RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW HAVAK: 9/25/2006...Hostile Takeover!

Camera shows a jam-packed Cheesedome. Mike "The Mouth" Monroe is shown seated at the announcer's table. Before he can say a word, Rob's Damn Killer Instinct Rip Off Theme Music booms over the Cheesedome speakers!

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Monroe: Wha...?

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The IV hit the rampway. World Big Cheese Champion MisterJLA is leading the group, with his World Title fastened around his waist. He is wearing a karate gi, just like Street Fighter character "Ryu"...



Joe Mama is wearing a tailored suit, Hardcore Poon Champion Captain Howdy is wearing a leather jacket with jeans, Doc-MidNite and Charlie are in their wrestling gear, and Allied Powers' butler Jeeves is wearing traditional butler's suit.

The IV enter the ring, and JLA brandishes a mic, seemingly out of thin air...

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JLA: Hola, Tokyo!

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The crowd boos wildly!

JLA turns to Joe Mama...

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JLA: What'd I do?

Joe Mama: We're not in Tokyo anymore! And even if we were, "Hola" is Spanish!

JLA: Oh, right. Where are we, then?

Captain Howdy: We're in Roboken, New-

JLA: Ah, got ya!

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JLA turns back to the still angry crowd...

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JLA: HELLO ROBOKEN NEW HAMPSHIRE!

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This only angers the crowd more...

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Captain Howdy: Jersey, you twat! New JERSEY!

JLA: HELLO ROBOKEN NEW JERSEY!

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The crowd settles down...

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JLA: Ah, that's better! The IV and the RDCW are back in the good ol' U.S. of A! Yeah! Now, in case you here in America have been leaving under a rock, and didn't hear, the RDCW toured Japan for the last several weeks!

I, your Big Cheese World Champion, bravely defended my title successfully against the best Japan's message boards had to offer! Your Hardcore Poon Champion, Captain Howdy, was successful in all of his title defenses as well! Matter of fact, there were no title changes at all! Nope!

Now, if you're wondering why none of this was shown here, that's because...

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JLA stops and scratches his chin. He looks to the IV, but they offer nothing but shrugged shoulders.

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JLA: I got it! This was never shown here...because the Japanese don't like cameras in their wrestling venues...?

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JLA again looks to the IV. They all look at each other, shrug their shoulders again, and then nod in agreement.

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JLA: OK, then! And now we're back, and ready to resume! So while all of your champions remain the same, something EPIC did happen in Japan...and here to share the news, is Rob Kamphausen himself!

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Rob's Damn Killer Instinct Rip Off Theme Music plays again, and a very sad looking Bobo makes his way to the ring...

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JLA: Welcome, Rob! I'm sure you're all wondering what happened in Japan that was so EPIC. Well, here's the news: I grabbed a stewardess' ass on the initial flight out there!

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The crowd grows silent.

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Monroe: Well fans, I don't know how that's newsworthy!

JLA: AND Captain Howdy got in a few bar fights!

Monroe: Again, nothing exciting fans! I wonder where JLA is going with this?

JLA Now I'm know you're all questioning "Where is JLA going with this?" So here's the news: Rob got his ass sued royal!

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The IV start to while Rob has to

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JLA: Bobo here got sued eight ways from Sunday! Rob, being the peacemaker that he is, settled the cases and had to sell 51% of his stock in the RDCW, and guess who bought it up...ME!

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The crowd boos and throws empty (and full) bottles of water into the ring.

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JLA: The stewardess and the guys that Howdy beat down sued the company, and not us, so we got over! Yeah! So now that I'm the majority stockholder in the company, my first act is to say to our GM, thedoctor: YOU'RE FIRED!



He couldn't make it tonight, but I'm sure he got the memo! OK Rob, you can go now!

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Rob leaves the ring, and says "I'm sorry" to several fans at ringside before he disappears again.

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JLA: So now that I'm running the FUCKING show, I've got some major announcements! From now on, HAVAK will be aired once every two weeks, with PPV's every six weeks!

This will give all of our wrestlers time to wr....ERRRRRR get ready for their matches!

And speaking of matches, I have some lined up for tonight!

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Howdy whispers to his teammates...

