RKMBs Forums .::Important::. RDCW RDCW Halloween Handjobs 10.31.05

Bonfires burning bright
Pumpkin faces in the night
I remember Halloween

Dead cats hanging from poles
Little dead are out in droves
I remember Halloween

Brown leafed vertigo
Where skeletal life is known
I remember Halloween

This day anything goes
Burning bodies hanging from poles
I remember Halloween

Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween

Candy apples and razor blades
Little dead are soon in graves
I remember Halloween

This day anything goes
Burning bodies hanging from poles
I remember

Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween
Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Halloween

Monroe: Welcome to Halloween Handjobs!

MarcuM: Who are you supposed to be, Monroe?

Monroe: I'm John Wayne!

MarcuM: John Wayne? You gotta be kidding me! You look more like Woody from Toy Story!

Monroe: And what are you supposed to be?

MarcuM: I'm Captain Jack Sparrow! The ladies love Captain Jack and he looks good! Just like me!

Monroe: Oh, brother. Let's go to the ring!

Halloween Handicap match single choice

Urg, PJP, & Captain Howdy (47%, 18 Votes)

Nowhereman (53%, 20 Votes)

Total Votes: 38 Voting on this poll ends: 2025-03-13 5:39 PM

Hardcore Porn Title single choice

Balls Nasty (C) (35%, 13 Votes)

Charlie (65%, 24 Votes)

Total Votes: 37 Voting on this poll ends: 2025-03-13 5:39 PM

Halloween Housecall single choice

Doc. Mid-Nite (71%, 27 Votes)

Doc. Mid-Shite (29%, 11 Votes)

Total Votes: 38 Voting on this poll ends: 2025-03-13 5:39 PM

Technical Scientific Match single choice

Dr. William Paragon (24%, 9 Votes)

Spandex Monkey Man (76%, 29 Votes)

Total Votes: 38 Voting on this poll ends: 2025-03-13 5:39 PM

Hotties Costume Match Women's Booby Title single choice

Lor (C) (83%, 33 Votes)

Meeko (13%, 5 Votes)

Nuriko (5%, 2 Votes)

Total Votes: 40 Voting on this poll ends: 2025-03-13 5:39 PM

Falls Count Anywhere single choice

Captain Sammitch (41%, 16 Votes)

Pig Iron (59%, 23 Votes)

Total Votes: 39 Voting on this poll ends: 2025-03-13 5:39 PM

Casket Match IC Title single choice

MisterJLA (C) (44%, 17 Votes)

Darth (56%, 22 Votes)

Total Votes: 39 Voting on this poll ends: 2025-03-13 5:39 PM

6 Man Tag single choice

Chris Oakley / Senior Perdicion / Hombre Lagarto (28%, 10 Votes)

James Fantastic / 2 Ton Tommy / Tommy Savitz (72%, 26 Votes)

Total Votes: 36 Voting on this poll ends: 2025-03-13 5:39 PM

Last Blood Match Big Cheese Title single choice

Joe Mama (C) (50%, 20 Votes)

Grimm (50%, 20 Votes)

Total Votes: 40 Voting on this poll ends: 2025-03-13 5:39 PM

So tonight The Cocktor has decided to put me in a handicap match,like its something I'm worried about.
He accuses me of doing nothing for weeks........well who books the matches cock boy?

The Cockmaster seems to think that he will shut me up one way or another,but we all know that aint gonna happen.

Ya see Cocklover,Nowhereman is someone these fans look up to.
He's the kinda guy the guys wanna be & the girls wanna be with.
I know you are jealous of me,and I can understand that......hell,I can even forgive that,but what I cant forgive is your wardrobe!
Fuck man,what the hell is with that scarf?
And dude,offering jelly babies to people is just damn creepy!

Tonight the odds are against me thats for sure,but I've beaten the odds before,and I'll beat the odds again.
Never everrrrrrrrr count the Nowhereman out!

*On the Cheese-o-tron, the Crotch is seen running down the halls, arms flaring around as he screams for help.*

Marcum: What do we have here?

Monroe: Looks like the Crotch is running from something.

Marcum: Way to state the obvious.

*Joey Biles is seen about to enter the men's room at the end of the hall. The Crotch yells as he runs to him.*

Crotch: JOEY! You gotta help me, man! She's crazy!

