you are the son of my father's brother,
because we were brought up together, and still more because
it would give you so much pain if I refuse. But I feel very
deeply that this fish which I go and sell, and with the
produce of which I buy the flax I spin, -- I feel very
keenly, Fernand, that this is charity."

"And if it were, Mercedes, poor and lone as you are, you
suit me as well as the daughter of the first shipowner or
the richest banker of Marseilles! What do such as we desire
but a good wife and careful housekeeper, and where can I
look for these better than in you?"

"Fernand," answered Mercedes, shaking her head, "a woman
becomes a bad manager, and who shall say she will remain an
honest woman, when she loves another man better than her
husband? Rest content with my friendship, for I say once
more that is all I can promise, and I will promise no more
than I can bestow."

"I understand," replied Fernand, "you can endure your own
wretchedness patiently, but you are afraid to share mine.
Well, Mercedes, beloved by you, I would tempt fortune; you
would bring me good luck, and I should become rich. I could
extend my occupation as a fisherman, might get a place as
clerk in a warehouse, and become in time a dealer myself."

"You could do no such thing, Fernand; you are a soldier, and
if you remain at the Catalans it is because there is no war;
so remain a fisherman, and contented with my friendship, as
I cannot give you more."

"Well, I will do better, Mercedes. I will be a sailor;
instead of the costume of our fathers, which you despise, I
will wear a varnished hat, a striped shirt, and a blue
jacket, with an anchor on the buttons. Would not that dress
please you?"

"What do you mean?" asked Mercedes, with an angry glance, --
"what do you mean? I do not understand you?"

"I mean, Mercedes, that you are thus harsh and cruel with
me, because you are expecting some one who is thus attired;
but perhaps he whom you await is inconstant, or if he is
not, the sea is so to him."

"Fernand," cried Mercedes, "I believed you were
good-hearted, and I was mistaken! Fernand, you are wicked to
call to your aid jealousy and the anger of God! Yes, I will
not deny it, I do await, and I do love him of whom you
speak; and, if he does not return, instead of accusing him
of the inconstancy which you insinuate, I will tell you that
he died loving me and me only." The young girl made a
gesture of rage. "I understand you, Fernand; you would be
revenged on him because I do not love you; you would cross
your Catalan knife with his dirk. What end would that
answer? To lose you my friendship if he were conquered, and
see that friendship changed into hate if you were victor.
Believe me, to seek a quarrel with a man is a bad method of
pleasing the woman who loves that man. No, Fernand, you will
not thus give way to evil thoughts. Unable to have me for
your wife, you will content yourself with having me for your
friend and sister; and besides," she added, her eyes
troubled and moistened with tears, "wait, wait, Fernand; you
said just now that the sea was treacherous, and he has been
gone four months, and during these four months there have
been some terrible storms."

Fernand made no reply, nor did he attempt to check the tears
which flowed down the cheeks of Mercedes, although for each
of these tears he would have shed his heart's blood; but
these tears flowed for another. He arose, paced a while up
and down the hut, and then, suddenly stopping before
Mercedes, with his eyes glowing and his hands clinched, --
"Say, Mercedes," he said, "once for all, is this your final
determination?"

"I love Edmond Dantes," the young girl calmly replied, "and
none but Edmond shall ever be my husband."

"And you will always love him?"

"As long as I live."

Fernand let fall his head like a defeated man, heaved a sigh
that was like a groan, and then suddenly looking her full in
the face, with clinched teeth and expanded nostrils, said,
-- "But if he is dead" --

"If he is dead, I shall die too."

"If he has forgotten you" --

"Mercedes!" called a joyous voice from without, --
"Mercedes!"

"Ah," exclaimed the young girl, blushing with delight, and
fairly leaping in excess of love, "you see he has not
forgotten me, for here he is!" And rushing towards the door,
she opened it, saying, "Here, Edmond, here I am!"

Fernand, pale and trembling, drew back, like a traveller at
the sight of a serpent, and fell into a chair beside him.
Edmond and Mercedes were clasped in each other's arms. The
burning Marseilles sun, which shot into the room through the
open door, covered them with a flood of light. At first they
saw nothing around them. Their intense happiness isolated
them from all the rest of the world, and they only spoke in
broken words, which are the tokens of a joy so extreme that
they seem rather the expression of sorrow. Suddenly Edmond
saw the gloomy, pale, and threatening countenance of
Fernand, as it was defined in the shadow. By a movement for
which he could scarcely account to himself, the young
Catalan placed his hand on the knife at his belt.

"Ah, your pardon," said Dantes, frowning in his turn; "I did
not perceive that there were three of us." Then, turning to
Mercedes, he inquired, "Who is this gentleman?"

"One who will be your best friend, Dantes, for he is my
friend, my cousin, my brother; it is Fernand -- the man
whom, after you, Edmond, I love the best in the world. Do
you not remember him?"

"Yes!" said Dantes, and without relinquishing Mercedes hand
clasped in one of his own, he extended the other to the
Catalan with a cordial air. But Fernand, instead of
responding to this amiable gesture, remained mute and
trembling. Edmond then cast his eyes scrutinizingly at the
agitated and embarrassed Mercedes, and then again on the
gloomy and menacing Fernand. This look told him all, and his
anger waxed hot.

"I did not know, when I came with such haste to you, that I
was to meet an enemy here."

"An enemy!" cried Mercedes, with an angry look at her
cousin. "An enemy in my house, do you say, Edmond! If I
believed that, I would place my arm under yours and go with
you to Marseilles, leaving the house to return to it no
more."

Fernand's eye darted lightning. "And should any misfortune
occur to you, dear Edmond," she continued with the same
calmness which proved to Fernand that the young girl had
read the very innermost depths of his sinister thought, "if
misfortune should occur to you, I would ascend the highest
point of the Cape de Morgion and cast myself headlong from
it."

Fernand became deadly pale. "But you are deceived, Edmond,"
she continued. "You have no enemy here -- there is no one
but Fernand, my brother, who will grasp your hand as a
devoted friend."

And at these words the young girl fixed her imperious look
on the Catalan, who, as if fascinated by it, came slowly
towards Edmond, and offered him his hand. His hatred, like a
powerless though furious wave, was broken against the strong
ascendancy which Mercedes exercised over him. Scarcely,
however, had he touched Edmond's hand than he felt he had
done all he could do, and rushed hastily out of the house.

"Oh," he exclaimed, running furiously and tearing his hair
-- "Oh, who will deliver me from this man? Wretched --
wretched that I am!"

"Hallo, Catalan! Hallo, Fernand! where are you running to?"
exclaimed a voice.

The young man stopped suddenly, looked around him, and
perceived Caderousse sitting at table with Danglars, under
an arbor.

"Well", said Caderousse, "why don't you come? Are you really
in such a hurry that you have no time to pass the time of
day with your friends?"

"Particularly when they have still a full bottle before
them," added Danglars. Fernand looked at them both with a
stupefied air, but did not say a word.

"He seems besotted," said Danglars, pushing Caderousse with
his knee. "Are we mistaken, and is Dantes triumphant in
spite of all we have believed?"

"Why, we must inquire into that," was Caderousse's reply;
and turning towards the young man, said, "Well, Catalan,
can't you make up your mind?"

Fernand wiped away the perspiration steaming from his brow,
and slowly entered the arbor, whose shade seemed to restore
somewhat of calmness to his senses, and whose coolness
somewhat of refreshment to his exhausted body.

"Good-day," said he. "You called me, didn't you?" And he
fell, rather than sat down, on one of the seats which
surrounded the table.

"I called you because you were running like a madman, and I
was afraid you would throw yourself into the sea," said
Caderousse, laughing. "Why, when a man has friends, they are
not only to offer him a glass of wine, but, moreover, to
prevent his swallowing three or four pints of water
unnecessarily!"

Fernand gave a groan, which resembled a sob, and dropped his
head into his hands, his elbows leaning on the table.

"Well, Fernand, I must say," said Caderousse, beginning the
conversation, with that brutality of the common people in
which curiosity destroys all diplomacy, "you look uncommonly
like a rejected lover;" and he burst into a hoarse laugh.

"Bah!" said Danglars, "a lad of his make was not born to be
unhappy in love. You are laughing at him, Caderousse."

"No," he replied, "only hark how he sighs! Come, come,
Fernand," said Caderousse, "hold up your head, and answer
us. It's not polite not to reply to friends who ask news of
your health."

"My health is well enough," said Fernand, clinching his
hands without raising his head.

"Ah, you see, Danglars," said Caderousse, winking at his
friend, "this is how it is; Fernand, whom you see here, is a
good and brave Catalan, one of the best fishermen in
Marseilles, and he is in love with a very fine girl, named
Mercedes; but it appears, unfortunately, that the fine girl
is in love with the mate of the Pharaon; and as the Pharaon
arrived to-day -- why, you understand!"

"No; I do not understand," said Danglars.

"Poor Fernand has been dismissed," continued Caderousse.

"Well, and what then?" said Fernand, lifting up his head,
and looking at Caderousse like a man who looks for some one
on whom to vent his anger; "Mercedes is not accountable to
any person, is she? Is she not free to love whomsoever she
will?"

"Oh, if you take it in that sense," said Caderousse, "it is
another thing. But I thought you were a Catalan, and they
told me the Catalans were not men to allow themselves to be
supplanted by a rival. It was even told me that Fernand,
especially, was terrible in his vengeance."

Fernand smiled piteously. "A lover is never terrible," he
said.

"Poor fellow!" remarked Danglars, affecting to pity the
young man from the bottom of his heart. "Why, you see, he
did not expect to see Dantes return so suddenly -- he
thought he was dead, perhaps; or perchance faithless! These
things always come on us more severely when they come
suddenly."

"Ah, ma foi, under any circumstances," said Caderousse, who
drank as he spoke, and on whom the fumes of the wine began
to take effect, -- "under any circumstances Fernand is not
the only person put out by the fortunate arrival of Dantes;
is he, Danglars?"

"No, you are right -- and I should say that would bring him
ill-luck."

"Well, never mind," answered Caderousse, pouring out a glass
of wine for Fernand, and filling his own for the eighth or
ninth time, while Danglars had merely sipped his. "Never
mind -- in the meantime he marries Mercedes -- the lovely
Mercedes -- at least he returns to do that."

During this time Danglars fixed his piercing glance on the
young man, on whose heart Caderousse's words fell like
molten lead.

"And when is the wedding to be?" he asked.

"Oh, it is not yet fixed!" murmured Fernand.

"No, but it will be," said Caderousse, "as surely as Dantes
will be captain of the Pharaon -- eh, Danglars?"

Danglars shuddered at this unexpected attack, and turned to
Caderousse, whose countenance he scrutinized, to try and
detect whether the blow was premeditated; but he read
nothing but envy in a countenance already rendered brutal
and stupid by drunkenness.

"Well," said he, filling the glasses, "let us drink to
Captain Edmond Dantes, husband of the beautiful Catalane!"

Caderousse raised his glass to his mouth with unsteady hand,
and swallowed the contents at a gulp. Fernand dashed his on
the ground.

"Eh, eh, eh!" stammered Caderousse. "What do I see down
there by the wall, in the direction of the Catalans? Look,
Fernand, your eyes are better than mine. I believe I see
double. You know wine is a deceiver; but I should say it was
two lovers walking side by side, and hand in hand. Heaven
forgive me, they do not know that we can see them, and they
are actually embracing!"

Danglars did not lose one pang that Fernand endured.

"Do you know them, Fernand?" he said.

"Yes," was the reply, in a low voice. "It is Edmond and
Mercedes!"

"Ah, see there, now!" said Caderousse; "and I did not
recognize them! Hallo, Dantes! hello, lovely damsel! Come
this way, and let us know when the wedding is to be, for
Fernand here is so obstinate he will not tell us."

"Hold your tongue, will you?" said Danglars, pretending to
restrain Caderousse, who, with the tenacity of drunkards,
leaned out of the arbor. "Try to stand upright, and let the
lovers make love without interruption. See, look at Fernand,
and follow his example; he is well-behaved!"

Fernand, probably excited beyond bearing, pricked by
Danglars, as the bull is by the bandilleros, was about to
rush out; for he had risen from his seat, and seemed to be
collecting himself to dash headlong upon his rival, when
Mercedes, smiling and graceful, lifted up her lovely head,
and looked at them with her clear and bright eyes. At this
Fernand recollected her threat of dying if Edmond died, and
dropped again heavily on his seat. Danglars looked at the
two men, one after the other, the one brutalized by liquor,
the other overwhelmed with love.

"I shall get nothing from these fools," he muttered; "and I
am very much afraid of being here between a drunkard and a
coward. Here's an envious fellow making himself boozy on
wine when he ought to be nursing his wrath, and here is a
fool who sees the woman he loves stolen from under his nose
and takes on like a big baby. Yet this Catalan has eyes that
glisten like those of the vengeful Spaniards, Sicilians, and
Calabrians, and the other has fists big enough to crush an
ox at one blow. Unquestionably, Edmond's star is in the
ascendant, and he will marry the splendid girl -- he will be
captain, too, and laugh at us all, unless" -- a sinister
smile passed over Danglars' lips -- "unless I take a hand in
the affair," he added.

"Hallo!" continued Caderousse, half-rising, and with his
fist on the table, "hallo, Edmond! do you not see your
friends, or are you too proud to speak to them?"

"No, my dear fellow!" replied Dantes, "I am not proud, but I
am happy, and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride."

"Ah, very well, that's an explanation!" said Caderousse.
"How do you do, Madame Dantes?"

Mercedes courtesied gravely, and said -- "That is not my
name, and in my country it bodes ill fortune, they say, to
call a young girl by the name of her betrothed before he
becomes her husband. So call me Mercedes, if you please."

"We must excuse our worthy neighbor, Caderousse," said
Dantes, "he is so easily mistaken."

"So, then, the wedding is to take place immediately, M.
Dantes," said Danglars, bowing to the young couple.

"As soon as possible, M. Danglars; to-day all preliminaries
will be arranged at my father's, and to-morrow, or next day
at latest, the wedding festival here at La Reserve. My
friends will be there, I hope; that is to say, you are
invited, M. Danglars, and you, Caderousse."

"And Fernand," said Caderousse with a chuckle; "Fernand,
too, is invited!"

"My wife's brother is my brother," said Edmond; "and we,
Mercedes and I, should be very sorry if he were absent at
such a time."

Fernand opened his mouth to reply, but his voice died on his
lips, and he could not utter a word.

"To-day the preliminaries, to-morrow or next day the
ceremony! You are in a hurry, captain!"

"Danglars," said Edmond, smiling, "I will say to you as
Mercedes said just now to Caderousse, `Do not give me a
title which does not belong to me'; that may bring me bad
luck."

"Your pardon," replied Danglars, "I merely said you seemed
in a hurry, and we have lots of time; the Pharaon cannot be
under weigh again in less than three months."

"We are always in a hurry to be happy, M. Danglars; for when
we have suffered a long time, we have great difficulty in
believing in good fortune. But it is not selfishness alone
that makes me thus in haste; I must go to Paris."

"Ah, really? -- to Paris! and will it be the first time you
have ever been there, Dantes?"

"Yes."

"Have you business there?"

"Not of my own; the last commission of poor Captain Leclere;
you know to what I allude, Danglars -- it is sacred.
Besides, I shall only take the time to go and return."

"Yes, yes, I understand," said Danglars, and then in a low
tone, he added, "To Paris, no doubt to deliver the letter
which the grand marshal gave him. Ah, this letter gives me
an idea -- a capital idea! Ah; Dantes, my friend, you are
not yet registered number one on board the good ship
Pharaon;" then turning towards Edmond, who was walking away,
"A pleasant journey," he cried.

"Thank you," said Edmond with a friendly nod, and the two
lovers continued on their way, as calm and joyous as if they
were the very elect of heaven.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 3

Danglars followed Edmond and Mercedes with his eyes until
the two lovers disappeared behind one of the angles of Fort
Saint Nicolas, then turning round, he perceived Fernand, who
had fallen, pale and trembling, into his chair, while
Caderousse stammered out the words of a drinking-song.

"Well, my dear sir," said Danglars to Fernand, "here is a
marriage which does not appear to make everybody happy."

"It drives me to despair," said Fernand.

"Do you, then, love Mercedes?"

"I adore her!"

"For long?"

"As long as I have known her -- always."

"And you sit there, tearing your hair, instead of seeking to
remedy your condition; I did not think that was the way of
your people."

"What would you have me do?" said Fernand.

"How do I know? Is it my affair? I am not in love with
Mademoiselle Mercedes; but for you -- in the words of the
gospel, seek, and you shall find."

"I have found already."

"What?"

"I would stab the man, but the woman told me that if any
misfortune happened to her betrothed, she would kill
herself."

"Pooh! Women say those things, but never do them."

"You do not know Mercedes; what she threatens she will do."

"Idiot!" muttered Danglars; "whether she kill herself or
not, what matter, provided Dantes is not captain?"

"Before Mercedes should die," replied Fernand, with the
accents of unshaken resolution, "I would die myself!"

"That's what I call love!" said Caderousse with a voice more
tipsy than ever. "That's love, or I don't know what love
is."

"Come," said Danglars, "you appear to me a good sort of
fellow, and hang me, I should like to help you, but" --

"Yes," said Caderousse, "but how?"

"My dear fellow," replied Danglars, "you are three parts
drunk; finish the bottle, and you will be completely so.
Drink then, and do not meddle with what we are discussing,
for that requires all one's wit and cool judgment."

"I -- drunk!" said Caderousse; "well that's a good one! I
could drink four more such bottles; they are no bigger than
cologne flasks. Pere Pamphile, more wine!" and Caderousse
rattled his glass upon the table.

"You were saving, sir" -- said Fernand, awaiting with great
anxiety the end of this interrupted remark.

"What was I saying? I forget. This drunken Caderousse has
made me lose the thread of my sentence."

"Drunk, if you like; so much the worse for those who fear
wine, for it is because they have bad thoughts which they
are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts;" and
Caderousse began to sing the two last lines of a song very
popular at the time, --

`Tous les mechants sont beuveurs d'eau;
C'est bien prouve par le deluge.'*

* "The wicked are great drinkers of water
As the flood proved once for all."

"You said, sir, you would like to help me, but" --

"Yes; but I added, to help you it would be sufficient that
Dantes did not marry her you love; and the marriage may
easily be thwarted, methinks, and yet Dantes need not die."

"Death alone can separate them," remarked Fernand.

"You talk like a noodle, my friend," said Caderousse; "and
here is Danglars, who is a wide-awake, clever, deep fellow,
who will prove to you that you are wrong. Prove it,
Danglars. I have answered for you. Say there is no need why
Dantes should die; it would, indeed, be a pity he should.
Dantes is a good fellow; I like Dantes. Dantes, your
health."

Fernand rose impatiently. "Let him run on," said Danglars,
restraining the young man; "drunk as he is, he is not much
out in what he says. Absence severs as well as death, and if
the walls of a prison were between Edmond an
Could you do us all a favor and at least post chapter two?
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 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Could you do us all a favor and at least post chapter two?


There's three chapters there moron

CHAPTER 1
Marseilles -- The Arrival.

On the 24th of February, 1810, the look-out at Notre-Dame de
la Garde signalled the three-master, the Pharaon from
Smyrna, Trieste, and Naples.

As usual, a pilot put off immediately, and rounding the
Chateau d'If, got on board the vessel between Cape Morgion
and Rion island.

Immediately, and according to custom, the ramparts of Fort
Saint-Jean were covered with spectators; it is always an
event at Marseilles for a ship to come into port, especially
when this ship, like the Pharaon, has been built, rigged,
and laden at the old Phocee docks, and belongs to an owner
of the city.

The ship drew on and had safely passed the strait, which
some volcanic shock has made between the Calasareigne and
Jaros islands; had doubled Pomegue, and approached the
harbor under topsails, jib, and spanker, but so slowly and
sedately that the idlers, with that instinct which is the
forerunner of evil, asked one another what misfortune could
have happened on board. However, those experienced in
navigation saw plainly that if any accident had occurred, it
was not to the vessel herself, for she bore down with all
the evidence of being skilfully handled, the anchor
a-cockbill, the jib-boom guys already eased off, and
standing by the side of the pilot, who was steering the
Pharaon towards the narrow entrance of the inner port, was a
young man, who, with activity and vigilant eye, watched
every motion of the ship, and repeated each direction of the
pilot.

The vague disquietude which prevailed among the spectators
had so much affected one of the crowd that he did not await
the arrival of the vessel in harbor, but jumping into a
small skiff, desired to be pulled alongside the Pharaon,
which he reached as she rounded into La Reserve basin.

When the young man on board saw this person approach, he
left his station by the pilot, and, hat in hand, leaned over
the ship's bulwarks.

He was a fine, tall, slim young fellow of eighteen or
twenty, with black eyes, and hair as dark as a raven's wing;
and his whole appearance bespoke that calmness and
resolution peculiar to men accustomed from their cradle to
contend with danger.

"Ah, is it you, Dantes?" cried the man in the skiff. "What's
the matter? and why have you such an air of sadness aboard?"

"A great misfortune, M. Morrel," replied the young man, --
"a great misfortune, for me especially! Off Civita Vecchia
we lost our brave Captain Leclere."

"And the cargo?" inquired the owner, eagerly.

"Is all safe, M. Morrel; and I think you will be satisfied
on that head. But poor Captain Leclere -- "

"What happened to him?" asked the owner, with an air of
considerable resignation. "What happened to the worthy
captain?"

"He died."

"Fell into the sea?"

"No, sir, he died of brain-fever in dreadful agony." Then
turning to the crew, he said, "Bear a hand there, to take in
sail!"

All hands obeyed, and at once the eight or ten seamen who
composed the crew, sprang to their respective stations at
the spanker brails and outhaul, topsail sheets and halyards,
the jib downhaul, and the topsail clewlines and buntlines.
The young sailor gave a look to see that his orders were
promptly and accurately obeyed, and then turned again to the
owner.

"And how did this misfortune occur?" inquired the latter,
resuming the interrupted conversation.

"Alas, sir, in the most unexpected manner. After a long talk
with the harbor-master, Captain Leclere left Naples greatly
disturbed in mind. In twenty-four hours he was attacked by a
fever, and died three days afterwards. We performed the
usual burial service, and he is at his rest, sewn up in his
hammock with a thirty-six pound shot at his head and his
heels, off El Giglio island. We bring to his widow his sword
and cross of honor. It was worth while, truly," added the
young man with a melancholy smile, "to make war against the
English for ten years, and to die in his bed at last, like
everybody else."

"Why, you see, Edmond," replied the owner, who appeared more
comforted at every moment, "we are all mortal, and the old
must make way for the young. If not, why, there would be no
promotion; and since you assure me that the cargo -- "

"Is all safe and sound, M. Morrel, take my word for it; and
I advise you not to take 25,000 francs for the profits of
the voyage."

Then, as they were just passing the Round Tower, the young
man shouted: "Stand by there to lower the topsails and jib;
brail up the spanker!"

The order was executed as promptly as it would have been on
board a man-of-war.

"Let go -- and clue up!" At this last command all the sails
were lowered, and the vessel moved almost imperceptibly
onwards.

"Now, if you will come on board, M. Morrel," said Dantes,
observing the owner's impatience, "here is your supercargo,
M. Danglars, coming out of his cabin, who will furnish you
with every particular. As for me, I must look after the
anchoring, and dress the ship in mourning."

The owner did not wait for a second invitation. He seized a
rope which Dantes flung to him, and with an activity that
would have done credit to a sailor, climbed up the side of
the ship, while the young man, going to his task, left the
conversation to Danglars, who now came towards the owner. He
was a man of twenty-five or twenty-six years of age, of
unprepossessing countenance, obsequious to his superiors,
insolent to his subordinates; and this, in addition to his
position as responsible agent on board, which is always
obnoxious to the sailors, made him as much disliked by the
crew as Edmond Dantes was beloved by them.

"Well, M. Morrel," said Danglars, "you have heard of the
misfortune that has befallen us?"

"Yes -- yes: poor Captain Leclere! He was a brave and an
honest man."

"And a first-rate seaman, one who had seen long and
honorable service, as became a man charged with the
interests of a house so important as that of Morrel & Son,"
replied Danglars.

"But," replied the owner, glancing after Dantes, who was
watching the anchoring of his vessel, "it seems to me that a
sailor needs not be so old as you say, Danglars, to
understand his business, for our friend Edmond seems to
understand it thoroughly, and not to require instruction
from any one."

"Yes," said Danglars, darting at Edmond a look gleaming with
hate. "Yes, he is young, and youth is invariably
self-confident. Scarcely was the captain's breath out of his
body when he assumed the command without consulting any one,
and he caused us to lose a day and a half at the Island of
Elba, instead of making for Marseilles direct."

"As to taking command of the vessel," replied Morrel, "that
was his duty as captain's mate; as to losing a day and a
half off the Island of Elba, he was wrong, unless the vessel
needed repairs."

"The vessel was in as good condition as I am, and as, I hope
you are, M. Morrel, and this day and a half was lost from
pure whim, for the pleasure of going ashore, and nothing
else."

"Dantes," said the shipowner, turning towards the young man,
"come this way!"

"In a moment, sir," answered Dantes, "and I'm with you."
Then calling to the crew, he said -- "Let go!"

The anchor was instantly dropped, and the chain ran rattling
through the port-hole. Dantes continued at his post in spite
of the presence of the pilot, until this manoeuvre was
completed, and then he added, "Half-mast the colors, and
square the yards!"

"You see," said Danglars, "he fancies himself captain
already, upon my word."

"And so, in fact, he is," said the owner.

"Except your signature and your partner's, M. Morrel."

"And why should he not have this?" asked the owner; "he is
young, it is true, but he seems to me a thorough seaman, and
of full experience."

A cloud passed over Danglars' brow. "Your pardon, M.
Morrel," said Dantes, approaching, "the vessel now rides at
anchor, and I am at your service. You hailed me, I think?"

Danglars retreated a step or two. "I wished to inquire why
you stopped at the Island of Elba?"

"I do not know, sir; it was to fulfil the last instructions
of Captain Leclere, who, when dying, gave me a packet for
Marshal Bertrand."

"Then did you see him, Edmond?"

"Who?"

"The marshal."

"Yes."

Morrel looked around him, and then, drawing Dantes on one
side, he said suddenly -- "And how is the emperor?"

"Very well, as far as I could judge from the sight of him."

"You saw the emperor, then?"

"He entered the marshal's apartment while I was there."

"And you spoke to him?"

"Why, it was he who spoke to me, sir," said Dantes, with a
smile.

"And what did he say to you?"

"Asked me questions about the vessel, the time she left
Marseilles, the course she had taken, and what was her
cargo. I believe, if she had not been laden, and I had been
her master, he would have bought her. But I told him I was
only mate, and that she belonged to the firm of Morrel &
Son. `Ah, yes,' he said, `I know them. The Morrels have been
shipowners from father to son; and there was a Morrel who
served in the same regiment with me when I was in garrison
at Valence.'"

"Pardieu, and that is true!" cried the owner, greatly
delighted. "And that was Policar Morrel, my uncle, who was
afterwards a captain. Dantes, you must tell my uncle that
the emperor remembered him, and you will see it will bring
tears into the old soldier's eyes. Come, come," continued
he, patting Edmond's shoulder kindly, "you did very right,
Dantes, to follow Captain Leclere's instructions, and touch
at Elba, although if it were known that you had conveyed a
packet to the marshal, and had conversed with the emperor,
it might bring you into trouble."

"How could that bring me into trouble, sir?" asked Dantes;
"for I did not even know of what I was the bearer; and the
emperor merely made such inquiries as he would of the first
comer. But, pardon me, here are the health officers and the
customs inspectors coming alongside." And the young man went
to the gangway. As he departed, Danglars approached, and
said, --

"Well, it appears that he has given you satisfactory reasons
for his landing at Porto-Ferrajo?"

"Yes, most satisfactory, my dear Danglars."

"Well, so much the better," said the supercargo; "for it is
not pleasant to think that a comrade has not done his duty."

"Dantes has done his," replied the owner, "and that is not
saying much. It was Captain Leclere who gave orders for this
delay."

"Talking of Captain Leclere, has not Dantes given you a
letter from him?"

"To me? -- no -- was there one?"

"I believe that, besides the packet, Captain Leclere
confided a letter to his care."

"Of what packet are you speaking, Danglars?"

"Why, that which Dantes left at Porto-Ferrajo."

"How do you know he had a packet to leave at Porto-Ferrajo?"

Danglars turned very red.

"I was passing close to the door of the captain's cabin,
which was half open, and I saw him give the packet and
letter to Dantes."

"He did not speak to me of it," replied the shipowner; "but
if there be any letter he will give it to me."

Danglars reflected for a moment. "Then, M. Morrel, I beg of
you," said he, "not to say a word to Dantes on the subject.
I may have been mistaken."

At this moment the young man returned; Danglars withdrew.

"Well, my dear Dantes, are you now free?" inquired the
owner.

"Yes, sir."

"You have not been long detained."

"No. I gave the custom-house officers a copy of our bill of
lading; and as to the other papers, they sent a man off with
the pilot, to whom I gave them."

"Then you have nothing more to do here?"

"No -- everything is all right now."

"Then you can come and dine with me?"

"I really must ask you to excuse me, M. Morrel. My first
visit is due to my father, though I am not the less grateful
for the honor you have done me."

"Right, Dantes, quite right. I always knew you were a good
son."

"And," inquired Dantes, with some hesitation, "do you know
how my father is?"

"Well, I believe, my dear Edmond, though I have not seen him
lately."

"Yes, he likes to keep himself shut up in his little room."

"That proves, at least, that he has wanted for nothing
during your absence."

Dantes smiled. "My father is proud, sir, and if he had not a
meal left, I doubt if he would have asked anything from
anyone, except from Heaven."

"Well, then, after this first visit has been made we shall
count on you."

"I must again excuse myself, M. Morrel, for after this first
visit has been paid I have another which I am most anxious
to pay."

"True, Dantes, I forgot that there was at the Catalans some
one who expects you no less impatiently than your father --
the lovely Mercedes."

Dantes blushed.

"Ah, ha," said the shipowner, "I am not in the least
surprised, for she has been to me three times, inquiring if
there were any news of the Pharaon. Peste, Edmond, you have
a very handsome mistress!"

"She is not my mistress," replied the young sailor, gravely;
"she is my betrothed."

"Sometimes one and the same thing," said Morrel, with a
smile.

"Not with us, sir," replied Dantes.

"Well, well, my dear Edmond," continued the owner, "don't
let me detain you. You have managed my affairs so well that
I ought to allow you all the time you require for your own.
Do you want any money?"

"No, sir; I have all my pay to take -- nearly three months'
wages."

"You are a careful fellow, Edmond."

"Say I have a poor father, sir."

"Yes, yes, I know how good a son you are, so now hasten away
to see your father. I have a son too, and I should be very
wroth with those who detained him from me after a three
months' voyage."

"Then I have your leave, sir?"

"Yes, if you have nothing more to say to me."

"Nothing."

"Captain Leclere did not, before he died, give you a letter
for me?"

"He was unable to write, sir. But that reminds me that I
must ask your leave of absence for some days."

"To get married?"

"Yes, first, and then to go to Paris."

"Very good; have what time you require, Dantes. It will take
quite six weeks to unload the cargo, and we cannot get you
ready for sea until three months after that; only be back
again in three months, for the Pharaon," added the owner,
patting the young sailor on the back, "cannot sail without
her captain."

"Without her captain!" cried Dantes, his eyes sparkling with
animation; "pray mind what you say, for you are touching on
the most secret wishes of my heart. Is it really your
intention to make me captain of the Pharaon?"

"If I were sole owner we'd shake hands on it now, my dear
Dantes, and call it settled; but I have a partner, and you
know the Italian proverb -- Chi ha compagno ha padrone --
`He who has a partner has a master.' But the thing is at
least half done, as you have one out of two votes. Rely on
me to procure you the other; I will do my best."

"Ah, M. Morrel," exclaimed the young seaman, with tears in
his eyes, and grasping the owner's hand, "M. Morrel, I thank
you in the name of my father and of Mercedes."

"That's all right, Edmond. There's a providence that watches
over the deserving. Go to your father: go and see Mercedes,
and afterwards come to me."

"Shall I row you ashore?"

"No, thank you; I shall remain and look over the accounts
with Danglars. Have you been satisfied with him this
voyage?"

"That is according to the sense you attach to the question,
sir. Do you mean is he a good comrade? No, for I think he
never liked me since the day when I was silly enough, after
a little quarrel we had, to propose to him to stop for ten
minutes at the island of Monte Cristo to settle the dispute
-- a proposition which I was wrong to suggest, and he quite
right to refuse. If you mean as responsible agent when you
ask me the question, I believe there is nothing to say
against him, and that you will be content with the way in
which he has performed his duty."

"But tell me, Dantes, if you had command of the Pharaon
should you be glad to see Danglars remain?"

"Captain or mate, M. Morrel, I shall always have the
greatest respect for those who possess the owners'
confidence."

"That's right, that's right, Dantes! I see you are a
thoroughly good fellow, and will detain you no longer. Go,
for I see how impatient you are."

"Then I have leave?"

"Go, I tell you."

"May I have the use of your skiff?"

"Certainly."

"Then, for the present, M. Morrel, farewell, and a thousand
thanks!"

"I hope soon to see you again, my dear Edmond. Good luck to
you."

The young sailor jumped into the skiff, and sat down in the
stern sheets, with the order that he be put ashore at La
Canebiere. The two oarsmen bent to their work, and the
little boat glided away as rapidly as possible in the midst
of the thousand vessels which choke up the narrow way which
leads between the two rows of ships from the mouth of the
harbor to the Quai d'Orleans.

The shipowner, smiling, followed him with his eyes until he
saw him spring out on the quay and disappear in the midst of
the throng, which from five o'clock in the morning until
nine o'clock at night, swarms in the famous street of La
Canebiere, -- a street of which the modern Phocaeans are so
proud that they say with all the gravity in the world, and
with that accent which gives so much character to what is
said, "If Paris had La Canebiere, Paris would be a second
Marseilles." On turning round the owner saw Danglars behind
him, apparently awaiting orders, but in reality also
watching the young sailor, -- but there was a great
difference in the expression of the two men who thus
followed the movements of Edmond Dantes.

We will leave Danglars struggling with the demon of hatred,
and endeavoring to insinuate in the ear of the shipowner
some evil suspicions against his comrade, and follow Dantes,
who, after having traversed La Canebiere, took the Rue de
Noailles, and entering a small house, on the left of the
Allees de Meillan, rapidly ascended four flights of a dark
staircase, holding the baluster with one hand, while with
the other he repressed the beatings of his heart, and paused
before a half-open door, from which he could see the whole
of a small room.

This room was occupied by Dantes' father. The news of the
arrival of the Pharaon had not yet reached the old man, who,
mounted on a chair, was amusing himself by training with
trembling hand the nasturtiums and sprays of clematis that
clambered over the trellis at his window. Suddenly, he felt
an arm thrown around his body, and a well-known voice behind
him exclaimed, "Father -- dear father!"

The old man uttered a cry, and turned round; then, seeing
his son, he fell into his arms, pale and trembling.

"What ails you, my dearest father? Are you ill?" inquired
the young man, much alarmed.

"No, no, my dear Edmond -- my boy -- my son! -- no; but I
did not expect you; and joy, the surprise of seeing you so
suddenly -- Ah, I feel as if I were going to die."

"Come, come, cheer up, my dear father! 'Tis I -- really I!
They say joy never hurts, and so I came to you without any
warning. Come now, do smile, instead of looking at me so
solemnly. Here I am back again, and we are going to be
happy."

"Yes, yes, my boy, so we will -- so we will," replied the
old man; "but how shall we be happy? Shall you never leave
me again? Come, tell me all the good fortune that has
befallen you."

"God forgive me," said the young man, "for rejoicing at
happiness derived from the misery of others, but, Heaven
knows, I did not seek this good fortune; it has happened,
and I really cannot pretend to lament it. The good Captain
Leclere is dead, father, and it is probable that, with the
aid of M. Morrel, I shall have his place. Do you understand,
father? Only imagine me a captain at twenty, with a hundred
louis pay, and a share in the profits! Is this not more than
a poor sailor like me could have hoped for?"

"Yes, my dear boy," replied the old man, "it is very
fortunate."

"Well, then, with the first money I touch, I mean you to
have a small house, with a garden in which to plant
clematis, nasturtiums, and honeysuckle. But what ails you,
father? Are you not well?"

"'Tis nothing, nothing; it will soon pass away" -- and as he
said so the old man's strength failed him, and he fell
backwards.

"Come, come," said the young man, "a glass of wine, father,
will revive you. Where do you keep your wine?"

"No, no; thanks. You need not look for it; I do not want
it," said the old man.

"Yes, yes, father, tell me where it is," and he opened two
or three cupboards.

"It is no use," said the old man, "there is no wine."

"What, no wine?" said Dantes, turning pale, and looking
alternately at the hollow cheeks of the old man and the
empty cupboards. "What, no wine? Have you wanted money,
father?"

"I want nothing now that I have you," said the old man.

"Yet," stammered Dantes, wiping the perspiration from his
brow, -- "yet I gave you two hundred francs when I left,
three months ago."

"Yes, yes, Edmond, that is true, but you forgot at that time
a little debt to our neighbor, Caderousse. He reminded me of
it, telling me if I did not pay for you, he would be paid by
M. Morrel; and so, you see, lest he might do you an injury"
--

"Well?"

"Why, I paid him."

"But," cried Dantes, "it was a hundred and forty francs I
owed Caderousse."

"Yes," stammered the old man.

"And you paid him out of the two hundred francs I left you?"

The old man nodded.

"So that you have lived for three months on sixty francs,"
muttered Edmond.

"You know how little I require," said the old man.

"Heaven pardon me," cried Edmond, falling on his knees
before his father.

"What are you doing?"

"You have wounded me to the heart."

"Never mind it, for I see you once more," said the old man;
"and now it's all over -- everything is all right again."

"Yes, here I am," said the young man, "with a promising
future and a little money. Here, father, here!" he said,
"take this -- take it, and send for something immediately."
And he emptied his pockets on the table, the contents
consisting of a dozen gold pieces, five or six five-franc
pieces, and some smaller coin. The countenance of old Dantes
brightened.

"Whom does this belong to?" he inquired.

"To me, to you, to us! Take it; buy some provisions; be
happy, and to-morrow we shall have more."

"Gently, gently," said the old man, with a smile; "and by
your leave I will use your purse moderately, for they would
say, if they saw me buy too many things at a time, that I
had been obliged to await your return, in order to be able
to purchase them."

"Do as you please; but, first of all, pray have a servant,
father. I will not have you left alone so long. I have some
smuggled coffee and most capital tobacco, in a small chest
in the hold, which you shall have to-morrow. But, hush, here
comes somebody."

"'Tis Caderousse, who has heard of your arrival, and no
doubt comes to congratulate you on your fortunate return."

"Ah, lips that say one thing, while the heart thinks
another," murmured Edmond. "But, never mind, he is a
neighbor who has done us a service on a time, so he's
welcome."

As Edmond paused, the black and bearded head of Caderousse
appeared at the door. He was a man of twenty-five or six,
and held a piece of cloth, which, being a tailor, he was
about to make into a coat-lining.

"What, is it you, Edmond, back again?" said he, with a broad
Marseillaise accent, and a grin that displayed his
ivory-white teeth.

"Yes, as you see, neighbor Caderousse; and ready to be
agreeable to you in any and every way," replied Dantes, but
ill-concealing his coldness under this cloak of civility.

"Thanks -- thanks; but, fortunately, I do not want for
anything; and it chances that at times there are others who
have need of me." Dantes made a gesture. "I do not allude to
you, my boy. No! -- no! I lent you money, and you returned
it; that's like good neighbors, and we are quits."

"We are never quits with those who oblige us," was Dantes'
reply; "for when we do not owe them money, we owe them
gratitude."

"What's the use of mentioning that? What is done is done.
Let us talk of your happy return, my boy. I had gone on the
quay to match a piece of mulberry cloth, when I met friend
Danglars. `You at Marseilles?' -- `Yes,' says he.

"`I thought you were at Smyrna.' -- `I was; but am now back
again.'

"`And where is the dear boy, our little Edmond?'

"`Why, with his father, no doubt,' replied Danglars. And so
I came," added Caderousse, "as fast as I could to have the
pleasure of shaking hands with a friend."

"Worthy Caderousse!" said the old man, "he is so much
attached to us."

"Yes, to be sure I am. I love and esteem you, because honest
folks are so rare. But it seems you have come back rich, my
boy," continued the tailor, looking askance at the handful
of gold and silver which Dantes had thrown on the table.

The young man remarked the greedy glance which shone in the
dark eyes of his neighbor. "Eh," he said, negligently. "this
money is not mine. I was expressing to my father my fears
that he had wanted many things in my absence, and to
convince me he emptied his purse on the table. Come, father"
added Dantes, "put this money back in your box -- unless
neighbor Caderousse wants anything, and in that case it is
at his service."

"No, my boy, no," said Caderousse. "I am not in any want,
thank God, my living is suited to my means. Keep your money
-- keep it, I say; -- one never has too much; -- but, at the
same time, my boy, I am as much obliged by your offer as if
I took advantage of it."

"It was offered with good will," said Dantes.

"No doubt, my boy; no doubt. Well, you stand well with M.
Morrel I hear, -- you insinuating dog, you!"

"M. Morrel has always been exceedingly kind to me," replied
Dantes.

"Then you were wrong to refuse to dine with him."

"What, did you refuse to dine with him?" said old Dantes;
"and did he invite you to dine?"

"Yes, my dear father," replied Edmond, smiling at his
father's astonishment at the excessive honor paid to his
son.

"And why did you refuse, my son?" inquired the old man.

"That I might the sooner see you again, my dear father,"
replied the young man. "I was most anxious to see you."

"But it must have vexed M. Morrel, good, worthy man," said
Caderousse. "And when you are looking forward to be captain,
it was wrong to annoy the owner."

"But I explained to him the cause of my refusal," replied
Dantes, "and I hope he fully understood it."

"Yes, but to be captain one must do a little flattery to
one's patrons."

"I hope to be captain without that," said Dantes.

"So much the better -- so much the better! Nothing will give
greater pleasure to all your old friends; and I know one
down there behind the Saint Nicolas citadel who will not be
sorry to hear it."

"Mercedes?" said the old man.

"Yes, my dear father, and with your permission, now I have
seen you, and know you are well and have all you require, I
will ask your consent to go and pay a visit to the
Catalans."

"Go, my dear boy," said old Dantes: "and heaven bless you in
your wife, as it has blessed me in my son!"

"His wife!" said Caderousse; "why, how fast you go on,
father Dantes; she is not his wife yet, as it seems to me."

"So, but according to all probability she soon will be,"
replied Edmond.

"Yes -- yes," said Caderousse; "but you were right to return
as soon as possible, my boy."

"And why?"

"Because Mercedes is a very fine girl, and fine girls never
lack followers; she particularly has them by dozens."

"Really?" answered Edmond, with a smile which had in it
traces of slight uneasiness.

"Ah, yes," continued Caderousse, "and capital offers, too;
but you know, you will be captain, and who could refuse you
then?"

"Meaning to say," replied Dantes, with a smile which but
ill-concealed his trouble, "that if I were not a captain" --

"Eh -- eh!" said Caderousse, shaking his head.

"Come, come," said the sailor, "I have a better opinion than
you of women in general, and of Mercedes in particular; and
I am certain that, captain or not, she will remain ever
faithful to me."

"So much the better -- so much the better," said Caderousse.
"When one is going to be married, there is nothing like
implicit confidence; but never mind that, my boy, -- go and
announce your arrival, and let her know all your hopes and
prospects."

"I will go directly," was Edmond's reply; and, embracing his
father, and nodding to Caderousse, he left the apartment.

Caderousse lingered for a moment, then taking leave of old
Dantes, he went downstairs to rejoin Danglars, who awaited
him at the corner of the Rue Senac.

"Well," said Danglars, "did you see him?"

"I have just left him," answered Caderousse.

"Did he allude to his hope of being captain?"

"He spoke of it as a thing already decided."

"Indeed!" said Danglars, "he is in too much hurry, it
appears to me."

"Why, it seems M. Morrel has promised him the thing."

"So that he is quite elated about it?"

"Why, yes, he is actually insolent over the matter -- has
already offered me his patronage, as if he were a grand
personage, and proffered me a loan of money, as though he
were a banker."

"Which you refused?"

"Most assuredly; although I might easily have accepted it,
for it was I who put into his hands the first silver he ever
earned; but now M. Dantes has no longer any occasion for
assistance -- he is about to become a captain."

"Pooh!" said Danglars, "he is not one yet."

"Ma foi, it will be as well if he is not," answered
Caderousse; "for if he should be, there will be really no
speaking to him."

"If we choose," replied Danglars, "he will remain what he
is; and perhaps become even less than he is."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing -- I was speaking to myself. And is he still in
love with the Catalane?"

"Over head and ears; but, unless I am much mistaken, there
will be a storm in that quarter."

"Explain yourself."

"Why should I?"

"It is more important than you think, perhaps. You do not
like Dantes?"

"I never like upstarts."

"Then tell me all you know about the Catalane."

"I know nothing for certain; only I have seen things which
induce me to believe, as I told you, that the future captain
will find some annoyance in the vicinity of the Vieilles
Infirmeries."

"What have you seen? -- come, tell me!"

"Well, every time I have seen Mercedes come into the city
she has been accompanied by a tall, strapping, black-eyed
Catalan, with a red complexion, brown skin, and fierce air,
whom she calls cousin."

"Really; and you think this cousin pays her attentions?"

"I only suppose so. What else can a strapping chap of
twenty-one mean with a fine wench of seventeen?"

"And you say that Dantes has gone to the Catalans?"

"He went before I came down."

"Let us go the same way; we will stop at La Reserve, and we
can drink a glass of La Malgue, whilst we wait for news."

"Come along," said Caderousse; "but you pay the score."

"Of course," replied Danglars; and going quickly to the
designated place, they called for a bottle of wine, and two
glasses.

Pere Pamphile had seen Dantes pass not ten minutes before;
and assured that he was at the Catalans, they sat down under
the budding foliage of the planes and sycamores, in the
branches of which the birds were singing their welcome to
one of the first days of spring.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 2

CHAPTER 3
The Catalans.

Beyond a bare, weather-worn wall, about a hundred paces from
the spot where the two friends sat looking and listening as
they drank their wine, was the village of the Catalans. Long
ago this mysterious colony quitted Spain, and settled on the
tongue of land on which it is to this day. Whence it came no
one knew, and it spoke an unknown tongue. One of its chiefs,
who understood Provencal, begged the commune of Marseilles
to give them this bare and barren promontory, where, like
the sailors of old, they had run their boats ashore. The
request was granted; and three months afterwards, around the
twelve or fifteen small vessels which had brought these
gypsies of the sea, a small village sprang up. This village,
constructed in a singular and picturesque manner, half
Moorish, half Spanish, still remains, and is inhabited by
descendants of the first comers, who speak the language of
their fathers. For three or four centuries they have
remained upon this small promontory, on which they had
settled like a flight of seabirds, without mixing with the
Marseillaise population, intermarrying, and preserving their
original customs and the costume of their mother-country as
they have preserved its language.

Our readers will follow us along the only street of this
little village, and enter with us one of the houses, which
is sunburned to the beautiful dead-leaf color peculiar to
the buildings of the country, and within coated with
whitewash, like a Spanish posada. A young and beautiful
girl, with hair as black as jet, her eyes as velvety as the
gazelle's, was leaning with her back against the wainscot,
rubbing in her slender delicately moulded fingers a bunch of
heath blossoms, the flowers of which she was picking off and
strewing on the floor; her arms, bare to the elbow, brown,
and modelled after those of the Arlesian Venus, moved with a
kind of restless impatience, and she tapped the earth with
her arched and supple foot, so as to display the pure and
full shape of her well-turned leg, in its red cotton, gray
and blue clocked, stocking. At three paces from her, seated
in a chair which he balanced on two legs, leaning his elbow
on an old worm-eaten table, was a tall young man of twenty,
or two-and-twenty, who was looking at her with an air in
which vexation and uneasiness were mingled. He questioned
her with his eyes, but the firm and steady gaze of the young
girl controlled his look.

"You see, Mercedes," said the young man, "here is Easter
come round again; tell me, is this the moment for a
wedding?"

"I have answered you a hundred times, Fernand, and really
you must be very stupid to ask me again."

"Well, repeat it, -- repeat it, I beg of you, that I may at
last believe it! Tell me for the hundredth time that you
refuse my love, which had your mother's sanction. Make me
understand once for all that you are trifling with my
happiness, that my life or death are nothing to you. Ah, to
have dreamed for ten years of being your husband, Mercedes,
and to lose that hope, which was the only stay of my
existence!"

"At least it was not I who ever encouraged you in that hope,
Fernand," replied Mercedes; "you cannot reproach me with the
slightest coquetry. I have always said to you, `I love you
as a brother; but do not ask from me more than sisterly
affection, for my heart is another's.' Is not this true,
Fernand?"

"Yes, that is very true, Mercedes," replied the young man,
"Yes, you have been cruelly frank with me; but do you forget
that it is among the Catalans a sacred law to intermarry?"

"You mistake, Fernand; it is not a law, but merely a custom,
and, I pray of you, do not cite this custom in your favor.
You are included in the conscription, Fernand, and are only
at liberty on sufferance, liable at any moment to be called
upon to take up arms. Once a soldier, what would you do with
me, a poor orphan, forlorn, without fortune, with nothing
but a half-ruined hut and a few ragged nets, the miserable
inheritance left by my father to my mother, and by my mother
to me? She has been dead a year, and you know, Fernand, I
have subsisted almost entirely on public charity. Sometimes
you pretend I am useful to you, and that is an excuse to
share with me the produce of your fishing, and I accept it,
Fernand, because you are the son of my father's brother,
because we were brought up together, and still more because
it would give you so much pain if I refuse. But I feel very
deeply that this fish which I go and sell, and with the
produce of which I buy the flax I spin, -- I feel very
keenly, Fernand, that this is charity."

"And if it were, Mercedes, poor and lone as you are, you
suit me as well as the daughter of the first shipowner or
the richest banker of Marseilles! What do such as we desire
but a good wife and careful housekeeper, and where can I
look for these better than in you?"

"Fernand," answered Mercedes, shaking her head, "a woman
becomes a bad manager, and who shall say she will remain an
honest woman, when she loves another man better than her
husband? Rest content with my friendship, for I say once
more that is all I can promise, and I will promise no more
than I can bestow."

"I understand," replied Fernand, "you can endure your own
wretchedness patiently, but you are afraid to share mine.
Well, Mercedes, beloved by you, I would tempt fortune; you
would bring me good luck, and I should become rich. I could
extend my occupation as a fisherman, might get a place as
clerk in a warehouse, and become in time a dealer myself."

"You could do no such thing, Fernand; you are a soldier, and
if you remain at the Catalans it is because there is no war;
so remain a fisherman, and contented with my friendship, as
I cannot give you more."

"Well, I will do better, Mercedes. I will be a sailor;
instead of the costume of our fathers, which you despise, I
will wear a varnished hat, a striped shirt, and a blue
jacket, with an anchor on the buttons. Would not that dress
please you?"

"What do you mean?" asked Mercedes, with an angry glance, --
"what do you mean? I do not understand you?"

"I mean, Mercedes, that you are thus harsh and cruel with
me, because you are expecting some one who is thus attired;
but perhaps he whom you await is inconstant, or if he is
not, the sea is so to him."

"Fernand," cried Mercedes, "I believed you were
good-hearted, and I was mistaken! Fernand, you are wicked to
call to your aid jealousy and the anger of God! Yes, I will
not deny it, I do await, and I do love him of whom you
speak; and, if he does not return, instead of accusing him
of the inconstancy which you insinuate, I will tell you that
he died loving me and me only." The young girl made a
gesture of rage. "I understand you, Fernand; you would be
revenged on him because I do not love you; you would cross
your Catalan knife with his dirk. What end would that
answer? To lose you my friendship if he were conquered, and
see that friendship changed into hate if you were victor.
Believe me, to seek a quarrel with a man is a bad method of
pleasing the woman who loves that man. No, Fernand, you will
not thus give way to evil thoughts. Unable to have me for
your wife, you will content yourself with having me for your
friend and sister; and besides," she added, her eyes
troubled and moistened with tears, "wait, wait, Fernand; you
said just now that the sea was treacherous, and he has been
gone four months, and during these four months there have
been some terrible storms."

Fernand made no reply, nor did he attempt to check the tears
which flowed down the cheeks of Mercedes, although for each
of these tears he would have shed his heart's blood; but
these tears flowed for another. He arose, paced a while up
and down the hut, and then, suddenly stopping before
Mercedes, with his eyes glowing and his hands clinched, --
"Say, Mercedes," he said, "once for all, is this your final
determination?"

"I love Edmond Dantes," the young girl calmly replied, "and
none but Edmond shall ever be my husband."

"And you will always love him?"

"As long as I live."

Fernand let fall his head like a defeated man, heaved a sigh
that was like a groan, and then suddenly looking her full in
the face, with clinched teeth and expanded nostrils, said,
-- "But if he is dead" --

"If he is dead, I shall die too."

"If he has forgotten you" --

"Mercedes!" called a joyous voice from without, --
"Mercedes!"

"Ah," exclaimed the young girl, blushing with delight, and
fairly leaping in excess of love, "you see he has not
forgotten me, for here he is!" And rushing towards the door,
she opened it, saying, "Here, Edmond, here I am!"

Fernand, pale and trembling, drew back, like a traveller at
the sight of a serpent, and fell into a chair beside him.
Edmond and Mercedes were clasped in each other's arms. The
burning Marseilles sun, which shot into the room through the
open door, covered them with a flood of light. At first they
saw nothing around them. Their intense happiness isolated
them from all the rest of the world, and they only spoke in
broken words, which are the tokens of a joy so extreme that
they seem rather the expression of sorrow. Suddenly Edmond
saw the gloomy, pale, and threatening countenance of
Fernand, as it was defined in the shadow. By a movement for
which he could scarcely account to himself, the young
Catalan placed his hand on the knife at his belt.

"Ah, your pardon," said Dantes, frowning in his turn; "I did
not perceive that there were three of us." Then, turning to
Mercedes, he inquired, "Who is this gentleman?"

"One who will be your best friend, Dantes, for he is my
friend, my cousin, my brother; it is Fernand -- the man
whom, after you, Edmond, I love the best in the world. Do
you not remember him?"

"Yes!" said Dantes, and without relinquishing Mercedes hand
clasped in one of his own, he extended the other to the
Catalan with a cordial air. But Fernand, instead of
responding to this amiable gesture, remained mute and
trembling. Edmond then cast his eyes scrutinizingly at the
agitated and embarrassed Mercedes, and then again on the
gloomy and menacing Fernand. This look told him all, and his
anger waxed hot.

"I did not know, when I came with such haste to you, that I
was to meet an enemy here."

"An enemy!" cried Mercedes, with an angry look at her
cousin. "An enemy in my house, do you say, Edmond! If I
believed that, I would place my arm under yours and go with
you to Marseilles, leaving the house to return to it no
more."

Fernand's eye darted lightning. "And should any misfortune
occur to you, dear Edmond," she continued with the same
calmness which proved to Fernand that the young girl had
read the very innermost depths of his sinister thought, "if
misfortune should occur to you, I would ascend the highest
point of the Cape de Morgion and cast myself headlong from
it."

Fernand became deadly pale. "But you are deceived, Edmond,"
she continued. "You have no enemy here -- there is no one
but Fernand, my brother, who will grasp your hand as a
devoted friend."

And at these words the young girl fixed her imperious look
on the Catalan, who, as if fascinated by it, came slowly
towards Edmond, and offered him his hand. His hatred, like a
powerless though furious wave, was broken against the strong
ascendancy which Mercedes exercised over him. Scarcely,
however, had he touched Edmond's hand than he felt he had
done all he could do, and rushed hastily out of the house.

"Oh," he exclaimed, running furiously and tearing his hair
-- "Oh, who will deliver me from this man? Wretched --
wretched that I am!"

"Hallo, Catalan! Hallo, Fernand! where are you running to?"
exclaimed a voice.

The young man stopped suddenly, looked around him, and
perceived Caderousse sitting at table with Danglars, under
an arbor.

"Well", said Caderousse, "why don't you come? Are you really
in such a hurry that you have no time to pass the time of
day with your friends?"

"Particularly when they have still a full bottle before
them," added Danglars. Fernand looked at them both with a
stupefied air, but did not say a word.

"He seems besotted," said Danglars, pushing Caderousse with
his knee. "Are we mistaken, and is Dantes triumphant in
spite of all we have believed?"

"Why, we must inquire into that," was Caderousse's reply;
and turning towards the young man, said, "Well, Catalan,
can't you make up your mind?"

Fernand wiped away the perspiration steaming from his brow,
and slowly entered the arbor, whose shade seemed to restore
somewhat of calmness to his senses, and whose coolness
somewhat of refreshment to his exhausted body.

"Good-day," said he. "You called me, didn't you?" And he
fell, rather than sat down, on one of the seats which
surrounded the table.

"I called you because you were running like a madman, and I
was afraid you would throw yourself into the sea," said
Caderousse, laughing. "Why, when a man has friends, they are
not only to offer him a glass of wine, but, moreover, to
prevent his swallowing three or four pints of water
unnecessarily!"

Fernand gave a groan, which resembled a sob, and dropped his
head into his hands, his elbows leaning on the table.

"Well, Fernand, I must say," said Caderousse, beginning the
conversation, with that brutality of the common people in
which curiosity destroys all diplomacy, "you look uncommonly
like a rejected lover;" and he burst into a hoarse laugh.

"Bah!" said Danglars, "a lad of his make was not born to be
unhappy in love. You are laughing at him, Caderousse."

"No," he replied, "only hark how he sighs! Come, come,
Fernand," said Caderousse, "hold up your head, and answer
us. It's not polite not to reply to friends who ask news of
your health."

"My health is well enough," said Fernand, clinching his
hands without raising his head.

"Ah, you see, Danglars," said Caderousse, winking at his
friend, "this is how it is; Fernand, whom you see here, is a
good and brave Catalan, one of the best fishermen in
Marseilles, and he is in love with a very fine girl, named
Mercedes; but it appears, unfortunately, that the fine girl
is in love with the mate of the Pharaon; and as the Pharaon
arrived to-day -- why, you understand!"

"No; I do not understand," said Danglars.

"Poor Fernand has been dismissed," continued Caderousse.

"Well, and what then?" said Fernand, lifting up his head,
and looking at Caderousse like a man who looks for some one
on whom to vent his anger; "Mercedes is not accountable to
any person, is she? Is she not free to love whomsoever she
will?"

"Oh, if you take it in that sense," said Caderousse, "it is
another thing. But I thought you were a Catalan, and they
told me the Catalans were not men to allow themselves to be
supplanted by a rival. It was even told me that Fernand,
especially, was terrible in his vengeance."

Fernand smiled piteously. "A lover is never terrible," he
said.

"Poor fellow!" remarked Danglars, affecting to pity the
young man from the bottom of his heart. "Why, you see, he
did not expect to see Dantes return so suddenly -- he
thought he was dead, perhaps; or perchance faithless! These
things always come on us more severely when they come
suddenly."

"Ah, ma foi, under any circumstances," said Caderousse, who
drank as he spoke, and on whom the fumes of the wine began
to take effect, -- "under any circumstances Fernand is not
the only person put out by the fortunate arrival of Dantes;
is he, Danglars?"

"No, you are right -- and I should say that would bring him
ill-luck."

"Well, never mind," answered Caderousse, pouring out a glass
of wine for Fernand, and filling his own for the eighth or
ninth time, while Danglars had merely sipped his. "Never
mind -- in the meantime he marries Mercedes -- the lovely
Mercedes -- at least he returns to do that."

During this time Danglars fixed his piercing glance on the
young man, on whose heart Caderousse's words fell like
molten lead.

"And when is the wedding to be?" he asked.

"Oh, it is not yet fixed!" murmured Fernand.

"No, but it will be," said Caderousse, "as surely as Dantes
will be captain of the Pharaon -- eh, Danglars?"

Danglars shuddered at this unexpected attack, and turned to
Caderousse, whose countenance he scrutinized, to try and
detect whether the blow was premeditated; but he read
nothing but envy in a countenance already rendered brutal
and stupid by drunkenness.

"Well," said he, filling the glasses, "let us drink to
Captain Edmond Dantes, husband of the beautiful Catalane!"

Caderousse raised his glass to his mouth with unsteady hand,
and swallowed the contents at a gulp. Fernand dashed his on
the ground.

"Eh, eh, eh!" stammered Caderousse. "What do I see down
there by the wall, in the direction of the Catalans? Look,
Fernand, your eyes are better than mine. I believe I see
double. You know wine is a deceiver; but I should say it was
two lovers walking side by side, and hand in hand. Heaven
forgive me, they do not know that we can see them, and they
are actually embracing!"

Danglars did not lose one pang that Fernand endured.

"Do you know them, Fernand?" he said.

"Yes," was the reply, in a low voice. "It is Edmond and
Mercedes!"

"Ah, see there, now!" said Caderousse; "and I did not
recognize them! Hallo, Dantes! hello, lovely damsel! Come
this way, and let us know when the wedding is to be, for
Fernand here is so obstinate he will not tell us."

"Hold your tongue, will you?" said Danglars, pretending to
restrain Caderousse, who, with the tenacity of drunkards,
leaned out of the arbor. "Try to stand upright, and let the
lovers make love without interruption. See, look at Fernand,
and follow his example; he is well-behaved!"

Fernand, probably excited beyond bearing, pricked by
Danglars, as the bull is by the bandilleros, was about to
rush out; for he had risen from his seat, and seemed to be
collecting himself to dash headlong upon his rival, when
Mercedes, smiling and graceful, lifted up her lovely head,
and looked at them with her clear and bright eyes. At this
Fernand recollected her threat of dying if Edmond died, and
dropped again heavily on his seat. Danglars looked at the
two men, one after the other, the one brutalized by liquor,
the other overwhelmed with love.

"I shall get nothing from these fools," he muttered; "and I
am very much afraid of being here between a drunkard and a
coward. Here's an envious fellow making himself boozy on
wine when he ought to be nursing his wrath, and here is a
fool who sees the woman he loves stolen from under his nose
and takes on like a big baby. Yet this Catalan has eyes that
glisten like those of the vengeful Spaniards, Sicilians, and
Calabrians, and the other has fists big enough to crush an
ox at one blow. Unquestionably, Edmond's star is in the
ascendant, and he will marry the splendid girl -- he will be
captain, too, and laugh at us all, unless" -- a sinister
smile passed over Danglars' lips -- "unless I take a hand in
the affair," he added.

"Hallo!" continued Caderousse, half-rising, and with his
fist on the table, "hallo, Edmond! do you not see your
friends, or are you too proud to speak to them?"

"No, my dear fellow!" replied Dantes, "I am not proud, but I
am happy, and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride."

"Ah, very well, that's an explanation!" said Caderousse.
"How do you do, Madame Dantes?"

Mercedes courtesied gravely, and said -- "That is not my
name, and in my country it bodes ill fortune, they say, to
call a young girl by the name of her betrothed before he
becomes her husband. So call me Mercedes, if you please."

"We must excuse our worthy neighbor, Caderousse," said
Dantes, "he is so easily mistaken."

"So, then, the wedding is to take place immediately, M.
Dantes," said Danglars, bowing to the young couple.

"As soon as possible, M. Danglars; to-day all preliminaries
will be arranged at my father's, and to-morrow, or next day
at latest, the wedding festival here at La Reserve. My
friends will be there, I hope; that is to say, you are
invited, M. Danglars, and you, Caderousse."

"And Fernand," said Caderousse with a chuckle; "Fernand,
too, is invited!"

"My wife's brother is my brother," said Edmond; "and we,
Mercedes and I, should be very sorry if he were absent at
such a time."

Fernand opened his mouth to reply, but his voice died on his
lips, and he could not utter a word.

"To-day the preliminaries, to-morrow or next day the
ceremony! You are in a hurry, captain!"

"Danglars," said Edmond, smiling, "I will say to you as
Mercedes said just now to Caderousse, `Do not give me a
title which does not belong to me'; that may bring me bad
luck."

"Your pardon," replied Danglars, "I merely said you seemed
in a hurry, and we have lots of time; the Pharaon cannot be
under weigh again in less than three months."

"We are always in a hurry to be happy, M. Danglars; for when
we have suffered a long time, we have great difficulty in
believing in good fortune. But it is not selfishness alone
that makes me thus in haste; I must go to Paris."

"Ah, really? -- to Paris! and will it be the first time you
have ever been there, Dantes?"

"Yes."

"Have you business there?"

"Not of my own; the last commission of poor Captain Leclere;
you know to what I allude, Danglars -- it is sacred.
Besides, I shall only take the time to go and return."

"Yes, yes, I understand," said Danglars, and then in a low
tone, he added, "To Paris, no doubt to deliver the letter
which the grand marshal gave him. Ah, this letter gives me
an idea -- a capital idea! Ah; Dantes, my friend, you are
not yet registered number one on board the good ship
Pharaon;" then turning towards Edmond, who was walking away,
"A pleasant journey," he cried.

"Thank you," said Edmond with a friendly nod, and the two
lovers continued on their way, as calm and joyous as if they
were the very elect of heaven.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 3

Danglars followed Edmond and Mercedes with his eyes until
the two lovers disappeared behind one of the angles of Fort
Saint Nicolas, then turning round, he perceived Fernand, who
had fallen, pale and trembling, into his chair, while
Caderousse stammered out the words of a drinking-song.

"Well, my dear sir," said Danglars to Fernand, "here is a
marriage which does not appear to make everybody happy."

"It drives me to despair," said Fernand.

"Do you, then, love Mercedes?"

"I adore her!"

"For long?"

"As long as I have known her -- always."

"And you sit there, tearing your hair, instead of seeking to
remedy your condition; I did not think that was the way of
your people."

"What would you have me do?" said Fernand.

"How do I know? Is it my affair? I am not in love with
Mademoiselle Mercedes; but for you -- in the words of the
gospel, seek, and you shall find."

"I have found already."

"What?"

"I would stab the man, but the woman told me that if any
misfortune happened to her betrothed, she would kill
herself."

"Pooh! Women say those things, but never do them."

"You do not know Mercedes; what she threatens she will do."

"Idiot!" muttered Danglars; "whether she kill herself or
not, what matter, provided Dantes is not captain?"

"Before Mercedes should die," replied Fernand, with the
accents of unshaken resolution, "I would die myself!"

"That's what I call love!" said Caderousse with a voice more
tipsy than ever. "That's love, or I don't know what love
is."

"Come," said Danglars, "you appear to me a good sort of
fellow, and hang me, I should like to help you, but" --

"Yes," said Caderousse, "but how?"

"My dear fellow," replied Danglars, "you are three parts
drunk; finish the bottle, and you will be completely so.
Drink then, and do not meddle with what we are discussing,
for that requires all one's wit and cool judgment."

"I -- drunk!" said Caderousse; "well that's a good one! I
could drink four more such bottles; they are no bigger than
cologne flasks. Pere Pamphile, more wine!" and Caderousse
rattled his glass upon the table.

"You were saving, sir" -- said Fernand, awaiting with great
anxiety the end of this interrupted remark.

"What was I saying? I forget. This drunken Caderousse has
made me lose the thread of my sentence."

"Drunk, if you like; so much the worse for those who fear
wine, for it is because they have bad thoughts which they
are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts;" and
Caderousse began to sing the two last lines of a song very
popular at the time, --

`Tous les mechants sont beuveurs d'eau;
C'est bien prouve par le deluge.'*

* "The wicked are great drinkers of water
As the flood proved once for all."

"You said, sir, you would like to help me, but" --

"Yes; but I added, to help you it would be sufficient that
Dantes did not marry her you love; and the marriage may
easily be thwarted, methinks, and yet Dantes need not die."

"Death alone can separate them," remarked Fernand.

"You talk like a noodle, my friend," said Caderousse; "and
here is Danglars, who is a wide-awake, clever, deep fellow,
who will prove to you that you are wrong. Prove it,
Danglars. I have answered for you. Say there is no need why
Dantes should die; it would, indeed, be a pity he should.
Dantes is a good fellow; I like Dantes. Dantes, your
health."

Fernand rose impatiently. "Let him run on," said Danglars,
restraining the young man; "drunk as he is, he is not much
out in what he says. Absence severs as well as death, and if
the walls of a prison were between Edmond and Mercedes they
would be as effectually separated as if he lay under a
tombstone."

"Yes; but one gets out of prison," said Caderousse, who,
with what sense was left him, listened eagerly to the
conversation, "and when one gets out and one's name is
Edmond Dantes, one seeks revenge" --

"What matters that?" muttered Fernand.

"And why, I should like to know," persisted Caderousse,
"should they put Dantes in prison? he has not robbed or
killed or murdered."

"Hold your tongue!" said Danglars.

"I won't hold my tongue!" replied Caderousse; "I say I want
to know why they should put Dantes in prison; I like Dantes;
Dantes, your health!" and he swallowed another glass of
wine.

Danglars saw in the muddled look of the tailor the progress
of his intoxication, and turning towards Fernand, said,
"Well, you understand there is no need to kill him."

"Certainly not, if, as you
Chapter 4 then.
Oh yeah, tell me something else doc, if our tactics are so ineffective how come virtually nobody posted today?

Idiot

CHAPTER 1
Marseilles -- The Arrival.

On the 24th of February, 1810, the look-out at Notre-Dame de
la Garde signalled the three-master, the Pharaon from
Smyrna, Trieste, and Naples.

As usual, a pilot put off immediately, and rounding the
Chateau d'If, got on board the vessel between Cape Morgion
and Rion island.

Immediately, and according to custom, the ramparts of Fort
Saint-Jean were covered with spectators; it is always an
event at Marseilles for a ship to come into port, especially
when this ship, like the Pharaon, has been built, rigged,
and laden at the old Phocee docks, and belongs to an owner
of the city.

The ship drew on and had safely passed the strait, which
some volcanic shock has made between the Calasareigne and
Jaros islands; had doubled Pomegue, and approached the
harbor under topsails, jib, and spanker, but so slowly and
sedately that the idlers, with that instinct which is the
forerunner of evil, asked one another what misfortune could
have happened on board. However, those experienced in
navigation saw plainly that if any accident had occurred, it
was not to the vessel herself, for she bore down with all
the evidence of being skilfully handled, the anchor
a-cockbill, the jib-boom guys already eased off, and
standing by the side of the pilot, who was steering the
Pharaon towards the narrow entrance of the inner port, was a
young man, who, with activity and vigilant eye, watched
every motion of the ship, and repeated each direction of the
pilot.

The vague disquietude which prevailed among the spectators
had so much affected one of the crowd that he did not await
the arrival of the vessel in harbor, but jumping into a
small skiff, desired to be pulled alongside the Pharaon,
which he reached as she rounded into La Reserve basin.

When the young man on board saw this person approach, he
left his station by the pilot, and, hat in hand, leaned over
the ship's bulwarks.

He was a fine, tall, slim young fellow of eighteen or
twenty, with black eyes, and hair as dark as a raven's wing;
and his whole appearance bespoke that calmness and
resolution peculiar to men accustomed from their cradle to
contend with danger.

"Ah, is it you, Dantes?" cried the man in the skiff. "What's
the matter? and why have you such an air of sadness aboard?"

"A great misfortune, M. Morrel," replied the young man, --
"a great misfortune, for me especially! Off Civita Vecchia
we lost our brave Captain Leclere."

"And the cargo?" inquired the owner, eagerly.

"Is all safe, M. Morrel; and I think you will be satisfied
on that head. But poor Captain Leclere -- "

"What happened to him?" asked the owner, with an air of
considerable resignation. "What happened to the worthy
captain?"

"He died."

"Fell into the sea?"

"No, sir, he died of brain-fever in dreadful agony." Then
turning to the crew, he said, "Bear a hand there, to take in
sail!"

All hands obeyed, and at once the eight or ten seamen who
composed the crew, sprang to their respective stations at
the spanker brails and outhaul, topsail sheets and halyards,
the jib downhaul, and the topsail clewlines and buntlines.
The young sailor gave a look to see that his orders were
promptly and accurately obeyed, and then turned again to the
owner.

"And how did this misfortune occur?" inquired the latter,
resuming the interrupted conversation.

"Alas, sir, in the most unexpected manner. After a long talk
with the harbor-master, Captain Leclere left Naples greatly
disturbed in mind. In twenty-four hours he was attacked by a
fever, and died three days afterwards. We performed the
usual burial service, and he is at his rest, sewn up in his
hammock with a thirty-six pound shot at his head and his
heels, off El Giglio island. We bring to his widow his sword
and cross of honor. It was worth while, truly," added the
young man with a melancholy smile, "to make war against the
English for ten years, and to die in his bed at last, like
everybody else."

"Why, you see, Edmond," replied the owner, who appeared more
comforted at every moment, "we are all mortal, and the old
must make way for the young. If not, why, there would be no
promotion; and since you assure me that the cargo -- "

"Is all safe and sound, M. Morrel, take my word for it; and
I advise you not to take 25,000 francs for the profits of
the voyage."

Then, as they were just passing the Round Tower, the young
man shouted: "Stand by there to lower the topsails and jib;
brail up the spanker!"

The order was executed as promptly as it would have been on
board a man-of-war.

"Let go -- and clue up!" At this last command all the sails
were lowered, and the vessel moved almost imperceptibly
onwards.

"Now, if you will come on board, M. Morrel," said Dantes,
observing the owner's impatience, "here is your supercargo,
M. Danglars, coming out of his cabin, who will furnish you
with every particular. As for me, I must look after the
anchoring, and dress the ship in mourning."

The owner did not wait for a second invitation. He seized a
rope which Dantes flung to him, and with an activity that
would have done credit to a sailor, climbed up the side of
the ship, while the young man, going to his task, left the
conversation to Danglars, who now came towards the owner. He
was a man of twenty-five or twenty-six years of age, of
unprepossessing countenance, obsequious to his superiors,
insolent to his subordinates; and this, in addition to his
position as responsible agent on board, which is always
obnoxious to the sailors, made him as much disliked by the
crew as Edmond Dantes was beloved by them.

"Well, M. Morrel," said Danglars, "you have heard of the
misfortune that has befallen us?"

"Yes -- yes: poor Captain Leclere! He was a brave and an
honest man."

"And a first-rate seaman, one who had seen long and
honorable service, as became a man charged with the
interests of a house so important as that of Morrel & Son,"
replied Danglars.

"But," replied the owner, glancing after Dantes, who was
watching the anchoring of his vessel, "it seems to me that a
sailor needs not be so old as you say, Danglars, to
understand his business, for our friend Edmond seems to
understand it thoroughly, and not to require instruction
from any one."

"Yes," said Danglars, darting at Edmond a look gleaming with
hate. "Yes, he is young, and youth is invariably
self-confident. Scarcely was the captain's breath out of his
body when he assumed the command without consulting any one,
and he caused us to lose a day and a half at the Island of
Elba, instead of making for Marseilles direct."

"As to taking command of the vessel," replied Morrel, "that
was his duty as captain's mate; as to losing a day and a
half off the Island of Elba, he was wrong, unless the vessel
needed repairs."

"The vessel was in as good condition as I am, and as, I hope
you are, M. Morrel, and this day and a half was lost from
pure whim, for the pleasure of going ashore, and nothing
else."

"Dantes," said the shipowner, turning towards the young man,
"come this way!"

"In a moment, sir," answered Dantes, "and I'm with you."
Then calling to the crew, he said -- "Let go!"

The anchor was instantly dropped, and the chain ran rattling
through the port-hole. Dantes continued at his post in spite
of the presence of the pilot, until this manoeuvre was
completed, and then he added, "Half-mast the colors, and
square the yards!"

"You see," said Danglars, "he fancies himself captain
already, upon my word."

"And so, in fact, he is," said the owner.

"Except your signature and your partner's, M. Morrel."

"And why should he not have this?" asked the owner; "he is
young, it is true, but he seems to me a thorough seaman, and
of full experience."

A cloud passed over Danglars' brow. "Your pardon, M.
Morrel," said Dantes, approaching, "the vessel now rides at
anchor, and I am at your service. You hailed me, I think?"

Danglars retreated a step or two. "I wished to inquire why
you stopped at the Island of Elba?"

"I do not know, sir; it was to fulfil the last instructions
of Captain Leclere, who, when dying, gave me a packet for
Marshal Bertrand."

"Then did you see him, Edmond?"

"Who?"

"The marshal."

"Yes."

Morrel looked around him, and then, drawing Dantes on one
side, he said suddenly -- "And how is the emperor?"

"Very well, as far as I could judge from the sight of him."

"You saw the emperor, then?"

"He entered the marshal's apartment while I was there."

"And you spoke to him?"

"Why, it was he who spoke to me, sir," said Dantes, with a
smile.

"And what did he say to you?"

"Asked me questions about the vessel, the time she left
Marseilles, the course she had taken, and what was her
cargo. I believe, if she had not been laden, and I had been
her master, he would have bought her. But I told him I was
only mate, and that she belonged to the firm of Morrel &
Son. `Ah, yes,' he said, `I know them. The Morrels have been
shipowners from father to son; and there was a Morrel who
served in the same regiment with me when I was in garrison
at Valence.'"

"Pardieu, and that is true!" cried the owner, greatly
delighted. "And that was Policar Morrel, my uncle, who was
afterwards a captain. Dantes, you must tell my uncle that
the emperor remembered him, and you will see it will bring
tears into the old soldier's eyes. Come, come," continued
he, patting Edmond's shoulder kindly, "you did very right,
Dantes, to follow Captain Leclere's instructions, and touch
at Elba, although if it were known that you had conveyed a
packet to the marshal, and had conversed with the emperor,
it might bring you into trouble."

"How could that bring me into trouble, sir?" asked Dantes;
"for I did not even know of what I was the bearer; and the
emperor merely made such inquiries as he would of the first
comer. But, pardon me, here are the health officers and the
customs inspectors coming alongside." And the young man went
to the gangway. As he departed, Danglars approached, and
said, --

"Well, it appears that he has given you satisfactory reasons
for his landing at Porto-Ferrajo?"

"Yes, most satisfactory, my dear Danglars."

"Well, so much the better," said the supercargo; "for it is
not pleasant to think that a comrade has not done his duty."

"Dantes has done his," replied the owner, "and that is not
saying much. It was Captain Leclere who gave orders for this
delay."

"Talking of Captain Leclere, has not Dantes given you a
letter from him?"

"To me? -- no -- was there one?"

"I believe that, besides the packet, Captain Leclere
confided a letter to his care."

"Of what packet are you speaking, Danglars?"

"Why, that which Dantes left at Porto-Ferrajo."

"How do you know he had a packet to leave at Porto-Ferrajo?"

Danglars turned very red.

"I was passing close to the door of the captain's cabin,
which was half open, and I saw him give the packet and
letter to Dantes."

"He did not speak to me of it," replied the shipowner; "but
if there be any letter he will give it to me."

Danglars reflected for a moment. "Then, M. Morrel, I beg of
you," said he, "not to say a word to Dantes on the subject.
I may have been mistaken."

At this moment the young man returned; Danglars withdrew.

"Well, my dear Dantes, are you now free?" inquired the
owner.

"Yes, sir."

"You have not been long detained."

"No. I gave the custom-house officers a copy of our bill of
lading; and as to the other papers, they sent a man off with
the pilot, to whom I gave them."

"Then you have nothing more to do here?"

"No -- everything is all right now."

"Then you can come and dine with me?"

"I really must ask you to excuse me, M. Morrel. My first
visit is due to my father, though I am not the less grateful
for the honor you have done me."

"Right, Dantes, quite right. I always knew you were a good
son."

"And," inquired Dantes, with some hesitation, "do you know
how my father is?"

"Well, I believe, my dear Edmond, though I have not seen him
lately."

"Yes, he likes to keep himself shut up in his little room."

"That proves, at least, that he has wanted for nothing
during your absence."

Dantes smiled. "My father is proud, sir, and if he had not a
meal left, I doubt if he would have asked anything from
anyone, except from Heaven."

"Well, then, after this first visit has been made we shall
count on you."

"I must again excuse myself, M. Morrel, for after this first
visit has been paid I have another which I am most anxious
to pay."

"True, Dantes, I forgot that there was at the Catalans some
one who expects you no less impatiently than your father --
the lovely Mercedes."

Dantes blushed.

"Ah, ha," said the shipowner, "I am not in the least
surprised, for she has been to me three times, inquiring if
there were any news of the Pharaon. Peste, Edmond, you have
a very handsome mistress!"

"She is not my mistress," replied the young sailor, gravely;
"she is my betrothed."

"Sometimes one and the same thing," said Morrel, with a
smile.

"Not with us, sir," replied Dantes.

"Well, well, my dear Edmond," continued the owner, "don't
let me detain you. You have managed my affairs so well that
I ought to allow you all the time you require for your own.
Do you want any money?"

"No, sir; I have all my pay to take -- nearly three months'
wages."

"You are a careful fellow, Edmond."

"Say I have a poor father, sir."

"Yes, yes, I know how good a son you are, so now hasten away
to see your father. I have a son too, and I should be very
wroth with those who detained him from me after a three
months' voyage."

"Then I have your leave, sir?"

"Yes, if you have nothing more to say to me."

"Nothing."

"Captain Leclere did not, before he died, give you a letter
for me?"

"He was unable to write, sir. But that reminds me that I
must ask your leave of absence for some days."

"To get married?"

"Yes, first, and then to go to Paris."

"Very good; have what time you require, Dantes. It will take
quite six weeks to unload the cargo, and we cannot get you
ready for sea until three months after that; only be back
again in three months, for the Pharaon," added the owner,
patting the young sailor on the back, "cannot sail without
her captain."

"Without her captain!" cried Dantes, his eyes sparkling with
animation; "pray mind what you say, for you are touching on
the most secret wishes of my heart. Is it really your
intention to make me captain of the Pharaon?"

"If I were sole owner we'd shake hands on it now, my dear
Dantes, and call it settled; but I have a partner, and you
know the Italian proverb -- Chi ha compagno ha padrone --
`He who has a partner has a master.' But the thing is at
least half done, as you have one out of two votes. Rely on
me to procure you the other; I will do my best."

"Ah, M. Morrel," exclaimed the young seaman, with tears in
his eyes, and grasping the owner's hand, "M. Morrel, I thank
you in the name of my father and of Mercedes."

"That's all right, Edmond. There's a providence that watches
over the deserving. Go to your father: go and see Mercedes,
and afterwards come to me."

"Shall I row you ashore?"

"No, thank you; I shall remain and look over the accounts
with Danglars. Have you been satisfied with him this
voyage?"

"That is according to the sense you attach to the question,
sir. Do you mean is he a good comrade? No, for I think he
never liked me since the day when I was silly enough, after
a little quarrel we had, to propose to him to stop for ten
minutes at the island of Monte Cristo to settle the dispute
-- a proposition which I was wrong to suggest, and he quite
right to refuse. If you mean as responsible agent when you
ask me the question, I believe there is nothing to say
against him, and that you will be content with the way in
which he has performed his duty."

"But tell me, Dantes, if you had command of the Pharaon
should you be glad to see Danglars remain?"

"Captain or mate, M. Morrel, I shall always have the
greatest respect for those who possess the owners'
confidence."

"That's right, that's right, Dantes! I see you are a
thoroughly good fellow, and will detain you no longer. Go,
for I see how impatient you are."

"Then I have leave?"

"Go, I tell you."

"May I have the use of your skiff?"

"Certainly."

"Then, for the present, M. Morrel, farewell, and a thousand
thanks!"

"I hope soon to see you again, my dear Edmond. Good luck to
you."

The young sailor jumped into the skiff, and sat down in the
stern sheets, with the order that he be put ashore at La
Canebiere. The two oarsmen bent to their work, and the
little boat glided away as rapidly as possible in the midst
of the thousand vessels which choke up the narrow way which
leads between the two rows of ships from the mouth of the
harbor to the Quai d'Orleans.

The shipowner, smiling, followed him with his eyes until he
saw him spring out on the quay and disappear in the midst of
the throng, which from five o'clock in the morning until
nine o'clock at night, swarms in the famous street of La
Canebiere, -- a street of which the modern Phocaeans are so
proud that they say with all the gravity in the world, and
with that accent which gives so much character to what is
said, "If Paris had La Canebiere, Paris would be a second
Marseilles." On turning round the owner saw Danglars behind
him, apparently awaiting orders, but in reality also
watching the young sailor, -- but there was a great
difference in the expression of the two men who thus
followed the movements of Edmond Dantes.

We will leave Danglars struggling with the demon of hatred,
and endeavoring to insinuate in the ear of the shipowner
some evil suspicions against his comrade, and follow Dantes,
who, after having traversed La Canebiere, took the Rue de
Noailles, and entering a small house, on the left of the
Allees de Meillan, rapidly ascended four flights of a dark
staircase, holding the baluster with one hand, while with
the other he repressed the beatings of his heart, and paused
before a half-open door, from which he could see the whole
of a small room.

This room was occupied by Dantes' father. The news of the
arrival of the Pharaon had not yet reached the old man, who,
mounted on a chair, was amusing himself by training with
trembling hand the nasturtiums and sprays of clematis that
clambered over the trellis at his window. Suddenly, he felt
an arm thrown around his body, and a well-known voice behind
him exclaimed, "Father -- dear father!"

The old man uttered a cry, and turned round; then, seeing
his son, he fell into his arms, pale and trembling.

"What ails you, my dearest father? Are you ill?" inquired
the young man, much alarmed.

"No, no, my dear Edmond -- my boy -- my son! -- no; but I
did not expect you; and joy, the surprise of seeing you so
suddenly -- Ah, I feel as if I were going to die."

"Come, come, cheer up, my dear father! 'Tis I -- really I!
They say joy never hurts, and so I came to you without any
warning. Come now, do smile, instead of looking at me so
solemnly. Here I am back again, and we are going to be
happy."

"Yes, yes, my boy, so we will -- so we will," replied the
old man; "but how shall we be happy? Shall you never leave
me again? Come, tell me all the good fortune that has
befallen you."

"God forgive me," said the young man, "for rejoicing at
happiness derived from the misery of others, but, Heaven
knows, I did not seek this good fortune; it has happened,
and I really cannot pretend to lament it. The good Captain
Leclere is dead, father, and it is probable that, with the
aid of M. Morrel, I shall have his place. Do you understand,
father? Only imagine me a captain at twenty, with a hundred
louis pay, and a share in the profits! Is this not more than
a poor sailor like me could have hoped for?"

"Yes, my dear boy," replied the old man, "it is very
fortunate."

"Well, then, with the first money I touch, I mean you to
have a small house, with a garden in which to plant
clematis, nasturtiums, and honeysuckle. But what ails you,
father? Are you not well?"

"'Tis nothing, nothing; it will soon pass away" -- and as he
said so the old man's strength failed him, and he fell
backwards.

"Come, come," said the young man, "a glass of wine, father,
will revive you. Where do you keep your wine?"

"No, no; thanks. You need not look for it; I do not want
it," said the old man.

"Yes, yes, father, tell me where it is," and he opened two
or three cupboards.

"It is no use," said the old man, "there is no wine."

"What, no wine?" said Dantes, turning pale, and looking
alternately at the hollow cheeks of the old man and the
empty cupboards. "What, no wine? Have you wanted money,
father?"

"I want nothing now that I have you," said the old man.

"Yet," stammered Dantes, wiping the perspiration from his
brow, -- "yet I gave you two hundred francs when I left,
three months ago."

"Yes, yes, Edmond, that is true, but you forgot at that time
a little debt to our neighbor, Caderousse. He reminded me of
it, telling me if I did not pay for you, he would be paid by
M. Morrel; and so, you see, lest he might do you an injury"
--

"Well?"

"Why, I paid him."

"But," cried Dantes, "it was a hundred and forty francs I
owed Caderousse."

"Yes," stammered the old man.

"And you paid him out of the two hundred francs I left you?"

The old man nodded.

"So that you have lived for three months on sixty francs,"
muttered Edmond.

"You know how little I require," said the old man.

"Heaven pardon me," cried Edmond, falling on his knees
before his father.

"What are you doing?"

"You have wounded me to the heart."

"Never mind it, for I see you once more," said the old man;
"and now it's all over -- everything is all right again."

"Yes, here I am," said the young man, "with a promising
future and a little money. Here, father, here!" he said,
"take this -- take it, and send for something immediately."
And he emptied his pockets on the table, the contents
consisting of a dozen gold pieces, five or six five-franc
pieces, and some smaller coin. The countenance of old Dantes
brightened.

"Whom does this belong to?" he inquired.

"To me, to you, to us! Take it; buy some provisions; be
happy, and to-morrow we shall have more."

"Gently, gently," said the old man, with a smile; "and by
your leave I will use your purse moderately, for they would
say, if they saw me buy too many things at a time, that I
had been obliged to await your return, in order to be able
to purchase them."

"Do as you please; but, first of all, pray have a servant,
father. I will not have you left alone so long. I have some
smuggled coffee and most capital tobacco, in a small chest
in the hold, which you shall have to-morrow. But, hush, here
comes somebody."

"'Tis Caderousse, who has heard of your arrival, and no
doubt comes to congratulate you on your fortunate return."

"Ah, lips that say one thing, while the heart thinks
another," murmured Edmond. "But, never mind, he is a
neighbor who has done us a service on a time, so he's
welcome."

As Edmond paused, the black and bearded head of Caderousse
appeared at the door. He was a man of twenty-five or six,
and held a piece of cloth, which, being a tailor, he was
about to make into a coat-lining.

"What, is it you, Edmond, back again?" said he, with a broad
Marseillaise accent, and a grin that displayed his
ivory-white teeth.

"Yes, as you see, neighbor Caderousse; and ready to be
agreeable to you in any and every way," replied Dantes, but
ill-concealing his coldness under this cloak of civility.

"Thanks -- thanks; but, fortunately, I do not want for
anything; and it chances that at times there are others who
have need of me." Dantes made a gesture. "I do not allude to
you, my boy. No! -- no! I lent you money, and you returned
it; that's like good neighbors, and we are quits."

"We are never quits with those who oblige us," was Dantes'
reply; "for when we do not owe them money, we owe them
gratitude."

"What's the use of mentioning that? What is done is done.
Let us talk of your happy return, my boy. I had gone on the
quay to match a piece of mulberry cloth, when I met friend
Danglars. `You at Marseilles?' -- `Yes,' says he.

"`I thought you were at Smyrna.' -- `I was; but am now back
again.'

"`And where is the dear boy, our little Edmond?'

"`Why, with his father, no doubt,' replied Danglars. And so
I came," added Caderousse, "as fast as I could to have the
pleasure of shaking hands with a friend."

"Worthy Caderousse!" said the old man, "he is so much
attached to us."

"Yes, to be sure I am. I love and esteem you, because honest
folks are so rare. But it seems you have come back rich, my
boy," continued the tailor, looking askance at the handful
of gold and silver which Dantes had thrown on the table.

The young man remarked the greedy glance which shone in the
dark eyes of his neighbor. "Eh," he said, negligently. "this
money is not mine. I was expressing to my father my fears
that he had wanted many things in my absence, and to
convince me he emptied his purse on the table. Come, father"
added Dantes, "put this money back in your box -- unless
neighbor Caderousse wants anything, and in that case it is
at his service."

"No, my boy, no," said Caderousse. "I am not in any want,
thank God, my living is suited to my means. Keep your money
-- keep it, I say; -- one never has too much; -- but, at the
same time, my boy, I am as much obliged by your offer as if
I took advantage of it."

"It was offered with good will," said Dantes.

"No doubt, my boy; no doubt. Well, you stand well with M.
Morrel I hear, -- you insinuating dog, you!"

"M. Morrel has always been exceedingly kind to me," replied
Dantes.

"Then you were wrong to refuse to dine with him."

"What, did you refuse to dine with him?" said old Dantes;
"and did he invite you to dine?"

"Yes, my dear father," replied Edmond, smiling at his
father's astonishment at the excessive honor paid to his
son.

"And why did you refuse, my son?" inquired the old man.

"That I might the sooner see you again, my dear father,"
replied the young man. "I was most anxious to see you."

"But it must have vexed M. Morrel, good, worthy man," said
Caderousse. "And when you are looking forward to be captain,
it was wrong to annoy the owner."

"But I explained to him the cause of my refusal," replied
Dantes, "and I hope he fully understood it."

"Yes, but to be captain one must do a little flattery to
one's patrons."

"I hope to be captain without that," said Dantes.

"So much the better -- so much the better! Nothing will give
greater pleasure to all your old friends; and I know one
down there behind the Saint Nicolas citadel who will not be
sorry to hear it."

"Mercedes?" said the old man.

"Yes, my dear father, and with your permission, now I have
seen you, and know you are well and have all you require, I
will ask your consent to go and pay a visit to the
Catalans."

"Go, my dear boy," said old Dantes: "and heaven bless you in
your wife, as it has blessed me in my son!"

"His wife!" said Caderousse; "why, how fast you go on,
father Dantes; she is not his wife yet, as it seems to me."

"So, but according to all probability she soon will be,"
replied Edmond.

"Yes -- yes," said Caderousse; "but you were right to return
as soon as possible, my boy."

"And why?"

"Because Mercedes is a very fine girl, and fine girls never
lack followers; she particularly has them by dozens."

"Really?" answered Edmond, with a smile which had in it
traces of slight uneasiness.

"Ah, yes," continued Caderousse, "and capital offers, too;
but you know, you will be captain, and who could refuse you
then?"

"Meaning to say," replied Dantes, with a smile which but
ill-concealed his trouble, "that if I were not a captain" --

"Eh -- eh!" said Caderousse, shaking his head.

"Come, come," said the sailor, "I have a better opinion than
you of women in general, and of Mercedes in particular; and
I am certain that, captain or not, she will remain ever
faithful to me."

"So much the better -- so much the better," said Caderousse.
"When one is going to be married, there is nothing like
implicit confidence; but never mind that, my boy, -- go and
announce your arrival, and let her know all your hopes and
prospects."

"I will go directly," was Edmond's reply; and, embracing his
father, and nodding to Caderousse, he left the apartment.

Caderousse lingered for a moment, then taking leave of old
Dantes, he went downstairs to rejoin Danglars, who awaited
him at the corner of the Rue Senac.

"Well," said Danglars, "did you see him?"

"I have just left him," answered Caderousse.

"Did he allude to his hope of being captain?"

"He spoke of it as a thing already decided."

"Indeed!" said Danglars, "he is in too much hurry, it
appears to me."

"Why, it seems M. Morrel has promised him the thing."

"So that he is quite elated about it?"

"Why, yes, he is actually insolent over the matter -- has
already offered me his patronage, as if he were a grand
personage, and proffered me a loan of money, as though he
were a banker."

"Which you refused?"

"Most assuredly; although I might easily have accepted it,
for it was I who put into his hands the first silver he ever
earned; but now M. Dantes has no longer any occasion for
assistance -- he is about to become a captain."

"Pooh!" said Danglars, "he is not one yet."

"Ma foi, it will be as well if he is not," answered
Caderousse; "for if he should be, there will be really no
speaking to him."

"If we choose," replied Danglars, "he will remain what he
is; and perhaps become even less than he is."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing -- I was speaking to myself. And is he still in
love with the Catalane?"

"Over head and ears; but, unless I am much mistaken, there
will be a storm in that quarter."

"Explain yourself."

"Why should I?"

"It is more important than you think, perhaps. You do not
like Dantes?"

"I never like upstarts."

"Then tell me all you know about the Catalane."

"I know nothing for certain; only I have seen things which
induce me to believe, as I told you, that the future captain
will find some annoyance in the vicinity of the Vieilles
Infirmeries."

"What have you seen? -- come, tell me!"

"Well, every time I have seen Mercedes come into the city
she has been accompanied by a tall, strapping, black-eyed
Catalan, with a red complexion, brown skin, and fierce air,
whom she calls cousin."

"Really; and you think this cousin pays her attentions?"

"I only suppose so. What else can a strapping chap of
twenty-one mean with a fine wench of seventeen?"

"And you say that Dantes has gone to the Catalans?"

"He went before I came down."

"Let us go the same way; we will stop at La Reserve, and we
can drink a glass of La Malgue, whilst we wait for news."

"Come along," said Caderousse; "but you pay the score."

"Of course," replied Danglars; and going quickly to the
designated place, they called for a bottle of wine, and two
glasses.

Pere Pamphile had seen Dantes pass not ten minutes before;
and assured that he was at the Catalans, they sat down under
the budding foliage of the planes and sycamores, in the
branches of which the birds were singing their welcome to
one of the first days of spring.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 2

CHAPTER 3
The Catalans.

