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Uschi1) What's your name?2) What's your title?- um. I dunno. After looking it up, it says "i broke Llance!" This seems like a really retarded question to ask.
3) What is your favorite period in History, and why? Is it a time you are just fascinated in, or would you want to live during the era?- If I could exist in any point in spacetime I wanted, it would beyond a doubt be on Magellan's ship, third attempt to round the southernmost point of South America, when the most active meteor shower ever recorded hit Earth. And they say/extrapolate that there were so many shooting stars, one could *see* how fast the Earth was plowing through space. People were unable to stand up due to the vertigo. Magellan had to tie people to the boat to keep them from leaping overboard in fear of the Apocalypse. I would go to then. That time, that place. And masturbate furiously.
 Hat's off. You nailed it in the end. 
4) What's the last three meals you have eaten, and why?- WTF? Did you ask a 3 year old for these questions?! I had dinner. Before that, lunch. I had breakfast this morning.
You're mean.  - I'm not mean, I'm tired and cranky. Last three weeks I have worked two full-time jobs. And had a LOT to drink. And had the worst sunburn I have ever experienced so the alcohol is just so I can sleep all night without waking up every hour in excruciating pain.
Luckily I got to the point where most of me is peeling, but the deep scabs and rawness are irking me hardcore. It hurts to wear a bra with straps. This is the worst sunburn I ever had ever! And my sister's cat decided it was the perfect time to jump up to my shoulders with his claws out on Monday. Shit, that was the most excruciating pain I have ever felt ever. My vision actually flashed white. D:
Any way you wanna make up some different questions to replace the ones where I'm an asshole? No worries if not, just offering.
....okay. Bitch.
Have you ever tried marijuana? If so, describe your experience with it. Was it fun? Do you like it? Would you do it again? Was it just not your thing?- Yes, I recently/not as recently as screwing tried it for the first time. Won't be more specific as my certification would be revoked for recreational drug use. I was with some friends that are very very close to me and they offered... and I trust them 100%. It was weird. They said it was shitty weed and it was, it tasted atrocious. I had maybe four long hits and then couldn't stand the taste and stopped. Being stoned was an intellectually exciting experience, but I will never (probably) do it again. The best description I can give is that "I can only remember RIGHT NOW." It irritated me. I couldn't feel/understand the passage of time. Short-term memory was zilch. I knew what people were saying, but as soon as they said the next word, the previous word fell out of my head. Time-passage is imperative to me. I am lost without it. Case in point, if I do not have my watch on, I can't concentrate on anything. I don't always READ the time, but I look at my watch often. When I lose my watch or something, I have found that writing TIME on my wrist alleviates this stress. the suggestion that I tattoo TIME on the wrist is awesome and probably something I will do. ANYWAY! So, I was fully stoned for more than 24 hours. And I hated it. My friends were shocked that it lasted so long. Maybe 'cause I'm a fatty, maybe 'cause I was slightly drunk when I took the hits, maybe 'cause I held the smoke in as long as I could hold my breath when hitting it... but I hated being that out of control. I was afraid my mental haze would last forever and I thought I had just turned myself retarded.
You didn't? LOL! Zing! Not really. I hate the crusher buzz when you smoke "too much". However, may I say from a seasoned stoner, that your friends are complete shit for letting you toke-up your first time while you were drinking. What kind of bullshit is that? No wonder you had such a bad experience! I'm surprised you didn't blackout, or something. That sucks Uschi. I wish I could swing by and catch you a buzz to make up for that amateur crap. 
Although, I got lost in a corner my first time, so who am I to talk? 
5) What is your single favorite smell?- Bad smells come to mind first. I loathe the smell of boiling noodles. Makes me nauseated, despite my love of pasta. Um... I like the smell of my cat Taxi. She's broken and thus doesn't get into stuff all the time. She smells very nice. Lately I have found my armpit smell pleasant. I attribute this to possibly getting an overexposure to testosterone at work, and make a more concentrated effort to wear my mask ALL the time. Anyway, I think testos has something to do with sweat-gland chemicals and shit. I dunno. Basil. Ginger cookies. Ninja Turtles *just* out of the package. The bathrooms at a cafe I love smell like My Little Ponies. I don't understand it, but I love it.
OH! Okay, I got it. Fall in Massachusetts. It smells like damp and worms and lightly rotting leaves.
6) Name one item that is always in your fridge.- Um... shelves? I should probably say Worcestershire Sauce. Though I never use it, I always seem to have a bottle in there.
