RKMBs Forums .::Important::. Writer's Block JLR: The Convention Adventure

Chant [holding up an envelope]: Wait! Haha, I can use one of my trusty Chanterangs to slice through the watermelons.

CJ and Vegi-La: ...

Chant: What?

Vegi-La: Chanterangs?

Chant: Yeah.

Vegi-La: Oooooo, I'm tellin' Brit. Oooooooooooo.

Several slices later, the watermelon is cut into sixteen equal parts.

Vegi-La: Good job, Chant. Now feed her the watermelon.

CJ: .

Vegi-La: ...Slowly.

And Chant does, only nearly losing both hands.

CJ eyes the watermelon then Chant

CJ: This watermelon has seeds.

Chant: They actually wanted me to pay more for a watermelon without seeds. More for less, really. Well, I just said to that produce clerk, "Give me the whole melon or no--"

CJ: I HATE SEEDS!!!!!!!!!!

Chant: Mother.

WHAM! KRAK! KBANK! BOOM BOOM BOOM! SKREEEEEEEOOOOWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

Then, just before CJ reaches Chant's spleen, the door opens.

Brit: Hey guys.

Vegi-La and Chant: .

CJ: .

Brit: ...Sorry I'm late. I tried to go through the Fast Check Out Lane, but I ended up behind Multiple Man. Big mistake. The old bugger had THREE FULL CARTS, can you believe it? He just kept multplying himself and taking ten items. There were dozens of them.

CJ: .

Brit: Oh, and I got your watermelon.

Veg-La: Tell me it's seedless.

Brit: Well no, actually. They wanted more for a watermelon without seeds. More for less, surely. Well, I just looked that produce clerk in the eye and said, "Give me the--"

CJ: .

Vegi-La [ducking behind the sofa]: Hey Brit, Chant named his envelopes 'Chanterangs.'

Brit: What ?

CJ:

Chant: !

Just as CJ is about to attack everyone in sight, she grabs her stomach. "Oh..."

And runs in the bathroom.

For several minutes.

Britannica knocks on the door. "Um, Jackie, it's been forty-five minutes...you need some medicine?"

"Well...I'm not exactly using the bathroom...can you get me a pillow?"

"A pillow?" Britannica puches a pillow into the bathroom without looking.

"Okay..." No flushing sound but the sink is on as CJ washes her hands.

Everyone peers in the bathroom to see a green and purple egg sitting on the pillow.

CJ eyes everyone. "Three guesses who the parents are. And no, it is NOT Batman."

Vegi-La- Green and purple....greeeeeen aaaand purple......


uh........Prince!


JLR-


Vegi-La......uhhhhh Donatello.


Chant- This is too much.

Vegi-La- Damn, one more....uhhh green and purple...I got it! It's that incredible huge behemoth-

Ace- There's hope-


Vegi-La- Mama Cass.


JLR-


Chant- Is he always like this?

Wed- More or less.

Chant- Wish I'd known that when I was a villain. It woulda made things a lot easier.

Brit [inspecting the green and purple egg]: Good grief, will you look at the size of that egg. It's the size of a watermelon! It must have felt like passing a, well, like passing a watermelon. tee hee

CJ: Give me that! [grabs the watermelon that Britannica brought back]

WHAM! KRAK! KBANK! BOOM BOOM BOOM! SKREEEEEEEOOOOWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

Ace, AGW, Chant & Vegi La:

Brit [in a very high-pitched voice]: Now I know the pain that only women can feel. Can someone please take me to the hospital. Now! Please!

CJ:

And there is an explosion of feathers as Harpy sits on her egg while eating the watermelon (ate it whole if you are curious). Then she goes to sleep.

"What is she doing?"

"Incubating, I suppose. I saw it on the Discovery channel..."

"Veggie-boy, they ain't never have an egg like that on the Discovery channel."

"Um," said Britannica. "Hospital, please?"

Pig Iron: " Man, this stack of dishes is really getting tall."

CJ: " Dishes? My sole purpose in life is to care for the needs of my male counterparts. I will gleefully care for your dishwashing needs."

Pig Iron: " Wow, my windows are starting to get a heavy build-up of dust particles."

Harpy: " OHMYGOSH. I live to scrub windows and please my dream man Pig Iron when not trying to incubate my eggs."

Pig Iron: "It's so good to have ladies like you around to fulfill my masculine desires and needs."

CJ: " Oh, yes Master. I live to serve."

Harpy: " Certainly my liege. I could never think of fertilizing the eggs of these lesser posters. I live to serve only you. More windows please."

Pig Iron: " Yes, you are fabulous models of femininity and womanhood. You please me. You may linger in my presence longer."

CJ: " Thank you, my sweet, sweet loveykins."

Harpy: " Bless the ground you walk upon my pleasant Piggie. May I continue washing your windows and window treatments?"

Pig Iron; " Yes, it pleases me to see you finding such enjoyment in your womanly work little doves of mine."


Sorry I couldn't resist... :)

Then Harpy ate the little piggy that interupted the story. It was good, but needed salt.

What? That was part of the story...

omigob! Now I think I'm hallucinating! Is there a talking pig trying to pi$$ off Harpie?!?


Please get me to the hospital. Now. Please?

552: Okay people, the guy's seeing pigs. We need to get him to a hospital, stat.

Brit: But mom, I don't wanna go to Siberia this summer...

The JLR rush to assist their fallen comrade, Brit, off the floor.

AGW: I could teleport the two of us to the hospital. We'd get there at light speed.

(young) Nightwing: Well, I could instant transmission us to the hospital, getting us there at faster-than-light speed.

AGW:

Brit: The sun is so pretty at night...

Harpy: CAW! Harpy eat JLR!

552: Harpy, please! We've got an emergency here.

Harpy: Caw... JLR lucky pig was so filling.

Vegi-La: I thought Brit imagined the pig. So how did Harpy--

(young): Plot hole.

Vegi-La: Oh.

Brit: Look, its Goldie. Goldie was my fish. Then Goldie fell asleep. I shouldn't have left Goldie on the stove for so long.

Chant: Maybe if I send him "prior day" mail we can--

Vegi-La: <SLAP> There's no time for that! (young) get him out of here.

AGW: Wait! Baywatch is on.

Vegi-La: We don't have time.

AGW: It's Season 8, Episode 11 where Pamela Anderson gives Carmen Electra mouth-to-mouth.

Vegi-La: It doesn't matter. Brit is on the brink of--

David Hasselhoff as Mitch Buchannon: I don't think Lani's gonna make it. She needs deep, heavy mouth-to-mouth, and she needs it now!

Pamela Anderson Lee as C.J. Parker: I'll do it.

JLR:

(young): I suppose Brit could last a few more minutes.

Brit: What big wings you have, Clarence.

JLR: SHUSH!!!!

An hour later after the show is over...

JLR minus CJ/Harpy- Ahhhhhh....

Vegi-La- Man Baywatch rocks!

RM-552- You're telling me.

Brit- Alright! It's over, can we go now?

AGW- Ohhh theres another episode on. Infact it's a whole marathon!

Brit- Arghhhhhhh!!!

(young)- Oh right Brittanica uhh do you think that you could maybe hold out for just a little longer...

Brit- NO!!!

JLR- *sigh*

Ace- Okay fine. You guys carry Brit to the streets to find a cab. I'll set the VCR to record it.

