RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts Robson Kamphausen

When referring to Kraphausen, I am often asked why is he some times known as The Banana Queer?

Simply put darlings, when Roboc reached the age of 13, his parents finally thought he was ready to learn how to feed himself. Not with Knives, forks or Sporks - he wasn't allowed to use that kind of aparatus until well into his 20s.

One day Mama Kamphausen put a peeled banana on the floor of Robs pen, Rob scuttled up to the hook like banary object and promptly placed it in his rectum!

But this was just the beginning!

Chocolate covered banana indeed!

I'm afraid to read the next chapter, but I must confress, I am intrigued!

this is the best story EVER!

ROY is keeping us in suspense!

hey wasnt this in the writers block? do we haveta go fix the block again?

I would answer, but I have writer's block.

Crazy For You.
Madonna

Swaying room as the music starts
Strangers making the most of the dark
Two by two their bodies become one

I see you through the smokey air
Can't you feel the weight of my stare
You're so close but still a world away
What I'm dying to say, is that

Chorus:

I'm crazy for you
Touch me once and you'll know it's true
I never wanted anyone like this
It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss
I'm crazy for you, crazy for you

Trying hard to control my heart
I walk over to where you are
Eye to eye we need no words at all

Slowly now we begin to move
Every breath I'm deeper into you
Soon we two are standing still in time
If you read my mind, you'll see

(chorus)

It's all brand new, I'm crazy for you
And you know it's true
I'm crazy, crazy for you

Even at such a young age, Rob Kamphausen had found his calling - shoving large objects/quantities up his rectum.

Every day, Ma and Pa Kampheenan would put larger objects into it's(they were still unsure of what sex Kampi was) pen, with which Kampo would promptly insert into his ring-piece.

Ma and Pa came to the conclusion that Kampino was a freak and they could make a lot of money selling him to the Government!

To be Hulk-inued!

COSMIC BOY

Real name: Rokk Krinn
Occupation: Legionnaire, former MagnoBall pro
Base of Operations: Legion World, 31st century
Homeworld: Braal
Marital Status: Single
Height: 5' 7"
Weight: 145
Eyes: Blue
Hair: Black
First Appearance: (historical) SUPERBOY #247; (current) LEGIONNAIRES #0

Rokk Krinn's highly developed magnetic skills were discovered early, and he became Braal's greatest (and youngest) professional MagnoBall player, which enabled him to support his poor family. Rokk's fans gave him the nickname "Cosmic Boy," a title he continues to use with pride.

While on a MagnoBall promotional tour, Rokk, along with Imra Ardeen (Saturn Girl) and Garth Ranzz (Live Wire), prevented the assassination of interplanetary entrepreneur R.J. Brande. Impressed by the teens' bravery, R.J. convinced them to form the Legion of Super-Heroes.

Cosmic Boy's maturity, levelheadedness, confidence, and charisma made him the natural choice for leader, and he guided the team well through the uncertainty of its early days.

Although no longer in the leadership role, Cosmic Boy is still highly regarded by his teammates as the one who best embodies the essence of the Legion.

I heart ROY BATTY

11.
1899–1941 After annexation, Pearl Harbor was refitted to allow for more navy ships.In May 1899, Commander F. Merry was made naval representative with
authority to transact business for the Navy Department and its Bureaus. He
immediately assumed control of the Coal Depot and its equipment. To
supplement his facilities, he was assigned the Navy tug Iroquois and two
coal barges. Inquiries that commenced in June culminated in the establishmentof the "Naval Station, Honolulu" on 17 November 1899. On 2 February 1900,
this title was changed to "Naval Station, Hawaii."