Beyond a bare, weather-worn wall, about a hundred paces from
the spot where the two friends sat looking and listening as
they drank their wine, was the village of the Catalans. Long
ago this mysterious colony quitted Spain, and settled on the
tongue of land on which it is to this day. Whence it came no
one knew, and it spoke an unknown tongue. One of its chiefs,
who understood Provencal, begged the commune of Marseilles
to give them this bare and barren promontory, where, like
the sailors of old, they had run their boats ashore. The
request was granted; and three months afterwards, around the
twelve or fifteen small vessels which had brought these
gypsies of the sea, a small village sprang up. This village,
constructed in a singular and picturesque manner, half
Moorish, half Spanish, still remains, and is inhabited by
descendants of the first comers, who speak the language of
their fathers. For three or four centuries they have
remained upon this small promontory, on which they had
settled like a flight of seabirds, without mixing with the
Marseillaise population, intermarrying, and preserving their
original customs and the costume of their mother-country as
they have preserved its language.

Our readers will follow us along the only street of this
little village, and enter with us one of the houses, which
is sunburned to the beautiful dead-leaf color peculiar to
the buildings of the country, and within coated with
whitewash, like a Spanish posada. A young and beautiful
girl, with hair as black as jet, her eyes as velvety as the
gazelle's, was leaning with her back against the wainscot,
rubbing in her slender delicately moulded fingers a bunch of
heath blossoms, the flowers of which she was picking off and
strewing on the floor; her arms, bare to the elbow, brown,
and modelled after those of the Arlesian Venus, moved with a
kind of restless impatience, and she tapped the earth with
her arched and supple foot, so as to display the pure and
full shape of her well-turned leg, in its red cotton, gray
and blue clocked, stocking. At three paces from her, seated
in a chair which he balanced on two legs, leaning his elbow
on an old worm-eaten table, was a tall young man of twenty,
or two-and-twenty, who was looking at her with an air in
which vexation and uneasiness were mingled. He questioned
her with his eyes, but the firm and steady gaze of the young
girl controlled his look.

"You see, Mercedes," said the young man, "here is Easter
come round again; tell me, is this the moment for a
wedding?"

"I have answered you a hundred times, Fernand, and really
you must be very stupid to ask me again."

"Well, repeat it, -- repeat it, I beg of you, that I may at
last believe it! Tell me for the hundredth time that you
refuse my love, which had your mother's sanction. Make me
understand once for all that you are trifling with my
happiness, that my life or death are nothing to you. Ah, to
have dreamed for ten years of being your husband, Mercedes,
and to lose that hope, which was the only stay of my
existence!"

"At least it was not I who ever encouraged you in that hope,
Fernand," replied Mercedes; "you cannot reproach me with the
slightest coquetry. I have always said to you, `I love you
as a brother; but do not ask from me more than sisterly
affection, for my heart is another's.' Is not this true,
Fernand?"

"Yes, that is very true, Mercedes," replied the young man,
"Yes, you have been cruelly frank with me; but do you forget
that it is among the Catalans a sacred law to intermarry?"

"You mistake, Fernand; it is not a law, but merely a custom,
and, I pray of you, do not cite this custom in your favor.
You are included in the conscription, Fernand, and are only
at liberty on sufferance, liable at any moment to be called
upon to take up arms. Once a soldier, what would you do with
me, a poor orphan, forlorn, without fortune, with nothing
but a half-ruined hut and a few ragged nets, the miserable
inheritance left by my father to my mother, and by my mother
to me? She has been dead a year, and you know, Fernand, I
have subsisted almost entirely on public charity. Sometimes
you pretend I am useful to you, and that is an excuse to
share with me the produce of your fishing, and I accept it,
Fernand, because you are the son of my father's brother,
because we were brought up together, and still more because
it would give you so much pain if I refuse. But I feel very
deeply that this fish which I go and sell, and with the
produce of which I buy the flax I spin, -- I feel very
keenly, Fernand, that this is charity."

"And if it were, Mercedes, poor and lone as you are, you
suit me as well as the daughter of the first shipowner or
the richest banker of Marseilles! What do such as we desire
but a good wife and careful housekeeper, and where can I
look for these better than in you?"

"Fernand," answered Mercedes, shaking her head, "a woman
becomes a bad manager, and who shall say she will remain an
honest woman, when she loves another man better than her
husband? Rest content with my friendship, for I say once
more that is all I can promise, and I will promise no more
than I can bestow."

"I understand," replied Fernand, "you can endure your own
wretchedness patiently, but you are afraid to share mine.
Well, Mercedes, beloved by you, I would tempt fortune; you
would bring me good luck, and I should become rich. I could
extend my occupation as a fisherman, might get a place as
clerk in a warehouse, and become in time a dealer myself."

"You could do no such thing, Fernand; you are a soldier, and
if you remain at the Catalans it is because there is no war;
so remain a fisherman, and contented with my friendship, as
I cannot give you more."

"Well, I will do better, Mercedes. I will be a sailor;
instead of the costume of our fathers, which you despise, I
will wear a varnished hat, a striped shirt, and a blue
jacket, with an anchor on the buttons. Would not that dress
please you?"

"What do you mean?" asked Mercedes, with an angry glance, --
"what do you mean? I do not understand you?"

"I mean, Mercedes, that you are thus harsh and cruel with
me, because you are expecting some one who is thus attired;
but perhaps he whom you await is inconstant, or if he is
not, the sea is so to him."

"Fernand," cried Mercedes, "I believed you were
good-hearted, and I was mistaken! Fernand, you are wicked to
call to your aid jealousy and the anger of God! Yes, I will
not deny it, I do await, and I do love him of whom you
speak; and, if he does not return, instead of accusing him
of the inconstancy which you insinuate, I will tell you that
he died loving me and me only." The young girl made a
gesture of rage. "I understand you, Fernand; you would be
revenged on him because I do not love you; you would cross
your Catalan knife with his dirk. What end would that
answer? To lose you my friendship if he were conquered, and
see that friendship changed into hate if you were victor.
Believe me, to seek a quarrel with a man is a bad method of
pleasing the woman who loves that man. No, Fernand, you will
not thus give way to evil thoughts. Unable to have me for
your wife, you will content yourself with having me for your
friend and sister; and besides," she added, her eyes
troubled and moistened with tears, "wait, wait, Fernand; you
said just now that the sea was treacherous, and he has been
gone four months, and during these four months there have
been some terrible storms."

Fernand made no reply, nor did he attempt to check the tears
which flowed down the cheeks of Mercedes, although for each
of these tears he would have shed his heart's blood; but
these tears flowed for another. He arose, paced a while up
and down the hut, and then, suddenly stopping before
Mercedes, with his eyes glowing and his hands clinched, --
"Say, Mercedes," he said, "once for all, is this your final
determination?"

"I love Edmond Dantes," the young girl calmly replied, "and
none but Edmond shall ever be my husband."

"And you will always love him?"

"As long as I live."

Fernand let fall his head like a defeated man, heaved a sigh
that was like a groan, and then suddenly looking her full in
the face, with clinched teeth and expanded nostrils, said,
-- "But if he is dead" --

"If he is dead, I shall die too."

"If he has forgotten you" --

"Mercedes!" called a joyous voice from without, --
"Mercedes!"

"Ah," exclaimed the young girl, blushing with delight, and
fairly leaping in excess of love, "you see he has not
forgotten me, for here he is!" And rushing towards the door,
she opened it, saying, "Here, Edmond, here I am!"

Fernand, pale and trembling, drew back, like a traveller at
the sight of a serpent, and fell into a chair beside him.
Edmond and Mercedes were clasped in each other's arms. The
burning Marseilles sun, which shot into the room through the
open door, covered them with a flood of light. At first they
saw nothing around them. Their intense happiness isolated
them from all the rest of the world, and they only spoke in
broken words, which are the tokens of a joy so extreme that
they seem rather the expression of sorrow. Suddenly Edmond
saw the gloomy, pale, and threatening countenance of
Fernand, as it was defined in the shadow. By a movement for
which he could scarcely account to himself, the young
Catalan placed his hand on the knife at his belt.

"Ah, your pardon," said Dantes, frowning in his turn; "I did
not perceive that there were three of us." Then, turning to
Mercedes, he inquired, "Who is this gentleman?"

"One who will be your best friend, Dantes, for he is my
friend, my cousin, my brother; it is Fernand -- the man
whom, after you, Edmond, I love the best in the world. Do
you not remember him?"

"Yes!" said Dantes, and without relinquishing Mercedes hand
clasped in one of his own, he extended the other to the
Catalan with a cordial air. But Fernand, instead of
responding to this amiable gesture, remained mute and
trembling. Edmond then cast his eyes scrutinizingly at the
agitated and embarrassed Mercedes, and then again on the
gloomy and menacing Fernand. This look told him all, and his
anger waxed hot.

"I did not know, when I came with such haste to you, that I
was to meet an enemy here."

"An enemy!" cried Mercedes, with an angry look at her
cousin. "An enemy in my house, do you say, Edmond! If I
believed that, I would place my arm under yours and go with
you to Marseilles, leaving the house to return to it no
more."

Fernand's eye darted lightning. "And should any misfortune
occur to you, dear Edmond," she continued with the same
calmness which proved to Fernand that the young girl had
read the very innermost depths of his sinister thought, "if
misfortune should occur to you, I would ascend the highest
point of the Cape de Morgion and cast myself headlong from
it."

Fernand became deadly pale. "But you are deceived, Edmond,"
she continued. "You have no enemy here -- there is no one
but Fernand, my brother, who will grasp your hand as a
devoted friend."

And at these words the young girl fixed her imperious look
on the Catalan, who, as if fascinated by it, came slowly
towards Edmond, and offered him his hand. His hatred, like a
powerless though furious wave, was broken against the strong
ascendancy which Mercedes exercised over him. Scarcely,
however, had he touched Edmond's hand than he felt he had
done all he could do, and rushed hastily out of the house.

"Oh," he exclaimed, running furiously and tearing his hair
-- "Oh, who will deliver me from this man? Wretched --
wretched that I am!"

"Hallo, Catalan! Hallo, Fernand! where are you running to?"
exclaimed a voice.

The young man stopped suddenly, looked around him, and
perceived Caderousse sitting at table with Danglars, under
an arbor.

"Well", said Caderousse, "why don't you come? Are you really
in such a hurry that you have no time to pass the time of
day with your friends?"

"Particularly when they have still a full bottle before
them," added Danglars. Fernand looked at them both with a
stupefied air, but did not say a word.

"He seems besotted," said Danglars, pushing Caderousse with
his knee. "Are we mistaken, and is Dantes triumphant in
spite of all we have believed?"

"Why, we must inquire into that," was Caderousse's reply;
and turning towards the young man, said, "Well, Catalan,
can't you make up your mind?"

Fernand wiped away the perspiration steaming from his brow,
and slowly entered the arbor, whose shade seemed to restore
somewhat of calmness to his senses, and whose coolness
somewhat of refreshment to his exhausted body.

"Good-day," said he. "You called me, didn't you?" And he
fell, rather than sat down, on one of the seats which
surrounded the table.

"I called you because you were running like a madman, and I
was afraid you would throw yourself into the sea," said
Caderousse, laughing. "Why, when a man has friends, they are
not only to offer him a glass of wine, but, moreover, to
prevent his swallowing three or four pints of water
unnecessarily!"

Fernand gave a groan, which resembled a sob, and dropped his
head into his hands, his elbows leaning on the table.

"Well, Fernand, I must say," said Caderousse, beginning the
conversation, with that brutality of the common people in
which curiosity destroys all diplomacy, "you look uncommonly
like a rejected lover;" and he burst into a hoarse laugh.

"Bah!" said Danglars, "a lad of his make was not born to be
unhappy in love. You are laughing at him, Caderousse."

"No," he replied, "only hark how he sighs! Come, come,
Fernand," said Caderousse, "hold up your head, and answer
us. It's not polite not to reply to friends who ask news of
your health."

"My health is well enough," said Fernand, clinching his
hands without raising his head.

"Ah, you see, Danglars," said Caderousse, winking at his
friend, "this is how it is; Fernand, whom you see here, is a
good and brave Catalan, one of the best fishermen in
Marseilles, and he is in love with a very fine girl, named
Mercedes; but it appears, unfortunately, that the fine girl
is in love with the mate of the Pharaon; and as the Pharaon
arrived to-day -- why, you understand!"

"No; I do not understand," said Danglars.

"Poor Fernand has been dismissed," continued Caderousse.

"Well, and what then?" said Fernand, lifting up his head,
and looking at Caderousse like a man who looks for some one
on whom to vent his anger; "Mercedes is not accountable to
any person, is she? Is she not free to love whomsoever she
will?"

"Oh, if you take it in that sense," said Caderousse, "it is
another thing. But I thought you were a Catalan, and they
told me the Catalans were not men to allow themselves to be
supplanted by a rival. It was even told me that Fernand,
especially, was terrible in his vengeance."

Fernand smiled piteously. "A lover is never terrible," he
said.

"Poor fellow!" remarked Danglars, affecting to pity the
young man from the bottom of his heart. "Why, you see, he
did not expect to see Dantes return so suddenly -- he
thought he was dead, perhaps; or perchance faithless! These
things always come on us more severely when they come
suddenly."

"Ah, ma foi, under any circumstances," said Caderousse, who
drank as he spoke, and on whom the fumes of the wine began
to take effect, -- "under any circumstances Fernand is not
the only person put out by the fortunate arrival of Dantes;
is he, Danglars?"

"No, you are right -- and I should say that would bring him
ill-luck."

"Well, never mind," answered Caderousse, pouring out a glass
of wine for Fernand, and filling his own for the eighth or
ninth time, while Danglars had merely sipped his. "Never
mind -- in the meantime he marries Mercedes -- the lovely
Mercedes -- at least he returns to do that."

During this time Danglars fixed his piercing glance on the
young man, on whose heart Caderousse's words fell like
molten lead.

"And when is the wedding to be?" he asked.

"Oh, it is not yet fixed!" murmured Fernand.

"No, but it will be," said Caderousse, "as surely as Dantes
will be captain of the Pharaon -- eh, Danglars?"

Danglars shuddered at this unexpected attack, and turned to
Caderousse, whose countenance he scrutinized, to try and
detect whether the blow was premeditated; but he read
nothing but envy in a countenance already rendered brutal
and stupid by drunkenness.

"Well," said he, filling the glasses, "let us drink to
Captain Edmond Dantes, husband of the beautiful Catalane!"

Caderousse raised his glass to his mouth with unsteady hand,
and swallowed the contents at a gulp. Fernand dashed his on
the ground.

"Eh, eh, eh!" stammered Caderousse. "What do I see down
there by the wall, in the direction of the Catalans? Look,
Fernand, your eyes are better than mine. I believe I see
double. You know wine is a deceiver; but I should say it was
two lovers walking side by side, and hand in hand. Heaven
forgive me, they do not know that we can see them, and they
are actually embracing!"

Danglars did not lose one pang that Fernand endured.

"Do you know them, Fernand?" he said.

"Yes," was the reply, in a low voice. "It is Edmond and
Mercedes!"

"Ah, see there, now!" said Caderousse; "and I did not
recognize them! Hallo, Dantes! hello, lovely damsel! Come
this way, and let us know when the wedding is to be, for
Fernand here is so obstinate he will not tell us."

"Hold your tongue, will you?" said Danglars, pretending to
restrain Caderousse, who, with the tenacity of drunkards,
leaned out of the arbor. "Try to stand upright, and let the
lovers make love without interruption. See, look at Fernand,
and follow his example; he is well-behaved!"

Fernand, probably excited beyond bearing, pricked by
Danglars, as the bull is by the bandilleros, was about to
rush out; for he had risen from his seat, and seemed to be
collecting himself to dash headlong upon his rival, when
Mercedes, smiling and graceful, lifted up her lovely head,
and looked at them with her clear and bright eyes. At this
Fernand recollected her threat of dying if Edmond died, and
dropped again heavily on his seat. Danglars looked at the
two men, one after the other, the one brutalized by liquor,
the other overwhelmed with love.

"I shall get nothing from these fools," he muttered; "and I
am very much afraid of being here between a drunkard and a
coward. Here's an envious fellow making himself boozy on
wine when he ought to be nursing his wrath, and here is a
fool who sees the woman he loves stolen from under his nose
and takes on like a big baby. Yet this Catalan has eyes that
glisten like those of the vengeful Spaniards, Sicilians, and
Calabrians, and the other has fists big enough to crush an
ox at one blow. Unquestionably, Edmond's star is in the
ascendant, and he will marry the splendid girl -- he will be
captain, too, and laugh at us all, unless" -- a sinister
smile passed over Danglars' lips -- "unless I take a hand in
the affair," he added.

"Hallo!" continued Caderousse, half-rising, and with his
fist on the table, "hallo, Edmond! do you not see your
friends, or are you too proud to speak to them?"

"No, my dear fellow!" replied Dantes, "I am not proud, but I
am happy, and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride."

"Ah, very well, that's an explanation!" said Caderousse.
"How do you do, Madame Dantes?"

Mercedes courtesied gravely, and said -- "That is not my
name, and in my country it bodes ill fortune, they say, to
call a young girl by the name of her betrothed before he
becomes her husband. So call me Mercedes, if you please."

"We must excuse our worthy neighbor, Caderousse," said
Dantes, "he is so easily mistaken."

"So, then, the wedding is to take place immediately, M.
Dantes," said Danglars, bowing to the young couple.

"As soon as possible, M. Danglars; to-day all preliminaries
will be arranged at my father's, and to-morrow, or next day
at latest, the wedding festival here at La Reserve. My
friends will be there, I hope; that is to say, you are
invited, M. Danglars, and you, Caderousse."

"And Fernand," said Caderousse with a chuckle; "Fernand,
too, is invited!"

"My wife's brother is my brother," said Edmond; "and we,
Mercedes and I, should be very sorry if he were absent at
such a time."

Fernand opened his mouth to reply, but his voice died on his
lips, and he could not utter a word.

"To-day the preliminaries, to-morrow or next day the
ceremony! You are in a hurry, captain!"

"Danglars," said Edmond, smiling, "I will say to you as
Mercedes said just now to Caderousse, `Do not give me a
title which does not belong to me'; that may bring me bad
luck."

"Your pardon," replied Danglars, "I merely said you seemed
in a hurry, and we have lots of time; the Pharaon cannot be
under weigh again in less than three months."

"We are always in a hurry to be happy, M. Danglars; for when
we have suffered a long time, we have great difficulty in
believing in good fortune. But it is not selfishness alone
that makes me thus in haste; I must go to Paris."

"Ah, really? -- to Paris! and will it be the first time you
have ever been there, Dantes?"

"Yes."

"Have you business there?"

"Not of my own; the last commission of poor Captain Leclere;
you know to what I allude, Danglars -- it is sacred.
Besides, I shall only take the time to go and return."

"Yes, yes, I understand," said Danglars, and then in a low
tone, he added, "To Paris, no doubt to deliver the letter
which the grand marshal gave him. Ah, this letter gives me
an idea -- a capital idea! Ah; Dantes, my friend, you are
not yet registered number one on board the good ship
Pharaon;" then turning towards Edmond, who was walking away,
"A pleasant journey," he cried.

"Thank you," said Edmond with a friendly nod, and the two
lovers continued on their way, as calm and joyous as if they
were the very elect of heaven.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 3

Danglars followed Edmond and Mercedes with his eyes until
the two lovers disappeared behind one of the angles of Fort
Saint Nicolas, then turning round, he perceived Fernand, who
had fallen, pale and trembling, into his chair, while
Caderousse stammered out the words of a drinking-song.

"Well, my dear sir," said Danglars to Fernand, "here is a
marriage which does not appear to make everybody happy."

"It drives me to despair," said Fernand.

"Do you, then, love Mercedes?"

"I adore her!"

"For long?"

"As long as I have known her -- always."

"And you sit there, tearing your hair, instead of seeking to
remedy your condition; I did not think that was the way of
your people."

"What would you have me do?" said Fernand.

"How do I know? Is it my affair? I am not in love with
Mademoiselle Mercedes; but for you -- in the words of the
gospel, seek, and you shall find."

"I have found already."

"What?"

"I would stab the man, but the woman told me that if any
misfortune happened to her betrothed, she would kill
herself."

"Pooh! Women say those things, but never do them."

"You do not know Mercedes; what she threatens she will do."

"Idiot!" muttered Danglars; "whether she kill herself or
not, what matter, provided Dantes is not captain?"

"Before Mercedes should die," replied Fernand, with the
accents of unshaken resolution, "I would die myself!"

"That's what I call love!" said Caderousse with a voice more
tipsy than ever. "That's love, or I don't know what love
is."

"Come," said Danglars, "you appear to me a good sort of
fellow, and hang me, I should like to help you, but" --

"Yes," said Caderousse, "but how?"

"My dear fellow," replied Danglars, "you are three parts
drunk; finish the bottle, and you will be completely so.
Drink then, and do not meddle with what we are discussing,
for that requires all one's wit and cool judgment."

"I -- drunk!" said Caderousse; "well that's a good one! I
could drink four more such bottles; they are no bigger than
cologne flasks. Pere Pamphile, more wine!" and Caderousse
rattled his glass upon the table.

"You were saving, sir" -- said Fernand, awaiting with great
anxiety the end of this interrupted remark.

"What was I saying? I forget. This drunken Caderousse has
made me lose the thread of my sentence."

"Drunk, if you like; so much the worse for those who fear
wine, for it is because they have bad thoughts which they
are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts;" and
Caderousse began to sing the two last lines of a song very
popular at the time, --

`Tous les mechants sont beuveurs d'eau;
C'est bien prouve par le deluge.'*

* "The wicked are great drinkers of water
As the flood proved once for all."

"You said, sir, you would like to help me, but" --

"Yes; but I added, to help you it would be sufficient that
Dantes did not marry her you love; and the marriage may
easily be thwarted, methinks, and yet Dantes need not die."

"Death alone can separate them," remarked Fernand.

"You talk like a noodle, my friend," said Caderousse; "and
here is Danglars, who is a wide-awake, clever, deep fellow,
who will prove to you that you are wrong. Prove it,
Danglars. I have answered for you. Say there is no need why
Dantes should die; it would, indeed, be a pity he should.
Dantes is a good fellow; I like Dantes. Dantes, your
health."

Fernand rose impatiently. "Let him run on," said Danglars,
restraining the young man; "drunk as he is, he is not much
out in what he says. Absence severs as well as death, and if
the walls of a prison were between Edmond and Mercedes they
would be as effectually separated as if he lay under a
tombstone."

"Yes; but one gets out of prison," said Caderousse, who,
with what sense was left him, listened eagerly to the
conversation, "and when one gets out and one's name is
Edmond Dantes, one seeks revenge" --

"What matters that?" muttered Fernand.

"And why, I should like to know," persisted Caderousse,
"should they put Dantes in prison? he has not robbed or
killed or murdered."

"Hold your tongue!" said Danglars.

"I won't hold my tongue!" replied Caderousse; "I say I want
to know why they should put Dantes in prison; I like Dantes;
Dantes, your health!" and he swallowed another glass of
wine.

Danglars saw in the muddled look of the tailor the progress
of his intoxication, and turning towards Fernand, said,
"Well, you understand there is no need to kill him."

"Certainly not, if, as you
It's Friday. As a matter of fact, in a few moments, if it stops raining, I won't be posting here either. Are you going to take that as a sign of you winning? Because I'm going to take it as a sign of beer and steak winning.
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
It's Friday. As a matter of fact, in a few moments, if it stops raining, I won't be posting here either. Are you going to take that as a sign of you winning? Because I'm going to take it as a sign of beer and steak winning.


It's Friday? You don't say? Cause I've never been here on a Friday bef...oh wait, I have, and it's ALWAYS more active than this.

Since you have to make excuses I guess you're the one who takes the diminished posts as a sign of us winning, huh?

Nice try.

CHAPTER 1
Marseilles -- The Arrival.

On the 24th of February, 1810, the look-out at Notre-Dame de
la Garde signalled the three-master, the Pharaon from
Smyrna, Trieste, and Naples.

As usual, a pilot put off immediately, and rounding the
Chateau d'If, got on board the vessel between Cape Morgion
and Rion island.

Immediately, and according to custom, the ramparts of Fort
Saint-Jean were covered with spectators; it is always an
event at Marseilles for a ship to come into port, especially
when this ship, like the Pharaon, has been built, rigged,
and laden at the old Phocee docks, and belongs to an owner
of the city.

The ship drew on and had safely passed the strait, which
some volcanic shock has made between the Calasareigne and
Jaros islands; had doubled Pomegue, and approached the
harbor under topsails, jib, and spanker, but so slowly and
sedately that the idlers, with that instinct which is the
forerunner of evil, asked one another what misfortune could
have happened on board. However, those experienced in
navigation saw plainly that if any accident had occurred, it
was not to the vessel herself, for she bore down with all
the evidence of being skilfully handled, the anchor
a-cockbill, the jib-boom guys already eased off, and
standing by the side of the pilot, who was steering the
Pharaon towards the narrow entrance of the inner port, was a
young man, who, with activity and vigilant eye, watched
every motion of the ship, and repeated each direction of the
pilot.

The vague disquietude which prevailed among the spectators
had so much affected one of the crowd that he did not await
the arrival of the vessel in harbor, but jumping into a
small skiff, desired to be pulled alongside the Pharaon,
which he reached as she rounded into La Reserve basin.

When the young man on board saw this person approach, he
left his station by the pilot, and, hat in hand, leaned over
the ship's bulwarks.

He was a fine, tall, slim young fellow of eighteen or
twenty, with black eyes, and hair as dark as a raven's wing;
and his whole appearance bespoke that calmness and
resolution peculiar to men accustomed from their cradle to
contend with danger.

"Ah, is it you, Dantes?" cried the man in the skiff. "What's
the matter? and why have you such an air of sadness aboard?"

"A great misfortune, M. Morrel," replied the young man, --
"a great misfortune, for me especially! Off Civita Vecchia
we lost our brave Captain Leclere."

"And the cargo?" inquired the owner, eagerly.

"Is all safe, M. Morrel; and I think you will be satisfied
on that head. But poor Captain Leclere -- "

"What happened to him?" asked the owner, with an air of
considerable resignation. "What happened to the worthy
captain?"

"He died."

"Fell into the sea?"

"No, sir, he died of brain-fever in dreadful agony." Then
turning to the crew, he said, "Bear a hand there, to take in
sail!"

All hands obeyed, and at once the eight or ten seamen who
composed the crew, sprang to their respective stations at
the spanker brails and outhaul, topsail sheets and halyards,
the jib downhaul, and the topsail clewlines and buntlines.
The young sailor gave a look to see that his orders were
promptly and accurately obeyed, and then turned again to the
owner.

"And how did this misfortune occur?" inquired the latter,
resuming the interrupted conversation.

"Alas, sir, in the most unexpected manner. After a long talk
with the harbor-master, Captain Leclere left Naples greatly
disturbed in mind. In twenty-four hours he was attacked by a
fever, and died three days afterwards. We performed the
usual burial service, and he is at his rest, sewn up in his
hammock with a thirty-six pound shot at his head and his
heels, off El Giglio island. We bring to his widow his sword
and cross of honor. It was worth while, truly," added the
young man with a melancholy smile, "to make war against the
English for ten years, and to die in his bed at last, like
everybody else."

"Why, you see, Edmond," replied the owner, who appeared more
comforted at every moment, "we are all mortal, and the old
must make way for the young. If not, why, there would be no
promotion; and since you assure me that the cargo -- "

"Is all safe and sound, M. Morrel, take my word for it; and
I advise you not to take 25,000 francs for the profits of
the voyage."

Then, as they were just passing the Round Tower, the young
man shouted: "Stand by there to lower the topsails and jib;
brail up the spanker!"

The order was executed as promptly as it would have been on
board a man-of-war.

"Let go -- and clue up!" At this last command all the sails
were lowered, and the vessel moved almost imperceptibly
onwards.

"Now, if you will come on board, M. Morrel," said Dantes,
observing the owner's impatience, "here is your supercargo,
M. Danglars, coming out of his cabin, who will furnish you
with every particular. As for me, I must look after the
anchoring, and dress the ship in mourning."

The owner did not wait for a second invitation. He seized a
rope which Dantes flung to him, and with an activity that
would have done credit to a sailor, climbed up the side of
the ship, while the young man, going to his task, left the
conversation to Danglars, who now came towards the owner. He
was a man of twenty-five or twenty-six years of age, of
unprepossessing countenance, obsequious to his superiors,
insolent to his subordinates; and this, in addition to his
position as responsible agent on board, which is always
obnoxious to the sailors, made him as much disliked by the
crew as Edmond Dantes was beloved by them.

"Well, M. Morrel," said Danglars, "you have heard of the
misfortune that has befallen us?"

"Yes -- yes: poor Captain Leclere! He was a brave and an
honest man."

"And a first-rate seaman, one who had seen long and
honorable service, as became a man charged with the
interests of a house so important as that of Morrel & Son,"
replied Danglars.

"But," replied the owner, glancing after Dantes, who was
watching the anchoring of his vessel, "it seems to me that a
sailor needs not be so old as you say, Danglars, to
understand his business, for our friend Edmond seems to
understand it thoroughly, and not to require instruction
from any one."

"Yes," said Danglars, darting at Edmond a look gleaming with
hate. "Yes, he is young, and youth is invariably
self-confident. Scarcely was the captain's breath out of his
body when he assumed the command without consulting any one,
and he caused us to lose a day and a half at the Island of
Elba, instead of making for Marseilles direct."

"As to taking command of the vessel," replied Morrel, "that
was his duty as captain's mate; as to losing a day and a
half off the Island of Elba, he was wrong, unless the vessel
needed repairs."

"The vessel was in as good condition as I am, and as, I hope
you are, M. Morrel, and this day and a half was lost from
pure whim, for the pleasure of going ashore, and nothing
else."

"Dantes," said the shipowner, turning towards the young man,
"come this way!"

"In a moment, sir," answered Dantes, "and I'm with you."
Then calling to the crew, he said -- "Let go!"

The anchor was instantly dropped, and the chain ran rattling
through the port-hole. Dantes continued at his post in spite
of the presence of the pilot, until this manoeuvre was
completed, and then he added, "Half-mast the colors, and
square the yards!"

"You see," said Danglars, "he fancies himself captain
already, upon my word."

"And so, in fact, he is," said the owner.

"Except your signature and your partner's, M. Morrel."

"And why should he not have this?" asked the owner; "he is
young, it is true, but he seems to me a thorough seaman, and
of full experience."

A cloud passed over Danglars' brow. "Your pardon, M.
Morrel," said Dantes, approaching, "the vessel now rides at
anchor, and I am at your service. You hailed me, I think?"

Danglars retreated a step or two. "I wished to inquire why
you stopped at the Island of Elba?"

"I do not know, sir; it was to fulfil the last instructions
of Captain Leclere, who, when dying, gave me a packet for
Marshal Bertrand."

"Then did you see him, Edmond?"

"Who?"

"The marshal."

"Yes."

Morrel looked around him, and then, drawing Dantes on one
side, he said suddenly -- "And how is the emperor?"

"Very well, as far as I could judge from the sight of him."

"You saw the emperor, then?"

"He entered the marshal's apartment while I was there."

"And you spoke to him?"

"Why, it was he who spoke to me, sir," said Dantes, with a
smile.

"And what did he say to you?"

"Asked me questions about the vessel, the time she left
Marseilles, the course she had taken, and what was her
cargo. I believe, if she had not been laden, and I had been
her master, he would have bought her. But I told him I was
only mate, and that she belonged to the firm of Morrel &
Son. `Ah, yes,' he said, `I know them. The Morrels have been
shipowners from father to son; and there was a Morrel who
served in the same regiment with me when I was in garrison
at Valence.'"

"Pardieu, and that is true!" cried the owner, greatly
delighted. "And that was Policar Morrel, my uncle, who was
afterwards a captain. Dantes, you must tell my uncle that
the emperor remembered him, and you will see it will bring
tears into the old soldier's eyes. Come, come," continued
he, patting Edmond's shoulder kindly, "you did very right,
Dantes, to follow Captain Leclere's instructions, and touch
at Elba, although if it were known that you had conveyed a
packet to the marshal, and had conversed with the emperor,
it might bring you into trouble."

"How could that bring me into trouble, sir?" asked Dantes;
"for I did not even know of what I was the bearer; and the
emperor merely made such inquiries as he would of the first
comer. But, pardon me, here are the health officers and the
customs inspectors coming alongside." And the young man went
to the gangway. As he departed, Danglars approached, and
said, --

"Well, it appears that he has given you satisfactory reasons
for his landing at Porto-Ferrajo?"

"Yes, most satisfactory, my dear Danglars."

"Well, so much the better," said the supercargo; "for it is
not pleasant to think that a comrade has not done his duty."

"Dantes has done his," replied the owner, "and that is not
saying much. It was Captain Leclere who gave orders for this
delay."

"Talking of Captain Leclere, has not Dantes given you a
letter from him?"

"To me? -- no -- was there one?"

"I believe that, besides the packet, Captain Leclere
confided a letter to his care."

"Of what packet are you speaking, Danglars?"

"Why, that which Dantes left at Porto-Ferrajo."

"How do you know he had a packet to leave at Porto-Ferrajo?"

Danglars turned very red.

"I was passing close to the door of the captain's cabin,
which was half open, and I saw him give the packet and
letter to Dantes."

"He did not speak to me of it," replied the shipowner; "but
if there be any letter he will give it to me."

Danglars reflected for a moment. "Then, M. Morrel, I beg of
you," said he, "not to say a word to Dantes on the subject.
I may have been mistaken."

At this moment the young man returned; Danglars withdrew.

"Well, my dear Dantes, are you now free?" inquired the
owner.

"Yes, sir."

"You have not been long detained."

"No. I gave the custom-house officers a copy of our bill of
lading; and as to the other papers, they sent a man off with
the pilot, to whom I gave them."

"Then you have nothing more to do here?"

"No -- everything is all right now."

"Then you can come and dine with me?"

"I really must ask you to excuse me, M. Morrel. My first
visit is due to my father, though I am not the less grateful
for the honor you have done me."

"Right, Dantes, quite right. I always knew you were a good
son."

"And," inquired Dantes, with some hesitation, "do you know
how my father is?"

"Well, I believe, my dear Edmond, though I have not seen him
lately."

"Yes, he likes to keep himself shut up in his little room."

"That proves, at least, that he has wanted for nothing
during your absence."

Dantes smiled. "My father is proud, sir, and if he had not a
meal left, I doubt if he would have asked anything from
anyone, except from Heaven."

"Well, then, after this first visit has been made we shall
count on you."

"I must again excuse myself, M. Morrel, for after this first
visit has been paid I have another which I am most anxious
to pay."

"True, Dantes, I forgot that there was at the Catalans some
one who expects you no less impatiently than your father --
the lovely Mercedes."

Dantes blushed.

"Ah, ha," said the shipowner, "I am not in the least
surprised, for she has been to me three times, inquiring if
there were any news of the Pharaon. Peste, Edmond, you have
a very handsome mistress!"

"She is not my mistress," replied the young sailor, gravely;
"she is my betrothed."

"Sometimes one and the same thing," said Morrel, with a
smile.

"Not with us, sir," replied Dantes.

"Well, well, my dear Edmond," continued the owner, "don't
let me detain you. You have managed my affairs so well that
I ought to allow you all the time you require for your own.
Do you want any money?"

"No, sir; I have all my pay to take -- nearly three months'
wages."

"You are a careful fellow, Edmond."

"Say I have a poor father, sir."

"Yes, yes, I know how good a son you are, so now hasten away
to see your father. I have a son too, and I should be very
wroth with those who detained him from me after a three
months' voyage."

"Then I have your leave, sir?"

"Yes, if you have nothing more to say to me."

"Nothing."

"Captain Leclere did not, before he died, give you a letter
for me?"

"He was unable to write, sir. But that reminds me that I
must ask your leave of absence for some days."

"To get married?"

"Yes, first, and then to go to Paris."

"Very good; have what time you require, Dantes. It will take
quite six weeks to unload the cargo, and we cannot get you
ready for sea until three months after that; only be back
again in three months, for the Pharaon," added the owner,
patting the young sailor on the back, "cannot sail without
her captain."

"Without her captain!" cried Dantes, his eyes sparkling with
animation; "pray mind what you say, for you are touching on
the most secret wishes of my heart. Is it really your
intention to make me captain of the Pharaon?"

"If I were sole owner we'd shake hands on it now, my dear
Dantes, and call it settled; but I have a partner, and you
know the Italian proverb -- Chi ha compagno ha padrone --
`He who has a partner has a master.' But the thing is at
least half done, as you have one out of two votes. Rely on
me to procure you the other; I will do my best."

"Ah, M. Morrel," exclaimed the young seaman, with tears in
his eyes, and grasping the owner's hand, "M. Morrel, I thank
you in the name of my father and of Mercedes."

"That's all right, Edmond. There's a providence that watches
over the deserving. Go to your father: go and see Mercedes,
and afterwards come to me."

"Shall I row you ashore?"

"No, thank you; I shall remain and look over the accounts
with Danglars. Have you been satisfied with him this
voyage?"

"That is according to the sense you attach to the question,
sir. Do you mean is he a good comrade? No, for I think he
never liked me since the day when I was silly enough, after
a little quarrel we had, to propose to him to stop for ten
minutes at the island of Monte Cristo to settle the dispute
-- a proposition which I was wrong to suggest, and he quite
right to refuse. If you mean as responsible agent when you
ask me the question, I believe there is nothing to say
against him, and that you will be content with the way in
which he has performed his duty."

"But tell me, Dantes, if you had command of the Pharaon
should you be glad to see Danglars remain?"

"Captain or mate, M. Morrel, I shall always have the
greatest respect for those who possess the owners'
confidence."

"That's right, that's right, Dantes! I see you are a
thoroughly good fellow, and will detain you no longer. Go,
for I see how impatient you are."

"Then I have leave?"

"Go, I tell you."

"May I have the use of your skiff?"

"Certainly."

"Then, for the present, M. Morrel, farewell, and a thousand
thanks!"

"I hope soon to see you again, my dear Edmond. Good luck to
you."

The young sailor jumped into the skiff, and sat down in the
stern sheets, with the order that he be put ashore at La
Canebiere. The two oarsmen bent to their work, and the
little boat glided away as rapidly as possible in the midst
of the thousand vessels which choke up the narrow way which
leads between the two rows of ships from the mouth of the
harbor to the Quai d'Orleans.

The shipowner, smiling, followed him with his eyes until he
saw him spring out on the quay and disappear in the midst of
the throng, which from five o'clock in the morning until
nine o'clock at night, swarms in the famous street of La
Canebiere, -- a street of which the modern Phocaeans are so
proud that they say with all the gravity in the world, and
with that accent which gives so much character to what is
said, "If Paris had La Canebiere, Paris would be a second
Marseilles." On turning round the owner saw Danglars behind
him, apparently awaiting orders, but in reality also
watching the young sailor, -- but there was a great
difference in the expression of the two men who thus
followed the movements of Edmond Dantes.

We will leave Danglars struggling with the demon of hatred,
and endeavoring to insinuate in the ear of the shipowner
some evil suspicions against his comrade, and follow Dantes,
who, after having traversed La Canebiere, took the Rue de
Noailles, and entering a small house, on the left of the
Allees de Meillan, rapidly ascended four flights of a dark
staircase, holding the baluster with one hand, while with
the other he repressed the beatings of his heart, and paused
before a half-open door, from which he could see the whole
of a small room.

This room was occupied by Dantes' father. The news of the
arrival of the Pharaon had not yet reached the old man, who,
mounted on a chair, was amusing himself by training with
trembling hand the nasturtiums and sprays of clematis that
clambered over the trellis at his window. Suddenly, he felt
an arm thrown around his body, and a well-known voice behind
him exclaimed, "Father -- dear father!"

The old man uttered a cry, and turned round; then, seeing
his son, he fell into his arms, pale and trembling.

"What ails you, my dearest father? Are you ill?" inquired
the young man, much alarmed.

"No, no, my dear Edmond -- my boy -- my son! -- no; but I
did not expect you; and joy, the surprise of seeing you so
suddenly -- Ah, I feel as if I were going to die."

"Come, come, cheer up, my dear father! 'Tis I -- really I!
They say joy never hurts, and so I came to you without any
warning. Come now, do smile, instead of looking at me so
solemnly. Here I am back again, and we are going to be
happy."

"Yes, yes, my boy, so we will -- so we will," replied the
old man; "but how shall we be happy? Shall you never leave
me again? Come, tell me all the good fortune that has
befallen you."

"God forgive me," said the young man, "for rejoicing at
happiness derived from the misery of others, but, Heaven
knows, I did not seek this good fortune; it has happened,
and I really cannot pretend to lament it. The good Captain
Leclere is dead, father, and it is probable that, with the
aid of M. Morrel, I shall have his place. Do you understand,
father? Only imagine me a captain at twenty, with a hundred
louis pay, and a share in the profits! Is this not more than
a poor sailor like me could have hoped for?"

"Yes, my dear boy," replied the old man, "it is very
fortunate."

"Well, then, with the first money I touch, I mean you to
have a small house, with a garden in which to plant
clematis, nasturtiums, and honeysuckle. But what ails you,
father? Are you not well?"

"'Tis nothing, nothing; it will soon pass away" -- and as he
said so the old man's strength failed him, and he fell
backwards.

"Come, come," said the young man, "a glass of wine, father,
will revive you. Where do you keep your wine?"

"No, no; thanks. You need not look for it; I do not want
it," said the old man.

"Yes, yes, father, tell me where it is," and he opened two
or three cupboards.

"It is no use," said the old man, "there is no wine."

"What, no wine?" said Dantes, turning pale, and looking
alternately at the hollow cheeks of the old man and the
empty cupboards. "What, no wine? Have you wanted money,
father?"

"I want nothing now that I have you," said the old man.

"Yet," stammered Dantes, wiping the perspiration from his
brow, -- "yet I gave you two hundred francs when I left,
three months ago."

"Yes, yes, Edmond, that is true, but you forgot at that time
a little debt to our neighbor, Caderousse. He reminded me of
it, telling me if I did not pay for you, he would be paid by
M. Morrel; and so, you see, lest he might do you an injury"
--

"Well?"

"Why, I paid him."

"But," cried Dantes, "it was a hundred and forty francs I
owed Caderousse."

"Yes," stammered the old man.

"And you paid him out of the two hundred francs I left you?"

The old man nodded.

"So that you have lived for three months on sixty francs,"
muttered Edmond.

"You know how little I require," said the old man.

"Heaven pardon me," cried Edmond, falling on his knees
before his father.

"What are you doing?"

"You have wounded me to the heart."

"Never mind it, for I see you once more," said the old man;
"and now it's all over -- everything is all right again."

"Yes, here I am," said the young man, "with a promising
future and a little money. Here, father, here!" he said,
"take this -- take it, and send for something immediately."
And he emptied his pockets on the table, the contents
consisting of a dozen gold pieces, five or six five-franc
pieces, and some smaller coin. The countenance of old Dantes
brightened.

"Whom does this belong to?" he inquired.

"To me, to you, to us! Take it; buy some provisions; be
happy, and to-morrow we shall have more."

"Gently, gently," said the old man, with a smile; "and by
your leave I will use your purse moderately, for they would
say, if they saw me buy too many things at a time, that I
had been obliged to await your return, in order to be able
to purchase them."

"Do as you please; but, first of all, pray have a servant,
father. I will not have you left alone so long. I have some
smuggled coffee and most capital tobacco, in a small chest
in the hold, which you shall have to-morrow. But, hush, here
comes somebody."

"'Tis Caderousse, who has heard of your arrival, and no
doubt comes to congratulate you on your fortunate return."

"Ah, lips that say one thing, while the heart thinks
another," murmured Edmond. "But, never mind, he is a
neighbor who has done us a service on a time, so he's
welcome."

As Edmond paused, the black and bearded head of Caderousse
appeared at the door. He was a man of twenty-five or six,
and held a piece of cloth, which, being a tailor, he was
about to make into a coat-lining.

"What, is it you, Edmond, back again?" said he, with a broad
Marseillaise accent, and a grin that displayed his
ivory-white teeth.

"Yes, as you see, neighbor Caderousse; and ready to be
agreeable to you in any and every way," replied Dantes, but
ill-concealing his coldness under this cloak of civility.

"Thanks -- thanks; but, fortunately, I do not want for
anything; and it chances that at times there are others who
have need of me." Dantes made a gesture. "I do not allude to
you, my boy. No! -- no! I lent you money, and you returned
it; that's like good neighbors, and we are quits."

"We are never quits with those who oblige us," was Dantes'
reply; "for when we do not owe them money, we owe them
gratitude."

"What's the use of mentioning that? What is done is done.
Let us talk of your happy return, my boy. I had gone on the
quay to match a piece of mulberry cloth, when I met friend
Danglars. `You at Marseilles?' -- `Yes,' says he.

"`I thought you were at Smyrna.' -- `I was; but am now back
again.'

"`And where is the dear boy, our little Edmond?'

"`Why, with his father, no doubt,' replied Danglars. And so
I came," added Caderousse, "as fast as I could to have the
pleasure of shaking hands with a friend."

"Worthy Caderousse!" said the old man, "he is so much
attached to us."

"Yes, to be sure I am. I love and esteem you, because honest
folks are so rare. But it seems you have come back rich, my
boy," continued the tailor, looking askance at the handful
of gold and silver which Dantes had thrown on the table.

The young man remarked the greedy glance which shone in the
dark eyes of his neighbor. "Eh," he said, negligently. "this
money is not mine. I was expressing to my father my fears
that he had wanted many things in my absence, and to
convince me he emptied his purse on the table. Come, father"
added Dantes, "put this money back in your box -- unless
neighbor Caderousse wants anything, and in that case it is
at his service."

"No, my boy, no," said Caderousse. "I am not in any want,
thank God, my living is suited to my means. Keep your money
-- keep it, I say; -- one never has too much; -- but, at the
same time, my boy, I am as much obliged by your offer as if
I took advantage of it."

"It was offered with good will," said Dantes.

"No doubt, my boy; no doubt. Well, you stand well with M.
Morrel I hear, -- you insinuating dog, you!"

"M. Morrel has always been exceedingly kind to me," replied
Dantes.

"Then you were wrong to refuse to dine with him."

"What, did you refuse to dine with him?" said old Dantes;
"and did he invite you to dine?"

"Yes, my dear father," replied Edmond, smiling at his
father's astonishment at the excessive honor paid to his
son.

"And why did you refuse, my son?" inquired the old man.

"That I might the sooner see you again, my dear father,"
replied the young man. "I was most anxious to see you."

"But it must have vexed M. Morrel, good, worthy man," said
Caderousse. "And when you are looking forward to be captain,
it was wrong to annoy the owner."

"But I explained to him the cause of my refusal," replied
Dantes, "and I hope he fully understood it."

"Yes, but to be captain one must do a little flattery to
one's patrons."

"I hope to be captain without that," said Dantes.

"So much the better -- so much the better! Nothing will give
greater pleasure to all your old friends; and I know one
down there behind the Saint Nicolas citadel who will not be
sorry to hear it."

"Mercedes?" said the old man.

"Yes, my dear father, and with your permission, now I have
seen you, and know you are well and have all you require, I
will ask your consent to go and pay a visit to the
Catalans."

"Go, my dear boy," said old Dantes: "and heaven bless you in
your wife, as it has blessed me in my son!"

"His wife!" said Caderousse; "why, how fast you go on,
father Dantes; she is not his wife yet, as it seems to me."

"So, but according to all probability she soon will be,"
replied Edmond.

"Yes -- yes," said Caderousse; "but you were right to return
as soon as possible, my boy."

"And why?"

"Because Mercedes is a very fine girl, and fine girls never
lack followers; she particularly has them by dozens."

"Really?" answered Edmond, with a smile which had in it
traces of slight uneasiness.

"Ah, yes," continued Caderousse, "and capital offers, too;
but you know, you will be captain, and who could refuse you
then?"

"Meaning to say," replied Dantes, with a smile which but
ill-concealed his trouble, "that if I were not a captain" --

"Eh -- eh!" said Caderousse, shaking his head.

"Come, come," said the sailor, "I have a better opinion than
you of women in general, and of Mercedes in particular; and
I am certain that, captain or not, she will remain ever
faithful to me."

"So much the better -- so much the better," said Caderousse.
"When one is going to be married, there is nothing like
implicit confidence; but never mind that, my boy, -- go and
announce your arrival, and let her know all your hopes and
prospects."

"I will go directly," was Edmond's reply; and, embracing his
father, and nodding to Caderousse, he left the apartment.

Caderousse lingered for a moment, then taking leave of old
Dantes, he went downstairs to rejoin Danglars, who awaited
him at the corner of the Rue Senac.

"Well," said Danglars, "did you see him?"

"I have just left him," answered Caderousse.

"Did he allude to his hope of being captain?"

"He spoke of it as a thing already decided."

"Indeed!" said Danglars, "he is in too much hurry, it
appears to me."

"Why, it seems M. Morrel has promised him the thing."

"So that he is quite elated about it?"

"Why, yes, he is actually insolent over the matter -- has
already offered me his patronage, as if he were a grand
personage, and proffered me a loan of money, as though he
were a banker."

"Which you refused?"

"Most assuredly; although I might easily have accepted it,
for it was I who put into his hands the first silver he ever
earned; but now M. Dantes has no longer any occasion for
assistance -- he is about to become a captain."

"Pooh!" said Danglars, "he is not one yet."

"Ma foi, it will be as well if he is not," answered
Caderousse; "for if he should be, there will be really no
speaking to him."

"If we choose," replied Danglars, "he will remain what he
is; and perhaps become even less than he is."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing -- I was speaking to myself. And is he still in
love with the Catalane?"

"Over head and ears; but, unless I am much mistaken, there
will be a storm in that quarter."

"Explain yourself."

"Why should I?"

"It is more important than you think, perhaps. You do not
like Dantes?"

"I never like upstarts."

"Then tell me all you know about the Catalane."

"I know nothing for certain; only I have seen things which
induce me to believe, as I told you, that the future captain
will find some annoyance in the vicinity of the Vieilles
Infirmeries."

"What have you seen? -- come, tell me!"

"Well, every time I have seen Mercedes come into the city
she has been accompanied by a tall, strapping, black-eyed
Catalan, with a red complexion, brown skin, and fierce air,
whom she calls cousin."

"Really; and you think this cousin pays her attentions?"

"I only suppose so. What else can a strapping chap of
twenty-one mean with a fine wench of seventeen?"

"And you say that Dantes has gone to the Catalans?"

"He went before I came down."

"Let us go the same way; we will stop at La Reserve, and we
can drink a glass of La Malgue, whilst we wait for news."

"Come along," said Caderousse; "but you pay the score."

"Of course," replied Danglars; and going quickly to the
designated place, they called for a bottle of wine, and two
glasses.

Pere Pamphile had seen Dantes pass not ten minutes before;
and assured that he was at the Catalans, they sat down under
the budding foliage of the planes and sycamores, in the
branches of which the birds were singing their welcome to
one of the first days of spring.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 2

CHAPTER 3
The Catalans.

Beyond a bare, weather-worn wall, about a hundred paces from
the spot where the two friends sat looking and listening as
they drank their wine, was the village of the Catalans. Long
ago this mysterious colony quitted Spain, and settled on the
tongue of land on which it is to this day. Whence it came no
one knew, and it spoke an unknown tongue. One of its chiefs,
who understood Provencal, begged the commune of Marseilles
to give them this bare and barren promontory, where, like
the sailors of old, they had run their boats ashore. The
request was granted; and three months afterwards, around the
twelve or fifteen small vessels which had brought these
gypsies of the sea, a small village sprang up. This village,
constructed in a singular and picturesque manner, half
Moorish, half Spanish, still remains, and is inhabited by
descendants of the first comers, who speak the language of
their fathers. For three or four centuries they have
remained upon this small promontory, on which they had
settled like a flight of seabirds, without mixing with the
Marseillaise population, intermarrying, and preserving their
original customs and the costume of their mother-country as
they have preserved its language.

Our readers will follow us along the only street of this
little village, and enter with us one of the houses, which
is sunburned to the beautiful dead-leaf color peculiar to
the buildings of the country, and within coated with
whitewash, like a Spanish posada. A young and beautiful
girl, with hair as black as jet, her eyes as velvety as the
gazelle's, was leaning with her back against the wainscot,
rubbing in her slender delicately moulded fingers a bunch of
heath blossoms, the flowers of which she was picking off and
strewing on the floor; her arms, bare to the elbow, brown,
and modelled after those of the Arlesian Venus, moved with a
kind of restless impatience, and she tapped the earth with
her arched and supple foot, so as to display the pure and
full shape of her well-turned leg, in its red cotton, gray
and blue clocked, stocking. At three paces from her, seated
in a chair which he balanced on two legs, leaning his elbow
on an old worm-eaten table, was a tall young man of twenty,
or two-and-twenty, who was looking at her with an air in
which vexation and uneasiness were mingled. He questioned
her with his eyes, but the firm and steady gaze of the young
girl controlled his look.

"You see, Mercedes," said the young man, "here is Easter
come round again; tell me, is this the moment for a
wedding?"

"I have answered you a hundred times, Fernand, and really
you must be very stupid to ask me again."

"Well, repeat it, -- repeat it, I beg of you, that I may at
last believe it! Tell me for the hundredth time that you
refuse my love, which had your mother's sanction. Make me
understand once for all that you are trifling with my
happiness, that my life or death are nothing to you. Ah, to
have dreamed for ten years of being your husband, Mercedes,
and to lose that hope, which was the only stay of my
existence!"

"At least it was not I who ever encouraged you in that hope,
Fernand," replied Mercedes; "you cannot reproach me with the
slightest coquetry. I have always said to you, `I love you
as a brother; but do not ask from me more than sisterly
affection, for my heart is another's.' Is not this true,
Fernand?"

"Yes, that is very true, Mercedes," replied the young man,
"Yes, you have been cruelly frank with me; but do you forget
that it is among the Catalans a sacred law to intermarry?"

"You mistake, Fernand; it is not a law, but merely a custom,
and, I pray of you, do not cite this custom in your favor.
You are included in the conscription, Fernand, and are only
at liberty on sufferance, liable at any moment to be called
upon to take up arms. Once a soldier, what would you do with
me, a poor orphan, forlorn, without fortune, with nothing
but a half-ruined hut and a few ragged nets, the miserable
inheritance left by my father to my mother, and by my mother
to me? She has been dead a year, and you know, Fernand, I
have subsisted almost entirely on public charity. Sometimes
you pretend I am useful to you, and that is an excuse to
share with me the produce of your fishing, and I accept it,
Fernand, because you are the son of my father's brother,
because we were brought up together, and still more because
it would give you so much pain if I refuse. But I feel very
deeply that this fish which I go and sell, and with the
produce of which I buy the flax I spin, -- I feel very
keenly, Fernand, that this is charity."

"And if it were, Mercedes, poor and lone as you are, you
suit me as well as the daughter of the first shipowner or
the richest banker of Marseilles! What do such as we desire
but a good wife and careful housekeeper, and where can I
look for these better than in you?"

"Fernand," answered Mercedes, shaking her head, "a woman
becomes a bad manager, and who shall say she will remain an
honest woman, when she loves another man better than her
husband? Rest content with my friendship, for I say once
more that is all I can promise, and I will promise no more
than I can bestow."

"I understand," replied Fernand, "you can endure your own
wretchedness patiently, but you are afraid to share mine.
Well, Mercedes, beloved by you, I would tempt fortune; you
would bring me good luck, and I should become rich. I could
extend my occupation as a fisherman, might get a place as
clerk in a warehouse, and become in time a dealer myself."

"You could do no such thing, Fernand; you are a soldier, and
if you remain at the Catalans it is because there is no war;
so remain a fisherman, and contented with my friendship, as
I cannot give you more."

"Well, I will do better, Mercedes. I will be a sailor;
instead of the costume of our fathers, which you despise, I
will wear a varnished hat, a striped shirt, and a blue
jacket, with an anchor on the buttons. Would not that dress
please you?"

"What do you mean?" asked Mercedes, with an angry glance, --
"what do you mean? I do not understand you?"

"I mean, Mercedes, that you are thus harsh and cruel with
me, because you are expecting some one who is thus attired;
but perhaps he whom you await is inconstant, or if he is
not, the sea is so to him."

"Fernand," cried Mercedes, "I believed you were
good-hearted, and I was mistaken! Fernand, you are wicked to
call to your aid jealousy and the anger of God! Yes, I will
not deny it, I do await, and I do love him of whom you
speak; and, if he does not return, instead of accusing him
of the inconstancy which you insinuate, I will tell you that
he died loving me and me only." The young girl made a
gesture of rage. "I understand you, Fernand; you would be
revenged on him because I do not love you; you would cross
your Catalan knife with his dirk. What end would that
answer? To lose you my friendship if he were conquered, and
see that friendship changed into hate if you were victor.
Believe me, to seek a quarrel with a man is a bad method of
pleasing the woman who loves that man. No, Fernand, you will
not thus give way to evil thoughts. Unable to have me for
your wife, you will content yourself with having me for your
friend and sister; and besides," she added, her eyes
troubled and moistened with tears, "wait, wait, Fernand; you
said just now that the sea was treacherous, and he has been
gone four months, and during these four months there have
been some terrible storms."

Fernand made no reply, nor did he attempt to check the tears
which flowed down the cheeks of Mercedes, although for each
of these tears he would have shed his heart's blood; but
these tears flowed for another. He arose, paced a while up
and down the hut, and then, suddenly stopping before
Mercedes, with his eyes glowing and his hands clinched, --
"Say, Mercedes," he said, "once for all, is this your final
determination?"

"I love Edmond Dantes," the young girl calmly replied, "and
none but Edmond shall ever be my husband."

"And you will always love him?"

"As long as I live."

Fernand let fall his head like a defeated man, heaved a sigh
that was like a groan, and then suddenly looking her full in
the face, with clinched teeth and expanded nostrils, said,
-- "But if he is dead" --

"If he is dead, I shall die too."

"If he has forgotten you" --

"Mercedes!" called a joyous voice from without, --
"Mercedes!"

"Ah," exclaimed the young girl, blushing with delight, and
fairly leaping in excess of love, "you see he has not
forgotten me, for here he is!" And rushing towards the door,
she opened it, saying, "Here, Edmond, here I am!"

Fernand, pale and trembling, drew back, like a traveller at
the sight of a serpent, and fell into a chair beside him.
Edmond and Mercedes were clasped in each other's arms. The
burning Marseilles sun, which shot into the room through the
open door, covered them with a flood of light. At first they
saw nothing around them. Their intense happiness isolated
them from all the rest of the world, and they only spoke in
broken words, which are the tokens of a joy so extreme that
they seem rather the expression of sorrow. Suddenly Edmond
saw the gloomy, pale, and threatening countenance of
Fernand, as it was defined in the shadow. By a movement for
which he could scarcely account to himself, the young
Catalan placed his hand on the knife at his belt.

"Ah, your pardon," said Dantes, frowning in his turn; "I did
not perceive that there were three of us." Then, turning to
Mercedes, he inquired, "Who is this gentleman?"

"One who will be your best friend, Dantes, for he is my
friend, my cousin, my brother; it is Fernand -- the man
whom, after you, Edmond, I love the best in the world. Do
you not remember him?"

"Yes!" said Dantes, and without relinquishing Mercedes hand
clasped in one of his own, he extended the other to the
Catalan with a cordial air. But Fernand, instead of
responding to this amiable gesture, remained mute and
trembling. Edmond then cast his eyes scrutinizingly at the
agitated and embarrassed Mercedes, and then again on the
gloomy and menacing Fernand. This look told him all, and his
anger waxed hot.

"I did not know, when I came with such haste to you, that I
was to meet an enemy here."

"An enemy!" cried Mercedes, with an angry look at her
cousin. "An enemy in my house, do you say, Edmond! If I
believed that, I would place my arm under yours and go with
you to Marseilles, leaving the house to return to it no
more."

Fernand's eye darted lightning. "And should any misfortune
occur to you, dear Edmond," she continued with the same
calmness which proved to Fernand that the young girl had
read the very innermost depths of his sinister thought, "if
misfortune should occur to you, I would ascend the highest
point of the Cape de Morgion and cast myself headlong from
it."

Fernand became deadly pale. "But you are deceived, Edmond,"
she continued. "You have no enemy here -- there is no one
but Fernand, my brother, who will grasp your hand as a
devoted friend."

And at these words the young girl fixed her imperious look
on the Catalan, who, as if fascinated by it, came slowly
towards Edmond, and offered him his hand. His hatred, like a
powerless though furious wave, was broken against the strong
ascendancy which Mercedes exercised over him. Scarcely,
however, had he touched Edmond's hand than he felt he had
done all he could do, and rushed hastily out of the house.

"Oh," he exclaimed, running furiously and tearing his hair
-- "Oh, who will deliver me from this man? Wretched --
wretched that I am!"

"Hallo, Catalan! Hallo, Fernand! where are you running to?"
exclaimed a voice.

The young man stopped suddenly, looked around him, and
perceived Caderousse sitting at table with Danglars, under
an arbor.

"Well", said Caderousse, "why don't you come? Are you really
in such a hurry that you have no time to pass the time of
day with your friends?"

"Particularly when they have still a full bottle before
them," added Danglars. Fernand looked at them both with a
stupefied air, but did not say a word.

"He seems besotted," said Danglars, pushing Caderousse with
his knee. "Are we mistaken, and is Dantes triumphant in
spite of all we have believed?"

"Why, we must inquire into that," was Caderousse's reply;
and turning towards the young man, said, "Well, Catalan,
can't you make up your mind?"

Fernand wiped away the perspiration steaming from his brow,
and slowly entered the arbor, whose shade seemed to restore
somewhat of calmness to his senses, and whose coolness
somewhat of refreshment to his exhausted body.

"Good-day," said he. "You called me, didn't you?" And he
fell, rather than sat down, on one of the seats which
surrounded the table.

"I called you because you were running like a madman, and I
was afraid you would throw yourself into the sea," said
Caderousse, laughing. "Why, when a man has friends, they are
not only to offer him a glass of wine, but, moreover, to
prevent his swallowing three or four pints of water
unnecessarily!"

Fernand gave a groan, which resembled a sob, and dropped his
head into his hands, his elbows leaning on the table.

"Well, Fernand, I must say," said Caderousse, beginning the
conversation, with that brutality of the common people in
which curiosity destroys all diplomacy, "you look uncommonly
like a rejected lover;" and he burst into a hoarse laugh.

"Bah!" said Danglars, "a lad of his make was not born to be
unhappy in love. You are laughing at him, Caderousse."

"No," he replied, "only hark how he sighs! Come, come,
Fernand," said Caderousse, "hold up your head, and answer
us. It's not polite not to reply to friends who ask news of
your health."

"My health is well enough," said Fernand, clinching his
hands without raising his head.

"Ah, you see, Danglars," said Caderousse, winking at his
friend, "this is how it is; Fernand, whom you see here, is a
good and brave Catalan, one of the best fishermen in
Marseilles, and he is in love with a very fine girl, named
Mercedes; but it appears, unfortunately, that the fine girl
is in love with the mate of the Pharaon; and as the Pharaon
arrived to-day -- why, you understand!"

"No; I do not understand," said Danglars.

"Poor Fernand has been dismissed," continued Caderousse.

"Well, and what then?" said Fernand, lifting up his head,
and looking at Caderousse like a man who looks for some one
on whom to vent his anger; "Mercedes is not accountable to
any person, is she? Is she not free to love whomsoever she
will?"

"Oh, if you take it in that sense," said Caderousse, "it is
another thing. But I thought you were a Catalan, and they
told me the Catalans were not men to allow themselves to be
supplanted by a rival. It was even told me that Fernand,
especially, was terrible in his vengeance."

Fernand smiled piteously. "A lover is never terrible," he
said.

"Poor fellow!" remarked Danglars, affecting to pity the
young man from the bottom of his heart. "Why, you see, he
did not expect to see Dantes return so suddenly -- he
thought he was dead, perhaps; or perchance faithless! These
things always come on us more severely when they come
suddenly."

"Ah, ma foi, under any circumstances," said Caderousse, who
drank as he spoke, and on whom the fumes of the wine began
to take effect, -- "under any circumstances Fernand is not
the only person put out by the fortunate arrival of Dantes;
is he, Danglars?"

"No, you are right -- and I should say that would bring him
ill-luck."

"Well, never mind," answered Caderousse, pouring out a glass
of wine for Fernand, and filling his own for the eighth or
ninth time, while Danglars had merely sipped his. "Never
mind -- in the meantime he marries Mercedes -- the lovely
Mercedes -- at least he returns to do that."

During this time Danglars fixed his piercing glance on the
young man, on whose heart Caderousse's words fell like
molten lead.

"And when is the wedding to be?" he asked.

"Oh, it is not yet fixed!" murmured Fernand.

"No, but it will be," said Caderousse, "as surely as Dantes
will be captain of the Pharaon -- eh, Danglars?"

Danglars shuddered at this unexpected attack, and turned to
Caderousse, whose countenance he scrutinized, to try and
detect whether the blow was premeditated; but he read
nothing but envy in a countenance already rendered brutal
and stupid by drunkenness.

"Well," said he, filling the glasses, "let us drink to
Captain Edmond Dantes, husband of the beautiful Catalane!"

Caderousse raised his glass to his mouth with unsteady hand,
and swallowed the contents at a gulp. Fernand dashed his on
the ground.

"Eh, eh, eh!" stammered Caderousse. "What do I see down
there by the wall, in the direction of the Catalans? Look,
Fernand, your eyes are better than mine. I believe I see
double. You know wine is a deceiver; but I should say it was
two lovers walking side by side, and hand in hand. Heaven
forgive me, they do not know that we can see them, and they
are actually embracing!"

Danglars did not lose one pang that Fernand endured.

"Do you know them, Fernand?" he said.

"Yes," was the reply, in a low voice. "It is Edmond and
Mercedes!"

"Ah, see there, now!" said Caderousse; "and I did not
recognize them! Hallo, Dantes! hello, lovely damsel! Come
this way, and let us know when the wedding is to be, for
Fernand here is so obstinate he will not tell us."

"Hold your tongue, will you?" said Danglars, pretending to
restrain Caderousse, who, with the tenacity of drunkards,
leaned out of the arbor. "Try to stand upright, and let the
lovers make love without interruption. See, look at Fernand,
and follow his example; he is well-behaved!"

Fernand, probably excited beyond bearing, pricked by
Danglars, as the bull is by the bandilleros, was about to
rush out; for he had risen from his seat, and seemed to be
collecting himself to dash headlong upon his rival, when
Mercedes, smiling and graceful, lifted up her lovely head,
and looked at them with her clear and bright eyes. At this
Fernand recollected her threat of dying if Edmond died, and
dropped again heavily on his seat. Danglars looked at the
two men, one after the other, the one brutalized by liquor,
the other overwhelmed with love.

"I shall get nothing from these fools," he muttered; "and I
am very much afraid of being here between a drunkard and a
coward. Here's an envious fellow making himself boozy on
wine when he ought to be nursing his wrath, and here is a
fool who sees the woman he loves stolen from under his nose
and takes on like a big baby. Yet this Catalan has eyes that
glisten like those of the vengeful Spaniards, Sicilians, and
Calabrians, and the other has fists big enough to crush an
ox at one blow. Unquestionably, Edmond's star is in the
ascendant, and he will marry the splendid girl -- he will be
captain, too, and laugh at us all, unless" -- a sinister
smile passed over Danglars' lips -- "unless I take a hand in
the affair," he added.

"Hallo!" continued Caderousse, half-rising, and with his
fist on the table, "hallo, Edmond! do you not see your
friends, or are you too proud to speak to them?"

"No, my dear fellow!" replied Dantes, "I am not proud, but I
am happy, and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride."

"Ah, very well, that's an explanation!" said Caderousse.
"How do you do, Madame Dantes?"

Mercedes courtesied gravely, and said -- "That is not my
name, and in my country it bodes ill fortune, they say, to
call a young girl by the name of her betrothed before he
becomes her husband. So call me Mercedes, if you please."

"We must excuse our worthy neighbor, Caderousse," said
Dantes, "he is so easily mistaken."

"So, then, the wedding is to take place immediately, M.
Dantes," said Danglars, bowing to the young couple.

"As soon as possible, M. Danglars; to-day all preliminaries
will be arranged at my father's, and to-morrow, or next day
at latest, the wedding festival here at La Reserve. My
friends will be there, I hope; that is to say, you are
invited, M. Danglars, and you, Caderousse."

"And Fernand," said Caderousse with a chuckle; "Fernand,
too, is invited!"

"My wife's brother is my brother," said Edmond; "and we,
Mercedes and I, should be very sorry if he were absent at
such a time."

Fernand opened his mouth to reply, but his voice died on his
lips, and he could not utter a word.

"To-day the preliminaries, to-morrow or next day the
ceremony! You are in a hurry, captain!"

"Danglars," said Edmond, smiling, "I will say to you as
Mercedes said just now to Caderousse, `Do not give me a
title which does not belong to me'; that may bring me bad
luck."

"Your pardon," replied Danglars, "I merely said you seemed
in a hurry, and we have lots of time; the Pharaon cannot be
under weigh again in less than three months."

"We are always in a hurry to be happy, M. Danglars; for when
we have suffered a long time, we have great difficulty in
believing in good fortune. But it is not selfishness alone
that makes me thus in haste; I must go to Paris."

"Ah, really? -- to Paris! and will it be the first time you
have ever been there, Dantes?"

"Yes."

"Have you business there?"

"Not of my own; the last commission of poor Captain Leclere;
you know to what I allude, Danglars -- it is sacred.
Besides, I shall only take the time to go and return."

"Yes, yes, I understand," said Danglars, and then in a low
tone, he added, "To Paris, no doubt to deliver the letter
which the grand marshal gave him. Ah, this letter gives me
an idea -- a capital idea! Ah; Dantes, my friend, you are
not yet registered number one on board the good ship
Pharaon;" then turning towards Edmond, who was walking away,
"A pleasant journey," he cried.

"Thank you," said Edmond with a friendly nod, and the two
lovers continued on their way, as calm and joyous as if they
were the very elect of heaven.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 3

Danglars followed Edmond and Mercedes with his eyes until
the two lovers disappeared behind one of the angles of Fort
Saint Nicolas, then turning round, he perceived Fernand, who
had fallen, pale and trembling, into his chair, while
Caderousse stammered out the words of a drinking-song.

"Well, my dear sir," said Danglars to Fernand, "here is a
marriage which does not appear to make everybody happy."

"It drives me to despair," said Fernand.

"Do you, then, love Mercedes?"

"I adore her!"

"For long?"

"As long as I have known her -- always."

"And you sit there, tearing your hair, instead of seeking to
remedy your condition; I did not think that was the way of
your people."

"What would you have me do?" said Fernand.

"How do I know? Is it my affair? I am not in love with
Mademoiselle Mercedes; but for you -- in the words of the
gospel, seek, and you shall find."

"I have found already."

"What?"

"I would stab the man, but the woman told me that if any
misfortune happened to her betrothed, she would kill
herself."

"Pooh! Women say those things, but never do them."

"You do not know Mercedes; what she threatens she will do."

"Idiot!" muttered Danglars; "whether she kill herself or
not, what matter, provided Dantes is not captain?"

"Before Mercedes should die," replied Fernand, with the
accents of unshaken resolution, "I would die myself!"

"That's what I call love!" said Caderousse with a voice more
tipsy than ever. "That's love, or I don't know what love
is."

"Come," said Danglars, "you appear to me a good sort of
fellow, and hang me, I should like to help you, but" --

"Yes," said Caderousse, "but how?"

"My dear fellow," replied Danglars, "you are three parts
drunk; finish the bottle, and you will be completely so.
Drink then, and do not meddle with what we are discussing,
for that requires all one's wit and cool judgment."

"I -- drunk!" said Caderousse; "well that's a good one! I
could drink four more such bottles; they are no bigger than
cologne flasks. Pere Pamphile, more wine!" and Caderousse
rattled his glass upon the table.

"You were saving, sir" -- said Fernand, awaiting with great
anxiety the end of this interrupted remark.

"What was I saying? I forget. This drunken Caderousse has
made me lose the thread of my sentence."

"Drunk, if you like; so much the worse for those who fear
wine, for it is because they have bad thoughts which they
are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts;" and
Caderousse began to sing the two last lines of a song very
popular at the time, --

`Tous les mechants sont beuveurs d'eau;
C'est bien prouve par le deluge.'*

* "The wicked are great drinkers of water
As the flood proved once for all."

"You said, sir, you would like to help me, but" --

"Yes; but I added, to help you it would be sufficient that
Dantes did not marry her you love; and the marriage may
easily be thwarted, methinks, and yet Dantes need not die."

"Death alone can separate them," remarked Fernand.

"You talk like a noodle, my friend," said Caderousse; "and
here is Danglars, who is a wide-awake, clever, deep fellow,
who will prove to you that you are wrong. Prove it,
Danglars. I have answered for you. Say there is no need why
Dantes should die; it would, indeed, be a pity he should.
Dantes is a good fellow; I like Dantes. Dantes, your
health."

Fernand rose impatiently. "Let him run on," said Danglars,
restraining the young man; "drunk as he is, he is not much
out in what he says. Absence severs as well as death, and if
the walls of a prison were between Edmond and Mercedes they
would be as effectually separated as if he lay under a
tombstone."

"Yes; but one gets out of prison," said Caderousse, who,
with what sense was left him, listened eagerly to the
conversation, "and when one gets out and one's name is
Edmond Dantes, one seeks revenge" --

"What matters that?" muttered Fernand.

"And why, I should like to know," persisted Caderousse,
"should they put Dantes in prison? he has not robbed or
killed or murdered."

"Hold your tongue!" said Danglars.
Is this the same kind of fact like Pro is a hacker? Pro could have found your secret site on Google even though you know that it's protected from Google? Or that Joe Mama's real name is Martin?

BTW, it's stopped raining. Time to eat and get drunk. But, if it makes you feel better, I'll let you count this as a win, ok?

 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
It's Friday. As a matter of fact, in a few moments, if it stops raining, I won't be posting here either. Are you going to take that as a sign of you winning? Because I'm going to take it as a sign of beer and steak winning.


It's Friday? You don't say? Cause I've never been here on a Friday bef...oh wait, I have, and it's ALWAYS more active than this.

Since you have to make excuses I guess you're the one who takes the diminished posts as a sign of us winning, huh?

Nice try.

CHAPTER 1
Marseilles -- The Arrival.

On the 24th of February, 1810, the look-out at Notre-Dame de
la Garde signalled the three-master, the Pharaon from
Smyrna, Trieste, and Naples.

As usual, a pilot put off immediately, and rounding the
Chateau d'If, got on board the vessel between Cape Morgion
and Rion island.

Immediately, and according to custom, the ramparts of Fort
Saint-Jean were covered with spectators; it is always an
event at Marseilles for a ship to come into port, especially
when this ship, like the Pharaon, has been built, rigged,
and laden at the old Phocee docks, and belongs to an owner
of the city.

The ship drew on and had safely passed the strait, which
some volcanic shock has made between the Calasareigne and
Jaros islands; had doubled Pomegue, and approached the
harbor under topsails, jib, and spanker, but so slowly and
sedately that the idlers, with that instinct which is the
forerunner of evil, asked one another what misfortune could
have happened on board. However, those experienced in
navigation saw plainly that if any accident had occurred, it
was not to the vessel herself, for she bore down with all
the evidence of being skilfully handled, the anchor
a-cockbill, the jib-boom guys already eased off, and
standing by the side of the pilot, who was steering the
Pharaon towards the narrow entrance of the inner port, was a
young man, who, with activity and vigilant eye, watched
every motion of the ship, and repeated each direction of the
pilot.

The vague disquietude which prevailed among the spectators
had so much affected one of the crowd that he did not await
the arrival of the vessel in harbor, but jumping into a
small skiff, desired to be pulled alongside the Pharaon,
which he reached as she rounded into La Reserve basin.

When the young man on board saw this person approach, he
left his station by the pilot, and, hat in hand, leaned over
the ship's bulwarks.

He was a fine, tall, slim young fellow of eighteen or
twenty, with black eyes, and hair as dark as a raven's wing;
and his whole appearance bespoke that calmness and
resolution peculiar to men accustomed from their cradle to
contend with danger.

"Ah, is it you, Dantes?" cried the man in the skiff. "What's
the matter? and why have you such an air of sadness aboard?"

"A great misfortune, M. Morrel," replied the young man, --
"a great misfortune, for me especially! Off Civita Vecchia
we lost our brave Captain Leclere."

"And the cargo?" inquired the owner, eagerly.

"Is all safe, M. Morrel; and I think you will be satisfied
on that head. But poor Captain Leclere -- "

"What happened to him?" asked the owner, with an air of
considerable resignation. "What happened to the worthy
captain?"

"He died."

"Fell into the sea?"

"No, sir, he died of brain-fever in dreadful agony." Then
turning to the crew, he said, "Bear a hand there, to take in
sail!"

All hands obeyed, and at once the eight or ten seamen who
composed the crew, sprang to their respective stations at
the spanker brails and outhaul, topsail sheets and halyards,
the jib downhaul, and the topsail clewlines and buntlines.
The young sailor gave a look to see that his orders were
promptly and accurately obeyed, and then turned again to the
owner.

"And how did this misfortune occur?" inquired the latter,
resuming the interrupted conversation.

"Alas, sir, in the most unexpected manner. After a long talk
with the harbor-master, Captain Leclere left Naples greatly
disturbed in mind. In twenty-four hours he was attacked by a
fever, and died three days afterwards. We performed the
usual burial service, and he is at his rest, sewn up in his
hammock with a thirty-six pound shot at his head and his
heels, off El Giglio island. We bring to his widow his sword
and cross of honor. It was worth while, truly," added the
young man with a melancholy smile, "to make war against the
English for ten years, and to die in his bed at last, like
everybody else."

"Why, you see, Edmond," replied the owner, who appeared more
comforted at every moment, "we are all mortal, and the old
must make way for the young. If not, why, there would be no
promotion; and since you assure me that the cargo -- "

"Is all safe and sound, M. Morrel, take my word for it; and
I advise you not to take 25,000 francs for the profits of
the voyage."

Then, as they were just passing the Round Tower, the young
man shouted: "Stand by there to lower the topsails and jib;
brail up the spanker!"

The order was executed as promptly as it would have been on
board a man-of-war.

"Let go -- and clue up!" At this last command all the sails
were lowered, and the vessel moved almost imperceptibly
onwards.

"Now, if you will come on board, M. Morrel," said Dantes,
observing the owner's impatience, "here is your supercargo,
M. Danglars, coming out of his cabin, who will furnish you
with every particular. As for me, I must look after the
anchoring, and dress the ship in mourning."

The owner did not wait for a second invitation. He seized a
rope which Dantes flung to him, and with an activity that
would have done credit to a sailor, climbed up the side of
the ship, while the young man, going to his task, left the
conversation to Danglars, who now came towards the owner. He
was a man of twenty-five or twenty-six years of age, of
unprepossessing countenance, obsequious to his superiors,
insolent to his subordinates; and this, in addition to his
position as responsible agent on board, which is always
obnoxious to the sailors, made him as much disliked by the
crew as Edmond Dantes was beloved by them.

"Well, M. Morrel," said Danglars, "you have heard of the
misfortune that has befallen us?"

"Yes -- yes: poor Captain Leclere! He was a brave and an
honest man."

"And a first-rate seaman, one who had seen long and
honorable service, as became a man charged with the
interests of a house so important as that of Morrel & Son,"
replied Danglars.

"But," replied the owner, glancing after Dantes, who was
watching the anchoring of his vessel, "it seems to me that a
sailor needs not be so old as you say, Danglars, to
understand his business, for our friend Edmond seems to
understand it thoroughly, and not to require instruction
from any one."

"Yes," said Danglars, darting at Edmond a look gleaming with
hate. "Yes, he is young, and youth is invariably
self-confident. Scarcely was the captain's breath out of his
body when he assumed the command without consulting any one,
and he caused us to lose a day and a half at the Island of
Elba, instead of making for Marseilles direct."

"As to taking command of the vessel," replied Morrel, "that
was his duty as captain's mate; as to losing a day and a
half off the Island of Elba, he was wrong, unless the vessel
needed repairs."

"The vessel was in as good condition as I am, and as, I hope
you are, M. Morrel, and this day and a half was lost from
pure whim, for the pleasure of going ashore, and nothing
else."

"Dantes," said the shipowner, turning towards the young man,
"come this way!"

"In a moment, sir," answered Dantes, "and I'm with you."
Then calling to the crew, he said -- "Let go!"

The anchor was instantly dropped, and the chain ran rattling
through the port-hole. Dantes continued at his post in spite
of the presence of the pilot, until this manoeuvre was
completed, and then he added, "Half-mast the colors, and
square the yards!"

"You see," said Danglars, "he fancies himself captain
already, upon my word."

"And so, in fact, he is," said the owner.

"Except your signature and your partner's, M. Morrel."

"And why should he not have this?" asked the owner; "he is
young, it is true, but he seems to me a thorough seaman, and
of full experience."

A cloud passed over Danglars' brow. "Your pardon, M.
Morrel," said Dantes, approaching, "the vessel now rides at
anchor, and I am at your service. You hailed me, I think?"

Danglars retreated a step or two. "I wished to inquire why
you stopped at the Island of Elba?"

"I do not know, sir; it was to fulfil the last instructions
of Captain Leclere, who, when dying, gave me a packet for
Marshal Bertrand."

"Then did you see him, Edmond?"

"Who?"

"The marshal."

"Yes."

Morrel looked around him, and then, drawing Dantes on one
side, he said suddenly -- "And how is the emperor?"

"Very well, as far as I could judge from the sight of him."

"You saw the emperor, then?"

"He entered the marshal's apartment while I was there."

"And you spoke to him?"

"Why, it was he who spoke to me, sir," said Dantes, with a
smile.

"And what did he say to you?"

"Asked me questions about the vessel, the time she left
Marseilles, the course she had taken, and what was her
cargo. I believe, if she had not been laden, and I had been
her master, he would have bought her. But I told him I was
only mate, and that she belonged to the firm of Morrel &
Son. `Ah, yes,' he said, `I know them. The Morrels have been
shipowners from father to son; and there was a Morrel who
served in the same regiment with me when I was in garrison
at Valence.'"

"Pardieu, and that is true!" cried the owner, greatly
delighted. "And that was Policar Morrel, my uncle, who was
afterwards a captain. Dantes, you must tell my uncle that
the emperor remembered him, and you will see it will bring
tears into the old soldier's eyes. Come, come," continued
he, patting Edmond's shoulder kindly, "you did very right,
Dantes, to follow Captain Leclere's instructions, and touch
at Elba, although if it were known that you had conveyed a
packet to the marshal, and had conversed with the emperor,
it might bring you into trouble."

"How could that bring me into trouble, sir?" asked Dantes;
"for I did not even know of what I was the bearer; and the
emperor merely made such inquiries as he would of the first
comer. But, pardon me, here are the health officers and the
customs inspectors coming alongside." And the young man went
to the gangway. As he departed, Danglars approached, and
said, --

"Well, it appears that he has given you satisfactory reasons
for his landing at Porto-Ferrajo?"

"Yes, most satisfactory, my dear Danglars."

"Well, so much the better," said the supercargo; "for it is
not pleasant to think that a comrade has not done his duty."

"Dantes has done his," replied the owner, "and that is not
saying much. It was Captain Leclere who gave orders for this
delay."

"Talking of Captain Leclere, has not Dantes given you a
letter from him?"

"To me? -- no -- was there one?"

"I believe that, besides the packet, Captain Leclere
confided a letter to his care."

"Of what packet are you speaking, Danglars?"

"Why, that which Dantes left at Porto-Ferrajo."

"How do you know he had a packet to leave at Porto-Ferrajo?"

Danglars turned very red.

"I was passing close to the door of the captain's cabin,
which was half open, and I saw him give the packet and
letter to Dantes."

"He did not speak to me of it," replied the shipowner; "but
if there be any letter he will give it to me."

Danglars reflected for a moment. "Then, M. Morrel, I beg of
you," said he, "not to say a word to Dantes on the subject.
I may have been mistaken."

At this moment the young man returned; Danglars withdrew.

"Well, my dear Dantes, are you now free?" inquired the
owner.

"Yes, sir."

"You have not been long detained."

"No. I gave the custom-house officers a copy of our bill of
lading; and as to the other papers, they sent a man off with
the pilot, to whom I gave them."

"Then you have nothing more to do here?"

"No -- everything is all right now."

"Then you can come and dine with me?"

"I really must ask you to excuse me, M. Morrel. My first
visit is due to my father, though I am not the less grateful
for the honor you have done me."

"Right, Dantes, quite right. I always knew you were a good
son."

"And," inquired Dantes, with some hesitation, "do you know
how my father is?"

"Well, I believe, my dear Edmond, though I have not seen him
lately."

"Yes, he likes to keep himself shut up in his little room."

"That proves, at least, that he has wanted for nothing
during your absence."

Dantes smiled. "My father is proud, sir, and if he had not a
meal left, I doubt if he would have asked anything from
anyone, except from Heaven."

"Well, then, after this first visit has been made we shall
count on you."

"I must again excuse myself, M. Morrel, for after this first
visit has been paid I have another which I am most anxious
to pay."

"True, Dantes, I forgot that there was at the Catalans some
one who expects you no less impatiently than your father --
the lovely Mercedes."

Dantes blushed.

"Ah, ha," said the shipowner, "I am not in the least
surprised, for she has been to me three times, inquiring if
there were any news of the Pharaon. Peste, Edmond, you have
a very handsome mistress!"

"She is not my mistress," replied the young sailor, gravely;
"she is my betrothed."

"Sometimes one and the same thing," said Morrel, with a
smile.

"Not with us, sir," replied Dantes.

"Well, well, my dear Edmond," continued the owner, "don't
let me detain you. You have managed my affairs so well that
I ought to allow you all the time you require for your own.
Do you want any money?"

"No, sir; I have all my pay to take -- nearly three months'
wages."

"You are a careful fellow, Edmond."

"Say I have a poor father, sir."

"Yes, yes, I know how good a son you are, so now hasten away
to see your father. I have a son too, and I should be very
wroth with those who detained him from me after a three
months' voyage."

"Then I have your leave, sir?"

"Yes, if you have nothing more to say to me."

"Nothing."

"Captain Leclere did not, before he died, give you a letter
for me?"

"He was unable to write, sir. But that reminds me that I
must ask your leave of absence for some days."

"To get married?"

"Yes, first, and then to go to Paris."

"Very good; have what time you require, Dantes. It will take
quite six weeks to unload the cargo, and we cannot get you
ready for sea until three months after that; only be back
again in three months, for the Pharaon," added the owner,
patting the young sailor on the back, "cannot sail without
her captain."

"Without her captain!" cried Dantes, his eyes sparkling with
animation; "pray mind what you say, for you are touching on
the most secret wishes of my heart. Is it really your
intention to make me captain of the Pharaon?"

"If I were sole owner we'd shake hands on it now, my dear
Dantes, and call it settled; but I have a partner, and you
know the Italian proverb -- Chi ha compagno ha padrone --
`He who has a partner has a master.' But the thing is at
least half done, as you have one out of two votes. Rely on
me to procure you the other; I will do my best."

"Ah, M. Morrel," exclaimed the young seaman, with tears in
his eyes, and grasping the owner's hand, "M. Morrel, I thank
you in the name of my father and of Mercedes."

"That's all right, Edmond. There's a providence that watches
over the deserving. Go to your father: go and see Mercedes,
and afterwards come to me."

"Shall I row you ashore?"

"No, thank you; I shall remain and look over the accounts
with Danglars. Have you been satisfied with him this
voyage?"

"That is according to the sense you attach to the question,
sir. Do you mean is he a good comrade? No, for I think he
never liked me since the day when I was silly enough, after
a little quarrel we had, to propose to him to stop for ten
minutes at the island of Monte Cristo to settle the dispute
-- a proposition which I was wrong to suggest, and he quite
right to refuse. If you mean as responsible agent when you
ask me the question, I believe there is nothing to say
against him, and that you will be content with the way in
which he has performed his duty."

"But tell me, Dantes, if you had command of the Pharaon
should you be glad to see Danglars remain?"

"Captain or mate, M. Morrel, I shall always have the
greatest respect for those who possess the owners'
confidence."

"That's right, that's right, Dantes! I see you are a
thoroughly good fellow, and will detain you no longer. Go,
for I see how impatient you are."

"Then I have leave?"

"Go, I tell you."

"May I have the use of your skiff?"

"Certainly."

"Then, for the present, M. Morrel, farewell, and a thousand
thanks!"

"I hope soon to see you again, my dear Edmond. Good luck to
you."

The young sailor jumped into the skiff, and sat down in the
stern sheets, with the order that he be put ashore at La
Canebiere. The two oarsmen bent to their work, and the
little boat glided away as rapidly as possible in the midst
of the thousand vessels which choke up the narrow way which
leads between the two rows of ships from the mouth of the
harbor to the Quai d'Orleans.

The shipowner, smiling, followed him with his eyes until he
saw him spring out on the quay and disappear in the midst of
the throng, which from five o'clock in the morning until
nine o'clock at night, swarms in the famous street of La
Canebiere, -- a street of which the modern Phocaeans are so
proud that they say with all the gravity in the world, and
with that accent which gives so much character to what is
said, "If Paris had La Canebiere, Paris would be a second
Marseilles." On turning round the owner saw Danglars behind
him, apparently awaiting orders, but in reality also
watching the young sailor, -- but there was a great
difference in the expression of the two men who thus
followed the movements of Edmond Dantes.

We will leave Danglars struggling with the demon of hatred,
and endeavoring to insinuate in the ear of the shipowner
some evil suspicions against his comrade, and follow Dantes,
who, after having traversed La Canebiere, took the Rue de
Noailles, and entering a small house, on the left of the
Allees de Meillan, rapidly ascended four flights of a dark
staircase, holding the baluster with one hand, while with
the other he repressed the beatings of his heart, and paused
before a half-open door, from which he could see the whole
of a small room.

This room was occupied by Dantes' father. The news of the
arrival of the Pharaon had not yet reached the old man, who,
mounted on a chair, was amusing himself by training with
trembling hand the nasturtiums and sprays of clematis that
clambered over the trellis at his window. Suddenly, he felt
an arm thrown around his body, and a well-known voice behind
him exclaimed, "Father -- dear father!"

The old man uttered a cry, and turned round; then, seeing
his son, he fell into his arms, pale and trembling.

"What ails you, my dearest father? Are you ill?" inquired
the young man, much alarmed.

"No, no, my dear Edmond -- my boy -- my son! -- no; but I
did not expect you; and joy, the surprise of seeing you so
suddenly -- Ah, I feel as if I were going to die."

"Come, come, cheer up, my dear father! 'Tis I -- really I!
They say joy never hurts, and so I came to you without any
warning. Come now, do smile, instead of looking at me so
solemnly. Here I am back again, and we are going to be
happy."

"Yes, yes, my boy, so we will -- so we will," replied the
old man; "but how shall we be happy? Shall you never leave
me again? Come, tell me all the good fortune that has
befallen you."

"God forgive me," said the young man, "for rejoicing at
happiness derived from the misery of others, but, Heaven
knows, I did not seek this good fortune; it has happened,
and I really cannot pretend to lament it. The good Captain
Leclere is dead, father, and it is probable that, with the
aid of M. Morrel, I shall have his place. Do you understand,
father? Only imagine me a captain at twenty, with a hundred
louis pay, and a share in the profits! Is this not more than
a poor sailor like me could have hoped for?"

"Yes, my dear boy," replied the old man, "it is very
fortunate."

"Well, then, with the first money I touch, I mean you to
have a small house, with a garden in which to plant
clematis, nasturtiums, and honeysuckle. But what ails you,
father? Are you not well?"

"'Tis nothing, nothing; it will soon pass away" -- and as he
said so the old man's strength failed him, and he fell
backwards.

"Come, come," said the young man, "a glass of wine, father,
will revive you. Where do you keep your wine?"

"No, no; thanks. You need not look for it; I do not want
it," said the old man.

"Yes, yes, father, tell me where it is," and he opened two
or three cupboards.

"It is no use," said the old man, "there is no wine."

"What, no wine?" said Dantes, turning pale, and looking
alternately at the hollow cheeks of the old man and the
empty cupboards. "What, no wine? Have you wanted money,
father?"

"I want nothing now that I have you," said the old man.

"Yet," stammered Dantes, wiping the perspiration from his
brow, -- "yet I gave you two hundred francs when I left,
three months ago."

"Yes, yes, Edmond, that is true, but you forgot at that time
a little debt to our neighbor, Caderousse. He reminded me of
it, telling me if I did not pay for you, he would be paid by
M. Morrel; and so, you see, lest he might do you an injury"
--

"Well?"

"Why, I paid him."

"But," cried Dantes, "it was a hundred and forty francs I
owed Caderousse."

"Yes," stammered the old man.

"And you paid him out of the two hundred francs I left you?"

The old man nodded.

"So that you have lived for three months on sixty francs,"
muttered Edmond.

"You know how little I require," said the old man.

"Heaven pardon me," cried Edmond, falling on his knees
before his father.

"What are you doing?"

"You have wounded me to the heart."

"Never mind it, for I see you once more," said the old man;
"and now it's all over -- everything is all right again."

"Yes, here I am," said the young man, "with a promising
future and a little money. Here, father, here!" he said,
"take this -- take it, and send for something immediately."
And he emptied his pockets on the table, the contents
consisting of a dozen gold pieces, five or six five-franc
pieces, and some smaller coin. The countenance of old Dantes
brightened.

"Whom does this belong to?" he inquired.

"To me, to you, to us! Take it; buy some provisions; be
happy, and to-morrow we shall have more."

"Gently, gently," said the old man, with a smile; "and by
your leave I will use your purse moderately, for they would
say, if they saw me buy too many things at a time, that I
had been obliged to await your return, in order to be able
to purchase them."

"Do as you please; but, first of all, pray have a servant,
father. I will not have you left alone so long. I have some
smuggled coffee and most capital tobacco, in a small chest
in the hold, which you shall have to-morrow. But, hush, here
comes somebody."

"'Tis Caderousse, who has heard of your arrival, and no
doubt comes to congratulate you on your fortunate return."

"Ah, lips that say one thing, while the heart thinks
another," murmured Edmond. "But, never mind, he is a
neighbor who has done us a service on a time, so he's
welcome."

As Edmond paused, the black and bearded head of Caderousse
appeared at the door. He was a man of twenty-five or six,
and held a piece of cloth, which, being a tailor, he was
about to make into a coat-lining.

"What, is it you, Edmond, back again?" said he, with a broad
Marseillaise accent, and a grin that displayed his
ivory-white teeth.

"Yes, as you see, neighbor Caderousse; and ready to be
agreeable to you in any and every way," replied Dantes, but
ill-concealing his coldness under this cloak of civility.

"Thanks -- thanks; but, fortunately, I do not want for
anything; and it chances that at times there are others who
have need of me." Dantes made a gesture. "I do not allude to
you, my boy. No! -- no! I lent you money, and you returned
it; that's like good neighbors, and we are quits."

"We are never quits with those who oblige us," was Dantes'
reply; "for when we do not owe them money, we owe them
gratitude."

"What's the use of mentioning that? What is done is done.
Let us talk of your happy return, my boy. I had gone on the
quay to match a piece of mulberry cloth, when I met friend
Danglars. `You at Marseilles?' -- `Yes,' says he.

"`I thought you were at Smyrna.' -- `I was; but am now back
again.'

"`And where is the dear boy, our little Edmond?'

"`Why, with his father, no doubt,' replied Danglars. And so
I came," added Caderousse, "as fast as I could to have the
pleasure of shaking hands with a friend."

"Worthy Caderousse!" said the old man, "he is so much
attached to us."

"Yes, to be sure I am. I love and esteem you, because honest
folks are so rare. But it seems you have come back rich, my
boy," continued the tailor, looking askance at the handful
of gold and silver which Dantes had thrown on the table.

The young man remarked the greedy glance which shone in the
dark eyes of his neighbor. "Eh," he said, negligently. "this
money is not mine. I was expressing to my father my fears
that he had wanted many things in my absence, and to
convince me he emptied his purse on the table. Come, father"
added Dantes, "put this money back in your box -- unless
neighbor Caderousse wants anything, and in that case it is
at his service."

"No, my boy, no," said Caderousse. "I am not in any want,
thank God, my living is suited to my means. Keep your money
-- keep it, I say; -- one never has too much; -- but, at the
same time, my boy, I am as much obliged by your offer as if
I took advantage of it."

"It was offered with good will," said Dantes.

"No doubt, my boy; no doubt. Well, you stand well with M.
Morrel I hear, -- you insinuating dog, you!"

"M. Morrel has always been exceedingly kind to me," replied
Dantes.

"Then you were wrong to refuse to dine with him."

"What, did you refuse to dine with him?" said old Dantes;
"and did he invite you to dine?"

