RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts The Revenge of Frank Burns.

Dirty Johnny climbs onto Santa’s lap at the department store. Santa says, "I’ll bet I know what you want for Christmas." And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells, "T-O-Y-S." The little boy answers, "No, I have enough toys." Santa tries again, tapping Johnny’s nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y." Again, Johnny says, "No, I have all kinds of candy." "Well, what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks. Johnny replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y. And don’t tell me you don’t have any because I can smell it on your finger!"

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/holidayjokes/christmasjokes/badsantajoke.html

http://mixthatdrink.com/the-12-cocktails-of-christmas/


Christmas Cookie


Recipe
1 ounce peppermint schnapps
1 ounce Kahlua
1 ounce Bailey’s
Combine the ingredients in a shaker with ice. Shake thoroughly, then strain the ingredients into a chilled martini glass

Santa Shot.

Recipe
1 part grenadine syrup
1 part green creme de menthe
1 part peppermint schnapps

Pour grenadine to about 1/3 of your shot glass. Carefully layer the creme de menthe, then the peppermint schnapps.

Chocolate Raspberry Martini
December 7, 2010 in Cocktails 1 Comment

You can garnish this one in a few ways: put a few fresh raspberries in it, sprinkle cocoa powder across the surface, put a chocolate kiss or two in it, or any combination of the above. You can also rim the glass with sweetened cocoa powder and put fresh raspberries in the drink – that’s my personal favorite.

Recipe

1 1/2 ounce raspberry vodka
1 ounce white creme de cacao
Chill your ingredients beforehand. Pour them into a chilled martini glass – no need to stir or shake or anything.

Santa pick up lines

10. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?

9. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?

8. I`ve got something special in the sack for you!

7. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?

6. I know when you`ve been bad or good--so let`s skip the small talk, sister!

5. Some of my best toys run on batteries...

4. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that`s what the Mrs. calls it.

3. I see you when you`re sleeping--and you don`t wear any underwear, do you?

2. Screw the "nice" list--I`ve got you on my "naughty" list!

1. Wanna join the "Mile High" club?

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/holidayjokes/christmasjokes/santapickuplinesjokes.html

http://mixthatdrink.com/the-12-cocktails-of-christmas/

The Red Hot Santa Tini

Recipe
2 ounces chili-infused vodka
2 ounces Godiva chocolate liqueur
Cocoa powder
Cayenne pepper
Sweetened whipping cream
One small Thai chili peppe

Mix some cocoa powder together with a pinch of cayenne pepper, and rim a chilled martini glass with it. Shake the vodka up with the chocolate liqueur and pour the mixture into the glass. Top it off with the whipping cream and garnish by floating the chili pepper on top of the cream.

Snowball

Recipe
3 ounces 1921 Tequila Cream Liqueur
3 drops of vanilla
crushed ice
1 ounce of evaporated skim milk
1/2 ounce Kahlua
cinnamon powder
cinnamon stick

Pour all the ingredients – except for the cinnamon powder – into a blender. Blend for about ten seconds. Pour it into a wine glass or brandy snifter. Sprinkle cinnamon powder on top and stick the cinnamon stick down in the glass for garnish.

Red Rudolph

1/2 ounce orange curacao
3/4 ounce cinnamon schnapps
1/2 ounce vodka
6 ounces cranberry juice
Heat the cranberry juice until it’s hot. Pour everything else into an Irish coffee mug and then slowly add the hot juice. The temperature of the drink will be warm. Top it with whipped cream and garnish with sugar sprinkles on top.

Candy Cane

Recipe
3/4 ounce SKYY Berry vodka
3/4 ounce peppermint schnapps
3/4 ounce white creme de cacao
1/4 ounce grenadine
Half ‘n’ half
Crushed hard peppermint candy

Mix the vodka, peppermint Schnapps, grenadine and creme de cacao with ice in a cocktail shaker. Be sure to shake it up thoroughly. Rim a cocktail glass with crushed hard peppermint candy and pour the shaken mixture into the glass. Top it off with half ‘n’ half.
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FLORIDA GEORGIA LINE LYRICS
"Here's To The Good Times"

Let’s turn it up loud, mix it up strong
Lean it back slow, get your feel good on
Cut ’em off short, roll it up tight
Let it unwind tonight

Drop down the top down on the Pontiac
Where ever you wind up is where the party’s at
Break out the bottle of Bacardi black
And don’t look back ’cause

