so, nothing interestin happend today other than we did alot of running and got nothing done. got some information but thats bout it... so it wasnt a total lose.
wendsday was one month since my ex left me...
saturday will be one month bugoo and i have been together.
so a good and a bad. i just wish i could forget my ex. i wish he would leave my mind. get out of my thoughts and stop haunting me. im slightly paranored when i go out, i make sure im not at the mall or any place he could be or go after 5 pm cause thats when he gets out of work. i dont answer the phone on the weekends or i try not to be home at all on the weekends cause he has them off...
*sigh* i getting better at "forgeting" him and that bond/conection i have with him. but today i "felt" him, i knew he was gonna be there at walmart and sure enough i just happened to look up just as we pulled into the lot he was driving down the lane to the parking lot... my heart froze. the wierd thing was it was a cold feeling towards him.. i dunno if thats good or bad.
i stayed in the car while bugoo ran in. the funny thing is he drove right by our car and didnt even see us nor did he notice bugoo walking right behind him into the store. puh, plus he still has those stupid drawings on his windows of pacman and a ghost that his cousin drew on his car with those washable marker window thingys. its been over a month since she did that.. i would think the normal person would have washed them off by now.
i did realize today that i have grown more mature or maybe that i have always been more so then my ex. i think thats what it is...
i am looking forward to the furture with bugoo. i do see a future for the two of us when i look into his eyes. a part of me though misses my ex... i duno, i do know its getting annoying.
there are times where in my head i accidently refer bugoo to my exs name, and i force my brain to say no thats bugoo not the other. i hate that so bad, bugoo doesnt deserve that. i feel guilty at times for thinking/desireing my ex. i stop those thoughts as quickly as i can. i hate being at home. i cant stand to be here, all those memories float back up to the surface and i dont want tthem there. espesially the scene in my living room the night he left me. it still hurts to think about it, but sometimes i dont it just appears in my head like a movie playing that i cant stop.
*sigh* time. i need time to heal. the more new memories i make with bugoo the more it helps to heal.
i just hope i dont start to become cold again. i fear that i might turn off my feeling like ive done so many times. but hopefully thats just feelings from being tired.
