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Howlerama (28%, 9 Votes)
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PenWing / Sammitch (72%, 23 Votes)
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Charlie (C) (42%, 13 Votes)
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Chewy Walrus (58%, 18 Votes)
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Lor (C) (24%, 8 Votes)
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Cowgirl Jack (9%, 3 Votes)
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Bianca (0%, 0 Votes)
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Meeko (15%, 5 Votes)
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Nuriko (3%, 1 Votes)
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Terri Savitz (6%, 2 Votes)
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Kimi (0%, 0 Votes)
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Stareena (3%, 1 Votes)
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Butterrican (0%, 0 Votes)
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Grace (3%, 1 Votes)
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Ariel (0%, 0 Votes)
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Harleykwin (12%, 4 Votes)
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Chesty Lerou (3%, 1 Votes)
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Princess Elisa (9%, 3 Votes)
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Batwoman (0%, 0 Votes)
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LLance (12%, 4 Votes)
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Allied Powers (C) (52%, 16 Votes)
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Nowhereman / Doc. Mid-Nite (48%, 15 Votes)
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Darth (C) (56%, 18 Votes)
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Johnny Evil (44%, 14 Votes)
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Spandex Monkey Man (53%, 17 Votes)
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Killconey (19%, 6 Votes)
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Tommy "The Surgeon" Savitz (28%, 9 Votes)
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Joe Mama (C) (63%, 20 Votes)
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Grimm (38%, 12 Votes)
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The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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*The stomping beat of "We Will Rock You" blasts over the speakers. The crowd cheers and sings along as PenWing makes his way to the ring. PenWing holds up his Sherwood as he enters the ring, but he clearly looks upset as he takes a mic.*
Last week, the Doctor thought it would be funny if he named Balls Nasty the captain of team SDC at Conniver Series. So I have this question for our so called captain: Where the hell were you last week?! Where were you when Howler went ape-shit and sent me through the announce table? Where were you when Johnny Evil and Charlie laid out Captain Sammitch in the hallway? What could you possibly have been doing that was more important than making your presence felt, aside from finally taking a shower?
*The crowd cheers and laughs at the comment.*
I'm going to make this very simple for you, Balls. Whether you want to be a part of our team at Conniver Series or not, the fact is, you are. There is absolutely nothing I can do about that. So, you can do one of two things. You can, A, actually show up tonight and prove to us why you are worthy of being named captain of team SDC. Or, B, you can have the Balls to admit that you're afraid of the Family and stay the hell home and out of our way!
*More pops from the crowd.*
And as for you, Howlerama, it's a good thing you love tables so much, because tonight the fans have voted, and they want to see you sent through them...via the Sudden Death Connection!
*The crowd roars.*
Tonight, Howlerama, at Anathema Wednesday, the odds have been evened. Tonight, the rules have been voted on. Now is the time. Now is the place. This is how the fans want it! Because tonight, SUDDEN <the crowd joins in> DEATH RULES!
*PenWing drops the mic as the crowd roars and "We Will Rock You again blasts over the speakers.*
<sub>Will Eisner's last work - The Plot: The Secret Story of the Protocols of the Elders of ZionRDCW Profile"Well, as it happens, I wrote the damned SOP," Illescue half snarled, "and as of now, you can bar those jackals from any part of this facility until Hell's a hockey rink! Is that perfectly clear?!" - Dr. Franz Illescue - Honor Harrington: At All Costs"I don't know what I'm do, or how I do, I just do." - Alexander Ovechkin</sub>
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However, We Will Rock You is rapidly replaced by Moby Dick and Howlerama appear on the ramp. Howler has a mic in hand, and speaks
Howler: Well well well, looks like Penwing's feeling lucky. You wanna come out here and strut and gab, fire off your pointless catchphrases? That's fine by me, but do yourself a favour, and quit while you're way, way behind, son.
the crowd boos, but Howler ignores them
Howler: Seems to me the SDC are the luckiest bunch of bastards in the world, you know that? You've been running around, making your noise about taking down The Bastardo's, but when it comes down to it you just can't follow through, can you?
Penwing's looking pretty pissed, but he doesn't leave the ring
Howler: I'll admit, we're not quite at the peak we have been title-wise. But in terms of sheer wrestling ability, you're looking at the best damn stable there is!
Marcum: He;s right you know!
Howler: So, Penwing? Do yourself a favour. Turn around.
Penwing turns, straight into a chair shot by Charlie, which lays him out. As Howlerama run down to the ring Charlie starts to stomp away on Penwing, and the three members of The Bastardo Family proceed to lay an almighty beatdown on him. Sammitch, Chewy and Killconey run down to make the save, but The Bastardo's dissapear into the crowd to make their escape.
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Kisser Of John Byrne Ass 15000+ posts
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Kisser Of John Byrne Ass 15000+ posts
Joined: Feb 2001
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*Backstage, Chesty Lerou is standing with Pig Iron.*
Chesty: Pig Iron, I know it's hard to believe, but the fans left you off of the card for Anathema Wednesday!
pig iron: The fans are accepting the lie of Doc paragon. Lies that are filling the RDCW full of ridiculous matches and more foolish men.
Chesty: It does seem that way. Could it be that Doc Paragon is jealous of your success, and that of the Dark Lords as a whole?
pig iron: The Dark Lords are whoaayahhs all. They stand against the bureacracy that has befallen RDCW. When Doc Paragon and the fools that follow him are gone...well, my work is done.
*With that, Pig Iron walks off the screen, leaving a puzzled Chesty Lerou standing alone in the hallway. Alone, that is, until a dark shadowy figure walks up behind her...*
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*Chesty suddenly turns around, coming face to face with the figure. Without missing a beat, she asks...*
Chesty: Darth, tonight you defend the Inter-Cunt-Inental Title against Johnny Evil of the Bastardo Family. Knowing he will have Arial and Big Fat Elvis with him at ringside, how do you approach this seemingly impossibly disadvantage?
*Darth steps out of the shadows and inhales a deep breath.*
Darth: Of course, it is expected that a small timer like Johnny Evil will need assistance to defeat a true master of the Dark Side. However, never underestimate the power of the Dark Side. For there are strong allies aligned with the Dark Side. Strong men like Pig Iron, who has been inexplicably forgotten by those who voted for this event.
Chesty: Are you saying the Hog Warrior will be standing in your corner tonight?
Darth: The Hog Warrior, like all of the Dark Lords, is always in my corner, as I am in their's. However, tonight, Pig Iron will not stand in the shadows, rather, he will stand next to the ring, and should Big Fat Elvis feel the need to...assist his benefactor, it will take all of the Hog Warrior's might to prevent me from showing him the true power...of the Dark Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiddddddddddde!
*With that, the lights flicker until they go out. A few minutes later, they return, but both Darth and Chesty are gone. Only Chesty's mic remains, lying on the ground.*
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terrible podcaster 15000+ posts
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terrible podcaster 15000+ posts
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<The arena lights fade and the Cheese-O-Tron comes to life amid the strains of a Bach sonata. The camera pans across the corner of an expensively-appointed room with teak and walnut paneling, Persian rugs, and a large, ornate chair across from a marble fireplace. A string quartet continues to play as the camera move continues and reveals the occupant of the chair - none other than Captain Sammitch! In place of his warmup pants, Sammitch is wearing tuxedo pants, and the tux jacket, dickey, and bowtie over his Peyton Manning jersey. He puts an ornate hand-carved pipe to his mouth, but when he puffs, bubbles emerge rather than smoke. He removes the pipe and raises an eyebrow in a politely condescending expression before speaking in a painfully overdone British accent...>
Captain Sammitch: Hallo, and welcome to SDC Masterpiece Theatre. Tonight, on the first-ever edition of this masterfully candid program, we bring you an epic - well, perhaps somewhat less than epic - tale of a once-mighty man and his fall from Grace... no pun intended, I assure you. Once, this man ruled the RDCW with an iron fist - or at least held his own for quite some time. But as he and his handpicked "family" began to lose their stranglehold on this fine institution, the poor man began descending into a frightful existence characterized by furious tirades, tranquilizers, and pastrami on rye. Now, let us examine what could possibly be responsible for reducing a man to... well, something less of a man. Tonight: "What's Eating Bluie Bastardo?"
