RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW Havok-Stairway to Hell

Monroe: Fans, last week our GM, Doc Paragon dropped a bombshell! Tonight we will have a six man Stairway to Hell match and the winner will receive a World Title shot!

MarcuM: It's gonna be AWESHOME!!!!!!!!!!!

Monroe: The participants are as follows: Big Pimp Tim, Krazed, Ghost Hog, Grimm, Charlie, and Captain Sammitch!

MarcuM: My money's on Tim! No, Krazed! No, the Million $ Pitbull!

Monroe: We also have Chewy Walrus and Killconey in tag action against the MWO, and King Snarf goes one on one with Spandex Monkey Man! It's Havok!!!!!!!!!!!

Tag Match
Chewy & Killconey
vs.
Monkey World Order

Singles Match
King Snarf
vs.
Spandex Monkey Man

Stairway to Hell
Competitors: Krazed, BPT, Grimm, Ghost Hog, Charlie, Captain Sammitch
Da Rules: Three ladders will be at ringside. Three weapons will be hanging from the ceiling. The competitors who grab the weapons will be able to use them. Also hanging from the ceiling will be a World title match contract. The competitor who grabs the contract will win the match and get the title shot!

<Shot of the Cheesedome backstage. A number of RDCW superstars are milling about, variously occupied, but none are making their way toward the ramp. Chewy Walrus and Killconey are at a card table - playing Magic: The Gathering of course...>

Killconey: Dude, nobody's goin' out there.

Chewy Walrus:

KC: This is fucked up, dude. Seriously.

CW: ...

KC: Well check it out. <The camera follows Killconey's pointing finger...> Joe Mama's lighting candles on his Ted Williams shrine again. Big Pimp Tim and Krazed are ogling the chicks in that issue of Low Rider magazine. Charlie's been ogling himself in the mirror for the past fifteen minutes. And Snarf's singing 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' into a hairbrush.

CW:

KC: Yeah, I dunno why he's got one of those either. But dude, there's like fifty thousand people out there...

CW:

KC: There's like twenty thousand people out there...

CW:

KC: Fine. There's like seventy-three hundred people Rob gave free Wii T-shirts to out there waiting to hear from some RDCW superstars. Dude, we are those superstars.

CW:

<The two get up from the table and head down the ramp, and are met with thunderous applause. Entering the ring, Killconey accepts a microphone from James White and addresses the crowd...>

KC: What up bitches?

<Massive pops from the crowd...>

KC: My colleague the esteemed Chewy Walrus and myself would like to welcome you all to the muthafuckin' Cheesedome!!! Tonight, we are gonna square off against... the Monkey World Order! Now I know what you're all thinking - easy victory for such unparalleled competitors as us - but let's not get ahead of ourselves. Crucial to unraveling this tangled web of a match is the answer to one vital question... Who the hell names their team the Monkey World Order?

CW:

<Laughs from the crowd...>

KC: Well, tonight, that very person is faced with the monumental challenge posed by one King Snarf.

CW:

KC: Yeah, major pressure there, Spandex Dude. Or whatever your name was. Anyway, after we've broken in the ring by knocking the MWO around, and after the Queen stretches out some Spandex...




CW:

KC: Dude, that didn't sound right, did it?

CW:

<More laughs from the crowd...>

KC: Yeah, after all that, you're gonna get to see what you all came to stick around for after seeing us... the Stairway to Hell!

<Pops from the crowd...>

KC: Six competitors will be beating the living shit out of each other. Three of them will have weapons. The other three will be S-O-fuckin'-L. We know you may have come here to cheer for different people here and there. We know we're probably not gonna change your minds about that. But we also know that you'd better not count out the Cap'n!

<Huge pops from the crowd...>

KC: One way or the other, tonight's show is gonna be apeshit crazy! So stay in your seats and enjoy the ride, muthafuckas! Poice!

<The two head back up the ramp amid thunderous applause and exit the arena. Fade to black...>

<"Come with Me" begins to play to the delight of the fans. Out walks Krazed. He makes his way to the center ring. He points out fans holding up chairs with the names "Grimm and The Enforcer" crossed out. Picking up the microphone he starts to talk to the crowd>:

Krazed: How the fuck is everyone tonight?!

<screams from the crowd>

K: I want to apologize to you folks. Last week me and BPT couldnt get the job done for ya. Ive got to give credit where credit is do I guess. Those two old bastards really held there own out there. But thats okay. Im' young and I've got time to learn. What do JM and Grimm have? Well I'm sure those social security checks will be coming in any day now...

<crowd laughs>


K: Well I just wanted to say that even though I let you guys down last week, I plan on making sure you are not disapointed this time.

<He turns and looks straight at the camera>

K: And to you Enforcer...I want you to pay special attention to this six-way match tonight. Find yourself a nice comfy spot, maybe grab some popcorn backstage and enjoy the show. There may be some surprises for ya


<Krazed drops the microphone as his music starts up again. He heads back up the ramp and dissapears backstage.>

Mike Monroe: I'm here with current Heavyweight Cheese Champion, Joe Mama. Joe, before we discuss tonight's main event. I wanted to ask you your thoughts on the two other matches tonight...

JM: There are other matches tonight?

MM: Well, yeah, champ. A tag match between Chewy & Killconey...

JM: Two irrelevant non-entities riding the coattails of a wrestler too nice to shuck them off.

MM: ...versus the Monkey World Order.

JM: Comic relief to shut the children up for five minutes while their parents drink their beers.

MM: What do you think of the singles match between King Snarf and Spandex Monkey Man?

JM: There are absolutely no championship implications there, so I could honestly care less.

MM: Well, then. Moving on to tonight's main event...what do you think of type of match?

