A sports writer went up to a trainer and asked, “You planning to race your horse today?” The trainer replied, “You bet I am, and I think I can beat him.”
An old man was on his death bed, breathing his last, when he smelled chocolate chip cookies baking in the kitchen. He loved chocolate chip cookies, and before he died he wanted one, so he painfully crawled out of bed and into the kitchen with all his remaining strength. He was about to grab a cookie when his wife slapped him with a spatula. “What’s that about?” he asked feebly, and his wife replied, “Those are for the funeral!”
