What's the Biggest "WTF" Story In Comics?
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Shazamgrrl, posted January 30, 2002 05:48 AM    
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Seriously, I want to know what story (or stories) made you say "What the ----?"
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I'll reserve mine for later. I have to find the confounded books.
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Shazamgrrl, aka the Magnificent Cosmic Vagabond.
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"Did she say "APPLESAUCE"?!" - Mr. Mind,
The Incredible Sinking City
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therealdeadshot, posted January 30, 2002 06:14 AM
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There have been several comics which made me say WTF cause they treated the characters really shabbily, such as Zero Hour, the Catwoman ish where Nemesis is killed by some stupid old dude or Emerald Twilight. I had to sell them immediately, so I would never be forced to think about them again.
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...now you made me cry
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On a more positive side I would mention the Ambush Bug story with Johnny DC, the continuity cop, any comic with Captain America or whoever administering a beating on Hitler or the death of Leonard in HATE.




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Porky Pine, posted January 30, 2002 06:18 AM
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A late '70s issue of SUPERMAN... #322 I think it was.
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A satellite orbiting the Earth fires a beam of energy at Metropolis, and Superman, rather than moving or otherwise disabling the satellite, moves the PLANET. Jeez, Supes, we know how strong you are. You don't have to show off like that!
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"Trouble with people around here is they refuse to take me seriously!" - Woozy Winks, Police Comics #14





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Steven Utley, posted January 30, 2002 07:54 AM
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"Emerald Twaddle" is certainly a contender.
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In a less distasteful vein, there are a plenty of stories from the Mort Weisinger era that left me tapping the side of my head with the head of my hand -- a particular favorite being "The Irresistible Lois Lane," from issue # 29 of Superman's Girl Friend Whatzername.
No plot summary can do it justice, because no plot summary makes much sense. We are talking byzantine, boys and girls.
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Robert Kanigher wrote many utterly lunatic stories, too, and not just for Wonder Woman.
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A stand-out in his War That Time Forgot series for Star Spangled War Stories is called, if memory serves, "My Buddy, The Dinosaur," wherein a G.I. reveals that he keeps having a dream in which he turns into a dinosaur. He exacts a promise from one of his squadmates: "Promise me you'll shoot me if I start to turn into a dinosaur." And, next thing ya know, he has turned into a dinosaur. I




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Steven Utley, posted January 30, 2002 07:55 AM   
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That line should read, "there are plenty of stories from the Mort Weisinger era that left me tapping the side of my head with the heel of my hand." It's early, and the caffeine hasn't kicked in.



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Evgeny, posted January 30, 2002 10:19 AM
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I remember that dinosaur story. Yup, that was definitely a WTF one right there. Also, how about Hypertime ? I




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Cliffy Mark II, posted January 30, 2002 11:17 AM
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I've never seen it, but the Superman/Big Barda are hypnotized into performing in pornographic films issues is worth mentioning.
--Cliffy




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Steven Utley, posted January 30, 2002 11:57 AM
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I take it back -- it is possible to summarize the aforementioned story, "The Irresistible Lois Lane," as Old Dude demonstrates below. I swear by all I hold holy that his is a straightforward and unembellished description.
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Now here's Old Dude:
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In "The Irresistable Lois Lane," Superman is immobilized by a green kryptonite meteor near his Arctic Fortress of Solitude.
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Superman is prepared for anything. He has in place "Plan L" which is to be innitiated by Lois in case Superman is endangered by green kryptonite near the Fortress of Solitude.
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Really.
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Krypto, the Superdog, cannot go near the meteor to save his master, so instead of melting it with his x-ray vision, blowing it away with his super-breath, or just dropping something heavy on it to drive it deep into the ground, he sky-writes the letter "L" over the skies of Metropolis so Lois will put "Plan L" into operation.
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The plan is for Lois too get to Superman some red kryptonite she keeps in her compact. This red K has proven in the past to cause a temporary invulnerability to Kryptonians.
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Now as it happens, the Superman Revenge Squad, I believe it was, is watching Lois for some reason, so she can't just call a JLA member and give him the RK. Instead, she crushes the stuff into powder, dips her lipstick into it and spreads a little of the powder on her lips. She then goes from hero to hero in the JLA and gives each a big smooch, smearing the red kryptonite on each one.
The boys get together, wipe off the lipstick onto a handkerchief, and Batman flies it to the North Pole in his Batplane. He ties the kerchief onto a Batarang and hurls it down to the stricken Superman, who acquires invulnerability to the green K and is saved.
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I couldn't make this stuff up. There was also "Plan P" and "Plan J." But those are other tales entirely.