JM: Frankly, I couldn't be happier at the decision to make it a Stairway To Hell Match. A brutal match designed to separate the pretenders from the contenders. Whoever survives this match, in my mind, deserves the chance to have me finish the job this match is designed to start. I'll be taking Krazed's advice and be watching this match very closely.

MM: Speaking of Krazed, and the other participants, who do you think stands the best chance of winning tonight?

JM: Let's look at this match and the participants. Eliminate Captain Sammitch from consideration - he's way to nice, and thinks way too much about the fans' opinions, to do what it takes to win this style match. Put him in a match, one on one, and he excels. But to win a match as brutal and cutthroat as Stairway To Hell requires a deviousness and will to win at all costs that Sammitch can't muster.

Move on to Ghost Hog. Now, everyone knows that sumbitch is crazy. And everyone knows that he's willing to risk life and limb to win this match. But does he have the desire? Is he going in the ring looking to become Champion, or just to get revenge against the West Side Connection? Irony may be a dish best served cold, but revenge won't lead to a shot at the Big Cheese Title.

Charlie is a solid competitor. I'd love to see him win this match, as I always thought of him as a worthy successor, both to my title as The Enforcer and to my legacy as the greatest wrestler the RDCW has seen. But he's not there yet. He has skills, but no focus. He has ruthlessness, but no identity of his own. Simply put, he's not ready to put the RDCW on his shoulders and carry it to the next level as its Champion. He's like a child trying on his father's clothes and acting like an adult, as that suit he's been wearing clearly shows. When he's ready, he'll get his shot. And the other competitors better keep him in mind tonight. But he's not winning this match.

The West Side Connection is good enough to be in this match, and ruthless enough to win it. But they actually have two weaknesses. One, Ghost Hog and Grimm want to end their careers. When you've got that type of grudge bearing down on you, you better have more than your usual A-game. Two, what happens if it comes down to Krazed versus Big Pimp Tim? Does one job out to the other, and how does he look himself in the mirror after giving up a crack at the gold? Or do they say "fuck it" and throw down, even at the cost of their alliance, which they both seem to need? Sure, they both want a measure of revenge against yours truly for the heapin' helping of embarrassment they got served last week. But do either of them have the stones to go for that contract, even if it means running over the other?

Which brings us to Grimm. Grimm, who has the ability to win this match. Grimm, who would crush his own mother, your mother, my mother, and every fan in the building to get this title belt around his waist. Grimm, who owes no allegiance to ANYBODY, no matter what you've seen from us these past few weeks - despite a certain someone's actions that keep this team alive. Out of all the competitors, Grimm stands the best chance of coming out of the Stairway To Hell with a title match against The Enforcer. Mark him as your favorite.

MM: So you think Grimm will win, even though you like Charlie best?

JM: Monroe, I don't honestly care who wins! I just want a challenge! I want someone to step up, win this match, and show me that someone in this damn promotion has the stones to try and take what is mine! You asked me about a ridiculous tag match and a singles match that'll serve to get the concession stands some customers. I don't care about those matches! I want someone to challenge me for my Big Cheese Heavyweight Title and I want that match three weeks ago! So who's it gonna be? Sammitch? Charlie? Ghost Hog? Big Pimp Tim? Krazed? Grimm? Which of you has the guts and the BALLS...

JM takes the Big Cheese Belt off his shoulder and holds it forward.

JM: ...to take this away from me? It's go time, gentlemen. Time for you all to man up or shut up!

MM: Strong words from the Champion! Let's get back to ringside!

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<another one bites the dust plays thru the cheese dome and bpt steps out, mic in hand>


<starts to speak, stops eyeing the crowd as they cheer>

bpt: what the hell are you cheering for? you saw last week. bullshit!
this six man, bullshit. you think i give a damn? punk ass' going over. ghost hog hog going over. grimm. over. shwartz. them legs, over. my shoulders. after the match.


<now smiling into the crowd>

i don't give a shit about this match. krazed can have it. i don't want the title, what i want is revenge. name the place jm, name the time. keep your title safe jm, your security blanket, cause i don't want it. i will beat your ass, i will throw your ass over the top rope, then i will toss the cheese title to you. asleep, unconscious call it what you want after, i know you'll rest easier huggin it on outside the ring. punkass.

you think your safe cause i don't want the title maybe i won't try so hard? charlie, grimm, sammitch? no, your all just on borrowed time. i will warm up for jm by tossing you out.


<tossing the mic down the ramp bpt walks leaves>

*An explosion lights up the entranceway as flames go off in the Cheesedome.

Monroe: Oh my!

MarcuM: It's the terrorists! We've been hijacked!

Monroe: Get back up here, you moron!

*"Lords of Salem" plays as Grimm heads out onto the entrqanceway, mic in hand. The flames begin to die down as Grimm readies himself to speak.

G: I am the Devil. . .

*The crowd goes wild in anticipation. . .

G:. . .and I am severely disappointed with the so-called RDCW superstars tonight!

*A hush goes over the crowd as Grimm continues.

G: I remember a time when people beg, fought, screamed, and bleed just for a spot on Havok!!!!!! A time when we fought like dogs just for a chance to get a match!! Any match! Against anybody! It didn't matter!

*The crowd explodes. They remember too as the "RDCW!" chants begin!

G: I remember a time when we didn't have enough room on the cards to fit people on a two hour show!

Monroe: Do you remember that, Madman?

MarcuM: I sure do!

G: So I arrive here tonight for the Stairway to Hell match, ready, willing, and able to finish what we started last week, and what do I find?

Crowd: What?!

G: Don't start that.

Crowd: What?!

