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Your death will make me king! 15000+ posts
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Your death will make me king! 15000+ posts
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Cuz this forum is all about that ladies...
iVillage
Love & Sex
10 Things He's Afraid to Hear You Say
Ever wonder what guys talk about when we're not around? Here's your chance to eavesdrop. iVillage and AskMen.com have joined forces to reveal what's really on guys' minds ‑- and just how bluntly they discuss it. Welcome inside the men's locker room.
Ever wonder what guys talk about when we're not around? Here's your chance to eavesdrop. iVillage and AskMen.com have joined forces to reveal what's really on guys' minds ‑- and just how bluntly they discuss it. Welcome inside the men's locker room.
10. I've been thinking...
If she actually tells you she's been thinking, it's serious. And you can bet it involves marriage, cohabitation or the bitter end. It can take many forms, such as: "Why do you love me?" and "Have you ever thought about the future?" Again, have a brilliant exit plan at hand. A severed finger, for instance.
9. Be a man.
Nothing is quite as injurious as having your very manhood questioned. You could give in to her shame tactics and do what she wants, or deflect it by saying, "How about you be a woman and quit nagging?"
8. My parents want to meet you.
This means two things:
* The relationship has crossed an important milestone of seriousness.
* You're about to be psychologically cavity-searched under the family microscope.
All you can do is hope her father doesn't mention that he has some rusty wire cutters he wants to put to use.
7. I have a headache.
That means no action for you tonight, buddy. But you can beat her to it. If you sense she's particularly tired when you're horny, give her an unsolicited aspirin and hope for the best.
6. That's not the way my ex did it.
You never talk about your ex in front of her. So you obviously weren't prepared for this. Now you're being measured against the man she dumped. Ouch. Defend yourself, quickly.
5. What are you thinking about?
Women are curious. They need to know your every thought, feeling, hunch and inkling. Men, on the other hand, don't like to discuss and explore everything; we're content to keep quiet.
4. Do you find her pretty?
She already caught you looking at that mind-blowing blonde that walked by, no matter how covert your glance. So if you say "no," she'll know you're lying and an argument will ensue. This is the time for very artful tact, such as, "Kind of, her ass is huge." Now pray.
3. Do you notice anything different about me?
You know you're in trouble if you don't. And the longer you take to answer, the more frustrated she'll become, which makes you more frantic. And when you finally bellow, "Oh, you got a new haircut!" she storms out, throwing her new earrings on the floor.
2. My friend is pregnant/engaged.
This seems harmless enough, until you catch that thinly veiled hint of disappointment in her voice. At this point, you know she really means, "When will we be engaged/pregnant?" Be prepared with an expert diversion at this point, such as faking a seizure. Unfortunately, nothing will help you when she comes at you with the even more chilling, "I'm pregnant." Good luck, buddy.
1. We need to talk.
What everyone should know about these words is that no good news ever follows. These four ominous words signal a problem with the relationship. Expect a breakup, or at the very least a long talk about how you're not meeting her needs. Either way, it's not pleasant. And there is little you can do to avoid it. And though this one is a real bruiser, nothing is quite as caustic, as savage, as utterly cataclysmic as, "Do you think I'm fat?" You're on your own.
A rite of passage
While no man likes to hear any of the aforementioned phrases, every man will, at some point, endure them. The best you can do is be prepared.
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Joined: Jan 2003
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Your death will make me king! 15000+ posts
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OP
Your death will make me king! 15000+ posts
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I agree with the content, but personally I'd reorder the list.
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cookie monster 7500+ posts
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cookie monster 7500+ posts
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Some of its true.
That last one though - "we need to talk" - is bad no matter who says it.
 Dear, sweet Harley Kwink...I'm madly in love with you. Marry me! We can go to Canadia. Or Boston or something. It'll be grand...You know the cookies are a given. They are ALWAYS a given. You could dump me tomorrow and you'd still get the cookies. Boston..shit, wherever dyke weddings were legalized. And where better to rub their little piggie noses in how bad they suck than right on their doorstep? What are they gonna do? Be jealous of you? Stare furiously at your tah-tahs? Not willingly give you cookies, but instead begrudgingly give you their cookies? Woman, time to wake up to the powers you wield - Uschi
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living in 1962 15000+ posts
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living in 1962 15000+ posts
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Yah. "we need to talk" is always bad and usually the end.