They grab Brit and drag him outside

Brit- Owww! Hey watch it! That hurt! Don't drop me!

They all head out to find a cab

Ace- Uhhh Ceej aren't you coming............. Here let me help outside......

CJ/Harpy- Grrrrrrrrrr......

Ace- Yikes!

Umm okay new plan how about we go to the hospital with Brit and you stay perfectly content right where you are huh? Good right? Well see ya....

Whew thank God I got out of there safetly.

Ace spots the rest of the team crammed into a small yellow cab.

Ace- Think you guys could make some room?

JLR- .......

Ace- Right

Ace squeezes into the cab barely fitting.

Chant- Hey who's hand was that?

RM-552-

Cab Driver- Where to Bub?

Brit- TO THE HOSPITAL!!!

Later at the hospital

Vegi La- Tell me doctor is he going to be okay? Is he going to live? Tell me. TELL MEEEEE!!!

(young)- Um La that's a model of a skeleton.

Vegi La squinting at the skeleton- By golly you're right! It is.

(young) turning towards the doctor- Anyways what my over-dramatic friend here wanted to know is will Brittanica be okay?

Doctor- Oh yes he'll be just fine. Of course I wouldn't have him running around fighting in a contest against superheros for charity anytime soon but just a while off his foot and he'll be fine and dandy.

JLR- Damn just our luck..

Chant- Oh well I guess we should be heading back to the hotel. We'll need all the rest we can get. Without Brit I have no idea how we'll beat the FKAJL.

Well lets plan out the fight a bit so we know what to do for the fight.

RM552- Alright I want to fight Captain Atom.

Ace- Okay and I'll take Booster anyone else have any preferences?

Narrator: As Britannica recovers from his encounter with a proctologist who looked and acted like Kozmo Kramer (of which we will mercifully skip the details), as Harpy gets clucky with her egg, and the JLR prepare for their upcoming battle with the team Formally Known as the Justice League, we take this opportunity to look back and reveal some unresolved plot lines.

That’s right true believers! We can now reveal what happened to Britannica the night before the Defenders battle!

Oh yeah. . . and the real reason he took so long to get Cowgirl Jack’s watermelon. . .

Watch out for that backflash!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *bonk*
AGW: *ooof* Hey!

Narrator: Well I did warn you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Narrator: Earlier that day. . .

We observe Britannica, deviating from his appointed task in acquiring some watermelon for the maternal Cowgirl Jack. Instead of the supermarket, Britannica makes his way to the alley-way, where he had his encounter with the mysterious voice the night before. . .

Brit: Hello? Are you there?

Alley: Of course I am here! Why did you not use the information I gave you last night? Why did you allow the JLR to battle the false Defenders?