G: I said don't. It's really fucking annoying. What I find is a locker room full of gutless pansies!! I look around. King Snarf likes to say he's the greatest RDCW Champion ever. Excuse me "greatest RDCW Champion" but maybe you should stop working on your American Idol audition tapes and concentrate more on winning matches! We've got unfinished business, Snarf. I haven't forgotten. The clock is ticking for you.

What else do I see? I see Captain Sammitch wringing his hands in nervous anticipation of the carnage that will happen tonight. Sammitch, it's time for you to man up! You've always said you wanted the belt. Prove it. Step up and fight for it with everything you've got. Let's see if you've got the testicular fortitude.

Who else did I see? I saw Spandex Monkey Man trying to figure out which way his mask goes on before he and his little playmates got lost in the basement!

I saw Charlie, the so-called Million & Pitbull sitting around counting Monopoly money and attempting to tell one of our interns how great he is! A little piece of advice, Charlie. You can't talk or buy your way out of this match tonight. Just like Sammitch, it's time for you step up or step off.

I didn't see Ghost Hog. In fact, no one's seen him since last week. Maybe he's still playing bondage games with Jeremy!

*The crowd and Monroe laugh at this.

MarcuM: That's fucked up. That ain't right.

G: Which brings me to the West Side Rollers. They got just a little bit of a taste of payback last week. All of a sudden, they don't wanna play no more! All of a sudden, they don't care about redecorating or making silly little movies! All of a sudden, they don't care about the Stairway to Hell! What's the matter, boys? Don't have the stones to finish what you've started? Don't worry, your old buddy Grimm gonna take you down the last mile. Once you've sold your soul to the devil, you can't buy it back.

*Crowd starts to cheer as Grimm shakes his head no.

G: Don't cheer. Don't cheer for what I'm about to do tonight. For it will be nothing short of illegal. Blood will spray. Bones will break. Skulls will be crushed.

I just have one final piece to say tonight. Joe Mama, do not tempt me. You know better than anyone what I am capable of when I set my sights on something. You know that I can take that belt that you hold in such high regard away from you any time I want to.

When the time comes, you and I will finish what we started once and for all. Only one of us will walk away on that day. But right now. . .

*Grimm pauses and looks towards the back for a moment.

MarcuM: Right now what? What, dammit?!

Monroe: Shush!

*Grimm turns back towards the crowd and resumes his thought.

G: Right now there's someone keeping that from happening. So you enjoy holding onto that belt and lording it over the rest of these jabronis while you can. Because I have my sights set on other prey tonight.

* Grimm throws down the mic and it explodes as the fire reignites. The fire slowly dies back down to reveal Grimm has vanished.

Monroe: Who is he talking about, Madman? Who could possibly keep those two from killing each other long enough to co exist?

MarcuM: I don't know, but it's got to be someone with a lot of power!

*Fade to commercial*

As we come back from commercial, Charlie is standing i nthe ring, mic in hand

Charlie: Tonight, I've finally got a chance to get a world title shot. 'Bout damn time is all I can say.

But there's just one problem. Stairway To Hell. Five other guys in there with me. It's gonna be a vicious bloodbath of a match, and chances are, nobody's gonna walk away from this unscathed. And You know what I say to that? Bring it f@ckin' on, bitches!

Monroe: Tough words from the Pitbull!

Charlie: I don't care how many people I have to go through to get that belt! Grimm, Ghost Hog, Sammitch, I don't care who gets in my way, I'll roll my way through them all. The Big Cheese Belt belongs around my waist, and I promise you that it's gonna happen!

Charlie pauses, and calms down

Charlie: However, I'm not an idiot. I know a lot of the guys back there are probably a little nervous about this match. It's understandable. I mean, take Grimm for example. He's been in this business for, what? 15, 16 years? And after all the carnage hes been through, I'm betting you're feeling your age, huh? Like I said, it's understandable. So, I'm gonna be generous, and throw out an offer. Anyone who wants to, can come out here and forfeit their spot in the match, and get a chance to walk away intact.

Now, like I said, I'm not an idiot, I know how much of a wrench it would be to walk away from a title shot, even if you have to go through Stairway to Hell to get it. So, I'm willing to write out a cheque, a good one, for One Million George Washington's, to anyone who comes out here and asks, if they're willing to forfeit that match. So guys, what's it gonna be?

Charlie stands in the ring, waiting

*Suicidal tendencies breaks over the loudspeaker...

Ghost Hog walks onto the ramp (pulling J behind him tied to a metal chair) and into the ring grabbing a mic along the way, and leaving J at ringside.

MM: Hmmm, there's J. Ghost Hog appears to have finally showed up. What's with all that white smoke....Hah, I think he's been doing something illegal backstage-if ya know what I mean.

Ghost Hog cracks his neck and begins pacing around Charlie..Charlie stands looking unimpressed, and slides his finger and thumb together in the universal payout sign...

GH: Charlieeeeeeee. Charlieeeee The Chihuahua. Aaaarfff, arrrffff. Charlie, let me tell you something. Phausen Entertainment LLC doesn't pay all that much so I could definitely use the money, but you have one thing working against you with your bribe. One minor teensy little thing you forgot. You forgot one thing-no two things. I hate you, Charlie, and I don't respect you. Not only do I hate you, but I hate The Pimp, I hate Krazed, I even hate my former master Grimm-frankly, I hate you all.

MM: He hates everything.

GH: When I came back recently I got sidetracked week one. Week one I got handed a reality check- or cheque as you Canadians call it ---Charrllliiieee. I don't need your check, Chihuahua. We are all gonna send you a reality check-I know you Canadians like hockey. I'm not a fan, but I know there's body checking in there somewhere---no Charlieeee, it's not the type of man body checking you do after a night at the Blue moon cafe -I'm talking violence. Charlie, are you Canadian or Mexican I forget these little details.