Joey: Whoa! Slow down. What's going on? Who's crazy?

Crotch: Lor! She's been chasing me all over the Cheesedome tonight! Something about giving me a treat!

Joey: That's great, man! I'm so happy for you!

Crotch: You don't understand! It's not that kind of treat!

Joey: What do you mean not that kind...of...treat... Oh my Gob!

*Joey stops talking and his jaw drops as he sees something behind the camera. The Crotch notices Joey is looking at something behind him, and he slowly turns around.*

Crotch: Oh no! Joey, please, you gotta help me!

*The Crotch shakes Joey.*

Joey: Sorry, man, you're on your own!

*Joey quickly breaks away and slams the men's room door shut locking it. The Crotch bangs on the door, yelling.*

Crotch: Hey! Let me in! Let me in, dammit!

Monroe: What could possibly be so frightening?

*The camera pans out to show a costumed figure walking towards the Crotch. Clearly a women, she is wearing a full length black latex bodysuit with a black and purple lacy corset, black high heeled boots, and a Harlequin mask. As she approaches the Crotch, she toys with a whip in her hands. It moves like a cats tail. Suddenly, she snaps it, and it cracks against the hall floor.*

Marcum: Oh. My. Gob!

Monroe: It's Lor!

Lor: And just where do you think you're going, little man? <grins>

*Lor cracks the whip between the Crotch's legs, and he lets out a yelp.*

Crotch: Y-you're insane!

Lor: Oh? I thought I was a Pisces!

Monroe: A Pisces? Isn't Lor a Leo?

Marcum: She really is insane!

*Lor cracks the whip again, causing the women's bathroom door next the Crotch to open. She then continues to crack the whip, forcing the Crotch to back into the room. He tries to shut the door, but Lor cracks the whip at his hand, and he yelps as he lets go and backs further into the room. Lor follows with an evil grin. Their voices are heard as the door begins to close.*

Crotch: Y-you can't do this to me!

Lor: Darlin, I can do anything I want! <CRACK!>

*The door locks shut, and the Crotch screams. The screen shows Monroe and Marcum back at ringside.*

Marcum: What could she be doing to him in there?

Monroe: I have no idea, but maybe Bukake can find out after a word from our sponsors!

Marcum: Sponsors? This is a pay-per-view!

*The Cheese-o-tron comes to life showing a beautifully painted room. A generic announcer's voice is heard.*

"Look alive, cutie-pies!
Presenting, the real Harlequin,
that Lone She-wolf,
the one and only...Lor!"

*Lor walks into the room decked out in her purple and black bodysuit. She looks around, winks and says:*

"Ew, wet paint! Stink-a-roonie!"

*Lor smiles a sweet smile as she starts to skip off camera while she sings.*

"It's shiny and creamy and oh so welcome,
it's joyful and jolly Paint-B-Gone!"

*Lor produces a can of Paint-B-Gone, and splashes the wall with big dramatic jesters.*

"Freeze, hun! I gotcha covered, see?"

*Lor breaks out giggling, winks, and holds out the can of Paint-B-Gone towards the cameras. The announcer's voice is heard again.*

"Paint-B-Gone now available at some local stores. Paint-B-Gone may be harmful if actually used, and does not guarantee it will actually remove any paint. In fact, Paint-B-Gone may actually recolor any surface it is applied to. Use Paint-B-Gone at your own risk. Keep away from children."

*Camera pans back to Lor, she grins and winks.*

"Go buy some now!"

*At that the Cheese-o-tron goes blank, and the camera pans to Monroe and Marcum.*

Monroe: Buhgawb!

Marcum: I know! Welcome and gone don't even rhyme!

Monroe: Folks, we have Bookake standing by!

*The Cheese-o-tron shows the announcer standing outside the women's restroom. Noises of ruff panting and moaning can be heard along with maniacal laughter.*

B: This is Bukakee, Havoc numbah one anoncah! I am here to get to bottom of Crotch kidnapping!