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kung-fu treachery 5000+ posts
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kung-fu treachery 5000+ posts
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He tastes of America 15000+ posts
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I'm so used to "We need to talk" that it doesn't bother me as much as comparing me with the ex while still in the relationship. That irks the shit outta me.
He fixes the cable?
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cookie monster 7500+ posts
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cookie monster 7500+ posts
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Ok, seriously, that's one of the things I raised my eyebrow at. Who the fuck does really does that? That's a fuckin' moron, right there.
Dear, sweet Harley Kwink...I'm madly in love with you. Marry me! We can go to Canadia. Or Boston or something. It'll be grand...You know the cookies are a given. They are ALWAYS a given. You could dump me tomorrow and you'd still get the cookies. Boston..shit, wherever dyke weddings were legalized. And where better to rub their little piggie noses in how bad they suck than right on their doorstep? What are they gonna do? Be jealous of you? Stare furiously at your tah-tahs? Not willingly give you cookies, but instead begrudgingly give you their cookies? Woman, time to wake up to the powers you wield - Uschi
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We already are 15000+ posts
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We already are 15000+ posts
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Quote:
harleykwin said:
Ok, seriously, that's one of the things I raised my eyebrow at. Who the fuck does really does that? That's a fuckin' moron, right there.
wqe need to talk.....or comparing?
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cookie monster 7500+ posts
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cookie monster 7500+ posts
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The comparing one. Everyone has uttered "we need to talk" - that's, like, the universal heads up that you're gonna dump someone.
The other one, the comparison one that TK mentioned - only an absolute asshole would do that - you may think it - but to utter such stupidity outloud is another thing entirely. If a bf ever compared me negatively to an ex, there would be fuckin' hell to pay - and its no better if a woman does it to a man.
Dear, sweet Harley Kwink...I'm madly in love with you. Marry me! We can go to Canadia. Or Boston or something. It'll be grand...You know the cookies are a given. They are ALWAYS a given. You could dump me tomorrow and you'd still get the cookies. Boston..shit, wherever dyke weddings were legalized. And where better to rub their little piggie noses in how bad they suck than right on their doorstep? What are they gonna do? Be jealous of you? Stare furiously at your tah-tahs? Not willingly give you cookies, but instead begrudgingly give you their cookies? Woman, time to wake up to the powers you wield - Uschi
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Joined: May 2003
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We already are 15000+ posts
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We already are 15000+ posts
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yeah no good comes out of it.....the other person can always say "then go be with that person"
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He tastes of America 15000+ posts
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He tastes of America 15000+ posts
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That's what I did! "Then you go be with fucking Kyle... what the fuck."
He fixes the cable?
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cookie monster 7500+ posts
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cookie monster 7500+ posts
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Dear, sweet Harley Kwink...I'm madly in love with you. Marry me! We can go to Canadia. Or Boston or something. It'll be grand...You know the cookies are a given. They are ALWAYS a given. You could dump me tomorrow and you'd still get the cookies. Boston..shit, wherever dyke weddings were legalized. And where better to rub their little piggie noses in how bad they suck than right on their doorstep? What are they gonna do? Be jealous of you? Stare furiously at your tah-tahs? Not willingly give you cookies, but instead begrudgingly give you their cookies? Woman, time to wake up to the powers you wield - Uschi
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Joined: Oct 2002
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He tastes of America 15000+ posts
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He tastes of America 15000+ posts
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Is that the name of some new form of birth control?
He fixes the cable?
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cookie monster 7500+ posts
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cookie monster 7500+ posts
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Oh, you know what i was trying to say, don't bust my chops over this... 
Dear, sweet Harley Kwink...I'm madly in love with you. Marry me! We can go to Canadia. Or Boston or something. It'll be grand...You know the cookies are a given. They are ALWAYS a given. You could dump me tomorrow and you'd still get the cookies. Boston..shit, wherever dyke weddings were legalized. And where better to rub their little piggie noses in how bad they suck than right on their doorstep? What are they gonna do? Be jealous of you? Stare furiously at your tah-tahs? Not willingly give you cookies, but instead begrudgingly give you their cookies? Woman, time to wake up to the powers you wield - Uschi
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Joined: Oct 2002
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He tastes of America 15000+ posts
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He tastes of America 15000+ posts
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I'll bust on you wherever I please!
He fixes the cable?