[CHORUS]
Here’s to the good times, here’s to the sunshine
Here’s to the ice you float your beer in
To the tops you pop and the tan lines disappearin’
Oh my, my
She’s a little bit tipsy
Leans in for a kiss, she’s stealin’ your heart just like a gypsy
And there you are just a drunken star, just fallin’ in her eyes
Here’s to the good times, while there’s still time

Well lay it all out, spray it on sweet
Carve it in oak and permanent ink
Park it way back, fog it on up
Singin’ ohh, ohh
Radio spillin’ from a single cab
She looks so good with her silver tabs
Hangin’ on a branch by the river
That’s a memory that’ll get you when you look back

[CHORUS]

Drop down the top down on the Pontiac
Where ever you wind up is where the party’s at
Break out the bottle of Bacardi black
And don’t look back ’cause

Here’s to the good times, here’s to the sunshine
Here’s to the ice you float your beer in
To the tops you pop and the tan lines disappearin’
Oh my, my
She’s a little bit tipsy
Leans in for a kiss, she’s stealin’ your heart just like a gypsy
And there you are just a drunken star, just fallin’ in her eyes
Here’s to the good times

Here’s to the good times and the moonshine
And the blue eyes under the moonlight
Here’s to the good times

LUKE BRYAN
"Drink A Beer"

When I got the news today
I didn't know what to say.
So I just hung up the phone.

I took a walk to clear my head,
This is where the walking lead
Can't believe you're really gone
Don't feel like going home

So I'm gonna sit right here
On the edge of this pier
Watch the sunset disappear
And drink a beer

Funny how the good ones go
Too soon, but the good Lord knows
The reasons why, I guess

Sometimes the greater plan
Is kinda hard to understand
Right now it don't make sense
I can't make it all make sense

So I'm gonna sit right here
On the edge of this pier
Watch the sunset disappear
And drink a beer

So long my friend
Until we meet again
I'll remember you
And all the times that we used to...

...sit right here on the edge of this pier
And watch the sunset disappear
And drink a beer
Drink a beer,
Drink a beer.

ELI YOUNG BAND
"Drunk Last Night"

I got a little drunk last night
There's something 'bout a midnight rain
Staring at the ceiling fan
I couldn't get you off my brain

I guess I wasn't thinking straight
I couldn't tell wrong from right
I went ahead and called you up
I got a little drunk last night

Brought it all up, got it all out
What is it worth, to both of us now
It's off my chest, but never off my mind
Two drinks in, hit that hurt,
You feel bad, and I feel worse
I swear it's the last time every time
Don't know why

Might've been a song on the radio
Might've been nothing, baby I don't know
Might've been a little too tired to fight
Might've been I got a little drunk last night

I got a little too far gone
Heart was talking way too loud
I don't remember what I said
I just remember breaking down

Brought it all up, got it all out
What is it worth, to both of us now
It's off my chest, but never off my mind
Two drinks in, hit that hurt,
You feel bad, and I feel worse
I swear it's the last time every time
Don't know why

Might've been a song on the radio
Might've been nothing, baby I don't know
Might've been a girl who looked like you
Might've been a fluke, might've been a full moon
Might've been a little too tired to fight
Might've been I got a little drunk last night

Might've been a song on the radio
Might've been nothing, baby I don't know
Might've been a girl who looked like you
Might've been a fluke, might've been a full moon
Might've been a little too tired to fight
Might've been I got a little drunk

Brought it all up, got it all out
What is it worth, to both of us now
It's off my chest, but never off my mind
Two drinks in, hit that hurt,
You feel bad, and I feel worse
I swear it's the last time every time

I got a little drunk last night
I got a little drunk last night
Thought I could keep it all inside
But I got a little drunk last night

PARMALEE
"Carolina"

Home is where my heart is still beating
I don't know when I'll see her again
I hate to see her cry when I'm leaving
But now I'm a thousand miles away again

She feels like Carolina (feels like Carolina)
Looks like California (looks like California)
Shining like those New York lights on Broadway
When she looks back I'm behind her
I'll always be there for her
She makes me feel like home's not so far away
She feels like Carolina

It's hard to understand the way I'm living
I know you think I'm never coming home (never coming home)
But I miss your pretty smile, and I'm coming back in a little while
But I'm a thousand miles away again