Ships currently homeported at Pearl Harbor

Surface ships presently homeported at Pearl Harbor
USS Lake Erie (CG-70)
USS Chosin (CG-65)
USS Chung-Hoon (DDG-93)
USS Paul Hamilton (DDG-60)
USS Chafee (DDG-90)
USS Hopper (DDG-70)
USS Russell (DDG-59)
USS Crommelin (FFG-37)
USS Reuben James (FFG-57)
USS Salvor (ARS-52)
USS Port Royal (CG-73)

Submarines presently homeported at Pearl Harbor
USS Los Angeles (SSN-688)
USS La Jolla (SSN-701)
USS Charlotte (SSN-766)
USS Greeneville (SSN-772)
USS Bremerton (SSN-698)
USS Olympia (SSN-717)
USS Chicago (SSN-721)
USS Key West (SSN-722)
USS Louisville (SSN-724)
USS Columbia (SSN-771)
USS Pasadena (SSN-752)
USS Columbus (SSN-762) Undergoing extended maintenance at Puget Sound Naval Shipyard, Wash.
USS Santa Fe (SSN-763) Undergoing extended maintenance at Portsmouth Naval Shipyard, Maine.
USS Tucson (SSN-770)
USS Cheyenne (SSN-773)
USS Hawaii (SSN-776)
As part of the 2006 Quadrennial Defense Review, the Navy announced in early 2006 that it would shift 60% of its attack submarines to the Pacific by 2010. As part of that shift, USS Jacksonville (SSN-699), currently homeported in Norfolk, Va., will move to Pearl Harbor in 2008

The Twelve Days of a Redneck Christmas
.
On the first day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
Some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the second day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the third day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the forth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the fifth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the sixth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the seventh day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the eighth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the ninth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the tenth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
tin of Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
11 rasslin' tickets
tin of Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
12 pack of Bud
11 rasslin' tickets
tin of Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.

The Chanuka Song Lyrics
» Adam Sandler
"Okay...
This is a song that uhh..
There's a lot of Christmas songs out there and uhh..
not too many Chanukah songs.
So uhh..
I wrote a song for all those nice little Jewish kids who don't get to hear
any Chanukah songs.
Here we go..."

Put on your yarmulke
Here comes Chanukah
So much funukah
To celebrate Chanukah
Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights

When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree
Here's a list of people who are Jewish just like you and me
David Lee Roth lights the menorah
So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the late Dinah Shore-ah

Guess who eats together at the Carnegie Deli
Bowser from Sha Na Na and Arthur Fonzerelli
Paul Newman's half Jewish, Goldie Hawn's half too
Put them together, what a fine lookin' Jew

You don't need "Deck The Halls" or "Jingle Bell Rock"
'Cause you can spin a dreidel with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock- both Jewish

Put on your yarmulke
It's time for Chanukah
The owner of the Seattle Supersonicahs
Celebrates Chanukah

O.J. Simpson, not a Jew
But guess who is? Hall of famer Rod Carew- he converted
We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby
Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish- not too shabby

Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is
Well he's not, but guess who is
All three Stooges
So many Jews are in showbiz
Tom Cruise isn't, but I heard his agent is

Tell your friend Veronica
It's time to celebrate Chanukah
I hope I get a harmonicah
Oh this lovely, lovely Chanukah
So drink your gin and tonicah
And smoke your marijuanikah
If you really, really wannakah
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah
Happy Chanukah

California, Oregon, Michigan, Washington, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania and North
Carolina are the top Christmas tree producing states. Oregon is the leading
producer of Christmas trees - 8.6 million in 1998.

Candy canes began as straight white sticks of sugar candy used to decorated
the Christmas trees. A choirmaster at Cologne Cathedral decided have the
ends bent to depict a shepherd's crook and he would pass them out to the
children to keep them quiet during the services. It wasn't until about the
20th century that candy canes acquired their red stripes.

Charles Dickens' initial choice for Scrooge's statement "Bah Humbug" was
"Bah Christmas."

In Finland and Sweden an old tradition prevails, where the twelve days of
Christmas are declared to be time of civil peace by law. It used to be
that a person committing crimes during this time would be liable to a
stiffer sentence than normal.

In France, Christmas is called Noel. This is derived from the French
phrase "les bonnes nouvelles," which means literally "the good news" and
refers to the gospel.

