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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 23
few posts
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OP
few posts
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 23 |
Rob Kamphausen is pleased to announce his engagement to his longterm girlfriend / beard, Lex.
As a member of the RKMBS, you no doubt have many concerns regarding your place in Rob’s future domestic arrangements. With this in mind, we have compiled a list of what we think will be the most commonly asked questions.
Please read through this press release carefully before contacting Rob in person.
Q: Can someone explain this heterosexual love thing to me?
A: Heterosexual love is the kind expressed between a man and a woman.
Q: My mother told me that all girls have syphilis. I would never kiss a girl, or let her touch me in my special area. Not even if she paid me a million dollars!
A: The main advantage of a so-called ‘straight’ lifestyle is access to the missionary position during sex. This is the most adventurous sexual position known to heterosexuals, but it can only be assumed by good Christian men and women, who are pure in thought, word and deed. It cannot be used by lesbians and gays, who have been condemned to an eternity in the fires of hell, as penance for the sinful lifestyle they have chosen.
Q: Surely heterosexual love can’t be as deep as the love a man feels when he pounds another man in the ass?
A: The jury is still out on that one. Until we fully understand women we won’t know for sure.
Q: So all of a sudden Rob likes girls. Does this mean that he is no longer gay?
A: Rob’s status will be changed to ‘provisionally heterosexual’ in the next board upgrade. Thereafter we expect his condition to remain stable until his midlife crisis, when he will shave off all his body hair and run away to Mexico with the pool boy.
Q: Who is this woman that has captured Rob’s heart? Will she attempt to marry me as well?
A: Lexus is the leader of the female autobots. She has the power transform into her namesake and can also combine with the other femmebots to form the mighty Dykazord - Lestron. So far she has refused to do this in front of Rob, no matter how much he begs or pleads. As part of her marriage vows, Lexus will make a commitment to defend earth from the evil Deciptacons.
Q: Okay I accept that Rob is getting married. To a woman. I can still be gay, right?
A: Unfortunately no. As of midnight on the date of Rob’s nuptials, the RKMBS will formally convert to heterosexuality. Changes will include less tasteful colour schemes, fewer threads in the media forum dedicated to George Michael and a sudden loss of interest in all forms of wrestling.
Q: I can deal with that. I never really understood why I was gay anyway.
A: Take a moment to consider the gender of the hand you’re been fucking for the last decade.
Q: Talking of hands I have a friend who took Rob at face value when he said that we should have illegal plastic surgery, to make our clenched fists feel more like sphincters. Should I have the operation reversed?
A: Get the fuck away from me, you despicable hand rapist.
"Season three of The Wire opens with two towers being blown up. This initiates a dumb and protracted war. Now people will come to me and ask, 'Is there a metaphor here?' Well what the fuck do you think?"
- David Simon
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 32,001 Likes: 1
We already are 15000+ posts
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We already are 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 32,001 Likes: 1 |
Rob is provisionally heterosexual.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 45,820
cobra kai 15000+ posts
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cobra kai 15000+ posts
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 45,820 |
applause, wpo, applause. ...untilll... As of midnight on the date of Rob’s nuptials, the RKMBS will formally convert to heterosexuality. Changes will include less tasteful colour schemes, fewer threads in the media forum dedicated to George Michael and a sudden loss of interest in all forms of wrestling. that can't, scientifically, be true. were that to happen, these boards would not be these boards. even in nature, once water freezes, it is ice and water no longer. what of this?
giant picture
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 19,430 Likes: 8
brother from another mother 15000+ posts
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brother from another mother 15000+ posts
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 19,430 Likes: 8 |
Q: So all of a sudden Rob likes girls. Does this mean that he is no longer gay?
A: Rob’s status will be changed to ‘provisionally heterosexual’ in the next board upgrade. rob's gonna crash the boards tonight! Get your favorite shit out while you caan.
"My friends have always been the best of me." -Doctor Who
"Well,whenever I'm confused,I just check my underwear. It holds most answers to life's questions." Abe Simpson
I can tell by the position of the sun in the sky, that is time for us to go. Until next time, I am Lothar of the Hill People!
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Joined: Dec 2000
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
Joined: Dec 2000
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YOU HAVE DOOMED US, ROB! YOU HAVE DOOMED US ALL!
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Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 15,546
Living the dream 15000+ posts
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Living the dream 15000+ posts
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 15,546 |
There's not enough life preservers!
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 12,353
Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
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Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 12,353 |
Knutreturns said: Spoken like the true Greatest RDCW Champ!
All hail King Snarf!
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 19,633
I walk in eternity 15000+ posts
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I walk in eternity 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
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"I offer you a Vulcan prayer, Mr Suder. May your death bring you the peace you never found in life." - Tuvok. 
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Joined: Sep 2006
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kobra tai 100+ posts
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kobra tai 100+ posts
Joined: Sep 2006
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i believe the proper response was, "one step beyond!"
get with the program
 - even the most powerful force on the interweb plays squares 2 !
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 19,633
I walk in eternity 15000+ posts
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I walk in eternity 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 19,633 |
"I offer you a Vulcan prayer, Mr Suder. May your death bring you the peace you never found in life." - Tuvok.
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 12,353
Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
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Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 12,353 |
Knutreturns said: Spoken like the true Greatest RDCW Champ!