*Suddenly, the door unlocks and the Crotch bolts out, half tripping. He slips and slides into the wall, making a loud thud. The camera pans to him. He is dressed in a sloppy green sweatshirt a little too large for him. His face is covered in white blush, and there is some maskara sloppily applied around his eyes. Red lipstick is smeared all over his lips and mouth, and his hair is clearly spray painted green. The crotch stands up and raises his white gloved hands to his face as he runs off.*

Crotch: Get away! Don't look at me!

Monroe: Buhgawb!

Marcum: What has she done to him?!

Monroe: She-she dressed him up like the Joker!

Marcum: That's the worst looking Joker I've ever seen!

*Lor struts out of the restroom and flickes her head tails from her mask back, but she is stopped by Bookaki.*

B: Lor! Everyone here want to know, what did you do to Crotch?

Lor: Can't you tell? Honey, I just made him the most attractive man in the building! You watch, doll. He'll be thanking me after tonight! <wink, grin>

B: Lor, tonight you defend title against Meeko and Nuriko in costume bra and panties match! How do you see yourself compared to your opponents?

Lor: Dominating! <whip, CRACK!>

*Suddenly Lor whips a can of spray paint up to Bookakee's face and sprays him green, all the while grinning. He spits out some of the paint from his mouth as Lor giggles. She tosses the paint can over her shoulder and seductively walks off while playing with her whip. She's softly singing "I'll put a spell on you.." <CRACK!> She looks over her shoulder and winks.*

B: This is Bukahkee, Havoc numbah one anoncah, *SPAT* .. reporting!

*The camera returns to ringside.*

Monroe: It looks like the Halloween spirit is alive and well tonight at Halloween Handjobs!

Marcum: It certainly does! Ghosts and goblins and loonies from the loony bin! Oh my!

Monroe: Who knows what will happen next!

*A black limo with pink trim pulls up to the Cheesedome.*

Monroe: Now that's an interesting limo. I wonder who could be in it?

Marcum: Ugh. I think I have an idea.

*The door opens and the crowd roars as PenWing steps out. He's wearing an orange business shirt with the sleaves rolled up, and black pants. Someone from inside the limo hands him a wooden cane.*

Monroe: It's PenWing! He's back! But who else is in the limo?

*PenWing braces himself and reaches in, helping Meeko as she emerges from the limo. She's sporting her usual black business suit with pink pinstripes. Meeko drapes a garment bag over her shoulder and takes PenWing's arm as they walk towards the entrance.*

Monroe: It seems PenWing is escorting Meeko tonight! But what's in the bag?

Marcum: Her costume, of course! I wonder what it could be?

*Joey Biles races out to greet PenWing and Meeko.*

Joey: PenWing, after seeing Howlerama mock you last week, what are your thoughts?

PenWing: Joey, I'm sure you can see that tonight I'm not here to wrestler. Hell, I'm not even on the card. So, it really doesn't matter what I think about Howlerama right now.

Joey: Then, why are you here?

PenWing: It's become obvious that the Dark Lords could care less about the safety of those around them. I mean, just look at how they put Chesty Lerou in danger every night. After what the Monkey Man did to Meeko last week, it's become clear to me that this isn't the same RDCW I wrestled in just a few weeks ago.

Joey: So, you're Meeko's body guard tonight?

PenWing: I'm her friend and teammate. At the SDC, we take care of each other.

Joey: Really? And how do you expect to be able to take care of Meeko when you still can't walk without a cane?

PenWing: <scratching his head> How is it you still have a job here?

Joey: Uh, right. Meeko, can you tell us what's in the bag?

Meeko: <a wicked look on her face> You'll have to wait and see, just like everybody else.

Joey: Not even a peek? Just for me? I won't tell anyone.

PenWing: You don't take a hint well, do you?

Joey: If anyone doesn't take a hint around here, PenWing, it's you! You've been beaten, bloodied, and damn near put out of commission permanently by the greatest Family to ever grace the halls of this building! What are you going to do if they decide to finish what they started...tonight?

PenWing: <smiles> Actually, I hope they do try something tonight. Dr. Smith may not have cleared me to wrestle just yet, but that doesn't mean I can't fight anytime...<PenWing grabs the mic>...anywhere, <the crowd joins> SUDDEN DEATH RULES!

*PenWing hands the mic back to Joey and he and Meeko enter the Cheesedome.*

Monroe: Buhgawb! PenWing is looking for a fight tonight!

