RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Scammiversary

Before the ppv, we see a live video feed where Mike Monroe announces that a free pre-show match will be shown before the ppv!

Free pre-show match!

The English Bastards vs. Ryan & James Fantastic!


Following the pre-show match, the Scammiversary opening video montage plays reviewing the events leading up the ppv. Following the montage, Mike "The Mouth" Monroe and Madman MarcuM run down the card for the viewers at home.

Ghost Hog vs. Big Pimp Tim!


6 Person Tag
The Otaku (BFE, Hiro, & Ramada) vs. The MWO (Spamm, Nova, & Syxxty-Nine)


Steel Cage Match
Balls Nasty vs. Chewy Walrus!

What's the C.A.T.C.H.?
King Snarf vs. Johnny Evil!


Chained Fury Match
*The ring ropes will be replaced by chains, the turnbuckle pads will be removed, and the two competitors will be chained together by dog collars!
Grimm vs. Krazed!


World Heavyweight Championship

Joe Mama (C) vs. Captain Sammitch!

"Ode to Joy" begins to play as the GM, Doc Paragon, makes his way to ringside and climbs into the ring. Paragon takes the mic from James White and addresses the crowd.

DP: Good evening, and welcome to Slammiversary!

The fans roar in approval.

DP: I'm not going to take up much of your time out here tonight. We've got a fantastic series of bouts headed your way and I know you're as anxious as I am to get to them!

But first, I just wanted to announce that yes, the rumors are true and tonight the RDCW Hall of Fame is born!

The fans go wild, as do Monroe & MarcuM.

DP: Tonight, you will see Nowhereman, thedoctor, Louie Bastardo, and Son of Mxy become the very first entrants into the Hall of Fame! You will hear from these superstars throughout the evening. Now, back to the show!

"Ode to Joy" plays again as Paragon returns to the back.

Monroe: The Hall of Fame, Madman!

MarcuM: It's about damn time!

"Faded" plays as Joe Mama makes his way to the ring, mic already in hand. He pauses to admire one fan's "MisterJLA Sold Out!!!" sign, then take a Sharpie from another fans and scrawls "Paul Mandral" across the "MisterJLA". That finished, he enters the ring.

JM: Captain Sammitch, I was all set to gloat over the way Havok ended last week. I had a whole speech prepared describing what you had to look forward to tonight. But a little something happened over the course of a week. Y'see, I was watching tape of our matches, and most of the others that you've been in. I studied hours of footage to find any common thread in your matches that would give me a better insight into beating you. I paid special attention to our Best Of Three Falls series, the greatest set of matches you ever had! And do you know what I discovered? Do you know what every damn match you ever fought had in common?

The Champ points at the crowd and turns a slow circuit around the ring.

JM: These people. In every match you've ever been in, you've gone out of your way to acknowledge the crowd. It never mattered if you were fighting one-on-one against some jobber, defending a title, or fighting to win the most prestigious belt that this promotion has to offer. Every damn time, you just had to play up to the crowd. And, last week, your opponent walked into the ring, looked you in the face, and then played you like a common rookie. Did you REALLY think I'd graciously hand you MY title - the Heavyweight Cheese Championship that I have bled for, the belt that I made great - and let you give these peons some kind of photo op? Did you honestly believe for a moment that I'd belittle this belt, myself, and everything I've ever fought for so that you could live some childhood fantasy and get your picture taken by these people? Did that REALLY run through your mind???

The fact of the matter is this: you need these fans. You need their cheers. You need the pops that they give you. You desperately crave their love. And THAT is the crux of why you will lose tonight, and why you aren't fit to be the Heavyweight Cheese Champion. You need this belt because, in your mind, it seals a covenant between yourself and the sheep that pay to see us. If you hold this title, then the fans just HAVE to love you! But let me tell you a secret. Let me pass along a lesson that you've avoided for so long. Come a little closer...

The camera pans in closer...

JM: Sammitch, these fans? They don't give a damn about you. They never have, and they never will!

The crowd, for the most part, is alternately booing and chanting "Cap-tain Samm-itch!!!" Joe Mama surveys the crowd, grinning and nodding. He almost seems to be soaking up the fans' reaction.

Monroe: That's crap! These fans love Captain Sammitch!

Marcum: I dunno, Monroe. These fans aren't as loud as they usually are...

It's true. The majority of the fans are lustily booing Joe Mama, but not nearly everyone. Quite a few aren't reacting at all, including the one with the MisterJLA sign that the Champ "corrected".

JM: You hear that? Do you hear these fans? They're not booing because what I said was wrong. Some of them do genuinely support you. But there are a LOT of people out there booing because what I'm telling you is the gospel truth and they don't want to own up to it. They don't want you to stop playing up to them. They still want to be recognized. They like that they have enough control over you that you'll always beg for their cheers, their pops, their love! But have no illusions, Sammitch, once they get tired of the same ol' same ol' from you, they'll toss you aside the way they tossed aside PenWing and the Triple Set and MisterJLA and the IV and every other wrestler who ever enjoyed the adoration only to stand, bewildered, the moment the love disappeared. At some point, the guy they loved for his Stairway To Hell victory will become the guy who won that match by dodging wrestlers instead of giving 100% and taking out one of his opponents along the way. And when you stop being the babyface champion of fairplay and "doing your best", and start being thought of as soft and complacent and redundant, these people will turn on you lightning-fast. Ask Chris Oakley or Pig Iron. Oh wait, you can't: one's out of wrestling and the other's dead!

Sammitch, the minute you start listening to everything these fans tell you...the moment that these people dictate your actions and your career, you're dead in the water. Do you think, if people like Nowhereman and Doc and Louie Bastardo acceded to these fans' every wishes, they'd be in the first Hall Of Fame class? Do you honestly believe that Doc Paragon pays attention to even ten percent of what he hears or reads from them? NO!!! That's the point, Sammitch! That's why they're the best! Because they heard the cries and demands of the RDCW fans and did what they knew was right! And do you know what happened? The fans ate it up! Oh, there were plenty of times that they booed their black hearts out. But you know damn well that they paid their admission the next chance they got. They tuned in the following week without fail! And WHY? Because they loved to hate those people! Because they were dying to see what would happen next! Because the truth is, they don't even want what they demand from us! They want what we give 'em: the spectacle and the risk of injury...they want us - ALL of us! - to sweat and bleed and cry for their entertainment. They're no different from the crowds that packed the Coliseums and watched as gladiators destroyed each other for no more than their Emperor's thumb raised in their favor.

And, eventually, Sammitch, they'll deny you that love you need so bad. Sooner or later, you'll look up, waiting for those thumbs to raise. And what will you do when every thumb in the arena in point DOWN at you? What is your plan for the day that the fans stop buying your act and the SAME DAMN MATCH every time you enter a ring?

That's the difference between you and I. Sure, I acknowledge the crowd. I'll occasionally interact with them and sign their crap and take a picture with them. I know the game...how to make them love you just enough to buy your T-shirts and pay-per-views. But I know the truth about these fickle fans. That's why I'll never be the face that you are. That's why I'll never be too good to lay out some chump with a steel chair or a baseball bat. IT'S WHY, IF I'D BEEN IN THE STAIRWAY TO HELL MATCH, THAT - WIN OR LOSE - I'D HAVE EVERY OPPONENT'S BLOOD ON ME AT THE END!!! These fans eat up everything I do, and everything I say! Do you see anyone making ANY move to leave their seats???

The camera pans over the crowd. Some people are sitting in stunned silence. Some are still booing. Others are cheering. But no one is leaving.

JM: Whether I'm Heavyweight Cheese Champion, or not even in the title hunt, these people hang on every word I say. I'm one of the guys who carries this promotion because I don't need these people to motivate me. I don't depend on their love and adoration. I'm gonna do what I want to do when I want to do it and these fans will love every moment, whether they admit it or not. The only thing that motivates me is this title belt, and that's EXACTLY the way these people want it.

I'm a CHAMPION, Sammitch. You're a CHEAPION. Deal with it. Learn from it. You can argue my points or agree in hopes of appeasing me, but everyone - ESPECIALLY these fans! - knows what I'm saying is the truth! And remember this: At the height of the RDCW's popularity, it was the Bastardo Family who held most of the titles and packed asses in those seats, not the Sudden Death Connection. You guys were made by these fans and raised by these fans because they needed a faction to run counter to us and feed their own egos and hubris! Once they stop needing you, Sammitch, they'll toss you away like some broken toy. And what will you do then?

Joe Mama takes another moment to soak in the crowd reaction.

JM: Class dismissed, Sammitch. See you later.

"Faded" starts up again, and Joe Mama casually drops the microphone. He walks out of the ring and up the ramp, barely acknowledging the crowd, snubbing the love AND the hate. He doesn't look back as he gets to the top of the ramp...without pausing, he walks out back.

Monroe: Strong, terrible words from the Heavyweight Cheese Champion, Marcum.

Marcum: I...I don't know what to say. I feel like someone's punched me in the stomach.

Monroe: There's no way Captain Sammitch doesn't respond to that...that tirade! The fans love him and he loves these fans! There's no way he lets those comments stand. The only thing those comment will do is fire the challenger up!

Marcum: But, Monroe...he wasn't wrong. Nothing Joe Mama said was a lie...even Sammitch has to know that. That's the worst thing...Jesus, Monroe, Joe Mama just poisoned this entire arena...

"Come with me" begins to play to the delight of the fans. Krazed comes strolling down the ramp. He high-fives a few fans who have chairs with Grimms face crossed out on them. He grabs the mic:

Krazed: Hows it going peoples....? (screams in the audience) I missed you all. They havent scheduled me for a match in a while. I guess they wanted me fresh for SCAMMI-FUCKING-VERSARY!

he pauses to take in the audience

And that can be nothing but bad news for my opponent: Grandpa Grimm. Now look man. I dont enjoy beating the hell out of senior citizens. But after what you did to Jeremy last week I just thought you should know that I'm not gonna hold back. You crossed some lines with that stunt. NO ONE takes a member of my squad out! Especially when he hasnt even got my damn soda yet! So look. I know that while your watching this, drinking your pomegranate juice, your trying to figure out what dark and scary "oh i work for the devil. sold your soul-can't get it back" bullshit to come up with in retaliation.

crowd laughs

Nobody cares about that. No one is scared of you "Gramps" cept maybe that fag Josephine Mother (who talks waaay too much by the way). So heres what im gonna do for you. Im gonna kick your ass so bad tonight that you'll be begging to retire. Here:

I even found a place for you... So, besides this ass whoppin your about to get, dont say I never gave you anything...

he drops the mic and walks back up the ramp...

*We go to the Otaku's locker room.*

BFE: So, do you know what this C.A.T.C.H. match is?

JE: It doesn't matter, I'll win because I know what's at stake.

Ariel: WHAT DO YOU MEAN!?

*JE pulls out a DVD.*

JE: It just so happens I have this, which explains everything...

*JE puts the DVD into a player and we see JE and the Otaku hanging out by the pool of a huge mansion.*

JE: Ahhh, another lovely day at the Otaku compound!

*A well-dressed butler walks over to JE and the others.*

Butler: You have unexpected guests.

JE: Really? Who?

*The camera pans over and a large number of men are walking toward the pool. All of them looks like wrestlers dressed as kings.*

Butler: It is my pleasure to introduce the assembled Kings of Wrestling!

*One of the kings steps forward.*

King 1: Greetings, Johnny Evil. We are all in awe of your phenomenal talent and would like to bestow upon you the title of King King!

BFE: King King?

Ariel: IT MAKES AS MUCH SENSE AS BATTLEWAR CHAMPION!

King 3 (That's right, I skipped King 2. Eat it!): There's one problem though, one wrestler with "king" in his name refuses to acknowledge your ascension. You must defeat him in a match at Scammiversary.

JE: Who is it?

King 12(eat it kings 4-11!): King Snarf.

JE: Ha! That won't be a problem!

King 6 (fine, I felt sorry for the guy): It has to be in a match of his choosing though.

JE: It doesn't matter! Nothing will stop me from being King King!

*And we go to a commercial. No, wait! It's a match in progress! Two men in masks are attacking JE one has "Rumble" on his costume and the other has "Grumble".*

MarcuM: Oh no! Team hunger is relentlessly attacking Johnny Evil!

*JE gets away from them and tags the outstretched hand of a man in a white chef's outfit.*

Monroe: He's tagged in his partner, Chef Boyardee!

*JE and Chef Boyardee fight back against team hunger!*

MarcuM: When Johnny Evil has a partner like Chef Boyardee, Team Hunger doesn't stand a chance!

*JE hits Grumble with his neckbreaker that he keeps changing the name of and Chef Boyardee picks up Rumble and drops him.*

Monroe: Chef Boyardee bodyslams hunger!

