RKMBs Forums .::Important::. Politics and Current Events Invasion of Privacy??

I've been friends with my neighbor for a little over two years now - she is a married woman with 3 kids. The husband and I have become close just this past 6 months (since Christmas). Anyway, here is the problem:

Last month she asked me if I would watch her dogs (and birds) for them while they went to Tennessee to pick out a new house. Her husband is in the military and transfers every 3 years. She gave me the keys to the house, told me to help myself to the food and drinks, watch TV, play video games, and I could even stay the night. From Friday 6:00pm until Sunday 9:00pm their house was my house.

Here is what happened: In the room where they keep their dogs, they have a 100 plus count CD collection I was looking at. I saw a small box with the lids closed, but unsealed - so I looked inside and saw some old high school/elementary pictures of the wife and I looked at them.

My mistake was telling her the next day (Monday) that I saw them and looked at them. She didn't seem to mind, at the time. Next thing I know she is giving me the brush off, running inside her house whenever I pull into the driveway (I live next door) and what is worse - the house she lives in now was sold and she (they) never told me (they were moving - June 19th, another neighbor told me). One day I came out my front door - her and her husband were outside and the husband spoke to me, but she turned and went back into the house without speaking. I asked the husband if she was pissed out me and he said "yeah, she doesn't like people going through her stuff". I explained to him what happened and he said don't worry about it, she blows things out of porportion. The next day I wrote her a letter apologizing for looking at the pictures when I had no business looking into the box - calling it rude and disrespectful to our friendship. She thought (I'm guessing now) I was being a smart ass - she has not responded to the letter and the husband didn't seem to pleased I wrote it. It has been over two weeks now since I have spoken to either husband or wife.

Here is the backstory:

1) Ten moths ago she gave me the pin number to her ATM card.

2) She gave me the username and password to her yahoo e-mail account.

3) The past two christmas'es(sp?) we have gotten each other something. This last christmas I got her whole family something.

4) We used to work together (postal carriers) and I would come help her on days it would snow or rain. And sometimes, just for the hell of it.

5) I helped her and her hubby with various things. One time I drove 30 minutes into town to pick them up , because their car broke down. It ended up with me giving them a jump.

6) I'm single

My question is:

Did I violate her privacy? Is her current attitude towards me respectful to our friendship?

I mean I could see if the box of pictures were under her bed (a place I had no business), but they were on the lowest shelf on a case in the dog room - a place where I had business. Is she (or they) thinking if I looked at her pictures where else (or what else) did I look?


What the hell is going on?

Sounds like she's nuts......I wouldn't worry about it. Let them go......meet new friends. :)

Exactly.

She's a psycho bitch who'll be gone soon. Hopefully, young, unmarried, bisexual females will move in next door, and all will be right with the world.

I don't think it was a mistake to tell them about the photos - in fact you were very honest about it.

I'd guess she's sensitive about the photos for some reason.

The letter was probably a mistake, because the husband thought it would blow over and the letter probably fired her up again. Oh well.

Now when you say looking at high school pictures do you mean sniffing panties?

I think the pin/passwords show you can be trusted. Anything in the dog room is fair game since you were supposed to be there anyway.

Agreed. Not taking the husband's advice was probably a mistake (since he probably knows her better).

Leave her alone. I bet if you do, she'll eventually start missing you and either come over or call on her own, even if it's from wherever she's moving to. The worst thing you can do right now is be pushy.

For anybody who cares -- here is the update!

Last Thursday (June 5), the wife was on her back deck talking on the phone and the husband was next door playing horseshoes with the other neighbors. I went on my back deck looking for something and saw what was going on -- she looked at me and I at her and neither one of us spoke to the other. I went inside.

The next day (June 6) I got home from my mail route, went inside the house. About a minute or two later I looked out my window and saw the husband standing in my yard -- like he was waiting for me. I went outside (keep in mind, this is the first I have spoken to the husband since I gave him his going away gift on May 21st) and he invited me over to play "Axis and Allies," a game we have been playing for a while. I went over and he told me the wife was no longer mad at me.

Here is the trick -- we were downstairs, she was upstairs and NOT once did she come to speak to me or at least say hi. And the 17 year old daughter who despises me for some reason (I think it's because of the way she thinks I treat her mother) basically ignored me -- which is really nothing new, she always has. When I went over the husband was in the back yard -- so we went into his house through the back door. As I left for the night - I left through the back door and once again the husband said, she is not mad at you can go out the front door. I said that's okay.

On Saturday, (June 7) we played again. This time I went in through the front door. He told me the wife was sick and in bed. We played Axis and Allies while watching movies, drank beer and Tequila and etc. The wife woke up and once again NEVER came into the room to say hi or anything. As I was leaving the husband said this is a chance to say hi to her, but when we got upstairs she was on the back deck. Again, nothing was said between her and I. The husband also said, we'll play some X-Box and other games before they leave.


Since then, the wife is still doing her tricks she sees me and either walks away to the other side of the house or goes inside. And now once again the husband is giving me the brush off. This morning, the moving truck showed up and they were on the front porch smoking cigarettes -- the husband will usually speak to me when he sees me -- this time he did not. I don't think I will be invited over to play games anymore.

I am thinking last weeks invite was either a pity ploy for me, or a sympathy ploy, or a I don't want him saying bad things about us when we move ploy.

I told my Mom, I plan to gather all the things she (they) got me and give it back to them with a letter reading, "I DO NOT LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE PRETEND TO LIKE ME AND REALLY DON'T - IT MAKES ME FEEL USED." But my Mom told me not to do it, because:

1) I really didn't do anything to them and if they think I did more than what I am telling them then they should communicate it with me.

2) With the way they are acting (the wife anyway) I would be stooping to a lever lower than she is on with the way she is treating me, considering all the things I (and my father) have done for her (them).

3) I would then look like the piece of shit

What do you think? Should I gather the things together? I really want her to know I do not appreciate the way she is treating me and this is the only way I know how to convey the message since she is NOT communicating with me. I REALLY FEEL she has been using me the past two years and I want her to know what I think.

You may feel better for writing a letter like that, until the moment you send it.

Its rarely worthwhile burning bridges, especially with neighbours. You might need the husband's help one day, and he'll be less likely to pitch in if you've written a letter like that.

Let it lie. You might find that in a few months everything is back to normal, if it can be left to settle. Don't let it bug you. I guess the best adage for this is "Don't pick at scabs."

I agree with Dave. Let it be.

I agree.

There will be an answer, let it be...



Sorry.

New rule! I don't accept PMs from cop haters.