RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts The Revenge of Frank Burns.

Q. Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
A. Her dog was blind too.


Q. What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her for swearing?
A. Washed her hands with soap.

Q. Why did Bill Clinton stop playing the saxophone?
A. He was too busy playing the hormonic.

Q. Do you know why Monica got a stain on her dress?
A. She didn't keep her mouth shut!

Q. 100 Women Surveyed, "Would you have sex with Bill Clinton?"
A. 80% said not again.

Q. What's green and smells like Monica Lewinsky?
A. The pool table in the oval office.

Greek Cookies (Koulourakia)


2 1/4 cups Flour
1 1/4 tsp Baking powder
1/4 tsp Salt
1/2 cup Butter, softened
1 cup Powdered Sugar
1 Egg
2 tbsp Brandy or Milk
1 tsp Vanilla
1 Egg Yolk + 1 tbsp Milk beaten together
3 tbsp Sesame Seeds


In medium bowl combine flour, baking powder, salt, set aside. In a large bowl combine butter and sugar, beating until fluffy. Add egg, brandy, vanilla and beat well after each addition. Add flour mixture /cup at a time blending will after each addition. Roll 1 teaspoon of the dough on a sparingly floured surface into a 6-inch rope. Fold rope in half, twisting 2 or 3 times. Pinch ends together. Place 1 inch apart on 3 greased cookie sheets. Brush with egg and milk mixture. Sprinkle cookies with the sesame seeds. Bake 10-13 minutes in a preheated 375oF oven until golden. Cool on rack. Store in an air tight container at room temperature. Makes 4 1/2 dozen cookies.

Old Fashioned Soft Sugar Cookies

4 1/2 cups Flour
2 tsp Baking powder
1 tsp Baking soda
1/2 tsp Salt
1/2 tsp Nutmeg
1 1/2 cup Shortening
2 cups Sugar
2 Eggs
1 tsp Vanilla extract
1/2 tsp Lemon extract
1 cup Buttermilk

Stir together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and the nutmeg. In large mixing bowl, beat shortening for 30 seconds until smooth and creamy. Add sugar and beat until fluffy. Add in eggs, vanilla extract and lemon extract, beating well. Add in flour mixture, beating until thoroughly mixed. Divide mixture in half. Cover with plastic wrap and chill about 3 hours or until it is easy to handle. To make large cookies, roll the dough 1/2 inch thick. Cut into rounds with a round 3 inch cookie cutter or glass. To make small cookies, roll the dough about 3/8 inch thick and cut into smaller rounds, about 2 inches. Place cookies 2 1/2 inches apart onto ungreased baking sheets. Sprinkle cookies with additional sugar. Use colored sugar, if desired. Bake cookies in a 375 degree F oven for 10-12 mins. Remove cookies to cool.

No Bake Chocolate Cookies

12 oz. bag Chocolate chips
1 can sweetened condensed milk
1 tbsp butter
1 tbsp water
20 graham crackers (crushed)
1/2 cup coconut
1/2 cup chopped nuts

In a saucepan, over medium heat, stir together chocolate chips and butter until the chocolate has melted. Stir in the graham crackers, coconut and nuts. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto waxed paper.

AMISH SNICKERDOODLES

1/2 c. margarine
1/2 c. Crisco solid shortening
2 eggs
1 1/2 c. sugar
2 3/4 c. flour
2 tsp. cream of tarter
1 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
2 tbsp. sugar
2 tsp. cinnamon

Mix first four ingredients thoroughly. Presift the next 4 ingredients together. Add to the first mixture. Form balls (walnut size). Roll into mixture of sugar and cinnamon. Place about 2 inches apart on ungreased cookie sheet. Bake 8 to 10 minutes at 375 degrees. Cookies will flatten into circles as they cook. May top with red hots or leave unadorned. Store well in Tupperware and can be frozen.

The Ultimate Brownie

5 ounces unsweetened baking chocolate

2/3 cup butter or margarine

1 3/4 cups sugar

2 teaspoons vanilla

3 eggs

1 cup all-purpose flour

1 cup chopped nuts

Heat oven to 350º. Grease square pan, 9 H 9 H 2 inches. Melt chocolate and butter over low heat, stirring frequently; remove from heat. Cool slightly.

Beat sugar, vanilla and eggs in large bowl with electric mixer on high speed 5 minutes. Beat in chocolate mixture on low speed. Beat in flour just until blended. Stir in nuts.

Spread batter in pan. Bake 40 to 45 minutes or just until brownies begin to pull away from sides of pan. Cool completely. Cut into 6 rows by 4 rows.

Best Ever Big Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe

This is the my favorite and certainly what I believe to be the best chocolate chip cookie recipe. These cookies are nice and big, the kind you find in a bakery, but even better, because you made them!

