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Music Industry Unveils New Piracy-Proof Format:
A Black, Plastic Disc With Grooves On It


    Music bosses have unveiled a revolutionary new recording format that they hope will help win the war on illegal file sharing which is thought to be costing the industry millions of dollars in lost revenue.

    Nicknamed the 'Record', the new format takes the form of a black, vinyl disc measuring 12 inches in diameter, which must be played on a specially designed 'turntable'.

    "We can state with absolute certainty that no computer in the world can access the data on this disc," said spokesman Brett Campbell. "We are also confident that no-one is going to be able to produce pirate copies in this format without going to a heck of a lot of trouble. This is without doubt the best anti-piracy invention the music industry has ever seen."

    As part of the invention's rigorous testing process,the designers gave some discs to a group of teenage computer experts who regularly use file swapping software such as Limewire and Gnutella and who admit to pirating music CDs.

    Despite several days of trying, none of them were able to hack into the disc's code or access any of the music files contained within it.

    "It's like, really big and stuff," said Doug Flamboise, one of the testers.

    "I couldn't get it into any of my drives. I mean, what format is it? Is it, like, from France or something?"

    Invention: Teenage computer hackers struggled to access the new disc.

    In the new format, raw audio data in the form of music is encoded by physically etching grooves onto the vinyl disc. The sound is thus translated into variations on the disc's surface in a process that industry insiders are describing as 'completely revolutionary' and 'stunningly clever.'

    To decode the data stored on the disc, the listener must use a special player which contains a 'needle' that runs along the grooves on the record surface, reading the indentations and transforming the movements back into audio that can be fed through loudspeakers.

    Even Shawn Fanning, the man who invented Napster, admits the new format will make file swapping much more difficult. "I've never seen anything like this," he told reporters. "How does it work?"

    Pirates: Their days are numbered.

    As rumours that a Taiwanese company has been secretly developing a 12 inch wide, turntable-driven, needle-based, firewire drive remain unconfirmed, it would appear that the music industry may, at last, have found the pirate-proof format it has long been searching for.



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Quote:

The Time Trust said:
"We are also confident that no-one is going to be able to produce pirate copies in this format without going to a heck of a lot of trouble."



And then one person goes to a heck of a lot of trouble, gets it in an mp3 format, and shares it with everyone else.
If they want to increase sales, they should make the product worth buying.


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Yeah, cause plugging a record deck into a PC and ripping it is so much work!

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...this is a joke, right?

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Of course, its just not as funny when you know how easy it is to rip a record to a PC!

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Laugh, clown, laugh.

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Fuck off cunt!

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Quote:

Prometheus said:
...this is a joke, right?




April fools was 4 days ago.

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Uh, I was told there would be no math involved...

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Go count the hairs on your head!

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Quote:

Nowhereman said:
Of course [it's a joke], its just not as funny when you know how easy it is to rip a record to a PC!





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Quote:

the G-man said:
Quote:

Nowhereman said:
Of course [it's a joke], its just not as funny when you know how easy it is to rip a record to a PC!








sadly this does not include you.

though it sounds like a shit idea vinyl does sound a whole lot better then compressed disc.


And, to be fair, one of my favorite friends there is blind and I take every opportunity available to make fun of that and we're still friends. That guy never fit there. He never got the spirit of the RKMBs. We're gonna keep an eye on the obits, see if he finally left or if he really did have a heart attack.
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Yep, all those crackling noises sound so much better!

I used to buy a lot of vinyl back in the late 80s/early 90s and it was very hit or miss!
Some would crackle from the first time you played them, others had grooves so close together, that they were muffled or the needle would slide across the disc.
And then, when I bought a top notch turntable, barely anything, new or old, would play without skipping cause new decks were too fucking sensitive and the arms were way too light.
The only way to get records to play was putting a penny on top of the stylus to weigh it down!

Vinyl sucked arse on so many levels!

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Quote:

Nowhereman said:
Yep, all those crackling noises sound so much better!

