RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Havok-Pimp Hand Strong

"More Human Than Human" cues up as we see the T&Angels in the ring doing their dance routine and as they finish, we cut to Mike "The Mouth" Monroe and Madman MarcuM at ringside!

Monroe: Tonight, fans, we have a special main event for you as the RDCW World Champion Joe Mama returns from his overseas trip tonight to face off against the man who threw him over the top rope a few months back, Big Pimp Tim!

MarcuM: And tonight, BPT will humiliate Joe Mama's punk ass again!

Monroe: BPT's tag partner, Krazed, will go one one with King Snarf!

MarcuM: Tonight, the West Side Rollers will embarass two world champions and cement their legacy as the greatest!

Monroe: The newest member of the Rollers, Schwartz, will take on Charlie's business manager, Grace in a Catfight!

MarcuM: I love catfights!

Monroe: Speaking of Charlie, the Million $ Pitbull teams up with the English Bastards to take on the Otaku in six man tag action!

MarcuM: I don't know who to root for!

Monroe: Then root for the hopefuls who are trying out for the RDCW! The tryouts continue this week as two men who we saw last week, Hombre Del Mouse and Jade Dragon will hope to impress the RDCW and land a job on the roster!

MarcuM: We already know who they haven't impressed, Balls Nasty!

Monroe: Let's hope he doesn't return to to help us commentate again this week!

MarcuM: What? He's great on commentary! Better than some people I could mention!

Monroe: Plus, I have receieved word that this week, famed celebthelete Q*Bert Johnson will make his RDCW debut!

MarcuM: Who???

RDCW Tryouts
Jade Dragon vs. Hombre Del Mouse

Singles Match
Krazed vs. King Snarf

Catfight
Schwartz vs. Grace

6 Person Tag
The Otaku vs. Charlie & Bastards

Main Event
Joe Mama vs. Big Pimp Tim

<Cut to the inside of the Cheapions' locker room. Sweet Marlene is cutting the tape on a shipping carton on her desk while Chewy Walrus and Killconey watch the show on a monitor, to which is taped a copy of the evening's card...>

Killconey: This is stupid.

Chewy Walrus:

KC: The West Side Rollers, dude. They're plastered all over this card like they own this promotion!

Sweet Marlene: The ratings certainly suggest that they do, boys...

CW & KC:

SM: I'm just saying, though... right now they're on top - or at least near the top. They're going to get the A-list treatment until someone can convincingly demonstrate they're not A-list material. We're not healthy enough to do that at this point.

KC: I just can't stand it! We should be out there kickin' asses, not watching it all on TV like those tryout jobbers...

SM: Well you've got a match next week. Just get through that and then we'll see about taking on the West Side Rollers. I'm just glad the doctors cleared you both in time to get you a match that soon. Stay healthy this time and we'll get our shot.

KC: At a buncha B-list tag teams. I miss when we could team up with Sammitch and take on anybody.

SM: I understand that. But sooner or later you're going to have to get used to taking on anybody without Sammitch. I know you have the ability. But you need to develop confidence in that ability or you'll never fight at your full potential. Sammitch was good because he gave you that confidence. But you need to start finding it in yourselves.

CW:

KC: You're right, babe.

SM: Yeah, I know.

<Sweet Marlene opens the box and pulls out a sleeveless black baseball jersey. The logo is obscured by the folds of the garment, but somewhere in its midst, a letter F is clearly visible until Marlene looks up and notices the camera...>

SM: Get that thing out of here!

<Chewy gets up, goes over to the door, and slams it in the cameraman's face... camera... whatever...>

Monroe: One wonders what that letter F stands for...

Marcum: Maybe the F-Troop! It's very appropriate!

Monroe:

<Fade to black...>

we cut to another area backstage. All of WSR is hanging out by the stairs. They're all clapping for J


Krazed: Nice moves J!

Shwartz: Very impressive

BPT stands up

BPT: Okay, okay. My turn. he heads to the top of the stairs with his belt in hand... Ill do this one with both eyes closed

Krazed: I dont know about that T.

Shwartz: Yeah honey. be careful...

BPT: Yeah I know, I know. Im just doing something to relax till later when i throw Joe Mama's punk ass over

Krazed: Again?

