RKMBs Forums .::Important::. Writer's Block JLR: The Convention Adventure

Narrator: The next two posts are SMILEY-FREE.... really!

(young) Nightwing: Well, that golem completely wrecked our living quarters and we are left with nowhere to sleep. Guess that means we're going to the Room of Spirit and Time after all.

Britannica: Funny how that worked out.

(young) Nightwing: Indeed.

Cowgirl Jack: I'm not sure about this.

(young) Nightwing: CJ, this is an opportunity to achieve one year’s worth of training in our own pocket universe while only a day passes in The Real World. What troubles you?

CJ: I don’t know if I want to spend a year stuck in some weird manga universe with eight guys. It’s bad enough sharing a hotel room with you guys.

Brit: If you’re worried about being the only girl----

CJ: Woman.

Brit: Yes, ma'am. Well, CJ, there’s no need to fret. My lovely fiancée will be joining us.

Di Bat Pho: OH NO!! I mean... I will?

Brit: Of course, love.

DBP: Oh. Well, I am not so sure that would be a great idea. I am, after all, only a part-time member. Yes, it is best that I stay behind and work on the wedding invitations.

Brit: Nonsense. This will be the perfect chance for you and I to spend quality time together, away from the Incredible Hulks and innocent, pram-pushing mothers of the world.

Just then, a droopy-eyed La Machine walks down the stairs.

CJ: La!

Vegi-La [still half asleep]: Huh?

CJ: Put on some pants!

The La looks down and realizes his mistake...

Vegi: Oh, my bad.

...then slowly trudges up the stairs.

DBP: One... whole... year.

Any Given Wednesday [walking down the stairs]: Hey, La isn’t wearing any pants.

Everyone: We know!

AGW: Alrighty then.

Ace: Hey, Wednesday, look at this.

Ace draws his right fist and lunges across the room at AGW...

AGW [throwing his hands up to cover his face]: Over there!

[POOF!]

Leaving Ace to land face first in a chair.

Ace: OW!

DBP: What just happened to her?

Brit: It's just Wednesday. Weekly thing. You'll get used to it.

DBP: Oh dear.

(y)N: Well, it’s settled. I’ll give everyone time to repack their things before I instant transmission us to the tower of Earth's guardian.

CJ and DBP: .....

Ace and Brit: Yay!

Tuesday, almost midnight. There is a mild crackle of air at the tower of Earth’s Guardian

Dende: Ah, there you are. Glad to see you, my friends.

CJ and DBP: .....

(y)N: Is everything ready?

Dende: Of course. Mr. Popo has worked tirelessly to make the changes you requested. Everything is exactly as you asked.

Registered Member 552: Changes?

(y)N: On behalf of the Justice League Reality, I thank you, Dende.

Vegi-La: Who died and made him ambassador?

JLR: Shush!

Mr. Popo escorts the JLR to a huge door.

Mr. Popo: I hope you like it. I did everything I could to make it comfortable.

(y)N [flashing the stout little man a warm smile]: I’m sure everything will be perfect.

Mr. Popo gives our hero a wide smile back and opens the door to the Room of Spirit and Time. The JLR are surrounded by a familiar white light and, hearts racing, walk in behind a steady (young) Nightwing.

And with a final, heavy clunk, the door to the Room of Spirit of Time closes behind them and disappear.

552: What’s that?

552 was the first to see something in the distance.

(young) [guiding the team towards it]: This will be your first time training in The Room. Since many of you aren’t conditioned for the harsh environment my fellow Z-fighters and I are used to, I asked Dende to provide a few... accommodations.

DBP: It is...

552: A mansion!

(young) is the first to walk into their new home but it isn't long before the other members start trickling in.

Brit: This mansion is huge!

Chant: Whoa!

DLD: How many bedrooms does this place have?

(y)N: Nine. Actually, I hadn't counted on Di Bat Pho joining us. Perhaps she and CJ can--

Brit: DBPcansleepinmyroom.

(y)N: Well, that is another option, but I figured it would be best to let the girls room together.

Brit: It'sokay,notroubleatall!

Ace: There's a jacuzzi near the back...

(y)N: And a GYM.

Ace: ...an indoor pool...

(y)N: In the room next to the GYM.

Ace: And a hot tub!

(y)N: There is also a GYM for training.

Ace [to (young)]: There's a pool table too, isn't there?

(y)N: You're not listening, are you?

Ace: Where's the pool table, man?!

(y)N: Perhaps Ace has gone deaf.

Ace: I need billiards, man!!!

(y)N: It's on the second floor, in the room ABOVE THE GYM!

Ace: Bye now.

RM552 walks into the mansion, carrying the remainder of the JLR's luggage on one shoulder.

RM552: This place is huge!

(y)N: Yes, Brit already said that.

RM552: Well... it is.

(y)N: Would you care to see the GYM?

RM552: No thanks, I think I've worked out enough for one day.

The luggage rocks the main room as it hits the floor.

(y)N: There is also a private video booth. I thought it would be a good idea for us all to have somewhere we could record our personal thoughts. Somewhere to get away from everyone else.

Brit: Well now, that's... a little weird.

AGW: Guys, this mansion is--

Brit, (y)N, and RM552: We know.

AGW: Alrighty then. Is there a--

(y)N: In the room next to the gym.

AGW: How about a--

DLD: Second floor, right above the gym. Ace's already racking 'em up for ya.

(y)N: Perhaps now would be a good time to show everyone the training facilities.

AGW: Great, idea. Anybody needs me, I'll be beating that crap outta some easy prey. I hope he brought cash cuz papa needs a new pair of bunny slippers.

JLR: What?

AGW: Uhhh... I mean Timberlands.

CJ: And I'm going to my room.

(y)N: ...Or we could hit the weights.

DBP: I believe I shall also be retiring.

(y)N: You know, the environment outside the mansion simulates the most extreme battle conditions. We could all use--

RM552 [yawning loud enough for (young) to hear]: Sleep sounds great! G'night everybody.

(y)N: I must be mute. That's the only reasonable explanation.

V-L: A mansion, a jacuzzi, video room, and a group of young, crazy, single people. This is gonna be just like that show on MTV where all those young people live together in a huge place, and get on each others nerves, and everyone ends up drunk and naked, and sleeping in the pool...

This is the true story
of ten heroes,
picked to live in a pocket universe
to train themselves
and find out what happens
when people stop being polite
and start getting real.

(WB Productions presents...)
The Room of Spirit and Time

Day 01

AGW and Ace are the only ones in the dining room. AGW sits at the dinner table, wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts, his head in his hands.

AGW: I don't believe you took everything!

Ace [getting a soda from the fridge]: What can I say, you were easy prey!

Chant walks in, looking a little nervous.

Chant: Guys, something's very wrong here.

AGW and Ace strike their battle poses.

Ace: What's wrong? Paper golem? Venom? The Hulk?

Chant: Worse! There's no mailbox!

The two heroes relax and...

Ace and AGW: :lol: X 3.

Chant: This isn't funny, guys. How're we supposed to get mail?

AGW: Well, we're in the Room of Spirit and Time, my looney little friend. Only 24 hours will pass outside while we're in here. We won't be getting any mail.

Chant [looking very worried]: What? For how long???

Ace: Well, for us... a year, but it's all relative. Here, let me draw a diagram.

Chant:

AGW: Dude, you okay?

Chant: I CAN'T DO THIS! I'VE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!

Ace: Calm down, guy. Ya don't see us goin' all crazy.

AGW: Yeah, you don't see me going crazy. Ummm... why would we go crazy?

Ace: Well, a year will pass in this place and no one can get in or out. That means no contact with the outside world. Think about it.

AGW:

Ace: No w-o-m-e-n.

AGW: That spells women, doesn't it ?

Ace: Yep. A whole year without women.

AGW: Oh.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
....I CAN'T DO THIS!

Ace: Too late to back out now...

AGW: You don't understand! Look at that guy.

Chant:

AGW: I can't do a year without... well, you know.

Chant: I NEED MAIL!

AGW: I NEED A FEMALE!

Chant and AGW: !!!!

Ace [later, in the private video booth]: I tell ya, you haven't lived till you've seen an ex-postmaster villain go postal and an "ex-pimp" scream like a girl in his underwear.

Chant and AGW: !!!!

Narrator: To be continued soon... really!

Day 13

As he finishes his last few reps of a superhuman amount of weight, (young) Nightwing's mind begins to wander. He ponders the fact that he's the only member who has used the gym's equipment since the team arived. His temper begins to flair and he grunts through an extra five repetitions. It's not enough to calm him, though, and his entire body begins to glow a bright gold. Just as he is about to demolish the entire gym, the door swings open, and in walks...

DBP: Young? Ummm... Mr. Nightwing?

(young) [his aura dissipating]: Please, Di Bat Pho, feel free to call me (young).

DBP: Ok... Young In Parentheses. The team is wondering what you want on your pizza.

(young): I'm sorry what? I must have been working out too hard. I could have sworn you just said the team was making pizza.

DBP: Well, 552 is downstairs making pizza for everyone.

(young): That's it! I can't take this anymore !

DBP: Oh dear.

1.6 seconds later, downstairs.

Vegi-La: I tell ya, this is the life.

Ace: Sure is. We should train more often.

JLR:

CJ: Hey, I've got a question.

Chant: Well, d...

CJ:

Chant: ...do tell, CJ.

CJ: I was just wondering, if we're isolated from the remainder of the world and living in a time warp bubble pocket reality universe thing... how are we able to get cable in every bedroom?

552: A really long extension cord.

CJ: Oh.

Cue a very angry (young) Nightwing:

(young): WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOHAN (the old man who took it upon himself to train me to beyond peak human ability) IS GOING ON HERE?!

JLR:

(young):

JLR:

Chant: Ummmm... we're making pizza?

The furniture, dishes, and people begin to tremble as (young)'s aura returns, brighter than ever.

AGW: Hold on there, sparky!

Brit: Yes, (young), please calm down. We were just making a pizza to commemorate our last day before training begins.

Vegi-La: We were?

Brit: Yes... we were! Tomorrow, we all plan to get going and really hit the weights. Right, oh fearless leader?

Vegi-La: Who me?

Brit: Do you see any other fearless leaders around here?

Vegi-La: Umm.. yeah, we're all training, starting tomorrow.

JLR:

(young): Very well. If anyone needs me, I'll be meditating in my room.

As (young) turns to leave, an unaware DLD walks in from the kitchen.

DLD: Okay, who ordered the diet pizza with extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra, extra cheese?

CJ [raising her hand]: Teehee .

Day 14

Narrator: Lying on the ground on his stomach, Ace throws a card and hits the bullseyes a few yards away. Next to him, Brit, also on his stomach, throws a Britannerang and misses his target completely. The Britannerang turns around in mid-flight, though, and almost smacks Chant in the head as he walks by.

Ace [taking a break to pat his aching stomach]: I can't believe I ate the whole thing.

Brit: That's what you get for eating so much pizza... and doughnuts... and ice cream.

Ace: But I love ice cream .

Chant [breaking from his rounds]: Less talk, more accuracy. Brit, the target is over there! The target is NOT MY HEAD!

Brit: Sorry, Chant, sir-- Sir Chant.

Ace: :lol:

With a huff, Chant walks away, furiously scribbling more notes in his notepad.

Ace: Whose bright idea was it to put Chant in charge of training, anyway?

Brit: It was (young)'s. He figured Chant knows our weaknesses and strengths better than anyone.

Ace: Well, I say we kick 'im!

Brit: Smashing idea, Ace. Where is (young) anyway?

Ace: Meditating outside. He hasn't moved a muscle since yesterday.

Brit: Isn't it a raging inferno out there?

Ace: Only during the day. At night it's sub-zero.

Chant: I said, "Less talk--"

Brit: Sorry, old chap. Won't happen again.

Chant [scribbling furiously]: Dang right, it won't!

Chant begins walking away, but a blunt object to the head nearly knocks him off his feet. Chant bends down, picks up the Britannerang, and furiously waves it in the air.

Chant: Okay, who threw this ?

Brit: I think it was Ace, sir .

Day 25

Chant walks into the den to find 552 working on a pair of boots.

Chant: RM, have you seen AGW?

552: Yes.

Chant: ...

552: ...

Chant: Okay, where is he?

552: He's in his room.

Chant: Why is AGW in his room? He should be training!

552: Because, due to the physical dynamics of the Room, every day in this place is a Wednesday.

Chant: So?

552: AGW is getting a brand new power every day.

Chant: And?

552: And he is getting all these new powers without losing any of the powers he had before. He's at number 26.

Chant: Okay, but why isn't he training?

552 [shrugging his shoulders]: He doesn't want to.

Chant: Oh.

552: ....

Chant: RM?

552 [in the video booth]: You know, he was less annoying as a villain...

552: Yes?

Chant: What're you doing?

RM552 throws Chant a book.

Chant: Building Hero Gadgets For Dummies?

552: Good read, especially "Chapter 4: How To Go Really, Really, Really Fast (and 27 other ways to avoid monitor duty)!"

Chant: Where'd you get it?

552: Dollar store. Surprisingly, not a very popular title in The Real World.

Chant [in the video booth]: And people think I'M weird!

Narrator: To be continued.

Day 36

Brit: [in the video room]: I have just witnessed something that no mortal man should have to witness...

Chant [later in the video room]: It was horrible. Just horrible, I tell you!!

Vegi-La [even later in the video room]: Oh man! I never want to see that again!

Earlier... Day 30

Chant: OK people, move it, move it, move it! Time for our morning jog.

DLD: What time is it?

Chant: We are in the Room of Spirit and Time. Time has no meaning here.

RM552 [looking at his watch]: It’s morning-tea time.

Ace: Or at least time for second breakfast.

Vegi-La: We haven’t even had first breakfast.

Chant: That’s only in Real Time, slackers! In the Room it’s Jogging Time! Hey waitaminute! Where’s CJ? And Britannica? And Di Bat Pho?

AGW: Probably still asleep, LIKE I SHOULD BE!

Ace: That’s unlike them. Well CJ and DBP at least anyway.

Chant [marching up to CJ’s door]: <bang><bang><bang> Hey sleepy head! Wake up in there! It’s time for our morning jog! [3 seconds later] Hey lazy-bones! If you don’t get up and come jogging you’re only gonna complain when all that fat goes to your thighs! [3 more seconds] Are you gonna make me come in there and get you up? [yet another 3 seconds] Right! That’s it!

Chant opens the door, strides into CJ’s bedroom and slams the door behind him.

3 seconds later....

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ace: Wow, when Chant wants something done, he gets it done.

AGW: Guys, I don't think that was CJ?

RM552: Well if it wasn’t CJ...

DLD: Chant?

Suddenly

AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AGW: That came from Brit's room.

