Quote:

Danny said:
And one tip; not all British people have the h-less cockney accent. There's a variety of British accents, not all as pronounced. Biznotch.



Which is why I try writing Grissom with a smoother, upper-class tilt, than Z's straight mutt-cockney. But, hey, I see your point, and I don't want to become the next Chris Claremont. Any tips are greatly appreciated.

And I'm liking this new catch-phrase you're trying to work out. I can see your autobiography already....

From Wankers to Biznotch: The Danny Story

You should let Mxy write the forward. Grimm can be your publicity agent. Doc can have you on his talkshow Fuck You All, Stupid Bastards, along with guest-stars TTT-Boy, the legendary Canadian pornstar (known for his 'nipples of doom'), and the PPM-Dictator of Italy, Emperor Guido Sardella.

I, of course, will be the literary critic that complains about the lack of sex during the middle chapters, and wonders what the author's obsession with midget prostitutes is all about.

Of course, then, you'll get the TV movie deal, and the book will sit at #3 on the New York Times Best Sellers List for a solid sixteen weeks (right behind Hitchhiker's Guide to Being an International Asshole: A Six-Step Strategery by former President George W. Bush, Jr., and, of course, Chewy's sordid tell-all I Am Not God, but I Do A Great Impression).

But, Chewy's book will slide to #4 pretty quickly afterwards, with the general consensus that it came too quickly after his Pulitzer Prize winning novel A Life Less Phil-ish, and didn't contain as many scenes of anal-fondling as that great epic. Also, in a bizarre, yet fitting, turn of events, the DNA strand that mapped out George Jr.'s frontal lobe ultimately mistakes itself for vegetable matter, and his brain morphs into a small piece of steamed cabbage. When this has no effect on him whatsoever, the conservative movement beats him to death with copies of his own book, convinced that he must be the great beast of Revelations.

Your book soars to #1, and public opinion sways into your favor. I, on the other hand, become hounded and threatened, due to my scathing review. I go on the run for a few years, while you steadily rise the ladder of fame and fortune. Convinced that the entire population of Earth is wrong, and that I am right, I begin my life's quest in finding a way to topple you from power.

By this time, you've fallen into your Pagan-worshipping phase, and have already sacrificed Grimm and Mxy to your gods, because, let's face it, virgins are hard to come by.

Meanwhile, I've made contact with a like-minded recluse that shares my need for your destruction...Kristogar Velo. Unfortunately, it turns out Velo really IS only twelve, and won't share any clue to his personality with others.

At this point, you've already unified almost every continent under Australian rule, and have given the use of the word 'continuity' the penalty of death.

You and Euro have a five-year war over this. In the end, you convince PPM-Dictator Sardella that history is created from singular perspectives, and that there can never be any true continuity in anything. Considering this, Euro promptly vanishes in a puff of logic.

Meanwhile, Doc, your long-standing Vice-President, and I have fought many exciting battles with each other, always reaching a stalemate. I finally remove him from the equation by stranding him in a Swedish bordello named 'Large and In-Charge', owned by the former editor-in-chief of the classic smut-mag Tons-O-Fun, Phil Smith.

On the fiftieth-year of your rule, you and I have our final confrontation, where you easily kill me with a boomerang-throwing kangaroo.

It is, only, after my body is cremated, and the ash is free-based by retired-pornstar-turned-billionaire TTT, that you find a nice, comfortable spot in your brain for a .44 Magnum bullet to sit. And, in your last, fleeting moment of thought, you find that you are not suprised that it is the bitter Chewy Walrus that pulled the trigger.

Chewy, of course, proceeds to mutate and transform into the actual beast of Revelations, laying waste to humanity as we know it, and proving once and for all.......

....the devil is always the one you least suspect....

So, given that, maybe you should drop the catchphrase.

Or, don't. Whatever.

I'm bored with you now....