<The title rolls across the screen amid an introductory fanfare...>
One Year Ago - Anathema Wednesday 2004:
"Hello, hello, hello. My name is Louie Bastardo, entrepreneur extradoinare and manager of greatness. My firm, Bastardo Productions has recently reached an agreement with the RDCW. And I, Louie Bastardo, have become the RDCW's newest manager! That's right! I'm a maker of stars!"
<Voiceover:> With those words one year ago, Louie Bastardo launched his managerial career in the RDCW.
Havoc - November 4, 2004:
That's right! The era of the Bastardo Family has begun! Not only did his royalness, King Snarf, humiliate and wipe the floor with Zod, but the toughest man in RDCW, the Bastardo Family Enforcer, Chris Oakley destroyed not one, but two men! Your heroes, holding five belts between them, I might add, Joe Mama and Son of Mxy fell before the merciless onslaught of the one, true Oakley!
...
Thus do we begin the Bastardo dynasty! A new era of greatness for the RDCW!
<VO:> Success came quickly to Louie and his small stable of wrestlers, including an Inter-Cunt-inental title for Bastardo's enforcer at the time, Chris Oakley - by far not the last questionable acquisition on Mr. Bastardo's part...
Havoc - January 4, 2005:
Crotch: "Louie, Louie! What do you think of the announcement King Snarf just made, that he wants to face two tv show characters from the eighties in his next title match?"
Bastardo: "Listen, you! Do you not see that I am in the middle of an important meeting with two of my clients?! King Snarf is the RDCW Heavyweight Cheese Champion of the World! Do you understand that? That means that what he says, goes! If he wants to live out his dreams of destroying two aging pretty boys and taking off with the prom queen, then that's what's going to happen! Got it?"
<VO:> It wasn't long before Louie's greatest enemy - his occasional terrible choice of acquisitions - began to rear its hydra-like multitude of heads. Louie's dependence upon the undoubtedly eccentric - and equally whiny - King Snarf would come back to haunt him before long. Granted, some of Louie Bastardo's acquisitions were brilliant wrestlers...
RDCW Rumble 2005:
Louie gets in the ring as the crowd howls in rage. He and Joe Mama stand facing each other, smiling, then shake hands. Louie points to the unconscious Chris Oakley and Joe Mama nods, reaching for Loosie and handing it to Louie. Louie hits Chris again and again, screaming, “You were like a son to me! We could’ve made you a legend! You forced this on us! You made your decision, you traitor!!!” Finally, Joe Mama stops his manager and takes the bat out of his hands. Then he picks Chris Oakley up off the rope, sets him up, and delivers the East Coast Hammer, driving Chris’ head into the mat again. This time, Chris leaves a wet, red mark. Joe admires his handiwork for a second, amid the boos and jeers from the crowd, and then climbs to the top ropes and hits a Flying Tea Bag Slam on the unconscious Champion. Louie motions to the ref to make the count and Joe Mama is the new Inter-Cunt-Inental Champion!!!
Bastardo: You see, I promised that at the Rumble, the weakness that was poisoning the Bastardo Family would be cut out like a tumor. And I am a man of my word. So let me just finish by saying this: Chris, James, and anyone who wants to side with them in all this. . .YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!
<VO:> Joe Mama was perhaps the greatest wrestler to ever fight for Louie. As the Family's new Enforcer, he made life quite difficult for the Family's opponents - particularly the recently-formed SD-6, forerunners of today's Sudden Death Connection. Unfortunately for Louie, though, things changed, as they inevitably do...
RDCW Wargasms! 2005:
LB: "What the hell are you doing?! Have you lost your damn mind?!"
Joe grabs Louie by the lapels and pulls him into his face.
JM: "Take your collection of disappointments and go to hell, Louie!"
We return to Captain Sammitch sitting in his chair by the fireplace, puffing his bubble-pipe...
CS: Even after being unceremoniously dumped by both Joe Mama, Louie was in for more disappointment when King Snarf walked out on him - and the RDCW itself. Ever since those two men abandoned him, Louie Bastardo seems to have become rather less exclusive regarding his addition to the 'elite' ranks of the Family. Moreover, there seems to be something eating at the man.
<Images flash by, all showing Louie with a sad, angry, or otherwise less-than-pleased look on his face...>
CS: Only a few months ago, Mr. Bastardo was on top of the world. Now? So much anger. Disappointment. Sadness. Why the change? What is eating "Bluie" Bastardo? Perhaps carefully analyzing some of his statements will shed some light on the problem:
Havoc - October 11, 2005:
LB: This Balls Nasty is irritating me to no end! First, he refuses to join the Family and ruins my Lounge! Then he takes the Hardcore belt from Superbeasto and puts him on the shelf! That's TWO Family members injured in a month! People are starting to lose their fear of the Family. We can't have that boys. Something's got to be done.
CS: Ahhhh, yes...
LB: This Balls Nasty is irritating me to no end!
CS: And then...
Havoc - October 18, 2005:
LB: I have a problem. A problem that has grown into an obsession. I cannot eat. I cannot sleep. I cannot concentrate. This problem has caused me no short amount of pain and irritation. This problem is. . .Balls Nasty.
...
Louie takes off his jacket and tosses it on the mat. He throws down the mic and stomps on the jacket, still screaming about "Balls Nasty!" Finally, Howlerama and Charlie head down to ringside to calm him down.
CS: Perhaps this is the problem? Perhaps Mr. Bastardo's continued ranting about the irritating nature of Balls is a thinly-veiled expression of... sexual inadequacy? Perhaps some sort of illness of that sort? I would rather not speculate further in that area, and I am certain most of you would be glad that I did not.
Havoc - October 31, 2005:
LB: And tonight, we are celebrating. For tonight, the Family begins the long trip back to greatness! For tonight, the cancerous boil of the ass of the Family will be lanced by the Pitbull, Charlie!
CS: Oh, my. I beg your pardon - I thought we had removed that nonsense from our segment! Though... perhaps his giddiness at having the arse of the Family Llanced might suggest another explanation entirely. But I digress. I believe Louie Bastardo's depression can be attributed to something even more fatal than sexual tension or an unforgiveable wardrobe. Louie is desperately grasping at the specter of the greatness he once held in his clutches, and no matter how hard he tries to regain that greatness, good help is so hard to find...
Havoc - November 8, 2005
The Family is momentarily distracted and PenWing delivers a British Columbia Two-hander to Howler, breaking his stick and sending him to the mat. Highwayman starts laying into PenWing, and the two trade blows in the center of the ring. Louie and Grace duck out of the ring as the SDC enters.
Marcum: This is madness! There are women in the ring!
Sammitch quickly attacks Big Fat Elvis with a staff meeting, and knocks him out of the ring with a Sammitch Spin. Charlie immediately locks up with the Captain. Chewy goes straight for El Superbeasto, keeping him occupied in one corner of the ring. Killconey heads for Johnny Evil, who is distracted when Meeko hits the Meekocanrana on Arial, sending her hard to the floor outside the ring. This gives Killconey the advantage, and he clotheslines Johnny Evil over the ropes.
Marcum: That fucked up!
Monroe: But it's perfectly right!
Killconey races to Sammitch's side, teaming up for a double powerbomb on Charlie, and rolling him out of the ring. Together, they close in on El Superbeasto. Chewy motions for the Walrus Tusk (modified spear), and after he hits it Sammitch and Killconey deliver a double Sammitch Spin to the giant luchador. Chewy follows with the Walrus Wallop (hard clothesline) sending El Superbeasto out of the ring. With space finally available, PenWing hits the Drag 'n' Whip on Highwayman. He yells to Sammitch and slams his right first into his left palm. Sammitch nods and walks over to Highwayman.
Monroe: What could PenWing be signaling to Sammitch?