Marcum: The way the air feels around here, he just might get one!

*Deep within the bowels of the Cheesedome, the camera shows the door to the cellar. There are two open coffins, one to each side of the door. A Jack-o-lanturn sits within each one, and one hangs above the doorway. The camera then shows a sign on the door that says "Trick or Treaters Welcome!" Finally, the camera pans to Bukkaki, whose face is still covered in green paint. He is now wearing a black suit, and has a cork sticking out of each side of his neck.*

B: This is Bookkaki, Havoc numbah one anoncah! After interview with Lor, I have to improvise costume to get into holeeday spirit! I now look like favorite monster, Frankenstien! I am standing outside the cellar, home to Darth and Chesty Lerou. The sign here say "Twick or Tweaters Welcome," so I knock on door to get interview with Sith Lord!

*Boohkaki knocks on the door.*

B: Twick or Tweat!

*The door slowly creeps open, revealing Chesty Lerou, barely covered in an Elvira costume.*

Chesty: Oh, Bookahki! You are such an adorable Herman Munster! Darth, you have to see this!

*Darth is sitting crosslegged, seemingly in midair, in a yoga meditation stance. Hearing Chesty's voice, he opens his eyes.*

B: Darth! Tonight you face Meestah JLA in a coffin match for the eye see title. What are you thinking going into what may be the beegist match of your career?

Darth: JLA has done nothing but cheat his way to title after title. That has been the story of his career. But tonight, perhaps we will find the answer to the greatest question ever to face MisterJLA...can he cheat...death?

*Darth drops his feet to the ground and stands to his full height.*

Darth: Beware the POWER, of the dark siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidddddddddddde.

*Darth resumes his meditation postition, and Chesty holds out a candy bag for Bukkahkee.*

Chesty: Here you go, Mr. Munster.

*Chesty escorts Bookakie out the door and closes it behind him. As it slams shut, the Jack-o-lanturn falls on Bukakie's head.*

B: <muffled> This is Bookakki, Havoc numbah one anoncah, reporting!

"Ode to Joy" resounds throughout the CheeseDome as Dr. William Paragon walks out onto the entranceway, resplendent in one of his classic sequined white robes. He is escorted by several security guards. He steps into the ring and begins to speak.

"Good evening. Tonight, I, Dr. William Paragon, am here not in my official capacity as a BBN representative, but to return to my roots in the squared circle. To make a point to a hooligan who feels the need to rely on weapons to make up for his lack of talent and ability in the ring!"

"Spandex Monkey Man! Tonight, I am going to take you and tie into knots! I am going to twist you into a pretzel. You will be unrecognizable to your own mother. I am going to show you exactly what the symbol of excellence means."

Paragon unfastens his robe and reveals a massive championship belt around his waist.

"Do you know what this belt is, Spamm? Do you have any what this belt represents? The history, the lineage, the tradition of the National Wrasslin Association. I doubt a young punk like yourself could even begin to understand what this title represents."

"I have held this championship ten times in my career. The prestige and honor of holding this belt so many times is why I was brought here a decade ago. To bring some of that prestige and honor with me and bestow it upon the RDCW title. And I did exactly that. I raised the RDCW up to new heights of glory. And I will so do again. Starting tonight."

"Spandex Monkey Man. If you want to see this. . ."

One of the guards holds up Mr. Sledge Hammer.

"Or if you want to see this. . ."

Another guard holds up Mr. Staple Gun.

". . .ever again, then tonight you had best bring everything you have in your pathetic little arsenal. Because I am in the process of bringing about litigation that will eliminate thugs like yourself from the face of the RDCW. I will eradicate you, whether it is through legal extraction. . .or by using my bare hands. Tonight,class is in session."

'Wings of a Butterfly' plays, and Spandex Monkey Man appears on the ramp, mic in hand. He is obviously enraged, pacing back and forth in a state of nervous tension

SPAMM: Tonight, Doc Paragon, you will taste true defeat. Tonight is the Dark Lords' night, and tonight I will personally DESTROY you!

The security guards start to go forward, but SPAMM ignores them

SPAMM: You say you are bringing litigation against RDCW to 'eradicate' me? Tell me, Paragon, how do you expect your puny lawyers to overcome someone to whom law and order is meaningless?

