RKMBs Forums .::Robegories::. Comic Books Shut the Fuck Up, Fanboy!: The Kingdom

SHUT THE FUCK UP, FANBOY!

by Danny Djeljosevic

This [time period's] review:

The Kingdom or,

"Superfluousness at 2.95 an issue"

Ok, we all love Kingdom Come. Alex Ross does some great art with nifty little "easter eggs" in his art where we are challenged to spot kitschy 60s/70s pop culture references while Mark Waid writes dialogue that is not without its lack of memorability (sorry, Mark), plus some religious symbolism to boot. It's all very nice, and features a large explosion at the end.

Then, come 1998, it's announced that Mark Waid is working on The Kingdom, a sequel of sorts to the series. Fanboys squeal in excitement. It has to be good, right?

Right?

I bought the two-issue miniseries when it first came out, and didn't remember a damn thing from it, besides the fact that everyone says it's crap. So I reread them earlier today.

ISSUE 1

The Kingdom is off to a good start with the cover. A nice drawing by Ariel Olivetti featuring the half-man, half-golden ram statue Gog sitting on a throne amidst multiple corpses of Kingdom Come-era Superman. Very cool.

Ignoring the first two pages, which I don't care to understand, any book that starts with Superman dying is pretty neat. Superman dies to find himself greeted by Deadman, who I thought was just some jackass who likes to take over people's bodies because he doesn't have one of his own. Either way, there's a nice army of Supermen in the afterlife, because someone has been going through time, killing Superman day by day from the future to the past. Then, we go through some neat Superman deaths at the hands of Gog, which include shooting Superman with his red sun energy-shooting spear right through Mr. Mxyzpltk's torso, and recreating the explosion of Krypton with Supes strapped to a giant bomb, that turns him into living Kryptonite before he dies in about a thousand years. Very cool.

Then there's some exposition about the Kingdom Come world for those who didn't read the book, whom I can't imagine would be reading The Kingdom anyway, after which we're given the origin of Gog. He's the sole survivor of the first nuclear explosion in Kansas, who was personally saved by Superman. Gog (not his real name) then believes Superman to be the Messiah, prompting him to open a Church of Superman as an adult. Once Superman reveals to him that it's his absence that caused the explosion to happen, he considers Superman the Anti-Christ and decides to devote his life to destroying Superman, with some help from those assholes in the Quintessence: Zeus (hoping people will turn their faith back toward him), SHAZAM (hoping to prevent Billy Batson's death which occurred at the end of Kingdom Come), Ganthet (a.k.a., Papa Smurf, hoping Green Lantern will be hailed as the head protector of Earth), and Highfather (hoping that the good and evil on Earth will separate, similar to what happened with New Genesis and Apokalips). With the exception of Highfather, all of these make sense. Regardless, they're fucking assholes.

So there's some controversy among the Linear Men or something regarding time travel and Gog and how the universe is going to explode, followed by Wonder Woman having Superman's baby, who is taken by Gog following a big fight between all the remaining superheroes and Gog, who is ultra-powerful. Then Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman decide to go into the past to save Superman of the year 1998 from Gog, who is trying to recreate the Kansas incident earlier in time.

In all honesty, there are some neat ideas in this issue. The Quintessence being composed of greedy fuckers, for example, is intriguing. One always thinks gods to be impartial supreme beings with no real agenda.

The idea that is NOT interesting nor delicious, though, is the time travel angle. We all wanted more post-Kingdom Come intrigue and the hassle of rebuilding after the disaster. Instead, we're given a story where some of that does show up, but is then cast aside in exchange for a time travel adventure. Good job, Mark Waid.

If Mark Waid's sub-par story (though a story sprinkled with some clever ideas and scenes) doesn't do it for you, there's always Ariel Olivetti's art. His art has a huge sense of "Dead fucking serious," which I first got a delicious taste of in Mark Millar's "JLA: Paradise Lost" mini-series. The scenes with the creepy boy exploding a gas station stick out in my head, and more of the same visual flair is to be found here. He does good facial expressions, too.

ISSUE 2

This is where it all goes to hell. The three heroes go back in time, meet their predecessors. They fight Gog. There's a neat bit with the Supermen taking Gog (who has grown in size because, like in Dragonball Z, everyone increases in size when they're full of fighting energy or something that doesn't make any fucking sense) to a coal mine, burying him in coal, which they crush to form a big diamond barrier.

Most of this issue consists of Gog-fighting. The most idiotic part consists of the team (plus some Kingdom Come characters from The Kingdom one-shot specials that I did not buy, like Plastic Man's son, The Flash MCLXXXXVII: The Voyage Home, and Batman's Son Ibn'''''''''''' X'''''sdkjflsdjash, among others) personally recruited by Hunter, the Linear Man with a Nick Fury obsession, to save the day. They take Gog into the "Planet Krypton" restaurant, which is safely isolated somehow, and they fight with all the superhero memorabillia in the restaurant. Yeah, those Green Lantern rings and Orion's Golden Old Man Walker of Death aren't props. Some kid in the restaurant could have killed everyone thinking it was a fake.