Brit: I explained that all last night!

~~~ Narrator: Oh, Jeez!! Sorry everyone, here comes another backflash!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Narrator: The night before the Defenders battle. . .

Our hero walks past an alley-way, when suddenly. .

Alley: psssst!

[Britannica stops suddenly and looks down the alley]

Brit: I beg your pardon!?!

Alley: I said, "psssst!"!

Brit: That's what I thought you said? That's not very polite you know!

Alley: Just get in here now! Before someone sees you!

Brit: Hmmmm, This is very strange. I probably shouldn't do this. . .

[Britannica looks both ways down the main street and checks that he isn't being watched. When he is sure nobody is looking, he enters the alley!]

Brit: So who are you? Show yourself? What do you want?

Alley: Hello Britannica. I have been observing you for some time now.

Brit: Ohhh, a fan. :) Why didn’t you say so? Would you like an autograph then? [goes to grab a pen out of his pocket] Who do I make it out too?

Alley: I mean you no harm. I am Di Bat Pho!

[Di Bat Pho walks out of the shadows to reveal an oriental woman dressed in a gold shirt (with elaborate red embroidery depicting the animals of the Chinese zodiac), short black trousers, and red shoes. She wears a non la (the traditional oriental leaf hat - which obscures her eyes), secured to her head with a red silk scarf]

Brit: DE BAT FOE!?! You’re an enemy of Batman!! [Britannica drops his pen and goes for the Britannerang]

Di Bat Pho: No No! Di Bat Pho! It’s Vietnamese! Di Bat Pho in your language means “to prowl the streets”

Brit: So does that mean you are a. . .? Ohhh! um. . .? Oh! Look I really flattered but I don’t really go for that sort of thing. Maybe you would have better luck with one of my team-mates. AGW maybe?

Di Bat Pho: *crack* [the sound of Di Bat Pho giving Britannica a karate-chop]

Brit: Ow! Well that’s not going to change my mind you know! And I thought you didn’t mean me any harm?

DBP: I have come to give you a warning!

Brit: What sort of warning?

DBP: Pardon me?

Brit: Well is it one of those “I-am-from-a-post-apocalyptic-future-which-you-are-responsible-for-creating” type warning? Or “I-am-an-evil-villian’s-henceperson-and-I-am-warning-you-to-back-off-before-you-discover-my-master’s-cunning-plan” type warning?

DBP: No it is more a “the-JLR-has-been-deceived-by-the-battle-convention-organisers” type warning.

Brit: What!?! You mean we don’t have a meal allowance after all? I told La Machine to check that out. . .

DBP: No, not that. . .

Brit: The hotel room isn’t free!?!

DBP: No, you see. . .

Brit: You mean there’s no prize money!?!

DBP: Well possibly not, you see. . . there is no Super-hero battle convention!

Brit: So what have we been doing all week then?

DBP: Well, you have been fighting. . .

Brit: So there is a Super-hero battle convention?

DBP: No. You have been fighting. . . with the minions of Chant!

Brit: But hang on, Chant’s on our side now! Why would his minions be fighting us? And how did they get their extraordinary super powers?

DBP: Chant is behind this evil plan. I have been tracking his Evil-US-Postal-Worker-Type-Minions half-way around the world for weeks. But you say Chant is on your side now? When did this happen?

Brit: Well pretty much today actually. . .

DBP: Maybe it is part of her plan?

Brit: Her plan? Ohhhh! You mean She-Chant! Sorry. Well that would explain a great deal. I forgot that She-Chant is really this dimensions version of Chant, who you would know as Chant, but we call She-Chant to avoid confusion with Chant who used to be our arch-nemesis back in our original dimen. . .

*thwack* [Di Bat Pho karate kicks Britannica in the head]

Brit: Oww! Hey! For someone who doesn’t mean me any harm. . .Now I have a headache!

DBP: (that makes two of us then. . .) Sorry I thought we were going to have another backflash-in-a-backflash sequence. And I meant His plan.

Brit: Oh? But (young)Nightwing gave Chant a quick mental scan. As far as he could tell Chant seemed genuine enough.

DBP: It does not matter. Your Team is in danger! You must warn the JLR that they are not fighting real heroes. That the convention is false!

Brit: No way!

DBP: What!?!

Brit: This is perfect! Do you know how much we would have to pay to get training like this? And besides we get to beat up on those damn Evil-US-Postal-Worker-Type-Minions without destroying our headquarters for a change!

DBP:

Brit: Look, thank you very much for the warning, but we should be able to handle the Evil-US-Postal-Worker-Type-Minions, even if they are enhanced. What worries me though is Chant. Not so much if he is behind all this, but what his motives are for joining the JLR? I can keep an eye on him, but unfortunately I can’t investigate his recent movements as I’m going to have to be at the battle tomorrow.

DBP: Chant's motives trouble me also. I will look into her latest movements.

Brit: his

DBP: oh yes, his.

Brit: Great! Um… but how do I get in contact with you?

DBP: Here, take this paging device. [Di Bat Pho passes Britannica a paging device] Press this button [she indicates a button] when you need to contact me. When I have information for you I will page you. This light [she indicates a light] will flash when I need to contact you. We will meet back here one hour after a signal is sent. Agreed?

Narrator: End of the second backflash. . . . ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Narrator: Back to a few hours earlier (you know, after the Defenders battle, before CJ gives birth) . . . sheesh, has anyone got a Panadol?

DBP: So why did you summon me? I have not had time to investigate Chant's movements fully.

Brit: I know, but having observed Chant during the battle with the false-Defenders, I think he maybe on the level.

DBP: “on-the-level”?

Brit: Oh sorry, I think his motives a genuine. The way he handled false-Doctor Strange. . . but look we have a more important matter to look into. It’s Cowgirl Jack. She’s pregnant!

DBP: Is he married?

Brit: she. . . and no.

DBP: oh yes, she. sorry. That is not good.

Brit: Well actually its CJ’s alter ego, Harpy that’s the mother, but that’s not really the issue here. It’s the father!

DBP: Who is the father?

Brit: It is likely that it is the false-Incredible Hulk!

DBP: He has strange taste in men.

Brit: she

DBP: *tut* [shakes head and tuts to her-self] yes, she, sorry.

Brit: Indeed. But what we really need to know is who the false-Hulk really is.

DBP: I will find out immediately for you. [Di Bat Pho wheels out the Di Bat Xe mo to (or Di Bat Bike)]

Brit: Great! Thank you again Pho. [Britannica looks at Di Bat Pho’s motor bike] um… would you mind dropping me off at the grocery store? I was supposed to get CJ some watermelon an hour ago.

DBP: Yes. Get on the back and hold on. . .

Brit: Ta!

[Britannica climbs on the back of the bike and holds onto Di Bat Pho’s waist. She reves the engine, releases the break and the bike shoots off at a dangerously high speed. Di Bat Pho uses her super-human reflexes (and both lanes of the road!) to weave her bike between cars and trucks and to dodge on-coming traffic!]

Brit: Agggghhhhh! Watch out for that red light! [Deciding he does not wish to witness his demise by being squashed by the busy traffic going through the intersection, he shuts his eyes tight and grabs hold of Di Bat Pho even tighter.]

DBP: Let go! You are going to make me crash!

*Beeeeeeeeep*

Motorists: Stupid Moron! Where did you learn to ride? Etc?

Brit: [opens one eye to see what’s happening and is surprised to find that they survived the busy intersection] Wha? How? Where?

DBP: Here you go Britannica. [Di Bat Pho pulls the bike up in front of the grocery store] I will contact you as soon as I know something.

Brit: [gets gingerly off the bike] OK . . .

*zoooooooom* [Di Bat Pho speeds off on her quest to track down the identity of the false-Hulk]

Brit: . . . I’ll see you later then.

Narrator: After regaining his composure, Britannica goes to the produce section of the store and procures a watermelon.