The heat on SPAMM is strong, but in among the boos are some strong cheers. It;s clear some of the fans don't lile Paragon any more than they like Spamm

SPAMM: Tonight, I will rip your heart from your body and destroy it in the fire of The Dark Lords! SO SAYETH THE MONKEY MAN!

SPAMM charges the ring. Paragon grabs Mr. Staple Gun and Mr. Sledge Hammer and slips out of the opposite end of the ring as SPAMM hammers on the Security Guards, flinging them around with impunity. Eventually he is overcome and escorted backstage, fighting all the way

(The lights go out in the Cheesedome arena as the crowd roars in a frenzy...)

Monroe - "Here we go again folks! This can only mean one thing!"

Marcum - "Yes people, we have been invaded! I always knew the reunification of Germany was a bad idea! All hail our new Germanic overlords!"

Monroe - " {sigh} Why do I bother... No folks we're not under attack. It's the return to PPV of the one, the only..."

(Before Monroe can finish a large barrage of pyrotechnics sounds off and the lights return as Doc. Mid-Nite appears already in the ring with a mic in hand...)

Doc. Mid-Nite - "Welcome to Halloween Housecalls!"

(Doc pauses as his nation of darkness repeatedly chants D-O-C!D-O-C!)

Doc. Mid-Nite - "Tonight losers, your "Highlight of the Nite" has an appointment with one of Grimm's Dark Whore rejects..."

(Again, Doc is interrupted by the fans repeated chanting of "Grimm sucks ass!"...)

Doc. Mid-Nite - "Tonight loyal ass-wipes, it's The Mid-Nite Doctor vs. The Mid-Nite impostor as The D.O.C. gets set for tonight's Mid-Nite Main Event!"

(The fans chant D-O-C! as Doc. Mid-Nite soaks up the adoration of his late night freaks...)

Doc. Mid-Nite - "But that may not be the only time you see the Mid-Nite Marauder as he still has a few more housecalls to make..."

Doc. Mid-Nite - "So keep one eye open or I might catch y'all sleepin'... Protect Yo' Neck! !"

(The Mid-Nite Doctor drops his mic and exits the ring...)

Monroe - "What could he possibly mean! What could The Mid-Nite Express have in store for us tonight!"

Marcum - "Maybe he's gonna head off the Germans!"

Monroe - "Okaaay... Stay tuned fans, tonight promises to be a spectacular show! The answer to this and many more questions (mainly from my announce partner ) after this..."

(An ad for Tuesday Night Havoc rolls...)

*Camera cuts back to Monroe and MarcuM at ringside.

Monroe: Fans, we've just been told that earlier today the RDCW referees were informed of the stipulations for tonight's main event. Every single referee, including senior official Lothar has refused to officiate the Last Blood match!

MarcuM: Whaaaatt??? That's fucked up.

Monroe: However, we've also been informed that thedoctor has assigned a special guest referee with experience in just this kind of match!

MarcuM: Who could that possibly be?

Monroe: thedoctor has been keeping this individual's identity a secret, but we'll find out later tonight!

Camera cuts to reveal Captain Howdy sitting in the Allied Powers locker room. He is seated on a bench, and is taping his fists.

Jeeves in standing in the opposite corner, folding laundry. An American Flag and a British Flag are hung in the locker room, and the World Tag Team Titles are positioned underneath the flags, each belt in a separate glass case.

The locker room door suddenly flies open, and in storms MisterJLA, who is holding his IC Belt over his shoulder. He immediately gets in Howdy's face...

Quote:

---

JLA: What were you thinking? A "Halloween Handicap Match" against Nowhereman?

Howdy: I don't see what's the problem! I have URG and PJP in my corner! Not that I need their help!

JLA: That's just it. PJP and URG? PJP hasn't competed in ages, and he just used to be a Lightweight!

Howdy: Faggot-

---

JLA shoves Howdy! Howdy shoves back!

Quote:

---

Howdy: I was saying, he used to be a Lightweight Faggot Champion! The first EVAR!

JLA: Oh. I thought you were calling me that.

Howdy: And URG is a former Faggot Champion, and Hardcore Porn Champ!