She feels like Carolina (feels like Carolina)
Looks like California (looks like California)
Shining like those New York lights on Broadway
When she looks back I'm behind her
I'll always be there for her
She makes me feel like home's not so far away
She makes me feel like home's not so far away

No matter how far I go, you know I can't stop thinking about her
And there's nothing like the way I feel, the way I feel when I'm beside her
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh

She feels like Carolina
Looks like California
Shining like those New York lights on Broadway
She feels like Carolina (feels like Carolina)
Looks like California
Shining like those New York lights on Broadway

When she looks back I'm behind her (feels like Carolina)
I'll always be there for her
She makes me feel like home's not so far away

Carolina
California

Like home's not so far away

She feels like Carolina (feels like Carolina)
Looks like California
She makes me feel like home's not so far away
She makes me feel like home (so far away)
She makes me feel like home's not so far away

http://www.historyofsoccer.info/

Soccer History

Soccer is one of the most popular sports in Europe and the Americas. It has a vivid and interesting history in the world of sports. Early evidence of soccer being played as a sport finds occurrence in China during the 2nd and 3rd centuries BC. In China, it was during the Han dynasty that people dribbled leather balls by kicking it into a small net. Recorded facts also support the fact that Romans and Greeks used to play ball for fun and frolic. Some facts point to Kyoto in Japan where kicking of ball was a popular sport.

It is said that early growth of the modern soccer started in England. Some amusing facts even mention that the first ball used was the head of some Danish brigand. It is said that during medieval times, the old form of soccer used to allow many ill practices like kicking, punching, biting and gouging. The main aim was to carry the ball to a target spot. People grew so fond of the game that they would throng the field all day long. Sometimes the competition grew fierce and masses got so wild that there were frequent incidents of violence during the game. It is also said that soldiers admired the game so much that they missed archery practice to watch it.

King Edward III banned soccer in 1365 owing to the growing incidents of violence and military indulgence in the sport. In 1424 King James I of Scotland also proclaimed in the Parliament— "Na man play at the Fute-ball" (No man shall play football)

In 1815, a major development took place that made soccer popular in Universities, Colleges and Schools. The popular English School and Eton College came forth with a set of rules, known as the Cambridge Rules. Football was segregated into two groups; some colleges and schools opted for Rugby rules that allowed tripping, shin kicking and also carrying the ball. These rules were exclusively prohibited as per the Cambridge rules.

Bob and his wife live in Toledo, Ohio. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park..........." then the electric power goes out.

Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do." Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplow can get through?

With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to Blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

http://www.historyofsoccer.info/

The history of modern-day soccer was established in 1863. In October 1863, eleven representatives from London clubs and schools met at the Freemason’s Tavern to set up common fundamental rules to control the matches amongst themselves. The outcome of this meeting was the formation of the Football Association. In December 1863, the Rugby Football and Association football finally split as the supporters of the Rugby School rules walked out.

Firmly establishing the foundation of soccer in 1869, the Football Association strictly banned any kind of handling of the ball. Soccer’s popularity spread rapidly during the 1800s as British sailors, traders and soldiers introduced the sport to different parts of the globe.

Italians, Austrians and Germans drew to Europe, while Argentina, Uruguay and Brazil adopted the sport in South America. FIFA was established in the year 1904 and by early 1930s, different leagues were operating from various countries. FIFA is credited with organizing the first world cup in Uruguay. The history of soccer is rich with events, development and its growing craze all over the world. You will find yourself amazed as you learn about different times of this wonderful sport that has held our awe and admiration for over 3000 years.

A brunette is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

"I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."

When the brunette returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.

"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"

The brunette nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?" asked the doctor.

"No, from all that skipping."

http://www.rockwisdom.com/mainpage.htm

song quotes

A bullet had found him, his blood ran out as he cried. No money could save him, so he laid down and died. Ooh, what a lucky man he was. - Emerson, Lake, and Palmer, Lucky Man



A monkey was the President, though maybe not the first. And there was peace and harmony throughout the universe. - Tom T. Hall, The Monkey That Became President

7510 A nation with their freezers full are dancing in their seats, while outside another nation is sleeping in the streets. - Billy Bragg, Help Save The Youth Of America


7511 A politician's job they say is very high, for he has to choose who's got to go and die. - Black Sabbath, N.I.B.

A righteous cause, so without doubt or pause, I will do what my country asks of me. Make any sacrifice, we'll pay whatever price, so the children of tomorrow can be free. - Charlie Daniels Band, The Last Fallen Hero


A sucker punch came flying from somewhere in the back. As soon as we can see clearly with our big black eye, we're going to light up your world like the fourth of July. - Toby Keith, Old Glory

A system built by the sweat of the many creates assassins to kill off the few. - The Clash, Guns On The Roof


A tank of gas is a treasure to me. I know now that nothing is free. - Blink 182, Carousel

While shopping in a food store , two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section... One asked the other if she would like a beer.