Brit:[carrying the watermelon to the checkout] It would have been nice to get CJ one of those seedless watermelons, but not at those ridiculous prices! More for less, surely?

[He makes his way to the express check out, there is only one person standing in line. Britannica notices the man has three full shopping trolleys]

Brit: [tapping the man on the shoulder] Excuse me? This is the express 10 items or less-lane.

Multiple Man: Oh sorry about that. [He multiplies himself into over five-dozen duplicates]. Is that better?

Brit: &*%^&$^#$^#^@$%%(^*()^(&!

Narrator: So,here endith the dangling plot line. . . We now resume our normal story. . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harpy is cooing over her massive egg when *poof* CJ returns. "Ow...my head..." Wednesday passes the IBProfin. "So, like, what, do I just sit on this egg?" She sits on it and promptly falls off, the side of her head hitting the egg. "Ouch!"

"You okay?" asked Ace.

"Yeah," said CJ as she rubbed her head. "I -- waitaminute --" She pressed her ear to the egg shell. "Um...guys...this egg is...ticking! It's a bomb! Quick, we have to open it." She slams her fist on the shell. "Owie!"

Wednesday begins kicking it. Ace throws cards. Nightwing attacks it as well. CJ gets a frying pan and tries to crack it open, but the clock keeps ticking...

The JLR continues kicking, attacking, card throwing, mopping, Britanneranging, and Chanteranging the egg, but to no avail.

CJ: This isn't working!

Chant: Well duuuuhhh!

CJ: .

Chant: .

CJ: How could this happen? How could Harpy give birth to a ticking time bomb in an egg?

Ace: Well obviously The Hulk thought Harpy was a real bombshell.

JLR: Snicker... teehee... snort... .

CJ: What?

552: Well, you've gotta admit, she kinda laid a bomb on us this time.

JLR: Haha... hehe.

Ace: Yeah, she really bombed out on us.

JLR: :lol:

CJ: Okay, guys, enough. You obviously forgot about THE TICKING TIME BOMB IN THIS EGG!

Ace: No, CJ, 'you da bomb.'

JLR: :lol: X 2

Chant: And if this bomb explodes, we'll all be blown to bits.

JLR: :lol: X 5

Brit: ...Wait. That's not funny .

(young): !

A yellow orb shoots out from (young)'s hand and strikes the egg. Unfortunately, his bomb-filled target simply absorbs the energy and redisperses it in every direction in the room.

JLR: Aaahhhh.... thump.

DLD: Is it just me, or are these walls getting harder?

Vegi-La [on the floor, rubbing his aching head]: Whose dumb idea was it to have (young) try his orb on the egg? Whoever it was, we need to kick him thoroughly.

Chant: Umm.... it was your idea.

Vegi-La: Oh yeah.

552 [sarcastically]: Great idea, La.

CJ [also sarcastically]: Yeah, good job, cowboy.

Ace: Let's all kick 'im!!

Vegi-La: Whoa, now look, let's not go assigning blame. We've still gotta figure out some way to break that egg.

CJ runs toward the egg and starts to bash it with her pan.

Frying Pan: Bash, bash, bash.

But the egg continues ticking.

Egg: Tick, tick, tick.

CJ: It's still not working.

Chant: Well duuuuhhh!

Frying Pan: Bonk.

Chant:

Brit: We're quickly running out of time. If (young)'s orb didn't work, I don't suppose anything we can throw at it will.

CJ: !!

Frying Pan: BASH!!!!

Egg: CRACK!!

JLR:

(young): Pressure point.

JLR:

Meanwhile. . .

Narrator: Di Bat Pho has positioned herself on the roof of an adjoining building and is spying through the hotel room window of the Defenders. They are certainly living up to their Non-Team status, as they are arguing with each other. Though the Super Agent can’t hear what is being said, it is obvious that they are laying blame on each other for loosing yesterdays match to the JLR.

All are arguing except the Hulk, who is sitting in the middle of the sofa, which is sagging alarmingly with both ends sticking up in the air. He looks very sad, looking down at the ground. His shoulders rise and fall as he lets out huge sighs.

All of a sudden the Sub-Mariner throws a vase at Hulk, yells something and points an accusing finger at the depressed behemoth.

Hulk looks up at his Non-Team-mates with a blank expression, which slowly turns into a scrowl, he leaps up off the sofa and lets out a !

The Defenders stop their arguing and look at the Hulk, who has just picked up the sofa and thrown it at them!

Defenders: *scamper*

DBP: This could be useful.

Narrator: Di Bat Pho observes the Hulk smashing his Non-Team-mates and trashing the room like he is some kind of rock star. All of a sudden something is thrown out the window. . .

*smash*

Narrator: It is Valkyrie! Di Bat Pho can now hear what is being said in the room.

Hulk: Hulk Want Har-Pee!!!

*SMASH* *CRASH* *THUD* *OWWW* *ANOTHER SMASH* *POUND* *OOOF* *A FEW MORE CRASHES* *MUMMY* *ETC*

Narrator: Di Bat Pho’s view of the fight is obscured as dust fills the room and billows out of the smashed window. Suddenly the Hulk leaps out of the window, taking half the wall with him!

Di Bat Pho goes to follow the Hulk who is leaping into the distance in the direction of the JLR hotel, when suddenly. . .

Innocent mother pushing a pram, looking up at the falling wall heading straight for her: Help! Somebody save my baby!!!

DBP: *sigh* I am coming.

Narrator: Di Bat Pho jumps off the roof and using her super-human reflexes and speed leaps from window-sill to window-sill until she reaches the ground. She then runs across the road dodging cars (which have been left by their owners, who are now running for their lives), grabs the baby out of the pram, grabs the mother and leaps out of the way just as the falling wall squashes the pram to the thickness of a pancake!

Innocent mother who was pushing a pram, looking up at the falling wall, which was heading straight for her: Oh thank you? How can I ever repay you?

DBP: Next time a falling wall is heading straight for you, run, please.

Innocent mother who was pushing a pram, looking up at the falling wall, which was heading straight for her: [notices the pram] Hey who’s going to pay for my pram?

Narrator: Di Bat Pho has run over to the fire escape door - which turns out to be locked. One karate-kick later and the door is hanging on its hinges and Di Bat Pho is racing up the stairs. . .

DBP: Stupid mothers who just stand looking at falling walls heading straight for them. Stupid safety hazards, locking fire escape doors. . .

Narrator: Di Bat Pho reaches the floor of the Defenders room and finds their room door was smashed open during the Hulk’s rampage. She enters the room to find the Defenders unconscious, except for Doctor Strange.

DBP: [grabbing Doctor Strange by his shirt, lifting him up and shaking him a bit] Strange! Where is the Hulk going? Who is she?

Strange: She?

DBP: He! I meant "Who is he?"

Strange: Oh. Hey, why should I tell you anything? Who are you anyway?

DBP: [shaking Doctor Strange more violently] I am asking the questions here! Now I won’t ask again! Who is the Hulk! Where is she going!

Strange: you mean he don’t you?

DBP: [shaking Doctor Strange even more violently] Answer the question!

Strange: Stupid creature has a thing for Harpy of the JLR. Wants to be with her. I told everyone it was a stupid idea to have a Paper-Golem be the Hulk, but there was nobody tall enough. . . well actually no one wanted to wear the purple pants. . .

DBP: The Hulk is a Paper-Golem!?!

Strange: [looking like he has just come to his senses] oops! Did I say that?

*chop* [the sound of Di Bat Pho giving Doctor Strange a karate-chop]

Narrator: Soon Di Bat Pho is speeding away on the Di Bat Xe Mo To towards the JLR hotel. But with the Hulk coming knocking and the egg ticking, will she be in time to help the JLR?

Find out in our next eggciting installment . . .

CJ: Well the shell is cracked now. And look, it is a bomb!

Bomb: 19...18...17

CJ: Okay...Nightwing, you take care of the problem! *tossed bomb to Nightwing*

Bomb: 16...15...

Nightwing: No way! *tosses to Wednesday*

Wednesday: No way! *tosses to more JLR members, all passing around like they are playing 'Hot Potatoe'*

Bomb: 14...13...12...11..10...

Harpy: Screw it, you assholes! Harpy will do it herself! *grabs bomb, crashes thorugh door, and hi-tails it up to the sky*