MarcuM: Johnny Evil and Chef Boyardee have Team Hunger down for the count!

*JE is shown holding a can of ravioli.*

JE: Hey kids! You can order your own Battlewar Championship belt with 50 proofs of purchase from specially marked cans! See store display for details!

*We go back to the locker room.*

Ariel: THAT MADE NO SENSE!

JE: What do you mean?

BFE: Why would we ask you about it if we were there?

Ariel: THE WHOLE "ASSEMBLED KINGS OF WRESTLING" THING MAKES NO SENSE!

BFE: What's a King King?

Ariel: WHY WOULD THERE BE A RAVIOLI COMMERCIAL DURING A PAY-PER-VIEW!?

*JE turns to Hiro.*

JE: Do you have any complaints?

*Hiro rolls his eyes and turns away.*

JE: Look, I'd explain everything, but you guys have a match to get ready for. So, get dressed and do your stretching and stuff and I'll enjoy some Chef Boyardee ravioli. Man, are they paying me a lot of money to shill this crap!

*The segment ends.*

*Backstage, Robin Lucious is with Grimm.

RL: Grimm, your response to Krazed's comments from earlier.

*Grimm attempts to supress a chuckle.

Grimm: My response. Heh. My response. You're going to see my response to Krazed in the ring when I pick up where I left off in the Stairway to Hell. There'll be no running away in the middle of the match this week.

Krazed is running scared. Hiding behind sheer bravado. He's upset that he's one man short after I wiped his sodabitch off of the map last week, and he knows he's next. He saw what I did to J. He saw that after his little attack, I still got up and left the CheeseDome under my own power. He knows what's in store for him. After tonight, it's gonna be 2 for 2, and if Big Pimp Tim manages to get past Ghost Hog and wants to try me, I'm ready for him, too. Maybe we can get all three of you matching hospital beds.

RL: You sound very focused tonight, Grimm. Almost a complete change in demeanor from previous weeks. What's about this newfound clarity?

Grimm: Well, it's very simple, Robin. Recently someone came back into my life and has helped me regain something I lost in my time away from the ring. My focus. I was bouncing around, letting my opponents call my shots. Not caring if I won or lost matches. Getting carried away with carnage for it's own sake. A runaway train with no driver. No more. Now I'm directed. Focused. The train has a driver. Even scarier if you knew who that was.

RL: You've formed something of an alliance with Joe Mama recently as well. We've also seen him speaking to a mysterious individual. Could this be the same person you're referring to?

Grimm: That's none of your damn business.

RL: Oookay. . .

Grimm: Tonight, it's chains, blood, and glory. For me. For Krazed, it's broken bones, pain, and the agony of defeat. This is blood for blood and by the gallon. These are the old days, the bad days, the all-or-nothing days. They're back! There's no choice left. And I'm ready for war.


*Grimm turns and walks off camera.

*The Cheese-o-tron is is filled with the image of the Roboken State Penitentiary. The camera pans right to find Balls Nasty standing just inside the barbed wire fence.*

I've spent most of my life with people trying to lock me up. This steel ain't nothing new to me. I don't fear it. Can you say the same, Walrus? Can you look past your facade, your little hero imitation, and not be afraid of the steel ripping into your flesh? How about just the sheer concussive force smashing in your melon head when it ram that keg of lard you call a body into the corner? That's right, Walrus. This ain't play time. In that cage, the shit gets real. And I know all about the reality of being in a cage. I've been fighting for survival in them for years. It's not the game that you and your crew of phonies play out here in front of the audience. This isn't about applause or fan adoration. It's not about selling your t-shirts and asking for a raise. It's a fight to the finish. No flashy gimmick or cool catch-phrase can save you from that. Get ready because tonight I'm going to teach you the definition of fear and pain.

*He smiles.*

And I've got a little surprise for you, Walrus. You should read your contracts a little closer from now on.

sitting alone backstage in a chair....calm ...smiling




bpt: hey ghost hog...just wanted to remind you of our last match. bout you going over the top rope. i don't know what you expect from this. i have bigger punk ass's to get rid off. this time... i have decided i will make special. i'll make you tap out like a bitch... then i will toss you over.

germy walks up with a big red



germy: sorry they were all out of vanilla coke,

bpt shaking his head


bpt: as i was saying.... i won't be content with tossing you over.... i will take your dignity, your pride. you will have nothing left.

bpt is laughing softly as the camera fades to black



AD!

<The opening bars of Led Zeppelin’s ‘Kashmir’ blast through the Cheesedome speakers as a pyrotechnic charge blows at the top of the ramp...>

Marcum: Whoa!

<A bank of spotlights pan to the top of the ramp as the smoke clears, revealing none other than Captain Sammitch! The crowd goes wild as the Number One Contender makes his way to the ring in a black gi, clutching a black-painted bo staff and looking rather serious...>

Monroe: Maybe now we’ll finally hear an answer to Joe Mama’s chilling statements earlier tonight!

Marcum: Though I’m not sure what Sammitch could say to all of that!

<Sammitch enters the ring and accepts a microphone from James White. He takes a deep breath and begins...>

Captain Sammitch: I thought you knew me, Joe. For a long time I really thought you knew me. We’ve fought each other enough times, certainly. Ours is one of the most legendary feuds in the history of the RDCW. We’ve fought wars of words as vicious as anything we’ve done to each other in the ring. We’ve even battled it out beyond the ring on a number of occasions. And yet, after all this time, after having been given so many chances to figure me out, you still don’t really know who I am.

Marcum: Actually we’re still puzzled over that one!

Monroe:

CS: You’re convinced that I get into this ring night after bloody night and risk my life and my livelihood all because I crave a little attention. You’re convinced of this… why? Because I take time to acknowledge everyone who’s supported me all this way? Don’t you get it after all this time?

<Sammitch reaches into a pocket inside his black gi and retrieves a handful of opened envelopes. He pulls a sheet of paper from one and reads aloud...>

CS: “Dear Captain Sammitch… I’m Cody and I’m seven years old. You are awesome! How can I be just like you? Write back soon!” <Sammitch reads from another letter...> “Captain Sammitch, thank you for setting a positive example for my children. I’m glad that no matter how many vulgar, violent egomaniacs share that ring with you, you refuse to sink to their level.” Or here’s one… “Sammitch, you’re already our champ! No matter what happens in that ring, keep your head up, because you’re the guy everybody wants to be!” I could go on. But I won’t. <Sammitch returns the letters to his pocket...> My point is that it has next to nothing to do with attention or praise. Whether you’re willing to realize it or not, as athletes, as performers, we have a responsibility to everybody out there.

<Captain Sammitch makes a sweeping gesture around the Cheesedome...>

CS: There are people in this arena who have saved their hard-earned money for months to be here. They’ve brought their friends here. They’ve brought their children here. Why? So you can tell them how little they matter to you? So they can watch you strut around the ring and prattle on and on about how great you are? I think not. No matter who they’re cheering for, the people in this arena are here because they look up to us. We have people watching us who are looking for something or someone to believe in. We have children watching us who want to be just like us. We’re in a business that too often has been touched by drug scandals and domestic violence and all manner of other scandals beyond the ring. Right here, in the ring, we have our best chance, our golden opportunity, not just to give these people bread and circuses to shake their minds off of what’s troubling them, but to set an example and to give them something to believe in. And that’s one of many differences between you and me. When you’re in the ring, people see a skilled and experienced, but nasty and ruthless fighter, who in the end just entertains them. When I’m in the ring, I give one hundred and ten percent, I fight fair, but I fight hard, and I inspire people.

<Captain Sammitch begins pacing around the ring...>

CS: That is why the people in this arena matter to me. The fame and praise are great, but as you said yourself, they won’t last forever. The material benefits of this job are wonderful, but in the end, it’s only money. The opportunity to have a positive impact on the people around you, the chance – even if it’s just for a little while – to be the one people look up to and strive to emulate… now that’s something worth fighting for. But I’ll admit – that’s not the only reason I’m here tonight. <Sammitch looks around the arena...> Even if this place were empty tonight, I’d have several good reasons to step into the ring with you – reasons you’d understand better... if only you really knew me.

<The crowd seems curiously silent, waiting to hear what Captain Sammitch will say next...>

CS: Tonight’s match isn’t just any match. Tonight, I’m stepping into the ring with a chance to win the title, the title of titles, the only title I haven’t already won. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I want that belt, and I want it badly. I’ve been through a lot to get it, despite your nonsense about ‘dodging opponents’. Look, if you’re in a match with very clear objectives for winning, it’s just plain stupid to waste time and energy outside those objectives. For all your talk about ‘doing what it takes to win’, you’ve proven yourself more than willing to do just that time and time again, and it’s cost you on more than one occasion. But I digress. This title match isn’t even about the title so much as it’s about you and me.

<A video montage begins playing, featuring numerous clips from the many Joe Mama/Captain Sammitch battles...>

CS: We’ve got quite a history, like I said. You double-crossed me in the ring after a reasonably successful tag partnership, back when I was just an upstart. Good business decision, as far as you were concerned. But you neglected to consider just how much potential I had. So I came back and beat you, and everyone was shocked. You didn’t like that very much. We fought, and fought again. At one point, you came very close to ending my career, and you would have had Penwing not surrendered the tag title match. But I came back. And no matter what you did, you still couldn’t get rid of me. We’ve beaten the hell out of each other as much as any two wrestlers that have ever stepped into the ring. Now here we are. And you attempt to scare me out of the ring by... attacking my fan base? To me that just reeks of desperation.

Marcum: Hey! He’s got no right talking to the champ like that!

<The previously silent crowd begins coming alive again, and cheers begin to pour out of the stands...>

CS: I mean come on… I know what you’re capable of. You’re no pushover. You could have mentioned any number of reasons why you’re just too overwhelming a fighter for me to ever hope to measure up to, or something like that. I think you touched on something or other like that near the end, when you started talking about yourself a whole lot. I don’t remember. I tend not to pay much attention to you when you get to rambling like that. But did you really think you could discourage me from this fight in any way by disrespecting the very same crowd that came to watch it? Again, it seems to me you don’t know me that well. Just like the Bastardo Family didn’t know their opponents well enough to adapt, which is why we are here tonight and they are not.

<The cheers intensify...>

Monroe: Sammitch is on a roll!

CS: I’m not as naïve as you seem to think I am, Joe. I know full well that I won’t always be everyone’s favorite, that sooner or later someone new will come along. I know that I could very well injure myself tonight and be forced to call it quits. I know that any number of things could happen that would bring an end to the life and livelihood I’ve fought hard to create for myself and for those around me. It’s a simple truth that nothing lasts forever. But I think you inadvertently made one of my most important points for me, when you mentioned tonight’s Hall of Fame inductees. What sets legends like thedoctor or Nowhereman or Louie Bastardo apart from everyone else? They refused to compromise who they were for anything. And I won’t compromise who I am either. I think, ultimately, that you can’t stand me because I’ve accomplished so much without cutting corners, or fighting dirty, or doing anything else that might compromise who I am. I know where I came from, and I’ve always made sure to recognize all the people who helped get me from there to here. I know what you’re capable of... but I also know what I am capable of, and I won’t cheat just to gain a temporary advantage when I’m capable of beating you my way. You say you’re gonna do what you want to do when you want to do it. I say I will do what I will do, and I will do what’s right, and I am more than confident that’ll be enough for me to prevail.

<Many in the stands are now on their feet, and a sizable portion of the crowd begin cheering Sammitch’s name again...>

CS: Nothing lasts forever, Joe. Titles, fame, money… all fleeting. What will I do when it’s all over, you ask? What I want to know is… what will you do tonight? Because that’s all we have, and that’s what I’ve been preparing for for a very long time. You tried to cut me down to size with a lot of nonsense about how I don’t have the will... and you failed. You tried to take the wind out of the sails of these fans... and failed. Time to quit stalling, Joe. Suit up and get ready to step into the ring. I told you all along I was on my way to this moment. Now it’s here. And when it’s passed, only one of us will be the champion. I’ve trained physically, I’ve prepared mentally… I’m ready for you. Are you ready for me? By the end of tonight, one way or another, you’ll know. <Sammitch points to the crowd...> And so will you.

<‘Kashmir’ blares again, and the crowd erupts into thunderous and nearly unanimous applause. Captain Sammitch returns the microphone to James White and makes his way out of the arena, exchanging high-fives with some fans and waving to others, all the way up the ramp, until he disappears from view...>

Monroe: Joe Mama came out earlier and got in a couple good words. But Captain Sammitch has electrified this crowd once again! This blood feud is speeding like a runaway train toward what promises to be one of the greatest title matches of! all!! time!!! Stay tuned!

<Fade to black...>

Monroe: “ Hmmm, Marcum apparently we have a special investigative report coming to us from one of old, dear friends.”