The threat of Gog suddenly becomes unimportant when we finally learn what Hunter kept calling the biggest secret in the universe: Hypertime. Yes, this is the comic where it was debuted.

For those unfamiliar with Hypertime, I'll explain it right now: Everything happened. That really stupid issue of Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen? It happened. That Elseworlds one-shot that featured Batman as a post-Civil War KKK Grand Wizard? It happened. That idea you had to revamp Wonder Woman to make Diana a Chaka Zulu warrior? That also happened. This is a lame way to account for every continuity change in the DC Universe ever.

Thus, we have found out the real reason for this comic book existing. It's like we walked in to see Citizen Kane II: Goodbye, Xanadu, which we got for about 45 minutes and suddenly it became an infomercial for George Foreman grills. Except where the fat rolls off the grill, it remained on the grill and ruined everything. Did I mention the grill was cooking human flesh?

Then there's the art. Remember how cool I said Ariel Olivetti was? He was so cool, that he didn't draw this issue. Instead, Mike Zeck did. And he's not all that interesting. Considering most of the art consists of recycled bits of art from Elseworlds/out of continuity stories once Hypertime is introduced, he didn't have very much work to do, did he? The most he did was remind me of better stories with the bits of art. "Boy, I remember Justice Riders was pretty cool... I wish I was reading a sequel to that instead."

Disco's Grade:
ISSUE 1: C
ISSUE 2: D+

In my mind, the coolest thing to come out of this miniseries was Offspring...

Offspring was pretty cool. And that's about it.

Kingdom Come is my all-time favorite comic read, so The Kingdom was a let-down to say it mildly.

What was so cool about Offspring? My only experience with him was in the second issue of The Kingdom, where he says something stupid and Darknightstarfire tells him to shut the hell up. "How clever. He's exactly like Plastic Man, except he wears shoes and doesn't look like he just walked out of a gay bar," I thought to myself.

I rad the one with Ibn Xuffasch. It was ok.

The Kingdom was horrid. But, as already stated by Dave and Chewy, the only really good single-issues that came from this limited series was Offspring (Frank Quitely's art at it's unrushed peak) and Son of the Bat. Offspring had a great story that examined what it would be like to be Plastic Man's son. The son of a joke, really. And, the Son of the Bat (Ibn' something something) was excellent, as it showed what someone born of Bruce Wayne and Talia Al'Ghul would become....better than either his dad (Bats) or his granddad (Ras Al Ghul). I recommend trying these single issues out.

Other than that, The Kingdom didn't happen. It was a boring, rushed piece of sensationlism. The big "revelation" of Hypertime and the "true" identity of the Phantom Stranger (the son of Superman and Wonder Woman? Come on!) was pathetic and unconvincing...

Not to mention the fact that all the characters in it were killed at the end of Kingdom Come.

Did you guys really think that was the identity of the Phantom Stranger? I always read it that everyone was calling him that yet he never said he was. Everyone assumed he was and he didn't bother to correct them till the end.

Yeah, we were only supposed to think it was the Phantom Stranger. For those unfamiliar with this sort of thing, it is what's known in storytelling as a "plot twist".

Anyway, I liked it. I especially found Planet Krypton rather charming.

I've already lost my copy(thank god) but I seem to remember somebody there say "We thought he was the phantom stranger!" or something to the effect. Which implies that they were wrong in assuming that Supes and Wondie's child is the phantom stranger, which means The Phantom stranger is still cool.

Danny hit something here: one of the signs that one of the highest paid comic writers was not infallible. Kind of like how not everything Harrison Ford made wouldn't suck.

When DC decided against the monthly Kingdom as per Alex Ross's ideas, he divorced himself from the idea. When Waid took on the concept and tried to sell his more commercial concept, sans Ross, DC bit. Ross could not be convinced to come aboard, which is a strong reason for the high suckage.

Ross, even though some of you don't like him for various reasons, is a fanboy, but those fanboy instincts battle the idiot crass ideas Waid spewed out. Worked to forge a decent collaboration. No one held Waid in check in the Kingdom. Most unfortunate.

Always like Olivetti's art, for reason's Disco had mentioned. He is one of my favorites who never seemed to get a regula

Except maybe if he becomes the next Spectre.

Great. Now I'm sterile. Thanks alot....

Well, at least we know you won't be spawning any Mini-Pros. And, that, my friend, makes all the difference!

Huzzah! He cannot breed!

Don't count my seed out!

But, then again, don't count it in.

Ah. Just don't count it. I lost track after "3".

Oh, and "The Kingdom" sucks!

I remember enjoying the character books. But the book ends sucked like a hooker with bills to pay.

I thought I had read The Kingdom #2, but since I don't recall anything regarding the Phantom Stranger's "true" identity, I'm thinking that maybe I didn't...

Then again, it was a pretty forgettable mini-series. At least it didn't harm the overall quality of Kingdom Come.

Thankfully.

The entire thing sounds like a lame effort at cashing in on the success of KC.

Yes.

Pretty much.