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Mike Monroe: "Welcome, fans, to the west bank of the Hudson River in New Jersey!"
*The fans scream loudly.
Mike Monroe: "Welcome to Rob's Damn Championship Wrestling!"
*The fans scream even louder, and some begin touching themselves.
Mike Monroe: "Welcome to. . .SUMMERSCAM!!"
*The fans explode in an orgiastic frenzy! And some of them fall into the river.
Mike Monroe: "I'm Mike "The Mouth" Monroe and with me, as always is the inimitable Madman Marcum!"
Madman: *looking up from behind the table where he was taking a sip of curvacea. "What did you call me?"
Mike Monroe: "Later on, we'll hear from our secondary commentary team of Fat Retard and LLarry "The Queen" LLawler, but now let's take you to James White and the RDCW hotties for their rendition of the national anthem. . ."
Bsams (Champ) (28%, 11 Votes)
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TK-069 (73%, 29 Votes)
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Chris Oakley (32%, 13 Votes)
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Faarooq Oakley X (68%, 28 Votes)
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Joe Mama (Champ) (78%, 31 Votes)
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King Snarf (23%, 9 Votes)
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Stareena (60%, 25 Votes)
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NurikoK98 (40%, 17 Votes)
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Nowhereman (Champ) (61%, 25 Votes)
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Kristogar Velo (39%, 16 Votes)
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Grimm (62%, 26 Votes)
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Pig Iron (38%, 16 Votes)
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Son of Mxy (Champ) (86%, 36 Votes)
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PenWing (14%, 6 Votes)
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Legbreakererses 4 Hire (71%, 30 Votes)
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Team GOP (24%, 10 Votes)
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The Liberal Conspiracy (5%, 2 Votes)
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Urg (Champ) (48%, 20 Votes)
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Captain Sammitch (52%, 22 Votes)
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The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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Joined: Oct 2001
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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*Anarchy in the UK blasts out!*
NM:"Shut the fuck up,we'll have none of that fucking Americana here,this is an international wrestling organisation,who authorised this gay national anthem shit?"
Boos from inbred crowd!
NM:"Oh shut up you stupid bunch of brother fucking hicks!"
NM:"Anyway,I know who authorised this bigotted,racist fucking anthem shite,its that poof thedoctor!"
NM:"Well there are two GMs gaylord,remember that & no shit like this goes ahead without my say so........got that!"
NM:"Now this is pissing me off & guess what,looks like Velo is gonna suffer tonight because thedoctor is a total gay wanker.................just remember to send him your hospital bill Velo.........when you regain conciousness that is!"
NM walks back out with boos from the American portion of the crowd,but the rest of the international audience aplauds his words..........even if he was a little crass!
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Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
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Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
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Posts: 17,868 Likes: 16 |
"Superstar" blasts through the speakers as Son of Mxy makes his way to the ring with a purple gym bag in hand. He picks up a mic from the announcer's stand and hops through the ropes.SoM: Jesus, I'm nervous. This is my first time. *cheers from the crowd*SoM: It's true. This is my first PPV as the lightweight faggot champion. And I'm honestly excited and I feel as though there are butterflies in my stomach. It's like being in love all over again. SoM: Yes, if you're out there watching, Lisa Villanueva - I'd like you to know that I'm very popular now. I'm on tv! I hope you're happy about not going to the prom with me! *cheers from the crowd*SoM: Okay, enough about my personal life. I'm here on official business. *taps the gym bag* *crowd goes silent*SoM: You see, I've been the lightweight faggot for couple of weeks now and I have successfully defended it once. It's kinda great - I'm living out my dreams. SoM: Except that dream where I was having sex with a really hot nun who suddenly turned out to be David Hasselhoff in drag.. SoM: But I digress... SoM: Yes, I was living my childhood dream, but I felt like something is missing. SoM: It's like, being champion left a gaping hole in my heart, as if it needs something to make me feel whole again - something that will make me feel like a true lightweight faggot. SoM: What I did first was ask advice from my mentor, Dave. But he's currently unavailable after retiring from the squared circle. I was on my own. *chants of "I'm not Mxy!" filled the stadium*SoM: This has nothing to do with my dad. I'm getting to the point. SoM: You see, after a week of bible study and silent admiration of my own reflection, I realized what I was missing.. SoM grinsSoM: .....A belt. SoM: I only noticed it at that time, but there really was no lightweight faggot belt. We were competing for an imaginary title. Not to mention our pants kept falling down to our knees. SoM: Now, I don't know about you but that's very pathetic. Not as pathetic as my buddy Joe Mama having sex with an Oakley - but pretty damn close. SoM: So, case in point, I asked the doc to make me a belt. It took a lot of phone calls and formal request letters and envelopes filled with offers for violent sodomy, but it finally worked. *cheers from the crowd*SoM: Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to introduce you to the brand new... SoM opens the gym bag and takes out the contentSoM: LIGHTWEIGHT FAGGOT belt! 