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jimmy olsen, posted January 30, 2002 11:59 AM    
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I've got to mention the Starman issue where several heroes decide to recreate the Justice League Europe, just to get killed by Mist!
One Crimson Fox was already dead...did they really need to kill the other one?
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lol...that was also one of the many times Blue Devil supposedly bit it.
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"We're here to catch them when they fall."
--Superman
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"Meantime, I'm drawing soap!" -- Kyle Rayner in Superman Adventures Brightest Day



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Steven Utley, posted January 30, 2002 12:01 PM
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Got all that?
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Good.
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The male Justice League members* Lois kisses are
Batman, of course,
Aquaman,
and The Green Arrow, who shows off his Vacuum-Cleaner Arrow.
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* A less careful or more mischievous writer than I might have written "Justice League male members Lois kisses."



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Justin League America, posted January 30, 2002 12:13 PM
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Hello,
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Wow.
Seriously.
That is true Mort Wiesinger contrivance if I've ever seen it.
I'm stunned.




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Iron Sun, posted January 30, 2002 12:25 PM
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Those bone claws of Wolverine's. They make no sense in the context of earlier stories.



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Steven Utley, posted January 30, 2002 01:28 PM
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The rule in Mort Weisinger's Superman books seems to have been: Always take the long way around. Nothing was ever as simple for Superman as it should have been. When, finally, during the mid-1960s, young Jim Shooter began pitting him against very physical foes such as Eterno the Immortal, The Parasite, and The Four Element Enemies -- each of whom could dish it out as well as take it, mano a mano -- the Man of Steel's relief was palpable.



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fuzznugget, posted January 30, 2002 04:20 PM
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Marvel's last attempt at a BLADE comic.
You could have tied me up in a strait jacket, hopped up on horse tranquilizers with a crayon duct-taped to my foot and I could have come up with a better story than that.
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Let's hope the new one is worthy of the movie. I seem to remember a Silver Age METAL MEN comic where they fought a giant egg that was a really, really bad Chinese stereotype for some reason.



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Aaron, posted January 30, 2002 04:28 PM   
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Some of the recent Nuff Said issues by Marvel.
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Especially that waste of space X-Force issue that took about 2 seconds to read. (Doop pops a zit and everyone gets sucked into a zit-portal.)
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And I LIKE X-Force! But what a waste of money that was.

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Ditto the Defenders Nuff Said issue.
Stick a fork in it, that series is DONE.
--Aaron



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Mr Monkey, posted January 30, 2002 04:29 PM
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DC's GENESIS mini-series from a few years back.
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DC's multi-company x-overs usually stink, but this one was ridiculous...



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Old Dude, posted January 30, 2002 05:49 PM  
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Originally posted by fuzznugget:
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I seem to remember a Silver Age Metal Men comic where they fought a giant egg that was a really, really bad Chinese stereotype for some reason.


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I believe that was "Egg Fu," a villain Kanigher created in his Wonder Woman comic.
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At least, I THINK it was Kanigher. He may have been a Golden Age retread, because:
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1. As Fuzzy says, it was a stereotype SO Chinky-Chinaman, that I don't think it was born in the '60s.
2. On the Mary Tyler Moore show in the early'70s, Mary Richards tells a young girl about reading Wonder Woman comics as a child, ans especially remembering the villain Egg Fu.
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I've always assumed that this was just an anachronism planted by some TV writer who assumed that "comics is comics" and time frame is irrelevent. But perhaps he really was around when Mary was a girl.
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Does anyone know?
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Related to that last item, on an episode of M*A*S*H*, which took place during the Korean War, Radar O'Reilly is shown reading a copy of Marvel's Avengers comic 10 years before it was published.



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Old Dude, posted January 30, 2002 05:54 PM
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Originally posted by Steven Utley:
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I take it back -- it is possible to summarize the aforementioned story, "The Irresistible Lois Lane," as Old Dude demonstrates below. I swear by all I hold holy that his is a straightforward and unembellished description.


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Thanks for resurrecting my old post, Steve.
How the heck did you find it?
It was good to hear how "Loois" saved "Suoerman" with the "reed" kryptonite.
I really have to start proof reading these things!




[ Typos corrected in previous posts above, that Old Dude refers to. --Dave t W B ]


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Joe Kinski, posted January 30, 2002 06:03 PM    
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Originally posted by fuzznugget:

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I seem to remember a Silver Age Metal Men comic where they fought a giant egg that was a really, really bad Chinese stereotype for some reason.


