I apologize in advance for any spelling/grammar errors... I didn't totally proofread/spellcheck this, as I have an irrational fear of spellchecking and proofreading.
This week's batch:
PUNISHER/WOLVERINE #1
(Marvel Comics/Marvel Knights)
by Peter Milligan (writer) and Lee Weeks (art)
THE COVER: A overmuscled Punisher shooting big-ass guns, while Wolverine looks menacing in tattered clothing. Thanks, Mike Deodato, Jr.
This is not something I would buy if Pete Milligan's name wasn't on the cover, as much as I like both The Punisher and Wolverine, which really isn't enough to buy each and every issue of their respective books.
This issue features a crime boss named Napoleon, dealing in bank robberies and the like. Once The Punisher gets involved, he swears to take down all of Napoleon's operations until he gets to Napoleon himself. This prompts Napoleon to flee to Erewhon, a jungle sanctuary for high-profile criminals to hide from the law. Ten years pass, and Napoleon devises a plan to lure Punisher to the island so the criminals there can kill him, making everyone happy and quelling the possibilities of rebellion, that involves the trek of a hitman to Erewhon after a prison escape. By the end of the issue, we find that while the Punisher is presumably following the hitman to kill him, Wolverine is trying to keep him alive. We can predict when the title characters finally meet, they're going to beat the crap out of eachother, as they usually do. The question is, however, if it will be ultra-gory, Garth Ennis style, where Wolverine has to be deformed horribly for humorous purposes.
With just the first issue, there doesn't seem to be a point to the story, unlike Milligan's other comics, which tend to have some sort of theme or meaning to them, like the current X-STATIX or the equally current THE HUMAN TARGET. The story could easily have been something that took place in the main book, since WOLVERINE frequently crosses over with THE PUNISHER, with mayhem always ensuing. The concept of Erewhon is an intriguing one, but it's kind of silly that Napoleon is leading the Punisher, a man he fears, right to where he is, when he went there to escape from Punisher to begin with. The dialogue isn't anything riveting, basically what you can expect from a decently written action movie. No massive groan-inducing one-liners, but nothing to grab my attention.
Lee Weeks' art, a mix of John Romita, Jr. and Glen Fabry's pencilled art, is pretty good. None of his characters are big and bulky, as many comic artists tend to draw superpeople, and the ones that are musclebound don't look like they're overdosing on steroids, unlike on the cover.
Disco's Grade: CBATMAN #626
(DC Comics)
by Brian Azzarello (writer) and Eduardo Rizzo (art)
THE COVER: The Joker in the background, an outline of the kid and his dead parents in the foreground. Same format as the other covers for this story arc.
I really can't understand why people hate Azzarello's take on Batman so much. Finally someone made him remotely human, which is a breath of fresh air after Jeph Loeb's (most consider it Jim Lee featuring Jeph Loeb doing backup vocals) "Hush" story arc. For those of you who haven't read it, here's a sample:
PAGE 1
Two page spread of Batman wrapped around a gargoyle on a gratuitously tall building with a burgundy sky behind him.
BATMAN (caption): This is my city. The city is mine. I own it.
PAGE 2
Panel 1: Bruce Wayne's parents being murdered.
BATMAN (caption): (To letterer: insert origin recap here. You don't need my help, even a monkey can do it.)
Panel 2: Catwoman, in abnormally tight leather, doing something illegal Batman should probably bust her for, but won't.
BATMAN (caption): Selina...Repeat for one year. I hear Jeph Loeb's follow-up arc to "Hush" has Batman's in need of a new Pentium Chip and Dilithium Crystals, as it is finally revealed that he's been a robot since the late 1980s, in a move worse than the infamous Clone-Saga.
Anyway, this is the final issue of Azzarello's "Broken City" story arc, featuring Batman investigating the murder of Elizabeth Lupo, who seems to be the Ventriloquist's girlfriend. This is a great pessimistic detective story, and if there's one thing I like, it's pessimistic detective stories, like Chinatown. In fact, I believe there is a significant character named Margo in that movie as well as in "Broken City." How about that...
A great scene with a sober Ventriloquist destroying Scarface in a fit of rage is followed by Batman confronting the Joker at Arkham in a scene reminiscent of the one between Clarice and Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs. I love when the lunatic fucks with the protagonist with a jall cell between them. This leads us to the big resolution to the story: Batman was wrong the whole time. I love this. The cold, calculated detective was totally wrong due to his own psyche. Beautiful.
Disco's Grade: A+THE ULTIMATES #13
(Marvel/Ultimate Marvel)
by Mark Millar (writer) and Bryan Hitch (art)
THE COVER: The usual superhero team cover. Nothing particularly dynamic, but it works.