Ghost Hog pauses as Charlie looks pissed and ready to start some furious action...

MM: Charlie's about to go mad and be an attack dog on the hog...

GH: Now, now Charlie there will be time for that later you have checks to write. I just wanted to remind you that most of us won't take your bribe. I can smell your fear Charlie, and I hope you can see my hate. The hate raging inside me-boiling to the top ready to explode. Charlie remember this- I'm full of hate, and you're full of shit (bleep) Charlie.

goes to leave, and turns...

GH: Ohhh, and one last thing. I'm coming for you you Big Puss Tim. I'm coming for you and then the contract. Tim, your Back Side Rollers can't protect you. I'll go through Charlie, JM, Grimm---whoever. I hate you all, but I hate you more. I might hate you more than I love the belt. The belt is just an idea---a validation of your talent. Well, I'm talented at violence and pain, and I don't need a belt to remind me of that. I'm done with your boyfriend you can have him back.

*GH Slams the mic and flips off Charlie as he exits the ring...Charlie gives a slight chase and thinks better of it. Charlie gives a cocky wink to the crowd and a sly look of pity to Ghost Hog and waves bye bye to Ghost hog.

Charlie: Come back when you grow some, piglet. Anybody else have anything important to say? I don't wanna hear it. Come on out if you wanna see some of the sweet, sweet money---my pen is waittinnggg....Oh,would somebody please help poor J down there.

MM: That was just plain weird...as always.

Exit....

Backstage in Joe Mama's locker room, the Champion is sitting back, watching the matches and the in-ring promos. He has a wide grin on his face.

JM: Are you watching this? Looks like Big Pimp Tim took last week a bit personally - now he wants revenge and does care about the match and blah blah wah! Lookit me! I'm Big Pimp Tim: !!! Christ, you'd think I humbled him like the Iron Sheik instead of just using his own signature move on him!

Meanwhile, Charlie wants to pay people off to not beat him up, Ghost Hog is full of emo-hate...hell, Grimm's the only one with his head in the game! Has this whole promotion lost its collective mind? Maybe Grimm SHOULD win! Maybe me and Grimm need to dissolve this little alliance, beat the hell outta each other, and show this pitiful excuse for a roster how things are done properly.

JM looks off-camera...

JM: Can this charade of an alliance finally be given its proper send-off?

From off-camera comes a very familiar voice...

OC: No, Joseph. It can't. The time isn't right yet. Neither of you are ready.

JM: Not ready? Bullshit! I'm chomping at the friggin' bit here! Grimm's the only guy with any chance of giving me the match that I damn well want and damn well deserve!

OC: Your hunger is your weakness. You are too eager. And Grimm lacks focus. Neither of you are ready for the match that you desire. For now, you stay together. This alliance holds until I say it ends. Focus on the business at hand. Tonight's match and it's implications...

JM: As long as you understand that this arrangement is strictly business. All things being equal, Grimm and I should be destroying each other right now. It's only what little remaining loyalty I have to you that keeps me from ending his run in this promotion. And, right now, I'm wondering if that shred of loyalty hasn't been used up. Frankly, I'm wondering why you're not recruiting the West Side Connection or Charlie...seems like they'd be more your type.

OC: Joseph, you wound me. You know I have an eye for greatness. And you and Grimm are the best this promotion has to offer. Believe me, you'll get your chance to end each other. But, for now, you will continue to work together. Maybe even look out for each other. Then, once the weak have been culled...at the right time, this alliance will end. Trust me. A little faith...

JM's eyes narrow. He turns back to the monitor.

JM: For now. But this ends sooner rather than later. I don't care who you are. This alliance WILL end, one way or the other...

A hand reaches out from off-camera and rests on JM's shoulder. JM flinches a bit from it. He does not look at it or the person...

OC: Soon, Joseph. Very soon you and Grimm will resolve your feud. The time of reckoning is nearer than you think...

Cut back to Monroe and Marcum, both of whom have shocked looks on their faces.

Marcum:

Monroe: Is that...who I thought it was?

Marcum: ...

Monroe: If that's who I think it was, what does this mean for Grimm and Joe Mama? What does this mean for the RDCW???

Marcum:

Backstage, James Fantastic is watching a monitor of the in-ring action, when Ryan brusts in, twitching like a hyper lunatic

RF: Hey, Jimmy! Howzitgoin?

JF: Hey, Ryan. Just getting a look at the competition before next week.

RF: AWESOME! Didja get us the match? Didja? Dija?!!!

JF: We've been through this. I talked to the Doc, and we might get a match, if there's a spot for us.

RF: Cool! Who'dya think they'll put us up against, huh? Do ya think we'll get Joe Mama! Ihopeso! We could take him, huh, jimmy?

JF: Whoah there Ryan! We're pretty good, but this is Joe Mama we're talking about. Plus, that leads into facing off against Grimm, and we both remember his record.

RF: Oh HELL yeah! Man, I c'n remember the Hellions in ECW! They fuckin' ruled, man! Fuckin' RULED!

JF: Exactamundo. Right now, we keep our heads down and work on building up your experience. And if we should happen by any tag titles, well...

RF: We grab 'em! Oh man, this is gonna be so frickin' awesome! R-D-C-FUCKIN'-W!

Ryan heads out again, and James watches him go, bemused

<As Charlie stands impatiently in the middle of the ring, the guitar hook from Boston's 'Peace of Mind' blares throughout the Cheesedome. The crowd leaps to its feet as Captain Sammitch makes his way down the ramp...>

Monroe: I was beginning to wonder if he'd show up or not!

