RKMBs Forums .::Important::. Writer's Block JLR: The Convention Adventure

Please tell me there's a cure...and where to find it...

[ 01-30-2003, 02:24 PM: Message edited by: (young) Nightwing ]

AGW: Hey young, lemme get a fi'ty! I'll hitcha back on the thirty-first.

The BABS attack continues...

Tally hoe, chaps!

"'Ey gawd, hinney!"
--Plague Dogs by Richard Adams (not an exact quote, I don't have the book on me)

"Oh aye, he's womitin'. Womitin' bad, sorr."
--All Creature Great and Small by James Herriot

This is directed to Chant:

Darn you, Chant. The only dancing I'll do with Clinton is the I'm-gonna-kick-your-rear-and-beat-you-to-a-pulp tango.

I yeah, I'll kick his...arse.

In Chant's Lair...

"Hey, Chant?"

Chant turns to see one of his two short-skirted henchgirls. "Yes, my dear Alice?"

"I'm Beatrix."

"Sorry, Beatrix. What is it?"

"Me and Alice were wondering...what's your plan for us? I mean, why get your henchmen to dress like women when you have us?"

"Ah, ladies, I have a special plan for you...the JLR wont know what hit them..."

Brit: Blimey! Jackie's gone Brit! AGW's shafted and we only have two days (JLR Message Board Reality time, that is ) before the big tournament!

At least La Machine, has got some of his powers back.

La Machine: Don' worry Britannica. I pitty the fools!

Ace, Brit, (y)NW, RM552 & DLD: Oh No! Mr. T syndrome!!

CJ: Oh, I say. Wot rotten luck.

[ 01-31-2003, 05:44 AM: Message edited by: Britannica ]

RM552: Why is Uncle Tom Cobley and all rabbittin' so weird, innit? I'm going to the bloomin' restaurant to get somethin' to nosh-up. Gordon Bennett. If anybody feels like joinin' me, they can.

JLR:

Brit: Good heavens, I think he's got cockney-itis!

CJ: Crikey!

LM: Aw -- I've had that before, all he needs is some topical ointment an... *cough* I think we need to quit all this jibber-jabber an' get to the restaurant. Mama didn't raise no foo'.

[ 01-31-2003, 11:50 PM: Message edited by: Registered Member #552 ]

What have we done?

Let's just hope we can rectify the situation.

RM552 and Cowgirl Jack are in deep conversation...

"Blimey, wot a bloomen' budger the 'hole thing!"

"Dear me, lad, it's not that bad of a dingy."

Suddenly, a bunch of feathers are flying. Cowgirl Jack is once again replaced by Harpy.

"Blimey! Wot a big ole winged gal you are!"

"Caw! Harpy hungry!"

And with that, Harpy ate RM552.

Meanwhile, Britannica, Ace, Nightwing, and Dun Like Dinner are having their own problems...

"Are you sure knocking them out will solve anything, Ace?"

Ace shruggs. "Frankly, they were annoying me. So at least we've shut them up."

Wednesday shakes his head and rises from the ground. "Good thing its Wednesday. My Shaftness seems gone. And hey! A new superpower! Cant wait to test it out."

"So," says Britanica a-matter-of-factly, "what do we do about La Machine?"

La Machine get up slowly from the floor where he had passed out. "Oh...victory against Seatle...MY POWERS HAVE RETURNED! What's gone on?"

"You've been acting like an ass for the past couple of weeks. Other than that, nothing much--oh crap, there's Harpy."

Harpy hiccups. "Eh? Harpy wanna fight in battle. Harpy wanna battle superheroes--and WIN!"

Ace looks at Britannica and mouths "Over my dead body."

"Harpy can read lips."

Britannica shakes his head. "But Harpy, we registered Cowgirl Jack for the competition. If you fight, she'll be disqualified."

La Machine nodds. "And we lose our only female team member."

Harpy thinks about it. The rest of the JLR watch as Harpy mumbles to herself. "...but I wanna fight...caw...Cowgirl right...Harpy has an idea."

"What?"

"Sign me in. Register me as another member. Me and Cowgirl will both fight. Got it?"

Nightwing and DND exchange glances. "But you and Jackie are the same person."

"We totally different people. Cowgirl is buzzing around in my head--she's says we can do it."

"Well then," says Ace, "That solves everything. Now, will someone find RM552?"

Harpy tries to muffled the shouting in her stomach...

Meanwhile...in Chant's Lair

"Perfect, Alice!"

"I'm Beatrix!"

"Sorry again Beatrix. Turn around, I want to see your uniform."

Beatrix and Alice are dressed in identical skimpy French-maid costumes. Alice grinns. "We're going to knock them dead, huh Chanty?"

"Bingo. Now, you both have all you weapons, right? The exploding envelopes, machine-gun feather dusters, and the poison mints?"

"Yes sir!"

"Perfect! You'll distract the womanizing members of the JLR...and poison the rest! Buhahahahahaha!--ack--cough-cough-cough."

The next day at Registration:

RM552: Wow look at how crowded the place is....

DLD- Hey! There's Spawn!

Brit- No, that's Elizabeth Taylor.

DLD- Oh. What's she doing here?

Brit- She's gonna sing the National Anthem at the beginning of the games.

RM552- But she's not a singer.

DLD- Damn convention budget.

LM- Hey, guys. I just saw Ben Affleck get his ass kicked by the real Daredevil. He said if he ever saw his Matt Damon butt-kissing face again he'd-YEEEEEEOWWWCH! OW! Harpy, what the hell's the matter with you?! You just bit my hamstring!

Harpy- Cowgirl say don't make fun of Ben Affleck.

Ace- Hey, guys I just thought of something. These teams are playing for charities right?

yNW- (from a distance) No, Miss She-Hulk I am not interested in a demonstration of the thigh-master....

Ace- So what about us?

DLD- What do you mean?

Ace- We don't have a charity to play for.

LM- .....Oh crap.

Harpy's eyes lit up. "Cowgirl has an idea. Give Harpy pen."

La Machine hands Harpy a pen, and she scribbles something on the paper. "Now I sign Harpy as a member, 'kay?"

Ace grumbles. "Fine...not that this is a good idea..."

"Okay, Harpy got get Cowgirl Jack!"

Harpy flies off a moment while the rest of the team signs in. "Uh, what Charity did Jackie put for us?"

Ace looks at the top of the sheet. "Foundation for Superheroine Pre-Health students...what the heck?!"

Cowgirl Jack comes running up. She grabs the paper and starts to right her name on it. "Whew. Come on, I don't have much time before I change back."

"How do you do it?"

"What, get Harpy to change back? Easy. She just scarfted down about three pounds of chocolate...oh...here we go again!"

PUFF! Harpy's back. "Mhhh...good chocolates..."

Nightwing turns to Britannica. "So...where's RM 552?"

Just then, an official-looking official walks up to the JLR.

OLO: Hello. You must be the JLR!

Ace: Yes we are. And you would be?

OLO: I am Reginald Farquhart-Sindgeon-Smyth-Jones, I am your official liaison for the Conference Battles.