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Howdy: I bet JLA goes easy on us! He'll have us fight Oakley's Bond Brigade, I reckon!

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JLA looks at Howdy, Joe Mama, Charlie, and Doc. Mid-Nite...

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JLA: But before I get to that, I think we have some house cleaning to do.

Joe Mama, you've been inactive for too long. That ends tonight! And to get that ring rust off of you, you will wrestle...

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JM whispers to Charlie...

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JM: I bet it's a real pushover. Probably MARIO FABINI!

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JLA pauses...

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JLA: PJP IN A BASEBALL JERSEY MATCH!

Joe Mama:

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The crowd goes wild!

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Joe Mama: JLA, shouldn't we talk about this?

JLA: Of course not! That's right folks, the first Baseball Jersey match EVAR! It's a simple enough match: We have a hook that will be lowered from the ceiling! Whoever climbs a ladder that will be provided later, and hangs the jersey of their favorite baseball team, wins the match! PJP will be given an A-Rod jersey to hang, while Joe will try to climb the ladder, and hang his "Big Papi" or whatever his name is jersey!

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Joe looks around, and then nods in agreement...

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JLA: Captain Howdy, I got plans for you my friend!

Howdy: I taint yer friend!

JLA: Moving right along, of all the IV, you have made me the most proud!

Howdy: Don't really care!

JLA: And you will continue to make me proud, by successfully defending the Hardcore Poon Championship...cameraman?

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JLA points to the CheeseTron, which shows a junkyard.

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JLA: Tonight, Jeeves will drive you to that junkyard, where both Nowhereman and Arnold Judas Rimmer will be waiting to fight you...in a Junkyard Triple Threat Hardcore Poon Championship match!

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The crowd goes wild!

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Monroe: What? Is that even possible, considering Howdy, Nowhereman, and Rimmer are the same...style of wrestler? Won't that be a bit much?

JLA: Charlie, you got Spandex Monkey Man. You two had a nice rivalry going before...the tour...interrupted everything.

And you, MidNite, you're gone! Out of The IV you go!

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A startled Mid-Nite looks at his "teammates", who suddenly gang up on him, and throw him out of the ring.

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JLA: Mid-Nite, you did NOTHING with your time as a member of The IV! I defended the World Title, Howdy was the best Hardcore Poon Champion EVAR, Charlie took initiative and clashed with SPAMM, but you did nothing!

And let this be a warning to anyone on the roster: either...participate, or get ejected like Mid-Nite!

Now then, I will now announce two more matches for tonight.
Y Division Champion Jeremys, will team up with ICunt...

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Charlie starts to laugh...

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JLA: What? Y Division Champion and ICunt Champion Captain Sammitch will join forces to face the World Tag Team Champions: Grimm, and Johnny EEEEEvil!

If Grimm or Evil get pinned or tap out, they lose the Tag Gold! If Sammys is pinned or taps, there goes his ICunt title to the opponent who defeats him! Same with Jeremys! A title will change hands, but that's not all of my plans for those titles!

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A bored Joe Mama whispers to Howdy...

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JM: I bet the Y and IC champions wrestle each other in a special unification match on the next HAVAK...

JLA: Are you ready for this news? The Y and IC champions wrestle each other in a special unification match on the next HAVAK!

Will it be Grimm vs. Sammys? Grimm vs. Jeremys? Jeremys vs. Sammys? Evil vs. Jeremys? Evil vs. Sammys? Sammys vs. Grimms?

Howdy: You already covered that one, gimp!

JLA: Why, the possibilities are endless!

Howdy: No, you ran through every one, dunce!

JLA: But that's not all! I'm going to break tradition, and defend the Big Cheese Championship: On live, free T.V.!

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The crowd lets loose with a collective "W H O A!"

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JLA: You betcha! just to show all of you my commitment to making the RDCW better than EVAR, I will defend the World Title against former champion: Kristogar Velo!

Monroe: Eh.

JLA: More matches will be added in a way that looks spontaneous, but in reality, they have been booked weeks ago! HAVAK begins now!

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Rob trudges back to his office, which now has a crudely spray painted "MisterJLA's ofise" written over the plaque with Robs name on

Rob:"oh c'mon, what now?"