Marcum: “Old, dear friend? Hah, sure, Mikey, surreee…”

Monroe: “Back from a long abscence. Havock’s….. (interrupted).”

Bukake: “Havok nummer one announcah Buckakie….with a speciar lepolt for Scammivelsely. Bukacce once wondeled….why Ghost Hog and Schwalz so crose..why they look so famiriar….Bucace think to serf *srap to head* you big dummery it rookin’ at you in face…light in face. Amenernesia. Let’s go see Ghost Hog to leveal my crues.”

Bukake knocks on Ghost Hog’s door… “ Go away”. Knocks, again…”Go awwwaaaay.”

B: “ He prenty angily.”
Ghost Hog opens door…

Ghost hog: “Hey, I know you….your that funake guy.”

B: “Bukaki.”

GH:” Whatever, whadda ya want?”

B: “ I come to show you this crip to see if it make any sense to you…it make none to me untir I see you and Schwalz togethel.”

GH: stares at Bukake…..

B: “ I show…I show…no hit…”
Shows GH the video screen…
B: “Ghost Hog, do you lemembel this flom 12-13-05. Lorr that crip.”

Monroe: “ A blast from the past…”



“Countdown to Armageddon” begins playing over the Cheesedome loudspeakers.

Marcum: “Psycho has entered the building. I wonder what he has to say…ooh, Schwartz wearing short shots…whoah.”

Monroe: “Well, the crazy pig clearly has some explaining to do after the last Havoc and that miserable display where he and SPAMM needed to be saved by Schwartz.”

Pig Iron escorts Schwartz through the ropes and enters the ring.

Pig Iron: “I’m glad SPAMM got to speak a little this week. I know you all missed him last week. He clearly has some pent up frustration he’s going to work out in our match. SPAMM has pretty much summed up my thoughts on the tag team match upcoming, so I think I’ll ramble on a little about something near and dear to my heart.”

Marcum:”He must be talking about Schwartz.”

Monroe: “No, he said ramble he’s going to talk about…”

PI: “Paragon, so you’ve come back from hiding in your hole. But let’s leave Captain Sammitch out of this. It’s fairly clear by now that the Dark Lords will have to take out the SDC once and for all to get to you--the little Paragon puppets that they are. Last week I came out flat, and SPAMM gave his all. I was outwrestled and outclassed by 2 punks that should’ve been handled with ease. It’s a great thing that the Schwartz is with me. I am truly honored to have such a whoayyaahh in my corner.”

Crowd pops as Schwartz raises her nightstick.

PI: “Two punks that play with 20-sided dice beat us, or me. I am ashamed, but here comes redemption. Here comes Tag Team Turmoil. The wooaayyyaaaahhh of painnnnnn will be coming for redemption. Tag Team Turmoil: SDC, TNR, and the Bastards. Clearly, the Bastards have worked out something with Paragon to get two slots. But I’m not here to bitch; I’m a real man of darkneeessssss. I see a day of reckoning coming soon Paragon, a prophecy I see clearly. A day of awakening is coming to the RDCW, and you will face the Dark Lords, and especially me.”

Monroe: “Nuts, completely nuts.”

Marcum: “Schwartz has that effect on everyone Monroe.”

PI: “The prophetic powers of the Pig of Iron will be followed by a revalation of paaainnn, Paragon. Paaaaaain, delicious paiiinn will be delivered in doses unheard of in RDCW history. You will be dealt with soon Paragon, your manipulations will end, your scripted wrestling, and your legions of puppets will be lined up and executed by the Dark Lords. Your puppets are with you…this I see. But the Schwartz is with me, Chesty is with me, Harley is with me, SPAMM is with me, Darth is with me, and Grimm is with me. I stand with the greatest assemblage of power and perfection of wrestling seen in the annals of RDCW, Paragon. And when I say annals I don’t mean what you have going on with Sammitch in your private room backstage at the Cheesedome. A prophecy has been set in motion Paragon, and it was set in motion by you. It starts at Tag Team Turmoil and will end with you, served up and sacrificed to the gods. The eternal battle of steeellll begins now, the battle begins anew, and the waar continues. The glorious war against Paragon, and I will be the instrument, Paragon. The Whooaaayyaaahh off Paaaainnnn will end your rule of villainy, and the RDCW will be reborn—in the image of the victors.”

Marcum: “Whewwww.”

Exit music

Fade back to Bukake*

B: “ See, seee….you not Ghost Hog…You Pig Ilon. You must have lost memoly after that match where we thought you dead…”

GH:” What, what in the hell are you talkin’ about Buttkaki?”

B: “ Well, how you know Schwalz then if it not tlue?”

GH: “ It’s not Schwarz it’s Schwartz…”

B: “Exacely. Everyone get hel name wong, they get my name wong, they get youl name wong..you not ghost hog…you Pig Ilon.”

GH: “Whattareyou talkin’ about Bukasti? I’m not Pig Iran…I’m Ghost Hog.. (interrupted..)”

B: “ No, not Pig Ilan…Pig Ilon..”

GH: “ Yeah I said Pig Iran….and I’m not him. What are you deaf?”
Slams Bukake into locker…looks ferociously at him and throws him to the floor…. GH sits down.

GH: “I can’t remember…I’m not Pig Iran..I’m Ghost Hog. Schwartz, Schwartz where are you when I need you? Why can’t I remember……dammnit. Bitter Punkass Tim…I’m coming for you….I’m coming for you and redemption…Pi……Ghost Hog is comin’ for you, and nothing will stop me.”

Bukake lies on the floor….

B: “ Havok nummah one announcah signing off for the Scammivsaly..back to you Malcum…”

Monroe: “Thanks, Bulkaki. What in the world was that and what does it mean..”

Marcum: “ That was the strangest thing I ever saw….well, one of the strangest there was this one time…….”

Fade out****

Backstage...

Joey Biles: I'm here with RDCW Heavyweight Cheese Champion, Joe Mama. Now, Champ, you've said your peace and heard your opponent's reply. What are your thoughts?

Joe Mama: My thoughts? On Sammitch's little tirade? What is there to say?

JB: Well, he basically...

JM: He basically confirmed everything I said about him? He basically went out there and, once again, went for the cheap pops? Is that what you were going to say?

JB: Um...

JM: Sammitch, you talk about how I supposedly don't know you. Then you babble on about how you do it for the kids and you're main goal is to inspire the fans. You have the nerve to deny everything I said about you, but in the same breath you read letters that fans have sent you. Do you see the inconsistency? How can you say that I don't know you and, at the same time, do everything I accused you of doing? You pandered to the fans AGAIN! You had that microphone in your hand, and the eyes of the world focused on you, and you went for the cheap pops AGAIN! You are everything I said you are! You are a CHEAPION! You are a small person in desperate need of these people's approval! You talk about how fame is fleeting while simultaneously soaking up whatever fame the crowd will allow you! Are you just a liar, or are you so deluded that you don't even see your own hypocrisy for what it is?

And how DARE you? How dare you use the tragedies of the day to push your own agenda and try to set yourself up as some moral paragon? How dare you belittle my achievements in this ring, and the injuries I suffered while putting on shows that these fans - by your own admission - can spend months trying to save up the money to buy their ticket? You have the nerve to accuse me of entertaining while you "inspire"? Have I managed to hit a nerve hard enough to shake loose the trappings that allow you to disguise your arrogance in the trappings of mock humility? You're a sham, Sammitch! You're a liar and a hypocrite! You're as much in this wrestling game for the titles and the fame and the money as you are to fill your dysfunctional need for love! Let me fill you in on yet another little secret, Sammitch: We're BOTH narcissists, Sammitch. The only difference is that one of us recognizes it and is open about it. We thrive on the crowd's reaction! We love the fact that the only thing we have to do on any given night is step out into that ring area and the fans go crazy! But I won't compromise myself for them. I won't play Stepin' Fetchit to these fans. I won't belittle myself, my skill, and my desire to be the best in this business in hopes that the fans will love me a little bit more. That they'll love me for one more day. To me, the only thing that matters is to be the greatest damn competitor the wrestling world has ever seen. Cheers and boos are subjective. Greatness is objective. Louie Bastardo and Nowhereman and Doc are the greatest, and they didn't rely on the love of the fans to make that true. Learn the lesson, Sammitch, and ask yourself this: who would you be if you didn't have the fans behind you? Could you continue in this business if the crowd took away the affection you desire?

Tonight, Sammitch, I promise you one thing. I promise you that you'll be in for the fight of your life. Tonight I will do everything in my power to not just break you physically. I will destroy all the illusions that make you who you are. Our match tonight signals the end of your self-delusions and innocence. Tonight's match will be a turning point in your career because this is the night that Captain Sammitch gets stripped of the facade and revealed to the fans and himself who he really is. And we both know that's not a person you want the world to see. Enjoy the fantasy for a little longer, Sammitch; it ends tonight.

Joe Mama moves off-camera, leaving a speechless and frazzled Joey Biles behind. After a moment:

JB: Um...back to you Marcum and Monroe...

<We are taken somewhere else backstage, where The Crotch awaits with Captain Sammitch...>

The Crotch: Captain Sammitch, Joe Mama just fired another shot in this war of words, and it was a pretty impressive one. Do you have anything to say in response?

Captain Sammitch: I will say that Joe is a pretty talented talker. He seems to have his side of the story ready to go at the drop of a hat, and he’s apparently hellbent on having the last word in this thing. I don’t think that he’s been doing much listening, though. Because if he truly understood my words, he would have saved it for the ring instead of taking another step out onto a very shaky limb and trying to make me doubt myself and doubt everyone who’s supported me.

TC: So you don’t feel you’ve been hypocritical in the way you treat your fans?

CS: Joe Mama measures everything other people say by the standard he lives by. In his mind, allowing room for anyone else is compromising one’s self. That’s why he was always the Lone Wolf, and even when he did successfully team with people, it was ultimately his way or the highway. So I’m not really surprised when he can’t equate my acknowledging my supporters with my statement that the fame we receive for doing what we do isn’t the single most important thing to me.

TC: Is it?

CS: As I said, I have always valued the fans very highly. If it weren’t for them, this business wouldn’t exist. But while I value their applause and their approval, I’m more satisfied just to know I’m able to impact these people in a positive way. Though I’m a bit puzzled by Joe’s repeated allegations that I’m somehow limiting my own abilities on account of the crowd. How? I’m the number one contender for the title, aren’t I? I’ve won every other belt available to me at the time, haven’t I? Maybe he’s just convinced, again, that his way really is the best way to go.

<Sammitch looks into the camera...>

CS: Or maybe, if the truth were known, it rankles him that I’ve been able to win so many matches and beat so many opponents fairly, without having to do “whatever it takes to win”, which I guess would really mean “whatever it takes for him to win”. And even if I hadn’t enjoyed the success I’ve had, I would still choose to fight my way rather than his, just because that’s who I am. He thinks I’ve got the wrong idea of how to fight, simply because it’s not his idea of how to fight.

TC: How do you feel about the champ accusing you of piggybacking off of the negative publicity that wrestling has been receiving recently?

CS: Now this is dangerous ground to tread on for either of us, because by questioning things that may be wrong in this business, you’re calling into question entire systems of things and people. And a lot of people tend to get nervous when you call into question systems on which they depend for their livelihood. I’m not suggesting that the RDCW is riddled with all the same problems as other wrestling promotions out there. If it were, we wouldn’t have beaten every other wrestling promotion that ever challenged us, and that goes to show how far out of their way Doc Paragon and the others at the helm of this promotion have gone to set the RDCW apart.

<Sammitch looks away for a moment...>

CS: But the business as a whole has exhibited more than a few problems in recent memory, and there are two ways to deal with them. You can choose to let the system do its thing and hope the elephant in the living room will go away on its own – or at least cut you the odd endorsement check every now and then – or you can choose to be a positive example in spite of what’s going on around you, and show the supporters of the sport that there’s still good in it, and that if they just keep hanging in there they can hope to see a lot more of that. I think I speak for a number of wrestlers in this and other promotions when I say I prefer the latter option, and I think acknowledging our responsibilities as performers hardly constitutes capitalizing on troubled times.

TC: Thank you, that was well said. But what about the match tonight? Aren’t you at least a little intimidated by Joe Mama’s statements? He says he plans to...

CS: ...shatter the delusions I’ve been living under? Break my spirit? Break my body? I have no doubt that Joe Mama can and will inflict a great deal of pain on me in tonight’s match. I’d honestly be disappointed if he gave any less than one hundred and ten percent, since he always does, which is what made him a champion and makes him such a worthy adversary. But it’s one thing to deal out physical harm and another thing entirely to crush one’s spirit, to break one’s will.