PenWing and Sammitch drag Highwayman to the corner, and Sammitch lifts him for a powerbomb as PenWing climbs the corner ropes on the inside of the ring. Facing the crowd, PenWing reaches back and takes Highwayman's head into the three-quarter facelock. PenWing flips back into the Winged Wheel (Shiranui) as Sammitch hits the Sammitch Slam (Powerbomb).
Monroe: Buhgawb! That's devastating!
CS: Rather tragic, that lot. El Superbeasto - a cardiologist's nightmare, inexplicably keeping one step ahead of the Reaper. Johnny Evil, Arial, and Big Fat Elvis - comic relief is always welcome, but it may or may not prove useful for winning matches. Charlie - a man capable of seemingly limitless boasting, yet only occasionally successful at lending any credibility to his bravado, not to mention his rendition of a good civilized Brit is even less convincing than my own. And, of course, we have Highwayman and Howler - who have yet to prove themselves capable of gaining the upper hand without the use of some sort of ambush or illegal weaponry or some other form of cheating. Though I suppose that makes them quite representative of the Bastardo legacy as it stands now.
<A still appears of Louie Bastardo lying face down in a pig sty after being kidnapped by Balls Nasty...>
CS: Poor Bluie Bastardo. His "Family" seems to have more than one of the bubble-headed trophy wife your granddad brought to the reunion - not to mention quite a few of the odd uncle with the alarming stare you were always afraid to be alone with. And when he does acquire excellent talent, they eventually desert him. I suppose anyone would be sad when they saw what he's forced to work with.
<Captain Sammitch rises from his chair and reaches for a cashmere topcoat and top hat on a nearby rack...>
CS: Add to that the persistent woes of nasty balls and a wardrobe that is pitiable even when not covered in mud, and you have one sad, sad man. It may in fact be that the purpose of Louie Bastardo's life... is to serve as a warning to others. From all of us at SDC Masterpiece Theatre, thank you for joining us and have a pleasant evening.
<The string quartet resumes as Captain Sammitch dons his topcoat and top hat and makes his way off camera, pipe in hand, with bubbles trailing behind...>
Last edited by Captain Sammitch; 2005-11-27 8:05 AM.
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Posts: 19,546 Likes: 1
living in 1962 15000+ posts
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living in 1962 15000+ posts
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The camera shifts back to Mike Monroe and Madman MarcuM at ringside. Monroe: Fans, earlier today, the Dark Lords were in downtown Roboken and took a tour of the illustrious Kamphausen estates in preparation for the Rob’s House match later tonight! Our RDCW cameramen were on hand. Let’s go to the footage. Camera opens on the outside of the Kamphausen estates. The Dark Lords are gathered outside of the gates. Grimm: Hold that camera steady. Okay, go. Chesty: Chesty Lerou here, on location with the Dark Lords at the venereal Kamphausen estates. Grimm, tonight you face Joe Mama in the first ever Rob’s House match. How will you face Joe here in Rob’s House? Grimm: Well the match itself will be in the ring, with items from Rob’s House placed around it. We’re just here to do some scouting and get a feel for the place. To get into the mindset of “Rob’s Damn House.” Let’s go inside. They open the front door and walk inside. There is a large pile of mail lying on a table. Grimm walks over and begins rifling through them. Chesty: What are those? Grimm: Looks like they're bills. Chesty: Ooohh. Pig Iron: Who's Bill?  Harleykwin picks up a small bundle of papers tied together. She lifts them to her nose. Harleykwin: Scented. She unties them and reads through one or two. Harley: Dear Rob. Please mention me in your blog. Thanks. Here's another. And another. Oh, wait. Dear Rob. Enclosed is a petition to make me a mod. Thanks. And another. And another. Dear Rob. Oh, ewwwww. I'm not reading that. These are all love letters from MisterJLA! She drops the letters down as the group laughs and begins to explore the house. Harleykwin: I wonder if there's any honey in the kitchen? Grimm: See if he's got any beer. The group wanders down a hallway and Grimm opens a door. Lights flash and loud booty music starts playing. Grimm shuts the door again. Grimm: Let's move on. Chesty playfully leads Darth away from the other Dark Lords. She opens a door to what looks like Rob's bedroom. Monroe: Where are they? Marcum: I think this is the boss’s bedroom! Chesty runs to open every drawer and cabinet, and finds a drawer full of unmentionables. Chesty: Oh my! Our boss seems to have quite the love life! He has an entire collection of Victoria's Secret in this drawer alone! Oh, he must be quite the lover! Hmm...I wonder if he'd notice if I took anything in my size... Marcum: I knew it! Our boss is a living legend! Oh great and powerful Gob, please tell us your secret! Chesty continues to rummage through the drawer. Darth walks up behind her and reaches down, examining some of the items. Chesty: Huh. This doesn't make any sense. All of these are the same size! Why would all the contents in a conquest drawer be all the same size? Darth: I don't think this is his conquest drawer. Chesty looks puzzled, but then she begins examining some bras more closely. Monroe: Why would our boss have a drawer of unmentionables if they weren't conquests? Marcum: They could be from the same woman. Of course! That must be it! There must be only one woman in the heart of our great Gob! Chesty: You know, these are kind of small... Say, you don't think these are- Darth: His? Darth and Chesty look at each other and Chesty breaks out laughing. She leans her hand against a light fixture protruding from the wall, and almost falls over as it moves. Darth catches her, and they watch as a hidden door slides open. Together, they step inside the secret chamber. Chesty gasps. Chesty: Oh my! Suddenly, the door begins to slide shut behind them, cutting them off from the camera. Marcum: What could be in there?! What does Gob have hidden in his secret chamber? Pig Iron and Spamm are exploring another room of the estate... Pig Iron: Hmmmm, What are all of these goofy Batman action figures doing here? Batman may be a dark knight, but he is not a true maaann of Darkknessss. Pig Iron picks up one of the action figures and fiddles with it a bit, turning it’s head backwards before laying it down on the table. Pig Iron: The Dark Lords would crush his puny darkness. We are woaayaahsss of the darkness. Dark Woaayyaaahhss. Pig Iron motions to Spamm, who walks forward with Mr. Sledge Hammer. After a loud cry of “OOK OOK ACK EEK!” Spamm brings Mr. Sledge Hammer down, smashing the action figure and cracking the table top. Pig Iron: Hahaha, this man has shown his true colors. He has a Nintendo Gay-Boy on his coffee table. Does the DS stand for dong sucking? Hahahahaha. Pig Iron picks the game console up and throws it violently onto the floor, as he and Spamm take turns stomping on it. Finally Spamm smashes it up with several shots from Mr. Sledge Hammer. The two look around for more things to destroy and stumble back to the action figures. Batgirl, Robin, Nightwing, etc. get smashed one by one. PI throws a Two-Face figure to Spamm. Immediately after, PI spots a Harley Quinn figure. He picks it up and smiles with evil glee. PI: Here, smash this one too! PI turns and throws the Harley figure to Spamm. Out of nowhere a hand catches the figure in mid-air. Harleykwin steps out of the shadows and holds the figure to her chest. Her other hand remains hidden behind her. Kwin: (she smirks and purrs) I think I’ll keep this one… PI and Spamm look at each other and then back at kwin for judging by the gleam in her eyes she has something else to say. Kwin: While you boys were playing with your toys, there were rooms with other treasures to be found… (smiling wickedly) It appears that Gob has some secrets of his own… (Kwin brings her other hand forward revealing a whip that she has found). This may prove useful in the match tonight… Spamm: (surprised) Where did you find that? Kwin: In the same room that Gob has his disco ball and the naked life sized posters of Ron Jeremy… PI and Spamm visibly shudder at this news. Spamm: Do you know how to use it? Kwin raises an eyebrow and without another word skillfully snaps the whip in their direction. There is a deafening "Crack!" as the whip hits the Two-Face figure in Spamm's hand spliting it in half. Spamm's hand is left untouched and unmarked. Harley smirks and says nothing.Marcum: (uneasy) What do you think Harley plans on doing with that? Do you think she’d actually help Grimm by using it in tonight’s match? Monroe: I dunno, but I’m more disturbed to learn of Gob’s Ron Jeremy fetish! It’s almost as creepy as JM’s obsession with Grimm! Grimm walks into another room. Grimm: This must be the Hogan shrine. Videotapes, dvds, action figures, giant framed portraits. . .is that? Gross. Hogan's old tights! They still smell like him, too. Pig Iron sticks his head in the door. PI: Hoke Hogan. Grimm: What the hell is this. . . PI: Rob has a light saber? Grimm picks the object up and holds it in the air. It's purple. As he lifts it up, it begins to vibrate suddenly. He tosses the object back onto the pile of memorabilia. MarcuM: That's fucked up. That ain't right.  Grimm: I think we've seen enough here. Let's go. As the Dark Lords, Grimm, Harley, Pig Iron, and Spandex Monkey Man prepare to leave Rob's house... Grimm: Anyone seen Darth and Chesty? Everyone shrugs and looks around, but no one answers. Grimm: All right then, they're gonna have to find their own ride back to the Cheesedome. Just then, Darth and Chesty walk into the main hallway. Chesty's hair is disheveled, and Darth's face paint is smudged. Darth: Let's go. Grimm:Heh. The Dark Lords exit the house together.Monroe: Well that was. . .unique. MarcuM: I wonder what else they found that will prepare them for the match tonight? Monroe: I don't know, but here's something for the fans to find. The Anathema Wednesday shirt available at the RDCW shopzone!
