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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 19,633
I walk in eternity 15000+ posts
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OP
I walk in eternity 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 19,633 |
Let's all E mail God! Tell him what you think! ask for stuff, like a new skateboard, a quisinart, or a working X wing fighter from Star Wars.
Dear God :
Hi, how's it going? I know you're a busy man, being God and all, but could you please stop people from killing each other? I know you want us to learn and grow and progress on our own, but this business in the middle east, and here in the US with guns, etc, is just going on and on and on...!!
Also, make everybody stop having to get sick, and old, and dying. I lost a great friend, and I really miss him, so if you could bring him back, and all the loved ones who have died and are missed by people all over the world, it'd make a LOT of people happy.
And please, stop making Star Wars action figures that break so easily!
Thanks!
Beardguy. ( Jerry )
"I offer you a Vulcan prayer, Mr Suder. May your death bring you the peace you never found in life." - Tuvok. 
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Who will I break next? 15000+ posts
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Who will I break next? 15000+ posts
Joined: Jun 2004
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STOP BEING SO GOD DAMNED GAY!
November 6th, 2012: Americas new Independence Day.
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Posts: 6,236
The Swizzler.... 6000+ posts
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The Swizzler.... 6000+ posts
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Posts: 6,236 |
Dear God:
Please be with rex....I know youre trying to make him more tender hearted...could ya please hurry up??
Love always,
Elisa
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Sex Offender Since 1978 3000+ posts
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Sex Offender Since 1978 3000+ posts
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God....
He's the biggest bitch of them all
I brew beer now. Brewing beer is cool.
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25+ posts
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Dear God,
Thank you for your Intrest in becoming Our spiritual leader, But at this time the postion has been filled by a Diety we fell we can grow with and help out our company directives better. Once again we appreicate your Intrest in your applying for this postion, and we will certainly keep your resume on file.
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 24,106
faggot 15000+ posts
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faggot 15000+ posts
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 24,106 |
Quote:
Balloon Knot said:
God....
He's the biggest bitch of them all
Haw! Kick you in the testicals in such a way that it might be construed as a pun because it could also mean the placement of your computerized message on a filing shelf!
Old men, fear me! You will shatter under my ruthless apathetic assault!
Uschi - 2
Old Men - 0
"I am convinced that this world is of no importance, and that the only people who care about dates are imbeciles and Spanish teachers." -- Jean Arp, 1921
"If Jesus came back and saw what people are doing in his name, he would never never stop throwing up." - Max von Sydow, "Hannah and Her Sisters"
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Joined: Sep 2002
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terrible podcaster 15000+ posts
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terrible podcaster 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2002
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faggot 15000+ posts
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faggot 15000+ posts
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 24,106 |
Quote:
Captain Sammitch said:
Cold and Windy?
Old men, fear me! You will shatter under my ruthless apathetic assault!
Uschi - 2
Old Men - 0
"I am convinced that this world is of no importance, and that the only people who care about dates are imbeciles and Spanish teachers." -- Jean Arp, 1921
"If Jesus came back and saw what people are doing in his name, he would never never stop throwing up." - Max von Sydow, "Hannah and Her Sisters"
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 19,546 Likes: 1
living in 1962 15000+ posts
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living in 1962 15000+ posts
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 19,546 Likes: 1 |
Dear Gob,
Stop torturing me, please. Thanks.
Your pal,
Grimm
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Posts: 19,432 Likes: 8
brother from another mother 15000+ posts
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brother from another mother 15000+ posts
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 19,432 Likes: 8 |
Dear God
This planet would be a nice place if it wasn't for all the humans. Can you do something about that?
Thanks
Lothar
P.S. When were you going to tell Grimm about the yoknowwhat?
"My friends have always been the best of me." -Doctor Who
"Well,whenever I'm confused,I just check my underwear. It holds most answers to life's questions." Abe Simpson
I can tell by the position of the sun in the sky, that is time for us to go. Until next time, I am Lothar of the Hill People!
