(4) CARMELLA & QUEEN ZELINA vs. NAOMI & SASHA BANKS vs. LIV MORGAN & RHEA RIPLEY – Women’s Tag Team Title match
This played out as you’d expect with everyone taking turns in the ring for brief flurries and hig spots. Sasha did a moonsault press off the second rope not Ripley at ringside. The landing was pretty rough. Sasha then tagged in officially. They set up dual tower of doom spots out of each corner. Everyone was down and slow to get up. Natalya went for a Hart Attack finisher on Naoi,m but Zelina at ringside yanked Natalya by her legs to stop her mid-stride. Carmella then superkicked Naomi for a near fall. They cut to Graves reacting with dismay. Sasha landed a frog splash on Carmella a minute later for a convincing near fall. She applied a Bank Statement. Zelina yanked Carmella to safety at ringside. Sasha landed a Meteora on Zelina at ringside. Back in the ring, Naomi tagged in and kicked Carmella in the head. Naomi and Sasha executed a double-team finisher for the win.
WINNERS: Sasha & Naomi in 11:00 to capture the Women’s Tag Team Titles. (*3/4) [c]
(5) A.J. STYLES vs. EDGE
Styles came out bleeding from his right cheek. What the heck? Graves said they’re try to get more information on what happened to his face before the match. Was it caused by the pyro? A few minutes in, Styles ran the ring apron and nailed Edge on the chin with his knee. He then rammed Edge into the ringside steps. When Styles went for a springboard 450 splash, Edge lifted his knees. Edge controlled the action for a few minutes of methodical action. Graves called them two of the greatest era-defining Superstars ever. Styles slid at Edge in the corner, but Edge moved and Styles crashed into the corner. Edge went for a suplex, but Styles blocked it and suplexed Edge into the turnbuckles. Both were slow to get up. Edge gave Styles a shoulder-breaker. Styles went for a Pelé, but Edge moved. Styles set up a Styles Clash, but Edge blocked it and then applied an STF. Styles put his boot over the bottom rope to force a break. Styles caught Edge with a DDT a minute later, but both were down and slow to get up. Styles scored a near fall on a torture rack into a released powerbomb.
They eventually stood and exchanged strikes. Styles landed a Pelé kick into a Calf Crusher. Edge countered with a LeBell Lock. Edge dropped Styles across the top rope and then turned and powerbombed him to the mat for a near fall. Edge climbed to the top rope, but Styles knocked him off balance. Styles suplexed Edge off the top rope onto the ring apron. Both tumbled all the way to the floor. The ref began counting. Styles landed a 450 splash onto the back of Edge a minute later and scored a two count. Styles signaled for a Phenomenal Forearm, then went for it, but Edge ducked. Edge went for a spear, but Styles leapfrogged him. Styles then gave Edge a Styles Clash for a near fall. Styles signaled for a Phenomenal Forearm, but Damien Priest suddenly was standing at ringside. Styles was briefly DISTRACTED. Then when he springboarded at Edge, Edge speared him out of mid-air and got the three count.
WINNER: Edge in 24:00. (***1/4)
( I think some are going to think I’m underrating this by a lot, but it just never really felt like it left second gear. It came across as needlessly long at 24 minutes, an attempt to have an epic match without the juice to justify it. For long stretches it was methodical and laborious and just not that exciting.)
(6) SHEAMUS & RIDGE HOLLAND (w/Butch) vs. NEW DAY (Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods)
They brawled before the bell. Kofi hit a Trouble in Paradise at the bell and made the cover on Holland. Sheamus yanked Kofi out of the ring. Xavier swing kicked Sheamus and Butch. Kofi officially tagged Woods in. Woods dropped his straps and flexed, then charged at Holland with a sitting DDT. Kofi leaped off the ringside steps at Sheamus, but Sheamus kicked him out of mid-air. Xavier kicked Holland in the ring, but as the Butch distracted the ref, Sheamus snuck in and gave Xavier a Brogue Kick. Holland then gave Xavier his Northern Grit finisher for the win.
WINNERS: Holland & Sheamus in 2:00.
(There wasn’t a lot to that, and that certainly seemed like something they could have wedged into last night’s show.)
(7) AUSTIN THEORY vs. PAT MCAFEE
Vince McMahon’s music played and he swaggered to the ring. He introduced Theory. Cole said he’s the man who “created sports entertainment.” Theory’s ring entrance includes augmented reality images of the selfies he has taken floating above the entrance ramp. Theory took a selfie of himself with Vince in the ring. Vince was into it. Then McAfee made his entrance, accompanied by Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. He came out to “Seven Nation Army” by The White Stripes. Cole said McAfee was pumped and living his dream. McAfee punted a football deep into the crowd.
McAfee got in a few spirited punches at the start, but Theory took over shortly thereafter. He whipped McAFee across the ring, but McAfee avoided a charging Theory and then landed a flying elbow. He played to the crowd and then took Theory down with a huracanrana for a two count. They cut to McMahon reactions at ringside. Cole was cheerleading McAfee. Theory recovered and gave McAfee a backbreaker. He mounted him and punched away at him. He looked down at McMahon before suplexing McAfee. He jogged around the ring and flexed. McMahon smiled and nodded. Cole said McAfee is beginning to understand this is reality and it’s difficult. McAfee reversed a Theory suplex attempt. Theory rolled to the ring apron and sold the suplex more than any suplex has been sold in years. McAfee knocked Theory off the ring apron into the announce desk near McMahon. McAfee put on his headset and began calling his own match. He mentioned his parents and said they’re watching him beat up a douche bag. He slammed Theory’s head into the desk a few times, then threw him back into the ring. They showed McMahon looking displeased.