Ace: Hello Reggie, pleased to meet you. I'm Ace, this is Harpy, La Machine, Britannica, AGW, dun-like-dinner & (young) Nightwing.

Reggie: Reginald, if you don't mind. But pleased to meet you all also.

(y)NW: Hello.
LM: Hiya.
AGW: How's it haggin?
Brit: How do you do?
DLD: Hi.
Harpy: Mmm. . . tasty

Reggie: eh, yes [walks over to Ace, avoiding Harpy] Do you have your registration form?

Ace: Yes, here it is. [Hands over the registration form to Reginald]

Reginald: [pulls out his reading glasses, and starts looking over the form] hmmm. . . uh huh. . . .Foundation for Superheroine Pre-Health students? em . . . worthy cause, I'm sure. . . um? [looks up at the JLR] you have also registered two more members. A Registered Member 552 and Cowgirl Jack. Where are they now?

Ace:

Harpy: Cowgirl Jack is in mmmmmmm [Britannica quickly muffles the rest of Harpy's sentence]

Brit: Um, she's just gone to the ladies, to powder her nose, you know.
DLD: [whispers] Nice save.
Brit: [whispers back] Thank you. *crunch* [Harpy bites Britannica's fingers] OOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!

Reggie: Uh, yes. . . and Registered Member 552?

AGW: He's gone to the little boys room.
LM: He's gone to the Superheroine swimsuit calender stand.

[AGW and La Machine, both look at each other]

AGW: He's gone to the Superheroine swimsuit calender stand.
LM: He's gone to the little boys room.

[AGW and La Machine look at each other again]

AGW & LM: He's gone to the little boys room, then going to the Superheroine swimsuit calender stand.

Reggie: Um, yes. Well as long as they won't be too long. There is a press conference and photo opportunity in less than an hour. It is expected that all of your team will be present.

Ace: Ah yes. . . I'm sure they will be here by then. . . *I hope*

Reggie: Well I hope so. If they are not, your Team maybe disqualified from the competition.

JLR:

Ace: [looks at the other members and mouths "what the heck do we do NOW!?!?!"]

Reggie: [not noticing the JLR's reaction, as he was putting his glasses away] But, I'm sure there is nothing to worry about. Let's discuss which teams you will be battling with.

Ace: Sounds good. Who are we battling first?

Reggie: Well the competition structure, was chosen completely randomly of course.

Brit: Of course.

Reggie: The JLR, is in Group D, along with the Defenders and Young Justice.

LM: Young Justice! We're expected to fight a bunch of kids!

DLD: Well they are quite tough.

Ace: And it is for charity, remember.

LM: We're the JLR, dammit not a bunch of baby-sitters

Reggie: There will be three battles. Each Team, battles the other two teams, once. The two Teams, with the most victories progress to the next round.

(y)NW: What if each Team wins a battle?

Reggie: If two or more Teams win the same amount of battles, the judges will review each battle and allocate scores for certain aspects, such as opposition knock-outs, Team-work, battle tactics, etc.

(y)NW: I see.

Brit: So who are in the other Groups?

Reggie: Well:
Group A: Avengers, The Authority and Fantastic Four.
Group B: JLA, Outsiders and the Suicide Squad.
Group C: Legion of Superheroes, X-Men and Teen Titans.

But let's hurry, the press conferernce is taking place on the other side of the hotel. We had better go.

LM: [whispering to the other members] So what are we going to do about Harpy and RM552?

Ace: I don't know? We're going to get thrown out of this competition for sure!

Brit: I'm sure I can come up with some plan. . . I just need a bit of time to think of it.

AGW: We're screwed.

Harpy: Can Harpy eat Reginald?

JLR: No!

RM552: elp me!

DLD: Did you guys here something?

Harpy: Harpy sorry. Integestion *Buuuuurp*

Reggie: Charming. . .

[ 02-06-2003, 10:39 PM: Message edited by: Britannica ]

Later, in the Green Room. . .

The area you are trying to call, is currently unavailable, please check the number or try again la. . . *beep*

Brit: Damn!

Ace: What's up, Brit?

Brit: Oh, I was trying to contact King RM552.5 of Doesntreallyexista. I was hoping to ask him to impersonate RM552, until he shows up again.

LM: You mean like how RM552 impersonated King RM552.5, at the King's wedding to Princess Chantina?

Brit: Precisely. But unfortunately, all of the communication channels to Doesntreallyexista are down. I can't get through to him. I don't understand why though?

AGW: Why don't you just use one of those portal-thingies to pop over and ask him?

(y)NW: Remember, we were told we were always welcome, as long as we called first. Especially after what happened, during RM552's first visit.

AGW: Oh, yeah. . .

Harpy: *urp*

DLD: Harpy, are you OK?

Harpy: Harpy, eat something, not agree with Harpy. . .

Ace: What!?!
(y)NW: Who did you eat Harpy?
Brit: Was it RM552, Harpy?

Harpy: Owww! Harpy insides hurt. . . . *bluuuurrrttt* [Harpy throws up RM552] *plonk*

RM552: 'Bout &@(#*%! time, guys!!!!

LM: Language

Ace: Well that solves, part of our problem. But what do we do about Jackie and Harpy?

Brit: Don't worry, I have that one covered. [Britannica pulls out a bell and mirror] Ohhh, Har-pieeee, look what Uncle Britannica has for you :) *tinkle* *tinkle*

Harpy: *ehhhhh* Huh!?! Harpy love bell and mirrorrrrrrzzzzzzz [Harpy transforms back into Cowgirl Jack]

Brit: Quick, DLD, get several mugs of hot chocolate!

DLD: Dun!

Ace: How's that going to help? We need both of them!

Brit: Don't worry, both will be at the press conference, but it is better to start off with Cowgirl Jack. Trust me. Have any of my plans, ever led us astray?

LM: Yes.
AGW: Frequently.
RM552: and often!

Brit: Oh, shut-up. . .

Back at the motel...

"Alice, hurry, we don't know how long it will be before they get back!"

"Okay...I sprinkled poison on all the chocolate mints and left them on the pillows."

"Great. The JLR is doomed once they eat that chocolate..."

After disguising themselves as security officers...

"Come on, Beatrix! There's the JLR!"

"You think they'll believe we're really security officers?"

"Only one way to find out."

Alice and Beatrix approach Wednesday and Nightwing. "Hey there, handsome!"

"Hello, cutie!"

Wednesday lifts an eyebrow. "Do I know you two?"

"We're your new bodyguards. I'm...Amy and this is...Bridget."

Nightwing looks confused. "Superheroes need bodyguards?"

At the food court...

"Okay, Britannica, I've just consumed enough hot chocolate and over the counter drugs to keep me as Cowgirl Jack for...eighteen minutes."

"That's it?"

"Hey, what did you expect? By the way, what is your plan for getting me and Harpy in the same picture?"

