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Juggling women, also known as DMW (dating multiple women), is a tricky dating maneuver. If you attempt it recklessly, with no thought of protecting your own best interests, or the women's feelings, you're playing with fire.

The DMW advantage

Nonetheless, the advantages of DMW -- such as no commitments, no mutual dependency and having a variety of women to choose from -- often far outweigh the disadvantages, which can include ruining your reputation or facing a woman's rage once she learns that she's not the only one. It's up to you to decide whether you should pursue this option with the calculated risks in mind.

If you still want to play, there are a few simple rules of thumb you can follow to have all the fun of dating without the hassles of a serious relationship.

Set the tone

The key to DMW is keeping the tone light from the get-go. Be humorous and fun, setting the stage for future interaction. Hint vaguely through your actions that you could be looking for more, but don't flat-out state that you're looking for a soul mate just to spark her interest. Don't do anything that could give her cause for complaint later on. Don't lead her on.

Keep the conversation light and focused on safe, general topics. Spending time together in a group setting, rather than one-on-one, is also good for maintaining a DMW situation. Be relatively open about yourself, especially if she asks a direct question, but don't volunteer your deepest, darkest secrets. If you share a lot with her, she'll naturally assume that you're heading toward a serious relationship.

Let her know that you don't expect her to be dating you exclusively, and vice-versa. It's unfair, even hypocritical, for you to exhibit jealousy when you learn that she's dating other people if you're doing the same thing. Also, if she makes it clear from the beginning that she's looking for something long-term, save her and yourself a lot of grief and don't start dating.

Avoid clingers

A common hazard in DMW is that the happy-go-lucky girl you meet on the first date can sometimes scarily morph into the "I want to be the mother of your children" woman, or the clinger, by date two or three. It's impossible to juggle a clinger because she'll ratchet the intensity of your relationship up at the speed of light. If you notice this tendency cropping up in a woman, walk away before it's too late.

Clingers are easily identifiable. They aren't good at concealing their real motivations and feelings, and generally give themselves away pretty quickly. They'll call your number or e-mail you the very next day after a first date, hoping to cement the relationship, but really only revealing their desperation. They'll act possessive of you even if you're not officially together, and they tend to view sex as a serious indicator of commitment rather than, well... just sex.

There are also many girls out there who are the polar opposites of clingers. They tend to be happier and more light-hearted, regardless of whether they are single or in a relationship. If they call you first after a number exchange, they won't do so immediately, and they might not invite you on a straight-up date, but just to let you know about a get-together with a larger group of people. This type of girl is prime DMW material.

Spread yourself out

To avoid earning a negative reputation, and to keep ladies from learning the extent of your involvement with other women, never try to DMW within one group of friends. This is a recipe for disaster. Consider the fall-out of having a whole circle of girl friends mad at you. You'll have to start avoiding certain bars and entire areas of town if you burn all your bridges in one place like that.

Simultaneously date women who do not know one another, who live in different parts of town, and run in different circles. It's common sense, and it's crucial.

Limit communications

Successful DMW is all about time management, or placing limitations on the number and duration of times you spend with any one girl. By only contacting them occasionally -- not enough to build a real relationship, but not so rarely that they lose all interest in you -- you can successfully date a handful of women simultaneously. I would suggest juggling only three to five at any given time. Any more than that becomes too time-consuming and stressful, taking all the usual fun out of DMW.

Limiting communications actually serves a double purpose: it makes DMW physically possible in terms of time, and it makes it less likely that you will form a strong bond with any one of the girls. It also makes it possible to juggle women for longer periods of time.

For example, if you're just dating one girl, with whom you communicate and spend time several times a week, the relationship will likely develop quite quickly, almost beyond your control. If you're dating several women, with whom you only have contact once a week, or even biweekly, the relationships will proceed at a more manageable pace, making it possible to juggle them for months.

Strategic reminders

One of the most vital aspects of maintaining a DMW situation is strategically reminding women of your interest. Women aren't stupid; they know when they're not being given a man's full attention and will soon come to resent it. To lull their insecurities and keep them on a line, remember the following advice: Quality, not quantity of time spent together is paramount.

In other words, to make up for only seeing each other sporadically, when you actually do hang out, focus 100% of your attention on her, and really enjoy your time. Don't answer a pager, don't talk about other women and turn your cell phone off, if need be. Treat her as if she's the only one when you're with her.

So remember...

The cardinal rule of DMW is keeping your relationships at a light, almost superficial level. This can be accomplished by selecting the right girls, avoiding the troublesome clingy ones, and limiting your time together.

Finally, pour on the charm and interest when you actually are together, and you'll be able to maintain multiple relationships with relative ease. And the best part is that, if you play your cards right from the get-go and you end up realizing that one girl is head-and-shoulders above the rest, you will have the option of easing out of the other relationships and seeing her exclusively.

Happy juggling!


Read my blogs, dammit! The Life and Training of Brian A. Ortiz My thoughts...are edited the moment they leave my head.