Wednesday: Aw...we got CJ pissed...again...

Bomb: 9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...KABOOM

Harpy: SQUAK! *crashes back to JL, after smashing a hole in the hotel roof* Caaaaaaw *feathers are all burnt* Did you order original or extra crispy?

DLD: Well, I'm glad that's over.

Brit: Agreed. I didn't know how to handle that situation.

AGW nods knowingly.

Ace: You know what I'm in the mood for?

Vegi-La: What?

Ace: Some seedless watermelon.

JLR: .

But before Ace can satisfy his cravings, the hotel room door swings open, and in scurries...

DBP: SHE IS COMING!

JLR:

DBP: Did you not hear me? I said, "SHE IS COMING!"

Harpy: Caw! Harpy eat strange froufrou girl.

DBP [glaring angrily at Brit]: If he attempts to lay one finger on me...

JLR: He?

Harpy: Harpy is she! Harpy doesn't like being called 'he.' Now Harpy is very angry she.

AGW [whispering to (young)]: Told you women are crazy.

(young) nods knowingly.

552: What was that?

Vegi-La: I don't think the cat in a tree excuse is gonna work this time.

552: No. Just listen.

Everyone listens... again.

(young): I hear it too.

DLD: It's like BOOM.... BOOM.... BOOM.

DBP: It is as I told you: She is coming for Harpy.

Vegi-La: But who is she?

Chant: And who are you? For all we know, you could be some nefarious villain... and stuff.

JLR: .

BOOM.... BOOM.... BOOM....
.
.
.
BOOM.

DBP [whispering]: She is here.

Vegi-La [also whispering]: But who is she?

The Incredible Hulk [yelling]: HULK WANT HARPY !!!

JLR: .

AGW: Oh... HER !

Narrator: The Hulk’s massive frame demolishes the door-frame as he enters the JLR’s hotel room.

*CRASH*

Hulk: Hulk Want Har-pee!

Harpy: Hulk-ee!

Narrator: The Green Goliath and the PMS Avenger race toward each other to embrace.

JLR & DBP:

Narrator: Furniture is tossed aside in Harpy's and the Hulk's desire to hold each other.

The coffee table goes flying and collects the TV and video player. They go crashing into the wall and catch on fire.

*BANG* *CRASH* *FIZZ* *ZAP* *POP* *POW* *BURN*

DLD: Oh No!

(y)NW: What is it DLD?

DLD: The Baywatch marathon. . . it was still in the video player!

Male members of the JLR:

Narrator: Di Bat Pho who was ready to fight the Hulk along side the JLR is bemused to find her opponent sucking beak with the female JLR member, with no interest in his surroundings. Even worse she finds that the male members of the JLR are also not showing any interest in a potential battle, as they race over towards the video player.

RM552: Oh no! Not again!! (in reference to the time RM552 lost his memory of the cat-fight between Cowgirl Jack and She-Chant)
Ace: Quick Wednesday give me a hand with this table. . .
AGW: Right! [ *pick-up* *throw* *CRASH* ] Quick I see it! Nightwing get it!
Vegi-La: Outta my way! I’ll get it! [pushing (young)Nightwing out of the way]
DLD: Hurry! Hurry!

Narrator: Frantic seconds later, Vegi-La is kneeling on the ground and gently cradling the cracked, burnt and warped video casing in his three hands. The tape is spooling limply to the floor.

Vegi-La: [looks up and shouts to the heavens] Nooooo!! Why!?! Take me! For the love of Gob, take me instead!!

Male members of the JLR:

Chant: *sob* It’s all his fault! [pointing an accusatory finger at the Hulk]

Male members of the JLR: He’s right!

(y)NW: Lets get him!

Narrator: In one fluid and graceful motion, eight members of the JLR bare down on their opponent (who is still preoccupied with Harpy) and with an awesome display of power, launch a co-ordinated attack which is sure to go down in the annals of Super-hero battles.

Glowing balls of energy, entire decks of cards, letter-bombs, Chanterangs, Flea Bombs, Vinewhips [Vegi-La: a new power] and the Britannerang fly across the room with deadly accuracy - well all except the Britannerang that is, which knocks out Harpy [Brit: Oops, sorry ‘bout that Harpy ]. Unnoticed, Harpy begins to transform back into Cowgirl Jack. . .

Fists, feet and mop-heads relentlessly pound the Defender with such ferocity and speed that mortal eyes fail to see the attacks being made.

Eventually, the JLR pull back for a second to catch their respective breaths. They prepare to re-launch their attack. However, the Hulk has taken too much punishment and is no longer in any condition to withstand another onslaught...

THOOM

Chant: [Laying the boot in, to the unconscious Hulk] And…That…Will…Teach…You…To…Not…Do…That…Again…!

Ace: [looking at Di Bat Pho] Thanks for the warning Miss, but would you mind telling us who you are?

DBP: I am Di Bat Pho!

JLR (except Brit & CJ): De Bat Foe!!!

Vegi-La: She must be an enemy of Batman! Quick get her!

Brit: [Throwing himself between his Team-mates and Di Bat Pho] No. No! Di Bat Pho! It’s Vietnamese. It means “to prowl the streets”

AGW: Oh! You mean she’s a . . .

(y)NW: It sounds like you know this woman, Britannica?

AGW: Hey, what's Britannica doing hanging around with a . . .

DBP: grrrrr

*crack*

AGW: Oww, what’d you kick me in the head for?

Brit: Di Bat Pho is a superhero from Vietnam.

DBP: We have something very important to tell you.

CJ: [who has regained consciousness and getting to her feet] Oh, and what is that?

DBP: Britannica? Will you tell them?

RM552: What is it Britannica?
Chant: Yes, tell us.

Brit: . . . ummmm . . . uh. . .

DBP: If you do not. I will!

Brit: gulp. . . OK. . . it’s like this guys. . .

DLD: Don’t worry Brit. You know you can tell us anything. . .

Brit: OK, as I was saying. . .

JLR: Yes?

DBP: Oh good grief! Look everybody, Brit. . .

[Britannica suddenly grabs Di Bat Pho and pulls her towards him. Wrapping his arms around the Vietnamese hero, Britannica spins her around, goes into a dip and kisses her on the lips.]

DBP: mmmph mmmmmmmmmmmmm :) mmmmmmmmmmmmm

JLR:

[Several minutes later Britannica and Di Bat Pho come up for air.]

JLR:
DBP:

Brit: What I was about to say was, that Di Bat Pho and I are getting married! Yes, that’s right. . . we’re getting married. . .

JLR: WHAT!?!

Chant: I think he means the NBA season.

JLR: WHAT!?!

Brit: No, I meant we're getting married. We're engaged, though, we haven't made a date yet.

DBP: And I do not have a ring yet either .

Brit: About that, hun... I meant to make a dash to the jewelry store, but... well... CJ gave birth to a bomb, you see, and--

DBP: Uh huh.

Brit: Really, turtle dove. It won't happen again.

JLR:

AGW: It seems like its up to me to, once again, be the voice of reason...

JLR:

AGW: ... but this just doesn't add up, homesplice. You met when?

Brit: Well, the other day. We met in an alley.

JLR:

AGW: So does that mean you are a. . .? Ohhh! um. . .? Oh! Look I'm sure he's really flattered but Brit doesn't really go for that sort of thing. Maybe you would have better luck with one of his team-mates. Me maybe?

DBP: She is that Any Given Wednesday you spoke of?

Brit: Yes she-- I mean he is.

DBP's hand: CHOP!

AGW:

Ace: Wow! She comes with kung-fu grip!

CJ [barely coherent]: What just happened?

DLD: Then what?

Brit: What?

DLD: How did you go from meeting in an dark alley to engaged, all in under a page?

Brit: Oh well, that's actually quite an amusing anecdote. You see--

Vegi-La: Wait! I think there's a way I can save Pamela AND Carmen!

In one fluid and graceful motion (young), DLD, Ace, Chant, and AGW bare down, totally ignore Brit, push CJ out of the way, step over the Hulk (no small feat, mind you), and begin working furiously, hoping beyond all hope they can resuscitate their beloved lifeguards.

Brit: <Sigh>... So, my love, how about it, then? Would you like to join our little motley crew of heroes?

DBP: Not that I wouldn't love to, love, but... does this sort of thing happen often?

Brit: Daily !

DBP surveys the fallen bohemoth, confused CJ, and desparate JLR men working frantically to see two women kiss just one more time.

DBP: Perhaps I should just start out as a part time member .

Hello folks Snapper Car here. It’s a beautiful day here at the Superhero Convention and here we are getting ready for the next battle between the teams. This next battle faces the Formerly Known as the Justice League (promoting their new comic!) against the lesser known JLR.