Nowhereman is sitting in the rather comfortable office.....sorry, ofise chair (JLA never could spell properly).

NM:"Calm down gaylord, I just wanted to ask you a question before I leave for my match!"

Rob:"cant this wait? i am very sad right now, so sad that even has lost is powerfulness for me!"

NM:"Did you tell him?"

Rob:"Tell who what?"

NM:"JLA! Did you tell him what he doesnt own?"

Rob:"You mean..."

NM:"Yup!"

Rob:"well huh, i sorta forgot being that i am sad n all that!"

NM:"Hmmmm, I think I'll have to make a little anouncement after my match tonight!"

Rob:" "

NM:"Stop whining you gay cunt, and get that fuck nut thedoctor on the phone!"

Camera fades with Nowhereman laughing to himself & Rob crying like a little bitch

<The Cheesedome fades to black as the Cheese-O-Tron comes to life. 'We Will Rock You' thunders throughout the arena as a montage of memorable moments from Penwing's career plays out on the screen. The crowd cheers, and some take up chanting Penwing's name. As the montage ends, the music abruptly gives way to the Black Eyed Peas' 'Pump It', and the lights come up to reveal Captain Sammitch standing in the ring flanked by Chewy Walrus and Killconey. The three men are wearing plain black suits with white shirts a la Reservoir Dogs. Sammitch raises a microphone to his mouth and speaks...>

CS: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! <Cheers from the crowd...> We're here tonight to entertain, as always, but before we can do that, you should probably be made aware of a few things. First of all, the reason we showed you that video montage is because tonight I am announcing that former RDCW heavyweight champion Penwing... will be retiring from the RDCW.

<Mixed reactions from the crowd, murmurs and even a little booing...>

CS: I know it's a bit abrupt, and you're probably wondering why I'm the one telling you this. The fact is that Penwing has been sidelined by a number of serious injuries for quite some time. The cumulative damage from those injuries has left him in a great deal of chronic pain, to the point that it would be greatly inadvisable for him to continue to participate in this sport. Penwing is still in physical therapy, but he will make an appearance at his earliest convenience, and there'll be a better tribute for him and farewell speech for you at that time.

<The crowd continues to murmur, clearly dismayed by the news...>

CS: Obviously, there have been a lot of changes around here. As Sudden Death was essentially Penwing's trademark in this promotion, we don't quite feel right calling ourselves the Sudden Death Connection - it wouldn't quite describe us. But don't panic - no matter how many things have changed, you've still got plenty of reason to get pumped...

<'Pump It' blares out over the speakers again as the lights dim and strobes and chasing spotlights sweep across the ring. The crowd jumps to its feet and cheers (particularly the women in the crowd) as the three wrestlers strip out of their jackets and shirts to reveal their ring attire...>

CS: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the high-flying master of mischief, the one-man freak show who knows no fear, the once and future Y Division champion, Killconey!

<The crowd thunders its applause as Killconey runs up the turnbuckle and balances atop it before backflipping into the center of the ring, then darting to the opposite corner and repeating. Killconey grabs the microphone from Captain Sammitch and continues the introductions...>

KC: Here he is once again, ladies! The towering titan of testosterone, the unstoppable force of nature, the once and future Y Division champion, and the once and future hardcore champion! Give it up for the mighty Chewy Walrus!

<Huge pops from the crowd as Chewy Walrus poses dramatically at the center of the ring. Chewy takes the microphone and continues...>

CW: Last but never least, I give you one of the most skilled combatants and most talented entertainers in RDCW history - the man with plenty of moves and an answer for plenty of other people's moves. He's won every title in the RDCW save one, and it won't be long before he brings that one home too. Put your hands together for the incomparable, the unstoppable, the one and only Captain Sammitch!

<The crowd goes ballistic as Captain Sammitch leaps to the top of the nearest turnbuckle and salutes the crowd in sync with a spectacular pyrotechnic blast from the other three. The music fades out but the cheers continue as the lights come up, and Chewy hands the microphone back to Sammitch...>

CS: Tonight, you will all get to see what promises to be a spectacular tag match. Grimm and Johnny Evil have battled hard to win the tag titles, and they'll have to fight just as hard tonight to defend them - because the Inter-Cunt-Inental and Y Division belts are also on the line! With four champions in the ring and four belts at stake, expect nothing short of an EPIC brawl... possibly the most EPIC brawl EVAR!