[ 02-09-2003, 08:29 PM: Message edited by: Harpy ]

Brit: 18 minutes! We need at least 30! Dun-like-dinner, can you get another 7 hot chocolates, three chocolate-choc-chip muffins and a dozen chocolate donuts?

DLD: Dun, again!

CJ: So what's your plan to get me and Harpy in the same picture?

Brit: Simple! [Britannica produces a life-size blow-up doll of Hawkwoman, covered in feathers] It's amazing what you can do with a life-size blow-up doll of Hawkwoman, some sticky tape and a couple of feather dusters.

CJ: Amazing is not the word for it. Are you crazy!?! That looks nothing like Harpy!!!

AGW: I think it's amazing what you could do with Hawkwoman and a couple of feather dusters.

Brit: The media won't know that it's not Harpy.

CJ: It's a blow-up doll!

Brit: That's why AGW is going to keep hold of the Harpy doll and move it about and go "Caw" "Caw", every now and then. [hands the doll over to AGW]

CJ: That is the most stupidest. . .
AGW: But. . .

DLD: Here's the rest of the hot chocolate, muffins and donuts you asked for Britannica!

Brit: Good work, DLD. Here Jackie, get these into you.

CJ: You're going to make me sick!!

Brit: Pace yourself. Consume them during the interview.

CJ: But!

Reggie: Right-o JLR, the media are ready for you now!

Ace: I hope this is going to work Britannica?

Brit: So do I. . .

LM: Break a leg everyone!!

RM552: Don't even think it La Machine, just don't think it!

[ 02-10-2003, 01:29 AM: Message edited by: Britannica ]

At the Food Court of Justice...

Wednesday has 'Amy' and 'Bridget' under each arm. "Now, ladies, after I'm done saving the world, I'll make sure to stop by and see you two."

"Be sure to brings friends!"

"Especially super-hero friends!"

"Absolutely. Gotta go, ladies. Offical JLR busniess, you know."

After Wednesday leave, Alice nudges Beatrix. "This is a piece of cake--wont Chant be impressed!"

"I can't wait to see his face!"

"Maybe I'll get to rub his feet this time!"

"Brat! You did it last time!"

***

Cowgirl Jack finishes the last donut. "I think I'm gonna hurl. Hey, Brit?"

"Yes, CJ?"

"Why do you own an inflatable Hawkwoman doll?"

Brittanica:

"Right...well, let's head to the press conference."

At the Press Conference...

"So, who's you leader?"

"Uh...well, it was Britannica for a while...then me...and then Ace...heck, I think Napoleon was in charge for a while...Well, to answer your question, ma'am, we have a...revolving leadership. Yeah."

Cowgirl Jack whispers to Ace. "Next time, let's not let La Machine be the spokesman until the Nets win the World Cup."

"That's soccer, Jackie."

"Oh."

Another reporter speaks up. "We haven't heard much from the two ladies of the JLR. Harpy, Cowgirl, anything you wish to say?"

Wednesday shakes the mock-harpy and start to caw, but the head falls off. "Oh mother @#$%^&*," Wednesday curses under his breath and stumbles to retrieve the head.

"Ah," starts La Machine. "Harpy's a little shy...she tends to fall apart at these sort of things. Uh, Cowgirl, anything you wish to add?"

"Sure...just to let you know, the JLR is eager to face our opponets and win that money for graduate school...I mean, the charity..."

"What about the comments some of your opponents made?"

Cowgirl Jack looks confused. "Comments?"

"The Hulk said he couldn't wait to pound you into a pulp. He said he would crush your bones and tear at your flesh with his teeth before throwing your remains into a fire. Are you still confident that you can defeat him?"

"Well I was confident...about five minutes ago. Hiccup."

Britannica leans over to the microphone and covers it so no one can hear. "You alright?"

"Hiccup. No. Hiccup. I'm gonna...HICCUP!"

Cowgirl Jack spits something into her hand. "Well, I feel a lot better now. But how did that get there?"

"What?"

Cowgirl Jack shows Britannica the silver bell. "I think we need to wrap it up...fast!"

[ 02-10-2003, 12:43 AM: Message edited by: Harpy ]

Just then, Superboy walks in from behind the press curtain.

SB- YEyyyAAA, boy! Why don't you guys scat outta here so we can get on with the Young Justice press conference.

Ace- Hey we're not done yet ass.

SB- Oh you're already done. You guys just don't know it yet.
(press giggles)
Hey buy my new album with Nelly. Superboy/Nelly "Gangstas in Tights" Out in March!

Brit- This is not about self-promotion. This is a charity benefit for-

LM- Hey screw you, superchump! No one's gonna buy your album anyway.

SB- Oh you want some? You want some now? Little preview of what you're gonna get at the tournament?

LM- Bring it on, Zeike! At least my title didn't get cancelled by DC!!

SB- At least I had a title to begin with.

LM- That's it! That is IT!

(La Machine and Supes go at it. Security punces on the stage. All hell breaks loose...)

RM552- Machine STOP! STOP! Oh damn OW! That looked like it hurt...

LM-(hurling into the podium) OW!! Ok! This is the rematch punk!
(charges toward Superboy who cracks him in the chin and sends him flying into Britannica and young Nightwing....)

yNW- OW My rib!! OW! It's broken!

Brit- Oh no! We got a man down!

CJ- Can't.....control......anymore............guys.......Harpy.....run!

Brit: (young)Nightwing, don't move, you'll only cause yourself more injuries.

(y)NW: I will heal!

Ace: DLD, get La Machine away from Superboy. AGW & RM552 help Jackie and um. . . Harpy out of here!

AGW & RM552: umm. . . do we have too?

CJ/H/CJ/H: Cawn't . . . cawntrol . . . Harpy. . . free. . . no. . . must be . . . Cawgirl. . .Jack. . . caw!

Ace: Guys!!

AGW & RM552: OK.

[RM552 grabs Cawgirl Jacky, gets thrown off, grabs at her again. AGW, not thinking places the Harpy-doll under his arm to help RM552, the head falls off once more. AGW goes to pick it up]

RM552: Come on Jackie, let's get you some air [and under his breath] and some bird-seed. [Cawgirl Jacky scratches RM552] Owww!

[AGW, sticks the head back on the Harpy-doll, finally gives RM552 a hand. Both heroes drag Jacky off, but the Harpy doll gets a puncture and goes flying out of the room] *pfffffffffffffttttttttt*

AGW: [to the reporters] Um, well she does fly. . . Ummm, wait up Harpy!!! [RM552 and AGW finally get Cawgirl Jacky out of the room]

RM552 & AGW [behind the scences]: Oww, gob dammit! Not the face!, etc.

Reporters: :lol:

Superboy: Ha Ha! Wait till the rest of Young Justice, hear what a bunch of push-overs you guys are. [Superboy walks away, turns to the reporters, giving them the victory sign] See you guys tomorrow after Young Justice whip these jerks. There'll be a big post victory celebration at 1.15pm.

Repoter 1: But the battle between Young Justice and the JLR starts at 1pm?

Superboy: That's right!

Reporters:

LM [Being restrained by DLD]:He dan't day dat duff, aboud us!!