4 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 1/2 cups unsalted butter (melted)
2 cups brown sugar (firmly packed)
1 cup white sugar
2 tablespoons vanilla extract
2 eggs
2 egg yolks
3 1/2 cups semisweet chocolate chips or chunks

Preheat oven to 325 F. Grease cookie sheets. Combine flour, baking soda and salt in one bowl. In another bowl, cream melted butter and both the brown sugar and white sugar until well blended. Beat in the vanilla, egg, and egg yolk until the consistency is light and creamy. Mix in the flour, baking soda and salt from the other bowl until blended. Stir in the chocolate chunks by hand. Drop 1/4 cup of dough onto the prepared cookie sheets. The cookies should be about 3 inches apart as they spread a bit. Bakefor 15 to 18 minutes at 325F or until golden brown. Let sit on baking sheets for a few minutes before transferring to wire racks to cool completely.

Notes: Lots of possible variations with this one. Substitute the semisweet chocolate chips with white chocolate chunks, peanut butter chips, milk chocolate chips or a mixture. You can also add whatever nuts you like. This recipe works best and has been tested with all these options but the best option is still the classic chocolate chips or preferrably chocolate chunks. Please enjoy the best huge chocolate chip cookie recipe!

Butterfly Cookies

1 Package won ton wrappers
1 c Powdered sugar
Oil for deep frying

PREPARATION: Cut each won ton wrapper into 2 rectangles. Lay one rectangle on top of the other to form a double thickness. Make three 1/2-inch slits in the center, lengthwise. To form a bow, pull one end through the middle slit.

COOKING: Deep fry butterflies until golden, about 1 minute or less. Drain on paper towel. Sift powdered sugar over both sides. Cool.

DO-AHEAD NOTES: These keep several weeks in air-tight containers.

COMMENTS: These can also be made from egg roll wrappers but they're three times as large. I prefer using won ton wrappers because I think their mini size makes them more attractive.

Fudgy Bat Cookies

9 oz Chocolate wafer cookies
4 oz Milk chocolate candy melts

Use a serrated knife to carefully cut 18 of the cookies into quarters. Save remaining cookies for another use. For each bat, place 2 cookie quarters 1/4" apart on waxed paper. Repeat with remaining quarters. Melt candy melts. Drop about 1/2 teaspoon of melted candy at center of each bat, connecting cookies. Use a toothpick to smooth melted candy into a uniform circle. Cool completely before removing from waxed paper.

The Best Peanut Butter Cookies

1 cup Butter or margarine
1 cup Light brown sugar
1 cup Sugar
2 large Eggs (well beaten)
1 cup Peanut butter
3 cups Flour
2 tsp Baking soda
1/4 tsp Salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Beat butter until soft and creamy, then add both sugars and beat until well blended. Add in eggs, and beat until light and smooth. Add the peanut butter and mix well. Combine together flour, baking soda and salt and add to peanut butter mixture, beating well. Roll dough into small balls, about 1 inch round and place onto ungreased baking sheets. Flatten each cookie with a fork that has been dipped in flour, making a criss cross design. Bake for 8-10 minutes or until the edges are slightly golden browned. Remove from baking sheets to cool.

Chocolate-Peanut Butter No-Bakes


1 (6 ounce) package semisweet chocolate chips (1 cup)

1/4 cup light corn syrup

1/4 cup peanut butter

2 tablespoons milk

1 teaspoon vanilla

2 cups quick-cooking oats

1 cup peanuts

Cover cookie sheet with waxed paper. Heat chocolate chips, corn syrup, peanut butter, milk and vanilla in 3-quart saucepan over medium heat, stirring constantly, until chocolate is melted and mixture is smooth; remove from heat. Stir in oats and peanuts until well coated.

Drop mixture by rounded tablespoonfuls onto waxed paper. Refrigerate uncovered about 1 hour or until firm. Store covered in refrigerator.

Easy-Yet-Elegant Raspberry Bars

1 (19.8-ounce) package fudge brownie mix (1 pound

3.8 ounce package)

1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese -- softened

1/2 cup powdered sugar

1/2 cup raspberry preserves

1 ounce unsweetened baking chocolate

1 tablespoon butter or margarine

Heat oven to 350º. Prepare and bake brownie mix as directed on package for fudgelike brownies in rectangular pan, 13 H 9 H 2 inches. Cool completely. Beat cream cheese, powdered sugar and preserves in small bowl with electric mixer on medium speed until smooth. Spread over brownies. Refrigerate 15 minutes.

Microwave chocolate and butter in small microwavable bowl on Medium (50%) about 1 minute or until mixture can be stirred smooth. Drizzle over brownies. Refrigerate about 1 hour or until chocolate is firm. Cut into 6 rows by 3 rows. Store covered in refrigerator.