McAfee climbed to the top rope. Cole said he’s one of his best friends in the world, but he’s off his knocker. McAfee leaped off the top rope with a Swanton attmept. Theory moved. McMahon smiled. Theory gave McAfee a released back suplex for a two count. McAfee knocked Theory off the top rope and set up a superplex. Theory blocked it and shoved McAfee. McAfee landed on his feet after flipping over. McAfee then leaped to the top rope and superplexed Theory. That was impressive. The crowd popped; some were on their feet, jumping up and down. Theory draped his arm over Theory’s chest for a two count. Saxton said he thought McAfee was going to win.
McAfee stood and let out a big yell as he waited for Theory to stand. He went for a punt kick, but Theory avoided it and then swept McAfee to the mat. He looked down at McMahon and nodded encouragement. Theory trash-talked McAfee, but McAfee slapped him. Theory punched him and then set up the ATL, but McAfee slipped free and rolled up Theory for the three count. A breathless Cole said he couldn’t believe it. The crowd went bonkers.
WINNER: McAfee in 10:00.
-As McAfee celebrated, McMahon walked over to Theory and expressed disappointment to him. He scolded him. McAfee taunted McMahon. Cole told him to be careful. McMahon teased taking off his jacket, but then smiled and began to walk away. McMahon then did take off his jacket and removed his tie. He unbuttoned his sleeves. McAfee waved him into the ring. Then he yanked off his shirt and he had a black sleeveless shirt underneath. He crowd popped. He entered the ring. Cole asked, “Why in the hell is there an official in the ring?” McMahon stared down McAfee. Theory then attacked McAfee from behind. McMahon strutted. The ref called for a bell.
(8) VINCE MCMAHON vs. PAT MCAFEE
McMahon clotheslined McAfee as he charged at him. McAfee took a hard bump. McMahon threw McAfee into the corner turnbuckle. Cole said McMahon was jacked. He told Saxton he looked better than him. Saxton didn’t disagree. McMahon threw another clothesline. They were awful looking. Fans chanted, “You still got it!” McMahon threw McAfee into the turnbuckle again. Then he wiped his hands. Theory was smiling at ringside. McAfee stood and turned to look at McMahon and pointed at him. McMahon gulped. Theory tripped McAfee from behind and yanked his legs so he crotched the ringpost. McMahon smiled and strutted some more. McMahon taunted McAfee with soft Orange Cassidy-style kicks. McAfee brought a football to McMahon. McMahon pretended he was going to punt the football, but stopped. That could’ve been hilarious. He then kicked the football into the ribs of McAfee and covered him. The ref counted to three.
WINNER: McMahon in 4:00.
(Well, then. Was McMahon inspired by Steve Austin’s performance last night? McAfee did what he could to make that passable action, but nobody was holding McMahon to usual standards, of course. McMahon hammed it up.)
-McMahon encouraged Theory to celebrate. Theory went to each of the corners and stood on the second rope and saluted the booing fans. Theory asked for a hug. McMahon extended his arms and hugged him. Cole said it was one of the most despicable things he’s ever witnessed. McMahon then raised Theory’s arms. Suddenly the glass broke and out came “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. The crowd went absolutely bonkers. Cole could barely speak. Saxton said it’s 1999 all over again. Austin entered and got in McMahon’s face. McMahon looked around and then had a few words for Austin. Theory went after Austin, but Austin gave him a Stunner. Theory took a six foot high bump off the stunner. Austin then eyed McMahon. “Come on, Mr. McMahon! Flex your muscles now,” said Cole.
McMahon looked nervous and tried to talk Austin out of doing anything to him. He called for a beer. Austin caught two cans. He handed McMahon one. Cole wondered if they’d let bygones be bygones after all these years. McMahon opened his can and took a sip. He smiled. Austin smiled and laughed. McMahon asked for a toast. They toasted and swigged beer. Austin went for a Stunner, but McMahon bumped early and dropped to his knees too soon. Then he staggered backwards and into the ropes. Austin then grabbed him again and hit the Stunner as McMahon fell backwards. That was hilariously awful, but totally on brand for McMahon. Austin celebrated and reacted to how awful Vince’s bump was, then stomped McMahon a few times until McMahon fell out of the ring. Austin invited McAfee into the ring. They drank beers together as Austin’s music played again. Cole said McAfee has wanted to drink beers with McAfee his whole life. Austin then gave McAfee a stunner. Austin laughed and seemed to be having the time of his life as he saluted the crowd from the corners. They cut to McAfee on his back and he poured beer into his mouth to try to revive himself. Austin made his way to the stage, saluted the fans again, and then returned to the back.
(That whole thing was a ton of fun. I’m not sure how prudent it was for McMahon to be doing anything physical. He is so athletically inept, it makes his character more charming overall. Austin appeared to be having the time of his life. I just glad Austin’s finisher isn’t the Styles Clash. Yikes.)