"Yes, my dear father," replied Edmond, smiling at his
father's astonishment at the excessive honor paid to his
son.

"And why did you refuse, my son?" inquired the old man.

"That I might the sooner see you again, my dear father,"
replied the young man. "I was most anxious to see you."

"But it must have vexed M. Morrel, good, worthy man," said
Caderousse. "And when you are looking forward to be captain,
it was wrong to annoy the owner."

"But I explained to him the cause of my refusal," replied
Dantes, "and I hope he fully understood it."

"Yes, but to be captain one must do a little flattery to
one's patrons."

"I hope to be captain without that," said Dantes.

"So much the better -- so much the better! Nothing will give
greater pleasure to all your old friends; and I know one
down there behind the Saint Nicolas citadel who will not be
sorry to hear it."

"Mercedes?" said the old man.

"Yes, my dear father, and with your permission, now I have
seen you, and know you are well and have all you require, I
will ask your consent to go and pay a visit to the
Catalans."

"Go, my dear boy," said old Dantes: "and heaven bless you in
your wife, as it has blessed me in my son!"

"His wife!" said Caderousse; "why, how fast you go on,
father Dantes; she is not his wife yet, as it seems to me."

"So, but according to all probability she soon will be,"
replied Edmond.

"Yes -- yes," said Caderousse; "but you were right to return
as soon as possible, my boy."

"And why?"

"Because Mercedes is a very fine girl, and fine girls never
lack followers; she particularly has them by dozens."

"Really?" answered Edmond, with a smile which had in it
traces of slight uneasiness.

"Ah, yes," continued Caderousse, "and capital offers, too;
but you know, you will be captain, and who could refuse you
then?"

"Meaning to say," replied Dantes, with a smile which but
ill-concealed his trouble, "that if I were not a captain" --

"Eh -- eh!" said Caderousse, shaking his head.

"Come, come," said the sailor, "I have a better opinion than
you of women in general, and of Mercedes in particular; and
I am certain that, captain or not, she will remain ever
faithful to me."

"So much the better -- so much the better," said Caderousse.
"When one is going to be married, there is nothing like
implicit confidence; but never mind that, my boy, -- go and
announce your arrival, and let her know all your hopes and
prospects."

"I will go directly," was Edmond's reply; and, embracing his
father, and nodding to Caderousse, he left the apartment.

Caderousse lingered for a moment, then taking leave of old
Dantes, he went downstairs to rejoin Danglars, who awaited
him at the corner of the Rue Senac.

"Well," said Danglars, "did you see him?"

"I have just left him," answered Caderousse.

"Did he allude to his hope of being captain?"

"He spoke of it as a thing already decided."

"Indeed!" said Danglars, "he is in too much hurry, it
appears to me."

"Why, it seems M. Morrel has promised him the thing."

"So that he is quite elated about it?"

"Why, yes, he is actually insolent over the matter -- has
already offered me his patronage, as if he were a grand
personage, and proffered me a loan of money, as though he
were a banker."

"Which you refused?"

"Most assuredly; although I might easily have accepted it,
for it was I who put into his hands the first silver he ever
earned; but now M. Dantes has no longer any occasion for
assistance -- he is about to become a captain."

"Pooh!" said Danglars, "he is not one yet."

"Ma foi, it will be as well if he is not," answered
Caderousse; "for if he should be, there will be really no
speaking to him."

"If we choose," replied Danglars, "he will remain what he
is; and perhaps become even less than he is."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing -- I was speaking to myself. And is he still in
love with the Catalane?"

"Over head and ears; but, unless I am much mistaken, there
will be a storm in that quarter."

"Explain yourself."

"Why should I?"

"It is more important than you think, perhaps. You do not
like Dantes?"

"I never like upstarts."

"Then tell me all you know about the Catalane."

"I know nothing for certain; only I have seen things which
induce me to believe, as I told you, that the future captain
will find some annoyance in the vicinity of the Vieilles
Infirmeries."

"What have you seen? -- come, tell me!"

"Well, every time I have seen Mercedes come into the city
she has been accompanied by a tall, strapping, black-eyed
Catalan, with a red complexion, brown skin, and fierce air,
whom she calls cousin."

"Really; and you think this cousin pays her attentions?"

"I only suppose so. What else can a strapping chap of
twenty-one mean with a fine wench of seventeen?"

"And you say that Dantes has gone to the Catalans?"

"He went before I came down."

"Let us go the same way; we will stop at La Reserve, and we
can drink a glass of La Malgue, whilst we wait for news."

"Come along," said Caderousse; "but you pay the score."

"Of course," replied Danglars; and going quickly to the
designated place, they called for a bottle of wine, and two
glasses.

Pere Pamphile had seen Dantes pass not ten minutes before;
and assured that he was at the Catalans, they sat down under
the budding foliage of the planes and sycamores, in the
branches of which the birds were singing their welcome to
one of the first days of spring.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 2

CHAPTER 3
The Catalans.

Beyond a bare, weather-worn wall, about a hundred paces from
the spot where the two friends sat looking and listening as
they drank their wine, was the village of the Catalans. Long
ago this mysterious colony quitted Spain, and settled on the
tongue of land on which it is to this day. Whence it came no
one knew, and it spoke an unknown tongue. One of its chiefs,
who understood Provencal, begged the commune of Marseilles
to give them this bare and barren promontory, where, like
the sailors of old, they had run their boats ashore. The
request was granted; and three months afterwards, around the
twelve or fifteen small vessels which had brought these
gypsies of the sea, a small village sprang up. This village,
constructed in a singular and picturesque manner, half
Moorish, half Spanish, still remains, and is inhabited by
descendants of the first comers, who speak the language of
their fathers. For three or four centuries they have
remained upon this small promontory, on which they had
settled like a flight of seabirds, without mixing with the
Marseillaise population, intermarrying, and preserving their
original customs and the costume of their mother-country as
they have preserved its language.

Our readers will follow us along the only street of this
little village, and enter with us one of the houses, which
is sunburned to the beautiful dead-leaf color peculiar to
the buildings of the country, and within coated with
whitewash, like a Spanish posada. A young and beautiful
girl, with hair as black as jet, her eyes as velvety as the
gazelle's, was leaning with her back against the wainscot,
rubbing in her slender delicately moulded fingers a bunch of
heath blossoms, the flowers of which she was picking off and
strewing on the floor; her arms, bare to the elbow, brown,
and modelled after those of the Arlesian Venus, moved with a
kind of restless impatience, and she tapped the earth with
her arched and supple foot, so as to display the pure and
full shape of her well-turned leg, in its red cotton, gray
and blue clocked, stocking. At three paces from her, seated
in a chair which he balanced on two legs, leaning his elbow
on an old worm-eaten table, was a tall young man of twenty,
or two-and-twenty, who was looking at her with an air in
which vexation and uneasiness were mingled. He questioned
her with his eyes, but the firm and steady gaze of the young
girl controlled his look.

"You see, Mercedes," said the young man, "here is Easter
come round again; tell me, is this the moment for a
wedding?"

"I have answered you a hundred times, Fernand, and really
you must be very stupid to ask me again."

"Well, repeat it, -- repeat it, I beg of you, that I may at
last believe it! Tell me for the hundredth time that you
refuse my love, which had your mother's sanction. Make me
understand once for all that you are trifling with my
happiness, that my life or death are nothing to you. Ah, to
have dreamed for ten years of being your husband, Mercedes,
and to lose that hope, which was the only stay of my
existence!"

"At least it was not I who ever encouraged you in that hope,
Fernand," replied Mercedes; "you cannot reproach me with the
slightest coquetry. I have always said to you, `I love you
as a brother; but do not ask from me more than sisterly
affection, for my heart is another's.' Is not this true,
Fernand?"

"Yes, that is very true, Mercedes," replied the young man,
"Yes, you have been cruelly frank with me; but do you forget
that it is among the Catalans a sacred law to intermarry?"

"You mistake, Fernand; it is not a law, but merely a custom,
and, I pray of you, do not cite this custom in your favor.
You are included in the conscription, Fernand, and are only
at liberty on sufferance, liable at any moment to be called
upon to take up arms. Once a soldier, what would you do with
me, a poor orphan, forlorn, without fortune, with nothing
but a half-ruined hut and a few ragged nets, the miserable
inheritance left by my father to my mother, and by my mother
to me? She has been dead a year, and you know, Fernand, I
have subsisted almost entirely on public charity. Sometimes
you pretend I am useful to you, and that is an excuse to
share with me the produce of your fishing, and I accept it,
Fernand, because you are the son of my father's brother,
because we were brought up together, and still more because
it would give you so much pain if I refuse. But I feel very
deeply that this fish which I go and sell, and with the
produce of which I buy the flax I spin, -- I feel very
keenly, Fernand, that this is charity."

"And if it were, Mercedes, poor and lone as you are, you
suit me as well as the daughter of the first shipowner or
the richest banker of Marseilles! What do such as we desire
but a good wife and careful housekeeper, and where can I
look for these better than in you?"

"Fernand," answered Mercedes, shaking her head, "a woman
becomes a bad manager, and who shall say she will remain an
honest woman, when she loves another man better than her
husband? Rest content with my friendship, for I say once
more that is all I can promise, and I will promise no more
than I can bestow."

"I understand," replied Fernand, "you can endure your own
wretchedness patiently, but you are afraid to share mine.
Well, Mercedes, beloved by you, I would tempt fortune; you
would bring me good luck, and I should become rich. I could
extend my occupation as a fisherman, might get a place as
clerk in a warehouse, and become in time a dealer myself."

"You could do no such thing, Fernand; you are a soldier, and
if you remain at the Catalans it is because there is no war;
so remain a fisherman, and contented with my friendship, as
I cannot give you more."

"Well, I will do better, Mercedes. I will be a sailor;
instead of the costume of our fathers, which you despise, I
will wear a varnished hat, a striped shirt, and a blue
jacket, with an anchor on the buttons. Would not that dress
please you?"

"What do you mean?" asked Mercedes, with an angry glance, --
"what do you mean? I do not understand you?"

"I mean, Mercedes, that you are thus harsh and cruel with
me, because you are expecting some one who is thus attired;
but perhaps he whom you await is inconstant, or if he is
not, the sea is so to him."

"Fernand," cried Mercedes, "I believed you were
good-hearted, and I was mistaken! Fernand, you are wicked to
call to your aid jealousy and the anger of God! Yes, I will
not deny it, I do await, and I do love him of whom you
speak; and, if he does not return, instead of accusing him
of the inconstancy which you insinuate, I will tell you that
he died loving me and me only." The young girl made a
gesture of rage. "I understand you, Fernand; you would be
revenged on him because I do not love you; you would cross
your Catalan knife with his dirk. What end would that
answer? To lose you my friendship if he were conquered, and
see that friendship changed into hate if you were victor.
Believe me, to seek a quarrel with a man is a bad method of
pleasing the woman who loves that man. No, Fernand, you will
not thus give way to evil thoughts. Unable to have me for
your wife, you will content yourself with having me for your
friend and sister; and besides," she added, her eyes
troubled and moistened with tears, "wait, wait, Fernand; you
said just now that the sea was treacherous, and he has been
gone four months, and during these four months there have
been some terrible storms."

Fernand made no reply, nor did he attempt to check the tears
which flowed down the cheeks of Mercedes, although for each
of these tears he would have shed his heart's blood; but
these tears flowed for another. He arose, paced a while up
and down the hut, and then, suddenly stopping before
Mercedes, with his eyes glowing and his hands clinched, --
"Say, Mercedes," he said, "once for all, is this your final
determination?"

"I love Edmond Dantes," the young girl calmly replied, "and
none but Edmond shall ever be my husband."

"And you will always love him?"

"As long as I live."

Fernand let fall his head like a defeated man, heaved a sigh
that was like a groan, and then suddenly looking her full in
the face, with clinched teeth and expanded nostrils, said,
-- "But if he is dead" --

"If he is dead, I shall die too."

"If he has forgotten you" --

"Mercedes!" called a joyous voice from without, --
"Mercedes!"

"Ah," exclaimed the young girl, blushing with delight, and
fairly leaping in excess of love, "you see he has not
forgotten me, for here he is!" And rushing towards the door,
she opened it, saying, "Here, Edmond, here I am!"

Fernand, pale and trembling, drew back, like a traveller at
the sight of a serpent, and fell into a chair beside him.
Edmond and Mercedes were clasped in each other's arms. The
burning Marseilles sun, which shot into the room through the
open door, covered them with a flood of light. At first they
saw nothing around them. Their intense happiness isolated
them from all the rest of the world, and they only spoke in
broken words, which are the tokens of a joy so extreme that
they seem rather the expression of sorrow. Suddenly Edmond
saw the gloomy, pale, and threatening countenance of
Fernand, as it was defined in the shadow. By a movement for
which he could scarcely account to himself, the young
Catalan placed his hand on the knife at his belt.

"Ah, your pardon," said Dantes, frowning in his turn; "I did
not perceive that there were three of us." Then, turning to
Mercedes, he inquired, "Who is this gentleman?"

"One who will be your best friend, Dantes, for he is my
friend, my cousin, my brother; it is Fernand -- the man
whom, after you, Edmond, I love the best in the world. Do
you not remember him?"

"Yes!" said Dantes, and without relinquishing Mercedes hand
clasped in one of his own, he extended the other to the
Catalan with a cordial air. But Fernand, instead of
responding to this amiable gesture, remained mute and
trembling. Edmond then cast his eyes scrutinizingly at the
agitated and embarrassed Mercedes, and then again on the
gloomy and menacing Fernand. This look told him all, and his
anger waxed hot.

"I did not know, when I came with such haste to you, that I
was to meet an enemy here."

"An enemy!" cried Mercedes, with an angry look at her
cousin. "An enemy in my house, do you say, Edmond! If I
believed that, I would place my arm under yours and go with
you to Marseilles, leaving the house to return to it no
more."

Fernand's eye darted lightning. "And should any misfortune
occur to you, dear Edmond," she continued with the same
calmness which proved to Fernand that the young girl had
read the very innermost depths of his sinister thought, "if
misfortune should occur to you, I would ascend the highest
point of the Cape de Morgion and cast myself headlong from
it."

Fernand became deadly pale. "But you are deceived, Edmond,"
she continued. "You have no enemy here -- there is no one
but Fernand, my brother, who will grasp your hand as a
devoted friend."

And at these words the young girl fixed her imperious look
on the Catalan, who, as if fascinated by it, came slowly
towards Edmond, and offered him his hand. His hatred, like a
powerless though furious wave, was broken against the strong
ascendancy which Mercedes exercised over him. Scarcely,
however, had he touched Edmond's hand than he felt he had
done all he could do, and rushed hastily out of the house.

"Oh," he exclaimed, running furiously and tearing his hair
-- "Oh, who will deliver me from this man? Wretched --
wretched that I am!"

"Hallo, Catalan! Hallo, Fernand! where are you running to?"
exclaimed a voice.

The young man stopped suddenly, looked around him, and
perceived Caderousse sitting at table with Danglars, under
an arbor.

"Well", said Caderousse, "why don't you come? Are you really
in such a hurry that you have no time to pass the time of
day with your friends?"

"Particularly when they have still a full bottle before
them," added Danglars. Fernand looked at them both with a
stupefied air, but did not say a word.

"He seems besotted," said Danglars, pushing Caderousse with
his knee. "Are we mistaken, and is Dantes triumphant in
spite of all we have believed?"

"Why, we must inquire into that," was Caderousse's reply;
and turning towards the young man, said, "Well, Catalan,
can't you make up your mind?"

Fernand wiped away the perspiration steaming from his brow,
and slowly entered the arbor, whose shade seemed to restore
somewhat of calmness to his senses, and whose coolness
somewhat of refreshment to his exhausted body.

"Good-day," said he. "You called me, didn't you?" And he
fell, rather than sat down, on one of the seats which
surrounded the table.

"I called you because you were running like a madman, and I
was afraid you would throw yourself into the sea," said
Caderousse, laughing. "Why, when a man has friends, they are
not only to offer him a glass of wine, but, moreover, to
prevent his swallowing three or four pints of water
unnecessarily!"

Fernand gave a groan, which resembled a sob, and dropped his
head into his hands, his elbows leaning on the table.

"Well, Fernand, I must say," said Caderousse, beginning the
conversation, with that brutality of the common people in
which curiosity destroys all diplomacy, "you look uncommonly
like a rejected lover;" and he burst into a hoarse laugh.

"Bah!" said Danglars, "a lad of his make was not born to be
unhappy in love. You are laughing at him, Caderousse."

"No," he replied, "only hark how he sighs! Come, come,
Fernand," said Caderousse, "hold up your head, and answer
us. It's not polite not to reply to friends who ask news of
your health."

"My health is well enough," said Fernand, clinching his
hands without raising his head.

"Ah, you see, Danglars," said Caderousse, winking at his
friend, "this is how it is; Fernand, whom you see here, is a
good and brave Catalan, one of the best fishermen in
Marseilles, and he is in love with a very fine girl, named
Mercedes; but it appears, unfortunately, that the fine girl
is in love with the mate of the Pharaon; and as the Pharaon
arrived to-day -- why, you understand!"

"No; I do not understand," said Danglars.

"Poor Fernand has been dismissed," continued Caderousse.

"Well, and what then?" said Fernand, lifting up his head,
and looking at Caderousse like a man who looks for some one
on whom to vent his anger; "Mercedes is not accountable to
any person, is she? Is she not free to love whomsoever she
will?"

"Oh, if you take it in that sense," said Caderousse, "it is
another thing. But I thought you were a Catalan, and they
told me the Catalans were not men to allow themselves to be
supplanted by a rival. It was even told me that Fernand,
especially, was terrible in his vengeance."

Fernand smiled piteously. "A lover is never terrible," he
said.

"Poor fellow!" remarked Danglars, affecting to pity the
young man from the bottom of his heart. "Why, you see, he
did not expect to see Dantes return so suddenly -- he
thought he was dead, perhaps; or perchance faithless! These
things always come on us more severely when they come
suddenly."

"Ah, ma foi, under any circumstances," said Caderousse, who
drank as he spoke, and on whom the fumes of the wine began
to take effect, -- "under any circumstances Fernand is not
the only person put out by the fortunate arrival of Dantes;
is he, Danglars?"

"No, you are right -- and I should say that would bring him
ill-luck."

"Well, never mind," answered Caderousse, pouring out a glass
of wine for Fernand, and filling his own for the eighth or
ninth time, while Danglars had merely sipped his. "Never
mind -- in the meantime he marries Mercedes -- the lovely
Mercedes -- at least he returns to do that."

During this time Danglars fixed his piercing glance on the
young man, on whose heart Caderousse's words fell like
molten lead.

"And when is the wedding to be?" he asked.

"Oh, it is not yet fixed!" murmured Fernand.

"No, but it will be," said Caderousse, "as surely as Dantes
will be captain of the Pharaon -- eh, Danglars?"

Danglars shuddered at this unexpected attack, and turned to
Caderousse, whose countenance he scrutinized, to try and
detect whether the blow was premeditated; but he read
nothing but envy in a countenance already rendered brutal
and stupid by drunkenness.

"Well," said he, filling the glasses, "let us drink to
Captain Edmond Dantes, husband of the beautiful Catalane!"

Caderousse raised his glass to his mouth with unsteady hand,
and swallowed the contents at a gulp. Fernand dashed his on
the ground.

"Eh, eh, eh!" stammered Caderousse. "What do I see down
there by the wall, in the direction of the Catalans? Look,
Fernand, your eyes are better than mine. I believe I see
double. You know wine is a deceiver; but I should say it was
two lovers walking side by side, and hand in hand. Heaven
forgive me, they do not know that we can see them, and they
are actually embracing!"

Danglars did not lose one pang that Fernand endured.

"Do you know them, Fernand?" he said.

"Yes," was the reply, in a low voice. "It is Edmond and
Mercedes!"

"Ah, see there, now!" said Caderousse; "and I did not
recognize them! Hallo, Dantes! hello, lovely damsel! Come
this way, and let us know when the wedding is to be, for
Fernand here is so obstinate he will not tell us."

"Hold your tongue, will you?" said Danglars, pretending to
restrain Caderousse, who, with the tenacity of drunkards,
leaned out of the arbor. "Try to stand upright, and let the
lovers make love without interruption. See, look at Fernand,
and follow his example; he is well-behaved!"

Fernand, probably excited beyond bearing, pricked by
Danglars, as the bull is by the bandilleros, was about to
rush out; for he had risen from his seat, and seemed to be
collecting himself to dash headlong upon his rival, when
Mercedes, smiling and graceful, lifted up her lovely head,
and looked at them with her clear and bright eyes. At this
Fernand recollected her threat of dying if Edmond died, and
dropped again heavily on his seat. Danglars looked at the
two men, one after the other, the one brutalized by liquor,
the other overwhelmed with love.

"I shall get nothing from these fools," he muttered; "and I
am very much afraid of being here between a drunkard and a
coward. Here's an envious fellow making himself boozy on
wine when he ought to be nursing his wrath, and here is a
fool who sees the woman he loves stolen from under his nose
and takes on like a big baby. Yet this Catalan has eyes that
glisten like those of the vengeful Spaniards, Sicilians, and
Calabrians, and the other has fists big enough to crush an
ox at one blow. Unquestionably, Edmond's star is in the
ascendant, and he will marry the splendid girl -- he will be
captain, too, and laugh at us all, unless" -- a sinister
smile passed over Danglars' lips -- "unless I take a hand in
the affair," he added.

"Hallo!" continued Caderousse, half-rising, and with his
fist on the table, "hallo, Edmond! do you not see your
friends, or are you too proud to speak to them?"

"No, my dear fellow!" replied Dantes, "I am not proud, but I
am happy, and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride."

"Ah, very well, that's an explanation!" said Caderousse.
"How do you do, Madame Dantes?"

Mercedes courtesied gravely, and said -- "That is not my
name, and in my country it bodes ill fortune, they say, to
call a young girl by the name of her betrothed before he
becomes her husband. So call me Mercedes, if you please."

"We must excuse our worthy neighbor, Caderousse," said
Dantes, "he is so easily mistaken."

"So, then, the wedding is to take place immediately, M.
Dantes," said Danglars, bowing to the young couple.

"As soon as possible, M. Danglars; to-day all preliminaries
will be arranged at my father's, and to-morrow, or next day
at latest, the wedding festival here at La Reserve. My
friends will be there, I hope; that is to say, you are
invited, M. Danglars, and you, Caderousse."

"And Fernand," said Caderousse with a chuckle; "Fernand,
too, is invited!"

"My wife's brother is my brother," said Edmond; "and we,
Mercedes and I, should be very sorry if he were absent at
such a time."

Fernand opened his mouth to reply, but his voice died on his
lips, and he could not utter a word.

"To-day the preliminaries, to-morrow or next day the
ceremony! You are in a hurry, captain!"

"Danglars," said Edmond, smiling, "I will say to you as
Mercedes said just now to Caderousse, `Do not give me a
title which does not belong to me'; that may bring me bad
luck."

"Your pardon," replied Danglars, "I merely said you seemed
in a hurry, and we have lots of time; the Pharaon cannot be
under weigh again in less than three months."

"We are always in a hurry to be happy, M. Danglars; for when
we have suffered a long time, we have great difficulty in
believing in good fortune. But it is not selfishness alone
that makes me thus in haste; I must go to Paris."

"Ah, really? -- to Paris! and will it be the first time you
have ever been there, Dantes?"

"Yes."

"Have you business there?"

"Not of my own; the last commission of poor Captain Leclere;
you know to what I allude, Danglars -- it is sacred.
Besides, I shall only take the time to go and return."

"Yes, yes, I understand," said Danglars, and then in a low
tone, he added, "To Paris, no doubt to deliver the letter
which the grand marshal gave him. Ah, this letter gives me
an idea -- a capital idea! Ah; Dantes, my friend, you are
not yet registered number one on board the good ship
Pharaon;" then turning towards Edmond, who was walking away,
"A pleasant journey," he cried.

"Thank you," said Edmond with a friendly nod, and the two
lovers continued on their way, as calm and joyous as if they
were the very elect of heaven.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 3

Danglars followed Edmond and Mercedes with his eyes until
the two lovers disappeared behind one of the angles of Fort
Saint Nicolas, then turning round, he perceived Fernand, who
had fallen, pale and trembling, into his chair, while
Caderousse stammered out the words of a drinking-song.

"Well, my dear sir," said Danglars to Fernand, "here is a
marriage which does not appear to make everybody happy."

"It drives me to despair," said Fernand.

"Do you, then, love Mercedes?"

"I adore her!"

"For long?"

"As long as I have known her -- always."

"And you sit there, tearing your hair, instead of seeking to
remedy your condition; I did not think that was the way of
your people."

"What would you have me do?" said Fernand.

"How do I know? Is it my affair? I am not in love with
Mademoiselle Mercedes; but for you -- in the words of the
gospel, seek, and you shall find."

"I have found already."

"What?"

"I would stab the man, but the woman told me that if any
misfortune happened to her betrothed, she would kill
herself."

"Pooh! Women say those things, but never do them."

"You do not know Mercedes; what she threatens she will do."

"Idiot!" muttered Danglars; "whether she kill herself or
not, what matter, provided Dantes is not captain?"

"Before Mercedes should die," replied Fernand, with the
accents of unshaken resolution, "I would die myself!"

"That's what I call love!" said Caderousse with a voice more
tipsy than ever. "That's love, or I don't know what love
is."

"Come," said Danglars, "you appear to me a good sort of
fellow, and hang me, I should like to help you, but" --

"Yes," said Caderousse, "but how?"

"My dear fellow," replied Danglars, "you are three parts
drunk; finish the bottle, and you will be completely so.
Drink then, and do not meddle with what we are discussing,
for that requires all one's wit and cool judgment."

"I -- drunk!" said Caderousse; "well that's a good one! I
could drink four more such bottles; they are no bigger than
cologne flasks. Pere Pamphile, more wine!" and Caderousse
rattled his glass upon the table.

"You were saving, sir" -- said Fernand, awaiting with great
anxiety the end of this interrupted remark.

"What was I saying? I forget. This drunken Caderousse has
made me lose the thread of my sentence."

"Drunk, if you like; so much the worse for those who fear
wine, for it is because they have bad thoughts which they
are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts;" and
Caderousse began to sing the two last lines of a song very
popular at the time, --

`Tous les mechants sont beuveurs d'eau;
C'est bien prouve par le deluge.'*

* "The wicked are great drinkers of water
As the flood proved once for all."

"You said, sir, you would like to help me, but" --

"Yes; but I added, to help you it would be sufficient that
Dantes did not marry her you love; and the marriage may
easily be thwarted, methinks, and yet Dantes need not die."

"Death alone can separate them," remarked Fernand.

"You talk like a noodle, my friend," said Caderousse; "and
here is Danglars, who is a wide-awake, clever, deep fellow,
who will prove to you that you are wrong. Prove it,
Danglars. I have answered for you. Say there is no need why
Dantes should die; it would, indeed, be a pity he should.
Dantes is a good fellow; I like Dantes. Dantes, your
health."

Fernand rose impatiently. "Let him run on," said Danglars,
restraining the young man; "drunk as he is, he is not much
out in what he says. Absence severs as well as death, and if
the walls of a prison were between Edmond and
Nope, has nothing to do with those tactics. We spammed, you guys posted less. Simple.

BTW, you sound like us when are trying to convince you guys you haven't won anything. Difference is...I'm not saying we won. I'm just saying we've affected you. Deny it all you want, but it's the "obvious" truth.

CHAPTER 1
Marseilles -- The Arrival.

On the 24th of February, 1810, the look-out at Notre-Dame de
la Garde signalled the three-master, the Pharaon from
Smyrna, Trieste, and Naples.

As usual, a pilot put off immediately, and rounding the
Chateau d'If, got on board the vessel between Cape Morgion
and Rion island.

Immediately, and according to custom, the ramparts of Fort
Saint-Jean were covered with spectators; it is always an
event at Marseilles for a ship to come into port, especially
when this ship, like the Pharaon, has been built, rigged,
and laden at the old Phocee docks, and belongs to an owner
of the city.

The ship drew on and had safely passed the strait, which
some volcanic shock has made between the Calasareigne and
Jaros islands; had doubled Pomegue, and approached the
harbor under topsails, jib, and spanker, but so slowly and
sedately that the idlers, with that instinct which is the
forerunner of evil, asked one another what misfortune could
have happened on board. However, those experienced in
navigation saw plainly that if any accident had occurred, it
was not to the vessel herself, for she bore down with all
the evidence of being skilfully handled, the anchor
a-cockbill, the jib-boom guys already eased off, and
standing by the side of the pilot, who was steering the
Pharaon towards the narrow entrance of the inner port, was a
young man, who, with activity and vigilant eye, watched
every motion of the ship, and repeated each direction of the
pilot.

The vague disquietude which prevailed among the spectators
had so much affected one of the crowd that he did not await
the arrival of the vessel in harbor, but jumping into a
small skiff, desired to be pulled alongside the Pharaon,
which he reached as she rounded into La Reserve basin.

When the young man on board saw this person approach, he
left his station by the pilot, and, hat in hand, leaned over
the ship's bulwarks.

He was a fine, tall, slim young fellow of eighteen or
twenty, with black eyes, and hair as dark as a raven's wing;
and his whole appearance bespoke that calmness and
resolution peculiar to men accustomed from their cradle to
contend with danger.

"Ah, is it you, Dantes?" cried the man in the skiff. "What's
the matter? and why have you such an air of sadness aboard?"

"A great misfortune, M. Morrel," replied the young man, --
"a great misfortune, for me especially! Off Civita Vecchia
we lost our brave Captain Leclere."

"And the cargo?" inquired the owner, eagerly.

"Is all safe, M. Morrel; and I think you will be satisfied
on that head. But poor Captain Leclere -- "

"What happened to him?" asked the owner, with an air of
considerable resignation. "What happened to the worthy
captain?"

"He died."

"Fell into the sea?"

"No, sir, he died of brain-fever in dreadful agony." Then
turning to the crew, he said, "Bear a hand there, to take in
sail!"

All hands obeyed, and at once the eight or ten seamen who
composed the crew, sprang to their respective stations at
the spanker brails and outhaul, topsail sheets and halyards,
the jib downhaul, and the topsail clewlines and buntlines.
The young sailor gave a look to see that his orders were
promptly and accurately obeyed, and then turned again to the
owner.

"And how did this misfortune occur?" inquired the latter,
resuming the interrupted conversation.

"Alas, sir, in the most unexpected manner. After a long talk
with the harbor-master, Captain Leclere left Naples greatly
disturbed in mind. In twenty-four hours he was attacked by a
fever, and died three days afterwards. We performed the
usual burial service, and he is at his rest, sewn up in his
hammock with a thirty-six pound shot at his head and his
heels, off El Giglio island. We bring to his widow his sword
and cross of honor. It was worth while, truly," added the
young man with a melancholy smile, "to make war against the
English for ten years, and to die in his bed at last, like
everybody else."

"Why, you see, Edmond," replied the owner, who appeared more
comforted at every moment, "we are all mortal, and the old
must make way for the young. If not, why, there would be no
promotion; and since you assure me that the cargo -- "

"Is all safe and sound, M. Morrel, take my word for it; and
I advise you not to take 25,000 francs for the profits of
the voyage."

Then, as they were just passing the Round Tower, the young
man shouted: "Stand by there to lower the topsails and jib;
brail up the spanker!"

The order was executed as promptly as it would have been on
board a man-of-war.

"Let go -- and clue up!" At this last command all the sails
were lowered, and the vessel moved almost imperceptibly
onwards.

"Now, if you will come on board, M. Morrel," said Dantes,
observing the owner's impatience, "here is your supercargo,
M. Danglars, coming out of his cabin, who will furnish you
with every particular. As for me, I must look after the
anchoring, and dress the ship in mourning."

The owner did not wait for a second invitation. He seized a
rope which Dantes flung to him, and with an activity that
would have done credit to a sailor, climbed up the side of
the ship, while the young man, going to his task, left the
conversation to Danglars, who now came towards the owner. He
was a man of twenty-five or twenty-six years of age, of
unprepossessing countenance, obsequious to his superiors,
insolent to his subordinates; and this, in addition to his
position as responsible agent on board, which is always
obnoxious to the sailors, made him as much disliked by the
crew as Edmond Dantes was beloved by them.

"Well, M. Morrel," said Danglars, "you have heard of the
misfortune that has befallen us?"

"Yes -- yes: poor Captain Leclere! He was a brave and an
honest man."

"And a first-rate seaman, one who had seen long and
honorable service, as became a man charged with the
interests of a house so important as that of Morrel & Son,"
replied Danglars.

"But," replied the owner, glancing after Dantes, who was
watching the anchoring of his vessel, "it seems to me that a
sailor needs not be so old as you say, Danglars, to
understand his business, for our friend Edmond seems to
understand it thoroughly, and not to require instruction
from any one."

"Yes," said Danglars, darting at Edmond a look gleaming with
hate. "Yes, he is young, and youth is invariably
self-confident. Scarcely was the captain's breath out of his
body when he assumed the command without consulting any one,
and he caused us to lose a day and a half at the Island of
Elba, instead of making for Marseilles direct."

"As to taking command of the vessel," replied Morrel, "that
was his duty as captain's mate; as to losing a day and a
half off the Island of Elba, he was wrong, unless the vessel
needed repairs."

"The vessel was in as good condition as I am, and as, I hope
you are, M. Morrel, and this day and a half was lost from
pure whim, for the pleasure of going ashore, and nothing
else."

"Dantes," said the shipowner, turning towards the young man,
"come this way!"

"In a moment, sir," answered Dantes, "and I'm with you."
Then calling to the crew, he said -- "Let go!"

The anchor was instantly dropped, and the chain ran rattling
through the port-hole. Dantes continued at his post in spite
of the presence of the pilot, until this manoeuvre was
completed, and then he added, "Half-mast the colors, and
square the yards!"

"You see," said Danglars, "he fancies himself captain
already, upon my word."

"And so, in fact, he is," said the owner.

"Except your signature and your partner's, M. Morrel."

"And why should he not have this?" asked the owner; "he is
young, it is true, but he seems to me a thorough seaman, and
of full experience."

A cloud passed over Danglars' brow. "Your pardon, M.
Morrel," said Dantes, approaching, "the vessel now rides at
anchor, and I am at your service. You hailed me, I think?"

Danglars retreated a step or two. "I wished to inquire why
you stopped at the Island of Elba?"

"I do not know, sir; it was to fulfil the last instructions
of Captain Leclere, who, when dying, gave me a packet for
Marshal Bertrand."

"Then did you see him, Edmond?"

"Who?"

"The marshal."

"Yes."

Morrel looked around him, and then, drawing Dantes on one
side, he said suddenly -- "And how is the emperor?"

"Very well, as far as I could judge from the sight of him."

"You saw the emperor, then?"

"He entered the marshal's apartment while I was there."

"And you spoke to him?"

"Why, it was he who spoke to me, sir," said Dantes, with a
smile.

"And what did he say to you?"

"Asked me questions about the vessel, the time she left
Marseilles, the course she had taken, and what was her
cargo. I believe, if she had not been laden, and I had been
her master, he would have bought her. But I told him I was
only mate, and that she belonged to the firm of Morrel &
Son. `Ah, yes,' he said, `I know them. The Morrels have been
shipowners from father to son; and there was a Morrel who
served in the same regiment with me when I was in garrison
at Valence.'"

"Pardieu, and that is true!" cried the owner, greatly
delighted. "And that was Policar Morrel, my uncle, who was
afterwards a captain. Dantes, you must tell my uncle that
the emperor remembered him, and you will see it will bring
tears into the old soldier's eyes. Come, come," continued
he, patting Edmond's shoulder kindly, "you did very right,
Dantes, to follow Captain Leclere's instructions, and touch
at Elba, although if it were known that you had conveyed a
packet to the marshal, and had conversed with the emperor,
it might bring you into trouble."

"How could that bring me into trouble, sir?" asked Dantes;
"for I did not even know of what I was the bearer; and the
emperor merely made such inquiries as he would of the first
comer. But, pardon me, here are the health officers and the
customs inspectors coming alongside." And the young man went
to the gangway. As he departed, Danglars approached, and
said, --

"Well, it appears that he has given you satisfactory reasons
for his landing at Porto-Ferrajo?"

"Yes, most satisfactory, my dear Danglars."

"Well, so much the better," said the supercargo; "for it is
not pleasant to think that a comrade has not done his duty."

"Dantes has done his," replied the owner, "and that is not
saying much. It was Captain Leclere who gave orders for this
delay."

"Talking of Captain Leclere, has not Dantes given you a
letter from him?"

"To me? -- no -- was there one?"

"I believe that, besides the packet, Captain Leclere
confided a letter to his care."

"Of what packet are you speaking, Danglars?"

"Why, that which Dantes left at Porto-Ferrajo."

"How do you know he had a packet to leave at Porto-Ferrajo?"

Danglars turned very red.

"I was passing close to the door of the captain's cabin,
which was half open, and I saw him give the packet and
letter to Dantes."

"He did not speak to me of it," replied the shipowner; "but
if there be any letter he will give it to me."

Danglars reflected for a moment. "Then, M. Morrel, I beg of
you," said he, "not to say a word to Dantes on the subject.
I may have been mistaken."

At this moment the young man returned; Danglars withdrew.

"Well, my dear Dantes, are you now free?" inquired the
owner.

"Yes, sir."

"You have not been long detained."

"No. I gave the custom-house officers a copy of our bill of
lading; and as to the other papers, they sent a man off with
the pilot, to whom I gave them."

"Then you have nothing more to do here?"

"No -- everything is all right now."

"Then you can come and dine with me?"

"I really must ask you to excuse me, M. Morrel. My first
visit is due to my father, though I am not the less grateful
for the honor you have done me."

"Right, Dantes, quite right. I always knew you were a good
son."

"And," inquired Dantes, with some hesitation, "do you know
how my father is?"

"Well, I believe, my dear Edmond, though I have not seen him
lately."

"Yes, he likes to keep himself shut up in his little room."

"That proves, at least, that he has wanted for nothing
during your absence."

Dantes smiled. "My father is proud, sir, and if he had not a
meal left, I doubt if he would have asked anything from
anyone, except from Heaven."

"Well, then, after this first visit has been made we shall
count on you."

"I must again excuse myself, M. Morrel, for after this first
visit has been paid I have another which I am most anxious
to pay."

"True, Dantes, I forgot that there was at the Catalans some
one who expects you no less impatiently than your father --
the lovely Mercedes."

Dantes blushed.

"Ah, ha," said the shipowner, "I am not in the least
surprised, for she has been to me three times, inquiring if
there were any news of the Pharaon. Peste, Edmond, you have
a very handsome mistress!"

"She is not my mistress," replied the young sailor, gravely;
"she is my betrothed."

"Sometimes one and the same thing," said Morrel, with a
smile.

"Not with us, sir," replied Dantes.

"Well, well, my dear Edmond," continued the owner, "don't
let me detain you. You have managed my affairs so well that
I ought to allow you all the time you require for your own.
Do you want any money?"

"No, sir; I have all my pay to take -- nearly three months'
wages."

"You are a careful fellow, Edmond."

"Say I have a poor father, sir."

"Yes, yes, I know how good a son you are, so now hasten away
to see your father. I have a son too, and I should be very
wroth with those who detained him from me after a three
months' voyage."

"Then I have your leave, sir?"

"Yes, if you have nothing more to say to me."

"Nothing."

"Captain Leclere did not, before he died, give you a letter
for me?"

"He was unable to write, sir. But that reminds me that I
must ask your leave of absence for some days."

"To get married?"

"Yes, first, and then to go to Paris."

"Very good; have what time you require, Dantes. It will take
quite six weeks to unload the cargo, and we cannot get you
ready for sea until three months after that; only be back
again in three months, for the Pharaon," added the owner,
patting the young sailor on the back, "cannot sail without
her captain."

"Without her captain!" cried Dantes, his eyes sparkling with
animation; "pray mind what you say, for you are touching on
the most secret wishes of my heart. Is it really your
intention to make me captain of the Pharaon?"

"If I were sole owner we'd shake hands on it now, my dear
Dantes, and call it settled; but I have a partner, and you
know the Italian proverb -- Chi ha compagno ha padrone --
`He who has a partner has a master.' But the thing is at
least half done, as you have one out of two votes. Rely on
me to procure you the other; I will do my best."

"Ah, M. Morrel," exclaimed the young seaman, with tears in
his eyes, and grasping the owner's hand, "M. Morrel, I thank
you in the name of my father and of Mercedes."

"That's all right, Edmond. There's a providence that watches
over the deserving. Go to your father: go and see Mercedes,
and afterwards come to me."

"Shall I row you ashore?"

"No, thank you; I shall remain and look over the accounts
with Danglars. Have you been satisfied with him this
voyage?"

"That is according to the sense you attach to the question,
sir. Do you mean is he a good comrade? No, for I think he
never liked me since the day when I was silly enough, after
a little quarrel we had, to propose to him to stop for ten
minutes at the island of Monte Cristo to settle the dispute
-- a proposition which I was wrong to suggest, and he quite
right to refuse. If you mean as responsible agent when you
ask me the question, I believe there is nothing to say
against him, and that you will be content with the way in
which he has performed his duty."

"But tell me, Dantes, if you had command of the Pharaon
should you be glad to see Danglars remain?"

"Captain or mate, M. Morrel, I shall always have the
greatest respect for those who possess the owners'
confidence."

"That's right, that's right, Dantes! I see you are a
thoroughly good fellow, and will detain you no longer. Go,
for I see how impatient you are."

"Then I have leave?"

"Go, I tell you."

"May I have the use of your skiff?"

"Certainly."

"Then, for the present, M. Morrel, farewell, and a thousand
thanks!"

"I hope soon to see you again, my dear Edmond. Good luck to
you."

The young sailor jumped into the skiff, and sat down in the
stern sheets, with the order that he be put ashore at La
Canebiere. The two oarsmen bent to their work, and the
little boat glided away as rapidly as possible in the midst
of the thousand vessels which choke up the narrow way which
leads between the two rows of ships from the mouth of the
harbor to the Quai d'Orleans.

The shipowner, smiling, followed him with his eyes until he
saw him spring out on the quay and disappear in the midst of
the throng, which from five o'clock in the morning until
nine o'clock at night, swarms in the famous street of La
Canebiere, -- a street of which the modern Phocaeans are so
proud that they say with all the gravity in the world, and
with that accent which gives so much character to what is
said, "If Paris had La Canebiere, Paris would be a second
Marseilles." On turning round the owner saw Danglars behind
him, apparently awaiting orders, but in reality also
watching the young sailor, -- but there was a great
difference in the expression of the two men who thus
followed the movements of Edmond Dantes.

We will leave Danglars struggling with the demon of hatred,
and endeavoring to insinuate in the ear of the shipowner
some evil suspicions against his comrade, and follow Dantes,
who, after having traversed La Canebiere, took the Rue de
Noailles, and entering a small house, on the left of the
Allees de Meillan, rapidly ascended four flights of a dark
staircase, holding the baluster with one hand, while with
the other he repressed the beatings of his heart, and paused
before a half-open door, from which he could see the whole
of a small room.

This room was occupied by Dantes' father. The news of the
arrival of the Pharaon had not yet reached the old man, who,
mounted on a chair, was amusing himself by training with
trembling hand the nasturtiums and sprays of clematis that
clambered over the trellis at his window. Suddenly, he felt
an arm thrown around his body, and a well-known voice behind
him exclaimed, "Father -- dear father!"

The old man uttered a cry, and turned round; then, seeing
his son, he fell into his arms, pale and trembling.

"What ails you, my dearest father? Are you ill?" inquired
the young man, much alarmed.

"No, no, my dear Edmond -- my boy -- my son! -- no; but I
did not expect you; and joy, the surprise of seeing you so
suddenly -- Ah, I feel as if I were going to die."

"Come, come, cheer up, my dear father! 'Tis I -- really I!
They say joy never hurts, and so I came to you without any
warning. Come now, do smile, instead of looking at me so
solemnly. Here I am back again, and we are going to be
happy."

"Yes, yes, my boy, so we will -- so we will," replied the
old man; "but how shall we be happy? Shall you never leave
me again? Come, tell me all the good fortune that has
befallen you."

"God forgive me," said the young man, "for rejoicing at
happiness derived from the misery of others, but, Heaven
knows, I did not seek this good fortune; it has happened,
and I really cannot pretend to lament it. The good Captain
Leclere is dead, father, and it is probable that, with the
aid of M. Morrel, I shall have his place. Do you understand,
father? Only imagine me a captain at twenty, with a hundred
louis pay, and a share in the profits! Is this not more than
a poor sailor like me could have hoped for?"

"Yes, my dear boy," replied the old man, "it is very
fortunate."

"Well, then, with the first money I touch, I mean you to
have a small house, with a garden in which to plant
clematis, nasturtiums, and honeysuckle. But what ails you,
father? Are you not well?"

"'Tis nothing, nothing; it will soon pass away" -- and as he
said so the old man's strength failed him, and he fell
backwards.

"Come, come," said the young man, "a glass of wine, father,
will revive you. Where do you keep your wine?"

"No, no; thanks. You need not look for it; I do not want
it," said the old man.

"Yes, yes, father, tell me where it is," and he opened two
or three cupboards.

"It is no use," said the old man, "there is no wine."

"What, no wine?" said Dantes, turning pale, and looking
alternately at the hollow cheeks of the old man and the
empty cupboards. "What, no wine? Have you wanted money,
father?"

"I want nothing now that I have you," said the old man.

"Yet," stammered Dantes, wiping the perspiration from his
brow, -- "yet I gave you two hundred francs when I left,
three months ago."

"Yes, yes, Edmond, that is true, but you forgot at that time
a little debt to our neighbor, Caderousse. He reminded me of
it, telling me if I did not pay for you, he would be paid by
M. Morrel; and so, you see, lest he might do you an injury"
--

"Well?"

"Why, I paid him."

"But," cried Dantes, "it was a hundred and forty francs I
owed Caderousse."

"Yes," stammered the old man.

"And you paid him out of the two hundred francs I left you?"

The old man nodded.

"So that you have lived for three months on sixty francs,"
muttered Edmond.

"You know how little I require," said the old man.

"Heaven pardon me," cried Edmond, falling on his knees
before his father.

"What are you doing?"

"You have wounded me to the heart."

"Never mind it, for I see you once more," said the old man;
"and now it's all over -- everything is all right again."

"Yes, here I am," said the young man, "with a promising
future and a little money. Here, father, here!" he said,
"take this -- take it, and send for something immediately."
And he emptied his pockets on the table, the contents
consisting of a dozen gold pieces, five or six five-franc
pieces, and some smaller coin. The countenance of old Dantes
brightened.

"Whom does this belong to?" he inquired.

"To me, to you, to us! Take it; buy some provisions; be
happy, and to-morrow we shall have more."

"Gently, gently," said the old man, with a smile; "and by
your leave I will use your purse moderately, for they would
say, if they saw me buy too many things at a time, that I
had been obliged to await your return, in order to be able
to purchase them."

"Do as you please; but, first of all, pray have a servant,
father. I will not have you left alone so long. I have some
smuggled coffee and most capital tobacco, in a small chest
in the hold, which you shall have to-morrow. But, hush, here
comes somebody."

"'Tis Caderousse, who has heard of your arrival, and no
doubt comes to congratulate you on your fortunate return."

"Ah, lips that say one thing, while the heart thinks
another," murmured Edmond. "But, never mind, he is a
neighbor who has done us a service on a time, so he's
welcome."

As Edmond paused, the black and bearded head of Caderousse
appeared at the door. He was a man of twenty-five or six,
and held a piece of cloth, which, being a tailor, he was
about to make into a coat-lining.

"What, is it you, Edmond, back again?" said he, with a broad
Marseillaise accent, and a grin that displayed his
ivory-white teeth.

"Yes, as you see, neighbor Caderousse; and ready to be
agreeable to you in any and every way," replied Dantes, but
ill-concealing his coldness under this cloak of civility.

"Thanks -- thanks; but, fortunately, I do not want for
anything; and it chances that at times there are others who
have need of me." Dantes made a gesture. "I do not allude to
you, my boy. No! -- no! I lent you money, and you returned
it; that's like good neighbors, and we are quits."

"We are never quits with those who oblige us," was Dantes'
reply; "for when we do not owe them money, we owe them
gratitude."

"What's the use of mentioning that? What is done is done.
Let us talk of your happy return, my boy. I had gone on the
quay to match a piece of mulberry cloth, when I met friend
Danglars. `You at Marseilles?' -- `Yes,' says he.

"`I thought you were at Smyrna.' -- `I was; but am now back
again.'

"`And where is the dear boy, our little Edmond?'

"`Why, with his father, no doubt,' replied Danglars. And so
I came," added Caderousse, "as fast as I could to have the
pleasure of shaking hands with a friend."

"Worthy Caderousse!" said the old man, "he is so much
attached to us."

"Yes, to be sure I am. I love and esteem you, because honest
folks are so rare. But it seems you have come back rich, my
boy," continued the tailor, looking askance at the handful
of gold and silver which Dantes had thrown on the table.

The young man remarked the greedy glance which shone in the
dark eyes of his neighbor. "Eh," he said, negligently. "this
money is not mine. I was expressing to my father my fears
that he had wanted many things in my absence, and to
convince me he emptied his purse on the table. Come, father"
added Dantes, "put this money back in your box -- unless
neighbor Caderousse wants anything, and in that case it is
at his service."

"No, my boy, no," said Caderousse. "I am not in any want,
thank God, my living is suited to my means. Keep your money
-- keep it, I say; -- one never has too much; -- but, at the
same time, my boy, I am as much obliged by your offer as if
I took advantage of it."

"It was offered with good will," said Dantes.

"No doubt, my boy; no doubt. Well, you stand well with M.
Morrel I hear, -- you insinuating dog, you!"

"M. Morrel has always been exceedingly kind to me," replied
Dantes.

"Then you were wrong to refuse to dine with him."

"What, did you refuse to dine with him?" said old Dantes;
"and did he invite you to dine?"

"Yes, my dear father," replied Edmond, smiling at his
father's astonishment at the excessive honor paid to his
son.

"And why did you refuse, my son?" inquired the old man.

"That I might the sooner see you again, my dear father,"
replied the young man. "I was most anxious to see you."

"But it must have vexed M. Morrel, good, worthy man," said
Caderousse. "And when you are looking forward to be captain,
it was wrong to annoy the owner."

"But I explained to him the cause of my refusal," replied
Dantes, "and I hope he fully understood it."

"Yes, but to be captain one must do a little flattery to
one's patrons."

"I hope to be captain without that," said Dantes.

"So much the better -- so much the better! Nothing will give
greater pleasure to all your old friends; and I know one
down there behind the Saint Nicolas citadel who will not be
sorry to hear it."

"Mercedes?" said the old man.

"Yes, my dear father, and with your permission, now I have
seen you, and know you are well and have all you require, I
will ask your consent to go and pay a visit to the
Catalans."

"Go, my dear boy," said old Dantes: "and heaven bless you in
your wife, as it has blessed me in my son!"

"His wife!" said Caderousse; "why, how fast you go on,
father Dantes; she is not his wife yet, as it seems to me."

"So, but according to all probability she soon will be,"
replied Edmond.

"Yes -- yes," said Caderousse; "but you were right to return
as soon as possible, my boy."

"And why?"

"Because Mercedes is a very fine girl, and fine girls never
lack followers; she particularly has them by dozens."

"Really?" answered Edmond, with a smile which had in it
traces of slight uneasiness.

"Ah, yes," continued Caderousse, "and capital offers, too;
but you know, you will be captain, and who could refuse you
then?"

"Meaning to say," replied Dantes, with a smile which but
ill-concealed his trouble, "that if I were not a captain" --

"Eh -- eh!" said Caderousse, shaking his head.

"Come, come," said the sailor, "I have a better opinion than
you of women in general, and of Mercedes in particular; and
I am certain that, captain or not, she will remain ever
faithful to me."

"So much the better -- so much the better," said Caderousse.
"When one is going to be married, there is nothing like
implicit confidence; but never mind that, my boy, -- go and
announce your arrival, and let her know all your hopes and
prospects."

"I will go directly," was Edmond's reply; and, embracing his
father, and nodding to Caderousse, he left the apartment.

Caderousse lingered for a moment, then taking leave of old
Dantes, he went downstairs to rejoin Danglars, who awaited
him at the corner of the Rue Senac.

"Well," said Danglars, "did you see him?"

"I have just left him," answered Caderousse.

"Did he allude to his hope of being captain?"

"He spoke of it as a thing already decided."

"Indeed!" said Danglars, "he is in too much hurry, it
appears to me."

"Why, it seems M. Morrel has promised him the thing."

"So that he is quite elated about it?"

"Why, yes, he is actually insolent over the matter -- has
already offered me his patronage, as if he were a grand
personage, and proffered me a loan of money, as though he
were a banker."

"Which you refused?"

"Most assuredly; although I might easily have accepted it,
for it was I who put into his hands the first silver he ever
earned; but now M. Dantes has no longer any occasion for
assistance -- he is about to become a captain."

"Pooh!" said Danglars, "he is not one yet."

"Ma foi, it will be as well if he is not," answered
Caderousse; "for if he should be, there will be really no
speaking to him."

"If we choose," replied Danglars, "he will remain what he
is; and perhaps become even less than he is."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing -- I was speaking to myself. And is he still in
love with the Catalane?"

"Over head and ears; but, unless I am much mistaken, there
will be a storm in that quarter."

"Explain yourself."

"Why should I?"

"It is more important than you think, perhaps. You do not
like Dantes?"

"I never like upstarts."

"Then tell me all you know about the Catalane."

"I know nothing for certain; only I have seen things which
induce me to believe, as I told you, that the future captain
will find some annoyance in the vicinity of the Vieilles
Infirmeries."

"What have you seen? -- come, tell me!"

"Well, every time I have seen Mercedes come into the city
she has been accompanied by a tall, strapping, black-eyed
Catalan, with a red complexion, brown skin, and fierce air,
whom she calls cousin."

"Really; and you think this cousin pays her attentions?"

"I only suppose so. What else can a strapping chap of
twenty-one mean with a fine wench of seventeen?"

"And you say that Dantes has gone to the Catalans?"

"He went before I came down."

"Let us go the same way; we will stop at La Reserve, and we
can drink a glass of La Malgue, whilst we wait for news."

"Come along," said Caderousse; "but you pay the score."

"Of course," replied Danglars; and going quickly to the
designated place, they called for a bottle of wine, and two
glasses.

Pere Pamphile had seen Dantes pass not ten minutes before;
and assured that he was at the Catalans, they sat down under
the budding foliage of the planes and sycamores, in the
branches of which the birds were singing their welcome to
one of the first days of spring.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 2

CHAPTER 3
The Catalans.

Beyond a bare, weather-worn wall, about a hundred paces from
the spot where the two friends sat looking and listening as
they drank their wine, was the village of the Catalans. Long
ago this mysterious colony quitted Spain, and settled on the
tongue of land on which it is to this day. Whence it came no
one knew, and it spoke an unknown tongue. One of its chiefs,
who understood Provencal, begged the commune of Marseilles
to give them this bare and barren promontory, where, like
the sailors of old, they had run their boats ashore. The
request was granted; and three months afterwards, around the
twelve or fifteen small vessels which had brought these
gypsies of the sea, a small village sprang up. This village,
constructed in a singular and picturesque manner, half
Moorish, half Spanish, still remains, and is inhabited by
descendants of the first comers, who speak the language of
their fathers. For three or four centuries they have
remained upon this small promontory, on which they had
settled like a flight of seabirds, without mixing with the
Marseillaise population, intermarrying, and preserving their
original customs and the costume of their mother-country as
they have preserved its language.

Our readers will follow us along the only street of this
little village, and enter with us one of the houses, which
is sunburned to the beautiful dead-leaf color peculiar to
the buildings of the country, and within coated with
whitewash, like a Spanish posada. A young and beautiful
girl, with hair as black as jet, her eyes as velvety as the
gazelle's, was leaning with her back against the wainscot,
rubbing in her slender delicately moulded fingers a bunch of
heath blossoms, the flowers of which she was picking off and
strewing on the floor; her arms, bare to the elbow, brown,
and modelled after those of the Arlesian Venus, moved with a
kind of restless impatience, and she tapped the earth with
her arched and supple foot, so as to display the pure and
full shape of her well-turned leg, in its red cotton, gray
and blue clocked, stocking. At three paces from her, seated
in a chair which he balanced on two legs, leaning his elbow
on an old worm-eaten table, was a tall young man of twenty,
or two-and-twenty, who was looking at her with an air in
which vexation and uneasiness were mingled. He questioned
her with his eyes, but the firm and steady gaze of the young
girl controlled his look.

"You see, Mercedes," said the young man, "here is Easter
come round again; tell me, is this the moment for a
wedding?"

"I have answered you a hundred times, Fernand, and really
you must be very stupid to ask me again."

"Well, repeat it, -- repeat it, I beg of you, that I may at
last believe it! Tell me for the hundredth time that you
refuse my love, which had your mother's sanction. Make me
understand once for all that you are trifling with my
happiness, that my life or death are nothing to you. Ah, to
have dreamed for ten years of being your husband, Mercedes,
and to lose that hope, which was the only stay of my
existence!"

"At least it was not I who ever encouraged you in that hope,
Fernand," replied Mercedes; "you cannot reproach me with the
slightest coquetry. I have always said to you, `I love you
as a brother; but do not ask from me more than sisterly
affection, for my heart is another's.' Is not this true,
Fernand?"

"Yes, that is very true, Mercedes," replied the young man,
"Yes, you have been cruelly frank with me; but do you forget
that it is among the Catalans a sacred law to intermarry?"

"You mistake, Fernand; it is not a law, but merely a custom,
and, I pray of you, do not cite this custom in your favor.
You are included in the conscription, Fernand, and are only
at liberty on sufferance, liable at any moment to be called
upon to take up arms. Once a soldier, what would you do with
me, a poor orphan, forlorn, without fortune, with nothing
but a half-ruined hut and a few ragged nets, the miserable
inheritance left by my father to my mother, and by my mother
to me? She has been dead a year, and you know, Fernand, I
have subsisted almost entirely on public charity. Sometimes
you pretend I am useful to you, and that is an excuse to
share with me the produce of your fishing, and I accept it,
Fernand, because you are the son of my father's brother,
because we were brought up together, and still more because
it would give you so much pain if I refuse. But I feel very
deeply that this fish which I go and sell, and with the
produce of which I buy the flax I spin, -- I feel very
keenly, Fernand, that this is charity."

"And if it were, Mercedes, poor and lone as you are, you
suit me as well as the daughter of the first shipowner or
the richest banker of Marseilles! What do such as we desire
but a good wife and careful housekeeper, and where can I
look for these better than in you?"

"Fernand," answered Mercedes, shaking her head, "a woman
becomes a bad manager, and who shall say she will remain an
honest woman, when she loves another man better than her
husband? Rest content with my friendship, for I say once
more that is all I can promise, and I will promise no more
than I can bestow."

"I understand," replied Fernand, "you can endure your own
wretchedness patiently, but you are afraid to share mine.
Well, Mercedes, beloved by you, I would tempt fortune; you
would bring me good luck, and I should become rich. I could
extend my occupation as a fisherman, might get a place as
clerk in a warehouse, and become in time a dealer myself."

"You could do no such thing, Fernand; you are a soldier, and
if you remain at the Catalans it is because there is no war;
so remain a fisherman, and contented with my friendship, as
I cannot give you more."

"Well, I will do better, Mercedes. I will be a sailor;
instead of the costume of our fathers, which you despise, I
will wear a varnished hat, a striped shirt, and a blue
jacket, with an anchor on the buttons. Would not that dress
please you?"

"What do you mean?" asked Mercedes, with an angry glance, --
"what do you mean? I do not understand you?"

"I mean, Mercedes, that you are thus harsh and cruel with
me, because you are expecting some one who is thus attired;
but perhaps he whom you await is inconstant, or if he is
not, the sea is so to him."

"Fernand," cried Mercedes, "I believed you were
good-hearted, and I was mistaken! Fernand, you are wicked to
call to your aid jealousy and the anger of God! Yes, I will
not deny it, I do await, and I do love him of whom you
speak; and, if he does not return, instead of accusing him
of the inconstancy which you insinuate, I will tell you that
he died loving me and me only." The young girl made a
gesture of rage. "I understand you, Fernand; you would be
revenged on him because I do not love you; you would cross
your Catalan knife with his dirk. What end would that
answer? To lose you my friendship if he were conquered, and
see that friendship changed into hate if you were victor.
Believe me, to seek a quarrel with a man is a bad method of
pleasing the woman who loves that man. No, Fernand, you will
not thus give way to evil thoughts. Unable to have me for
your wife, you will content yourself with having me for your
friend and sister; and besides," she added, her eyes
troubled and moistened with tears, "wait, wait, Fernand; you
said just now that the sea was treacherous, and he has been
gone four months, and during these four months there have
been some terrible storms."

Fernand made no reply, nor did he attempt to check the tears
which flowed down the cheeks of Mercedes, although for each
of these tears he would have shed his heart's blood; but
these tears flowed for another. He arose, paced a while up
and down the hut, and then, suddenly stopping before
Mercedes, with his eyes glowing and his hands clinched, --
"Say, Mercedes," he said, "once for all, is this your final
determination?"

"I love Edmond Dantes," the young girl calmly replied, "and
none but Edmond shall ever be my husband."

"And you will always love him?"

"As long as I live."

Fernand let fall his head like a defeated man, heaved a sigh
that was like a groan, and then suddenly looking her full in
the face, with clinched teeth and expanded nostrils, said,
-- "But if he is dead" --

"If he is dead, I shall die too."

"If he has forgotten you" --

"Mercedes!" called a joyous voice from without, --
"Mercedes!"

"Ah," exclaimed the young girl, blushing with delight, and
fairly leaping in excess of love, "you see he has not
forgotten me, for here he is!" And rushing towards the door,
she opened it, saying, "Here, Edmond, here I am!"

Fernand, pale and trembling, drew back, like a traveller at
the sight of a serpent, and fell into a chair beside him.
Edmond and Mercedes were clasped in each other's arms. The
burning Marseilles sun, which shot into the room through the
open door, covered them with a flood of light. At first they
saw nothing around them. Their intense happiness isolated
them from all the rest of the world, and they only spoke in
broken words, which are the tokens of a joy so extreme that
they seem rather the expression of sorrow. Suddenly Edmond
saw the gloomy, pale, and threatening countenance of
Fernand, as it was defined in the shadow. By a movement for
which he could scarcely account to himself, the young
Catalan placed his hand on the knife at his belt.

"Ah, your pardon," said Dantes, frowning in his turn; "I did
not perceive that there were three of us." Then, turning to
Mercedes, he inquired, "Who is this gentleman?"

"One who will be your best friend, Dantes, for he is my
friend, my cousin, my brother; it is Fernand -- the man
whom, after you, Edmond, I love the best in the world. Do
you not remember him?"

"Yes!" said Dantes, and without relinquishing Mercedes hand
clasped in one of his own, he extended the other to the
Catalan with a cordial air. But Fernand, instead of
responding to this amiable gesture, remained mute and
trembling. Edmond then cast his eyes scrutinizingly at the
agitated and embarrassed Mercedes, and then again on the
gloomy and menacing Fernand. This look told him all, and his
anger waxed hot.

"I did not know, when I came with such haste to you, that I
was to meet an enemy here."

"An enemy!" cried Mercedes, with an angry look at her
cousin. "An enemy in my house, do you say, Edmond! If I
believed that, I would place my arm under yours and go with
you to Marseilles, leaving the house to return to it no
more."

Fernand's eye darted lightning. "And should any misfortune
occur to you, dear Edmond," she continued with the same
calmness which proved to Fernand that the young girl had
read the very innermost depths of his sinister thought, "if
misfortune should occur to you, I would ascend the highest
point of the Cape de Morgion and cast myself headlong from
it."

Fernand became deadly pale. "But you are deceived, Edmond,"
she continued. "You have no enemy here -- there is no one
but Fernand, my brother, who will grasp your hand as a
devoted friend."

And at these words the young girl fixed her imperious look
on the Catalan, who, as if fascinated by it, came slowly
towards Edmond, and offered him his hand. His hatred, like a
powerless though furious wave, was broken against the strong
ascendancy which Mercedes exercised over him. Scarcely,
however, had he touched Edmond's hand than he felt he had
done all he could do, and rushed hastily out of the house.

"Oh," he exclaimed, running furiously and tearing his hair
-- "Oh, who will deliver me from this man? Wretched --
wretched that I am!"

"Hallo, Catalan! Hallo, Fernand! where are you running to?"
exclaimed a voice.

The young man stopped suddenly, looked around him, and
perceived Caderousse sitting at table with Danglars, under
an arbor.

"Well", said Caderousse, "why don't you come? Are you really
in such a hurry that you have no time to pass the time of
day with your friends?"

"Particularly when they have still a full bottle before
them," added Danglars. Fernand looked at them both with a
stupefied air, but did not say a word.

"He seems besotted," said Danglars, pushing Caderousse with
his knee. "Are we mistaken, and is Dantes triumphant in
spite of all we have believed?"

"Why, we must inquire into that," was Caderousse's reply;
and turning towards the young man, said, "Well, Catalan,
can't you make up your mind?"

Fernand wiped away the perspiration steaming from his brow,
and slowly entered the arbor, whose shade seemed to restore
somewhat of calmness to his senses, and whose coolness
somewhat of refreshment to his exhausted body.

"Good-day," said he. "You called me, didn't you?" And he
fell, rather than sat down, on one of the seats which
surrounded the table.

"I called you because you were running like a madman, and I
was afraid you would throw yourself into the sea," said
Caderousse, laughing. "Why, when a man has friends, they are
not only to offer him a glass of wine, but, moreover, to
prevent his swallowing three or four pints of water
unnecessarily!"

Fernand gave a groan, which resembled a sob, and dropped his
head into his hands, his elbows leaning on the table.

"Well, Fernand, I must say," said Caderousse, beginning the
conversation, with that brutality of the common people in
which curiosity destroys all diplomacy, "you look uncommonly
like a rejected lover;" and he burst into a hoarse laugh.

"Bah!" said Danglars, "a lad of his make was not born to be
unhappy in love. You are laughing at him, Caderousse."

"No," he replied, "only hark how he sighs! Come, come,
Fernand," said Caderousse, "hold up your head, and answer
us. It's not polite not to reply to friends who ask news of
your health."

"My health is well enough," said Fernand, clinching his
hands without raising his head.

"Ah, you see, Danglars," said Caderousse, winking at his
friend, "this is how it is; Fernand, whom you see here, is a
good and brave Catalan, one of the best fishermen in
Marseilles, and he is in love with a very fine girl, named
Mercedes; but it appears, unfortunately, that the fine girl
is in love with the mate of the Pharaon; and as the Pharaon
arrived to-day -- why, you understand!"

"No; I do not understand," said Danglars.

"Poor Fernand has been dismissed," continued Caderousse.

"Well, and what then?" said Fernand, lifting up his head,
and looking at Caderousse like a man who looks for some one
on whom to vent his anger; "Mercedes is not accountable to
any person, is she? Is she not free to love whomsoever she
will?"

"Oh, if you take it in that sense," said Caderousse, "it is
another thing. But I thought you were a Catalan, and they
told me the Catalans were not men to allow themselves to be
supplanted by a rival. It was even told me that Fernand,
especially, was terrible in his vengeance."

Fernand smiled piteously. "A lover is never terrible," he
said.

"Poor fellow!" remarked Danglars, affecting to pity the
young man from the bottom of his heart. "Why, you see, he
did not expect to see Dantes return so suddenly -- he
thought he was dead, perhaps; or perchance faithless! These
things always come on us more severely when they come
suddenly."

"Ah, ma foi, under any circumstances," said Caderousse, who
drank as he spoke, and on whom the fumes of the wine began
to take effect, -- "under any circumstances Fernand is not
the only person put out by the fortunate arrival of Dantes;
is he, Danglars?"

"No, you are right -- and I should say that would bring him
ill-luck."

"Well, never mind," answered Caderousse, pouring out a glass
of wine for Fernand, and filling his own for the eighth or
ninth time, while Danglars had merely sipped his. "Never
mind -- in the meantime he marries Mercedes -- the lovely
Mercedes -- at least he returns to do that."

During this time Danglars fixed his piercing glance on the
young man, on whose heart Caderousse's words fell like
molten lead.

"And when is the wedding to be?" he asked.

"Oh, it is not yet fixed!" murmured Fernand.

"No, but it will be," said Caderousse, "as surely as Dantes
will be captain of the Pharaon -- eh, Danglars?"

Danglars shuddered at this unexpected attack, and turned to
Caderousse, whose countenance he scrutinized, to try and
detect whether the blow was premeditated; but he read
nothing but envy in a countenance already rendered brutal
and stupid by drunkenness.

"Well," said he, filling the glasses, "let us drink to
Captain Edmond Dantes, husband of the beautiful Catalane!"

Caderousse raised his glass to his mouth with unsteady hand,
and swallowed the contents at a gulp. Fernand dashed his on
the ground.

"Eh, eh, eh!" stammered Caderousse. "What do I see down
there by the wall, in the direction of the Catalans? Look,
Fernand, your eyes are better than mine. I believe I see
double. You know wine is a deceiver; but I should say it was
two lovers walking side by side, and hand in hand. Heaven
forgive me, they do not know that we can see them, and they
are actually embracing!"

Danglars did not lose one pang that Fernand endured.

"Do you know them, Fernand?" he said.

"Yes," was the reply, in a low voice. "It is Edmond and
Mercedes!"

"Ah, see there, now!" said Caderousse; "and I did not
recognize them! Hallo, Dantes! hello, lovely damsel! Come
this way, and let us know when the wedding is to be, for
Fernand here is so obstinate he will not tell us."

"Hold your tongue, will you?" said Danglars, pretending to
restrain Caderousse, who, with the tenacity of drunkards,
leaned out of the arbor. "Try to stand upright, and let the
lovers make love without interruption. See, look at Fernand,
and follow his example; he is well-behaved!"

Fernand, probably excited beyond bearing, pricked by
Danglars, as the bull is by the bandilleros, was about to
rush out; for he had risen from his seat, and seemed to be
collecting himself to dash headlong upon his rival, when
Mercedes, smiling and graceful, lifted up her lovely head,
and looked at them with her clear and bright eyes. At this
Fernand recollected her threat of dying if Edmond died, and
dropped again heavily on his seat. Danglars looked at the
two men, one after the other, the one brutalized by liquor,
the other overwhelmed with love.

"I shall get nothing from these fools," he muttered; "and I
am very much afraid of being here between a drunkard and a
coward. Here's an envious fellow making himself boozy on
wine when he ought to be nursing his wrath, and here is a
fool who sees the woman he loves stolen from under his nose
and takes on like a big baby. Yet this Catalan has eyes that
glisten like those of the vengeful Spaniards, Sicilians, and
Calabrians, and the other has fists big enough to crush an
ox at one blow. Unquestionably, Edmond's star is in the
ascendant, and he will marry the splendid girl -- he will be
captain, too, and laugh at us all, unless" -- a sinister
smile passed over Danglars' lips -- "unless I take a hand in
the affair," he added.

"Hallo!" continued Caderousse, half-rising, and with his
fist on the table, "hallo, Edmond! do you not see your
friends, or are you too proud to speak to them?"

"No, my dear fellow!" replied Dantes, "I am not proud, but I
am happy, and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride."

"Ah, very well, that's an explanation!" said Caderousse.
"How do you do, Madame Dantes?"

Mercedes courtesied gravely, and said -- "That is not my
name, and in my country it bodes ill fortune, they say, to
call a young girl by the name of her betrothed before he
becomes her husband. So call me Mercedes, if you please."

"We must excuse our worthy neighbor, Caderousse," said
Dantes, "he is so easily mistaken."

"So, then, the wedding is to take place immediately, M.
Dantes," said Danglars, bowing to the young couple.

"As soon as possible, M. Danglars; to-day all preliminaries
will be arranged at my father's, and to-morrow, or next day
at latest, the wedding festival here at La Reserve. My
friends will be there, I hope; that is to say, you are
invited, M. Danglars, and you, Caderousse."

"And Fernand," said Caderousse with a chuckle; "Fernand,
too, is invited!"

"My wife's brother is my brother," said Edmond; "and we,
Mercedes and I, should be very sorry if he were absent at
such a time."

Fernand opened his mouth to reply, but his voice died on his
lips, and he could not utter a word.

"To-day the preliminaries, to-morrow or next day the
ceremony! You are in a hurry, captain!"

"Danglars," said Edmond, smiling, "I will say to you as
Mercedes said just now to Caderousse, `Do not give me a
title which does not belong to me'; that may bring me bad
luck."

"Your pardon," replied Danglars, "I merely said you seemed
in a hurry, and we have lots of time; the Pharaon cannot be
under weigh again in less than three months."

"We are always in a hurry to be happy, M. Danglars; for when
we have suffered a long time, we have great difficulty in
believing in good fortune. But it is not selfishness alone
that makes me thus in haste; I must go to Paris."

"Ah, really? -- to Paris! and will it be the first time you
have ever been there, Dantes?"

"Yes."

"Have you business there?"

"Not of my own; the last commission of poor Captain Leclere;
you know to what I allude, Danglars -- it is sacred.
Besides, I shall only take the time to go and return."

"Yes, yes, I understand," said Danglars, and then in a low
tone, he added, "To Paris, no doubt to deliver the letter
which the grand marshal gave him. Ah, this letter gives me
an idea -- a capital idea! Ah; Dantes, my friend, you are
not yet registered number one on board the good ship
Pharaon;" then turning towards Edmond, who was walking away,
"A pleasant journey," he cried.

"Thank you," said Edmond with a friendly nod, and the two
lovers continued on their way, as calm and joyous as if they
were the very elect of heaven.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 3

Danglars followed Edmond and Mercedes with his eyes until
the two lovers disappeared behind one of the angles of Fort
Saint Nicolas, then turning round, he perceived Fernand, who
had fallen, pale and trembling, into his chair, while
Caderousse stammered out the words of a drinking-song.

"Well, my dear sir," said Danglars to Fernand, "here is a
marriage which does not appear to make everybody happy."

"It drives me to despair," said Fernand.

"Do you, then, love Mercedes?"

"I adore her!"

"For long?"

"As long as I have known her -- always."

"And you sit there, tearing your hair, instead of seeking to
remedy your condition; I did not think that was the way of
your people."

"What would you have me do?" said Fernand.

"How do I know? Is it my affair? I am not in love with
Mademoiselle Mercedes; but for you -- in the words of the
gospel, seek, and you shall find."

"I have found already."

"What?"

"I would stab the man, but the woman told me that if any
misfortune happened to her betrothed, she would kill
herself."

"Pooh! Women say those things, but never do them."

"You do not know Mercedes; what she threatens she will do."

"Idiot!" muttered Danglars; "whether she kill herself or
not, what matter, provided Dantes is not captain?"

"Before Mercedes should die," replied Fernand, with the
accents of unshaken resolution, "I would die myself!"

"That's what I call love!" said Caderousse with a voice more
tipsy than ever. "That's love, or I don't know what love
is."

"Come," said Danglars, "you appear to me a good sort of
fellow, and hang me, I should like to help you, but" --

"Yes," said Caderousse, "but how?"

"My dear fellow," replied Danglars, "you are three parts
drunk; finish the bottle, and you will be completely so.
Drink then, and do not meddle with what we are discussing,
for that requires all one's wit and cool judgment."

"I -- drunk!" said Caderousse; "well that's a good one! I
could drink four more such bottles; they are no bigger than
cologne flasks. Pere Pamphile, more wine!" and Caderousse
rattled his glass upon the table.

"You were saving, sir" -- said Fernand, awaiting with great
anxiety the end of this interrupted remark.

"What was I saying? I forget. This drunken Caderousse has
made me lose the thread of my sentence."

"Drunk, if you like; so much the worse for those who fear
wine, for it is because they have bad thoughts which they
are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts;" and
Caderousse began to sing the two last lines of a song very
popular at the time, --

`Tous les mechants sont beuveurs d'eau;
C'est bien prouve par le deluge.'*

* "The wicked are great drinkers of water
As the flood proved once for all."

"You said, sir, you would like to help me, but" --

"Yes; but I added, to help you it would be sufficient that
Dantes did not marry her you love; and the marriage may
easily be thwarted, methinks, and yet Dantes need not die."

"Death alone can separate them," remarked Fernand.

"You talk like a noodle, my friend," said Caderousse; "and
here is Danglars, who is a wide-awake, clever, deep fellow,
who will prove to you that you are wrong. Prove it,
Danglars. I have answered for you. Say there is no need why
Dantes should die; it would, indeed, be a pity he should.
Dantes is a good fellow; I like Dantes. Dantes, your
health."

Fernand rose impatiently. "Let him run on," said Danglars,
restraining the young man; "drunk as he is, he is not much
out in what he says. Absence severs as well as death, and if
the walls of a prison were between Edmond and Mercedes they
would be as effectually separated as if he lay under a
tombstone."

"Yes; but one gets out of prison," said Caderousse, who,
with what sense was left him, listened eagerly to the
conversation, "and when one gets out and one's name is
Edmond Dantes, one seeks revenge" --

"What matters that?" muttered Fernand.

"And why, I should like to know," persisted Caderousse,
"should they put Dantes in prison? he has not robbed or
killed or murdered."

"Hold your tongue!" said Danglars.

"I won't hold my tongue!" replied Caderousse; "I say I want
to know why they should put Dantes in prison; I like Dantes;
Dantes, your health!" and he swallowed another glass of
wine.

Danglars saw in the muddled look of the tailor the progress
of his intoxication, and turning towards Fernand, said,
"Well, you understand there is no need to kill him."

"Certainly not, if, as you
you affected what now? dude, I will readily agree that you've had an effect on the RKMBs. We haven't had this much new meat in a loooooonnng time. Hell, I don't have a computer right now, and you got ME posting here almost daily! This is fun, serious! Thanks! I look forward to it while toiling at work (and, you know, not looking at gay pr0n sites like ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZap! does) all day long.
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Considering you're having to expend a hundred times more energy and time than either of them had to get a reaction out of you to for you to only get us all to laugh at you, there's not really a double standard going on at all.


Copy and paste is real hard work, doc. And believe me, we are all happy to see that Rob broke down and Nowhereman helped us out. Make another excuse.


Could you explain why you think Nowhereman's spam (and mine, I assume) helped you in any way? Was it because you were spamming first?
 Originally Posted By: Im Not Mister Mxyzptlk
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Considering you're having to expend a hundred times more energy and time than either of them had to get a reaction out of you to for you to only get us all to laugh at you, there's not really a double standard going on at all.


Copy and paste is real hard work, doc. And believe me, we are all happy to see that Rob broke down and Nowhereman helped us out. Make another excuse.


Could you explain why you think Nowhereman helped's spam (and mine, I assume) helped you in any way? Was it because you were spamming first?


Can you ever do anything other than play stupid?

He added to the spam. Pretty fucking simple.
 Originally Posted By: Uschi
you affected what now? dude, I will readily agree that you've had an effect on the RKMBs. We haven't had this much new meat in a loooooonnng time. Hell, I don't have a computer right now, and you got ME posting here almost daily! This is fun, serious! Thanks! I look forward to it while toiling at work (and, you know, not looking at gay pr0n sites like ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZap! does) all day long.




CHAPTER 1
Marseilles -- The Arrival.

On the 24th of February, 1810, the look-out at Notre-Dame de
la Garde signalled the three-master, the Pharaon from
Smyrna, Trieste, and Naples.

As usual, a pilot put off immediately, and rounding the
Chateau d'If, got on board the vessel between Cape Morgion
and Rion island.

Immediately, and according to custom, the ramparts of Fort
Saint-Jean were covered with spectators; it is always an
event at Marseilles for a ship to come into port, especially
when this ship, like the Pharaon, has been built, rigged,
and laden at the old Phocee docks, and belongs to an owner
of the city.

The ship drew on and had safely passed the strait, which
some volcanic shock has made between the Calasareigne and
Jaros islands; had doubled Pomegue, and approached the
harbor under topsails, jib, and spanker, but so slowly and
sedately that the idlers, with that instinct which is the
forerunner of evil, asked one another what misfortune could
have happened on board. However, those experienced in
navigation saw plainly that if any accident had occurred, it
was not to the vessel herself, for she bore down with all
the evidence of being skilfully handled, the anchor
a-cockbill, the jib-boom guys already eased off, and
standing by the side of the pilot, who was steering the
Pharaon towards the narrow entrance of the inner port, was a
young man, who, with activity and vigilant eye, watched
every motion of the ship, and repeated each direction of the
pilot.

The vague disquietude which prevailed among the spectators
had so much affected one of the crowd that he did not await
the arrival of the vessel in harbor, but jumping into a
small skiff, desired to be pulled alongside the Pharaon,
which he reached as she rounded into La Reserve basin.

When the young man on board saw this person approach, he
left his station by the pilot, and, hat in hand, leaned over
the ship's bulwarks.

He was a fine, tall, slim young fellow of eighteen or
twenty, with black eyes, and hair as dark as a raven's wing;
and his whole appearance bespoke that calmness and
resolution peculiar to men accustomed from their cradle to
contend with danger.

"Ah, is it you, Dantes?" cried the man in the skiff. "What's
the matter? and why have you such an air of sadness aboard?"

"A great misfortune, M. Morrel," replied the young man, --
"a great misfortune, for me especially! Off Civita Vecchia
we lost our brave Captain Leclere."

"And the cargo?" inquired the owner, eagerly.

"Is all safe, M. Morrel; and I think you will be satisfied
on that head. But poor Captain Leclere -- "

"What happened to him?" asked the owner, with an air of
considerable resignation. "What happened to the worthy
captain?"

"He died."

"Fell into the sea?"

"No, sir, he died of brain-fever in dreadful agony." Then
turning to the crew, he said, "Bear a hand there, to take in
sail!"

All hands obeyed, and at once the eight or ten seamen who
composed the crew, sprang to their respective stations at
the spanker brails and outhaul, topsail sheets and halyards,
the jib downhaul, and the topsail clewlines and buntlines.
The young sailor gave a look to see that his orders were
promptly and accurately obeyed, and then turned again to the
owner.

"And how did this misfortune occur?" inquired the latter,
resuming the interrupted conversation.

"Alas, sir, in the most unexpected manner. After a long talk
with the harbor-master, Captain Leclere left Naples greatly
disturbed in mind. In twenty-four hours he was attacked by a
fever, and died three days afterwards. We performed the
usual burial service, and he is at his rest, sewn up in his
hammock with a thirty-six pound shot at his head and his
heels, off El Giglio island. We bring to his widow his sword
and cross of honor. It was worth while, truly," added the
young man with a melancholy smile, "to make war against the
English for ten years, and to die in his bed at last, like
everybody else."

"Why, you see, Edmond," replied the owner, who appeared more
comforted at every moment, "we are all mortal, and the old
must make way for the young. If not, why, there would be no
promotion; and since you assure me that the cargo -- "

"Is all safe and sound, M. Morrel, take my word for it; and
I advise you not to take 25,000 francs for the profits of
the voyage."

Then, as they were just passing the Round Tower, the young
man shouted: "Stand by there to lower the topsails and jib;
brail up the spanker!"

The order was executed as promptly as it would have been on
board a man-of-war.

"Let go -- and clue up!" At this last command all the sails
were lowered, and the vessel moved almost imperceptibly
onwards.

"Now, if you will come on board, M. Morrel," said Dantes,
observing the owner's impatience, "here is your supercargo,
M. Danglars, coming out of his cabin, who will furnish you
with every particular. As for me, I must look after the
anchoring, and dress the ship in mourning."

The owner did not wait for a second invitation. He seized a
rope which Dantes flung to him, and with an activity that
would have done credit to a sailor, climbed up the side of
the ship, while the young man, going to his task, left the
conversation to Danglars, who now came towards the owner. He
was a man of twenty-five or twenty-six years of age, of
unprepossessing countenance, obsequious to his superiors,
insolent to his subordinates; and this, in addition to his
position as responsible agent on board, which is always
obnoxious to the sailors, made him as much disliked by the
crew as Edmond Dantes was beloved by them.

"Well, M. Morrel," said Danglars, "you have heard of the
misfortune that has befallen us?"

"Yes -- yes: poor Captain Leclere! He was a brave and an
honest man."

"And a first-rate seaman, one who had seen long and
honorable service, as became a man charged with the
interests of a house so important as that of Morrel & Son,"
replied Danglars.

"But," replied the owner, glancing after Dantes, who was
watching the anchoring of his vessel, "it seems to me that a
sailor needs not be so old as you say, Danglars, to
understand his business, for our friend Edmond seems to
understand it thoroughly, and not to require instruction
from any one."

"Yes," said Danglars, darting at Edmond a look gleaming with
hate. "Yes, he is young, and youth is invariably
self-confident. Scarcely was the captain's breath out of his
body when he assumed the command without consulting any one,
and he caused us to lose a day and a half at the Island of
Elba, instead of making for Marseilles direct."

"As to taking command of the vessel," replied Morrel, "that
was his duty as captain's mate; as to losing a day and a
half off the Island of Elba, he was wrong, unless the vessel
needed repairs."

"The vessel was in as good condition as I am, and as, I hope
you are, M. Morrel, and this day and a half was lost from
pure whim, for the pleasure of going ashore, and nothing
else."

"Dantes," said the shipowner, turning towards the young man,
"come this way!"

"In a moment, sir," answered Dantes, "and I'm with you."
Then calling to the crew, he said -- "Let go!"

The anchor was instantly dropped, and the chain ran rattling
through the port-hole. Dantes continued at his post in spite
of the presence of the pilot, until this manoeuvre was
completed, and then he added, "Half-mast the colors, and
square the yards!"

"You see," said Danglars, "he fancies himself captain
already, upon my word."

"And so, in fact, he is," said the owner.

"Except your signature and your partner's, M. Morrel."

"And why should he not have this?" asked the owner; "he is
young, it is true, but he seems to me a thorough seaman, and
of full experience."

A cloud passed over Danglars' brow. "Your pardon, M.
Morrel," said Dantes, approaching, "the vessel now rides at
anchor, and I am at your service. You hailed me, I think?"

Danglars retreated a step or two. "I wished to inquire why
you stopped at the Island of Elba?"

"I do not know, sir; it was to fulfil the last instructions
of Captain Leclere, who, when dying, gave me a packet for
Marshal Bertrand."

"Then did you see him, Edmond?"

"Who?"

"The marshal."

"Yes."

Morrel looked around him, and then, drawing Dantes on one
side, he said suddenly -- "And how is the emperor?"

"Very well, as far as I could judge from the sight of him."

"You saw the emperor, then?"

"He entered the marshal's apartment while I was there."

"And you spoke to him?"

"Why, it was he who spoke to me, sir," said Dantes, with a
smile.

"And what did he say to you?"

"Asked me questions about the vessel, the time she left
Marseilles, the course she had taken, and what was her
cargo. I believe, if she had not been laden, and I had been
her master, he would have bought her. But I told him I was
only mate, and that she belonged to the firm of Morrel &
Son. `Ah, yes,' he said, `I know them. The Morrels have been
shipowners from father to son; and there was a Morrel who
served in the same regiment with me when I was in garrison
at Valence.'"

"Pardieu, and that is true!" cried the owner, greatly
delighted. "And that was Policar Morrel, my uncle, who was
afterwards a captain. Dantes, you must tell my uncle that
the emperor remembered him, and you will see it will bring
tears into the old soldier's eyes. Come, come," continued
he, patting Edmond's shoulder kindly, "you did very right,
Dantes, to follow Captain Leclere's instructions, and touch
at Elba, although if it were known that you had conveyed a
packet to the marshal, and had conversed with the emperor,
it might bring you into trouble."

"How could that bring me into trouble, sir?" asked Dantes;
"for I did not even know of what I was the bearer; and the
emperor merely made such inquiries as he would of the first
comer. But, pardon me, here are the health officers and the
customs inspectors coming alongside." And the young man went
to the gangway. As he departed, Danglars approached, and
said, --

"Well, it appears that he has given you satisfactory reasons
for his landing at Porto-Ferrajo?"

"Yes, most satisfactory, my dear Danglars."

"Well, so much the better," said the supercargo; "for it is
not pleasant to think that a comrade has not done his duty."

"Dantes has done his," replied the owner, "and that is not
saying much. It was Captain Leclere who gave orders for this
delay."

"Talking of Captain Leclere, has not Dantes given you a
letter from him?"

"To me? -- no -- was there one?"

"I believe that, besides the packet, Captain Leclere
confided a letter to his care."

"Of what packet are you speaking, Danglars?"

"Why, that which Dantes left at Porto-Ferrajo."

"How do you know he had a packet to leave at Porto-Ferrajo?"

Danglars turned very red.

"I was passing close to the door of the captain's cabin,
which was half open, and I saw him give the packet and
letter to Dantes."

"He did not speak to me of it," replied the shipowner; "but
if there be any letter he will give it to me."

Danglars reflected for a moment. "Then, M. Morrel, I beg of
you," said he, "not to say a word to Dantes on the subject.
I may have been mistaken."

At this moment the young man returned; Danglars withdrew.

"Well, my dear Dantes, are you now free?" inquired the
owner.

"Yes, sir."

"You have not been long detained."

"No. I gave the custom-house officers a copy of our bill of
lading; and as to the other papers, they sent a man off with
the pilot, to whom I gave them."

"Then you have nothing more to do here?"

"No -- everything is all right now."

"Then you can come and dine with me?"

"I really must ask you to excuse me, M. Morrel. My first
visit is due to my father, though I am not the less grateful
for the honor you have done me."

"Right, Dantes, quite right. I always knew you were a good
son."

"And," inquired Dantes, with some hesitation, "do you know
how my father is?"

"Well, I believe, my dear Edmond, though I have not seen him
lately."

"Yes, he likes to keep himself shut up in his little room."

"That proves, at least, that he has wanted for nothing
during your absence."

Dantes smiled. "My father is proud, sir, and if he had not a
meal left, I doubt if he would have asked anything from
anyone, except from Heaven."

"Well, then, after this first visit has been made we shall
count on you."

"I must again excuse myself, M. Morrel, for after this first
visit has been paid I have another which I am most anxious
to pay."

"True, Dantes, I forgot that there was at the Catalans some
one who expects you no less impatiently than your father --
the lovely Mercedes."

Dantes blushed.

"Ah, ha," said the shipowner, "I am not in the least
surprised, for she has been to me three times, inquiring if
there were any news of the Pharaon. Peste, Edmond, you have
a very handsome mistress!"

"She is not my mistress," replied the young sailor, gravely;
"she is my betrothed."

"Sometimes one and the same thing," said Morrel, with a
smile.

"Not with us, sir," replied Dantes.

"Well, well, my dear Edmond," continued the owner, "don't
let me detain you. You have managed my affairs so well that
I ought to allow you all the time you require for your own.
Do you want any money?"

"No, sir; I have all my pay to take -- nearly three months'
wages."

"You are a careful fellow, Edmond."

"Say I have a poor father, sir."

"Yes, yes, I know how good a son you are, so now hasten away
to see your father. I have a son too, and I should be very
wroth with those who detained him from me after a three
months' voyage."

"Then I have your leave, sir?"

"Yes, if you have nothing more to say to me."

"Nothing."

"Captain Leclere did not, before he died, give you a letter
for me?"

"He was unable to write, sir. But that reminds me that I
must ask your leave of absence for some days."

"To get married?"

"Yes, first, and then to go to Paris."

"Very good; have what time you require, Dantes. It will take
quite six weeks to unload the cargo, and we cannot get you
ready for sea until three months after that; only be back
again in three months, for the Pharaon," added the owner,
patting the young sailor on the back, "cannot sail without
her captain."

"Without her captain!" cried Dantes, his eyes sparkling with
animation; "pray mind what you say, for you are touching on
the most secret wishes of my heart. Is it really your
intention to make me captain of the Pharaon?"

"If I were sole owner we'd shake hands on it now, my dear
Dantes, and call it settled; but I have a partner, and you
know the Italian proverb -- Chi ha compagno ha padrone --
`He who has a partner has a master.' But the thing is at
least half done, as you have one out of two votes. Rely on
me to procure you the other; I will do my best."

"Ah, M. Morrel," exclaimed the young seaman, with tears in
his eyes, and grasping the owner's hand, "M. Morrel, I thank
you in the name of my father and of Mercedes."

"That's all right, Edmond. There's a providence that watches
over the deserving. Go to your father: go and see Mercedes,
and afterwards come to me."

"Shall I row you ashore?"

"No, thank you; I shall remain and look over the accounts
with Danglars. Have you been satisfied with him this
voyage?"

"That is according to the sense you attach to the question,
sir. Do you mean is he a good comrade? No, for I think he
never liked me since the day when I was silly enough, after
a little quarrel we had, to propose to him to stop for ten
minutes at the island of Monte Cristo to settle the dispute
-- a proposition which I was wrong to suggest, and he quite
right to refuse. If you mean as responsible agent when you
ask me the question, I believe there is nothing to say
against him, and that you will be content with the way in
which he has performed his duty."

"But tell me, Dantes, if you had command of the Pharaon
should you be glad to see Danglars remain?"

"Captain or mate, M. Morrel, I shall always have the
greatest respect for those who possess the owners'
confidence."

"That's right, that's right, Dantes! I see you are a
thoroughly good fellow, and will detain you no longer. Go,
for I see how impatient you are."

"Then I have leave?"

"Go, I tell you."

"May I have the use of your skiff?"

"Certainly."

"Then, for the present, M. Morrel, farewell, and a thousand
thanks!"

"I hope soon to see you again, my dear Edmond. Good luck to
you."

The young sailor jumped into the skiff, and sat down in the
stern sheets, with the order that he be put ashore at La
Canebiere. The two oarsmen bent to their work, and the
little boat glided away as rapidly as possible in the midst
of the thousand vessels which choke up the narrow way which
leads between the two rows of ships from the mouth of the
harbor to the Quai d'Orleans.

The shipowner, smiling, followed him with his eyes until he
saw him spring out on the quay and disappear in the midst of
the throng, which from five o'clock in the morning until
nine o'clock at night, swarms in the famous street of La
Canebiere, -- a street of which the modern Phocaeans are so
proud that they say with all the gravity in the world, and
with that accent which gives so much character to what is
said, "If Paris had La Canebiere, Paris would be a second
Marseilles." On turning round the owner saw Danglars behind
him, apparently awaiting orders, but in reality also
watching the young sailor, -- but there was a great
difference in the expression of the two men who thus
followed the movements of Edmond Dantes.

We will leave Danglars struggling with the demon of hatred,
and endeavoring to insinuate in the ear of the shipowner
some evil suspicions against his comrade, and follow Dantes,
who, after having traversed La Canebiere, took the Rue de
Noailles, and entering a small house, on the left of the
Allees de Meillan, rapidly ascended four flights of a dark
staircase, holding the baluster with one hand, while with
the other he repressed the beatings of his heart, and paused
before a half-open door, from which he could see the whole
of a small room.

This room was occupied by Dantes' father. The news of the
arrival of the Pharaon had not yet reached the old man, who,
mounted on a chair, was amusing himself by training with
trembling hand the nasturtiums and sprays of clematis that
clambered over the trellis at his window. Suddenly, he felt
an arm thrown around his body, and a well-known voice behind
him exclaimed, "Father -- dear father!"

The old man uttered a cry, and turned round; then, seeing
his son, he fell into his arms, pale and trembling.

"What ails you, my dearest father? Are you ill?" inquired
the young man, much alarmed.

"No, no, my dear Edmond -- my boy -- my son! -- no; but I
did not expect you; and joy, the surprise of seeing you so
suddenly -- Ah, I feel as if I were going to die."

"Come, come, cheer up, my dear father! 'Tis I -- really I!
They say joy never hurts, and so I came to you without any
warning. Come now, do smile, instead of looking at me so
solemnly. Here I am back again, and we are going to be
happy."

"Yes, yes, my boy, so we will -- so we will," replied the
old man; "but how shall we be happy? Shall you never leave
me again? Come, tell me all the good fortune that has
befallen you."

"God forgive me," said the young man, "for rejoicing at
happiness derived from the misery of others, but, Heaven
knows, I did not seek this good fortune; it has happened,
and I really cannot pretend to lament it. The good Captain
Leclere is dead, father, and it is probable that, with the
aid of M. Morrel, I shall have his place. Do you understand,
father? Only imagine me a captain at twenty, with a hundred
louis pay, and a share in the profits! Is this not more than
a poor sailor like me could have hoped for?"

"Yes, my dear boy," replied the old man, "it is very
fortunate."

"Well, then, with the first money I touch, I mean you to
have a small house, with a garden in which to plant
clematis, nasturtiums, and honeysuckle. But what ails you,
father? Are you not well?"

"'Tis nothing, nothing; it will soon pass away" -- and as he
said so the old man's strength failed him, and he fell
backwards.