BPT: it'll be sweeter the second time. Now watch this guys...

Tim puts the belt on top of the railing puts his feet on top. He starts to slide down. Halfway down the belt starts to slip

BPT: Oh shit...! Tim flies off the railing and into some backstage equipment against the wall. J and Shwartz are the first to run over...


J: Tim! Oh shit...Tim! You okay man?

Shwartz: Baby? Baby wake up. Come on. Dont scare me like this...

Tim stirs a little...

Krazed: Well at least he's alive thank gob. He doesnt look like hes gonna be fighting tonight though...hmmmmm

Fade to black...

*Del Castillo's "Back From the Grave" plays as the newest member of The Otaku, El Superbeasto makes his way into the Cheesedome. However, now he is wearing a dark black suit and a green mask and has a samurai sword strapped to his back. He climbs into the ring, stepping over the top rope and produces a mic.

Superbeasto: Konichiwai, beetches!!! Greetings from El Superbeasto, biggest and mightiest of all luchadores!!!

Monroe: Who let this guy have a microphone?

MarcuM: Hey, I'll have you know that El Superbeasto is a graduate of Jesse Jackson's public speaking program.

Monroe: Which makes it so much better. . .

Superbeasto: Everyone is wanting to know how I am coming to join Otaku. Last year, when RDCW is touring Japan, Superbeasto is having time of his life. Superbeasto is being treated so well by public. . .that he is ending up moving to Japan!!! When contract is expiring, Superbeasto becomes luchadore in Japan promotion and is dominating it!!!

*Superbeasto pulls out a championship belt from somewhere, we're not really sure where, but the belt looks tiny as he drapes it over his shoulder.

Superbeasto: In fact, Superbeasto is holding Japanese tag team championship with Johnny Evil! So when Senor Evil is calling Superbeasto to come back to the States to wrestle puta Greemm. . .Superbeasto is more than happy to help out felllow Bastardo member.

Greem. . .your time is coming, puta diablo. What I do to you last week. . .is just preview. . .next week, I finish the job. Next week. . .I give you Giant Headbutt. I give you Giantsault! I give you Chokeslam to Oblivion. . .and finally. . .Senor Evil give you. . .the DOOMCHOKE!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!

*"Back From the Grave" plays again as Superbeasto leaves the ring area, still laughing.

*Doc Paragon is sitting in his office, watching Havok on a monitor.

DP: Who in the hell let him back in here?! And why did they let him have a microphone???

Paragon's intercome buzzes and he groans audibly. It's not the first time he's been buzzed today.He presses the button.

DP: Yes, Penny?

Penny: There's a problem, sir.

DP: If it's Snarf again, tell him I'm in a meeting. Meetings. I'm booked up with meetings. Until April. And if he asks you out again, use the pepperspray I got you.

Penny: No, it's not Snarf this time, sir. Apparently Big Pimp Tim's been injured backstage.

Paragon sighs and drops his head down into his hands.

DP: What was it? Fighting backstage? Who started it?

Penny: No sir, apparently the West Side Rollers were goofing around backstage and Tim fell down. He's been sent to the hospital.

DP: We're going to get sued. Again. I know it. Crap. What is wrong with these people? They don't need a General Manager, they need a babysitter!

Penny: Also, apparently there's some problem with Ghost Hog. . .

DP: Oh, he finally decided to come back?

Penny: Uhm, apparently he never left. He's been sleeping here in the Cheesedome.

DP:

Penny: And he's popping up at random and ranting to anyone who'll listen about some sort of conspiracy you have against him.

DP:

Penny: He's really annoying a lot of people, sir. And he keeps staring at me.

DP: Is he out there now?

Penny: Not now, but he was earlier. While you were dealing with Snarf.

DP: Keep me posted, Penny. If he shows up again, let me know. I'll deal with him.

Paragon grows silent, sitting behind his desk with his hands folded in front of his face as he ponders what to do about Ghost Hog.

The arena darkens as the Cheese-O-Tron lights up with a message: Tonight, Qbert arrives in the RDCW.

W H O A !