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Yeah.
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Egg Fu shows up in the late 170's/early 180's issues of Wonder Woman, just before the move to the new, costume-less Diana Prince, Wonder Woman.
I don't know if that is the initial appearance, but it is the only one I know of.
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I guess that time frame would put it about 1968 ... definitely not Mary Tyler Moore's youth.
-- Joe



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whomod, posted January 30, 2002 06:30 PM
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The resolution of the Superman Red/Superman Blue storyline a few years ago.




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mfisher, posted January 30, 2002 07:17 PM   
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Justice League Antarctica.
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All I could think of were stories like the Search for the Seven Soldiers of Victory and say WTF-How did it come to this?
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The Doc Savage mini series. Worst Doc adaptation ever.
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The simple fact that Guy Gardner got his own book. WTF.
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Bill Jaska's art on The New Titans. Double WTF.




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fangirl22, posted January 30, 2002 07:25 PM
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New member here.
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I have to say the Martian Manhunter 1,000,000 issue.
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Kyle Rayner is on Mars in the far distant future and discovers that J'onn has become the planet Mars??
I know some people really liked this issue, but I just said 'what the ----?'
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Maybe it just needs to grow on me.
J'onn's been my favorite character for over a decade now, I just can't see that future. Doesn't he at least deserve a Gladiator-like ending that reunites him with his family in the afterlife?



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The Vigilante, posted January 30, 2002 08:45 PM
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My most recent "WTF" was actually a good thing.
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I picked up a Marvel back issue I had never read before, GIANT SIZE SUPERVILLAIN TEAM-UP #2, and I noticed something very familiar about it as I read the story.
I turned to the credits and there, big as day, was Mike Sekowsky's name.
I hadn't remembered him ever doing any Marvel work, and here he was doing Namor and Dr. Doom.
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Nice change over the usual Marvel crap of the time (except for Frank Robbins' INVADERS of course).
--Rich

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"Fightin's out of style...Fear's where the fun's at!"
-- Firesign Theatre
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"And if I laugh at any mortal thing,
T'is that I may not weep..."
----Lord Byron, from Don Juan




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heffalump, posted January 30, 2002 10:08 PM
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My favourite WTF comic has to be an issue of DC Presents that teamed Superman with the Freedom Fighters. I just reread it a couple of nights ago, 'cause I find it sooo kitsch.
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1980's Nazi's have stolen the original Declaration of Independence and the US Constitution. As a result, America is subjected to a barrage of natural disasters as the 'spirit of America' is in the hands of evil! These are some damn powerful bits of paper!
Uncle Sam tries to convince Superman of this, but is frustrated that Supes doesn't believe a word. (Funny, that!)
Apparently, it was the Nazis' theft of these documents on Earth X that won them the Second World War...
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Instead, the Freedom Fighters set out to recover the documents. Uncle Sam can lead them straight to the Nazi's hide-out, as he is sensitive to the Spirit of America (of course).
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Meanwhile, Superman speeds from disaster to disaster. The Russians have now decided that this is a great time to ship nuclear weapons to Cuba to restart the missile crisis.
Supes doesn't want to stop the ships and trigger a conflict if he can avoid it, but as luck would have it, the convoy of ships is in the path of a falling satellite which has also succumbed to the disasters. Seeing the satellite falling, Superman actually says that he deosn't know what to do! (Like he hasn't dealt with this type of situation every week for decades...)
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Instead of catching the satellite or destroying it with his heat vision, or any less aggressive stance, he decides the best course of action is to lift the Russian ship out of the water and out of the satellite's path. Somehow, this doesn't start world war 3.
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Superman eventually comes to his senses, and meets up with the Freedom Fighters at the Nazi hide-out in time for the big fight scene. The documents are recovered and returned to their rightful place, and all the disasters cease..


I laughed when I first read it and I laughed when I read it again this week. I'm still amazed that this isn't a Silver Age story, but actually dates from 1982.




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KryptoSuperDog, posted January 30, 2002 10:30 PM
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I was cleaning out old comic boxes the other day, and came across a "summer annual" tie-in from the 90s.
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It was something about Bloodlines and all these stupid vulgar aliens ripping up the planet. Pretty forgettable, since no one ever mentions those stories anymore, and even I forgot I had them!
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Well, I got to reading them and couldn't make heads or tails out of them...
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There are many many more confusing WTF stories in DCU, but it seems most of them revolve around multi-part epics like this, when the editors lose control, and lose their minds.
Great for sales, though, oh yeah.
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I think the single-most confusing story I ever read though, was Giffen's last run on Legion of Super-Heroes, when they branched out into doing the Legionnaires as well, and Cosmic Boy turned out to be the Time Trapper, and Lightning Lad was really Proty I, and other such rubbish.
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Yeah, right, whatEVah..

Thankfully, all those stories were voided out forever and ever due to Zero Hour...(another bloody confusing tale).