"Come, come," said the young man, "a glass of wine, father,
will revive you. Where do you keep your wine?"

"No, no; thanks. You need not look for it; I do not want
it," said the old man.

"Yes, yes, father, tell me where it is," and he opened two
or three cupboards.

"It is no use," said the old man, "there is no wine."

"What, no wine?" said Dantes, turning pale, and looking
alternately at the hollow cheeks of the old man and the
empty cupboards. "What, no wine? Have you wanted money,
father?"

"I want nothing now that I have you," said the old man.

"Yet," stammered Dantes, wiping the perspiration from his
brow, -- "yet I gave you two hundred francs when I left,
three months ago."

"Yes, yes, Edmond, that is true, but you forgot at that time
a little debt to our neighbor, Caderousse. He reminded me of
it, telling me if I did not pay for you, he would be paid by
M. Morrel; and so, you see, lest he might do you an injury"
--

"Well?"

"Why, I paid him."

"But," cried Dantes, "it was a hundred and forty francs I
owed Caderousse."

"Yes," stammered the old man.

"And you paid him out of the two hundred francs I left you?"

The old man nodded.

"So that you have lived for three months on sixty francs,"
muttered Edmond.

"You know how little I require," said the old man.

"Heaven pardon me," cried Edmond, falling on his knees
before his father.

"What are you doing?"

"You have wounded me to the heart."

"Never mind it, for I see you once more," said the old man;
"and now it's all over -- everything is all right again."

"Yes, here I am," said the young man, "with a promising
future and a little money. Here, father, here!" he said,
"take this -- take it, and send for something immediately."
And he emptied his pockets on the table, the contents
consisting of a dozen gold pieces, five or six five-franc
pieces, and some smaller coin. The countenance of old Dantes
brightened.

"Whom does this belong to?" he inquired.

"To me, to you, to us! Take it; buy some provisions; be
happy, and to-morrow we shall have more."

"Gently, gently," said the old man, with a smile; "and by
your leave I will use your purse moderately, for they would
say, if they saw me buy too many things at a time, that I
had been obliged to await your return, in order to be able
to purchase them."

"Do as you please; but, first of all, pray have a servant,
father. I will not have you left alone so long. I have some
smuggled coffee and most capital tobacco, in a small chest
in the hold, which you shall have to-morrow. But, hush, here
comes somebody."

"'Tis Caderousse, who has heard of your arrival, and no
doubt comes to congratulate you on your fortunate return."

"Ah, lips that say one thing, while the heart thinks
another," murmured Edmond. "But, never mind, he is a
neighbor who has done us a service on a time, so he's
welcome."

As Edmond paused, the black and bearded head of Caderousse
appeared at the door. He was a man of twenty-five or six,
and held a piece of cloth, which, being a tailor, he was
about to make into a coat-lining.

"What, is it you, Edmond, back again?" said he, with a broad
Marseillaise accent, and a grin that displayed his
ivory-white teeth.

"Yes, as you see, neighbor Caderousse; and ready to be
agreeable to you in any and every way," replied Dantes, but
ill-concealing his coldness under this cloak of civility.

"Thanks -- thanks; but, fortunately, I do not want for
anything; and it chances that at times there are others who
have need of me." Dantes made a gesture. "I do not allude to
you, my boy. No! -- no! I lent you money, and you returned
it; that's like good neighbors, and we are quits."

"We are never quits with those who oblige us," was Dantes'
reply; "for when we do not owe them money, we owe them
gratitude."

"What's the use of mentioning that? What is done is done.
Let us talk of your happy return, my boy. I had gone on the
quay to match a piece of mulberry cloth, when I met friend
Danglars. `You at Marseilles?' -- `Yes,' says he.

"`I thought you were at Smyrna.' -- `I was; but am now back
again.'

"`And where is the dear boy, our little Edmond?'

"`Why, with his father, no doubt,' replied Danglars. And so
I came," added Caderousse, "as fast as I could to have the
pleasure of shaking hands with a friend."

"Worthy Caderousse!" said the old man, "he is so much
attached to us."

"Yes, to be sure I am. I love and esteem you, because honest
folks are so rare. But it seems you have come back rich, my
boy," continued the tailor, looking askance at the handful
of gold and silver which Dantes had thrown on the table.

The young man remarked the greedy glance which shone in the
dark eyes of his neighbor. "Eh," he said, negligently. "this
money is not mine. I was expressing to my father my fears
that he had wanted many things in my absence, and to
convince me he emptied his purse on the table. Come, father"
added Dantes, "put this money back in your box -- unless
neighbor Caderousse wants anything, and in that case it is
at his service."

"No, my boy, no," said Caderousse. "I am not in any want,
thank God, my living is suited to my means. Keep your money
-- keep it, I say; -- one never has too much; -- but, at the
same time, my boy, I am as much obliged by your offer as if
I took advantage of it."

"It was offered with good will," said Dantes.

"No doubt, my boy; no doubt. Well, you stand well with M.
Morrel I hear, -- you insinuating dog, you!"

"M. Morrel has always been exceedingly kind to me," replied
Dantes.

"Then you were wrong to refuse to dine with him."

"What, did you refuse to dine with him?" said old Dantes;
"and did he invite you to dine?"

"Yes, my dear father," replied Edmond, smiling at his
father's astonishment at the excessive honor paid to his
son.

"And why did you refuse, my son?" inquired the old man.

"That I might the sooner see you again, my dear father,"
replied the young man. "I was most anxious to see you."

"But it must have vexed M. Morrel, good, worthy man," said
Caderousse. "And when you are looking forward to be captain,
it was wrong to annoy the owner."

"But I explained to him the cause of my refusal," replied
Dantes, "and I hope he fully understood it."

"Yes, but to be captain one must do a little flattery to
one's patrons."

"I hope to be captain without that," said Dantes.

"So much the better -- so much the better! Nothing will give
greater pleasure to all your old friends; and I know one
down there behind the Saint Nicolas citadel who will not be
sorry to hear it."

"Mercedes?" said the old man.

"Yes, my dear father, and with your permission, now I have
seen you, and know you are well and have all you require, I
will ask your consent to go and pay a visit to the
Catalans."

"Go, my dear boy," said old Dantes: "and heaven bless you in
your wife, as it has blessed me in my son!"

"His wife!" said Caderousse; "why, how fast you go on,
father Dantes; she is not his wife yet, as it seems to me."

"So, but according to all probability she soon will be,"
replied Edmond.

"Yes -- yes," said Caderousse; "but you were right to return
as soon as possible, my boy."

"And why?"

"Because Mercedes is a very fine girl, and fine girls never
lack followers; she particularly has them by dozens."

"Really?" answered Edmond, with a smile which had in it
traces of slight uneasiness.

"Ah, yes," continued Caderousse, "and capital offers, too;
but you know, you will be captain, and who could refuse you
then?"

"Meaning to say," replied Dantes, with a smile which but
ill-concealed his trouble, "that if I were not a captain" --

"Eh -- eh!" said Caderousse, shaking his head.

"Come, come," said the sailor, "I have a better opinion than
you of women in general, and of Mercedes in particular; and
I am certain that, captain or not, she will remain ever
faithful to me."

"So much the better -- so much the better," said Caderousse.
"When one is going to be married, there is nothing like
implicit confidence; but never mind that, my boy, -- go and
announce your arrival, and let her know all your hopes and
prospects."

"I will go directly," was Edmond's reply; and, embracing his
father, and nodding to Caderousse, he left the apartment.

Caderousse lingered for a moment, then taking leave of old
Dantes, he went downstairs to rejoin Danglars, who awaited
him at the corner of the Rue Senac.

"Well," said Danglars, "did you see him?"

"I have just left him," answered Caderousse.

"Did he allude to his hope of being captain?"

"He spoke of it as a thing already decided."

"Indeed!" said Danglars, "he is in too much hurry, it
appears to me."

"Why, it seems M. Morrel has promised him the thing."

"So that he is quite elated about it?"

"Why, yes, he is actually insolent over the matter -- has
already offered me his patronage, as if he were a grand
personage, and proffered me a loan of money, as though he
were a banker."

"Which you refused?"

"Most assuredly; although I might easily have accepted it,
for it was I who put into his hands the first silver he ever
earned; but now M. Dantes has no longer any occasion for
assistance -- he is about to become a captain."

"Pooh!" said Danglars, "he is not one yet."

"Ma foi, it will be as well if he is not," answered
Caderousse; "for if he should be, there will be really no
speaking to him."

"If we choose," replied Danglars, "he will remain what he
is; and perhaps become even less than he is."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing -- I was speaking to myself. And is he still in
love with the Catalane?"

"Over head and ears; but, unless I am much mistaken, there
will be a storm in that quarter."

"Explain yourself."

"Why should I?"

"It is more important than you think, perhaps. You do not
like Dantes?"

"I never like upstarts."

"Then tell me all you know about the Catalane."

"I know nothing for certain; only I have seen things which
induce me to believe, as I told you, that the future captain
will find some annoyance in the vicinity of the Vieilles
Infirmeries."

"What have you seen? -- come, tell me!"

"Well, every time I have seen Mercedes come into the city
she has been accompanied by a tall, strapping, black-eyed
Catalan, with a red complexion, brown skin, and fierce air,
whom she calls cousin."

"Really; and you think this cousin pays her attentions?"

"I only suppose so. What else can a strapping chap of
twenty-one mean with a fine wench of seventeen?"

"And you say that Dantes has gone to the Catalans?"

"He went before I came down."

"Let us go the same way; we will stop at La Reserve, and we
can drink a glass of La Malgue, whilst we wait for news."

"Come along," said Caderousse; "but you pay the score."

"Of course," replied Danglars; and going quickly to the
designated place, they called for a bottle of wine, and two
glasses.

Pere Pamphile had seen Dantes pass not ten minutes before;
and assured that he was at the Catalans, they sat down under
the budding foliage of the planes and sycamores, in the
branches of which the birds were singing their welcome to
one of the first days of spring.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 2

CHAPTER 3
The Catalans.

Beyond a bare, weather-worn wall, about a hundred paces from
the spot where the two friends sat looking and listening as
they drank their wine, was the village of the Catalans. Long
ago this mysterious colony quitted Spain, and settled on the
tongue of land on which it is to this day. Whence it came no
one knew, and it spoke an unknown tongue. One of its chiefs,
who understood Provencal, begged the commune of Marseilles
to give them this bare and barren promontory, where, like
the sailors of old, they had run their boats ashore. The
request was granted; and three months afterwards, around the
twelve or fifteen small vessels which had brought these
gypsies of the sea, a small village sprang up. This village,
constructed in a singular and picturesque manner, half
Moorish, half Spanish, still remains, and is inhabited by
descendants of the first comers, who speak the language of
their fathers. For three or four centuries they have
remained upon this small promontory, on which they had
settled like a flight of seabirds, without mixing with the
Marseillaise population, intermarrying, and preserving their
original customs and the costume of their mother-country as
they have preserved its language.

Our readers will follow us along the only street of this
little village, and enter with us one of the houses, which
is sunburned to the beautiful dead-leaf color peculiar to
the buildings of the country, and within coated with
whitewash, like a Spanish posada. A young and beautiful
girl, with hair as black as jet, her eyes as velvety as the
gazelle's, was leaning with her back against the wainscot,
rubbing in her slender delicately moulded fingers a bunch of
heath blossoms, the flowers of which she was picking off and
strewing on the floor; her arms, bare to the elbow, brown,
and modelled after those of the Arlesian Venus, moved with a
kind of restless impatience, and she tapped the earth with
her arched and supple foot, so as to display the pure and
full shape of her well-turned leg, in its red cotton, gray
and blue clocked, stocking. At three paces from her, seated
in a chair which he balanced on two legs, leaning his elbow
on an old worm-eaten table, was a tall young man of twenty,
or two-and-twenty, who was looking at her with an air in
which vexation and uneasiness were mingled. He questioned
her with his eyes, but the firm and steady gaze of the young
girl controlled his look.

"You see, Mercedes," said the young man, "here is Easter
come round again; tell me, is this the moment for a
wedding?"

"I have answered you a hundred times, Fernand, and really
you must be very stupid to ask me again."

"Well, repeat it, -- repeat it, I beg of you, that I may at
last believe it! Tell me for the hundredth time that you
refuse my love, which had your mother's sanction. Make me
understand once for all that you are trifling with my
happiness, that my life or death are nothing to you. Ah, to
have dreamed for ten years of being your husband, Mercedes,
and to lose that hope, which was the only stay of my
existence!"

"At least it was not I who ever encouraged you in that hope,
Fernand," replied Mercedes; "you cannot reproach me with the
slightest coquetry. I have always said to you, `I love you
as a brother; but do not ask from me more than sisterly
affection, for my heart is another's.' Is not this true,
Fernand?"

"Yes, that is very true, Mercedes," replied the young man,
"Yes, you have been cruelly frank with me; but do you forget
that it is among the Catalans a sacred law to intermarry?"

"You mistake, Fernand; it is not a law, but merely a custom,
and, I pray of you, do not cite this custom in your favor.
You are included in the conscription, Fernand, and are only
at liberty on sufferance, liable at any moment to be called
upon to take up arms. Once a soldier, what would you do with
me, a poor orphan, forlorn, without fortune, with nothing
but a half-ruined hut and a few ragged nets, the miserable
inheritance left by my father to my mother, and by my mother
to me? She has been dead a year, and you know, Fernand, I
have subsisted almost entirely on public charity. Sometimes
you pretend I am useful to you, and that is an excuse to
share with me the produce of your fishing, and I accept it,
Fernand, because you are the son of my father's brother,
because we were brought up together, and still more because
it would give you so much pain if I refuse. But I feel very
deeply that this fish which I go and sell, and with the
produce of which I buy the flax I spin, -- I feel very
keenly, Fernand, that this is charity."

"And if it were, Mercedes, poor and lone as you are, you
suit me as well as the daughter of the first shipowner or
the richest banker of Marseilles! What do such as we desire
but a good wife and careful housekeeper, and where can I
look for these better than in you?"

"Fernand," answered Mercedes, shaking her head, "a woman
becomes a bad manager, and who shall say she will remain an
honest woman, when she loves another man better than her
husband? Rest content with my friendship, for I say once
more that is all I can promise, and I will promise no more
than I can bestow."

"I understand," replied Fernand, "you can endure your own
wretchedness patiently, but you are afraid to share mine.
Well, Mercedes, beloved by you, I would tempt fortune; you
would bring me good luck, and I should become rich. I could
extend my occupation as a fisherman, might get a place as
clerk in a warehouse, and become in time a dealer myself."

"You could do no such thing, Fernand; you are a soldier, and
if you remain at the Catalans it is because there is no war;
so remain a fisherman, and contented with my friendship, as
I cannot give you more."

"Well, I will do better, Mercedes. I will be a sailor;
instead of the costume of our fathers, which you despise, I
will wear a varnished hat, a striped shirt, and a blue
jacket, with an anchor on the buttons. Would not that dress
please you?"

"What do you mean?" asked Mercedes, with an angry glance, --
"what do you mean? I do not understand you?"

"I mean, Mercedes, that you are thus harsh and cruel with
me, because you are expecting some one who is thus attired;
but perhaps he whom you await is inconstant, or if he is
not, the sea is so to him."

"Fernand," cried Mercedes, "I believed you were
good-hearted, and I was mistaken! Fernand, you are wicked to
call to your aid jealousy and the anger of God! Yes, I will
not deny it, I do await, and I do love him of whom you
speak; and, if he does not return, instead of accusing him
of the inconstancy which you insinuate, I will tell you that
he died loving me and me only." The young girl made a
gesture of rage. "I understand you, Fernand; you would be
revenged on him because I do not love you; you would cross
your Catalan knife with his dirk. What end would that
answer? To lose you my friendship if he were conquered, and
see that friendship changed into hate if you were victor.
Believe me, to seek a quarrel with a man is a bad method of
pleasing the woman who loves that man. No, Fernand, you will
not thus give way to evil thoughts. Unable to have me for
your wife, you will content yourself with having me for your
friend and sister; and besides," she added, her eyes
troubled and moistened with tears, "wait, wait, Fernand; you
said just now that the sea was treacherous, and he has been
gone four months, and during these four months there have
been some terrible storms."

Fernand made no reply, nor did he attempt to check the tears
which flowed down the cheeks of Mercedes, although for each
of these tears he would have shed his heart's blood; but
these tears flowed for another. He arose, paced a while up
and down the hut, and then, suddenly stopping before
Mercedes, with his eyes glowing and his hands clinched, --
"Say, Mercedes," he said, "once for all, is this your final
determination?"

"I love Edmond Dantes," the young girl calmly replied, "and
none but Edmond shall ever be my husband."

"And you will always love him?"

"As long as I live."

Fernand let fall his head like a defeated man, heaved a sigh
that was like a groan, and then suddenly looking her full in
the face, with clinched teeth and expanded nostrils, said,
-- "But if he is dead" --

"If he is dead, I shall die too."

"If he has forgotten you" --

"Mercedes!" called a joyous voice from without, --
"Mercedes!"

"Ah," exclaimed the young girl, blushing with delight, and
fairly leaping in excess of love, "you see he has not
forgotten me, for here he is!" And rushing towards the door,
she opened it, saying, "Here, Edmond, here I am!"

Fernand, pale and trembling, drew back, like a traveller at
the sight of a serpent, and fell into a chair beside him.
Edmond and Mercedes were clasped in each other's arms. The
burning Marseilles sun, which shot into the room through the
open door, covered them with a flood of light. At first they
saw nothing around them. Their intense happiness isolated
them from all the rest of the world, and they only spoke in
broken words, which are the tokens of a joy so extreme that
they seem rather the expression of sorrow. Suddenly Edmond
saw the gloomy, pale, and threatening countenance of
Fernand, as it was defined in the shadow. By a movement for
which he could scarcely account to himself, the young
Catalan placed his hand on the knife at his belt.

"Ah, your pardon," said Dantes, frowning in his turn; "I did
not perceive that there were three of us." Then, turning to
Mercedes, he inquired, "Who is this gentleman?"

"One who will be your best friend, Dantes, for he is my
friend, my cousin, my brother; it is Fernand -- the man
whom, after you, Edmond, I love the best in the world. Do
you not remember him?"

"Yes!" said Dantes, and without relinquishing Mercedes hand
clasped in one of his own, he extended the other to the
Catalan with a cordial air. But Fernand, instead of
responding to this amiable gesture, remained mute and
trembling. Edmond then cast his eyes scrutinizingly at the
agitated and embarrassed Mercedes, and then again on the
gloomy and menacing Fernand. This look told him all, and his
anger waxed hot.

"I did not know, when I came with such haste to you, that I
was to meet an enemy here."

"An enemy!" cried Mercedes, with an angry look at her
cousin. "An enemy in my house, do you say, Edmond! If I
believed that, I would place my arm under yours and go with
you to Marseilles, leaving the house to return to it no
more."

Fernand's eye darted lightning. "And should any misfortune
occur to you, dear Edmond," she continued with the same
calmness which proved to Fernand that the young girl had
read the very innermost depths of his sinister thought, "if
misfortune should occur to you, I would ascend the highest
point of the Cape de Morgion and cast myself headlong from
it."

Fernand became deadly pale. "But you are deceived, Edmond,"
she continued. "You have no enemy here -- there is no one
but Fernand, my brother, who will grasp your hand as a
devoted friend."

And at these words the young girl fixed her imperious look
on the Catalan, who, as if fascinated by it, came slowly
towards Edmond, and offered him his hand. His hatred, like a
powerless though furious wave, was broken against the strong
ascendancy which Mercedes exercised over him. Scarcely,
however, had he touched Edmond's hand than he felt he had
done all he could do, and rushed hastily out of the house.

"Oh," he exclaimed, running furiously and tearing his hair
-- "Oh, who will deliver me from this man? Wretched --
wretched that I am!"

"Hallo, Catalan! Hallo, Fernand! where are you running to?"
exclaimed a voice.

The young man stopped suddenly, looked around him, and
perceived Caderousse sitting at table with Danglars, under
an arbor.

"Well", said Caderousse, "why don't you come? Are you really
in such a hurry that you have no time to pass the time of
day with your friends?"

"Particularly when they have still a full bottle before
them," added Danglars. Fernand looked at them both with a
stupefied air, but did not say a word.

"He seems besotted," said Danglars, pushing Caderousse with
his knee. "Are we mistaken, and is Dantes triumphant in
spite of all we have believed?"

"Why, we must inquire into that," was Caderousse's reply;
and turning towards the young man, said, "Well, Catalan,
can't you make up your mind?"

Fernand wiped away the perspiration steaming from his brow,
and slowly entered the arbor, whose shade seemed to restore
somewhat of calmness to his senses, and whose coolness
somewhat of refreshment to his exhausted body.

"Good-day," said he. "You called me, didn't you?" And he
fell, rather than sat down, on one of the seats which
surrounded the table.

"I called you because you were running like a madman, and I
was afraid you would throw yourself into the sea," said
Caderousse, laughing. "Why, when a man has friends, they are
not only to offer him a glass of wine, but, moreover, to
prevent his swallowing three or four pints of water
unnecessarily!"

Fernand gave a groan, which resembled a sob, and dropped his
head into his hands, his elbows leaning on the table.

"Well, Fernand, I must say," said Caderousse, beginning the
conversation, with that brutality of the common people in
which curiosity destroys all diplomacy, "you look uncommonly
like a rejected lover;" and he burst into a hoarse laugh.

"Bah!" said Danglars, "a lad of his make was not born to be
unhappy in love. You are laughing at him, Caderousse."

"No," he replied, "only hark how he sighs! Come, come,
Fernand," said Caderousse, "hold up your head, and answer
us. It's not polite not to reply to friends who ask news of
your health."

"My health is well enough," said Fernand, clinching his
hands without raising his head.

"Ah, you see, Danglars," said Caderousse, winking at his
friend, "this is how it is; Fernand, whom you see here, is a
good and brave Catalan, one of the best fishermen in
Marseilles, and he is in love with a very fine girl, named
Mercedes; but it appears, unfortunately, that the fine girl
is in love with the mate of the Pharaon; and as the Pharaon
arrived to-day -- why, you understand!"

"No; I do not understand," said Danglars.

"Poor Fernand has been dismissed," continued Caderousse.

"Well, and what then?" said Fernand, lifting up his head,
and looking at Caderousse like a man who looks for some one
on whom to vent his anger; "Mercedes is not accountable to
any person, is she? Is she not free to love whomsoever she
will?"

"Oh, if you take it in that sense," said Caderousse, "it is
another thing. But I thought you were a Catalan, and they
told me the Catalans were not men to allow themselves to be
supplanted by a rival. It was even told me that Fernand,
especially, was terrible in his vengeance."

Fernand smiled piteously. "A lover is never terrible," he
said.

"Poor fellow!" remarked Danglars, affecting to pity the
young man from the bottom of his heart. "Why, you see, he
did not expect to see Dantes return so suddenly -- he
thought he was dead, perhaps; or perchance faithless! These
things always come on us more severely when they come
suddenly."

"Ah, ma foi, under any circumstances," said Caderousse, who
drank as he spoke, and on whom the fumes of the wine began
to take effect, -- "under any circumstances Fernand is not
the only person put out by the fortunate arrival of Dantes;
is he, Danglars?"

"No, you are right -- and I should say that would bring him
ill-luck."

"Well, never mind," answered Caderousse, pouring out a glass
of wine for Fernand, and filling his own for the eighth or
ninth time, while Danglars had merely sipped his. "Never
mind -- in the meantime he marries Mercedes -- the lovely
Mercedes -- at least he returns to do that."

During this time Danglars fixed his piercing glance on the
young man, on whose heart Caderousse's words fell like
molten lead.

"And when is the wedding to be?" he asked.

"Oh, it is not yet fixed!" murmured Fernand.

"No, but it will be," said Caderousse, "as surely as Dantes
will be captain of the Pharaon -- eh, Danglars?"

Danglars shuddered at this unexpected attack, and turned to
Caderousse, whose countenance he scrutinized, to try and
detect whether the blow was premeditated; but he read
nothing but envy in a countenance already rendered brutal
and stupid by drunkenness.

"Well," said he, filling the glasses, "let us drink to
Captain Edmond Dantes, husband of the beautiful Catalane!"

Caderousse raised his glass to his mouth with unsteady hand,
and swallowed the contents at a gulp. Fernand dashed his on
the ground.

"Eh, eh, eh!" stammered Caderousse. "What do I see down
there by the wall, in the direction of the Catalans? Look,
Fernand, your eyes are better than mine. I believe I see
double. You know wine is a deceiver; but I should say it was
two lovers walking side by side, and hand in hand. Heaven
forgive me, they do not know that we can see them, and they
are actually embracing!"

Danglars did not lose one pang that Fernand endured.

"Do you know them, Fernand?" he said.

"Yes," was the reply, in a low voice. "It is Edmond and
Mercedes!"

"Ah, see there, now!" said Caderousse; "and I did not
recognize them! Hallo, Dantes! hello, lovely damsel! Come
this way, and let us know when the wedding is to be, for
Fernand here is so obstinate he will not tell us."

"Hold your tongue, will you?" said Danglars, pretending to
restrain Caderousse, who, with the tenacity of drunkards,
leaned out of the arbor. "Try to stand upright, and let the
lovers make love without interruption. See, look at Fernand,
and follow his example; he is well-behaved!"

Fernand, probably excited beyond bearing, pricked by
Danglars, as the bull is by the bandilleros, was about to
rush out; for he had risen from his seat, and seemed to be
collecting himself to dash headlong upon his rival, when
Mercedes, smiling and graceful, lifted up her lovely head,
and looked at them with her clear and bright eyes. At this
Fernand recollected her threat of dying if Edmond died, and
dropped again heavily on his seat. Danglars looked at the
two men, one after the other, the one brutalized by liquor,
the other overwhelmed with love.

"I shall get nothing from these fools," he muttered; "and I
am very much afraid of being here between a drunkard and a
coward. Here's an envious fellow making himself boozy on
wine when he ought to be nursing his wrath, and here is a
fool who sees the woman he loves stolen from under his nose
and takes on like a big baby. Yet this Catalan has eyes that
glisten like those of the vengeful Spaniards, Sicilians, and
Calabrians, and the other has fists big enough to crush an
ox at one blow. Unquestionably, Edmond's star is in the
ascendant, and he will marry the splendid girl -- he will be
captain, too, and laugh at us all, unless" -- a sinister
smile passed over Danglars' lips -- "unless I take a hand in
the affair," he added.

"Hallo!" continued Caderousse, half-rising, and with his
fist on the table, "hallo, Edmond! do you not see your
friends, or are you too proud to speak to them?"

"No, my dear fellow!" replied Dantes, "I am not proud, but I
am happy, and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride."

"Ah, very well, that's an explanation!" said Caderousse.
"How do you do, Madame Dantes?"

Mercedes courtesied gravely, and said -- "That is not my
name, and in my country it bodes ill fortune, they say, to
call a young girl by the name of her betrothed before he
becomes her husband. So call me Mercedes, if you please."

"We must excuse our worthy neighbor, Caderousse," said
Dantes, "he is so easily mistaken."

"So, then, the wedding is to take place immediately, M.
Dantes," said Danglars, bowing to the young couple.

"As soon as possible, M. Danglars; to-day all preliminaries
will be arranged at my father's, and to-morrow, or next day
at latest, the wedding festival here at La Reserve. My
friends will be there, I hope; that is to say, you are
invited, M. Danglars, and you, Caderousse."

"And Fernand," said Caderousse with a chuckle; "Fernand,
too, is invited!"

"My wife's brother is my brother," said Edmond; "and we,
Mercedes and I, should be very sorry if he were absent at
such a time."

Fernand opened his mouth to reply, but his voice died on his
lips, and he could not utter a word.

"To-day the preliminaries, to-morrow or next day the
ceremony! You are in a hurry, captain!"

"Danglars," said Edmond, smiling, "I will say to you as
Mercedes said just now to Caderousse, `Do not give me a
title which does not belong to me'; that may bring me bad
luck."

"Your pardon," replied Danglars, "I merely said you seemed
in a hurry, and we have lots of time; the Pharaon cannot be
under weigh again in less than three months."

"We are always in a hurry to be happy, M. Danglars; for when
we have suffered a long time, we have great difficulty in
believing in good fortune. But it is not selfishness alone
that makes me thus in haste; I must go to Paris."

"Ah, really? -- to Paris! and will it be the first time you
have ever been there, Dantes?"

"Yes."

"Have you business there?"

"Not of my own; the last commission of poor Captain Leclere;
you know to what I allude, Danglars -- it is sacred.
Besides, I shall only take the time to go and return."

"Yes, yes, I understand," said Danglars, and then in a low
tone, he added, "To Paris, no doubt to deliver the letter
which the grand marshal gave him. Ah, this letter gives me
an idea -- a capital idea! Ah; Dantes, my friend, you are
not yet registered number one on board the good ship
Pharaon;" then turning towards Edmond, who was walking away,
"A pleasant journey," he cried.

"Thank you," said Edmond with a friendly nod, and the two
lovers continued on their way, as calm and joyous as if they
were the very elect of heaven.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 3

Danglars followed Edmond and Mercedes with his eyes until
the two lovers disappeared behind one of the angles of Fort
Saint Nicolas, then turning round, he perceived Fernand, who
had fallen, pale and trembling, into his chair, while
Caderousse stammered out the words of a drinking-song.

"Well, my dear sir," said Danglars to Fernand, "here is a
marriage which does not appear to make everybody happy."

"It drives me to despair," said Fernand.

"Do you, then, love Mercedes?"

"I adore her!"

"For long?"

"As long as I have known her -- always."

"And you sit there, tearing your hair, instead of seeking to
remedy your condition; I did not think that was the way of
your people."

"What would you have me do?" said Fernand.

"How do I know? Is it my affair? I am not in love with
Mademoiselle Mercedes; but for you -- in the words of the
gospel, seek, and you shall find."

"I have found already."

"What?"

"I would stab the man, but the woman told me that if any
misfortune happened to her betrothed, she would kill
herself."

"Pooh! Women say those things, but never do them."

"You do not know Mercedes; what she threatens she will do."

"Idiot!" muttered Danglars; "whether she kill herself or
not, what matter, provided Dantes is not captain?"

"Before Mercedes should die," replied Fernand, with the
accents of unshaken resolution, "I would die myself!"

"That's what I call love!" said Caderousse with a voice more
tipsy than ever. "That's love, or I don't know what love
is."

"Come," said Danglars, "you appear to me a good sort of
fellow, and hang me, I should like to help you, but" --

"Yes," said Caderousse, "but how?"

"My dear fellow," replied Danglars, "you are three parts
drunk; finish the bottle, and you will be completely so.
Drink then, and do not meddle with what we are discussing,
for that requires all one's wit and cool judgment."

"I -- drunk!" said Caderousse; "well that's a good one! I
could drink four more such bottles; they are no bigger than
cologne flasks. Pere Pamphile, more wine!" and Caderousse
rattled his glass upon the table.

"You were saving, sir" -- said Fernand, awaiting with great
anxiety the end of this interrupted remark.

"What was I saying? I forget. This drunken Caderousse has
made me lose the thread of my sentence."

"Drunk, if you like; so much the worse for those who fear
wine, for it is because they have bad thoughts which they
are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts;" and
Caderousse began to sing the two last lines of a song very
popular at the time, --

`Tous les mechants sont beuveurs d'eau;
C'est bien prouve par le deluge.'*

* "The wicked are great drinkers of water
As the flood proved once for all."

"You said, sir, you would like to help me, but" --

"Yes; but I added, to help you it would be sufficient that
Dantes did not marry her you love; and the marriage may
easily be thwarted, methinks, and yet Dantes need not die."

"Death alone can separate them," remarked Fernand.

"You talk like a noodle, my friend," said Caderousse; "and
here is Danglars, who is a wide-awake, clever, deep fellow,
who will prove to you that you are wrong. Prove it,
Danglars. I have answered for you. Say there is no need why
Dantes should die; it would, indeed, be a pity he should.
Dantes is a good fellow; I like Dantes. Dantes, your
health."

Fernand rose impatiently. "Let him run on," said Danglars,
restraining the young man; "drunk as he is, he is not much
out in what he says. Absence severs as well as death, and if
the walls of a prison were between Edmond and Mercedes they
would be as effectually separated as if he lay under a
tombstone."

"Yes; but one gets out of prison," said Caderousse, who,
with what sense was left him, listened eagerly to the
conversation, "and when one gets out and one's name is
Edmond Dantes, one seeks revenge" --

"What matters that?" muttered Fernand.

"And why, I should like to know," persisted Caderousse,
"should they put Dantes in prison? he has not robbed or
killed or murdered."

"Hold your tongue!" said Danglars.

"I won't hold my tongue!" replied Caderousse; "I say I want
to know why they should put Da
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry

He added to the spam. Pretty fucking simple.



sooo...youve never seen us spam our own boards before??
Emo tears.
 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry

He added to the spam. Pretty fucking simple.



sooo...youve never seen us spam our own boards before??


Not on the day somebody else comes to do it and not nearly as much spam as there was today.

No.

But still, I appreciate his wanting to help.

BTW, obviously I haven't seen you guys spam before so why are you asking a question you already have the answer to?
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
Nope, has nothing to do with those tactics. We spammed, you guys posted less. Simple.


We've been posting much, much more in these weeks than we were before, and you know that from all your time posting and lurking here. So, under your logic you lost the moment you stepped into this place.

The real tragedy here is that some of your brilliant quips are lost under all that text.
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
Can you ever do anything other than play stupid?


Hey, relax! I'm asking a question! It was set up for this:

 Quote:
He added to the spam. Pretty fucking simple.


Well, under that reasoning, you're helping us too because we've been regularly spamming this place literally years before you! We're not adding to your spam. You're adding to ours.
 Originally Posted By: Im Not Mister Mxyzptlk
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
Nope, has nothing to do with those tactics. We spammed, you guys posted less. Simple.


We've been posting much, much more in these weeks than we were before, and you know that from all your time posting and lurking here. So, under your logic you lost the moment you stepped into this place.

The real tragedy here is that some of your brilliant quips are lost under all that text.


Like I give a fuck? We came here to spam today and Nowhereman helped us. And while we were spamming the post count "conveniently" went down from what it normally is. So, I thanked Nowhereman.

You, like Doc before, are getting defensive cause you know it's true. You guys can't handle the idea of "losing" can you?

CHAPTER 1
Marseilles -- The Arrival.

On the 24th of February, 1810, the look-out at Notre-Dame de
la Garde signalled the three-master, the Pharaon from
Smyrna, Trieste, and Naples.

As usual, a pilot put off immediately, and rounding the
Chateau d'If, got on board the vessel between Cape Morgion
and Rion island.

Immediately, and according to custom, the ramparts of Fort
Saint-Jean were covered with spectators; it is always an
event at Marseilles for a ship to come into port, especially
when this ship, like the Pharaon, has been built, rigged,
and laden at the old Phocee docks, and belongs to an owner
of the city.

The ship drew on and had safely passed the strait, which
some volcanic shock has made between the Calasareigne and
Jaros islands; had doubled Pomegue, and approached the
harbor under topsails, jib, and spanker, but so slowly and
sedately that the idlers, with that instinct which is the
forerunner of evil, asked one another what misfortune could
have happened on board. However, those experienced in
navigation saw plainly that if any accident had occurred, it
was not to the vessel herself, for she bore down with all
the evidence of being skilfully handled, the anchor
a-cockbill, the jib-boom guys already eased off, and
standing by the side of the pilot, who was steering the
Pharaon towards the narrow entrance of the inner port, was a
young man, who, with activity and vigilant eye, watched
every motion of the ship, and repeated each direction of the
pilot.

The vague disquietude which prevailed among the spectators
had so much affected one of the crowd that he did not await
the arrival of the vessel in harbor, but jumping into a
small skiff, desired to be pulled alongside the Pharaon,
which he reached as she rounded into La Reserve basin.

When the young man on board saw this person approach, he
left his station by the pilot, and, hat in hand, leaned over
the ship's bulwarks.

He was a fine, tall, slim young fellow of eighteen or
twenty, with black eyes, and hair as dark as a raven's wing;
and his whole appearance bespoke that calmness and
resolution peculiar to men accustomed from their cradle to
contend with danger.

"Ah, is it you, Dantes?" cried the man in the skiff. "What's
the matter? and why have you such an air of sadness aboard?"

"A great misfortune, M. Morrel," replied the young man, --
"a great misfortune, for me especially! Off Civita Vecchia
we lost our brave Captain Leclere."

"And the cargo?" inquired the owner, eagerly.

"Is all safe, M. Morrel; and I think you will be satisfied
on that head. But poor Captain Leclere -- "

"What happened to him?" asked the owner, with an air of
considerable resignation. "What happened to the worthy
captain?"

"He died."

"Fell into the sea?"

"No, sir, he died of brain-fever in dreadful agony." Then
turning to the crew, he said, "Bear a hand there, to take in
sail!"

All hands obeyed, and at once the eight or ten seamen who
composed the crew, sprang to their respective stations at
the spanker brails and outhaul, topsail sheets and halyards,
the jib downhaul, and the topsail clewlines and buntlines.
The young sailor gave a look to see that his orders were
promptly and accurately obeyed, and then turned again to the
owner.

"And how did this misfortune occur?" inquired the latter,
resuming the interrupted conversation.

"Alas, sir, in the most unexpected manner. After a long talk
with the harbor-master, Captain Leclere left Naples greatly
disturbed in mind. In twenty-four hours he was attacked by a
fever, and died three days afterwards. We performed the
usual burial service, and he is at his rest, sewn up in his
hammock with a thirty-six pound shot at his head and his
heels, off El Giglio island. We bring to his widow his sword
and cross of honor. It was worth while, truly," added the
young man with a melancholy smile, "to make war against the
English for ten years, and to die in his bed at last, like
everybody else."

"Why, you see, Edmond," replied the owner, who appeared more
comforted at every moment, "we are all mortal, and the old
must make way for the young. If not, why, there would be no
promotion; and since you assure me that the cargo -- "

"Is all safe and sound, M. Morrel, take my word for it; and
I advise you not to take 25,000 francs for the profits of
the voyage."

Then, as they were just passing the Round Tower, the young
man shouted: "Stand by there to lower the topsails and jib;
brail up the spanker!"

The order was executed as promptly as it would have been on
board a man-of-war.

"Let go -- and clue up!" At this last command all the sails
were lowered, and the vessel moved almost imperceptibly
onwards.

"Now, if you will come on board, M. Morrel," said Dantes,
observing the owner's impatience, "here is your supercargo,
M. Danglars, coming out of his cabin, who will furnish you
with every particular. As for me, I must look after the
anchoring, and dress the ship in mourning."

The owner did not wait for a second invitation. He seized a
rope which Dantes flung to him, and with an activity that
would have done credit to a sailor, climbed up the side of
the ship, while the young man, going to his task, left the
conversation to Danglars, who now came towards the owner. He
was a man of twenty-five or twenty-six years of age, of
unprepossessing countenance, obsequious to his superiors,
insolent to his subordinates; and this, in addition to his
position as responsible agent on board, which is always
obnoxious to the sailors, made him as much disliked by the
crew as Edmond Dantes was beloved by them.

"Well, M. Morrel," said Danglars, "you have heard of the
misfortune that has befallen us?"

"Yes -- yes: poor Captain Leclere! He was a brave and an
honest man."

"And a first-rate seaman, one who had seen long and
honorable service, as became a man charged with the
interests of a house so important as that of Morrel & Son,"
replied Danglars.

"But," replied the owner, glancing after Dantes, who was
watching the anchoring of his vessel, "it seems to me that a
sailor needs not be so old as you say, Danglars, to
understand his business, for our friend Edmond seems to
understand it thoroughly, and not to require instruction
from any one."

"Yes," said Danglars, darting at Edmond a look gleaming with
hate. "Yes, he is young, and youth is invariably
self-confident. Scarcely was the captain's breath out of his
body when he assumed the command without consulting any one,
and he caused us to lose a day and a half at the Island of
Elba, instead of making for Marseilles direct."

"As to taking command of the vessel," replied Morrel, "that
was his duty as captain's mate; as to losing a day and a
half off the Island of Elba, he was wrong, unless the vessel
needed repairs."

"The vessel was in as good condition as I am, and as, I hope
you are, M. Morrel, and this day and a half was lost from
pure whim, for the pleasure of going ashore, and nothing
else."

"Dantes," said the shipowner, turning towards the young man,
"come this way!"

"In a moment, sir," answered Dantes, "and I'm with you."
Then calling to the crew, he said -- "Let go!"

The anchor was instantly dropped, and the chain ran rattling
through the port-hole. Dantes continued at his post in spite
of the presence of the pilot, until this manoeuvre was
completed, and then he added, "Half-mast the colors, and
square the yards!"

"You see," said Danglars, "he fancies himself captain
already, upon my word."

"And so, in fact, he is," said the owner.

"Except your signature and your partner's, M. Morrel."

"And why should he not have this?" asked the owner; "he is
young, it is true, but he seems to me a thorough seaman, and
of full experience."

A cloud passed over Danglars' brow. "Your pardon, M.
Morrel," said Dantes, approaching, "the vessel now rides at
anchor, and I am at your service. You hailed me, I think?"

Danglars retreated a step or two. "I wished to inquire why
you stopped at the Island of Elba?"

"I do not know, sir; it was to fulfil the last instructions
of Captain Leclere, who, when dying, gave me a packet for
Marshal Bertrand."

"Then did you see him, Edmond?"

"Who?"

"The marshal."

"Yes."

Morrel looked around him, and then, drawing Dantes on one
side, he said suddenly -- "And how is the emperor?"

"Very well, as far as I could judge from the sight of him."

"You saw the emperor, then?"

"He entered the marshal's apartment while I was there."

"And you spoke to him?"

"Why, it was he who spoke to me, sir," said Dantes, with a
smile.

"And what did he say to you?"

"Asked me questions about the vessel, the time she left
Marseilles, the course she had taken, and what was her
cargo. I believe, if she had not been laden, and I had been
her master, he would have bought her. But I told him I was
only mate, and that she belonged to the firm of Morrel &
Son. `Ah, yes,' he said, `I know them. The Morrels have been
shipowners from father to son; and there was a Morrel who
served in the same regiment with me when I was in garrison
at Valence.'"

"Pardieu, and that is true!" cried the owner, greatly
delighted. "And that was Policar Morrel, my uncle, who was
afterwards a captain. Dantes, you must tell my uncle that
the emperor remembered him, and you will see it will bring
tears into the old soldier's eyes. Come, come," continued
he, patting Edmond's shoulder kindly, "you did very right,
Dantes, to follow Captain Leclere's instructions, and touch
at Elba, although if it were known that you had conveyed a
packet to the marshal, and had conversed with the emperor,
it might bring you into trouble."

"How could that bring me into trouble, sir?" asked Dantes;
"for I did not even know of what I was the bearer; and the
emperor merely made such inquiries as he would of the first
comer. But, pardon me, here are the health officers and the
customs inspectors coming alongside." And the young man went
to the gangway. As he departed, Danglars approached, and
said, --

"Well, it appears that he has given you satisfactory reasons
for his landing at Porto-Ferrajo?"

"Yes, most satisfactory, my dear Danglars."

"Well, so much the better," said the supercargo; "for it is
not pleasant to think that a comrade has not done his duty."

"Dantes has done his," replied the owner, "and that is not
saying much. It was Captain Leclere who gave orders for this
delay."

"Talking of Captain Leclere, has not Dantes given you a
letter from him?"

"To me? -- no -- was there one?"

"I believe that, besides the packet, Captain Leclere
confided a letter to his care."

"Of what packet are you speaking, Danglars?"

"Why, that which Dantes left at Porto-Ferrajo."

"How do you know he had a packet to leave at Porto-Ferrajo?"

Danglars turned very red.

"I was passing close to the door of the captain's cabin,
which was half open, and I saw him give the packet and
letter to Dantes."

"He did not speak to me of it," replied the shipowner; "but
if there be any letter he will give it to me."

Danglars reflected for a moment. "Then, M. Morrel, I beg of
you," said he, "not to say a word to Dantes on the subject.
I may have been mistaken."

At this moment the young man returned; Danglars withdrew.

"Well, my dear Dantes, are you now free?" inquired the
owner.

"Yes, sir."

"You have not been long detained."

"No. I gave the custom-house officers a copy of our bill of
lading; and as to the other papers, they sent a man off with
the pilot, to whom I gave them."

"Then you have nothing more to do here?"

"No -- everything is all right now."

"Then you can come and dine with me?"

"I really must ask you to excuse me, M. Morrel. My first
visit is due to my father, though I am not the less grateful
for the honor you have done me."

"Right, Dantes, quite right. I always knew you were a good
son."

"And," inquired Dantes, with some hesitation, "do you know
how my father is?"

"Well, I believe, my dear Edmond, though I have not seen him
lately."

"Yes, he likes to keep himself shut up in his little room."

"That proves, at least, that he has wanted for nothing
during your absence."

Dantes smiled. "My father is proud, sir, and if he had not a
meal left, I doubt if he would have asked anything from
anyone, except from Heaven."

"Well, then, after this first visit has been made we shall
count on you."

"I must again excuse myself, M. Morrel, for after this first
visit has been paid I have another which I am most anxious
to pay."

"True, Dantes, I forgot that there was at the Catalans some
one who expects you no less impatiently than your father --
the lovely Mercedes."

Dantes blushed.

"Ah, ha," said the shipowner, "I am not in the least
surprised, for she has been to me three times, inquiring if
there were any news of the Pharaon. Peste, Edmond, you have
a very handsome mistress!"

"She is not my mistress," replied the young sailor, gravely;
"she is my betrothed."

"Sometimes one and the same thing," said Morrel, with a
smile.

"Not with us, sir," replied Dantes.

"Well, well, my dear Edmond," continued the owner, "don't
let me detain you. You have managed my affairs so well that
I ought to allow you all the time you require for your own.
Do you want any money?"

"No, sir; I have all my pay to take -- nearly three months'
wages."

"You are a careful fellow, Edmond."

"Say I have a poor father, sir."

"Yes, yes, I know how good a son you are, so now hasten away
to see your father. I have a son too, and I should be very
wroth with those who detained him from me after a three
months' voyage."

"Then I have your leave, sir?"

"Yes, if you have nothing more to say to me."

"Nothing."

"Captain Leclere did not, before he died, give you a letter
for me?"

"He was unable to write, sir. But that reminds me that I
must ask your leave of absence for some days."

"To get married?"

"Yes, first, and then to go to Paris."

"Very good; have what time you require, Dantes. It will take
quite six weeks to unload the cargo, and we cannot get you
ready for sea until three months after that; only be back
again in three months, for the Pharaon," added the owner,
patting the young sailor on the back, "cannot sail without
her captain."

"Without her captain!" cried Dantes, his eyes sparkling with
animation; "pray mind what you say, for you are touching on
the most secret wishes of my heart. Is it really your
intention to make me captain of the Pharaon?"

"If I were sole owner we'd shake hands on it now, my dear
Dantes, and call it settled; but I have a partner, and you
know the Italian proverb -- Chi ha compagno ha padrone --
`He who has a partner has a master.' But the thing is at
least half done, as you have one out of two votes. Rely on
me to procure you the other; I will do my best."

"Ah, M. Morrel," exclaimed the young seaman, with tears in
his eyes, and grasping the owner's hand, "M. Morrel, I thank
you in the name of my father and of Mercedes."

"That's all right, Edmond. There's a providence that watches
over the deserving. Go to your father: go and see Mercedes,
and afterwards come to me."

"Shall I row you ashore?"

"No, thank you; I shall remain and look over the accounts
with Danglars. Have you been satisfied with him this
voyage?"

"That is according to the sense you attach to the question,
sir. Do you mean is he a good comrade? No, for I think he
never liked me since the day when I was silly enough, after
a little quarrel we had, to propose to him to stop for ten
minutes at the island of Monte Cristo to settle the dispute
-- a proposition which I was wrong to suggest, and he quite
right to refuse. If you mean as responsible agent when you
ask me the question, I believe there is nothing to say
against him, and that you will be content with the way in
which he has performed his duty."

"But tell me, Dantes, if you had command of the Pharaon
should you be glad to see Danglars remain?"

"Captain or mate, M. Morrel, I shall always have the
greatest respect for those who possess the owners'
confidence."

"That's right, that's right, Dantes! I see you are a
thoroughly good fellow, and will detain you no longer. Go,
for I see how impatient you are."

"Then I have leave?"

"Go, I tell you."

"May I have the use of your skiff?"

"Certainly."

"Then, for the present, M. Morrel, farewell, and a thousand
thanks!"

"I hope soon to see you again, my dear Edmond. Good luck to
you."

The young sailor jumped into the skiff, and sat down in the
stern sheets, with the order that he be put ashore at La
Canebiere. The two oarsmen bent to their work, and the
little boat glided away as rapidly as possible in the midst
of the thousand vessels which choke up the narrow way which
leads between the two rows of ships from the mouth of the
harbor to the Quai d'Orleans.

The shipowner, smiling, followed him with his eyes until he
saw him spring out on the quay and disappear in the midst of
the throng, which from five o'clock in the morning until
nine o'clock at night, swarms in the famous street of La
Canebiere, -- a street of which the modern Phocaeans are so
proud that they say with all the gravity in the world, and
with that accent which gives so much character to what is
said, "If Paris had La Canebiere, Paris would be a second
Marseilles." On turning round the owner saw Danglars behind
him, apparently awaiting orders, but in reality also
watching the young sailor, -- but there was a great
difference in the expression of the two men who thus
followed the movements of Edmond Dantes.

We will leave Danglars struggling with the demon of hatred,
and endeavoring to insinuate in the ear of the shipowner
some evil suspicions against his comrade, and follow Dantes,
who, after having traversed La Canebiere, took the Rue de
Noailles, and entering a small house, on the left of the
Allees de Meillan, rapidly ascended four flights of a dark
staircase, holding the baluster with one hand, while with
the other he repressed the beatings of his heart, and paused
before a half-open door, from which he could see the whole
of a small room.

This room was occupied by Dantes' father. The news of the
arrival of the Pharaon had not yet reached the old man, who,
mounted on a chair, was amusing himself by training with
trembling hand the nasturtiums and sprays of clematis that
clambered over the trellis at his window. Suddenly, he felt
an arm thrown around his body, and a well-known voice behind
him exclaimed, "Father -- dear father!"

The old man uttered a cry, and turned round; then, seeing
his son, he fell into his arms, pale and trembling.

"What ails you, my dearest father? Are you ill?" inquired
the young man, much alarmed.

"No, no, my dear Edmond -- my boy -- my son! -- no; but I
did not expect you; and joy, the surprise of seeing you so
suddenly -- Ah, I feel as if I were going to die."

"Come, come, cheer up, my dear father! 'Tis I -- really I!
They say joy never hurts, and so I came to you without any
warning. Come now, do smile, instead of looking at me so
solemnly. Here I am back again, and we are going to be
happy."

"Yes, yes, my boy, so we will -- so we will," replied the
old man; "but how shall we be happy? Shall you never leave
me again? Come, tell me all the good fortune that has
befallen you."

"God forgive me," said the young man, "for rejoicing at
happiness derived from the misery of others, but, Heaven
knows, I did not seek this good fortune; it has happened,
and I really cannot pretend to lament it. The good Captain
Leclere is dead, father, and it is probable that, with the
aid of M. Morrel, I shall have his place. Do you understand,
father? Only imagine me a captain at twenty, with a hundred
louis pay, and a share in the profits! Is this not more than
a poor sailor like me could have hoped for?"

"Yes, my dear boy," replied the old man, "it is very
fortunate."

"Well, then, with the first money I touch, I mean you to
have a small house, with a garden in which to plant
clematis, nasturtiums, and honeysuckle. But what ails you,
father? Are you not well?"

"'Tis nothing, nothing; it will soon pass away" -- and as he
said so the old man's strength failed him, and he fell
backwards.

"Come, come," said the young man, "a glass of wine, father,
will revive you. Where do you keep your wine?"

"No, no; thanks. You need not look for it; I do not want
it," said the old man.

"Yes, yes, father, tell me where it is," and he opened two
or three cupboards.

"It is no use," said the old man, "there is no wine."

"What, no wine?" said Dantes, turning pale, and looking
alternately at the hollow cheeks of the old man and the
empty cupboards. "What, no wine? Have you wanted money,
father?"

"I want nothing now that I have you," said the old man.

"Yet," stammered Dantes, wiping the perspiration from his
brow, -- "yet I gave you two hundred francs when I left,
three months ago."

"Yes, yes, Edmond, that is true, but you forgot at that time
a little debt to our neighbor, Caderousse. He reminded me of
it, telling me if I did not pay for you, he would be paid by
M. Morrel; and so, you see, lest he might do you an injury"
--

"Well?"

"Why, I paid him."

"But," cried Dantes, "it was a hundred and forty francs I
owed Caderousse."

"Yes," stammered the old man.

"And you paid him out of the two hundred francs I left you?"

The old man nodded.

"So that you have lived for three months on sixty francs,"
muttered Edmond.

"You know how little I require," said the old man.

"Heaven pardon me," cried Edmond, falling on his knees
before his father.

"What are you doing?"

"You have wounded me to the heart."

"Never mind it, for I see you once more," said the old man;
"and now it's all over -- everything is all right again."

"Yes, here I am," said the young man, "with a promising
future and a little money. Here, father, here!" he said,
"take this -- take it, and send for something immediately."
And he emptied his pockets on the table, the contents
consisting of a dozen gold pieces, five or six five-franc
pieces, and some smaller coin. The countenance of old Dantes
brightened.

"Whom does this belong to?" he inquired.

"To me, to you, to us! Take it; buy some provisions; be
happy, and to-morrow we shall have more."

"Gently, gently," said the old man, with a smile; "and by
your leave I will use your purse moderately, for they would
say, if they saw me buy too many things at a time, that I
had been obliged to await your return, in order to be able
to purchase them."

"Do as you please; but, first of all, pray have a servant,
father. I will not have you left alone so long. I have some
smuggled coffee and most capital tobacco, in a small chest
in the hold, which you shall have to-morrow. But, hush, here
comes somebody."

"'Tis Caderousse, who has heard of your arrival, and no
doubt comes to congratulate you on your fortunate return."

"Ah, lips that say one thing, while the heart thinks
another," murmured Edmond. "But, never mind, he is a
neighbor who has done us a service on a time, so he's
welcome."

As Edmond paused, the black and bearded head of Caderousse
appeared at the door. He was a man of twenty-five or six,
and held a piece of cloth, which, being a tailor, he was
about to make into a coat-lining.

"What, is it you, Edmond, back again?" said he, with a broad
Marseillaise accent, and a grin that displayed his
ivory-white teeth.

"Yes, as you see, neighbor Caderousse; and ready to be
agreeable to you in any and every way," replied Dantes, but
ill-concealing his coldness under this cloak of civility.

"Thanks -- thanks; but, fortunately, I do not want for
anything; and it chances that at times there are others who
have need of me." Dantes made a gesture. "I do not allude to
you, my boy. No! -- no! I lent you money, and you returned
it; that's like good neighbors, and we are quits."

"We are never quits with those who oblige us," was Dantes'
reply; "for when we do not owe them money, we owe them
gratitude."

"What's the use of mentioning that? What is done is done.
Let us talk of your happy return, my boy. I had gone on the
quay to match a piece of mulberry cloth, when I met friend
Danglars. `You at Marseilles?' -- `Yes,' says he.

"`I thought you were at Smyrna.' -- `I was; but am now back
again.'

"`And where is the dear boy, our little Edmond?'

"`Why, with his father, no doubt,' replied Danglars. And so
I came," added Caderousse, "as fast as I could to have the
pleasure of shaking hands with a friend."

"Worthy Caderousse!" said the old man, "he is so much
attached to us."

"Yes, to be sure I am. I love and esteem you, because honest
folks are so rare. But it seems you have come back rich, my
boy," continued the tailor, looking askance at the handful
of gold and silver which Dantes had thrown on the table.

The young man remarked the greedy glance which shone in the
dark eyes of his neighbor. "Eh," he said, negligently. "this
money is not mine. I was expressing to my father my fears
that he had wanted many things in my absence, and to
convince me he emptied his purse on the table. Come, father"
added Dantes, "put this money back in your box -- unless
neighbor Caderousse wants anything, and in that case it is
at his service."

"No, my boy, no," said Caderousse. "I am not in any want,
thank God, my living is suited to my means. Keep your money
-- keep it, I say; -- one never has too much; -- but, at the
same time, my boy, I am as much obliged by your offer as if
I took advantage of it."

"It was offered with good will," said Dantes.

"No doubt, my boy; no doubt. Well, you stand well with M.
Morrel I hear, -- you insinuating dog, you!"

"M. Morrel has always been exceedingly kind to me," replied
Dantes.

"Then you were wrong to refuse to dine with him."

"What, did you refuse to dine with him?" said old Dantes;
"and did he invite you to dine?"

"Yes, my dear father," replied Edmond, smiling at his
father's astonishment at the excessive honor paid to his
son.

"And why did you refuse, my son?" inquired the old man.

"That I might the sooner see you again, my dear father,"
replied the young man. "I was most anxious to see you."

"But it must have vexed M. Morrel, good, worthy man," said
Caderousse. "And when you are looking forward to be captain,
it was wrong to annoy the owner."

"But I explained to him the cause of my refusal," replied
Dantes, "and I hope he fully understood it."

"Yes, but to be captain one must do a little flattery to
one's patrons."

"I hope to be captain without that," said Dantes.

"So much the better -- so much the better! Nothing will give
greater pleasure to all your old friends; and I know one
down there behind the Saint Nicolas citadel who will not be
sorry to hear it."

"Mercedes?" said the old man.

"Yes, my dear father, and with your permission, now I have
seen you, and know you are well and have all you require, I
will ask your consent to go and pay a visit to the
Catalans."

"Go, my dear boy," said old Dantes: "and heaven bless you in
your wife, as it has blessed me in my son!"

"His wife!" said Caderousse; "why, how fast you go on,
father Dantes; she is not his wife yet, as it seems to me."

"So, but according to all probability she soon will be,"
replied Edmond.

"Yes -- yes," said Caderousse; "but you were right to return
as soon as possible, my boy."

"And why?"

"Because Mercedes is a very fine girl, and fine girls never
lack followers; she particularly has them by dozens."

"Really?" answered Edmond, with a smile which had in it
traces of slight uneasiness.

"Ah, yes," continued Caderousse, "and capital offers, too;
but you know, you will be captain, and who could refuse you
then?"

"Meaning to say," replied Dantes, with a smile which but
ill-concealed his trouble, "that if I were not a captain" --

"Eh -- eh!" said Caderousse, shaking his head.

"Come, come," said the sailor, "I have a better opinion than
you of women in general, and of Mercedes in particular; and
I am certain that, captain or not, she will remain ever
faithful to me."

"So much the better -- so much the better," said Caderousse.
"When one is going to be married, there is nothing like
implicit confidence; but never mind that, my boy, -- go and
announce your arrival, and let her know all your hopes and
prospects."

"I will go directly," was Edmond's reply; and, embracing his
father, and nodding to Caderousse, he left the apartment.

Caderousse lingered for a moment, then taking leave of old
Dantes, he went downstairs to rejoin Danglars, who awaited
him at the corner of the Rue Senac.

"Well," said Danglars, "did you see him?"

"I have just left him," answered Caderousse.

"Did he allude to his hope of being captain?"

"He spoke of it as a thing already decided."

"Indeed!" said Danglars, "he is in too much hurry, it
appears to me."

"Why, it seems M. Morrel has promised him the thing."

"So that he is quite elated about it?"

"Why, yes, he is actually insolent over the matter -- has
already offered me his patronage, as if he were a grand
personage, and proffered me a loan of money, as though he
were a banker."

"Which you refused?"

"Most assuredly; although I might easily have accepted it,
for it was I who put into his hands the first silver he ever
earned; but now M. Dantes has no longer any occasion for
assistance -- he is about to become a captain."

"Pooh!" said Danglars, "he is not one yet."

"Ma foi, it will be as well if he is not," answered
Caderousse; "for if he should be, there will be really no
speaking to him."

"If we choose," replied Danglars, "he will remain what he
is; and perhaps become even less than he is."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing -- I was speaking to myself. And is he still in
love with the Catalane?"

"Over head and ears; but, unless I am much mistaken, there
will be a storm in that quarter."

"Explain yourself."

"Why should I?"

"It is more important than you think, perhaps. You do not
like Dantes?"

"I never like upstarts."

"Then tell me all you know about the Catalane."

"I know nothing for certain; only I have seen things which
induce me to believe, as I told you, that the future captain
will find some annoyance in the vicinity of the Vieilles
Infirmeries."

"What have you seen? -- come, tell me!"

"Well, every time I have seen Mercedes come into the city
she has been accompanied by a tall, strapping, black-eyed
Catalan, with a red complexion, brown skin, and fierce air,
whom she calls cousin."

"Really; and you think this cousin pays her attentions?"

"I only suppose so. What else can a strapping chap of
twenty-one mean with a fine wench of seventeen?"

"And you say that Dantes has gone to the Catalans?"

"He went before I came down."

"Let us go the same way; we will stop at La Reserve, and we
can drink a glass of La Malgue, whilst we wait for news."

"Come along," said Caderousse; "but you pay the score."

"Of course," replied Danglars; and going quickly to the
designated place, they called for a bottle of wine, and two
glasses.

Pere Pamphile had seen Dantes pass not ten minutes before;
and assured that he was at the Catalans, they sat down under
the budding foliage of the planes and sycamores, in the
branches of which the birds were singing their welcome to
one of the first days of spring.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 2

CHAPTER 3
The Catalans.

Beyond a bare, weather-worn wall, about a hundred paces from
the spot where the two friends sat looking and listening as
they drank their wine, was the village of the Catalans. Long
ago this mysterious colony quitted Spain, and settled on the
tongue of land on which it is to this day. Whence it came no
one knew, and it spoke an unknown tongue. One of its chiefs,
who understood Provencal, begged the commune of Marseilles
to give them this bare and barren promontory, where, like
the sailors of old, they had run their boats ashore. The
request was granted; and three months afterwards, around the
twelve or fifteen small vessels which had brought these
gypsies of the sea, a small village sprang up. This village,
constructed in a singular and picturesque manner, half
Moorish, half Spanish, still remains, and is inhabited by
descendants of the first comers, who speak the language of
their fathers. For three or four centuries they have
remained upon this small promontory, on which they had
settled like a flight of seabirds, without mixing with the
Marseillaise population, intermarrying, and preserving their
original customs and the costume of their mother-country as
they have preserved its language.

Our readers will follow us along the only street of this
little village, and enter with us one of the houses, which
is sunburned to the beautiful dead-leaf color peculiar to
the buildings of the country, and within coated with
whitewash, like a Spanish posada. A young and beautiful
girl, with hair as black as jet, her eyes as velvety as the
gazelle's, was leaning with her back against the wainscot,
rubbing in her slender delicately moulded fingers a bunch of
heath blossoms, the flowers of which she was picking off and
strewing on the floor; her arms, bare to the elbow, brown,
and modelled after those of the Arlesian Venus, moved with a
kind of restless impatience, and she tapped the earth with
her arched and supple foot, so as to display the pure and
full shape of her well-turned leg, in its red cotton, gray
and blue clocked, stocking. At three paces from her, seated
in a chair which he balanced on two legs, leaning his elbow
on an old worm-eaten table, was a tall young man of twenty,
or two-and-twenty, who was looking at her with an air in
which vexation and uneasiness were mingled. He questioned
her with his eyes, but the firm and steady gaze of the young
girl controlled his look.

"You see, Mercedes," said the young man, "here is Easter
come round again; tell me, is this the moment for a
wedding?"

"I have answered you a hundred times, Fernand, and really
you must be very stupid to ask me again."

"Well, repeat it, -- repeat it, I beg of you, that I may at
last believe it! Tell me for the hundredth time that you
refuse my love, which had your mother's sanction. Make me
understand once for all that you are trifling with my
happiness, that my life or death are nothing to you. Ah, to
have dreamed for ten years of being your husband, Mercedes,
and to lose that hope, which was the only stay of my
existence!"

"At least it was not I who ever encouraged you in that hope,
Fernand," replied Mercedes; "you cannot reproach me with the
slightest coquetry. I have always said to you, `I love you
as a brother; but do not ask from me more than sisterly
affection, for my heart is another's.' Is not this true,
Fernand?"

"Yes, that is very true, Mercedes," replied the young man,
"Yes, you have been cruelly frank with me; but do you forget
that it is among the Catalans a sacred law to intermarry?"

"You mistake, Fernand; it is not a law, but merely a custom,
and, I pray of you, do not cite this custom in your favor.
You are included in the conscription, Fernand, and are only
at liberty on sufferance, liable at any moment to be called
upon to take up arms. Once a soldier, what would you do with
me, a poor orphan, forlorn, without fortune, with nothing
but a half-ruined hut and a few ragged nets, the miserable
inheritance left by my father to my mother, and by my mother
to me? She has been dead a year, and you know, Fernand, I
have subsisted almost entirely on public charity. Sometimes
you pretend I am useful to you, and that is an excuse to
share with me the produce of your fishing, and I accept it,
Fernand, because you are the son of my father's brother,
because we were brought up together, and still more because
it would give you so much pain if I refuse. But I feel very
deeply that this fish which I go and sell, and with the
produce of which I buy the flax I spin, -- I feel very
keenly, Fernand, that this is charity."

"And if it were, Mercedes, poor and lone as you are, you
suit me as well as the daughter of the first shipowner or
the richest banker of Marseilles! What do such as we desire
but a good wife and careful housekeeper, and where can I
look for these better than in you?"

"Fernand," answered Mercedes, shaking her head, "a woman
becomes a bad manager, and who shall say she will remain an
honest woman, when she loves another man better than her
husband? Rest content with my friendship, for I say once
more that is all I can promise, and I will promise no more
than I can bestow."

"I understand," replied Fernand, "you can endure your own
wretchedness patiently, but you are afraid to share mine.
Well, Mercedes, beloved by you, I would tempt fortune; you
would bring me good luck, and I should become rich. I could
extend my occupation as a fisherman, might get a place as
clerk in a warehouse, and become in time a dealer myself."

"You could do no such thing, Fernand; you are a soldier, and
if you remain at the Catalans it is because there is no war;
so remain a fisherman, and contented with my friendship, as
I cannot give you more."

"Well, I will do better, Mercedes. I will be a sailor;
instead of the costume of our fathers, which you despise, I
will wear a varnished hat, a striped shirt, and a blue
jacket, with an anchor on the buttons. Would not that dress
please you?"

"What do you mean?" asked Mercedes, with an angry glance, --
"what do you mean? I do not understand you?"

"I mean, Mercedes, that you are thus harsh and cruel with
me, because you are expecting some one who is thus attired;
but perhaps he whom you await is inconstant, or if he is
not, the sea is so to him."

"Fernand," cried Mercedes, "I believed you were
good-hearted, and I was mistaken! Fernand, you are wicked to
call to your aid jealousy and the anger of God! Yes, I will
not deny it, I do await, and I do love him of whom you
speak; and, if he does not return, instead of accusing him
of the inconstancy which you insinuate, I will tell you that
he died loving me and me only." The young girl made a
gesture of rage. "I understand you, Fernand; you would be
revenged on him because I do not love you; you would cross
your Catalan knife with his dirk. What end would that
answer? To lose you my friendship if he were conquered, and
see that friendship changed into hate if you were victor.
Believe me, to seek a quarrel with a man is a bad method of
pleasing the woman who loves that man. No, Fernand, you will
not thus give way to evil thoughts. Unable to have me for
your wife, you will content yourself with having me for your
friend and sister; and besides," she added, her eyes
troubled and moistened with tears, "wait, wait, Fernand; you
said just now that the sea was treacherous, and he has been
gone four months, and during these four months there have
been some terrible storms."

Fernand made no reply, nor did he attempt to check the tears
which flowed down the cheeks of Mercedes, although for each
of these tears he would have shed his heart's blood; but
these tears flowed for another. He arose, paced a while up
and down the hut, and then, suddenly stopping before
Mercedes, with his eyes glowing and his hands clinched, --
"Say, Mercedes," he said, "once for all, is this your final
determination?"

"I love Edmond Dantes," the young girl calmly replied, "and
none but Edmond shall ever be my husband."

"And you will always love him?"

"As long as I live."

Fernand let fall his head like a defeated man, heaved a sigh
that was like a groan, and then suddenly looking her full in
the face, with clinched teeth and expanded nostrils, said,
-- "But if he is dead" --

"If he is dead, I shall die too."

"If he has forgotten you" --

"Mercedes!" called a joyous voice from without, --
"Mercedes!"

"Ah," exclaimed the young girl, blushing with delight, and
fairly leaping in excess of love, "you see he has not
forgotten me, for here he is!" And rushing towards the door,
she opened it, saying, "Here, Edmond, here I am!"

Fernand, pale and trembling, drew back, like a traveller at
the sight of a serpent, and fell into a chair beside him.
Edmond and Mercedes were clasped in each other's arms. The
burning Marseilles sun, which shot into the room through the
open door, covered them with a flood of light. At first they
saw nothing around them. Their intense happiness isolated
them from all the rest of the world, and they only spoke in
broken words, which are the tokens of a joy so extreme that
they seem rather the expression of sorrow. Suddenly Edmond
saw the gloomy, pale, and threatening countenance of
Fernand, as it was defined in the shadow. By a movement for
which he could scarcely account to himself, the young
Catalan placed his hand on the knife at his belt.

"Ah, your pardon," said Dantes, frowning in his turn; "I did
not perceive that there were three of us." Then, turning to
Mercedes, he inquired, "Who is this gentleman?"

"One who will be your best friend, Dantes, for he is my
friend, my cousin, my brother; it is Fernand -- the man
whom, after you, Edmond, I love the best in the world. Do
you not remember him?"

"Yes!" said Dantes, and without relinquishing Mercedes hand
clasped in one of his own, he extended the other to the
Catalan with a cordial air. But Fernand, instead of
responding to this amiable gesture, remained mute and
trembling. Edmond then cast his eyes scrutinizingly at the
agitated and embarrassed Mercedes, and then again on the
gloomy and menacing Fernand. This look told him all, and his
anger waxed hot.

"I did not know, when I came with such haste to you, that I
was to meet an enemy here."

"An enemy!" cried Mercedes, with an angry look at her
cousin. "An enemy in my house, do you say, Edmond! If I
believed that, I would place my arm under yours and go with
you to Marseilles, leaving the house to return to it no
more."

Fernand's eye darted lightning. "And should any misfortune
occur to you, dear Edmond," she continued with the same
calmness which proved to Fernand that the young girl had
read the very innermost depths of his sinister thought, "if
misfortune should occur to you, I would ascend the highest
point of the Cape de Morgion and cast myself headlong from
it."

Fernand became deadly pale. "But you are deceived, Edmond,"
she continued. "You have no enemy here -- there is no one
but Fernand, my brother, who will grasp your hand as a
devoted friend."

And at these words the young girl fixed her imperious look
on the Catalan, who, as if fascinated by it, came slowly
towards Edmond, and offered him his hand. His hatred, like a
powerless though furious wave, was broken against the strong
ascendancy which Mercedes exercised over him. Scarcely,
however, had he touched Edmond's hand than he felt he had
done all he could do, and rushed hastily out of the house.

"Oh," he exclaimed, running furiously and tearing his hair
-- "Oh, who will deliver me from this man? Wretched --
wretched that I am!"

"Hallo, Catalan! Hallo, Fernand! where are you running to?"
exclaimed a voice.

The young man stopped suddenly, looked around him, and
perceived Caderousse sitting at table with Danglars, under
an arbor.

"Well", said Caderousse, "why don't you come? Are you really
in such a hurry that you have no time to pass the time of
day with your friends?"

"Particularly when they have still a full bottle before
them," added Danglars. Fernand looked at them both with a
stupefied air, but did not say a word.

"He seems besotted," said Danglars, pushing Caderousse with
his knee. "Are we mistaken, and is Dantes triumphant in
spite of all we have believed?"

"Why, we must inquire into that," was Caderousse's reply;
and turning towards the young man, said, "Well, Catalan,
can't you make up your mind?"

Fernand wiped away the perspiration steaming from his brow,
and slowly entered the arbor, whose shade seemed to restore
somewhat of calmness to his senses, and whose coolness
somewhat of refreshment to his exhausted body.

"Good-day," said he. "You called me, didn't you?" And he
fell, rather than sat down, on one of the seats which
surrounded the table.

"I called you because you were running like a madman, and I
was afraid you would throw yourself into the sea," said
Caderousse, laughing. "Why, when a man has friends, they are
not only to offer him a glass of wine, but, moreover, to
prevent his swallowing three or four pints of water
unnecessarily!"

Fernand gave a groan, which resembled a sob, and dropped his
head into his hands, his elbows leaning on the table.

"Well, Fernand, I must say," said Caderousse, beginning the
conversation, with that brutality of the common people in
which curiosity destroys all diplomacy, "you look uncommonly
like a rejected lover;" and he burst into a hoarse laugh.

"Bah!" said Danglars, "a lad of his make was not born to be
unhappy in love. You are laughing at him, Caderousse."

"No," he replied, "only hark how he sighs! Come, come,
Fernand," said Caderousse, "hold up your head, and answer
us. It's not polite not to reply to friends who ask news of
your health."

"My health is well enough," said Fernand, clinching his
hands without raising his head.

"Ah, you see, Danglars," said Caderousse, winking at his
friend, "this is how it is; Fernand, whom you see here, is a
good and brave Catalan, one of the best fishermen in
Marseilles, and he is in love with a very fine girl, named
Mercedes; but it appears, unfortunately, that the fine girl
is in love with the mate of the Pharaon; and as the Pharaon
arrived to-day -- why, you understand!"

"No; I do not understand," said Danglars.

"Poor Fernand has been dismissed," continued Caderousse.

"Well, and what then?" said Fernand, lifting up his head,
and looking at Caderousse like a man who looks for some one
on whom to vent his anger; "Mercedes is not accountable to
any person, is she? Is she not free to love whomsoever she
will?"

"Oh, if you take it in that sense," said Caderousse, "it is
another thing. But I thought you were a Catalan, and they
told me the Catalans were not men to allow themselves to be
supplanted by a rival. It was even told me that Fernand,
especially, was terrible in his vengeance."

Fernand smiled piteously. "A lover is never terrible," he
said.

"Poor fellow!" remarked Danglars, affecting to pity the
young man from the bottom of his heart. "Why, you see, he
did not expect to see Dantes return so suddenly -- he
thought he was dead, perhaps; or perchance faithless! These
things always come on us more severely when they come
suddenly."

"Ah, ma foi, under any circumstances," said Caderousse, who
drank as he spoke, and on whom the fumes of the wine began
to take effect, -- "under any circumstances Fernand is not
the only person put out by the fortunate arrival of Dantes;
is he, Danglars?"

"No, you are right -- and I should say that would bring him
ill-luck."

"Well, never mind," answered Caderousse, pouring out a glass
of wine for Fernand, and filling his own for the eighth or
ninth time, while Danglars had merely sipped his. "Never
mind -- in the meantime he marries Mercedes -- the lovely
Mercedes -- at least he returns to do that."

During this time Danglars fixed his piercing glance on the
young man, on whose heart Caderousse's words fell like
molten lead.

"And when is the wedding to be?" he asked.

"Oh, it is not yet fixed!" murmured Fernand.

"No, but it will be," said Caderousse, "as surely as Dantes
will be captain of the Pharaon -- eh, Danglars?"

Danglars shuddered at this unexpected attack, and turned to
Caderousse, whose countenance he scrutinized, to try and
detect whether the blow was premeditated; but he read
nothing but envy in a countenance already rendered brutal
and stupid by drunkenness.

"Well," said he, filling the glasses, "let us drink to
Captain Edmond Dantes, husband of the beautiful Catalane!"

Caderousse raised his glass to his mouth with unsteady hand,
and swallowed the contents at a gulp. Fernand dashed his on
the ground.

"Eh, eh, eh!" stammered Caderousse. "What do I see down
there by the wall, in the direction of the Catalans? Look,
Fernand, your eyes are better than mine. I believe I see
double. You know wine is a deceiver; but I should say it was
two lovers walking side by side, and hand in hand. Heaven
forgive me, they do not know that we can see them, and they
are actually embracing!"

Danglars did not lose one pang that Fernand endured.

"Do you know them, Fernand?" he said.

"Yes," was the reply, in a low voice. "It is Edmond and
Mercedes!"

"Ah, see there, now!" said Caderousse; "and I did not
recognize them! Hallo, Dantes! hello, lovely damsel! Come
this way, and let us know when the wedding is to be, for
Fernand here is so obstinate he will not tell us."

"Hold your tongue, will you?" said Danglars, pretending to
restrain Caderousse, who, with the tenacity of drunkards,
leaned out of the arbor. "Try to stand upright, and let the
lovers make love without interruption. See, look at Fernand,
and follow his example; he is well-behaved!"

Fernand, probably excited beyond bearing, pricked by
Danglars, as the bull is by the bandilleros, was about to
rush out; for he had risen from his seat, and seemed to be
collecting himself to dash headlong upon his rival, when
Mercedes, smiling and graceful, lifted up her lovely head,
and looked at them with her clear and bright eyes. At this
Fernand recollected her threat of dying if Edmond died, and
dropped again heavily on his seat. Danglars looked at the
two men, one after the other, the one brutalized by liquor,
the other overwhelmed with love.

"I shall get nothing from these fools," he muttered; "and I
am very much afraid of being here between a drunkard and a
coward. Here's an envious fellow making himself boozy on
wine when he ought to be nursing his wrath, and here is a
fool who sees the woman he loves stolen from under his nose
and takes on like a big baby. Yet this Catalan has eyes that
glisten like those of the vengeful Spaniards, Sicilians, and
Calabrians, and the other has fists big enough to crush an
ox at one blow. Unquestionably, Edmond's star is in the
ascendant, and he will marry the splendid girl -- he will be
captain, too, and laugh at us all, unless" -- a sinister
smile passed over Danglars' lips -- "unless I take a hand in
the affair," he added.

"Hallo!" continued Caderousse, half-rising, and with his
fist on the table, "hallo, Edmond! do you not see your
friends, or are you too proud to speak to them?"

"No, my dear fellow!" replied Dantes, "I am not proud, but I
am happy, and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride."

"Ah, very well, that's an explanation!" said Caderousse.
"How do you do, Madame Dantes?"

Mercedes courtesied gravely, and said -- "That is not my
name, and in my country it bodes ill fortune, they say, to
call a young girl by the name of her betrothed before he
becomes her husband. So call me Mercedes, if you please."

"We must excuse our worthy neighbor, Caderousse," said
Dantes, "he is so easily mistaken."

"So, then, the wedding is to take place immediately, M.
Dantes," said Danglars, bowing to the young couple.

"As soon as possible, M. Danglars; to-day all preliminaries
will be arranged at my father's, and to-morrow, or next day
at latest, the wedding festival here at La Reserve. My
friends will be there, I hope; that is to say, you are
invited, M. Danglars, and you, Caderousse."

"And Fernand," said Caderousse with a chuckle; "Fernand,
too, is invited!"

"My wife's brother is my brother," said Edmond; "and we,
Mercedes and I, should be very sorry if he were absent at
such a time."

Fernand opened his mouth to reply, but his voice died on his
lips, and he could not utter a word.

"To-day the preliminaries, to-morrow or next day the
ceremony! You are in a hurry, captain!"

"Danglars," said Edmond, smiling, "I will say to you as
Mercedes said just now to Caderousse, `Do not give me a
title which does not belong to me'; that may bring me bad
luck."

"Your pardon," replied Danglars, "I merely said you seemed
in a hurry, and we have lots of time; the Pharaon cannot be
under weigh again in less than three months."

"We are always in a hurry to be happy, M. Danglars; for when
we have suffered a long time, we have great difficulty in
believing in good fortune. But it is not selfishness alone
that makes me thus in haste; I must go to Paris."

"Ah, really? -- to Paris! and will it be the first time you
have ever been there, Dantes?"

"Yes."

"Have you business there?"

"Not of my own; the last commission of poor Captain Leclere;
you know to what I allude, Danglars -- it is sacred.
Besides, I shall only take the time to go and return."

"Yes, yes, I understand," said Danglars, and then in a low
tone, he added, "To Paris, no doubt to deliver the letter
which the grand marshal gave him. Ah, this letter gives me
an idea -- a capital idea! Ah; Dantes, my friend, you are
not yet registered number one on board the good ship
Pharaon;" then turning towards Edmond, who was walking away,
"A pleasant journey," he cried.

"Thank you," said Edmond with a friendly nod, and the two
lovers continued on their way, as calm and joyous as if they
were the very elect of heaven.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 3

Danglars followed Edmond and Mercedes with his eyes until
the two lovers disappeared behind one of the angles of Fort
Saint Nicolas, then turning round, he perceived Fernand, who
had fallen, pale and trembling, into his chair, while
Caderousse stammered out the words of a drinking-song.

"Well, my dear sir," said Danglars to Fernand, "here is a
marriage which does not appear to make everybody happy."

"It drives me to despair," said Fernand.

"Do you, then, love Mercedes?"

"I adore her!"

"For long?"

"As long as I have known her -- always."

"And you sit there, tearing your hair, instead of seeking to
remedy your condition; I did not think that was the way of
your people."

"What would you have me do?" said Fernand.

"How do I know? Is it my affair? I am not in love with
Mademoiselle Mercedes; but for you -- in the words of the
gospel, seek, and you shall find."

"I have found already."

"What?"

"I would stab the man, but the woman told me that if any
misfortune happened to her betrothed, she would kill
herself."

"Pooh! Women say those things, but never do them."

"You do not know Mercedes; what she threatens she will do."

"Idiot!" muttered Danglars; "whether she kill herself or
not, what matter, provided Dantes is not captain?"

"Before Mercedes should die," replied Fernand, with the
accents of unshaken resolution, "I would die myself!"

"That's what I call love!" said Caderousse with a voice more
tipsy than ever. "That's love, or I don't know what love
is."

"Come," said Danglars, "you appear to me a good sort of
fellow, and hang me, I should like to help you, but" --

"Yes," said Caderousse, "but how?"

"My dear fellow," replied Danglars, "you are three parts
drunk; finish the bottle, and you will be completely so.
Drink then, and do not meddle with what we are discussing,
for that requires all one's wit and cool judgment."

"I -- drunk!" said Caderousse; "well that's a good one! I
could drink four more such bottles; they are no bigger than
cologne flasks. Pere Pamphile, more wine!" and Caderousse
rattled his glass upon the table.

"You were saving, sir" -- said Fernand, awaiting with great
anxiety the end of this interrupted remark.

"What was I saying? I forget. This drunken Caderousse has
made me lose the thread of my sentence."

"Drunk, if you like; so much the worse for those who fear
wine, for it is because they have bad thoughts which they
are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts;" and
Caderousse began to sing the two last lines of a song very
popular at the time, --

`Tous les mechants sont beuveurs d'eau;
C'est bien prouve par le deluge.'*

* "The wicked are great drinkers of water
As the flood proved once for all."

"You said, sir, you would like to help me, but" --

"Yes; but I added, to help you it would be sufficient that
Dantes did not marry her you love; and the marriage may
easily be thwarted, methinks, and yet Dantes need not die."

"Death alone can separate them," remarked Fernand.

"You talk like a noodle, my friend," said Caderousse; "and
here is Danglars, who is a wide-awake, clever, deep fellow,
who will prove to you that you are wrong. Prove it,
Danglars. I have answered for you. Say there is no need why
Dantes should die; it would, indeed, be a pity he should.
Dantes is a good fellow; I like Dantes. Dantes, your
health."

Fernand rose impatiently. "Let him run on," said Danglars,
restraining the young man; "drunk as he is, he is not much
out in what he says. Absence severs as well as death, and if
the walls of a prison were between Edmond and Mercedes they
would be as effectually separated as if he lay under a
tombstone."

"Yes; but one gets out of prison," said Caderousse, who,
with what sense was left him, listened eagerly to the
conversation, "and when one gets out and one's name is
Edmond Dantes,
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
Not on the day somebody else comes to do it and not nearly as much spam as there was today.


We spammed THE SHIT out of this place during the Issues 9mm raid. Or was it the Natureverse? And believe me, it was much, much, much more than this. And we didn't even have Adblock back then!

 Quote:
BTW, obviously I haven't seen you guys spam before so why are you asking a question you already have the answer to?


Yeah, K-nut. OBVIOUSLY he hasn't seen us spam before. Otherswise he would have known better.
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry

You guys can't handle the idea of "losing" can you?



no better than you can i gather. and seriously. we spam our own boards all the time. you shoulda looked into that...
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
Like I give a fuck? We came here to spam today and Nowhereman helped us. And while we were spamming the post count "conveniently" went down from what it normally is. So, I thanked Nowhereman.


Um, actually, the post count tripled. And most of it came from regulars: me and Nowie.
and rob
I can't say I get your particular brand of "I don't give a fuck", Wanky.

Rob: You're making me money
Halo: I don't give a fuck.

Pro: You have a mole!
Halo: I don't give a fuck.

Mxy: You're contributing to our spam
Halo: I don't give a fuck.

You might not give a fuck, but you're still helping us in all those areas, Wanky. It's pretty convenient, when you think about it. But you don't think about it, do you? That's the point. You avoid thinking about anything that makes you look stupid. And, of course, that means that there's a great deal of things you never think about.
like how stupid he looks...?
 Originally Posted By: Im Not Mister Mxyzptlk
I can't say I get your particular brand of "I don't give a fuck", Wanky.

Rob: You're making me money
Halo: I don't give a fuck.

Pro: You have a mole!
Halo: I don't give a fuck.

Mxy: You're contributing to our spam
Halo: I don't give a fuck.

You might not give a fuck, but you're still helping us in all those areas, Wanky. It's pretty convenient, when you think about it. But you don't think about it, do you? That's the point. You avoid thinking about anything that makes you look stupid. And, of course, that means that there's a great deal of things you never think about.


I'm contributing to your spam? You guys weren't spamming here when we started so don't hand me that shit. We started spamming, posts went down, now you are making excuses. In this particular case I don't give a fuck for your excuses. Now you understand?

CHAPTER 1
Marseilles -- The Arrival.

On the 24th of February, 1810, the look-out at Notre-Dame de
la Garde signalled the three-master, the Pharaon from
Smyrna, Trieste, and Naples.

As usual, a pilot put off immediately, and rounding the
Chateau d'If, got on board the vessel between Cape Morgion
and Rion island.

Immediately, and according to custom, the ramparts of Fort
Saint-Jean were covered with spectators; it is always an
event at Marseilles for a ship to come into port, especially
when this ship, like the Pharaon, has been built, rigged,
and laden at the old Phocee docks, and belongs to an owner
of the city.

The ship drew on and had safely passed the strait, which
some volcanic shock has made between the Calasareigne and
Jaros islands; had doubled Pomegue, and approached the
harbor under topsails, jib, and spanker, but so slowly and
sedately that the idlers, with that instinct which is the
forerunner of evil, asked one another what misfortune could
have happened on board. However, those experienced in
navigation saw plainly that if any accident had occurred, it
was not to the vessel herself, for she bore down with all
the evidence of being skilfully handled, the anchor
a-cockbill, the jib-boom guys already eased off, and
standing by the side of the pilot, who was steering the
Pharaon towards the narrow entrance of the inner port, was a
young man, who, with activity and vigilant eye, watched
every motion of the ship, and repeated each direction of the
pilot.

The vague disquietude which prevailed among the spectators
had so much affected one of the crowd that he did not await
the arrival of the vessel in harbor, but jumping into a
small skiff, desired to be pulled alongside the Pharaon,
which he reached as she rounded into La Reserve basin.

When the young man on board saw this person approach, he
left his station by the pilot, and, hat in hand, leaned over
the ship's bulwarks.

He was a fine, tall, slim young fellow of eighteen or
twenty, with black eyes, and hair as dark as a raven's wing;
and his whole appearance bespoke that calmness and
resolution peculiar to men accustomed from their cradle to
contend with danger.

"Ah, is it you, Dantes?" cried the man in the skiff. "What's
the matter? and why have you such an air of sadness aboard?"

"A great misfortune, M. Morrel," replied the young man, --
"a great misfortune, for me especially! Off Civita Vecchia
we lost our brave Captain Leclere."

"And the cargo?" inquired the owner, eagerly.

"Is all safe, M. Morrel; and I think you will be satisfied
on that head. But poor Captain Leclere -- "

"What happened to him?" asked the owner, with an air of
considerable resignation. "What happened to the worthy
captain?"

"He died."

"Fell into the sea?"

"No, sir, he died of brain-fever in dreadful agony." Then
turning to the crew, he said, "Bear a hand there, to take in
sail!"

All hands obeyed, and at once the eight or ten seamen who
composed the crew, sprang to their respective stations at
the spanker brails and outhaul, topsail sheets and halyards,
the jib downhaul, and the topsail clewlines and buntlines.
The young sailor gave a look to see that his orders were
promptly and accurately obeyed, and then turned again to the
owner.

"And how did this misfortune occur?" inquired the latter,
resuming the interrupted conversation.

"Alas, sir, in the most unexpected manner. After a long talk
with the harbor-master, Captain Leclere left Naples greatly
disturbed in mind. In twenty-four hours he was attacked by a
fever, and died three days afterwards. We performed the
usual burial service, and he is at his rest, sewn up in his
hammock with a thirty-six pound shot at his head and his
heels, off El Giglio island. We bring to his widow his sword
and cross of honor. It was worth while, truly," added the
young man with a melancholy smile, "to make war against the
English for ten years, and to die in his bed at last, like
everybody else."

"Why, you see, Edmond," replied the owner, who appeared more
comforted at every moment, "we are all mortal, and the old
must make way for the young. If not, why, there would be no
promotion; and since you assure me that the cargo -- "

"Is all safe and sound, M. Morrel, take my word for it; and
I advise you not to take 25,000 francs for the profits of
the voyage."

Then, as they were just passing the Round Tower, the young
man shouted: "Stand by there to lower the topsails and jib;
brail up the spanker!"

The order was executed as promptly as it would have been on
board a man-of-war.

"Let go -- and clue up!" At this last command all the sails
were lowered, and the vessel moved almost imperceptibly
onwards.

"Now, if you will come on board, M. Morrel," said Dantes,
observing the owner's impatience, "here is your supercargo,
M. Danglars, coming out of his cabin, who will furnish you
with every particular. As for me, I must look after the
anchoring, and dress the ship in mourning."

The owner did not wait for a second invitation. He seized a
rope which Dantes flung to him, and with an activity that
would have done credit to a sailor, climbed up the side of
the ship, while the young man, going to his task, left the
conversation to Danglars, who now came towards the owner. He
was a man of twenty-five or twenty-six years of age, of
unprepossessing countenance, obsequious to his superiors,
insolent to his subordinates; and this, in addition to his
position as responsible agent on board, which is always
obnoxious to the sailors, made him as much disliked by the
crew as Edmond Dantes was beloved by them.

"Well, M. Morrel," said Danglars, "you have heard of the
misfortune that has befallen us?"

"Yes -- yes: poor Captain Leclere! He was a brave and an
honest man."

"And a first-rate seaman, one who had seen long and
honorable service, as became a man charged with the
interests of a house so important as that of Morrel & Son,"
replied Danglars.

"But," replied the owner, glancing after Dantes, who was
watching the anchoring of his vessel, "it seems to me that a
sailor needs not be so old as you say, Danglars, to
understand his business, for our friend Edmond seems to
understand it thoroughly, and not to require instruction
from any one."

"Yes," said Danglars, darting at Edmond a look gleaming with
hate. "Yes, he is young, and youth is invariably
self-confident. Scarcely was the captain's breath out of his
body when he assumed the command without consulting any one,
and he caused us to lose a day and a half at the Island of
Elba, instead of making for Marseilles direct."

"As to taking command of the vessel," replied Morrel, "that
was his duty as captain's mate; as to losing a day and a
half off the Island of Elba, he was wrong, unless the vessel
needed repairs."

"The vessel was in as good condition as I am, and as, I hope
you are, M. Morrel, and this day and a half was lost from
pure whim, for the pleasure of going ashore, and nothing
else."

"Dantes," said the shipowner, turning towards the young man,
"come this way!"

"In a moment, sir," answered Dantes, "and I'm with you."
Then calling to the crew, he said -- "Let go!"

The anchor was instantly dropped, and the chain ran rattling
through the port-hole. Dantes continued at his post in spite
of the presence of the pilot, until this manoeuvre was
completed, and then he added, "Half-mast the colors, and
square the yards!"

"You see," said Danglars, "he fancies himself captain
already, upon my word."

"And so, in fact, he is," said the owner.

"Except your signature and your partner's, M. Morrel."

"And why should he not have this?" asked the owner; "he is
young, it is true, but he seems to me a thorough seaman, and
of full experience."

A cloud passed over Danglars' brow. "Your pardon, M.
Morrel," said Dantes, approaching, "the vessel now rides at
anchor, and I am at your service. You hailed me, I think?"

Danglars retreated a step or two. "I wished to inquire why
you stopped at the Island of Elba?"

"I do not know, sir; it was to fulfil the last instructions
of Captain Leclere, who, when dying, gave me a packet for
Marshal Bertrand."

"Then did you see him, Edmond?"

"Who?"

"The marshal."

"Yes."

Morrel looked around him, and then, drawing Dantes on one
side, he said suddenly -- "And how is the emperor?"

"Very well, as far as I could judge from the sight of him."

"You saw the emperor, then?"

"He entered the marshal's apartment while I was there."

"And you spoke to him?"

"Why, it was he who spoke to me, sir," said Dantes, with a
smile.

"And what did he say to you?"

"Asked me questions about the vessel, the time she left
Marseilles, the course she had taken, and what was her
cargo. I believe, if she had not been laden, and I had been
her master, he would have bought her. But I told him I was
only mate, and that she belonged to the firm of Morrel &
Son. `Ah, yes,' he said, `I know them. The Morrels have been
shipowners from father to son; and there was a Morrel who
served in the same regiment with me when I was in garrison
at Valence.'"

"Pardieu, and that is true!" cried the owner, greatly
delighted. "And that was Policar Morrel, my uncle, who was
afterwards a captain. Dantes, you must tell my uncle that
the emperor remembered him, and you will see it will bring
tears into the old soldier's eyes. Come, come," continued
he, patting Edmond's shoulder kindly, "you did very right,
Dantes, to follow Captain Leclere's instructions, and touch
at Elba, although if it were known that you had conveyed a
packet to the marshal, and had conversed with the emperor,
it might bring you into trouble."

"How could that bring me into trouble, sir?" asked Dantes;
"for I did not even know of what I was the bearer; and the
emperor merely made such inquiries as he would of the first
comer. But, pardon me, here are the health officers and the
customs inspectors coming alongside." And the young man went
to the gangway. As he departed, Danglars approached, and
said, --

"Well, it appears that he has given you satisfactory reasons
for his landing at Porto-Ferrajo?"

"Yes, most satisfactory, my dear Danglars."

"Well, so much the better," said the supercargo; "for it is
not pleasant to think that a comrade has not done his duty."

"Dantes has done his," replied the owner, "and that is not
saying much. It was Captain Leclere who gave orders for this
delay."

"Talking of Captain Leclere, has not Dantes given you a
letter from him?"

"To me? -- no -- was there one?"

"I believe that, besides the packet, Captain Leclere
confided a letter to his care."

"Of what packet are you speaking, Danglars?"

"Why, that which Dantes left at Porto-Ferrajo."

"How do you know he had a packet to leave at Porto-Ferrajo?"

Danglars turned very red.

"I was passing close to the door of the captain's cabin,
which was half open, and I saw him give the packet and
letter to Dantes."

"He did not speak to me of it," replied the shipowner; "but
if there be any letter he will give it to me."

Danglars reflected for a moment. "Then, M. Morrel, I beg of
you," said he, "not to say a word to Dantes on the subject.
I may have been mistaken."

At this moment the young man returned; Danglars withdrew.

"Well, my dear Dantes, are you now free?" inquired the
owner.

"Yes, sir."

"You have not been long detained."

"No. I gave the custom-house officers a copy of our bill of
lading; and as to the other papers, they sent a man off with
the pilot, to whom I gave them."

"Then you have nothing more to do here?"

"No -- everything is all right now."

"Then you can come and dine with me?"

"I really must ask you to excuse me, M. Morrel. My first
visit is due to my father, though I am not the less grateful
for the honor you have done me."

"Right, Dantes, quite right. I always knew you were a good
son."

"And," inquired Dantes, with some hesitation, "do you know
how my father is?"

"Well, I believe, my dear Edmond, though I have not seen him
lately."

"Yes, he likes to keep himself shut up in his little room."

"That proves, at least, that he has wanted for nothing
during your absence."

Dantes smiled. "My father is proud, sir, and if he had not a
meal left, I doubt if he would have asked anything from
anyone, except from Heaven."