The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.

The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem.

She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.

The cashier had a surprised look, so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair."

Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.

"The curlers are on me."

http://www.mesacc.edu/~scotz47781/mat120/notes/exponents/review/review.html


Rules for Exponents

Zero-Exponent Rule: a0 = 1, this says that anything raised to the zero power is 1.

Power Rule (Powers to Powers): (am)n = amn, this says that to raise a power to a power you need to multiply the exponents. There are several other rules that go along with the power rule, such as the product-to-powers rule and the quotient-to-powers rule.

Negative Exponent Rule: , this says that negative exponents in the numerator get moved to the denominator and become positive exponents. Negative exponents in the denominator get moved to the numerator and become positive exponents. Only move the negative exponents.

Product Rule: am ∙ an = am + n, this says that to multiply two exponents with the same base, you keep the base and add the powers

Quotient Rule: , this says that to divide two exponents with the same base, you keep the base and subtract the powers. This is similar to reducing fractions; when you subtract the powers put the answer in the numerator or denominator depending on where the higher power was located. If the higher power is in the denominator, put the difference in the denominator and vice versa, this will help avoid negative exponents.

A man was on his death bed. His wife was stroking his hand lovingly and speaking gentle words to him for the last time.

"I gotta tell you something honey,” said the man very weakly.

"No sweetie, it's all right, relax,” replied his wife.

The man took a deep breath and said, "I have to say that I cheated on you with your sister, your mother and your aunt!!"

The wife cooed, "Shhhh, I know, just relax and let the poison do its job."

http://shannak.myweb.uga.edu/funfacts.htm

cheese

What appears to be the remains of cheese have been found in Egyptian tombs over 4,000 years old.

Cheese was popular in ancient Greece and Rome, but fresh milk and butter were not. This was probably due to the fact that olive oil was available in the Mediterranean area, where the climate would have spoiled milk and butter quickly.

· The terms "Big Wheel" and "Big Cheese" originally referred to those who were wealthy enough to purchase a whole wheel of cheese.

Cheese takes up about 1/10 the volume of the milk it was made from.


Greek historian Xenophon (430?-355? B.C.) mentions that goat cheese had been known for centuries in Peloponnesus.



The first cheese factory to make cheese from scratch was started in Rome, New York in 1851 by Jesse Williams. He had his own dairy herd and purchased more milk from other local farmers to make his cheese. By combining the milk and making large cheeses he could produce cheese with uniform taste and texture. Before then, companies would buy small batches of home made cheese curd from local farmers to make into cheese, each batch of curds producing cheese with wide differences in taste and texture from one another.

In 2003, American s consumed 8.8 billion pounds of natural cheese. On a per capita basis, the average American ate 30.6 pounds of natural cheese in 2003. That's four pounds more per person than in 1994 and 19.5 pounds more than in 1970. Overall, Americans ate 1.8 billion pounds more cheese in 2003 than in 1994. Approximately half of that increase was supplied by California, the fastest-growing cheese producer.



Americans purchased $40 billion worth of cheese last year



The market value of all cheese consumed in the U.S. was nearly $40 billion in 2003. In addition to supermarket sales, this includes cheese sold through restaurants and fast food outlets, as well as the cheese sold as ingredients in frozen and packaged foods.

America has 440 cheesemakers. This includes more than 350 producers of specialty, artisan and farmstead cheeses. While most states have at least one cheese plant, more than two-thirds of the specialty cheesemakers in the country are located in just three regions - California, Wisconsin and New England. Many cheesemakers now invite visitors to stop by and sample cheese and learn more about Cheesemaking practices. For a visitor's map to California cheesemakers

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.

The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

The boy replied, "Eight."

The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"

The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one."

http://thoughtcatalog.com/cody-delistrat...-on-growing-up/


Growing up is losing some illusions, in order to acquire others. – Virginia Woolf

The wisest are the most annoyed at the loss of time. – Dante Alighieri