You know I gotta say that these JLR members seemed to come out of nowhere. I’ve never even heard of them until now.

Well Tom that’s because you’re an idiot.

Ha ha ha yea-…. Hey waitaminute.

The JLR may be an unknown but don’t let that fool you. They aren’t going down without one hell of a fight. This is very exciting. This next match will decide who will be moving on to the final round.

Anyways the battle is almost underway. Infact here come the two teams now.

The crowd cheers as the old JL walk into the arena.

Registered Member 552- Woah check it out. It’s that girl from BlazingFire.com.

Male members of the JLR-

AGW- I think I’m in love.

(young) Nightwing- You just said that yesterday when we were watching Baywatch.

AGW- Then I think I’m in love all over again.

CJ- Tsk I guess I’d better handle her if you’re all going to be drooling all over her like that.

DLD- No! I’m sorry CJ but I’m afraid I can’t let you do that. Fire is much too powerful, hot, fierce, hot, and dangerous for you.

AGW- And hot! Can’t forget hot!

DLD- Yes which is why I feel it is my responsibility- nay -my duty to take on Fire in a completely selfless manner.

AGW- What!?! But I want to fight her hot voluptuous body.

DLD- Okay then I’ll tell you what. We’ll flip for her. Heads I win and tails you lose okay. I’ll even let you call it in the air.

AGW- Hmmm… Okay that sounds fair.

DLD- Okay. Call it! (DLD flips a coin into the air.)

AGW- Ummm umm….. Heads… No no wait tails!

DLD- Ha, it is tails…You know what that means…

AGW- Yeah yeah I lose….


Darnit I knew I shoulda picked heads!

Brittanica- Heh so you’re the old JLA huh. Well prepare to be taken out JLR style!

Ralph- What!?! Did he say he wants to take us out? But I’m already married.

DLD speeds over to Fire.

DLD- Looks like youse and me gots a date.

Fire- Teh yeah like I’d ever date a janitor…..Well there was that one time I dated one but he was really cute and-

DLD- Woah…woah….woah! What are you saying. That I’m not cute enough for you!!

Fire- No that’s not it….I was just saying-

DLD- Oh that’s it lady! Feel thine own wrath woman!!! Hughnn…

(DLD tosses three cans of flamible air freshener straight at Fire like grenades.)

BOOM!

Fire- Ha. Was that supposed to hurt?

DLD- (Hmmm… It seems that the fire from the fiery explosion only seems to strengthen Fire’s power. Who woulda guessed it?)

Fwoosh

Fire- Is it hot in here or is it just me?

DLD- It’s just you!

Fire- I can fix that.

Fire flies by setting the whole ground around DLD on fire.

DLD- Ohhw Ah Oww Hotfoot! HOTFOOT!!!

Looks like I’ll need a little help…

(DLD pulls a remote from his pocket and presses the button.)

BZZZT!

A remote controlled custodian cart crashes through the gates and flies into the stadium. DLD quickly grabs a wet mop from it as it buzzes by him and nails Fire knocking her to the ground.

DLD jumps over the helplessly pinned down Fire and raises his mop for the final blow.

DLD- Time to put out the fire!

Oh wait I almost forgot…..DLD pulls out a mini tape player and presses play.

“Bum Bum Bum Buumm Buh Buh Buhhm!”

My victory song!

After the song DLD slams the mop over her head extinguishing the flames.

Ace jumps over to Booster trying to tackle him.

Arghhh!

*Pumph*

Owwww!

His face slams against one of Boosters force fields.

Ohhhhh you’re going to regret that one Booster…

Ace flips open a pack of cards and flings them at Booster.

*Cling* *cling* *clang*

Every card bounces off of his force field and ricochet off into the crowd.

People in the crowd- Aughhhh! Duck and cover!

Booster- Yawnnnn… I don't even have to try.

Ace- Yeah well why don’t you try playing a little 52 pickup.

Ace grabs a whole deck of cards and flings the whole thing at Booster all at once.


Booster still stands safely behind his force field without a scratch.

Ace- Dayummm…

Booster- Slow learner huh? You’re not by any chance related to Guy Gardner are you? Well let me help get it through to you.

Booster shoots a blast and hits Ace dead on.

Ace- Oof ow This isn’t going exactly according to plan

Booster- What was that?

Ace- Oh well uh what I said was this is all going according to my plan.

Booster- Oh really

Ace- Yeah really

Booster- Oh really

Well take this

Boom!

Ace- Owwie

(Wait a minute I think I got an idea….)

Hey Booster why don’t you tell me a little about your powers… Does that force field go all around you.

Booster- Yep sure does. Bet you wish you had one right about now.

Ace- Oh ohh yeah…. And that force field…It’s wall is pretty hard right? Like a solid box going around you?

Booster- Uh huh. Completely unpentetratable.

Ace- Huhmm…. Well how about that. Pssssst….La get over here. I need your help.

La Machine- Of course you need my help. I am La Machine after all. The smartest strongest and of course cutest member of the JLR.

Ace- Just shut up and help me lift Boosters force field will ya?

La Machine- Okey dokey

Ace and La Machine reach down under Boosters shield and lifts up.

Booster- Hey! HEY!!! What are you doing? Whoa, hey stop it!

Ace- Guess you’re a slow learner eh Booster? Well allow me to get it through to you. Start shaking it La Machine

*Ooof oww bang crash*

Booster rattles around and bangs against the sides of his force field till he’s knocked out.

AGW- Hey Brit; what’s say we team up on Beetle?

Brittanica- Well that sounds like a lovely idea Wednesday.

Beetle- Heyyy come on guys… Two against one. That’s not very nice.

AGW- Yeah well were not very nice!

Brit- Well that’s not true. I’d say I’m an exceptionally nice young man. And you? Why just the other day you were calling your own grandmother and wishing her a happy birthday. And then later when you dropped by the orphanage to deliver toys to all the young boys and gir-

AGW- Psh sh sh shhh… Bri-it! I told you not to tell anyone about that… I have an image to uphold.

Brit- Oops. Sorry sorry. My bad, I forgot.

AGW- Yeah yeah that’s okay…just… try to remember next time huh?

Brit- Alright let’s get back to the fight.

Beetle snuck behind the two while they were talking and has his gun aimed at them.

Beetle- Aha!

AGW- Oh wow. You know I have to say I don’t think I remember you ever using your gun.

Brit- Yeah you know now that you mention it me neither. What kind of gun is that anyways. Bullets or lasers or some kinda non-lethal gas…maybe a plastic restraint thingee….

Beetle- It’s a gun that shoots. That’s all you need to know.

Brit- Well yeah I mean obviously it shoots something but what we were asking was-

AGW- Uh actually Brit I think that was his was of telling us to be quite.

Beetle- That’s right. Now can it!

Brit- Can it what? Shoot?

AGW-

Beetle- Fine you wanna know so badly why don’t I show you.

Blue Beetle pulls the trigger and out pops a little white flag that says BANG!.

Brit- So that’s what that does.

Beetle- Yeah…It’s mostly for show really, and, you know, the contest wouldn’t let me bring a real gun and everything. Anyways it’s really complicated and I really don’t want to talk about it. It’s kind of embarrassing.

Brit- Well that’s funny. They let me bring my Brittanerang. See?

Brit pulls out his Brittanerang and tosses it into the air. It swings around and knocks Wednesday and Brittanica right in the head knocking them out. They fall unconscious and land right on top of Blue Beetle

Beetle- Hey get offa me. Hey I can’t breathe.

In a matter of minutes Beetle passes out from lack of oxygen.

A few more minutes later Brittanica and Wednesday wake up

AGW- Oww my head is killing me. Brit do you still carry that Advil for whenever you use your Brittanerang.

Brit rubbing his swollen head- No sorry I just used the last one.

(young) Nightwing- I guess I should take Marvel. If I can’t outpower her I should at least be able to outsmart her.

Mary Marvel- ‘fraid not (young). I got the whole strength of Hercules and wisdom of Solomon on my side.

(young)- Oh…. yeah… Crap. (young ducks and dodges a flurry of punches from Mary Marvel.