Marcum: Who cares? Sammitch isn't even a contender!

<Sammitch makes his way to the apron. Grabbing a microphone, he begins slowly walking around the ring as he speaks...>

Captain Sammitch: Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. Been a while, bro. <Charlie tenses...> Relax, pal, I didn't come down here to throw down just yet. If I were here to kick your ass, it most likely would have already been thoroughly kicked by now.

Monroe: Whoa!

Marcum: All talk, as usual...

CS: Y’see, Charlie, I’m not especially interested in your offer of a bribe. One, because I don’t really believe you’ve got the disposable income to just cut a check on the spot. Two, because I firmly believe you don’t have what it takes to go through all of us.

Marcum: How can he underestimate the Million Dollar Pitbull?

CS: Okay, okay, I’ll spot you Tim and Krazed. I mean, come on… <Laughs from the crowd> Nothing personal, guys. But anyway, anyway, three, if you think that any competitor of the caliber of myself or THE MONSTER GRIMM is gonna punk out of a title shot for ANY amount of money, you don’t know us very well, and you don’t have a very good handle on what this competition is all about. <Charlie clenches his fists…> Which suggests to me that you really need to be taught. Because even if you do have the money to try and buy us off, you’re still letting your mouth write a check that your fists can’t cash.

<A furious Charlie slides out of the ring and glares at Sammitch from across the apron, contemplating whether or not to go after him…>

CS: You don’t wanna, Charlie. I mean you’re good. But think about it. Save it for the match. You’ll need it.

<Charlie thinks a moment, then turns and storms up the ramp, glaring back at Sammitch as Sammitch enters the ring…>

CS: Good evening, everyone. I’d just like to take a moment of your time to correct some of the misapprehensions I’ve picked up on from my opponents. It seems my friend Joe Mama is offering a title shot to the winner of this match, and his money’s on Grimm. Not a bad choice, not at all. But, Joe, if you think I don’t have what it takes to walk out of this match tonight with that title shot, you haven’t been paying attention very well. You’re looking at a two-time hardcore champion, a former lightweight champion, Eurotrash champion, Inter-Cunt-Inental champion, and a tag champion several times over. Let me remind you of that.

Monroe: Captain Sammitch is pulling no punches tonight!

CS: There’s only one title missing from my collection. And I think it’s time I rectified that. Not just for me, but for all these people out here who have supported me for so long. You say I won’t fight dirty in front of the fans. You might be right about that. But I sure as hell am NOT about to let these fans down! Just because you rely on cheap shots and low blows to win titles doesn’t mean I can’t win without them. But I’ll let you find that out for yourself another night.

Marcum: Keep diggin’, Sammitch! It’s getting’ deep!

CS: And now a few words for the guys I will be facing tonight. Tim, Krazed, like I said before, I’ve got nothing personal against you guys. Any other time we might all be able to be buddies. But tonight, there’s a title shot on the line, and while I don’t dislike you, if you get between me and that title shot, I won’t hesitate to do what I have to in order to remove you from the equation.

Charlie, I’ve already told you what I think. Joe said it himself – you’ve got some natural talent and you’ve shown a lotta promise. But as one former hardcore champ to another, it’s one thing to go mano a mano with one other guy in the ring with a weapon in your hand. This match, the Stairway to Hell, promises to make the toughest hardcore match of your career look like a cakewalk. You offered to buy us off. I’ll call your bluff. Are you sure you’ve got what it takes to come out of this match with that title shot? It’s not too late for you to bow out.

Ghost Hog, you’ve shown yourself to be a crazy bastard and one tough sonofabitch. One might even go so far as to call you a Warrior of Pain. But tough and crazy will only get you so far without a game plan. Will the pain and devastation in everything you destroy be enough to satisfy you if you’re not willing to create opportunity from them? I can’t answer that for you. But I can tell you that I do know what I want, and everyone else in this match is after it too. You say you’re talented at violence and pain. Congratulations. You’re qualified to be in this match. But beyond that, all your spooky talk isn’t about to dissuade me from what I came here to do. Do your worst; I would be disappointed with anything less. Just don’t expect me to back down.

And that leaves only Grimm. The monster Grimm. I’d be foolish to anticipate anything but hellish and brutal violence, sharing this ring with you. I’ve seen what you’re capable of, and I’ve experienced what you’re capable of dishing out. But know this. I’m here for a chance at the title, for me and for all these fans. I can’t – I won’t – stop until either I win the match and the title shot or until I’ve got absolutely nothing left to give. That’s what you’re up against. I have a lot of respect for what you can do, but I’m not afraid of you. If it comes down to you and me, you may be in for a surprise.

<Pops from the crowd, some of whom begin chanting Sammitch’s name…>

CS: I’m done talking. But you’ll hear – and see – plenty more from me before tonight’s over. And all of you… <Sammitch points a finger into the crowd, then sweeps around to encompass the whole of the Cheesedome crowd…> can expect nothing short of sheer Havok!

<The crowd erupts as Sammitch exits the ring and makes his way up the ramp and out of the arena…>

Monroe: Captain Sammitch was intent on having the last word, and did he ever make use of it! The gauntlet has been thrown down, and it looks like we’ll be in for a spectacular main event tonight!

<Fade to black…>

Tag Match

Chewy Walrus & Killconey w/Sweet Marlene

vs.

Monkey World Order

The MWO hit the ring first and begin their usual antics with Chevy Nova taking the mic while Zod and Syxxty-Nine do their usual shtick.

Nova: "Brotherbrotherbrotherbrotherdudedaddybrotherdude!

Monroe: What did he just say?

MarcuM: If you have to ask, you'll never know!