JLA: Ha. In URG's case, the RDCW could have unified the two belts, and made URG The Hardcore Faggot Porn Champion. But anyway, I kicked URG's ass twice: once in a no DQ match, and again in an Elimination Chamber match: he taint that good!


JLA vs URG
Elimination Chamber


JLA: So not only are you teaming with two dubious partners, just think of the worst thing that can happen!

Howdy: What? I could somehow get injured? PJP and URG could turn on me? Spill it, bender!

JLA: You could embarrass me! Just think how ridiculous I’d look if my partner lost a match, when he had two people helping him! You’re a World Tag Team Champion! You should be above resorting to outside help…but if you had to, couldn’t you have at least gotten better partners???

Howdy: Oh, shut it already Gaylord! I could handle Nowhereman on my own anyway! You need to focus on Darth! He wants to bury you alive, and the “alive” part is optional!

---

JLA’s eyes get wide, as he remembers his Casket Match for the IC Championship with Darth. He mumbles something about “needing to take his mind off of things”, and then retrieves something from his locker.

Just then, there’s a knock on the locker room door. A few moments later, Jeeves answers the door, and a priest is standing in the hallway.

Quote:

---

Father Lankester Merrin: You must be MisterJLA. I received you letter, and came here at once.

Jeeves: I beg your pardon, Father. MisterJLA is the one over there.

---

Jeeves points to MisterJLA, who is flipping through a copy of “Swank” magazine. JLA sees the priest, and quickly throws the magazine back into his locker. The priest sighs, and shakes his head.

Quote:

---

JLA: Oh, hey Father. Just doing some…research. I see you read my letter.

Father Lankester Merrin: I did indeed, my son. The contents of your letter were most troubling. I have brought you two items that will help you in your quest to destroy the evil you must face tonight. I have both items sealed, so your enemy will not see them.

---

Another priest walks into the locker room, and places two boxes on the bench. Both priests stand in front of JLA, looking at him. MisterJLA looks at them, puzzled.

Quote:

---

JLA: Uh, well thanks for helping, Fathers. Have a safe trip back.


Father Lankester Merrin: JLA, my son, Father Karras and I traveled a long distance to assist you tonight. Our church is in need of a new roof, and the collection plate seems to bring smaller rewards each week…

JLA: Say no more, Father.

---

MisterJLA takes his wallet out his locker, and pulls out a bill. He hands it to Father Lankester Merrin.

Quote:

---

JLA: And there you are. Thanks for the help. Now I need to get back to my…research. Godspeed.

---

Father Merrin looks down at the five -dollar bill that MisterJLA has handed to him. He mutters what could be interpreted as “cheap bastard” and walks out with Father Karras.

JLA opens each box, and whispers to himself “perfect”. Camera fades to black...

The camera cuts back to the ring, which is now set up to resemble a Roman coliseum. "Ecstasy of Gold" is playing. Louie Bastardo in the ring dressed as Julius Ceasar. Behind is Grace, dressed as Cleopatra. Louie begins to speak.

LB: Greetings, peons! Tonight, I, Ceasar Bastardo, am consenting to grace (heh) you all with my presence. Along with my lovely queen of the Nile.

Grace smiles and bows just a bit.

LB: And tonight, we are celebrating. For tonight, the Family begins the long trip back to greatness! For tonight, the cancerous boil of the ass of the Family will be lanced by the Pitbull, Charlie!

Crowd booes at the mention of Charlie's name.

LB: That's right! Charlie's gonna show Balls Nasty what walking the Pitbull line is all about! He's gonna give Balls Nasty the Tower of London and he's gonna bring that Hardcore Porn belt back where it belongs! To the Family!

Crowd chants "Balls! Balls! Balls! Balls!"

LB: He ain't comin out here! The restraining order that my lawyers have filed has seen to that!

MarcuM: Balls Nasty will never be allowed within fifty feet of Louie or Grace!

Monroe: I'm sure we're all very happy to know that.

LB: Which brings me to another piece of Family business. PenWing. I know you're here tonight. I know you're gonna be in your friend's corner for her match. Let me give you a little piece of advice. Don't even consider coming back. Because Howlerama and Charlie are just itching to finish what they've begun with you. And while you're out there later tonight, you might want to tell little miss Nuriko that she should stay far out of the Family's sights, if she doesn't want a repeat of what happened to her a few months back.

