This is not a regular Cap'n's Log feature, just something that's been on my mind lately...
I got to meet my birth family last week. It was pretty awkward. I have a 21-year-old sister with a kid, a 15-year-old sister who will be having one next month, and an 18-year-old brother who is going into the Marine Corps next month.
I was blown away by how different my birth family is from the family I know. My mother is a first-grade teacher and my father is a minister. My brother Josh (also adopted, in his case from Guatemala) is sixteen and the worst trouble he ever gets in is forgetting to leave a note when he goes to the mall with his friends. My family doesn't touch alcohol or tobacco, they have what most of us would consider some pretty old-fashioned values, and they're pretty darn protective - even though I'm 21 and only there for the summer.
On the other hand, my birth mother and father were (and for all I know still are) drug users, chain smokers, and heavy drinkers. (Note: I'm not condemning alcohol or tobacco use in and of itself, but those of you who have relatives who abuse either or both of those things should understand where I'm coming from.) They're divorced and my birth mother (I still feel queasy calling her that, I'll tell you why later) gets in fistfights with my older sister all the time, while I have no idea where the heck my birth father is.
I was adopted by my current (really my only) parents when I was 18 months old, but by that time my birth mother had already done her damage. For those of you who don't know, I was born with cerebral palsy because of my birth mother's drug use, and although it doesn't hold me back very much now, it caused loads of trouble when I was younger, along with a whole host of other medical problems my birth mother was generous enough to give me. I had bruises all over me when social services came to take me to my parents (at 18 months!). I could never figure out why I usually need light to sleep until I found out that when I lived with my birth mother, my crib was in the closet.
I'm not really angry at her for what she did, honestly. I'm not the type to hold grudges, and I have to admit things turned out pretty well for me. But it still feels a bit odd thinking about her, and really awkward being around her. At the same time, I feel like I need to be there for my birth siblings, to help them sort out all the emotional baggage and just be a good listener. They all want me around, and I feel like I've been put in this situation for that purpose. It's just really hard to decide what to do.
Thoughts? Suggestions?