<Pops from the crowd...>

CS:Captain Sammitch and associates are back, and HAVAK's gonna be one hell of a show! Poice!

<The crowd goes wild as 'Pump It' blares again and the three exit the ring and head up the ramp. Killconey taps Sammitch on the shoulder on the way up the ramp with a question...>

KC: We got a name yet, dude?

CS:


















Workin' on it.

CW: What the FUCK is JLA up to?

CS: I'd ask, but that would involve way more conversation than I'd prefer having with the guy...

all three: Yeesh...

Backstage, the Masked Avengers are seen walking through the halls. For a description of the Masked Avengers, click here.

BL: Well, here we are Archer, finally walking the halls of the Cheesedome after spending a summer beating the crap out of the competition.

TA: It was some good competition, though. I'm sure some of those guys will follow us here, to the RDCW, the greatest wrestling federation in the world.

BL: Hold on, if this is the greatest federation, why was it off the air all summer?

TA: Obviously a hiccup by the BBN.

The Masked Avengers here a noise that sounds like a sheet tearing. They turn the corner to find a man stiching up sevearl old, stained sheets, streched across a rotted wooden frame.

BL: Now this is strange. Sir, may I ask what you're doing.

Man: If you must know, I'm working on the Shite-on-tron 2000.

TA: The what?

Man: You see, every now and then that lovely modern Cheese-o-tron blows a fuse. That's when they call on me to roll out the old Shite-on-tron 2000.

BL: But that's just a bunch of old soiled sheets tied together and strechted aroud an old, rotten wooden frame!

Man: Right, and you stick a projector behind this old beauty, and bam, you've got yourself a veiwing screen!

TA: That's fucked up.

Man: Who the fuck are you supposed to be anyway?

BL: We're the Masked Avengers! The Latest, and soon to be greatest tag team in RDCW history!

Man: No shit? Well, I've seen worse.

The man goes back to work and the Masked Avengers walk on.

TA: Well, not the best way to make our first impression on everyone, but then, I've got a bad feeling about this place.

BL: Considering our boss is also the champ, I've had a bad feeling since this hostile takeover was announced!

TA: Could be worse, we could be part of a small time federation just now getting it's prime time spot after years of being ignored.

BL: Or even worse, our boss could be a sixty year old steroidal freek who can't stay out of the ring.

TA: You know, maybe it wasn't a hiccup...

The Masked Avengers walk off down the hall as they continue their conversation off camera.

Cut to JLA's "ofise", where JLA is seated. He is leaning back in his chair, with his feet propped up on the table. Captain Howdy is typing away on a keyboard in the corner...

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JLA (angrily): I've finally made it. I started out as the DCMB World Champion, and they all laughed at me. I won the World Tag Team Championships with you, and they all still laughed at me. IC Champion...2 times over, and they all laughed at me! WORLD CHAMPION, AND THEY LAUGHED AT ME! During the RDCW World Tour, they laughed at me in Budapest...they laughed at me in Prague!

Howdy: They laughed at you in Buffalo, too!

JLA: Point is, I am now majority shareholder of the RDCW! I'm the GM! Who is laughing now???

Howdy:

JLA:

Howdy: I'm taunting Snarf at Rob's boards! What a gooner!

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Just then, Joe Mama enters the room.

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Joe Mama: JLA, we have to talk. About this match with PJP...

JLA: W H O A ! You can't just barge in here like that! You must show me proper respect! I am the Ill M...I am the GM! I'm very busy you know!

JM: You are...?

JLA: Of course!

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JLA quickly reaches into the desk, and pulls out a mess of papers, and throws them on top of the desk.

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JLA: Yes, very busy! Lots of important GM stuff!

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Joe Mama does a and walks out of the room, and closes the door. 2 seconds later, there is a knock on the door.

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JLA: Yes, who is it?

Joe Mama: It's me, Joe Mama. Can I have a moment of your time, MisterGM?