In Greek legend, malicious creatures called Kallikantzaroi (also spelled
Kallikantzari) sometimes play troublesome pranks at Christmas time.
According to the legend, to get rid of them, you should burn either salt or
an old shoe. Apparently the stench of the burning shoe (or salt) drives off the Kallikantzaroi. Other effective methods include hanging a pig's jawbone by the door and keeping a large fire so they can't sneak down the chimney.

4.The first rooftop celebration atop One Times Square, complete with a
fireworks display, took place in 1904. The New York Times produced this
event to inaugurate its new headquarters in Times Square and celebrate the
renaming of Longacre Square to Times Square. The first Ball Lowering
celebration atop One Times Square was held on December 31, 1907 and is now
a worldwide symbol of the turn of the New Year, seen via satellite by more
than one billion people each year. The original New Year's Eve Ball weighed
700 pounds and was 5 feet in diameter. It was made of iron and wood and was
decorated with 100 25-watt light bulbs.

"Auld Lang Syne" is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year. At least partially written by Robert Burns in the 1700's, it was first published in 1796 after Burns' death. Early variations of the song were sung prior to 1700 and inspired Burns to produce the modern rendition. An old Scotch tune, "Auld Lang Syne" literally means "old long ago," or simply, "the good old days." Here are the lyrics:


Auld Lang Syne
Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot and days of auld lang syne?
For auld Lang syne, my dear, for auld Lang syne,
We'll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld Lang syne.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot and days of auld Lang syne?
And here's a hand, my trusty friend and gie's a hand o' thine
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet for auld Lang syne

A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

For hundreds of years people have been awed by the bright lights and big noise of fireworks. The ancient Chinese used fireworks at festivities and to frighten enemies in battle. Captain John Smith set them off in Jamestown in 1608, enjoying a bit of English popular entertainment and impressing Native Americans.Legend has it that the Chinese made the first fireworks in the 800s, filling bamboo shoots with gunpowder and exploding them at the New Year with the hope that the sound would scare away evil spirits. According to tradition, Marco Polo brought this technology back to Europe.It's fair to say, however, that the origins of fireworks are shrouded in smoke; the China story is widespread, and possibly true, but fireworks may in fact have developed in India or the Arab world. Fireworks became known in Europe during the 1300s, probably after returning Crusaders brought them from the East.By the 1400s Florence, Italy, was the center of fireworks manufacturing. At this time fireworks were just one effect in a celebration rather than its focus. At religious festivals Italians made plaster figures that spewed fireworks from their eyes and mouths. The 1533 coronation parade for Anne Boleyn included a papier-mache dragon that belched fire. During the 1700s displays became more elaborate and were popular with European royalty. French king Louis XV ordered extravagant displays of fireworks at Versailles, and Russian czar Peter the Great put on a five-hour show after the birth of his son. Meanwhile, in the American colonies settlers used fireworks to mark happy occasions. Early fireworks were enjoyed more for the sound than the show—in its simplest forms gunpowder explodes quickly, leaving a terrific bang but not much to see other than a rather brief golden glow. Over time people discovered that using chemical compounds with greater amounts of oxygen made the explosives burn brighter and longer. The multi-hued displays we know now began in the 1830s, when Italians added trace amounts of metals that burn at high temperatures, creating beautiful colors. Other additives also produced interesting effects. For example, calcium deepens colors, titanium makes sparks, and zinc creates smoke clouds.

218

Jewish Telegram: "Begin worrying. Details to follow."

752

765

202 - Doctor's Orders - Carol Douglas

203 - My Love Is Free - Double Exposure

204 - Star Wars Theme - Meco

205 - Standing Right Here - Melba Moore

206 - The Bull - Mike Theodore Orchestra

19 - Let's All Chant - Michael Zager Band

20 - Dancer - Gino Soccio

21 - Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood - Santa Esmeralda

anarchitecture: Anarchic architecture, creative destruction. A city with no planning and with no respect for construction standards.
Example: Frank Lloyd Wright must have thought New York City to be a great example of anarchitecture. Asked what could be done with the city, he suggested dropping an atomic bomb on it.


anarcho-fascism: The theory that an anarchic society, having no infringements, can and should be brought about through a harsh authoritarian state. It is believed that since the people don't come to this freedom on their own, it must be imposed on them.
Example: When Mr. X rose to power, he created a society based on anarcho-fascism.