Wolverinish-type Swiss Army knife claws pop out of AGW's arms (Day 12). Before they can hurry up the stairs, though, Chant comes running down the stairs, his uniform torn, his face, chest and arms scratched.

Chant: Run! Run for your lives!

Brit quickly follows, running out of his and DBP’s room. His pyjamas also torn, buttons missing, his glasses crooked and hair standing up on end.

Brit : Omigob! Everyone, get out of here!

Ace: What’s going on?

AGW: What day is it?

DLD: Day 30.

JLR: Oh Gob!

Harpy [flying out of CJ’s room, talons outstretched]: Caw... Caw... Harpy miss Hulk! Harpy hungry! Harpy need meat! Did Harpy say Harpy miss Hulk!?! Caw... Caw...

Narrator: Once a month, Di Bat Pho transforms into a humanoid version on one of the animals of the Chinese zodiac. This month it is Di Khi Pho - the Monkey. She leaps out her room and lands on top of a table in the hall. She picks up a vase, eats the flowers and throws the vase to the ground.

SMASH!

DKP: Eek! Eek! Come back to bed Britycums! Ooo, Ooo! Di Khi Pho just want to play! Eek! Eek!

Brit: Agghhh, they’ve synchronised !!

JLR: Run!!

Outside
A bit later
We find our heroes being chased around the Room of Spirit and Time by the two PMS heroes.

RM552: I don’t get it Britannica? DKP seems like she only want’s to play. What’s wrong with that?

Brit: You don’t know where she wanted to put her tail!

RM552:

Chant: Well look at the positive everyone. We’re going to get a fantastic workout for the next five days!

JLR: Shut up!

Day 60

Early morning.

AGW: Uh, Brit? why are you sleeping in my bed?

Brit: Yes, AGW?

AGW: Why are sleeping in my bed?

Brit: Because Di Bat Pho is scheduled to transform again today.

Ace [hiding under the bed]: Not to mention CJ.

RM552 [hiding in the cupboard]: Shhh you idiots! They might hear us!

Ace, AGW & Brit: Sorry .

AGW: Hey what are you guys doing in here anyway!?!

DLD [hiding in the clothes basket (don’t ask)]: Hiding from Harpy!

AGW: What! You too DLD?

Ace: Safety in numbers, man.

RM552: Shut-up, they’ll hear us.

AGW: Sorry. So... will DBP transform into that cheeky little monkey again?

Brit: To be honest, I don’t really know how that works in the Room. Hah, to be honest I don’t really know how that works in the real world.

AGW: Who does?

JLR:

JLR: SHUSH!

JLR: Sorry!

Brit: What I mean is whether she keeps transforming into Di Khi Pho or if she turns into the next humanoid-animal of the zodiac.

Ace: Which one is that?

Brit: Rooster. So that would make her Di Ga Pho

Ace: Oh great, now they both have talons.

Meanwhile outside

Harpy: Caw... But you look like chicken? Caw!

DGP: Bwork! But ah’m telling ya gal, I’m a rooster! Cluck... Cluck. [Pointing to a very frightened Chant] Now that’s ah chicken. Bwork!

Day 90

Ace: You need to control your fiancé, Britannica. At least keep her on a leash.

Brit: Well now, that’s just plain kinky.

Di Cho Pho: WOOF, WOOF, WOOF!

Chant: Not again !!!

Narrator: To be continued...

Day 227

AGW is eating a third bowl of Frosted Puff Rice Sugar Flakes (now with more sugar!) when Britannica hurries into the kitchen and grabs a bagel.

Brit: Wed, Cheers!

AGW [to himself]: Yes, they will all cheer me soon...

Brit: I'm sorry, what was that?

AGW: Oh, I said, "They will all hear my spoon..."

Brit: Oh, alright, well that's very... strange of you. Listen here, old chap, how's the training going?

AGW: Soon, I will be the one training the world!

Brit: Say again ?

AGW: I said, "Noon, I will bring a nun braining the girl."

Brit: I see. Well, good luck on that.

Just then, DBP walks in, grabbing a bagel.

Brit: Hello, sugarplum. I see you grabbed a bagel, just like me !

DBP: Cheers, my sweetness.

Brit: No, you're MY sweetness.

DBP and Brit:

AGW:

Brit: DBP and I have been able to spend so much time together now that we're both working on developing our telepathic powers.

AGW: Well, that's just lovely.

DBP [sitting on Brit's lap]: I'm developing a sixth sense that warns me of danger!

AGW: Hey, is there a month where she turns into a spider, man?

DBP: No, why?

AGW: Oh nuttin'.

DBP: Dear, what is she talking about?

Brit: Who knows? He's American.

DBP: Oh well, see you in Prolonged Mental Focus 102?

Brit: Of course, hun. Ta!

The two kiss, rub noses, and make giggly sounds.

AGW: Gob, I need a woman....

-------

Chant walks into the gym to find DLD on the benchpress and CJ running hard on the treadmill. DLD seems to be very focused on the weights while CJ is VERY flushed and covered with sweat.

Chant: Hey, DLD, how's it goin'?

DLD: Just... another... 75 reps to go.

Chant: Great, I'll just put down here that you're almost done with your warmup.

DLD:

Chant: CJ, see you're working on the treadmill now. Good to see SOMEBODY around here cares about their cardiovascular fitness.

CJ: Must... get... thin.

Chant: What? But Ceej, you're already--

CJ: NO! Carter Hall.... might be.... on JLA team.... Must look PERFECT!

Chant: Umm... CJ--

CJ: SHUSH! I'm in.... The Zone!

Chant walks over to DLD.

Chant [whispering]: You didn't tell her Hawkman's now in the JSA, did you?

DLD:

A bit later, Ace and Vegi-La are sitting together in the target range, when…

Chant: Hey! Why aren’t you two training?

Vegi-La: We are!

Chant: Well… it doesn’t look like it.

Ace: We’re discussing battle plans.

Chant: Oh…Oh…Well, that’s OK then…

Chant walks off

Chant [in the video room]: Vegi-La? Discussing battle plans? What’s next, AGW becoming a priest?

Vegi-La: Geez. Who died and made him boss?

Ace: That would have been (young)Nightwing.

Vegi-La: Where is he anyway?

Ace: He’s still outside meditating.

Vegi-La: What! In the same spot?

Ace: Yep. Hasn’t moved an inch.

Vegi-La: Maybe he’s dead?

Vegi-La: Should we go check on him?

Ace: If he dies on us, I'm sure he'll let us know.

Vegi and Ace: :lol:

Vegi-La: Hey Ace...

Vegi-La extends one of his hands (the middle one) with his index finger pointing towards Ace.

Vegi-La: Pull my finger.

Ace: What?

Vegi-La: I said, pull my finger.

Ace: No.

Vegi-La: Pull-My-Finger!

Ace: I swear if you rip one, I’m gonna hit ya with a full deck!

Vegi-La: PULL MY FINGER!!

Ace: OK. OK. Sheesh. I’ll pull your stupid finger…

Ace pulls Vegi-La’s stupid extended finger

Vegi’s finger: [phoink]

A perfectly formed spherical mass of vegatable-matter shots out of Vegi-La’s finger, growing to the size of a basketball and hitting Ace right in the face.

Ace: What the !?!

Vegi-La: Isn’t it great! I call them my vegi-balls !

Ace: :) :lol:

Day 235

Vegi-La: Everyone up for another game of 5-on-1?

DLD: Again?

Ace: You hate us, don't you?

Brit: We just played yesterday.

AGW: ...And lost.

Chant: ...By A LOT !

Vegi-La: Oh, quit cryin'! Just 'cuz you ain't got the skills.

Brit: I woefully admit: I have no skills.

Ace: Totally without skills.

Chant [raising his hand]: Skill-less.

DLD: Negative skills here.

Vegi-La: Well, TOO BAD, we're still playin'. Wanna try playing with one of my Vegi-balls?

AGW, DLD, Brit, and Chant:

Ace: It's not what you think; they're actually pretty easy to grip and bouncy.

AGW: That's it, I WANT OUT!

Vegi-La: Hol' up. Lemme look downstairs, in the den. I think RM still has one of my balls.

Narrator: And so Vegi-La makes his way down into the den, where he finds a dismayed 552 surrounded by several tall stacks of leather boots. A wide-eyed CJ sits in the stool next to him, checking her shopping list.

Vegi-La: Hey, CJ, didn't expect you down here with RM. You look very happy.

CJ: RM is making me boots !

Vegi-La: That's great! Making a few special boots for her? Maybe you can make me some new and-ones.

RM552: Help... me.

Vegi-La: Uh... CJ, I don't think RM wants t' make ya anymore boots.

RM552: I haven't slept in 32 hours! She won't let me!!

CJ: Oh, that's just nonsense . He has only 104 more boots to go!

Vegi-La: But--

CJ: NONSENSE, I SAID! 552 loves making boots, don't ya hun ?

RM552: Make it stop!

CJ: See, he can't get enough! Now make me another brown pair, but with pointy steel toes and jet packs in the heels .

Vegi-La: Ok, you're scarin' me, so I'm just gonna leave now. RM, remember, "It never hurts to help!"

RM552: Please... get help. Or cyanide!

Day 271

Ace [in the booth]: So, RM asked Chant, CJ, and me to meet him in the den in an hour. Now, all this together time is great and all, but one thing's for certain...

Chant: ...this better be important. I'm marking this down as NON-TRAINING TIME. Not only that but I definitely need...

CJ: ...some time on the treadmill right now to think about how Hawkman and...

Ace: ...Rogue better not stand me up, cuz after all this time, I definitely need the familiar feel of a...

Chant: ...mail in my hands.

-----------

Narrator: Soon, Ace, CJ, and Chant walk down the steps into the mansion den.

RM552: Hey, guys--

CJ:

RM552: ...and girl. Welcome to my office.

Chant: This better be important. This is NOT TRAINING!

RM552: That's nice. Now, as you may know, I've been working down in the den on a few... projects.

CJ: Did you make my boots?

RM552: Now, Ace, I--

Ace: Ace present and reporting, SIR!

RM552: Great. Ace--

Ace: Here, SIR!

RM552: Heh. Very funny, but seriously, Ace--

Ace: Right here, SIR?

RM552: ....

Ace:

Without another word, RM throws Ace a new box of cards and almost immediately, Ace realizes that something is off.

Ace: These cards feel heavy.

RM552: That's because they're all new trick cards with new features added .

Ace, CJ, Chant: Ooooooh!

With ease, RM552 picks up a very huge book and throws it to Ace, who gets knocked to the ground.

Ace: What the?

RM552: Instruction booklet.

Ace: Are you serious?

RM552: ...volume one.

Ace:

CJ [mumbling]: All I wanted was a new pair of boots .

RM552: Now Chant.

Chant: ....

RM552: Chant?

Chant: ....

RM552: CHANT!

Chant: Oh, hello.

RM552: Chant, I made you a mailbag.

Chant: Oh really? That's nice. I'll just add it to the SIXTY-FOUR OTHER MAILBAGS I HAVE!

RM552: But this is a special mailbag.

Chant [inspecting the outside]: I don't see anything special about it. Looks like a standard issue ATG-74PK1 mailbag to me.

RM552: Look inside.

Chant opens it up and sticks his head inside.

Chant: WHOA!

RM552: It's bottomless.

Chant: How'd you do that?

RM552: Pretty easy, actually. A little bit of wormhole, mixed with a dab of tesseract technology. It's all in Chapter 14 .

Chant: You have NO idea how this works, do you?

RM552: Not a clue.

CJ: Is a pair of boots too much to ask!?!

RM552: CJ.

CJ: No. No, it isn't .

RM reaches behind his workdesk and pulls out a shoebox.

RM552: CJ, this is for you.

CJ [grabbing the box and ripping it open]: <Gasp> Are these the Rosa Klebb pair?

RM552: They're straight from Russia, with love.

CJ: CJ pulls out a shiny new pair of brown, leather boots, and claps the heels together. To her glee, two long knife blades flick from the toes.

Ace and Chant:

CJ [stabbing the boots through the air]: You really shouldn't have.

RM552: I have the sinkin' feeling you're right.

DLD Day (am):



dun_like_dinner
is sweeping the steps
at the front of the Mansion
in the Room of Spirit and Time
that Mr. Popo built.

DLD:

Brit: Hey, dun! Why the upside-down smile, our Champion of Clean?

DLD: I was just thinking.

Brit: Yes, that will do it every time.

DLD: No. I mean, I was thinking about all of us being here in the Room of Spirit and Time.

Brit: Well I didn't think it was such a good idea, but you have to hand it to (young)Nightwing, it's not turning out as badly as we thought it would?

DLD: But that's my point. Everyone else has managed to gain some new power or ability. But I'm still plain ol' dun_like_dinner!

Brit: What!?!

DLD: Well you and Di have started to develop a telepathic link...

Brit: Well its not all good you kn...[Britannica winces in pain]...sorry Dear!

DLD: RM552 has made some really cool gadgets for Ace, CJ, and even Chant. Isn’t Chant supposed to be a villain?

Brit: True, but...

DLD: We can't stop Vegi-La playing with his vegi-balls...

Brit: Yes, well, the less said about that, the better I think.

DLD: ...and AGW is up to how many powers now?

Brit: 365. But have you noticed he's starting to act a little funny?

DLD: You mean the purple tux wasn’t funny enough? Point is, the entire time we've been here I haven't developed one new power or come up with one new move.

Brit: [slapping our young hero on the back] But DLD, think about what you've achieved with us in the JLR? You came to us all those months ago, back in the DCMB, as Super Janitor Man.

DLD: Ha! Lucky that name never took off.

Brit: Indeed! But before you could establish yourself, we got ripped out of our original reality and found ourselves here in the RKMB.

DLD: Yeah, that was pretty traumatic wasn’t it?

Brit: Yes it was. But who saved our bacon financially by having the foresight to bring the JLR petty-cash with him?

DLD: Me.

Brit: See. And who was able to provide transportation for all of the JLR with his own personal jet, so we could all come here to the convention?

DLD: I did, I guess.

Brit: That’s right! And who single-handedly took on the Silver Surfer - Mr. Power Cosmic himself - and won?

DBP: [Via telepathic link] But Honey, she was not the real Silver Surfer!
DLD: Hey! Yeah! So you’re saying I don’t need to enhance my abilities?

Brit: He.

DLD: Huh?
DBP: Sorry.

Brit [Noticing DLD]: Umm, See! [then to DBP] Nevermind.

DBP: Tell Her!
DLD: Nevermind, what?

Brit: Him! And I’ll tell her later! Do you mind this is a private conversation!

DLD:

Brit: [with his left eye developing a twitch, Britannica turns his attention back to DLD] Umm... nevermind... The fact that you do a fantastic job keeping all our base of operations sparkling clean.