All hail King Snarf!
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 17,853 Likes: 3
Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
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Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 17,853 Likes: 3 |
FREE POWERPOINT TEMPLATES
300 READY TO DOWNLOAD FOR PRINT PROJECTS AND PRESENTATIONS
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Joined: Jan 2004
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Living the dream 15000+ posts
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Living the dream 15000+ posts
Joined: Jan 2004
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Yes, Rob already covered that, pay attention Beardguy-eax!
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 12,353
Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
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Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
Joined: Nov 2003
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You shut your filthy mouth!
Knutreturns said: Spoken like the true Greatest RDCW Champ!
All hail King Snarf!
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 19,633
I walk in eternity 15000+ posts
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I walk in eternity 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 19,633 |
"I offer you a Vulcan prayer, Mr Suder. May your death bring you the peace you never found in life." - Tuvok.
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3,144
3000+ posts
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3000+ posts
Joined: Apr 2002
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its about damn time!!
good for you robbie.
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 12,353
Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
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Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
Joined: Nov 2003
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Knutreturns said: Spoken like the true Greatest RDCW Champ!
All hail King Snarf!
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3,144
3000+ posts
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3000+ posts
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3,144 |
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 12,353
Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
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Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 12,353 |
Knutreturns said: Spoken like the true Greatest RDCW Champ!
All hail King Snarf!
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3,144
3000+ posts
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3000+ posts
Joined: Apr 2002
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pretty darn good!
hows yo doin?
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 12,353
Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
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Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
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Not bad, not bad. How's Bogum... Baguette... that guy?
Knutreturns said: Spoken like the true Greatest RDCW Champ!
All hail King Snarf!
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3,144
3000+ posts
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3000+ posts
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 3,144 |
 hes good.  hows the...singing thing?
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Joined: May 2003
Posts: 32,001 Likes: 1
We already are 15000+ posts
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We already are 15000+ posts
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 32,001 Likes: 1 |
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 8,970
URG am real man! 7500+ posts
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URG am real man! 7500+ posts
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 8,970 |
Lor aint am ever gonna show us her boobs,am she?
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 18,158
The alt 15000+ posts
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The alt 15000+ posts
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 18,158 |
Hallmark introduced its first Christmas cards in 1915, five years after the
founding of the company.
Historians have traced some of the current traditions surrounding Father
Christmas, or Santa Claus, back to ancient Celtic roots. Father Christmas's
elves are the modernization of the "Nature folk" of the Pagan religions;
his reindeer are associated with the "Horned God," which was one of the
Pagan deities.
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Joined: Aug 2004
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The alt 15000+ posts
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The alt 15000+ posts
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If traveling in France during the Christmas season, it is interesting to
note that different dishes and dining traditions reign in popularity in
different parts of the country. In south France, for instance, a Christmas
loaf (pain calendeau) is cut crosswise and is eaten only after the first
part has been given to a poor person. In Brittany, buckwheat cakes and
sour cream is the most popular main dish. In Alsace, a roasted goose is the
preferred entrée. In Burgundy, turkey and chestnuts are favored. In the
Paris region, oysters are the favorite holiday dish, followed by a cake
shaped like a Yule log.
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 18,158
The alt 15000+ posts
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The alt 15000+ posts
Joined: Aug 2004
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In Armenia, the traditional Christmas Eve meal consists of fried fish,
lettuce, and spinach. The meal is traditionally eaten after the Christmas
Eve service, in commemoration of the supper eaten by Mary on the evening
before Christ's birth.
In Britain, eating mince pies at Christmas dates back to the 16th century.
It is still believed that to eat a mince pie on each of the Twelve Days of
Christmas will bring 12 happy months in the year to follow.
In Britain, the Holy Days and Fasting Days Act of 1551, which has not yet
been repealed, states that every citizen must attend a Christian church
service on Christmas Day, and must not use any kind of vehicle to get to
the service.
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Joined: Aug 2004
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The alt 15000+ posts
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The alt 15000+ posts
Joined: Aug 2004
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4.The first rooftop celebration atop One Times Square, complete with a
fireworks display, took place in 1904. The New York Times produced this
event to inaugurate its new headquarters in Times Square and celebrate the
renaming of Longacre Square to Times Square. The first Ball Lowering
celebration atop One Times Square was held on December 31, 1907 and is now
a worldwide symbol of the turn of the New Year, seen via satellite by more
than one billion people each year. The original New Year's Eve Ball weighed
700 pounds and was 5 feet in diameter. It was made of iron and wood and was
decorated with 100 25-watt light bulbs.
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 18,158
The alt 15000+ posts
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The alt 15000+ posts
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"Auld Lang Syne" is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year. At least partially written by Robert Burns in the 1700's, it was first published in 1796 after Burns' death. Early variations of the song were sung prior to 1700 and inspired Burns to produce the modern rendition. An old Scotch tune, "Auld Lang Syne" literally means "old long ago," or simply, "the good old days." Here are the lyrics:
Auld Lang Syne
Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot and days of auld lang syne?
For auld Lang syne, my dear, for auld Lang syne,
We'll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld Lang syne.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot and days of auld Lang syne?
And here's a hand, my trusty friend and gie's a hand o' thine
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet for auld Lang syne
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