Nova: All my little Novamaniacs out there, dudebrotherdaddydude! Take your prayers, Say your vitamins, and don't do school, brotherdude!

Nova is interrupted as "TNT" begins to play and Chewy, KC, and Marlene make their way down to the ring. They hit the ring and a brief staredown ensues. Chevy Nova goes to hit Chewy with the mic, but it has no effect! Nova drops to his knees, begging for mercy as Chewy looks to the crowd.

Chewy goes to pick Nova up, but Nova hits a lowblow on the Walrus! Chevy Nova continues to wear down Chewy Walrus with a combination of weak right-hands and tired catchphrases. Eventually, Chewy tags Killconey in, and Zod blind-tags himself into the match.

Marcum: I think Chevy Nova wanted a bigger piece of Chewy Walrus!

Monroe: Or maybe a chance to strike a few more poses...

The two unhinged opponents face off against each other, and the crowd is eager to see who'll make the craziest, most desperate move. Surprisingly, both stick to conventional attacks, which soon bog down into a stalemate between two tired wrestlers...

Monroe: This could go on forever...

Marcum: Great! Now I can hear more of Chevy Nova's wit and wisdom!

Monroe:

Zod traps KC in the corner, where after a few kicks, the Jay look a like slumps to the mat! Syxxty-Nine slides into the ring and gets ready to deliver a bronco buster!

KC realizes what she's up to and a big smile comes across his face. He signals for her to bring it on, but Sweet Marlene draws his attention from outside the ring. Sternly shaking her head and frowning at KC.

KC:

Killconey gets up out of the corner as a dejected looking Syxxty-Nine steps out of the ring.

Zod tags Chevy Nova back in, and the smaller man quickly sends the Killconey to the mat, then without delay launches into... THE ATOMIC LEG DROP!!!

Marcum: Look out! It's the ATOMIC LEG DROP!!!

Monroe: The horror...

Chevy Nova bounces off of two... then three ropes... then four... then five...

Chevy Nova: Yeah, brother!

Chevy is so enthralled with his finisher that he barely notices Killconey dusting himself off, heading to his corner, and tagging in Chewy Walrus. Chevy Nova bounces off his eleventh and final rope... and charges headlong into a Walrus Tusk!

Killconey:

Zod & Syxxty-Nine:

Chewy tags KC back in and he climbs up to the top to deliver the Ender's Game!

KC goes for the pin and the uneventful three-count, and James White rings the bell. Chewy begins to step back into the ring, but a man jumps over the guardrail and pulls him off of the ring apron violently!

Monroe: What the hell? That man just jumped over the rail! Get security out here!

MarcuM: Security may not be enough, Monroe! Don't you recognize him? It's. . .

M & M: BALLS NASTY!!!!!!!!!!

Monroe: I thought his career was over!

MarcuM: So did I! So did everyone!

Balls picks up the chair he was sitting in and smashes it over's Chewy's head, bloodying the Walrus and dropping him to the floor. Balls then picks up a beer and pours it over the Walrus' body. In the ring, Sweet Marlene alerts Killconey to what's happening as several security guards finally arrive and begin to remove Balls from the building.

KC and Marlene check on Chewy as EMTs arrive. In the confusion, the MWO has gone back to their locker room.

Ad!

Singles Match

King Snarf
vs.
Spandex Monkey Man

Havok returns from break to find Snarf and Spamm in the ring already. Snarf is attempting the headlock, while the MWO is curiously absent from Spamm's corner.

Suddenly, the lights go out and the words "EVIL NEVER DIES" appear on the screen as Ghaleon's theme from Lunar 2 plays.

Monroe: Oh, not THIS again!

The music cuts off and the lights come on, and three people who've appeared in the ring rush Spamm!

Monroe: My god! Is that...

Two of them hit Spamm at the same time with running side kicks, sending him into the corner, he stays up propped up by his arms as the two who just kicked him throw the third, much larger man at him.

MarcuM: Ha ha! Yes it is! Johnny Evil and the Otaku have returned!

JE moves toward Spamm, lifts him to his feet and gets him in position for a cradle suplex, but hits him with a neck breaker once he has him vertical.

MarcuM: I'm not sure what that move's called, he keeps changing its name!

Monroe: Why isn't anyone helping? King Snarf is just standing there enjoying the show!

MarcuM: Well, it IS quite a show!

A backstage camera shows that the door to the MWO's locker room has been locked shut with a padlock from the outside. They're pounding on the door as Ariel stands outside, laughing.

Monroe: Oh no! It looks like Ariel has trapped the MWO in their locker room!

Spamm looks to be badly hurt in the ring and Big Fat Elvis picks him up over his head and throws him out of the ring.

Monroe: Oh no! This is terrible!

MarcuM: You're right! It seems like everyone's ripping off Big Pimp Tim now!

An EMT rushes down the ramp with a rolling stretcher as Hiro runs toward the rope at the far side of the ring, he bounces off, runs back toward the near side, jumps, springboards off the top rope and flies through the air, landing feet first on the stretcher reversing its direction suddenly and smashing it into the EMT! The crowd goes nuts at the astounding display of speed and agility.

Monroe: oh. my. GOD!

Inside the ring, King Snarf applauds and walks toward JE. Snarf smiles and holds up the sign for the Triple Set, and begins to say something when BFE hold a steel chair in front of his face and JE hits it with a spinning hook kick.

Monroe: They don't care who they hurt, as long as they get to hurt someone!

The cameras show different scenes; Hiro continuing to attack the EMT, BFE climbing out of the ring to go after Spamm, Ariel laughing outside of the door the members of the MWO are frantically trying to get through and JE laying the chair on King Snarf's face and hitting it with an axe kick.