<Captain Sammitch shifts his weight back and forth as he looks into the camera intently...>

CS: I know firsthand that Joe Mama is capable of breaking my body, though he’ll definitely have his work cut out for him if that’s what he has in mind, since I didn’t come here to roll over and give him an easy title defense. But for all the times he’s tried, he’s come a lot closer to breaking my body than to breaking my spirit. And if the closest he could get to breaking my body was sidelining me for a few weeks, what makes you think he’s got what it takes to overcome the will that’s propelled me this far? It’s clear from his reply a little while ago that Joe Mama thinks I’ve got some kinda gall to say the things I’ve said. And yet he expects me to quake in my boots over what he says when, in reality, he’s just tipping his hand that much more?

TC: Tipping his hand? What do you mean by that?

CS: Joe Mama’s the RDCW champion. He’s the one to beat. Now, as one on top of the totem pole, he should know that his every action – and reaction – are scrutinized that much more carefully. A calm, confident champion who thoroughly outclasses his opponent should feel no need to address that opponent’s ‘delusions’ or to repeatedly insist on his own supremacy. By now, though, it’s obvious to just about everyone that I’ve gotten to the guy. There’s nowhere more vulnerable than right at the top, and who would our champion hate losing to more than me?

TC: So what are you going to do in tonight’s match, then?

CS: I’m going to go out into that ring and I’m going to be myself. I’m going to lay it all on the line and give one hundred and ten percent – my way, not his way. Even if I lose, I’d be losing to the best there is. But I don’t plan on it. I’ve come this far being myself, giving my very best, and with the help of many wonderful fans. It’d be a shame if I didn’t have that belt to show for it, wouldn’t it?

TC: Before you wrestle tonight, there will of course be a match featuring your long-time tag partner Chewy Walrus. Is there any chance we might be able to speak with him?

CS: You’re hoping to get something audible out of Chewy? Good luck on that one. I’m sure he’s somewhere around here, getting loosened up for tonight’s victory.

TC: Did you say tonight’s victory?

CS: I’m feeling pretty confident about this one.

TC: But what about the injuries Balls Nasty inflicted on...

CS: Oh, those? You mean the injuries it took several hits against an opponent totally at unawares to inflict? Rest assured that Chewy’s fully recovered, and now that they actually have to go toe-to-toe on even terms, my money’s on the Walrus for sure.

TC: You saw Balls Nasty’s statements earlier this evening. Aren’t you afraid of what his ‘surprise’ for Chewy might be?

CS: Intrigued, yes. Afraid? Not really. Chewy Walrus is a supreme competitor, and it would take one hell of a surprise to stop him. Besides, there are two kinds of dirty fighters. There are dirty fighters like Balls Nasty, and there are dirty fighters like Joe Mama who actually have something to show for it.

<Captain Sammitch turns and leaves the room...>

TC: Back to you, guys...

Voiceover announcer: And now, to induct Louie Bastardo into the RDCW Hall of Fame...the RDCW Heavyweight Cheese Champion: Joe Mama!

Joe Mama steps out as "Ecstasy of Gold" plays. He walks towards the podium, but stops short. He takes a few steps back and stands, absorbing the crowd reaction (overwhelming cheers) and the Bastardo Family's theme music. As Morricone's piece winds down, Joe Mama stands behind the podium.

JM: When discussing a wrestler's Hall of Fame credentials, the criteria are easy: titles held, length of title reigns, impact on the sport, and influence on future generations. With managers, the criteria are surprisingly the same, but there is the added factor. What makes a manager is what he himself brings to his wrestlers, and the promotion as a whole. And there is no doubt that Louie Bastardo exceeds all criteria.

Louie Bastardo came to the RDCW from Hollywood. He brought with him an agent's eye for talent, a promoter's ability to get his clients the matches and pushes they needed, and a mind that understood the intricacies of the wrestling world, both in and out of the ring. He never himself wrestled, but what he lacked in physical attributes he more than made up for with mental acumen, financial brilliance and the ability spot talent that would complement his own abilities. It's no surprise that Grace, whom others would dismiss as a valet, was hired by Louie as his personal assistant and right hand in business. Louie knew of her excellence in the academic and business world. Her own business acumen and boardroom ruthlessness allowed Louie to focus on the acquisition of talent and development on strategies for both in and out of the ring.

To understand Louie Bastardo's brilliance in uncovering talent, one need only remember the first two wrestlers to join his Family. King Snarf was shortly removed from the losing end of a feud with myself, and was wasted in irrelevant matches that did nothing to advance his career. And Chris Oakley was nothing more than a jobber. Under Louie Bastardo's care, power, and influence, these two men went from being punchlines to fans' jokes to ruthless, fighting champions. And while their own skills were a major factor in winning their titles, it was Louie Bastardo who opened the door to them. It was Louie Bastardo who got them their shot...their moment to shine. And shine they did.

It wasn't long until he developed and introduced the Bastardo Family, and it's here that his place in history was secured. While the influence of the Four Horsemen is seen clearly in the Triple Set and (of course) the IV, the Bastardo Family took the concept of the Dangerous Alliance, and vastly improved on it. In the Family, Louie Bastardo created a faction that captured the fans' attention and imagination. Louie Bastardo crafted a group whose sole focus was on winning titles and the byproduct of this was a powerhouse team of personalities that struck fear into the hearts of the other competitors, the fans, and the wrestling world. It was common knowledge that the Bastardo Family members did not necessarily care for one another. What was also known was that, if you faced one member, you stood a fair chance of having to face another - or the rest of the Family - sometimes in the same match. Speak out against the Family, and your promo might be rudely interrupted. Turn against the Family, and your ouster would be painful and often final. It's no surprise that neither King Snarf nor Chris Oakley were ever the same after they left the Bastardo Family.

But the Bastardo Family had an unexpected side effect on the RDCW. By creating a faction as powerful and as effective as the Bastardo Family, Louie created a need for a faction to combat his own. The Sudden Death Connection was a direct response to the Bastardo Family, a faction of fan favorites to combat the "evil" that the Family represented. Would there be a need for the SDC if there was no Bastardo Family? COULD there be a SDC without a Bastardo Family to organize against? Furthermore, the creation of these factions, and of Chris Oakley's surrogate "family" led to some of the greatest promos and matches the RDCW fans - Hell, the wrestling world! - had ever seen.

Joe Mama pauses and steps back. The lights dim and the Cheese-O-Tron comes alive with clips of Louie Bastardo and The Bastardo Family: Louie's arrival on the scene, Chris Oakley winning the IC title, King Snarf winning the World title, Oakley, Nuriko, Los Azules, and James Fantastic demanding Louie fire Snarf, and Louie's response, The Fenway Park match with Louie turning on Oakley and firing those who stood with him, The Godfather Bastardo promo, The Bastardo Elimination Chamber and the unveiling of the new Bastardo lineup, The Bastardos brawling with the SDC at RobbleMania, the Bastardos parody of the SDC at Rehash, Wargasms, and many more. The clip reel concludes and Joe Mama steps back to the podium.

JM: I want to conclude on a personal note. I can honestly say that working with Louie Bastardo was, for me, a huge turning point in my career. Louie Bastardo is a wrestling genius who brought out the best in his charges. His knowledge of the wrestling world combined with his brilliance in all fields of business made him a fascinating source of knowledge that he shared with anyone smart enough to ask. I think it's safe to say that, without Louie Bastardo, I - and the rest of the RDCW - would not have achieved the heights that we did. It is my great privilege and pleasure to induct Louie Bastardo into the RDCW Hall Of Fame Class Of 2007.

"Ecstasy of Gold" plays again as Louie Bastardo heads out onto the stage in a powder blue tuxedo with a huge grin on his face. He walks up to Joe Mama and the two embrace while slapping each other on the back. Louie takes the podium as JM steps back. We see a shot of Grace and Charlie in the audience applauding, as well as Johnny Evil and Ariel.

"I'd just like to take a moment to thank the RDCW and Rob Kamphausen for the opportunity to come in and do what I did. I saw a need in the RDCW. A gaping hole that needed to be filled. And fill it we did. We really seized the moment and caught lightning in a bottle. I saw some guys with a lot of potential floating around this company, looking for a way to make an impact, but lacking the proper means of doing so. So I provided them with that means. King Snarf, Chris Oakley, and myself created near riots in this arena when we joined together and began taking championships. It was a great time and a helluva lot of fun as fans poured into the Cheesedome in droves waiting to see which of their heroes could knock us off of our perch.

Chris Oakley, although he wasn't a Bastardo for very long, opened the door for some great storylines that lead to the Family becoming even more hated than ever. Can you imagine a faction consisting of two wrestlers, a manager, and a secretary being the hottest thing in a promotion? Well, we did it. And when we replaced Chris with Joe Mama we did it a second time and got even hotter!

Then when we unveiled the new lineup with Snarf, Joe Mama, Sneaky Bunny, El Superbeasto, Johnny Evil, and the Legbreakers, we really went into a new era. This was the defining membership of the Bastardo Family. This was the lineup that brought home the gold so many times and was so hated and fought so many wars. We were a success.

Managers and factions began popping up in our wake. I would say that without the success of the Bastardos, Willie Williams, Arnold Rimmer, Meeko, and many others would not have arrived in the RDCW and been as successful as they were. It was a helluva ride for everyone involved and whether you loved us or hated us, you paid your money to see us and we thank you for it. I thank you for it. For this honor and being in the first class of people inducted into the RDCW Hall of Fame, thank you all and I'll see you later tonight at the after party!"

The crowd stands and applauds as Louie holds up his Hall of Fame plaque and Joe raises his hand. They then head backstage.

nicely done...

*It is then that familiar music sounds throughout the Cheesedome. music not heard in the RDCW in over a year! music that could only be described as belonging to an Evil Cunt!

Monroe: What's this?

MarcuM: It's. . .Paul Hyman!

Paul Hyman heads out onto the stage wearing a tuxedo and steps behind the podium. He smiles as the crowd chants "WWECW sucks!"

Paul Hyman: Well, I bet you all thought you were done seeing me on pay per view, didn't you? Billionaire Vince, you might own the name, but you will never crush the spirit of what being an Evil Cunt really means!

I am here tonight to honor a man who knows all too well, just what being an Evil Cunt is all about! In fact, he coined the term when he threw down the National Wrasslin Associates championship and declared himself to be the Evil Cunt Wrestling Heavyweight Champion of the World!

He was the protege of hardcore legend Captain Howdy, and for a time even used the name himself! When singles wrestling no longer posed a challenge for him, he teamed with an up and comer named Grimm and they became the Hellions! The hottest tag team ever seen in Evil Cunt Wrestling! In fact, they became the hottest tag team in the world and they still have the ECW Tag Team Championship!

Do you know why Billionaire Vince hasn't started a tag division in WWECW? It's because he doesn't have the stones to come take the belts from the champions!

Upon entering the RDCW, this man rose to prominent status and quickly established himself among the elite! He formed the Nowhere World Order and was the mastermind behind the formation of Rob's World Order! He continued giving new stars such as Joe Mama, and Sneaky Bunny their first steps towards becoming major names! Along the way he held every title that came in front of him, culminating in becoming a two-time RDCW World Heavyweight Champion!

He's been Mysterious, he's been Hollywood, but the majority of you simply call him. . .Nowhereman!

*The Shite-O-Tron comes to life with clips of highlights of Nowhereman's career as his theme music plays. . .

A slightly different looking Nowhereman steps out into the arena. His hair is short and he sports yet another in an endless design of beards, but the fans recognise him easily.
Wearing an Orange County Choppers t-shirt, and a pair of torn black boot cut jeans, the image in minimalist, but the look he gives the crowd still has the same attitude he has always had.
Part cocky, part arogant but also part appreciative at the same time as he soaks up the roars of the crowd!

He walks towards the podium and clears his throat!

NW: "Its nice ta see none of you forgot me!"

Crowd cheers his name

NM:"I think Paul summed up my career quite succinctly, but I think I should at least expand on that a little, and talk about how I came to be here a little more in detail.
Like many wrestlers, I started out on the indy scene and worked my way up, but of course, not being from America made it quite a bit tougher for me to crack the big leagues.
I started out working promotions in the UK, which was fun for a while but quite soon hit the glass ceiling of UK wrestling, and realised I had to expand my horizons if I wanted to get ahead in this business.
Europe beckoned, as did Japan and Mexico.
Some good times were had in the various promotions that I wrestled for, and I met some truly great people.
Some of those went to work for Billionaire Mahon, some for Bischit, some for Hyman and some for Kamphausen.

Despite what some may think of those first three names, I owe a lot to each and everyone of them, as I can say I was honestly priveledged enough to work for all of their promotions at some time in my career, and learned a lot from all three.
Unlike most people, I can still, to this day, say that I am on good terms with all three.

I only spent a short time in the RDCW in its formative stages, but when it fell by the wayside due to infighting and talent poaching, I struck up a deal with Rob to push it into the big time.