Cut to a corridor deep in the bowels of the Cheesedome, near the loading dock where the RDCW Tryouts hopefuls have been congregating. Balls Nasty is walking down the hallway speaking to Robin Luscious, who is listening intently to what he is saying.

BN: You see Balls Nasty realized he was in hot pursuit of the wrong things in life. That's when Balls Nasty gave his life to James Best. Balls Nasty converted to Roscoism.

RL: That's fascinating. Do go on. . .

BN: Well you see. . .

They walk past the dock and Balls sees several of the RDCW hopefuls milling around and stops mid-sentence. His face contorts in rage as he completely forgets about what he was saying and doing. He sees a familiar face and starts yelling.

BN: Dragon Man! Hey! Dragon Man! Jade Dragon? Whatever the fuck your name is, you shoulda listened to me last week!

Several of the RDCW hopefuls scream in abject horror as someone slams the door to the dock in Balls' face. Balls Nasty gets to the door and tries it. It's stuck. He tries to break it down but there's something keeping it from moving...

BN: You think this is a joke? I'm not playin' around with you little clowns anymore, you hear me? I told you to clear out, and you went and got yourself a match!

Balls Nasty pounds on the door a few more times, then goes over to a vertical sliding door made for trucks to back up to. He gets a grip on the bottom of the door, heaves mightily, and lifts the door into the air before striding through, Robin and camera crew scurrying after...

RL: Robin Luscious here with breaking news! Balls Nasty is confronting the RDCW hopefuls once again on the loading dock of the Cheesedome!

BN: Thought you'd be funny and try to lock me in, huh?

The hopefuls are all standing near the door, some leaning against it. Dolphin Lad spots Balls first and lets out a squeak of alarm before leaping off the loading dock and dashing off across the lot, leaving a shiny wet yellow trail on the pavement behind him. The others back away from the door and scatter...

BN: You! Cowboy! Where is he?

Pecos Pleather Pete: Jade Dragon? I don't know, and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you, ya lousy varmint!

BN: Didn't you learn your lesson last week?

PPP: It ain't right, mister! You shouldn't be terrorizin' us! All we want is a fair shake, y'hear?

Balls hauls Pete into the air by his vest and slams him against the wall a few times before shaking him around like a ragdoll...

BN: I'll give you a fair shake, little man. No problem there!

Balls hurls Pecos Pleather Pete into the back of an open semi trailer and shuts the door...

BN: This guy... what's his... can't believe... Hey, I remember you!

The Fireman backs away nervously...

BN: Yeah, you tried to hit me with something last week, didn't you? Come over here...

The Fireman backs away a little more, but trips over a chair and falls. Balls is right there in an instant and yanks him off the ground, then wraps the hose of the fire extinguisher around the Fireman's neck and begins choking him until Baarooq, the militant African-American D&D Barbarian comes up behind him and hits him in the back with a chair shot! Balls drops the Fireman and whirls around, enraged...

BN: THAT'S IT! If I can't get to the fuckin' Jade Dragon, at least I can pound all of you rejects!

Balls grabs the chair and brings it down on the fallen Fireman with a resounding smash...

Baarooq, the militant African-American D&D Barbarian: Damn.

Still holding the chair, Balls lifts Baarooq, the militant African-American D&D Barbarian off his feet with a rising chair shot! Dropping the chair, Balls Nasty whirls around and catches The Great Bluedini sneaking up on him from behind! Balls grabs Bluedini by the throat for a chokeslam, then changes his mind and hurls the smaller man into a waiting Chief Pink Feather, who despite the crushing pain of the impact doesn't seem to mind all that much...

BN: Is that everybody?

Balls spots Hombre Del Mouse breaking for the closed door. As Balls charges after him, Hombre Del Mouse struggles with the handle and can't seem to get the door open. At the last instant, the door opens from the inside, and Hombre Del Mouse darts through it past none other than the Jade Dragon...

BN: There you are!

Jade Dragon says nothing...

BN: Aren't you gonna run like that candyass did?

Jade Dragon just stands there...

BN: Are you gonna try and put up a fight this time?

Jade Dragon doesn't respond, just stares hard at Balls Nasty through the green mask...

BN: Aren't you at least gonna say anything before I kick your ass?

Jade Dragon just shrugs, then silently turns and walks away down the corridor...

