Well, I had to worl till about 10:30, then take the bus to one area, then transfer to the trolley, then walk to the party. So when midnight rolls around, I'm walking to this goddamn party in below freezing temperatures. 2002 was off to a great start, let me tell you. Well, once I get there, things start to turn around; of course, screwdrivers and Jagermeisters will lighten anybody's mood. So anyway, my best friend, Rob, decides to tell anyone about my large wang, and, of course, all my inebriated friends want to see. (Aside: My penis, while not HUGE, is somewhat larger than average). So I go upstairs, where my friends Stef, Nicole, Katie, and Jon (who's gay) are clamoring to see the goods. So, I whip it out. Let's just say it was well recieved. So they beg me to whip it out again. So I do. Even Rob's girlfriend Brigitte wanted a peek, but he wouldn't let her (bastard). So, of course everyone is talking about it. Especially Jon, who asks, "Why can;t I stop talking about it?" to which I reply "Dude, 'cause you're gay." Now Jon had been saying he was gay all night, but when I say, he storms out of the room and starts crying. Well, while Jon is having his little moment, I'm talking to my friend/roommate/co-landlord Nicole. My theory is that since I whipped out The Envy of All Mankind, she should lift up her shirt and show me the twins. (Not unreasonable a request.) "My shirt's so tight you can see pretty much everything anyway." "Well, can I touch 'em?" "Sure!" Now not many women will allow me to touch their breasts, so you can imagine how excited I was. So excited that immediately after, as a joke, I cupped Vinnie (think of Vinnie as an amalgam of every Jay & Silent Bob routine ever).
So now I have a chat with Jon. The reason he got so upset is that he has a crush on me. I tell him, gently but firmly, that I don't swing that way; my view is that the ass is for outgoing materials only. "Well, you grabbed Vinnie's!" Damn. I feed him some bullshit, then sleep on the couch for about 3 hours before going back to work.
I got to work late because of all the drunken revellers who decide New Year's Day is a good day to start taking public transportation. Motherfucker!
All in all, an interesting night.
November 6th, 2012: Americas new Independence Day.