It took the talents of three men to bring the RDCW into the mainstream, and that was Rob, thedoctor and myself, but it was the talent thay kept it there.

The RDCW had a new start under my leadership, which meant a total change of direction for myself when I took on the reigns of co-GM.
This was an era that to my mind, has never been bettered.
During this era we saw some great career revivals from the likes of Grimm, Oakley and Llance, and some totally new faces such as Joe Mama & Sneaky Bunny, who I am proud to say were both special projects of mine, and I am glad they rose from my shadow to forge their own successful careers.

As things progressed, I decided to take a back seat, and do some other stuff that I had wanted to do for years.
I did the Hollywood thing, did some racing on two wheels and four, and also hit the music scene.

Although my return to wrestling was possibly one of the most successful times in my career, I realised that I just could not devote myself to it full time.
While I would never say I was retired, I stepped back quietly disappeared from the limelight.

Simple fact is, this business no longer needs me.
It has more than enough talent to sustain itself without an old warhorse like me, regaling you with tales of my misspent youth.

My former tag partner Grimm, is more than capable of running this establishment, and is probably better at it than me.
I thank him for the great years we spent as both partners and enemies, and I thank him for relieving me of the responsibilities that came with running this federation.

Tonight is about honouring me and the other "legends" of the RDCW, but never forget that without guys like Grimm, thedoctor, Rob Kamphausen, Joe Mama, Captain Sammitch and all the other great wrestlers and behind the scenes people, us legends would just be ordinary people, just like you!
These guys are the future legends, and they have one common goal, the same goal I always had, and thats to put on the best show they possibly can, and entertain each and every one of you!

Dont cheer for me, cheer for them!

Thankyou, and goodnight!"

The crowd is on its feet cheering and clapping as Nowhereman begins to turn away, but he pauses and turns back towards the mic

NM:"Oh, and none of this means that I dont think all of you in the crowd, and all of you backstage are not a bunch of cunts.......cause you are!"

Nowhereman winks then walks backstage, waving as he goes

Senior RDCW Official Lothar makes his way to the podium.

It is my honor to introduce the next inductee. He has been in the wrestling industry for almost two decades. In that time, he's worked in almost every aspect of the business. He started off setting up and breaking down the ring for a small, independent promotion in the Southeast. From there he began to learn how to work in the ring from the veteran performers who taught him the skills and honed his own talents that would help him progress in the hard, painful career in the squared circle. It's in these early years that he met the people who would help propel his career to its limits as well as those who would rise up the ranks at the same time. Grimm and Nowhereman would become the best tag team champions in the industry and achieve the same accolades as individual competitors as well. And there was also the young entrepreneur dressed as Hulk Hogan in a Batman cape, Rob Kamphausen.

Still on the indy circuit, he began to take on the responsibility of Booker. This allowed him to move on to bigger and better promotions. He had short stints as both a wrestler and writer for the then WWF (Worst Wresting Federation) and the WCW (World Craptacular Wrestling) before landing in ECW (Evil Cunt Wrestling). Enjoying success in tag team competition as well as behind the scenes as a top tier writer and booker, the ECW era just wasn't meant to last for him or the rest of that roster. But as one door closed, another opened.

Rob Kamphausen decided that he wanted to see big, sweaty men grab, pull, and hold each other up close and personal; and he was willing to pay any price for that pleasure. This inductee was brought on board due to his knowledge of the wrestling business, and the fact that he had the perfect place to cage up rabid wrestling with self esteem and substance abuse problems. Right here, in this very Cheesedome. With the inclusion of Nowhereman, a legend in the wrestling industry was born. The best, most innovative, and brutal promotion in the history of wrestling. The RDCW.

I was his tag partner until an old knee injury finally caught up to him. By that time, he felt that the roster had not just enough talent, but the right talent that he could step back and do what he does best. He became the booker/GM that the fans, and wrestlers, may not have necessarily wanted; but that they needed. Make no mistake about him, he's not the man that he appears to be on the outside. He's the man that was best for the company at the time. I give you the creator of Havoc, the Doctor.

War Pigs sounds as the Doctor, wearing a tuxedo, steps onto the ramp and down to the podium. He looks over the audience before turning his attention to the Cheese-o-tron showing a montage of his career from wrestler to GM of the RDCW.

Thank you. This is a great honor. I couldn't think of anyone else more deserving of this honor than the other inductees here tonight. To be considered worthy enough to enter the Hall of Fame with them fills me with a great sense of pride. There is no better business than the wrestling business; and there isn't a promotion that does it better than the RDCW. Nor are there fans greater than the ones who fill the Cheesedome.

Nowhereman is the quintessential surly bastard with the in ring intensity of a pub brawler and the vocal prowess of a coked out hair band. Louie Bastardo is the PT Barnum of the modern wrestling era, if Barnum had spray-on hair. And Son of Mxy created a whole new genre of wrestling while his fans felt confused about whether beating off to his/her matches was okay or not. They are just a small portion of the men, women, and men/women in the RDCW who are giving a new meaning to what it is to be a wrestler and to what wrestling itself is, can, and should be.

Honestly, there is nothing more that I can really say that hasn't already been said before and better by those who came up here before me. I can only think to remind everyone here, wrestler and fan alike, about what this should be here in the Cheesedome. It's not about the egos or the pyro. It's about people working together to put on the biggest spectacle of human endurance and skill. It's about passion. Passion for wrestling. Passion for the art. I ask one simple thing from each one of you in the audience and in the locker room. Don't let that passion die. Keep it alive, and keep the RDCW alive.

Once again, thank you and goodnight.

"Rob's Killer Instinct Ripoff Music" cued up as MisterJLA made his way to the podium in a white tuxedo and proceeded to deliver an EPIC promo with the ease and facility of which he delivers the Final Justice to his opponents.

Son of Mxy's video package played to Jimmy Chicken Shack's "Dropping Anchor" as SoM then made his/her way out to the podium. However instead of delivering a speech, the second generation Chilean sensation performd an interpretive dance number of his/her own devising that left the Cheesedome audience both aroused and confused, much like SoM's in ring career.

Pre-show match

The English Bastards w/Charlie & Grace vs. The Fantastic Brothers

English Bastards over the Fantastics after multiple instances of interference from Grace & Charlie on the outside.

6 Person tag match

The Otaku (Hiro, BFE, & Ariel) vs. The MWO (Spamm, Chevy Nova, & Syxxty-Nine)

The MWO sought revenge on the Otaku for their brutal attacks in weeks past, but were still nursing some of their injuries at the hands of Balls Nasty at the Havok prior to Scammiversary. At one point in the match, Ariel and Syxxty-nine hit simultaneous Bronco Busters on Spamm and BFE respectively. The end came when BFE delivered a Heartbreak Hotel running splash on Spamm for the pin.

Steel Cage Match

Balls Nasty vs. Chewy Walrus

*TNT sounds as Chewy Walrus makes his way down the ramp. His usually jovial entrance is more somber this time as he eyes the steel cage that was set up around the ring.*

Monroe: Here comes Chewy Walrus, ready to battle Balls Nasty in a steel cage in a match of revenge. Revenge for Balls Nasty for Chewy Walrus almost putting him out of competition for good. Revenge for Chewy Walrus for all the harm Balls Nasty has caused him and his tag partner Killconey, who has, as of yet, not been cleared for activity in the ring. And let's not forget what Balls Nasty said earlier tonight, Marcum. He's got some sort of surprise in store for the Walrus if you can believe what he said.

Marcum: Oh, stuff it, Monroe! You know damn well that Balls Nasty doesn't make idle threats. Whatever he's got planned for Chewy tonight, you know and I know that it's not going to be pretty.

*Chewy stands in the middle of the ring as Bad Company sounds, and Balls Nasty begins his walk down the ramp with a big smile on his face. Chewy paces in the ring, waiting. As Nasty gets right up to the ring he stops. He starts laughing a little as he begins to make hand motions towards the ceiling of the Cheesedome. A steel caged platform starts lowering down to the ring. RDCW employees climb the corners of the steel cage and pull it into place on top of the cage. Nasty finally enters the cage.*

Monroe: What's this? They're sealed in there like a buncha trapped rats! What's the deal here?

Marcum: Shut up, Monroe! Maybe if you'd listen instead of running your mouth, you'd learn something.

James White: Ladies and gentlemen. I have just received this notice from the RDCW General Manager Doc Paragon. This match, as determined by the contract signed by both competitors, is NOT a standard Steel Cage Match. It is, instead, a Last Man Standing Match.

*Before the bell rings, Nasty goes on the attack. He smashes his forearm into the side of Chewy's head and begins a series of blows. Chewy fights back and answers with a series of chops to the chest. They fight back and forth for several minutes until Walrus gains the upper hand and tossed Nasty back first into the cage. Using his power and momentum, Chewy keeps tossing Nasty around from one side of the cage to the other.

As the Walrus reaches down to pull Nasty up off the ground, Balls rakes his eyes. As Chewy stumbles around, blind, Balls Nasty hits him in the back with a drop kick, sending Chewy into the corner. Nasty using the positioning to ram Walrus's head into the steel pole in the corner. Nasty then takes Chewy by the head and leads him to the side of the cage and begins to run his forehead against the bare steel until he begins bleeding. Mustering his strength, Chewy reverses the hold into a back drop. Obviously overtaken by the adrenaline and dizziness from the blows to the head, Chewy tries to go for a pin. The ref tries to remind him that pins don't count. Chewy picks Nasty up and tosses him into the ropes and hits a big boot on the returning Balls.

Walrus uses the corner to hold himself up as the ref begins the ten count. Nasty pulls himself up and goes on the attack. Nasty attacks Walrus's knees to keep him off his feet. Chewy stays close to the ropes to keep himself up, but Nasty decides to use that to his advantage and successfully tangles the Walrus's head in the ropes and begins choking him. The ref tries to break it up, but Nasty pushes him away. The ref grabs him again, and Nasty turns his attention away from Chewy to yell at the ref. Chewy breaks free. On wobbly knees, he makes his way up just in time to hit the Walrus Wallop (a clothesline) on Nasty. Both men crash to the mat and stop moving.

The ref begins his ten count. Both men crawl to opposite sides of the ring. On the count of six, Chewy begins to pull himself up using the ropes. Nasty begins the same thing on the other side.*

Monroe: Looks like Chewy is setting up for the Walrus Tusk. This is the very move that put Balls Nasty out of commission last time.

Marcum: No! Turn around!

*Walrus beings his charge as Nasty stands up and turns around. But Nasty still has enough time to duck out of Chewy's way. Chewy Walrus shoots past Balls and into the side of the steel cage head first. The sheer force of the impact broke the bracings on the side of the cage as Chewy continues on through. The whole side of the cage comes crashing down, with the Walrus laying on top of it. Balls Nasty climbs out of the ring and down to Chewy. He grabs Chewy by the hair and begins to grate his face across the steel.*

Monroe: Now, this is uncalled for!

Marcum: Yeah, but it's great to watch!

*Nasty rolls Chewy onto his back and climbs back into the ring and onto the turn buckle.*

Marcum: That's it, Balls! Take him out for good!

*Nasty leaps from the turnbuckle and hits the Kentucky Falls on Chewy Walrus. He rolls away, a little hurt by the move himself; but he's able to pick himself up. The ref begins the ten count again, but Balls already knows it's over and begins strutting around the ring with a smile on his face, wincing every now and then.*

Marcum: 8! 9! 10! Balls Nasty is the winner!

*Nasty lifts his own arms, painfully, into the air. As he climbs down the side of the ring with the fallen cage, he takes a moment to spit on Chewy's face, and then rub it in with his boot before returning to the locker room.

What's the C.A.T.C.H.?

King Snarf vs. Johnny Evil

*We come back to from a video recap of the history between Joe Mama and Captain Sammitch to see King Snarf in the ring, microphone in hand!*

King Snarf: Hello, ladies and gentlemen! Get ready, for you're about to witness history unfold as the first ever C.A.T.C.H is about to start!

But first, I would like to thank everyone who sent well-wishes these past few weeks regarding my relative who'd taken ill. The doctors gave him some topical cream for his infected hangnail, and expect him to be once more picking his nose!

*King Snarf is interrupted as Johnny Evil's music hits, and Johnny Evil himself appears at the top of the ramp!*

Johnny: Alright, enough of this feel good crap! What's the C.A.T.C.H. already?

KS: Hold on there, Johnny! When you and your band of rapscallions attacked me, I was angry. I wanted to beat the ever-loving snot out of each and every one of ya! But then, I got to thinking. You can't fight evil with anger. That begins a circle of violence that'll consume you. So I asked myself "Self, how does one fight evil?" So, I thought, and thought, then had a refreshing margarita, then thought some more. And that's when I found my answer. And once I had found my answer, I began to devise the RDCW's newest match concept, the C.A.T.C.H.! Y'see, you can't fight evil with anger, hatred, suffering, fear, Rice Krispies, or anything like that. No, no. The only thing that can truly triumph over evil....