BN: What the hell... you didn't... you'd better not make me chase you down that hall...

Out of sight, Jade Dragon's footsteps recede down the corridor...

BN: Dammit! Get back here! Dragon! DRAGON!!!

Balls turns and punches through the window of the loading-dock door. Ignoring his bleeding hand, he turns and sees he turns and sees Dolphin Lad, standing next to Robin Luscious, who is rubbing his chin as they walk down the hallway.

RL: Aren't you just the cutest little guy?

BN: . . .and Boss Hogg did slap Roscoe's hand away from the vittles. . .

Bring Tha Noise by Public Enemy brings the crowd to their feet as Randy Qbert Johnson walks out to the ring.

Monroe: There he is, Madman! Suspended from the Roboken Sixty-Niners after a controversial incident featuring Rob Kamphausen, a pool of jello, and a pair of donkeys, Qbert Johnson has brought unprecedented attention to the RDCW! He's brought mainstream media coverage! He's brought the eyes of the world! He's brought. . .

Marcum: Congressional investigations!

Monroe:

Qbert steps into the ring and begins to speak as he motions for the crowd to quiet down.

"Now everybody wanna know why Qbert Johnson wants to be in the RDCW. Everybody wanna know who Qbert Johnson gonna go after. It's real simple. Everybody in this company gonna get stomped on by Qbert! I'm gonna leave my mark, starting tonight! Somebody back there in the back is gonna get an autograph from Qbert!"

Qbert pulls out a can of orange spraypaint and holds it up.

"Ya feel me? Now who wanna get Qbert's autograph?"

Monroe: Qbert Johnson, while he is under suspension from the Roboken Sixty-Niners, is actually under a court injunction stating that he cannot be touched, Madman. How can he compete here in the RDCW under those conditions?

Marcum: How the hell should I know? Do I look like Nostrawhozzis?

"Well, since nobody wanna come out here to Qbert. . .Qbert gonna come to you! Hit my music!"

Bring Tha Noise plays again as Qbert heads to the back in search of someone to autograph.

Cut to backstage. Tight close-up of Joey Biles.

JB: This is Joey Biles, coming to you from the locker room of the RDCW Heavyweight Cheese Champion, Joe Mama!

The camera pulls back to show Joey Biles standing next to Joe Mama, who is fast asleep in a La-Z-Boy recliner. He's snoring.

JB: Champ, the question on everyone's mind...um, Champ?

Shakes Joe Mama's shoulder to rouse him. He wakes up, groogily rubs his eyes and looks up at his interviewer.

JM: Huh? Who? Whuzzat? Oh, hey Joey. Whuzzup?

JB: Um, I'm trying to conduct an interview with you. I guess my first question is, how was your overseas vacation?

Joe Mama blinks at the camera, then slowly gets to his feet, stretching. He has a sleepy smile on his face. Very much out of character.

JM: Oh, it was great, Joey, though I don't understand why everyone thinks I went overseas unless Tornto counts. I met George Romero and Dario Argento and Adrienne Barbeau and Greg Nicotero and...

JB: It's good to have you back, Champ. Now, about your match toni...

JM: ...and I drank Caesers and tried poutine and saw The Matadors play and...

JB: Um, Champ?

JM: Yes, Joey?

JB: Can I interview you now?

JM: What? (Looks into camera.) OH! Interview...RIGHT! Go 'head, Joey!

JB: Joe Mama, tonight you were set to face off against Big Pimp Tim...

JM: That's right, Joey Biles, you man-child, you! The last time you and I met, Timberley, you were able to eke out a win against the single most dominant wrestler in the RDCW - Joe Mama! I'm sure you were feeling mighty proud of yourself, Tim-Tim. But you've made a mistake tonight...you've gone to the well one too many times! Tonight I won't be underestimating you or looking past you...

JB: ...or wrestling him...

JM: ...or wrestling you! Tonight I'm...wait, what?

JB: You're not facing off against Big Pimp Tim tonight, Champ. Didn't you hear the news. He's injured.