JLA: Yes, I'll be happy to talk to you!

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Joe Mama enters the room, and quietly closes the door.

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JLA: Joe, I haven't seen you since our announcement! How are you?

Joe Mama: ...Anyway, about my Baseball Jersey match with PJP. I haven't competed in months. Couldn't you start me off with an easier match...I don't know, one of Oakley's old screwball teammates?

JLA: First of all Joe, I want you to know that your GM's ofise door is always open to you.

JM: Really? Because it was just closed...

JLA: And as your GM, I respect your feedback. However, I feel that "throwing you into the fire" so to speak, against a top-rate opponent like PJP, is just what you need! Wrestling losers won't make you a better wrestler!

Joe Mama: Then why are you facing a 12- year- old kid tonight? If you really want to test yourself, why not face-

JLA: Velo? Please. That's just his gimmick. He's really 47 years old and has three kids in college.

JM: Yeah?

JLA: I guess so. Besides, he's a former World Champion, so he will be quite a test for me... _{not really.}

JM: Alright. I'll get ready to climb that ladder, and hang my Red Sox jersey from the Cheesedome rafters for all to see!

JLA: That's nice. It's not like Red Sox will be hanging anything new in their ballpark this year...

JM: What did you just say?

JLA: Nothing. OK gang, let's get ready for our matches! Joe, go find your Red Sox jersey! Howdy, Jeeves is going to drop you off at the Roboken junkyard, where you'll meet up with Nowhereman and Rimmer to fight for the Poon Title!

Howdy: Right!

JLA: And me...I've got to get ready to kick that old guy's punk ass!

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'Money for Nothing' plays, and Charlie makes his way to the ring,quite plainly feeling incredibly smug. He gets into the ring, mic in hand

Charlie: It's so good to be back, to look at the faces sat arpund this ring...and realise that I'm still richer, more successful and better looking than you'll ever be!

The crowd boo, still hating Charlie as much as before

Charlie: Y'know, I've travelled all over Japan, and beaten the best of the competition over there! I went to Europe, faced off against their best, and won! And I return to the US, and I'm put in a match against the biggest joke act in the RDCW? Me, the future of the RDCW, against a freak who makes monkey noises?

Now SPAMM, I'll admit we had a good thing going before the tour, and of course MisterJLA wants his time at the RDCW to start successfully, so why not put us in a match? Hell, I'm a businessman, I can see the sense in that. Just one thing, though: I'm not a cruel man, I don't want to end your career. And let's face it, if you step into that ring I'm gonna. So, I'm gonna step up and make you an offer you can't refuse: 1 million big ones, in return for your forfeiting our match tonight. I know you, you'll want to see the money before we go any farther, right?

Charlie motions, and Jeeves coems out from backstage carrying a briefcase, and opens it to reveal a million dollars

Monroe: Fans, that's the most money I've ever seen in onme place!

Charlie: So, SPAMM, I'm gonna leave this money in the ring, and you can come out and take it whenever you want. All you gotta do is forfeit our match. I know you're a smart guy, I know you'll take my money.

Rock and Roll All Nite' plays as the mWo makes their way down to ringside. The fans go nuts, glad to see their favourites back in the ring after so long. Charlie stand back and watches as the quartet make their way into the ring, pausing only to help ZOD disentangle himself from the ropes. SPAMM takes the mic

SPAMM: A million dollars? That's...well, more money than we've ever been paid, adding all our salaries together! And all I have to do is forfeit our match, you say?

Charlie nods, evidently expecting the mWo to take the deal

SPAMM: Well, Charlie, all I gotta say to that is...
Oh hell no!

Charlie looks shocked as the fans pop

SPAMM: You see, you were right when you described us as the biggwest joke act in the RDCW! But you forgot one thing! That makes us the biggest, best, most successful joke act in the history of wrestling!

We ain't a bunch of losers like D-Generation Monkey, we ain't cowards like the West Texas Monkeys or The Moonmonkeys, we ain't a bunch of overrated hacks like The Monkey Foundation, and we sure as heck ain't a bunch of sexcond-rate rip-offs like Planet Monkey!

Chevy Nova: BROTHER DOOD DADDY!