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Double Table Elimination
Howlerama vs. PenWing and Captain Sammitch
Monroe: Well folks, the time for talk is over! As you can see, there is a table leaning against each side of the ring. Four in all!
Marcum: And in this match, it will the SDC that sees more of the same!
Monroe: And what's that?
Marcum: Wood! Lots of wood!
"Let's Get It Started" strikes up as Captain Sammitch and PenWing walk down the ramp. They pause at the bottom. PenWing says something to Sammitch, and they each take an end of one of the tables and lift it into the ring. As "Moby Dick" starts playing and Howlerma make their way to the ring, the first table is set and waiting. Sammitch and PenWing slip out of the ring and take positions on either side. PenWing has his Sherwood, and Sammitch his bow staff.
Monroe: It looks like the SDC is taking no prisoners tonight!
Howlerama run to the ring and slide in before PenWing and Sammitch can make contact. They quickly slide out the other side and grab a couple of steel chairs.
Marcum: Looks like we've got a Mexican standoff!
Monroe: Wouldn't someone have to drop a can?
Marcum: Already on it!
Marcum stands up and produces a can of baked beans. He shouts to the wrestlers to get their attention, and then throws the can up in the air, towards the ring. All four wrestlers wait as the can sails through the air. It lands in the ring, and they bolt at each other, PenWing faces off with Howler, and Highwayman takes on Sammitch. Marcum takes it upon himself to ring the bell. As first contact is made when PenWing snaps his Sherwood on Howler's chair.
Monroe: You know the match doesn't officially start until they get in the ring!
Marcum: Do you really think they'll make it in there?!
PenWing knocks the chair into Howler with a Spin-o-rama, drawing first blood. Highwayman dodges a Staff Meeting with his chair, and finally slams Sammitch on the head. With Sammitch down, Highwayman runs to help Howler, quickly pulling PenWing off of him and hitting Daylight Robbery (Triple Snap Suplex). Howler gets back to his feet, and he helps Highwayman roll PenWing into the ring. They try to set PenWing up for La Cosa Bastardo (3D), but a bloody Sammitch rolls into the ring with a steel chair and he swings it over Highwayman's head before he can lift PenWing. Sammitch runs to Howler, but he is stopped by Full Moon Rising (Eye rake, set up for the Full Moon). PenWing slides across the table and pulls Howler into a DDT. Looking to Sammitch, PenWing signals with his hand in fist and the crowd responds with loud cheers.
Monroe: Looks like we're about to see the Sudden Death Connection!
Sammitch lifts Howler into the Sammitch Slam and PenWing takes position on the ropes. They execute the move, but Highwayman manages to move the table just in time.
Marcum: They missed the table!
Monroe: I can't believe it! Highwayman just saved Howler in the nick of time!
PenWing quickly gets to his feet, but Highwayman hits Stand and Deliver (Superkick). He then picks up the chair in the ring, and runs at Sammitch. Sammitch ducks and flips Highwayman over the ropes and to the floor outside the ring. Howler surprises Sammitch with another Full Moon Rising, and follows up by sending Sammitch out of the ring with the Full Moon (Clothesline From Hell).
Marcum: Howlerama is taking control now!
Highwayman sets up a table outside the ring as Howler resets the table inside the ring. Howler bends down to lift PenWing up into the Wolfman Slam (Powerslam). PenWing fights back, hitting Howler in the forehead, and manages to slip out of the hold. With his feet on the mat, PenWing pulls Howler into Sudden Death (Diamond Cutter). Seeing Highwayman laying Sammitch out on the table outside the ring, PenWing runs to the ropes and springboards off of them. He takes Highwayman down with a crossbody, and the crowd roars.
Monroe: PenWing has taken back the momentum of the match!
Marcum: But what's he doing now?!
PenWing reaches under the ring apron and pulls out a ladder. He pushes it aside and pulls out a second ladder. As he starts to set up the first one, the crowd's cheers grow even louder.
Marcum: A ladder? This is a tables match!
Monroe: Well, we've already seen the chairs, and the tables are set up, so why not add in some ladders?
Howler starts to get to his feet inside the ring as PenWing grabs the second ladder. PenWing notices Howler moving towards him, and he slides the ladder under the ropes, right at Howler's legs, taking them out from under him. Highwayman gets back up, and he dropkicks the ladder into PenWing, sending him to the ground. Highwayman walks over to PenWing, and tries to set up another Daylight Robbery, but Sammitch takes him down with a Sammitch Spin. He then slides into the ring and pulls the second ladder completely in. He leans it against the corner ropes. Walking to Howler, Sammitch pulls him up and whips him towards the ladder, but Holwer reverses the move, and Sammitch hits the ladder face first. He falls backwards, and the ladder falls towards him, but it's stopped by the table. Howler yells to Highwayman. Howler slips out of the ring and moves towards PenWing as Highwayman climbs the ropes. Highwayman leaps into the air, and lands on the ladder, sending it through the table, but Sammitch rolls out of the way, and out of the ring, just in time.
Monroe: Buhgawb! Highwayman put it all on the line for nothing!
Marcum: This match has gotten out of the control!
Howler is completely focused on PenWing, and he doesn't see Sammitch come up behind him. Sammitch grabs a hold of Howler around the waist and executes three consecutive Sammitch Suplexes as the crowd roars. This gives PenWing time to recover, and he climbs the ladder outside the ring. Sammitch lays Howler on the table as PenWing gets to the top of the ladder. The crowd chants T.L.C. as PenWing leaps off the ladder and hits the High Holy Howe (top-rope elbow drop).
Monroe: Buhgawb! The SDC is up one elimination to none!
Sammitch sets up another table outside the ring, but Highwayman attacks him from behind and hits Daylight Robbery, sending him through the table with the final snap suplex.
Marcum: It's all even now!
PenWing gets to his feet and catches Highwayman standing still with a spear. Not satisfied, PenWing pulls Highwayman into a snap suplex of his own. But PenWing doesn't stop with one. He resets and hits two more snap suplexes on Highwayman.
Monroe: PenWing just robbed Highwayman!
Marcum: He can't do that! He can't use his move against him! That ain't right!
PenWing sets up another table outside the ring. Sammitch gets back to his feet, and rolls into the ring, where he starts to set up the ladder. PenWing lifts the last table and slides it under the ropes. Sammitch slides the table along the mat, and pushes it under the ropes and onto the newly set table. PenWing climbs onto the ring apron as Sammitch climbs over the ropes, and they set up the final table on top of the other one. The two of them then jump down and walk to Highwayman. Together, they help him into the ring. Highwayman low blows Sammitch, still showing some life, but PenWing hits him with a Spin-o-rama and drags him near the tables. PenWing lifts him up and lays him on the double stacked tables. Looking over, PenWing sees Howler start to get back to his feet. Without thinking, PenWing runs across the ring and jumps over the ropes, spearing Howler back into the table remains.
