RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts Roll call.

Where is Kristogar?

Where is Illegal Machine?

ill mac was never frequent -- he'd be here every day for a week, then gone for a month, then back again. same with big bad voodoo loo.

dunno about KV, tho.

KV went to England and never returned.

In other news, Nowhereman announced he's engaged to a mysterious man he recently met.

Did Nowhereman and Captain Humpy get engaged?

I think they're serious about each other, but not ready just yet to get committed.

Someday they will realize they love each other,(sniffle) love is such a beautiful thing.

Like those sitcoms that suck when the two characters get together, and gets cancelled two seasons later.

They have a Moonlighting relationship, or a Lois and Clark relationship?

Exactly.

They have a Will & Grace relationship.

I think its more like a Richard Gere / gerbil relationship.

I know I'm going to catch Hell for this, but what's with the Richard Gere/gerbil jokes? I've seen them elsewhere...

There was a rumour about 10 years ago that Richard Gere was admitted to hospital. Apparently the flavour of the month in the perverted gay set back then was to tie a piece of string to a gerbil's tale, let it loose into a a glass pipe that was stuck up your arse, and then have it aphyxiate to death in your bowels. The pleasure was in the sensation of having this little rat thing run around and scamper to its death. Then you use the string to pull the gerbil's corpse out.

Richard Gere's string broke, and he was alleged to have been admitted to hospital to have said gerbil removed surgically from his sphincter.

Very unlikely story though: gerbils are apparently very very hard to come by in California. Still, it seems to be known worldwide. I once saw an article on it in Penthouse or somewhere, saying how unlikely it was. www.snopes.com probably has something on it.

It does!

quote:

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Contrary to widespread public belief, "gerbil-stuffing" is unknown as an actual sexual practice, nor has a verified medical case of a gerbil (or other rodent) having been extracted from a patient's rectum ever been reported. (Despite the assiduousness with which doctors record unusual items removed from patients' rectums in order to write them up as illustrative cases , a medical journal article involving a gerbil removal has yet to surface.) The notion of gerbilling (not necessarily restricted to homosexuals -- the insertion of items into the rectum for purposes of autoeroticism is practiced by heterosexuals as well) appears to be pure invention, a tale fabricated to demonstrate the depravity with which "faggots" allegedly pursue sexual pleasure.

Like similar legends such as The Promiscuous Rock Star, this tale has been applied to various public figures who are known or believed to be homosexual, and it has stuck with one in particular: Richard Gere. Although the legend homed in on various targets when it first appeared (including a Philadelphia newscaster), it has clung tenaciously to Mr. Gere's name since at least the mid-1980s. Rumors that he had an emergency "gerbilectomy" at Cedars-Sinai Hospital in California have spread far and wide, and countless doctors and nurses claim to have participated in, been on hand during, or heard from a reliable colleague about, the procedure. (Cedars-Sinai is apparently the best-staffed hospital in the world, since several hundred different doctors and nurses were reportedly on duty at the time Mr. Gere was allegedly brought in for treatment.) The rumor's spread was aided by an anonymous prankster who, not long after the film Pretty Woman led to a tremendous increase in Gere's popularity, flooded fax machines in Hollywood with a phony "press release" purportedly issued by the Association for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, claiming that Gere had "abused" a gerbil. But, as a reporter from The National Enquirer found when he attempted to track down the gerbil story, there were no facts to be had.

Versions of the following gerbilling fiction date back at least to 1993 when a faked United Press International item appeared on the Internet, one that named Vito Bustone and Kiki Rodriguez of Lake City, Florida, as the accident victims. (The gerbil's name was withheld by request of the family.) Other versions have been falsely attributed to the Los Angeles Times with the events said to have taken place in Salt Lake City, Utah. Rest assured that neither news outlet ever published a news article about these fictitious events:

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball."

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

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Amazing

You mean "Amazing!"

Gee, Dave, I didn't know you cared.

awww...

ARMAGEDDON ARMAGEDDON

:lol:

I'll never be able to watch that movie with a straight face anymore

And I'll never eat animal crackers the same way again.

How will you eat them, then? Up the arse instead of the mouth?

No, no, no. I said not the same way...

roll!

biscuit!

Peppered with a Merlot chaser....

Have a banana.

This ain't Havana!

Then whats with all the Cubans?

Comemierda! Hijo de Puta!

Dave is right.

Comemierda!

I bank there.

You misspelled wank!

It's amazing that there's an entire board of these losers with no lives. I guess if you have no friends in real life, and no girl would ever want you, spamming message boards might be the only thing left.