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Posts: 32,001 Likes: 1
We already are 15000+ posts
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We already are 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 32,001 Likes: 1 |
This could be Beardguys's best idea yet!!!!
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Sex Offender Since 1978 3000+ posts
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Sex Offender Since 1978 3000+ posts
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 3,314 |
Quote:
Uschi said:
Quote:
Balloon Knot said:
God....
He's the biggest bitch of them all
Haw! Kick you in the testicals in such a way that it might be construed as a pun because it could also mean the placement of your computerized message on a filing shelf!
Is that kinda like how a diplomat can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip
I brew beer now. Brewing beer is cool.
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 19,633
I walk in eternity 15000+ posts
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OP
I walk in eternity 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 19,633 |
Quote:
PJP said:
This could be Beardguys's best idea yet!!!!
"I offer you a Vulcan prayer, Mr Suder. May your death bring you the peace you never found in life." - Tuvok.
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Posts: 6,377
6000+ posts
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6000+ posts
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Some posters are going STRAIGHT TO HELL!
-----once over and twice twisted---------
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Posts: 46,308
Who will I break next? 15000+ posts
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Who will I break next? 15000+ posts
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 46,308 |
November 6th, 2012: Americas new Independence Day.
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 22,618
Your death will make me king! 15000+ posts
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Your death will make me king! 15000+ posts
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 22,618 |
Dear God@hotmail.com, Jesus loves you. He wants you to stand with him in Heaven for all eternity.
Now it is time to spread The Word. Forward this e-mail to 50 friends. If you do, you will surely see the Paradise you so rightly deserve. If you do not, prepare to be cast into the burning depths of Hell forever. Have a nice day, Fhqwhgadshgnsdhjsdbkhsdabkfabkveybvf
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Posts: 19,546 Likes: 1
living in 1962 15000+ posts
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living in 1962 15000+ posts
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 19,546 Likes: 1 |
Quote:
Lothar of The Hill People said:
Dear God
This planet would be a nice place if it wasn't for all the humans. Can you do something about that?
Thanks
Lothar
P.S. When were you going to tell Grimm about the yoknowwhat?
Dear Gob,
Please stop letting Lothar help you torture me. Thanks.
Your pal,
Grimm
P.S. I got the package you sent. While the chocolates were very thoughtful, I can't help but wonder what's with the boxes of tube socks? 
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Posts: 46,308
Who will I break next? 15000+ posts
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Who will I break next? 15000+ posts
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 46,308 |
I think those were supposed to be sent to me.
November 6th, 2012: Americas new Independence Day.
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Timelord. Drunkard. 15000+ posts
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Timelord. Drunkard. 15000+ posts
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DEAR GOD,
CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL
HAVING CONSULTED WITH MY COLLEAGUES AND BASED ON THE INFORMATION GATHERED FROM THE NIGERIAN CHAMBERS OF COMMERCE AND INDUSTRY, I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO REQUEST FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO TRANSFER THE SUM OF $47,500,000.00 (FORTY SEVEN MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) INTO YOUR ACCOUNTS. THE ABOVE SUM RESULTED FROM AN OVER-INVOICED CONTRACT, EXECUTED COMMISSIONED AND PAID FOR ABOUT FIVE YEARS (5) AGO BY A FOREIGN CONTRACTOR. THIS ACTION WAS HOWEVER INTENTIONAL AND SINCE THEN THE FUND HAS BEEN IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT AT THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA APEX BANK.
WE ARE NOW READY TO TRANSFER THE FUND OVERSEAS AND THAT IS WHERE YOU COME IN. IT IS IMPORTANT TO INFORM YOU THAT AS CIVIL SERVANTS, WE ARE FORBIDDEN TO OPERATE A FOREIGN ACCOUNT; THAT IS WHY WE REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE. THE TOTAL SUM WILL BE SHARED AS FOLLOWS: 70% FOR US, 25% FOR YOU AND 5% FOR LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL EXPENSES INCIDENT TO THE TRANSFER.