7) You have been given Superman's package of abilities. You know, the basics: flight, strength, invulnerability, speed. There is realistically no force on the planet that can stand against you. What do you do with your life?You're very high-maintenance, you know that right?
Substitute question: If you could have an Olympic-level skill in any athletic field, magically without having to work for it, what would you choose, if any? Why or why not?- Heh. This is the Superman question in disguise! Only more tailored to Batman, since he can do anything any single human has accomplished, plus he can breathe in space! I dunno, maybe gymnastics. Total balance, sleek muscle definition, grace. I've always been a bit of a lumbering ox with atrocious balance.
Geez, was that so hard?
8) What is your favorite time of day/night?- I mentally wake up at 10pm (even if I haven't slept in two nights) and my peak is around 2-3am, when I have my druthers this is the norm. I kinda like having to go to work early, like back when I was a 7am-4pm worker. That way, by the time I properly wake up and am ready to think about things normally, it's time for my first break!
9) If you had to get plastic surgery and change your entire identity, what type of person would you want to look like? What about your new identity, what would you choose? Understand, if it's anything related to your current life, the mafia will wipe your entire family out. So....DECIDE!- I *like* how I look and what I'm doing. I've never been good at pretending to be or do anything I really don't dig, so I would eventually fail and be mobster-meat anyway. Fuck it. Lemme go out in a blaze of glor...ious bullets. And my family? Hell, if they can't survive, that is their own fault.
10)  asks: Heath Ledger or Mark Hamill?- Ledger, sadly. Mom never let me watch cartoons, so it wasn't until late highschool that I saw my first episodes of B:TAS and maybe even a year after that before I finally caught a Joker episode. Never really loved it. Besides, I have for my whole life heard Joker's voice in my head when I read the comics, and it is NOTHING like Mark Hamil. He's good, but he's a cartoon Joker. Heathus came so damn close to how I always heard Joker ...it actually shocked me at first.
11) Do you have a single, inflexible moral code? If so, what is it and why is it such an absolute for you? If not, why not?- There will always be exceptions because I am human and I am subject to temptation, childishness, and other such behaviors -- but my base philosophy revolves around three main points: honesty, respect, and a good sense of humor.
12) What is the one dream you realize you will probably never fulfill?- The closest I ever came to having a flying dream was one where I was on Jupiter and we had this cloud city type thing going, but the great red spot was gonna kill the whole civilization. We needed to cause a disruption to change the storm's course. With the electrical activity around the storm, robot-bombs wouldn't work. So as the only not-married person in the colony, I volunteered to make the jump, strapped with a manual-detonation explosive (to alter the course of the cyclone). From a plane-thing I jumped down the eye of the great red spot. I just kept falling and falling, and it was thrilling to watch the swirling turbulent clouds, with lightning illuminating it to various degrees... serenity. I love that dream. I only had it one time and I wish I could have it again.
And no I'm not a complete moron. I don't have goals and aspirations. Never have. Well... almost. There was one time a few years ago now, my doctor was increasing my dose of venlafaxine and I woke up one morning with energy and drive and ...motivation! I told the doc and he said, "well, actually with higher doses of SNRIs they affect neurontin as well as serotonin, and neurontin has been shown to affect motivation levels." It only lasted maybe a week though. But yeah, I have never been one to set goals.
13) Well played.
Describe your ultimate escape vacation. Money and time is not an option.- Ireland 'cause it is green. Germany to enjoy the culture, catch Oktoberfest, and to pay respects at the memorials (Poland too). I think there is a painting I'm dying to see in France, but ...fuck France. Norway to find Slartibartfast's face in the fjords.
If I were there I would fuck you right now just for saying that.- Russia to see where I ultimately came from. Shanghai to see where my Great Grandma was, see the Jewish community they helped build that ended up helping a lot of refugees after the Bolshevik Revolution. Egypt for the culture and sights. Borneo for the orangutans. Brazil for the rainforest. Antarctica for the penguins. The moon. Then, I can die.
14) What are you doing with yourself these days? What's work like or not like? Anything interesting I would care about?- Um, I'm getting some regularly. It is seriously not what I expected. I could take or leave it. My job is good -- we're making record-low profits, but they gave me a raise this year to solidify that I *would* stick this out with them. That felt fucking GOOD. Doing some drawing projects, nothing I've shared. Reading Will Christopher Baer books, with his character Phineas Poe. The last one ends shitty, but in all they are great. Reading history on Russia/the Gulag. Nothing really outstanding to note.