ancaster: A person who, whether in a church or any other gathering, when the crowd is asked to say something in unison, is always a syllable and a half behind everyone else.
Example: Teacher: Good Morning, class
Class: Good morning, teacher
Ancaster: -eacher
Teacher: How are you today?
Class: Fine thanks, how are you?
Ancaster: -are you?

aboot: About. Used to emphasize Canadianess.
Example: You're Canadian?
What are you talking aboot, eh?


abra-kebabra: The inevitability that the kebab you are consuming at 3am after one too many beers
with your mates will reappear in the very near future.
Example: We had almost made it home after a big night out when suddenly....abra-kebabra.


ABS: Asshole Behavior Scale. Logarithmic scale from 1 to 10 used to measure how much of an asshole someone is being. Similar to the Richter scale for earthquakes with each whole number representing an intensity 10 times greater than the next lower number.
Example: Chris's extremely cranky again today. Had to be at least a 6.2 on the ABS.


absogoddamnlutely: Ultimate absolutely.
Example: I am absogodamnlutely sure I've used this word hundreds of times.

35.  I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Wal-Mart.

 

36.  Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

 

37.  The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet .

 
54.  One of the guys in my department phoned at 11:30 on a Tuesday to explain why he hadn't come into work that week: " I went to a party on Saturday and met a girl, we've been in bed ever since. I'm getting tired now and will be at work in an hour or so .
 


50.  I'm not coming to work to day because my computer has got a virus. And my computer means more to me then this job


I'm convinced that every boy, in his heart, would rather steal second base than an automobile. ~Tom Clark

Nolan Ryan is pitching much better now that he has his curve ball straightened out. ~Joe Garagiola

Leon Phelps: Listen, I was wandering. Can I ask you a question? Uh... was your father a meat burgler? Here's why I ask: because it looks like somebody stole two fine hams and shoved them down the back of your dress.

Oklahoma is comprised of 77 counties.

Fact: Gun possession by criminals has risen in the Brady years – 18% of state prisoners (16% before Brady) and 15% for federal prisoners (12% before Brady) are caught with firearms.2

Benelli B82 (Italy - Pistol - 7.65 x 21 mm Parabellum, 9 x 18 mm Ultra, & 9 x 19 mm Parabellum)
Benelli B82 Sport (Italy - Pistol - 7.65 x 21 mm Parabellum)
Benelli Centro (Italy - Semi-Auto Shotgun)
Benelli Córdoba (Italy - Semi-Auto Shotgun)
Benelli Legacy (Italy - Semi-Auto Shotgun)
Benelli M1 (Italy - Semi-Auto Shotgun - 12 Gauge)
Benelli M1 Entry Gun (Italy - Semi-Auto Shotgun - 12 Gauge)
Benelli M1 Super 90 (Italy - Semi-Auto Shotgun - 12 Gauge)
Benelli M1 Super 90 Field (Italy - Semi-Auto Shotgun - 12 Gauge)
Benelli M1 Tactical (Italy - Semi-Auto Shotgun - 12 Gauge)
Benelli M3 (Italy - Semi-Auto/Pump Action Shotgun - 12 Gauge)
Benelli M3 Super 90 (Italy - Semi-Auto/Pump Action Shotgun - 12 Gauge)
Benelli M3T (Italy - Semi-Auto/Pump Action Shotgun - 12 Gauge)
Benelli M4 Super 90 (Italy - Semi-Auto Shotgun - 12 Gauge)
Benelli Montefeltro 20 (Italy - Semi-Auto Shotgun - 20 Gauge)
Benelli Nova (Italy - Pump Action Shotgun)
Benelli Raffaello (Italy - Semi-Auto Shotgun)
Benelli Super Black Eagle (Italy - Semi-Auto Shotgun)
Benelli Supernova (Italy - Pump Action Shotgun)
Benelli Ultra Lite (Italy - Semi-Auto Shotgun)
Benelli Vinci (Italy - Semi-Auto Shotgun)