RKMBs Forums .::Robegories::. Sports and Wrestling Barry Bonds rufusal to allow dying kids wish.

http://www.thebrushback.com/barrybonds_full.htm

Make-A-Wish Foundation Asked To Punch Barry Bonds In The Nuts

AMES, IA--Members of the Make-A-Wish Foundation struggled to come up with a response to a dying 9-year-old boy’s request that they punch slugger Barry Bonds in the nuts repeatedly. The boy, Danny Wickman of Ames, Iowa, reportedly hates Bonds and wants nothing more than to see him in debilitating pain. The director of the foundation said that it was the first such request that he had ever received.

“That’s a first. Obviously the kid really hates Barry Bonds, as a lot of people do, but I don’t know if we can comply with his request,” said Charles Hopkinton, managing director of Make-A-Wish. “We’ll have to call Barry and see if he’s OK with it. I mean, it is his dying wish, so we should do everything we can to make it happen. What really strikes me though, is the fact that he [Danny] isn’t even interested in doing it himself. He's happy just to watch someone else do it. Now that’s hatred.”

Wickman has been diagnosed with tuberculosis and is expected to live another six months. Upon hearing about his condition through a mutual friend, Hopkinton immediately met little Danny to set him up with the foundation. After mulling over his wish, Danny decided it would be fun to watch his least favorite ball player get punched in the nuts.

“I kept asking him if he was sure,” said Hopkinton. “And he kept saying ‘yes.’ I offered him all kinds of other stuff, but he was adamant. He wants to see Bonds doubled over in pain before he dies.”

Hopkinton apparently offered Wickman a chance to meet Lebron James, have a one-on-one dinner with Brett Favre, and get an all access pass to the Minnesota Vikings training camp. As appealing as these offers sounded, nothing was more appealing than the ruthless beating of Bonds.

Mary Wickman, Danny’s mother, said her son has always had a deep, seething resentment towards Bonds.

“A lot of people hate that guy, so it should be understandable that he would request something like this,” she said. “[Danny] is not some stupid kid who blindly worships athletes. He only roots for guys who are good people. He’s heard enough Bonds interviews, as we all have, to know that the guy is an arrogant, selfish prick. I’m sure a lot of people in America would love to see the guy gets his nuts rammed with a sledgehammer. I know I would.”

Hopkinton has been trying to come up with a way to present the idea to Bonds. He does not expect the slugger to agree to have his testicles punched, but he may agree to make an appearance with young Danny, at which point they could ambush him.

“That’s the only solution I can come up with right now,” said Hopkinton. “As bad as it may sound, we might have to trick him into showing up, then just sneak in a few quick cock-punches so Danny can get his wish. After that, we might have to run like hell, but this is a kid’s dying wish. We can’t say no. And frankly, we don’t want to.”

The director’s biggest concern, he said, is Bonds willingness to show up at all, even for a brief handshake and autograph session. The famous slugger has a reputation for being ornery and extremely private, even when it comes to cute, dying children.

“I know this guy doesn’t do autographs and things like that,” said Hopkinton. “I know he has a track record of turning down charity causes. I know because one time I asked him to send a sick kid a signed 8 x 10 and he said no. Can you imagine that? He just had to sign it and send it out. He said he was ‘too busy.’ Then I told him that he could just have his secretary sign it and send it out, and the kid wouldn’t even know any better. He said ‘Nah, she’s too busy.’ Then I asked him to just turn his head slightly and look in the direction of the young boy, who was sitting behind the dugout. He just said ‘Nah. Got a sore neck.’ That’s why, if we can pull this off, I’ll be the first in line to smack him.”

While most sick children request time with athletes they admire, Wickman said he'll be perfectly content to see an athlete he does not admire suffer greatly. When asked why he had such antipathy for the hall-of-fame slugger, young Danny answered with his usual candor.

“Why do I hate Barry Bonds? There’s no specific reason. I just think he’s a dick,” said Wickman. “He’s so conceited and he thinks he’s better than everyone else and he’s sits there in that stupid reclining chair in the clubhouse like he’s the king of the world or something. Having this disease really sucks, but I swear I’ll die happy if someone punches Barry in the nuts. It’s easy. All they have to do is get a press pass to go into the Giants locker room after a game, pretend they're a reporter, and give him a couple quick punches. That’s all it takes to really hurt someone. Is that too much to ask, Mr. Hopkinton? Don’t you want to make a dying boy happy?”

That's the funniest thing I've read in atleast 6 months....

Where's the nitpicker? Even he has to think this is funny.

Good LORD... I think I've soiled myself...!

Funniest. Story. Ever.

Funny, but it has to be FAKE.

It has a satire disclaimer on the front page. This site is like the sports version of the onion.

STILL funny.

Heh, that is pretty funny.

I haven't laughed that much at a fake news aretlicle since the Onion's "Fun toy banned because of 4 stupid dead kids". Y'know I think I'll post that article somwhere just for the hell of it, I'm sure it's still as funny now as it was then.

This is some funny shit.
What would make it funnier if if someone thought the story was real and kicked bonds in the nuts for the kid.

I guess Chris Oakley thinks all black guys should be kicked in the nuts. Sicko.

and if Martians had testicles he'd probably want to whack them there too.

When will the hate stop, Chris?

The RKMBs are not a place for such an insensitivity as Oakley's. Gob should smite him where he posts.

John Rocker was a relief pitcher. And Bonds is your #4 hitter; it makes no sense to bat him in the leadoff spot. Do you even watch baseball? Or does your hatred get in the way?

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I don't hate Barry Bonds because of his race--I hate Bonds because he's a selfish, ignorant, loudmouth, rude jackass.

And if everyone in the world hates him like you say, then why do so many people line up to train with him in the offseason?

So typical of hate-mongerers, always projecting their own hate onto others.

We do not hate people. We dislike the way that Oakley hates balck people. And aliens.

barry bonds is an alien?!?

According to Chris, all black people are aliens!

He's demented.

my rejecting your continued advances shouldn't even come into play within the realm of persecution.

besides, i've advocated racism for years.

get something right in your next post.

And you are a fucktard.

Same to you,jerk.

No reason to call me a jerk, I'm white.

Actually,I have plenty of reasons to call you a jerk,and you give me more of them every day.

You need help,Kristogar.

And now you're saying all black people are drug addicts.

You sicken me.

No way.
Rex is putting you up to this,I just know it.

Actually, all these people making fun of you are all my alt ids.

Animalman's an alt ID?

yes