(young)- so uh Mary is it? Um so what words do you have to say to turn into Marvel?

Mary- Yeah nice try kid.

(young)- Oh… Well uh do you happen to know what S-H-A-Z-A-M spells.

Mary- I’m not that stupid (young).

(young)- Damn!

(young) shoots an energy blast out from his hands and hit’s Mary square in the chest. A cloud of dust flies up and when it clears there stands Mary without a scratch on her.\

Mary- I also have the endurance of Atlas and…

Mary races behind (young) and taps him on the shoulder

Mary- …the speed of Mercury. She flashes a smile and punches Nightwing right in the jaw.

Then Mary grabs (young) by the shirt as she flies into the air and flings him towards the ground.

(young) hits the ground hard as Mary dives toward him to deliver the final blow…

A second before she hit’s (young) he jumps up.

(young)- No WAIT!

Mary freezes right in the air her fist an inch from his face.

(young)- You can’t do this. I mean think about it… I’m another hero. You can’t just beat up one of the good guys especially for something as silly as a contest. It’s in your powers or something right? Morals and doing the right thing and all that?

Mary floats to the ground and scratches her chin.

Mary- Hmm… Gosh when you put it that way I’m not sure I can break my beliefs by beating another hero for some stupid silly contest…On the other hand the contest is for charity… Then again no matter who wins the profits will still go to charity… And then of course there’s the fact that-

While Mary is busy debating what she should do (young) runs to get help.

(young)- Chant! Get over here. I need your help taking down Marvel.

Chant- Wha! Me? Uh ummm…. No I can’t you see…I’m obviously to busy with..

(young)- Busy with what? You’re just standing ther doing nothing.

Chant- Ah ha! Ya see that’s where you’re wrong my friend. It may look like I’m doing nothing…. To the untrained eye. But I am clearly studying my opponent ; finding their weakness ; and above all else waiting for the perfect moment to STRIKE!

(young)-….


Get over here NOW!

Chant- (gulp) Yes sir!

Mary- -so I guess the real question would be am I willing to-

Chant- Yeah okay lady let me stop you right there. Come on (young). Let’s do this quick and get it over with.

(young)- Sorry Mary but someone has to lose

POW!

Mary falls to the ground unconscious.

Chant- Wow! One punch…. She must have one hell of a glass jaw.

(young)- One punch? That sound familiar to you?

(young) - ...

Chant - What's wrong?

(young) - That took too much effort. Convention or not, there's no excuse for being so...thoughtless. But that ends now.
Cameron Scott.

Captain Atom - That's Captain Atom to you.

(young) - Shut up and fight.

Captain Atom - Okay, hothead, if that's the way you want it...

(Captain Atom's hands begin to crackle and glow with atomic energy)

Chant - uhh...thiswouldbeareeeallygoodtimetorun!

(young) - Better idea. You and The La go help CJ with Elongated Man.
(Chant complies without a second thought.)

According to his L.A.W. file, I could easily send Atom into Quantum Time by overloading him with power...but I have a hunch I'd like to play out first...)

Before Captain Atom can react, (young) Nightwing teleports forward and grasps Captain Atom's wrists, still crackling with unused energy.

CA - WHAT THE--?!

Is it possible to absorb his energy?)

CA -

So far, the answer is yes! In my depowered state, I should be able to absorb it all at the current rate of our energy transfer.

CA - GRRNNNN--h-here-have--MORE.

I was almost counting on this...I've felt worse, though. I'll headbutt him to show I can take more...since he's starting to waver.

CA - you're...crazy...

(young) - Buckling under pressure? If power is what you need, Captain...just ask.

(young) Nightwing powers up.

(young) - !
Too much power! Though this is what I wanted to do, it's too much! Thankfully, I've not only tripled the power I've drained from him...I'm giving some of it back!

CA - Okay, kid, that's enough. Stop!
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

yes...I do...enjoy...Quantum time...Captain.

(Captain Atom is pulled into Quantum time and thus eliminated from the fight.)

(young) - hrrg Team, we need to finish this quick...I need some time in the Room of Spirit and Time...

Wednesday - You heard the man.

DLD - Any ideas on what to do with Elongated Man?

LM - I know! I saw this on a cartoon once...

The rest of the JLR -

LM - Hey Elongated Man! Can't catch me!

EM - That's what you think...

(La Machine runs around the arena with Elongated Man giving chase. Before long, Elongated Man is tied up in knots.)

EM - HEEEYY! WHAT THE HECK?

LM (singing)- If I can't do it homey, it can't be done...

CJ - I can't believe that worked.

Britannica - Especially considering Elongated Man has the keen mind of a detective.

(young) - hrrnn... !!!

Chant - Guys, (young) isn't doing too good...

Britannica - There's no need for you to stay, we've won. Instant Transmission yourself to a hospital--

(young) - no...hospital. wednesday, help. wish...wish us to the room of spirit and time.

Wednesday - I wish we were in the Room of Spirit and Time.

POOF!

(A moment later...)

POOF!

LM - AAAAAH! THE WHITE LIGHT!

Chant - No, no, that's just natural lighting. What's with the echo...?

(young) (points left) - wish for...the door...

Wednesday - I wish there was a door.

POOF!

Chant - Nice door.

CJ - Why is there a clock above it?

(young) - explain...later. wednesday...get them out. carefully. gravity here is ten time's that of earth's. don't go too far, though.

LM - I don't feel a thing.

Britannica - Interesting. Can you help us out of here?

LM - sure.

(Outside of the room...)

Wednesday - Let me get this straight. We're floating just above Earth's atmosphere atop the tower of Earth's guardian.

Dende - That's correct.

CJ - And you're the guardian of Earth.

Dende - Yes, that's right.

Chant - hurm.

Dende - If you guys are hungry, Mr. Popo can !

Britannica - Is something wrong?

Dende - I don't know...Brian...he...

Chant - What?

Dende - He assimilated the energy that was tearing him apart at the seams. His power has not only increased exponentially, the nature of his internal energies has changed.

(Five minutes later, the room door opens.)

(young) - That went well.

CJ - Dende told us what happened. You sure you're feeling alright?

(young) - Yeah. I feel more in control. Anyway, I have a proposition for you guys. Like I said before, a year passes in that room in the same span as 24 hours outside of it. If everyone was willing to go with my plan, we could accomplish six months' training in the span of twelve hours.
I'm not just referring to everyone here, but the entire team. Di Bat Pho, Ve-Gi-La, everyone. I'll get us back to Earth and give everyone an hour to think about it. I'll be back with our answer, Dende.

Dende - Ok.

(In a mild crackle of air, the JLR vanishes from Dende's tower.)

CJ - Hey...didn't we used to need to form a human chain to transport everyone?

(young) - Used to. I have more control now.
More efficiency...and from now on, a lot more stealth.

LM (standing on bed)- Does this mean I can jump on the bed now?

The rest of the JLR - NO!

LM -

The next morning (Tuesday 7.45am), in the JLR hotel room. . .

Britannica and Di Bat Pho are enjoying breakfast together, Brit is reading the headlines about the JLR's latest success at the convention.

(young)Nightwing is meditating upstairs and CJ is in the gym working out. The others are still asleep (i.e. recovering from the previous nights victory celebrations). Ace however is strangely absent. . .

Brit: Look at this love, we've made the quarter finals!

DBP: That's nice dear

Brit: Looks like the Avengers, X-Men, JLA have too. Also. . .

Just then Ace bounds into the hotel room, grinning like a chesshire cat.

Brit: [looking up from the paper] Morning Ace. How are y. . .?

Ace skips over to Britannica and. . .

*POW*

punches his teammate right in the jaw!

Brit: [picking himself off the floor] Bwuddy Ell! Wot did you do dat for!?!