This is a comic book that really really wishes it was a movie. This became more apparent when I was flipping through the twelve issues taking place before this one. You have huge action sequences, impossible stunts, special effects out the wazoo, all made realistic through the amazing art of Bryan Hitch and Paul Neary, a godsend to big team books, considering their work for JLA and The Authority.
This isssue, concluding the second story arc of this volume (a second Ultimates volume is due "soon," according to the final page) about the big battle between the Ultimates and The Skrull, is no exception. Spaceships explode, the Hulk hits things and shouts like the child of an adolescent male and a caveman, there is much hitting, shooting, and crashing into things, and Samuel L. Jackson plays Nick Fury. It was like the big climax to Roger Moore's James Bond flicks, where you have a large battle in a big base of some sort, with explosions left and right and your protagonist has a showdown with the main villain, in this case a Skrull who was a high-ranking Nazi in World War II.
Any Marvel book featuring subtle references to incest and not-so-subtle references pre-battle restroom sex is ok in my book. Probably because I'm a sick motherfucker.
Disco's Grade: AJLA #95
(DC Comics)
by... Chris Claremont (writer).... and John Byrne (art) (say what?!)
(the cover for this book doesn't exist on the net, and I don't feel like scanning...)
THE COVER: Four different things happening at once, with a big X splitting them apart. I think Claremont forgot what book he's writing.
Before you say "Holy shit, we've gone back in time to 1978!" This is Chris Claremont and John Byrne NOW, so start lowering your expectations, kids. This is part 2 of "The Tenth Circle," which features the JLA trying to figure out what's behind some child disappearences (I'm still wondering how Batman just suddenly realized there are strange things afoot just by finding a corpse... then again, he's Batman), which somehow leads to a revamp of the Doom Patrol for some reason. That's all you need to know.
The writing is typical Claremont. Characters tend describe things to themselves in thought bubbles, making Claremont the only person alive that still uses such an antiquated device. It works when the Atom is at a microscopic size exploring a rock and not knowing where the hell he is, and doesn't when Green Lantern is out searching for more possible victims. Claremont's characterization is just fine. I enjoyed the Atom's bit and how his thoughts view his surroundings in scientific terms. Batman is treated like just another member of the team and not the prick with the superiority complex he usually is, which suppresses his presence in the book. Worse off is Green Lantern John Stewart, who has always been a dud. It feels like predecessor Kyle Rayner would have worked better in this situation, as GL just follows orders and isn't exactly in control of the situation. I imagine John Stewart is more authoritative.
The art, by John Byrne, who is no stranger to DC, has never been better. Some might say Jerry Ordway's inking helped out a lot, but I don't quite understand the art of inking, so I can't say. Either way, I haven't enjoyed Byrne's art this much since... ever.
Disco's Grade: BAVENGERS/JLA #4
(Marvel Comics/DC Comics)
by Kurt Busiek (writer) and George "It's all in the wrist" Perez (art)
THE COVER: I find the cover for this issue to be incredibly hilarious: just a drawing of Superman holding Thor's Hammer (fanboys are wetting themselves right now) and Captain America's shield. No massive drawings with every character that ever appeared in a JLA or Avengers book. After his wrist injury from drawing the third issue of this crossover, George Perez seems to have learned his lesson. Phil Jimenez should take note.
This whole series is a masturbation tool for fanboys. Despite the neat contrast of the DC and Marvel universes in the first issue and the whole conflict being a result of the two universes having sex. Are we sure Busiek wrote this? That's too creative for him. Once we take a look at the dialogue, it's clear that it IS in fact Busiek writing the way he usually writes. Your characters sound like typical comic book characters. It's like CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTHS all over again, where characters are announcing their names in order for the reader to keep track of a cast of hundreds. If there's one thing I hate, it's idiotic declarative dialogue. "It's... Kryptonite!" Thanks Superman. And here we were thinking that you just didn't like jade sculptures.
JLA/Avengers is similar to Grant Morrison's THE FILTH in that there is so much that certain things aren't just dwelled upon long enough. Like the comic book character trapped outside of his world in Morrie's book, Busiek gives us brief looks at a fight between Captain America and badass JLA villain Prometheus, and a scene with Batman about to take on a slew of cheeseball Marvel villains, including Batroc the Leaper. Dammit. One of the best parts of the earlier issues was the confrontation between Batman and Captain America, caption box descriptions and all. I guess I prefer to linger upon certain parts while leaving bits like the gag involving the two universes' Captain Marvels reacting to "Watch out, Captain Marvel!" being shouted as singular panel deals. Maybe this series should have been a bit longer for its scope. And not cost 6 bucks an issue, while we're at it.