DLD: I think you’ve boosted my ego enough, thanks Brit. I’ve got to go sweep over there now. Bye.
DBP: And it’s him! Goodbye!

Brit: Oh, Good. I mean, Good! Now if you’ll excuse me, I just have to lay down now.

Britannica stumbles off into the mansion. One hand is massaging his frontal lobe, the other one supporting him against the wall.

DLD: sigh

Just then dun_like_dinner spots Vegi-La walking towards Cowgirl Jack

Vegi-La: Hey CJ! Wanna see me vegi-balls?

CJ:

Fwoooshh [the sound of steel-capped, rocket-boosted boots moving through the air, very quickly]
Squibam [the sound of steel-capped, rocket-boosted connecting with the groinal region of a vegibestal humanoid]

CJ: [walking off] I’ll give you vegi-balls!

Vegi-La: [in a voice that sounds EXACTLY like Mickey Mouse] Some over time then maybe, CJ?

DLD: sigh (again).

Our hero uses his Stain Spoting Vision to span a mile of light and fire and focuses on a faint glow – the meditating (young) Nightwing. With a determined look and tighter grip on his broom, DLD starts toward his fellow hero.

------------

Inside the mansion, Chant makes his way to AGW's bedroom door and knocks. After a few moments of nothing, Chant knocks again. After a few more moments Chant begins to worry. It's the last day of the teams visit to this pocket dimension and AGW has yet to show any signs of packing. Frankly, Chant will be happy to leave this place and see his mail again, and he doesn't want anything to hold them up at the last minute.

Chant knocks again. After a few more moments he tries the knob and finds the door unlocked. Against his best judgement he opens the door just slightly, remembering not to barge into someone's bedroom like he did on Day 30....

Chant: 'Ello?

Bedroom: ....

Chant: Anybody in here?

AGW [mumbling]: They'll all know, won't they.

Chant: Any Given, who're you talking to--

Chant walks in to the room to find AGW scribbling rapidly all over the wall in pencil. Apparently, he has only to finish filling the last wall with the same sentence...

Chant: "All work and no lay makes---"

AGW: DON'T COME IN HERE!! [Wild-eyed] I'm not ready for you, just yet.

Chant: And everyone thinks I'm weird. Anyways, if you don't mind, could you pack up your stuff. The door is gonna appear in a few hours.

AGW: Oh, I'll be ready for the door. Will you be ready for me?

Chant [closing the bedroom door behind him as he leaves]: Sure, AGW. Suuuuuure.

To be continued...

DLD Day (pm):

DLD makes his way towards (young)Nightwing through the Room of Spirit and Time. He’s about a mile away from his teammate (young) Nightwing, when suddenly...

FA-FOOM!

Three strange figures appear before our Grime Fighter. Though DLD's attention instantly focuses on the woman wearing the short summer dress. Her shiny, red curly hair is tied up revealing her bare neck and shoulders. She has the dimpled face of a sweet, innocent angel, and a body that could kill. Her green eyes shine when she smiles sweetly at our hero and gives a little wave.

DLD grins back stupidly!

DLD: Gurgle

A small, thin, stern-looking man in a dapper suit walks between DLD and the lovely image before him. The man has slicked hair, a pair of reading spectacles perched upon his beaky nose, and a quill lodged behind his ear. He moves stiffly with his hands behind his back.

DLD immediately tries to ignore the man, to get a better look at the woman.

Small man: [gives a little cough] hmm hmm

DLD: Oh, I’m sorry sir…

Small man: Much better.

DLD: But could you please move out of the way.

Small man: [gives a slightly louder cough] HMM HMM

DLD: [finally drawing his attention to the man] What!?!

Small man: “Lord” dun_like_dinner, there are certain beings in position of influence who are willing to give you a second chance. I believe them to be mistaken in their beliefs and that we should leave you to your mortal fate.

DLD: Riiiight.

DLD finally looks at the third figure, a clown wearing a baggy suit, oversized shoes and a party hat. He pulls out an old-fashioned car horn. HONK HONK

DLD: Okay. Maybe the Room is affecting me more that I realised. Hang on! How'd you get in here anyway? You're not supposed to be able to do that!

Small man: My dear dun_like_dinner, entering the Room of Spirit and Time is a mere trifle for beings such as us.

DLD: Riiiight…. again.

Small man: You were always dim but I did not realise that the High Father removed what little intelligence you had along with your memory.

DLD: Look this isn't making much sense. I think I need to sit down...

DLD sits down on the ground when...

PFFFFTTTTT!!!

DLD immediately jumps up to find a deflated whoopee cushion.

DLD: What the?

The Clown blows into a party blower and silently laughs

DLD: Who are you anyway? How do you know who I am?

Small man: We are the Gods of the Partyon.

DLD: Don't you mean Pantheon?

Small man: I mean what I said. This [indicating the woman] is Teasa - goddess of the friendship zone.

Teasa: Hello DLD.

DLD: Goik !

Small man: This [indicating the clown] is Entertainus - god of party games and favours.

Entertainus spins a rattle above his head. Whizzzzzzzzzzzz

DLD still staring at Teasa, absently waves hello at Entertainus.

Small man: And I am Refundus – god of tax accountants.

DLD: Who ever heard of a god for tax accountants? That’s stupid…. and boring.

Refundus: [getting a little haughty] Well, you are the god of janitors.

DLD: Look pal! I’ve been a janitor nearly all my life and I’ve never heard anything about a god of janitors.

Refundus: [getting a little more haughty] Please stick with the conversation, dun_like_dinner. We have already established that your memory has been erased. Of course, you wouldn’t know anything about the god of janitors.

DLD: What!?! My memory has been erased! [goes into mop-the-floor battle pose] Who did it?

Refundus: We’ve already established that too…It was the High Father! Lord Preserve us…

DLD: Lord Preservus? Sounds more like the God of jam makers.

Refundus: Preservus is not the High Father ! He’s the God of manufacturers of hams and other small goods. The High Father is Zues!

DLD: Hey! I know Zues!

Refundus: Oh yes, very amusing. How could you know the High Father Zues when you memory has been erased?

DLD: He lives in the Barn of Justice.

Refundus: ?!? [turns to Teasa and Entertainus] Perhaps we will not have to bring him back with us after all?

Entertainus mimes a sad man who starts crying.

Teasa: But Pompus told us to bring DLD back with us.

DLD: But what about (young)? I shouldn’t just leave him here. The JLR is leaving soon and—

Teasa walks over to DLD and drapes an arm around our hero’s neck. She draws a line with her finger from DLD’s nose down to his chest.

Teasa: [with another smile] Oh, don’t worry about him. I have a good feeling he’ll be alright. So, what do you say? Ready to visit Paradise with me?

DLD:

Teasa: I’ll take that as a yes

FA-FA-FA-FOOOM!!!!

And the four figures disappear from the Room of Spirit and Time leaving no trace of their existence.

To be continued…

Midnight in The Room of Spirit and Time

Two hours later...

Several members of the JLR are in the kitchen packing their possessions. Soon, they will all leave the comforts of this temporary home and leave The Room of Spirit and Time.

RM552 [wiping a line of dust from the table with his finger]: Anyone seen DLD? He's been slacking.

Vegi-La: Saw him just after I got kicked in the nads. He was headin' out with his mop.

Brit: Heading where, exactly?

Vegi-La: I dunno. Figured he wanted to clean The Room before we left.

Ace: He does know The Room extends forever, right?

Chant: That's a lot of cleaning!

JLR:

Suddenly everything becomes extremely still and a bright neon light pours in through ever window, blinding everyone inside.

Three minutes earlier...

Months of exposure to the elemental forces of the Room of Spirit have taken their toll on (young)'s uniform. His body, HOWEVER, has not aged a day. His normal bodily functions HAVE slowed to a crawl, his hair and nail growth is unnoticeable, and his eyes remain shut.

(young) Nightwing's mind mimics the maelstrom of The Room around him. Multiple scenes and images battle for supremacy, flashing across his mind's eye:
The Room
Dende and Mr. Popo
The Hulk and The Defenders
a Martian Manhunter
a Batman
a contest of champions
a barn
La Machine reading a letter
clones
Olympus
Chant
Superfly Sr.
the shadows
reality falling down around him
space
darkness
paper golems
JMAngelo
The Batchelor Pad of Justice
a new team
....."I wanna be in the Justice League too!"

Suddenly, the hero's eyes snap open and much of his remaining energy pours out of him. But rather than the usual golden light extending miles in every direction it is a blinding multi-hued neon light. Then he speaks his first word in months...

"Midnight."

In the kitchen...

CJ: What was that?

Chant: It came from outside!

CJ: Well, DUH!

Chant:

CJ:

Brit: Are you okay?

DBP: Yes, but we should go check on Mr. (young)

Brit: We should go check on (young)!

JLR: Right!

DBP: I said that already.

Brit: Yes, but not everybody here is fortunate enough to have a direct line INTO MY HEAD!

DBP: Oh, right.

In minutes, the JLR have braved the distance to find their friend.

Ace: (young)...

Brit: you're...

CJ: not...

RM552: glowing!

MS: I remember everything now. It took nearly all of my power to sustain me for all those months. I'm nearly tapped out, and it may take years to acheive the power I had before, but it was worth it. My name is not "(young) Nightwing."

He looks at his friends. The team he now truly remembers.

MS: I am Midnight Spectre.

Brit: But that would mean you're--

DBP: My love, something is very wrong!

Brit: Where is i--

And with that, the entire mansion explodes.

KABOOOOOM!!!

CJ: Oh my Gob!

Slowly, a lone, untouched figure rises from the ashes of the home they shared and stops high above them in the air. Then, in near abandon he smiles, looks down upon the team of do-gooders, and speaks so in a voice so loud they must cover their ears or go deaf.

AGW: HEEEEERE'S JOHNNY!

DBP [looking into the eyes of her fiance]: He wants to kill us all.

CJ: But... he's our friend.

Vegi-La: I know, but we can't think about that right now. Right now we've gotta worry about takin' him down before that door comes. We can't let him get out of here, not like this. Ace, Chant, and CJ, on the left. Brit, DBP, RM, you three got the right.

Midnight: No.

Vegi-La: I know what you're thinking, Midnight, but you ain't got--

Midnight: With all due respect, La Machine, you've all had months to train...."

He can see the crazed glare of a friend who may be too far gone. Midnight does not smile as he walks toward their broken home to begin what could be the last battle of his life.

Midnight: ...now it's my turn.

To be continued.....

Dark Wednesday

CJ: We've gotta follow him. AGW has 365 powers now. That kind of power can be... consuming.

Ace: (young) Ni-- Midnight Spectre told us NOT to follow him.

RM552: So we just leave him in there?

Ace: I don't like it either, but we have to trust him.

Chant: Trust won't help him when he's dead.

CJ: Don't you dare say that! Don’t you EVER say that!

Brit: CJ, calm down. No one is going to die today. Midnight Spectre does, in fact, need our help, though. They both do.

RM552: Agreed.

Vegi-La: Ace?

Ace [looking away]: Midnight knows what he's doing, but...

Vegi-La: But?

Ace: But I don't like the odds.

Vegi-La: Well, neither do I. That's why we're goin' in.

Without another word, Vegi-La charges through the inferno, toward the burning ruins of The Room of Spirit and Time's once great mansion, and the rest of the team follows.

----------

Midnight sifts through the rubble that was the JLR's former home. His blood boils with anger as his ears fill with the sound of laughter.

As Any Given Wednesday slowly descends, he considers the menagerie of powers he could use to make his former pal suffer. Freezing, burning, turning his heart into a rice cake. As his feet lightly touch the ground, however, he realizes that the door to the outside world isn't scheduled to appear for a little while. No harm in a little chat…

AGW: Hey, Midnight, did you know that Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance and Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer?

Midnight: ...

AGW: How about the fact that 83% of people hit by lightning are men?

Midnight: ...

AGW: Didn't know that either, huh?

Midnight: ...

AGW: I know what you're thinking, too.

Midnight: What am I thinking, Any Given Wednesday?

AGW: He speaks! Well now, you're thinking we've been here one Wednesday too long, and poor lil AGW's been corrupted absolutely by all this absolute power.

Midnight [crossing his arms]: Actually, I was thinking you desperately need a woman.

AGW: Ha! A joke! I always knew you had ONE in ya.

Midnight: ...

AGW: Awww... back on stealth mode, eh? Running silent? Fine, I'll speak.

Midnight: ...

AGW: I gotta admit, the abundance of power was tempting. That and the lack of... well, you know... was a bit much for a guy like me. I mean, you... you could go years. Probably have.

Midnight: Do you have a point, or is this whole thing nothing more than an ill-conceived attempt to find out about my love life?

AGW: Ooooh, was that a soft spot ?

Midnight: ...

AGW: Well, I gotta admit, I was feeling a little under the weather 'til I woke up.

Midnight: ...

AGW: I woke up on our 360th Wednesday morning in this Gob-forsaken place a new man. I... knew... everything. And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING!

Midnight: ...

AGW: And not just the silly stuff either. I know the proof to Fermat's Last Theorem. Six days ago, I didn't even know who Fermat was! (He's dead, by the way.) I know what Avogadro's Number SHOULD be. I know how to supply all the nations of Earth with endless power from a single glass of distilled water. I even know how the world could be made a good an happy place. It would work and no one would have to get nailed to anything. So it wasn't absolute power after all, but ABSOLUTE KNOWLEDGE.

Who'd a' thunk?

Midnight: Impressive.

AGW: Thanks, I live for your approval. Speaking of which, I also know you smell like CRAP! I could smell ya comin' from all the way up there! Was enhanced senses Day 74 or 52? I’ve lost track. Anywho, even monks break for showers, ya know.

Midnight: ...

AGW: Oh, come on, lighten up, laugh a little! You'll be dead in a minute.

Midnight: And what then?

AGW: What, you mean AFTER you die a painful, agonizing death? Who knows? I'll probably kill Chant next, just for kicks.

Midnight: ...

AGW: Oh, you're not worried that I'll get out of here and try to take over The Real World, are ya?

Midnight: ...

AGW: Well, you should be. After all, I know how .

Midnight: I'll stop you before you have that chance, AGW.

AGW: You know, I always hated that name. Any Given Wednesday sounds like a low-budget teen movie. Doesn't suit me either. I think a name change is in order, don't you... Midnight Spectre?

Midnight: What? Don't think you've confused people enough?

AGW: And the jokes keep coming. You're doing pretty well for someone with no sense of humor or hygiene. Anyway, I need a new name, something that defines the new me.

Midnight: I know a few words I would use.

AGW: ... I'm laughing on the inside. I was thinking about it as I watched you walking BELOW me... how does Dark Wednesday sound to you?