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cookie monster 7500+ posts
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cookie monster 7500+ posts
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Dear, sweet Harley Kwink...I'm madly in love with you. Marry me! We can go to Canadia. Or Boston or something. It'll be grand...You know the cookies are a given. They are ALWAYS a given. You could dump me tomorrow and you'd still get the cookies. Boston..shit, wherever dyke weddings were legalized. And where better to rub their little piggie noses in how bad they suck than right on their doorstep? What are they gonna do? Be jealous of you? Stare furiously at your tah-tahs? Not willingly give you cookies, but instead begrudgingly give you their cookies? Woman, time to wake up to the powers you wield - Uschi
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He tastes of America 15000+ posts
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He fixes the cable?
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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"I'm gonna cut your penis."
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Fair Play! 15000+ posts
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Fair Play! 15000+ posts
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Stuff like this makes me happy to be gay!
Fair play!
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Tabarnak! 6000+ posts
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Tabarnak! 6000+ posts
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Quote:
Matter-eater Man said:
Stuff like this makes me happy to be gay!
Because most gay men are twice as bitchy?
If karma's a bitch, it will be my bitch!
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cookie monster 7500+ posts
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cookie monster 7500+ posts
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Quote:
klinton said:
Quote:
Matter-eater Man said:
Stuff like this makes me happy to be gay!
Because most gay men are twice as bitchy?
Daaaaaamn.... lol
Dear, sweet Harley Kwink...I'm madly in love with you. Marry me! We can go to Canadia. Or Boston or something. It'll be grand...You know the cookies are a given. They are ALWAYS a given. You could dump me tomorrow and you'd still get the cookies. Boston..shit, wherever dyke weddings were legalized. And where better to rub their little piggie noses in how bad they suck than right on their doorstep? What are they gonna do? Be jealous of you? Stare furiously at your tah-tahs? Not willingly give you cookies, but instead begrudgingly give you their cookies? Woman, time to wake up to the powers you wield - Uschi
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Fair Play! 15000+ posts
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Fair Play! 15000+ posts
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Quote:
klinton said:
Quote:
Matter-eater Man said:
Stuff like this makes me happy to be gay!
Because most gay men are twice as bitchy?
I forget. I'm lucky that my boyfriend & I are not like most couples, whatever their orientation.
Fair play!
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I'm transginger 25+ posts
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I'm transginger 25+ posts
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Quote:
Im Not Mister Mxypltk said:
"I'm gonna cut your penis."
Fireman! You're supposed to call it a fireman or Drzsmith's gonna spank you!
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500+ posts
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How the hell does "I'm pregnant" not get top billing?
Holy shit...
Bob Burden said:
Pie for the pirates,
wine for the dogs.
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希望の戦士 2000+ posts
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希望の戦士 2000+ posts
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Because that's not scary at all. At least not to me, or Pariah or Snarf.
Last edited by McGurk; 2005-10-08 5:00 AM.
There is no version of this where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes, and maybe it’s too much for us, but it’s all on you. Because if we can’t protect the Earth, you can be damn well sure we’ll avenge it.
Hello?
Put Natasha on the phone.
Who is this?
This is her fucking son's father. Who is this?
This is her fucking son.
..........oh.......
Call back in 20 minutes. *click*
Boy, you could get lost in a sky like that. I wish I had those balloons again.
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Your death will make me king! 15000+ posts
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OP
Your death will make me king! 15000+ posts
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Well, Pariah's gay, so that part makes sense...
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200+ posts
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The scariest thing I could ever hear a woman say is "Son, you have to move out of the basement."
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faggot 15000+ posts
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faggot 15000+ posts
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How about, "I was born a man."
Old men, fear me! You will shatter under my ruthless apathetic assault!
Uschi - 2
Old Men - 0
"I am convinced that this world is of no importance, and that the only people who care about dates are imbeciles and Spanish teachers." -- Jean Arp, 1921
"If Jesus came back and saw what people are doing in his name, he would never never stop throwing up." - Max von Sydow, "Hannah and Her Sisters"
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Rex would shit himself if his girlfriend said anything to him.
I think we would all shit ourselves if our socks started speaking though!
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Educator to comprehension impaired (JLA, that is you) 50000+ posts
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Evan "Wallace" 25+ posts
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The key is to be armed with "I'm glad to hear you say that, because I am not a millionaire."
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Quote:
britneyspearsatemyshorts said:
it's true!
Its damn true!
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1000+ posts
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i liked this article! good job!
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