Monroe: Buhgawb! PenWing just took Howler out of the match!
Marcum: It looks like he took himself with him! Wake up, Highwayman!
Sammitch moves the ladder near the ropes, but Highwayman rolls off the table and onto the ring apron. He starts to get to his feet but Sammitch hits him with a Sammitch Spin to the face. Highwayman falls backwards, into and through the tables. Lothar signals for the bell.
Monroe: The SDC has won the match!
Marcum: But at what cost?!
PenWing slowly slides into the ring and Lothar raises their hands as "Let's Get It Started" blasts over the speakers.
The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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Posts: 374
300+ posts
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300+ posts
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 374 |
Hardcore Porn Title
Charlie (C) vs. Chewy Walrus
*AC/DC’s TNT blasts over the speakers as Chewy Walrus makes his way down to the ring with his bike chain flail in his hand. He sidesteps the collection of weapons at ringside and climbs into the ring as the crowd cheers. He hands his hat over to the ring attendant and waits.
The Kaiser Chiefs' 'I Predict a Riot' cuts in as Charlie struts down to the ring with a big grin on his face and his title around his waist. He unstraps his belt as he comes through the ropes and holds his trophy up for everyone to see. The ref takes the belt and hands it off to the attendant then calls for the bell to start the match.*
Monroe: This is the second match-up tonight involving the SDC and The Family. It is all leading up to the Conniver Series match next week.
Marcum: This is just a warm-up beating so Charlie can show the SDC just what he’s going to do to them at the Series.
*The two men circle around the ring for a few seconds before Chewy charges with his flail held high above his head. Charlie quickly drops to the mat and rolls out of the ring.*
Monroe: Looks like Charlie is a little scared.
Marcum: It’s called strategy, pea brain. Charlie is making the Walrus come after him.
*Chewy keeps motioning to Charlie to get back into the ring. Charlie just smiles as he circles the ring.*
Marcum: See, there is no count outs in a hardcore match. Charlie can stay outside as long as he wants. If Chewy wants a fight, he’ll have to come to Charlie for it.
*Chewy decides to go after Charlie. As he’s coming through the ropes, Charlie runs up and cracks Chewy across the head with a Singapore cane stopping the Walrus’s forward motion. A few more whacks to the side of Chewy’s head had the SDC big man drop his flail and drops backwards into the ring. Charlie reaches under the bottom rope and pulls Chewy’s head the through, hanging it off the side of the apron. Charlie steps back a little, raises the cane over his head, runs towards Chewy, and drops the cane across Walrus’s throat.*
Monroe: My gawd!
Marcum: Hardcore rules, baby! Anything goes!
*Chewy rolls back into the ring, holding his throat. Charlie climbs up on the apron. As he’s climbing back in through the ropes, Chewy reaches out and sweeps Charlie’s foot out from under him. Pain shoots across Charlie’s face as his groin straddles the rope.
Chewy rolls out of the ring and goes to set up a table at ringside. Charlie attacks him from behind with a stop sign. Chalie sets the sign down on the table and smashes Chewy’s face into it. Holding Chewy by the hair, Charlie walks around ringside, colliding the Walrus’s face into everything, the railing, the apron, the ring post, before rolling the man back into the ring. Charlie grabs Chewy’s flail and wraps one of the chains around his fist before sliding back into the ring himself. He puts a headlock on Chewy and begins to pound away at the man’s skull with the chain wrapped fist.*
Marcum: He’s wearing him down now.
*With his last bit of strength, Chewy lifts Charlie up. Charlie keeps punching away as the Walrus falls backwards, onto the ropes. He uses the momentum to toss Charlie backwards, onto the table with the stop sign laying on it. Chewy falls to his knees as blood runs down the side of his face. Charlie lays crumpled in a heap on the outside.
Chewy exits out of the other side of the ring and grabs a steel chair. He rolls back and sets the chair up in the ring close to the ropes. Charlie is now to his feet, though a little groggy and confused. Chewy reached down from the ring and grabs Charlie by the hair. The Walrus pulls Charlie back onto the ring apron.*
Monroe: What’s he..... Oh my gawd! I think Chewy is setting Charlie up to be suplexed onto the steel chair!
Marcum: What? No! The ref needs to call this match right now!
Monroe: Hardcore rules. Anything goes.
*As Chewy tries to suplex Charlie back into the ring, Charlie ties his leg up in the ropes to block the move. Chewy tries but can’t lift all the way. Charlie then drops his weight, bringing the Walrus’s already injured throat down on the top rope. Chewy staggers backwards as Charlie reenters the ring. He drop kicks Chewy, and the Walrus stumbles backwards and gets his arms tangled up in the ropes.
Charlie smiles as he sees his trapped prey. He picks up the chair. Balls Nasty bounds out of the audience, over the guardrail and slides into the ring. Charlie sees Nasty and turns to hit him with the chair. Balls hits Charlie with a big boot that drives the chair into Charlie’s face. Charlie drops the chair and staggers about drunkenly in the ring. Nasty picks up the chair and lays Charlie out cold on his back.*
Balls Nasty: You don’t have your friends with you now, do you, Charlie? Can’t take the heat by yourself, can you? I’m going to destroy you Bastardos. Destroy!
*Nasty drops the chair to his side and turns around to see that Chewy has worked his way out of the ropes. After a few seconds Chewy offers his hand to Balls Nasty. Nasty looks around to the audience, who are cheering at the top of their lungs.*
Monroe: This is it. Balls Nasty is supposed to lead this man as well as PenWing and Sammitch at Conniver Series against the Bastardo Family. This is where a grand alliance is formed.
Marcum: Oh no!
*Balls begins to nod his head at the crowd’s cheer of approval. Nasty extends his own hand. The crowd pops even more. As Chewy goes to accept it, Nasty pulls the Walrus into a DDT.*
Monroe: He just DDT’ed Chewy Walrus on the steel chair! What does this mean for Conniver Series?
Marcum: It means that The Family is going to run rough shod over the SDC and Balls Nasty!
*Nasty leaves the ring and climbs back over the guardrail and out through the audience. The ref looks down to notice that Chewy’s arm is draped over Charlie. 1-2-3. The bell is rung while the ref tries to wake Chewy and give him his new title.*
Monroe: And once again the Hardcore Porn Title switches hands.
Marcum: No! This isn’t fair!
Monroe: This title, due to the sheer extremes of the division itself, is one of the hardest championships to hold on to.
Marcum: There was cheating! You can’t lose a title through cheating!
Monroe: You know damn well that there is no such thing as cheating in the Hardcore division. Charlie won thanks to interference from Johnny Evil and his crew; and now, thanks to Balls Nasty, Chewy Walrus has become the Hardcore Porn Champion.
The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 374
300+ posts
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300+ posts
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 374 |
Women's Booby Belt Mudwrestling Cheerleader Bra and Panties Battle Royal
The Cheese-o-tron shows the Crotch in a steamed up locker room, seemingly rummaging through a locker. A shower is heard in the background. The squeaks of faucet handles are heard as the shower stops, and a female voice is heard humming softly, romantically.
Monroe: What's going on here? Is there a woman in the Crotches room?
Marcum: Lucky bastard!
The Crotch quickly closes the locker and starts walking to the door, but he stops in his tracks when he hears a woman clear her throat. He turns around, and the camera pans to show us Lor, standing in a pastel purple bathrobe, hair dripping wet.
Monroe: Maybe not! He's in Lor's room!
Marcum: What could he be doing there?!
Crotch: Uh, hi Lor, babe!
Lor: Crotchie...what are you doing in my locker room, darlin?
Crotch: Well, uh, I was just, um...I wanted to sneak a peak at your bra and panties that you'll be wearing for the match, is all. <shuffles feet>
Lor: Well, did you see them?