Is LOVE!

Marcum: Love?!?

KS: That's right, love! And so Johnny, I hereby challenge you to the C.A.T.C.H.- the Chairman Approved Tournament of Carefree Hugging!

Monroe: ... I am at a loss for words.

KS: The rules are quite simple. We each take turns, hug the opponent, and say, "I love you!" This continues until one gets sick of it and quits.

JE: Uh... No offense, but that sounds kind of gay...

KS: Well, Johnny, may I ask you what's so gay about two men sharing a platonic embrace? If I didn't know better, I'd say someone wasn't comfortable with his sexuality. In fact, I'll go so far as to say YOU ARE GAY!

JE: I'm not gay!!

KS: You're last name's Evil, right? According to the Republicans, there's nothing more evil than the gays....

JE: I am NOT GAY!!

KS: Then prove it by getting in this ring and hugging another man!

Marcum: That's perfectly logical!

JE: Can't I just chase you around with a hammer instead?

*Johnny looks flustered as the fans chant "You are gay! You are gay!" He then steels himself, and heads to the ring. JE climbs into the ring, but backs away from Snarf‘s open armed approach. He points at Snarf and asks for a mic.*

JE: I’m not hugging you!

KS: What? Why not?

JE: You. . .you’ve got an erection!

KS: Well, I just woke up ten minutes ago. But may I ask what an alleged straight man is doing noticing the state of another man's junk??? You say you want to be the king king, but you seem more like the queen queen!

*Johnny looks flustered and then comes into the ring....*

KS: Hold on there, Johnny. You don't have to do this. You can still be Queen Queen. You can throw a fancy gala, and all the lords and ladies dressed in there gay finery can marvel over your extravagant evening gown!

JE: Can we just do this please?

KS: Very well! Johnny, being a gentleman, I shall let you begin.

Johnny does a quick "guy hug", maybe touching King Snarf with one arm, and mumbles something.

KS: That was the most pathetic attempt at hugging someone I've ever seen! My turn!

King Snarf throws a big hug to Johnny, like the kind Colossus would give Nightcrawler

KS: I love you! *pause for applause* There, ya see? Your turn.

Johnny tries again, this time with a bit more enthusiam

JE: I LOVE you, maaaaaaaaaan!

KS: ... Johnny, you're not getting my Bud Light.

The two pause for a moment, and then chuckle heartily over this obscure pop culture reference.

KS: Ah-ha-ha-ho.... My turn, again....

King Snarf hugs Johnny once more, this time with a quick side-to-side wiggle of the pelvis.

KS: I wuuuuuuuuuuuuv you!

Without pausing, Johnny performs his most enthusiastic hug yet. At the end, he grabs King Snarf's face with both hands and plants a quick smooch on the lips!

Monroe: Good lord!

King Snarf looks flabbergasted for a moment.

KS: Why Johnny.... Of course you realize this ups the ante considerably!

King Snarf them grabs Johnny much how Rhett would grab Scarlett, and then proceeds to lay a kiss on another man in a fashion vaguely reminiscent of that one scene in "Talladega Nights". After it's done, Johnny looks flustered as the crowd hoots. He holds up a finger as if to say "Hold for a moment" and then pulls a tube of chapstick out from his pocket. After applying the mint flavored lip balm, he puckers his lips in a practice fashion and then starts toward King Snarf...

KS: Hold on there, Johnny. I'm sure you and I could go on like this all night, considering both of us seem to have a high threshold for withstanding shame, but there's the audience to consider! I'm not sure how much more of this fans...

Right here in the CHEESEDOME... *pause for cheap pop* Can take. What say we call this a draw?

*King Snarf then extends his hand in a gesture of friendship, which Johnny shakes. The crowd cheers, mostly because they now no longer have to watch two allegedly straight men kiss.*

KS: Okay then! Ref, getcher ass over here and raise both our hands!

*Before RDCW Official Horace Picklefeather can do this however, a crappy emo cover of "Hail to the Chief" plays over the speakers. The Gay-Man has appeared at the top of the ramp and makes his way down to the ring...*

Marcum: The Gay-Man? What does he want? Doesn't he have some same-sex marriage in Boston to protest?

*The conservative curmudgeon enters the ring, with mic in hand!*

Gay-Man: Alright, I'm here to shut down this redneck fiasco that passes for entertainment. I've had some things on my mind regarding this shameful, sin-ridden farce that I'm going to share with you schmucks! *Crowd boos* Now, I was watching Hannity & Colmes the other night, and they said....

KS: Hold on there, Gay-Man, I think I see where you're going with this. It's something of a sore topic, and all you're really going to do is anger up some people. Maybe out of respect for those personally touched by the tragic events of the past month, maybe you shouldn't really say anything right now. *Crowd applauds this show of dignity and common sense*.

GM: Respect? Feh! I don't respect anybody! In fact, I have a constitutional right to say whatever cockamamie rhetoric I feel like! *Crowd boos*

KS: You know folks, as much as I hate to say it, he's right. This fine country guarantees the Gay-Man to say whatever he likes, no matter how assinine! *Crowd boos*

GM: Woo-hoo! Do I ever have some assinine things to say!

Marcum: No!

Monroe: I don't like it either, Marcum, but Snarf has a point. It may stick in my craw like an overripe persimmon, but that lunatic can say damn near anything!

*Amidst thunderous crowd boos, the Gay-Man starts to prance around the ring, rattling off various "insights"...

GM: Wrestlers are drugged up psychopaths! Homos oughtta be put in camps! Midgets should be shot into space! All those people in Harlem...

*The Gay-Man is cut off mid-prance by King Snarf, who stops Gay-Man's movement cold with a mere finger to the chest*

KS: Hold up there, Gay-Man. I. Wasn't. Finished. You may have the right to express yourself, but so do all these people. And also, so does the esteemed Mr. Evil and myself. More to the point, here in the CHEESEDOME... *pause for cheap pop* There's an RDCW corollary to that First Amendment that says that Johnny and myself can express ourselves by kicking your ASS!

*The Gay-Man looks scared as this recieves thunderous applause and cheers from the crowd*

Marcum: I love this country!

KS: ... But we're not going to just go and kick your ass.

*The crowd is disappointed and Johnny Evil looks sad*

JE: We're not? We're not gonna chase him with hammers?

KS: No, Johnny. To just go and assault the Gay-Man, no matter how much of a douche' he's being, would reek of tyranny and oppression. Which is why we're going to handle this in a democratic fashion. We're going to let this be decided... BY THE PEOPLE! *Crowd cheers*

Monroe: Uh-oh, this doesn't bode well for the Gay-Man!

KS: All you fans here who want to see us kick the Gay-Man's ass, gimme a "Fuck Yeah!"

Crowd: Fuck yeah!

JE: I don't think King Snarf heard you! He said everyone here who wants to see the Gay-Man get his ass kicked, gimme a "Fuck Yeah!"

Crowd: FUCK YEAH!

KS: There you have it, Gay-Man! The people have spoken!

*Snarf and Johnny can administer the well-deserved beating, a gang of ten or so Republican thugs wearing Nixon masks storm the ring!*

Monroe: It's the Gay-Man's goon squad!

Marcum: No fair! King Snarf is the only one who's allowed to bring a band of ridiculous clowns to the ring!

*The numbers game is no match for Johnny Evil and King Snarf, as they fend off their attackers with uncanny physical prowess! The soon start throwing punk-asses over the top rope, left and right!*

Monroe: Their by God cleaning house!

*The former adversaries quickly clear the ring and begin to mug for the audience. However, the failed to notice that the Gay-Man and an accomplice have re-entered the ring behind them, brandishing steel chairs!*

Monroe: Oh, no! The Gay-Man and his conservative cohort are about to lay a hurtin' on Snarf and Johnny!
Marcum: Cohort? You mean that Asian woman?
Monroe: That's no Asian woman! That's Pervriah! Turn around fellas, for Gob's sake, turn around!

*The two turn, but too late, as they both get a chair shot between the eyes. Snarf and Johnny go down, as Gay-Man and Pervriah drop the chairs andd start to pose for the crowd amidst thunderous boos. However, they fail to notice that the chair shots had no ill effect as Snarf and Johnny quickly spring to their feet and ready some chair shots of their own....*

Monroe: Those two nuts think the crowd is cheering for them! They'd best turn around, or they're gonna get a taste of their own medicine!
Marcum: This is gonna be great!

*The Gay-Man and Pervriah turn and both recieve thunderous chair shots to the head! Their unconscious bodies fall to the canvas as the crowd roars with approval! Red, white, and blue confetti and balloons start to fall from the ceiling, a giant American flag unfurls from the rafters, and Neil Young's "Rockin' in the Free World" starts to play over the speakers as Johnny and Snarf start to pose for the crowd!*

Marcum: This is great! And so spontaneous and unrehearsed!

Monroe: It's truly been a raucous evening so far, and Scammiversary is far from over!

*Fade to footage of Robin Lucious and Joey Biles backstage interviewing Balls Nasty for an RDCW.com exclusive!*

Grudge Match

Ghost Hog vs. Big Pimp Tim

*reserved*

Marcum: As we get set for this next match between Ghost hog and Big pimp Tim we are pleased to be joined by the RDCW Champion…Joe Mama, as our ringside special guest announcer. Thanks , JM.

JM: Good to be back here again, as I prepare to decimate Sammitch later tonight. I still have a score to settle with BPT and it's time to do some scouting.

Monroe: Indeed, JM.

Schwartz makes her way to the ring and stands in the center to the adoring cheers of the assembled masses.



Monroe, MarcuM, and JM: Daaaaaaaaaaammmnnnnn. . .


GH enters next and stands in his corner as Schwartz lowers her eyes. BPT makes an energetic entrance to many pops and assorted boos, but Schwartz keeps her head low still…BPT walks up to Schwartz and as she doesn’t acknowledge him he simply shrugs his shoulders. Schwartz immediately turns and runs over to GH and embraces him…the onlooking BPT shakes his head in disgust and cracks his neck. GH gets a surprised look and holds the rope for Schwartz as she exits the ring. The match starts furiously as GH immediately launches into BPT with running leap/spear. Many punches from GH follow, and BPT gets the strength up to push GH off of him…lifting him into the air. Both get up about the same time as BPT drops a quick kick to the knee and then to the midsection. BPT then launches some chest slaps and follows up with a a few blows to the head of GH.

Joe Mama: He's not gonna take out Ghost Hog with a head shot. A face shot, maybe. I'm sure Schwartz would know more about that.

MarcuM: *Snicker!*

BPT slings GH into the ropes and GH holds on to them and gathers his senses, and barely gets out of the way as BPT tries to get him with a running elbow. GH goes back to kicking BPT in the knee area as BPT falls to his one knee he gets GH with a stomach shot, and another. GH backpedals and BPT gets to his feet..GH makes a charge but BPT counters with a clothesline. GH falls to the canvas. BPT drops a few body-elbow shots, and tries for the Bitchmaker...GH grabs the bottom rope….Schwartz moves to the ringside trying to motivate him. Both men are back standing and GH goes back to the knee and misses and BPT tries for a reverse neck-breaker, but gets slapped away. GH then turns and gets BPT into a german suplex hold and drives him into a series of 3 german suplexes..getting up GH then takes a few shots at BPT’s knee again.

Monroe: Looks like GH has been studying some of BPT’s methodical wrestling style as he keeps attacking that knee. I wonder how BPT is gonna take that turn?

GH goes to the top rope to try to get a no chair included Swine-a-Sault. With his back turned he can’t see, but Schwartz pulls BPT to the side somewhat. As GH goes for the move he only hits Canvas…roughly. GH is holding his wrist in pain…BPT lurches up to a standing position and stomps on GH’s hand mercilously…BPT then kicks and drops knees into GH’s lower back. BPT goes for Bitchmaker again, but GH rolls out to which BPT makes a quick adjustment and starts stomping on GH’s wrist again. BPT then drags GH into the center of the ring….going for what looks to be a crossface submission…BPT turns it into and armbar stretch that pulls on the shoulder but in actuality is bending GH’s wrist back. GH tries to claw and pull to the rope area…..Schwartz looks to be crying and pleads with GH to tap….GH writhes and tries to pull his way to the rope…Schwartz starts tapping her hand on the canvas and holding her hands over her mouth…she shakes her head and pleads with GH to tap….GH cannot reach the rope, and a sobbing Schwartz drives GH to tap out. The referee rings the bell and James White announces BPT as the winner.