Ace: Look what I bought last night! [thrusts out both his fists, to show two rings, one in the shape of a heart the other a club] They were $2.50 each! It's a bit like having a love/hate tatoo, but not as perminant.

DBP: They look very nice, but what are they for?

Ace: Well I got this idea from the Phantom - you know the one, the Ghost who walks - well with this ring (lifts up his fist with the club ring) I will mark my enemies to show I will be keeping an eye on them. With this one (indicates the ring with the heart) I will mark my friends and other members of society, to show they are under my protection!

Brit: Mard? [Brit races over to a mirror] Bwuddy Ell! Dere's a art on my cwin!

DBP: What!?!

Ace: I think he said there's a heart on his chin. See that's my protection mark!

Just then (young)Nightwing and CJ enter the room.

(y)NW: [looking at Britannica by the mirror and the upturned chair and strewen newspaper and breakfast things] Good morning everyone. What happended here?

Ace: Hey (young), CJ, Look what I got! [Goes to run up to (young)Nightwing]

(y)NW: Don't even think about it!

Ace: Maybe some other time then?

(y)NW: Speaking of time, have you all had a chance to consider my suggestion of training in the Room of Spirit and Time?

Brit: Will id cosd mudge?

CJ: What did he say?

Ace: I think he asked will it cost much?

(y)NW: Just a year of our time.

Brit: [turning to Di Bat Pho] oobs, sowwy dear, loogs lige de wedding will have do be pud bad a year. . .

Ace: I think he said. . .

DBP: I heard her.

Ace, (y)NW & CJ: Him.

DBP: Whatever. . .

(y)NW: Not necessarily.

Ace: So then we won't be spending a year in the chamber?

(y)NW: Yes and no. That's always been a bit of a gray area. (Pulls out a pad and paper and begins drawing) This box represents time as we experience it from day to day. It only moves in one direction: forward. This box represents the Room of Spirit and Time. As with regular time, it too progresses forward.

CJ: Then why is regular time ahead of it?

(y)NW: Because our time progresses at a far greater rate than time within the room. So in essence, we're not really losing time. We're stretching it.

Brit: Wud does this hab to do wif de wedding?

(y)NW: As far as scheduling goes, you don't have to postpone anything. The wedding can go on as scheduled.

DBP: Even though we'll be training for a year.

(y)NW: Right.

DBP: I guess I can live with that.

Just then Chant walks into the room with a satisfied smirk on his face

DBP: and why are you so happy?

Chant: well, you see, last night I woke up after having this strange dream!

Ace: and???

Chant: well, I dreamt that I was building a giant paper golem in my room!

DBP: A giant....what??

Brit: paver Golem!!

Just then a huge resounding crash comes from Chant´s room and a roar fills the morning air!

Ace: what was that?

Chant: the Giant Paper Golem I build last night, unfortunately it is now out of control

Brit: So why the smirk??

Chant: well, I didn´t want to alarm you, but I do have one suggestion!

DBP: and what is that??

Chant: RUN LIKE HELL!!!

just then the 60 feet tall Paper golem crashes through the roof and into the kitchen!

what happens next?

(y)N: .

((young) Nightwing casually walks toward the paper golem. After looking it over for a moment, he punts the paper golem back through the opening in the roof. He holds the fingers of his right hand out in a clawlike formation and proceeds to fire concentrated bursts of energy towards the golem, which lands in the room in a mess of half-incinerated paper.)

Chant (points toward golem remains): How....?

(y)N: Pressure points.

Chant: Great. Now I just have to disable the reformation mechanism. H--

(A giant paper fist sucker punches Chant, knocking him out cold.)

(y)N:...time for plan b.

CJ: What is "Plan B?"

(y)N: Lure the paper golem away from civilization and incinerate it until there's nothing left to reform.

Ace: Uh... how are we gonna do that, 'wing...?

The now awakened Chant leaps up to answer CJ´s question holding up a strange device he pulled from his backpack

Chant: Deoderant!!

JLR:

Chant: It´s quite simple, if you want to incinerate the golem you hold up the lighter like thus

Narrator: Chant holds up the deoderant

Chant: then you pull out a lighter, ignite it, and start spray the deoderant through the fire, which should, in theory, create a homemade flamethrower!

JLR:

CJ: how do you know that?

Chant: well, let´s just say that I had a job once which involved killing cochroaches, I rooted them out with fire!

JLR:

Chant: Of course the old woman who lived in the house said that she wanted me to smoke them out, and I thought that since fire creates smoke, and.....well, to make a long story short, I burned down the house!!

JLR:

(Y)N: well Chant, shall we continue the plan, shall we incinerate the Paper Golem?

Chant: right, but I must tell you however, there is a slight problem with this plan!

(Y) N:

Chant: I accidently made the golem fireproof

JLR: WHAT!!!

Chant: he.....he....he....ehhhhhh

JLR: GET HIM!!!!!

Narrator: As Chant tries to evade the JLR as they charge after him strange memories stirs in the back of his head all the while the Giant Paper Golem rages on outside the building!!

Will Chant appease his friends, what are those strange memories and can paper really be fireproof??

read more when someone decides to write something!

RM552 is woken by the noise outside (the Paper Golem's rampage and Chant squeeling like a little girl). With his eyes closed and his feet dragging, RM552 slowly makes his way over to the window. He opens the window and without looking pokes his head out and…

RM552: Shut Up!! Some of us are trying to sleep!!!

RM552 brings his head back inside closes the window and makes his way back to bed. DLD starts to stir, woken by RM552’s protests.

DLD: Huh? Wha was tha?

552: [scratching himself] Paper…

DLD: Good idea…

LM: zzzzzzzzzzzzz

With his memory of the night's celebrations half fog, DLD sleepily puts on his dressing-gown and makes his way down the steps to the main room.

Meanwhile outside…

The Paper Golem, who was alerted by RM552’s yell has stopped its rampage and is now making its way back towards the JLR hotel room.

Golem: RRRROOAARRRR!!!!

JLR: [who stop chasing Chant] Oops!

DBP: What do we do now?

Chant: We've gotta get outta here!

Brit: We can'd leave the overs. We have to sdand our groud.

Golem: RRRROOOOAAAAARRRRR!!!!

Ace: I say we vote.

Oblivious to the chaos heading towards him, dun_like_dinner makes his way into the kitchen and with eyes only half open, pours himself a cup of coffee.

(y)NW: I've got this one.

Chant: No, don't--

After one perfectly executed (young)Nightwing punch, the beast explodes into hundreds pieces which dart in every direction...

JLR: !!

Chant: The pieces are razor sharp.

...as predicted the pieces stop, many of them in mid-air, and fly back into the JLR hotel room, recombining themselves back into an untarnished golem.

CJ: (young), we know that thing can re-form. What were you thinking?

(y)NW: Sorry. I don't know how to defeat this monster. I'm just frustrated...

Chant: Well, du--

(y)NW: Don't say it

Chant:

Two teaspoons of sugar and a lot of cream later, DLD heads towards the stairs, but he is blocked by Chant's huge paper monstrosity.

The paper golem takes one look at our lethargic hero, and...

Golem: RRRROOOOAAAAARRRRR !!!!

DLD: Paper.

DLD heads back to the kitchen, grabs the morning newspaper off the kitchen counter, and goes to walk back up the stairs again only to trip over a piece of upturned furniture, splashing his coffee over the Paper Golem.

DLD:

As DLD makes his way back to the kitchen once more, the other members of the JLR witness an extraordinary sight, as the Paper Golem starts to dissolve.

Chant: What? How!?!

Brit: You may have made thad fing fire pwoof, bud obviously nod coffee pwoof.

CJ: Jeez, remind me not to touch that stuff anymore.

DLD comes out of the kitchen with a fresh cup of coffee, paper under his arm, and finally makes his way back up the stairs.

DLD: [to no one in particular] Make sure you wake me if something happens.