"Yesterday federal agents raided Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch in Santa Barbara. This isn't good. People are gonna start saying this guy is peculiar. Apparently Michael Jackson was so upset he contacted Rush Limbaugh's housekeeper to get some sedatives." —David Letterman
"I guess they had 60 federal investigators going over the Neverland Ranch property for 12 hours and didn't find anything. But they did turn up OJ's knife." —David Letterman
"Earlier today, police raided the Neverland ranch. Michael Jackson was so upset he dangled himself over a balcony." —Craig Kilborn