The plot just felt so inconclusive in the book. I didn't care about the bet between the Grandmaster and Metron about whose universe was better, or whatever the plot was. The book clearly was aware of this and the fact that it merely existed to show the JLA and Avengers fight, team up, and then fight the bad guy. As a result, I wasn't amazed by much of this. I got pretty much what I expected from a huge team-up written by Kurt Busiek and drawn by George Perez.
George Perez's art is best when you need someone to draw fifty things in one panel, and he that's just what he does. Very impressive, especially considering that I could NEVER do this. Me drawing pictures over and over would probably end like that Milx guy who drew SILVER SURFER for about two issues until he went mad and returned to fan fiction. And I have one thing to say to him: Pussy. You were drawing a fortune teller, a little girl, and a Silver guy. You did not have to draw every incarnation of every character that ever existed in both the Marvel and DC universe. But, I digress.
Disco's Grade: C+CLASSIC CRAP!UNCANNY X-MEN #423
(Marvel/Satan)
by Chuck Austen and Ron Garney.
THE COVER: Wolverine looking menacing. Notice the hip facial hair on his chin.
Yeah, I know, this is way too easy for me. Gimme a break, it's my first day.
I only bought this because it was 25 cents. And, as you'll probably expect me to say, it's not even worth that much.
This was the first of a two-parter called "Holy War." First we're given a brief history of human intolerance starting with a silhouetted crucifixion of Jesus and those two other guys (which I wouldn't recognize without the help of Mel Gibson), the Crusades, something with tribal folk reading The Bible that I can't identify, the Holocaust, and a mass grave with some soldiers standing around it that I can't identify, accompanied by an obligatory inner monologue from Nightcrawler, wondering why people do the things they do... basically the heavy-handed musing we come to expect in an X-Men monologue.
Thats when we're hit with a two-page splash with a buncha young mutants (Jubilee, Skin, and random background characters) crucified followed by more inner monologue from Nightcrawler as he introduces the X-Men in this issue, describing each of them. You can't knock this book for being bold. What you can knock it for is taking all impact away by simply having Angel give them all a mass blood transfusion (somehow he got a new healing factor, making me wonder why not just get Wolverine to do the same thing?), bringing them all back to life except Skin, a former Generation X member that no one really cared about anyway. "Madre de dios!" Talk about the perpetrators in the War Room deteriorates into a conversation about Nightcrawler's priesthood, which seems to have only happened in Nightcrawler's head, and they decide to check out the church where it supposedly happened and reveal a basement housing a laboratory full of dead mutants. Very heavy shock ending to the first part. I like that. That's about all I like.
Characterization doesn't seem to be Austen's strong point. Maybe this is because he writes fifty books at once, or because the issue is cluttered with useless characters, but is most likely both. In addition to the main characters (that I know of) of Nightcrawler (who is the focus of the storyline), Archangel (Mr. Plot Function, albeit a preposterous one), and Iceman (one of the characters drafted into the Uncanny team as opposed to the New X-Men team), you have Cyclops (who is used merely as the tightass that barks orders and yells at Nightcrawler... how clever), Havok (who seems to have no purpose other than point out the irony in Nightcrawler's faith by saying "Dude! You're like a demon, but you're a priest! That is, like, ironic!"), Wolverine (who is required to be in EVERY X-Men book regardless of necessity and required to have the same stupid costume in each one), Jean Grey (who actually serves a function, I suppose, but portrayed as kind of snotty), Chamber (utterly useless, other than to serve as Husk's boytoy), Husk (used for character drama between her and Archangel), and Polaris, who has no dialogue whatsoever in this issue. In fact, most of the time Ron Garney forgets to draw her in a panel or five.
Characters seem way too jokey in a very serious situation. For example, while trying to keep twelve mutants alive at once and not kill Archangel in the process, Annie the Nurse (who seems to be the most vacuous X-Men character since Kitty Pryde) jokes to him about Chamber, saying "The kid without a mouth! Please! There's nothing to kiss!" Now, lighthearted moments are fine, as I've learned from every Spielberg flick I've ever seen, but this is ridiculous. It doesn't even feel like they're doing it in the M*A*S*H "keeping one's sanity" way, but rather like the situation doesn't even register in their minds. Furthermore, the characters all sound alike. For example, in a discussion about the Church of Humanity, every character feels the urge to describe them as clowns or idiots or goofballs or some other mild insult, such as "What do we know about these nogoodniks?"
The art is a whole other problem. His art reminds me of the many superhero books based off of cartoons, like X-Men Adventures, Wild C.A.T.S. Adventures, Justice League Adventures, and so on. It's just not convincing or detailed enough for a comic book that features teenaged crucifixions and laboratories full of dead mutants.
Disco's Grade: D- (Barely... JUST barely.)That's it for this week. Goodnight, and keep watching the skis... err, skies.
)