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Methinks someone has copied an already copyrighted belt..........I'm gonna get rWo member Dave to sue your faggotty arse! 
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living in 1962 15000+ posts
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living in 1962 15000+ posts
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Posts: 19,546 Likes: 1 |
Quote:
Son of Mxy said:
"Superstar" blasts through the speakers as Son of Mxy makes his way to the ring with a purple gym bag in hand. He picks up a mic from the announcer's stand and hops through the ropes.
SoM: Jesus, I'm nervous. This is my first time.
*cheers from the crowd*
SoM: It's true. This is my first PPV as the lightweight faggot champion. And I'm honestly excited and I feel as though there are butterflies in my stomach. It's like being in love all over again.
SoM: Yes, if you're out there watching, Lisa Villanueva - I'd like you to know that I'm very popular now. I'm on tv! I hope you're happy about not going to the prom with me!
*cheers from the crowd*
SoM: Okay, enough about my personal life. I'm here on official business. *taps the gym bag*
*crowd goes silent*
SoM: You see, I've been the lightweight faggot for couple of weeks now and I have successfully defended it once. It's kinda great - I'm living out my dreams.
SoM: Except that dream where I was having sex with a really hot nun who suddenly turned out to be David Hasselhoff in drag..
SoM: But I digress...
SoM: Yes, I was living my childhood dream, but I felt like something is missing.
SoM: It's like, being champion left a gaping hole in my heart, as if it needs something to make me feel whole again - something that will make me feel like a true lightweight faggot.
SoM: What I did first was ask advice from my mentor, Dave. But he's currently unavailable after retiring from the squared circle. I was on my own.
*chants of "I'm not Mxy!" filled the stadium*
SoM: This has nothing to do with my dad. I'm getting to the point.
SoM: You see, after a week of bible study and silent admiration of my own reflection, I realized what I was missing..
SoM grins
SoM: .....A belt.
SoM: I only noticed it at that time, but there really was no lightweight faggot belt. We were competing for an imaginary title. Not to mention our pants kept falling down to our knees.
SoM: Now, I don't know about you but that's very pathetic. Not as pathetic as my buddy Joe Mama having sex with an Oakley - but pretty damn close.
SoM: So, case in point, I asked the doc to make me a belt. It took a lot of phone calls and formal request letters and envelopes filled with offers for violent sodomy, but it finally worked.
*cheers from the crowd*
SoM: Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to introduce you to the brand new...
SoM opens the gym bag and takes out the content
SoM: LIGHTWEIGHT FAGGOT belt!
This guy seems to like it:
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Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
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Son of Anarchist 15000+ posts
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*DELETED  *
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Mike Monroe: "Can you believe Nowhereman interrupted the national anthem and is now accosting the lightweight champion in the ring?"
Madman: "Hey, Nowhereman's right! It was disrespectful to our international fanbase! And besides, he can do what he wants! He's the co-GM and the Intercuntinental champion!"
The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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Mike Monroe: "Our first match tonight is the Flaming Tables match for the Hardcore Porn title! Urg, the defending champion, is a heavy favorite, having held the belt since March!"
Madman: "That's true, but Sammitch has already beaten Urg before! He won the Lightweight belt from him back on June 1st!"