Schwartz smiles and BPT rises in triumph…Schwartz runs into the ring as GH gets to a knee in a look of utter shame…Schwartz looks down and him and smacks GH across the face and laughs at him. GH looks stunned as BPT gives him a boot behind the head knocking GH nearly cold…..BPT lifts GH into the air and carries him towards the announcer side of the ring. BPT seems to be saying……BPT:”I have a present for you Mama.” And tosses GH over the top rope barely missing the announcer table.

JM: I'd rather have Schwartz. Throw her this way.

Monroe: I can't believe she did that to Ghost Hog! Jezebel!

MarcuM: I predicted it! Schwartz has signed on with a real man and a Roller and Ghost Hog's punk ass went over the top rope!

Schwartz and BPT go off together arm in arm as GH struggles to his feet he sees the two laughing and walking off together you can see the rage in his eyes. GH starts to tear up the announcer table and monitors and mics fly..he flips the table and knocks Monroe into JM. GH screams into the air and JM stands up looking distraught and sees a rip in his clothing. JMama grabs a metal chair and yells for GH. GH turns around and JM lays a huge chair shot to GH’s head and then drops the chair ontop of the out cold GH. JM then very casualy takes off his mic and walks to the back.

Monroe: That will teach GH some manners.

Marcum: One shot! One shot!

Monroe: Indeed. Can you believe what Schwartz did? Whatta woman….

MarcuM: That's a real woman, Monroe!

Chained Fury

Grimm vs. Krazed

We return to ringside following a video recap of the Grimm/Krazed feud, and we see the ring crew replacing the ring ropes with chains. We see a shot of the rafters overhead where someone wearing a crimson, hooded robe is looking down on the arena.

Monroe: Who is that?

MarcuM: I don’t know!

“Come With Me” plays Krazed hits the stage, mic in hand. “Right now, I have a special guest here with me tonight, just before our soon to be epic matchup and his imminent retirement. . .all the way from Regents Point retirement home in Irvine, California. . .Grampa Grimm!!!!!!!”

“Lords of Salem” plays as a girl in a sexy nurse outfit wheels out J dressed as Grimm, only with a fake beard, glasses, wearing a robe, and holding a walking cane.

Monroe: That’s not Grimm!

MarcuM: Ahahahahahah!!!!

K: “Now Grampa Grimm, surely at your advanced age, you’re not seriously going to climb into that ring with the soon to be biggest name in the industry, I’m already the biggest name in this company, the innovator of the West Side Rollers. . .me, myself, Krazed???”

“Grampa Grimm” shakily waves his cane as he haltingly speaks.

GG: “You whippersnapper. . .nurse. . .what time is lunch? I need my medicine. . .”

Monroe: “That’s J! That’s J of the Rollers!”

MarcuM: “Comedic genius! The Rollers truly are multi-talented!”

"Grampa": "Get offa my lawn!"

Krazed lightly pats “Grampa Grimm” on the face.

K: “Grampa! Grampa, focus! You’ve got a match tonight! You want to say something? Come on old man, spit it out! Say it!”

“Grampa” shakily points at Krazed, continuing the act before looking up, wide eyed.

K: “What is it, Grampa? Your ticker giving out on you?”

GG: “Behind you!”

Monroe: “It’s Grimm!”

Krazed turns just in time to see Grimm storming the stage area, already wearing a dog collar and carrying the chain with Krazed’s collar. Grimm nails Krazed with a chain shot and goes to work on him as the nurse runs off. “Grampa” jumps up out of his wheelchair and pulls off his beard and whacks Grimm across the back with a caneshot!

“Grampa” J works Grimm over with caneshots as Krazed gets backs to his feet and the two double team Grimm and bring him to ringside. They roll him into the ring where Krazed goes up to the top turnbuckle and delivers a pair of Knight, Knights to Grimm on the mat. Lothar breaks it up as Krazed strikes a quick pose for a segment of Rollers fans in the front row. Krazed turns back and takes the collar from Lothar and attaches it to himself, and returns to beating on Grimm with the chain. He drops a couple of knees on Grimm for good measure.

Krazed picks Grimm up and goes for an irish whip, but Grimm reverses and clotheslines Krazed with the chain! Grimm wraps the chain around his fist and begins punching at away Krazed’s forehead, busting him wide open!

Grimm places Krazed upon the turnbuckles in preparation for a Kobe Special, but J runs back out to ringside and nails Grimm again with his cane, knocking him off of the ring apron. Krazed recovers and begins pulling the connected chain back over the chained ropes, hanging Grimm outside the ring!

J celebrates, standing on the apron, waving his arms around to the mostly jeering crowd. He laughs, and turns back to swat at Grimm with the cane, but Grimm has pulled himself up onto the apron and hits J with a low blow! J falls forward and Krazed goes for a running attack, but Grimm ducks down and back body drops him over the ropes and to the floor!

Grimm follows up with a running elbow drop from the ring apron, landing on Krazed outside of the ring! J attempts to follow up with an elbow of his own, but Grimm rolls out of the way and J lands on Krazed!

Monroe: Backfired!

MarcuM: That’s terrible! Grimm should not be allowed to cheat this way!

Grimm shoves J into the ring post, and attempts a follow up, but Krazed has recovered and is holding back on the chain again, like a leash! Krazed grins and rolls back into the ring and Grimm has no choice but to follow!

The two then engage in a tug of war with the chain, attempting to pull each other closer with it. Grimm begins pulling Krazed closer, but as he does so, Krazed releases the chain and moves in for a running knee strike to the head! Grimm is rocked backwards and Krazed attempts to ram him into the exposed turnbuckles, but Grimm fights off, hitting a pair of elbows to the gut!

Both men are bleeding heavily now, and the ring is stained with blood in several places! The hooded figure in the rafters appears to be watching intently. Krazed goes for a Stinger Splash in the corner but, Grimm ducks out of the way and Krazed hits the turnbuckle, bouncing back in agony!

The chain gets caught up between his legs, and Grimm yanks it upwards, directly into Krazed’s crotch!

Monroe: Oh my!

MarcuM: All bad, Monroe. I cannot roll with this one.

Grimm sets Krazed upon the ropes and goes a running Cactus Clothesline, but Krazed drops down and Grimm sends himself over the ropes and to the floor. Krazed pulls away as Grimm goes flying out, and his collar breaks off from the chain.

MarcuM: Shoddy materials! Why doesn’t Rob pay for better stuff than this!
Monroe: Rob, pay? Yeah, right. . .

Krazed and J pull a table out from under the ring and set up the table. J picks Grimm up and places him on the table as Krazed goes up for a Kaos!

Krazed leaps off, and Grimm rolls out of the way, pulling J onto the table as Krazed lands on his partner and sends him crashing through the table!

Monroe: J just felt the Kaos!

MarcuM: That’s fucked up. That ain’t right.

Krazed is beside himself as he yells at the unconscious J in the ring! Outside the ring, Grimm has pulled a chair out from under the ring and holds it up for the cheering crowd to see.

Monroe: It says West Side Rollers, Madman!

MarcuM: Why does he have J’s picture crossed out? How can he deface art like that?

Grimm turns back to the ring as Krazed delivers a suicide dive onto him! Grimm tries to block it, and Krazed hits the chair headfirst, but Grimm is knocked back into the guardrail! Both men are down as the crowd goes into the “RDCW!” chant!

Monroe: Both men may be hurt, Madman!

MarcuM: There’s blood everywhere! J’s lying in the broken remains of that table, and now Krazed may have dain bramage!

Monroe: Brain damage!

MarcuM: That’s what I said!

Krazed slowly crawls back into the ring as Lothar and the ring crew are clearing away the wreckage of the table. Krazed hangs on the chain ropes a bit as he scans the arena and finds what he’s looking for. He heads up the rampway and collects the wheelchair from earlier. He places Grimm in the wheelchair and rolls him up the rampway.

Once at the top, Krazed runs down the rampway, pushing the chair as fast he can. He shoves the chair towards the ring, slamming Grimm into the side of it at full speed! Grimm drops to the ground, holding his sides as he rolls on the floor of the Cheesedome.

Krazed jumps up onto the guardrail in front of the WSR’s fan section and leads them in a shout of “Rollin’!” Krazed turns and steadies himself on top of the guardrail and goes to deliver a Kaos from the guardrail onto Grimm on the floor!

Monroe: OHMYGOB!!!!!!!!

MarcuM: That’s how you do it, Monroe! First, BPT’s defeats Ghost Hog and takes home the girl! Now, Krazed is going to send Grampa here into retirement!

Krazed climbs back up onto the guardrail to deliver another move, but spends too much time celebrating, as he leaps off again, Grimm rolls out of the way and Krazed lands hard on the floor! Grimm pulls himself to his feet and begins wrapping the now loose chain around his left arm.

Monroe: You know what this means, Madman!

MarcuM: Reaper’s Scythe.

Grimm hits the running the running clothesline as Krazed attempted to get back to his feet. Grimm rolls him back into the ring and signals for the end with the crucifix pose as the crowd gets to it’s feet.

Monroe: Triple 6 Bomb!!!!!!

MarcuM: I can’t watch this. It’s not right that talent like Krazed should be treated this way!

Grimm makes the cover and Lothar counts three as the match ends and the Cheesedome explodes with cheering. The ring is stained with blood. Chains, tables, and a wheelchair litter the ringside area. The match has lived up to it’s billing. Lothar raises Grimm’s arm, but Grimm winces and holds his side again.

He steps up onto the turnbuckles and poses to soak in the cheers of the fans.

Monroe: Tonight, he proved he is the king of carnage, Madman!

MarcuM: I don’t know about that! Look!

Big Pimp Tim runs down the rampway and slides into the ring, nailing Grimm in the back with a forearm shot. BPT pulls Grimm down off the turnbuckles and continues working him over. He’s soon joined by J as the two Rollers put the boots to Grimm in the middle of the ring! They revive Krazed and he joins in the assault as well!

Monroe: Three on one! Again!

MarcuM: Finally, a fair matchup!

“Ghaleon’s Theme” then cues up as Johnny Evil and The Otaku race down to ringside brandishing chairs!

Monroe: What are they doing here?

MarcuM: They’ve come to help put Grimm out of his misery!

Monroe: I don’t think so! Look!

The Otaku hit the ring and immediately go after the WSR, chasing them off with their chairs! As the WSR leave the ringside area, The Otaku help Grimm to his feet. Johnny Evil checks Grimm, still holding his side, who seems otherwise ok.

Evil then throws his chair to BFE, who in turn tosses it to Hiro, who tosses it directly into Grimm’s face!

Monroe: What the hell??!!

MarcuM: I knew it!

BFE delivers a Heartbreak Hotel body splash onto Grimm, followed up by another. The Otaku then drag Grimm over to one of the corners and hold him in place as Johnny Evil delivers running dropkick, sending the chair back into his face again! The Otaku pose in the ring as their music hits again, and they leave the arena.

Monroe: The Otaku and Johnny Evil once again proving that they cannot be trusted! Fans, we'll be back in a few moments after this word about how you can experience the RDCW live!

MarcuM: So we can get the arena cleaned up for our main event!

RDCW World Heavyweight Championship

Joe Mama (C) vs. Captain Sammitch


The Cheesedome lights dim...

Marcum: Uh oh, look out!

Another pyrotechnic charge detonates, and as the opening bars of “Kashmir” blast over the speakers, Captain Sammitch appears at the top of the ramp amid the flash and smoke.

Marcum: Whoa!

The crowd cheers wildly as Captain Sammitch, still in his black gi, high-fives fans all the way down the ramp.

Monroe: Captain Sammitch is making his way to the ring, where the fight of his career is about to begin!

Marcum: As soon as he finishes wasting time with the fans!

Sammitch enters the ring and climbs to the top of a turnbuckle, where he salutes the fans, sending them into an even wilder frenzy.

Monroe: After the war of words earlier this evening, there's little doubt that most of this crowd is securely in Sammitch's corner. Listen to that!

Sammitch hops down from the turnbuckle and adjusts his gi. He stretches his arms for a brief moment, then turns to face his opponent. “Kashmir” fades, but there is a lull as the arena gradually goes quiet. With no entrance music playing, and no sign of movement from the back, both the crowd and Sammitch himself start getting a bit restless. Sammitch confers with the referee, who doesn't seem to know what's going on.

Monroe: What's going on? Where's Joe Mama's entrance music? Where's the Champion to defend his title? Has Captain Sammitch rattled him enough that he's lost the will to compe-

The lights at the top of the entrance ramp go black as a figure steps out. Backlit against the lights of the Cheese-O-Tron, the figure casts an ominous silhouette, with microphone in hand. But it's clearly not Joe Mama. The mystery person comes out from the dark and it's...

Louie Bastardo: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my privilege and my damn right as a Hall of Famer to introduce the RDCW Heavyweight Champion...The Enforcer, JOE MAMA!!!!!!!!!!!