THE TRANSFER IS RISK FREE ON BOTH SIDES. I AM AN ACCOUNTANT WITH THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION (NNPC). IF YOU FIND THIS PROPOSAL ACCEPTABLE, WE SHALL REQUIRE THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENTS:
(A) YOUR BANKER'S NAME, TELEPHONE, ACCOUNT AND FAX NUMBERS.
(B) YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS -- FOR CONFIDENTIALITY AND EASY COMMUNICATION.
(C) YOUR LETTER-HEADED PAPER STAMPED AND SIGNED.
ALTERNATIVELY WE WILL FURNISH YOU WITH THE TEXT OF WHAT TO TYPE INTO YOUR LETTER-HEADED PAPER, ALONG WITH A BREAKDOWN EXPLAINING, COMPREHENSIVELY WHAT WE REQUIRE OF YOU. THE BUSINESS WILL TAKE US THIRTY (30) WORKING DAYS TO ACCOMPLISH.
PLEASE REPLY URGENTLY.
BEST REGARDS
whomod said: I generally don't like it when people decide to play by the rules against people who don't play by the rules. It tends to put you immediately at a disadvantage and IMO is a sign of true weakness. This is true both in politics and on the internet." Our Friendly Neighborhood Ray-man said: "no, the doctor's right. besides, he has seniority."
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 19,633
I walk in eternity 15000+ posts
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OP
I walk in eternity 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 19,633 |
Quote:
thedoctor said:
DEAR GOD,
CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS PROPOSAL
HAVING CONSULTED WITH MY COLLEAGUES AND BASED ON THE INFORMATION GATHERED FROM THE NIGERIAN CHAMBERS OF COMMERCE AND INDUSTRY, I HAVE THE PRIVILEGE TO REQUEST FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE TO TRANSFER THE SUM OF $47,500,000.00 (FORTY SEVEN MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) INTO YOUR ACCOUNTS. THE ABOVE SUM RESULTED FROM AN OVER-INVOICED CONTRACT, EXECUTED COMMISSIONED AND PAID FOR ABOUT FIVE YEARS (5) AGO BY A FOREIGN CONTRACTOR. THIS ACTION WAS HOWEVER INTENTIONAL AND SINCE THEN THE FUND HAS BEEN IN A SUSPENSE ACCOUNT AT THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA APEX BANK.
WE ARE NOW READY TO TRANSFER THE FUND OVERSEAS AND THAT IS WHERE YOU COME IN. IT IS IMPORTANT TO INFORM YOU THAT AS CIVIL SERVANTS, WE ARE FORBIDDEN TO OPERATE A FOREIGN ACCOUNT; THAT IS WHY WE REQUIRE YOUR ASSISTANCE. THE TOTAL SUM WILL BE SHARED AS FOLLOWS: 70% FOR US, 25% FOR YOU AND 5% FOR LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL EXPENSES INCIDENT TO THE TRANSFER.
THE TRANSFER IS RISK FREE ON BOTH SIDES. I AM AN ACCOUNTANT WITH THE NIGERIAN NATIONAL PETROLEUM CORPORATION (NNPC). IF YOU FIND THIS PROPOSAL ACCEPTABLE, WE SHALL REQUIRE THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENTS:
(A) YOUR BANKER'S NAME, TELEPHONE, ACCOUNT AND FAX NUMBERS.
(B) YOUR PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS -- FOR CONFIDENTIALITY AND EASY COMMUNICATION.
(C) YOUR LETTER-HEADED PAPER STAMPED AND SIGNED.