SPAMM: Yeah, I know, Chevy, I hated that gimmick too! So, you see, Charlie, you can just take that million, tear it up and stick it right up your candy ass!

ZOD: KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

SPAMM: The General's got that right! Charlie, you can take the message to all the boys in the RDCW! boys...WE'RE TAKING O-VER!

Rock and Roll All Nite plays, and the mWo pose in the ring as we go to commercial

Meanwhile, backstage...

JM walks up to an unmarked door and knocks on it. It opens to reveal PJP.

PJP: Hey Dave! Good to see you...what's up?

JM: Two things, Pete. First off, it's Joe Mama. The RDCW's back up and running, so we should probably go back to referring to each other by our wrasslin' names. PJP.

PJP: Right. Gotcha. we don't wanna be confusing the fans.

The pair look directly into the camera.

JM & PJP:

JM: I noticed you've given up the Eugene/George Steele routine...

PJP: Yeah. It's kinda played out. No more Eugene. And who remembers why I was acting that way in the first place? Besides you and me, of course. So tonight, it's just - PJP - coming to the ring. Anything else?

JM: Don't think so...actually, since you and I do have our match coming up, it'd probably be a good thing if we trash-talked each other. Y'know, for the fans.

PJP: Of course...you wanna do that now? You could grab an interviewer and I could run in and attack you during your spot...

JM: Naw, let's just take care of it now. If you've got the time, of course. I'd hate to disturb you if you're busy.

PJP: I've never too busy to please the fans! Am I the heel or the face?

JM: Beats me...I think this is just one of those "badass vs badass" matches...

Joe Mama and PJP take a moment to tap into their motivations - typical Stanislavsky Method of acting. They take a few deep breaths each, and then:

PJP: I WILL DESTROY YOU TONIGHT!

JM: YOU AND ME, PJP! ONE RING, TWO JERSEYS, AND A WHOLE LOTTA PAIN!!!

PJP: 1918! Babe Ruth! Alex Rodriguez! Red Sux!!!

JM: 2004! No titles this century, since hitting $100M in payroll! Chokees!!!

PJP: Six titles! We're the twenty-six time, twenty-six time, twenty-six time, twenty-six time...

JM: You're not REALLY gonna do that twenty-six times, are you?

PJP: Sorry, I got excited. Shall we brawl now?

JM: Looks like the refs are here...sure!

Joe Mama and PJP start trading punches, both men yelling and holding their ground. The refs give it a few moments, and then step in to break up the fight that spontaneously begain. Security runs in and gets involved, dragging the two competitors apart and off-camera...

JM (off-camera): Ooh! Coffee! Toss me a creamer...

PJP (off-camera): Could you pass me two Splenda?

Camera fades...

*Ichirin No Hana by High and Mighty Color plays and the Otaku return to the Cheesedome! They are all dressed us as Soul Reapers from Bleach.

Hiro:


Big Osaka Elvis:


Ramada:


Evil Wrestler Johnny:


They enter the ring, EWJ has a microphone.*

EWJ: As much as we enjoyed visiting Japan, it's great to be in front of our Cheesedome fans again! Sadly, though, there is some bad news. I am scheduled to team up with Grimm to defend our tag team titles, but Grimm never made it back from Japan. The last time he was seen he'd been playing pachinko for 36 straight hours.

Ramada: OH NO! THE POOR FANS WON'T GET TO SEE YOUR MATCH!

BOE: Oh, man!

Ramada: SEE? OSAKA AGREES WITH ME!

BOE: No, I've eaten the last of the gyoza!

*Hiro says nothing, but he smiles enigmatically.*

EWJ: Actually, I've managed to arrange it so the match will still take place. One of the Otaku will take Grimm's place. Now, I'm sure you're expecting me to draw out the suspense by waiting until the match, but I think the fans have waited long enough. So, my partner in tonight's match will be...

*The camera flashes to Hiro (who is still smiling enigmatically) and BOE (who is vainly searching the take out box for a potsticker he may have missed.)*

...the newest member of the Otaku, Shinigami!