Louie and Grace look at each other and smile wickedly as the fans begin a "TNR!" chant.

LB: Now before we leave you tonight, I'd like to send out a personal message.

Louie pauses and removes his sunglasses.

LB: Joe Mama. David. I've gotten to know you pretty well since coming here. You've been one of my closest confidants. We were an unstoppable force. But what you're set on doing tonight. . .don't do it, son. Please, for your own sake. Don't get in the ring tonight. This match, it's barbaric. It's inhuman. You're still hurt, David. Think about your life, my boy. You've got so much to live for. I'd hate to see you toss it all away like this. It's not worth it, son. I know you don't want to listen to me or anyone else right now. That's ok. It's your life and your decision to make. I'm just asking you not to throw it away like this. You've got a wonderful family, a beautiful girl, and you've made a name for yourself. You've done it all. Don't throw all that away for this petty little match. I've said my piece. Come on, darling.

"Ecstasy of Gold" plays again as Louie and Grace exit the ring.

Monroe: Wow, a shocking show of concern from the Family patriarch!

MarcuM: Shocking? What do you know about Louie? He's a true gentleman! This just proves it!

Monroe: Why don't we ask the SDC or the Tuesday Night Rockers about that one?

MarcuM: Those losers wouldn't know class if it jumped up and hit them with a chair!

We come back from a short promo for Anathema Wednesday to see Joey Biles in the Bond Brigade dressing room with Chris Oakley.

JOEY: Chris,before we talk about your six-man tag match tonight with Hombre Lagarto and Senor Perdicion against the Tuesday Night Rockers,let's hear some of your thoughts about the melee that erupted between the Bond Brigade and the Rockers shortly after the conclusion of Perdicion's match against El Daga on last week's Havoc.

CHRIS: Frankly,Joey,James Fantastic and his pals were way out of line getting involved in our fight with El Daga...Perdicion had me and Lagarto to watch his back. We didn't need any outsiders jumping into the fray and causing things to get out of hand,and the fact that Fantastic and Tommy Savitz tried to assault me and Lagarto doesn't sit very well with us,so you can be sure we'll be looking for major payback against the Rockers once the bell rings!

JOEY: Rumors have been circulating in the past few days that if you win this six-man tag match tonight,you intend to challenge the winner of tonight's Hardcore Porn championship match between Balls Nasty and Charlie to a title bout at the Conniver Series. Care to comment?

CHRIS: Let's put it this way,Joey:the minute my six-man tag match is over,the first thing I'm going to do is have Ian Bond phone the Doctor and tell him that we want a match at Conniver Series against the Hardcore Porn champion,no matter who he is...

JOEY: You're either incredibly brave or hopelessly insane, Chris.

CHRIS(grins at the camera): Some people in RDCW think I might be both, Joey. But in any case, you can count on one thing beyond a doubt-- tonight, I'll fight James Fantastic and the rest of the Tuesday Night Rockers like my life depended on it!

Huge pops from the crowd watching the interview on the Cheese-O-Tron as Chris walks off-camera to make final preparations for his match.

JOEY: There you have it, folks, defiant words from the Bond Brigade team captain Chris Oakley as he gets set to team up with Senor Perdicion and Hombre Lagarto against Two-Ton Tommy, James Fantastic, and Tommy Savitz....now back to Marcum and Monroe at ringside!

*The Cheese-o-tron flickers to life to show Balls Nasty with his back towards the camera and wearing coveralls covered in dirt. He is standing in a shallow hole a little over six feet in length and a couple of feet in width. A shovel is in his hand. The view just past him shows the Cheesedome arena.*

"His vesture was dabbled in blood--and his broad brow, with all the features of the face, was besprinkled with the scarlet horror."

Today is Halloween, Charlie. Time for Trick-or-Treaters to put on their masks and parade around for all to see. Did you bring your mask, Charlie?

