RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts The Revenge of Frank Burns.

How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
~If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
~Yes, your bladder.

What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
~Childbirth.

The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
~‘Cause you’re fatter than they are.

What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
~Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.

I normally wear a size 34-C bra. Now that I’m pregnant, should I continue to wear a bra?
~Not if you don’t mind switching in the future to a size 34-Long.

My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
~Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

What position should the baby be in during the ninth month of pregnancy?
~Head down, pressing firmly on your bladder.

When is the best time to get an epidural?
~Right after you find out your pregnant.

Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labor?
~When the sex is between your husband and another woman.

Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
~Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

How long is the average woman in labor?
~Whatever she says, divided by two.

What does it mean when the baby’s head is crowning?
~It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make its way out of you.

Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
~Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.

What are forceps?
~Giant baby tweezers.

What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
~It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
~When you see teeth marks.

What are the terrible twos?
~Your breasts after your baby stops nursing cold turkey.

What causes baby blues?
~Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos.

What are night terrors?
~Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she’s pregnant again.

Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
~When the kids are in college.

Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
~Yes, pregnancy.

What is the grasp reflex?
~The reaction of new fathers when they see a new mother’s breasts.

Do I have to have a baby shower?
~Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Ever since I’ve been pregnant, I haven’t been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?
~Depends on what you’re doing with them.

Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather then briefs?
~Yes, but you’ll have an even better chance if he doesn’t wear anything at all.

When choosing a name for your baby, go to the back door and shout it out a few times.

Where is the best place to store breast milk?
~In your breasts.

What is the most common pregnancy craving?
~For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

I’m modest. Once I’m in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position?
~Authorized personnel only - doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.

What is rabies?
Rabies is an illness that affects the central nervous system. It is transmitted to people from infected mammals. Rabies can be prevented by avoiding exposure to infected animals. Rabies is preventable through a series of vaccinations after exposure, but it is fatal once symptoms appear.

What is the infectious agent that causes rabies?
Rabies is caused by the rabies virus.

Where is rabies found?
Rabies is found in all U.S. states except Hawaii. It is also found in Canada, Mexico, and many other countries around the world. The rabies virus is passed in the saliva of infected mammals.

How do people get rabies?
People get rabies from infected mammals. Rabies is transmitted most often through animal bites, although other contact with the saliva or brain tissue of an infected animal can cause the disease. Evidence suggests that rabies can also be spread by a seemingly insignificant bite from a bat with rabies, even without an obvious wound.

What are the signs and symptoms of rabies?
The rabies virus travels through the nervous system, eventually inflaming the brain. Early symptoms include irritability, headache, fever, and sometimes itching or pain at the site of the bite. The disease eventually progresses to paralysis, spasms of the throat muscles, convulsions, and delirium. Without preventive treatment, it is fatal.

How soon after exposure do symptoms appear?
The time between exposure and symptoms is usually 2 to 12 weeks, but it can be much less or much longer.

Who is at risk for rabies?
All mammals, including humans, can get rabies.

What is the treatment for rabies?
A series of vaccinations after exposure can prevent the disease. Once symptoms appear, there is no treatment.

How common is rabies?
In the United States, rabies in humans is rare because most pets are vaccinated against the disease. Only 36 cases have been reported since 1980, 21 of them linked to bats. Each year, about 40,000 people receive treatment for bites from potentially infected animals to prevent rabies.

Is rabies an emerging infectious disease?
Yes. Largely eliminated from dogs by vaccination programs, the virus has re-emerged as a widespread problem among wild mammals, particularly raccoons, skunks, foxes, coyotes, and bats. There has also been a slight but significant rise in the annual number of cases in humans. From 1981 to 1993, the number of rabies cases ranged from 0 to 3. There were 6 cases in 1994 and 4 each in 1995, 1996, and 1997. Despite an outbreak of rabies in raccoons on the East Coast, there have been no reports of humans becoming infected by raccoons. Most of the new cases in humans involve bats.