MarcuM: Johnny Evil and the Otaku are back!

The lights go out, the music starts again, the words appear back on the screen, then the lights come back on and JE and the Otaku have disappeared.

Monroe: First, Balls Nasty, now Johnny Evil and the Otaku! My god. What does this mean for RDCW? Fans, we'll be back with the Stairway to Hell! Next!

And we cut to a commercial for Six Flags over Roboken.

Stairway to Hell

Grimm vs. Krazed vs. Captain Sammitch vs. Charlie vs. Ghost Hog vs. Big Pimp Tim

*Havok returns and we see three ladders placed at ringside. Hanging from the ceiling are four items: The World title match contract, a barbed wire wrapped baseball bat, a staple gun, and a kendo stick.

Monroe: We are back and it's time for our main event!

"Money for Nothing" plays as a pissed off Charlie makes his way down to the ring.

Monroe: The Pitbull's not happy, Madman! No one took him up on his offer!

MarcuM: That's their mistake, Monroe! Not only could they have been rich, but now they're gonna get a beating from Charlie!

"Waking the Dead" hits as Ghost Hog makes his way to the ring amidst a cloud of smoke.

MarcuM: Look out, it's Ghost Hog! If he comes too close we may get a contact high!

Ghost Hog slides into the ring and slumps down in one corner, warily eyeing Charlie as the Million $ Pitbull begins removing his ringgear.

"Light that Blinds" cues up as the West Side Rollers hit the ring, striding forward, all business.

Monroe: The Rollers aren't too happy either, Madman!

MarcuM: It's gonna be a war!

BPT and Krazed climb into the ring and stand back to back, Krazed watching Charlie, while BPT watches Ghost Hog. They eye each other for a moment, until Charlie and the Rollers turn as one and gang up on Ghost Hog!

Monroe: A three on one attack! Has the Pitbull bought off the Rollers?!

MarcuM: This is great! Charlie gets the title shot and Big Pimp Tim gets Schwarz!

The guitar hook from "Peace of Mind" begins as Captain Sammitch runs down to the ring, bo staff in hand!

Monroe: Sammitch! It's Sammitch! He's gonna help even the odds!

MarcuM: It's still two one three!

Sammitch slides into the ring and targets Charlie with a staff shot. BPT gets a shot, and one for Krazed as well!

Monroe: Sammitch is cleaning house!

MarcuM: That's not fair! His staff isn't one of the weapons that's hanging from the ceiling!

Sammitch goes into a martial arts kata with his bo staff as the fans cheer madly!

Sammitch's pose is interrupted as Charlie hits him with a knee to the back, causing him to drop his staff! Charlie and Krazed start working over Sammitch as BPT turns his attention back to Ghost Hog.

"Lords of Salem" then begins as the final competitor makes his way down to the ring.

Monroe: Grimm! It's Grimm!

MarcuM: Too little too late! He's gonna get beat down like Sammitch and Ghost Hog!

BPT and Krazed grab a ladder and lay it against the top rope as Grimm walks down the rampway. Krazed runs up the ladder and jumps off into the air with a diving attack!

But Grimm catches him in mid air, and turns into a powerslam, dropping him on the floor! Grimm jumps up and roars loudly as the crowd goes wild! He picks Krazed up and throws him back into the ring, sliding in quickly behind him just in time for a shot from Sammitch's bo staff; as wielded by BPT!

Charlie and the Rollers are clearly in control of the match as Sammitch and Ghost Hog are tied up in the ropes and BPT is working over Grimm with Sammitch's staff!

Charlie begins directing traffic as he and the Rollers begin setting up ladders! Krazed and Tim hold the ladder as Charlie climbs up to the top!

MarcuM: This is it! Charlie's gonna win! Brilliant!

Charlie gets up to the top, but instead of the contract, he begins attempting to unhook a weapon! He pulls down the kendo stick and tosses it to Krazed!

Monroe: He just gave Krazed the kendo stick!

MarcuM: I told you they were working together! What a great plan by the Pitbull!

Charlie pulls down the staple gun and brandishes it in the air for the fans as they boo loudly!"

MarcuM: He's got the staple gun!

Charlie continues to wave the gun around as Krazed and BPT look at each other and nod their heads, grinning. Turning to the ladder, they shove it over and Charlie goes flying out to the floor!

Monroe: They just tossed Charlie's punk ass over the top rope!

MarcuM: That's fucked up, Monroe! That ain't right!

Krazed slides to the floor and pulls out a steel chair. He throws it into the ring where BPT picks it up and tosses it to Sammitch, who's freed himself from the ropes.

Sammitch grabs the chair as Krazed dropkicks it into his face!

MarcuM: That's how they roll on the West Side, Monroe!

BPT goes back to attacking Ghost Hog as Krazed walks up to one of the cameramen.

Krazed: "Fuck this. . .I want Joe Mama right now! And I'm gonna get him!"

Krazed climbs out of the ring and begins heading to the back as a cameraman follows.

Monroe: Krazed is leaving the match to go find Joe Mama! He really is crazed! Fans, we'll be back!

Ad!

Havok returns from break as we see Joe Mama intently watching the match on his monitor. We hear a knock at the door. JM gets up and readies himself to throw a punch as he answers.

JM: I was wondering when you'd get-

He's abruptly cut off by a chair shot to the head! JM staggers back as Krazed enters the locker room, chair in hand.

K: Didn't see that one coming, didja champ?

Krazed drops the chair and rams JM's head into the wall! He pulls him back and tries to ram him again, but JM shoves him off and into the wall! Krazed bounces back as JM instinctively picks him up and hits a spinebuster!

JM: Just a chair, Krazed? Why not something a little more interesting. . .