DLD: Let it go, Machine, let it go. . . until tomorrow anyway. . .

[Ace and Britannica turn their attention to the reporters, who are still laughing at the chaos before them]

Ace: Um, any more questions?

Brock Kentman: What was up with Cowgirl Jack and Harpy?

Ace: Umm
Brit: I'll field that one. It's that time of month and . . . um, flashing lights cause Harpy to get a bit narky.

male reporters: [nod knowingly] of course. . . happens all the time with the girls back at the office. . . etc.

female reporters:

Lois Lang: Ace, can you confirm reports that AGW got Vanessa, the head waitress from Hooters, pregnant?

JLR [Ace and Britannica look at each other dumbfounded; La Machine stops struggling and looks at DLD, who looks at La Machine then Ace & Britannica; (young) Nightwing sits up straight, looking between Ace & Britannica and La Machine & DLD]:

[just then, AGW re-enters the press conference. All of the reporters and the JLR turn to AGW.]

AGW: Wha?

[ 02-10-2003, 02:30 AM: Message edited by: Britannica ]

In the courtyard outside...

"Can't...stop it...CAW!"

And Cowgirl Jack is once again Harpy. She ruffles her feathers. "Caw. Harpy pretty tired now."

RM552 nodds. "I bet."

There's a small birdbath with a few pigeons. They fly of as soon as Harpy lands in the birdbath and cleans herself.

"Uh, you're not going to eat me again, are you?"

"Na. Too full now."

"Um...okay, that makes me feel a whole lot better...hey, maybe we should get back inside."

Back at the conference...

"Um...I don't know anyone by the name of Vanessa."

Miss Lang was persistant. "She seems to remember you very well."

Britannica leans over to whisper. "As your lawyer, I recommend you keep silent."

RM552, a short distance away, moans. "Darn. She probably made all that up to make Wednesday look bad. Hey, Harpy, you think you can make a distraction? I think we're done with the interview anyways."

"He he he. Harpy can try..."

(CRAAAAAASSSHHHH)

AGW- (to RM552)..........why did you say that to her?

Harpy zooms through the reporters, knocking several down to the ground. She dives after Superboy, who was leaving the room.

"Ah...what the heck is that thing?"

Ace rolls his eyes. "Come on, let's stop her from eating him."

La Machine grins. "Do we have to?"

A golden flash of energy erupts between Harpy and Superboy, blinding the two temporarily. (young) Nightwing grabs Superboy by the collar of his jacket and begins floating several feet in the air.
SB:...hey!...
yN: I know...you're vulnerable to energy attacks. Let's get one thing straight, Kon-El. We might not be perfect, but we get the job done.
Superboy begins to regain his sight...and his confidence.
SB: Hold up. How do you know my name?
yN: I know the vast majority of the heroes here, as well as their aliases. So as relative unknowns, we actually have an advantage over you.
SB: ...
yN: We'll settle this later.
(young Nightwing releases Superboy, leaving the young clone to float in the air and contemplate his future adversary's words. He leaves the young clone to float in the air and contemplate his words.

La Machine nudges Ace. "Did you hear that? Hey, they don't know we know who they all are. How cool is that?"

"Yeah. We need to show those guys that we can kick some butt too."

"Hey, Ace?"

"Yeah?"

La Machine grinns devilishly. "I just got the crazyiest idea."

"What?"

"The Young Justice is staying at some nice hotel in town, right?"

"Yeah. We would be too, no thanks to you."

"Okay, lets forget about that, okay? Lets play a little prank on them before the game tomorrow."

"Like what?" asks Ace.

"Just something I learned from an Adam Sandler movie. All we need are some lunch bags, a lighter, and some cow shit."

***

Harpy wanders through the lobby. People avoid her as she scampers her way to some food.

Something smells good. Harpy continues to sniff the air and follows a trail leading to an empty portion of the food court.

There's a small table crammed with food towering five feet in the air.

"Caw! Bingo!"

Harpy dives into a steak and some sausage links. There's a growl from the other side of the table. Harpy leans over and spots a giant green mass on the other side.

"Hulk smashed puny food-stealing birdy!"

"Caw! Harpy claw at big green man!"

It appears that the two crazy animals have met their match. The Hulk takes a second look at Harpy. "Does the birdy want more of Hulk's plate?"

Harpy:

***

Britannica hands Wednesday an e-mail

Re: JLR vs. YJ at 1300

Arrive at least one prior hour fully costumed.

Battles follow as such:

Britannica vs. Secret

La Machine vs. Superboy

Wednesday vs. Little Lobo

Nightwing vs. Robin

Cowgirl Jack vs. Wonder Girl

Harpy vs. Arrowette

DND vs. Impulse

RM 552 vs. Empress

"Great," moans Wednesday. "La Machine and Superboy. This I have to see."

[ 02-16-2003, 04:17 PM: Message edited by: Cowgirl Jack ]

Meanwhile, at Chant's not-so-secret-lair...

The phone rings. "Chant here."

"Hey baby!"

"Oh! Hello Alice!"

"It's Beatrix."

"Right...what are you calling me for?"

"Uh, like, we hit a snag."

"What?"

"Okay, like, you know how you said you were going to infiltrate the convention with your minions? Well, the real superheroes are all here. Alice and I have seen them all."

"Curses! Well, have you manage to dispose of the JLR?"

"We're working on it, darlin'. We spiked their chocolate and have gained the attention of two of the JLR members."

"Smashing! Well, that's good news. Keep me up to date, Ali--I mean, Beatrix."

Chant sets the phone down. "Right, as soon as I'm done with this crossword puzzle, it's time to start phase two of my plan. Hmmm...'the name of a female donkey' with five letters?"

Back at the motel...

Both Wednesday and Nightwing are adjusting their suits in front of the mirror. "You look good in purple, Wednesday."

"Thanks. You think Amy and Bridget will show up tonight at the dance."

"I hope so!"

La Machine finishes fixing his hair. "I getta dance with She-Hulk...yeah..."

Britannica bangs on the bathroom door. "CJ! Are you done in there?"

"Hold on, alright!"

Cowgirl Jack in a little black dress. "Hey, Jackie...uh...you look good in that."

"What, does that mean I look bad in my costume? Kidding. You guys ready to go?"

RM552 picks up a mint from the bed and starts tossing it into the air. "Yep. You know, for such a cheap place, these guys left a lot of candy on the pillows."

CJ catches the candy and puts it in her purse. "I'll need that later for Harpy."

La Machine whispers to Ace. "Hey, I talked to Jackie. Being the agriculture-oriented student she is, she noticed a cow field a few blocks away. I've got the lighter."

"Right...after the dance, we'll show that Superboy what we're made of."

"Cow dung?"

"No, La Machine..."

LM: Speaking of cow dung, what're ya gonna do about Vanessa, Wednesday?

AGW: What does Vaness have to do with cow dung?

LM: Ummmm.... nothing.

AGW: Oh.

Long silence.