*Footage shown of the match as Meeko distracts Urg while Sammitch keeps the ref busy.
Monroe: "He did beat him, but he had help! Watch this!"
*More footage shown as I-Man clocks Urg in the head with a steel chair, allowing Sammitch to set up his finisher.
Madman: "I-Man interfering because he was jealous!"
Monroe: "Rob Kamphausen took the belt from him that he'd rightfully won in the ring!"
Fat Retard: "Drop toehold!"
The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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terrible podcaster 15000+ posts
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terrible podcaster 15000+ posts
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*Black Eyed Peas' "Let's Get it Started" blares as Cap'n Sammitch makes his way to the ring accompanied by Meeko...*
Monroe: He's carrying what looks to be a martial-arts staff of some sort. I wonder what the former Lightweight champion has in mind... although it won't make much of a difference against the raw power of the Caveman...
Madman: Are you kiddin'? Urg's gotta be able to connect if he wants to use all that 'raw power'! Sammitch isn't the biggest guy out here, but not many guys here are quicker. And he's sneaky, too!
*Focus on Monroe as he addresses the fans at home*
Monroe: Madman Marcum, insisting that you can't count underdog Captain Sammitch out of this match entirely. But even with his speed, agility, and cleverness, it would be a long shot indeed if he were to defeat the intense and merciless Urg here for the Hardcore Porn title.
*Focus on Sammitch in the ring as he hands his martial-arts staff to Meeko, who sets it on the floor just outside the ring*
Madman: But I tell you what, Mike. No matter who walks away from this one with that title, they'll have to go through a little corner of Hell to get it! Flaming tables! Woohoo!
Monroe: And I think this is Urg coming now. Sammitch! Urg! Flaming tables! Next!!!
Fat Retard: German Supplex!!!
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DROP TOEHOLD 25+ posts
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DROP TOEHOLD 25+ posts
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Buh gawd this is gunna be one slobberknocker...........drop toehold.........but wheres the Queen?
Sternum!
What a slobberknocker!
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Assassinist 500+ posts
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Assassinist 500+ posts
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I go away for a few months, only to come back and find somebody turned the keys of the asylum over to the lunatics. It's like I never left. 
"Life ain't nothin' but bitches and money" - Ice Cube
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Inglourious Basterd!!! 15000+ posts
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Inglourious Basterd!!! 15000+ posts
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"Township Rebellion" plays. Joe Mama strides to the ring, mic in hand. He enters the ring, and motions to "cut the music".
JM: Are you ready, Snarf? Did you get a good night's sleep, Snarf? Were you sure to have a nice meal? Maybe kiss a baby for luck tonight? Are you watching me right now? Or are your eyes on the clock, waiting for the moment that you have to enter this ring and face me in our Last Man Standing match? Waiting for the moment that puts an end to this chapter of our careers?
Somehow, I think you're in your dressing room. Your thinking about the Eurotrash title and about who you'd rather defend it against: Grimm or Pig Iron. You're thinking about your first post-match speech. You're thinking about anything BUT me! And therein lies the key to your defeat. Y'see, you're looking past me. You're looking to someone else - ANYONE else - besides me. Maybe it's because you have that little respect for me, or maybe it's because you realize that my destroying you is inevitable. So you force yourself to think about anything but this match.
The thing is, if you're focusing on this title (points to Eurotrash title), then you've already lost. If you're concerned with who your next opponent will be, then I can assure you that it WON'T be against the winner of the #1 Contender's match. And if you think that you're just gonna come in, get a quick win, and walk outta here, then you best not even show up!
Your only concern should be with your own survival! Because I SWEAR to you, Snarf, that I am going to inflict pain on you! I have no interest in any other match but our's! You wanted my attention? You wanted this match? You got it, Snarf. You get this match and everything that goes with it! Six months, Snarf! Six months I've been waiting to face you, and I've got one HELL of a beating to lay on you! I WILL deliver six months worth of pain and punishment, because it's the LEAST you deserve! And there's no Triple Set to save you this time...you made sure of that when you turned your back on your "friends" after the Asylum Rules match, causing Grimm to defect to the RwO and costing Midnite his half of the tag titles. You're nothing, Snarf, a pariah! A leech who has sucked the blood of your friends, these fans, and the whole RDCW! And it ends tonight!!!
