RKMBs Forums .::Important::. Fortress of Awesome Chat fuck you: servings per container

various governmental chains now force all sortsa information to be displayed on the wrappers of food. they're even trying, successfully, to get restaurants to display this information on the walls. its basic info: grams of fat, number of calories, etc. its all based on this mythical diet plan with a new pyramid none of us learned. ...whatever. thats a whole 'nother fuck you.

this particular fuck you goes directly towards a two-part facet of this informational decree; the serving size and the servings per container.

they are dumb. at least when it comes to traditional food consumption. and sure. i get it. i'm a portly lad or something. but whatever! these are ridiculous expectations.

servings per container in a regular size bag of tostitos: 13. 13! now, granted, sitting down and eating an entire regular size bag of tostitos is clearly a terrible, terrible dieticious mistake. however, i don't think its at all unreasonable to think you and 4 or 5 other friends could polish off a bag in the first quarter of a game. you know, assuming all of you go over the recommended serving size of 7 chips!

a regular loaf of bread has the audacity to print on its side that a suggested serving size is 1 slice of bread. one slice of bread!!! that means, even beyond the lettuce, tomato, mustard, and a few slabs of turkey, you're already fucking with your diet by topping your sandwich with a second piece!

a can of reddi-whip, light reddi-whip, that every single mother fucker here has shotgunned long-before, and even after, testing the drug-related usage has how many servings?

20!!! 20 servings!!! they want that delicious container to last between 20 of your friends, and/or 20 cups of hot chocolate.

sounds fucking insane, right?

well guess what!

i lied!

its not 20!

ITS 40!!!!

40 FUCKING SERVINGS!!

40!! FUCKING!! SERVINGS!!

a carton of eggs is meant for a family of 12. the lil 20 oz bottles of soda list themselves as being for two. you can use the same box of spaghetti for 8 dinners in a row. the list goes on and on.

and thats why this is a full serving of fuck you!

stop cursing, man. you're making harrison ford cry.

I eat what I want without gaining a pound.



Don't forget the sprinkles.

that's 'cause man cum has 0 grams of Trans Fat.

I'm sure the AIDS allows you to have as much broth as you like.

If he ever gets hungry he can just drink from some of the open wounds the AIDS gave him.

Hopefully he'll drink up the puddle of Hep C before he slips in it and cracks his head. No fat in Hep C puddles, I'll bet!

I'm pissed off that Joe beat me to the AIDS comment!

I'll just have to make a joke about Jermery being anorexic cause he wants to look like his idol, Klinton!

But I'll never have your Photoshop skills. The crack spider is too EPIC to be denied.

I can feel a Jermery/Klinton type photoshop is in the air.

Or as Phil Collins put it:
"Jer can feel Klinton cumming in his hair tonight!"

Silly Phil - Jermery has no hair.

You must have seen "Theres something about Mary", cause Jermery thought that was a great idea!

thats what he meant by "Don't forget the sprinkles."

Is Eating Cum Healthy?
Healthy semen (that is, cum produced by a well-nourished, disease-free male) may in fact be not only safe to eat, but actually good for you. Seminal fluid, the base of cum, is a veritable nutrient-rich soup. Semen is a source of highly concentrated, high-quality protein. In dietary terms, it's comparable to egg whites or gelatin.

Besides protein, semen contains high concentrations of some minerals, such as zinc, and trace amounts of other important nutrients, like calcium and magnesium. While you shouldn't depend on a shot of cum to get your recommended daily allowances of vitamins and minerals, swallowing semen on a regular basis can't hurt as a dietary supplement.

Will Semen Make Me Fat?
Although cum may look creamy and opaque, it contains very little fat, and few calories. One teaspoon of cum contains about 5 calories, and the average ejaculation produces about a tablespoon of semen, for a total of 15 calories. Because of the sugars in seminal fluid, we'd guess that it has a few carbohydrates, but considering the relatively small volume of semen per "serving" we'd guess the total amount to be negligible.

Given that cum is a high-protein, low-carb snack, you'd think the Atkins Diet people would be all over it by now. Plus, when you factor in the calories expended in performing oral sex, chances are you're burning off much more than you're consuming. The only way that swallowing during a blow job will make you fat is if you cover your lover's dick with whipped cream and chocolate syrup.

damn you,Joey...

well just look at what its done for rex's mom...

and remember, mrs rex, there's 40 blow jobs in one can of reddi-whip

she handles that many in a nights work...

well at least she works

Ok, That was fucking Funny

PJ aint am never got fat eating man cum.

he's suck a pussy

All the live long day!

Yeah yeah, laugh it up. While you fatasses are watching your carbs or calories or whatever you're supposed to watch I'll be having my fourth 3 course meal of the day.

By three course meal, Jermery means he is going on a date with The Bee Gees (including the dead one as he likes a bit of necro).

how deep is his love?

I dunno, but it gives him Saturday night fever, and his last date was a Tragedy!

Yes Jermery, well done, we all remember that Bee Gees song!
How witty & clever you are!


You fail!

he's a big jessy!

he wishes he was jesse's girl!

its true.

That dude am a tard.

the smaller box of saltines, with only one "sleeve" in it? 8 servings. 8 fucking servings! one serving is only 5 saltines!!

that means, in the larger box with 4 sleeves, you could feed 32 people!