Midnight [through clenched teeth]: Like a low-budget horror movie.

Dark Wednesday: Well, I happen to like it, so there ya go. Now look who the cat dragged in.

The rest of the JLR charge in, but they stop a few yards away from Midnight Spectre and Dark Wednesday.

Ace: Guys, I... can't... move!

Dark Wednesday: Telekinesis: You Gotta Love It!

Midnight Spectre: Let them go!

Dark Wednesday: Now, now, wouldn't want them to interrupt, would we? I'll eventually kill them too, though. You'll be my very first, though .

Midnight Spectre: I'll stop you, AGW.

Dark Wednesday: I told you, IT'S DARK WEDNESDAY NOW! You’re still not taking me seriously!! What's a villain gotta do to prove he means business, huh Chant?

Chant: What do ya--

Dark Wednesday snaps his fingers, and before he can finish his question, Chant disappears... deleted from existence.

Midnight Spectre: Chant! [Turns to Wednesday] You did this!

Dark Wednesday: Well, duh!

Midnight Spectre: How could you--

Dark Wednesday: Oh, COME ON! He was the JLR's greatest villain. Well, maybe not the greatest (that She-Chant had attitude), but he was a persistent little fella, ya had to give him that. We all wanted to get rid of the guy...

Midnight Spectre: He became a hero and our ally.

Dark Wednesday: ...especially when he was a hero.

Midnight Spectre THIS ENDS NOW!

Dark Wednesday: Oooh, look, ma, the lone cub FINALLY bears down! Ok, little Speck, show me those fangs.

Midnight: With pleasure !

To be continued...

’Night vs. ‘Day

Unable to help, the JLR can only watch as Midnight Spectre clenches his fists.

Then, faster than their eyes can see, Midnight pulls back and swings forward, aiming his first punch for Wednesday’s right temple. The proper hit at the right angle, and he’ll be knocked unconscious with minimal trauma. In that split second between release and impact, Midnight can feel the heat of The Room begin to bake his knuckle. But then, to his surprise he watches as Wednesday turns to see the punch, looks back at him with that same evil grin, and dodge his fist before it even comes close.

Midnight will not let up, though, and follows with a flurry of punches aimed at several known pressure points. Wordless, smiling, Dark Wednesday dodges every intended strike with apparent ease.

Finally, Midnight lets up and takes several steps back, putting a good, safe distance between them. He treads from foot to foot, shuffling from side to side. By the time Wednesday looks him in the eyes with that same condescending grin, he has already put up his guard, though his muscles are loose and his body flows.

Dark Wednesday: Missed me !

Midnight Spectre: It won't happen again.

Dark Wednesday: Oh, come on, man! I developed super speed two and a half months ago. and you obviously aren't the man you used to be. Still don't take me seriously, huh? Still think I'm just a little man playing with the big boys? Fine then, let's play a game.

Midnight Spectre: ....

Dark Wednesday: Pick a number between one and... five hundred fifty-two.

Midnight Spectre [to himself]: Registered...

Dark Wednesday: Registered Member it is!

Ace: RM!

His muscles quivering Registered Member #552 looks at his friends one last time, then uses all his strength to turn to CJ.

RM552: You're faster than him. Your b—

SNAP!

And Registered Member #552 is gone.

Brit [whispering]: No.

Midnight Spectre: NO!

Again, he draws back his fist, and sprints forward, his feet hovering steady inches above the several yards of ground between them. Instantly, he’s upon his opponent and Dark Wednesday makes himself ready to block a high speed punch to the stomach. This time, though, Midnight rotates his lower body, launching into a spin kick aimed at Dark Wednesday’s head. Finally, he catches the enemy by surprise.

But Dark Wednesday is still too fast. He shuffles his entire body out of the way…

Dark Wednesday: Nice!

…and grabs, Midnight's extended legs. Dark Wednesday, spins him around and around, then hammer tosses him into the air. Midnight's body rockets dozens of yards before he lands on the hard Room floor with a thud.

Before Midnight can even feel the pain, Wednesday comes down hard, burrowing his fist into the hero's stomach. Midnight can feel his stomach turn to mush, as Wednesday's strike seems to drill through.

Dark Wednesday: Oh, and I've got super strength, too.

Brit: Midnight... I... idea.

Midnight slowly starts up, but can only bring himself to his knees before he feels his sides burn.

Midnight: Brit?

Dark Wednesday: Pay attention to me! I’m the one here—right here, right now, beating the crap outta ya!

Brit: Midnight... taking everything … DBP and I to... keep....

Dark Wednesday's fist pummels Midnight's nose, sending him hurdling back.

Dark Wednesday: I said pay attention!

Midnight glares at Wednesday with stone-cold eyes, but concentrates on Britannica and Di Bat Pho, adding what he can to their power.

Midnight: He's strong, even stronger than we thought. I don’t know if I can beat him without killing him… and perhaps even myself.

Brit: Midnight, you have to listen. Di Bat Pho and I have a plan. If she can use her power to augment my own, it may be possible for us to push him off balance telepathically long enough for you to do whatever needs to be done.

Midnight: It's worth a try.

Dark Wednesday: Long-winded, ain’t he? Don’t worry, I’m not listening in. I know more than he or Misinformation could ever dream! He’s no longer an issue.

DBP: Britannica, I am able to move again!

CJ: La, I can move again!

Ace: Same here.

Vegi-La: “Dark” Wednesday must have forgotten about us.

CJ: All of his attention's on Midnight.

Brit: True, but it’s taking everything Midnight has to keep up the fight.

DBP: Britannica and I are working on a plan.

Brit: Yes, but we need Dark Wednesday closer so I can obtain eye contact, and Midnight doesn’t know how long he can last without doing something drastic.

Vegi-La: Information-overload attack?

Brit nods.

Ace: They’re too far away, though. We get anywhere close and Wednesday will snap US out of existence just like Chant and Registered.

CJ: Registered Member! That’s what he was trying to tell me.

Vegi-La: What?

CJ: I’m wearing the high-speed boots he gave me. If I give it everything I’ve got.

DBP: You wish to go in there first? Alone?

Vegi-La: You sure you know what you’re doin’?

CJ: I can get there faster than anyone here, trust me.

Ace: Trust. Heh. I still don’t like the odds.

Vegi-La: CJ, be careful, hun. Ace and I will cover ya.

CJ: Don’t worry guys. I didn’t clock in all those hours on the treadmill for nothing.

On the outside, CJ gives a smile and a wink to ensure her team that their plan will work. On the inside, though, the uncertainty races through her mind as she knocks the dust off her boots with a sway of the hand. Even if he is gone, she’ll make sure Registered Member leaves a lasting mark.

----------

Dark Wednesday: Ready for round two, or do you wanna take a break? Get yourself together, take a shower, fix your broken rib. You can come back tomorrow refreshed.

Without a word, Midnight shifts his concentration, from his head, to his lungs, to his heart, to his center, then finally to his feet.

Everything around them becomes dark as Midnight’s body is opened to the chi of the Room. He lets out a scream of fury and pain as the power of the raging inferno enters him. His hair and eyes glow with the new power.

And in the all-consuming darkness, Dark Wednesday smiles. It seems things have just become interesting.

Dark Wednesday: Nice!

To be continued...

Us Against the Wall

The members of the JLR breathe a little easier when the light returns to The Room of Spirit and Time, though Midnight still glows with the power he has collected from their surrounding. DBP, however, remains more than a little worried.

DBP: Something is wrong.

Ace: Well, duh!

JLR:

Ace: Well, someone had to say it.

Brit: This isn't the time to be flippant, Ace. I also felt something wrong in Midnight Spectre when we were connected.

DBP: Her mind became chaotic the moment she opened up her body to everything around us.

Vegi-La: That why everything went dark?

Brit: Indeed. He's taken the power of The Room of Spirit and Time into himself, thus the momentary lack of light.

Ace: Except for him. We can see again, but Midnight's still got that strobe effect going.

Brit: And I fear he may not be able to contain all that power in his present physical condition.

CJ: Sounds like my cue.

Vegi-La: We don't know what's goin' on over there, CJ. Wait for the right moment.


Dark Wednesday watches streams of electricity draw jagged lines across the surface of Midnight's body. Even his hair seems to burn as the hero lets out a guttural roar.

DW: You alright there, guy?

Midnight:

DW: Alrighty then. Well look, I'm kinda running low on time here, guy, so I'm just gonna go ahead and kill you.

CJ watches as Dark Wednesday draws back a glowing fist for one final blow.

CJ: To hell with waiting.

Vegi-La: Wait a--

Engineering was never CJ’s thing. Don’t get it wrong, she liked some science and could do complex math in times of crisis. Engineering simply never held her interest. She loved animals, though, and clothes, and good conversation. Those things made her smile, but Engineering always left her listless and bored. That was probably why she never asked RM552 how her boots worked. As she thinks about it, now, she smiles a little and wonders if he would have even been able to give her a straight answer.

The whir of gizmos is the first thing she notices as she pushes off with her right leg. Then there is a click as something in the heel of her boots makes contact.

The next thing she notices is the absolute quiet.

She almost forgets to pace her breath as she takes the stillness in. She looks ahead and sees Dark Wednesday's fist slowed to a crawl. She looks back to see Vegi-La frozen in shock. Faster than she ever imagined, she heads into the frey.

She covers over half the distance between them before Dark Wednesday catches a glimmer of her blur in the corner of his eye. CJ smiles as she watches his head slowly turn. She can see each facial muscle move as the anger crawls across his face. He tries to speed up and match her, but he can't make it in time, and they both know it.

CJ: Too late, cowboy.

She strikes the center of his stomach but doesn't even try to hold back her broad grin when she feels his entire body give in to the force of her blow. She lands a hit to his nose, his right cheek, left cheek, his temple, another to his stomach, then his chin. Then she gets serious.

CJ: And this is for RM!

As hard as she can, CJ delivers a steel-toed boot to Dark Wednesday's chest before finally watching his body crumple to the ground silently.

She knows he might get back up, but at least she’s slowed him down. Suddenly heat and sound return to CJ, announcing the end of her speed burst.

And she hears Dark Wednesday let out a light cough.

DW: Well, color me blonde and call me Britney. That almost hurt, country girl, and you didn't even pull out Harpy. I'm impressed!

CJ: There's a lot about my human side you don't know. You may be doing wrong, but you were a friend, so I don't wanna have to do that again. Don't get up.

DW: You're bluffing.

CJ: Try me.

DW [standing up]: Well now, it looks like we've got ourselves an old-fashioned showdown.

Ace [charging in]: Then you won't mind if I draw!

Four deuce cards burst in blazes of bright light, blinding Dark Wednesday. Vegi-la follows his partner's attack with a Vegi-ball that explodes at Dark Wednesday's feet, releasing a plume of gas and toppling him over backwards.

As the gas clears, CJ, Ace, and Vegi-La stand ready, watching DW's body for any sign of movement.

DW: Well, that was unexpected. Three against one hardly seems fair.

CJ: One last time, AGW: don't get up.

DW: Okay.

And he disappears.

Ace: Where'd he go?

Vegi-La: We've gotta move now, while we've got the chance. CJ, try to find out what's up with Midnight. We'll keep our eyes open.

CJ: Alright.

Ace: Be careful, CJ.

He is no longer screaming, but the pain in Midnight's eyes tell her that it's taking everything he has to keep the power from reaching out and engulfing them all.

CJ: Midnight, we need you.

She wants to let Midnight know his team is still there for him. She wants to let him know he's needed. Desperate, Cowgirl Jack warily extends a hand to him, but afraid of the fire and power she freezes. Then a small flame swiftly extends from the fire that surrounds Midnight Spectre's body and licks her fingers. She gasps in a mixture of surprise and fright, but instead of burning her, the fire feels cold.

A voice: I wouldn't do that...

Dark Wednesday appears behind Midnight and signs for her to back off.

DW: Can't you read? It is taking everything he has to keep the power from reaching out and engulfing you all.

Before CJ can speak Dark Wednesday teleports and turns up behind Ace.

DW: Looking for me?

Ace spins around fast but Dark's punch comes faster. Before he can raise his hand to defend, his jaw feels like mush.

DW: Heh. I just decked Ace.

Vegi-La forms another Vegi-ball in his hands, but with a thought, Dark Wednesday turns it into a bouquet of colorful flowers.

DW: Pretty, but don't you think you need something with a little more... oomph?

Still in Vegi-La's hand, the flowers morph into a ticking egg. Thinking fast, Vegi-La uses his strength to hurl it as high into the air as he can and hits the ground just before it explodes above him.

DW [inhaling the showering aroma with a smile]: I love the smell of floral scent in the morning.

When Vegi-La looks up, Dark Wednesday is gone.

Brit: Midnight, you have to regain control.

DBP: It's no good, she's too far gone. Her mind is total chaos.

Brit: He's in there somewhere. He has to be!

DW: Much better. You know, you both have great aim. Good to see some people haven't wasted their stay here at The Room of Spirit and Time meditating.

He disappears again and reappears in front of Ace wearing a new set of jeans and a t-shirt that reads "The Real Thing"

DW: Can you hit me now?

When Ace's hit connects with his chin it feels like punching a brick wall. Instead of falling over even being moved, Dark Wednesday smiles. Then, another voice chimes in behind Ace.

Another DW: Good, good.

Ace: What the fu--

A third DW appears beside the second and tackles Ace down to the ground. Another one appears wearing the same smile and t-shirt as the rest. Then another.

Vegi-La makes a break toward his comrade, but yet another Dark Wednesday appears, blocking his way. Then another materializes behind La. A few seconds later Ace and La are surrounded by dozens of Wednesdays. A few more seconds pass and they are circled by hundreds.

A DW: Three-hundred sixty five to be exact. Three-hundred sixty five powers, three-hundred sixty five Dark Wednesdays. Justice Leauge Reality, meet the Justice League Me.

Soon Ace and Vegi-La are pinned by hundreds of Dark Wednesday's each. They both do their best to punch, kick, and simply squirm their ways out, but they are both simply too outnumbered.

First, Ace's left hand is frozen in a block of ice. Then his right hand begins to twitch, balls up into a fist, and starts punching him in the face. He can feel his feet begin to burn before another Wednesday wraps around his legs like a rubber band. Extra insurance that the hero will stay down.

His mouth is sealed with goo forcing La to fight to breathe through his nose. Then, like clockwork a new Dark Wednesday plunges a hand into La's back and clenches his grip around his lungs. Another Wednesday tells him over and over to fall asleep and before long, Vegi-La feels his eyes begin to close.

Midnight: Can't--

Brit: Midnight?

Midnight: Losing... it.

DBP: Please hold on.

Finally, running out of options, CJ reaches out and grabs Midnight's arm.

KABOOM!