ALTERNATIVELY WE WILL FURNISH YOU WITH THE TEXT OF WHAT TO TYPE INTO YOUR LETTER-HEADED PAPER, ALONG WITH A BREAKDOWN EXPLAINING, COMPREHENSIVELY WHAT WE REQUIRE OF YOU. THE BUSINESS WILL TAKE US THIRTY (30) WORKING DAYS TO ACCOMPLISH.
PLEASE REPLY URGENTLY.
BEST REGARDS
VERY good one, Doctor!
"I offer you a Vulcan prayer, Mr Suder. May your death bring you the peace you never found in life." - Tuvok.
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faggot 15000+ posts
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faggot 15000+ posts
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 24,106 |
Dear God,
How long have you been trying to find a way to get longer? Are you hard up for a hard on? Do you sometimes feel like your sex organs are screwing you?
Get a bigger penis today!!! With our all-natural topical creame ointment, you will have a larger and firmer penis in minutes! Just apply our special creame orally to your penis and rub in thoroughly. Watch your love life grow in front of your eyes! This is better than sea monkies!
please reply to BangYourBitchWithABiggerBoner@fuckmethoroughly.net
Old men, fear me! You will shatter under my ruthless apathetic assault!
Uschi - 2
Old Men - 0
"I am convinced that this world is of no importance, and that the only people who care about dates are imbeciles and Spanish teachers." -- Jean Arp, 1921
"If Jesus came back and saw what people are doing in his name, he would never never stop throwing up." - Max von Sydow, "Hannah and Her Sisters"
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 24,106
faggot 15000+ posts
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faggot 15000+ posts
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 24,106 |
well I thought it was good...
Old men, fear me! You will shatter under my ruthless apathetic assault!
Uschi - 2
Old Men - 0
"I am convinced that this world is of no importance, and that the only people who care about dates are imbeciles and Spanish teachers." -- Jean Arp, 1921
"If Jesus came back and saw what people are doing in his name, he would never never stop throwing up." - Max von Sydow, "Hannah and Her Sisters"
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 12,353
Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
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Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 12,353 |
Dear God,
What does God need with a starship?
Knutreturns said: Spoken like the true Greatest RDCW Champ!
All hail King Snarf!
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 19,633
I walk in eternity 15000+ posts
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OP
I walk in eternity 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 19,633 |
Quote:
King Snarf said:
Dear God,
What does God need with a starship?
Good one, King Snarf!!!
"I offer you a Vulcan prayer, Mr Suder. May your death bring you the peace you never found in life." - Tuvok.
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 6,747
I've got more guns than you. 6000+ posts
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I've got more guns than you. 6000+ posts
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 6,747 |
Dear God:
Who do you work for?
"Ah good. Now I'm on the internet clearly saying I like tranny cleavage. This shouldn't get me harassed at all." -- Lothar of the Hill People
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 14,896
10000+ posts
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10000+ posts
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 14,896 |
Dear God,
Why are all the cool people in Hell?
MisterJLA is RACKing awesome.
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15 |
Dear God:
Can I please have an Infinity Gauntlet, complete with six Infinity Gems?
I want the universe, and all of reality to bend and conform to my every wish.
Thanks,
MisterJLA
"Are you eating it...or is it eating you?" [center] ![[Linked Image from i13.photobucket.com]](http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a275/captainsammitch/boards/banners/blogban3.jpg) [/center] [center] ![[Linked Image from i13.photobucket.com]](http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a275/captainsammitch/boards/banners/jlamiska.jpg) [/center]
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 10,793 Likes: 3
Doog the MIGHTY 10000+ posts
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Doog the MIGHTY 10000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 10,793 Likes: 3 |
I knew you'd never be satisfied with modship.
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,236 Likes: 15 |
1,000 points for the Doog man
"Are you eating it...or is it eating you?" [center] [/center] [center] [/center]
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 6,236
The Swizzler.... 6000+ posts
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The Swizzler.... 6000+ posts
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 6,236 |
Dear God,
Thanks for getting me through the three week grad course that ends this Wednesday! Please be with all the hurting people in the world and grant them peace.