*Ichirin No Hana by High and Mighty Color plays again and someone else enters, he's dressed as a Soul Reaper as well and he looks EXACTLY LIKE GRIMM.*

EWJ: Now, I know what you're thinking, but this man is not Grimm. Grimm never came back from Japan. Shinigami may look and move and talk like Grimm, but he is a different person.

Shinigami: Yes, I cannot emphasize enough that I'm not Grimm.

Ramada: HE SURE ISN'T!

BOE: Hey, Gri...er...Shinigami, did you bring any gyoza?

*Hiro smiles enigmatically.*

EWJ: So tonight, we will successfully defend our titles and add a new one to our collection! You don't have a chance against me and my partner Shinigami, who isn't Grimm.

Shinigami: No, clearly not.

*and we cut to an ad for Big Osaka Elvis brand frozen dinners.*

HAVAK results!

First EVAR Baseball Jersey Match...

PJP VS Joe Mama:

Recap written by Joe Mama: COMING SOON!

Grudge Match...

Charlie vs SPAMM:

Recap: COMING SOON!

Hardcore Poon Championship Junkyard Triple Threat..

Captain Howdy(c) vs Nowhereman vs Arnold Judas Rimmer!

A shiny black limo pulls up to the entrance of the Roboken Junkyard. The limo is clearly out of place amid the trashy surroundings.

Allied Powers' butler Jeeves gets out of the limo, walks to the back, and opens the door for Hardcore Porn Champion Captain Howdy. Howdy walks out with his belt in his hands and gives it to Jeeves.

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Howdy: I'll be back for this in a minute! Where are those wankers?

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A loud crash is then heard, and the camera focuses on Nowhereman and Rimmer who have already begun their brawl!

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Howdy: Those blokes didn't wait for me! Bollocks!

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Howdy runs over, and enters the fray!

The three enemies fight back and forth for 20 minutes, using what the junkyard has as weapons...everything from pieces of wood, to tires, to other junk, until Howdy drags Rimmer over to The IV's limo after stunning Nowhereman with a trash can to the dome!

He grabs Rimmer by the throat, and chokeslams him onto the limo's hood, caving it in!

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Monroe: HOWDY SLAM! HOWDY SLAM! HOWDY SLAM!

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Guest referee Wednesday makes the three count as Nowhereman helplessly looks on!

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Jeeves: Congratulations, sir, but I fear MisterJLA will be quite perturbed by the condition of our limousine!

Captain Howdy: FUCK him!

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World Tag Titles vs IC/ or Y Division Title





Grimm/Johnny Evil (Tag Champions) vs. Captain Sammitch (IC Champion)/Jeremy (Y Division Champion)

Recap written by Johnny Evil and Captain Sammitch: COMING SOON!

World Heavyweight Championship...

MisterJLA (c) vs Kristogar Velo

With Velo waiting in the ring, Rob's Damn Killer Instinct Rip Off Theme Music booms over the Cheesedome speakers!

JLA heads for the ring, with Joe Mama by his side...

Quote:

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JLA: You sure you want to be my corner man? It looks like PJP took a lot out of you during your match. If you want to sit this one out...

Joe Mama: Neah. I'm up to the "challenge".

JLA:

Joe Mama:

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The match soon begins, and JLA clowns Velo immediately. A mere five minutes into the match, JLA signals for Joe to jump up onto the ring apron, so Joe can distract the ref, while JLA kicks Velo in the balls with his "Final Justice" finisher...but Joe stands defiantly, with his arms folded.

Quote:

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JLA: What the FUCK are you doing???

Joe Mama: Testing you. I want to see if you can win this one without your finisher!

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As the two argue, Velo jumps JLA from behind, and attempts to roll him up.

Somehow, JLA reverses the roll up attempt, and captues Velo in his dreaded "Justice Lock of America"!



Velo taps out instantly, and JLA retains the title.

Joe Mama calmly walks over to the announcer's table, and picks up the World Title. He looks at it for a moment, and then enters the ring and fastens it around JLA's waist.

Quote:

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Joe Mama: Nicely played. See what happens when you're pushed? You turned a pin attempt against you, into a nice...

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JLA shoots JM a dirty look.

Quote:

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JM: <sigh> A NOICE submission hold to end the match. I think I'm going to have to challenge you some more...