JM: Dammit, did the Cheapions cut into my business and take out my opponent? Listen, Cheapions, I understand that you've got revenge on your mind against the West Side Rollers for winning the Tag Team Donkey Lovin' Titles, and against me for breaking your precious leader's heart and making him quit wrestling completely, but meddling in the business of others is nothing but a quick and easy way to earn yourselves...

JB: Champ, it wasn't them. Big Pimp Tim did it to himself.

JM: ...a stern whoopin' at the hands of...what did you say?

JB: Big Pimp Tim took himself out. Didn't you see?

JM: Hold on a second, Joey Biles, you irritating flea of an interviewer. I got it Tivo'd...

Joe Mama walks off camera. Joey stand around, looking uncomfortable as one hears Joe Mama watching the events from earlier. A minute or two later, Joe Mama walks back to Joey Biles...

JB: Your thoughts on recent events, Champ?

JM:

JB: Right...um, Champ, what about your alliance with Grimm?

JM:

JB: How did Harleykwin convince you to...

JM:

Joe Mama wipes a tear from his eye.

JM: Now THAT was some great TV. Kids, take it from your ol' pal, Big Pimp Tim, and stay in school. Don't be just another moron cutting his career short with a terminal face-plant caused by an ill-advised stunt. And drink your milk. Now, if you'll excuse me, Joey Biles you horrible bridge troll, I'm going to mix myself a Caeser and catch the rest of the show.

JB: Yeah, I guess we're done here. Um, thanks Champ, I guess...back to you, Mike Monroe...

Just before camera and sound cut back to ringside, we hear...

JM: And what the hell is a QBert Johnson?

RDCW Tryouts
Jade Dragon vs. Hombre Del Mouse

The lights come up in the Cheesedome as Hombre Del Mouse and Jade Dragon make their way down the ramp to the ring - no entrance music, no entourage, and only sparse applause. The two men climb into the ring as Senior RDCW Official Lothar runs down Da Rules.

Monroe: And tonight's action is about to get under way, starting with this Tryout Match! These two hopefuls will battle it out, and the winner will advance to the next match and be one step closer to an RDCW contract!

Marcum: If Balls Nasty doesn't get 'em first!

Monroe: Eventually, the fighter who outlasts his competitors will be pitted against a hardened RDCW veteran to be determined at the RDCW Tryouts Final Callback at Halloween Handjobs!

Marcum: If Balls Nasty doesn't get 'em first!

Monroe: But since Balls Nasty has yet to show himself, it looks like this match just might actually proceed without incident!

The mouse luchador and the dragon-masked fighter square off in the ring and James White rings the bell...

Monroe: And amazingly enough we're under way!

Hombre Del Mouse comes out with a flying armdrag attempt, but the nimble Jade Dragon evades him. The two combatants circle the ring, testing each other's defenses.

Monroe: It says here that Hombre Del Mouse got his start in the Chiápas lucha libre circuit, while Jade Dragon only recently appeared as part of a mixed martial-arts exhibition that toured Asia last month!

Marcum: Who cares? It's not like they're gonna leave the ring under their own power anyway!

Hombre Del Mouse goes for a lockup and tries to take Jade Dragon down, but Jade Dragon uses a jiu jitsu reversal and throws the mouse luchador to the mat! Hombre Del Mouse jumps back up - and right into a tae kwon do side kick that knocks him off balance. Jade Dragon is right there and follows up with a crushing muay thai knee strike to HDM's chest!

Monroe: OH MY GOB!

Fat Retard: Sternum!

Marcum: Damn near killed 'em!

Clearly winded, HDM tries to stay in the fight, but he appears to be overmatched. He throws a few feeble punches before JD gets in close and drills HDM with another muay thai attack, this time an elbow strike to the side of the head!

Monroe: Devastating!

Hombre Del Mouse drops to the mat.

Marcum: It looks like the mouse is out cold!

Just then, Balls Nasty appears at the top of the ramp. His right hand is bandaged up and he looks very pissed off as he charges toward the ring.

Marcum: Look out! Here he comes!

Lothar checks on Hombre Del Mouse as Balls Nasty heads down the ramp...

Monroe: He is! He's out cold!

Lothar calls for the bell. The instant James White rings it, Jade Dragon climbs the ropes and hops onto a turnbuckle. A rope is dangling from a catwalk above, but the end of the rope is still a few feet beyond Jade Dragon's reach as Balls Nasty reaches the bottom of the ramp and begins circling the ring...