Count the minutes, Snarf. Think about what this match means to you. Because, when zero-hour finally comes, I'll be waiting. Waiting to beat you. Waiting to batter you. Waiting to break you. And, most of all, waiting to send you out of the RDCW on a stretcher.
Tonight, Snarf, I'm going to do more than hurt you. Tonight, I'm going to end you!
Joe Mama drops the mic. "Township Rebellion" starts up. He makes the motion again, and the music stops. He silently makes his way out of the ring and out to the back.
Uschi said:I won't rape you, I'll just fuck you 'till it hurts and then not stop and you'll cry. MisterJLA: RACKS so hard, he called Jim Rome "Chris Everett." In Him, all porn is possible. He is far above mentions in so-called "blogs." RACK him, lest ye be lost! "I can't even brush my teeth without gagging!" - Tommy Tantillo: Wank & Cry, heckpuppy, and general laughingstock ![[Linked Image from i6.photobucket.com]](http://i6.photobucket.com/albums/y203/JoeMama13/RedSoxBanner05.png)
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The match is over & Velo lies beaten & bloodied on the floor.
Nowhereman whips out his cock & pisses on his stricken opponent!
NM:"Piss off!"
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Sammitch over Urg
Flaming Tables
Hardcore Porn Title The former lightweight champion started the mindgames early, as Meeko began distracting the caveman as soon as he entered the ring. Sammitch struck from behind with the Staff Meeting, eventually breaking the staff over Urg's cranium. This had little effect on the caveman as he turned around and nailed Sammitch with repeated chokeslams. At times, it seemed as if Urg's long Hardcore reign could continue unchallenged, but Sammitch continually bounced back, nailing several of his signature maneuvers on the seven foot monster. At one point, Sammitch trapped Urg in the Sammitch submission for several moments, but the caveman not only refused to submit, but actually powered out of the move, flinging Sammitch across the ring and into the ref, knocking him out! It was at this point, that the hardcore champ actually lit one of the ringside tables on fire and tossed Sammitch through it with a devastating powerbomb! But the referee was still unconscious and did not see this! Meeko, once again, jumped up on the ring apron and distracted the cavemen by blowing kisses at him. As Urg wandered over to her, Sammitch set up the remaining table and lit it on fire. Attacking Urg from behind with a low blow, Sammitch followed up with a Sammitch Suplex, smashing the cavemen through the flaming table. Meeko revived the referee, who raised Sammitch's hand and awarded him the title! Legbreakererses 4 Hire over
Team GOP and Liberal Conspiracy
Triple Threat Elimination Tag All three teams had a score to settle in this match, as they went at it with wild abandon, tagging in and out, repeatedly. At one point, Winged Creature and Stupid Dogg were both tagged in at the same time and had to face each other. They quickly tagged out, however, and the match continued. Things went bad for the Conspiracy early on, as their manager, the Insane Liberal, was pulled into the ring and trounced by the G-Man and Dave The Wonder Boy. The ref then ordered the beaten down manager to the back. The Conspiracy fell quick without their leader's guidance as Jim Jackson fell victim to the Legbreakererses trademark double team moves and was pinned by both men. This left two teams in the ring to battle it out, as Team GOP went on the offensive, using their technical knowledge and submission maneuvers to try and weaken their adversaries. The mercenaries turned the tide, however, when Stupid Dogg bashed DaveTWB in the back of the head with a crowbar he found under the ring, allowing Winged Creature to score the pinfall. With this win, no doubt the Legbreakererses are quickly moving into tag title contention! Son of Mxy over PenWing
Lightweight Faggot Title As SoM paraded around the ring, showing off the newly designed Lightweight title, PenWing strode up behind the champion, nailing him(?) with a Gordie Howe elbow to the jaw! As the bell rang, Pennie went for a British Columbia Two-Hander, clobbering the champ with his hockey stick! Fat Retard: "Shot to the sternum! Buhgawd!" Pennie then ascended the top rope, going for the High Holy Howe and attempting to finish off the champ early and walk out with the gold! But, SoM rolled away at the last moment, and Pennie hit the mat hard! SoM then blasted Pennie with several high flying maneuvers, including a missile dropkick and an Apocalypse takedown! Fat Retard: "BUHGAWD!!! BUHGAWD!!!!" Madman: "Stop flinging barbecue sauce all over the place, dammit!" LLarry LLawler: "Mmmm! Needs a little spice!"  Fat Retard: "BUHGAWD!!!!!!!!!!!" SoM then trapped Pennie in the DEVASTATING Everyone Must Die wristlock submission for the tapout win.