Love always,
Elisa
P.S. Please bring Pigsy back to the boards again!
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 60
25+ posts
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25+ posts
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Posts: 60 |
Quote:
Beardguy57 said:
Let's all E mail God! Tell him what you think! ask for stuff, like a new skateboard, a quisinart, or a working X wing fighter from Star Wars.
Dear God :
Hi, how's it going? I know you're a busy man, being God and all, but could you please stop people from killing each other? I know you want us to learn and grow and progress on our own, but this business in the middle east, and here in the US with guns, etc, is just going on and on and on...!!
Also, make everybody stop having to get sick, and old, and dying. I lost a great friend, and I really miss him, so if you could bring him back, and all the loved ones who have died and are missed by people all over the world, it'd make a LOT of people happy.
And please, stop making Star Wars action figures that break so easily!
Thanks!
Beardguy. ( Jerry )
You're not getting shit Jerry. And shorten that fucking sig.....it's stupid.
My Dad can beat up your Dad!
---------
"That boy has abs like Brian A. Ortiz." - Virtually everyone who's seen my midsection
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 60
25+ posts
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25+ posts
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 60 |
Quote:
PrincessElisa said:
Dear God,
Thanks for getting me through the three week grad course that ends this Wednesday! Please be with all the hurting people in the world and grant them peace.
Love always,
Elisa
P.S. Please bring Pigsy back to the boards again!
I am so dissapointed in you in so many different ways. Let me just say to you.......GET LAID PLEASE!!! And nobody gives a fcuk about you being a teacher. It's an easy fucking job. You aren't curing cancer.
My Dad can beat up your Dad!
---------
"That boy has abs like Brian A. Ortiz." - Virtually everyone who's seen my midsection
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 60
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Posts: 60 |
Quote:
Grimm said:
Dear Gob,
Stop torturing me, please. Thanks.
Your pal,
Grimm
No Problem.
My Dad can beat up your Dad!
---------
"That boy has abs like Brian A. Ortiz." - Virtually everyone who's seen my midsection
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 60
25+ posts
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25+ posts
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 60 |
Quote:
Lothar of The Hill People said:
Dear God
This planet would be a nice place if it wasn't for all the humans. Can you do something about that?
Thanks
Lothar
P.S. When were you going to tell Grimm about the yoknowwhat?
I'm working on it. Pretty soon this place will be shot to hell. And fuck grimm.
My Dad can beat up your Dad!
---------
"That boy has abs like Brian A. Ortiz." - Virtually everyone who's seen my midsection
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 13,392
[insert non-dated reference here] 10000+ posts
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[insert non-dated reference here] 10000+ posts
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 13,392 |
Dear God,
Thank you for giving me a penis. It rocks!
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 6,236
The Swizzler.... 6000+ posts
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The Swizzler.... 6000+ posts
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 6,236 |
Quote:
It's an easy fucking job. You aren't curing cancer.
Totally easy......care to switch places with me tomorrow?
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Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 14,896
10000+ posts
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10000+ posts
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 14,896 |
Dear Jesus,
...c'mon, you fucked Mary Magdalene, right?
MisterJLA is RACKing awesome.
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 19,633
I walk in eternity 15000+ posts
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OP
I walk in eternity 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 19,633 |
I still want to know just why God needs a starship?
"I offer you a Vulcan prayer, Mr Suder. May your death bring you the peace you never found in life." - Tuvok.
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Posts: 6,747
I've got more guns than you. 6000+ posts
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I've got more guns than you. 6000+ posts
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 6,747 |
So he and you can fly into the night and make sweet, sweet love for all of eternity. You happy now?
"Ah good. Now I'm on the internet clearly saying I like tranny cleavage. This shouldn't get me harassed at all." -- Lothar of the Hill People
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So God is Basically Barry White?
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