Marcum: Watch out! The dragon's got nowhere to go!

Just as Balls Nasty rounds the corner, Jade Dragon leaps vertically from the turnbuckle and grabs onto the rope! Balls grabs at his foot, but Jade Dragon kicks at Balls's wounded hand, forcing him to let go as he clambers up the rope...

Monroe: I was wondering what that rope was doing there! But who put it there?

Marcum: Whoever it was, they didn't make Balls Nasty very happy!

As Jade Dragon reaches the catwalk high above the arena floor, a furious Balls Nasty climbs into the ring and commences taking out his frustration on the prone Hombre Del Mouse until security restrains him and paramedics begin checking on the luchador's condition...

Monroe: A Tryouts match ends in a vicious knockout for the loser and a narrow escape for the winner! Balls Nasty is absolutely livid! Will Jade Dragon even be able to return to the Cheesedome next week for the next Tryouts matchup? Stay tuned - the show's just begun!

Catfight Match
Schwartz vs. Grace

Schwartz used her police training to physically dominate Grace, who countered with her mental skills. Early in the match, Meeko and Sweet Marlene began to watch from the rampway, doing some scouting. Schwartz began yelling at the pair, completely forgetting about Grace, who tried for a rollup. Schwartz kicked out at the two and went for the Crowd Control, but again paused to argue with Meeko and Marlene. Finally, Meeko issued the challenge for a Hotties tag team match next week and Schwartz and Grace accepted. Quickly after however, Grace caught Schwartz with a rollup and handful of tights for the pin.

Six Man Tag
The Otaku vs. Charlie & English Bastards
The trio of Bastards were woefully unprepared for the The Otaku's assault tonight, as Hiro and Johnny Evil were joined by El Superbeasto in this bout. The three combined to deliver an assault of speed, power, and downright underhanded tactics that the Pitbull and his thugs just could not keep up with on this occasion. Superbeasto caught Kilburn with a Giantsault for the pin. Afterwards Johnny Evil promised that in the weeks to come, Grimm would feel the DOOMCHOKE!!!


Afterwards, the cameras cut to backstage were Spandex Monkey Man was laid out on the floor. A large, orange Q was spraypainted on his back.

Monroe: Well, I guess we have the answer to that! Spamm just got Qbert Johnson's autograph!

MarcuM: I didn't even know he was a fan!

Singles Match
Krazed vs. King Snarf

*Havok returns from break as we see King Snarf already in the ring, mic in hand.

KS: Tonight, is a very special night for you fans! You see, due to the overwhelming success of the C.A.T.C.H., I, King Snarf, have decided that tonight, in this very ring, you will see me compete one on one against Krazed. . .in the second ever C.A.T.C.H.!!!!

Monroe:

MarcuM: Brilliant! That was a great match and one of the most innovative things Snarf has ever come up with!

*"Come With Me" then starts up as we see Krazed backstage walking to the ring. Behind him, J is carrying the RDCW Tag Team title belts and holds them up in the air, despite not actually being in the arena yet. Krazed looks back at J and just shakes his head before continuing on. The duo then head out into the arena and make their way to ringside as Krazed climbs into the ring and produces a mic of his own. Turning to Snarf, he smiles and begins to speak.

Krazed: "So you want the C.A.T.C.H., huh? Well I have a C.A.T.C.H. for you, Snarf."

Snarf looks extremely pleased. He nods his head and applauds in approval.

KS: "Go on, my good man."

Krazed: "I forfeit you fruity virgin bastard. Now get the fuck outta the way cause theres gonna be some real wrestling happening in a little while. You might wanna take notes."

The crowd erupts as Snarf is shocked and appalled at first, but then realizes that he has won the C.A.T.C.H.! He begins celebrating in the ring as Krazed turns to address the crowd...

K: "Hows everyone doing tonight? You know folks, on behalf of BPT I must apologize to you all. Tonight he was gonna toss Josephine Mother's ass over again! Sadly hes out of action with a groin injury, so you wont get to see that."

disapointment from the crowd

K: "What you will get to see is this chair shot I'm gonna lay on his ass! Thats right JM. You and me. In the ring right now. Im sure the fans would love that. I'll bet your little threesome partners Grimm and Harley wouldnt mind, either. So how bout it champ?