JM walks off and returns with a metal trash can.

JM: Like a garbage can!!!!

He slams the can onto Krazed a few times before tossing it aside and picking him up.

JM: Or how about a soda machine!!!!

JM slams Krazed into the soda machine and a Phausen cola pops out. JM opens the can, takes a swig, and smashes the can into Krazed's forehead, spilling soda all over the hallway.

Ryan Fantastic wanders by and sees the brawl.

RF: Hey, Joe Mama! How's it goin? Man, this looks like fun!

A gleam appears in JM's eye.

JM: It sure does, ol buddy, ol pal. . .Hey Krazed, here's one for ya. . .ANOTHER WRESTLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JM scooops Ryan up and slams him onto Krazed's prone body as the cameras cut back to ringside where the Stairway to Hell continues. . .

Monroe: What a brawl backstage, Madman!

MarcuM: What a brawl in the ring, Monroe!

Back in the ring, Grimm has the staple gun and is stapling dollar bills to Charlie's forehead!

MarcuM: You can't do that to the Pitbull! That's fucked up! That ain't right!

Sammitch has the kendo stick, BPT still has the bo staff, and they are swordfighting on the other side of the ring! Ghost Hog has set up a ladder and is climbing up, trying to get to the barbed wire wrapped bat!

Monroe: Ghost Hog's almost got the bat!

MarcuM: Krazed has the advantage again!

Cut to backstage where Krazed has recovered and tosses JM onto a buffet table, scattering Fat Retard and LLarry "The Queen" LLawller.

K: How bout a buffet table, champ? Or is it chump?

Krazed climbs up onto the table and does a somersault leg drop onto Joe Mama, sending both men through the table!

Monroe: OHMYGOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fans: RDCW! RDCW! RDCW!

Back in the ring, Ghost Hog has the bat, but BPT has irish whipped Sammitch into the ladder, sending Ghost Hog out of the ring!

BPT: One more punk ass thrown over the top rope!

But from behind Charlie hits a lowblow with his diamond covered knuckle dusters, dropping BPT to the ground!

Monroe: Charlie with a little payback from earlier on!

Grimm has the barbed wire bat and is rubbing it across Ghost Hog's forehead, making him bleed!

Monroe: Grimm doesn't even care about winning the match, Madman! He's just trying to hurt somebody!

MarcuM: He said that earlier, Monroe! What are you, deaf?

In the ring, Charlie and Sammitch are slugging it out atop one of the ladders! Sammitch blocks a shot, and hits a palm strike, knocking Charlie off the ladder! Sammitch looks down at Charlie, then at the fans, cheering him on! He takes a deep breath, climbs to the top and. . .leaps off into Charlie with a HUGE elbowsmash!!!!!!!!

Monroe: Fans, we have to go to break! We'll be back!

MarcuM: Ad!

Havok returns as we see Joe Mama and Krazed fighting down the rampway towards the ring. Grimm nails Charlie with a shot from the barbed wire bat! Charlie turns and walks into a Hog Hell from Ghost Hog!

BPT rakes Sammitch's eyes and tries to ram his head into a turnbuckle, but Sammitch fights him off! Outside the ring, JM catches Krazed with another spinebuster and rolls him into the ring, where Grimm is waiting with the bat! He immediaely goes to work on Krazed with bat shots to the chest and abdomen!

Ghost Hog picks up one of the ladders and slams it into both men, crushing them in one of the corners! JM wanders over the announce table and takes a seat next to MarcuM & Monroe.

JM: That was fun!

Monroe: Welcome, champ!

Ghost Hog has climbed the ladder again, and is reaching for the contract, the only item left hanging in the arena. BPT and Charlie also set up ladders and start climbing to the top. It's a three way slugout on top of the ladders!

JM: Lookit 'em go! Fight it out, boys! Show me who's got the stones!

MarcuM: That's easy! Charlie's got 'em all over his hands on those custom knucks!

Ghost Hog grabs BPT and Charlie by the head and rams their heads together! He keeps hold of them and climbs to the top of the ladder, jumping off while still holding on, delivering a double bulldog move from the ladders!

Monroe: Ghost Hog is insane!!!!

MarcuM: You just now noticed???

Krazed and Grimm have fought to the top of another ladder, with a table set up next to it! Krazed tries to knock Grimm off, but Grimm catches Krazed by the throat and delivers a Kobe Special from the top of the ladder, sending Krazed through the table!

At ringside, JM stands up and applauds the carnage!

Monroe: You have to be enjoying this, champ!

JM: I am! I look forward to finishing off whoever lives through this!

MarcuM: That's the same thing LLawller said before the show!

JM:

MarcuM:

Monroe:

Grimm has the staple gun and is stapling Krazed's forehead. Grimm has a look on his face that says he's forgotten about anything other than destroying whoever gets in his way! Ghost Hog and Charlie have fought their way into the crowd, leaving Sammitch and BPT fighting it out atop the ladder!

Sammitch grabs one of BPT's arms and maneuvers him into an armhold while balancing between two ladders. BPT tries to escape, but Sammitch releases, letting him go off balance. Sammitch hits him with a palm strike and steps back onto the second ladder as BPT and the first ladder go flying!

Monroe: Sammitch is alone at the top!

MarcuM: I know! It's terrible!

Sammitch climbs to the top and pulls down the contract, winning the match!

JM: In-fucking-credible. Who would've thought he'd come out on top?

Sammitch drops to the ground, holding up the contract in his hands as "Peace of Mind" starts to play. The match is over, but the fighting continues. . .

Monroe: Sammitch wins! Sammitch wins! Fans, we are out of time! We'll see you next week!

Show ends.