To be continued…

New and Improved

CJ is thrown several feet by the blast and she lands hard on her back. She opens her eyes, hoping to see a friend, but...

DW: Told you not to do that.

Suddenly, her body feels heavy. Too heavy. She realizes that as hard as she tries, she can't move.

DW: CJ, have you gained weight? Tsk, tsk, and tsk.

CJ [straining to speak]: La.

Another Dark Wednesday appears in her blurry view and smirks down at her.

DW: Gone, I'm afraid. Ace too, so don't bother doing the whole straining to speak thing again.

CJ: No.

Third DW [sitting down next to her]: Y'know, I haven't known your little team here very well, I think, but all this denial every time you lose somebody is getting annoying.

CJ: You're one of us. Don't you remember?

Fourth DW: Now that you mention it, my memories of you guys are really blotchy. I remember every book ever published word for word, though, so I guess you're just not that important.

He smiles and another Dark Wednesday adds…

Fifth DW: Maybe when I'm done with your little boyfriend over there, I'll let you remind me.

Midnight: Stay away from her. Your fight is with me.

All the Dark Wednesday's but one turn to each other and laugh, while the last glares without a word at the hero. Midnight calms himself and the fire around him steadies. His power is under control, for now.

And every Dark Wednesday fades away until only that last one remains, still glaring. He’s forgotten the girl and cracks his knuckles in glee.

DW: Cool!

To be continued...

Justice

In a blink Midnight is on DW with sonic kicks and punches, but the still-too-fast DW dodges and blocks every one of them with ease. Midnight shifts tactics and uses finesse to misdirect his opponent, allowing a first and well-placed hit to Dark Wednesday's side. DW folds sideways, grips his side, and teleports away, materializing a safe distance away.

Midnight: He's still too powerful.

DBP: What do you mean? You finally hit her, and it even seems to have done some damage.

Midnight: He's holding back, I can tell. He’s been toying with us all this entire time.

DBP: You can't be serious?

Brit: Trust me, hun, Midnight never kids.

Midnight: But something Dark Wednesday said has given me an idea. How long can you hold our link?

Brit: DBP isn't looking--

DBP: I'll be fine.

In truth, she felt as if she would pass out.

Midnight: This is what I want to do...

As quickly as he could, Midnight explained his plan in a telepathic whisper.

Brit: It's risky.

DBP: I'm unsure if it will even work.

Midnight: Do either of you have a better idea?

Brit and DBP: ...

DW: Done yet?

Midnight: ...

DW: I told you I'm smarter than him. Nothing he can tell you will make a pinch of difference.

Midnight: You believe you have us beat, don't you?

DW: Ummmmm...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..... Yes.

Midnight: And you believe you can leave here and take over the entire world.

DW: Ummmmm...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..... Yes (again).


Midnight: But you claim to be a smart boy, AGW. You should know you'll never succeed in the outside world.

DW: This is where I act as if this mind games could actually work: Oh, no! Tell me, oh Great Dali Lame, why can't I ever succeed?

Midnight: Because you're a fuck up.

DW: Hey now, kids might be reading!

Midnight: All this time you've depended on this team to cover for you. Truth is, you've always been our biggest handicap.

DW [through clenched teeth]: Alright, that's enough. I don't remember much but--

Midnight: I know you don't. In fact, I'm depending on it. You see, you might not remember me, but I remember you, and believe me, if you knew anything you'd realize you'll always be too stupid to get anything right. And while I’m at it, if you’re around us so much, when exactly do you have the time do be the lady’s man you claim to be?

And with that, Dark Wednesday is all over him. A crazed punch shatters Midnight's shoulder. Three wild punches to the face bring the Justice League Reality's last hope to his knees. Dark Wednesday won't let him fall that easily, though. He grabs Midnight by the collar and hoists him into the air until his feet dangle.

DW: LOOK AT ME! I DARE YOU TO LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND CALL ME STUPID!

Midnight looks him in the eye and smiles.

Midnight: Gotcha... stupid.

Midnight: Now!

They push their link to its limit. Di Bat Pho can feel herself losing her grip but she holds on just long enough for Brit to finally see Dark Wednesday's wide-eyed glare through Midnight's eyes.

Brit: Informationoverloadattack!

Multiple scenes and images battle for supremacy in Dark Wednesday's mind:
The Room
Dende and Mr. Popo
The Hulk and The Defenders
a Martian Manhunter
a Batman
a contest of champions
a barn
La Machine reading a letter
clones
Olympus
Chant
Superfly Sr.
the shadows
reality falling down around him
space
paper golems
JMAngelo
The Batchelor Pad of Justice
a new team
....."I wanna be in the Justice League too!"

and finally darkness

To be concluded…

League

Twenty minutes have passed since Dark Wednesday fell. Britannica and Di Bat Pho sift through the pils of brick and metal that was once their home.

DBP: There does not seem to be much left, my love. Nothing but ash.

Brit: Nothing on my end either, but we have to keep looking.

DBP: What do you hope to find?

Brit: Something. Anything.

Taking a soft hold of her fiance's arm, DBP speaks aloud but softly.

DBP: They are gone, my love.

Brit: I know.

DBP: But I'm still here for you.

Brit hugs her back while choking back the tears.

Brit: I know.

Meanwhile, CJ tends to the heavily wounded Midnight.

CJ: Are you okay?

Midnight: Yes, my body still heals very quickly. Dark Wednesday?

CJ: Still lying over there, unconscious. Taking him on like that was risky.

Midnight: I didn't want to lose you-- I didn't want to lose another teammate, I mean.

CJ: Thanks. I don't know why, but it feels like things will work out, ya know?

Midnight: I know what you mean. It's like they're not gone.

CJ: Yeah...

Dark Wednesday [still on his back]: Could someone please turn off that train running through my head?

CJ and Midnight: Crap.

DBP: What will we do when--

CJ [yelling]: Di Bat Pho, Brit, he's awake!

Brit: I guess we're about to find out.

It takes some time, but eventually Dark Wednesday stands. Everything is too bright for him to open his eyes fully. The noise of his own coughing echoes in his head, amplifying his headache. His weight soon overcomes his wobbly legs and he lands on rear end again.

CJ: Dark Wednesday, we don't want to hurt you...

DBP [arriving on the scene, followed by Brit]: ...but we will if we have to.

DW: I don't know what came over me. The other day, I woke up and I wasn't me. I mean, I was me, but I wasn't, ya know? I was in control, but I wasn't. I was--

CJ: Crazy?

Midnight: Insane?

Brit: Megalomanic?

DW: I was gonna say different, but alrighty then.

DBP: How much do you remember?

DW: Not much from the last few days. It's all... blotchy. I remember everything about you guys, though. Whatever you did, Mid, it jogged the old noggin. It was weird. I could remember who you all were, but a lot of my memories were lost.

CJ [should we trust him]: Should we trust him?

Midnight [getting up slowly]: If he wanted to kill us, he would have done so already.

Dark Wednesday: Oh, and it's not Dark Wednesday anymore. It's just Wednesday now.

Brit: Another name change? Now that's the Wednesday we know.

CJ: Ace.

DBP: They're all really gone.

Wednesday: Well, not really. It's strange, but even though I lost all that knowledge about everything I never wanted to know, I feel like I still have the rest of my powers.

Brit: What does that mean?

Wednesday: I can bring 'em back in a snap.

SNAP!

And just like that RM552, Ace, and Vegi-La were back.

CJ: Aren't you forgetting something?

Wednesday: Oh yeah, musta forgot .

SNAP!

And Chant returns.

Chant: Dark Wednesday !?!

Chant punches him in the nose.

Wednesday: OW!

Brit: Chant, it's okay.

Brit and DBP fill their recovered teammates in on what happened since their disappearances.

Chant: Oh, ok. So we're back now, good as new?

CJ: Yep.

Chant: Good.

POW!

Wednesday: OW! What was that for?

Chant: Deleting me .

Vegi-La: I don't believe this, but I actually agree with Chant. He might be a good guy again, but Wednesday DID blow the mansion sky high, destroy all our belongings, and fight us to the death.

Ace: I say we kick 'im.

Brit: You know, Ace. That's a smashing idea.

And they do. They all kick him... a lot. Wednesday even gets a solid, steel-toed kick to groin... or three.

Then after he regains consciousness, Wednesday uses his powers to piece together the mansion and the team's belongings as best he can. Within a few minutes almost everything, including every boot and throwing card is restored. However, the mansion is still a mess and the rest of their clothes are sadly gone.

Then finally a pair of large doors appears in the distance, reminding everyone that it's time to go home.

Midnight and Wednesday are two of the last to leave The Room of Spirit and Time. Lost in thought, Midnight stops and looks back at the infinite expanse of their training room.

Wednesday: I didn't mean any of it, ya know.

Midnight: I know.

Wednesday [extending his hand]: So we're cool.

Midnight [taking his hand and shaking it]: Yeah, we're cool.

Wednesday: You know, this is the part where you tell me you didn't mean it when you called me stupid.

Midnight: Oh, is it?

Wednesday: ...

Midnight ...

Suddenly, Wednesday and Midnight hear a rumble and look to the infinite space above them.

Wednesday: Thunder and lightning? I thought The Room didn't have that kind of weather.

Midnight: It is probably just an electrical discharge.

Wednesday: Ohhhhhh... Now about you calling me stupid.

With one final sigh, Midnight walks out of the room, and an irate Wednesday follows.

One minute earlier

A god hovers 3524 miles above them, watching the happy mortals chatter amongst themselves.

Zues: What fun puppets you are!

Zues can't help but pat himself on the back. When he gave a mortal the knowledge of a god and stole his heroic memories, Zues had no idea it would give him such a show. It was pure... genius.

Zues: We will play this game again.

Satisfied with his new playthings Zues clapped with hands and disappeared in a roar of lightning and thunder.

Five minutes earlier

RM552: Hey CJ, can I ask you something?

CJ: Sure.

RM552: Back there, you said you knew what it was like to have a lot of power. You said you knew how tempting it could be.

CJ: Really?

RM552: Yeah, what was all that about?

CJ: Great power and temptation, huh? Maybe you HAVE been spending a little too much time making me boots. Sounds like a lot for little ol' me to be worried about, don't you think?

RM552: Heh. I guess so.

[10-22-2003: Message edited by Cowgirl Jack ]

Reality
or
The Room of Spirit and Time – Epilogue
or
Have you cleaned your Room (of Spirit and Time)?

Midnight Spectre and Wednesday enter the Tower of Earth’s Guardian to find a scene of chaos.

Cowgirl Jack and Di Bat Pho are hugging each other, alternating between laughing and crying and getting angry.

Dende and Mr Popo are looking very cross and arguing with Vegi La, Ace, RM552 and Chant.

Britannica is sitting down, rubbing his temples…

Before they can ask what is going on. Wednesday starts to shake…

Midnight: What’s wrong?

Wed: D-don’t know? Feeling strange. Ah! It… hurts!

Strange bulges appear all over Wednesday’s body. The bulges start turning into different colours… red and yellow and pink and green, purple and orange and blue…

Midnight: Watch out everyone. He’s gonna blow!

Everyone is able to scramble to safety as

Wed: Aggghhhhh!!


Hundreds of emoticons are released from Wednesday’s body. Smilies, grumpies, lol’s mads, love’s, nono’s, crazies, whome’s and vomiting emoticons whiz around the Tower of Earth’s Guardian, buzzing the JLR, Dende and Mr Popo. The combined sound of laughter, grumbling, yelling, woo hooing and d’ohing is defining.

After the emoticons have dispersed and it is safe for everyone to come out again, they find Wednesday lying on the ground. They race up to him.

CJ & DBP: Are you alright? [concern etched on their faces]

Wed: [getting up groggily] Ugh. Never want to do that again…

RM552: Look. He’s lost all his powers!

Ace: He’s not going to change his name again is he?

Wed: Haven’t lost all of them. I still have the first power I gained in the room – Telekinesis.

CJ & DBP: Bastard! This is all your fault! [they both whack Wednesday over the back of his head, storm off then sit down, start crying and hug each other again]

Wed: Ow. What’s their problem?

Brit: [wincing in pain] They are adjusting to having a 12 month hormonal cycle condensed into a twenty-four hour period. The problem is I’m getting Di Bat Pho’s emotions flooding into my head, through our telepathic link.

A cross Dende walks up to Midnight Spectre, while Mr Popo enters The Room of Spirit and Time.

Dende: (young)… Midnight Spectre we are very angry. Did you see the mess you left The Room of Spirit and Time in?

Midnight: I’m sorry Dende. There was an unforseen last-minute incident. I’m sure dun_like_dinner would be happy to help clean…

Dende: There is no time! The Room is needed elsewhere!

And with that the doorway to The Room of Spirit and Time disappears…

RM552: Great. A time-share Room of Spirit and Time…

Dende: That’s right. Time’s are tough and to cover costs we have to share The Room with the other Guardians of Earth’s multiverse. We’re going to get fined big-time because of this.

Midnight: I’m sure once we win the prize money from the Convention, we will be happy to contribute to any costs. And our offer of dun_like_dinner’s assistance still stands…

Chant: Hang on. Can he just give the prize money away like that?

Brit: Hang on. Where is DLD?

Vegi-La: Oh No! Wednesday forgot to bring him back!

Wed: Oh crap! Hang on... I didn’t even delete him…

Ace: Come to think of it. DLD didn’t pull his weight in that battle with Wednesday…

JLR: Ohmigob! He’s still in The Room!

Midnight: Dende, can you bring The Room back?

Dende: Are you kidding!?! Do you want us to be charged a late fee as well?

Vegi-La: Good one, Midnight… Because of your brilliant training plan, we’ve lost a team member, got to pay a clean up fee and Brit can’t concentrate because the girls are hyper-hormonal!

RM552: And it’s now 1.15am Thursday morning and our battle with the Avengers starts at 10am!

CJ: [whacking Midnight across the back of the head] This is all your fault!

DBP: [whacking Britannica across the back of the head] And that is for agreeing with her!

Brit: Him…

DBP: SHUT-UP!!! You don’t know how I feel!!

Both CJ and DBP start crying again.

Chant: This is going to be a looooong day…

JLR vs. Avengers

Narrator: As the valiant heroes of the JLR prep themselves for the bout against the Avengers, the card throwing Ace ponders how they suddenly find themselves going into battle, mere moments ago they were back at the hotel!!!

Ace: Hey guys, how did we end up here anyway?

LA: Well, you see, when we were back at the DCMB the mysterious being known as the Moderator decided that we, we……

Narrator: Ace interrupts!!

Ace: I KNOW THAT ALREADY!!!! I mean here at this arena going into battle against the Avengers, moments ago we were at the hotel!!!

JLR: huh?