15) Okay, I didn't get past "getting some". Let's talk.
I know you've been with a woman. Have you ever been with a man? What's the noticeable difference (besides the lack of a penis) between sex with either? Was it more or less fulfilling? Elaborate about doing it with a woman at your (and my) pleasure!- Well, starting at the base, I still identify as asexual. I've never felt sexual attraction to anyone. I also think I have a bit of a handicap as my brain doesn't process physical stimuli the same as the majority of people. I think the reason I have been able to become sexually intimate with a woman has more to do with the fact that it is less personally invasive than with a man, where penetration is an expected result at some point.
I've known about sex mechanics as long as I can remember. My mom taught Lamaze for 13 years and we had a ton of educational material around the house. I learned to read when I was about two years old and since some of the books she had were aimed at children, I read those. In fact, one with a cartoon baby on the cover (with its butt showing) still has "eh eh eh!" written on it -- me writing "hee hee hee!" before I knew how to spell, mocking the nude booty. Anyway, I've always been slightly put off by the idea that THAT is supposed to go THERE. I've never been keen on the idea that some fattened penis is supposed to rut into my vagina. Like, it's not big enough to accommodate! How the hell is that supposed to work?! LOL
So, anyway... as a teenager I never was much interested in sex. Or other people, really. I was a bit of a shut-in. I attribute this to: depression, sociopathy/borderline personality disorder, my mom. It wasn't until I was 16 that I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (though it settled onto me when I was four) and it wasn't until I was 20 that I had an "accident" and through it got the assistance/medication that finally helped me. I figured that since depression inhibits sexual drive, maybe I'd become more interested. Long(er) story short, it didn't. I'm just not someone that finds people sexually attractive.
Now, I have not had sex with a man. I tried ...three times. Backed out every one of them. So, yeah, I still have my hymen (which gets annoying when removing my menstrual cup, I tell ya what! fucker is in the way). I had hoped that when put into the actual situation, nude with a nude male, that I would suddenly feel the eroticism that is supposed to accompany such. No dice. Lucky me, I tried to fuck with real gentlemen that did not pressure me or force me to continue. For that I am grateful. There are some decent men out there. Props. *edit to add* I do have a friend that I might eventually try to fuck. He has the most frightening dick in the world though. Literally nine and a half inches long, 3" diameter. And he's uncut, something I have a bizarre attraction to. I swear it will hurt like a mother, but I like him as a guy so I might try it eventually.
Now, through my mental and emotional development I have come to find that I am a decent, fully developed and self-sufficient human. But I also find that I would like to share my life with someone. So I have been farming myself to the women in CO to try and find someone to partner with. Women because, as stated before, I find the idea of sex with them less intimidating -- and I can only expect that in a deep relationship, sex is a necessity to the majority of people. I am willing to meet them half-way.
Which leads to the weird part. I'm not in a relationship with Jaimy. It's a fuck-buddies thing. She kinda wants to be more, but I just don't feel emotional attraction to her. So we're just playing it cool.
THIS IS THE PART YOU ALL WANNA READ. Thanks for hanging in there with me. I enjoy the physical contact with her. I have discovered that I "feel" more of what she does if I concentrate on it (like, if I'm reciprocating, my mind is too active and I don't feel a damn thing she is doing). Lucky me, she's Stone (gets off on giving pleasure) and has a hard-on for me ...meditating? on her touch. So it turns out I'm a bit of a pillow-princess. HA HA HA!!! Princess. She also doesn't shy from rough contact. She leaves those deep purple bruises on me/my tits... those deep ones that turn green and yellow as they fade. LOVE THOSE! She bites me hard enough to bleed. I love that. I can *feel* that. She likes to do stuff to my cunt, fingers/etc, but I don't "get off" much from it. I prefer just the foreplay/rough-cuddles more. She usually gets 'there' through tribadism (pubis-to-pubis lesbian humping) and I enjoy the fact that I can feel and take pleasure in someone touching me. I don't really orgasm, but it is really hard for me to do since I feel things differently than most anyone. This is something I am still working on and discovering stuff about. As this last week's escapade taught me, vibrators don't help - on the clit OR in the cunt. No dice. Still working on it.
16) Indulging in any new media? Movies? Books? Shows? Music? Art? Novellas? Video Game Inventories? Speak up, bitch!- Yeah, I watch stuff and read stuff. I don't particularly like reading people's IM REEDINK DEES! lists so I won't go into any more detail myself.
17) Do you like applesauce?- yus. haven't bought any in years though.