Crotch: Um...well, no.
Lor: <giggles softly> Silly boy, That's cause they're right here.
Lor slowly opens her robe, showing the Crotch her bra and panties. The camera pans to the Crotch's face, eyes bulging, mouth dropped open, clearly there is no more blood in that brain, preventing anyone else from seeing what Lor is wearing.
Marcum: That ain't right! She should be flashing us right now!
Monroe: If you ask me, the Crotch is getting off easy!
Lor: Well, what do you say, Crotchie-poo, do you likey?
Crotch: Oh yes...uh... Thanks babe, I gotta run, now!
The Crotch walks out of Lor's locker room, trying his darnest not to snicker as Lor walks over to her locker, flicking her wet hair back over her right shoulder. She smiles a sweet smile at the thought of Crotch sneaking a peek. Just as she opens the door to her locker, a wisp of a pepper cloud shoots out at her and flies up her nose, causing her to sneeze violently! Lor slams the locker shut and bolts out of her room covering her nose and mouth with her hands, coughing, as she grabs for the towel over her left shoulder and wipes her face with it. Looking up, she sees the Crotch leaning over against the wall, laughing and grinning. She ties her robe tight and starts walking, side stepping, towards him.
Monroe: Buhgawb! The Crotch pulled a prank on Lor!
Marcum: As much as she deserved it, that was not a bright move! There's no telling what that psycho will do now!
Lor: <playfully giggles recursively> Oh Crotchie-poo!
The Crotch looks up and mumbles something, grins, then takes off down the hall. Lor follows close behind. Both are laughing.
Monroe: Can we get a camera back there to follow them? I don't understand how we can get a camera into a woman's locker room, but we can't follow the action down a hallway!
Marcum: We don't have to! Here they come!
The Crotch bolts down the ramp with Lor hot on his heels. Suddenly, seeing the mud pool set up at the bottom of the ramp, he stops dead in his tracks with no place to go. Lor runs up behind him and shoves him into the pool. Loosening her balance she falls in after him and begins playfully shoving mud in his face. They both are still laughing whole heartedly.
Marcum: Somebody stop this madness before the Crotch gets hurt!
Monroe: It's too late! Here come the rest of the hotties!
Marcum: And Lor is only wearing a bathrobe! This is finally the end of her title reign!
Before Lor can react, the mob of RDCW hotties storms the mud pool and the bell rings. Several of the girls go straight for Lor. They try to tear away her robe, but they keep slipping in the mud. The Crotch tries to crawl out of the brawl, but when he gets to the end, he's knocked over by Batwoman, who runs him over as she bolts up the ramp.
Monroe: It looks like we've got our first elimination!
Marcum: And here come four more!
Bianca, Kimi, ButterRican, and Ariel are quick to follow Batwoman up the ramp. Big Fat Elvis awaits Ariel with a robe, and he escorts her to the back. Nuriko and Grace take the opportunity to go at each other's throats, and soon eliminate each other from the match. Embarrassed, Grace runs off screaming revenge on Nuriko, who runs after her with a hand full of mud. Harleykwin tears off Chesty Lerou's skirt, but Lor pounces Harley. Stareena, who is also missing her skirt, walks up to Chesty and tears off her top. Chesty slaps her and tears off Stareena's top. She then pushes her to the mud and walks off.
Monroe: That wasn't right! Chesty was eliminated!
Marcum: And she returned the favor! 
Meeko and Terri Savitz work each other over, with Meeko finally tearing away Terri's top and eliminating her from the match. Cowgirl Jack grabs at Meeko's top, but LLance, who eliminated the first four competitors on his own, strips CJ and sends her running up the ramp.
Monroe: What is LLance doing in this match?! Look at him! He can't even fit in that outfit, and this is after he slimmed down!
Marcum: I have no idea, but he's doing a damn fine job!
LLance grabs at Meeko's top, tearing it away, but Meeko dives at him and pulls his skirt off. LLance loses his balance and slips in the mud, landing on the Crotch, who still hasn't found a way out of the pool. That's when Princess Elisa tackles Meeko, sending her face first into the mud. But Meeko doesn't take long to turn the tables, and soon she has Elisa stripped down to her bra and panties and screaming as she runs to the back. Lor finally gets the Last Laugh on Harley, and strips off her outfit to eliminate her.
Monroe: It's down to Lor, Meeko, and LLance!
Marcum: My Gob!
Meeko is furiously trying to remove LLance's top, but he fights her off, sending her back into the mud. Lor dives for his legs, and he slips again. Meeko is quick to get back up, and she and Lor both tear his top off.
Monroe: Buhgawb!
Marcum: The horror! The horror!
Lor and Meeko circle each other in the pool. Both are thoroughly covered in mud. Finally, Meeko makes her move, lunging for Lor's robe. Lor takes a step forward, and baseball slides towards Meeko. She reaches up and grabs Meeko's skirt, yanking hard as she slides past her. Meeko falls forward, and Lor slides away with her skirt in hand. She holds it up and waves the skirt in the air as the bell rings.
James White: Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of this match and still Women's Boobie Belt Champion, Lor!
Marcum: I can't believe it! How did she keep that tiny robe on?!
Monroe: It doesn't look like it will be on much longer! Look!
Lor seductively removes her robe as cheesy burlesque music plays over the speakers and swings it around over her head in the air a few times before letting it drop into the pool. She takes the Boobie Belt from Lothar, who raises her hand. After a moment, Lor looks down to see the Crotch still lying in the pool.
Monroe: Look, the Crotch is still in the pool!
Marcum: Oh no!
Lor bends at the waist and reaches down and helps him to his feet. She gives him a big hug, half wrapping her leg around him and then rips open his shirt pulling it down to his elbows, she looks up at him and grins. With the music still playing, the Crotch tries to get away, but he slips at the same time she rips the shirt from his body and he falls face first back into the mud. Lor strip teases with his shirt then reaches down and pulls off his pants in one motion. She waves them around a few times before tossing them aside and stepping out of the pool with a little shake of her hips. The Crotch stands up and watches Lor with shock and pleasure as she skips up the ramp.
Monroe: Lor just stripped the Crotch down to his briefs!
Marcum: That ain't right! We don't need to see that!
Lor suddenly stops kicks up her leg behind her and blows him a kiss goodbye. With a wink she’s gone. The Crotch blushes in awe from the kiss. Then the crowed kicks up with laughter. That's when the Crotch realizes he is only wearing his briefs. His face turns beet red as he covers himself with his hands. He franticly looks down for his clothes, anything!
Monroe: I think he just realized he's practically naked!
Marcum: You're still looking at him?! 
The Crotch sees Lor's discarded bathrobe. He grabs it and puts it on as he runs off backstage.
The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,398 Likes: 38
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,398 Likes: 38 |
The lights suddenly go out, and Rob's Damn Killer Instinct Rip Off Theme Music booms throughout the Cheesedome! Quote:
Marcum: YEAH! The Allied Powers are coming!
Monroe: Sounds like you're "coming", too. Settle down!
Just then, the music abruptly stops, and is replaced with haunting organ music.
Smoke begins to fill the rampway, and out steps Jeeves, holding an urn!
Quote:
Monroe: What the...?
Marcum:
Jeeves' face appears to be ghostly white! Next, MisterJLA walks out dressed in a long black robe with a matching black hat! He walks very, very slowly, and is obviously not his usual self!
Quote:
Marcum: JLA is a deadman...literally! This is all Darth's fault! He stuffed JLA in a casket during their EPIC Casket Match for the IC Belt, and this new version of JLA is the result!
Monroe: That must explain JLA's disappearance after the match! Jeeves found an empty casket, and even had to fill in for him during a Tag Title match!
Jeeves!
Jeeves enters the ring, and JLA slowly follows. The Cheesedome lights are turned back on, and the smoke fades away. JLA's face is now clearly seen, and he is sporting a beard! The area around his eyes are blackened as well.
Jeeves holds the urn high for all to see, and then opens it!