Yeah Yeah Yeah's "Phenomena" then cues up as a very relaxed looking JM comes out to the ring. He walks up to the still celebrating King Snarf, who continues to shout "I won! I won!" and holds out his hand, requesting the mic. Snarf, still elated and jubilant, glibly hands JM the mic and returns to posing for the crowd. JM holds up the mic to speak:

JM: "Y'know, I was out back, in my locker room, relaxing and knocking back Caesers and cheap-but-tasty Canadian beer, watching this fine program, when I heard you ramble on. Let me see if I'm clear, Krazed: your tag team partner is an idiot, so you want a shot at me. Is that it? You think you should be rewarded for your boyfriend's stupidity. You want to bypass every wrestler who deserves their shot including King Snarf, a former cheapio...um, Champion who has a perfect record so far, and get a crack at this promotion's big dawg - it's most dominant wrestler. Did I hear that right?"

Krazed: "I don't just want ta fight ya, I want to lay this chair smack upside your fat head!"

JM: "Well y'know what? That makes me chuckle. Timberley made me laugh. You made me chuckle. I've got a few pints in me. And I've been bored most of the night. So let's do this. Let's have ourselves a match. There is, however, a problem..."

JM points to Snarf

JM: "Him. Not only is he undefeated, he beat you in the very match you were supposed to face him. He ranks higher than you on the Championship ladder."

JM holds the mic in front of Snarf, who begins to speak.

Snarf: "Yeah! I'm undefeated in all sorts of great matches like the-"

JM takes the mic away from Snarf and continues.

JM: "That's right. For all intents and purposes, I should be facing off against King Snarf. So my question, Krazed, is "What are you gonna do about that?"

Krazed gets a smile on face and says "This." Then he attacks King Snarf. JM watches, laughing as Krazed beats up Snarf, who is making girly sounds. Then, just as Krazed is about to toss Snarf's punk ass over the top rope, JM comes over on the other side of Snarf, says something to Krazed, and then they BOTH send Snarf flying over the top rope and to the arena floor!

Monroe: King Snarf just got his punk ass tosssed over the top rope!

MarcuM: That's fucked up. That ain't right.

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Main Event
Joe Mama vs. Big Pimp Tim Krazed

Having tossed King Snarf's ass over the top rope, Joe Mama takes a moment to acknowledge the crowd's cheers, a mistake as Krazed takes advantage of Joe Mama's distracted state to mount some offense by delivering promised chair shot to the back of JM's head! Krazed then drives a forearm to the back of Joe Mama's neck and then stacks him around the ring, driving fists into the Champion's back and neck. Krazed Irish whips Joe Mama into the ropes and lifts his leg to deliver a big boot into his cranium, but Joe Mama performs a baseball slide under the attempt and, as he passes under Krazed, he swats up. Krazed is doubled over in pain as a result of the sack-whack, which gives Joe Mama a chance to get up and clear the cobwebs.

Marcum & Monroe: That's fucked up...that ain't right!

Joe Mama ricochets of the ropes and hits Krazed with a scissor kick, but doesn't capitalize, preferring to take the extra time to get his bearings.

Monroe: This isn't the Joe Mama we're used to, Marcum. He can't seem to press the advantage.

Marcum: I'm telling you, Monroe, Joe Mama has no business in this ring! He needs a vacation to recover from his vacation!

Krazed manages to get up and the competitors stand toe to toe, trading shots, neither one gaining a clear advantage. Finally, Krazed drives a knee into Joe Mama's...

Fat Retard: STERNUM!!!

Marcum & Monroe:

...and attempts to Irish whip him into the ropes again. But this time Joe Mama has the presence of mind to reverse it. Krazed bounces off the ropes and into a textbook Spinebuster. As Joe Mama delivers kick after kick to the prone Krazed, "Fistful Of Demons" plays and Grimm and Harleykwin come out to ringside.

Monroe: It seems that Joe Mama's kinda-sorta allies want to get a close look at the action. But are they here to support, or destroy, Joe Mama?