18) What is going on with Harleykwin? Where did you she disappear to? Any insight?- Kwink is in a rough patch. She has some serious shit going on with her family and if anyone religious could offer their prayers, I know it would be welcomed by her.
As for things recently, she's kinda decided I'm ...not someone she can deal with and has severed our contact/friendship. I can't say I fully understand this as I thought we were just close friends... but she has her reasons and I respect them. But for the record I am no longer an insider to her world and cannot act as liaison anymore.
19) Wild. Poor Harley. Hopefully she'll make the rounds again one day.
Who is your all-time favorite poster here?- A Got Milk? Poster! HEY-OH! I dunno. Used to say Kwink, but she don't post. Same with Sneaky. I love Burg but haven't talked much lately. Uh... BSAMS is hilarious but annoying when he gets into politics, so I've been soured a bit on his posts lately. I think I will say Mr.Mxy. I probably have the most steady online "friendship" with him of any of the RKMB-folk recently. And always love for Nowhereman!
20) What are you getting Rob for his Wedding Gift?- I was gonna buy him a gun, but then i realized it is much cheaper to just go to Pagliacci's house and gently take one of his away.
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I've got more guns than you. 6000+ posts
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Wow. Two interviews within a month! Much less a decade! Again. A good read. Nicely done by both parties. And I was subtly mentioned! Woo! ... Wait. Motherfuck!
"Ah good. Now I'm on the internet clearly saying I like tranny cleavage. This shouldn't get me harassed at all." -- Lothar of the Hill People
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Wow. Two interviews within a month! Much less a decade! Again. A good read. Nicely done by both parties. And I was subtly mentioned! Woo! ... Wait. Motherfuck! Piss off, you shit monger!
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cobra kai 15000+ posts
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but good interview all the same, pro and oosh. ...proosh... She likes to do stuff to my cunt best line on these boards of all time through out history, including ric flair's older history She usually gets 'there' through tribadism (pubis-to-pubis lesbian humping) scissoring?
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Who will I break next? 15000+ posts
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Who will I break next? 15000+ posts
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We need video of said scissoring.
November 6th, 2012: Americas new Independence Day.
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devil-lovin' Bat-Man 15000+ posts
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Aww, thank you for saying that, Uschi. The sexy part, I mean.
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Officially "too old for this shit" 15000+ posts
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Glad to see the interviews are back, Promod. When are you going to do one with whomod's daughter?
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faggot 15000+ posts
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not scissoring, that's when the legs are mixed up. she does more of a straddle-hump.
Old men, fear me! You will shatter under my ruthless apathetic assault!
Uschi - 2
Old Men - 0
"I am convinced that this world is of no importance, and that the only people who care about dates are imbeciles and Spanish teachers." -- Jean Arp, 1921
"If Jesus came back and saw what people are doing in his name, he would never never stop throwing up." - Max von Sydow, "Hannah and Her Sisters"
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Uschi, your love for me is admirable.
Now take your meds!
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Educator to comprehension impaired (JLA, that is you) 50000+ posts
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Uh... BSAMS is hilarious but annoying when he gets into politics, so I've been soured a bit on his posts lately. this is odd, why would me aggravating people about politics annoy you more than comics or movies?
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cobra kai 15000+ posts
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OP
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brother from another mother 15000+ posts
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If I could exist in any point in spacetime I wanted, it would beyond a doubt be on Magellan's ship, third attempt to round the southernmost point of South America, when the most active meteor shower ever recorded hit Earth. And they say/extrapolate that there were so many shooting stars, one could *see* how fast the Earth was plowing through space. People were unable to stand up due to the vertigo. Magellan had to tie people to the boat to keep them from leaping overboard in fear of the Apocalypse. I would go to then. That time, that place. And masturbate furiously.
Pro,you should interview Wanky or Zzap. See fif they can answer some legitimate questions without being tards.
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not scissoring, that's when the legs are mixed up. she does more of a straddle-hump. i think the story works better with scissoring. i'll have the editors review.
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If I could exist in any point in spacetime I wanted, it would beyond a doubt be on Magellan's ship, third attempt to round the southernmost point of South America, when the most active meteor shower ever recorded hit Earth. And they say/extrapolate that there were so many shooting stars, one could *see* how fast the Earth was plowing through space. People were unable to stand up due to the vertigo. Magellan had to tie people to the boat to keep them from leaping overboard in fear of the Apocalypse. I would go to then. That time, that place. And masturbate furiously.