[And now “Faded” blasts over the speakers and the lights go up. From the back steps Joe Mama, his face a mask of intensity. He moves forward to stand by Louie Bastardo's side, eyes locked on his opponent as Louie basks in the crowd reaction – a mixed chorus of boos and cheers. Louie slaps the Champ on the shoulder and they walk to the ring. Joe Mama's eyes narrow as his look of intensity gives way to one of intense dislike.

Marcum: I can say for sure what's going through the Champ's mind, but I'm willing to bet something very bad is about to happen to Captain Sammitch, Monroe.

Louie Bastardo and Joe Mama enter the ring. As Captain Sammitch takes a step back to allow Joe Mama to have his moment in the center of the ring, Louie Bastardo walks over to the referee and they have a conversation for a moment before Louie leaves the ring. Joe Mama stands in a corner, making no move for the center, ignoring the fans, eyes still locked on Sammitch. The referee walks over to Joe Mama and asks for the title belt, which Joe Mama takes from around his waist and hands to the ref, eyes still locked on Sammitch. The referee holds up the strap for the crowd to see, hands it to a ring attendant, and motions for the match to start. The bell rings...

Captain Sammitch moves quickly into the center of the ring, waiting for the champ, but Joe Mama slowly circles his opponent. As Sammitch moves in for an collar and elbow tie-up, Joe Mama starts to respond to the hold but then shoves Sammitch off to the side before the lock up can be cinched. Sammitch attempts the same hold, but the same thing happens. Captain Sammitch moves in again for another tie-up but Joe Mama slips halfway out of the ropes, forcing the ref to push Sammitch back towards the center.

Monroe: What the hell is this? First Joe Mama takes his sweet time getting to the ring, and now he won't even wrestle?

Marcum: Is that what you're seeing? Cuz I see a Champion who knows how to govern the pace of this match!

As Joe Mama steps back into the ring, Captain Sammitch moves towards him. It's easy to read lips: “What the hell are you doing? What's wrong with you?” Joe Mama responds by shoving Sammitch back and then flipping him the bird. Then the two competitors lock up. Joe Mama gets a headlock and starts punching Sammitch repeatedly. The ref is about to move in because of the closed fist but Sammitch is able to break the headlock and push Joe Mama into the ropes. The Champ bounces off the ropes, gets hit with crescent kick, and falls back into the ropes. Captain Sammitch moves in to press the advantage, but Joe Mama sidesteps him, pulls him tighter into the ropes, and drives a knee into Sammitch's midsection. As Sammitch stumbles away from the ropes Joe Mama follows him, driving fist after fist into the side of Sammitch's head.

Marcum: Still look like the Champ didn't come for a fight, Monroe?

Monroe: That's exactly what this is. These fans expected a wrestling match and that's what they deserve!

Marcum: Weren't you paying attention? Joe Mama doesn't care what they want or “deserve!”

After a few more moments of brawling, Joe Mama Irish whips Captain Sammitch into the ropes and goes for a clothesline. But Captain Sammitch is able to duck the arm, ricochet off the opposite ropes, and use his momentum to deliver a spinning heel kick that knocks his foe to the mat. He goes for a quick pin which the Champ kicks out of before the ref can count to one. Captain Sammitch pulls Joe Mama up and hits him with a flurry of martial arts chops, punches, and kicks that push him back to a ring corner. The ref breaks up the attack, so Sammitch steps back to allow Joe Mama out of the corner. He stumbles forward and swings wildly on Sammitch, who lets the Champ's momentum carry him around so his back is turned and he is able to lock in and execute the series of suplexes know as...

Monroe: THE THREE AMIGOS!!!

With Joe Mama lying on the mat, seemingly knocked out, Captain Sammitch takes a moment to catch his breath before going for the pin. The ref counts to two before Joe Mama kicks out. Sammitch tries for another pin, which Joe Mama kicks out of. One more with the same result. Sammitch starts to pull Joe Mama up, but Joe Mama locks his arms around Sammitch and hits an atomic drop that momentarily stuns Sammitch. Joe Mama moves back and then runs forward for another clothesline, but Captain Sammitch ducks at the last moment and the ref is the victim of the brutal move.

Marcum: Did you see that??? Captain Sammitch meant for that to happen!!!

Monroe: Oh shut up, Marcum!

With the referee knocked out, Joe Mama moves in on Captain Sammitch and starts punching him in the head again. He drags Sammitch to the ropes and uses them as leverage to choke him out. Then he jerks the top rope up, catapulting Sammitch back to the mat. Joe Mama pulls Sammitch up and hits two suplexes of his own and then Irish whips him into one of the corners. Sammitch bounces off and stumbles forward into Joe Mama, who executes a...

Marcum: SPINEBUSTER!!! The Champ has hit one of his signature moves! It won't be long now!!!

Captain Sammitch slowly crawls to the opposite corner as Joe Mama rolls out of the ring. He grabs the title belt and rolls back in. Joe Mama takes a moment to check the ref (who is still unconscious), and then steps into the center of the ring. He's watching Captain Sammitch pull himself to his feet, sizing him up. The Champs eyes widen in anticipation. Captain Sammitch is on his feet with his back turned to the Champ. Joe Mama's waiting for him...waiting for Sammitch to turn. The crowd is going wild, chanting for Captain Sammitch, fearfully aware of what's about to happen. Captain Sammitch turns to his opponent, and Joe Mama...

Monroe: OH NO!!!

Marcum: OH YES!!!

...tosses the belt into Captain Sammitch's hands.

Marcum & Monroe: Wait, what?

Captain Sammitch looks confused as he stares at the belt, then looks at the smiling Joe Mama, and then looks out at the fans. The fans are shocked but cheering. More than a few are motioning what they want Sammitch to do with the belts. Captain Sammitch looks at Joe Mama who sees these fans, looks back at Captain Sammitch, and smiles. Captain Sammitch walks towards Joe Mama as if to ask him something and Joe Mama responds by turning his back on his opponent and raising his arms from his sides in mock supplication. That fans are going nuts! They're chanting his name as he stares at the belt. Joe Mama's smile is horribly gleeful as he nods to the crowd. Not even attempting to do anything. Not even bracing himself.

Monroe: What the hell is this? What the hell is Joe Mama doing? He's giving this match away!!!

Marcum: That's the point! The Champ is handing this match to Captain Sammitch! This match, and the Heavyweight Cheese Title, is all his! All he has to do is hit the Champ with the belt. It's the perfect crime for both men! Sammitch wins the title he's been coveting for years, but at the cost of his SOUL! He knows that this is his moment! Hit him, Sammitch! Hit him with that belt and show the world who you really are! Or toss it aside and prove to everyone that you're everything Joe Mama ever said you were! You KNOW he's better than you! You KNOW this match is his! Hit him with that belt, Sammitch! You KNOW it's the only way!!!

Captain Sammitch stares, stunned, at both the belt and the back of Joe Mama's head and then...

Captain Sammitch step back...

And...

Secures the Heavyweight Cheese Title belt around his waist to the cheers of the fans!

Monroe: YES!!! That's right, Marcum! This young man's soul is NOT for sale! He'll never take the easy way out! That's why he's...

Marcum: A CHEAPION! Look at him! Soaking up the fans' adulation! Going for the cheap pop! He better take that belt off before Joe Mama sees him and...oh no! OH NO!!!

Joe Mama's smile fades away as he turns around and looks at his opponent. He sees Captain Sammitch, basking in the glory of the moment, and something visibly snaps. It goes beyond having his plan thwarted. Joe Mama's face is a mask of blind rage as he rushes at Sammitch, howling like an animal. Sammitch barely has time to raise his arms in defense before Joe Mama is on him, punching wildly at him. Captain Sammitch falls back under the force of the assault. The belt falls from around his waist and someone kicks it aside. Joe Mama flings Sammitch into the ropes and almost decapitates him with a running lariat. He drops onto Sammitch's chest and subjects him to a flurry of punches.

Monroe: This is disgusting! What the hell kind of display is this? This is disgraceful!

Marcum: This is exactly what Captain Sammitch deserves! How DARE he defile the title like that? Who is he to wear that belt before he's won it? What right does he have to lessen its meaning for cheap applause from these fans? He just might have well have come out here and belittled every match, every injury, and every hospital trip Joe Mama ever took in defense of the title that means so much to him! Sammitch isn't nearly getting what he deserves!

Monroe: You don't believe that, Marcum. There's no way you believe any of what you just said! All Captain Sammitch wanted was to make these fans smile. All he did was give them a bright moment in this match. You can't justify what's happening in that ring! You don't agree with this!

Marcum: It doesn't matter what I agree with or believe. I'm telling you what's happening in Joe Mama's mind. And I hope that moment you mentioned was worth it to the fans and to Sammitch now that he's paying the price!

The ref has come to, and Captain Sammitch is mounting a bit of a comeback. He's able to deflect most of Joe Mama's shots and get a few of his own in. But the attack has visibly taken its toll on the challenger. He attempts a spinning crescent kick, but Joe Mama pushes at the leg, forcing Sammitch's momentum to swing him around in a circle. Joe Mama quickly scoops him up and hits an East Coast Hammer. He rushes to a ring corner, hops up on top, and crashes on top of Captain Sammitch with a Flying Tea Bag Slam. But, instead of going for the pin, Joe Mama pulls Captain Sammitch up, drapes Sammitch's back across his own shoulder, and delivers a Bay State Sledge. Captain Sammitch lies prone, barely conscious, and it is then that Joe Mama drops for the pin and the victory. “Faded” plays as Joe Mama stands up, barely aware that the ref is raising his hand in victory. The belt is placed into his hands and Joe Mama looks down at it, surprised to see it there. The crowd is decidedly mixed as the ref leads Joe Mama to the ropes and motions for him to leave the ring area. The EMTs are rushing to the ring to care for Captain Sammitch. Joe Mama is about to leave the ring, but stops. He looks back at the body of Captain Sammitch, looks out at the crowd, raises the title belt up, and (amid the cheers and boos of the fans) points to the belt and then at himself. He shouts, “MINE!!!” a few times and then leaves the ring...

POST MATCH:

Joe Mama is walking up the ramp as Meeko comes out from the back. She rushes towards the ring, but stops a mere step away from Joe Mama. The two stare at each other. Meeko is clearly begging him to let her pass and go to her man. Joe Mama stares at her, almost uncomprehendingly, and then looks back at the ring. He looks at Meeko and the steps aside. Meekorushes to the ring where Sammitch is finally sitting up as the EMTs try to convinve him to get on the stretcher.

Meeko is by his side and attempts to help Captain Sammitch to his feet, but Sammitch slowly gets up on his own. Without a glance at the EMTs, Sammitch turns and allows Meeko to assist him in leaving the ring. As the pair trudge up the ramp, a few in the crowd begin cheering for him. The few become many, and there's a swell of support for Captain Sammitch as he moves up the ramp.

Monroe: The crowd seems like they're trying to console Sammitch. He may have lost the match, but he clearly won the war for his soul and for their hearts!

Marcum: Even they feel sorry for him!

Sammitch continues up the ramp. A few fans reach out for high-fives. But looking at them, Sammitch merely nods slightly in reply and keeps walking. The fans are shocked, but still they cheer.

Monroe: Captain Sammitch is clearly very distraught after a hard-fought loss in what has to be one of the greatest title matches we've ever seen.

The crowd begins chanting Sammitch's name, at first a few quietly, then more and more.

Marcum: They're still cheering for him even after losing!

Hearing the cheers, Captain Sammitch stops just short of the top of the ramp. He turns, clearly about to acknowledge the crowd.

Monroe: Has the crowd managed to revive Captain Sammitch? Does he understand now how much they love him?

Marcum: Sure, for now. Just like Joe Mama said, they're...

Monroe: Marcum? Shut up. Just shut up!

Sammitch pauses for a long moment, then shakes his head and slowly plods up the last few yards of the ramp. The cheers falter, and a large part of the crowd murmurs uneasily.

Marcum: What's wrong with this crowd? :?!:

Monroe: Something is very wrong with Captain Sammitch. I'm not sure what we're witnessing here, but I for one have never seen Sammitch like this.

With Meeko still following, Sammitch exits the arena. Cameras follow him as Meeko splits off from him and he makes his way to his locker room. He enters, but the door stays open. The cameras stay on the locker room, where Sammitch picks up a duffel bag full of the contents of his locker, slings it over his shoulder, and makes his way alone out a service entrance. Outside, a plain dark green car awaits.

Marcum: Sammitch is leaving!

Monroe: It certainly appears that way. But where? And for how long? This feels like a bad dream I can't wake up from, and I'm sure many in the crowd here feel the exact same way...

Without looking back, Captain Sammitch tosses his duffel bag in the back seat, climbs into the passenger seat, and closes the door as the car turns and makes its way through the Cheesedome parking lot and fades out of sight into the distance.

fade out. . .