Monroe: How many more of these out-of-the-ring segments will we have to sit through tonight?
Marcum: At least one! Look!
The Cheese-O-Tron flickers, then cuts to the inside of Paragon’s office, with a view of the open conference-room door. Inside, Doc Paragon sits at the head of the conference table, with Penny sitting to his right. Balls Nasty sits on one side of the table, and Jade Dragon and Jin Qing Zhi sit across from him, and there are no fewer than six security personnel standing nearby...Monroe: I wonder what this could be about...
Marcum: Maybe it’s the next chapter of the unfolding Paragongate scandal!
William Paragon: So let me get this straight, Balls. I gave you the match against Jade Dragon you were begging for, and you’re
sulking because it didn’t go the way you wanted?
Balls Nasty clenches his fists, but a look at the number of security guards keeps him in his chair.Balls Nasty: Not exactly. I’m pissed off because this little punk decided to treat our match like a
game, and your officials
let him. Not only does this
pretender think he can just get in the ring and clown Balls Nasty, but Balls Nasty is prevented from sending a message that he and all the other no-talent jobbers need to listen to!
Marcum: He’s right! That match was a travesty!
Monroe: 
WP: Like I said. And after all of that, you still feel you deserve to participate in the final match of the RDCW Tryouts... especially after you’ve interfered with every
other phase of them?
BN: Look, I’ve been in this business about as long as your average viewer’s been
alive. There’s nobody in this promotion more experienced, more talented, more
deserving of fame – not to mention a shitload more than what
you’re paying – than Balls Nasty. But ever since I got here I’ve been watching you push jobber after jobber where
I should be going, up the ladder, and now you expect me to stand around with my dick in my hand while you bring in more nobodies like
him?WP: If you’re unhappy with your compensation, you can take it up with
Rob Kamphausen. But if you’re going to sit here, in
my office, and bitch about the way I choose to conduct our operations here in the RDCW, operations which are entirely within my purview to manage, there’s the door.
Paragon points. Now, give me one good reason why I should give you another match against someone who doesn’t even have an official
contract yet. Because from where I’m sitting, Jade Dragon already
beat you once.
Monroe: Whoa!
Balls Nasty jumps out of his chair. Security quickly flanks him, and Balls stays put, but remains standing and glares across the table at Jade Dragon...BN: The sumbitch beat me on a
technicality. He manipulated me into taking out your useless referee, then took advantage of the situation and got me counted out of the match! If it were a
real wrestling match, and not him trying to smuggle his kung-fu horseshit into the ring, I woulda put the little fucknut in
traction!Paragon leans forward across the table.WP: And what would
you consider a “real wrestling match”?
BN: No count-outs. No disqualifications. Old. School. Hard. Core. The way we
used to rumble.
Marcum: That’s what
I’m talkin’ about!
WP: You two are awfully quiet over there. Do you understand what he’s saying?
Jin mutters something to Jade Dragon, who nods.WP: Do you have anything to add to this?
Jade Dragon murmurs something back to Jin.Jin: Jade Dragon says he welcomes any opportunity to fight. He says if Mister Nasty needs a
stipulation to make for fair fighting, he will
accommodate him. We will fight any match you choose.
Paragon grins and looks back at Balls.WP: There. Feel better now? We will
consider a stipulation similar to what you’re suggesting.
Balls starts to speak, but Paragon holds up a hand and cuts him off... And
I will determine that stipulation, along with any other specifics of the match.
Now, I think, given your strengths and the strengths of your opponent, there’s one stipulation that will guarantee not only a balanced match, but potentially one of the most exciting matches in quite some time.
Monroe: This is gonna be a good one!
Paragon: We can’t have Falls Count Anywhere, since you lost the
last match outside the ring. I’m afraid to include weapons in a match against a martial artist of Jade Dragon’s caliber, for
your personal safety. We’ll have to keep you both in the ring to avoid count-outs, and even if the lack of disqualifications means just about
anybody can interfere with the match, that will fit into
this match nicely.
So, you will face off against Jade Dragon in the RDCW Tryouts Final Match at Halloween Handjobs... and it will be... a Running Man Match!
Monroe: Marcum: What the hell is a Running Man Match?
BN: What the hell is a Running Man Match?
WP: I was hoping you’d ask.
Paragon stands up and steps back from his chair. See, you two will be fighting right out there, in that ring. But the match will
start on the other side of the Turnpike. In fact, you’ll have twenty minutes to cover the two miles between your starting point and the Cheesedome.
Marcum: That doesn’t sound so bad!
WP: Now, that may
sound easy, but keep this in mind: You must both cover the entire distance on your own two feet. If either contestant fails to reach the ring in time, they forfeit the match. And
anyone from the starting line to the ring is allowed to – and
encouraged to – interfere with or impede either of you.
Paragon looks back and forth between the wrestlers as Jin presumably translates for Jade Dragon. WP: Still with me? Good. Now, assuming you both make it all the way to the ring, once you’re there, you wrestle until pinfall. No submissions. You can only be disqualified for the use of weapons within the ring. To ensure that you both stay
in the ring, pretty much anyone on the RDCW roster who wants to can act as a
lumberjack and surround the ring for the duration of the match. And
that... is the Running Man Match.
Marcum: Wow! That sounds like it’ll be a... a...
Fat Retard: Drop toe hold!
Monroe: No submissions, remember?
Fat Retard: People’s Elbow!
Marcum: No, that’s not it either! Damn, what was it?
Larry Llawler rips a noxious fart!Fat Retard: SLOBBERKNOCKER!!!