Marcum: I dunno, Monroe, but that Harley is lookin' SUPER-FINE!!!

Krazed (through gritted teeth, in a pained voice between kicks): So THAT'S what she looks like!

Harley takes a seat at the commentator's table as Grimm enters the ring. The ref tries to get him to leave, but Grimm shoves him aside and then walks over to Joe Mama and pulls him away from the prone Krazed. He gets the Champion's attention by slapping him across the face.

Crowd:

Monroe: What's Grimm doing to Joe Mama?

...and again...

Crowd:

Marcum: He's executing his plan to take out the Champ!!

...and once more, with feeling.

Crowd:

Harley: Not at all, gentlemen. He's simply waking up our mutual friend. I think Krazed has had an easy enough time...

Joe Mama seems to slap out of a daze and screams, "WHAT?!?" in Grimm's face. Grimm points to Krazed, trying to get to his feet, and start whispering something in Joe Mama's ear. The look on Joe Mama's face turns from puzzlement to anger, into a full rage. He rushes at Krazed and starts driving fists into Krazed, ignoring Krazed's attempts to block the shots. Smiling, Grimm exits the ring.

Monroe: My GAWD, Harleykwin! What did Grimm say to Joe Mama?

Harley: Oh, I really can't say...

Marcum: Miss Kwin, please tell us...

Harley: Well, Okay...since you called me "Miss Kwin." Grimm might have said something about this being a trick. It MIGHT be an attempt by the West Side Rollers to take advantage of Joe Mama's relaxed state to swipe the Heavyweight Cheese Title from him. And the plan COULD end up working, thanks to some collusion on King Snarf's part. And MAYBE Grimm just beat up Big Pimp Tim, who was REALLY out back waiting for the signal to rush in and help his partner...

Monroe: But...that's not true! None of it's true! Big Pimp Tim is in the hospital and King Snarf would never help those two. That's nothing but lies!

Harley: Do you think Joe Mama knows all that?

Marcum:

Joe Mama tosses Krazed at the ropes and then turns behind him, points out of the ring, and shouts "Grimm!" As Krazed bounces back, the ref rushes to where Joe Mama pointed in an attempt to cut Grimm off from further interference. This gives Joe Mama the opportunity to kneel down and deliver another low blow to Krazed, stopping him in his tracks and doubling him over again. The ref turns around just in time to see Joe Mama scoop Krazed up and hit an...

Marcum: ...East Coast Hammer for the West Side Roller!

Harley: That's our boy...

Joe Mama gets the pin. Yeah Yeah Yeahs' "Phenomena" starts but Joe Mama makes a gesture to cut the music, which happens, and then motions to Harley and Grimm to join him in the ring.

JM: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm back from my damn vacation! And I brought some gifts with me! Ghost Hog, or Pig Failure, or whatever your calling yourself these days, I brought back some replacements for that hose-beast Heidi Schwartz so you can stop drinking yourself stupider than you are and do something to deserve the money they're wasting on you! But you're probably half passed-out, weeping with snot dribbling down your face as REO Speedwagon's "Keep On Lovin' You" plays! So that can wait until next week...

He turns to Krazed, who is leaving the ring slowly, but under his own power.

JM: Krazed, you punk bitch, I may not have tossed your punk ass over the top rope, but I still brought you a gift. You got one half of your partner's ass-kicking...

He looks at the proud faces of Harleykwin and Grimm...

JM: And now, if you'll all excuse me, I have to go deliver the other half. Play my music! My REAL music!!!

As Ben Harper's "Faded" plays, Joe Mama rushes out of the ring and out towards the back, leaving his two thoroughly amused allies behind to soak in the audience's cheers.

Marcum: Cripes! I'd hate to be King Snarf right now!

Monroe: That's all for Havok tonight...we'll see you next...

Marcum: WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!!

Monroe: Fans, wait, we just got word something's happening in the back! Ghost Hog?! Ghost Hog is in Paragon's office???

*the cameras cut to the back as we see Ghost Hog tearing apart Paragon's office in a rage. Paragon is nowhere in sight as GH picks up his chair and tosses it through the window, breaking it in half. He sees the camera and starts towards it as we fade to black and Havok goes off the air.