"Well, then, after this first visit has been made we shall
count on you."

"I must again excuse myself, M. Morrel, for after this first
visit has been paid I have another which I am most anxious
to pay."

"True, Dantes, I forgot that there was at the Catalans some
one who expects you no less impatiently than your father --
the lovely Mercedes."

Dantes blushed.

"Ah, ha," said the shipowner, "I am not in the least
surprised, for she has been to me three times, inquiring if
there were any news of the Pharaon. Peste, Edmond, you have
a very handsome mistress!"

"She is not my mistress," replied the young sailor, gravely;
"she is my betrothed."

"Sometimes one and the same thing," said Morrel, with a
smile.

"Not with us, sir," replied Dantes.

"Well, well, my dear Edmond," continued the owner, "don't
let me detain you. You have managed my affairs so well that
I ought to allow you all the time you require for your own.
Do you want any money?"

"No, sir; I have all my pay to take -- nearly three months'
wages."

"You are a careful fellow, Edmond."

"Say I have a poor father, sir."

"Yes, yes, I know how good a son you are, so now hasten away
to see your father. I have a son too, and I should be very
wroth with those who detained him from me after a three
months' voyage."

"Then I have your leave, sir?"

"Yes, if you have nothing more to say to me."

"Nothing."

"Captain Leclere did not, before he died, give you a letter
for me?"

"He was unable to write, sir. But that reminds me that I
must ask your leave of absence for some days."

"To get married?"

"Yes, first, and then to go to Paris."

"Very good; have what time you require, Dantes. It will take
quite six weeks to unload the cargo, and we cannot get you
ready for sea until three months after that; only be back
again in three months, for the Pharaon," added the owner,
patting the young sailor on the back, "cannot sail without
her captain."

"Without her captain!" cried Dantes, his eyes sparkling with
animation; "pray mind what you say, for you are touching on
the most secret wishes of my heart. Is it really your
intention to make me captain of the Pharaon?"

"If I were sole owner we'd shake hands on it now, my dear
Dantes, and call it settled; but I have a partner, and you
know the Italian proverb -- Chi ha compagno ha padrone --
`He who has a partner has a master.' But the thing is at
least half done, as you have one out of two votes. Rely on
me to procure you the other; I will do my best."

"Ah, M. Morrel," exclaimed the young seaman, with tears in
his eyes, and grasping the owner's hand, "M. Morrel, I thank
you in the name of my father and of Mercedes."

"That's all right, Edmond. There's a providence that watches
over the deserving. Go to your father: go and see Mercedes,
and afterwards come to me."

"Shall I row you ashore?"

"No, thank you; I shall remain and look over the accounts
with Danglars. Have you been satisfied with him this
voyage?"

"That is according to the sense you attach to the question,
sir. Do you mean is he a good comrade? No, for I think he
never liked me since the day when I was silly enough, after
a little quarrel we had, to propose to him to stop for ten
minutes at the island of Monte Cristo to settle the dispute
-- a proposition which I was wrong to suggest, and he quite
right to refuse. If you mean as responsible agent when you
ask me the question, I believe there is nothing to say
against him, and that you will be content with the way in
which he has performed his duty."

"But tell me, Dantes, if you had command of the Pharaon
should you be glad to see Danglars remain?"

"Captain or mate, M. Morrel, I shall always have the
greatest respect for those who possess the owners'
confidence."

"That's right, that's right, Dantes! I see you are a
thoroughly good fellow, and will detain you no longer. Go,
for I see how impatient you are."

"Then I have leave?"

"Go, I tell you."

"May I have the use of your skiff?"

"Certainly."

"Then, for the present, M. Morrel, farewell, and a thousand
thanks!"

"I hope soon to see you again, my dear Edmond. Good luck to
you."

The young sailor jumped into the skiff, and sat down in the
stern sheets, with the order that he be put ashore at La
Canebiere. The two oarsmen bent to their work, and the
little boat glided away as rapidly as possible in the midst
of the thousand vessels which choke up the narrow way which
leads between the two rows of ships from the mouth of the
harbor to the Quai d'Orleans.

The shipowner, smiling, followed him with his eyes until he
saw him spring out on the quay and disappear in the midst of
the throng, which from five o'clock in the morning until
nine o'clock at night, swarms in the famous street of La
Canebiere, -- a street of which the modern Phocaeans are so
proud that they say with all the gravity in the world, and
with that accent which gives so much character to what is
said, "If Paris had La Canebiere, Paris would be a second
Marseilles." On turning round the owner saw Danglars behind
him, apparently awaiting orders, but in reality also
watching the young sailor, -- but there was a great
difference in the expression of the two men who thus
followed the movements of Edmond Dantes.

We will leave Danglars struggling with the demon of hatred,
and endeavoring to insinuate in the ear of the shipowner
some evil suspicions against his comrade, and follow Dantes,
who, after having traversed La Canebiere, took the Rue de
Noailles, and entering a small house, on the left of the
Allees de Meillan, rapidly ascended four flights of a dark
staircase, holding the baluster with one hand, while with
the other he repressed the beatings of his heart, and paused
before a half-open door, from which he could see the whole
of a small room.

This room was occupied by Dantes' father. The news of the
arrival of the Pharaon had not yet reached the old man, who,
mounted on a chair, was amusing himself by training with
trembling hand the nasturtiums and sprays of clematis that
clambered over the trellis at his window. Suddenly, he felt
an arm thrown around his body, and a well-known voice behind
him exclaimed, "Father -- dear father!"

The old man uttered a cry, and turned round; then, seeing
his son, he fell into his arms, pale and trembling.

"What ails you, my dearest father? Are you ill?" inquired
the young man, much alarmed.

"No, no, my dear Edmond -- my boy -- my son! -- no; but I
did not expect you; and joy, the surprise of seeing you so
suddenly -- Ah, I feel as if I were going to die."

"Come, come, cheer up, my dear father! 'Tis I -- really I!
They say joy never hurts, and so I came to you without any
warning. Come now, do smile, instead of looking at me so
solemnly. Here I am back again, and we are going to be
happy."

"Yes, yes, my boy, so we will -- so we will," replied the
old man; "but how shall we be happy? Shall you never leave
me again? Come, tell me all the good fortune that has
befallen you."

"God forgive me," said the young man, "for rejoicing at
happiness derived from the misery of others, but, Heaven
knows, I did not seek this good fortune; it has happened,
and I really cannot pretend to lament it. The good Captain
Leclere is dead, father, and it is probable that, with the
aid of M. Morrel, I shall have his place. Do you understand,
father? Only imagine me a captain at twenty, with a hundred
louis pay, and a share in the profits! Is this not more than
a poor sailor like me could have hoped for?"

"Yes, my dear boy," replied the old man, "it is very
fortunate."

"Well, then, with the first money I touch, I mean you to
have a small house, with a garden in which to plant
clematis, nasturtiums, and honeysuckle. But what ails you,
father? Are you not well?"

"'Tis nothing, nothing; it will soon pass away" -- and as he
said so the old man's strength failed him, and he fell
backwards.

"Come, come," said the young man, "a glass of wine, father,
will revive you. Where do you keep your wine?"

"No, no; thanks. You need not look for it; I do not want
it," said the old man.

"Yes, yes, father, tell me where it is," and he opened two
or three cupboards.

"It is no use," said the old man, "there is no wine."

"What, no wine?" said Dantes, turning pale, and looking
alternately at the hollow cheeks of the old man and the
empty cupboards. "What, no wine? Have you wanted money,
father?"

"I want nothing now that I have you," said the old man.

"Yet," stammered Dantes, wiping the perspiration from his
brow, -- "yet I gave you two hundred francs when I left,
three months ago."

"Yes, yes, Edmond, that is true, but you forgot at that time
a little debt to our neighbor, Caderousse. He reminded me of
it, telling me if I did not pay for you, he would be paid by
M. Morrel; and so, you see, lest he might do you an injury"
--

"Well?"

"Why, I paid him."

"But," cried Dantes, "it was a hundred and forty francs I
owed Caderousse."

"Yes," stammered the old man.

"And you paid him out of the two hundred francs I left you?"

The old man nodded.

"So that you have lived for three months on sixty francs,"
muttered Edmond.

"You know how little I require," said the old man.

"Heaven pardon me," cried Edmond, falling on his knees
before his father.

"What are you doing?"

"You have wounded me to the heart."

"Never mind it, for I see you once more," said the old man;
"and now it's all over -- everything is all right again."

"Yes, here I am," said the young man, "with a promising
future and a little money. Here, father, here!" he said,
"take this -- take it, and send for something immediately."
And he emptied his pockets on the table, the contents
consisting of a dozen gold pieces, five or six five-franc
pieces, and some smaller coin. The countenance of old Dantes
brightened.

"Whom does this belong to?" he inquired.

"To me, to you, to us! Take it; buy some provisions; be
happy, and to-morrow we shall have more."

"Gently, gently," said the old man, with a smile; "and by
your leave I will use your purse moderately, for they would
say, if they saw me buy too many things at a time, that I
had been obliged to await your return, in order to be able
to purchase them."

"Do as you please; but, first of all, pray have a servant,
father. I will not have you left alone so long. I have some
smuggled coffee and most capital tobacco, in a small chest
in the hold, which you shall have to-morrow. But, hush, here
comes somebody."

"'Tis Caderousse, who has heard of your arrival, and no
doubt comes to congratulate you on your fortunate return."

"Ah, lips that say one thing, while the heart thinks
another," murmured Edmond. "But, never mind, he is a
neighbor who has done us a service on a time, so he's
welcome."

As Edmond paused, the black and bearded head of Caderousse
appeared at the door. He was a man of twenty-five or six,
and held a piece of cloth, which, being a tailor, he was
about to make into a coat-lining.

"What, is it you, Edmond, back again?" said he, with a broad
Marseillaise accent, and a grin that displayed his
ivory-white teeth.

"Yes, as you see, neighbor Caderousse; and ready to be
agreeable to you in any and every way," replied Dantes, but
ill-concealing his coldness under this cloak of civility.

"Thanks -- thanks; but, fortunately, I do not want for
anything; and it chances that at times there are others who
have need of me." Dantes made a gesture. "I do not allude to
you, my boy. No! -- no! I lent you money, and you returned
it; that's like good neighbors, and we are quits."

"We are never quits with those who oblige us," was Dantes'
reply; "for when we do not owe them money, we owe them
gratitude."

"What's the use of mentioning that? What is done is done.
Let us talk of your happy return, my boy. I had gone on the
quay to match a piece of mulberry cloth, when I met friend
Danglars. `You at Marseilles?' -- `Yes,' says he.

"`I thought you were at Smyrna.' -- `I was; but am now back
again.'

"`And where is the dear boy, our little Edmond?'

"`Why, with his father, no doubt,' replied Danglars. And so
I came," added Caderousse, "as fast as I could to have the
pleasure of shaking hands with a friend."

"Worthy Caderousse!" said the old man, "he is so much
attached to us."

"Yes, to be sure I am. I love and esteem you, because honest
folks are so rare. But it seems you have come back rich, my
boy," continued the tailor, looking askance at the handful
of gold and silver which Dantes had thrown on the table.

The young man remarked the greedy glance which shone in the
dark eyes of his neighbor. "Eh," he said, negligently. "this
money is not mine. I was expressing to my father my fears
that he had wanted many things in my absence, and to
convince me he emptied his purse on the table. Come, father"
added Dantes, "put this money back in your box -- unless
neighbor Caderousse wants anything, and in that case it is
at his service."

"No, my boy, no," said Caderousse. "I am not in any want,
thank God, my living is suited to my means. Keep your money
-- keep it, I say; -- one never has too much; -- but, at the
same time, my boy, I am as much obliged by your offer as if
I took advantage of it."

"It was offered with good will," said Dantes.

"No doubt, my boy; no doubt. Well, you stand well with M.
Morrel I hear, -- you insinuating dog, you!"

"M. Morrel has always been exceedingly kind to me," replied
Dantes.

"Then you were wrong to refuse to dine with him."

"What, did you refuse to dine with him?" said old Dantes;
"and did he invite you to dine?"

"Yes, my dear father," replied Edmond, smiling at his
father's astonishment at the excessive honor paid to his
son.

"And why did you refuse, my son?" inquired the old man.

"That I might the sooner see you again, my dear father,"
replied the young man. "I was most anxious to see you."

"But it must have vexed M. Morrel, good, worthy man," said
Caderousse. "And when you are looking forward to be captain,
it was wrong to annoy the owner."

"But I explained to him the cause of my refusal," replied
Dantes, "and I hope he fully understood it."

"Yes, but to be captain one must do a little flattery to
one's patrons."

"I hope to be captain without that," said Dantes.

"So much the better -- so much the better! Nothing will give
greater pleasure to all your old friends; and I know one
down there behind the Saint Nicolas citadel who will not be
sorry to hear it."

"Mercedes?" said the old man.

"Yes, my dear father, and with your permission, now I have
seen you, and know you are well and have all you require, I
will ask your consent to go and pay a visit to the
Catalans."

"Go, my dear boy," said old Dantes: "and heaven bless you in
your wife, as it has blessed me in my son!"

"His wife!" said Caderousse; "why, how fast you go on,
father Dantes; she is not his wife yet, as it seems to me."

"So, but according to all probability she soon will be,"
replied Edmond.

"Yes -- yes," said Caderousse; "but you were right to return
as soon as possible, my boy."

"And why?"

"Because Mercedes is a very fine girl, and fine girls never
lack followers; she particularly has them by dozens."

"Really?" answered Edmond, with a smile which had in it
traces of slight uneasiness.

"Ah, yes," continued Caderousse, "and capital offers, too;
but you know, you will be captain, and who could refuse you
then?"

"Meaning to say," replied Dantes, with a smile which but
ill-concealed his trouble, "that if I were not a captain" --

"Eh -- eh!" said Caderousse, shaking his head.

"Come, come," said the sailor, "I have a better opinion than
you of women in general, and of Mercedes in particular; and
I am certain that, captain or not, she will remain ever
faithful to me."

"So much the better -- so much the better," said Caderousse.
"When one is going to be married, there is nothing like
implicit confidence; but never mind that, my boy, -- go and
announce your arrival, and let her know all your hopes and
prospects."

"I will go directly," was Edmond's reply; and, embracing his
father, and nodding to Caderousse, he left the apartment.

Caderousse lingered for a moment, then taking leave of old
Dantes, he went downstairs to rejoin Danglars, who awaited
him at the corner of the Rue Senac.

"Well," said Danglars, "did you see him?"

"I have just left him," answered Caderousse.

"Did he allude to his hope of being captain?"

"He spoke of it as a thing already decided."

"Indeed!" said Danglars, "he is in too much hurry, it
appears to me."

"Why, it seems M. Morrel has promised him the thing."

"So that he is quite elated about it?"

"Why, yes, he is actually insolent over the matter -- has
already offered me his patronage, as if he were a grand
personage, and proffered me a loan of money, as though he
were a banker."

"Which you refused?"

"Most assuredly; although I might easily have accepted it,
for it was I who put into his hands the first silver he ever
earned; but now M. Dantes has no longer any occasion for
assistance -- he is about to become a captain."

"Pooh!" said Danglars, "he is not one yet."

"Ma foi, it will be as well if he is not," answered
Caderousse; "for if he should be, there will be really no
speaking to him."

"If we choose," replied Danglars, "he will remain what he
is; and perhaps become even less than he is."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing -- I was speaking to myself. And is he still in
love with the Catalane?"

"Over head and ears; but, unless I am much mistaken, there
will be a storm in that quarter."

"Explain yourself."

"Why should I?"

"It is more important than you think, perhaps. You do not
like Dantes?"

"I never like upstarts."

"Then tell me all you know about the Catalane."

"I know nothing for certain; only I have seen things which
induce me to believe, as I told you, that the future captain
will find some annoyance in the vicinity of the Vieilles
Infirmeries."

"What have you seen? -- come, tell me!"

"Well, every time I have seen Mercedes come into the city
she has been accompanied by a tall, strapping, black-eyed
Catalan, with a red complexion, brown skin, and fierce air,
whom she calls cousin."

"Really; and you think this cousin pays her attentions?"

"I only suppose so. What else can a strapping chap of
twenty-one mean with a fine wench of seventeen?"

"And you say that Dantes has gone to the Catalans?"

"He went before I came down."

"Let us go the same way; we will stop at La Reserve, and we
can drink a glass of La Malgue, whilst we wait for news."

"Come along," said Caderousse; "but you pay the score."

"Of course," replied Danglars; and going quickly to the
designated place, they called for a bottle of wine, and two
glasses.

Pere Pamphile had seen Dantes pass not ten minutes before;
and assured that he was at the Catalans, they sat down under
the budding foliage of the planes and sycamores, in the
branches of which the birds were singing their welcome to
one of the first days of spring.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 2

CHAPTER 3
The Catalans.

Beyond a bare, weather-worn wall, about a hundred paces from
the spot where the two friends sat looking and listening as
they drank their wine, was the village of the Catalans. Long
ago this mysterious colony quitted Spain, and settled on the
tongue of land on which it is to this day. Whence it came no
one knew, and it spoke an unknown tongue. One of its chiefs,
who understood Provencal, begged the commune of Marseilles
to give them this bare and barren promontory, where, like
the sailors of old, they had run their boats ashore. The
request was granted; and three months afterwards, around the
twelve or fifteen small vessels which had brought these
gypsies of the sea, a small village sprang up. This village,
constructed in a singular and picturesque manner, half
Moorish, half Spanish, still remains, and is inhabited by
descendants of the first comers, who speak the language of
their fathers. For three or four centuries they have
remained upon this small promontory, on which they had
settled like a flight of seabirds, without mixing with the
Marseillaise population, intermarrying, and preserving their
original customs and the costume of their mother-country as
they have preserved its language.

Our readers will follow us along the only street of this
little village, and enter with us one of the houses, which
is sunburned to the beautiful dead-leaf color peculiar to
the buildings of the country, and within coated with
whitewash, like a Spanish posada. A young and beautiful
girl, with hair as black as jet, her eyes as velvety as the
gazelle's, was leaning with her back against the wainscot,
rubbing in her slender delicately moulded fingers a bunch of
heath blossoms, the flowers of which she was picking off and
strewing on the floor; her arms, bare to the elbow, brown,
and modelled after those of the Arlesian Venus, moved with a
kind of restless impatience, and she tapped the earth with
her arched and supple foot, so as to display the pure and
full shape of her well-turned leg, in its red cotton, gray
and blue clocked, stocking. At three paces from her, seated
in a chair which he balanced on two legs, leaning his elbow
on an old worm-eaten table, was a tall young man of twenty,
or two-and-twenty, who was looking at her with an air in
which vexation and uneasiness were mingled. He questioned
her with his eyes, but the firm and steady gaze of the young
girl controlled his look.

"You see, Mercedes," said the young man, "here is Easter
come round again; tell me, is this the moment for a
wedding?"

"I have answered you a hundred times, Fernand, and really
you must be very stupid to ask me again."

"Well, repeat it, -- repeat it, I beg of you, that I may at
last believe it! Tell me for the hundredth time that you
refuse my love, which had your mother's sanction. Make me
understand once for all that you are trifling with my
happiness, that my life or death are nothing to you. Ah, to
have dreamed for ten years of being your husband, Mercedes,
and to lose that hope, which was the only stay of my
existence!"

"At least it was not I who ever encouraged you in that hope,
Fernand," replied Mercedes; "you cannot reproach me with the
slightest coquetry. I have always said to you, `I love you
as a brother; but do not ask from me more than sisterly
affection, for my heart is another's.' Is not this true,
Fernand?"

"Yes, that is very true, Mercedes," replied the young man,
"Yes, you have been cruelly frank with me; but do you forget
that it is among the Catalans a sacred law to intermarry?"

"You mistake, Fernand; it is not a law, but merely a custom,
and, I pray of you, do not cite this custom in your favor.
You are included in the conscription, Fernand, and are only
at liberty on sufferance, liable at any moment to be called
upon to take up arms. Once a soldier, what would you do with
me, a poor orphan, forlorn, without fortune, with nothing
but a half-ruined hut and a few ragged nets, the miserable
inheritance left by my father to my mother, and by my mother
to me? She has been dead a year, and you know, Fernand, I
have subsisted almost entirely on public charity. Sometimes
you pretend I am useful to you, and that is an excuse to
share with me the produce of your fishing, and I accept it,
Fernand, because you are the son of my father's brother,
because we were brought up together, and still more because
it would give you so much pain if I refuse. But I feel very
deeply that this fish which I go and sell, and with the
produce of which I buy the flax I spin, -- I feel very
keenly, Fernand, that this is charity."

"And if it were, Mercedes, poor and lone as you are, you
suit me as well as the daughter of the first shipowner or
the richest banker of Marseilles! What do such as we desire
but a good wife and careful housekeeper, and where can I
look for these better than in you?"

"Fernand," answered Mercedes, shaking her head, "a woman
becomes a bad manager, and who shall say she will remain an
honest woman, when she loves another man better than her
husband? Rest content with my friendship, for I say once
more that is all I can promise, and I will promise no more
than I can bestow."

"I understand," replied Fernand, "you can endure your own
wretchedness patiently, but you are afraid to share mine.
Well, Mercedes, beloved by you, I would tempt fortune; you
would bring me good luck, and I should become rich. I could
extend my occupation as a fisherman, might get a place as
clerk in a warehouse, and become in time a dealer myself."

"You could do no such thing, Fernand; you are a soldier, and
if you remain at the Catalans it is because there is no war;
so remain a fisherman, and contented with my friendship, as
I cannot give you more."

"Well, I will do better, Mercedes. I will be a sailor;
instead of the costume of our fathers, which you despise, I
will wear a varnished hat, a striped shirt, and a blue
jacket, with an anchor on the buttons. Would not that dress
please you?"

"What do you mean?" asked Mercedes, with an angry glance, --
"what do you mean? I do not understand you?"

"I mean, Mercedes, that you are thus harsh and cruel with
me, because you are expecting some one who is thus attired;
but perhaps he whom you await is inconstant, or if he is
not, the sea is so to him."

"Fernand," cried Mercedes, "I believed you were
good-hearted, and I was mistaken! Fernand, you are wicked to
call to your aid jealousy and the anger of God! Yes, I will
not deny it, I do await, and I do love him of whom you
speak; and, if he does not return, instead of accusing him
of the inconstancy which you insinuate, I will tell you that
he died loving me and me only." The young girl made a
gesture of rage. "I understand you, Fernand; you would be
revenged on him because I do not love you; you would cross
your Catalan knife with his dirk. What end would that
answer? To lose you my friendship if he were conquered, and
see that friendship changed into hate if you were victor.
Believe me, to seek a quarrel with a man is a bad method of
pleasing the woman who loves that man. No, Fernand, you will
not thus give way to evil thoughts. Unable to have me for
your wife, you will content yourself with having me for your
friend and sister; and besides," she added, her eyes
troubled and moistened with tears, "wait, wait, Fernand; you
said just now that the sea was treacherous, and he has been
gone four months, and during these four months there have
been some terrible storms."

Fernand made no reply, nor did he attempt to check the tears
which flowed down the cheeks of Mercedes, although for each
of these tears he would have shed his heart's blood; but
these tears flowed for another. He arose, paced a while up
and down the hut, and then, suddenly stopping before
Mercedes, with his eyes glowing and his hands clinched, --
"Say, Mercedes," he said, "once for all, is this your final
determination?"

"I love Edmond Dantes," the young girl calmly replied, "and
none but Edmond shall ever be my husband."

"And you will always love him?"

"As long as I live."

Fernand let fall his head like a defeated man, heaved a sigh
that was like a groan, and then suddenly looking her full in
the face, with clinched teeth and expanded nostrils, said,
-- "But if he is dead" --

"If he is dead, I shall die too."

"If he has forgotten you" --

"Mercedes!" called a joyous voice from without, --
"Mercedes!"

"Ah," exclaimed the young girl, blushing with delight, and
fairly leaping in excess of love, "you see he has not
forgotten me, for here he is!" And rushing towards the door,
she opened it, saying, "Here, Edmond, here I am!"

Fernand, pale and trembling, drew back, like a traveller at
the sight of a serpent, and fell into a chair beside him.
Edmond and Mercedes were clasped in each other's arms. The
burning Marseilles sun, which shot into the room through the
open door, covered them with a flood of light. At first they
saw nothing around them. Their intense happiness isolated
them from all the rest of the world, and they only spoke in
broken words, which are the tokens of a joy so extreme that
they seem rather the expression of sorrow. Suddenly Edmond
saw the gloomy, pale, and threatening countenance of
Fernand, as it was defined in the shadow. By a movement for
which he could scarcely account to himself, the young
Catalan placed his hand on the knife at his belt.

"Ah, your pardon," said Dantes, frowning in his turn; "I did
not perceive that there were three of us." Then, turning to
Mercedes, he inquired, "Who is this gentleman?"

"One who will be your best friend, Dantes, for he is my
friend, my cousin, my brother; it is Fernand -- the man
whom, after you, Edmond, I love the best in the world. Do
you not remember him?"

"Yes!" said Dantes, and without relinquishing Mercedes hand
clasped in one of his own, he extended the other to the
Catalan with a cordial air. But Fernand, instead of
responding to this amiable gesture, remained mute and
trembling. Edmond then cast his eyes scrutinizingly at the
agitated and embarrassed Mercedes, and then again on the
gloomy and menacing Fernand. This look told him all, and his
anger waxed hot.

"I did not know, when I came with such haste to you, that I
was to meet an enemy here."

"An enemy!" cried Mercedes, with an angry look at her
cousin. "An enemy in my house, do you say, Edmond! If I
believed that, I would place my arm under yours and go with
you to Marseilles, leaving the house to return to it no
more."

Fernand's eye darted lightning. "And should any misfortune
occur to you, dear Edmond," she continued with the same
calmness which proved to Fernand that the young girl had
read the very innermost depths of his sinister thought, "if
misfortune should occur to you, I would ascend the highest
point of the Cape de Morgion and cast myself headlong from
it."

Fernand became deadly pale. "But you are deceived, Edmond,"
she continued. "You have no enemy here -- there is no one
but Fernand, my brother, who will grasp your hand as a
devoted friend."

And at these words the young girl fixed her imperious look
on the Catalan, who, as if fascinated by it, came slowly
towards Edmond, and offered him his hand. His hatred, like a
powerless though furious wave, was broken against the strong
ascendancy which Mercedes exercised over him. Scarcely,
however, had he touched Edmond's hand than he felt he had
done all he could do, and rushed hastily out of the house.

"Oh," he exclaimed, running furiously and tearing his hair
-- "Oh, who will deliver me from this man? Wretched --
wretched that I am!"

"Hallo, Catalan! Hallo, Fernand! where are you running to?"
exclaimed a voice.

The young man stopped suddenly, looked around him, and
perceived Caderousse sitting at table with Danglars, under
an arbor.

"Well", said Caderousse, "why don't you come? Are you really
in such a hurry that you have no time to pass the time of
day with your friends?"

"Particularly when they have still a full bottle before
them," added Danglars. Fernand looked at them both with a
stupefied air, but did not say a word.

"He seems besotted," said Danglars, pushing Caderousse with
his knee. "Are we mistaken, and is Dantes triumphant in
spite of all we have believed?"

"Why, we must inquire into that," was Caderousse's reply;
and turning towards the young man, said, "Well, Catalan,
can't you make up your mind?"

Fernand wiped away the perspiration steaming from his brow,
and slowly entered the arbor, whose shade seemed to restore
somewhat of calmness to his senses, and whose coolness
somewhat of refreshment to his exhausted body.

"Good-day," said he. "You called me, didn't you?" And he
fell, rather than sat down, on one of the seats which
surrounded the table.

"I called you because you were running like a madman, and I
was afraid you would throw yourself into the sea," said
Caderousse, laughing. "Why, when a man has friends, they are
not only to offer him a glass of wine, but, moreover, to
prevent his swallowing three or four pints of water
unnecessarily!"

Fernand gave a groan, which resembled a sob, and dropped his
head into his hands, his elbows leaning on the table.

"Well, Fernand, I must say," said Caderousse, beginning the
conversation, with that brutality of the common people in
which curiosity destroys all diplomacy, "you look uncommonly
like a rejected lover;" and he burst into a hoarse laugh.

"Bah!" said Danglars, "a lad of his make was not born to be
unhappy in love. You are laughing at him, Caderousse."

"No," he replied, "only hark how he sighs! Come, come,
Fernand," said Caderousse, "hold up your head, and answer
us. It's not polite not to reply to friends who ask news of
your health."

"My health is well enough," said Fernand, clinching his
hands without raising his head.

"Ah, you see, Danglars," said Caderousse, winking at his
friend, "this is how it is; Fernand, whom you see here, is a
good and brave Catalan, one of the best fishermen in
Marseilles, and he is in love with a very fine girl, named
Mercedes; but it appears, unfortunately, that the fine girl
is in love with the mate of the Pharaon; and as the Pharaon
arrived to-day -- why, you understand!"

"No; I do not understand," said Danglars.

"Poor Fernand has been dismissed," continued Caderousse.

"Well, and what then?" said Fernand, lifting up his head,
and looking at Caderousse like a man who looks for some one
on whom to vent his anger; "Mercedes is not accountable to
any person, is she? Is she not free to love whomsoever she
will?"

"Oh, if you take it in that sense," said Caderousse, "it is
another thing. But I thought you were a Catalan, and they
told me the Catalans were not men to allow themselves to be
supplanted by a rival. It was even told me that Fernand,
especially, was terrible in his vengeance."

Fernand smiled piteously. "A lover is never terrible," he
said.

"Poor fellow!" remarked Danglars, affecting to pity the
young man from the bottom of his heart. "Why, you see, he
did not expect to see Dantes return so suddenly -- he
thought he was dead, perhaps; or perchance faithless! These
things always come on us more severely when they come
suddenly."

"Ah, ma foi, under any circumstances," said Caderousse, who
drank as he spoke, and on whom the fumes of the wine began
to take effect, -- "under any circumstances Fernand is not
the only person put out by the fortunate arrival of Dantes;
is he, Danglars?"

"No, you are right -- and I should say that would bring him
ill-luck."

"Well, never mind," answered Caderousse, pouring out a glass
of wine for Fernand, and filling his own for the eighth or
ninth time, while Danglars had merely sipped his. "Never
mind -- in the meantime he marries Mercedes -- the lovely
Mercedes -- at least he returns to do that."

During this time Danglars fixed his piercing glance on the
young man, on whose heart Caderousse's words fell like
molten lead.

"And when is the wedding to be?" he asked.

"Oh, it is not yet fixed!" murmured Fernand.

"No, but it will be," said Caderousse, "as surely as Dantes
will be captain of the Pharaon -- eh, Danglars?"

Danglars shuddered at this unexpected attack, and turned to
Caderousse, whose countenance he scrutinized, to try and
detect whether the blow was premeditated; but he read
nothing but envy in a countenance already rendered brutal
and stupid by drunkenness.

"Well," said he, filling the glasses, "let us drink to
Captain Edmond Dantes, husband of the beautiful Catalane!"

Caderousse raised his glass to his mouth with unsteady hand,
and swallowed the contents at a gulp. Fernand dashed his on
the ground.

"Eh, eh, eh!" stammered Caderousse. "What do I see down
there by the wall, in the direction of the Catalans? Look,
Fernand, your eyes are better than mine. I believe I see
double. You know wine is a deceiver; but I should say it was
two lovers walking side by side, and hand in hand. Heaven
forgive me, they do not know that we can see them, and they
are actually embracing!"

Danglars did not lose one pang that Fernand endured.

"Do you know them, Fernand?" he said.

"Yes," was the reply, in a low voice. "It is Edmond and
Mercedes!"

"Ah, see there, now!" said Caderousse; "and I did not
recognize them! Hallo, Dantes! hello, lovely damsel! Come
this way, and let us know when the wedding is to be, for
Fernand here is so obstinate he will not tell us."

"Hold your tongue, will you?" said Danglars, pretending to
restrain Caderousse, who, with the tenacity of drunkards,
leaned out of the arbor. "Try to stand upright, and let the
lovers make love without interruption. See, look at Fernand,
and follow his example; he is well-behaved!"

Fernand, probably excited beyond bearing, pricked by
Danglars, as the bull is by the bandilleros, was about to
rush out; for he had risen from his seat, and seemed to be
collecting himself to dash headlong upon his rival, when
Mercedes, smiling and graceful, lifted up her lovely head,
and looked at them with her clear and bright eyes. At this
Fernand recollected her threat of dying if Edmond died, and
dropped again heavily on his seat. Danglars looked at the
two men, one after the other, the one brutalized by liquor,
the other overwhelmed with love.

"I shall get nothing from these fools," he muttered; "and I
am very much afraid of being here between a drunkard and a
coward. Here's an envious fellow making himself boozy on
wine when he ought to be nursing his wrath, and here is a
fool who sees the woman he loves stolen from under his nose
and takes on like a big baby. Yet this Catalan has eyes that
glisten like those of the vengeful Spaniards, Sicilians, and
Calabrians, and the other has fists big enough to crush an
ox at one blow. Unquestionably, Edmond's star is in the
ascendant, and he will marry the splendid girl -- he will be
captain, too, and laugh at us all, unless" -- a sinister
smile passed over Danglars' lips -- "unless I take a hand in
the affair," he added.

"Hallo!" continued Caderousse, half-rising, and with his
fist on the table, "hallo, Edmond! do you not see your
friends, or are you too proud to speak to them?"

"No, my dear fellow!" replied Dantes, "I am not proud, but I
am happy, and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride."

"Ah, very well, that's an explanation!" said Caderousse.
"How do you do, Madame Dantes?"

Mercedes courtesied gravely, and said -- "That is not my
name, and in my country it bodes ill fortune, they say, to
call a young girl by the name of her betrothed before he
becomes her husband. So call me Mercedes, if you please."

"We must excuse our worthy neighbor, Caderousse," said
Dantes, "he is so easily mistaken."

"So, then, the wedding is to take place immediately, M.
Dantes," said Danglars, bowing to the young couple.

"As soon as possible, M. Danglars; to-day all preliminaries
will be arranged at my father's, and to-morrow, or next day
at latest, the wedding festival here at La Reserve. My
friends will be there, I hope; that is to say, you are
invited, M. Danglars, and you, Caderousse."

"And Fernand," said Caderousse with a chuckle; "Fernand,
too, is invited!"

"My wife's brother is my brother," said Edmond; "and we,
Mercedes and I, should be very sorry if he were absent at
such a time."

Fernand opened his mouth to reply, but his voice died on his
lips, and he could not utter a word.

"To-day the preliminaries, to-morrow or next day the
ceremony! You are in a hurry, captain!"

"Danglars," said Edmond, smiling, "I will say to you as
Mercedes said just now to Caderousse, `Do not give me a
title which does not belong to me'; that may bring me bad
luck."

"Your pardon," replied Danglars, "I merely said you seemed
in a hurry, and we have lots of time; the Pharaon cannot be
under weigh again in less than three months."

"We are always in a hurry to be happy, M. Danglars; for when
we have suffered a long time, we have great difficulty in
believing in good fortune. But it is not selfishness alone
that makes me thus in haste; I must go to Paris."

"Ah, really? -- to Paris! and will it be the first time you
have ever been there, Dantes?"

"Yes."

"Have you business there?"

"Not of my own; the last commission of poor Captain Leclere;
you know to what I allude, Danglars -- it is sacred.
Besides, I shall only take the time to go and return."

"Yes, yes, I understand," said Danglars, and then in a low
tone, he added, "To Paris, no doubt to deliver the letter
which the grand marshal gave him. Ah, this letter gives me
an idea -- a capital idea! Ah; Dantes, my friend, you are
not yet registered number one on board the good ship
Pharaon;" then turning towards Edmond, who was walking away,
"A pleasant journey," he cried.

"Thank you," said Edmond with a friendly nod, and the two
lovers continued on their way, as calm and joyous as if they
were the very elect of heaven.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 3

Danglars followed Edmond and Mercedes with his eyes until
the two lovers disappeared behind one of the angles of Fort
Saint Nicolas, then turning round, he perceived Fernand, who
had fallen, pale and trembling, into his chair, while
Caderousse stammered out the words of a drinking-song.

"Well, my dear sir," said Danglars to Fernand, "here is a
marriage which does not appear to make everybody happy."

"It drives me to despair," said Fernand.

"Do you, then, love Mercedes?"

"I adore her!"

"For long?"

"As long as I have known her -- always."

"And you sit there, tearing your hair, instead of seeking to
remedy your condition; I did not think that was the way of
your people."

"What would you have me do?" said Fernand.

"How do I know? Is it my affair? I am not in love with
Mademoiselle Mercedes; but for you -- in the words of the
gospel, seek, and you shall find."

"I have found already."

"What?"

"I would stab the man, but the woman told me that if any
misfortune happened to her betrothed, she would kill
herself."

"Pooh! Women say those things, but never do them."

"You do not know Mercedes; what she threatens she will do."

"Idiot!" muttered Danglars; "whether she kill herself or
not, what matter, provided Dantes is not captain?"

"Before Mercedes should die," replied Fernand, with the
accents of unshaken resolution, "I would die myself!"

"That's what I call love!" said Caderousse with a voice more
tipsy than ever. "That's love, or I don't know what love
is."

"Come," said Danglars, "you appear to me a good sort of
fellow, and hang me, I should like to help you, but" --

"Yes," said Caderousse, "but how?"

"My dear fellow," replied Danglars, "you are three parts
drunk; finish the bottle, and you will be completely so.
Drink then, and do not meddle with what we are discussing,
for that requires all one's wit and cool judgment."

"I -- drunk!" said Caderousse; "well that's a good one! I
could drink four more such bottles; they are no bigger than
cologne flasks. Pere Pamphile, more wine!" and Caderousse
rattled his glass upon the table.

"You were saving, sir" -- said Fernand, awaiting with great
anxiety the end of this interrupted remark.

"What was I saying? I forget. This drunken Caderousse has
made me lose the thread of my sentence."

"Drunk, if you like; so much the worse for those who fear
wine, for it is because they have bad thoughts which they
are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts;" and
Caderousse began to sing the two last lines of a song very
popular at the time, --

`Tous les mechants sont beuveurs d'eau;
C'est bien prouve par le deluge.'*

* "The wicked are great drinkers of water
As the flood proved once for all."

"You said, sir, you would like to help me, but" --

"Yes; but I added, to help you it would be sufficient that
Dantes did not marry her you love; and the marriage may
easily be thwarted, methinks, and yet Dantes need not die."

"Death alone can separate them," remarked Fernand.

"You talk like a noodle, my friend," said Caderousse; "and
here is Danglars, who is a wide-awake, clever, deep fellow,
who will prove to you that you are wrong. Prove it,
Danglars. I have answered for you. Say there is no need why
Dantes should die; it would, indeed, be a pity he should.
Dantes is a good fellow; I like Dantes. Dantes, your
health."

Fernand rose impatiently. "Let him run on," said Danglars,
restraining the young man; "drunk as he is, he is not much
out in what he says. Absence severs as well as death, and if
the walls of a prison were between Edmond and Mercedes they
would be as effectually separated as if he lay under a
tombstone."

"Yes; but one gets out of prison," said Caderousse, who,
with what sense was left him, listened eagerly to the
conversation, "and when one gets out and one's
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry

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he hasnt been paying attention to frank...
 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry

I'm contributing to your spam? You guys weren't spamming here when we started so don't hand me that shit.


he hasnt been paying attention to frank...


Who posts every once and awhile a couple of times? Online obsessor who posts in a couple of threads for maybe a page? Yeah, we did a little more than them.
id tell you to look up the history but i know you wouldnt. i know youll never beleive anything i say because im here but everyone whos been a poster here for more than a year or two knows that this place gets blasted by its own more than anything you did today. dont believe it if you want. dont give a fuck if you want. but the bottom line is your little tirade today wasnt anything.
 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
id tell you to look up the history but i know you wouldnt. i know youll never beleive anything i say because im here but everyone whos been a poster here for more than a year or two knows that this place gets blasted by its own more than anything you did today. dont believe it if you want. dont give a fuck if you want. but the bottom line is your little tirade today wasnt anything.


Dude, you make it sound like I've never been here before. I know you guys like to pat yourselfs on the back for all the time you've spent here but I was around here a good long while. Not the years like some of you morons but long enough to know that you guys never spam around here as much as me, Rellik, and Redneck did today. If you did, your posts wouldn't have gone down.

CHAPTER 1
Marseilles -- The Arrival.

On the 24th of February, 1810, the look-out at Notre-Dame de
la Garde signalled the three-master, the Pharaon from
Smyrna, Trieste, and Naples.

As usual, a pilot put off immediately, and rounding the
Chateau d'If, got on board the vessel between Cape Morgion
and Rion island.

Immediately, and according to custom, the ramparts of Fort
Saint-Jean were covered with spectators; it is always an
event at Marseilles for a ship to come into port, especially
when this ship, like the Pharaon, has been built, rigged,
and laden at the old Phocee docks, and belongs to an owner
of the city.

The ship drew on and had safely passed the strait, which
some volcanic shock has made between the Calasareigne and
Jaros islands; had doubled Pomegue, and approached the
harbor under topsails, jib, and spanker, but so slowly and
sedately that the idlers, with that instinct which is the
forerunner of evil, asked one another what misfortune could
have happened on board. However, those experienced in
navigation saw plainly that if any accident had occurred, it
was not to the vessel herself, for she bore down with all
the evidence of being skilfully handled, the anchor
a-cockbill, the jib-boom guys already eased off, and
standing by the side of the pilot, who was steering the
Pharaon towards the narrow entrance of the inner port, was a
young man, who, with activity and vigilant eye, watched
every motion of the ship, and repeated each direction of the
pilot.

The vague disquietude which prevailed among the spectators
had so much affected one of the crowd that he did not await
the arrival of the vessel in harbor, but jumping into a
small skiff, desired to be pulled alongside the Pharaon,
which he reached as she rounded into La Reserve basin.

When the young man on board saw this person approach, he
left his station by the pilot, and, hat in hand, leaned over
the ship's bulwarks.

He was a fine, tall, slim young fellow of eighteen or
twenty, with black eyes, and hair as dark as a raven's wing;
and his whole appearance bespoke that calmness and
resolution peculiar to men accustomed from their cradle to
contend with danger.

"Ah, is it you, Dantes?" cried the man in the skiff. "What's
the matter? and why have you such an air of sadness aboard?"

"A great misfortune, M. Morrel," replied the young man, --
"a great misfortune, for me especially! Off Civita Vecchia
we lost our brave Captain Leclere."

"And the cargo?" inquired the owner, eagerly.

"Is all safe, M. Morrel; and I think you will be satisfied
on that head. But poor Captain Leclere -- "

"What happened to him?" asked the owner, with an air of
considerable resignation. "What happened to the worthy
captain?"

"He died."

"Fell into the sea?"

"No, sir, he died of brain-fever in dreadful agony." Then
turning to the crew, he said, "Bear a hand there, to take in
sail!"

All hands obeyed, and at once the eight or ten seamen who
composed the crew, sprang to their respective stations at
the spanker brails and outhaul, topsail sheets and halyards,
the jib downhaul, and the topsail clewlines and buntlines.
The young sailor gave a look to see that his orders were
promptly and accurately obeyed, and then turned again to the
owner.

"And how did this misfortune occur?" inquired the latter,
resuming the interrupted conversation.

"Alas, sir, in the most unexpected manner. After a long talk
with the harbor-master, Captain Leclere left Naples greatly
disturbed in mind. In twenty-four hours he was attacked by a
fever, and died three days afterwards. We performed the
usual burial service, and he is at his rest, sewn up in his
hammock with a thirty-six pound shot at his head and his
heels, off El Giglio island. We bring to his widow his sword
and cross of honor. It was worth while, truly," added the
young man with a melancholy smile, "to make war against the
English for ten years, and to die in his bed at last, like
everybody else."

"Why, you see, Edmond," replied the owner, who appeared more
comforted at every moment, "we are all mortal, and the old
must make way for the young. If not, why, there would be no
promotion; and since you assure me that the cargo -- "

"Is all safe and sound, M. Morrel, take my word for it; and
I advise you not to take 25,000 francs for the profits of
the voyage."

Then, as they were just passing the Round Tower, the young
man shouted: "Stand by there to lower the topsails and jib;
brail up the spanker!"

The order was executed as promptly as it would have been on
board a man-of-war.

"Let go -- and clue up!" At this last command all the sails
were lowered, and the vessel moved almost imperceptibly
onwards.

"Now, if you will come on board, M. Morrel," said Dantes,
observing the owner's impatience, "here is your supercargo,
M. Danglars, coming out of his cabin, who will furnish you
with every particular. As for me, I must look after the
anchoring, and dress the ship in mourning."

The owner did not wait for a second invitation. He seized a
rope which Dantes flung to him, and with an activity that
would have done credit to a sailor, climbed up the side of
the ship, while the young man, going to his task, left the
conversation to Danglars, who now came towards the owner. He
was a man of twenty-five or twenty-six years of age, of
unprepossessing countenance, obsequious to his superiors,
insolent to his subordinates; and this, in addition to his
position as responsible agent on board, which is always
obnoxious to the sailors, made him as much disliked by the
crew as Edmond Dantes was beloved by them.

"Well, M. Morrel," said Danglars, "you have heard of the
misfortune that has befallen us?"

"Yes -- yes: poor Captain Leclere! He was a brave and an
honest man."

"And a first-rate seaman, one who had seen long and
honorable service, as became a man charged with the
interests of a house so important as that of Morrel & Son,"
replied Danglars.

"But," replied the owner, glancing after Dantes, who was
watching the anchoring of his vessel, "it seems to me that a
sailor needs not be so old as you say, Danglars, to
understand his business, for our friend Edmond seems to
understand it thoroughly, and not to require instruction
from any one."

"Yes," said Danglars, darting at Edmond a look gleaming with
hate. "Yes, he is young, and youth is invariably
self-confident. Scarcely was the captain's breath out of his
body when he assumed the command without consulting any one,
and he caused us to lose a day and a half at the Island of
Elba, instead of making for Marseilles direct."

"As to taking command of the vessel," replied Morrel, "that
was his duty as captain's mate; as to losing a day and a
half off the Island of Elba, he was wrong, unless the vessel
needed repairs."

"The vessel was in as good condition as I am, and as, I hope
you are, M. Morrel, and this day and a half was lost from
pure whim, for the pleasure of going ashore, and nothing
else."

"Dantes," said the shipowner, turning towards the young man,
"come this way!"

"In a moment, sir," answered Dantes, "and I'm with you."
Then calling to the crew, he said -- "Let go!"

The anchor was instantly dropped, and the chain ran rattling
through the port-hole. Dantes continued at his post in spite
of the presence of the pilot, until this manoeuvre was
completed, and then he added, "Half-mast the colors, and
square the yards!"

"You see," said Danglars, "he fancies himself captain
already, upon my word."

"And so, in fact, he is," said the owner.

"Except your signature and your partner's, M. Morrel."

"And why should he not have this?" asked the owner; "he is
young, it is true, but he seems to me a thorough seaman, and
of full experience."

A cloud passed over Danglars' brow. "Your pardon, M.
Morrel," said Dantes, approaching, "the vessel now rides at
anchor, and I am at your service. You hailed me, I think?"

Danglars retreated a step or two. "I wished to inquire why
you stopped at the Island of Elba?"

"I do not know, sir; it was to fulfil the last instructions
of Captain Leclere, who, when dying, gave me a packet for
Marshal Bertrand."

"Then did you see him, Edmond?"

"Who?"

"The marshal."

"Yes."

Morrel looked around him, and then, drawing Dantes on one
side, he said suddenly -- "And how is the emperor?"

"Very well, as far as I could judge from the sight of him."

"You saw the emperor, then?"

"He entered the marshal's apartment while I was there."

"And you spoke to him?"

"Why, it was he who spoke to me, sir," said Dantes, with a
smile.

"And what did he say to you?"

"Asked me questions about the vessel, the time she left
Marseilles, the course she had taken, and what was her
cargo. I believe, if she had not been laden, and I had been
her master, he would have bought her. But I told him I was
only mate, and that she belonged to the firm of Morrel &
Son. `Ah, yes,' he said, `I know them. The Morrels have been
shipowners from father to son; and there was a Morrel who
served in the same regiment with me when I was in garrison
at Valence.'"

"Pardieu, and that is true!" cried the owner, greatly
delighted. "And that was Policar Morrel, my uncle, who was
afterwards a captain. Dantes, you must tell my uncle that
the emperor remembered him, and you will see it will bring
tears into the old soldier's eyes. Come, come," continued
he, patting Edmond's shoulder kindly, "you did very right,
Dantes, to follow Captain Leclere's instructions, and touch
at Elba, although if it were known that you had conveyed a
packet to the marshal, and had conversed with the emperor,
it might bring you into trouble."

"How could that bring me into trouble, sir?" asked Dantes;
"for I did not even know of what I was the bearer; and the
emperor merely made such inquiries as he would of the first
comer. But, pardon me, here are the health officers and the
customs inspectors coming alongside." And the young man went
to the gangway. As he departed, Danglars approached, and
said, --

"Well, it appears that he has given you satisfactory reasons
for his landing at Porto-Ferrajo?"

"Yes, most satisfactory, my dear Danglars."

"Well, so much the better," said the supercargo; "for it is
not pleasant to think that a comrade has not done his duty."

"Dantes has done his," replied the owner, "and that is not
saying much. It was Captain Leclere who gave orders for this
delay."

"Talking of Captain Leclere, has not Dantes given you a
letter from him?"

"To me? -- no -- was there one?"

"I believe that, besides the packet, Captain Leclere
confided a letter to his care."

"Of what packet are you speaking, Danglars?"

"Why, that which Dantes left at Porto-Ferrajo."

"How do you know he had a packet to leave at Porto-Ferrajo?"

Danglars turned very red.

"I was passing close to the door of the captain's cabin,
which was half open, and I saw him give the packet and
letter to Dantes."

"He did not speak to me of it," replied the shipowner; "but
if there be any letter he will give it to me."

Danglars reflected for a moment. "Then, M. Morrel, I beg of
you," said he, "not to say a word to Dantes on the subject.
I may have been mistaken."

At this moment the young man returned; Danglars withdrew.

"Well, my dear Dantes, are you now free?" inquired the
owner.

"Yes, sir."

"You have not been long detained."

"No. I gave the custom-house officers a copy of our bill of
lading; and as to the other papers, they sent a man off with
the pilot, to whom I gave them."

"Then you have nothing more to do here?"

"No -- everything is all right now."

"Then you can come and dine with me?"

"I really must ask you to excuse me, M. Morrel. My first
visit is due to my father, though I am not the less grateful
for the honor you have done me."

"Right, Dantes, quite right. I always knew you were a good
son."

"And," inquired Dantes, with some hesitation, "do you know
how my father is?"

"Well, I believe, my dear Edmond, though I have not seen him
lately."

"Yes, he likes to keep himself shut up in his little room."

"That proves, at least, that he has wanted for nothing
during your absence."

Dantes smiled. "My father is proud, sir, and if he had not a
meal left, I doubt if he would have asked anything from
anyone, except from Heaven."

"Well, then, after this first visit has been made we shall
count on you."

"I must again excuse myself, M. Morrel, for after this first
visit has been paid I have another which I am most anxious
to pay."

"True, Dantes, I forgot that there was at the Catalans some
one who expects you no less impatiently than your father --
the lovely Mercedes."

Dantes blushed.

"Ah, ha," said the shipowner, "I am not in the least
surprised, for she has been to me three times, inquiring if
there were any news of the Pharaon. Peste, Edmond, you have
a very handsome mistress!"

"She is not my mistress," replied the young sailor, gravely;
"she is my betrothed."

"Sometimes one and the same thing," said Morrel, with a
smile.

"Not with us, sir," replied Dantes.

"Well, well, my dear Edmond," continued the owner, "don't
let me detain you. You have managed my affairs so well that
I ought to allow you all the time you require for your own.
Do you want any money?"

"No, sir; I have all my pay to take -- nearly three months'
wages."

"You are a careful fellow, Edmond."

"Say I have a poor father, sir."

"Yes, yes, I know how good a son you are, so now hasten away
to see your father. I have a son too, and I should be very
wroth with those who detained him from me after a three
months' voyage."

"Then I have your leave, sir?"

"Yes, if you have nothing more to say to me."

"Nothing."

"Captain Leclere did not, before he died, give you a letter
for me?"

"He was unable to write, sir. But that reminds me that I
must ask your leave of absence for some days."

"To get married?"

"Yes, first, and then to go to Paris."

"Very good; have what time you require, Dantes. It will take
quite six weeks to unload the cargo, and we cannot get you
ready for sea until three months after that; only be back
again in three months, for the Pharaon," added the owner,
patting the young sailor on the back, "cannot sail without
her captain."

"Without her captain!" cried Dantes, his eyes sparkling with
animation; "pray mind what you say, for you are touching on
the most secret wishes of my heart. Is it really your
intention to make me captain of the Pharaon?"

"If I were sole owner we'd shake hands on it now, my dear
Dantes, and call it settled; but I have a partner, and you
know the Italian proverb -- Chi ha compagno ha padrone --
`He who has a partner has a master.' But the thing is at
least half done, as you have one out of two votes. Rely on
me to procure you the other; I will do my best."

"Ah, M. Morrel," exclaimed the young seaman, with tears in
his eyes, and grasping the owner's hand, "M. Morrel, I thank
you in the name of my father and of Mercedes."

"That's all right, Edmond. There's a providence that watches
over the deserving. Go to your father: go and see Mercedes,
and afterwards come to me."

"Shall I row you ashore?"

"No, thank you; I shall remain and look over the accounts
with Danglars. Have you been satisfied with him this
voyage?"

"That is according to the sense you attach to the question,
sir. Do you mean is he a good comrade? No, for I think he
never liked me since the day when I was silly enough, after
a little quarrel we had, to propose to him to stop for ten
minutes at the island of Monte Cristo to settle the dispute
-- a proposition which I was wrong to suggest, and he quite
right to refuse. If you mean as responsible agent when you
ask me the question, I believe there is nothing to say
against him, and that you will be content with the way in
which he has performed his duty."

"But tell me, Dantes, if you had command of the Pharaon
should you be glad to see Danglars remain?"

"Captain or mate, M. Morrel, I shall always have the
greatest respect for those who possess the owners'
confidence."

"That's right, that's right, Dantes! I see you are a
thoroughly good fellow, and will detain you no longer. Go,
for I see how impatient you are."

"Then I have leave?"

"Go, I tell you."

"May I have the use of your skiff?"

"Certainly."

"Then, for the present, M. Morrel, farewell, and a thousand
thanks!"

"I hope soon to see you again, my dear Edmond. Good luck to
you."

The young sailor jumped into the skiff, and sat down in the
stern sheets, with the order that he be put ashore at La
Canebiere. The two oarsmen bent to their work, and the
little boat glided away as rapidly as possible in the midst
of the thousand vessels which choke up the narrow way which
leads between the two rows of ships from the mouth of the
harbor to the Quai d'Orleans.

The shipowner, smiling, followed him with his eyes until he
saw him spring out on the quay and disappear in the midst of
the throng, which from five o'clock in the morning until
nine o'clock at night, swarms in the famous street of La
Canebiere, -- a street of which the modern Phocaeans are so
proud that they say with all the gravity in the world, and
with that accent which gives so much character to what is
said, "If Paris had La Canebiere, Paris would be a second
Marseilles." On turning round the owner saw Danglars behind
him, apparently awaiting orders, but in reality also
watching the young sailor, -- but there was a great
difference in the expression of the two men who thus
followed the movements of Edmond Dantes.

We will leave Danglars struggling with the demon of hatred,
and endeavoring to insinuate in the ear of the shipowner
some evil suspicions against his comrade, and follow Dantes,
who, after having traversed La Canebiere, took the Rue de
Noailles, and entering a small house, on the left of the
Allees de Meillan, rapidly ascended four flights of a dark
staircase, holding the baluster with one hand, while with
the other he repressed the beatings of his heart, and paused
before a half-open door, from which he could see the whole
of a small room.

This room was occupied by Dantes' father. The news of the
arrival of the Pharaon had not yet reached the old man, who,
mounted on a chair, was amusing himself by training with
trembling hand the nasturtiums and sprays of clematis that
clambered over the trellis at his window. Suddenly, he felt
an arm thrown around his body, and a well-known voice behind
him exclaimed, "Father -- dear father!"

The old man uttered a cry, and turned round; then, seeing
his son, he fell into his arms, pale and trembling.

"What ails you, my dearest father? Are you ill?" inquired
the young man, much alarmed.

"No, no, my dear Edmond -- my boy -- my son! -- no; but I
did not expect you; and joy, the surprise of seeing you so
suddenly -- Ah, I feel as if I were going to die."

"Come, come, cheer up, my dear father! 'Tis I -- really I!
They say joy never hurts, and so I came to you without any
warning. Come now, do smile, instead of looking at me so
solemnly. Here I am back again, and we are going to be
happy."

"Yes, yes, my boy, so we will -- so we will," replied the
old man; "but how shall we be happy? Shall you never leave
me again? Come, tell me all the good fortune that has
befallen you."

"God forgive me," said the young man, "for rejoicing at
happiness derived from the misery of others, but, Heaven
knows, I did not seek this good fortune; it has happened,
and I really cannot pretend to lament it. The good Captain
Leclere is dead, father, and it is probable that, with the
aid of M. Morrel, I shall have his place. Do you understand,
father? Only imagine me a captain at twenty, with a hundred
louis pay, and a share in the profits! Is this not more than
a poor sailor like me could have hoped for?"

"Yes, my dear boy," replied the old man, "it is very
fortunate."

"Well, then, with the first money I touch, I mean you to
have a small house, with a garden in which to plant
clematis, nasturtiums, and honeysuckle. But what ails you,
father? Are you not well?"

"'Tis nothing, nothing; it will soon pass away" -- and as he
said so the old man's strength failed him, and he fell
backwards.

"Come, come," said the young man, "a glass of wine, father,
will revive you. Where do you keep your wine?"

"No, no; thanks. You need not look for it; I do not want
it," said the old man.

"Yes, yes, father, tell me where it is," and he opened two
or three cupboards.

"It is no use," said the old man, "there is no wine."

"What, no wine?" said Dantes, turning pale, and looking
alternately at the hollow cheeks of the old man and the
empty cupboards. "What, no wine? Have you wanted money,
father?"

"I want nothing now that I have you," said the old man.

"Yet," stammered Dantes, wiping the perspiration from his
brow, -- "yet I gave you two hundred francs when I left,
three months ago."

"Yes, yes, Edmond, that is true, but you forgot at that time
a little debt to our neighbor, Caderousse. He reminded me of
it, telling me if I did not pay for you, he would be paid by
M. Morrel; and so, you see, lest he might do you an injury"
--

"Well?"

"Why, I paid him."

"But," cried Dantes, "it was a hundred and forty francs I
owed Caderousse."

"Yes," stammered the old man.

"And you paid him out of the two hundred francs I left you?"

The old man nodded.

"So that you have lived for three months on sixty francs,"
muttered Edmond.

"You know how little I require," said the old man.

"Heaven pardon me," cried Edmond, falling on his knees
before his father.

"What are you doing?"

"You have wounded me to the heart."

"Never mind it, for I see you once more," said the old man;
"and now it's all over -- everything is all right again."

"Yes, here I am," said the young man, "with a promising
future and a little money. Here, father, here!" he said,
"take this -- take it, and send for something immediately."
And he emptied his pockets on the table, the contents
consisting of a dozen gold pieces, five or six five-franc
pieces, and some smaller coin. The countenance of old Dantes
brightened.

"Whom does this belong to?" he inquired.

"To me, to you, to us! Take it; buy some provisions; be
happy, and to-morrow we shall have more."

"Gently, gently," said the old man, with a smile; "and by
your leave I will use your purse moderately, for they would
say, if they saw me buy too many things at a time, that I
had been obliged to await your return, in order to be able
to purchase them."

"Do as you please; but, first of all, pray have a servant,
father. I will not have you left alone so long. I have some
smuggled coffee and most capital tobacco, in a small chest
in the hold, which you shall have to-morrow. But, hush, here
comes somebody."

"'Tis Caderousse, who has heard of your arrival, and no
doubt comes to congratulate you on your fortunate return."

"Ah, lips that say one thing, while the heart thinks
another," murmured Edmond. "But, never mind, he is a
neighbor who has done us a service on a time, so he's
welcome."

As Edmond paused, the black and bearded head of Caderousse
appeared at the door. He was a man of twenty-five or six,
and held a piece of cloth, which, being a tailor, he was
about to make into a coat-lining.

"What, is it you, Edmond, back again?" said he, with a broad
Marseillaise accent, and a grin that displayed his
ivory-white teeth.

"Yes, as you see, neighbor Caderousse; and ready to be
agreeable to you in any and every way," replied Dantes, but
ill-concealing his coldness under this cloak of civility.

"Thanks -- thanks; but, fortunately, I do not want for
anything; and it chances that at times there are others who
have need of me." Dantes made a gesture. "I do not allude to
you, my boy. No! -- no! I lent you money, and you returned
it; that's like good neighbors, and we are quits."

"We are never quits with those who oblige us," was Dantes'
reply; "for when we do not owe them money, we owe them
gratitude."

"What's the use of mentioning that? What is done is done.
Let us talk of your happy return, my boy. I had gone on the
quay to match a piece of mulberry cloth, when I met friend
Danglars. `You at Marseilles?' -- `Yes,' says he.

"`I thought you were at Smyrna.' -- `I was; but am now back
again.'

"`And where is the dear boy, our little Edmond?'

"`Why, with his father, no doubt,' replied Danglars. And so
I came," added Caderousse, "as fast as I could to have the
pleasure of shaking hands with a friend."

"Worthy Caderousse!" said the old man, "he is so much
attached to us."

"Yes, to be sure I am. I love and esteem you, because honest
folks are so rare. But it seems you have come back rich, my
boy," continued the tailor, looking askance at the handful
of gold and silver which Dantes had thrown on the table.

The young man remarked the greedy glance which shone in the
dark eyes of his neighbor. "Eh," he said, negligently. "this
money is not mine. I was expressing to my father my fears
that he had wanted many things in my absence, and to
convince me he emptied his purse on the table. Come, father"
added Dantes, "put this money back in your box -- unless
neighbor Caderousse wants anything, and in that case it is
at his service."

"No, my boy, no," said Caderousse. "I am not in any want,
thank God, my living is suited to my means. Keep your money
-- keep it, I say; -- one never has too much; -- but, at the
same time, my boy, I am as much obliged by your offer as if
I took advantage of it."

"It was offered with good will," said Dantes.

"No doubt, my boy; no doubt. Well, you stand well with M.
Morrel I hear, -- you insinuating dog, you!"

"M. Morrel has always been exceedingly kind to me," replied
Dantes.

"Then you were wrong to refuse to dine with him."

"What, did you refuse to dine with him?" said old Dantes;
"and did he invite you to dine?"

"Yes, my dear father," replied Edmond, smiling at his
father's astonishment at the excessive honor paid to his
son.

"And why did you refuse, my son?" inquired the old man.

"That I might the sooner see you again, my dear father,"
replied the young man. "I was most anxious to see you."

"But it must have vexed M. Morrel, good, worthy man," said
Caderousse. "And when you are looking forward to be captain,
it was wrong to annoy the owner."

"But I explained to him the cause of my refusal," replied
Dantes, "and I hope he fully understood it."

"Yes, but to be captain one must do a little flattery to
one's patrons."

"I hope to be captain without that," said Dantes.

"So much the better -- so much the better! Nothing will give
greater pleasure to all your old friends; and I know one
down there behind the Saint Nicolas citadel who will not be
sorry to hear it."

"Mercedes?" said the old man.

"Yes, my dear father, and with your permission, now I have
seen you, and know you are well and have all you require, I
will ask your consent to go and pay a visit to the
Catalans."

"Go, my dear boy," said old Dantes: "and heaven bless you in
your wife, as it has blessed me in my son!"

"His wife!" said Caderousse; "why, how fast you go on,
father Dantes; she is not his wife yet, as it seems to me."

"So, but according to all probability she soon will be,"
replied Edmond.

"Yes -- yes," said Caderousse; "but you were right to return
as soon as possible, my boy."

"And why?"

"Because Mercedes is a very fine girl, and fine girls never
lack followers; she particularly has them by dozens."

"Really?" answered Edmond, with a smile which had in it
traces of slight uneasiness.

"Ah, yes," continued Caderousse, "and capital offers, too;
but you know, you will be captain, and who could refuse you
then?"

"Meaning to say," replied Dantes, with a smile which but
ill-concealed his trouble, "that if I were not a captain" --

"Eh -- eh!" said Caderousse, shaking his head.

"Come, come," said the sailor, "I have a better opinion than
you of women in general, and of Mercedes in particular; and
I am certain that, captain or not, she will remain ever
faithful to me."

"So much the better -- so much the better," said Caderousse.
"When one is going to be married, there is nothing like
implicit confidence; but never mind that, my boy, -- go and
announce your arrival, and let her know all your hopes and
prospects."

"I will go directly," was Edmond's reply; and, embracing his
father, and nodding to Caderousse, he left the apartment.

Caderousse lingered for a moment, then taking leave of old
Dantes, he went downstairs to rejoin Danglars, who awaited
him at the corner of the Rue Senac.

"Well," said Danglars, "did you see him?"

"I have just left him," answered Caderousse.

"Did he allude to his hope of being captain?"

"He spoke of it as a thing already decided."

"Indeed!" said Danglars, "he is in too much hurry, it
appears to me."

"Why, it seems M. Morrel has promised him the thing."

"So that he is quite elated about it?"

"Why, yes, he is actually insolent over the matter -- has
already offered me his patronage, as if he were a grand
personage, and proffered me a loan of money, as though he
were a banker."

"Which you refused?"

"Most assuredly; although I might easily have accepted it,
for it was I who put into his hands the first silver he ever
earned; but now M. Dantes has no longer any occasion for
assistance -- he is about to become a captain."

"Pooh!" said Danglars, "he is not one yet."

"Ma foi, it will be as well if he is not," answered
Caderousse; "for if he should be, there will be really no
speaking to him."

"If we choose," replied Danglars, "he will remain what he
is; and perhaps become even less than he is."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing -- I was speaking to myself. And is he still in
love with the Catalane?"

"Over head and ears; but, unless I am much mistaken, there
will be a storm in that quarter."

"Explain yourself."

"Why should I?"

"It is more important than you think, perhaps. You do not
like Dantes?"

"I never like upstarts."

"Then tell me all you know about the Catalane."

"I know nothing for certain; only I have seen things which
induce me to believe, as I told you, that the future captain
will find some annoyance in the vicinity of the Vieilles
Infirmeries."

"What have you seen? -- come, tell me!"

"Well, every time I have seen Mercedes come into the city
she has been accompanied by a tall, strapping, black-eyed
Catalan, with a red complexion, brown skin, and fierce air,
whom she calls cousin."

"Really; and you think this cousin pays her attentions?"

"I only suppose so. What else can a strapping chap of
twenty-one mean with a fine wench of seventeen?"

"And you say that Dantes has gone to the Catalans?"

"He went before I came down."

"Let us go the same way; we will stop at La Reserve, and we
can drink a glass of La Malgue, whilst we wait for news."

"Come along," said Caderousse; "but you pay the score."

"Of course," replied Danglars; and going quickly to the
designated place, they called for a bottle of wine, and two
glasses.

Pere Pamphile had seen Dantes pass not ten minutes before;
and assured that he was at the Catalans, they sat down under
the budding foliage of the planes and sycamores, in the
branches of which the birds were singing their welcome to
one of the first days of spring.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 2

CHAPTER 3
The Catalans.

Beyond a bare, weather-worn wall, about a hundred paces from
the spot where the two friends sat looking and listening as
they drank their wine, was the village of the Catalans. Long
ago this mysterious colony quitted Spain, and settled on the
tongue of land on which it is to this day. Whence it came no
one knew, and it spoke an unknown tongue. One of its chiefs,
who understood Provencal, begged the commune of Marseilles
to give them this bare and barren promontory, where, like
the sailors of old, they had run their boats ashore. The
request was granted; and three months afterwards, around the
twelve or fifteen small vessels which had brought these
gypsies of the sea, a small village sprang up. This village,
constructed in a singular and picturesque manner, half
Moorish, half Spanish, still remains, and is inhabited by
descendants of the first comers, who speak the language of
their fathers. For three or four centuries they have
remained upon this small promontory, on which they had
settled like a flight of seabirds, without mixing with the
Marseillaise population, intermarrying, and preserving their
original customs and the costume of their mother-country as
they have preserved its language.

Our readers will follow us along the only street of this
little village, and enter with us one of the houses, which
is sunburned to the beautiful dead-leaf color peculiar to
the buildings of the country, and within coated with
whitewash, like a Spanish posada. A young and beautiful
girl, with hair as black as jet, her eyes as velvety as the
gazelle's, was leaning with her back against the wainscot,
rubbing in her slender delicately moulded fingers a bunch of
heath blossoms, the flowers of which she was picking off and
strewing on the floor; her arms, bare to the elbow, brown,
and modelled after those of the Arlesian Venus, moved with a
kind of restless impatience, and she tapped the earth with
her arched and supple foot, so as to display the pure and
full shape of her well-turned leg, in its red cotton, gray
and blue clocked, stocking. At three paces from her, seated
in a chair which he balanced on two legs, leaning his elbow
on an old worm-eaten table, was a tall young man of twenty,
or two-and-twenty, who was looking at her with an air in
which vexation and uneasiness were mingled. He questioned
her with his eyes, but the firm and steady gaze of the young
girl controlled his look.

"You see, Mercedes," said the young man, "here is Easter
come round again; tell me, is this the moment for a
wedding?"

"I have answered you a hundred times, Fernand, and really
you must be very stupid to ask me again."

"Well, repeat it, -- repeat it, I beg of you, that I may at
last believe it! Tell me for the hundredth time that you
refuse my love, which had your mother's sanction. Make me
understand once for all that you are trifling with my
happiness, that my life or death are nothing to you. Ah, to
have dreamed for ten years of being your husband, Mercedes,
and to lose that hope, which was the only stay of my
existence!"

"At least it was not I who ever encouraged you in that hope,
Fernand," replied Mercedes; "you cannot reproach me with the
slightest coquetry. I have always said to you, `I love you
as a brother; but do not ask from me more than sisterly
affection, for my heart is another's.' Is not this true,
Fernand?"

"Yes, that is very true, Mercedes," replied the young man,
"Yes, you have been cruelly frank with me; but do you forget
that it is among the Catalans a sacred law to intermarry?"

"You mistake, Fernand; it is not a law, but merely a custom,
and, I pray of you, do not cite this custom in your favor.
You are included in the conscription, Fernand, and are only
at liberty on sufferance, liable at any moment to be called
upon to take up arms. Once a soldier, what would you do with
me, a poor orphan, forlorn, without fortune, with nothing
but a half-ruined hut and a few ragged nets, the miserable
inheritance left by my father to my mother, and by my mother
to me? She has been dead a year, and you know, Fernand, I
have subsisted almost entirely on public charity. Sometimes
you pretend I am useful to you, and that is an excuse to
share with me the produce of your fishing, and I accept it,
Fernand, because you are the son of my father's brother,
because we were brought up together, and still more because
it would give you so much pain if I refuse. But I feel very
deeply that this fish which I go and sell, and with the
produce of which I buy the flax I spin, -- I feel very
keenly, Fernand, that this is charity."

"And if it were, Mercedes, poor and lone as you are, you
suit me as well as the daughter of the first shipowner or
the richest banker of Marseilles! What do such as we desire
but a good wife and careful housekeeper, and where can I
look for these better than in you?"

"Fernand," answered Mercedes, shaking her head, "a woman
becomes a bad manager, and who shall say she will remain an
honest woman, when she loves another man better than her
husband? Rest content with my friendship, for I say once
more that is all I can promise, and I will promise no more
than I can bestow."

"I understand," replied Fernand, "you can endure your own
wretchedness patiently, but you are afraid to share mine.
Well, Mercedes, beloved by you, I would tempt fortune; you
would bring me good luck, and I should become rich. I could
extend my occupation as a fisherman, might get a place as
clerk in a warehouse, and become in time a dealer myself."

"You could do no such thing, Fernand; you are a soldier, and
if you remain at the Catalans it is because there is no war;
so remain a fisherman, and contented with my friendship, as
I cannot give you more."

"Well, I will do better, Mercedes. I will be a sailor;
instead of the costume of our fathers, which you despise, I
will wear a varnished hat, a striped shirt, and a blue
jacket, with an anchor on the buttons. Would not that dress
please you?"

"What do you mean?" asked Mercedes, with an angry glance, --
"what do you mean? I do not understand you?"

"I mean, Mercedes, that you are thus harsh and cruel with
me, because you are expecting some one who is thus attired;
but perhaps he whom you await is inconstant, or if he is
not, the sea is so to him."

"Fernand," cried Mercedes, "I believed you were
good-hearted, and I was mistaken! Fernand, you are wicked to
call to your aid jealousy and the anger of God! Yes, I will
not deny it, I do await, and I do love him of whom you
speak; and, if he does not return, instead of accusing him
of the inconstancy which you insinuate, I will tell you that
he died loving me and me only." The young girl made a
gesture of rage. "I understand you, Fernand; you would be
revenged on him because I do not love you; you would cross
your Catalan knife with his dirk. What end would that
answer? To lose you my friendship if he were conquered, and
see that friendship changed into hate if you were victor.
Believe me, to seek a quarrel with a man is a bad method of
pleasing the woman who loves that man. No, Fernand, you will
not thus give way to evil thoughts. Unable to have me for
your wife, you will content yourself with having me for your
friend and sister; and besides," she added, her eyes
troubled and moistened with tears, "wait, wait, Fernand; you
said just now that the sea was treacherous, and he has been
gone four months, and during these four months there have
been some terrible storms."

Fernand made no reply, nor did he attempt to check the tears
which flowed down the cheeks of Mercedes, although for each
of these tears he would have shed his heart's blood; but
these tears flowed for another. He arose, paced a while up
and down the hut, and then, suddenly stopping before
Mercedes, with his eyes glowing and his hands clinched, --
"Say, Mercedes," he said, "once for all, is this your final
determination?"

"I love Edmond Dantes," the young girl calmly replied, "and
none but Edmond shall ever be my husband."

"And you will always love him?"

"As long as I live."

Fernand let fall his head like a defeated man, heaved a sigh
that was like a groan, and then suddenly looking her full in
the face, with clinched teeth and expanded nostrils, said,
-- "But if he is dead" --

"If he is dead, I shall die too."

"If he has forgotten you" --

"Mercedes!" called a joyous voice from without, --
"Mercedes!"

"Ah," exclaimed the young girl, blushing with delight, and
fairly leaping in excess of love, "you see he has not
forgotten me, for here he is!" And rushing towards the door,
she opened it, saying, "Here, Edmond, here I am!"

Fernand, pale and trembling, drew back, like a traveller at
the sight of a serpent, and fell into a chair beside him.
Edmond and Mercedes were clasped in each other's arms. The
burning Marseilles sun, which shot into the room through the
open door, covered them with a flood of light. At first they
saw nothing around them. Their intense happiness isolated
them from all the rest of the world, and they only spoke in
broken words, which are the tokens of a joy so extreme that
they seem rather the expression of sorrow. Suddenly Edmond
saw the gloomy, pale, and threatening countenance of
Fernand, as it was defined in the shadow. By a movement for
which he could scarcely account to himself, the young
Catalan placed his hand on the knife at his belt.

"Ah, your pardon," said Dantes, frowning in his turn; "I did
not perceive that there were three of us." Then, turning to
Mercedes, he inquired, "Who is this gentleman?"

"One who will be your best friend, Dantes, for he is my
friend, my cousin, my brother; it is Fernand -- the man
whom, after you, Edmond, I love the best in the world. Do
you not remember him?"

"Yes!" said Dantes, and without relinquishing Mercedes hand
clasped in one of his own, he extended the other to the
Catalan with a cordial air. But Fernand, instead of
responding to this amiable gesture, remained mute and
trembling. Edmond then cast his eyes scrutinizingly at the
agitated and embarrassed Mercedes, and then again on the
gloomy and menacing Fernand. This look told him all, and his
anger waxed hot.

"I did not know, when I came with such haste to you, that I
was to meet an enemy here."

"An enemy!" cried Mercedes, with an angry look at her
cousin. "An enemy in my house, do you say, Edmond! If I
believed that, I would place my arm under yours and go with
you to Marseilles, leaving the house to return to it no
more."

Fernand's eye darted lightning. "And should any misfortune
occur to you, dear Edmond," she continued with the same
calmness which proved to Fernand that the young girl had
read the very innermost depths of his sinister thought, "if
misfortune should occur to you, I would ascend the highest
point of the Cape de Morgion and cast myself headlong from
it."

Fernand became deadly pale. "But you are deceived, Edmond,"
she continued. "You have no enemy here -- there is no one
but Fernand, my brother, who will grasp your hand as a
devoted friend."

And at these words the young girl fixed her imperious look
on the Catalan, who, as if fascinated by it, came slowly
towards Edmond, and offered him his hand. His hatred, like a
powerless though furious wave, was broken against the strong
ascendancy which Mercedes exercised over him. Scarcely,
however, had he touched Edmond's hand than he felt he had
done all he could do, and rushed hastily out of the house.

"Oh," he exclaimed, running furiously and tearing his hair
-- "Oh, who will deliver me from this man? Wretched --
wretched that I am!"

"Hallo, Catalan! Hallo, Fernand! where are you running to?"
exclaimed a voice.

The young man stopped suddenly, looked around him, and
perceived Caderousse sitting at table with Danglars, under
an arbor.

"Well", said Caderousse, "why don't you come? Are you really
in such a hurry that you have no time to pass the time of
day with your friends?"

"Particularly when they have still a full bottle before
them," added Danglars. Fernand looked at them both with a
stupefied air, but did not say a word.

"He seems besotted," said Danglars, pushing Caderousse with
his knee. "Are we mistaken, and is Dantes triumphant in
spite of all we have believed?"

"Why, we must inquire into that," was Caderousse's reply;
and turning towards the young man, said, "Well, Catalan,
can't you make up your mind?"

Fernand wiped away the perspiration steaming from his brow,
and slowly entered the arbor, whose shade seemed to restore
somewhat of calmness to his senses, and whose coolness
somewhat of refreshment to his exhausted body.

"Good-day," said he. "You called me, didn't you?" And he
fell, rather than sat down, on one of the seats which
surrounded the table.

"I called you because you were running like a madman, and I
was afraid you would throw yourself into the sea," said
Caderousse, laughing. "Why, when a man has friends, they are
not only to offer him a glass of wine, but, moreover, to
prevent his swallowing three or four pints of water
unnecessarily!"

Fernand gave a groan, which resembled a sob, and dropped his
head into his hands, his elbows leaning on the table.

"Well, Fernand, I must say," said Caderousse, beginning the
conversation, with that brutality of the common people in
which curiosity destroys all diplomacy, "you look uncommonly
like a rejected lover;" and he burst into a hoarse laugh.

"Bah!" said Danglars, "a lad of his make was not born to be
unhappy in love. You are laughing at him, Caderousse."

"No," he replied, "only hark how he sighs! Come, come,
Fernand," said Caderousse, "hold up your head, and answer
us. It's not polite not to reply to friends who ask news of
your health."

"My health is well enough," said Fernand, clinching his
hands without raising his head.

"Ah, you see, Danglars," said Caderousse, winking at his
friend, "this is how it is; Fernand, whom you see here, is a
good and brave Catalan, one of the best fishermen in
Marseilles, and he is in love with a very fine girl, named
Mercedes; but it appears, unfortunately, that the fine girl
is in love with the mate of the Pharaon; and as the Pharaon
arrived to-day -- why, you understand!"

"No; I do not understand," said Danglars.

"Poor Fernand has been dismissed," continued Caderousse.

"Well, and what then?" said Fernand, lifting up his head,
and looking at Caderousse like a man who looks for some one
on whom to vent his anger; "Mercedes is not accountable to
any person, is she? Is she not free to love whomsoever she
will?"

"Oh, if you take it in that sense," said Caderousse, "it is
another thing. But I thought you were a Catalan, and they
told me the Catalans were not men to allow themselves to be
supplanted by a rival. It was even told me that Fernand,
especially, was terrible in his vengeance."

Fernand smiled piteously. "A lover is never terrible," he
said.

"Poor fellow!" remarked Danglars, affecting to pity the
young man from the bottom of his heart. "Why, you see, he
did not expect to see Dantes return so suddenly -- he
thought he was dead, perhaps; or perchance faithless! These
things always come on us more severely when they come
suddenly."

"Ah, ma foi, under any circumstances," said Caderousse, who
drank as he spoke, and on whom the fumes of the wine began
to take effect, -- "under any circumstances Fernand is not
the only person put out by the fortunate arrival of Dantes;
is he, Danglars?"

"No, you are right -- and I should say that would bring him
ill-luck."

"Well, never mind," answered Caderousse, pouring out a glass
of wine for Fernand, and filling his own for the eighth or
ninth time, while Danglars had merely sipped his. "Never
mind -- in the meantime he marries Mercedes -- the lovely
Mercedes -- at least he returns to do that."

During this time Danglars fixed his piercing glance on the
young man, on whose heart Caderousse's words fell like
molten lead.

"And when is the wedding to be?" he asked.

"Oh, it is not yet fixed!" murmured Fernand.

"No, but it will be," said Caderousse, "as surely as Dantes
will be captain of the Pharaon -- eh, Danglars?"

Danglars shuddered at this unexpected attack, and turned to
Caderousse, whose countenance he scrutinized, to try and
detect whether the blow was premeditated; but he read
nothing but envy in a countenance already rendered brutal
and stupid by drunkenness.

"Well," said he, filling the glasses, "let us drink to
Captain Edmond Dantes, husband of the beautiful Catalane!"

Caderousse raised his glass to his mouth with unsteady hand,
and swallowed the contents at a gulp. Fernand dashed his on
the ground.

"Eh, eh, eh!" stammered Caderousse. "What do I see down
there by the wall, in the direction of the Catalans? Look,
Fernand, your eyes are better than mine. I believe I see
double. You know wine is a deceiver; but I should say it was
two lovers walking side by side, and hand in hand. Heaven
forgive me, they do not know that we can see them, and they
are actually embracing!"

Danglars did not lose one pang that Fernand endured.

"Do you know them, Fernand?" he said.

"Yes," was the reply, in a low voice. "It is Edmond and
Mercedes!"

"Ah, see there, now!" said Caderousse; "and I did not
recognize them! Hallo, Dantes! hello, lovely damsel! Come
this way, and let us know when the wedding is to be, for
Fernand here is so obstinate he will not tell us."

"Hold your tongue, will you?" said Danglars, pretending to
restrain Caderousse, who, with the tenacity of drunkards,
leaned out of the arbor. "Try to stand upright, and let the
lovers make love without interruption. See, look at Fernand,
and follow his example; he is well-behaved!"

Fernand, probably excited beyond bearing, pricked by
Danglars, as the bull is by the bandilleros, was about to
rush out; for he had risen from his seat, and seemed to be
collecting himself to dash headlong upon his rival, when
Mercedes, smiling and graceful, lifted up her lovely head,
and looked at them with her clear and bright eyes. At this
Fernand recollected her threat of dying if Edmond died, and
dropped again heavily on his seat. Danglars looked at the
two men, one after the other, the one brutalized by liquor,
the other overwhelmed with love.

"I shall get nothing from these fools," he muttered; "and I
am very much afraid of being here between a drunkard and a
coward. Here's an envious fellow making himself boozy on
wine when he ought to be nursing his wrath, and here is a
fool who sees the woman he loves stolen from under his nose
and takes on like a big baby. Yet this Catalan has eyes that
glisten like those of the vengeful Spaniards, Sicilians, and
Calabrians, and the other has fists big enough to crush an
ox at one blow. Unquestionably, Edmond's star is in the
ascendant, and he will marry the splendid girl -- he will be
captain, too, and laugh at us all, unless" -- a sinister
smile passed over Danglars' lips -- "unless I take a hand in
the affair," he added.

"Hallo!" continued Caderousse, half-rising, and with his
fist on the table, "hallo, Edmond! do you not see your
friends, or are you too proud to speak to them?"

"No, my dear fellow!" replied Dantes, "I am not proud, but I
am happy, and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride."

"Ah, very well, that's an explanation!" said Caderousse.
"How do you do, Madame Dantes?"

Mercedes courtesied gravely, and said -- "That is not my
name, and in my country it bodes ill fortune, they say, to
call a young girl by the name of her betrothed before he
becomes her husband. So call me Mercedes, if you please."

"We must excuse our worthy neighbor, Caderousse," said
Dantes, "he is so easily mistaken."

"So, then, the wedding is to take place immediately, M.
Dantes," said Danglars, bowing to the young couple.

"As soon as possible, M. Danglars; to-day all preliminaries
will be arranged at my father's, and to-morrow, or next day
at latest, the wedding festival here at La Reserve. My
friends will be there, I hope; that is to say, you are
invited, M. Danglars, and you, Caderousse."

"And Fernand," said Caderousse with a chuckle; "Fernand,
too, is invited!"

"My wife's brother is my brother," said Edmond; "and we,
Mercedes and I, should be very sorry if he were absent at
such a time."

Fernand opened his mouth to reply, but his voice died on his
lips, and he could not utter a word.

"To-day the preliminaries, to-morrow or next day the
ceremony! You are in a hurry, captain!"

"Danglars," said Edmond, smiling, "I will say to you as
Mercedes said just now to Caderousse, `Do not give me a
title which does not belong to me'; that may bring me bad
luck."

"Your pardon," replied Danglars, "I merely said you seemed
in a hurry, and we have lots of time; the Pharaon cannot be
under weigh again in less than three months."

"We are always in a hurry to be happy, M. Danglars; for when
we have suffered a long time, we have great difficulty in
believing in good fortune. But it is not selfishness alone
that makes me thus in haste; I must go to Paris."

"Ah, really? -- to Paris! and will it be the first time you
have ever been there, Dantes?"

"Yes."

"Have you business there?"

"Not of my own; the last commission of poor Captain Leclere;
you know to what I allude, Danglars -- it is sacred.
Besides, I shall only take the time to go and return."

"Yes, yes, I understand," said Danglars, and then in a low
tone, he added, "To Paris, no doubt to deliver the letter
which the grand marshal gave him. Ah, this letter gives me
an idea -- a capital idea! Ah; Dantes, my friend, you are
not yet registered number one on board the good ship
Pharaon;" then turning towards Edmond, who was walking away,
"A pleasant journey," he cried.

"Thank you," said Edmond with a friendly nod, and the two
lovers continued on their way, as calm and joyous as if they
were the very elect of heaven.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 3

Danglars followed Edmond and Mercedes with his eyes until
the two lovers disappeared behind one of the angles of Fort
Saint Nicolas, then turning round, he perceived Fernand, who
had fallen, pale and trembling, into his chair, while
Caderousse stammered out the words of a drinking-song.

"Well, my dear sir," said Danglars to Fernand, "here is a
marriage which does not appear to make everybody happy."

"It drives me to despair," said Fernand.

"Do you, then, love Mercedes?"

"I adore her!"

"For long?"

"As long as I have known her -- always."

"And you sit there, tearing your hair, instead of seeking to
remedy your condition; I did not think that was the way of
your people."

"What would you have me do?" said Fernand.

"How do I know? Is it my affair? I am not in love with
Mademoiselle Mercedes; but for you -- in the words of the
gospel, seek, and you shall find."

"I have found already."

"What?"

"I would stab the man, but the woman told me that if any
misfortune happened to her betrothed, she would kill
herself."

"Pooh! Women say those things, but never do them."

"You do not know Mercedes; what she threatens she will do."

"Idiot!" muttered Danglars; "whether she kill herself or
not, what matter, provided Dantes is not captain?"

"Before Mercedes should die," replied Fernand, with the
accents of unshaken resolution, "I would die myself!"

"That's what I call love!" said Caderousse with a voice more
tipsy than ever. "That's love, or I don't know what love
is."

"Come," said Danglars, "you appear to me a good sort of
fellow, and hang me, I should like to help you, but" --

"Yes," said Caderousse, "but how?"

"My dear fellow," replied Danglars, "you are three parts
drunk; finish the bottle, and you will be completely so.
Drink then, and do not meddle with what we are discussing,
for that requires all one's wit and cool judgment."

"I -- drunk!" said Caderousse; "well that's a good one! I
could drink four more such bottles; they are no bigger than
cologne flasks. Pere Pamphile, more wine!" and Caderousse
rattled his glass upon the table.

"You were saving, sir" -- said Fernand, awaiting with great
anxiety the end of this interrupted remark.

"What was I saying? I forget. This drunken Caderousse has
made me lose the thread of my sentence."

"Drunk, if you like; so much the worse for those who fear
wine, for it is because they have bad thoughts which they
are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts;" and
Caderousse began to sing the two last lines of a song very
popular at the time, --

`Tous les mechants sont beuveurs d'eau;
C'est bien prouve par le deluge.'*

* "The wicked are great drinkers of water
As the flood proved once for all."

"You said, sir, you would like to help me, but" --

"Yes; but I added, to help you it would be sufficient that
Dantes did not marry her you love; and the marriage may
easily be thwarted, methinks, and yet Dantes need not die."

"Death alone can separate them," remarked Fernand.

"You talk like a noodle, my friend," said Caderousse; "and
here is Danglars, who is a wide-awake, clever, deep fellow,
who will prove to you that you are wrong. Prove it,
Danglars. I have answered for you. Say there is no need why
Dantes should die; it would, indeed, be a pity he should.
Dantes is a good fellow; I like Dantes. Dantes, your
health."

Fernand rose impatiently. "Let him run on," said Danglars,
restraining the young man; "drunk as he is, he is not much
out in what he says. Absence severs as well as death, and if
the walls of a prison were between Edmond and Mercedes they
would be as effectually separated as if he lay under a
tombstone."

"Yes; but one gets out of prison," said Caderousse, who,
with what sense was left him, listened eagerly to the
conversation, "and when one gets out and one's name is
Edmond Dantes, one seeks revenge" --

"What matters that?" muttered Fernand.

"And why, I should like to know,
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
Not the years like some of you morons but long enough to know that you guys never spam around here as much as me, Rellik, and Redneck did today.



wow. you really believe that. well i tried . im sure your insurgency buddies will believe whatever you feed them but everyone here knows how dead wrong that is.
 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
Not the years like some of you morons but long enough to know that you guys never spam around here as much as me, Rellik, and Redneck did today.



wow. you really believe that. well i tried . im sure your insurgency buddies will believe whatever you feed them but everyone here knows how dead wrong that is.


No, I pretty much know it. I'm sure there are exceptions, but I know damn well that we spammed this board more than what you idiots usually do. Are posts went back for13 pages in some sections today or some shit today. So you shouldn't hand me that shit...although in your desperation you will and than another idiot will come along and you two will laugh about it like a couple retards. Yeah, I know the drill around here.

CHAPTER 1
Marseilles -- The Arrival.

On the 24th of February, 1810, the look-out at Notre-Dame de
la Garde signalled the three-master, the Pharaon from
Smyrna, Trieste, and Naples.

As usual, a pilot put off immediately, and rounding the
Chateau d'If, got on board the vessel between Cape Morgion
and Rion island.

Immediately, and according to custom, the ramparts of Fort
Saint-Jean were covered with spectators; it is always an
event at Marseilles for a ship to come into port, especially
when this ship, like the Pharaon, has been built, rigged,
and laden at the old Phocee docks, and belongs to an owner
of the city.

The ship drew on and had safely passed the strait, which
some volcanic shock has made between the Calasareigne and
Jaros islands; had doubled Pomegue, and approached the
harbor under topsails, jib, and spanker, but so slowly and
sedately that the idlers, with that instinct which is the
forerunner of evil, asked one another what misfortune could
have happened on board. However, those experienced in
navigation saw plainly that if any accident had occurred, it
was not to the vessel herself, for she bore down with all
the evidence of being skilfully handled, the anchor
a-cockbill, the jib-boom guys already eased off, and
standing by the side of the pilot, who was steering the
Pharaon towards the narrow entrance of the inner port, was a
young man, who, with activity and vigilant eye, watched
every motion of the ship, and repeated each direction of the
pilot.

The vague disquietude which prevailed among the spectators
had so much affected one of the crowd that he did not await
the arrival of the vessel in harbor, but jumping into a
small skiff, desired to be pulled alongside the Pharaon,
which he reached as she rounded into La Reserve basin.

When the young man on board saw this person approach, he
left his station by the pilot, and, hat in hand, leaned over
the ship's bulwarks.

He was a fine, tall, slim young fellow of eighteen or
twenty, with black eyes, and hair as dark as a raven's wing;
and his whole appearance bespoke that calmness and
resolution peculiar to men accustomed from their cradle to
contend with danger.

"Ah, is it you, Dantes?" cried the man in the skiff. "What's
the matter? and why have you such an air of sadness aboard?"

"A great misfortune, M. Morrel," replied the young man, --
"a great misfortune, for me especially! Off Civita Vecchia
we lost our brave Captain Leclere."

"And the cargo?" inquired the owner, eagerly.

"Is all safe, M. Morrel; and I think you will be satisfied
on that head. But poor Captain Leclere -- "

"What happened to him?" asked the owner, with an air of
considerable resignation. "What happened to the worthy
captain?"

"He died."

"Fell into the sea?"

"No, sir, he died of brain-fever in dreadful agony." Then
turning to the crew, he said, "Bear a hand there, to take in
sail!"

All hands obeyed, and at once the eight or ten seamen who
composed the crew, sprang to their respective stations at
the spanker brails and outhaul, topsail sheets and halyards,
the jib downhaul, and the topsail clewlines and buntlines.
The young sailor gave a look to see that his orders were
promptly and accurately obeyed, and then turned again to the
owner.

"And how did this misfortune occur?" inquired the latter,
resuming the interrupted conversation.

"Alas, sir, in the most unexpected manner. After a long talk
with the harbor-master, Captain Leclere left Naples greatly
disturbed in mind. In twenty-four hours he was attacked by a
fever, and died three days afterwards. We performed the
usual burial service, and he is at his rest, sewn up in his
hammock with a thirty-six pound shot at his head and his
heels, off El Giglio island. We bring to his widow his sword
and cross of honor. It was worth while, truly," added the
young man with a melancholy smile, "to make war against the
English for ten years, and to die in his bed at last, like
everybody else."

"Why, you see, Edmond," replied the owner, who appeared more
comforted at every moment, "we are all mortal, and the old
must make way for the young. If not, why, there would be no
promotion; and since you assure me that the cargo -- "

"Is all safe and sound, M. Morrel, take my word for it; and
I advise you not to take 25,000 francs for the profits of
the voyage."

Then, as they were just passing the Round Tower, the young
man shouted: "Stand by there to lower the topsails and jib;
brail up the spanker!"

The order was executed as promptly as it would have been on
board a man-of-war.

"Let go -- and clue up!" At this last command all the sails
were lowered, and the vessel moved almost imperceptibly
onwards.

"Now, if you will come on board, M. Morrel," said Dantes,
observing the owner's impatience, "here is your supercargo,
M. Danglars, coming out of his cabin, who will furnish you
with every particular. As for me, I must look after the
anchoring, and dress the ship in mourning."

The owner did not wait for a second invitation. He seized a
rope which Dantes flung to him, and with an activity that
would have done credit to a sailor, climbed up the side of
the ship, while the young man, going to his task, left the
conversation to Danglars, who now came towards the owner. He
was a man of twenty-five or twenty-six years of age, of
unprepossessing countenance, obsequious to his superiors,
insolent to his subordinates; and this, in addition to his
position as responsible agent on board, which is always
obnoxious to the sailors, made him as much disliked by the
crew as Edmond Dantes was beloved by them.

"Well, M. Morrel," said Danglars, "you have heard of the
misfortune that has befallen us?"

"Yes -- yes: poor Captain Leclere! He was a brave and an
honest man."

"And a first-rate seaman, one who had seen long and
honorable service, as became a man charged with the
interests of a house so important as that of Morrel & Son,"
replied Danglars.

"But," replied the owner, glancing after Dantes, who was
watching the anchoring of his vessel, "it seems to me that a
sailor needs not be so old as you say, Danglars, to
understand his business, for our friend Edmond seems to
understand it thoroughly, and not to require instruction
from any one."

"Yes," said Danglars, darting at Edmond a look gleaming with
hate. "Yes, he is young, and youth is invariably
self-confident. Scarcely was the captain's breath out of his
body when he assumed the command without consulting any one,
and he caused us to lose a day and a half at the Island of
Elba, instead of making for Marseilles direct."

"As to taking command of the vessel," replied Morrel, "that
was his duty as captain's mate; as to losing a day and a
half off the Island of Elba, he was wrong, unless the vessel
needed repairs."