Monster Cookie Recipe

Ingredients:

6 eggs
3 cups brown sugar
2 cups granulated white sugar
1 Tbsp. vanilla extract
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
3 cups creamy peanut butter
9 cups oatmeal (must be old fashioned rolled oats)
2 cups plain M & M's
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
4 tsp. baking soda

Directions:

1. Cream eggs, butter, sugars, vanilla, and peanut butter.

2. In a separate bowl; mix oatmeal, M&Ms, chocolate chips, and baking soda.

3. Combine dry ingredients with creamed mixture and mix well.

4. Drop by large scoopfuls on to cookie sheet.

5. Bake at 350 degrees F for 12 minutes.

Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies
Ingredients:

1 cup unsalted butter, melted
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1 1/4 cups packed light brown sugar
1 Tablespoon vanilla
2 eggs
2 cups plus 2 Tablespoons all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup coarsely chopped nuts, optional
1 (12 ounce) package semisweet chocolate chips (2 cups)

Directions:

1. Heat oven to 375 degrees F.

2. Beat butter, vanilla, sugars, and eggs in large bowl with electric mixer on medium speed. Stir in flour, salt, and baking soda. A stiff dough will form.

3. Stir in chocolate chips, and if using nuts add also.

4. Drop dough by rounded tablespoons onto ungreased cookie sheet 2 inches apart.

5. Bake about 10 to 12 minutes. Cool 1 to 2 minutes then finish cooling on wire rack.

Chocolate Shortbread Cookies
Ingredients:

3/4 cups powdered sugar
1 1/2 cups (3 sticks) butter, softened
3 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup baking cocoa
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla

Directions:

1. Heat oven to 325 degrees F.

2. Beat powdered sugar and butter in large bowl with on medium speed until light and fluffy.

3. Stir in cocoa, flour, and vanilla.

4. Divide dough in half. Roll each half of the dough to a 1/2 inch thick on lightly floured surface. Cut into circles and place 2 inches apart on ungreased cookie sheet.

5. Bake 9 to 11 minutes. Remove from cookie sheet to wire rack. Cool completely.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

Sooner or later, everyone stops smoking.

he believing we do something when we do nothing is the first illusion of tobacco.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

A cigarette is the only consumer product which when used as directed kills its consumer.

I tried to stop smoking cigarettes by telling myself I just didn’t want to smoke, but I didn’t believe myself.

Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your cigarettes.

I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven’t had time for tobacco since.

Cigarette: A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.

To the average cigarette smoker the world is his ashtray.

Cigarettes are killers that travel in packs.

The best way to stop smoking is to carry wet matches.

I’m not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.

Some things are better eschewed than chewed; tobacco is one of them.

To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I’ve done it a thousand times.

My smoking might be bothering you, but it’s killing me.

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

If we lose the battle against tobacco, we will lose the war against cancer.

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.

Smoke your pipe and be silent; there’s only wind and smoke in the world.

Smokers don’t get to smoke. They have to smoke.

The only safer cigarette is your last one.

I told myself i would quit, then i remembered what my grandmother told me I am NO QUITTER!!!

i only smoke after meals, i’m done to 20 meals a day


Can’t we all just get along….And may be even pass a bong….

“When you smoke, you’re paying to kill yourself.”

“If you want to die from smoking..its quicker and easier just to get a gun.”

smoke a pound a day…..and fly high and say…weed is the only way.


“One cigarette can mean the difference between pacifism and mass homocide.”

Why Drink and Drive…??
When u can Smoke n Fly…

Dont hate Smoker…every cigarette might b their last…

Read a article now the other day that said smoking is bad for you …
This upset me so much that i decided never to read again.


Smoking helps in losing weight, one lung at a time.

“When you smoke the weed, it reveals you to yourself.” -Bob Marley… a true legend


whenever I think to quit smoking, I need a cigarette to think.

“I knew a man who quit smoking, drinking and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself!”

“I’ve never heard of anyone smoking a joint and going on a rampage. It makes you lie around on the floor and look at the ceiling. What’s wrong with that?”

Smoking is like getting burned inside but you can never feel it


I would quit smoking, but nobody likes a quitter

“The Higher I Get, The Closer To Heaven I’ll Be”


Smokers don’t grow old…they die young…

Smoking is an expensive way to kill yourself……


I know of a woman that was a smoker, she got brain cancer and she could barely speak well enough to say, Don’t ever smoke. How sad

My grandpa got alzheimer’s disease from smoking ( which ultimately lead to his death

I had a aunt that worked at a restaurant for several years, she was constantly breathing in cigarette smoke, then at the age of 37 she died from cancer. Leaving behind a husband and 4 young children. If you think smoking is a joke ask my cousins how they liked growing up without their mom, not as funny as you think.
I could tell you more stories but I won’t take your time.
I realize smoking is an addiction, please get the help you need before it’s to late.
May you win the battle for your life.