AGW: Well, anyone who perused my summary of our first adventure knows that it was in fact Superfly Sr. who had... relations with Vanessa while he was posing as me in a nefarious plot to infiltrate the JLR. You guys did read the memo, didn't you?

JLR: Umm... yeah !

CJ: I didn't !

AGW: .

CJ: [Gulp] I mean, yeah I did !

AGW: .

(y): We don't have time for this. Wednesday and I must go to the dance at once.

552: Tee hee.

(y): What?

552: [Pointing rudely] Nightwing's got a girlfriend!

(y): .

Ace: And we all know we don't wanna make Nightwing angry.

(y): What is that supposed to mean?

Ace: Well we all saw what happened between you and Superboy earlier.

(y): I wasn't angry. I was--

Brit: You were angry.

(y): I was NOT angry. I was simply--

552: Dude, you were angry

(y): I DO NOT GET ANGRY!

AGW: Oh, you were angry. You were downright P.O.'ed.

(y): FOR THE LAST TIME I DO NOT GET ANGRY !

CJ: Alrighty then, you weren't angry.

(y): Thank you.

CJ: You were furious!

(y): !

A huge golden energy bolt surrounds (young) and extends outward, crushing the other JLR members against the walls. After a while, the bolt finally vanishes, and the heroes fall limp to the ground.

(y): [Looks around] I'm going to go meditate now.

JLR: [Cough, cough, wheeze, cough]

552: [Cough] You know what, Wednesday?

AGW: [Wheeze] What?

552: [Cough and wheeze] You do look good in purple.

[ 02-23-2003, 02:59 PM: Message edited by: AGW ]

Meanwhile at Chants lair!!

Chant: Wait just a half darn second, the superheroes are all here? But I thought that I had them all tied up down in the basement!!!
Better take a look

Chant gets up from his cozy chair proceeds towards the basement

Chant: Well, as far as I can see, they are all down here, wait, is this the beginning of a new clone saga???
Hey, henchman, get Spiderman up here now!!

The henchman grabs Spiderman and drags him upstairs and throws him brutally on the floor

Spiderman: huh?

Chant: Well Spiderman, tell me about the clone saga!!

Spiderman starts talking about the clone saga and describes everything in complete detail, soon Chants mind is spinning

Chant: stop, stop, this is more confusing that time paradoxes, please stop!!!
I must have earplugs!!

Waitaminnit, if the clones are all running around in the city thinking they are the real superheroes and my evil Postal worker minion types dressed up as the heroes are also running around they will soon encounter eachother, and chaos will ensue, the city will be in ruins, people will be homeless, real estate prices will fall and.....wait, this is just what I want, heh?, maybe I will just sit back and enjoy the show!!!

But it doesn´t go as Chant planned, because soon he find himself teleported right into the midst of the JLR

Chant:

JLR:

Chant:

JLR:

Chant:

LM: Get him

Chant looks around at the JLR charging him from all sides, he decides to use his secret weapon!!!

Chant: SHAAAAAZZZAAAMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!

JLR:

What is Chants secret weapon, is this really the beginning of a new Clone Saga and does the IRS really know where you live??

Read more another time

A lightning bolt blasts through the ceiling and strikes the hotel room's shabby carpet, flinging our heroes against the wall... again.

And with that a new hero enters the frey, arms crossed, hovering inches above the same shabby carpet.

Hoppy the Marvel Bunny!

But this is not the Hoppy we all know (???) and love. This Hoppy has been twisted by the malevolent postmaster. This Hoppy has sworn his allegance to the force of eeeevil. This Hoppy is a BAD BUNNY!

CJ: .

Brit: .

The JLR: !

552: Who writes this stuff ?

AGW: .

A rabbit? Wednesday, you have no idea what you have gotten us into. This is what he looks like, by the way:



Well, just imagine the red cape.

Chant glares at the ball of fur. "Attack the JLR, Hoppy! Nooooooow!"

'Hoppy' delivers a side kick into Ace's gut. "Nhhh!"

Nightwing prepares to toast the Marvel Bunny, but is quickly subdued by the foot-long terror.

"Run away! Run away!" (Come on, I had to make the Monty Python reference )

Britannica tries to remain calm. Cowgirl Jack waves her arms to get his attention. "Get him to say 'Shazam'!"

"Uh yes...sure thing, Jack" 'Hoppy' gives Britannica the evil look as he lowers his haunches and prepares to pounce. "Uh, what's you name?"

"Sniff, sniff, grunt {Yeah pal, like that trick hasn't been pulled on me before}."

A light bulb lits over Jackie's head. "Yeah, I mean, everyone knows he's name is Shazoo anyways."

Both Britannica and 'Hoppy' look at CJ with a weird look on their faces. "Uh, Jackie, I know you're still new to all these comic-book characters, but--"

"It's Shazoo, right? Or Shamu? Something like that. Shazay?"

"Grunt, sniff, grunt {It's SHAZAM, you idiot}!"

Lightning strikes again, and 'Hoppy' is replaced by a nearly identical bunny.

Cowgirl Jack grinns. "Dakota!" She points at Chant. "Attack!"

And the only thing louder than Chant's screams as he ran from the motel like a little girl was the laughter of the JLR.

***

Cowgirl Jack cuddles Dakota in her arms. He's enjoying the attention. "Yes...whose the good little bunny? You are, you are...puddin' puddin' puddin'..."

La Machine taps CJ on the shoulder. "Are you baby-talking to the rabbit?"

"Shut up, buster." She lifts the ball of fur to his face. "This is Dakota."

"Ah-choo!"

Britannica finishes brushing his hair while Wednesday adjusts his purple suit. "I didn't know you had a bunny with powers like that."

"Oh, like with the whole lightning thing? Never seen him do that before. But I recognized the spot pattern on 'Hoppy', and it was same as Dakota's. It does explain why I kept on finding him on the roof of the dorm. Hmmm. My rabbit has the powers of Shazam. That's so cute!"

Ace rolls his eyes. "Great, another animal..."

Nightwing approaches Dakota. "I don't know, he's kind of cute...OUCH! He bit me!"

"Oh, he doesn't like guys for some crazy reason."

La Machine and Britannica look at each other. "Great...just keep him hidden, okay Jackie? The motel will be mad if we have an animal here.

"No prob. He's small enough to fit in my purse."

La Machine grinns. "Ready to wow those superheroes with our dashing good looks?"

CJ looks at the others and rolls her eyes. "Oh boy...let's just go."

The JLR make their way to the lift.

Brit: Umm, Jackie, do you think it's wise carrying a magically-enhanced evil rabbit to a party in your handbag? I mean, what if he gets out?

CJ: It's OK Britannica, I'll just give him some carrot sticks later on.

LM: Who's ever heard of carrot sticks being served at a Super Hero convention?

Ace: Look, lets just enjoy ourselves tonight. . .

(y)NW: But not too much, remember we have a battle tomorrow afternoon!

AGW: But I'm meeting Amy and Bridget, tonight!

LM: And I'm hooking up with She-Hulk!!

CJ: In your dreams, La Machine!

