The G-man’s Lament
(featuring The G-man on vocals)
Lead Kamphausenette (speaking):
Ladies & gentlemen.
Tonight it is a very special privilege
to have with us in the house
a number one soul brother.
A stand up Bush-Leaguer.
While all you white-bread Republicans out there
were wondering if you could ever
find a Presidential candidate
stupider than Bill Clinton,
he was burning the midnight oil
going through the lists of draft dodgers
and the records of Yale and Harvard
to find a man
with an IQ to match his position
as 43rd President of the United States of America.
And on that historic day
of January 20th 2001
he stood in the oval office
alongside President George Bush Jnr
and smoked one of Bill Clinton’s cigars.
But tonight he’s here with us
so Ladies and Gentlemen
Won’t you show your appreciation
and give up for:
The G-man!!!
The G-man (singing):
Well I’m hiding in the bushes
And I’m dancing to a tune
Played by armies
I can’t see
Well people say
There’s no one there
But Lord I know
The Kamphausenettes:
Lord, I know
The G-man (singing):
The knives are out
And my enemies
are all around me
The liberals want to pry my guns
From my cold dead hands
I’ve got 1 billion Muslims
all pounding at my door
Say, oh lord, oh lord, oh lord
when will you give me some relief
From these people with their olive skins
and strange beliefs.
Rob Kamphausen’s ansaphone
Hello,
You’ve reached the home of Rob Kamphausen.
I’m out at the moment,
saving New York from liver failure,
one beer at a time,
so leave a message
and I’ll call you when I get back.
The G-man (speaking):
Hello Rob.
It’s me.
The G-man.
Your number one soul brother,
making a late night booty call.
I’ve drawn up a list of posters
who I think we should incarcerate
in a separate board,
on the suspicion that they might
spam the Deep Thoughts forum.
Also I think that it will help me
when I interrogate Rex
if I can flush a copy ‘Atlas Shrugged’
down the toilet,
because Rob you know…
The G-man (singing):
The people here just want
to tear you down
I try to bring them into line
all they do is moan and bitch
And there may be some
who will accept
the odd dropped stitch
I pull the thread
Cut the ties
Watch the whole thing
Come unravelled
right before me eyes
The G-man (speaking):
Sing it back to me sisters
The G-man (singing):
U.S.A
The Kamphausenettes:
U.S.A.
The G-man (singing):
U.S.A
The Kamphausenettes:
U.S.A.
The G-man (singing):
Land of the free
The Kamphausenettes:
Land of the free
The G-man (singing):
Home of the brave
The Kamphausenettes:
Home of the brave
Fade out. Also some gunfire is heard.