Ace: Don’t you think it’s strange? It's like we were suddenly teleported here, and we can’t remember it!! I mean, don’t you it’s think strange??

Wednesday: Man, that happens to us all the time, I should think you would have gotten used to it by now!!

Ace: Good point, mebbe I should get used to it………….Still think it’s strange though. I mean, we are supposed to be the JLR. Justice Leaque REALITY. This is supposed to take place in the real world. And still we have Olymp…….

JLR: SHUT UP!!!!!!

Ace: okay, okay!

Narrator: As the offended Ace mutters to himse...

JLR: YOU CAN SHUT UP TOO!!!!!!

Narrator: Bu..But, I’ve been paid to tell this story and……

JLR: We don’t care, we’ve been listening to you for all this time and frankly we are sick of it, now SHUT UP!!!

Narrator: As the offended Narrator mutters to himself the JLR prepares to enter the arena and fight the battle against the Avengers

Brit: I should tell you however!

JLR: What?

Brit: The superhero teams we have met so far has actually been Evil-US-Postal-Worker-Minion-Types!

JLR:

Chant: Wait, you said all the heroes were these Evil-US-whatever-it-was-you-said???

Brit: Of course, that’s why our battles have been so easy, and that’s why Susan Richards got a beard!!

Chant: Sue Richards got a beard???

Brit: yeah, what’s your point??

Chant: Well, if that’s so, then didn’t Harpy do it with a Postal Worker???

JLR:

Brit: Poor girl!

CJ: What!!....oh no, my life is over…..

Chant: She is going to need professional help!

Wednesday: She would need that anyway

JLR: HAHAHAHAHA

CJ: I’m gonna get you, I`M GONNA GET YOU GOOD!!

Brit: Professional help? Yes, I see what you mean, in case she is suffering from any post-traumatic-stress-syndromes!

LA: What was that?

Brit: Nothing, let’s get into the arena

Narrator: The JLR enters the arena to wave of BOOOes, while on the other side the Avengers enters and are greeted with cheers!!!

Ringleader: Ladies and Gentlemen, Mesdames and you other guys! I have the pleasure to present this evening’s battle featuring favourites and upcoming heroes! In this corner we have the new team, a team who have us all surprised as they won their battle against the Defenders, featuring following heroes: Britannica, LA Machine, Chant, Wednesday, Ace and Midnight Spectre plus an all-time all-star COWGIRL JACK!!

Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Ace: What a greeting, what a greeting!!!

Ringleader: In the other corner, an all-time favourite of the Superhero Convention and winner of the past 3 Convention tournaments. THE AVENG……waitaminnit!!! It says The Ultimates, what is this??? Anyone care to explain here??

JLR: Yeah, anyone care to explain here???

Iron Man: well, you see, the original Avengers were called back to their storyline earlier this day due to some extraterrestrial threat. And they asked us to stand in for them, we arrived just now!

Ringleader: this is most unheard of and most unusual!!

Wednesday: Isn’t that the same thing?

Ringleader: shut up, I will have to hear what the judges have to say about this!

Narrator: The Ringleader confers with the judges who all seem very agitated about the sudden change of teams in the battle, eventually the Ringleader returns to the middle of the arena

Ringleader: The judges have, reluctantly, approved the change of teams. Let’s get on with it!!!

In the other corner we have THE ULTIMATES!!!! Featuring: Captain America, Iron Man, Giant Man, The Wasp, Thor, Hawkeye, Black Widow and…and a helluva lot of soldiers????
Care to explain?

Captain America: Well, you see, our team actually consist of the entire Shield organisation which mean we have with us about, well, just let me count….1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8………9996, 9997, 9998, 9999 and 10000

JLR: WHAT!!!

Britannica: You got 10000 troops with you???

Captain America: Well, you know,

Britannica: Okay team, huddle!!

Narrator: As Captain America returns to his team, confident that they will win the JLR huddles together to discuss their continuing dwindling options!!

Brit: Ehh, people, I think we have a problem here!!!

Ace: I know, if they arrived earlier today, they would be the real Ultimates and not fake Ultimates!!

Brit: Yes, yes, that would be a problem, I mean, with the real thunder God, and an Ironman whose armour is made of actual Iron and not paper as it was supposed to!

Chant: Why worry so, you just take care of the heroes, and then I’ll take care of the troops, almost all by myself

LA: how do you plan on doing that, there’s thousands of them!?!?

Ace: Yeah, tell us how you are going to do that??

Chant: simple, I have the ability to clone myself infinitely!!!

JLR: WHOOAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Britannica: But I thought you used a machine you bought on E-bay last time??

Ace: Yeah, you did use the machine last time!!

Chant: Nahhh, that was just an espresso machine, the cloning was actually one of my super villain powers!!!

LA: ohh, so actually you can clone yourself into a thousand Chants, even ten thousand Chants??

Chant: Yes!!

(Young): “shudders”

Britannica: Creepy!!

Chant: HEEEEEEYYYYYY!!!!!

Ace: calm down, calm down, he nearly didn’t mean it that way!

Chant: ohhh, okay!

Wednesday: All right, Chant, you take the troops! Now who wants to take Thor?

Narrator: A deep, deep, deep silence fall over the JLR!

Wednesday: All right, I’ll take him, hey LA, you are being very silent, you haven’t spoken a word yet??

LA Machine: I will take the Giantman!!

Ace: Good for you chum! Ehem, then, I shall conquer Hawkeye!

Narrator: If I may interrupt for a moment! I’m charging you for the hour, so unless you wanna dig deep into your pockets you better hurry!!

Wednesday: WHAT, he’s charging by the hours, why did no one tell me that???, right team, CHARGEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LA: but, but, but……….

Narrator: Wednesday ignores LA´s desperate plea for more time as he charges towards The Ultimates, even these mighty heroes are taken by surprise by the unusual, and to be frank, quite foolish and reckless attack

Brit: well, so much for the surprise attack people, well, nothing more to say on the matter, CHARRRRGEEEEE!!!

Narrator: Trying to keep up with Wednesday the rest of the JLR charges towards The Ultimates. LA Machine steers towards the colossal Giantman, Ace, throwing cards as he go, runs towards Hawkeye.
Britannica decided for himself that he should take on the Ironman, Midnight Spectre heads towards Captain America. Cowgirl Jack heads towards the two women, Wasp and Black widow, with Chant preparing himself for the fight against the staggering army that The Ultimates brought with them!

Chant: Now, how was it I cloned myself last time, can’t remember!!

JLR/Ultimates

Wednesday vs. THOR, the God of Thunder

Narrator: As the JLR member Wednesday charges towards his opponent, the mighty Thor, the rest of the team tries to keep up with him. Wednesday starts hitting the mighty Thor who looks perplexed at the unusual and ineffective attack!

Thor: excuse me, Mr. Wednesday, it’s not like I want to intrude on your business, BUT DID YOU FAIL TO SEE THE HUGE MAGICAL HAMMER I AM CARRYING???

Narrator: Wednesday stops his attack, finally realizing his predicament, he looks up at Thor, who is showing the huge hammer, lightning crackling around it!

Wednesday: Ehhhh, he……..he……he…he…ehhhh, I did miss that one….ehhhh, you are gonna hit me now, aren’t you?

Thor: that was the plan little man……don’t worry, it’ll only hurt a lot. Take faith in the fact that you have been defeated by Thor, and that no other would have fared better!

Narrator: Thor raises his hammer preparing to strike at the neigh defenceless Wednesday, who starts backing up……Suddenly Wednesday grabs something at throws it at Thor……IT`S A TOMATO (where did that come from?)

Wednesday: In YA FACE Hippie!!! (It does hit him in the face)

Narrator: Thor wipes away the rotting tomato looking shocked by the highly unexpected avenue of attack.

Thor: Alright, that’s it!! Run little man, now you shall taste the power of Mjolnir!!!

Wednesday: EEEEKKK!!!

Narrator: Wednesday tries to run away from the fury of Thor, but in vain. Thor throws Mjolnir and it approaches Wednesday with astounding speed.

Strange-from-nowhere-particular: Use the force Luke

Wednesday: Right, I sha…..wait, my name isn’t Luke!!!

Sfnp: You aren’t Luke Skywalker?

Wednesday: No!

Sfnp: Well, sorry to bother you then!

Wednesday: no biggie, thanks for the advice though!

Wednesday reaches into his wells of power and stretches out with his feelings, he seizes a closet and moves it in front of Mjolnir. The hammer flies ever so close to the closet

Thor: Fool whelp, do you really think a wooden closet can stop Mjolnir?

Wednesday: I wasn’t planning on stopping your hammer as much as teleporting it away!!

Thor: Huh?

Wednesday: You see, Thor, here in the JLRU small spaces teleports anyone or anything to a random place!!!

Thor: WHAT!!!

Narrator: Thor watches in Dismay as his hammer, the mighty Mjolnir, disappears into the closets and a bfammsss follows….

Thor: NOOOO!!!

Narrator: Thor screams with fury at the loss of his hammer and charges towards Wednesday

Wednesday: not so tough without your hammer are you? ADVANTAGE; WEDNESDAY!!

Thor: RAAARRGGHHHH

Wednesday: you got a lot suppressed anger, don’t you?

Thor: RAAAAARRRGHHHH

Wednesday: Are you related to the Hulk?

Thor: RAAAARRGGGHHHH

Wednesday: Are you listening to a word I’m saying?

Thor: RAAAAARRRGGGHHH

Wednesday: You know it’s not polite to scream like that!

Narrator: Just as Thor is about to reach Wednesday, our hero uses his telekinetic powers to move the closet in front of Thor, who has no time stop and disappears with a huge BFAAMMS!
Wednesday strikes a heroic pose

Wednesday: VICTORY!!!!................as if it was ever in any doubt!

Audience: BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Narrator: Hearing the BOOOING from the audience once again reaches into his wells of inner power and seizes the closet moving it against the audience, who in their frenzy does not realize the peril closing in on them. As the first people are swallowed by the closet, that the audience reacts to the danger approaching.

Audience: Run, he is trying to “BFAAMS” us!!

Wednesday: BWAHAHAHAHAHA, WHO`S BOOOING NOW????

Narrator: The Ringleader comes running, shouting at Wednesday

Ringleader: What are you doing man?, those are paying customers!!!

Narrator: Wednesday uses his Telekinetic powers to move the closet over the head of the Ringleader

Ringleader: Don’t you dare, I’ll have you and your team disqualified!

Narrator: Wednesday stops, pondering the matter he looks from the Ringleader to the closet, and back again

Wednesday: Hmmmm

Ringleader: I´m warning you!

Wednesday: Ohh, okay

Narrator: Wednesday puts the closet down and turns to help his friends while the Ringleader wipes the sweat from his brow

Ringleader: Phew, for a moment there I actually thought he was going to do it!

JLR/Ultimates

Narrator: We bring a brief intermission to tell you about Britannica’s trip to the supermarket

Shop clerk: Yes, Mr. Superhero Sir, how can I help you?

Britannica: Yes, I would like to see your selection of can openers….

Shop clerk: Why certainly Sir, we have a wide selection of……

JLR/Ultimates

Cowgirl Jack vs. Wasp and Black Widow

Narrator: As the battle between the JLR and The Ultimates continues the heroic heroine (?) Cowgirl Jack and the two Ultimates heroines Wasp and Black Widow sits in the corner of the arena exchanging knitting recipes and experiences!

Wasp: Well, last time I used this recipe I decided to use a .08 inch thread instead of a .09 thread.

CJ: ohh, my, why is that Janet?

Wasp: Ahh, you see, when you use the smaller thread you sort of get a more stable and complete pattern

CJ and Black Widow: Ohhhh!

Wasp: Tea, anyone?

Black Widow: Why thank you dear!

Wasp: Well, look at all those barbarians, they should just sit down and talk about their problems, instead of fighting.

CJ: Yes, if women were in charge in the world there would never be any conflict

Black Widow: That’s right, though I have to say those boots of yours….

CJ: Yes….

Black Widow: Well, they aren’t exactly……

CJ: WHAT!!!

Wasp: Calm down CJ, what I think Natasha is saying is that those boots….they aren’t exactly fashionable, if you know what I mean?

CJ: My boots aren’t fashionable?

Narrator: As the three women are arguing about whether or not Cowgirl Jacks boots are fashionable, CJ is feeling a rage unlike any she has ever experienced, and once again she is loosing control and turns into Harpy

Harpy: CAW!! CAW!!! CAW!! Harpy’s boots are better than yours little girls!!

Wasp: Not anymore birdie girl, your claws just ripped them apart

Harpy: CAW!! YOU MADE HARPY RUIN HARPY´S BOOTS! NOW HARPY IS GONNA RUIN YOURS!!! CAWWWWWWWWW!!

Black Widow: she’s kidding, right?

Wasp: Must be!

Narrator: Black Widow and Wasp starts backing away from the enraged Harpy

Wasp: I don’t think she’s kidding Natasha!

Black Widow: Me neither, RUN!!!

Harpy: CAW!!!

Narrator: Black Widow stops, apparently deciding to fight instead of running, she pulls out to pistols and starts firing!

Harpy: CAW!!! Harpy thinks you are cheating, Harpy is not using guns!! CAW!!!

Black Widow: Yeah well, I do

Narrator: The Black Widow starts shooting at Harpy whilst Wasp shrinks down to her wasp size, preparing to fire her “stings” at the raging Harpy who desperately tries to dodge the multiple attacks on her. The attacks however, does nothing to scare her off, in fact, it seems like it only makes her angrier.

Harpy: CAW!!! CAAAAAWWWW!!!!!!! HARPY WILL EAT PUNY WOMEN FOR DINNER!!!

Audience: WOOHOOOO, A CATFIGHT, YEEEHAAAAA, FINALLY SOME REAL ACTION…..

Narrator: Harpy launches her attack on the two women before her, claws bared and beak at the ready. Wasp tries in vain to dodge the first attack the tears at here abdomen, but she is unsucces……

INCOMING STREAMER MESSAGE!!!

Audience:

THIS COMBAT HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE MPAA (Motion Picture Association of America) DUE TO VIOLENT AND INAPPROPRIATE CONTENT (hey, kids might read this!)

Audience:

Narrator: Panting and struggling for her breath Cowgirl Jack stands triumphant in a heap of broken furniture, destroyed thingies and feathers spread from Harpy in her frenzy.

CJ: Hey, I won?, I mean, of course I won, obviously….

Narrator: Cowgirl Jack straightens herself and waves at the disappointed audience, not noticing her ruined boots until she starts moving towards the rest of the battle

CJ: What is this?, MY BOOTS!!! NOOOOOO……..