DLD: After the trouble you are in with Vanessa, do you think that's wise, AGW?

AGW: I keep telling you, that was Superfly, Sr!!

*Ding* [The elevator door opens and the JLR walk in. Ace presses the button to the lobby]

Brit: But remember, Wednesday, if Vanessa asks for a DNA paternity test, you might be in trouble. Superfly, Sr. is this reality's version of you, therefore you share the same DNA! Plus, Vanessa remembers Superfly as being a member of the JLR. As far as she's concerned you've just changed your name to get out of your parental responsibilities.

AGW: Oh man, what am I going to do!!

Brit: It's OK, all we have to do is get Superfly, Sr. to testify that he was the one who slept with Vanessa and is the father of her child.

AGW: That's great!!! I'm sure once he does that, this whole mess will be sorted out.

Brit: Not really. Do you really expect a super villain to admit that he impregnated a woman, if he can blame it on a super-hero?

AGW: I'm screwed!

RM552: So Jackie, you and the Hulk got a hot date lined up then?

CJ: No, you know I'm going to try and pick-up Hawkman!

RM552: Well Harpy and Hulk seemed pretty cosey earlier on.

CJ: What the!?!

*ding* [the elevator door opens, to reveal the Hulk standing by the door, wearing a tuxedo and holding a bouquet of pansies]

Hulk: Where is Bird Woman? Hulk love Bird Woman!

CJ: Um, Harpy couldn't it make it tonight. . .

Hulk: Bird Woman stand Hulk up!?!

Ace: Um, Jackie, I don't think that was the smartest thing you could have said. . .

Hulk: Hulk don't like being stood up!!!

DLD: Somebody shut the door quick!

Hulk: HULK MAD!!

(y)NW: Got it! [presses all of the buttons for all of the floors]

Hulk: HULK SMASH!!!!! [The Hulk pulls back his arm, to throw a punch, just as the doors start to close]

JLR:

[ 02-25-2003, 08:38 AM: Message edited by: Britannica ]

The door slam on Hulk's hand.

"GRRR! HULK SMASH JLR!"

"What are we going to do?" La Machine shouts.

Cowgirl Jack starts to pull stuff from her purse. A rabbit...some lip gloss...phone...mints... "Ah, the chocolate from the motel. Let's see if they work." She hands the rabbit to Britannica. "Now, Dakota, let the nice JLR take care of you, snookums." She looks up at Britannica. "Like I say, he doesn't like men, but I think if you give me some veggies from one of the dinner trays he probably wont complain." She pops two chocolate mints into her mouth.

POOF! Cowgirl is back into Harpy. "Hahahaha...Harpy's gonna have fun tonight!"

The doors reopen. The Hulk looks like he was about to do some smashing, but the sight of Harpy made him lower his hand. "I got bird-woman flowers."

Harpy said thank-you by eating the petals. The two walk off.

La Machine shakes his head. "You know what's scary? They look good together."

Britannica grins. "Okay...eh...Dakota...lets hit the town."

***

"So, after I saved the entire JLR...again...I'd say I am one of their 'big guns' if you catch my drift."

"Wow, Mister Wednesday, you are sooooo brave."

"Hey, Nightwing?" 'Bridget' turns to him. "Do you have any nice battle stories?"

'Amy' grinns. "Either of you two have any war scars? Any...weaknesses?"

***

La Machine, DLD, and RM552 have failed to hit on any superheroines. They turn to see Britannica, who was surrounded by tons of women.

"What's going on?"

They head over to the mob. There, in front of everyone, is Wonder Women rubbing the rabbit's nose. "Aw...he's soooooo cute!"

The three JLR members find their way through the group to Britannica. "What's going on?"

"He's a bloody chick magnet. They're all flocking to pet him."

DLD nudges RM552. "Hey, is that ball of fur looking at Wonder Woman's clevage?"

RM552 look up. "I'm sorry...I was too busy looking at Wonder Woman's clevage."

***

After four hours of eating, fighting, and overall having fun, the Hulk and Harpy depart from each other's presence. Harpy changes back into Cowgirl Jack.

"Yes...now I still have time to have fun. Maybe met a Hawk, or a Bat, or--"

Cowgirl Jack collides into a man in a tux. And a mace. "Ohmygosh...you're Hawkman."

"Yeah. I just got arrive. Long flight."

"Hey...you are cuter than Mel Gibson!"

"Uh...thanks. I'm sorry, what league are you in?"

"I'm Cowgirl Jack from the JLR."

"Oh...them. You're the guys with the villianous mailman, right?"

"Yep."

"Well, my list right now includes a ghost and a woman that rides a yak. Can't complain."

"So where's Hawkgirl?"

Hawkman rolls his eyes. "She wasn't invited. Just as well. Because of the whole I'm-cursed-and-we're-screwed-if-she-loves-me thing, I really don't think we should be together."

"That's too bad. You're a cute couple. I just thought that since you're in another dimension, the curse wouldn't be valid here."

"What?"

"I thought that the curse wouldn't work here."

A light flashes over Hawkman's head. "You're right...that means me and Hawkgirl can..." He motions to a man on the other side of the ballroom. "Hey, Bruce! Entertain this lady for me...I'll be back in a few minutes!"

"We have to fight the Avengers tomorrow, don't forget!"

"Like I'm worried. The Avengers and I have the same author. Uh...thanks Cowgirl. I owe you for this one."

Bruce Wayne holds out his hand. "I think you just paid me back."

***

Britannica, DLD, RM 552, and La Machine are all being cooed by several ladies. "So, whose rabbit is this?"

"Mine." "Mine." "Mine." "Uh...it's the group rabbit. He's...our mascot. Yeah..."

"Aw..."

Britannica looks toward the other end of the ballroom. "Is that Jackie and Bruce Wayne."

"Sweet. Cowgirl and Batman."

Wonder Woman's eyes turn red. "What?" She leaves and heads toward the crowd.

"Hey, look guys. There's Hawkman. Should we get Jackie?"

"She looks kind of occupied now. Besides, isn't that Hawkgirl with him?"

La Machine nodds. "Boy that's a nice ass...where are they going?"

"Looks like they're heading to the hotel rooms upstairs...dang..."

Ace: Hey, who's the babe RM552's talking to over there?

AGW: Uh, it looks like Power Girl and he's.... jeez, what the crap is he thinking?!

RM552: [Moving his hands back and forth in front of his face] Peek-a-boo! Peek-a-boo! PeekARGH!!!---

::With a single punch, Power Girl sends RM552 hurtling across the ballroom. His flight ends when he is imbedded three inches deep in the concrete wall on the other side of the ballroom.::

RM552: [Still imbedded in the concrete wall, and spitting up a few loose teeth] Whab? Whath id sumthen I thed?

Ace and La Machine look at each other. "Come on, lets get him out of this mess."

Wednesday grinns. "Love to help...but I'm kind of occupied right now..."

'Amy' and 'Bridget' grin. "So, Nightwing..." Bridget flicks a bit of his hair. "You said you have some sort of weakness...what is it?"