Quote:
Monroe: We won't be guessing for ages about what's in the urn! Jeeves is going to show us now! It's a...microphone???
Jeeves removes a microphone from the urn, and hands it to JLA. JLA soon speaks...
"Are you eating it...or is it eating you?" [center] ![[Linked Image from i13.photobucket.com]](http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a275/captainsammitch/boards/banners/blogban3.jpg) [/center] [center] ![[Linked Image from i13.photobucket.com]](http://i13.photobucket.com/albums/a275/captainsammitch/boards/banners/jlamiska.jpg) [/center]
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,398 Likes: 38
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,398 Likes: 38 |
Quote:
Darth...(insanely long dramatic pause)...you and I have been to...Hell and back.
Monroe: If he doesn't speed this up, we'll be here forever!
Marcum: Shut it, gaylord!
JLA: I defeated you at your own game...Hell in a Cell...
But you...ruined...my attempt...at a... affair...of...the flesh....
Monroe: We are going to be here all night! Talk about hamming it up! Monroe: Is anyone buying this? Didn’t JLA look perfectly “normal” during Darth’s non-title match against Captain Howdy?
Marcum: Quiet! I'm a scared! I'm a scared!
JLA: But when you...threw me in that casket...you showed me the power...of the Darksiiiiiiiiiiide!
You forever changed me. And for...that...I say to you...
I...I...uh...forgot my damn lines! Oh, fuck this anyway!
MisterJLA throws his hat down, and stomps on it! Continuing his fit, he throws his coat off, and is standing before the crowd in his traditional black tights, complete with "RACK ME" written across his bum. Jeeves wipes the cheap makeup off his own face.
Quote:
JLA: I mean, come on now! What's the big deal? Dude threw me in a casket, and that's supposed to be some major accomplishment? I get thrown out of strip clubs once a week, is that going to make me a homeless person?
OK, bad analogy, but still! He didn't pin me, make me tap, or even beat me by countout! He threw me in a pine box, and slammed the lid shut. I crawled out of it a few moments later, anyway!
Jeeves looks stunned, and whispers to JLA...
Quote:
Jeeves: You weren't in the casket after the match, sir! In fact, you were absent for a few weeks!
JLA:
Marcum:
Monroe: 
JLA: Uh...anyway, Darth, you placed me in a box, shut the lid, and I took a few weeks off. You walked away with my IC Belt, but The Allied Powers took it right back!
Monroe: What’s he talking about? Darth is still the IC Champ!
Marcum: SHHHH!
JLA: That’s right. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce tonight my World Tag Team Championship partner, and NEW InterCuntiental Champion, Captain Howdy!
"Are you eating it...or is it eating you?" [center] [/center] [center] [/center]
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,398 Likes: 38
"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
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"Hey this is PCG342's bro..." 15000+ posts
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 34,398 Likes: 38 |
Rob's Damn Killer Instinct Rip Off Theme Music once again plays, and Captain Howdy walks down to the ring, holding both of the Tag Belts. He enters the ring, and looks puzzled.
Quote:
JLA: That's right people, here he is, the true IC Champ! Jeeves?
Jeeves leaves the ring, and gets something from ring announcer James White. Jeeves re-enters the ring, and is holding a "Toys R Us" bag.
Quote:
JLA: (Whispering to Howdy) Sorry, mate. Best we could do on short notice.
Jeeves open the bag, and hands JLA a kids replica of the IC Championship:
Link!
Quote:
JLA: I now present to you, Captain Howdy, in honor of your win against Darth last week for the IC Championship, a brand new belt! Congratulations!
Monroe: That idiot! It was a non-title match!
Marcum: Wow! The coronation of a new champion!
Howdy appears to be embarrased, but JLA continues...
Quote:
And tonight, our tag victims will be Nowhereman, and Doc Mid-Nite! Nowhereman, I beat you for the IC Belt before, so I know how to deal with you! And as for you, Mid-Nite...
JLA pauses, looks at Howdy, and then the two start to laugh hysterically.
Quote:
Monroe: What's that all about?
Marcum: They must not respect the Doctor too much!
Monroe: No, there's something more to it! More sinister!
JLA and Howdy's laughing turns to looks of dread, once Nowhereman's theme music hits!
Quote:
It's Tag Team Championship time! MisterJLA and Captain Howdy defend against the team of Nowhereman and Doc Mid-Nite...right now!
Recap:
The Allied Powers win the match, when Doc Mid-Nite sucker punches and abandons his own partner, and the Powers capitalize on the situation, by hitting Nowhereman with "The Allied Bombing" to get the 3 count!
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Posts: 382
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300+ posts
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 382 |
Intercuntinental Championship
Darth (C) vs. Johnny Evil
The "Soarin'" theme by Jerry Goldsmith plays over the speakers as Johnny Evil makes his way to the ring accompanied by his wife, Ariel, and her bodyguard, Big Fat Elvis.
Monroe: It looks like Ariel has cleaned up nicely!
Marcum: Hey, that's Johnny's wife you're talking about!
The sound of sirens blasts over the speakers before "Countdown To Armageddon" starts playing. Pig Iron slowly walks down the ramp, accompanied by Chesty Lerou.
Monroe: This is strange. Why isn't Chesty walking down with Darth?
The lights go out and lightning strikes the ring posts. Darth's voice is heard over the speakers.
"Beware the POWER...of the dark siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidddddde!"
Lighting strikes the ring posts again, and the lights flicker back on. Big Fat Elvis and Ariel are lying unconscious outside the ring, and Darth is standing behind Johnny Evil. Johnny looks in shock at the carnage. Pig Iron casually waves a chair in his hands, and Chesty is wiping her mouth with a handkerchief.
Monroe: Buhgawb! Pig Iron busted Big Fat Elvis open with a steel chair, probably via Swine-A-Sault, and Chesty knocked Ariel out with Hellfire (red mist)!
Marcum: That's fucked up!
Johnny slow turns to face Darth, who smiles at him. Johnny strikes at Darth's gut with a quick knee, and Lothar signals the bell. Johnny tries to execute the CTX, but Darth pushes him away and quickly knocks him down with a clothesline. Darth drops and elbow, but Johnny rolls out of the way. Johnny quickly gets to his feet and climbs the ropes. As Darth stands up, Johnny leaps off the top rope for a Surprise In The Sky, and takes Darth down with a Mongolian chop. He then runs to another corner, and when Darth gets up again, he leaps off the ropes for another Surprise In The Sky, this time hitting a flying clothesline. Johnny runs to third corner, and when Darth gets up again, he leaps at him, but this time Darth sidesteps Johnny, who somehow manages to land on his feet. Johnny turns around, and Darth Maul's him (big boot). Darth walks to the corner ropes and scales them. This time, it's Johnny who gets to his feet, and Darth leaps at him a Concussion Missile (missile dropkick). Darth goes for the cover, but Johnny kicks out at two.
Monroe: Unbelievable!
Marcum: No, that's Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil!
Darth pulls Johnny to his feet, but Johnny manages to take control and execute an atomic drop. Darth stumbles backwards into Lothar, knocking him over as he falls to the mat. Johnny immediately begins to go to work on Darth with a series of punches to his head. Darth tries to get back to his feet, but Johnny pushes him into the ropes and uses them to strangle the Sith Lord. Chesty begins to move towards the ring, but Pig Iron holds her back.
Monroe: Why is Pig Iron holding Chesty back? Johnny should be disqualified for this anyway!
Marcum: Obviously he doesn't want Chesty to get hurt. And he probably wants Darth out of the way! I mean, who wouldn't?
Darth continues to struggle, and finally hits Johnny with a low blow of his own. Johnny falls to the mat and rolls out of the ring as Darth pulls his head out of the ropes. As Darth recovers in the ring, Pig Iron approaches Johnny Evil. Pig Iron starts beating down on Johnny Evil, kicking him while he's down. Darth move the center of the ring and calls for Pig Iron to throw Johnny in. Pig Iron lifts Johnny over his head throws him back in. Darth waits for Johnny to get to his feet while Chesty shakes Lothar awake. Johnny stumbles over to Darth, who spits Hellfire at him. Johnny screams as his hands go to his face, and Darth runs at him and hits the Oman (running DDT). That gets the crowd to their feet.