THE JLR/ULTIMATES

Narrator: A return to the supermarket

Shop clerk: As you can see sir, this screwdriver has a wide variety of opportunities regarding bits.
You have the normal flat bit, the star bit and many others, this gives you the possibility of taking on multiple tasks at once

Britannica: Ahh, splendid, does this mean that I can, for example, work on moving objects?
Or maybe it doesn’t come with magnetic heads?

Shop clerk: Oh, yes sir, it certainly does, it has a powerful magnetic head which……….

THE JLR/ULTIMATES

LA Machine vs. Giantman

Narrator: As the rest of the valiant JLR fights their desperate battle against the obviously more powerful Ultimates, LA Machine heads towards Giantman, purpose and determination written on his face. With long heavy steps he closes in on the awaiting 60´ tall Giant man who awaits his opponent with a smile on his face.

Giantman: You might as well give up, your powers are nothing when compared to my superior strength!

Narrator: LA Machine ignores his opponents mockery and proceeds towards Giantman, now slowly charging up his powers to a devastating assault on the Giantman

Giantman: Oh, by the way, do you have any last wishes? Any letter’s I should carry to your family, informing them of your funeral. Maybe you have a notion on what your tombstone should say?

LA Machine: I only have one thing to ask you about

Giantman: Oh yeah, what is that?

Narrator: LA Machine observes the giant standing before him and secretly prepares a special Vegi ball created for this purpose

LA Machine: Your clothes, what material are they made from, and how did you solve the problem with them growing along with you?

Giantman: Ahhh, you see, that was actually a bit of a problem. You see, to begin with the clothes would just tear when I started growing. But then I……….What does that has to do with anything?

LA Machine: Nothing much really, CATCH THIS!

Narrator: LA Machine hurls his ball at the Giantman who easily catches the little ball. As Giantman inspects it he soon realizes that this is no special ball as it explodes in a cloud of spores that cover his entire body. Feeling no immediate change he looks at LA Machine who awaits the result of his attack.

Giantman: Was that all you got? You sure you can’t do just a little better than that?

LA Machine: Wait and see!

Giantman: Well, I’ve had it with this, I think I’ll just crush you now!

Narrator: As Giantman reaches for LA Machine he suddenly feels a little different, it feels like…..it feels like he is growing. Giantman is unable to control this feeling as his clothes are getting more and more tight.

Giantman: What is happening to me?, this is impossible, I cannot possible be growing in size!

LA Machine: Correct, you cannot possibly be growing in size, and I can assure you that you are not growing. It is in fact your clothes that are shrinking.

Giantman: AAARRGHHH, the pain, it cannot be true, my clothes cannot be…..wait, that weird ball!

LA Machine: Exactly, that weird ball that I threw at you was in fact my vegi bomb I created for this purpose, your clothes are shrinking, I you don’t want to appear nude in public you might consider shrinking back to your original size.

Narrator: slowly, but ever so persistent small tears begin to appear in the clothing, thinking fast Giantman seizes the advice given by his opponent and shrinks back to his original size.
Seeing this LA Machine throws yet another Vegi ball at the Giantman

Giantman: “COUGH” Gimme a chance here man!

LA Machine: A chance? I should give you a chance? You were the one bent on crushing the life out of me, thanks for that by the way!

Giantman: No need to get sarcastic, it’s all in good fun!

Narrator: As the Giantman starts to realize his predicament, LA Machine launches another ball at him, this one exploding in a multitude of colors and bright light

Giantman: ARGGHHH, I´m blind, I`M BLIND

LA Machine: Blind you say? I guess the field is mine

Narrator: As La Machine starts to turn away the Giantman starts to get up again, clearly shaken, but not stirred!

Giantman: We’re not done yet, turn around and face me you cur!

Narrator: Ever so slowly does LA Machine turn around to face his opponent once again, concentration showing on his face, small droplets of sweat trickling down his chin.
LA Machine: What will it take to make you stay down? Why must you persist? You remind me of Chant when he was evil! Never did he stop, always a new plan, another scheme. Why won’t you stay down?

Giantman: You forget that I am a hero too, and I will never yield to a second-rate hero such as you.

Narrator: It was as if a deep and long silence transcended upon the field, suddenly all had their attention on the two combatants facing each other.
One, a giant man forced to his knees only to rise again, the other a little known hero with determination written all on his face.
They faced each other, standing a little over 50 feet apart, arms down the side, feet apart. They viewed one another, looking for the slightest reaction, searching for an as yet undiscovered weakness.
A small bush rolled over field, pushed by the wind.
Suddenly they reacted, one drawing a small device from a pocket, the other throwing balls of spore.
As the combat began Giantman soon realized his mistake as he could not counter the several balls of spore coming at him

Giantman: Bugger!

Narrator: The balls of spore thrown by LA Machine found their target, exploding with shockwaves of air, battering the defenceless Giantman. Had he been in his giant size he would have easily resisted the small explosions, but now, in his human size it was all he could do to not loose consciousness. Ever slowly as the balls battered him to the ground did he fall into darkness.
Suddenly all noise was gone and there was nothing.

Standing over his defeated opponent LA Machine drew in a breath of air. The final attack had depleted him of energy, and it would be long time again until he could produce another Vegi Ball.
Slowly he became aware of his surroundings, and suddenly a roar sounded, rising, and rising in power.
LA Machine looked around him, confusion now showing on his face

LA Machine: What´s going on?

JLR/Ultimates

Ace vs. Hawkeye

As the rest of the battle continued, Ace, the card throwing……Ace moved through the combatants and headed for the one man who could match all his skills in turn. His opponent was observing the other heroes fight, still having decided whom he should attack, he waited. He didn’t wait for long as he noticed the black garbed Ace approaching. Slowly he turned to face his adversary he grabbed his bow and attached the string. Checking he had clear access to his arrows he waited, assessing the situation.

Ace, having spotted Hawkeye moved towards him, purposefully, determined, ready for the fight. Absently he scratched his wrists, having attached decks of cards to each wrist in order to better and faster throw the cards at his enemies. As he approached Hawkeye he evaluated him. Having already noticed him, and begun preparing himself told Ace that this one was a confident man, a man with skills not to be underestimated. Once again he tested his cards, knowing that this was going to be a fight that would press his skills to the max, a fight where mistakes were not allowed.

“you must be Ace” Hawkeye said, his tone clearly stating that it was not a question, but an acknowledgement. Ace nodded curtly, responding in turn “Hawkeye, your reputation precedes you, though it will be of no use to you, as I will defeat you”
Hawkeye lifted an eyebrow “A little overconfident, aren’t we?” He asked Ace, clearly not believing his opponents boast.
Ace responded “On the contrary, I have read of your skills, and though they are impressive I must impress on you the fact that our skills are equal, but I have something that you don’t”
Again Hawkeye lifted an eyebrow “Explain” he asked.

Ace regarded Hawkeye, not knowing whether he should take time to explain the situation, or exploit the momentary confusion in his opponent. Deciding on following the path of honor he began speaking “Your team, the mighty Ultimates may have our team outgunned, it’s true, but you seem to be forgetting that we have everything to gain, and nothing to loose. Quite the contrary with your team who has everything to loose” Ace nodded towards the battle, “Ours is a team that no one has ever heard of, and all though very persistent our only real villain thus far has been quite pathetic. Even as a hero he lacks in usefulness” He nodded towards Chant and Hawkeye indicated that he understood and that Ace should continue.
“This means that for us to be taken seriously we must win this tournament, ei defeating you!”

Hawkeye thought about what Ace had said for a moment, turning his head slightly away. “Although I can understand your situation Ace, I won’t let you win” Having said his piece Hawkeye drew an arrow, and with neigh lightning speed let it loose. Flying straight and true the arrow quivered slightly, and suddenly, it went off course as if some force had interfered with its path.
Hawkeye took a step back, clearly shocked that he had not hit his target.
Ahead of him Ace straightened again, having thrown his cards to deflect the arrow. “What you can do with arrows, I can do with cards” He said, and with a flick of his wrists he had a card in each hand “Shall we begin?”

Hawkeye cracked his knuckles, stretched his neck and knocked and arrow. “Yes, yes, let us begin this fight” And suddenly he moved, shooting arrow after arrow at Ace, who, in turn threw card upon card at Hawkeye.
Hawkeye, seeing his attack returned in force, desperately tried to avoid being hit by the razor sharp cards coming towards him. He deftly executed a back flip, and then another, and another, dodging the first cards. The seventh card however cut the leather string holding his quiver.
Seeing this, Ace threw another card at the quiver on the ground with tremendous force. The card hit the quiver, cutting it and the arrows in two halves.
Hawkeye kneeled, wiping a drop of sweat from his brow. This is bad he thought. He only had one arrow left, and apparently his adversary had plenty of cards left.

Ace stood back, looking at Hawkeye. He had been lucky. Man was that man a great shot. One of the arrows had actually ripped his jacket, merely half an inch from his torso. He had to be more careful, or this fight would soon be over, even though Hawkeye only had one more arrow left. He took a few steps towards Hawkeye, throwing three more cards.
Getting up, Hawkeye, in one fluid motion, swung his bow and deflected the cards.
“It seems that you have the advantage Ace” He nodded towards his broken arrows “It seems like the kiddy gloves will have to come off”
In a blur of motion he knocked his final arrow, aimed, and let loose. The arrow flew straight at Ace who reacted by throwing several cards, once again trying to deflect Hawkeye’s arrow. This time however, the arrow flew too fast and it found its target. Ripping through leather and metal the arrow tore the left card dispenser on Aces wrist. A tiny droplet of blood fell to the ground.
“I was unaware that we drew blood in this contest” Ace said, inspecting the wound. Seeing it was minor and of inconsequential he directed his attention back to Hawkeye.

“Sorry about that” Hawkeye responded with a smile. Having no arrows left he threw the bow to the side and started towards Ace. If I have to take him, it has to be fast he thought, and steered slightly to the left of Ace.
Ace readied himself, and pulled another card, waiting for Hawkeye to come closer. At the last instant, when Hawkeye was only a few yards away he threw the card and dodged to the right, away from Hawkeye, his card missing its target.
Ace rolled back to his feet and turned around, facing his opponent. Gone!
Where was he Ace thought, he couldn’t just disappear like that. He turned around to a whispering sound behind him and barely ducked Hawkeye’s fist. The blow glanced of his chin, but still sent Ace flying.

Hawkeye looked at Ace sprawling on the ground, absently he felt his neck, checking for injuries where the card had hit him. It stung, and looking at his hand he saw blood, but not much. Turning his attention back to Ace he saw that the card throwing wonder was coming back up.
Ace looked up, seeing Hawkeye’s attention was elsewhere he slowly got up, pulling another card. Seeing that his movement did not go unnoticed he hurled his card at Hawkeye, and stopped in shock. Hawkeye had deflected the card with the back of his hand. This is bad Ace thought, this is really bad.
Ace decided to try a different approach, it seemed that Hawkeye wanted a fist-fight and Ace thought he should oblige him, though in a way that Hawkeye would not expect.
“You want a fist-fight, huh?” Ace asked him, slowly getting up wiping the dust from his jacket. Hawkeye looked at him, silently, not responding, no trace of exhaustion or confusion. “Have you lost your tongue man?” Ace looked at him, why is he not answering, he thought, why is he so quiet?
Hawkeye turned his head slightly, keeping his eyes on Ace. “A fist-fight? Hmmm, we’ll try that, but I have to ask though, what alternative will you come up with after I beat you blue and yellow?”
Hawkeye raised a questioning eyebrow. Ace shrugged, ignoring the question and closed his hands in fists and charged towards Hawkeye.
Hawkeye took a defensive stance, ready to receive the attack as Ace ran towards him. At the last instant Ace pulled a card and threw it a Hawkeye who desperately tried to dodge the card. He sprung backwards in a back flip, but he knew it was too late. Ace came charging down on him hit him with both fists, sending Hawkeye sprawling. Once again Ace attacked Hawkeye by kicking him squarely in the ribs. Hawkeye rolled back, trying to regain his breath, and climbed to his knees. He looked up at Ace who stood right before him. “Cheater” He merely said. Ace looked at him with mild amusement on his face. “You forget that the first rule of war is to give your enemy no opportunity to defend himself” Having said that Ace kicked Hawkeye in the face sending him flying again, and Hawkeye was down.
Ace stepped back, drawing in a deep breath he pondered the fight. This wasn’t like him at all, he had won, but only through the use of subterfuge and cunning. No, this wasn’t like him at all. He turned his attention to rest of the fight, seeing that Midnight Spectre had engaged Captain America.

JLR/Ultimates

Midnight Spectre vs. Captain America

Midnight Spectre took a step back, this one is different he thought. He is not at all like the Captain America he knew of, from the Avengers. This one is more…brutal, more decisive. He positioned himself in an aggressive stance, slowly moving to the left. Captain America looked at him with disdain in his eyes. “So this is the mighty Midnight Spectre, I have heard of you, though I must say that your reputation seems exaggerated” Midnight Spectre ignored the insult, focusing on how he should proceed next. Nothing seems to bite on him, he thought, everything I throw at him, he blocks, or turns against me.
“I must say that you have put up a good fight Midnight, but you won’t win this one” The captain looked at him, tilting his head to the right. Suddenly Midnight attacked, he let loose an energy burst that ripped up the earth sending it towards the Captain in a cone of tremendous force.
Seconds before the cone hit him the Captain threw his shield at Midnight. The shield pierced through the cone coming at Midnight with lightning speed, hitting Midnight on his forehead, whipping his head back. The cone of force hit Captain America squarely in the chest pushing him back against the wall up to the tribunal.

Captain America slowly got to his feet, and walked to retrieve his shield. He turned to the sound of Midnight Spectre getting up again. Without thinking his warrior’s instinct kicked in and he rushed towards the still confused Midnight Spectre. When he reached him he threw a dropkick at Midnight who only managed to see kick coming straight at him before he was sent flying once again. “You really should have stayed away from this convention, you are nothing but a group of children playing at being heroes” Captain America walked to stand before Midnights groaning form “Leave this business for the professionals. We don’t need you amateurs here”
Ever so slowly Midnight Spectre got back to his feet to stand before Captain America. Eye to eye they stood, regarding each other.
“Call me an amateur again and I’ll get real mad” Captain America laughed at Midnights comment and suddenly swung his shield at him. This time however, Midnight was faster than the Captain. He caught the shield with his right hand, and lashed out at the Captain, hitting the Solar Plexus with a hard punch that sent Captain America back a few paces. “Pressure Points, you cannot be serious” Captain America regained his composure and spat on the ground. “I’ll show a real pressure point” Having said that he threw his shield and delivered a roundhouse kick the side of Midnights head. Midnight Spectre easily dodged the shield, but failed to see the kick coming his direction. The impact spun Midnight around, but he still managed to land on his feet.