***

"Oh shoot," Britannica moans. "CJ going to get into another fight...this time with Wonder Woman!"

Jackie and Bruce are still talking when Diana walks over behind her and taps her shoulder. CJ turns around just in time to get socked in the face.

"Ow! What was that for?"

WW grabs CJ by the collar. "He's mine!"

"Oh shoot...listen sister...uh...please don't hit me..."

I don´t scream like a little girl

anyhoo

Chant: it went exactly as I planned, my genetically altered mad raving ostentatious and republican killer rabbit is now in the hands of the JLR, it will change into the killer rabbit from Monthy Pyton´s "the quest for the holy grail" any minute now!!!

Now I can move on to another even more sinister plan. Clinton, get over here!!

Bill Clinton gets up from his chair and crosses the room towards Chant

BC: what can I do for you Chant.

Chant: Just listen. As you know the JLR is not my only enemy, there is also the ILR that I have to consider. This band of pretenders continually denies to join my crusade against all that is good and true. Therefore I am forced to create my own ILR, or in another sense, clone the ILR, then brainwash the clones to serve me!!

BC: ehhhhh????

Chant: To do this I need a genetic sample from all the members of the ILR, which I just so happens to have already!!!

Chant pushes a button and a wall slides away reavealing a huge cloning facility. Each tube holds a specimen of the ILR, Mr. Misinformation, Toxic Bob, tractor Trailer Bob, Amazing Harry, Bundy the polar bear and Chantyana

BC: you really are cracy

Chant: what?

BC: ehhhh???

***

Meanwhile at the plaza where CJ has gotten into a vicicious catfight with Wonder Woman
needless to say, the fight does not go well for Cowgirl Jack
after several minutes of intense beating Cowgirl Jack lies in a bloody heap on the ground barely able to move a finger, slowly her life is slipping away
Spying the Incredible Hulk amongst the audience she gets an idea

WW: got any last wishes little girl??

CJ: cho...chocolate, I´d...I´d like a..a....a chocolate!

WW: is that all? well, I´m sure you can have that, someone bring a chocolate to a dying would-be heroine

Soon a mint chocolate is brought and fed to the mangled and Cowgirl Jack who turns into Harpy

WW: wow, you can turn into a Harpy, and it heals you instantly, well, I´ll just kick your butt again

SLAAMMMM, with a fast uppercut Wonder Woman sends Harpy slamming into a building.
Suddenly something unexpected happens and Wonder Woman turns to face this new threat

Hulk: Puny Woman hit Birdwoman, Birdwoman Hulks friend, NOW HULK VERY MAD................HULK SMASH PUNY WOMAN!!!

WW: help!

Harpy:

Will this be the end of Wonder Woman, Does Bill Clinton really serve Chant and how why does CJ turn into harpy when eating chocolate???

Read more some other time!

Alice and Beatrix look at each other. "We better tell Chant somethings wrong with his poison chocolate. Cowgirl Jack and Harpy have been scarfing them down--"

"--like candy?"

"You course like candy, you ditz. It's chocolate!"

"Maybe Harpy's powers are too strong for the chocolate. My guess is, once they hit their limit, Cowgirl Jack will be down and out."

"Let's hope so. Now, here's your exploding envelopes. Just slip them into the pockets of the JLR--and they'll light up like a Roman candle!"

*Fight!* *Fight!* *Fight!* *Fight!* *Fight!* *Fight!* *Fight!*
A large crowd has gathered around the Hulk and Wonder Woman, who are trading bets and cheering on one fighter or the other. Britannica struggles through the crowd and makes his way towards the combatants.

*POW* Hulk sends Wonder Woman hurtling into a far wall.

Surrounding Heros: Ohhhhh, that's going to leave a mark!

Ace: What's Britannica doing? He's heading right in the middle of one of the biggest punch-ups in comicdom history! He'll be flattened!

AGW: I think the word you are looking for is Smashed?

Wonder Woman extracts her self and flies over towards the Hulk. . .

RM552: Pureed, would be more a more acurate description.

LM: Darn, and I was looking forward to the Jackie and Wonder Woman cat-fight. . .

Britannica finally reaches the battle ground and stands between the oncoming Hulk and Wonder Woman. Both are ready to let loose their mightiest blows. Closer and closer they come, Britannica standing calmly at the exact point the two fighters will clash. . .

DLD: I can't watch. . . .

(y)NW: You are all of little faith. Look. . .

Just as WW and Hulk are about to squish our Hero, Britannica holds out Hoppy!

Hulk: Ooooo, Hulk like bunnies

Wonder Woman: Isn't he just adorable

Surrounding Heros: Fights over!?!. . . darn it. . . I had 50 bucks on that. . . no fair. . . ripped-off. . . who's the stupid. . . It was that Britannica bloke, from the JLR!. . . etc. . .

Brit: Well, um I didn't see the sense in the fight continuing. . . um, look we are all heros remember. . . We are supposed to work together. . . right???. . . . . . all for the common good. . . [the heros start to advance on Britannica. The rest of the JLR back away]. . .um, look, I realise that I haven't been a hero as long as some of you, but. . .

Just then, *SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!* *KA-BOOOOOOOOM* [A bolt of mystical lighting strikes hoppy, transforming him into Hoppy, the evil Marvel Bunny]

Heros: Aggggghhhh! It's Hoppy, the evil Marvel Bunny!! Run away!!!! [all of the heros, except for the JLR, run/fly/leap screaming from the room]

Brit: Well that's not very heroic of them, I must say?

*hop* *hop* *hop* *THWACK* [Hoppy sucker-punches Britannica to the ground]

Brit: Ooooof! [Britannica looks up just in time to see the Marvel Bunny leaping towards him] Oh dear. . .

[ 03-07-2003, 08:02 AM: Message edited by: Britannica ]

And now the part of Arthur shall be played by Britannica...

LM (screams like a little girl): Oh, no. He's turned into Hoppy the Marvel Bunny! Whatever shall we do?!?

Jackie and WW:

Britannica: Well, we'd better not risk another frontal assault. That rabbit's dynamite.

AGW: Would it help to confuse it if we run away more?

Britannica: Oh, shut up and go and change your armour.

RM552: Let us taunt it! It may become so cross that it will make a mistake.

Jackie: Like what?

DLD: Well... ooh.

(young): Have we got bows?

Britannica: No.

(young): Rocket launchers?

Britannica: No.

(young): AK-47s? Tanks? Ballistic missiles? General weapons of mass destruction?

Britannica: No.

Jackie: Whips? Ball gags? Handcuffs? Smooth, black, skin-tight leather suits?

JLR:

Jackie:

RM552: We have the Holy Hand Grenade.

Britannica: Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! 'Tis one of the sacred relics we carry with us. Wednesday! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!

DLD, Ace, and (young) [chanting]: Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.

Britannica: How does it, um-- how does it work?

Ace: I know not, my liege.

JLR: .

Ace: What? You never call him "my liege"?

Britannica: Anywho, consult the Book of Armaments!

Jackie: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one.