"The vessel was in as good condition as I am, and as, I hope
you are, M. Morrel, and this day and a half was lost from
pure whim, for the pleasure of going ashore, and nothing
else."

"Dantes," said the shipowner, turning towards the young man,
"come this way!"

"In a moment, sir," answered Dantes, "and I'm with you."
Then calling to the crew, he said -- "Let go!"

The anchor was instantly dropped, and the chain ran rattling
through the port-hole. Dantes continued at his post in spite
of the presence of the pilot, until this manoeuvre was
completed, and then he added, "Half-mast the colors, and
square the yards!"

"You see," said Danglars, "he fancies himself captain
already, upon my word."

"And so, in fact, he is," said the owner.

"Except your signature and your partner's, M. Morrel."

"And why should he not have this?" asked the owner; "he is
young, it is true, but he seems to me a thorough seaman, and
of full experience."

A cloud passed over Danglars' brow. "Your pardon, M.
Morrel," said Dantes, approaching, "the vessel now rides at
anchor, and I am at your service. You hailed me, I think?"

Danglars retreated a step or two. "I wished to inquire why
you stopped at the Island of Elba?"

"I do not know, sir; it was to fulfil the last instructions
of Captain Leclere, who, when dying, gave me a packet for
Marshal Bertrand."

"Then did you see him, Edmond?"

"Who?"

"The marshal."

"Yes."

Morrel looked around him, and then, drawing Dantes on one
side, he said suddenly -- "And how is the emperor?"

"Very well, as far as I could judge from the sight of him."

"You saw the emperor, then?"

"He entered the marshal's apartment while I was there."

"And you spoke to him?"

"Why, it was he who spoke to me, sir," said Dantes, with a
smile.

"And what did he say to you?"

"Asked me questions about the vessel, the time she left
Marseilles, the course she had taken, and what was her
cargo. I believe, if she had not been laden, and I had been
her master, he would have bought her. But I told him I was
only mate, and that she belonged to the firm of Morrel &
Son. `Ah, yes,' he said, `I know them. The Morrels have been
shipowners from father to son; and there was a Morrel who
served in the same regiment with me when I was in garrison
at Valence.'"

"Pardieu, and that is true!" cried the owner, greatly
delighted. "And that was Policar Morrel, my uncle, who was
afterwards a captain. Dantes, you must tell my uncle that
the emperor remembered him, and you will see it will bring
tears into the old soldier's eyes. Come, come," continued
he, patting Edmond's shoulder kindly, "you did very right,
Dantes, to follow Captain Leclere's instructions, and touch
at Elba, although if it were known that you had conveyed a
packet to the marshal, and had conversed with the emperor,
it might bring you into trouble."

"How could that bring me into trouble, sir?" asked Dantes;
"for I did not even know of what I was the bearer; and the
emperor merely made such inquiries as he would of the first
comer. But, pardon me, here are the health officers and the
customs inspectors coming alongside." And the young man went
to the gangway. As he departed, Danglars approached, and
said, --

"Well, it appears that he has given you satisfactory reasons
for his landing at Porto-Ferrajo?"

"Yes, most satisfactory, my dear Danglars."

"Well, so much the better," said the supercargo; "for it is
not pleasant to think that a comrade has not done his duty."

"Dantes has done his," replied the owner, "and that is not
saying much. It was Captain Leclere who gave orders for this
delay."

"Talking of Captain Leclere, has not Dantes given you a
letter from him?"

"To me? -- no -- was there one?"

"I believe that, besides the packet, Captain Leclere
confided a letter to his care."

"Of what packet are you speaking, Danglars?"

"Why, that which Dantes left at Porto-Ferrajo."

"How do you know he had a packet to leave at Porto-Ferrajo?"

Danglars turned very red.

"I was passing close to the door of the captain's cabin,
which was half open, and I saw him give the packet and
letter to Dantes."

"He did not speak to me of it," replied the shipowner; "but
if there be any letter he will give it to me."

Danglars reflected for a moment. "Then, M. Morrel, I beg of
you," said he, "not to say a word to Dantes on the subject.
I may have been mistaken."

At this moment the young man returned; Danglars withdrew.

"Well, my dear Dantes, are you now free?" inquired the
owner.

"Yes, sir."

"You have not been long detained."

"No. I gave the custom-house officers a copy of our bill of
lading; and as to the other papers, they sent a man off with
the pilot, to whom I gave them."

"Then you have nothing more to do here?"

"No -- everything is all right now."

"Then you can come and dine with me?"

"I really must ask you to excuse me, M. Morrel. My first
visit is due to my father, though I am not the less grateful
for the honor you have done me."

"Right, Dantes, quite right. I always knew you were a good
son."

"And," inquired Dantes, with some hesitation, "do you know
how my father is?"

"Well, I believe, my dear Edmond, though I have not seen him
lately."

"Yes, he likes to keep himself shut up in his little room."

"That proves, at least, that he has wanted for nothing
during your absence."

Dantes smiled. "My father is proud, sir, and if he had not a
meal left, I doubt if he would have asked anything from
anyone, except from Heaven."

"Well, then, after this first visit has been made we shall
count on you."

"I must again excuse myself, M. Morrel, for after this first
visit has been paid I have another which I am most anxious
to pay."

"True, Dantes, I forgot that there was at the Catalans some
one who expects you no less impatiently than your father --
the lovely Mercedes."

Dantes blushed.

"Ah, ha," said the shipowner, "I am not in the least
surprised, for she has been to me three times, inquiring if
there were any news of the Pharaon. Peste, Edmond, you have
a very handsome mistress!"

"She is not my mistress," replied the young sailor, gravely;
"she is my betrothed."

"Sometimes one and the same thing," said Morrel, with a
smile.

"Not with us, sir," replied Dantes.

"Well, well, my dear Edmond," continued the owner, "don't
let me detain you. You have managed my affairs so well that
I ought to allow you all the time you require for your own.
Do you want any money?"

"No, sir; I have all my pay to take -- nearly three months'
wages."

"You are a careful fellow, Edmond."

"Say I have a poor father, sir."

"Yes, yes, I know how good a son you are, so now hasten away
to see your father. I have a son too, and I should be very
wroth with those who detained him from me after a three
months' voyage."

"Then I have your leave, sir?"

"Yes, if you have nothing more to say to me."

"Nothing."

"Captain Leclere did not, before he died, give you a letter
for me?"

"He was unable to write, sir. But that reminds me that I
must ask your leave of absence for some days."

"To get married?"

"Yes, first, and then to go to Paris."

"Very good; have what time you require, Dantes. It will take
quite six weeks to unload the cargo, and we cannot get you
ready for sea until three months after that; only be back
again in three months, for the Pharaon," added the owner,
patting the young sailor on the back, "cannot sail without
her captain."

"Without her captain!" cried Dantes, his eyes sparkling with
animation; "pray mind what you say, for you are touching on
the most secret wishes of my heart. Is it really your
intention to make me captain of the Pharaon?"

"If I were sole owner we'd shake hands on it now, my dear
Dantes, and call it settled; but I have a partner, and you
know the Italian proverb -- Chi ha compagno ha padrone --
`He who has a partner has a master.' But the thing is at
least half done, as you have one out of two votes. Rely on
me to procure you the other; I will do my best."

"Ah, M. Morrel," exclaimed the young seaman, with tears in
his eyes, and grasping the owner's hand, "M. Morrel, I thank
you in the name of my father and of Mercedes."

"That's all right, Edmond. There's a providence that watches
over the deserving. Go to your father: go and see Mercedes,
and afterwards come to me."

"Shall I row you ashore?"

"No, thank you; I shall remain and look over the accounts
with Danglars. Have you been satisfied with him this
voyage?"

"That is according to the sense you attach to the question,
sir. Do you mean is he a good comrade? No, for I think he
never liked me since the day when I was silly enough, after
a little quarrel we had, to propose to him to stop for ten
minutes at the island of Monte Cristo to settle the dispute
-- a proposition which I was wrong to suggest, and he quite
right to refuse. If you mean as responsible agent when you
ask me the question, I believe there is nothing to say
against him, and that you will be content with the way in
which he has performed his duty."

"But tell me, Dantes, if you had command of the Pharaon
should you be glad to see Danglars remain?"

"Captain or mate, M. Morrel, I shall always have the
greatest respect for those who possess the owners'
confidence."

"That's right, that's right, Dantes! I see you are a
thoroughly good fellow, and will detain you no longer. Go,
for I see how impatient you are."

"Then I have leave?"

"Go, I tell you."

"May I have the use of your skiff?"

"Certainly."

"Then, for the present, M. Morrel, farewell, and a thousand
thanks!"

"I hope soon to see you again, my dear Edmond. Good luck to
you."

The young sailor jumped into the skiff, and sat down in the
stern sheets, with the order that he be put ashore at La
Canebiere. The two oarsmen bent to their work, and the
little boat glided away as rapidly as possible in the midst
of the thousand vessels which choke up the narrow way which
leads between the two rows of ships from the mouth of the
harbor to the Quai d'Orleans.

The shipowner, smiling, followed him with his eyes until he
saw him spring out on the quay and disappear in the midst of
the throng, which from five o'clock in the morning until
nine o'clock at night, swarms in the famous street of La
Canebiere, -- a street of which the modern Phocaeans are so
proud that they say with all the gravity in the world, and
with that accent which gives so much character to what is
said, "If Paris had La Canebiere, Paris would be a second
Marseilles." On turning round the owner saw Danglars behind
him, apparently awaiting orders, but in reality also
watching the young sailor, -- but there was a great
difference in the expression of the two men who thus
followed the movements of Edmond Dantes.

We will leave Danglars struggling with the demon of hatred,
and endeavoring to insinuate in the ear of the shipowner
some evil suspicions against his comrade, and follow Dantes,
who, after having traversed La Canebiere, took the Rue de
Noailles, and entering a small house, on the left of the
Allees de Meillan, rapidly ascended four flights of a dark
staircase, holding the baluster with one hand, while with
the other he repressed the beatings of his heart, and paused
before a half-open door, from which he could see the whole
of a small room.

This room was occupied by Dantes' father. The news of the
arrival of the Pharaon had not yet reached the old man, who,
mounted on a chair, was amusing himself by training with
trembling hand the nasturtiums and sprays of clematis that
clambered over the trellis at his window. Suddenly, he felt
an arm thrown around his body, and a well-known voice behind
him exclaimed, "Father -- dear father!"

The old man uttered a cry, and turned round; then, seeing
his son, he fell into his arms, pale and trembling.

"What ails you, my dearest father? Are you ill?" inquired
the young man, much alarmed.

"No, no, my dear Edmond -- my boy -- my son! -- no; but I
did not expect you; and joy, the surprise of seeing you so
suddenly -- Ah, I feel as if I were going to die."

"Come, come, cheer up, my dear father! 'Tis I -- really I!
They say joy never hurts, and so I came to you without any
warning. Come now, do smile, instead of looking at me so
solemnly. Here I am back again, and we are going to be
happy."

"Yes, yes, my boy, so we will -- so we will," replied the
old man; "but how shall we be happy? Shall you never leave
me again? Come, tell me all the good fortune that has
befallen you."

"God forgive me," said the young man, "for rejoicing at
happiness derived from the misery of others, but, Heaven
knows, I did not seek this good fortune; it has happened,
and I really cannot pretend to lament it. The good Captain
Leclere is dead, father, and it is probable that, with the
aid of M. Morrel, I shall have his place. Do you understand,
father? Only imagine me a captain at twenty, with a hundred
louis pay, and a share in the profits! Is this not more than
a poor sailor like me could have hoped for?"

"Yes, my dear boy," replied the old man, "it is very
fortunate."

"Well, then, with the first money I touch, I mean you to
have a small house, with a garden in which to plant
clematis, nasturtiums, and honeysuckle. But what ails you,
father? Are you not well?"

"'Tis nothing, nothing; it will soon pass away" -- and as he
said so the old man's strength failed him, and he fell
backwards.

"Come, come," said the young man, "a glass of wine, father,
will revive you. Where do you keep your wine?"

"No, no; thanks. You need not look for it; I do not want
it," said the old man.

"Yes, yes, father, tell me where it is," and he opened two
or three cupboards.

"It is no use," said the old man, "there is no wine."

"What, no wine?" said Dantes, turning pale, and looking
alternately at the hollow cheeks of the old man and the
empty cupboards. "What, no wine? Have you wanted money,
father?"

"I want nothing now that I have you," said the old man.

"Yet," stammered Dantes, wiping the perspiration from his
brow, -- "yet I gave you two hundred francs when I left,
three months ago."

"Yes, yes, Edmond, that is true, but you forgot at that time
a little debt to our neighbor, Caderousse. He reminded me of
it, telling me if I did not pay for you, he would be paid by
M. Morrel; and so, you see, lest he might do you an injury"
--

"Well?"

"Why, I paid him."

"But," cried Dantes, "it was a hundred and forty francs I
owed Caderousse."

"Yes," stammered the old man.

"And you paid him out of the two hundred francs I left you?"

The old man nodded.

"So that you have lived for three months on sixty francs,"
muttered Edmond.

"You know how little I require," said the old man.

"Heaven pardon me," cried Edmond, falling on his knees
before his father.

"What are you doing?"

"You have wounded me to the heart."

"Never mind it, for I see you once more," said the old man;
"and now it's all over -- everything is all right again."

"Yes, here I am," said the young man, "with a promising
future and a little money. Here, father, here!" he said,
"take this -- take it, and send for something immediately."
And he emptied his pockets on the table, the contents
consisting of a dozen gold pieces, five or six five-franc
pieces, and some smaller coin. The countenance of old Dantes
brightened.

"Whom does this belong to?" he inquired.

"To me, to you, to us! Take it; buy some provisions; be
happy, and to-morrow we shall have more."

"Gently, gently," said the old man, with a smile; "and by
your leave I will use your purse moderately, for they would
say, if they saw me buy too many things at a time, that I
had been obliged to await your return, in order to be able
to purchase them."

"Do as you please; but, first of all, pray have a servant,
father. I will not have you left alone so long. I have some
smuggled coffee and most capital tobacco, in a small chest
in the hold, which you shall have to-morrow. But, hush, here
comes somebody."

"'Tis Caderousse, who has heard of your arrival, and no
doubt comes to congratulate you on your fortunate return."

"Ah, lips that say one thing, while the heart thinks
another," murmured Edmond. "But, never mind, he is a
neighbor who has done us a service on a time, so he's
welcome."

As Edmond paused, the black and bearded head of Caderousse
appeared at the door. He was a man of twenty-five or six,
and held a piece of cloth, which, being a tailor, he was
about to make into a coat-lining.

"What, is it you, Edmond, back again?" said he, with a broad
Marseillaise accent, and a grin that displayed his
ivory-white teeth.

"Yes, as you see, neighbor Caderousse; and ready to be
agreeable to you in any and every way," replied Dantes, but
ill-concealing his coldness under this cloak of civility.

"Thanks -- thanks; but, fortunately, I do not want for
anything; and it chances that at times there are others who
have need of me." Dantes made a gesture. "I do not allude to
you, my boy. No! -- no! I lent you money, and you returned
it; that's like good neighbors, and we are quits."

"We are never quits with those who oblige us," was Dantes'
reply; "for when we do not owe them money, we owe them
gratitude."

"What's the use of mentioning that? What is done is done.
Let us talk of your happy return, my boy. I had gone on the
quay to match a piece of mulberry cloth, when I met friend
Danglars. `You at Marseilles?' -- `Yes,' says he.

"`I thought you were at Smyrna.' -- `I was; but am now back
again.'

"`And where is the dear boy, our little Edmond?'

"`Why, with his father, no doubt,' replied Danglars. And so
I came," added Caderousse, "as fast as I could to have the
pleasure of shaking hands with a friend."

"Worthy Caderousse!" said the old man, "he is so much
attached to us."

"Yes, to be sure I am. I love and esteem you, because honest
folks are so rare. But it seems you have come back rich, my
boy," continued the tailor, looking askance at the handful
of gold and silver which Dantes had thrown on the table.

The young man remarked the greedy glance which shone in the
dark eyes of his neighbor. "Eh," he said, negligently. "this
money is not mine. I was expressing to my father my fears
that he had wanted many things in my absence, and to
convince me he emptied his purse on the table. Come, father"
added Dantes, "put this money back in your box -- unless
neighbor Caderousse wants anything, and in that case it is
at his service."

"No, my boy, no," said Caderousse. "I am not in any want,
thank God, my living is suited to my means. Keep your money
-- keep it, I say; -- one never has too much; -- but, at the
same time, my boy, I am as much obliged by your offer as if
I took advantage of it."

"It was offered with good will," said Dantes.

"No doubt, my boy; no doubt. Well, you stand well with M.
Morrel I hear, -- you insinuating dog, you!"

"M. Morrel has always been exceedingly kind to me," replied
Dantes.

"Then you were wrong to refuse to dine with him."

"What, did you refuse to dine with him?" said old Dantes;
"and did he invite you to dine?"

"Yes, my dear father," replied Edmond, smiling at his
father's astonishment at the excessive honor paid to his
son.

"And why did you refuse, my son?" inquired the old man.

"That I might the sooner see you again, my dear father,"
replied the young man. "I was most anxious to see you."

"But it must have vexed M. Morrel, good, worthy man," said
Caderousse. "And when you are looking forward to be captain,
it was wrong to annoy the owner."

"But I explained to him the cause of my refusal," replied
Dantes, "and I hope he fully understood it."

"Yes, but to be captain one must do a little flattery to
one's patrons."

"I hope to be captain without that," said Dantes.

"So much the better -- so much the better! Nothing will give
greater pleasure to all your old friends; and I know one
down there behind the Saint Nicolas citadel who will not be
sorry to hear it."

"Mercedes?" said the old man.

"Yes, my dear father, and with your permission, now I have
seen you, and know you are well and have all you require, I
will ask your consent to go and pay a visit to the
Catalans."

"Go, my dear boy," said old Dantes: "and heaven bless you in
your wife, as it has blessed me in my son!"

"His wife!" said Caderousse; "why, how fast you go on,
father Dantes; she is not his wife yet, as it seems to me."

"So, but according to all probability she soon will be,"
replied Edmond.

"Yes -- yes," said Caderousse; "but you were right to return
as soon as possible, my boy."

"And why?"

"Because Mercedes is a very fine girl, and fine girls never
lack followers; she particularly has them by dozens."

"Really?" answered Edmond, with a smile which had in it
traces of slight uneasiness.

"Ah, yes," continued Caderousse, "and capital offers, too;
but you know, you will be captain, and who could refuse you
then?"

"Meaning to say," replied Dantes, with a smile which but
ill-concealed his trouble, "that if I were not a captain" --

"Eh -- eh!" said Caderousse, shaking his head.

"Come, come," said the sailor, "I have a better opinion than
you of women in general, and of Mercedes in particular; and
I am certain that, captain or not, she will remain ever
faithful to me."

"So much the better -- so much the better," said Caderousse.
"When one is going to be married, there is nothing like
implicit confidence; but never mind that, my boy, -- go and
announce your arrival, and let her know all your hopes and
prospects."

"I will go directly," was Edmond's reply; and, embracing his
father, and nodding to Caderousse, he left the apartment.

Caderousse lingered for a moment, then taking leave of old
Dantes, he went downstairs to rejoin Danglars, who awaited
him at the corner of the Rue Senac.

"Well," said Danglars, "did you see him?"

"I have just left him," answered Caderousse.

"Did he allude to his hope of being captain?"

"He spoke of it as a thing already decided."

"Indeed!" said Danglars, "he is in too much hurry, it
appears to me."

"Why, it seems M. Morrel has promised him the thing."

"So that he is quite elated about it?"

"Why, yes, he is actually insolent over the matter -- has
already offered me his patronage, as if he were a grand
personage, and proffered me a loan of money, as though he
were a banker."

"Which you refused?"

"Most assuredly; although I might easily have accepted it,
for it was I who put into his hands the first silver he ever
earned; but now M. Dantes has no longer any occasion for
assistance -- he is about to become a captain."

"Pooh!" said Danglars, "he is not one yet."

"Ma foi, it will be as well if he is not," answered
Caderousse; "for if he should be, there will be really no
speaking to him."

"If we choose," replied Danglars, "he will remain what he
is; and perhaps become even less than he is."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing -- I was speaking to myself. And is he still in
love with the Catalane?"

"Over head and ears; but, unless I am much mistaken, there
will be a storm in that quarter."

"Explain yourself."

"Why should I?"

"It is more important than you think, perhaps. You do not
like Dantes?"

"I never like upstarts."

"Then tell me all you know about the Catalane."

"I know nothing for certain; only I have seen things which
induce me to believe, as I told you, that the future captain
will find some annoyance in the vicinity of the Vieilles
Infirmeries."

"What have you seen? -- come, tell me!"

"Well, every time I have seen Mercedes come into the city
she has been accompanied by a tall, strapping, black-eyed
Catalan, with a red complexion, brown skin, and fierce air,
whom she calls cousin."

"Really; and you think this cousin pays her attentions?"

"I only suppose so. What else can a strapping chap of
twenty-one mean with a fine wench of seventeen?"

"And you say that Dantes has gone to the Catalans?"

"He went before I came down."

"Let us go the same way; we will stop at La Reserve, and we
can drink a glass of La Malgue, whilst we wait for news."

"Come along," said Caderousse; "but you pay the score."

"Of course," replied Danglars; and going quickly to the
designated place, they called for a bottle of wine, and two
glasses.

Pere Pamphile had seen Dantes pass not ten minutes before;
and assured that he was at the Catalans, they sat down under
the budding foliage of the planes and sycamores, in the
branches of which the birds were singing their welcome to
one of the first days of spring.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 2

CHAPTER 3
The Catalans.

Beyond a bare, weather-worn wall, about a hundred paces from
the spot where the two friends sat looking and listening as
they drank their wine, was the village of the Catalans. Long
ago this mysterious colony quitted Spain, and settled on the
tongue of land on which it is to this day. Whence it came no
one knew, and it spoke an unknown tongue. One of its chiefs,
who understood Provencal, begged the commune of Marseilles
to give them this bare and barren promontory, where, like
the sailors of old, they had run their boats ashore. The
request was granted; and three months afterwards, around the
twelve or fifteen small vessels which had brought these
gypsies of the sea, a small village sprang up. This village,
constructed in a singular and picturesque manner, half
Moorish, half Spanish, still remains, and is inhabited by
descendants of the first comers, who speak the language of
their fathers. For three or four centuries they have
remained upon this small promontory, on which they had
settled like a flight of seabirds, without mixing with the
Marseillaise population, intermarrying, and preserving their
original customs and the costume of their mother-country as
they have preserved its language.

Our readers will follow us along the only street of this
little village, and enter with us one of the houses, which
is sunburned to the beautiful dead-leaf color peculiar to
the buildings of the country, and within coated with
whitewash, like a Spanish posada. A young and beautiful
girl, with hair as black as jet, her eyes as velvety as the
gazelle's, was leaning with her back against the wainscot,
rubbing in her slender delicately moulded fingers a bunch of
heath blossoms, the flowers of which she was picking off and
strewing on the floor; her arms, bare to the elbow, brown,
and modelled after those of the Arlesian Venus, moved with a
kind of restless impatience, and she tapped the earth with
her arched and supple foot, so as to display the pure and
full shape of her well-turned leg, in its red cotton, gray
and blue clocked, stocking. At three paces from her, seated
in a chair which he balanced on two legs, leaning his elbow
on an old worm-eaten table, was a tall young man of twenty,
or two-and-twenty, who was looking at her with an air in
which vexation and uneasiness were mingled. He questioned
her with his eyes, but the firm and steady gaze of the young
girl controlled his look.

"You see, Mercedes," said the young man, "here is Easter
come round again; tell me, is this the moment for a
wedding?"

"I have answered you a hundred times, Fernand, and really
you must be very stupid to ask me again."

"Well, repeat it, -- repeat it, I beg of you, that I may at
last believe it! Tell me for the hundredth time that you
refuse my love, which had your mother's sanction. Make me
understand once for all that you are trifling with my
happiness, that my life or death are nothing to you. Ah, to
have dreamed for ten years of being your husband, Mercedes,
and to lose that hope, which was the only stay of my
existence!"

"At least it was not I who ever encouraged you in that hope,
Fernand," replied Mercedes; "you cannot reproach me with the
slightest coquetry. I have always said to you, `I love you
as a brother; but do not ask from me more than sisterly
affection, for my heart is another's.' Is not this true,
Fernand?"

"Yes, that is very true, Mercedes," replied the young man,
"Yes, you have been cruelly frank with me; but do you forget
that it is among the Catalans a sacred law to intermarry?"

"You mistake, Fernand; it is not a law, but merely a custom,
and, I pray of you, do not cite this custom in your favor.
You are included in the conscription, Fernand, and are only
at liberty on sufferance, liable at any moment to be called
upon to take up arms. Once a soldier, what would you do with
me, a poor orphan, forlorn, without fortune, with nothing
but a half-ruined hut and a few ragged nets, the miserable
inheritance left by my father to my mother, and by my mother
to me? She has been dead a year, and you know, Fernand, I
have subsisted almost entirely on public charity. Sometimes
you pretend I am useful to you, and that is an excuse to
share with me the produce of your fishing, and I accept it,
Fernand, because you are the son of my father's brother,
because we were brought up together, and still more because
it would give you so much pain if I refuse. But I feel very
deeply that this fish which I go and sell, and with the
produce of which I buy the flax I spin, -- I feel very
keenly, Fernand, that this is charity."

"And if it were, Mercedes, poor and lone as you are, you
suit me as well as the daughter of the first shipowner or
the richest banker of Marseilles! What do such as we desire
but a good wife and careful housekeeper, and where can I
look for these better than in you?"

"Fernand," answered Mercedes, shaking her head, "a woman
becomes a bad manager, and who shall say she will remain an
honest woman, when she loves another man better than her
husband? Rest content with my friendship, for I say once
more that is all I can promise, and I will promise no more
than I can bestow."

"I understand," replied Fernand, "you can endure your own
wretchedness patiently, but you are afraid to share mine.
Well, Mercedes, beloved by you, I would tempt fortune; you
would bring me good luck, and I should become rich. I could
extend my occupation as a fisherman, might get a place as
clerk in a warehouse, and become in time a dealer myself."

"You could do no such thing, Fernand; you are a soldier, and
if you remain at the Catalans it is because there is no war;
so remain a fisherman, and contented with my friendship, as
I cannot give you more."

"Well, I will do better, Mercedes. I will be a sailor;
instead of the costume of our fathers, which you despise, I
will wear a varnished hat, a striped shirt, and a blue
jacket, with an anchor on the buttons. Would not that dress
please you?"

"What do you mean?" asked Mercedes, with an angry glance, --
"what do you mean? I do not understand you?"

"I mean, Mercedes, that you are thus harsh and cruel with
me, because you are expecting some one who is thus attired;
but perhaps he whom you await is inconstant, or if he is
not, the sea is so to him."

"Fernand," cried Mercedes, "I believed you were
good-hearted, and I was mistaken! Fernand, you are wicked to
call to your aid jealousy and the anger of God! Yes, I will
not deny it, I do await, and I do love him of whom you
speak; and, if he does not return, instead of accusing him
of the inconstancy which you insinuate, I will tell you that
he died loving me and me only." The young girl made a
gesture of rage. "I understand you, Fernand; you would be
revenged on him because I do not love you; you would cross
your Catalan knife with his dirk. What end would that
answer? To lose you my friendship if he were conquered, and
see that friendship changed into hate if you were victor.
Believe me, to seek a quarrel with a man is a bad method of
pleasing the woman who loves that man. No, Fernand, you will
not thus give way to evil thoughts. Unable to have me for
your wife, you will content yourself with having me for your
friend and sister; and besides," she added, her eyes
troubled and moistened with tears, "wait, wait, Fernand; you
said just now that the sea was treacherous, and he has been
gone four months, and during these four months there have
been some terrible storms."

Fernand made no reply, nor did he attempt to check the tears
which flowed down the cheeks of Mercedes, although for each
of these tears he would have shed his heart's blood; but
these tears flowed for another. He arose, paced a while up
and down the hut, and then, suddenly stopping before
Mercedes, with his eyes glowing and his hands clinched, --
"Say, Mercedes," he said, "once for all, is this your final
determination?"

"I love Edmond Dantes," the young girl calmly replied, "and
none but Edmond shall ever be my husband."

"And you will always love him?"

"As long as I live."

Fernand let fall his head like a defeated man, heaved a sigh
that was like a groan, and then suddenly looking her full in
the face, with clinched teeth and expanded nostrils, said,
-- "But if he is dead" --

"If he is dead, I shall die too."

"If he has forgotten you" --

"Mercedes!" called a joyous voice from without, --
"Mercedes!"

"Ah," exclaimed the young girl, blushing with delight, and
fairly leaping in excess of love, "you see he has not
forgotten me, for here he is!" And rushing towards the door,
she opened it, saying, "Here, Edmond, here I am!"

Fernand, pale and trembling, drew back, like a traveller at
the sight of a serpent, and fell into a chair beside him.
Edmond and Mercedes were clasped in each other's arms. The
burning Marseilles sun, which shot into the room through the
open door, covered them with a flood of light. At first they
saw nothing around them. Their intense happiness isolated
them from all the rest of the world, and they only spoke in
broken words, which are the tokens of a joy so extreme that
they seem rather the expression of sorrow. Suddenly Edmond
saw the gloomy, pale, and threatening countenance of
Fernand, as it was defined in the shadow. By a movement for
which he could scarcely account to himself, the young
Catalan placed his hand on the knife at his belt.

"Ah, your pardon," said Dantes, frowning in his turn; "I did
not perceive that there were three of us." Then, turning to
Mercedes, he inquired, "Who is this gentleman?"

"One who will be your best friend, Dantes, for he is my
friend, my cousin, my brother; it is Fernand -- the man
whom, after you, Edmond, I love the best in the world. Do
you not remember him?"

"Yes!" said Dantes, and without relinquishing Mercedes hand
clasped in one of his own, he extended the other to the
Catalan with a cordial air. But Fernand, instead of
responding to this amiable gesture, remained mute and
trembling. Edmond then cast his eyes scrutinizingly at the
agitated and embarrassed Mercedes, and then again on the
gloomy and menacing Fernand. This look told him all, and his
anger waxed hot.

"I did not know, when I came with such haste to you, that I
was to meet an enemy here."

"An enemy!" cried Mercedes, with an angry look at her
cousin. "An enemy in my house, do you say, Edmond! If I
believed that, I would place my arm under yours and go with
you to Marseilles, leaving the house to return to it no
more."

Fernand's eye darted lightning. "And should any misfortune
occur to you, dear Edmond," she continued with the same
calmness which proved to Fernand that the young girl had
read the very innermost depths of his sinister thought, "if
misfortune should occur to you, I would ascend the highest
point of the Cape de Morgion and cast myself headlong from
it."

Fernand became deadly pale. "But you are deceived, Edmond,"
she continued. "You have no enemy here -- there is no one
but Fernand, my brother, who will grasp your hand as a
devoted friend."

And at these words the young girl fixed her imperious look
on the Catalan, who, as if fascinated by it, came slowly
towards Edmond, and offered him his hand. His hatred, like a
powerless though furious wave, was broken against the strong
ascendancy which Mercedes exercised over him. Scarcely,
however, had he touched Edmond's hand than he felt he had
done all he could do, and rushed hastily out of the house.

"Oh," he exclaimed, running furiously and tearing his hair
-- "Oh, who will deliver me from this man? Wretched --
wretched that I am!"

"Hallo, Catalan! Hallo, Fernand! where are you running to?"
exclaimed a voice.

The young man stopped suddenly, looked around him, and
perceived Caderousse sitting at table with Danglars, under
an arbor.

"Well", said Caderousse, "why don't you come? Are you really
in such a hurry that you have no time to pass the time of
day with your friends?"

"Particularly when they have still a full bottle before
them," added Danglars. Fernand looked at them both with a
stupefied air, but did not say a word.

"He seems besotted," said Danglars, pushing Caderousse with
his knee. "Are we mistaken, and is Dantes triumphant in
spite of all we have believed?"

"Why, we must inquire into that," was Caderousse's reply;
and turning towards the young man, said, "Well, Catalan,
can't you make up your mind?"

Fernand wiped away the perspiration steaming from his brow,
and slowly entered the arbor, whose shade seemed to restore
somewhat of calmness to his senses, and whose coolness
somewhat of refreshment to his exhausted body.

"Good-day," said he. "You called me, didn't you?" And he
fell, rather than sat down, on one of the seats which
surrounded the table.

"I called you because you were running like a madman, and I
was afraid you would throw yourself into the sea," said
Caderousse, laughing. "Why, when a man has friends, they are
not only to offer him a glass of wine, but, moreover, to
prevent his swallowing three or four pints of water
unnecessarily!"

Fernand gave a groan, which resembled a sob, and dropped his
head into his hands, his elbows leaning on the table.

"Well, Fernand, I must say," said Caderousse, beginning the
conversation, with that brutality of the common people in
which curiosity destroys all diplomacy, "you look uncommonly
like a rejected lover;" and he burst into a hoarse laugh.

"Bah!" said Danglars, "a lad of his make was not born to be
unhappy in love. You are laughing at him, Caderousse."

"No," he replied, "only hark how he sighs! Come, come,
Fernand," said Caderousse, "hold up your head, and answer
us. It's not polite not to reply to friends who ask news of
your health."

"My health is well enough," said Fernand, clinching his
hands without raising his head.

"Ah, you see, Danglars," said Caderousse, winking at his
friend, "this is how it is; Fernand, whom you see here, is a
good and brave Catalan, one of the best fishermen in
Marseilles, and he is in love with a very fine girl, named
Mercedes; but it appears, unfortunately, that the fine girl
is in love with the mate of the Pharaon; and as the Pharaon
arrived to-day -- why, you understand!"

"No; I do not understand," said Danglars.

"Poor Fernand has been dismissed," continued Caderousse.

"Well, and what then?" said Fernand, lifting up his head,
and looking at Caderousse like a man who looks for some one
on whom to vent his anger; "Mercedes is not accountable to
any person, is she? Is she not free to love whomsoever she
will?"

"Oh, if you take it in that sense," said Caderousse, "it is
another thing. But I thought you were a Catalan, and they
told me the Catalans were not men to allow themselves to be
supplanted by a rival. It was even told me that Fernand,
especially, was terrible in his vengeance."

Fernand smiled piteously. "A lover is never terrible," he
said.

"Poor fellow!" remarked Danglars, affecting to pity the
young man from the bottom of his heart. "Why, you see, he
did not expect to see Dantes return so suddenly -- he
thought he was dead, perhaps; or perchance faithless! These
things always come on us more severely when they come
suddenly."

"Ah, ma foi, under any circumstances," said Caderousse, who
drank as he spoke, and on whom the fumes of the wine began
to take effect, -- "under any circumstances Fernand is not
the only person put out by the fortunate arrival of Dantes;
is he, Danglars?"

"No, you are right -- and I should say that would bring him
ill-luck."

"Well, never mind," answered Caderousse, pouring out a glass
of wine for Fernand, and filling his own for the eighth or
ninth time, while Danglars had merely sipped his. "Never
mind -- in the meantime he marries Mercedes -- the lovely
Mercedes -- at least he returns to do that."

During this time Danglars fixed his piercing glance on the
young man, on whose heart Caderousse's words fell like
molten lead.

"And when is the wedding to be?" he asked.

"Oh, it is not yet fixed!" murmured Fernand.

"No, but it will be," said Caderousse, "as surely as Dantes
will be captain of the Pharaon -- eh, Danglars?"

Danglars shuddered at this unexpected attack, and turned to
Caderousse, whose countenance he scrutinized, to try and
detect whether the blow was premeditated; but he read
nothing but envy in a countenance already rendered brutal
and stupid by drunkenness.

"Well," said he, filling the glasses, "let us drink to
Captain Edmond Dantes, husband of the beautiful Catalane!"

Caderousse raised his glass to his mouth with unsteady hand,
and swallowed the contents at a gulp. Fernand dashed his on
the ground.

"Eh, eh, eh!" stammered Caderousse. "What do I see down
there by the wall, in the direction of the Catalans? Look,
Fernand, your eyes are better than mine. I believe I see
double. You know wine is a deceiver; but I should say it was
two lovers walking side by side, and hand in hand. Heaven
forgive me, they do not know that we can see them, and they
are actually embracing!"

Danglars did not lose one pang that Fernand endured.

"Do you know them, Fernand?" he said.

"Yes," was the reply, in a low voice. "It is Edmond and
Mercedes!"

"Ah, see there, now!" said Caderousse; "and I did not
recognize them! Hallo, Dantes! hello, lovely damsel! Come
this way, and let us know when the wedding is to be, for
Fernand here is so obstinate he will not tell us."

"Hold your tongue, will you?" said Danglars, pretending to
restrain Caderousse, who, with the tenacity of drunkards,
leaned out of the arbor. "Try to stand upright, and let the
lovers make love without interruption. See, look at Fernand,
and follow his example; he is well-behaved!"

Fernand, probably excited beyond bearing, pricked by
Danglars, as the bull is by the bandilleros, was about to
rush out; for he had risen from his seat, and seemed to be
collecting himself to dash headlong upon his rival, when
Mercedes, smiling and graceful, lifted up her lovely head,
and looked at them with her clear and bright eyes. At this
Fernand recollected her threat of dying if Edmond died, and
dropped again heavily on his seat. Danglars looked at the
two men, one after the other, the one brutalized by liquor,
the other overwhelmed with love.

"I shall get nothing from these fools," he muttered; "and I
am very much afraid of being here between a drunkard and a
coward. Here's an envious fellow making himself boozy on
wine when he ought to be nursing his wrath, and here is a
fool who sees the woman he loves stolen from under his nose
and takes on like a big baby. Yet this Catalan has eyes that
glisten like those of the vengeful Spaniards, Sicilians, and
Calabrians, and the other has fists big enough to crush an
ox at one blow. Unquestionably, Edmond's star is in the
ascendant, and he will marry the splendid girl -- he will be
captain, too, and laugh at us all, unless" -- a sinister
smile passed over Danglars' lips -- "unless I take a hand in
the affair," he added.

"Hallo!" continued Caderousse, half-rising, and with his
fist on the table, "hallo, Edmond! do you not see your
friends, or are you too proud to speak to them?"

"No, my dear fellow!" replied Dantes, "I am not proud, but I
am happy, and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride."

"Ah, very well, that's an explanation!" said Caderousse.
"How do you do, Madame Dantes?"

Mercedes courtesied gravely, and said -- "That is not my
name, and in my country it bodes ill fortune, they say, to
call a young girl by the name of her betrothed before he
becomes her husband. So call me Mercedes, if you please."

"We must excuse our worthy neighbor, Caderousse," said
Dantes, "he is so easily mistaken."

"So, then, the wedding is to take place immediately, M.
Dantes," said Danglars, bowing to the young couple.

"As soon as possible, M. Danglars; to-day all preliminaries
will be arranged at my father's, and to-morrow, or next day
at latest, the wedding festival here at La Reserve. My
friends will be there, I hope; that is to say, you are
invited, M. Danglars, and you, Caderousse."

"And Fernand," said Caderousse with a chuckle; "Fernand,
too, is invited!"

"My wife's brother is my brother," said Edmond; "and we,
Mercedes and I, should be very sorry if he were absent at
such a time."

Fernand opened his mouth to reply, but his voice died on his
lips, and he could not utter a word.

"To-day the preliminaries, to-morrow or next day the
ceremony! You are in a hurry, captain!"

"Danglars," said Edmond, smiling, "I will say to you as
Mercedes said just now to Caderousse, `Do not give me a
title which does not belong to me'; that may bring me bad
luck."

"Your pardon," replied Danglars, "I merely said you seemed
in a hurry, and we have lots of time; the Pharaon cannot be
under weigh again in less than three months."

"We are always in a hurry to be happy, M. Danglars; for when
we have suffered a long time, we have great difficulty in
believing in good fortune. But it is not selfishness alone
that makes me thus in haste; I must go to Paris."

"Ah, really? -- to Paris! and will it be the first time you
have ever been there, Dantes?"

"Yes."

"Have you business there?"

"Not of my own; the last commission of poor Captain Leclere;
you know to what I allude, Danglars -- it is sacred.
Besides, I shall only take the time to go and return."

"Yes, yes, I understand," said Danglars, and then in a low
tone, he added, "To Paris, no doubt to deliver the letter
which the grand marshal gave him. Ah, this letter gives me
an idea -- a capital idea! Ah; Dantes, my friend, you are
not yet registered number one on board the good ship
Pharaon;" then turning towards Edmond, who was walking away,
"A pleasant journey," he cried.

"Thank you," said Edmond with a friendly nod, and the two
lovers continued on their way, as calm and joyous as if they
were the very elect of heaven.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 3

Danglars followed Edmond and Mercedes with his eyes until
the two lovers disappeared behind one of the angles of Fort
Saint Nicolas, then turning round, he perceived Fernand, who
had fallen, pale and trembling, into his chair, while
Caderousse stammered out the words of a drinking-song.

"Well, my dear sir," said Danglars to Fernand, "here is a
marriage which does not appear to make everybody happy."

"It drives me to despair," said Fernand.

"Do you, then, love Mercedes?"

"I adore her!"

"For long?"

"As long as I have known her -- always."

"And you sit there, tearing your hair, instead of seeking to
remedy your condition; I did not think that was the way of
your people."

"What would you have me do?" said Fernand.

"How do I know? Is it my affair? I am not in love with
Mademoiselle Mercedes; but for you -- in the words of the
gospel, seek, and you shall find."

"I have found already."

"What?"

"I would stab the man, but the woman told me that if any
misfortune happened to her betrothed, she would kill
herself."

"Pooh! Women say those things, but never do them."

"You do not know Mercedes; what she threatens she will do."

"Idiot!" muttered Danglars; "whether she kill herself or
not, what matter, provided Dantes is not captain?"

"Before Mercedes should die," replied Fernand, with the
accents of unshaken resolution, "I would die myself!"

"That's what I call love!" said Caderousse with a voice more
tipsy than ever. "That's love, or I don't know what love
is."

"Come," said Danglars, "you appear to me a good sort of
fellow, and hang me, I should like to help you, but" --

"Yes," said Caderousse, "but how?"

"My dear fellow," replied Danglars, "you are three parts
drunk; finish the bottle, and you will be completely so.
Drink then, and do not meddle with what we are discussing,
for that requires all one's wit and cool judgment."

"I -- drunk!" said Caderousse; "well that's a good one! I
could drink four more such bottles; they are no bigger than
cologne flasks. Pere Pamphile, more wine!" and Caderousse
rattled his glass upon the table.

"You were saving, sir" -- said Fernand, awaiting with great
anxiety the end of this interrupted remark.

"What was I saying? I forget. This drunken Caderousse has
made me lose the thread of my sentence."

"Drunk, if you like; so much the worse for those who fear
wine, for it is because they have bad thoughts which they
are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts;" and
Caderousse began to sing the two last lines of a song very
popular at the time, --

`Tous les mechants sont beuveurs d'eau;
C'est bien prouve par le deluge.'*

* "The wicked are great drinkers of water
As the flood proved once for all."

"You said, sir, you would like to help me, but" --

"Yes; but I added, to help you it would be sufficient that
Dantes did not marry her you love; and the marriage may
easily be thwarted, methinks, and yet Dantes need not die."

"Death alone can separate them," remarked Fernand.

"You talk like a noodle, my friend," said Caderousse; "and
here is Danglars, who is a wide-awake, clever, deep fellow,
who will prove to you that you are wrong. Prove it,
Danglars. I have answered for you. Say there is no need why
Dantes should die; it would, indeed, be a pity he should.
Dantes is a good fellow; I like Dantes. Dantes, your
health."

Fernand rose impatiently. "Let him run on," said Danglars,
restraining the young man; "drunk as he is, he is not much
out in what he says. Absence severs as well as death, and if
the walls of a prison were between Edmond and Mercedes they
would be as effectually separated as if he lay under a
tombstone."

"Yes; but one gets out of prison," said Caderousse, who,
with what sense was left him, listened eagerly to the
conversation, "and when one gets out and one's name is
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry


No, I pretty much know it. I'm sure there are exceptions, but I know damn well that we spammed this board more than what you idiots usually do. Are posts went back for13 pages in some sections today or some shit today. So you shouldn't hand me that shit...although in your desperation you will and than another idiot will come along and you two will laugh about it like a couple retards. Yeah, I know the drill around here.



nope. no laughing. theres no desperation. just realizing how far gone you are. i think were done here wanky...
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
I'm contributing to your spam? You guys weren't spamming here when we started so don't hand me that shit.


Oh, I didn't mean today. I meant in the overall history of this place, since we've been spamming it for years.

 Quote:
We started spamming, posts went down, now you are making excuses.


I already mentioned that they actually went UP.

 Quote:
In this particular case I don't give a fuck for your excuses. Now you understand?


I understand that very well. And I'm thankful for it, because giving a fuck from what I'm saying is the only thing that keeps you embarassing yourself.
 Quote:
Who posts every once and awhile a couple of times? Online obsessor who posts in a couple of threads for maybe a page? Yeah, we did a little more than them.


Frank Burns spams the off topic forum once a week, doing about 50 threads at the time, and then goes back on each one of them and posts again. Lately he's been doing it three times. I'm not sure about Online obsessor, but I think that if we divided his post count number by the number of days he's been registered he'd a bigger post rate than you.
 Originally Posted By: Im Not Mister Mxyzptlk
 Quote:
Who posts every once and awhile a couple of times? Online obsessor who posts in a couple of threads for maybe a page? Yeah, we did a little more than them.


Frank Burns spams the off topic forum once a week, doing about 50 threads at the time, and then goes back on each one of them and posts again. Lately he's been doing it three times. I'm not sure about Online obsessor, but I think that if we divided his post count number by the number of days he's been registered he'd a bigger post rate than you.


Yeah, funny how I haven't seen him spam that much (the amount you are talking about) in the last few weeks I've been here

CHAPTER 1
Marseilles -- The Arrival.

On the 24th of February, 1810, the look-out at Notre-Dame de
la Garde signalled the three-master, the Pharaon from
Smyrna, Trieste, and Naples.

As usual, a pilot put off immediately, and rounding the
Chateau d'If, got on board the vessel between Cape Morgion
and Rion island.

Immediately, and according to custom, the ramparts of Fort
Saint-Jean were covered with spectators; it is always an
event at Marseilles for a ship to come into port, especially
when this ship, like the Pharaon, has been built, rigged,
and laden at the old Phocee docks, and belongs to an owner
of the city.

The ship drew on and had safely passed the strait, which
some volcanic shock has made between the Calasareigne and
Jaros islands; had doubled Pomegue, and approached the
harbor under topsails, jib, and spanker, but so slowly and
sedately that the idlers, with that instinct which is the
forerunner of evil, asked one another what misfortune could
have happened on board. However, those experienced in
navigation saw plainly that if any accident had occurred, it
was not to the vessel herself, for she bore down with all
the evidence of being skilfully handled, the anchor
a-cockbill, the jib-boom guys already eased off, and
standing by the side of the pilot, who was steering the
Pharaon towards the narrow entrance of the inner port, was a
young man, who, with activity and vigilant eye, watched
every motion of the ship, and repeated each direction of the
pilot.

The vague disquietude which prevailed among the spectators
had so much affected one of the crowd that he did not await
the arrival of the vessel in harbor, but jumping into a
small skiff, desired to be pulled alongside the Pharaon,
which he reached as she rounded into La Reserve basin.

When the young man on board saw this person approach, he
left his station by the pilot, and, hat in hand, leaned over
the ship's bulwarks.

He was a fine, tall, slim young fellow of eighteen or
twenty, with black eyes, and hair as dark as a raven's wing;
and his whole appearance bespoke that calmness and
resolution peculiar to men accustomed from their cradle to
contend with danger.

"Ah, is it you, Dantes?" cried the man in the skiff. "What's
the matter? and why have you such an air of sadness aboard?"

"A great misfortune, M. Morrel," replied the young man, --
"a great misfortune, for me especially! Off Civita Vecchia
we lost our brave Captain Leclere."

"And the cargo?" inquired the owner, eagerly.

"Is all safe, M. Morrel; and I think you will be satisfied
on that head. But poor Captain Leclere -- "

"What happened to him?" asked the owner, with an air of
considerable resignation. "What happened to the worthy
captain?"

"He died."

"Fell into the sea?"

"No, sir, he died of brain-fever in dreadful agony." Then
turning to the crew, he said, "Bear a hand there, to take in
sail!"

All hands obeyed, and at once the eight or ten seamen who
composed the crew, sprang to their respective stations at
the spanker brails and outhaul, topsail sheets and halyards,
the jib downhaul, and the topsail clewlines and buntlines.
The young sailor gave a look to see that his orders were
promptly and accurately obeyed, and then turned again to the
owner.

"And how did this misfortune occur?" inquired the latter,
resuming the interrupted conversation.

"Alas, sir, in the most unexpected manner. After a long talk
with the harbor-master, Captain Leclere left Naples greatly
disturbed in mind. In twenty-four hours he was attacked by a
fever, and died three days afterwards. We performed the
usual burial service, and he is at his rest, sewn up in his
hammock with a thirty-six pound shot at his head and his
heels, off El Giglio island. We bring to his widow his sword
and cross of honor. It was worth while, truly," added the
young man with a melancholy smile, "to make war against the
English for ten years, and to die in his bed at last, like
everybody else."

"Why, you see, Edmond," replied the owner, who appeared more
comforted at every moment, "we are all mortal, and the old
must make way for the young. If not, why, there would be no
promotion; and since you assure me that the cargo -- "

"Is all safe and sound, M. Morrel, take my word for it; and
I advise you not to take 25,000 francs for the profits of
the voyage."

Then, as they were just passing the Round Tower, the young
man shouted: "Stand by there to lower the topsails and jib;
brail up the spanker!"

The order was executed as promptly as it would have been on
board a man-of-war.

"Let go -- and clue up!" At this last command all the sails
were lowered, and the vessel moved almost imperceptibly
onwards.

"Now, if you will come on board, M. Morrel," said Dantes,
observing the owner's impatience, "here is your supercargo,
M. Danglars, coming out of his cabin, who will furnish you
with every particular. As for me, I must look after the
anchoring, and dress the ship in mourning."

The owner did not wait for a second invitation. He seized a
rope which Dantes flung to him, and with an activity that
would have done credit to a sailor, climbed up the side of
the ship, while the young man, going to his task, left the
conversation to Danglars, who now came towards the owner. He
was a man of twenty-five or twenty-six years of age, of
unprepossessing countenance, obsequious to his superiors,
insolent to his subordinates; and this, in addition to his
position as responsible agent on board, which is always
obnoxious to the sailors, made him as much disliked by the
crew as Edmond Dantes was beloved by them.

"Well, M. Morrel," said Danglars, "you have heard of the
misfortune that has befallen us?"

"Yes -- yes: poor Captain Leclere! He was a brave and an
honest man."

"And a first-rate seaman, one who had seen long and
honorable service, as became a man charged with the
interests of a house so important as that of Morrel & Son,"
replied Danglars.

"But," replied the owner, glancing after Dantes, who was
watching the anchoring of his vessel, "it seems to me that a
sailor needs not be so old as you say, Danglars, to
understand his business, for our friend Edmond seems to
understand it thoroughly, and not to require instruction
from any one."

"Yes," said Danglars, darting at Edmond a look gleaming with
hate. "Yes, he is young, and youth is invariably
self-confident. Scarcely was the captain's breath out of his
body when he assumed the command without consulting any one,
and he caused us to lose a day and a half at the Island of
Elba, instead of making for Marseilles direct."

"As to taking command of the vessel," replied Morrel, "that
was his duty as captain's mate; as to losing a day and a
half off the Island of Elba, he was wrong, unless the vessel
needed repairs."

"The vessel was in as good condition as I am, and as, I hope
you are, M. Morrel, and this day and a half was lost from
pure whim, for the pleasure of going ashore, and nothing
else."

"Dantes," said the shipowner, turning towards the young man,
"come this way!"

"In a moment, sir," answered Dantes, "and I'm with you."
Then calling to the crew, he said -- "Let go!"

The anchor was instantly dropped, and the chain ran rattling
through the port-hole. Dantes continued at his post in spite
of the presence of the pilot, until this manoeuvre was
completed, and then he added, "Half-mast the colors, and
square the yards!"

"You see," said Danglars, "he fancies himself captain
already, upon my word."

"And so, in fact, he is," said the owner.

"Except your signature and your partner's, M. Morrel."

"And why should he not have this?" asked the owner; "he is
young, it is true, but he seems to me a thorough seaman, and
of full experience."

A cloud passed over Danglars' brow. "Your pardon, M.
Morrel," said Dantes, approaching, "the vessel now rides at
anchor, and I am at your service. You hailed me, I think?"

Danglars retreated a step or two. "I wished to inquire why
you stopped at the Island of Elba?"

"I do not know, sir; it was to fulfil the last instructions
of Captain Leclere, who, when dying, gave me a packet for
Marshal Bertrand."

"Then did you see him, Edmond?"

"Who?"

"The marshal."

"Yes."

Morrel looked around him, and then, drawing Dantes on one
side, he said suddenly -- "And how is the emperor?"

"Very well, as far as I could judge from the sight of him."

"You saw the emperor, then?"

"He entered the marshal's apartment while I was there."

"And you spoke to him?"

"Why, it was he who spoke to me, sir," said Dantes, with a
smile.

"And what did he say to you?"

"Asked me questions about the vessel, the time she left
Marseilles, the course she had taken, and what was her
cargo. I believe, if she had not been laden, and I had been
her master, he would have bought her. But I told him I was
only mate, and that she belonged to the firm of Morrel &
Son. `Ah, yes,' he said, `I know them. The Morrels have been
shipowners from father to son; and there was a Morrel who
served in the same regiment with me when I was in garrison
at Valence.'"

"Pardieu, and that is true!" cried the owner, greatly
delighted. "And that was Policar Morrel, my uncle, who was
afterwards a captain. Dantes, you must tell my uncle that
the emperor remembered him, and you will see it will bring
tears into the old soldier's eyes. Come, come," continued
he, patting Edmond's shoulder kindly, "you did very right,
Dantes, to follow Captain Leclere's instructions, and touch
at Elba, although if it were known that you had conveyed a
packet to the marshal, and had conversed with the emperor,
it might bring you into trouble."

"How could that bring me into trouble, sir?" asked Dantes;
"for I did not even know of what I was the bearer; and the
emperor merely made such inquiries as he would of the first
comer. But, pardon me, here are the health officers and the
customs inspectors coming alongside." And the young man went
to the gangway. As he departed, Danglars approached, and
said, --

"Well, it appears that he has given you satisfactory reasons
for his landing at Porto-Ferrajo?"

"Yes, most satisfactory, my dear Danglars."

"Well, so much the better," said the supercargo; "for it is
not pleasant to think that a comrade has not done his duty."

"Dantes has done his," replied the owner, "and that is not
saying much. It was Captain Leclere who gave orders for this
delay."

"Talking of Captain Leclere, has not Dantes given you a
letter from him?"

"To me? -- no -- was there one?"

"I believe that, besides the packet, Captain Leclere
confided a letter to his care."

"Of what packet are you speaking, Danglars?"

"Why, that which Dantes left at Porto-Ferrajo."

"How do you know he had a packet to leave at Porto-Ferrajo?"

Danglars turned very red.

"I was passing close to the door of the captain's cabin,
which was half open, and I saw him give the packet and
letter to Dantes."

"He did not speak to me of it," replied the shipowner; "but
if there be any letter he will give it to me."

Danglars reflected for a moment. "Then, M. Morrel, I beg of
you," said he, "not to say a word to Dantes on the subject.
I may have been mistaken."

At this moment the young man returned; Danglars withdrew.

"Well, my dear Dantes, are you now free?" inquired the
owner.

"Yes, sir."

"You have not been long detained."

"No. I gave the custom-house officers a copy of our bill of
lading; and as to the other papers, they sent a man off with
the pilot, to whom I gave them."

"Then you have nothing more to do here?"

"No -- everything is all right now."

"Then you can come and dine with me?"

"I really must ask you to excuse me, M. Morrel. My first
visit is due to my father, though I am not the less grateful
for the honor you have done me."

"Right, Dantes, quite right. I always knew you were a good
son."

"And," inquired Dantes, with some hesitation, "do you know
how my father is?"

"Well, I believe, my dear Edmond, though I have not seen him
lately."

"Yes, he likes to keep himself shut up in his little room."

"That proves, at least, that he has wanted for nothing
during your absence."

Dantes smiled. "My father is proud, sir, and if he had not a
meal left, I doubt if he would have asked anything from
anyone, except from Heaven."

"Well, then, after this first visit has been made we shall
count on you."

"I must again excuse myself, M. Morrel, for after this first
visit has been paid I have another which I am most anxious
to pay."

"True, Dantes, I forgot that there was at the Catalans some
one who expects you no less impatiently than your father --
the lovely Mercedes."

Dantes blushed.

"Ah, ha," said the shipowner, "I am not in the least
surprised, for she has been to me three times, inquiring if
there were any news of the Pharaon. Peste, Edmond, you have
a very handsome mistress!"

"She is not my mistress," replied the young sailor, gravely;
"she is my betrothed."

"Sometimes one and the same thing," said Morrel, with a
smile.

"Not with us, sir," replied Dantes.

"Well, well, my dear Edmond," continued the owner, "don't
let me detain you. You have managed my affairs so well that
I ought to allow you all the time you require for your own.
Do you want any money?"

"No, sir; I have all my pay to take -- nearly three months'
wages."

"You are a careful fellow, Edmond."

"Say I have a poor father, sir."

"Yes, yes, I know how good a son you are, so now hasten away
to see your father. I have a son too, and I should be very
wroth with those who detained him from me after a three
months' voyage."

"Then I have your leave, sir?"

"Yes, if you have nothing more to say to me."

"Nothing."

"Captain Leclere did not, before he died, give you a letter
for me?"

"He was unable to write, sir. But that reminds me that I
must ask your leave of absence for some days."

"To get married?"

"Yes, first, and then to go to Paris."

"Very good; have what time you require, Dantes. It will take
quite six weeks to unload the cargo, and we cannot get you
ready for sea until three months after that; only be back
again in three months, for the Pharaon," added the owner,
patting the young sailor on the back, "cannot sail without
her captain."

"Without her captain!" cried Dantes, his eyes sparkling with
animation; "pray mind what you say, for you are touching on
the most secret wishes of my heart. Is it really your
intention to make me captain of the Pharaon?"

"If I were sole owner we'd shake hands on it now, my dear
Dantes, and call it settled; but I have a partner, and you
know the Italian proverb -- Chi ha compagno ha padrone --
`He who has a partner has a master.' But the thing is at
least half done, as you have one out of two votes. Rely on
me to procure you the other; I will do my best."

"Ah, M. Morrel," exclaimed the young seaman, with tears in
his eyes, and grasping the owner's hand, "M. Morrel, I thank
you in the name of my father and of Mercedes."

"That's all right, Edmond. There's a providence that watches
over the deserving. Go to your father: go and see Mercedes,
and afterwards come to me."

"Shall I row you ashore?"

"No, thank you; I shall remain and look over the accounts
with Danglars. Have you been satisfied with him this
voyage?"

"That is according to the sense you attach to the question,
sir. Do you mean is he a good comrade? No, for I think he
never liked me since the day when I was silly enough, after
a little quarrel we had, to propose to him to stop for ten
minutes at the island of Monte Cristo to settle the dispute
-- a proposition which I was wrong to suggest, and he quite
right to refuse. If you mean as responsible agent when you
ask me the question, I believe there is nothing to say
against him, and that you will be content with the way in
which he has performed his duty."

"But tell me, Dantes, if you had command of the Pharaon
should you be glad to see Danglars remain?"

"Captain or mate, M. Morrel, I shall always have the
greatest respect for those who possess the owners'
confidence."

"That's right, that's right, Dantes! I see you are a
thoroughly good fellow, and will detain you no longer. Go,
for I see how impatient you are."

"Then I have leave?"

"Go, I tell you."

"May I have the use of your skiff?"

"Certainly."

"Then, for the present, M. Morrel, farewell, and a thousand
thanks!"

"I hope soon to see you again, my dear Edmond. Good luck to
you."

The young sailor jumped into the skiff, and sat down in the
stern sheets, with the order that he be put ashore at La
Canebiere. The two oarsmen bent to their work, and the
little boat glided away as rapidly as possible in the midst
of the thousand vessels which choke up the narrow way which
leads between the two rows of ships from the mouth of the
harbor to the Quai d'Orleans.

The shipowner, smiling, followed him with his eyes until he
saw him spring out on the quay and disappear in the midst of
the throng, which from five o'clock in the morning until
nine o'clock at night, swarms in the famous street of La
Canebiere, -- a street of which the modern Phocaeans are so
proud that they say with all the gravity in the world, and
with that accent which gives so much character to what is
said, "If Paris had La Canebiere, Paris would be a second
Marseilles." On turning round the owner saw Danglars behind
him, apparently awaiting orders, but in reality also
watching the young sailor, -- but there was a great
difference in the expression of the two men who thus
followed the movements of Edmond Dantes.

We will leave Danglars struggling with the demon of hatred,
and endeavoring to insinuate in the ear of the shipowner
some evil suspicions against his comrade, and follow Dantes,
who, after having traversed La Canebiere, took the Rue de
Noailles, and entering a small house, on the left of the
Allees de Meillan, rapidly ascended four flights of a dark
staircase, holding the baluster with one hand, while with
the other he repressed the beatings of his heart, and paused
before a half-open door, from which he could see the whole
of a small room.

This room was occupied by Dantes' father. The news of the
arrival of the Pharaon had not yet reached the old man, who,
mounted on a chair, was amusing himself by training with
trembling hand the nasturtiums and sprays of clematis that
clambered over the trellis at his window. Suddenly, he felt
an arm thrown around his body, and a well-known voice behind
him exclaimed, "Father -- dear father!"

The old man uttered a cry, and turned round; then, seeing
his son, he fell into his arms, pale and trembling.

"What ails you, my dearest father? Are you ill?" inquired
the young man, much alarmed.

"No, no, my dear Edmond -- my boy -- my son! -- no; but I
did not expect you; and joy, the surprise of seeing you so
suddenly -- Ah, I feel as if I were going to die."

"Come, come, cheer up, my dear father! 'Tis I -- really I!
They say joy never hurts, and so I came to you without any
warning. Come now, do smile, instead of looking at me so
solemnly. Here I am back again, and we are going to be
happy."

"Yes, yes, my boy, so we will -- so we will," replied the
old man; "but how shall we be happy? Shall you never leave
me again? Come, tell me all the good fortune that has
befallen you."

"God forgive me," said the young man, "for rejoicing at
happiness derived from the misery of others, but, Heaven
knows, I did not seek this good fortune; it has happened,
and I really cannot pretend to lament it. The good Captain
Leclere is dead, father, and it is probable that, with the
aid of M. Morrel, I shall have his place. Do you understand,
father? Only imagine me a captain at twenty, with a hundred
louis pay, and a share in the profits! Is this not more than
a poor sailor like me could have hoped for?"

"Yes, my dear boy," replied the old man, "it is very
fortunate."

"Well, then, with the first money I touch, I mean you to
have a small house, with a garden in which to plant
clematis, nasturtiums, and honeysuckle. But what ails you,
father? Are you not well?"

"'Tis nothing, nothing; it will soon pass away" -- and as he
said so the old man's strength failed him, and he fell
backwards.

"Come, come," said the young man, "a glass of wine, father,
will revive you. Where do you keep your wine?"

"No, no; thanks. You need not look for it; I do not want
it," said the old man.

"Yes, yes, father, tell me where it is," and he opened two
or three cupboards.

"It is no use," said the old man, "there is no wine."

"What, no wine?" said Dantes, turning pale, and looking
alternately at the hollow cheeks of the old man and the
empty cupboards. "What, no wine? Have you wanted money,
father?"

"I want nothing now that I have you," said the old man.

"Yet," stammered Dantes, wiping the perspiration from his
brow, -- "yet I gave you two hundred francs when I left,
three months ago."

"Yes, yes, Edmond, that is true, but you forgot at that time
a little debt to our neighbor, Caderousse. He reminded me of
it, telling me if I did not pay for you, he would be paid by
M. Morrel; and so, you see, lest he might do you an injury"
--

"Well?"

"Why, I paid him."

"But," cried Dantes, "it was a hundred and forty francs I
owed Caderousse."

"Yes," stammered the old man.

"And you paid him out of the two hundred francs I left you?"

The old man nodded.

"So that you have lived for three months on sixty francs,"
muttered Edmond.

"You know how little I require," said the old man.

"Heaven pardon me," cried Edmond, falling on his knees
before his father.

"What are you doing?"

"You have wounded me to the heart."

"Never mind it, for I see you once more," said the old man;
"and now it's all over -- everything is all right again."

"Yes, here I am," said the young man, "with a promising
future and a little money. Here, father, here!" he said,
"take this -- take it, and send for something immediately."
And he emptied his pockets on the table, the contents
consisting of a dozen gold pieces, five or six five-franc
pieces, and some smaller coin. The countenance of old Dantes
brightened.

"Whom does this belong to?" he inquired.

"To me, to you, to us! Take it; buy some provisions; be
happy, and to-morrow we shall have more."

"Gently, gently," said the old man, with a smile; "and by
your leave I will use your purse moderately, for they would
say, if they saw me buy too many things at a time, that I
had been obliged to await your return, in order to be able
to purchase them."

"Do as you please; but, first of all, pray have a servant,
father. I will not have you left alone so long. I have some
smuggled coffee and most capital tobacco, in a small chest
in the hold, which you shall have to-morrow. But, hush, here
comes somebody."

"'Tis Caderousse, who has heard of your arrival, and no
doubt comes to congratulate you on your fortunate return."

"Ah, lips that say one thing, while the heart thinks
another," murmured Edmond. "But, never mind, he is a
neighbor who has done us a service on a time, so he's
welcome."

As Edmond paused, the black and bearded head of Caderousse
appeared at the door. He was a man of twenty-five or six,
and held a piece of cloth, which, being a tailor, he was
about to make into a coat-lining.

"What, is it you, Edmond, back again?" said he, with a broad
Marseillaise accent, and a grin that displayed his
ivory-white teeth.

"Yes, as you see, neighbor Caderousse; and ready to be
agreeable to you in any and every way," replied Dantes, but
ill-concealing his coldness under this cloak of civility.

"Thanks -- thanks; but, fortunately, I do not want for
anything; and it chances that at times there are others who
have need of me." Dantes made a gesture. "I do not allude to
you, my boy. No! -- no! I lent you money, and you returned
it; that's like good neighbors, and we are quits."

"We are never quits with those who oblige us," was Dantes'
reply; "for when we do not owe them money, we owe them
gratitude."

"What's the use of mentioning that? What is done is done.
Let us talk of your happy return, my boy. I had gone on the
quay to match a piece of mulberry cloth, when I met friend
Danglars. `You at Marseilles?' -- `Yes,' says he.

"`I thought you were at Smyrna.' -- `I was; but am now back
again.'

"`And where is the dear boy, our little Edmond?'

"`Why, with his father, no doubt,' replied Danglars. And so
I came," added Caderousse, "as fast as I could to have the
pleasure of shaking hands with a friend."

"Worthy Caderousse!" said the old man, "he is so much
attached to us."

"Yes, to be sure I am. I love and esteem you, because honest
folks are so rare. But it seems you have come back rich, my
boy," continued the tailor, looking askance at the handful
of gold and silver which Dantes had thrown on the table.

The young man remarked the greedy glance which shone in the
dark eyes of his neighbor. "Eh," he said, negligently. "this
money is not mine. I was expressing to my father my fears
that he had wanted many things in my absence, and to
convince me he emptied his purse on the table. Come, father"
added Dantes, "put this money back in your box -- unless
neighbor Caderousse wants anything, and in that case it is
at his service."

"No, my boy, no," said Caderousse. "I am not in any want,
thank God, my living is suited to my means. Keep your money
-- keep it, I say; -- one never has too much; -- but, at the
same time, my boy, I am as much obliged by your offer as if
I took advantage of it."

"It was offered with good will," said Dantes.

"No doubt, my boy; no doubt. Well, you stand well with M.
Morrel I hear, -- you insinuating dog, you!"

"M. Morrel has always been exceedingly kind to me," replied
Dantes.

"Then you were wrong to refuse to dine with him."

"What, did you refuse to dine with him?" said old Dantes;
"and did he invite you to dine?"

"Yes, my dear father," replied Edmond, smiling at his
father's astonishment at the excessive honor paid to his
son.

"And why did you refuse, my son?" inquired the old man.

"That I might the sooner see you again, my dear father,"
replied the young man. "I was most anxious to see you."

"But it must have vexed M. Morrel, good, worthy man," said
Caderousse. "And when you are looking forward to be captain,
it was wrong to annoy the owner."

"But I explained to him the cause of my refusal," replied
Dantes, "and I hope he fully understood it."

"Yes, but to be captain one must do a little flattery to
one's patrons."

"I hope to be captain without that," said Dantes.

"So much the better -- so much the better! Nothing will give
greater pleasure to all your old friends; and I know one
down there behind the Saint Nicolas citadel who will not be
sorry to hear it."

"Mercedes?" said the old man.

"Yes, my dear father, and with your permission, now I have
seen you, and know you are well and have all you require, I
will ask your consent to go and pay a visit to the
Catalans."

"Go, my dear boy," said old Dantes: "and heaven bless you in
your wife, as it has blessed me in my son!"

"His wife!" said Caderousse; "why, how fast you go on,
father Dantes; she is not his wife yet, as it seems to me."

"So, but according to all probability she soon will be,"
replied Edmond.

"Yes -- yes," said Caderousse; "but you were right to return
as soon as possible, my boy."

"And why?"

"Because Mercedes is a very fine girl, and fine girls never
lack followers; she particularly has them by dozens."

"Really?" answered Edmond, with a smile which had in it
traces of slight uneasiness.

"Ah, yes," continued Caderousse, "and capital offers, too;
but you know, you will be captain, and who could refuse you
then?"

"Meaning to say," replied Dantes, with a smile which but
ill-concealed his trouble, "that if I were not a captain" --

"Eh -- eh!" said Caderousse, shaking his head.

"Come, come," said the sailor, "I have a better opinion than
you of women in general, and of Mercedes in particular; and
I am certain that, captain or not, she will remain ever
faithful to me."

"So much the better -- so much the better," said Caderousse.
"When one is going to be married, there is nothing like
implicit confidence; but never mind that, my boy, -- go and
announce your arrival, and let her know all your hopes and
prospects."

"I will go directly," was Edmond's reply; and, embracing his
father, and nodding to Caderousse, he left the apartment.

Caderousse lingered for a moment, then taking leave of old
Dantes, he went downstairs to rejoin Danglars, who awaited
him at the corner of the Rue Senac.

"Well," said Danglars, "did you see him?"

"I have just left him," answered Caderousse.

"Did he allude to his hope of being captain?"

"He spoke of it as a thing already decided."

"Indeed!" said Danglars, "he is in too much hurry, it
appears to me."

"Why, it seems M. Morrel has promised him the thing."

"So that he is quite elated about it?"

"Why, yes, he is actually insolent over the matter -- has
already offered me his patronage, as if he were a grand
personage, and proffered me a loan of money, as though he
were a banker."

"Which you refused?"

"Most assuredly; although I might easily have accepted it,
for it was I who put into his hands the first silver he ever
earned; but now M. Dantes has no longer any occasion for
assistance -- he is about to become a captain."

"Pooh!" said Danglars, "he is not one yet."

"Ma foi, it will be as well if he is not," answered
Caderousse; "for if he should be, there will be really no
speaking to him."

"If we choose," replied Danglars, "he will remain what he
is; and perhaps become even less than he is."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing -- I was speaking to myself. And is he still in
love with the Catalane?"

"Over head and ears; but, unless I am much mistaken, there
will be a storm in that quarter."

"Explain yourself."

"Why should I?"

"It is more important than you think, perhaps. You do not
like Dantes?"

"I never like upstarts."

"Then tell me all you know about the Catalane."

"I know nothing for certain; only I have seen things which
induce me to believe, as I told you, that the future captain
will find some annoyance in the vicinity of the Vieilles
Infirmeries."

"What have you seen? -- come, tell me!"

"Well, every time I have seen Mercedes come into the city
she has been accompanied by a tall, strapping, black-eyed
Catalan, with a red complexion, brown skin, and fierce air,
whom she calls cousin."

"Really; and you think this cousin pays her attentions?"

"I only suppose so. What else can a strapping chap of
twenty-one mean with a fine wench of seventeen?"

"And you say that Dantes has gone to the Catalans?"

"He went before I came down."

"Let us go the same way; we will stop at La Reserve, and we
can drink a glass of La Malgue, whilst we wait for news."

"Come along," said Caderousse; "but you pay the score."

"Of course," replied Danglars; and going quickly to the
designated place, they called for a bottle of wine, and two
glasses.

Pere Pamphile had seen Dantes pass not ten minutes before;
and assured that he was at the Catalans, they sat down under
the budding foliage of the planes and sycamores, in the
branches of which the birds were singing their welcome to
one of the first days of spring.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 2

CHAPTER 3
The Catalans.

Beyond a bare, weather-worn wall, about a hundred paces from
the spot where the two friends sat looking and listening as
they drank their wine, was the village of the Catalans. Long
ago this mysterious colony quitted Spain, and settled on the
tongue of land on which it is to this day. Whence it came no
one knew, and it spoke an unknown tongue. One of its chiefs,
who understood Provencal, begged the commune of Marseilles
to give them this bare and barren promontory, where, like
the sailors of old, they had run their boats ashore. The
request was granted; and three months afterwards, around the
twelve or fifteen small vessels which had brought these
gypsies of the sea, a small village sprang up. This village,
constructed in a singular and picturesque manner, half
Moorish, half Spanish, still remains, and is inhabited by
descendants of the first comers, who speak the language of
their fathers. For three or four centuries they have
remained upon this small promontory, on which they had
settled like a flight of seabirds, without mixing with the
Marseillaise population, intermarrying, and preserving their
original customs and the costume of their mother-country as
they have preserved its language.

Our readers will follow us along the only street of this
little village, and enter with us one of the houses, which
is sunburned to the beautiful dead-leaf color peculiar to
the buildings of the country, and within coated with
whitewash, like a Spanish posada. A young and beautiful
girl, with hair as black as jet, her eyes as velvety as the
gazelle's, was leaning with her back against the wainscot,
rubbing in her slender delicately moulded fingers a bunch of
heath blossoms, the flowers of which she was picking off and
strewing on the floor; her arms, bare to the elbow, brown,
and modelled after those of the Arlesian Venus, moved with a
kind of restless impatience, and she tapped the earth with
her arched and supple foot, so as to display the pure and
full shape of her well-turned leg, in its red cotton, gray
and blue clocked, stocking. At three paces from her, seated
in a chair which he balanced on two legs, leaning his elbow
on an old worm-eaten table, was a tall young man of twenty,
or two-and-twenty, who was looking at her with an air in
which vexation and uneasiness were mingled. He questioned
her with his eyes, but the firm and steady gaze of the young
girl controlled his look.

"You see, Mercedes," said the young man, "here is Easter
come round again; tell me, is this the moment for a
wedding?"

"I have answered you a hundred times, Fernand, and really
you must be very stupid to ask me again."

"Well, repeat it, -- repeat it, I beg of you, that I may at
last believe it! Tell me for the hundredth time that you
refuse my love, which had your mother's sanction. Make me
understand once for all that you are trifling with my
happiness, that my life or death are nothing to you. Ah, to
have dreamed for ten years of being your husband, Mercedes,
and to lose that hope, which was the only stay of my
existence!"

"At least it was not I who ever encouraged you in that hope,
Fernand," replied Mercedes; "you cannot reproach me with the
slightest coquetry. I have always said to you, `I love you
as a brother; but do not ask from me more than sisterly
affection, for my heart is another's.' Is not this true,
Fernand?"

"Yes, that is very true, Mercedes," replied the young man,
"Yes, you have been cruelly frank with me; but do you forget
that it is among the Catalans a sacred law to intermarry?"

"You mistake, Fernand; it is not a law, but merely a custom,
and, I pray of you, do not cite this custom in your favor.
You are included in the conscription, Fernand, and are only
at liberty on sufferance, liable at any moment to be called
upon to take up arms. Once a soldier, what would you do with
me, a poor orphan, forlorn, without fortune, with nothing
but a half-ruined hut and a few ragged nets, the miserable
inheritance left by my father to my mother, and by my mother
to me? She has been dead a year, and you know, Fernand, I
have subsisted almost entirely on public charity. Sometimes
you pretend I am useful to you, and that is an excuse to
share with me the produce of your fishing, and I accept it,
Fernand, because you are the son of my father's brother,
because we were brought up together, and still more because
it would give you so much pain if I refuse. But I feel very
deeply that this fish which I go and sell, and with the
produce of which I buy the flax I spin, -- I feel very
keenly, Fernand, that this is charity."

"And if it were, Mercedes, poor and lone as you are, you
suit me as well as the daughter of the first shipowner or
the richest banker of Marseilles! What do such as we desire
but a good wife and careful housekeeper, and where can I
look for these better than in you?"

"Fernand," answered Mercedes, shaking her head, "a woman
becomes a bad manager, and who shall say she will remain an
honest woman, when she loves another man better than her
husband? Rest content with my friendship, for I say once
more that is all I can promise, and I will promise no more
than I can bestow."

"I understand," replied Fernand, "you can endure your own
wretchedness patiently, but you are afraid to share mine.
Well, Mercedes, beloved by you, I would tempt fortune; you
would bring me good luck, and I should become rich. I could
extend my occupation as a fisherman, might get a place as
clerk in a warehouse, and become in time a dealer myself."

"You could do no such thing, Fernand; you are a soldier, and
if you remain at the Catalans it is because there is no war;
so remain a fisherman, and contented with my friendship, as
I cannot give you more."

"Well, I will do better, Mercedes. I will be a sailor;
instead of the costume of our fathers, which you despise, I
will wear a varnished hat, a striped shirt, and a blue
jacket, with an anchor on the buttons. Would not that dress
please you?"

"What do you mean?" asked Mercedes, with an angry glance, --
"what do you mean? I do not understand you?"

"I mean, Mercedes, that you are thus harsh and cruel with
me, because you are expecting some one who is thus attired;
but perhaps he whom you await is inconstant, or if he is
not, the sea is so to him."

"Fernand," cried Mercedes, "I believed you were
good-hearted, and I was mistaken! Fernand, you are wicked to
call to your aid jealousy and the anger of God! Yes, I will
not deny it, I do await, and I do love him of whom you
speak; and, if he does not return, instead of accusing him
of the inconstancy which you insinuate, I will tell you that
he died loving me and me only." The young girl made a
gesture of rage. "I understand you, Fernand; you would be
revenged on him because I do not love you; you would cross
your Catalan knife with his dirk. What end would that
answer? To lose you my friendship if he were conquered, and
see that friendship changed into hate if you were victor.
Believe me, to seek a quarrel with a man is a bad method of
pleasing the woman who loves that man. No, Fernand, you will
not thus give way to evil thoughts. Unable to have me for
your wife, you will content yourself with having me for your
friend and sister; and besides," she added, her eyes
troubled and moistened with tears, "wait, wait, Fernand; you
said just now that the sea was treacherous, and he has been
gone four months, and during these four months there have
been some terrible storms."

Fernand made no reply, nor did he attempt to check the tears
which flowed down the cheeks of Mercedes, although for each
of these tears he would have shed his heart's blood; but
these tears flowed for another. He arose, paced a while up
and down the hut, and then, suddenly stopping before
Mercedes, with his eyes glowing and his hands clinched, --
"Say, Mercedes," he said, "once for all, is this your final
determination?"

"I love Edmond Dantes," the young girl calmly replied, "and
none but Edmond shall ever be my husband."

"And you will always love him?"

"As long as I live."

Fernand let fall his head like a defeated man, heaved a sigh
that was like a groan, and then suddenly looking her full in
the face, with clinched teeth and expanded nostrils, said,
-- "But if he is dead" --

"If he is dead, I shall die too."

"If he has forgotten you" --

"Mercedes!" called a joyous voice from without, --
"Mercedes!"

"Ah," exclaimed the young girl, blushing with delight, and
fairly leaping in excess of love, "you see he has not
forgotten me, for here he is!" And rushing towards the door,
she opened it, saying, "Here, Edmond, here I am!"

Fernand, pale and trembling, drew back, like a traveller at
the sight of a serpent, and fell into a chair beside him.
Edmond and Mercedes were clasped in each other's arms. The
burning Marseilles sun, which shot into the room through the
open door, covered them with a flood of light. At first they
saw nothing around them. Their intense happiness isolated
them from all the rest of the world, and they only spoke in
broken words, which are the tokens of a joy so extreme that
they seem rather the expression of sorrow. Suddenly Edmond
saw the gloomy, pale, and threatening countenance of
Fernand, as it was defined in the shadow. By a movement for
which he could scarcely account to himself, the young
Catalan placed his hand on the knife at his belt.

"Ah, your pardon," said Dantes, frowning in his turn; "I did
not perceive that there were three of us." Then, turning to
Mercedes, he inquired, "Who is this gentleman?"

"One who will be your best friend, Dantes, for he is my
friend, my cousin, my brother; it is Fernand -- the man
whom, after you, Edmond, I love the best in the world. Do
you not remember him?"

"Yes!" said Dantes, and without relinquishing Mercedes hand
clasped in one of his own, he extended the other to the
Catalan with a cordial air. But Fernand, instead of
responding to this amiable gesture, remained mute and
trembling. Edmond then cast his eyes scrutinizingly at the
agitated and embarrassed Mercedes, and then again on the
gloomy and menacing Fernand. This look told him all, and his
anger waxed hot.

"I did not know, when I came with such haste to you, that I
was to meet an enemy here."

"An enemy!" cried Mercedes, with an angry look at her
cousin. "An enemy in my house, do you say, Edmond! If I
believed that, I would place my arm under yours and go with
you to Marseilles, leaving the house to return to it no
more."

Fernand's eye darted lightning. "And should any misfortune
occur to you, dear Edmond," she continued with the same
calmness which proved to Fernand that the young girl had
read the very innermost depths of his sinister thought, "if
misfortune should occur to you, I would ascend the highest
point of the Cape de Morgion and cast myself headlong from
it."

Fernand became deadly pale. "But you are deceived, Edmond,"
she continued. "You have no enemy here -- there is no one
but Fernand, my brother, who will grasp your hand as a
devoted friend."

And at these words the young girl fixed her imperious look
on the Catalan, who, as if fascinated by it, came slowly
towards Edmond, and offered him his hand. His hatred, like a
powerless though furious wave, was broken against the strong
ascendancy which Mercedes exercised over him. Scarcely,
however, had he touched Edmond's hand than he felt he had
done all he could do, and rushed hastily out of the house.

"Oh," he exclaimed, running furiously and tearing his hair
-- "Oh, who will deliver me from this man? Wretched --
wretched that I am!"

"Hallo, Catalan! Hallo, Fernand! where are you running to?"
exclaimed a voice.

The young man stopped suddenly, looked around him, and
perceived Caderousse sitting at table with Danglars, under
an arbor.

"Well", said Caderousse, "why don't you come? Are you really
in such a hurry that you have no time to pass the time of
day with your friends?"

"Particularly when they have still a full bottle before
them," added Danglars. Fernand looked at them both with a
stupefied air, but did not say a word.

"He seems besotted," said Danglars, pushing Caderousse with
his knee. "Are we mistaken, and is Dantes triumphant in
spite of all we have believed?"

"Why, we must inquire into that," was Caderousse's reply;
and turning towards the young man, said, "Well, Catalan,
can't you make up your mind?"

Fernand wiped away the perspiration steaming from his brow,
and slowly entered the arbor, whose shade seemed to restore
somewhat of calmness to his senses, and whose coolness
somewhat of refreshment to his exhausted body.

"Good-day," said he. "You called me, didn't you?" And he
fell, rather than sat down, on one of the seats which
surrounded the table.

"I called you because you were running like a madman, and I
was afraid you would throw yourself into the sea," said
Caderousse, laughing. "Why, when a man has friends, they are
not only to offer him a glass of wine, but, moreover, to
prevent his swallowing three or four pints of water
unnecessarily!"

Fernand gave a groan, which resembled a sob, and dropped his
head into his hands, his elbows leaning on the table.

"Well, Fernand, I must say," said Caderousse, beginning the
conversation, with that brutality of the common people in
which curiosity destroys all diplomacy, "you look uncommonly
like a rejected lover;" and he burst into a hoarse laugh.

"Bah!" said Danglars, "a lad of his make was not born to be
unhappy in love. You are laughing at him, Caderousse."

"No," he replied, "only hark how he sighs! Come, come,
Fernand," said Caderousse, "hold up your head, and answer
us. It's not polite not to reply to friends who ask news of
your health."

"My health is well enough," said Fernand, clinching his
hands without raising his head.

"Ah, you see, Danglars," said Caderousse, winking at his
friend, "this is how it is; Fernand, whom you see here, is a
good and brave Catalan, one of the best fishermen in
Marseilles, and he is in love with a very fine girl, named
Mercedes; but it appears, unfortunately, that the fine girl
is in love with the mate of the Pharaon; and as the Pharaon
arrived to-day -- why, you understand!"

"No; I do not understand," said Danglars.

"Poor Fernand has been dismissed," continued Caderousse.

"Well, and what then?" said Fernand, lifting up his head,
and looking at Caderousse like a man who looks for some one
on whom to vent his anger; "Mercedes is not accountable to
any person, is she? Is she not free to love whomsoever she
will?"

"Oh, if you take it in that sense," said Caderousse, "it is
another thing. But I thought you were a Catalan, and they
told me the Catalans were not men to allow themselves to be
supplanted by a rival. It was even told me that Fernand,
especially, was terrible in his vengeance."

Fernand smiled piteously. "A lover is never terrible," he
said.

"Poor fellow!" remarked Danglars, affecting to pity the
young man from the bottom of his heart. "Why, you see, he
did not expect to see Dantes return so suddenly -- he
thought he was dead, perhaps; or perchance faithless! These
things always come on us more severely when they come
suddenly."

"Ah, ma foi, under any circumstances," said Caderousse, who
drank as he spoke, and on whom the fumes of the wine began
to take effect, -- "under any circumstances Fernand is not
the only person put out by the fortunate arrival of Dantes;
is he, Danglars?"

"No, you are right -- and I should say that would bring him
ill-luck."

"Well, never mind," answered Caderousse, pouring out a glass
of wine for Fernand, and filling his own for the eighth or
ninth time, while Danglars had merely sipped his. "Never
mind -- in the meantime he marries Mercedes -- the lovely
Mercedes -- at least he returns to do that."

During this time Danglars fixed his piercing glance on the
young man, on whose heart Caderousse's words fell like
molten lead.

"And when is the wedding to be?" he asked.

"Oh, it is not yet fixed!" murmured Fernand.

"No, but it will be," said Caderousse, "as surely as Dantes
will be captain of the Pharaon -- eh, Danglars?"

Danglars shuddered at this unexpected attack, and turned to
Caderousse, whose countenance he scrutinized, to try and
detect whether the blow was premeditated; but he read
nothing but envy in a countenance already rendered brutal
and stupid by drunkenness.

"Well," said he, filling the glasses, "let us drink to
Captain Edmond Dantes, husband of the beautiful Catalane!"

Caderousse raised his glass to his mouth with unsteady hand,
and swallowed the contents at a gulp. Fernand dashed his on
the ground.

"Eh, eh, eh!" stammered Caderousse. "What do I see down
there by the wall, in the direction of the Catalans? Look,
Fernand, your eyes are better than mine. I believe I see
double. You know wine is a deceiver; but I should say it was
two lovers walking side by side, and hand in hand. Heaven
forgive me, they do not know that we can see them, and they
are actually embracing!"

Danglars did not lose one pang that Fernand endured.

"Do you know them, Fernand?" he said.

"Yes," was the reply, in a low voice. "It is Edmond and
Mercedes!"

"Ah, see there, now!" said Caderousse; "and I did not
recognize them! Hallo, Dantes! hello, lovely damsel! Come
this way, and let us know when the wedding is to be, for
Fernand here is so obstinate he will not tell us."

"Hold your tongue, will you?" said Danglars, pretending to
restrain Caderousse, who, with the tenacity of drunkards,
leaned out of the arbor. "Try to stand upright, and let the
lovers make love without interruption. See, look at Fernand,
and follow his example; he is well-behaved!"

Fernand, probably excited beyond bearing, pricked by
Danglars, as the bull is by the bandilleros, was about to
rush out; for he had risen from his seat, and seemed to be
collecting himself to dash headlong upon his rival, when
Mercedes, smiling and graceful, lifted up her lovely head,
and looked at them with her clear and bright eyes. At this
Fernand recollected her threat of dying if Edmond died, and
dropped again heavily on his seat. Danglars looked at the
two men, one after the other, the one brutalized by liquor,
the other overwhelmed with love.

"I shall get nothing from these fools," he muttered; "and I
am very much afraid of being here between a drunkard and a
coward. Here's an envious fellow making himself boozy on
wine when he ought to be nursing his wrath, and here is a
fool who sees the woman he loves stolen from under his nose
and takes on like a big baby. Yet this Catalan has eyes that
glisten like those of the vengeful Spaniards, Sicilians, and
Calabrians, and the other has fists big enough to crush an
ox at one blow. Unquestionably, Edmond's star is in the
ascendant, and he will marry the splendid girl -- he will be
captain, too, and laugh at us all, unless" -- a sinister
smile passed over Danglars' lips -- "unless I take a hand in
the affair," he added.

"Hallo!" continued Caderousse, half-rising, and with his
fist on the table, "hallo, Edmond! do you not see your
friends, or are you too proud to speak to them?"

"No, my dear fellow!" replied Dantes, "I am not proud, but I
am happy, and happiness blinds, I think, more than pride."

"Ah, very well, that's an explanation!" said Caderousse.
"How do you do, Madame Dantes?"

Mercedes courtesied gravely, and said -- "That is not my
name, and in my country it bodes ill fortune, they say, to
call a young girl by the name of her betrothed before he
becomes her husband. So call me Mercedes, if you please."

"We must excuse our worthy neighbor, Caderousse," said
Dantes, "he is so easily mistaken."

"So, then, the wedding is to take place immediately, M.
Dantes," said Danglars, bowing to the young couple.

"As soon as possible, M. Danglars; to-day all preliminaries
will be arranged at my father's, and to-morrow, or next day
at latest, the wedding festival here at La Reserve. My
friends will be there, I hope; that is to say, you are
invited, M. Danglars, and you, Caderousse."

"And Fernand," said Caderousse with a chuckle; "Fernand,
too, is invited!"

"My wife's brother is my brother," said Edmond; "and we,
Mercedes and I, should be very sorry if he were absent at
such a time."

Fernand opened his mouth to reply, but his voice died on his
lips, and he could not utter a word.

"To-day the preliminaries, to-morrow or next day the
ceremony! You are in a hurry, captain!"

"Danglars," said Edmond, smiling, "I will say to you as
Mercedes said just now to Caderousse, `Do not give me a
title which does not belong to me'; that may bring me bad
luck."

"Your pardon," replied Danglars, "I merely said you seemed
in a hurry, and we have lots of time; the Pharaon cannot be
under weigh again in less than three months."

"We are always in a hurry to be happy, M. Danglars; for when
we have suffered a long time, we have great difficulty in
believing in good fortune. But it is not selfishness alone
that makes me thus in haste; I must go to Paris."

"Ah, really? -- to Paris! and will it be the first time you
have ever been there, Dantes?"

"Yes."

"Have you business there?"

"Not of my own; the last commission of poor Captain Leclere;
you know to what I allude, Danglars -- it is sacred.
Besides, I shall only take the time to go and return."

"Yes, yes, I understand," said Danglars, and then in a low
tone, he added, "To Paris, no doubt to deliver the letter
which the grand marshal gave him. Ah, this letter gives me
an idea -- a capital idea! Ah; Dantes, my friend, you are
not yet registered number one on board the good ship
Pharaon;" then turning towards Edmond, who was walking away,
"A pleasant journey," he cried.

"Thank you," said Edmond with a friendly nod, and the two
lovers continued on their way, as calm and joyous as if they
were the very elect of heaven.



Literature Network » Alexandre Dumas » The Count of Monte Cristo » Chapter 3

Danglars followed Edmond and Mercedes with his eyes until
the two lovers disappeared behind one of the angles of Fort
Saint Nicolas, then turning round, he perceived Fernand, who
had fallen, pale and trembling, into his chair, while
Caderousse stammered out the words of a drinking-song.

"Well, my dear sir," said Danglars to Fernand, "here is a
marriage which does not appear to make everybody happy."

"It drives me to despair," said Fernand.

"Do you, then, love Mercedes?"

"I adore her!"

"For long?"

"As long as I have known her -- always."

"And you sit there, tearing your hair, instead of seeking to
remedy your condition; I did not think that was the way of
your people."

"What would you have me do?" said Fernand.

"How do I know? Is it my affair? I am not in love with
Mademoiselle Mercedes; but for you -- in the words of the
gospel, seek, and you shall find."

"I have found already."

"What?"

"I would stab the man, but the woman told me that if any
misfortune happened to her betrothed, she would kill
herself."

"Pooh! Women say those things, but never do them."

"You do not know Mercedes; what she threatens she will do."

"Idiot!" muttered Danglars; "whether she kill herself or
not, what matter, provided Dantes is not captain?"

"Before Mercedes should die," replied Fernand, with the
accents of unshaken resolution, "I would die myself!"

"That's what I call love!" said Caderousse with a voice more
tipsy than ever. "That's love, or I don't know what love
is."

"Come," said Danglars, "you appear to me a good sort of
fellow, and hang me, I should like to help you, but" --

"Yes," said Caderousse, "but how?"

"My dear fellow," replied Danglars, "you are three parts
drunk; finish the bottle, and you will be completely so.
Drink then, and do not meddle with what we are discussing,
for that requires all one's wit and cool judgment."

"I -- drunk!" said Caderousse; "well that's a good one! I
could drink four more such bottles; they are no bigger than
cologne flasks. Pere Pamphile, more wine!" and Caderousse
rattled his glass upon the table.

"You were saving, sir" -- said Fernand, awaiting with great
anxiety the end of this interrupted remark.

"What was I saying? I forget. This drunken Caderousse has
made me lose the thread of my sentence."

"Drunk, if you like; so much the worse for those who fear
wine, for it is because they have bad thoughts which they
are afraid the liquor will extract from their hearts;" and
Caderousse began to sing the two last lines of a song very
popular at the time, --

`Tous les mechants sont beuveurs d'eau;
C'est bien prouve par le deluge.'*

* "The wicked are great drinkers of water
As the flood proved once for all."

"You said, sir, you would like to help me, but" --

"Yes; but I added, to help you it would be sufficient that
Dantes did not marry her you love; and the marriage may
easily be thwarted, methinks, and yet Dantes need not die."

"Death alone can separate them," remarked Fernand.

"You talk like a noodle, my friend," said Caderousse; "and
here is Danglars, who is a wide-awake, clever, deep fellow,
who will prove to you that you are wrong. Prove it,
Danglars. I have answered for you. Say there is no need why
Dantes should die; it would, indeed, be a pity he should.
Dantes is a good fellow; I like Dantes. Dantes, your
health."

Fernand rose impatiently. "Let him run on," said Danglars,
restraining the young man; "drunk as he is, he is not much
out in what he says. Absence severs as well as death, and if
the walls of a prison were between Edmond and Mercedes they
would be as effectually separated as if he lay under a
tombstone."

"Yes; but one gets out of prison," said Caderousse, who,
with what sense was left him, listened eagerly to the
conversation, "and when one gets out and one's name is
Edmond Dantes, one seek
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
Dude, you make it sound like I've never been here before. I know you guys like to pat yourselfs on the back for all the time you've spent here but I was around here a good long while.


You posted here for, what, two months? Then lurked for like one more month. You weren't here when some of the guys spammed the shit out of the Writer's Block forum. You weren't here last year when G-man was mod of the Politics forum. Oh, that was fun. The spam sessions bsams and I did there on a regular basis made your little amateur show today look like, well, Insurgency forums activity. You weren't here when rex and G-man had their fight! I'd say half of rex's 32k come from that one.

Hell, my poop spam last year was bigger than what you did today. Ditto for my pants spam in the women forum. And I did those for no reason at all.
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
Yeah, funny how I haven't seen him spam that much (the amount you are talking about) in the last few weeks I've been here


Thanks to you guys, he rarely needs to do it anymore.
 Originally Posted By: Im Not Mister Mxyzptlk
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
Yeah, funny how I haven't seen him spam that much (the amount you are talking about) in the last few weeks I've been here


Thanks to you guys, he rarely needs to do it anymore.


So you mean that week when none of us were really around just...doesn't count?