The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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Grimm over Pig Iron
EuroTrash #1 Contender This was a match to determine the number one contender for the EuroTrash title, as the former champion, Grimm, faced off against the returning Pig Iron! The match started out smoothly with the two exchanging holds and moves, but quickly became a brawl as the frustrated Grimm nailed Piggy with a right cross to the jaw! Piggy struck back, however, and the two brawled out into the stands! At one point, Pig Iron went for a Swine-A-Sault on the outside, but Grimm stepped aside and Pig Iron crashed into the ring railing! Taking advantage of his foes' grogginess, Grimm rolled him into the ring and hit him with a Kobe Special top rope chokeslam! Grimm then slapped his Grimmlock submission on his unconscious foe as the match ended. As the ref raised his hand, Grimm motioned around his waist, signifying his desire for the belt, then pointed at the camera. "I'm coming for you." Nowhereman over Velo
Intercuntinental Title This long time feud sparked up again, as Velo challenged Nowhereman following the brutal rWo beatdown he received following the intense Hell in a Cheese Grater matchup! Velo started the match early, as he jumped the top rope, landing on Nowhereman on the arena walkway! The two brawled on the rampway, with Nowhereman still wearing his IC belt! As the ref started the match, Nowhereman kicked Velo in the gut, then placed the belt on the rampway, and DDT'ed Velo on top of it! Laughing sadisticly, he rolled his foe in the ring, but only got a two count! The two continued brawling, with Velo bleeding from the intense belt shot! He returned the favor with a chair on the arena floor, but was too winded to get the pin! As he went for his G'nort Leg Lift, Nowhereman grabbed his foot and kicked his other leg out from under him! He applied the Cuntface submission, further weakening his opponent, then hit him with a Fuckoff Slam for the three count! Stareena over Nuriko
Pole Dancing
Golden Boobies Award This match began on the special stage setup with two stripper poles near the announce area. (Conveniently near the announce area. ) As the two girls began dancing off, and clambering around the poles, sending the fans into a frenzy! Within no time, the girls had stripped down to their underwear and were still going at it with no clear cut winner! Eventually, they started shoving each other and fell into the mud pit (again, very conveniently ) in front of the stage! The two girls began wrestling and catfighting in the mud, much to the delight of the fans (and the announcers! Well, most of the announcers)! The end came when Stareena clambered up on the stage and delivered a Flying Muff Diver to Nuriko in the mud pit and pinned her! James White awarded Stareena once again the Golden Boobies Award, and got a sloppy, mud drenched hug and kiss (lucky bastard!)
The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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Joe Mama over King Snarf
Last Man Standing
EuroTrash Title
This match was the culmination of the last six months, stretching all the way back to Joe Mama's first appearance in RDCW at the Fantasy Rumble! Snarf ducked the rookie for months, leading to various sneak attacks and encounters between the two, until it became Joe who denied Snarf the match! Well, at the last ppv, Snarf finally earned the match, and he decided it would be a Last Man Standing match!
LLarry LLawler: "I have lots of those type matches at my house!"
Fat Retard: "BUHGAWD!!!!!!! SLOBBERKNOCKER!!!"
LLarry LLawler: "You got that right!"
Joe Mama and Snarf stared each other down for what seemed an eternity, then finally went at it. Snarf attempted to use the title as a weapon, but Joe ducked it, and tripped Snarf out of the ring! The two brawled onto the Jersey Shore, and Snarf tried for a piledriver, but Mama reversed it and backdropped him into the river!