AGW: And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--

Jackie: Skip a bit, brotha.

AGW: And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'

Jackie: Amen.

LM: Amen.

Ace: Amen.

DLD: Amen.

(young): Amen.

Jackie: CAW!

JLR:

Jackie: Oops! Sorry.

The rest of the JLR: Amen.

Avengers: Amen.

Booster Gold: Amen.

Manitou: INUCKCHUK!!!

Xavier: X-men

Everyone else:

Xavier: I mean Amen.

Buttercup (somewhere): Neiiigh

Britannica: Right! One!... Two!... Five!

Ace: Three, sir!

Britannica: Three!

Britannica throws the Holy Hand Grenade, but Hoppy simply catches it, closes his paw, and contains the blast without harm.

DLD: Well that never happens in the movies...

[ 03-08-2003, 04:45 PM: Message edited by: AGW ]

[The JLR all stand dumb-founded at Hoppy]

Ace: OK, DLD get your mighty mop ready! Britannica, I'm sure I'm going to regret this, but pull out your Britannerang. I've got my cards, we'll soften Hoppy up for (young)Nightwing, RM552 and CJ.

DLD & Brit: Right!
(y)NW, RM552 & CJ: Ready!

LM & AGW: Hey, What about us?

(y)NW: Wednesday, it's Wednesday, have you any new powers that are able to deal with a magically enhanced evil rabbits? And La Machine, what is happing with your Nets related abilities? Is it the off-season or something?

Ace: OK everyone, JLR ASSEMBLE!!!!!

[ 03-11-2003, 09:54 PM: Message edited by: Britannica ]

"Five.....game.....losing streak....
Can barely ......stand......need help....running away......."

Nightwing, RM552, and CJ pull La Machine and Wednesday back to clear the way for Britannica, Ace, and DND.

"Right," says CJ. "We'll miss you."

Britannica looks at Cowgirl Jack. "What?"

"Well, it's not like we're going to win this one..."

Ace's cards manage to create enough dust from crushing tiles to distract Hoppy. DND manages to give him a good whack with his mop. Britannica's Britannering soars in the air and knocks Wonder Woman out.

It's too much for CJ. "Ah-HA! The ditz!"

But she watches the trio slowly get slaughtered by the two-pound terror. Someone taps her on the shoulder. It's Bruce Wayne. "Take this."

He hands her a fake carrot. "What's this?"

"Part of my Marvel Bunny Protocols. It also works for Bugs Bunny. Just toss the carrot to him. It contains ACME sleeping pills."

"Uh...thanks Mr. Wayne."

"Call me Bruce."

Yes! He said to call him Bruce! "Sure. And call me Jackie. Here, RM552, you probably have a better arm than I do. Toss this to Hoppy."

The carrot soars over Ace, DND, and Britannica. "What the--"

Hoppy takes one sniff and eats the whole thing. He then passes out.

La Machine reaches out towards the limp ball of fur. "Aw...he's kind of cute when he's sleeping..."

Cowgirl Jack pulls him away. "Are you crazy?" She walks over to Wonder Woman's unconcious form and pulls her lasso out. "This ought to restrain him for now."

The Manager of the Hotel tries to get everyone's attention. "Ladies, Gentlemen, and the Hulk, I have an annoucement. Due to tonight events, we are closeing the ballroom early. I'm afriad tonight's event will have to end now. Remember, the first rounds begin tomorrow."

Ace looks at Cowgirl Jack. "Hey, Jackie, are you okay? You're looking a little pale."

Wednesday laughs. "CJ? Nah, she's tough as nails." He slaps her on the back and she wobbles. "Wow, you aren't looking good at all."

"I'm just feeling...a little weak...don't worry, I'll be ready to fight tomorrow..."

Wayne moves between the JLR and CJ. "Perhaps you should ride with me to your hotel." The two leave. Alice and Beatrix, hiding in the shadows, grin at each other.

Britannica drags the rabbit as the JLR head to their taxi. "Come on, gang, we're going to need to get a good night's sleep for the big game!"

Bruce puts his hand on (young) Nightwing's shoulder.

Bruce: Brian.

(y)N: Bruce. Remaining as inconspicuous as possible. Your usual Modus Operandi in either guise...Why...Why did you call me Brian?

Bruce: It's your name.

(y)N: You know...my full name...?

Bruce: Yes...(Steels gaze, pauses a moment before speaking in a low, stern voice) You've undergone recent trauma. Your memory's been impaired as a result.

(y)N (matches low volume of Bruce's voice): Yes. Interdimensional travel. Twice. Any memories prior to the first jaunt are...incoherent. Snippets. I remember you, but--

(Bruce raises his left hand to silence (young) Nightwing.)

Bruce: We should continue this conversation somewhere less--

(y)N (narrows eyebrows): Conspicuous?

Bruce (whispering): The hotel roof. One hour.

LM: Why so glum, chum?

AGW: That rhymes...

LM [looks confused]: What?

AGW: ...Never mind. It's just that, well, I'm a little depressed about Hoppy.

LM: Why? We defeated our furry foe with swiftness, bravery, and stuff. This will look great on our superhero resumes!

AGW: This is true, but it was just so easy.

LM looks confused...er

AGW: Well, don't you kinda miss the days of Chant and Paper Golems? Now those were real monsters! They were big, scary, and they gave really bad paper cuts.

LM: Yeah. Chant sure was a villain to be reckoned with.

AGW and LM: [Sigh]

AGW: It's too bad we don't have Chant or even just a few of his henchmen around.

Suddenly, as if written in on cue...

Alice: Where's Nightwing? We were hoping to spend--

Beatrix: -- the night with two brave heroes.

LM: Hey, that rhymes!

A, B, and AGW:

LM: Well, the 'Night' in 'Nightwing' and the.... 'night'.... in.... 'night with two brave'... Nevermind.

A, B, and AGW:

Beatrix: Well, whatever will we do, Alice?

Alice: We're one hero short!

LM: Well, you know ladies, I--

AGW: Have to get a good night's sleep. But don't fret ladies. I'll escort you to your one bed hotel room.

LM: .

Alice: Oh thanks, Mr. Wednesday. That's so nice of you. Teehee.

Beatrix: Yes it is. Tell us again the story of how Nightwing discovered his weakness. Teehee.

AGW: Well, I could never say no to two girls teehee-ing.

A and B: Teehee.

AGW: Well, it all started with a bowl of grain cereal and an angry horse and donkey. [AGW escorts the two ladies to a separate hotel]

Meanwhile... somewhere

Chant: !


- Will Wednesday score bigger than he has ever scored before at the cost of the JLR's secrets?
- Will LM really let AGW get the block when he should be making the assist?
- With all that inevitable superhero traffic, how will Bruce Wayne escort CJ to the hotel room AND still make it to meet young (Nightwing) on the hotel roof, all in one hour?
- And (for those of us who are a little slow) will we FINALLY find out young's secret identity?

The Shadow knows...


[ 03-24-2003, 07:27 PM: Message edited by: AGW ]