Man you guys are pathetic.

I didn't even say anything about "winning" just that obviously are tactics affected this place and you Whores are bouncing up and "IT'S NOT TRUE".
No, that week doesn't count, because we were still enjoying the augmented activity left over as a consequence of your raid, so Frank's services weren't needed. Keep this up and he'll be out of a job!
Does Nonoxynol 9 count?
I love the fact that he's posting how he's made the post count go down while, in fact, he's driving it up with Mxy and Knut.
almost to 10k
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
I love the fact that he's posting how he's made the post count go down while, in fact, he's driving it up with Mxy and Knut.


You're "obviously" in denial.


Man!
BSAMS has been posting this all over the place:



It really manifests what whipped pussies these guys are.

And aspiring little marxists too. That they need to hunt down and suppress any free thought on their boards that opposes their own.
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry

He added to the spam. Pretty fucking simple.



sooo...youve never seen us spam our own boards before??


Not on the day somebody else comes to do it and not nearly as much spam as there was today.

No.

But still, I appreciate his wanting to help.

BTW, obviously I haven't seen you guys spam before so why are you asking a question you already have the answer to?

He obviously never saw my spammer id!
503 spam posts in a single day.
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=userposts&id=2579
i think you broke them nowie... thanks.
we been doing it to ourselves for years (spamming that is)
Nowie our boards are open now you should come visit...

i could use another non american.
Nowie's a Canadian.
God help me, I'm going to say something that could be construed as nice.

Rex and I broke the whole damn Insurgency. Twice.
Just go away. I broke all you fuckers. You're one of them and you always will be one of them.
And, you're still the licker of my cock. Now, bow down and welcome your next owner, bitch.



BTW, how's basement life treating you?


Actually, The girlfriend formerly known as KnitWit just reminded me of the fact that it is almost like I never even left the Insurgency. Why? Because now I have you, Rex. My very own little Halotard.
dont worry. you get used to the hate.
Yeah, he seems quite the miserable fellow.
damn dude. they really roasted you over there about this shit. thats so sad...
Well, they are more a club of friars than a band of warriors.
those poor dumb bastards...
Yeah, I'll admit I don't always show it with "insightful" posts, but they really lost the most intelligent thing they've got there.

I was going to post something else, but the girl just started dancing. I got a jet.
Bro's before Ho's!
Bullshit, Lothar. The Pussy Clause is universal...
iggy definitely gets partial credit as insurgent breaker.
Thank you.

It was all worth it to watch them go from saying this was more or less about leaving personal shit out of it and, yet, now they have no ammo against me so they go with using personal shit.

This whole thing has played out like a MasterCard commercial.

For me, resulting to personal attacks was the "Priceless."
If it hasn't been said before, Iggy, welcome to the boards. Thank you for helping to provide me (and others) with the most fun we'd had in a long time.
Thank you. And, no problem.

Honestly, I tried a lot of this just to get the boards back to nomral over there. But, you guys broke 'em something fierce and it finally just came down to putting the place to pasture.

Pro as admin was really freaking funny.
you should've made more RKMB admins.
drzsmith for mod!
FREE FRANTA!!
DOWN WITH PANTS!
UP WITH SKIRTS!
Where's that Free Franta clown pic, btw?

I miss it terribly. More than I miss Franta.
I CANT DO IT ALL!
YOU'VE BLOWN IT ALL SKY HIGH!
YOU MANIACS!
LOUD NOISES!
PEOPLE!
 Originally Posted By: Ultimate Jaburg53
I've seen those shirts.....I don't get it. I Love Lamps?
There were horses and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.
Anchorman, its from Snorg Tees. From what I can tell they rip off Will Ferrell movies for profit....
the bears can smell the menstration
Remember when they said they were going to drive us from our boards?








I like how Halo thinks he was getting the better of us and that it's someone else's fault that they fell flat on their faces.
That's the best part. It means he'll be back for more. There's nothing funnier than a dense fucker with an internet connection.
From now on the opposite of reality will now be referred to as "halo82".
I've already dubbed his particular kind of logic "halogic".
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
I like how Halo thinks he was getting the better of us and that it's someone else's fault that they fell flat on their faces.


Just as good is the coward whomod's post. You just KNOW he's gonna stay here, posting in the politics forum. He's the biggest hypocrite of them all!
so now we have added 'halogic' to the lexicon alongside 'whomolitics' and 'hobosexual'?

aweshome.
mega aweshome
Rob is gay!
gay!
is!
nowhereman!
Pro broke iggy (again?)

 Quote:
Thanks for the heads up, I'll start referring to the Insurgency one as Fartspray.

This was originally a longer, more venom filled post, but I'll just stick to the kerygma of it.

Yes, you are right in saying I shouldn't bother. The Insurgents have proven themselves to be nothing but deluded sacks of shit that must desperately cling to fantasies of victory and betrayal to give themselves a phantasmic ideal of self-worth. And, when that fails, they try to bring in people's personal life, problems, livelyhood, address, or phonenumber (whether real or fake) to concoct some glorious scheme of vengeance all because they got their virtual butts hurt on the interwebs. It is sad. Really. Fucking. Sad.

Oh, fuck it. Apologies for the rant, people.

One guy can't get over the fact that he got heckled over a comic book character and has a block on his shoulder about it to this very day.

Another gets all in a tizzy because someone made an alt that really had neither jack nor shit to do with his real life daughter. Worst part about this one is that said poster probably went above and beyond what the sock fucker hoped for and organized a failed raid to defend his daughter's "interweb honor."

Yet another lives in this fantasy world of "not really caring" about the raid despite the fact that I was the one who stayed and yet he has more posts than me.

Seriously, one of these guys fucking gets behind on his work and sacrifices spending time with his kids to participate in a fucking internet flame war? Then, despite sacrificing time with his kids, has the audacity to tell me to do the right thing and hand over a fucking message board? What. The. Fuck?

Another poster thinks she has me all figured out and I did this because of jealousy. :facepalm: Honestly, I spent a good chunk of 2007 as a transient drunk. I got better. I've got a job. I'm renting a pretty decent house. I'm finishing my master's thesis. I've got a great woman. When things seemed bleakest in the real world, I picked myself up by my bootlaces and did what I had to do. I didn't turn to the internet to try and pick up a win because real life had just kicked the shit out of me. I turned around and kicked real life right back. Why would I be jealous?

And, while we are on the subject, I'm glad so many of you find my past problems with alcohol funny. Hell, I find some of the incredulous things I did as a drunken hobo pretty funny. Of course, our approach is differnt. You approach it as a way to mockingly get your jollies and some sad sense of self-worth because you got your virtual butt hurt on the internet. I see it as a dark part of my life that helped define who I am now, while appreciating the black humor of it all. But, let's get one thing straight, there is something funny about me passing out in a trash can. There is nothing funny about sacrificing the chance to spend time with your kids so you can desperately try to get a win. Seeing your kids for a weekend should be your big win.

So, go ahead and mock me. Spread this all over the Iconoclasts, Like It in the Ass, or whatever the fuck you guys are calling yourselves these days as the great sign of me being broken. But, remember, while you are all living in your sad, pathetic world of virtual victory; I wake up every day with the coolness, confidence, and desire to keep winning at life and, that is why myself and nearly everyone here at the RKMBs will always triumph over you. Because we don't need this win to signify a win in our lives. Our lives are so full of win that they signify themselves.

Fuck you.

-Iggy
Ummm...did you even bother reading his post? I didn't "break" Iggy you moron. No one "broke" Iggy. I know the idea of someone improving themselves without trying to blame others for their problems is an alien concept to your worthless, lazy ass Rex. So, I can see where you might not understand what he's posting about. But, as ever, you completely missed the point of his post...
I guess, nowadays, just making long posts in general qualifies as someone being "broken."
 Originally Posted By: rex
Pro broke iggy (again?)

 Quote:
Thanks for the heads up, I'll start referring to the Insurgency one as Fartspray.

This was originally a longer, more venom filled post, but I'll just stick to the kerygma of it.

Yes, you are right in saying I shouldn't bother. The Insurgents have proven themselves to be nothing but deluded sacks of shit that must desperately cling to fantasies of victory and betrayal to give themselves a phantasmic ideal of self-worth. And, when that fails, they try to bring in people's personal life, problems, livelyhood, address, or phonenumber (whether real or fake) to concoct some glorious scheme of vengeance all because they got their virtual butts hurt on the interwebs. It is sad. Really. Fucking. Sad.

Oh, fuck it. Apologies for the rant, people.

One guy can't get over the fact that he got heckled over a comic book character and has a block on his shoulder about it to this very day.

Another gets all in a tizzy because someone made an alt that really had neither jack nor shit to do with his real life daughter. Worst part about this one is that said poster probably went above and beyond what the sock fucker hoped for and organized a failed raid to defend his daughter's "interweb honor."

Yet another lives in this fantasy world of "not really caring" about the raid despite the fact that I was the one who stayed and yet he has more posts than me.

Seriously, one of these guys fucking gets behind on his work and sacrifices spending time with his kids to participate in a fucking internet flame war? Then, despite sacrificing time with his kids, has the audacity to tell me to do the right thing and hand over a fucking message board? What. The. Fuck?

Another poster thinks she has me all figured out and I did this because of jealousy. :facepalm: Honestly, I spent a good chunk of 2007 as a transient drunk. I got better. I've got a job. I'm renting a pretty decent house. I'm finishing my master's thesis. I've got a great woman. When things seemed bleakest in the real world, I picked myself up by my bootlaces and did what I had to do. I didn't turn to the internet to try and pick up a win because real life had just kicked the shit out of me. I turned around and kicked real life right back. Why would I be jealous?

And, while we are on the subject, I'm glad so many of you find my past problems with alcohol funny. Hell, I find some of the incredulous things I did as a drunken hobo pretty funny. Of course, our approach is differnt. You approach it as a way to mockingly get your jollies and some sad sense of self-worth because you got your virtual butt hurt on the internet. I see it as a dark part of my life that helped define who I am now, while appreciating the black humor of it all. But, let's get one thing straight, there is something funny about me passing out in a trash can. There is nothing funny about sacrificing the chance to spend time with your kids so you can desperately try to get a win. Seeing your kids for a weekend should be your big win.

So, go ahead and mock me. Spread this all over the Iconoclasts, Like It in the Ass, or whatever the fuck you guys are calling yourselves these days as the great sign of me being broken. But, remember, while you are all living in your sad, pathetic world of virtual victory; I wake up every day with the coolness, confidence, and desire to keep winning at life and, that is why myself and nearly everyone here at the RKMBs will always triumph over you. Because we don't need this win to signify a win in our lives. Our lives are so full of win that they signify themselves.

Fuck you.

-Iggy


wow and i thought Halo was emo....

iggy i agree with most of your points...
but i would never be online at any time when i have my son and you know that.

and i don't really give a rats ass about the raid and the flame war i never did.. it was just another way to harass Halo until you turned into a traitor and a whiny bitch...

of course i think of you as a freind but i'm still thinking you're a bitch for what you did.. and you want these assholes as interweb freinds?
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=985220#Post985220
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
I guess, nowadays, just making long posts in general qualifies as someone being "broken."


Sadly, having read the posts by Oakley and the Legion of Superwankers, I can understand why a long post is almost--by definition--the proof of one's being broken.
**BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

What a tool!

Does he really not realize that every time he responds like this it proves that we were right? And that we ultimately won?

Is he off the wagon again already?

Don't have the time right now, but I'll deconstruct this fully later on.

My top 3 items/lies:

"The Insurgents have proven themselves to be nothing but deluded sacks of shit that must desperately cling to fantasies of victory and betrayal..."

Asshole Sellout's betrayal was not a fantasy.

"One guy can't get over the fact that he got heckled over a comic book character and has a block on his shoulder about it to this very day."

Once again, and hopefully for the very last time, the raid was NEVER about Halo's issues with the RKMBers. EVER. It was always about supporting Whomod.

"Worst part about this one is that said poster probably went above and beyond what the sock fucker hoped for and organized a failed raid to defend his daughter's "interweb honor."

Same as above, once again and hopefully for the very last time, Whomod had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with initiating the raid. This was done by whomod's friends at the Insurgency as a means of showing him that not everyone on the interweb is an asshole and some of us actually do take things like friendship into account. Just like I, and many other Insurgents did, for Asshole Sellout when he announced he had a drinking problem. In fact, I went so far as to give Asshole Sellout my home and cell phone numbers and tell him that he could use them at any time, reverse the charges if need be, AND, even offered to serve as an intermediary with someone on his end to get him into a rehab clinic if he so desired.

But hey, I guess once you get used to living in an alcohol induced haze it's hard to break out of it no matter how many tugs on the ol' bootlaces you give.
 Originally Posted By: Black Machismo
**BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

What a tool!

Does he really not realize that every time he responds like this it proves that we were right? And that we ultimately won?

Is he off the wagon again already?

Don't have the time right now, but I'll deconstruct this fully later on.

My top 3 items/lies:

"The Insurgents have proven themselves to be nothing but deluded sacks of shit that must desperately cling to fantasies of victory and betrayal..."

Asshole Sellout's betrayal was not a fantasy.

"One guy can't get over the fact that he got heckled over a comic book character and has a block on his shoulder about it to this very day."

Once again, and hopefully for the very last time, the raid was NEVER about Halo's issues with the RKMBers. EVER. It was always about supporting Whomod.

"Worst part about this one is that said poster probably went above and beyond what the sock fucker hoped for and organized a failed raid to defend his daughter's "interweb honor."

Same as above, once again and hopefully for the very last time, Whomod had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with initiating the raid. This was done by whomod's friends at the Insurgency as a means of showing him that not everyone on the interweb is an asshole and some of us actually do take things like friendship into account. Just like I, and many other Insurgents did, for Asshole Sellout when he announced he had a drinking problem. In fact, I went so far as to give Asshole Sellout my home and cell phone numbers and tell him that he could use them at any time, reverse the charges if need be, AND, even offered to serve as an intermediary with someone on his end to get him into a rehab clinic if he so desired.

But hey, I guess once you get used to living in an alcohol induced haze it's hard to break out of it no matter how many tugs on the ol' bootlaces you give.



Well, since you went through all the trouble of copying this to three different threads, I'll reply.

Really, you guys won. Can't wait to see that rationalization. Last I saw, you were all crying foul and running off to another board.

You say betrayal. I say mercy killing. Sure, one could chalk it up to subjectivity. Well, if not for the fact that you guys live in fantasy land.

Yes, everyone ran over here to defend Whomod's daughter against a sinister alt. Sure, I'll buy it. Why not? Let's just remember that Halo ran over here even faster because he saw a chance at revenge.

Okay, so let's say that Whomod had nothing to do with the raid. Then, which Insurgent went combing through here and found the Whomod's Daughter alt? The only other possibility would be Tommy combing through here looking for a chance at revenge over the whole Green Lantern thing. So, either Whomod ran to the Insurgency bitching about the alt which led to the raid or Tommy found it and used it as a reason to get revenge. You can't have it both ways, Ffag. Which is it?

And, Ffag, I thanked you at the time for the help. But, I also told you that I am more of the DIY type. That being the case, I handled the problem myself.

BTW, glad to see that your friendships trump your family.
 Originally Posted By: iggy
The only other possibility would be Tommy combing through here looking for a chance at revenge over the whole Green Lantern thing.


I know for a fact that Wanky had been lurking here long before the Whomod's daughter thing started.

(If there is a God, Wanky will challenge me on that statement.)
 Originally Posted By: iggy
 Originally Posted By: Black Machismo
**BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

What a tool!

Does he really not realize that every time he responds like this it proves that we were right? And that we ultimately won?

Is he off the wagon again already?

Don't have the time right now, but I'll deconstruct this fully later on.

My top 3 items/lies:

"The Insurgents have proven themselves to be nothing but deluded sacks of shit that must desperately cling to fantasies of victory and betrayal..."

Asshole Sellout's betrayal was not a fantasy.

"One guy can't get over the fact that he got heckled over a comic book character and has a block on his shoulder about it to this very day."

Once again, and hopefully for the very last time, the raid was NEVER about Halo's issues with the RKMBers. EVER. It was always about supporting Whomod.

"Worst part about this one is that said poster probably went above and beyond what the sock fucker hoped for and organized a failed raid to defend his daughter's "interweb honor."

Same as above, once again and hopefully for the very last time, Whomod had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with initiating the raid. This was done by whomod's friends at the Insurgency as a means of showing him that not everyone on the interweb is an asshole and some of us actually do take things like friendship into account. Just like I, and many other Insurgents did, for Asshole Sellout when he announced he had a drinking problem. In fact, I went so far as to give Asshole Sellout my home and cell phone numbers and tell him that he could use them at any time, reverse the charges if need be, AND, even offered to serve as an intermediary with someone on his end to get him into a rehab clinic if he so desired.

But hey, I guess once you get used to living in an alcohol induced haze it's hard to break out of it no matter how many tugs on the ol' bootlaces you give.



Well, since you went through all the trouble of copying this to three different threads, I'll reply.

Really, you guys won. Can't wait to see that rationalization. Last I saw, you were all crying foul and running off to another board.

You say betrayal. I say mercy killing. Sure, one could chalk it up to subjectivity. Well, if not for the fact that you guys live in fantasy land.

Yes, everyone ran over here to defend Whomod's daughter against a sinister alt. Sure, I'll buy it. Why not? Let's just remember that Halo ran over here even faster because he saw a chance at revenge.

Okay, so let's say that Whomod had nothing to do with the raid. Then, which Insurgent went combing through here and found the Whomod's Daughter alt? The only other possibility would be Tommy combing through here looking for a chance at revenge over the whole Green Lantern thing. So, either Whomod ran to the Insurgency bitching about the alt which led to the raid or Tommy found it and used it as a reason to get revenge. You can't have it both ways, Ffag. Which is it?

And, Ffag, I thanked you at the time for the help. But, I also told you that I am more of the DIY type. That being the case, I handled the problem myself.

BTW, glad to see that your friendships trump your family.



 Originally Posted By: Captain Zzap,Jul 29 2008, 01:12 AM
[color=purple]Quickest reaction time yet!!!!!

Well, since you went through all the trouble of copying this to three different threads, I'll reply.

Really, you guys won.

[color=green]Actually, every time you or one of the other RKMBers contradict yourselves and your attitude that nothing said on the internet has any significance by responding to one of our posts, yeah, I consider that as a win in our column. Also, everytime you or one of the RKBMers betray your ideal that nothing said on the internet has any significance by responding to one of our posts...an angel gets its wings.[/color]

Can't wait to see that rationalization. Last I saw, you were all crying foul and running off to another board.

[color=green]As opposed to what? Staying at the Insurgency under your "leadership"? Yeah, I think we made the right decision.[/color]

You say betrayal. I say mercy killing. Sure, one could chalk it up to subjectivity. Well, if not for the fact that you guys live in fantasy land.

[color=green]Nothing subjective about it. You were a volunteer in our "cause", a trusted member of our inner circle and the founder of our board. You ratted us out and aided and abetted the "enemy. Nothing subjective at all. It was a betrayal. Anything else is a rationalization or a delusion. As for living in "fantasy land", I'd rather live there than in a pool of my own vomit while slumped over in an alley somewhere as so many drunks are wont to do.[/color]

Yes, everyone ran over here to defend Whomod's daughter against a sinister alt. Sure, I'll buy it. Why not?

[color=green]You sure as hell should buy it, you joined us for that very reason, remember? Back when you had a spine and functioning soul you voluntarily joined us in our raid to help us support whomod. Unless, of course, you were pulling your Judas act as far back as that. [/color]

Let's just remember that Halo ran over here even faster because he saw a chance at revenge.

[color=green]Maybe. Maybe not. I can't read Halo's mind, but the way it was presented to me and so far as I know to the rest of the Insurgents, was to defend whomod based on the precedent set by Starheart1976. [/color]

Okay, so let's say that Whomod had nothing to do with the raid. Then, which Insurgent went combing through here and found the Whomod's Daughter alt? The only other possibility would be Tommy combing through here looking for a chance at revenge over the whole Green Lantern thing. So, either Whomod ran to the Insurgency bitching about the alt which led to the raid or Tommy found it and used it as a reason to get revenge. You can't have it both ways, Zzap. Which is it?

[color=green]See my response above. Halo brought it to the attention of the Insurgency, not whomod. If he did it for revenge, he never mentioned it to me. Frankly, if it was for revenge, then that's on Halo. I know I wouldn't have gone to his defense for that reason. Whomod's daughter is another thing entirely. If Halo lied/tricked all of us (including you, by the way)...well what can you do? He got us to do what he wanted. Yup, the guy you all refer to as "Halotard" was smart enough to pull all of our strings, (again, your strings included), as our puppet master. I just don't see that as being the case. But then you already know all this. You read all the posts for yourself and based on what you saw, made a voluntary decision to help us support whomod. Remember? So, why the ambiguity? Why all these "questions"? Don't you remember reading all that stuff?[/color]

And, Zzap, I thanked you at the time for the help. But, I also told you that I am more of the DIY type. That being the case, I handled the problem myself.

[color=green]Indeed. I'm both glad and a little surprised you remember and admit that I extended my hand in friendship to you in that way; way above and beyond what most people would do for someone they knew only from the internet, (see the similarity here between what I did for you and what I did for whomod?)And who is there to say that had you accepted some help your life wouldn't be even better than it is today? I'm sure I don't need to quote you statistics about success vs. recidivism rates back into alcoholism, especially in regards to when the alcoholic goes it alone vs. assisted by a support system. Or do I?[/color]

BTW, glad to see that your friendships trump your family. [/color]

[color=green]Man, this argument is just annoyingly lame. My relationship with my children is far, far more secure than any you may have experienced. In fact, based on what I've seen of your actions and the actions of the entire RKMBoard, I'm confident in saying that my relationship with my children is not something you or they can fathom. It's a relationship based on love, honesty, trust and a mutual understanding and agreement about what is important in life. I can assure you that as a family we agree that friends are important, sticking up for friends is very important and defending those that can't defend themselves is of utmost importance. Maybe chalk that last one up to being Jewish. Regardless, in point of fact, when I told my son that he would be having a friend over so that I could spend time online defending a friend whose baby daughter was attacked, he had no problem with it. That's the kind of family I was raised in and the family that I'm raising.

Good luck trying to understand that. [/color]

Zzap!

P.S. Or, you and/or Joe could just give us another win by responding. Your choice. :39: \:\)

:27:
Steve misses me so much, he mentions me by name!
who's Steve? Dedrater?
Steve Zweig. You know him as Captain Zzap. He emailed Oakley in hopes of recruiting him to their side of their botched "raid."
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzapp!
 Originally Posted By: Joe Mama
Steve Zweig. You know him as Captain Zzap. He emailed Oakley in hopes of recruiting him to their side of their botched "raid."


wait.. Joe... i seem to recall you wanting to be part of the insurgency at one point.... you were wiolling to turn on these guys to gain our acceptance as well.
Awww crap! I enjoyed the continued pwnage so much that I plum forgot to respond to The Brothel comment.

"the only two individuals that seemed to take the whole thing seriously was zzap and halo. and, really, the mere fact that they took it seriously means they "lost". sure, everyone jumped in and said stuff, on both sides. but those two were obsessed with it -- clearly halo still is. and that is the very definition of losing an "internet war"

I can't speak for Halo, or anyone else, but it's readily apparent that many others on both sides took their involvement very seriously. And, about the only things I took seriously were my commitment to whomod and my friends at the Insurgency and their faith in me as the leader of the raid. Too bad we were betrayed before we ever had a chance to try my plans.

But, I'm certain that cheating is considered a form of high art at the RKMB's so I'm quite content that we didn't lower ourselves to their level in order to gain any satisfaction.

Zzap!
Oh yeah. That's right. I was all set to become an Insurgent and either never post here again or turn on people I've considered friends for the better part of five years. I was going to join up with such people as Tommy and Whomod. I was prepared to call them friends and betray the people I speak/spoke to regularly, such as Bunny, Grimm, Doc, Pro, Rex (well, maybe Rex ;\) ), Nowhereman, etc. You truly have revealed my deepest, darkest secret. And, of course, you have the thread where I make these intentions clear. You know, the one I started over in the Insurgency Forums. Right?

Oh THAT'S right. You don't. One of your own deleted it, along with every other thread you crazy kids created. I guess all I can say is "Thanks for destroying the evidence."

Meanwhile, you're fitting in quite nicely as an RKMBer. Let me know when you want to defect away from the former Insurgents, whose stink you carry out of some sad sense of obligation. Your passport and escape route are ready.
 Originally Posted By: Black Machismo
Awww crap! I enjoyed the continued pwnage so much that I plum forgot to respond to The Brothel comment.

"the only two individuals that seemed to take the whole thing seriously was zzap and halo. and, really, the mere fact that they took it seriously means they "lost". sure, everyone jumped in and said stuff, on both sides. but those two were obsessed with it -- clearly halo still is. and that is the very definition of losing an "internet war"

I can't speak for Halo, or anyone else, but it's readily apparent that many others on both sides took their involvement very seriously. And, about the only things I took seriously were my commitment to whomod and my friends at the Insurgency and their faith in me as the leader of the raid. Too bad we were betrayed before we ever had a chance to try my plans.

But, I'm certain that cheating is considered a form of high art at the RKMB's so I'm quite content that we didn't lower ourselves to their level in order to gain any satisfaction.

Zzap!


The hypocrisy inherent in that comment is too funny to ignore!
 Originally Posted By: Joe Mama
Oh yeah. That's right. I was all set to become an Insurgent and either never post here again or turn on people I've considered friends for the better part of five years. I was going to join up with such people as Tommy and Whomod. I was prepared to call them friends and betray the people I speak/spoke to regularly, such as Bunny, Grimm, Doc, Pro, Rex (well, maybe Rex ;\) ), Nowhereman, etc. You truly have revealed my deepest, darkest secret. And, of course, you have the thread where I make these intentions clear. You know, the one I started over in the Insurgency Forums. Right?

Oh THAT'S right. You don't. One of your own deleted it, along with every other thread you crazy kids created. I guess all I can say is "Thanks for destroying the evidence."

Meanwhile, you're fitting in quite nicely as an RKMBer. Let me know when you want to defect away from the former Insurgents, whose stink you carry out of some sad sense of obligation. Your passport and escape route are ready.


you are aware that Iggy (your sellout New freind) was the one that deleted every thread correct?
 Originally Posted By: Black Machismo
you are aware that Iggy (your sellout New freind) was the one that deleted every thread correct?


Even the ones Whomod and Polo deleted?
ZOWIE!!! You mean...it WASN'T Pologuy???

Egads!!!

No, wait...um, nope. Still don't care.
Actually, according to the Admin Log of the time, it was Polo who went nutso and wiped everything. At least, it was his name beside everything that said "Thread Deleted" in the logs...
That'll have been Iggy, who "hacked" Polo's account.

Hang on ... "hacked" ... that means it was you, Pro! Ha! Argue your way out that brilliant deductive logic.
They hate Iggy so much that they're having to blame him for the shit their own people did.
 Originally Posted By: Queenie
That'll have been Iggy, who "hacked" Polo's account.

Hang on ... "hacked" ... that means it was you, Pro! Ha! Argue your way out that brilliant deductive logic.


Yea--...wha?! I--I...I don't---....that is to say, you're--....uhhh....
No, seriously, I thought it was Polo. Was it Iggy, really?
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
Actually, according to the Admin Log of the time, it was Polo who went nutso and wiped everything. At least, it was his name beside everything that said "Thread Deleted" in the logs...


You and the Admin Log are quite correct.

It is sad that they have now turned this into me deleting the board. Whomod broke down and wiped out most all of his stuff. Polo freaked, I guess, because of the idea that their idiocy would be archived forever on the interweb. I seem to remember him leaving one post about "The board is your's but not everything on it...yada...yada...yada...fuck you...vie la insurgency!"

So deluded that they pin what one of their own did on me.
If that's the case, then it's not delusional. It's just an outright fucking lie...
 Originally Posted By: Captain Zzap,Jul 29 2008, 01:12 AM
[color=purple]Quickest reaction time yet!!!!!
Actually, every time you or one of the other RKMBers contradict yourselves and your attitude that nothing said on the internet has any significance by responding to one of our posts, yeah, I consider that as a win in our column. Also, everytime you or one of the RKBMers betray your ideal that nothing said on the internet has any significance by responding to one of our posts...an angel gets its wings.


Saddest rationalization ever. I need a win. So, if you respond, I win. It was Sikk or Halo that originally copied what I wrote here and posted it at the Likes it in the Ass that solicited these responses from you. Here is a doggie treat for being such a good boy and jumping through the hoop.

 Quote:
As opposed to what? Staying at the Insurgency under your "leadership"? Yeah, I think we made the right decision.


Well, at least, you can admit you ran with your tail between your legs.

 Quote:
Nothing subjective about it. You were a volunteer in our "cause", a trusted member of our inner circle and the founder of our board. You ratted us out and aided and abetted the "enemy. Nothing subjective at all. It was a betrayal. Anything else is a rationalization or a delusion. As for living in "fantasy land", I'd rather live there than in a pool of my own vomit while slumped over in an alley somewhere as so many drunks are wont to do.

You sure as hell should buy it, you joined us for that very reason, remember? Back when you had a spine and functioning soul you voluntarily joined us in our raid to help us support whomod. Unless, of course, you were pulling your Judas act as far back as that.


Hopefully, Pro can forgive me for sharing a little PM I sent him on May 26, 2008.

 Originally Posted By: iggy
Well, just thought you might like to know that it is really funny behind the locked door of the Insurgency right now. A few of us are taking the others to task for organizing the worst raid ever, not to mention the general lack of balls required to shut down the boards so that you guys couldn't raid back.

They've generally called a halt to all activities for the moment for "reorganizational purposes."

Anyway, just thought you might like to know that everybody else caught a bad case of the Dien Bien Phu.

And, lastly, I joined into this thing late just because I heard people were taking pot shots at family which is something I generally don't condone. But, upon getting here and seeing that it was a joke alt called whomod's daughter, the wind in my sails died. You guys aren't bad. He just went overboard.

Anyway, I'll try to get the idiots in line.

-Iggy


Honestly, if you couldn't see the idiocy of the raid then and now, you must really be one stupid fuck. As far as the "betrayal" goes, it really boiled down to an issue of conflicting ideologies about the board. You lost, you left.

 Originally Posted By: Ffag
Maybe. Maybe not. I can't read Halo's mind, but the way it was presented to me and so far as I know to the rest of the Insurgents, was to defend whomod based on the precedent set by Starheart1976.


Heh. I just remembered that Star's avatar was of Green Lantern. Alan, of course, but Green Lantern all the same.

 Quote:
See my response above. Halo brought it to the attention of the Insurgency, not whomod. If he did it for revenge, he never mentioned it to me. Frankly, if it was for revenge, then that's on Halo. I know I wouldn't have gone to his defense for that reason. Whomod's daughter is another thing entirely. If Halo lied/tricked all of us (including you, by the way)...well what can you do? He got us to do what he wanted. Yup, the guy you all refer to as "Halotard" was smart enough to pull all of our strings, (again, your strings included), as our puppet master. I just don't see that as being the case. But then you already know all this. You read all the posts for yourself and based on what you saw, made a voluntary decision to help us support whomod. Remember? So, why the ambiguity? Why all these "questions"? Don't you remember reading all that stuff?


So, it was Halo who went overboard about the alt so he could get revenge. Sad. As for all the questions, see the PM above. I heard the rumblings. I was expecting something sinister. I got that. I voluntarily withdrew my help and support. Now, I understand why. This was really all just a chance for Wanky to try and get a little Lost Lantern revenge.

 Quote:
Indeed. I'm both glad and a little surprised you remember and admit that I extended my hand in friendship to you in that way; way above and beyond what most people would do for someone they knew only from the internet, (see the similarity here between what I did for you and what I did for whomod?)And who is there to say that had you accepted some help your life wouldn't be even better than it is today? I'm sure I don't need to quote you statistics about success vs. recidivism rates back into alcoholism, especially in regards to when the alcoholic goes it alone vs. assisted by a support system. Or do I?


First lesson I received about statistics in my stats class, learn to lie with them. Oh, also, who is there to say my life wouldn't be worse? See, it can go both ways when you use lame what-might-have-been questions like that.

 Quote:
Man, this argument is just annoyingly lame. My relationship with my children is far, far more secure than any you may have experienced. In fact, based on what I've seen of your actions and the actions of the entire RKMBoard, I'm confident in saying that my relationship with my children is not something you or they can fathom. It's a relationship based on love, honesty, trust and a mutual understanding and agreement about what is important in life. I can assure you that as a family we agree that friends are important, sticking up for friends is very important and defending those that can't defend themselves is of utmost importance. Maybe chalk that last one up to being Jewish. Regardless, in point of fact, when I told my son that he would be having a friend over so that I could spend time online defending a friend whose baby daughter was attacked, he had no problem with it. That's the kind of family I was raised in and the family that I'm raising.


I still can't believe that out of all the insurgents who saw the alt, I am the only one who realized that it was the lamest excuse for a raid ever.

 Quote:
Good luck trying to understand that.

Zzap!

P.S. Or, you and/or Joe could just give us another win by responding. Your choice. :39: \:\)


See the first part of the post about it being my post here that was copied there getting you to jump through hoops. If you want to consider being held by the bit a win, then go ahead you sad, creepy man.
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
If that's the case, then it's not delusional. It's just an outright fucking lie...


Your right. Chalk another one up on the list of lies they tell.
 Originally Posted By: Queenie
That'll have been Iggy, who "hacked" Polo's account.

Hang on ... "hacked" ... that means it was you, Pro! Ha! Argue your way out that brilliant deductive logic.



They am got him by the nuts now!
Transformers! More Than Meets the Eye!
 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
 Originally Posted By: Queenie
That'll have been Iggy, who "hacked" Polo's account.

Hang on ... "hacked" ... that means it was you, Pro! Ha! Argue your way out that brilliant deductive logic.





I made Knut laff

Also: Opal Fruits - made to make your mouth water
Knut laughs at everything a supposed woman says. He's desperate like that.
Speaking of desperation, here's Rex to add nothing to any conversation...
Your welcome.
"You're"...
 Originally Posted By: rex




hey it works for non-insurgents too!
Pro. Broken by everyone who pointed out his love for the Halle Berry Catwoman flick.

Seriously. He's had sand in his vagina ever since then.
He does love that film.
But to be fair, he did criticize it for its lack of Spider-Buggy.
 Originally Posted By: the G-man
I'm upset because Pro is constantly pointing out my dirty little tricks in the Republican Forum, and this is the only way I have of fighting back


Yep. Broken.
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: the G-man
I'm upset because Pro is constantly pointing out my dirty little tricks in the Republican Forum, and this is the only way I have of fighting back


Yeah, because acting exactly like whomod and Halo-both on and off the politics board-is completely unlike the behavior of a broken man, Pro.



I hope rex or somebody doesn't create a "Pro's wife" alt. It might lead you to start your own insurgency forum or something.

;\)
 Originally Posted By: the G-man
Yeah, because acting exactly like whomod and Halo-both on and off the politics board-is completely unlike the behavior of a broken man, Pro.



I hope rex or somebody doesn't create a "Pro's wife" alt. It might lead you to start your own insurgency forum or something.

;\)


A perfect example of knowing when you're getting to G-Man.

First, note comparisons to known disliked posters (i.e. whomod and Halo). He's trying to set bait to make the person angry or upset.

Second, he tries to work in any sensitive point from the past that might support his attempts to hurt or undermine said poster (i.e. trying to combine the Whomod's Daughter thing by using my wife in context, or the previous mention of the Halle Berry Catwoman nonsense).

This quoted post should easily help anyone notice his standard bag of tricks, and should be used to compare for later posts. Always remember, though, when he starts pulling out abstract comments like this, and isn't trying to have a conversation, then you know for certain that you've made the person behind the G-Man id personally upset or irritated. It's all very simple textbook win...
But you do like Catwoman starring Halle Berry.
Yeah, Pro, when you start treating the "Pro likes Halle Berry's Catwoman" stuff like a slight on the level of attacking your family (something I'm not doing, just drawing parallel between your reaction to wife jokes and whomod's reaction to daughter jokes), it's pretty damning against you on the whole "sand in the vagina" thing.

You've been back on the rag ever since the whole Halle Berry Catwoman thing, that's a matter of record.

And, to be honest, its a lot more prevalent in the comic book and media forums than it is in the politics forum.

Now go back to reading your Spider-buggy comics.

Careful G, he's going to delete your threads in the comic forum.
Nah. Pro wouldn't do that. He'll just write paragraph after paragraph of strident, sometimes repetitive, rhetoric and then conclude by saying the rest of us "just like to argue," followed by an emoticon.
I'm just impressed you guys can argue without YouTube posts.


I'm waiting on the Gaysurgeons to finally learn how to edit the videos they use so that we all can be Keith Olbermann's Worst Person in the World!
Iggy, my love, dream on. They still use IE for surfing, remember?
Touche, my good lady. Touche.
Iggy, watch your language!
 Originally Posted By: iggy
Touche, my good lady. Touche.


You're French Canadian??
No. But, if Quebec ever breaks away from the rest of Canada, I'm there.
I remember someone telling me that Sikk was FC, and that was why his English was crap

It was like they didn't understand what bilingual means ...
I thought the big thing about French Canadians, language wise, is they get the English plurals and singulars mixed up. For example, "Sacre Bleu! I got kicked in the ball!"
 Originally Posted By: Jeremy
Careful G, he's going to delete your threads in the comic forum.


No, that would be gimmick infringement. Right, Jeremy?
That isn't grammatically wrong for a French-Canadian, Snarf. I've heard from many a people that French-Canadians only have one nut. Only by breaking away from the rest of Canada will it ever be said that they really have a pair.
Zing!
 Originally Posted By: King Snarf
I thought the big thing about French Canadians, language wise, is they get the English plurals and singulars mixed up. For example, "Sacre Bleu! I got kicked in the ball!"


It isn't singular/plural confusion, it's genetics. French Canadians are defective. It's only their tourist trap of a province that keeps anyone from enacting a program of cleansing them from the face of the earth. If they ever seceded from Canada, they'd be fucked.
That's a little harsh, Joe. When I used to work as a telemarketer (the horror... *shudder*), the nicest folks would be the folks from Quebec. Very nice and polite.
 Originally Posted By: King Snarf
That's a little harsh, Joe. When I used to work as a telemarketer (the horror... *shudder*), the nicest folks would be the folks from Quebec. Very nice and polite.


You'd be nice too if you were a hair's breadth away from being wiped off the fa...

\:-\[

Y'know what? Forget I said anything...sorry, Snarf.
 Originally Posted By: King Snarf
That's a little harsh, Joe. When I used to work as a telemarketer (the horror... *shudder*), the nicest folks would be the folks from Quebec. Very nice and polite.


And their English was usually good, yeah? As in, nigh on perfect?
 Originally Posted By: the G-man
Yeah, Pro, when you start treating the "Pro likes Halle Berry's Catwoman" stuff like a slight on the level of attacking your family (something I'm not doing, just drawing parallel between your reaction to wife jokes and whomod's reaction to daughter jokes), it's pretty damning against you on the whole "sand in the vagina" thing.


You mean other than pointing out your methods of attack? Don't be scared if I see right through you. I would think I'm not the only one. You're obvious in every post, G. You try to project this image of maturity and intelligence, and to be "above" childish thinking. Yet, it's very known how you like to follow whoever you disagree with around these boards, taking petty little shots at them. Fact.

Besides, it's readily apparent that you guys have adapted the term "Sand in Vagina/Sandy Vagina" to equate to "Pro disagreeing with me". How transparent.

 Quote:
You've been back on the rag ever since the whole Halle Berry Catwoman thing, that's a matter of record.


In your opinion. Or could it be that I haven't changed at all, and it upsets you when someone doesn't just get angry and throw retorts at you? Or perhaps it's because you're not quite as clever as you believe yourself, and don't like being shown up in front of others? It bothers you when you have no power over anyone. That's a consensus matter of record.

 Quote:
Now go back to reading your Spider-buggy comics.



Ah...a 'Spider-Buggy' reference. How "unexpected" (Textbook G-Man #2) Are you going to list every time I've disagreed with you from every thread, in every forum now? You've used 'Spider-Buggy' and 'Halle Berry'. What's next? I'm bald? Some sly, covert comment about my wife? Just curious...
 Originally Posted By: Queenie
 Originally Posted By: King Snarf
That's a little harsh, Joe. When I used to work as a telemarketer (the horror... *shudder*), the nicest folks would be the folks from Quebec. Very nice and polite.


And their English was usually good, yeah? As in, nigh on perfect?


Not really....
 Originally Posted By: the G-man
Nah. Pro wouldn't do that. He'll just write paragraph after paragraph of strident, sometimes repetitive, rhetoric and then conclude by saying the rest of us "just like to argue," followed by an emoticon.


I love it. Whenever you get backed into a corner, and realize you can't debate someone, you resort to this type of generalization. Look into a mirror, buddy.


Oh. And here's your emoticon.
But that's just like the French - "je ne comprends pas" when you know full well they understand what you're sayin'!
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
What's next? I'm bald? Some sly, covert comment about my wife? Just curious...


I hope he avoids that line. That's gimmick infringement - no one makes sly, covert comments about your wife but me.
 Quote:
Anonymous 08/20/08 04:06 PM Reading a post
Forum: PJP's Random Chat and Insurgency Roast
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...


pro, did you let whomod know you were taking it to g-man in this thread? ;\) \:p
 Originally Posted By: King Snarf
I thought the big thing about French Canadians, language wise, is they get the English plurals and singulars mixed up. For example, "Sacre Bleu! I got kicked in the ball!"

Snarf looks so happy in that pic. I guess that is because it is the closest thing to "action" he has ever gotten.
He was also surprised that I actually hit such a small target!
Et tu, ignacious?
Sooner or later, everyone realises you are a loser!
 Originally Posted By: King Snarf
Et tu, ignacious?


You're sounding like an Insurgent, Snarf. They used the exact same worn out Shakespeare line on me. Seriously, it is all in good fun. We have a lot in common.

You are bald.
I am bald.

You don't have a girlfriend.
I don...wait, yes I do. Oh well...

You don't get laid.
I don...er...yeah.

Okay, so we only have one thing in common. Doesn't mean we can't be friends.
When you put it that way, take me! Take me right here and now!
Oh god, this is gettin disturbing.
I threw up a little in my mouth.
Hey, at least you aren't the one with which Snarf is trying to get gay!
 Originally Posted By: Joe Mama
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
What's next? I'm bald? Some sly, covert comment about my wife? Just curious...


I hope he avoids that line. That's gimmick infringement - no one makes sly, covert comments about your wife but me.


Yes, but his are mean, and petty, while yours are funny, and full of powdered sugar...
 Originally Posted By: Nowhereman
He was also surprised that I actually hit such a small target!





(I know I'll get a Photoshop pic for that, but it was too funny not to comment)
 Originally Posted By: Nowhereman
Oh god, this is gettin disturbing.
I threw up a little in my mouth.


Comments like Snarf's cause explosive diarrhea in children.
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Joe Mama
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
What's next? I'm bald? Some sly, covert comment about my wife? Just curious...


I hope he avoids that line. That's gimmick infringement - no one makes sly, covert comments about your wife but me.


Yes, but his are mean, and petty, while yours are funny, and full of powdered sugar...




When my gal inevitably gets sick of my shit and throws me out of my own home, can I move in with you two?
Only if you do laundry....
I'll do the laundry and I won't even molest your footwear.
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Nowhereman
He was also surprised that I actually hit such a small target!





(I know I'll get a Photoshop pic for that, but it was too funny not to comment)

Are you saying that you are Snarfs penis?
 Originally Posted By: Joe Mama
I'll do the laundry and I won't even molest your footwear.

No wonder rex dislikes you.
I dunno ... she's kinda skinny.
makes it, not eats it.
Prometheus innocent User A high energy, lightning quick, creative powerhouse focused on bettering the world wide web
15000+ posts Wed Aug 20 2008 09:53 PM Reading a post
Forum: PJP's Random Chat and Insurgency Roast
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
Can't see it...
the G-man ass-kicky User Lawyers, Guns & Money
15000+ posts Wed Aug 20 2008 09:59 PM Reading a post
Forum: PJP's Random Chat and Insurgency Roast
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
 Originally Posted By: Nowhereman
 Originally Posted By: Joe Mama
I'll do the laundry and I won't even molest your footwear.

No wonder rex dislikes you.


It's one of many reasons that fall under the category "Jealous."
Wank and Cry User Feared by the RKMB morons
3000+ posts 08/21/08 02:53 PM Logging out
rex ass-kicky User breaker of the insurgency
15000+ posts Fri Aug 22 2008 02:23 AM Viewing list of forums
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
rex ass-kicky User breaker of the insurgency
15000+ posts Fri Aug 22 2008 02:23 AM Viewing list of forums
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
rex ass-kicky User breaker of the insurgency
15000+ posts Fri Aug 22 2008 02:23 AM Viewing list of forums
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
rex ass-kicky User breaker of the insurgency
15000+ posts Fri Aug 22 2008 02:23 AM Viewing list of forums
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
rex ass-kicky User breaker of the insurgency
15000+ posts Fri Aug 22 2008 02:23 AM Viewing list of forums
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
rex ass-kicky User breaker of the insurgency
15000+ posts Fri Aug 22 2008 02:23 AM Viewing list of forums
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
 Originally Posted By: the "Who's Online" obsessor
rex ass-kicky User breaker of the insurgency
15000+ posts Fri Aug 22 2008 02:23 AM Viewing list of forums
Jeremy happy Moderator Hangin' out like double D's
10000+ posts Fri Aug 22 2008 02:26 AM Reading a post
Forum: PJP's Random Chat and Insurgency Roast
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
the "Who's Online" obsessor = broken

I guess he finally realized that his act was as stale as Mopius's.
i think it's sneaky.
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
the "Who's Online" obsessor = broken

I guess he finally realized that his act was as stale as Mopius's.


Worse. It's the only ID I've ever set on IGNORE. The worst part is that it actually drives posting down. One night we were all posting away, and then suddenly here comes the spam. And like that, everyone just logged out...
You said 'log'.
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
It's the only ID I've ever set on IGNORE.


I thought about doing that, but since "you are ignoring this user" is not particularly shorter than "[name] [title][post count][date, time] Viewing [forum]," I didn't see the point.

I think a better solution to the Obsessor is to just have Rob out his or her true identity.
You would be surprised. It makes all the difference.

And, I would agree with you about the outing. But Rob would never do that. Unfortunately...
Rob would never do outing?
Surely you jest?
he's a *closet* campy gay faggot with penis-breath.
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
You would be surprised. It makes all the difference.

And, I would agree with you about the outing. But Rob would never do that. Unfortunately...


Why not? He finally got sick of whomod/unrestrained id/'s bullshit and outed him.
I didn't do anything!
Yeah, I'm not sure how any of us really broke ray. I think he actually just broke himself.

As I've said before, he really needs to move away from San Francisco. Living there makes him think that crazy extremist liberal views are the norm and then, when he encounters people who don't think that way, it becomes very hard for him to handle hearing opposing ideas.
Yes G-Man, cause you always handle opposing views so well doncha!
 Originally Posted By: the G-man
Yeah, I'm not sure how any of us really broke ray. I think he actually just broke himself.

As I've said before, he really needs to move away from San Francisco. Living there makes him think that crazy extremist liberal views are the norm and then, when he encounters people who don't think that way, it becomes very hard for him to handle hearing opposing ideas.


You are a complete and utter fucking dickhead. And I mean it. It's one thing to have a differing opinion. But you are so completely pathetic as to feel threatened by anyone disagreeing with you that you have to mercilessly mock and taunt them. What a pathetic piece of shit you are. I have lost any and all respect for you. Completely. Go to hell.
This agression will not stand, man!
Hi pro! Welcome to 2004!
By the way, adler broke himself. He let me get to him and he couldn't handle it. He's a pansy. Nothing more, nothing less.
How did this happen to Ray, man?

I thought he understood this place.
woah, this for serious? Ray brokeded?
It's that danged political forum.

Too much time in it does something to your brain.
Maybe he's taking some time off to do some yoga.
Or hula hooping
Or wanking and crying
Or he's just posting at the insurgency boards now
 Originally Posted By: the G-man
Yeah, I'm not sure how any of us really broke ray. I think he actually just broke himself.

As I've said before, he really needs to move away from San Francisco. Living there makes him think that crazy extremist liberal views are the norm and then, when he encounters people who don't think that way, it becomes very hard for him to handle hearing opposing ideas.


 Originally Posted By: Prometheus

You are a complete and utter fucking dickhead. And I mean it. It's one thing to have a differing opinion. But you are so completely pathetic as to feel threatened by anyone disagreeing with you that you have to mercilessly mock and taunt them. What a pathetic piece of shit you are. I have lost any and all respect for you. Completely. Go to hell.


I'm not sure but I think this means ray broke himself AND Pro.
Prometheus innocent User A high energy, lightning quick, creative powerhouse focused on bettering the world wide web
15000+ posts 08/30/08 11:36 PM Reading a post
Forum: PJP's Random Chat and Insurgency Roast
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...

Oh great. Here comes another manifesto....
 Originally Posted By: Ultimate Jaburg53
How did this happen to Ray, man?

I thought he understood this place.
I don't understand how Palin can break him when 8 months of me asking him to "go and get me a soda Bitch" only made him stronger faster and better.
 Originally Posted By: The New Adventures of Old PJP
 Originally Posted By: Ultimate Jaburg53
How did this happen to Ray, man?

I thought he understood this place.
I don't understand how Palin can break him when 8 months of me asking him to "go and get me a soda Bitch" only made him stronger faster and better.


I think the Palin choice made him realize that maybe there is no Obama Clause this November. After eight years of obsessing on the "dream" of another socialist in the White House he couldn't take even the possibility that it might not happen.

Oh, and not having anyone but Pro agree with his theory that terrorists are no worse than fraternity pledges (or whatever that comparison was) made him feel very vunerable.
I'm kind of drunk
How late do the bars close in NJ, anyway?
1:30 am.

I went to dinner with the wife and we split a bottle of wine then went to see my brother in law DJ at a bar afterwards. I'm not fucked up but pretty buzzed. My hands are kind of numb.
You know when your mouth a-getting dry, you plenty high.
 Originally Posted By: The New Adventures of Old PJP
1:30 am.

I went to dinner with the wife and we split a bottle of wine then went to see my brother in law DJ at a bar afterwards. I'm not fucked up but pretty buzzed. My hands are kind of numb.


The nitrates in wine give me a worse hangover than nearly anything else I might drink.
 Originally Posted By: the G-man



The nitrates in wine give me a worse hangover than nearly anything else I might drink.


EVEN MALE HORSE EJACULATE?
Horse ejaculate doesn't cause hangovers.

And you call yourself a scientist.
I don't taste hydrochloric acid either.

Scientists are smart.
A real scientist knows what chemicals do without assuming they have to drink them.
Yeah, well, the real point is that you do not deny sucking back horse cum.
 Originally Posted By: Ultimate Jaburg53
How did this happen to Ray, man?

I thought he understood this place.



it's a fake leave the boards forever, I'm sure that he was going away for the weekend. nothing really happened yesterday any different than the last 8 years. unless ray really is deeply liberal, they all seem upset at the success of Palin as a VP pick, but it's just politics, so i cant see him getting worked up in a real frenzy....
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: the G-man
Yeah, I'm not sure how any of us really broke ray. I think he actually just broke himself.

As I've said before, he really needs to move away from San Francisco. Living there makes him think that crazy extremist liberal views are the norm and then, when he encounters people who don't think that way, it becomes very hard for him to handle hearing opposing ideas.


You are a complete and utter fucking dickhead. And I mean it. It's one thing to have a differing opinion. But you are so completely pathetic as to feel threatened by anyone disagreeing with you that you have to mercilessly mock and taunt them. What a pathetic piece of shit you are. I have lost any and all respect for you. Completely. Go to hell.



you had respect for him? WTF pro?
 Originally Posted By: britneyspearsatemyshorts
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: the G-man
Yeah, I'm not sure how any of us really broke ray. I think he actually just broke himself.

As I've said before, he really needs to move away from San Francisco. Living there makes him think that crazy extremist liberal views are the norm and then, when he encounters people who don't think that way, it becomes very hard for him to handle hearing opposing ideas.


You are a complete and utter fucking dickhead. And I mean it. It's one thing to have a differing opinion. But you are so completely pathetic as to feel threatened by anyone disagreeing with you that you have to mercilessly mock and taunt them. What a pathetic piece of shit you are. I have lost any and all respect for you. Completely. Go to hell.



you had respect for him? WTF pro?


G-Man you're so fucking easy. It's just like pushing Wanky's buttons, but a loooot easier...
You're starting to sound like me again, pro.
G-man did nothing to Ray in this particular case.
Apart from when he snuck into his bedroom and butt raped him!
again.
I CAN'T STAND ROCK AND ROLL!
ROCK AND ROLL AIN'T NOISE POLLUTION!
damnit man, if ray sees this he'll leave again!
We can only hope!
We can only live!
 Originally Posted By: britneyspearsatemyshorts


Get it? It's Beardguy!
 Originally Posted By: Ultimate Jaburg53
How did this happen to Ray, man?

I thought he understood this place.



its a shame...
Anonymous 09/02/08 08:42 AM Reading a post
Forum: PJP's Random Chat and Insurgency Roast
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
Matter-eater Man argumentative User Fair Play!
5000+ posts Wed Sep 03 2008 12:21 AM Viewing a list of posts
Forum: Politics and Current Events
Balloon Knot content User Sex Offender Since 1978
3000+ posts Wed Sep 03 2008 12:36 AM Reading a post
Forum: PJP's Random Chat and Insurgency Roast
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
Calm down wanky, we all know you're here.
rex ass-kicky User breaker of the insurgency
15000+ posts Wed Sep 03 2008 12:46 AM Reading a post
Forum: PJP's Random Chat and Insurgency Roast
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
Yes, wanky, I was reading the thread I replied to. Maybe you're not as retarded as we all think.
Sarah Palin broke whomod so bad he's back in the political forum having another breakdown! go check it out, he's copy and pasted like 10 liberal blogs in 5 minutes
i also posted there!
of course youre a republinazi!
i would have sex with palin's handicapped children to defend them!
youtube has removed this video to to ToS violation.
youtube has out republicanated me. its because they worship george dubya bush, as well as george dubya bush
i think you are thinking of george dubya bush
george dubya bush
george dubya bush




(it's sarcasm)
i made mine red, like an admin name, because george dubya bush can shut down and edit our posts whenever he wants, and we bow to that and love it
same with Orange......at least around here.
 Originally Posted By: The New Adventures of Old PJP
same with Orange......at least around here.



 Originally Posted By: The New Adventures of Old PJP
same with Orange......at least around here.



you should be behind her!
Looks like she's behind PJ.
he's not to proud for a reach around!
That was my favorite TLC song.
it's hard to pick just one!
this year I want
One of them crazy, sexy-cool women
Ya know what I’m sayin’
Word up
One of them real crazy, just sexy
Just cool women
Ya know what I mean baby, baby, baby, baby
britneyspearsatemyshorts annoyed Moderator Discuss In Peace
15000+ posts Fri Sep 05 2008 10:58 PM Viewing list of forums
Whomod is very close to yet another full on break down.
Im ready
it's getting hard to tell where one meltdown ends and the other begins...
Yeah, I'm not sure whomod is ever NOT broken at this point.
Even as the nominal Whomod defender, I am getting a little half-hearted about it.
outside of that forum, he's good people. within, he's a nutball. he is a political zealot. you simply can not have a discussion with him.
also he fucks little boys.
And Halo rapes babies, straight out of the womb.
 Originally Posted By: Rob Kamphausen
outside of that forum, he's good people...


I might have agreed, except for the whole "let's organize an insurgency raid while I hide" chickenshit.

Granted, the raid worked to our advantage but that was clearly not his intent.
 Originally Posted By: the G-man
 Originally Posted By: Rob Kamphausen
outside of that forum, he's good people...


I might have agreed, except for the whole "let's organize an insurgency raid while I hide" chickenshit.

 Originally Posted By: britneyspearsatemyshorts
also he fucks little boys.


He's a pedder ass?
Barely knew her...
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
Barely knew him...
Yours makes no sense...
Yes it does as we were talking about Whomod, who is male (barely), and little boys, who are male.
The only she we have here who is a male is Elsia!
Ah, you're right! Fair enough! I wasn't following the conversation...
Stop doing the drugs......drugs are bad hmmkay!
Hey, you can insult Pro all you want, but you don't need to sully the name of drugs!
Nowhereman mad User lived to become the villain
15000+ posts Tue Sep 23 2008 01:56 PM Reading a post
Forum: PJP's Random Chat and Insurgency Roast
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
Yes I do!
I think the reason people like Snarf and Elsia exist, is because someone took too many drugs!
Glacier16 ass-kicky User 4000+ posts Tue Sep 23 2008 01:59 PM Reading a post
Forum: PJP's Random Chat and Insurgency Roast
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
Ultimate Jaburg53 cool Moderator Asshole Extraordinaire
15000+ posts Tue Sep 23 2008 01:59 PM Reading a post
Forum: PJP's Random Chat and Insurgency Roast
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
Or too few!
 Originally Posted By: Ultimate Jaburg53
Or too few!


Yeah!


And I don't do "drugs". Sometimes I smoke pot. That's all...
Marijuana Has No Medicinal Value
Marijuana Is a Gateway Drug
Marijuana's Harms Have Been Proved Scientifically
Marijuana Causes an Amotivational Syndrome
Marijuana Policy in the Netherlands is a Failure
Marijuana Kills Brain Cells
Marijuana Impairs Memory and Cognition
Marijuana Causes Crime
Marijuana Interferes With Male and Female Sex Hormones
Marijuana Use During Pregnancy Damages the Fetus
Marijuana Use Impairs the Immune System
Marijuana's Active Ingredient, THC, Gets Trapped in Body Fat
Marijuana Use is a Major Cause Of Highway Accidents
Marijuana Related Hospital Emergencies Are Increasing, Particularly Among Youth
Marijuana Use Can Be Prevented
After all we went through in 'Nam, Lothar....how DARE you...
I got your back when it comes to killing Charlie,but I draw the line at Mary Jane and dark beer.
You remember that the next time you try and borrow money from me, Sal. Your weakness towards Guinness can only be tolerated for so long. Frank Burns can't save you forever...
"Marijuana Causes Crime "

omg that old guy's smoking a j. OMG THE 7-11 JUST GOT ROBBED! WHO DID THAT?! the marijuana did, son.
I DONT KNOW WHAT ALL THIS MEANS.....







DO YOU?
I learned by WATCHING YOU DO IT, father!!
What about the horses?
matter eater man by everyone


The most ignorant person I've ever seen here. Completely oblivious to the truth and will ignore anything that has to do with reason. Cries like a little baby whenever someone says something he doesn't agree with.
matter eater man = wanky?
No, take away wanky's retardation and replace it with ignorance and that equals matter eater man.
 Originally Posted By: rex
matter eater man by everyone


The most ignorant person I've ever seen here. Completely oblivious to the truth and will ignore anything that has to do with reason. Cries like a little baby whenever someone says something he doesn't agree with.


Rex, YOU of all people here are hardly in a position to question anyone's intellect. From what I've seen, MeM simply debates the same as everyone else here. So, the fact that you had to run over here from the Republican Forum and post about him pretty much shows how badly he's broken you. Poor rex. I still like you, though.
 Originally Posted By: rex
rex by everyone


The most ignorant person I've ever seen here. Completely oblivious to the truth and will ignore anything that has to do with reason. Cries like a little baby whenever someone says something he doesn't agree with.




(Extra points if you mention 'sand-in-vagina' phrasing)
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: rex
matter eater man by everyone


The most ignorant person I've ever seen here. Completely oblivious to the truth and will ignore anything that has to do with reason. Cries like a little baby whenever someone says something he doesn't agree with.


Rex, YOU of all people here are hardly in a position to question anyone's intellect. From what I've seen, MeM simply debates the same as everyone else here. So, the fact that you had to run over here from the Republican Forum and post about him pretty much shows how badly he's broken you. Poor rex. I still like you, though.


I see your sticking up for your gay comrade. How cute.


Rex, at least you're original...
Pro's gay?? SHIT! I gave him a ride home once!
Yeah, a "ride..."
I always figured Pro would be on the bottom......guess Lothar is the Bitch!
He is champion soda fetcher!
 Originally Posted By: Lothar of The Hill People
Pro's gay?? SHIT! I gave him a ride


What's that? I couldn't hear what you said over the sound of you choking on my cock...
 Originally Posted By: Joe Mama
Yeah, a "ride..."


We still have Sundays...
 Originally Posted By: PJP
I always figured Pro would be on the bottom......guess Lothar is the Bitch!


He has no gag reflex...
K-nutreturns drunk User DragonCon'd
10000+ posts Fri Sep 26 2008 12:39 AM Reading a post
Forum: PJP's Random Chat and Insurgency Roast
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Lothar of The Hill People
Pro's gay?? SHIT! I gave him a ride


What's that? I couldn't hear what you said over the sound of you choking on my cock...


DAYUM!
Captain Sammitch talkative Moderator clings to guns and religion
10000+ posts Fri Sep 26 2008 10:42 PM Reading a post
Forum: PJP's Random Chat and Insurgency Roast
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
HEY YOU MISSED THE SIDEKICK PRO
Franta content User THE Franta
2500+ posts Sat Sep 27 2008 12:24 AM Reading a post
Forum: PJP's Random Chat and Insurgency Roast
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
I know kung-fu...
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Lothar of The Hill People
Pro's gay?? SHIT! I gave him a ride


What's that? I couldn't hear what you said over the sound of you laughing at my cock...
Frank Burns am funny little fuker. Pro am like Frank Burns more than lame Lothar...
Urg can kick both their asses.
Jermy am real homosexual...
Now Pro, if you're going to do this Urg speak thing do it right. Urg would call me "little Germy person". You're more like Joey pretending to be Urg.
Pro am trying Pro's best, little Germy homosexual...
Better, but your voice isn't deep enough.
Don't worry Geremy,URG am here to set bad man right. Progoofyeus,the proper expression and or convayence of statement of fact am as follows forthwith: "Little Germy person am funny little homersexual."


Now,Mr Progoofyeus,who the fukity fuk am told you to talk like URG?
does that count for the list?
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1014908


Promod again.

He was offended about a voter fraud thread. whomod PM'd him begging to have some threads unstickyed. Apparently fighting voter fraud is somehow anti-Obama in his mind? It made him snap, check it out.



\:lol\:
You're the one so desperate to win approval that you made a sig and brought it to another forum. I appreciate you re-posting my statements, though. Your hypocrisy is apparent to all...
 Originally Posted By: Lucius Prometheus Vorenus



\:lol\:
britneyspearsatemyshorts annoyed Moderator Co-owner of the RKMBs, & Patriot
15000+ posts Fri Oct 17 2008 02:25 PM Making a new reply
Forum: PJP's Random Chat and Insurgency Roast
Thread: Re: Sarah Palin broke Jason Perkins again....
britneyspearsatemyshorts annoyed Moderator Co-owner of the RKMBs, & Patriot
15000+ posts Fri Oct 17 2008 02:27 PM Reading a post
Forum: PJP's Random Chat and Insurgency Roast
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
you fools! dont you know this makes us look weak in front of the insurgents...
actually it makes us look strong, they tried for a month to break Pro, and all I did was sticky two topics and *snap*!
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
Lor did have bunny melting over the "Lor talk thread" or whatever it was called...


lol yea, i dunno why i was so crazed over that and other things, i blame the meds.

but bunny can have credit for it. sure. why not.
No, she melted. Had a meltdown.

That sort of thing. You won.

I'd still like to do her in the ass, so let's pretend it never happened.
the meltdown, not the anal......
 Originally Posted By: Lor
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
Lor did have bunny melting over the "Lor talk thread" or whatever it was called...


lol yea, i dunno why i was so crazed over that and other things, i blame the meds.

but bunny can have credit for it. sure. why not.



You misspelled "meth".
Posted By: the G-man Re: BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-19 4:31 PM
 Originally Posted By: Lucius Prometheus Vorenus



 Originally Posted By: britneyspearsatemyshorts
actually it makes us look strong, they tried for a month to break Pro, and all I did was sticky two topics and *snap*!


Really? That's it? That's all you're going to give me?

I understand G-Man, basams. I do. He's a simple case. He's in a belittling, meaningless position, driven by fantasies of importance and grandeur. He so deperately wants to be seen and accepted as something more than just the traffic-ticket lawyer, he'll do anything to try and prove his superiority to anyone on these message boards.

But you're cool. You're a good guy. You've always stood up against the hypocrisy or abuse of power with certain posters. So, what happened? When I called you on your unfair Mod practices, you immediately come running over here to try and insult and taunt me? Why? Everyone makes mistakes, basams, even you. All you had to do was act your age and be like, "Yeah, okay fucker, no sticked topics from anyone, sounds fair". But, instead you throw a tantrum like this? Come on! You're better than this! You, of ALL people here, are better than this.

Don't go down the G-Man path, basams. We all like you far too much to see you become exactly that which you have fought against for so long. I don't need a response or anything. You don't have to admit anything, or even apologize. Nothing. Just think about what I've said from a fair-minded point-of-view. Give it some mature consideration.

Meanwhile, G-Man fuck right off. If you can't act YOUR age (which, in respects, I guess would require a telegraph for your responses) then don't bother even trying to involve yourself. You impress no one, consistently...
Posted By: rex Re: Sarah Palin broke Jason Perkins again.... - 2008-10-20 11:27 PM
 Originally Posted By: Lucius Prometheus Vorenus

Thanks rex. I can always count on you jumping on the bandwagon...
Posted By: rex Re: Sarah Palin broke Jason Perkins again.... - 2008-10-20 11:31 PM
Posted By: the G-man Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-20 11:39 PM
 Originally Posted By: the G-man of Zur-En-Arrh
BSAMS broke Promod again....



 Originally Posted By: Lucius Prometheus Vorenus
... belittling, meaningless.......be like, "Yeah, okay fucker, no sticked topics from anyone, sounds fair"....G-Man fuck right off...


\:lol\:

Yep, broken.

My favorite part of the full rant is where Promod starts ranting about how "all" BSAMS had to do was roll over and do whatever Promod wanted. Way to compromise and work out your differences, buddy.
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-20 11:53 PM
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1017685#Post1017793


 Originally Posted By: Lucius Prometheus Vorenus
stop stickying dumb things like this.



\:lol\:
Posted By: Wank and Cry Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 1:10 AM
Morons continue to be broken - by us! \:lol\:
Posted By: rex Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 1:17 AM
Wanky!
Posted By: Rob Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 1:23 AM
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
Morons continue to be broken - by us! \:lol\:


nice to see you back, pal! we missed you
Posted By: Wank and Cry Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 1:24 AM
you Idiots cannt even stick together with your hive mentlity. The bees aren't supposed to swarm and sting one another -- you can't even get that right \:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: rex Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 1:28 AM
Wait a minute...are you saying that we failed at being something you tards accused us of being?
Posted By: Ultimate Jaburg53 Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 1:50 AM
 Originally Posted By: Rob Kamphausen
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
Morons continue to be broken - by us! \:lol\:


nice to see you back, pal! we missed you


There is no cure for internet herpes.
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 2:12 AM
it's like a space bug, only it r0x0rs.....
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 2:46 AM
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
you Idiots cannt even stick together with your hive mentlity. The bees aren't supposed to swarm and sting one another -- you can't even get that right(punctuation) \:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 2:53 AM
I won't have my hive mentlity questioned!
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 2:54 AM
\:lol\:
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 3:01 AM
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
Morons continue to be broken - by us! \:lol\:

So people on this board, arguing with each other, about something that does not involve the intardents, is somehow your doing?
And you think we are obsessed?
Idiot!

 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
you Idiots cannt even stick together with your hive mentlity. The bees aren't supposed to swarm and sting one another -- you can't even get that right \:lol\: \:lol\:


Your hive mind theory is based on the fact that we are all republicans (despite some of us not even being Yanks), yet this argument proves that not everyone here follows the same political leanings, and you still hold true to your delusions that we all follow the same political party.
And you wonder why most people view you as a retard.

And hey, you just cant stay away canya?

We win again!
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 4:29 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 4:30 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 4:30 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 4:30 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 4:31 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 4:31 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 4:31 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 4:32 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 4:32 AM
Posted By: Prometheus Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 5:01 AM
Holy crap. Thomas?! Where have you been? \:lol\:
Posted By: Joe Mama Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-21 3:20 PM
Lurking. He never could stay away. Sad little cunt... \:lol\:
You know what he wants,Joe. Just give it to him.
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 2:05 AM
Promod is unstickying topics he finds offensive again! It's too easy!
Posted By: Prometheus Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 2:15 AM
Actually, I haven't unstickied anything in there. Honest. Ask Bobo, cause it wasn't me...
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 2:16 AM
Posted By: iggy Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 4:02 AM
 Originally Posted By: Rob Kamphausen
 Originally Posted By: Wank and Cry
Morons continue to be broken - by us! \:lol\:


nice to see you back, pal! we missed you


Like a bad outbreak of herpes.
Posted By: Joe Mama Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 4:06 AM
Nah, Tommy's not herpes. He's more like...athlete's foot. An annoyance when it's around, but easily dispatched.
Posted By: iggy Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 4:12 AM
Wouldn't that make him "athVetes foot?"
Posted By: PJP Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 4:15 AM
I get a kick out of Halo. he isn't a bad guy. he just needs to a fresh start. He has taken quite a grilling and beating and still comes back......that counts for something.
Posted By: iggy Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 4:18 AM
 Originally Posted By: PJP
I get a kick out of Halo. he isn't a bad guy. he just needs to a fresh start. He has taken quite a grilling and beating and still comes back......that counts for something.


Masochism?
Posted By: PJP Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 4:24 AM
nah.....I try and get along with everyone. It's a nice group of people that post here. Even the fucking weirdos and bald people.
Posted By: iggy Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 4:27 AM
Either I've been reading the politics forum too long or you've drank the Kool-Aid. PJP.
Posted By: PJP Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 4:29 AM
nah. I even like the dems just as long as they stay out of my pockets.

Ray is a great guy Jim Jackson is a great guy MEM is a great guy and who even has his moments out of the politics forum. He is just so blind with hatred he can't turn it off.
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 4:33 AM
 Originally Posted By: PJP
that counts for something.

Not really.
Being a moron who is blinded by his own delusions, does not make him worth anything more than a dog turd that you have just scraped from your shoe!
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 4:34 AM
Bit like Snarf really!
Posted By: PJP Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 4:36 AM
Snarf is a Bald Jessy!
Posted By: rex Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 4:38 AM
People like whomod, mem, g-man and wonder boy aren't people anymore. they are all blinded by propaganda and too scared to think for themselves. They are nothing more than mouth pieces for the extreme right and left.


This forum is for making fun of them and breaking them.
Posted By: PJP Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 4:40 AM
You're a great guy too rex!
Posted By: K-nutreturns Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 4:43 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex
People like whomod, mem, g-man and wonder boy aren't people anymore. they are all blinded by propaganda and too scared to think for themselves. They are nothing more than mouth pieces for the extreme right and left.


This forum is for making fun of them and breaking them.



what is the world coming to when i have to roll with rex...
Posted By: Joe Mama Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 5:02 AM
 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
 Originally Posted By: rex
People like whomod, mem, g-man and wonder boy aren't people anymore. they are all blinded by propaganda and too scared to think for themselves. They are nothing more than mouth pieces for the extreme right and left.


This forum is for making fun of them and breaking them.



what is the world coming to when i have to roll with rex...


Dude, just masturbate. There's NEVER a need to "roll with" Rex.
Posted By: URG Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 5:04 AM
Never am pick a side Let them join your side.
Posted By: URG Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 5:07 AM
and the fuking Greeks...they am aint so bad.
Posted By: PJP Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 5:41 AM
You're my favorite Caveman!
Posted By: the G-man Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-22 6:16 PM
The Geico folks will be very sad to hear that.
Posted By: URG Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-10-24 8:30 AM
Fuk em.
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-11-04 11:41 PM
pro continues to unsticky my threads, is there a such thing as irreparably broken?
Posted By: Prometheus Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-11-04 11:57 PM
Jesus Christ dude...do we really need ten threads stickied? I unstickied some and replaced them with others, trying to keep the balance. It's not longer about what you "believe", it's just a pissing-match because you want to be "in control". Grow the fuck up...
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-11-05 12:16 AM
unsticky some of your threads, stop being a bitch. i have never unstickied any of the ones you stickied, i know you go on these power trips and we know you are in love with Obama, and we are okay with it, really. but I am spurring conversation, while you are just being a cry baby....
Posted By: the G-man Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-11-05 12:53 AM
 Originally Posted By: Lucius Prometheus Vorenus
Jesus Christ dude...do we really need ten threads stickied? I unstickied some and replaced them with others, trying to keep the balance.


Promod is already getting into the spirit of the Obama regime by instituting his own "fairness doctrine".
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-11-05 2:00 AM
Promod will be the decider.
Posted By: the G-man Re:BSAMS broke Promod again.... - 2008-11-05 2:07 AM
"Promod the Decider": He probably makes the phone sex operators call him that.
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters: MEM - 2008-12-03 7:52 AM
BSAMS and rex apparently broke MEM in my absence. He's over in the politics forum having a breakdown even as we speak.

Well done, gentlemen.
Posted By: Tony Clifton Re: broken posters: MEM - 2008-12-03 7:53 AM
His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters: MEM - 2008-12-04 12:53 AM
Both g-man and snarf can't post without mentioning my masturbatory habits. Both of them are broken, again.
Posted By: Tony Clifton Re: broken posters: MEM - 2008-12-04 3:47 AM
If you can't swim stay out of the gene pool!
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters: MEM - 2008-12-04 4:09 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex
Both g-man and snarf can't post without mentioning my masturbatory habits.


Actually, a search of Rob's board quickly reveals that, of my more than 27,000 posts to this board, only approximately 100 of them, or 3/10th of one percent, are about you being a sockfucker.

A similar search reveals that you have also posted about being sockfucker approximately 100 times.

This would appear to indicate that the bulk of my references to same are the result of, or in response to, your own obsession with footwear.

So, if anyone's broken, it seem to be you, the guy who keeps bringing up his own masturbatory habits.

But nice try.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters: MEM - 2008-12-04 4:10 AM
You obsess about you it searched for it.



I win again!
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters: MEM - 2008-12-04 4:12 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex


Posted By: rex Re: broken posters: MEM - 2008-12-04 4:15 AM
Good point.
Posted By: Tony Clifton Re: broken posters: MEM - 2008-12-04 4:36 AM
When you worked at the pet store the customers kept asking the manager how big you would get.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-01-01 6:46 AM
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1033054#Post1033054

I broke iggy again!
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-01-01 7:00 AM
Broken, but still getting some. Somehow, I think I came out the winner in this one, Sockfucker.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-01-01 7:02 AM
Keep telling yourself that.
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-01-01 7:22 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex
Keep telling yourself that.


Are you sure you aren't an insurgent? From the sound of your post, it seems like you take the internet very seriously.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-01-01 7:35 AM
There's that good old insurgent non-logic in action.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-01-05 3:20 AM
Adler is broken again. Apparently by a TV show.
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-01-05 5:15 AM
MEM just snapped again over the politics forum. He finally admitted that he holds candidates he supports to a different standard than ones he doesn't.
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-01-05 6:07 AM
and he admitted he was gay.
Posted By: Jeremy Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-01-05 7:12 AM
I can't wait to read his posts about Bush Sr. wanting Jeb to be president.
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-01-06 12:52 AM
Yeah. How dare a father think well of his successful son?
Posted By: Matter-eater Man Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-01-06 3:17 AM
 Originally Posted By: Jeremy
I can't wait to read his posts about Bush Sr. wanting Jeb to be president.


Actually I thought Bush Sr. did a decent job while he was in charge & it's cute & very fatherly when he talks about his boys.
Posted By: K-nutreturns Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-01-12 7:56 AM
 Originally Posted By: Wonder_Boy
I hate Obama for spewing his nigger filth. Me and Pat Buchanan stand firmly on this issue, especially since it pertains to MY COUNTRY!




obama broke wondy?
Posted By: Im Not Mister Mxyzptlk Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-01-12 7:58 AM
Something's wrong about Wondy today. He seems slightly less racist than usual.
Posted By: Rob Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-01-12 11:08 AM
he's also lost thousands of posts and his original registration date!
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-01-12 2:51 PM
are you suggesting the colored people stole his post count rob?
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-01-12 3:58 PM
God DAMN Amerikka!
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-02-01 7:55 AM
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1038429#Post1038417


Bsams broke mem, again.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-02-01 7:55 AM
The Goldburg av really isn't helping him either...
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-02-01 11:00 PM
fair play!
Posted By: King Snarf Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-02-01 11:02 PM
Mr. Terrific.
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-02-17 11:45 PM
guys, pro has finally licked his wounds and come back. i ask that everyone go easy on the wise cracks for a few days till he gets to feeling steady again.
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-02-17 11:46 PM
Google 8 seconds ago Reading a post
Forum: PJP's Random Chat and Insurgency Roast
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...

you too google!
Posted By: No one man Re: broken posters: MEM - 2009-02-18 1:53 AM
Fuck off!
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-08 6:31 PM
Snarf
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-08 7:58 PM
Wow. You reduced Snarfmod to youtube clips. Great job!
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-08 9:00 PM
Jim Jackson User 6000+ posts 05/08/09 01:02 PM Reading a post
Forum: PJP's Random Chat and Insurgency Roast
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-08 9:03 PM
 Originally Posted By: iggy
Wow. You reduced Snarfmod to youtube clips. Great job!


I think I prefer the term "whonarf"
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-08 9:56 PM
whonarfed (fuk hed)
v.
Past participle of whonarf.
adj.

1. Subdued totally; humbled: a whonarfed spirit.
Posted By: King Snarf Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 12:03 AM
Wait, I'm broken? Does this mean I have to commit fake suicide now?
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 12:05 AM
 Originally Posted By: King Snarf
I'm broken.I have to commit suicide.


Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 12:16 AM
If he used a noose, it'd be the first time anyone commented that he was well hung!
Posted By: King Snarf Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 1:21 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex
 Originally Posted By: rex
I'm off to fuck a sock puppet.I have yet to learn how to put a space after a period.


Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 1:54 AM
 Originally Posted By: King Snarf
I'm off to fuck a sock puppet 3/4.
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 1:58 AM
 Originally Posted By: BASAMS The Plumber
 Originally Posted By: King Snarf
I'm off to pretend to fuck a sock puppet 3/4.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 3:15 AM
 Originally Posted By: King Snarf
 Originally Posted By: rex
 Originally Posted By: rex
I'm off to fuck a sock puppet.I have yet to learn how to put a space after a period.





http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/878955#Post878955
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 4:15 AM
I think Snarf is on his period!
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 4:16 AM
He has one every two weeks for two weeks.
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 4:31 AM
Every 23 years he feeds off his own stupidity for 23 days.
Posted By: King Snarf Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 5:06 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex
 Originally Posted By: King Snarf
 Originally Posted By: rex
 Originally Posted By: rex
I'm off to fuck a sock puppet.I have yet to learn how to put a space after a period.





http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/878955#Post878955


What in God's name does that have anything to do with your inability to put a space after punctuation, fuckwit?
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 5:11 AM
You can't even copy and paste something you wrote. Someone else had to do it for you. You are completely incompetent on every imaginable level.
Posted By: King Snarf Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 5:15 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex
Someone else had to do it for you. You are completely incompetent on every imaginable level.


Says the unemployed, basement-dwelling, sock-fucking pot to the kettle.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 5:20 AM
\:damn\: \:lol\:
Posted By: King Snarf Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 5:22 AM
 Originally Posted By: Lucius Prometheus Vorenus
\:damn\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 5:25 AM
 Originally Posted By: King Snarf
 Originally Posted By: Lucius Prometheus Vorenus
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 5:30 AM
 Originally Posted By: King Snarf
 Originally Posted By: rex
Someone else had to do it for you. You are completely incompetent on every imaginable level.


Says the unemployed, basement-dwelling, sock-fucking pot to the kettle.

The whole pot/kettle thing is the whole point of what Rex is saying to you, you fucking retard.
Stop throwing out shitty grammatical insults, if you cant even do things properly yourself.

BTW, the more you try to paint yourself as intelligent, by using big words and pointing out bad grammar, the more it shows up the fact that you are a fucking idiot when it comes to basic social interaction, and the reason why people keep ripping on you so much.
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 6:37 AM
SHOW ME THE GRAMMAR RULE DAMMIT!




SHOW ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted By: Ultimate Jaburg53 Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-09 7:30 AM
One day Crom will ask you what the Grammar rule is.

If you cannot answer he will cast you out.
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters list: snarf - 2009-05-10 4:18 PM
He broke about two days ago and then broke worse last night.
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list: snarf - 2009-05-10 4:22 PM
Thing is, he doesnt see that as broken.
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters list: snarf - 2009-05-10 4:50 PM
They never do
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters list: snarf - 2009-05-11 4:56 AM
his anus will be broken if him and MEM ever meet.
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters list: snarf - 2009-05-11 6:54 PM
 Originally Posted By: the G-man of Zur-En-Arrh
He broke about two days ago and then broke worse last night.


Unfortunately, I was here for that Halo-tastic mess.
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list: snarf - 2009-05-19 11:26 PM
Broken again.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list: snarf - 2009-05-19 11:30 PM
I haven't been in the sports forum for months. Is there more good stuff like that in it?
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list: snarf - 2009-05-19 11:31 PM
Do a search with his name in the forum. I'm sure you'll find plenty.
Posted By: Wonder Boy Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-20 8:05 AM

Rex again:




And he at least appears to not comprehend how broken he is.


Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-20 8:19 AM
wonder mcgroin hiding behind what g-man says = me being broken.






That makes perfect sense.
Posted By: Wonder Boy Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-20 8:32 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex
wonder mcgroin hiding behind what g-man says = me being broken.


That makes perfect sense.



The linked posts are mine, not G-man's. The linked topics with G-man's posts are only secondary to what I already said.
That you've got psychological problems, and are a basement-dwelling loser and sock-fucker.

It's like you were shot, and tried to argue that it was Smith & Wesson who shot you, not the guy who pulled the trigger.

Broken.
Posted By: King Snarf Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-20 8:48 AM
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
It's like you got a rash, and tried to argue that it was the Fruit of the Loom guys who gave you the rash, not the dirty sock you haven't washed in weeks.

Broken.


Fixed it for you.
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-20 2:17 PM
it figures snarf would run to the defense of a guy that likes animated penis.
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2009-05-20 3:16 PM
Snarfs penis is inanimate!
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2009-07-11 2:13 AM
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1070865#Post1070862

mem is really broken up about purses.
Posted By: Matter-eater Man Re: broken posters list - 2009-07-11 2:21 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex


Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2009-07-20 3:48 AM
mem is broken again. He's claiming the most liberal president ever is moderate. I'm gonna blame this one on his brain aids, again.
Posted By: K-nutreturns Re: broken posters list - 2009-07-20 3:52 AM
no one cares rex...
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2009-07-20 4:05 AM
Hello, no one.
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters list - 2009-07-20 4:15 AM
\:lol\:
Posted By: K-nutreturns Re: broken posters list - 2009-07-20 5:23 AM
damnit.
Posted By: Im Not Mister Mxyzptlk Re: broken posters list - 2009-07-20 6:04 AM
k-no one
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2009-08-14 6:32 AM
PCgay is having an oakleyesqe break down.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-06 7:54 AM
wondy is having another super break down.
Posted By: K-nutreturns Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 3:05 AM
I seriously don't know why that guy keeps coming here...
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 3:16 AM
He's on a mission from god.
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 3:19 AM
He hopes Velo will return.
Posted By: Wonder Boy Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 3:31 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex


I humiliated the hell out of you.

But believe what you want.
I know gloating online about an imaginary victory is all you've got.
Sock-fucker.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 3:34 AM
Do you know you're the only one that calls me a sock fucker anymore? Everyone else got over in a long time ago. I guess you just have trouble getting over things, like your childhood.
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 3:39 AM
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
 Originally Posted By: rex


I humiliated the hell out of you.

But believe what you want.
I know gloating online about an imaginary victory is all you've got.
Sock-fucker.

Actually what I saw is a guy claiming that another guy has slandered him (even though slander is spoken word and libel is written word) because he has no evidence, while all the while doing exactly the same thing.
Hypocritical much?
Posted By: Wonder Boy Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 3:46 AM
 Originally Posted By: Nöwheremän
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
 Originally Posted By: rex


I humiliated the hell out of you.

But believe what you want.
I know gloating online about an imaginary victory is all you've got.
Sock-fucker.

Actually what I saw is a guy claiming that another guy has slandered him (even though slander is spoken word and libel is written word) because he has no evidence, while all the while doing exactly the same thing.
Hypocritical much?


It's called giving him a taste of his own medicine.
From the beginning of this lengthy exchange, across multiple topics, my point was and is that Rex shouldn't be throwing around the pedophile label, because there's far more to incriminate him than me. That's not hypocrisy, that's standing up for myself.
Posted By: Wonder Boy Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 4:00 AM
And that's without mentioning the issue of Rex posting spinning cocks.


 Originally Posted By: rex, under Wonder boy alt I.D.


http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1051312#Post1051312

 Originally Posted By: Wonder boy

http://www.meatspin.com/

I was browsing videos online and came across this one! Isn't it funny how the guys penis spins around?



Posted By: Joe Mama Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 4:14 AM
Wonder Boy is more Iconolastic than any real Iconolast.
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 4:20 AM
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
 Originally Posted By: Nöwheremän
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
 Originally Posted By: rex


I humiliated the hell out of you.

But believe what you want.
I know gloating online about an imaginary victory is all you've got.
Sock-fucker.

Actually what I saw is a guy claiming that another guy has slandered him (even though slander is spoken word and libel is written word) because he has no evidence, while all the while doing exactly the same thing.
Hypocritical much?


It's called giving him a taste of his own medicine.
From the beginning of this lengthy exchange, across multiple topics, my point was and is that Rex shouldn't be throwing around the pedophile label, because there's far more to incriminate him than me. That's not hypocrisy, that's standing up for myself.

No, its hypocrisy.
You cannot cry foul on someone supposedly spreading lies, then do the same yourself, and claim a single innocent picture as being 'evidence'.
Standing up for yourself would be using actual facts, not making shit up.

When I say I dont like people taking shots at my parents, you dont see me using the same tactic back at people when they do it, because that would make me a hypocrite.

You sir, are a hypocrite.
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 4:22 AM
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
And that's without mentioning the issue of Rex posting spinning cocks.


 Originally Posted By: rex, under Wonder boy alt I.D.


http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1051312#Post1051312

 Originally Posted By: Wonder boy

http://www.meatspin.com/

I was browsing videos online and came across this one! Isn't it funny how the guys penis spins around?





And once again, hypocrisy.
You have no evidence that the alt was rex, yet you claim it as a fact.

I can think of at least half a dozen people who could or would have created that alt.
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 4:47 AM
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 6:26 AM
damnit, sammitch
Posted By: Lothar of The Hill People Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 6:27 AM
damnit, sammitch
damnit,Son of Mxy
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 7:17 AM
WB is on a sexual predator list, go check out the thread rex linked to and watch him explode when confronted on it.
Posted By: PJP Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 7:34 AM
 Originally Posted By: Nöwheremän
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
 Originally Posted By: Nöwheremän
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
 Originally Posted By: rex


I humiliated the hell out of you.

But believe what you want.
I know gloating online about an imaginary victory is all you've got.
Sock-fucker.

Actually what I saw is a guy claiming that another guy has slandered him (even though slander is spoken word and libel is written word) because he has no evidence, while all the while doing exactly the same thing.
Hypocritical much?


It's called giving him a taste of his own medicine.
From the beginning of this lengthy exchange, across multiple topics, my point was and is that Rex shouldn't be throwing around the pedophile label, because there's far more to incriminate him than me. That's not hypocrisy, that's standing up for myself.

No, its hypocrisy.
You cannot cry foul on someone supposedly spreading lies, then do the same yourself, and claim a single innocent picture as being 'evidence'.
Standing up for yourself would be using actual facts, not making shit up.

When I say I dont like people taking shots at my parents, you dont see me using the same tactic back at people when they do it, because that would make me a hypocrite.

You sir, are a hypocrite.
thedoctor spells hypocrite without the e. Must be a southern thing.
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 7:40 AM
the national guard stole a lot of e's after katrina.
Posted By: Im Not Mister Mxyzptlk Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 8:34 AM
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
That's not hypocrisy, that's standing up for myself.


That sounds Okley to me.

I mean, okay.
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 4:56 PM
 Originally Posted By: PJP
 Originally Posted By: Nöwheremän
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
 Originally Posted By: Nöwheremän
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
 Originally Posted By: rex


I humiliated the hell out of you.

But believe what you want.
I know gloating online about an imaginary victory is all you've got.
Sock-fucker.

Actually what I saw is a guy claiming that another guy has slandered him (even though slander is spoken word and libel is written word) because he has no evidence, while all the while doing exactly the same thing.
Hypocritical much?


It's called giving him a taste of his own medicine.
From the beginning of this lengthy exchange, across multiple topics, my point was and is that Rex shouldn't be throwing around the pedophile label, because there's far more to incriminate him than me. That's not hypocrisy, that's standing up for myself.

No, its hypocrisy.
You cannot cry foul on someone supposedly spreading lies, then do the same yourself, and claim a single innocent picture as being 'evidence'.
Standing up for yourself would be using actual facts, not making shit up.

When I say I dont like people taking shots at my parents, you dont see me using the same tactic back at people when they do it, because that would make me a hypocrite.

You sir, are a hypocrite.
thedoctor spells hypocrite without the e. Must be a southern thing.

Elsia spells it differently all the time, but thats a retarded thing.
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-07 5:14 PM
 Originally Posted By: BASAMS The Plumber
the national guard stole a lot of e's after katrina.


Th National Guard was on th bridgs with thir rifls confiscating that vowl for thir own uss. A bullt almost hit my frind Grg.
Posted By: allan1 Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-08 2:19 AM
Poor Grg.
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-08 2:29 AM
Prsidnt Bush dosn't lik black popl.

-Kany
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-08 2:34 AM
Now wondy is saying that he's a winner because he fucks chickens.
Posted By: Lothar of The Hill People Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-08 4:03 AM
Nobody fucks chickens like Kentuckistan Fucks Chickens.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2010-01-16 2:01 AM
jimbo is in over his head again.
Posted By: Joe Mama Re: broken posters list - 2010-04-07 12:42 AM
Dunno what's more hilarious...

...breaking Sikkbones for the umpteenth time...

...or breaking someone without even saying a word to them. Thanks, elliot!
Posted By: Lothar Wint and Snarf Kidd Re: broken posters list - 2010-04-07 2:29 AM
Wint: "If you are already broken before you register here, Mr. Kidd"
Kidd: "You are probably us, Mr. Wint."
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2010-04-07 2:35 AM
I'm sensing another raid. I hope they have their helmets ready.
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-04-07 2:38 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-04-07 2:41 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-04-07 2:43 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-04-07 2:44 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-04-07 2:44 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-04-07 2:44 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-04-07 2:45 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-04-07 2:45 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-04-07 2:46 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-04-07 2:51 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-04-07 2:52 AM
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-04-07 2:53 AM
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2010-04-07 2:56 AM
 Originally Posted By: Nöwheremän


LLance's head in the microwave turns that image from good to fucking awesome.
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-04-07 3:16 AM
I still have no idea why I put his head in the microwave, I just did.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2010-04-07 4:40 AM
http://www.rkmbs.com/...t/1#Post1112261

I don't think cock eater man has ever been this broken.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2010-05-22 11:29 PM
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1114948#Post1114948

G-man broken and just not getting it.
Posted By: Mopius Re: broken posters list - 2010-05-29 7:22 AM
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2010-05-29 7:31 AM
Thanks snarf.
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2010-08-16 4:10 PM
Ray's broken again. I think it was his love for Sean Penn that did him in this time.
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2010-08-16 6:15 PM
I really thought he would've lasted longer this time.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2010-08-16 6:16 PM
He apologized for being wrong about Sean Penn. I believe this has nothing to do with it. This is about the "REQUEST" thread in the Poli Forum...
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2010-08-16 6:20 PM
It has to do with everything. He was broken once he came back, last night was just the worst of it for him.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2010-08-16 6:22 PM
Oh Rex....you really miss Jerry, don't you?
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2010-08-16 6:31 PM
If you say so, adlers understudy.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2010-08-16 6:32 PM
I would have also accepted: "Your mother really misses Jerry!"
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2010-08-16 6:39 PM
Since your mom isn't a black man or a cat, that doesn't make sense.
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2010-08-16 6:45 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
He apologized for being wrong about Sean Penn. I believe this has nothing to do with it. This is about the "REQUEST" thread in the Poli Forum...


He'd sworn off the Politics forum, though. It's like his addiction. Just when he thinks he's kicked the habit, he says to himself, 'One little post won't hurt me'. The next thing you know, he's back in it posting like mad an urinating in the corner.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2010-08-16 10:01 PM
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
 Originally Posted By: Friendly Neighborhood Ray-man
I wanna rawk!

 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
RAWK

 Originally Posted By: Friendly Neighborhood Ray-man
I wanna rawk!

 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
RAWK

 Originally Posted By: Friendly Neighborhood Ray-man
I want to rawk!

 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
RAWK

 Originally Posted By: Friendly Neighborhood Ray-man
I wanna rawk!

 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
RAWK
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2010-08-16 10:02 PM
Captain Sammitch User returning cheapion
15000+ posts 08/16/10 03:01 PM Reading a post
Forum: Pro & Jake's Fortress of Awesome Chat
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
Posted By: Friendly Neighborhood Ray-man Re: broken posters list - 2010-08-16 10:56 PM
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
He apologized for being wrong about Sean Penn. I believe this has nothing to do with it. This is about the "REQUEST" thread in the Poli Forum...


He'd sworn off the Politics forum, though. It's like his addiction. Just when he thinks he's kicked the habit, he says to himself, 'One little post won't hurt me'. The next thing you know, he's back in it posting like mad an urinating in the corner.

it's a black hole that sucks you in and doesn't let go.
speaking of which. rex, how's your mom?
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2010-08-16 11:04 PM
My dad is black, not my mom.
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-10-15 1:32 AM
Add Pro to the list with his Batman threads.
Who knew that pointing out that he was a lazy cunt would be the thing to push him over the edge.

Actually surprised he put in that much effort though.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2010-10-15 2:18 AM
 Originally Posted By: Nöwheremän


\:lol\: Dude, calm down. If you really think you bother me, I hate to dash a rare moment of joy for you, but the truth is I could give a shit what you think. I made a thread. You whined about it. I laughed. You got mad. I laughed. You got madder. I laughed. You posted here to rally support for your bleeding cunt.

And guess what? I'm still laughing... \:lol\: \:lol\:

Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2010-10-15 2:19 AM
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1131532#Post1131532
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2010-10-15 2:23 AM
Is nowie the ginger wondy?
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2010-10-15 2:24 AM
I wouldn't insult him like that, no. I just think he's having his time of the month. Sand is for all vagina's, you know, not just mine...
Posted By: Nöwheremän Re: broken posters list - 2010-10-15 2:51 AM
Funny, cause last time I looked, you was the one that got all bent out of shape and started name calling and posting pointless threads.

Amazing how your brain cant even see that you ARE the one taking this above what it initially was, you throwing a little hissy fit because you are too lazy to look a few posts down a forum.

You also have a funny idea of what me being 'mad' or 'angry' is.
Maybe I should think you are 'mad' everytime you say bald jokes are old hat.

I wasnt even the first person to point out that you were basically being lazy.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2010-10-15 2:58 AM
Honestly, can anyone actually be serious about considering the creation of a thread on a message board as "lazy"? You can't be serious, because that would mean you were anal-retentive beyond anything Whomod ever came close to being.

I saw Batman news. I didn't see the Batman thread, and didn't feel like looking for it. What's the big deal?

Answer: There isn't one. You just overreacted.

And as for "name-calling" and all that....on the RKMBs? You've never been called a Cunt, a Gay-Rag, etc., etc. on the RKMBs? You're making no sense...
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2010-10-15 3:07 AM
laziness and procrastination are inexcusable vices to have.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2010-10-15 3:25 AM
We agree.

-RAGTAG HEROES
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2010-10-15 3:40 AM
SOM agrees!
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters list - 2010-10-15 4:23 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex
My dad is black...


With a last name of Jonopulos (or however you spell it)?
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters list - 2010-10-15 4:29 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
....I saw Batman news. I didn't see the Batman thread, and didn't feel like looking for it. What's the big deal?

Answer: There isn't one. You just overreacted...


Maybe I'm missing something, but from what I've seen you started a new thread and Nowie made a single, relatively (for the RKMBS) mild post tweaking you for starting a new thread and then you reacted by starting a bunch of cheap Canadian knockoffs of the Serenity threads.