JLA:

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Captain Howdy is about to enter the limo & leave but Nowhereman miraculously finds a microphone somewhere in the junkyard

NM:"Hold your horses you wanker!"

Cap turns to see what the cunt wants

NM:"Now as you may remember, I said I had a little anouncement to make after my match, and I want you to relay this back to that cock-monger JLA!"

NM gives Rimmer a quick kick to the groin as he lays on the floor holding his head

NM:"Heh!.....Anyway, before I make my anouncement, I want you to ask you a question Crapstain!"

Cap:"What now you fuck nut?"

NM:"I want you to think back to when you first signed to RDCW........who did you do all the negotiations with?"

Cap:"You fucking well know who it was!"

NM:"Yes, but lets just pretend I dont.........just humour me!"

Cap:"You fucking did all the negotiations, prat!"

NM:"Ah yeah, I remember it like yesterday!"

NM looks down at Rimmer, and lifts his head

NM:"And who negotiated your deal?"

Rimmer just makes gurgling noises & feebly points at NM

NM:"Thats right, that was me as well wasnt it!"

NM forcibly drops Rimmers head & laughs to himself again

NM:"Now, I want MisterGayLA, Joan Mammary, Johnny Notevil, Captain Summbitch, Chewy Wornarse & all the other *ahem* stars of RDCW to think about who actually negotiated their contracts!"

Cap:"Fuck!"

NM:"Oh yeah, I think you've just worked it out aint ya old boy!"

Cap throws the belt into the back of the car & picks up a cell phone & starts dialling MisterJLA's ofise

NM:"Yup, ya see when we started this little thing called the RDCW, it took the combined resources of no less than three people to get it off the ground. Rob put up most of the money, secured tv rights & such forth, where as I brought not only my expertise in the ring, but a sizable roster from the old Evil Cunt Wrestling promotion. From the moment RDCW started, Rob owned the promotion.......its true, but he never owned the contracts, that was my little part of the original deal. That means all you wrestlers, and even you GayLA, are actually owned by me.
Now if you check out the original documents drawn up by the founders, you will see that to make sure no one person could ever have ultimate power, nobody could own everything, and even if they sold.....or lost, their controlling interest, the new partner could not take control of any of the other controlling interests.
If you dont believe me, check the smallprint on the documents you n Rob signed when he handed over his shares!

Now you might think that you can just wait for the old contracts to run out, and just issue your own, but that cant happen.
If you want anyone to wrestle in the RDCW, the only man they can deal with for a new contract is yours truly!
Oh they can sign contracts with you if they wanna be......oh say, a cleaner or a concession man, but if they,and you wanna wrestle, then I am the man to see!

Oh of course there is one other thing you dont own, but I think I'll let you try to work that out yourself, of course the guy who owns that will prolly let you know sooner or later.......lets leave it like that shall we!"

NM throws the mic into Rimmers groin, punches the camerman in the head & walks off over the top of the limo

PJP vs Joe Mama

Both men gave the fans one hell of a showing, dishing out as much punishment as they took. PJP delivered a piledriver that he was sure would finish off the IV's founder and, with a shout of "27 to 6, Big Douchie!!!", climbed the ladder to claim his A-Rod jersey and the victory. But Joe Mama was not to be denied. He rushed up the ladder behind PJP, slid under him, and growling "2004, you cunt!!!", used an East Coast Hammer to drive PJP's head from the top of the ladder to the mat. Moments later, Joe Mama had his Ortiz jersey on and "Faded" blasted the CheeseDome.

Evil Wrestler Johnny and Grimm, er, Shinigami vs Captain Sammitch and Jeremy

The match proved hard for one official to call, so another one was called in to help out. This lead to an unusual ending as EWJ pinned Jeremy being pinned by Captain Sammitch at the same time. One official counted EWJ out as Captain Sammitch had him pinned, but the other official counted out Jeremy because EWJ had his leg on Jeremy who was laying on the mat unconscious.

Due to the stipulations of the match, Jeremy and Captain Sammitch gained the tag team titles while EWJ became the Y Division champ.

Charlie vs SPAMM: Grudge Match

Charlie wins! Recap by Charlie: COMING NEVER!

Fin!