In an effort to dispel his image as a ditherer, President Obama took to the bully pulpit yesterday at WestFunland College of Caterers and Party Planners to announce a holiday surge of 28 parties at the White House.
The President assured the co-ed audience of catering and party planning students and their professors that he would be providing 50,000 guests. The exact number requested for the surge by his chief commander of White House Party Planning, Marjorie “MarJee” Hufflantro.
Though the audience was largely subdued, President Obama gave one his most elegant and inspirational speeches.
As befits the Commander-in-Chief, President Obama laid out the history of his decision: "Like I said before, as your President I have played an unprecedented number of golf games in my first year in office and I am the First African-American to use the new Nike “Holefinder” Golf Ball with the patented arugula-dijon center.
However, with the coming of winter, there is snow on the ground. And I cannot see the little white ball. It is difficult for my caddy to find.
Therefore, I have given the order for an unprecedented surge in the number of White House parties.
Now, let me be clear: None of this will be easy. The struggle against crab rolls and those little spinach quiches will not be finished quickly, and it extends well beyond Christmas into New Years. It will be an enduring test of our leadership and my ability to do the “Humpty Dance”.
In the end, our security and leadership does not come solely from the strength of our arms. It derives from the mulligan, Kobe Beef satays, and mimosas at brunch the next day."
This reporter is not ashamed to admit he was in tears by the end.