If so, it appears the overreaction was yours.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2010-10-15 4:41 AM
I can't tell if he's being a troll or being retarded.
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2010-10-15 4:53 AM
A black greek. It's more commonly known as "BLEEK".
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2010-10-15 5:39 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex
I can't tell if he's being a troll or being retarded.


G-Man? Troll. And retarded. It's his combo.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2010-10-15 5:43 AM
 Originally Posted By: the G-man
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
....I saw Batman news. I didn't see the Batman thread, and didn't feel like looking for it. What's the big deal?

Answer: There isn't one. You just overreacted...


Maybe I'm missing something, but from what I've seen you started a new thread and Nowie made a single, relatively (for the RKMBS) mild post tweaking you for starting a new thread and then you reacted by starting a bunch of cheap Canadian knockoffs of the Serenity threads.

If so, it appears the overreaction was yours.


No, I was actually making fun of Nowhereman, and pointing out the hypocrisy. I did nothing more than have fun, make some jokes, and pay homage to a BSAMS meme. Or, wait, are you against that kind of stuff now? No, of course you're not. Just depends on who is doing it, right? \:lol\:
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters list - 2010-10-15 5:53 AM
I kind of assumed, when I saw the threads, that you were just having fun.

Then I got here, read your exchange with Nowie and attempted to note some mild surprise (no more no less) at your pronouncement that he overreacted to something. Sorry if I didn't make that clear or if my comment came off as more critical of you than I intended.
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2010-10-15 5:58 AM
FIGHT!
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters list - 2010-12-15 7:27 PM
Just bumping this for the inevitable end of the G-Man Jr/JLAmod war... \:p
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2010-12-15 10:58 PM
Personally, I think, uh ... they(G-shills) don't really want to be involved in this war. I mean ...they sort of took away their hatred for each other and turned it on me, you know. But they don't want to disagree with each other. They'd rather be friends than right, I guess. Poor dumb bastards.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2010-12-15 11:10 PM
I still don't get why people respond to anything g-man says.
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2010-12-15 11:36 PM
Once you figure out why you do, let us know.
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2010-12-15 11:36 PM
Or don't. No big deal. Just trying to make you feel included is all.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2010-12-16 2:05 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex
I still don't get why people respond to anything g-man says.


It's fun stomping him.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2010-12-16 2:35 AM
He's gotten to the point where everything he says is either so retarded you can't respond to it or his he posts what he thinks others will say about that post. Its like he's living in his own little delusional world.
Posted By: Joe Mama Re: broken posters list - 2010-12-16 5:43 AM
And yet you always seem to find a way. It's like your small, sad corner of perseverance.
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2010-12-16 5:59 AM
I'm lost as far who rex is talking about. Is he still talking about G-man, or has he gone into some form of transcendental self discovery where he refers to himself in the third person?
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2010-12-16 8:09 AM
\:lol\:
Posted By: Pig Iran Re: broken posters list - 2010-12-16 8:31 AM
It's like an enigma wrapped inside an enigma.









....or is that enema? Always forgetting around here.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-03-05 9:11 PM
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1143186#Post1143181

Wondy wants me to be black so he can hate me more.
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2011-03-06 1:48 AM
Does he also want MEM to be an underage boy so he can love him more?
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters list - 2011-03-06 3:44 AM
If MEM were an underaged boy he'd molest himself without any help from WB whatsoever.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-03-06 7:08 AM
 Originally Posted By: the G-man


MEM must have really kicked your ass lately for you to rex-title him as a "molester"... \:lol\:
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters list - 2011-03-06 3:07 PM


MEM and I haven't intereacted directly on the board for weeks. My reference was to his whole defense of groups that allow underaged kids to be sexually abused last year.

Ah, but you what they say about a joke you have to explain...thanks for pointing out that this one fell a little flat.
Posted By: Matter-eater Man Re: broken posters list - 2011-03-06 6:19 PM
I honestly don't get the continued nastiness by G-man.
Posted By: allan1 Re: broken posters list - 2011-03-06 11:17 PM
 Originally Posted By: Matter-eater Man
I honestly don't get the continued nastiness by G-man.



He doesn't like you.
Posted By: Ultimate Jaburg53 Re: broken posters list - 2011-03-07 3:13 AM
 Originally Posted By: allan1
 Originally Posted By: Matter-eater Man
I honestly don't get the continued nastiness by G-man.



He doesn't like you.


He has the dull penalty on twelve message boards.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-03-07 4:14 AM
\:lol\:
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-03-12 10:33 AM
Wondy is back to posting peni in the womens forum.
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 5:42 AM
By sheer volume in a single thread alone, I'd say Dave's busted again.
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 5:45 AM
You can tell it's bad when the board's moderates, libs, and cons have all agreed to disagree with you. On the politifuck forum, at that.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 7:13 AM
\:lol\: Rex is going to kill himself that he was out of town this week...
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 8:05 AM
\:lol\: PCG is going to kill himself this week...

...again.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 10:16 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
\:lol\: Rex is going to kill himself that he was out of town this week...


Looks like I have some catching up to do!
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 5:08 PM
How was Sin City?
Posted By: Rob Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 5:57 PM
DONT TELL HIM!! IT STAYS THERE!!!
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 6:21 PM
(except the diseases!)
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 6:59 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
How was Sin City?


Fucking awesome.
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 7:13 PM
You're not supposed to fuck awesome.
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 7:13 PM
wait......
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 7:46 PM
Dude, it's Rex. He should fuck ANYthing.

Bunny Ranch visit, Rex?
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 9:03 PM
No, no whores this time. I'll probably have a giant blog type post later today about my trip.
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 9:09 PM
 Originally Posted By: rex
Sat in the car and complained about everybody. Checked into the hotel, sat in room and complained about everybody. Sat in the car on the ride home and complained about everybody.


There, I wrote it for you.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 9:20 PM
Nah, not enough jerking off.
Posted By: Rob Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 9:26 PM
you're gay for blogs!
Posted By: Rob Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 9:27 PM
blog gay!
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 9:37 PM
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
 Originally Posted By: rex
Sat in the car and complained about everybody. Checked into the hotel, sat in room and complained about everybody. Sat in the car on the ride home and complained about everybody.


There, I wrote it for you.


 Originally Posted By: rex
Nah, not enough jerking off.


 Originally Posted By: rex
Sat in the car and complained about everybody and masturbated. Checked into the hotel, sat in room and complained about everybody and masturbated. Sat in the car on the ride home and complained about everybody and masturbated.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 9:58 PM
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 9:59 PM
\:lol\:

but seriously, reax, you can tell us how much you won without us nagging you to share it with everyone. we've read ayn rand too, you know.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 10:00 PM
\:lol\:
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-19 10:06 PM
\:lol\:
Posted By: Joe Mama Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 2:07 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex
No, no whores this time. I'll probably have a giant blog type post later today about my trip.


Fight the urge, Beardguy.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 3:38 AM
Apparently Pro is so devoid of function at this point that he can do no more than post graemilins and one-liners in the political forum.

I'll take credit for that...this time around.
Posted By: Rob Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 3:45 AM
;\)
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 3:46 AM
\:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\: Awesome.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 4:57 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Apparently Pro is so devoid of function at this point that he can do no more than post graemilins and one-liners in the political forum.

I'll take credit for that...this time around.


Wow. So, while inadvertently snapping Dave like the nutsack he is, blatantly ignoring your cries for attention has done the same to you. Sad. You should describe what it's like actively joining forces with Wonder "Boy". I imagine the sexual tension is just off the hook...
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 4:57 AM
 Originally Posted By: Rob
;)


Please don't wink at things that haven't happened yet...
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 5:10 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
Wow. So, while inadvertently snapping Dave like the nutsack he is, I'm blatantly running away from your criticism of a post I made in an open forum. Rather pathetic of me. I'll just attempt to reinforce whatever position I have left by bringing up Wonder Boy even though you didn't mention anyone else's opinion beyond your own...Oh! Here's a graemlin


\:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\: Awesome.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 5:21 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
STOP IGNORING ME!! VALIDATE ME!!


Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 5:49 AM
Prometheus: Broken.
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 6:07 AM
So are you, it seems.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 6:18 AM
I'm sure Prometheus will follow up with a graemlin-filled post that agrees with yours Doc.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 6:22 AM
\:lol\: I'm glad to see I have that much affect on you without trying. All these years, and I still get under your skin...
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 6:23 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Prometheus: Broken.
Posted By: Rob Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 6:33 AM
;\)
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 6:35 AM
Pariah's hooked.

I'm actually a little jealous of Pro right now, although I've caused my fair share of meltdowns.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 6:36 AM
 Originally Posted By: Rob
;)


Post-2005
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 6:52 AM
10 Registered User(s).
Display Name: Status Title Last Activity Location
Son of Mxy User Mxy's wayward son. There'll be peace when he is done.
10000+ posts 04/19/11 11:52 PM Reading a post
Forum: Pro & Jake's Fortress of Awesome Chat
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 6:56 AM
I'm wanking off to their love talk
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 6:58 AM
Wii?
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 7:39 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
PA-RAI-AH!! Stop picking on Pro! He was helping me out in my thread! Leave him alone already!


Poor JLA.

But I'm sure you'll find comfort in each other's arms at the end of the day.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 7:48 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Why do people push me towards the edge? I'm an adult now!


Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 7:53 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
Pariah I'm gonna teach you a lesson for beating up on Pro! He agrees with me about the Tea Party and I'm NOT gonna let you get away with hurting him!


Oh no! I'm e'scared!
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 8:00 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Why do people push me towards the edge? I'm an adult now!





\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 8:05 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
\:lol\:


Look! Prometheus posted a graemlin!
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 8:09 AM
I used to care myself. But then I stopped and decided to just perpetuate the Pariah meltdown and taunt him right back.

One time, I came upon a revelation that's your basic everyday fact: Pariah doesn't care what's right or wrong, he just feels like a big grown-up when he defends Republicans no matter how FUCKED up they are.

So one day, I decided to do a little experiment. The retard, Pariah, decided he needed attention. I decided to spur him on. I just posted two links about a racist fuckwit from California. And at that point Pariah cried for even more attention, HARD and REPEATEDLY.

I didn't fight him off except for one post. I just waited for others to mock him until Rob came over to inspect the ruckus. By the time Rob got there, Pariah had a broken ego and a fractured need for attention.

Pariah melted on multiple boards.

I was scott free.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 8:16 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
PWNED!! You are so fucking PWNED Pariah! This is what you get for going against the unions! And I can do this all day you big meanie!


Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 9:50 AM
You know it's bad when JLA and Pro have to console each other.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 4:17 PM
You know it's bad when Digby has to console Pariah. G-shill must be getting jealous.
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 5:27 PM
JLA is rapidly becoming the WB of the left. He will probably be calling Pariah and BASMS lying cocksuckers and the source of all evil in less than six more posts.
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 6:37 PM
someone just needs to close that fucking thread. it's a disaster.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 6:45 PM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
You know it's bad when Digby has to console Pariah. G-shill must be getting jealous.



 Originally Posted By: the G-man


Called it!
Posted By: Ultimate Jaburg53 Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 8:03 PM
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 8:23 PM
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
someone just needs to close that fucking thread. it's a disaster.


Which disaster are you talking about?

The one where Prometheus claims that portraying Obama's white mother as a chimp is an act of racism or the fact that him and JLA refuse to tone down their avid buttsex?
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 8:35 PM
the whole damn thing. it's degenerated into 'lolol broken! ZOMG!' and no actual discussion is taking place.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 9:02 PM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah

Which disaster are you talking about?

The one where I admitted that I was too big of a pussy to defend myself from a physical attack, or the fact that I will defend Republicans no matter how stupid they are?
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 9:14 PM
I guess that means JLA's willing to overlook every facet of Prometheus' stupidity in favor of having his thread validated.
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 9:21 PM
The both of you are obviously broken. Let's move on.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 9:23 PM
I agree. Both Prometheus and JLA have been thoroughly broken.
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 9:33 PM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 9:39 PM
This thread has broken more posters than all the other threads combined.
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 10:13 PM
 Originally Posted By: rex
This thread has broken more posters than all the other threads combined.


broken
Posted By: Rob Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-20 10:35 PM
...or the fool who follows him?
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 1:12 AM
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
the whole damn thing. it's degenerated into 'lolol broken! ZOMG!' and no actual discussion is taking place.



Hello, Captain Sammitch. Welcome to the RKMBS!
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 1:13 AM
is this how things are going to be from now on?
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 1:40 AM
heh
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 1:41 AM
Something tells me that a few people might "take a break from posting here" or there is gonna be a raid.
Posted By: Joe Mama Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 2:07 AM
 Originally Posted By: the G-man
JLA is rapidly becoming the WB of the left. He will probably be calling Pariah and BASMS lying cocksuckers and the source of all evil in less than six more posts.


To be fair, JLA isn't an unrepentant pedophile, so your analogy kinda falls apart.
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 4:07 AM
Fair point.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 4:55 AM
\:lol\: Damn! I am very relieved that I can get under Pariah's skin so effortlessly that, over a day later, he's still whining and crying about me in every post. I never realized you were so vulnerable, Pariah. I hope you don't take this frustration out on anyone in your real life. I would hate to think I drove you to such lengths when, in all actuality, I could honestly care less about the ENTIRE thread you are worried about. Calm down, man. It's just the internet. No one is going to hurt you...
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 5:07 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
I hope you don't take this frustration out on anyone in your real life.


Don't worry, I can't imagine Pariah being trusted with live ammunition; he's just like Barney Fife running around Mayberry with a gun minus the bullets...
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 5:14 AM
I am disappointed that it's been days and we still haven't seen people posting animated pics of penis.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 5:38 AM
 Originally Posted By: Son of Mxy
I am disappointed we haven't seen pics of penis.
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 5:43 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Lothar
I am disappointed I haven't seen pics of penis.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 5:44 AM
 Originally Posted By: Son of Mxy
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Lothar
I am disappointed I haven't seen pics of penis.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 6:08 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
\:lol\: Damn! I am very relieved that I can get under Pariah's skin so effortlessly that, over a day later, he's still whining and crying about me in every post. I never realized you were so vulnerable, Pariah. I hope you don't take this frustration out on anyone in your real life. I would hate to think I drove you to such lengths when, in all actuality, I could honestly care less about the ENTIRE thread you are worried about. Calm down, man. It's just the internet. No one is going to hurt you...


Prometheus cares so little. And it shows.


.....No really. He doesn't care at all.


And I'm pretty sure JLA is pretty apathetic over the situation as well.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 6:10 AM
Yes Pariah. I have put so much effort into making you look and sound like an infant the past few days. Hard work. \:lol\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 6:11 AM
BTW, when you post "outloud" like that, who are you talking to? Do you imagine an audience to "win over"? Is there a Pariah Fan Club checking in on this thread that you need to address?
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 6:11 AM
Seriously though, it does seem as if Pariah has hit some kind of nerve with you.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 6:13 AM
That's impossible. Prometheus doesn't care about anything I say. The only reason he's even responding to me is because his apathy has peaked and his "Care-o-Meter" rolled over.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 6:14 AM
Does it? I doubt that. You simply agree with him, or disagree with me. So, no, there's no "seriously" to it. You just want to make a point. But, hey, if you think you got something, please feel free to quote me anywhere I took the time or effort to "go after Pariah"... lol!
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 6:14 AM
My post was in response to BASMS. I didn't realize Pariah would be hopping back and forth between the two thread that have broken him...
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 6:15 AM
HOW CAN I GET THIS MAN TO CARE!!!??

HOW!? HOW!!!!????
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 6:15 AM
Calm down, Wonder Boy...
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 6:17 AM
Now he thinks everyone's Wonder Boy.....Broken again.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 6:20 AM
Yes. You are exactly right. Congratulations, Pariah. Your observational skills are unparalleled... \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 6:21 AM
Well, how else could I tell that you care so little over being proved wrong?
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 6:23 AM
Okay, whatever man. I've just been enjoying you and Dave melting down over nothing. But, from what I can tell, your last couple of posts are just tantrum throwing with no real point, other than you're mad at me for not taking you seriously. Sorry about that, I guess. But, you keep posting away buddy, and I'll keep reading...
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 6:27 AM
But you don't CARE!! How can I keep reminding you of how you were proved wrong if you won't RESPOND TO ME!!??

CARE DAMMIT!! CARE!!! YOU HAVE TO START CARING OR I'LL NEVER GET YOU TO RESPOND!!
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 6:29 AM
Warning, Spoiler:
It's like the Insurgency never left.
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 4:21 PM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
It's like the Insurgency never left.


And this thread is like their own board that they locked us out of just so they could argue with each other on how to 'destroy' us.
Posted By: Rob Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 6:16 PM
;\)
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 9:45 PM
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
It's like the Insurgency never left.


And this thread is like their own board that they locked us out of just so they could argue with each other on how to 'destroy' us.


And Prometheus is Zzap!
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 10:25 PM
And you're wanky.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 10:26 PM
And you can be Rellik!
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 10:50 PM
That's Killer spelled backwards.
Posted By: Rob Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-21 10:50 PM
;\)
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-22 12:51 AM
X-TREME!
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-23 9:58 AM
Posted By: Irwin Schwab Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-23 2:07 PM
The St. George reference was the genius of it.
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-23 4:58 PM
But you really should have photoshopped a Batman comic over the book in "Rob's" hands.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-23 9:45 PM
"No broads in the Secret Mod Forum!"


\:lol\:

Classic.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-26 7:10 AM
Prometheus: Broken

 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
So, arguing against the perception of racism in a given situation is the equivalent of defending any parties involved in the alleged act of racism...

Yes.

But that sounds like a logical fallacy--not to mention bias.

it just bothers you a "nigger" is in the White House,


....Ooookaaaaay.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-26 9:21 AM
\:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-26 9:36 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
So, arguing against the perception of racism in a given situation is the equivalent of defending any parties involved in the alleged act of racism...

Yes.

But that sounds like a logical fallacy--not to mention bias.

it just bothers you a "nigger" is in the White House,


....Ooookaaaaay.

\:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\:


I think it's funny too. But in a bad way.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-27 5:30 AM
\:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-29 1:06 AM
Doc and JLA are hooked.

Broken.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-29 1:09 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
First my pathetic defense of conservative Catholic pedos, followed up by equating phishers to Sony's online service being breached. It's been a rough couple of days.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-29 1:10 AM
Like I said: Hooked.

I await Doc's eventual response--since him and JLA are now joined at the pelvis and ass.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-29 1:10 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-29 1:11 AM
You're thinking of the conservative Catholic pedos again.

Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-29 1:13 AM
And what would JLA and Doc's new relationship be without their trustee voyeur Prometheus!
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-29 1:16 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah



But if I made an ass out of myself on Rob's network, wouldn't that mean exactly that Rob has failed?

-Pariah
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-29 1:16 AM
\:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-29 1:19 AM
Pro! Watch this! And make sure to post graemlins!

-MisterJLA
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-29 1:23 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-29 1:24 AM
Thanks Pro! Me and Doc are grateful for your participation!

-MisterJLA
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-29 4:51 PM
I never thought me pointing out to Pariah how aggressively ignorant he was being would cause him to get so obsessed. I was quite sure that he'd be used to people pointing that out to him by now.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-29 6:24 PM
It's Pariah. He's just enjoying the attention. He's so rarely relevant to anything going on here...
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-29 6:34 PM
It must be hard for him to balance his desire to be a misanthrope with his need to be an attention whore.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-29 6:35 PM
You also think he would have gotten better with age...
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-29 7:05 PM
Well, we haven't heard outrageous stories about him being on the run from a Colombian drug cartel.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-29 10:32 PM
Does his superior officer finding tentacle-porn on his laptop count?
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-30 2:37 AM
Hehe.

I make collective fools of ProDocJLA, and that makes me obsessed.

Damn I'm good.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-30 3:52 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
This is just like the time you got a bully to kick the shit of you, and as you hobbled away you whispered to yourself "I got 'em!"

Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-30 4:56 AM
Oh fuck! I'm cornered now!

Hold on. Let me go through seven years of your post histories real quick to find something I think is incriminating to prove how not obsessed I am!

That'll show ya.
Posted By: Lothar of The Hill People Re: broken posters list - 2011-04-30 9:10 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Like I said: Hooked.

I await Doc's eventual response--since him and JLA are now joined at the pelvis and ass.
Two men can be joined at the ass without having a relationship.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-06-01 11:54 PM
Guess who used the work "wiener" three times in a thread title?

http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1150862#Post1150862
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-06-02 12:55 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex
Guess who used the work "wiener" three times in a thread title?

http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1150862#Post1150862


What's that, rex? You were working the wiener? Please, in the future, keep this kind of information to yourself.
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2011-06-02 3:40 AM
lulz
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-08-27 5:55 AM
Reset so Grimm can add Pariah's latest conniption fit...
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-08-27 6:18 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
Reset so everyone can say how irrelevant and boring I am now.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-08-27 6:20 AM
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1155786/gonew/1#Post1155790

jla, broken.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-08-27 7:19 PM
 Originally Posted By: rex
http://www.rkmbs.com
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-08-27 7:19 PM
 Originally Posted By: rex
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
Reset so everyone can say how irrelevant and boring I am now.


Post-2005
Posted By: Grimm Re: broken posters list - 2011-08-28 4:51 AM
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1155391/fpart/1



PS3! Joker ist scheisse! seal of disapproval!
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 9:53 PM
Does it count if Pariah is contributing to his own meltdown?
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 9:54 PM
Yeah...
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 9:55 PM
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Fuck! It's just too difficult putting this fucker in his place!

Well, back to the "broken posters list" thread. Easy win.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 9:55 PM
Roger.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 9:57 PM
Listen, Pariah was the reason this whole Broken thing began. He used to be whiny-bitch #1 back in the day. Once everyone got bored with him is when he started acting all sullen and posting stories about his "bosses" finding porn on his laptop, and fighting Columbian druglords, and all that. He's had a bad personal life, and is just searching for attention from the only place he has ever gotten it. And, I'm pretty sure "he" is actually a girl (and always has been). So, cut her some slack...
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:00 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
Okay....Okay....I can deal with this punk! He's just some twenty something neocon for fuck's sake--I'M NOT GONNA LET HIM HUMILIATE ME!!!

All I have to do is bring up Colombians and I got an easy out on this one.


Poor Pro. He tries so hard.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:00 PM
The time he let the school bully kick his ass was pretty good, too...
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:01 PM
Face it, Pariah, we didn't beat you. Life did.
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:01 PM
Pariah, show us your tits.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:02 PM
Pariah User Bow down to combaticus!
15000+ posts 09/15/11 03:01 PM Reading a post
Forum: Pro & Jake's Fortress of Awesome Chat
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:03 PM
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Face it, Pariah, we didn't beat you. Life did.


I certainly hope so. Why the fuck would I want you jerks beating me off?
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:06 PM
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Face it, Pariah, we didn't beat you. Life did.
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:07 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Face it, Pariah, we didn't beat you. Life did.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:08 PM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
I certainly hope so. Why the fuck would I want you jerks beating me off?
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:09 PM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: Pariah

\:lol\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:11 PM
**TIME-OUT**

Seriously Pariah, no bullshit....are you a girl? FirstDave once said he believed you were a female posting as a male, and I confirmed he wasn't joking around. I mean, it wouldn't be that far-fetched. You started posting young, had an idea how to get all the males to stop propositioning to see your tits: say you're a man!

Now, I wouldn't ask this, really, if you didn't already have a history of exaggerating your life for message board entertainment purposes. So, just be honest once and for all: Yes, you are a woman. No, you are not a woman. Which is it?

**TIME-IN**
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:12 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
So, just be honest once and for all: Yes, you are a woman. No, you are not a man. Which is it?
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:18 PM
Whatever Son of Mxy is I think.
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:19 PM
I'm a grass imp.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:21 PM
There ya go.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:22 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
But no! Seriously Pariah. I'm being like totally on the level here. C'mon, tell us!


Like I said....

 Originally Posted By: Son of Mxy
I'm a grass imp.


 Originally Posted By: Pariah
There ya go.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:22 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
But no! Seriously Pariah....


And on and on it will go.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:23 PM
Yes, you are that predictable.
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:24 PM
Damn it, Pariahalo! Never go full space bug!
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:32 PM
How did I break you by asking you a question? It's was just a Yes or No question...
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:39 PM
Pariah doesn't like being asked about his questionable gender.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:42 PM
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Pariah doesn't like being asked about his questionable gender.


Speaking of, I haven't seen Uschi around here in awhile. Think Chrissy-P might be her longtime alt? They were buddy-buddy...hmmmm...
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:48 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
How did I break you by asking you a question? It's was just a Yes or No question...


I was actually kinda thinkin' the same thing about you. All I had to do was point out that you were helping spread around stolen info, and you became even more of a mess than usual. Figured it'd take more than that.
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-15 10:51 PM
Snappy comeback, Mr(s)? Defensive.
Posted By: Grimm Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-16 12:41 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
How did I break you by asking you a question? It's was just a Yes or No question...




he knows what he wants to be, but his programming says otherwise. it makes his brain go *TILT!* \:lol\:
Posted By: Joe Mama Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-16 2:32 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
**TIME-OUT**

Seriously Pariah, no bullshit....are you a girl? FirstDave once said he believed you were a female posting as a male, and I confirmed he wasn't joking around. I mean, it wouldn't be that far-fetched. You started posting young, had an idea how to get all the males to stop propositioning to see your tits: say you're a man!

Now, I wouldn't ask this, really, if you didn't already have a history of exaggerating your life for message board entertainment purposes. So, just be honest once and for all: Yes, you are a woman. No, you are not a woman. Which is it?

**TIME-IN**


Pariah can't be female. I need Pariah to be that Fred Savage looking dude with his right-wing Christian views and his combination of fascination with and shame towards all things sexual. I need Pariah to be the troll of the boards and I need this current incarnation to be his best attempt at filling the gaping (tee hee!) hole left behind by BSAMS. If Pariah is actually female then everything else falls apart.

I say this, not to contribute to what seems to be the early stages of a Pariah meltdown, but to stave off what would probably be my own. If I can't believe in this Pariah, what else is fake? Son of Mxy's claims of paternity? Pro's rampant weed usage and hot wife (is she available yet? )? Rex?
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-16 2:42 AM
I'm an alt of rob.
Posted By: Captain Sweden Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-16 5:33 AM
Is Pig Iran a woman?
Posted By: Captain Sweden Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-16 5:34 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Pariah doesn't like being asked about his questionable gender.


Speaking of, I haven't seen Uschi around here in awhile. Think Chrissy-P might be her longtime alt? They were buddy-buddy...hmmmm...

Damn I miss her. \:\(
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-16 5:52 AM
Pariah's womanhood is tearing these boards apart!
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-16 7:09 AM
IN THE ASS!
Posted By: Wonder Boy Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-19 10:47 AM
Pro in full meltdown:


 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
I heard those blood-thirsty scum cheering at the debate for killing and executions. How primitive. How childish. How disgusting. But, the Right is letting them pull them onto the Crazy Highway, so it's just as much their fault as it is the white-trash that makes up the Tea Party. So, fuck them all. And especially those that try to make excuses and apologies for evil like that. Sheep like that are the bottom-feeders that helped Adolf take power....


Haha!

It's always fun watching you have an extreme aging leftist meltdown after attempting to play the moderate for so long.


Pro has been flipping out across multiple topics, and then after his clear fanatical rage and making false assumptions has been called, he's backpedaled to "Hey, I was just kidding, can't you take a joke?"


Posted By: Wonder Boy Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-19 10:56 AM


http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1157582#Post1157552

 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
Pssst! Do you really not see me yanking your chain? ;\)


 Originally Posted By: Pariah
That's right Pro. You're "pulling chains." You're a master manipulator. Everything you post is just an example of your ingenious social conducting......after you get called out on your bullshit.




\:lol\: \:lol\:
\:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-19 6:01 PM
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy


\:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-19 6:04 PM
Oh and btw, if you're defending the bloodthirsty cult that is the Tea Party, you ARE part of the problem...
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-19 6:21 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
I heard those blood-thirsty scum cheering at the debate for killing and executions. How primitive. How childish. How disgusting. But, the Right is letting them pull them onto the Crazy Highway, so it's just as much their fault as it is the white-trash that makes up the Tea Party. So, fuck them all. And especially those that try to make excuses and apologies for evil like that. Sheep like that are the bottom-feeders that helped Adolf take power....


\:\)
Posted By: Joe Mama Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-20 2:07 AM
Wonder Pedo. That is all.
Posted By: Wonder Boy Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-20 2:22 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
I heard those blood-thirsty scum cheering at the debate for killing and executions. How primitive. How childish. How disgusting. But, the Right is letting them pull them onto the Crazy Highway, so it's just as much their fault as it is the white-trash that makes up the Tea Party. So, fuck them all. And especially those that try to make excuses and apologies for evil like that. Sheep like that are the bottom-feeders that helped Adolf take power....


\:\)


 Originally Posted By: WB


 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
Yeah, I'm sure the black members of the Tea Party will be shocked.


Both of them?


Do you ever read an article before you hack out your ignorance?

Or do you just prefer looking like an idiot?


Gallup: Tea Party Members Follow Closely With Mainsteam Population Demographics, in Both Opinion and Racial Statistics

 Quote:
PRINCETON, NJ -- Tea Party supporters skew right politically; but demographically, they are generally representative of the public at large. That's the finding of a USA Today/Gallup poll conducted March 26-28, in which 28% of U.S. adults call themselves supporters of the Tea Party movement.



and



As I've pointed out repeatedly in the fact of your uninformed ignorance, Pro, the Tea Party in polls are among the most educated, the most financially successful, and largely have views that are quantifiably (in percentage numbers) almost identical to those of the mainstream of America.
Whether discussing race, class, income, education, or opinion on social issues.


Seriously, Pro.

The facts vs. your slanderous opinionated view of anyone who disagrees with your political views.

You're so broken it's not even funny.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-20 5:25 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
I heard those blood-thirsty scum cheering at the debate for killing and executions. How primitive. How childish. How disgusting. But, the Right is letting them pull them onto the Crazy Highway, so it's just as much their fault as it is the white-trash that makes up the Tea Party. So, fuck them all. And especially those that try to make excuses and apologies for evil like that. Sheep like that are the bottom-feeders that helped Adolf take power....


\:\)
Posted By: Wonder Boy Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-20 8:02 PM
Broken.
Posted By: Joe Mama Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-21 2:38 AM
Yes, you are.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-21 2:59 AM
\:lol\:
Posted By: Lothar of The Hill People Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-21 4:10 AM
The beat goes on.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-24 12:03 AM
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1157815#Post1157815

pro goes full retard.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-25 2:17 AM
Pro got so bad that sikkbones showed up last night to try to take back the crown.
Posted By: First Amongst Daves Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-26 5:41 PM
Do you like my sig?
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-09-28 5:32 AM
 Originally Posted By: Joe Mama
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 3:15 AM
Did rex get mad because he wasn't getting enough attention again?
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 3:18 AM
Pro is moving posts to the off topic forum because he doesn't like pariahs point of view.
Posted By: Joe Mama Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 3:28 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex
Pro is moving posts to the off topic forum because he doesn't like pariahs point of view.


Are you...are you actually telling on Pro?
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 3:31 AM
rex spends all his time with his sister's kids. It's no surprise that he acts just like one.
Posted By: Joe Mama Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 3:34 AM
You're a pussy, Rex. And it's hilarious that Pro broke you without actually saying anything to you.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 3:43 AM
Pro's been broken for a while. He's pissed off that we aren't having the pre-approved "serious" discussion in the copy and paste forum. Its g-man all over again.
Posted By: Captain Sweden Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 3:44 AM
I thought rex had been broken for 4-5 years...
Posted By: Joe Mama Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 3:45 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex
Pro's been broken for a while. He's pissed off that we aren't having the pre-approved "serious" discussion in the copy and paste forum. Its g-man all over again.


Getting kinda defensive there...
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 4:07 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex
Pro's been broken for a while. He's pissed off that we aren't having the pre-approved "serious" discussion in the copy and paste forum. Its g-man all over again.


Dear Pro: It's finally come to this.

Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 5:27 AM
 Originally Posted By: Joe Mama
You're a pussy, Rex. And it's hilarious that Pro broke you without actually saying anything to you.


 Originally Posted By: Captain Sweden
I thought rex had been broken for 4-5 years...




 Originally Posted By: the G-man
Dear Pro: It's finally come to this.




\:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 5:50 AM
Whoa! You guys weren't kidding, were you? I just saw where he spent hours spamming threads in the Poli Forum. HA! I'm glad I could occupy his day like that.

I broke Rex without saying a word to him! \:lol\:


....or was that life?
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 7:24 AM
Give it up already, all of you. Every single poster who posts at the RKMBs was already broken before they even got here.
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 7:25 AM
Except for me. I am in Mint Condition.
Posted By: Joe Mama Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 7:29 AM
Bullshit, SoM. I've seen your CGC Grade.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 7:46 AM
Posted By: Im Not Mister Mxyzptlk Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 9:07 AM
 Originally Posted By: Son of Mxy
Give it up already, all of you. Every single poster who posts at the RKMBs was already broken before they even got here.


Chewy had to come back because the RKMBs weren't done with him.
Posted By: Im Not Mister Mxyzptlk Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 9:08 AM
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 6:07 PM
\:lol\:
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 7:42 PM
Pariah User The conscience of the rkmbs!
15000+ posts 10/01/11 12:42 PM Reading a post
Forum: Pro & Jake's Fortress of Awesome Chat
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 8:17 PM
 Originally Posted By: Joe Mama
You're a pussy, Rex. And it's hilarious that Pro broke you without actually saying anything to you.


Actually, my hat's off to Rex here. I mean, Pro was desperately trying to find a middle ground with him a while ago just so he wouldn't have to put up with being trolled by him. Now he's beginning to give him the graemlin treatment.

I don't really care that Prometheus moves my threads where he doesn't have to deal with them. I expect nothing less from Pro OR Iggy OR JLA. And with Rob avoiding the politics forum, I don't expect him to care about that. Constantly making new threads is just my way of acquainting Prometheus with his own social mortality and lack of integrity.

But I do recall people going up in arms when that happened under G-man's watch. Just about everyone lost their shit. But when Pro does it, it's all good.

So who woulda' thunk it? Rex has integrity. He didn't just break Pro; he broke everyone.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 8:27 PM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Constantly making new threads is just my way of acquainting Prometheus with his own social mortality and lack of integrity.


That was beautiful, man.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 8:29 PM
I know.
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 9:14 PM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Rex, I'll be your sock anyday.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 9:19 PM
 Originally Posted By: iggy
Fuck! I just can't get rid of this jerk!

.....Graemlins! Graemlins make everything go away!


Hmm.
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 9:21 PM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: iggy
\:lol\:



\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 9:25 PM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: iggy
Fuck! I just can't get rid of this jerk!

.....Graemlins! Graemlins make everything go away!


Hmm.


Yup.
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 9:25 PM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
But I do recall people going up in arms when that happened under G-man's watch. Just about everyone lost their shit. But when Pro does it, it's all good.


The only people who got all up in arms were the people who had their threads moved, or a personal beef with G-man. rex is angry about it now only because rex is angry about everything, and we have generally come to ignore his tantrums.

Personally, I agree that Pro's in the wrong for moving your posts. So quote that in your sig, write it in your diary, whatever it takes for you to justify your own inflated sense of self worth. I don't care. Just don't try and make it sound like you have some sort of cause behind you.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 9:31 PM
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
Personally, I agree that Pro's in the wrong for moving your posts. So quote that in your sig, write it in your diary, whatever it takes for you to justify your own inflated sense of self worth. I don't care. Just don't try and make it sound like you have some sort of cause behind you.


Haha!

"Cause."

Man...I can only imagine what would happen if I did something you felt was "in the wrong"--beyond me speaking out as the conscience of the rkmbs of course.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 9:36 PM
\:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 9:44 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
Oaky....*deep breath" Play it cool Pro, play it cool.

Gotta be careful here.......Graemlins.


Yup.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 9:47 PM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Why won't you just take me seriously??!!!


\:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 9:48 PM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
Oaky....*deep breath" Play it cool Pro, play it cool.

Gotta be careful here.......Graemlins.


Yup.


No shit.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 9:50 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Why won't you just take me seriously??!!!


\:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: allan1 Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 9:54 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Why won't you just take me seriously??!!!


\:lol\: \:lol\:

The truth between Pariah and Pro.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 9:56 PM
Some one just spoil it for me. I don't want to click on that.
Posted By: allan1 Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 10:00 PM
Yes you do....I promise it's safe.
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 10:02 PM
Allan's right. According to you, it is even safer than your barracks now.
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 10:27 PM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Man...I can only imagine what would happen if I did something you felt was "in the wrong"--aside from speaking out as the conscience of the rkmbs of course.




...wait. doc's the conscience of-

\:-\[

we're fucked.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-01 10:28 PM
Good point. I'm gonna edit that.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-02 12:37 AM
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Man...I can only imagine what would happen if I did something you felt was "in the wrong"--aside from speaking out as the conscience of the rkmbs of course.




...wait. doc's the conscience of-

\:-\[

we're fucked.


Nah, Doc will be a fine conscience. I mean, yeah, he's a little too conservative for my tastes. But, I'd respect his judgment on any of you....
Posted By: Captain Sweden Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-02 3:48 AM
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Man...I can only imagine what would happen if I did something you felt was "in the wrong"--aside from speaking out as the conscience of the rkmbs of course.




...wait. doc's the conscience of-

\:-\[

we're fucked.


What is this I don't even

Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-02 4:26 AM
RUN!
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-02 4:27 AM
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-02 4:28 AM
Posted By: Chewy Walrus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-02 7:14 PM
 Originally Posted By: Im Not Mister Mxyzptlk
 Originally Posted By: Son of Mxy
Give it up already, all of you. Every single poster who posts at the RKMBs was already broken before they even got here.


Chewy had to come back because the RKMBs weren't done with him.


I refer you to my sig line, good sir.
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-02 8:24 PM
He's Front!
Posted By: Im Not Mister Mxyzptlk Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-02 8:49 PM
CHEWY BE FINE ALL AROUND
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 3:07 AM
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sweden
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Man...I can only imagine what would happen if I did something you felt was "in the wrong"--aside from speaking out as the conscience of the rkmbs of course.




...wait. doc's the conscience of-

\:-\[

we're fucked.


What is this I don't even



Two 4chan memes in one post on the rkmbs.

Sweden being a chan-tard does not surprise me.

Sammitch admitting to to being a /b/tard transcends all forms of hilarity.
Posted By: Captain Sweden Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 3:23 AM
Just because someone is using a meme doesn't mean he or she knows where that meme originally comes from. Someone who talks about moral alignment aren't necessarily a RPG gamer, for example.

... and you will address me as CAPTAIN Sweden, bitch.
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 3:43 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Sammitch admitting to to being a /b/tard transcends all forms of hilarity.


where did I "admit" to anything? what's a /b/, anyway?
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 3:44 AM
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
he's just gonna make a trip to /b/, state his case, be told (like everyone else has) 'anon is not your personal army', go to /i/, make the same pleas, get some promising initial offers of help, then be forced to watch as the whole thing disintegrates due to infighting before it gets off the ground.


Transcends all forms of hilarity.

FUCKING TRANSCENDS.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 3:44 AM
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Sammitch admitting to to being a /b/tard transcends all forms of hilarity.


where did I "admit" to anything? what's a /b/, anyway?



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 3:45 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 3:45 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 3:45 AM
I remember Toto.

Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 3:45 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!







HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 3:46 AM
Jebus--FUCKING--Criminey that's hilarious!


And the appropriate thread to boot!

FUCK yeah!
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 4:18 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Why doesn't anyone ever agree with me!!!


\:lol\:

 Originally Posted By: Captain Sweden
... and you will address me as CAPTAIN Sweden, bitch.


\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 4:21 AM
If Sweden is a commissioned officer, then that's only more reason for me to dislike him.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 4:36 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
If Sweden is a commissioned officer, then that's only more reason for me to dislike him, SIR.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 4:43 AM
\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 4:46 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
If Sweden is a commissioned officer, then that's only more reason for me to dislike him, SIR.


The statement wasn't even directed at him......Do you know what grammar is Pro?
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 4:47 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah

The statement wasn't even directed at him......Do you know what grammar is Pro?


 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Well, good thing you kept quiet on huh?

Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 4:50 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
 Originally Posted By: Pariah

The statement wasn't even directed at him......Do you know what grammar is Pro?


 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Well, good thing you kept quiet on huh?



Haha!

A typographical error is a grammar error now?

JLA: gift that keeps on giving.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 4:52 AM
It's actually a retard (Pariah) error.

Thanks for playing.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 4:54 AM
A "retard error?" You mean like confusing typographical mistakes for grammar mistakes--that kind of error?
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 4:54 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sweden
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Man...I can only imagine what would happen if I did something you felt was "in the wrong"--aside from speaking out as the conscience of the rkmbs of course.




...wait. doc's the conscience of-

\:-\[

we're fucked.


What is this I don't even



Two 4chan memes in one post on the rkmbs.

Sweden being a chan-tard does not surprise me.

Sammitch admitting to to being a /b/tard transcends all forms of hilarity.


How should we interpret your expert knowledge in this matter?
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 5:03 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
A "retard error?" You mean like ignoring my self-defense instincts by letting a bully kick my ass? This also allowed me to cry for sympathy, but the bully earned a vacation from school and came back a hero? That type?


Exactly.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 5:03 AM
It's "too hilarious" for him to explain...
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 5:25 AM
He's too passive to tell us...
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 5:26 AM
9 Registered User(s).
Display Name: Status Title Last Activity Location
Rob Administrator cobra kai
15000+ posts 10/03/11 10:25 PM Reading a post
Forum: Pro & Jake's Fortress of Awesome Chat
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 10:20 AM
 Originally Posted By: thedoctor
How should we interpret your expert knowledge in this matter?


However you'd usually interpret it.

Do you really think you'll see the same caliber of shame emanate from me as from Sammitch's denial on his knowledge of /b/'s existence?

Nice try though.

I will say this however: you will not catch me using 4chan material; standards.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 10:25 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
He's too passive to tell us...


Silly JLA. I'm not trying to emulate you.

I mean, why on earth would I want to be a member of a union with a degree in grocery-bagging who lets other people argue for him?

That works far better for your image than it would for mine (as the conscience of the rkmbs).
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 3:01 PM
I know you're not smart nor motivated enough to make it to college, but there is no such thing as a degree in grocery-bagging (you really should know this from your traumatic experiences of being taunted by kids who were picketing while you were pushing shopping carts, or however that sob story went).

My degree is in General Management and Human Resources Management.



Don't worry, though. Maybe your Special For....Cub Scout troop offers a program that will pay for some of your schooling, provided a university adopts a transsexual studies course or something. Just show them your laptop instead of formally applying.
Posted By: Joe Mama Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 3:13 PM
\:lol\:
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 5:00 PM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Do you really think you'll see the same caliber of shame emanate from me as from Sammitch's denial on his knowledge of /b/'s existence?


yes. shame. that's it. \:lol\:

I forgot how highly I value how I am perceived in the eyes of my fellow posters on the RKMBs.
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 5:06 PM
Pariah does raise a point, though. If we've learned anything from his attention seeking posts, it's that he has no shame.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 6:57 PM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
I know you're not smart nor motivated enough to make it to college, but there is no such thing as a degree in grocery-bagging (you really should know this from your traumatic experiences of being taunted by kids who were picketing while you were pushing shopping carts, or however that sob story went).

My degree is in General Management and Human Resources Management.



Don't worry, though. Maybe your Special For....Cub Scout troop offers a program that will pay for some of your schooling, provided a university adopts a transsexual studies course or something. Just show them your laptop instead of formally applying.


\:lol\: \:lol\: \:damn\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 6:58 PM
JLA opened the box...
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 8:14 PM
Shame? what is it good for?
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 8:14 PM
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 8:28 PM
Say it again!
Posted By: Chewy Walrus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 8:57 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
I know you're not smart nor motivated enough to make it to college, but there is no such thing as a degree in grocery-bagging (you really should know this from your traumatic experiences of being taunted by kids who were picketing while you were pushing shopping carts, or however that sob story went).

My degree is in General Management and Human Resources Management.



Don't worry, though. Maybe your Special For....Cub Scout troop offers a program that will pay for some of your schooling, provided a university adopts a transsexual studies course or something. Just show them your laptop instead of formally applying.


\:lol\: \:lol\: \:damn\:
\:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: thedoctor Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 9:00 PM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
A week and a half ago I was driving along one day doing a favor for my friend and dropping off a few letters while he was running errands. Unfortunately, My back window was hit with a hub cap that came from a guy speeding behind me.

He crashed. I laughed.

Anyway, luckily for me, said friend was in the car fixing business. Un-luckily for me, he was all the way over in a certain city a long way from Mission Viejo (sorry guys, hex on the names). Luckily for me no one was going to miss the car that day. Un-luckily for me, I had dropped in on his shop while he was running his "errand". I showed up while he was talking to around ten Mexican guys who weren't making it a secret that they were packing guns. I showed up while he was doing them the favor of putting boxes in the back of their trucks. They saw me park really close to them and pointed their their guns. I, of course, was like "Don't shoot!" I think they were about to open fire till Chris stepped in and said "he's cool" (at least I think that's what he said. It was in Spanish and I speak Japanese, not Spanish). Anyway, I told him about the car and he said he'd fix it tonight. While that was happening I waited in his rest room where, coincidentally, a couple of the homies.

Note: It had become clear to me a few moments before that these jerks were apart of a Drug Cartel. The tats they had, the guns they were holstering, and the boxes so obviously filled with drugs (after one fell open) made this rather apparent.

Anyway, they started talking to me in the upbeat and friendly yet intimidating manner that you'd expect from the charming but deadly (and media crazy as well as syphilis infested) Al Capone. I'm not one to be intimdated very easily in any situation even after being called a "limp dicked white bread" in the most friendly of tones. I just gave em' a big toothy (and rather disjointed) toothy grin (much like the one you see in my avatar). When they got the impression that I wasn't as scared as they wanted me to be, one started playing with his gun (a BEAUTIFUL Desert Eagle which I don't think he had an inkling of an idea of how to use properly). This was opposed to the other one who got a bit more hostile with me. Anyway, skip a few insults and friendly apathetic nods later, my philosophy of "words are merely words" kicked in and I called him a spik just for the hell of it.

Why did I have to be so stupid?

At that point, he pulled out a knife (again, a BEAUTIFUL butterfly knife with a Damascus steal blade). He held it to my throat while the other guy playing with his gun just started laughing. At that point I just started glaring at him as he made a few cuts while pressing into my jugular(sp). Then (from the impression I got) the head of the gang who broke up this little skirmish--Possible murder case (who's would be death is debatable ). He was like "chill out" to the guy with the blade (Spanish again), he then walked over to me giving me a tone of comfort and just using captain subtext to try and make me keep my mouth shut in the near future. He handed me a total of 500 dollars, and left with his peon jerk-wads.

It was an hour later (after the gang left) that my window was fixed and I was going to say adieu to my friend. I kinda told him I couldn't do him any more favors/I can't talk to him ever again. He understood and we parted.

On my way back to the house (which was going to take 5 hours) my paranoid borderline schizophrenic mind started going into overdrive. I kept thinking thoughts like, "They saw my face--They saw my car--They could have copied down my license plate number--What if they got my name some how--Maybe they're going to follow me back to my house (this has happend before)". It was because of this little bout of aimless thinking that I led myself to believe for a WEAK STRAIGHT--That I was being hunted down. On the highway back home I noticed a car that was on my tail for a very long time. I kept having thoughts like "it could be them" and shit, so I tested this out and did a U-Turn. To my freaking outness, they U-turned as well. So, they were back on my tail. At that point I got a bit nervous and tried to think rationally. But nope, no rationality here. The border of Arizona wasn't that far away, I had enough money to keep me moving for a while, a laptop, and a full tank of gas. So I made it to the border, stopped for a bit to gather myself and see if that car was still there. It wasn't, but that wasn't enough for me it seemed. I just kept going. I didn't use a phone the whole time when I really should have, didn't try to call home--I didn't do anything that would have me spewing out info about myself and be implicating this humble chauvanist.

Long story short: Went across Arizona and New Mexico, stayed there for a while, decided I was okay, then came back a few days ago.

Note: I did go to the police, but mainly just with names I had heard mentioned from the (who I still think to be) Cartel.



Yep, another one of Pariah's bad days. Stick around long enough and I'll tell you more bad days. More EXTREMELY bad days.

Anyway, God hates me. Peace.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 9:15 PM
\:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 9:31 PM
\:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: K-nutreturns Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 10:06 PM
you guys actually broke him in this thread. Well done
Posted By: K-nutreturns Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 10:06 PM
and also to that story...





\:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 10:21 PM
 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
you guys actually broke him in this thread. Well done
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 10:41 PM
I am the FUCKING Ill Mac.
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-04 11:14 PM
ill mac all up in this motherfucker.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 2:40 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
I know you're not smart nor motivated enough to make it to college, but there is no such thing as a degree in grocery-bagging (you really should know this from your traumatic experiences of being taunted by kids who were picketing while you were pushing shopping carts, or however that sob story went).

My degree is in General Management and Human Resources Management.



Don't worry, though. Maybe your Special For....Cub Scout troop offers a program that will pay for some of your schooling, provided a university adopts a transsexual studies course or something. Just show them your laptop instead of formally applying.



6 Registered User(s).
Display Name: Status Title Last Activity Location
Pariah User The conscience of the rkmbs!
15000+ posts 10/04/11 07:39 PM Making a new reply
Forum: Pro & Jake's Fortress of Awesome Chat
Thread: Re: broken posters list


He just can't help himself!

\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 2:46 AM
Ah, memories.

 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
I know you're not smart nor motivated enough to make it to college, but there is no such thing as a degree in grocery-bagging (you really should know this from your traumatic experiences of being taunted by kids who were picketing while you were pushing shopping carts, or however that sob story went).


One shot at your union, and that's all it takes for you to lose your shit.

 Quote:
My degree is in General Management and Human Resources Management.


Haha!

All of a sudden, I'm less regretful of that fifth year in college.

But seriously, this is just priceless: "NO! My degree is NOT in grocery-bagging! It's in General Management and Human Resources Management! So THERE Pariah!"

I'm gonna be chuckling over that for the next hour at least.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 2:48 AM
6 Registered User(s).
Display Name: Status Title Last Activity Location
Pariah User The conscience of the rkmbs!
15000+ posts 10/04/11 07:47 PM Making a new reply
Forum: Pro & Jake's Fortress of Awesome Chat
Thread: Re: broken posters list


Completely hooked!
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 2:49 AM
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Do you really think you'll see the same caliber of shame emanate from me as from Sammitch's denial on his knowledge of /b/'s existence?


yes. shame. that's it. \:lol\:

I forgot how highly I value how I am perceived in the eyes of my fellow posters on the RKMBs.


 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Two 4chan memes in one post on the rkmbs.

Sweden being a chan-tard does not surprise me.

Sammitch admitting to to being a /b/tard transcends all forms of hilarity.


 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
he's just gonna make a trip to /b/, state his case, be told (like everyone else has) 'anon is not your personal army', go to /i/, make the same pleas, get some promising initial offers of help, then be forced to watch as the whole thing disintegrates due to infighting before it gets off the ground.


Transcends all forms of hilarity.

FUCKING TRANSCENDS.


 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Sammitch admitting to to being a /b/tard transcends all forms of hilarity.


where did I "admit" to anything? what's a /b/, anyway?



 Originally Posted By: Pariah
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 2:50 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Anyway, God hates me. Peace.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 2:53 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
FUCK! Leave my union alone! FUCKING DAMMIT!

I just told you I have a degree in General Management and Human Resources Management! JUST LET ME BE!
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 2:54 AM
 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
you guys actually broke him in this thread. Well done


For some odd reason, it seems Knut has decided to refer to me in the plural context and everyone else in the singular......Ah hell. I'll roll with it.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 2:55 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Anyway, God hates me. Peace.


Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 3:01 AM
That's right JLA. I have indeed coerced you to go off kilter and post more than you wanted to.

That's basically what happens when you attempt to honestly take a position on something after such a prolonged period of posting passively.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 3:02 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
The rkmbs aren't fun anymore.

\:\(


It'll be okay JLA.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 3:04 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
That's right JLA. God hates me. Peace
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 3:07 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
The rkmbs aren't fun anymore.

\:\(


It'll be okay JLA.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 3:09 AM
7 Registered User(s).
Display Name: Status Title Last Activity Location
Pariah User The conscience of the rkmbs!
15000+ posts 10/04/11 08:08 PM Previewing modifications to a post because God hates him.
Forum: Pro & Jake's Fortress of Awesome Chat
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 3:11 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
The rkmbs aren't fun anymore.

\:\(


It'll be okay JLA.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 3:11 AM
7 Registered User(s).
Display Name: Status Title Last Activity Location
Pariah User The conscience of the rkmbs!
15000+ posts 10/04/11 08:10 PM Reading a post
Forum: Pro & Jake's Fortress of Awesome Chat
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...



Oh goodie! More negative attention! I hope JLA brings up the story of me getting my ass kicked again! He was expelled!
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 3:47 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


\:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\:

 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
you guys actually broke him in this thread. Well done
Posted By: Joe Mama Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 4:30 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Ah, memories.

 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
I know you're not smart nor motivated enough to make it to college, but there is no such thing as a degree in grocery-bagging (you really should know this from your traumatic experiences of being taunted by kids who were picketing while you were pushing shopping carts, or however that sob story went).


One shot at your union, and that's all it takes for you to lose your shit.

 Quote:
My degree is in General Management and Human Resources Management.


Haha!

All of a sudden, I'm less regretful of that fifth year in college.

But seriously, this is just priceless: "NO! My degree is NOT in grocery-bagging! It's in General Management and Human Resources Management! So THERE Pariah!"

I'm gonna be chuckling over that for the next hour at least.


Um, Pariah? If JLA is involved in HR or any management function, he's not going to give much of a damn about a union. Which would make your assertion that you made him "lose his shit" over "one shot at [his] union" a bit...flawed. You might want to try a different tact. This one kinda makes you look bad. If it ain't the start of a meltdown, it's getting close.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 4:48 AM
He's not very sharp, Joe.

Best of luck getting through to him. You'll need it.

\:lol\:
Posted By: K-nutreturns Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 9:48 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
you guys actually broke him in this thread. Well done


For some odd reason, it seems Knut has decided to refer to me in the plural context and everyone else in the singular......Ah hell. I'll roll with it.


dang man. its getting kinda sad isn't it?
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 4:26 PM
 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
you guys actually broke him in this thread. Well done


For some odd reason, it seems Knut has decided to refer to me in the plural context and everyone else in the singular......Ah hell. I'll roll with it.


dang man. its getting kinda sad isn't it?


No. It's the rope-a-dope. He's playing three dimensional chess. We just don't understand his special forces tactics. He's going to break us all with his special conscience attack combo any minute now.

Yeah, it's sad.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 7:04 PM
\:lol\:
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 9:01 PM
 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
dang man. its getting kinda sad isn't it?


It certainly is sad that no one else is as quantifiably sophisticated and articulate as I am.

I feel empathy for the remainder who lack an aggregate sense of moral objectivity and purposeful character. When accompanied by my pure posturing, blended with active civil discourse, I truly am the pertinent candidate of most egregious ditch digger that has ever graced the RKMB.

Oh well. Back to certifiably maintaining the lofty status quo of my gilded profession of supervising pre-adult operational non-deployed Cub Scouts.

Sincerely,

Pariah
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-05 9:03 PM
\:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\: Pre-2005!
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 6:25 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
 Originally Posted By: Joe Mama
Um, Pariah? If JLA is involved in HR or any management function, he's not going to give much of a damn about a union. Which would make your assertion that you made him "lose his shit" over "one shot at [his] union" a bit...flawed. You might want to try a different tact. This one kinda makes you look bad. If it ain't the start of a meltdown, it's getting close.

He's not very sharp, Joe.

Best of luck getting through to him. You'll need it.


Haha!

Now JLA's gonna tell me:

"No Pariah! I'm NOT a part of a union! See my degree? How can I possibly be apart of a union when I have a degree in General Management and Human Resources Managment!"

Then again, maybe he won't since I've been taking shots at....a union thus far without him actually disputing it. Now that someone else has suggested he's not a part of it in an effort to give him a more favorable position, he's probably just gonna stay quiet on confirming it while everyone else makes commentary with his usual passive tactics. That's a win for me either way.

So I gotta thank Joe here. Pointing that out puts JLA in the line of fire once again.

In the end though--whoever's union it may be--shit-talking it drives him insane. If it works, don't fuck with it.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 6:25 AM

 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
dang man. its getting kinda sad isn't it?


JLA has been feeling pretty down lately.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 6:26 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA

It certainly is sad that no one else is as quantifiably sophisticated and articulate as I am.

I feel empathy for the remainder who lack an aggregate sense of moral objectivity and purposeful character. When accompanied by my pure posturing, blended with active civil discourse, I truly am the pertinent candidate of most egregious ditch digger that has ever graced the RKMB.

Oh well. Back to certifiably maintaining the lofty status quo of my gilded profession of supervising pre-adult operational non-deployed Cub Scouts.

Sincerely,

Pariah


Heh.

JLA thinks I'm articulate. And that pissess him off.

Hilarious.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 6:57 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
THANK YOU!! THANK YOU FOR THE ATTENTION!! I missed you guys.


\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 6:59 AM
Look! Graemlins!
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 7:05 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
THANK YOU!! THANK YOU FOR THE ATTENTION!! I missed you guys.


\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 7:21 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Look! Graemlins!
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 7:25 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 7:39 AM
HAHAHA!!

 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
oh god if I repeat some phrase maybe he will give up! I just need ONE WIN! PLEASE!!!!


\:lol\:


 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
oh god if I repeat some phrase [with graemlins] maybe he will give up! I just need ONE WIN! PLEASE!!!!


No shit.


Projection. Thy name is Pro.

I can't blame you for being repetitive. It's the only tactic you've got. But I didn't expect you to be careless enough criticize it.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 7:40 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
I just need ONE WIN! PLEASE!!!!


\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 7:42 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
I just need ONE WIN! PLEASE!!!!


Hmm.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 7:43 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
I just need ONE WIN! PLEASE!!!!


\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 7:44 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Keep replying to me, Pariah! Dance puppet, dance! \:lol\: \:lol\:


Pariah nerdy User The conscience of the rkmbs!
15000+ posts 49 seconds ago Making a new reply
Forum: Politics and Current Events
Thread: Re: Military chaplains can perform gay marriages: Pentagon


\:lol\: \:lol\: Hooked!


Some lemme get this straight: after all your attempts trying to pin me as an attention whore, you've finally thrown in the towel, admitting that reality is exactly the opposite of what you state, and desperately trying to keep me responding to you.

Wow.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 7:44 AM
Pro: shattered twice in mere minutes.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 7:51 AM
This is usually the point where people would quote the "Who's Online" block showing how someone's making a reply. But I find that kinda pretentious, so...
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 7:51 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!


You should look into shortening that up, or say, using an emoticon to get your point across. Otherwise, you kind of look a bit unhinged when you type out "Ha Ha Ha" like that.

 Quote:
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Keep replying to me, Pariah! Dance puppet, dance! \:lol\: \:lol\:


Pariah nerdy User The conscience of the rkmbs!
15000+ posts 49 seconds ago Making a new reply
Forum: Politics and Current Events
Thread: Re: Military chaplains can perform gay marriages: Pentagon


\:lol\: \:lol\: Hooked!



You're dragging posts from the Political Forum to talk about in here? Why is that, exactly? Trying to drum up fictional support for yourself? Oh wait, that's right. No one supports you, Pariah. No one, except Mr. "I WONDER How I Remain Legally Free From the Nuthouse"-Boy himself. And, of course, Brian. What a group. \:lol\:

Oh, and btw...thanks for not only replying, but moving it so everyone can see how I own you.

Now, cry some more for me, Pariah. Cry, bitch! \:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 7:51 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


\:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\:

 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
you guys actually broke him in this thread. Well done
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 7:58 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
You should look into shortening that up, or say, using an emoticon to get your point across. Otherwise, you kind of look a bit unhinged when you type out "Ha Ha Ha" like that.


Graemlins have lost their *umph* after being so abused by Pro and friends. Especially the lol motie. I like to reserve them for isolated instances.

I suppose that means I've turned into the next Animalman. Except, you know, without the 'I'm a liberal atheist in the purgatory of agnosticism' attitude.

 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Quote:
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Keep replying to me, Pariah! Dance puppet, dance! \:lol\: \:lol\:


Pariah nerdy User The conscience of the rkmbs!
15000+ posts 49 seconds ago Making a new reply
Forum: Politics and Current Events
Thread: Re: Military chaplains can perform gay marriages: Pentagon


\:lol\: \:lol\: Hooked!



You're dragging posts from the Political Forum to talk about in here? Why is that, exactly? Trying to drum up fictional support for yourself? Oh wait, that's right. No one supports you, Pariah. No one, except Mr. "I WONDER How I Remain Legally Free From the Nuthouse"-Boy himself. And, of course, Brian. What a group. \:lol\:

Oh, and btw...thanks for not only replying, but moving it so everyone can see how I own you.

Now, cry some more for me, Pariah. Cry, bitch! \:lol\: \:lol\:


Yes Pro. Reality is catching up to you, and people will not have to traverse the Politics forum to see how you're coming apart at the seems and admitting to being an attention whore.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 7:58 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


\:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\:

 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
you guys actually broke him in this thread. Well done
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 7:59 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
Now, cry some more for me, Pariah. Cry, bitch! \:lol\: \:lol\:


 Originally Posted By: Pariah


\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 8:02 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
oh god if I repeat some phrase [with graemlins] maybe he will give up! I just need ONE WIN! PLEASE!!!!


No shit.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 8:02 AM
That's right Pro. I have won. Again.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 8:39 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
Now, cry some more for me, Pariah. Cry, bitch! \:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 8:47 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
This is usually the point where people would quote the "Who's Online" block showing how someone's making a reply. But I find that kinda pretentious, so...


Pariah nerdy User The conscience of the rkmbs!
15000+ posts 3 minute 18 seconds ago Checking who's online
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 6:11 PM
Pariah really got stomped this time.

God really does hate him, just like Pariah claimed.

"Peace".
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 6:11 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
This is usually the point where people would quote the "Who's Online" block showing how someone's making a reply. But I find that kinda pretentious, so...


Pariah nerdy User The conscience of the rkmbs!
15000+ posts 3 minute 18 seconds ago Checking who's online


\:lol\:
Posted By: iggy Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 10:08 PM
\:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-06 11:20 PM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah

Now JLA's gonna tell me:

"No Pariah! I'm NOT a part of a union! See my degree? How can I possibly be apart of a union when I have a degree in General Management and Human Resources Managment!"

Then again, maybe he won't since I've been taking shots at....a union thus far without him actually disputing it. Now that someone else has suggested he's not a part of it in an effort to give him a more favorable position, he's probably just gonna stay quiet on confirming it while everyone else makes commentary with his usual passive tactics. That's a win for me either way.

So I gotta thank Joe here. Pointing that out puts JLA in the line of fire once again.

In the end though--whoever's union it may be--shit-talking it drives him insane. If it works, don't fuck with it.


Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 12:01 AM
\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 12:26 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
DAMMIT! He responded A-GAIN! FUCK!

He's just gonna make fun of me if I post graemlins again.....I got it! YouTube! He'll definitely click on the video and be humiliated!

Great plan! lol


I...See.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 12:35 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 12:37 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
A week and a half ago I was driving along one day doing a favor for my friend and dropping off a few letters while he was running errands. Unfortunately, My back window was hit with a hub cap that came from a guy speeding behind me.

He crashed. I laughed.

Anyway, luckily for me, said friend was in the car fixing business. Un-luckily for me, he was all the way over in a certain city a long way from Mission Viejo (sorry guys, hex on the names). Luckily for me no one was going to miss the car that day. Un-luckily for me, I had dropped in on his shop while he was running his "errand". I showed up while he was talking to around ten Mexican guys who weren't making it a secret that they were packing guns. I showed up while he was doing them the favor of putting boxes in the back of their trucks. They saw me park really close to them and pointed their their guns. I, of course, was like "Don't shoot!" I think they were about to open fire till Chris stepped in and said "he's cool" (at least I think that's what he said. It was in Spanish and I speak Japanese, not Spanish). Anyway, I told him about the car and he said he'd fix it tonight. While that was happening I waited in his rest room where, coincidentally, a couple of the homies.

Note: It had become clear to me a few moments before that these jerks were apart of a Drug Cartel. The tats they had, the guns they were holstering, and the boxes so obviously filled with drugs (after one fell open) made this rather apparent.

Anyway, they started talking to me in the upbeat and friendly yet intimidating manner that you'd expect from the charming but deadly (and media crazy as well as syphilis infested) Al Capone. I'm not one to be intimdated very easily in any situation even after being called a "limp dicked white bread" in the most friendly of tones. I just gave em' a big toothy (and rather disjointed) toothy grin (much like the one you see in my avatar). When they got the impression that I wasn't as scared as they wanted me to be, one started playing with his gun (a BEAUTIFUL Desert Eagle which I don't think he had an inkling of an idea of how to use properly). This was opposed to the other one who got a bit more hostile with me. Anyway, skip a few insults and friendly apathetic nods later, my philosophy of "words are merely words" kicked in and I called him a spik just for the hell of it.

Why did I have to be so stupid?

At that point, he pulled out a knife (again, a BEAUTIFUL butterfly knife with a Damascus steal blade). He held it to my throat while the other guy playing with his gun just started laughing. At that point I just started glaring at him as he made a few cuts while pressing into my jugular(sp). Then (from the impression I got) the head of the gang who broke up this little skirmish--Possible murder case (who's would be death is debatable <img src="/images/graemlins/devil.gif" alt="" /> ). He was like "chill out" to the guy with the blade (Spanish again), he then walked over to me giving me a tone of comfort and just using captain subtext to try and make me keep my mouth shut in the near future. He handed me a total of 500 dollars, and left with his peon jerk-wads.

It was an hour later (after the gang left) that my window was fixed and I was going to say adieu to my friend. I kinda told him I couldn't do him any more favors/I can't talk to him ever again. He understood and we parted.

On my way back to the house (which was going to take 5 hours) my paranoid borderline schizophrenic mind started going into overdrive. I kept thinking thoughts like, "They saw my face--They saw my car--They could have copied down my license plate number--What if they got my name some how--Maybe they're going to follow me back to my house (this has happend before)". It was because of this little bout of aimless thinking that I led myself to believe for a WEAK STRAIGHT--That I was being hunted down. On the highway back home I noticed a car that was on my tail for a very long time. I kept having thoughts like "it could be them" and shit, so I tested this out and did a U-Turn. To my freaking outness, they U-turned as well. So, they were back on my tail. At that point I got a bit nervous and tried to think rationally. But nope, no rationality here. The border of Arizona wasn't that far away, I had enough money to keep me moving for a while, a laptop, and a full tank of gas. So I made it to the border, stopped for a bit to gather myself and see if that car was still there. It wasn't, but that wasn't enough for me it seemed. I just kept going. I didn't use a phone the whole time when I really should have, didn't try to call home--I didn't do anything that would have me spewing out info about myself and be implicating this humble chauvanist.

Long story short: Went across Arizona and New Mexico, stayed there for a while, decided I was okay, then came back a few days ago.

Note: I did go to the police, but mainly just with names I had heard mentioned from the (who I still think to be) Cartel.



Yep, another one of Pariah's bad days. Stick around long enough and I'll tell you more bad days. More EXTREMELY bad days. <img src="/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, God hates me. Peace.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 12:42 AM
\:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 12:43 AM
Haha!

 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
keep replying then.


I see what you did there.

Lemme give that a shot.

 Originally Posted By: Pariah
keep replying then.


Ha! I'll be damned.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 12:45 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
What am I thinking!? I've had the whole 'druglords' quote in my pocket the whole time! This'll really show 'em!


Show me what?
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 1:23 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 1:25 AM
Haha!

 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
keep replying then.


I see what you did there.

Lemme give that a shot.

 Originally Posted By: Pariah
keep replying then.


Ha! I'll be damned.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 1:27 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 1:36 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
oh god if I repeat some phrase [with graemlins] maybe he will give up! I just need ONE WIN! PLEASE!!!!


No shit.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 1:36 AM
Prometheus: Broken.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 1:42 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 1:44 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
oh god if I repeat some phrase [with graemlins] maybe he will give up! I just need ONE WIN! PLEASE!!!!


No shit.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 1:45 AM
Prometheus: Broken.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 2:30 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 2:39 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
oh god if I repeat some phrase [with graemlins] maybe he will give up! I just need ONE WIN! PLEASE!!!!


No shit.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 2:40 AM
Prometheus: Broken.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 2:43 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 2:49 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
oh god if I repeat some phrase [with graemlins] maybe he will give up!
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 2:49 AM
Poor Pro. Ever the broken.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 2:53 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 2:55 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
oh god if I repeat some phrase [with graemlins] maybe he will give up!
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 2:55 AM
Poor Pro. Ever the broken.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 2:55 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 2:58 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
repeat some phrase [with graemlins] maybe he will give up!
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 2:58 AM
Poor poor broken Pro.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 2:59 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 3:01 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Yep, another one of Pariah's bad days. Stick around long enough and I'll tell you more bad days. More EXTREMELY bad days.


He wasn't joking. He's had several on this thread alone.

Who agrees?
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 3:04 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
Alright, Pro's no help at this point. Back to the basics.


No worries JLA. I'm sure he'll unbreak.....Someday.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 3:10 AM
 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
you guys actually broke him in this thread. Well done


\:lol\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 3:11 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 7:39 AM
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy, showing us why the Tea Party is a movement of peace and understanding
Would that you would express this opinion to a Navy SEAL, and he would rip out your beating heart and shove it down your throat.


www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1161264#Post1161258

\:lol\: \:lol\: Good old Extremist Right hatemongers. They always show their true colors.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 7:49 AM
Now I made him edit his post after he said this:

 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy, Hatemonger
That would be what you deserve.


\:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\:

Yes, yes....expose your true hate, David. Let the evil you harbor flow freely and curse all that do not bow to your political genius! All Hail the Hatemonger, David the Klan Leader. \:lol\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 8:33 AM
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy, the Hatemonger, fantasizing about MORE violence
And I'm sure there are many, many people who would love --LOVE!-- to watch on the 6 o'clock news that you pulled your act on the wrong person and got your face kicked in.


\:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\: Yes! Yes!! Come on Dave! Keep on hating! Prove your true colors and let them shine for the world to see! \:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Wonder Boy Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 8:39 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy, showing us why the Tea Party is a movement of peace and understanding
Would that you would express this opinion to a Navy SEAL, and he would rip out your beating heart and shove it down your throat.


www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1161264#Post1161258

\:lol\: \:lol\: Good old Extremist Right hatemongers. They always show their true colors.


In other words, we get angry and lose our cool occasionally, when antagonized and baited often enough by extremist Left hatemongers?

Oh kettle, thou art black.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 8:48 AM
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
Oh kettle, thou art black.


AGAIN with the racism? Why does it have to be "black", Dave? Sickening.


Like I said in the other thread: Apologize to me, and I will never bring it up again. We'll just accept it as a slip of the tongue. No harm, no foul. Deal? \:\)
Posted By: K-nutreturns Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 10:16 AM
he never learns
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 10:19 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
Oh kettle, thou art black.


AGAIN with the racism? Why does it have to be "black", Dave? Sickening.


 Originally Posted By: K-nutreturns
he never learns


I'm sorry you had to see that, Courtney. I believe Dave was raised in an environment that wasn't very....tolerant. Please excuse my backwoods friend. I think deep down, he doesn't mean to be racist. I hope you understand.
Posted By: Im Not Mister Mxyzptlk Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 10:31 AM
Your racism make me sick, David.
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-07 10:46 AM
Your racism making Mxy sick is making me sick, Dave.
Posted By: Joe Mama Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 2:05 AM
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy, showing us why the Tea Party is a movement of peace and understanding
Would that you would express this opinion to a Navy SEAL, and he would rip out your beating heart and shove it down your throat.


www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1161264#Post1161258

\:lol\: \:lol\: Good old Extremist Right hatemongers. They always show their true colors.


In other words, we get angry and lose our cool occasionally, when antagonized and baited often enough by extremist Left hatemongers?


Well you just defined "broken." At least you can admit it.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 6:27 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy, showing us why the Tea Party is a movement of peace and understanding
Would that you would express this opinion to a Navy SEAL, and he would rip out your beating heart and shove it down your throat.


www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1161264#Post1161258

\:lol\: \:lol\: Good old Extremist Right hatemongers. They always show their true colors.


 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
You're dragging posts from the Political Forum to talk about in here?


Prometheus? Hypocritical? Nah!
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 6:29 AM
Oh, wow.

http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1161422/Main/62258/#Post1161422

Pro breaks himself all over again.

And JLA, ever the passive supporter.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 6:31 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
Nonononono!! Guys! I was just jerking his chain.


Yeah?
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 6:48 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 6:55 AM
Man...I have really, truly destroyed Pro.

It's gotten to the point where he has to ignore me all together or he risks making a fool out of himself all over again.

JLA's followed suit it looks like.

At this point, both of them realize they were woefully mistaken when they thought they could prove me wrong in an actual discussion.

Failing this, they thought they could somehow troll their own conscience and ward me off. Once again, they failed.

Now, they're too scared shitless to even regroup with something original; graemlins, youtube clips, and repetitive quotes aplenty.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 6:55 AM
[INSERT GRAEMLIN HERE]
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 6:56 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 6:58 AM
Exactly Pro. Exactly.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 6:58 AM
Poor poor Pro.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 6:59 AM
Pariah nerdy User The conscience of the rkmbs!
15000+ posts 5 seconds ago Modifying a post
Forum: Pro & Jake's Fortress of Awesome Chat

 Originally Posted By: Pariah


\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:04 AM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

HE MOVED THE THREAD!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1161455/Main/62259/#Post1161455

You're THAT ashamed? WOW.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:04 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:05 AM
No WONDER you joined the Insurgency!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:05 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:05 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
Pariah! Stop it! Pro was completely in the right! you hurt his feelings for pete's sake!
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:05 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


\:lol\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:06 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
[quote=Pariah]


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:06 AM
 Originally Posted By: Iggy
It's up to Pro what thread goes where! He's a mod after all! You don't have a leg to stand on! So whatever you're implying about Pro's integrity is invalid!
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:07 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:08 AM
 Originally Posted By: Grimm
This is all in the pursuit of standing up to corporate feudalism and unjust manga distributors. Pro was in the right!
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:08 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


\:lol\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:08 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:13 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
I have all the support I need Pariah! You can't hurt me anymore! As long as I ignore your direct comments and keep moving your posts, I'm all powerful! And what do you have huh? WHAT TO DO YOU HAVE!?

Oh wait, that's right. No one supports you, Pariah. No one, except Mr. "I WONDER How I Remain Legally Free From the Nuthouse"-Boy himself. And, of course, Brian. What a group.


Uh.....Uh.....Roger?
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:13 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:13 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


\:lol\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:13 AM
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:17 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:


 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Uh.....Uh.....Roger?


\:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:17 AM
I'm sooooo proud of starting this thread!

RACK ME!
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:19 AM
Consider yourself RACKed.

At this points, after being so thoroughly and unmercifully raped. It's the only comfort I can offer JLA.

RACK you JLA!
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:25 AM
Poor JLA....And Pro....And Iggy.

They just. Can't. Win.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:42 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:


 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Uh.....Uh.....Roger?


\:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:55 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Poor JLA....And Pro....And Iggy.

They just. Can't. Win.

Yes I can.....*sniffle* YES I CAN DAMMIT!


Roger.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 8:02 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:


 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Uh.....Uh.....Roger?


\:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 10:12 AM
Poor poor Pro.

Tell ya what: to cheer you up. I'll make another thread you can move/edit/delete or what have you.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:42 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:


 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Uh.....Uh.....Roger?


\:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-08 7:42 PM
Posted By: Grimm Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-10 6:01 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
 Originally Posted By: Grimm
This is all in the pursuit of standing up to corporate feudalism and unjust manga distributors. Pro was in the right!





still broken! just like Wanky! \:lol\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-10 6:41 AM
\:lol\: \:lol\: He never learns, does he?
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-10 6:48 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Poor poor Pro.

Tell ya what: to cheer you up. I'll make another thread you can move/edit/delete or what have you.


Ah. Deletion this time.

Good for you Pro!
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-10 7:32 AM
Pariah User The conscience of the rkmbs!
15000+ posts 8 minutes 19 seconds ago Viewing a private message
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-10 7:33 AM
Pariah User The conscience of the rkmbs!
15000+ posts 10/10/11 12:33 AM Making a new reply
Forum: Pro & Jake's Fortress of Awesome Chat
Thread: Re: broken posters list
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-10 7:33 AM
Yeah?
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-10 7:38 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:


 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Uh.....Uh.....Roger?


\:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-10 9:02 AM
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1161739#Post1161739

Rex broke Pro apparently.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-10 9:02 AM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Pariah


Back for more? You just cannot stay away. Okay, keep replying then. Show me you care. Show me I own you. Dance, boy, dance. \:lol\:


 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Uh.....Uh.....Roger?


\:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-10 9:06 AM
He keeps asking the same questions that I've already answered. He doesn't like that I don't agree with him so he's throwing a giant hissy fit. Its actually quite entertaining.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-10 9:07 AM
rex nerdy Moderator I'm holding onto my bitterness
15000+ posts 25 seconds ago Reading a post
Forum: Pro & Jake's Fortress of Awesome Chat
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...

No Rex, you're looking for this thread...the one you started... http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1161727#Post1161727
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-10 9:09 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex
He keeps asking the same questions that I've already answered. He doesn't like that I don't agree with him so he's throwing a giant hissy fit. Its actually quite entertaining.


Liar. You cannot answer my questions. You contradict yourself, then scramble to say "oh it's a trick question". I've given you all the chances you get, WankyRex.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-10 6:59 PM
Hello Rob!

How are you today?
Posted By: Grimm Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-10 10:01 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
\:lol\: \:lol\: He never learns, does he?





I don't even have to mention him or respond to him! he just pops up with the frothing mouth and the insanity!

Roger! \:lol\:
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-10 10:20 PM
\:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-10 10:40 PM
Haha!

Grimm thinks he was singled out in a post that quoted three people.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-11 12:16 AM
Prometheus cool Moderator The 420th Incarnation
15000+ posts 13 seconds ago Checking who's online

Pariah nerdy User The conscience of the rkmbs!
15000+ posts 38 seconds ago Checking who's online

Stare off!
Posted By: Grimm Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-14 2:56 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Haha!

Grimm thinks he was singled out in a post that quoted three people.





obsess much?
Posted By: Grimm Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-14 2:57 AM
 Originally Posted By: Grimm
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
\:lol\: \:lol\: He never learns, does he?





I don't even have to mention him or respond to him! he just pops up with the frothing mouth and the insanity!

Roger! \:lol\:
Posted By: Wonder Boy Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-14 11:05 PM
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy, showing us why the Tea Party is a movement of peace and understanding
Would that you would express this opinion to a Navy SEAL, and he would rip out your beating heart and shove it down your throat.


www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1161264#Post1161258

\:lol\: \:lol\: Good old Extremist Right hatemongers. They always show their true colors.




from military chaplains can perform gay marriage topic

 Originally Posted By: Pro, post # 1161293 - 10/07/11 01:46 AM
David, I post my personal political beliefs. How is that any different than what you do? Huh? So, why do you get to threaten my life and it's "perfectly understandable"? I would NEVER say something like that to you. Hell, you have got to know that 75% of the time I'm not even serious. So, how can you possibly get THAT angry at a complete stranger?


 Originally Posted By: Pro ( just a few posts later on the same topic page)
Then, I had to live with eight-years of Bush, jr. A puppet so obvious I was insulted They actually propped him up there. I have never loathed three politicians more than I loathe Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, and Dick Cheney. Karl is a fat, weak, pussy that outed a CIA agent for political retribution. He should go to prison and get gangraped every day until his natural death. As far as Cheney goes, I'll just have to let the universe deal with that monstrosity. Satan in human form. He will get his judgment. And Rumsfeld is just a fucking criminal on the level of Johnson or Nixon. Dirty, dirty, dirty.


First off, I didn't threaten you. I just said you should get what you deserve in response to your antagonism, when you tell some soldier (not me) your contemptible opinion of our military. But you're a weasel who would only say that behind a soldier's back.

And then you came right back and made a comment in the same identical vein about Karl Rove, your violent fantasy of what you wish would happen to him.

Broken.
Posted By: Wonder Boy Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-14 11:16 PM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
Oh, wow.

[Pro's KARL ROVE: GLITTERBOMBED topic]

Pro breaks himself all over again.

And JLA, ever the passive supporter.


Yep.

Pro repeated his assraping fantasy of Karl Rove, based on the allegation that Rove is the one who made CIA employee Valerie Plame identifiable by the media, and therefore publicly exposed.

But G-man pointed out that Richard Armitage is the one who actually disclosed the information, not Rove.
As has been common knowledge for years.
Completely invalidating the basis for Pro's daily gang-rape fantasy of Karl Rove, beyond pure liberal-partisan vindictiveness.

Pro was humiliated.

But tried to hide from his humiliation, by posting endless repetitions of his usual and \:lol\: emoticons.

Hiding behind emoticons...

The cowardice continues.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-15 1:14 AM
Uh......are you just now seeing those posts? They've been there for like a week or two. Wait--which one am I speaking to? David or...the crazy personality, "Wonder Boy"? Fill me in. Also, fill me in on who you are talking to. You're presenting stuff from another forum as if you're in the middle of a conversation. Did I break you today without being here?
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-15 1:20 AM
Ooooooh! I just saw you go nuts in the Wall Street thread. Nevermind. I get it. It's a new butthurt, so you're searching the forums for "ammo". \:lol\:
Posted By: Joe Mama Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-15 4:33 AM
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy, showing us why the Tea Party is a movement of peace and understanding
Would that you would express this opinion to a Navy SEAL, and he would rip out your beating heart and shove it down your throat.


www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1161264#Post1161258

\:lol\: \:lol\: Good old Extremist Right hatemongers. They always show their true colors.




from military chaplains can perform gay marriage topic

 Originally Posted By: Pro, post # 1161293 - 10/07/11 01:46 AM
David, I post my personal political beliefs. How is that any different than what you do? Huh? So, why do you get to threaten my life and it's "perfectly understandable"? I would NEVER say something like that to you. Hell, you have got to know that 75% of the time I'm not even serious. So, how can you possibly get THAT angry at a complete stranger?


 Originally Posted By: Pro ( just a few posts later on the same topic page)
Then, I had to live with eight-years of Bush, jr. A puppet so obvious I was insulted They actually propped him up there. I have never loathed three politicians more than I loathe Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld, and Dick Cheney. Karl is a fat, weak, pussy that outed a CIA agent for political retribution. He should go to prison and get gangraped every day until his natural death. As far as Cheney goes, I'll just have to let the universe deal with that monstrosity. Satan in human form. He will get his judgment. And Rumsfeld is just a fucking criminal on the level of Johnson or Nixon. Dirty, dirty, dirty.


First off, I didn't threaten you. I just said you should get what you deserve in response to your antagonism, when you tell some soldier (not me) your contemptible opinion of our military. But you're a weasel who would only say that behind a soldier's back.

And then you came right back and made a comment in the same identical vein about Karl Rove, your violent fantasy of what you wish would happen to him.

Broken.


Yes, you are.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-15 4:35 AM
\:lol\: \:lol\:
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-15 6:12 AM
14 Registered User(s).
Display Name: Status Title Last Activity Location
Rob Administrator cobra kai
15000+ posts 10/14/11 11:12 PM Reading a post
Forum: Pro & Jake's Fortress of Awesome Chat
Thread: Official* list of posters who were broken, and the posters who broke the broken posters...
Posted By: Im Not Mister Mxyzptlk Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-15 7:24 AM
I like that Wondy came all the way over here because he thought he'd be ridiculing Pro in front of... um... rex?
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-10-15 7:29 AM
Wondy just wants the approval of g-man. Its a very sad and very gay relationship.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-11-19 12:40 AM
G-Shill is broken (again)

http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1165757#Post1165756
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2011-11-19 1:49 AM
Second verse, same as the first. Wasn't nearly as hard this time. I must have struck a nerve...
Posted By: Wonder Boy Re: broken posters list - 2011-11-23 11:01 AM
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch

I can't say I approve of everything, honestly. the sort of shit going on right now is what mods are supposed to keep from happening, not help to create. I'm not annoyed by what pro is saying - of course I disagree but I try to keep my emotions out of what should be a purely cerebral exercise - so much as all the self-quoting and repetition and other things that are preventing an actual discussion. we are allowed to disagree without threads turning into shitstorms. one person's choice of talking heads is allowed to differ from someone else's without the whole damn thing devolving into a series of ad hominem broadsides. and for fuck's sake, when people have made up their minds about whatever 'point' you're trying to make, saying the exact same thing over again is not going to improve either the logical soundness or moral footing of your argument.




 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
Which is why, it appears, Pro was just removed as moderator.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-11-23 11:05 AM
Everyone got demodded.
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2011-11-23 11:37 AM
Jeremy is still comic book mod
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2011-11-23 11:37 AM
in spirit
Posted By: Im Not Mister Mxyzptlk Re: broken posters list - 2011-11-25 8:43 AM
 Originally Posted By: Son of Mxy
Jeremy is still comic book mod


toodaaaay
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-12-13 7:16 AM
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1169024#Post1169267

You can't get anymore broken than this.
Posted By: Franta Re: broken posters list - 2011-12-18 11:06 AM
i aint broken but thanks to my friends we broke a message board





FREE FRANTA
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-12-18 7:32 PM
FREE FRANTA CLAUS too while you're at it!
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-12-29 1:51 AM
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1170172#Post1170248

"inferiority to complex"

I broke Pariah.

Again.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2011-12-29 2:25 AM
Haha!

A grammar jab!

You must really be hurting to go for that one.
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-12-29 2:28 AM
It is considered broken when you ignore someone you disagree with but still react to their posts?
Posted By: rex Re: broken posters list - 2011-12-29 2:29 AM
If so all the polititards are still broken.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2011-12-29 3:00 AM
 Originally Posted By: rex
It is considered broken when you ignore someone you disagree with but still react to their posts?


I would never put Pariah on ignore.

He's too funny. Unintentionally funny, but still...
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2012-02-26 8:25 AM
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1175601/Main/62965/#Post1175599

Broke Pariah (again)
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2012-02-26 8:26 AM
MisterJLA: Terrified.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2012-02-26 8:28 AM
\:lol\:
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2012-02-26 8:29 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
Oh shit.....What do I NOW!?

.....Uh....Uh.....Graemlin! Genius!


Roger.
Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2012-02-26 8:41 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
 Originally Posted By: Pariah

Either way, it makes you an absolute scumbag.


Bless you.
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2012-06-06 8:38 AM
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1182677/fpart/1#Post1182677

Pariah and G-ignore-man again!

2 for 2!
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2012-06-06 11:26 PM
Wow.

JLA is pissed.

http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1182838#Post1182838

I'm not totally sure if it was me, Walker, or the realization that his union dues are being wasted. But anyway you slice it, this poor guys is stressed out.

Hang in there buddy.
Posted By: the G-man Re: broken posters list - 2012-06-07 12:59 AM
I thought gays were supposed to become less angry when they stopped living a lie.

JLA seems to have pivoted in the opposite manner and gotten angrier since coming out.
Damn! JLA you have him....I mean them ....hooked!! They're following you all over the board. I don't think I've seen Pariah work this hard to defend his boyfriend/Alt-ID since homosexuality was allowed in the military. \:lol\: \:lol\:
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1182858#Post1182858

 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
Here's the post that broke G-Pussy. This is where he started and spamming the forum in hopes no one would notice this. He made up the quote out of thin air, and then attributed it to some random NPR article. Straight-up liar. What a pussy.

 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
 Originally Posted By: the G-man
NPR: May Jobs Report Is Much Worse Than Expected.

 Originally Posted By: the G-man

The current 8.2% unemployment rate is 2.5 percentage points above where Obama predicted it would be right now if Congress passed his trillion-dollar stimulus plan.

We continue to be stuck in the longest period of 8% unemployment or higher since the Great Depression, 40 consecutive months.[/list]



BTW, I just read that NPR article. NOWHERE in that article does it say what you "quoted" in that post.

You are a fucking liar. Fact.

 Originally Posted By: Prometheus
This is why I think he's lying about being an old man. No one his age would go to this much trouble to "Ignore"/Attack on an online message board. It also proves Gake's not "Ignoring" anyone. He is in fact reading every single word. Did you see how he freaked out and spammed the Poli Forum because I proved he was outright lying by linking to one thing, but posting his own opinion and beliefs as if they came from the article itself? It makes you wonder how many times he's pulled that shit in the past. Even Wondy, with all his crazy extremist, doesn't just outright lie to "win".

It's also another reason I think it's safe to guess that G-Pussy = Pariah = Rex. Those three share the same unethical obsessions. You could throw Jake in there as well. But, he's never really shown that he would be capable of pulling off any type of "deep" conversation or debate. I mean, even Pariah can do that. So, I'm not sure. It might be as simple as Pariah = G-Pussy, and Rex = Jake. That would make more sense in the scheme of things. Pariah's shown he openly lies about his personal life and "Cartel" adventures. It wouldn't be a stretch for him to pretend to be G-Pussy. They also share the same bloodlust for the "subhuman" (as G called them) non-whites...
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2012-06-07 5:05 AM
 Originally Posted By: the G-man
I thought gays were supposed to become less angry when they stopped living a lie.

JLA seems to have pivoted in the opposite manner and gotten angrier since coming out.


G-ignore!

\:lol\:
Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2012-06-07 5:07 AM
 Originally Posted By: Pariah
No, you are!


Posted By: Prometheus Re: broken posters list - 2012-06-12 12:42 AM
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy


I'll be happy when the Alinskyite who occupies the White House with his Red Army have vacated and moved back to Illinois, or Kenya or whatever.

Obama has done everything he can to destroy our Constitutional democracy, our border security, our military capability, our nuclear deterrant, and to undermine our sovereignty under expansion of U.N. authority before things like Cap-and-Trade, and the Law of the Sea treaty (LOST).
He will further crush jobs and industry if he manages to be re-elected, increase our foreign oil dependence, and drive the coal industry out of business.

Consistent with his indoctrinated Cloward and Piven strategy, he has increased our national debt by over 40% in less than 4 years, and rapidly climbing. A path even his own CBO calls "unsustainable", and his joint chief of staff calls the single greatest threat to our national security.

And that's not even covering the extent of his radical marxist and other anti-American associations and black liberation theology, in Frank MArshall Davis, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, William Ayers, Prof. Derrick "hate whitey" Bell, Rashid Khalidi, Valerie Jarrett, Van Jones, Ron Bloom, Mark Lloyd and all the rest.

And of course, the latest manifestation, how Obama is leaking top secret information that alienates our allies and deters cooperation with the U.S. by any person or nation in the future.

Obama is a threat to this country every moment he remains in office.


\:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\: \:lol\:

I had to share. I couldn't have made this up. \:lol\:
Posted By: Wonder Boy Re: broken posters list - 2013-10-19 9:42 PM
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1161727/fpart/5#Post1162702

 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
 Originally Posted By: Joe Mama
Remember when Rex told on Prometheus twice? And nothing happened, because no one cares about Rex except to laugh at what a pussy he's become? And remember when he started acting like Tommy Tantillo and couldn't defend his "opinions" when someone disagreed with him except to cry all over the boards? Remember how thoroughly broken Rex is?


Remember when Pro was so butthurt by the accusation, that he went absolutely fucking nuts, and spammed his backlash at Rex across every forum?

That's some serious butthurt. And perhaps a grain of truth in Rex's accusation, that Pro was so broken by it.




MEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRR!!!




Posted By: First Amongst Daves Re: broken posters list - 2013-10-22 6:41 AM

Why?


The RKMBs has an unhappy history of letting very one-eyed political views, of people who want to shout and not listen, overwhelm and eventually drive away a lot of good people. So now its just a handful of us left, and even then I rarely stray to those forums which are more rant than respect. Soon, you'll just be shouting into the darkness.

Maybe that's just message boards. I don't go to many of them anymore.
Posted By: Pariah Re: broken posters list - 2013-10-22 7:22 AM
Ask Prometheus. He was the one who made intolerable (for him).
Posted By: First Amongst Daves Re: broken posters list - 2013-10-22 10:45 AM
I don't have a ouija board.
Posted By: Wonder Boy Re: broken posters list - 2013-10-23 7:33 PM
 Originally Posted By: First Amongst Daves

Why?


The RKMBs has an unhappy history of letting very one-eyed political views, of people who want to shout and not listen, overwhelm and eventually drive away a lot of good people. So now its just a handful of us left, and even then I rarely stray to those forums which are more rant than respect. Soon, you'll just be shouting into the darkness.

Maybe that's just message boards. I don't go to many of them anymore.


Actually, I thought I was lightening things up.

I ran across the photo of two leopards fighting and thought of this topic.

And before a few here went off the deep end, I always enjoyed that we for the most part explored the issues themselves, from both sides, and could generally agree to disagree, with a only a degree of overheated rhetoric. I'd say it started to get overly personal and ugly in the Canada allows same-sex marriage topic, where a few went for me in a really nasty personal way, and for the most part rather than retaliate I tried to just leave the topic.
Gee, I can't quite recall who it was that went after me so hard, making all kinds of wild assumptions about my beliefs and character. Some guy from Australia, maybe someone else here recalls...


But seriously. I've always done my best to stick to the issue, and to avoid personal attacks, at times firing back when enduring sustained attacks. And on a number of occasions I stopped posting for a month or two on the POLITICS forum, and moved to comics and media or women sections.

Respect and civility is a two-way street.

Now that some of the worst trolls from here are gone, I actually think it might be possible to rebuild these boards, without people who chased away new members as soon as they registered, as occurred in the past. I've always liked that these boards have a relatively small membership, where we've gotten to know each other pretty well, and it isn't such a huge group that we've lost that close-knit familiarity with each other, even in some of the more heated debates. On boards like Youtube or HuffingtonPost, I often can't even find my own posts later, let alone others' responses to them.

Maybe now that RKMB has survived its most gonzo period of trollery, and those members have supernova'd and moved on, maybe from the ashes we can find a new civility.

Posted By: MisterJLA Re: broken posters list - 2013-10-23 8:39 PM
It was all downhill after the loss of incandescent...
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2013-10-24 6:23 AM
HOLY SHIT JLA SIGHTING
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2013-10-24 6:24 AM
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
Maybe now that RKMB has survived its most gonzo period of trollery, and those members have supernova'd and moved on, maybe from the ashes we can find a new civility.


digital archaeologists would long ponder the significance of these last ironic words found buried in the rubble...
Posted By: Wonder Boy Re: broken posters list - 2013-10-24 2:55 PM
 Originally Posted By: Captain Sammitch
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
Maybe now that RKMB has survived its most gonzo period of trollery, and those members have supernova'd and moved on, maybe from the ashes we can find a new civility.


digital archaeologists would long ponder the significance of these last ironic words found buried in the rubble...


I'm sure that's all very clever in its ambiguity, but what exactly are you trying to say?
Posted By: Son of Mxy Re: broken posters list - 2013-10-25 1:32 AM
he's saying the RKMBs is dead. Long live the RKMBs!
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2013-10-25 2:49 AM
 Originally Posted By: Son of Mxy
he's saying the RKMBs is dead. Long live the RKMBs!
Posted By: Pig Iran Re: broken posters list - 2013-10-25 6:43 AM
Home for wayward youth...or elderly perverts.
Posted By: First Amongst Daves Re: broken posters list - 2013-10-25 9:55 AM
 Originally Posted By: MisterJLA
It was all downhill after the loss of incandescent...


I was busy putting xsorbit out of business. And it worked!
Posted By: PJP Re: broken posters list - 2013-11-07 7:40 AM
PJP was never broken...just busy. He's back.
Posted By: Captain Sammitch Re: broken posters list - 2013-11-07 4:07 PM
PJMOTHERFUCKINGP!
Posted By: Wonder Boy Re: broken posters list - 2014-01-24 2:18 PM
 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
http://www.rkmbs.com/ubbthreads.php/ubb/showflat/Number/1161727/fpart/5#Post1162702

 Originally Posted By: Wonder Boy
 Originally Posted By: Joe Mama
Remember when Rex told on Prometheus twice? And nothing happened, because no one cares about Rex except to laugh at what a pussy he's become? And remember when he started acting like Tommy Tantillo and couldn't defend his "opinions" when someone disagreed with him except to cry all over the boards? Remember how thoroughly broken Rex is?


Remember when Pro was so butthurt by the accusation, that he went absolutely fucking nuts, and spammed his backlash at Rex across every forum?

That's some serious butthurt. And perhaps a grain of truth in Rex's accusation, that Pro was so broken by it.




MEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRR!!!







© RKMBs