As the soaking wet Snarf pulled himself out of the waters, Joe Mama nailed him with multiple East Coast Hammers, before finally jumping off the rampway for a Flying Teabag Slam and the pin!
As Joe began celebrating in the ring, Christine Oakley ran down the ramp, still handcuffed to the dazed and groggy Rex Stardust! Joe took off out of the ring and headed to the back as Christine tried to chase him and pull Rex at the same time!
Faarooq Oakley X over Chris Oakley
Leadership of the Oakleys
Faarooq Oakley X lead several of the Oakleys out to the ring for this match, including Christine and the still handcuffed Rex! When Chris entered the ring, to the Red Dwarf theme, only Joe and Pedro Oakley stood with him.
The match went back and forth with several of the Oakleys wondering whether they should get involved or not. The end came when Faarooq ordered Joe and Pedro to get in the ring. Reluctantly they did so. Faarooq pointed at Chris laying on the mat, and yelled at Joe and Pedro to attack him. After several long moments, they finally did so, blasting him with a brutal Double Oakley Sandwich! Faarooq and the Oakleys then left the ring area.
TK-069 over Bsams
Iron Man Match
Heavyweight Cheese Title
TK had been chasing the champion for months, before finally scoring a win over him in the Wargames Elimination! With momentum on his side, TK felt he could finally win the elusive Big Cheese title! And after sixty grueling minutes in the ring with Bsams, he did!
Bsams tried for an early lead, going for a Blitzkrieg Bop, then following it up with a Beat on the Brat, but TK rallied and continued on.
He tossed the champ outside went for an over the top rope Negra Splash! They fought into the waters of the Jersey Shore, where the champ tried to hold the challenger under the water!
Eventually they made it back into the ring, where TK reversed an irish whip into an Orchepocalypse at the fifty eight minute mark! With only moments to go as time counted down, TK launched himself off the top rope and pinned the champion for the three count mere seconds before the time expired!
TK-069 was the new Big Cheese Champion!
Fat Retard: "BUHGAWD!!!!!"
The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
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Award-Winning Author 10000+ posts
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Posts: 12,353 |
Quote:
madman marcum said:
Joe Mama over King Snarf
Last Man Standing
EuroTrash Title
As the soaking wet Snarf pulled himself out of the waters, Joe Mama nailed him with multiple East Coast Hammers, before finally jumping off the rampway for a Flying Teabag Slam and the pin!
Wait a sec... A pin?!? This was supposed to be a Last Man Standing, where I can only lose by failing to get to my feet by the count of ten! I was screwed! It's Montreal all over again!
Rematch! The fans deserve it!
Knutreturns said: Spoken like the true Greatest RDCW Champ!
All hail King Snarf!
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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Hip To Be Square 15000+ posts
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He tastes of America 15000+ posts
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He tastes of America 15000+ posts
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I'm the champ, baby! WOOOO! Dammit, someone post my Hammer pic with the ladies!
He fixes the cable?
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Quote:
madman marcum said:
Joe Mama over King Snarf
Last Man Standing
EuroTrash Title
As the soaking wet Snarf pulled himself out of the waters, Joe Mama nailed him with multiple East Coast Hammers, before finally jumping off the rampway for a Flying Teabag Slam and the pin!
BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT! BULL-SHIT!
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Quote:
King Snarf said:
Quote:
madman marcum said:
Joe Mama over King Snarf
Last Man Standing
EuroTrash Title
As the soaking wet Snarf pulled himself out of the waters, Joe Mama nailed him with multiple East Coast Hammers, before finally jumping off the rampway for a Flying Teabag Slam and the pin!
Wait a sec... A pin?!? This was supposed to be a Last Man Standing, where I can only lose by failing to get to my feet by the count of ten! I was screwed! It's Montreal all over again!
Rematch! The fans deserve it!
Oh, you were counted out! Joe Mama just pinned you to further humiliate you, belee dat! 
The Madman says: "that's fucked up. that ain't right."
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