Monroe: This looks bad for Johnny Evil!
Marcum: Big Fat Elvis is back on his feet!
Big Fat Elvis runs at Pig Iron from behind and takes him down with a thunderous clothesline. Chesty yells for Darth to turn around as Ariel distracts Lothar. Darth walks towards her, but Big Fat Elvis steps into the ring and pushes Darth into the ropes, sandwiching Lothar, and knocking Ariel off the ring apron. Darth turns around, but Big Fat Elvis knocks him down with another thunderous clothesline. He then climbs the ropes and leaps onto Darth, seemingly crushing him with a splash.
Marcum: That had to hurt!
Monroe: What about Ariel? He hurt her, too!
Marcum: She knew what she was doing!
Big Fat Elvis goes to wake Johnny, not noticing Pig Iron as he steps into the ring. Pig Iron spins Big Fat Elvis around low blows him. He then hits the Schwein Slop Suplex (Northern Lights), and rolls Big Fat Elvis out of the ring. Pit Iron slides out of the ring behind him, and continues his beat down. Johnny slowly gets back to his feet, and seeing Darth down, he makes his way to the corner ropes. As Johnny reaches the top rope, he looks back just in time to see Darth sit up. Johnny jumps up for another Surprise In the Sky, but this time Darth catches him in a choke hold, lifts him high in the air, and sends him to the mat with a Sabreslam. Darth makes the cover, and Pig Iron wakes Lothar, who counts three for the pin. "Imperial March" starts playing as Darth, Chesty, and Pig Iron celebrate in the ring.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 382
300+ posts
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300+ posts
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 382 |
Ultimate X
Spandex Monkey Man vs. Killconey vs. Tommy Savitz
With the X suspended high above the ring, one thing was clear from the start of this match: Ultimate X looks a hell of a lot better in the traditional squared circle!
The match started out with a blur of lightning fast suplexes by Tommy Savitz as he took down Spamm and Killconey and began climbing a corner pole for the X. Spamm got up first and climbed the pole after Savitz. He pulled him back to the ring with a modified Monkey T (double arm DDT). This took a little out of Spamm, and as he staggered to his feet, Killconey hit him with the Dragon Reborn (Dragonrana). Killconey then began to climb a pole for the X, but Savitz was able to climb up another pole, and they met at the X, where they pulled each other back to down to the ring. Spamm was waiting for them, and he hit the Surgeon with The Monkey Breaker (swinging neck breaker). Spamm tried to hit a Monkey Breaker on Killconey, but Killconey was able to whip Spamm into the ropes and attack him with a flying clothesline.
Killconey chose that moment to go to the tope rope, and he leapt to the air for the Fires of Heaven (Corkscrew senton) on Spamm, but the Monkey Man rolled out of the way just in time. Savitz tried to hit the Anaesthetic on Spamm, but Spamm countered with the Evil Plex (Falcon Arrow).
All three wrestlers continued to trade blows, and at one point, all three made it to the center of the X, but Spamm forced all of them back to the mat. Again, they climbed the poles, but Savitz forced Killconey and himself down, leaving Spamm alone near the X. Seeing no way to win, Killconey was furious, and he hit Ender's Game (flip piledriver) on the Surgeon as Spamm took sole possession of the X.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 382
300+ posts
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300+ posts
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 382 |
Rob's House Match for the Big Cheese Belt
Joe Mama (C) vs. Grimm
The ring was set up with various items from Rob's house. A workout bench was set in one corner. A signed Yankees bat along with other various sports memorabilia was laid out in another corner. A card table was set up on the third corner. Most notably, a headboard was laying against the final corner, with a large, black lace bra hanging from the top. Various other objects littered the ring.
Marcum: You don't think that's Chesty's?
Monroe: I don't know what to think!
Joe and Grimm opened the match with their arms swinging. Backed into the sports corner, Joe reached down and grabbed a signed bat. Joe speared Grimm, as and the big man leaned over, Joe swung the bat at his head, knocking him backwards. Dropping the bat, Joe speared Grimm into the headboard, breaking it into pieces. Joe went for the cover, but Grimm grabbed something in his hands and wrapped it around Joe's neck. Grimm pulled Joe off of him and continued to strangle him.
Monroe: Grimm is strangling Joe with Chesty's bra!
Marcum: I would give anything to be in Joe's position right now!
It looked as though Joe would pass out, but he grabbed a hold of a peach colored object and shoved it in Grimm's mouth. Grimm almost convulsed as he released his hold on the bra and pulled the object out of his mouth. He then ran over to the side of the ring and hurled.
Monroe: Buhgawb!
Marcum: Was that a dildo?
Joe took the moment to recover and looked around for something else to use against his opponent. Seeing the free weights, Joe picked them up. As Grimm got back to his feet, Joe yelled over to him, "Catch!"
Joe tossed a free weight at Grimm, who caught it. Joe used the distraction to run at him with the other free weight, but Grimm sidestepped him and nailed him the free weight in his hand. Grimm then locked in the Grimmlock Version 2, but Joe clocked him with the free weight.
The match went on, with both wrestlers using the objects in the ring to try and beat each other down. After a while, the two started to actually put on a wrestling match, hoping that the other was worn down enough for conventional means to decide the victory. With nothing left in either wrestler's tank, Grimm tried to hit the Tripple 6 Bomb, but Joe was able to reverse it into a top rope East Coast Hammer, sending Grimm through the card table. Neither wrester moved, but Grimm was down, shoulders on the mat, and Joe was lying on top of him. Lothar made the count, and Joe retained the Heavy Weight Cheese Title.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 382
300+ posts
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300+ posts
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 382 |
Post Match
At that point, the Dark Lords made their way down to the ring. Joe was barely on his feet as Lothar handed him the title, and the Dark Lords showed no mercy as they pounded into him.
Manroe: This isn't right! The match is over!
Marcum: But Conniver Series is next! If Joe Mama wanted to make it to that event, he should have just laid down for Grimm tonight!
The fans start to cheer as the Allied Powers bolt down the ramp. They attack the Dark Lords, but Pig Iron and Darth fight back, and Spamm lays into them with Mister Sledgehammer. Nowhereman runs down behind them, still visibly pissed about his match, but Doc. Mid-Nite emerges through the crowd and the two go at it.
The Tuesday Night Rockers run down to help Mid-Nite, but the Bond Brigade follows and heads them off. The Bastardo Family and the SDC soon join in the brawl, and every member of the RDCW lets loose on their rivals as the Cheesedome erupts.
In the ring, Grimm is back on his feet trading blows with Joe. Darth sneaks up behind Joe and hits a Sithspawn on him. Darth pulls him into the piledriver hold, and Grimm climbs the top ropes. He leaps off and hits the spike piled driver on the champ.
Monroe: Buhgawb! The RDCW is going Straight to Hell!
Marcum: Here comes security!
Monroe: But are they too late?
Doc Paragon leads RDCW security to the floor, and they begin separate and cuff anyone who fights back. As the veteran doctor slowly restores order to the Cheesedome, PenWing, his jersey shredded, slips into the ring where Joe is lying alone. He stands over the champion and looks down to see the Cheese Belt lying next to him. PenWing reaches down and picks up the belt. He looks at it for a moment, and then looks at Joe. PenWing lifts up the belt, causing the fans to erupt. He places the belt across Joe Mama, and slips out of the ring and through the crowd as the wrestlers continue to battle each other and RDCW security.
Monroe: With all the chaos on the floor, what will be for Conniver Series?
Marcum: It can't be good, half the RDCW is being lead off in cuffs! Doc Paragon is doing exactly what he said he would!
Monroe: But if all the wrestlers are arrested and suspended, who will be here for Conniver Series?
Marcum: I guess we'll have to wait and see!
With a final shot of the brawl on the floor, Anathema Wednesday comes to a close.
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