Pro,you should interview Wanky or Zzap. See fif they can answer some legitimate questions without being tards. You know, that's not a bad idea, Lothar! Not bad, at all....hmmmm........
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You should interview Arnold Judas Rimmer or Captain Howdy if they ever show up again.
I heard a rumour that Captain Howdy was seen running from a hospital in LA this evening, but I cannot confirm this!
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Fuck off! 500+ posts
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Shut it, you fucking cunt!
You cant stop rock n' roll!
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faggot 15000+ posts
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Uh... BSAMS is hilarious but annoying when he gets into politics, so I've been soured a bit on his posts lately. this is odd, why would me aggravating people about politics annoy you more than comics or movies? It isn't odd at all! he interviewed me a day or two before my broke-ded post. the day or so after I posted that, Aunt Flo came. It was all PMS, ignore the cranky woman.
Old men, fear me! You will shatter under my ruthless apathetic assault!
Uschi - 2
Old Men - 0
"I am convinced that this world is of no importance, and that the only people who care about dates are imbeciles and Spanish teachers." -- Jean Arp, 1921
"If Jesus came back and saw what people are doing in his name, he would never never stop throwing up." - Max von Sydow, "Hannah and Her Sisters"
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Hello Uschi, how are you today?
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faggot 15000+ posts
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I'M SUPER THANKS FOR ASKING! Also for the record, you are the third person and make the 7th time someone has told me to take my meds in the last 5 days!
Old men, fear me! You will shatter under my ruthless apathetic assault!
Uschi - 2
Old Men - 0
"I am convinced that this world is of no importance, and that the only people who care about dates are imbeciles and Spanish teachers." -- Jean Arp, 1921
"If Jesus came back and saw what people are doing in his name, he would never never stop throwing up." - Max von Sydow, "Hannah and Her Sisters"
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cobra kai 15000+ posts
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and they each also agree with scissoring
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I'M SUPER THANKS FOR ASKING! Also for the record, you are the third person and make the 7th time someone has told me to take my meds in the last 5 days! Take your meds!
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OP
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Educator to comprehension impaired (JLA, that is you) 50000+ posts
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Uh... BSAMS is hilarious but annoying when he gets into politics, so I've been soured a bit on his posts lately. this is odd, why would me aggravating people about politics annoy you more than comics or movies? It isn't odd at all! he interviewed me a day or two before my broke-ded post. the day or so after I posted that, Aunt Flo came. It was all PMS, ignore the cranky woman. 
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Funny eyes 100+ posts
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Dear boy, you would be most honoured if you would interview my good self. I could tell you things that would make you grow hair on your teeth.
Lets dance!
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brother from another mother 15000+ posts
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brother from another mother 15000+ posts
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Funny eyes 100+ posts
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Yes Prometheus, as Lothar says, you are a real big fag.
I think we would make wonderful music, in an interview type way.
Lets dance!
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The Once, and Future Cunt 15000+ posts
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The Once, and Future Cunt 15000+ posts
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Yeah, Pro! Put on your red shoes and dance the blues!
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The Once, and Future Cunt 15000+ posts
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 23,089 |
I have found that writing TIME on my wrist alleviates this stress. the suggestion that I tattoo TIME on the wrist is awesome and probably something I will do. heh... Sundial?
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 24,106
faggot 15000+ posts
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faggot 15000+ posts
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 24,106 |
Old men, fear me! You will shatter under my ruthless apathetic assault!
Uschi - 2
Old Men - 0
"I am convinced that this world is of no importance, and that the only people who care about dates are imbeciles and Spanish teachers." -- Jean Arp, 1921
"If Jesus came back and saw what people are doing in his name, he would never never stop throwing up." - Max von Sydow, "Hannah and Her Sisters"
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 53,734
Educator to comprehension impaired (JLA, that is you) 50000+ posts
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Educator to comprehension impaired (JLA, that is you) 50000+ posts
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 53,734 |
OWNER OF A ANCIENT TIME PIECE!
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 24,106
faggot 15000+ posts
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faggot 15000+ posts
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 24,106 |
It's a pocketwatch sundial!
Old men, fear me! You will shatter under my ruthless apathetic assault!
Uschi - 2
Old Men - 0
"I am convinced that this world is of no importance, and that the only people who care about dates are imbeciles and Spanish teachers." -- Jean Arp, 1921
"If Jesus came back and saw what people are doing in his name, he would never never stop throwing up." - Max von Sydow, "Hannah and Her Sisters"
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