I used to buy a lot of vinyl back in the late 80s/early 90s and it was very hit or miss!
Some would crackle from the first time you played them, others had grooves so close together, that they were muffled or the needle would slide across the disc.
And then, when I bought a top notch turntable, barely anything, new or old, would play without skipping cause new decks were too fucking sensitive and the arms were way too light.
The only way to get records to play was putting a penny on top of the stylus to weigh it down!

Vinyl sucked arse on so many levels!



mastering is the first issue with vinyl as is with compressed disc. i just purchased badmotorfinger on vinyl and it sound a whole lot better thent eh cd. well a top notch table isn't the only thing for good sound. also have to consider the toner, amp, receiver, and shit speakers. a new receiver compared to a vintage one is going to sound like shit by itself. newer dac is crap. plus a top notch table from what the average person recommends compared to what a vinyl junky would suggest are extremely different.


And, to be fair, one of my favorite friends there is blind and I take every opportunity available to make fun of that and we're still friends. That guy never fit there. He never got the spirit of the RKMBs. We're gonna keep an eye on the obits, see if he finally left or if he really did have a heart attack.
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None of thats stops crackling, skipping and muffled sound.
I'd rather listen to a CD cause you dont get all those horrible little noises you get with vinyl!

Vinyl is very dependent on the pressing, and there is a lot more variance between copies because of the basic nature of the beast.

A CD is a CD is a CD, but a whole lotta stuff can be different from one vinyl copy to another!

As for the toner and emp etc, thats the same for a CD, just as it is for vinyl!

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Quote:

sneaky bunny said:
Quote:

Nowhereman said:
Yep, all those crackling noises sound so much better!

I used to buy a lot of vinyl back in the late 80s/early 90s and it was very hit or miss!
Some would crackle from the first time you played them, others had grooves so close together, that they were muffled or the needle would slide across the disc.
And then, when I bought a top notch turntable, barely anything, new or old, would play without skipping cause new decks were too fucking sensitive and the arms were way too light.
The only way to get records to play was putting a penny on top of the stylus to weigh it down!

Vinyl sucked arse on so many levels!



mastering is the first issue with vinyl as is with compressed disc. i just purchased badmotorfinger on vinyl and it sound a whole lot better thent eh cd. well a top notch table isn't the only thing for good sound. also have to consider the toner, amp, receiver, and shit speakers. a new receiver compared to a vintage one is going to sound like shit by itself. newer dac is crap. plus a top notch table from what the average person recommends compared to what a vinyl junky would suggest are extremely different.




do you ever realize how much BS you make up just to justify your positions?

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And, to be fair, one of my favorite friends there is blind and I take every opportunity available to make fun of that and we're still friends. That guy never fit there. He never got the spirit of the RKMBs. We're gonna keep an eye on the obits, see if he finally left or if he really did have a heart attack.
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Quote:

sneaky bunny said:
uh huh.

you get a shitload of back noise and crackling with CDs. most people don't notice this cause their dumb and don't know what he fuck their buying when they get speakers or headphones. a decent pair of iolating senns brings that shit out hard.

but enjoy your overly compressed crap.



Thats is the most laughable thing you have ever posted!

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i cant believe there are people so fucking dumb that they buy speakers that dont have back noise and crackling

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As we all know, I'm old. At this point, I have about twenty years worth of experience with vinyl records and twenty years worth with CDs. And there is no contest. CDs are better.

I remember when CDs came out. The reason that people embraced the technology wasn't because someone held a gun to their heads and forced them to start purchasing those little plastic discs.

The reason was that the vast majority of people appreciated the fact that they didn't get all that crackling and back noise that they got with vinyl.

In Sneaky's defense, even twenty years ago, there were (a very small number of) people who insisted that vinyl created a "warmer" sound which those people found more pleasant.

Of course, however, that's simply a matter of taste. And it was wholly irrelevant to the fact that vinyl was more prone to distortions, crackling, back noise, etc., than the digital format.

So, Nowie and, of course, BSAMS win.

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Its not an argument on what sounds clearer. But there is an argument on what sounds better. There are an asston of critically acclaimed industry professionals and performers that prefer a vinyl sound.

Fucking hilarious btw, Triple T.


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Quote:

Fused said:
Its not an argument on what sounds clearer.




see sneaky we were right, fused is a jap so he knows his electronic stuff!

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tis true

lawl



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