Now feeling the adrenalin running through his veins he leapt towards the Captain and turned in mid-air hitting the Captain with a kick in the abdomen. As the Captain doubled over Midnight Spectre took a step back and once again kicked Captain America in the head.
Then moving at with lightning speed he leapt after the now flying Captain, and kicked him still flying, sending him in another direction.
Slowly the Captain got up on all four. Once again he spat, this time blood came out. “that….hurt” He put three fingers into his mouth, and pulled out a loose tooth. He inspected the tooth, and then threw it away. Once again he retrieved his shield, which he had lost in the fight. “Alright, maybe you are not the amateur I first assumed you were” Captain America walked towards Midnight, slow, cool, without any sudden movement.
Midnight Spectre however, did not move calm and slowly. In one instant he was moving towards the Captain, and was on him before he could react.

Midnight Spectre rained blow upon blow down on Captain America who fervently tried to block them all. He was almost successful. Some blows did go through and added to the beating that the Captain had already received.
Suddenly the Captain grabbed his shield and brought it up in Midnights chin, momentarily stopping the onslaught and giving him a respite.
Midnight Spectre stepped back and prepared to strike the Captain. A soft golden glow now surrounded his fist and time seemed to slow down. The Captain seemed to move in slow motion. Midnight could feel every beat of his heart now, it beat with a thunderous roar and with awesome power. It was as if a single beat of his heart hit with the power of a nuclear weapon. All other sounds and feelings was blocked out, there was only his target.
The Captain tried to hit Midnight, but he was too slow. Midnight Spectre easily dodged the blow, and another, and another. Suddenly time sped up to its normal rate and Midnight Spectre lashed out with his fist, hitting the Captain squarely in the chest.
Captain America flew back and into the wall and slumped to the ground, unconscious.
Midnight Spectre picked up the Captains shield a laid it beside him, whilst checking for the Captains pulse. It was there, faint and irregular, but it was there.
Midnight Spectre, victorious, turned to observe the battle raging behind him…..

JLR/Ultimates

Britannica vs. Registered Member #552 vs. Ironman

Narrator: Having returned from the spontaneous shopping spree our aussie hero BRITANNICA finds the arena in chaos, everywhere there is fighting and no one seems to be winning. Spying his intended target, Ironman, Britannica prepares his new weapons.

Britannica: Now it says here in the manual that bolt A should fit into point B23…hmmm, it seems like I have made a mistake somewhere. Wire B and Wire R15 seems to be missing.

Narrator: Ad Britannica struggles to assemble his weapon the Ironman approaches.

Ironman: Are you sure this is the right time and place to assemble IKEA furniture Britannica?

Britannica: Ahh Tony, good thing you’re here, maybe you can help me build this thingie, I never was any good at technical stuff.

Ironman: Why certainly, tech stuff is just my gi…..WAITAMINNIT!!!....How did you know who I am?

Britannica: I’m a librarian, I read it, get over it!

Narrator: Ironman lands, looking puzzled (Behind his mask, Britannica can’t really see this but I’m the Narrator, and I have to tell something ya know?) and he picks up the manual, inspecting it.

Ironman: Ahh, you are constructing a Nuclear powered electromagnetic screwdriver with can opener accessories?

Britannica: Nuclear powe…..? Ummmm, Yes, yes, that I am.

Ironman: Well, you see, you have made various mistakes collecting your gadget, considering you´ve bare started yet I can see why you have so miserable technical skill. Luckily I am here to help you. And when we´re done with this scientific curiosity we can get on with the battle.

Britannica: Good Idea!

Narrator: As the two heroes started building the contraption another figure appeared on the battlefield, it was Registered Member #552.

RM #552: Hello Britannica and Ironman, sorry I’m late, but I had some problems with the teleportation affect of the sudden BFAMMS that happened before this battle. You see, I think it has something to do with a distortion in the space-time continuum which could be explained bla bla bla bla bla…….

Ironman: He talks a lot, doesn’t he?

Britannica: Yes, and the funny thing is that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but neither does the rest of us, so it’s all the same.

Ironman: AHA, the gadget is finished, now, all we need to do is to test it. We’ll need a can, some sort of can…..

Britannica: Well, we can use your armour, it’s a can, right?

Ironman: Yes, we cou…..waaaitaminnit, you won’t fool me that easy. Now, I´m afraid that I will have to destroy this gadget before you can use it against me.

RM #552: Bla bla bla bla this means that when you pierce the 6th dimension, the so-called BFAAMS dimension you slow down time around in order for you to be moved to another place. That’s what happened to me, only slightly slower!
What? Are we fighting now?

Narrator: Registered Member #552 stands completely confused as the two heroes, who minutes ago were making friendly conversation. But recognizing the situation for what it was, he decided to take action.

RM #552: Britannica, use your information overload attack, that will distract him!

Britannica: Right, let me just try this first.

Narrator: Our hero threw his Britannarang at Ironman, hoping it would slice through his armour, or at least cause him to duck. As he threw the small “rang” Registered Member #552 picked up the Nuclear powered Electromagnetic screwdriver with can opener accessories and pointed it Ironman.

RM #552: Alright Brit, I’m gonna activate the gadget now, let’s hope it works, or this may be a looooong day.

Ironman: No, I will not allow you to use such a dangerous Item, do you not realize what will happen if you activate it?!?

Britannica: Well, yes, you will loose!

Ironman:…..Umm, yes, that too. But I was more thinking of the other things that will happen.

RM #552: Whatever do you mean?

Ironman: The gadget will create an artificial black hole that will devour the whole world.

Britannica: Umm, that wouldn’t be a good idea, RM #552, don’t activate the gadget!

RM #552: Huh? Sorry, but I couldn’t hear what you were saying because the gadget started making a lot of noise when I activated it!

Narrator: Ever so slowly a black hole started to form, twirling around itself it grew ever bigger.
Ironman: We’re doomed, we’re doomed, there is no escape. The black hole is going to eat us all, it will destroy this world.

RM #552: Maybe not, there is still time for us to beat this thing. We’ll need to BFAAMS it to another dimension

Britannica: Yes, but in order for us to do that we need a very small space.

RM #552: Exactly, I thought we could use Ironmans helmet, it is small and therefore it will BFAAMS the black hole to a far away destination.

Ironman: Yes, yes, that might work, but we’ll have to hurry before the singularity becomes unstable.

Britannica: Well then hurry man, take you helmet off and place it above the black hole.

Narrator: Ironman did as instructed and scooped up the black hole with his helmet, unfortunately the BFAAMS didn´t take place right away, and the black hole started to devour the helmet. Only at the last instant did a huge BFAAMS occur. The black hole was gone, along with Ironman´s helmet.

RM #552: Quick, Britannica, use your independent third-toe movement on him, he is vulnerable now.

Britannica: righty-o RM #552.

Narrator: Britannica started to pull of his shoes and socks

Ironman: What is this nonsense about toes, independent third-toe movement is impossible.

Britannica: Independent third-toe movement is something like this!

Narrator: Britannica bounced towards Ironman with the one leg pointed towards him, faster than Ironman could react, Britannica kicked him across the arena and into oblivion, or unconsciousness anyway.

Britannica: Well, that was a little too easy, are we sure these are the real Ultimates?

RM #552: Naaah, don’t worry about it, we caught him by surprise, besides, even they were false Ultimates we’d just get the price money faster.

Britannica: Yes, I suppose you are right, hey look, the rest has finished with their fights……

JLR: The Convention Adventure

The Ending

Narrator: The JLR stands victorious, they have won their most difficult battle yet. It was won using subterfuge, cunning and sheer violence.

Wednesday: Well, that was slightly different than usual.

LA Machine: Whatever do you mean?

Wednesday: Well, fighting Thor has really given me a perspective on life that I have not previously thought about.

Britannica: What is that?

Wednesday: No matter how big and strong you are, a good BFAAMS will always get the better of you!

Britannica: Word!

LA Machine: So, we all fought real heroes this time, and we all won, it seems….

Cowgirl Jack: ARGGHH, MY BOOTS, THEY ARE RUNIED!!!

Ace: well, geez, I’m sorry to hear that CJ, ummm, maybe you can get the fixed…or somethin´

Cowgirl Jack: Yes, fixes, yes. RM #552! Can you fix my boots? Oh pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease???

RM #552: I’m sorry CJ, but those boots are just ripped beyond repair, but don’t worry, they come with a warranty!

JLR:

RM #552: Yes, a warranty, what’s so weird about that?

Cowgirl Jack: YES, YES, WHAT`S SO WEIRD ABOUT THAT????

JLR: Ummm….nothin´

Britannica: While we’re at it. LA Machine, you looked a little confused after you fight with Giantman

LA Machine: I was just a little confused because last I notice we were still inside the room, and now we’re here.

Narrator: The rest of the JLR looked at each other, and then shrugged.

Ace: It happens man, don’t worry about it.

Cowgirl Jack: Uh, uh uh uh uh, how about you Chant, how did you defeat all those soldiers, I man, I don’t see any clones around here?

Chant: What makes you think that I’m not a clone?

Cowgirl Jack: well ummm….

Chant: :lol: don’t worry, I didn’t clone myself, I used a different method than the cloning thing.

Wednesday: Why?

Chant: I forgot how to clone myself!

LA Machine: That explains everything

Cowgirl Jack: Psst, hey Ace, let’s hope he never remembers :lol:

Ace:

Chant:

Britannica: Then how did you do it?

Chant: It’s a simple thing, I stood before all the soldiers, and it was getting rather embarrassing since I told them that they should wait until I had cloned myself.

JLR: yes, yes, go on!

Chant: Anyhoo, it didn’t work, I couldn’t clo….

Narrator: With a loud BANG, Mjolnir, the enchanted hammer of the Thunder God Thor hits Chant in the back of his head. Chant immediately gets up and picks up the hammer and turns around with a:

Chant: WHO DID THAT???

Narrator: Suddenly Chant straightens and gets a confused look in his eyes and smiles

Chant: Look, birdies…..and bells, they go ding dong all day long

Wednesday: ummm, are you alright mon?

Narrator: Suddenly Chant turns around and drops the hammer, he looks at the JLR with surprise.

Chant: THE JLR, Stand back you bloody do-gooders, or I shall have to destroy you!

Ace: Oh boy, here we go again!

Britannica: It seems like he is back to evil again

Cowgirl Jack: Well, it was bound to happen sometime

LA Machine: Ohh well, we better get ready to fight him

Midnight Spectre: He did lift the hammer of Thor, he must be very powerful now!

Narrator: Wednesday used his TK to pull a closet near Chant, Britannica pointed his toe at him, Cowgirl Jack made herself ready to charge, Ace pulled an ace, Midnight Spectre charged up his Golden Fist attack, RM #552 pointed a thingie at him and LA Machine created a vegi bomb to throw at him.

Chant: Hmmm, hey, ain´t that Charlton Heston?

Narrator: All as one the JLR turn their heads in the direction Chant pointed, and the Mailmaster of Mayhem makes his daring escape.

Wednesday: Bloody hell, he escaped, again.

Midnight Spectre: He always do, well, let us collect the prize money

JLR: UH, MONEY!!!

DBP: Are you all not forgetting something?

Wed: It's only the quarter finals and we still have to fight the JLA and the X-Men?

DBP: No.

Brit: We still don't know why Chant turned good, during his convention scheme? Or how he managed to augment all those postal workers with super powers?

Midnight: Now that you mention that, Britannica...

Brit: Ah yes... How long have I known that the "heroes" in the convention were all postal workers?

JLR: Uh huh...

Brit: And why I didn't tell you before...?

JLR: Uh huh...

Brit: Well it was Di Bat Pho that told me about Chant's plan, just after Chant joined the JLR and before our battle with the false Defenders. At first I wanted to investigate why Chant had joined us, especially after he had gone to so much trouble with this elaborate scheme. Then we battled the Defenders, CJ got pregnant, the engagement, FKatJL, the Paper Golem, The Room of Spirit and Time... you know how it is?


Vegi-La: So you're saying this was one elaborate trap set-up by Chant?

DBP: That is correct.

RM552: So there was no convention?

DBP: No.

Ace: Don't tell me there's no prize money!

DBP: There is no prize money.

Ace: I told you not to tell me that!

CJ: And Harpy did it with a postal worker...

DBP: No.

CJ: Really?

DBP: Harpy did it with a Paper Golem.

CJ and JLR:

DBP: That is why your egg turned out to be a bomb.

Wed: Well that makes sense...not.

Brit: But look on the bright side. You have to agree we got some fantastic training done. Both here and in The Room. We actually got to battle super-powered villens for a change, instead of Chant. And we had our first official battle with another Superhero team.

Vegi-La: Yeah, but we've got a big clean-up bill to pay for The Room of Spirit and Time, we've lost DLD and there's no prize money.

RM552: If this is all fake, do we have to pay for the hotel?

Ace: And room service?

Wed: And the in-house porn channel?

DBP: Probably.

JLR: Dang...

Midnight: So the organisers, the Announcer, the Ringmaster, Reggie, even the crowd are all postal workers?

Brit: I believe so... Di?

DBP: That is correct.

Midnight: [as energy pours out from his body] Then it's time for payback...

JLR: Oh yeah...

Crowd, Announcer, Reggie & the Ringmaster:

The Narrator: The JLR successfully captured all of the postal workers in the convention arena. They even maanaged to capture some of the false heroes. Though the false Dr. Strange, Wonder Woman, Fire, Mary Marvel, Namor, Superboy, Bat Man, Multiple Man, Hulk and Invisible Woman managed to get away.

The villens were taken into custody and the JLR were pleasently surprised to discover that there were several outstanding rewards for the postal workers. The total exactly matching what the "convention" prize-money would have been.

Vegi-La: That's a coincidence...

The Narrator: The JLR collect the reward money, get their photo taken for the front page of the local paper and are interviewed about their heroic deeds on the 6 o'clock news.

After paying Dende for The Room clean-up fee and the hotel for their room clean-up fee (after it had been trashed by the Paper Golem), room service and the in-house porn channel, the JLR took the rest of the money and decided to head back to the airport to collect DLD's plane...

Airport Security Guard: So which one of you is dun_like_dinner?

JLR: Well...um...you see....

Brit: [pointing at Vegi-La] He is.

JLR: He is?

Brit: Well if you hold your head to one side and squint a bit, he sort of looks like a brussel sprout...

Vegi-La: What!

Airport Security Guard: [holding his head to one side and squinting a bit] He's right you know... you do sort of look like a brussell sprout. I just need to check your ID, Mr. Dinner. Have you got your pilots licence?

Vegi-La: [making a show of checking his wallet] ...um... I must have left it in my other pants

Airport Security Guard: Sorry no ID. No plane.

5 minutes later at the airport terminal...

Ace: Now what?

Midnight: Let's go find a phone booth...

To be continued... in JLR War