*Nasty turns around to show that his face is covered in dried blood.*

Because I'm wearing mine! And I brought my bag of tricks! Tonight, Charlie, I'm going to show you the power burning deep within my spirit! As hard as I try to remove the stain of the Family from my person, you keep coming back and latching on to me. You think that by fighting me, you'll become more recognizable. More popular. In fact, you'll only be another name on the long list of people who met their defeat by my hands. Tonight, I'll remove your stain just like I did El Superbeasto and Howler; and I'll lay all this to rest. Right here, in this hole, Charlie. Right here where you can still look up at the Cheesdome, knowing that I, a true champion, still fight and still crush the weak and the worthless. Don't worry, Charlie. I've made sure that you'll have a little company.

*He points over to the right and the camera follows. There is another shallow hole just like the first, but it is only about five feet in length.*

The Cheesedome goes pitch black. The crowd cheers in anticipation. Speakers begin pumping “Let’s get it started.” The crowd pops madly. Fireworks shoot off into the top of the dome . Out comes a bigger Captain Sammitch wearing a Peyton Manning jersey, white warm up pants, and some sleek New Balance sneakers. The crowd continues to go nuts as his obscured form gets into the ring.

Marcum: “Wow..I likes me some Sammitch.”

Monroe: “You like anything edible.”

Marcum: “No, I mean Captain Sammitch.”

Monroe: “ Ohhh, Captain Sammitch is here. Sammitch time.”

The lights come on and the crowd begins to boo as Pig Iron is obviously in the ring wearing Captain Sammitch’s clothing.

Crowd: “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..”

Monroe: “ What in God’s name?”

Marcum: “ Here I thought we were getting the Captain. What does this mean?”

Pig Iron: “ Hmmm. A second ago you were all cheering me. That was unusual. Ooohh? Could it be these clothes I am wearing? I suppose clothes DO make the man. Well, on Park Avenue maybe. But here in the Cheeesedome clothes mean nothing. They are but textiles woven by little Pakistani children, sweating, slaving to make a dollar a day. Just so the Captain can wear his Colts jersey. Aaahhhh, I admire those kids. They have a buck more than they had before “Thanks, Captain.” I’m sure they appreciate it. But, I appreciate that work ethic displayed by those tiny troopers. Because kids, if you work hard and take your vitamins like the Captain you too can be a worldwide sensation. But I know come Halloween Handjobs there is one sensation that the Captain will know all too well…………..PAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.”

Monroe: “Why doesn’t he just leave?”

PI: “ I am sick and tired of Doc Paraplegic giving corporate directives. Spouting inane and ludicrous demands. The bureaucracy that is the RDCW must be torn asunder. I will go through the corporate pretty boys….the poster children bought and paid for as the voices of the RDCW..Doc Paraplegic’s mouth pieces that are The Sudden Death Connection.”

Crowd: “ Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Sammitch, Sammitch, Sammitch…Sammitch.”

PI: “ Booo…hiss all you like, but you know that you want wrestling my way. The Dark Lord way. Violence, hate, anger, destruction, WHOAAYAAHHS ALL. Whooaayaaahssss Offffff PPaaiinnnn. Do you want Doc Paraplegic to come in here and destroy your RDCW? DO YOUUUU? Do you want lame, scripted storylines brought forth and acted by the likes of the SDC and the Allied powers? Do you want them to win when they are told? To lose when they are told? I SAY THEEEE NAAYYYYY!”

Pig Iron rips off his jersey and warm up pants and throws his NB shoes into the audience.

Marcum: “This guy has some issues folks. He’s one of those conspiracy guys. Hey, someone take that mic.”

PI: “ The Dark Lords are bringing truth back to the RDCW. The Dark Lords are bringing the WHooayahhh spirit back to the RDCW. Pig Iron is bringing painnnn back to the RDCW. You will see, one on one what pain feels like , to feel your back twist and truncate, and your ribs crack, and the blood and sweat will blind your eyes. I will drive you and all those you represent into the gutter where your corporate excrement belongs. You will see a waaaooyyyaahhhh..a woooayyah of ppaaaiiin. You will feel iron and steel. You will feel the kiss of sweet concrete, and the lashing of flesh and bone across your body as you flail for courage and the energy of the crowd inside the Cheesedome. Bring all you may if you must..your little buddy Chewy, Penwing…you can even bring the paralyzed powers of JLA. Know that this is real, this is Falls Count Anywhere… ….anywhere, Captain… I will not go quietly, you will have to destroy me, before I let you destroy RDCW…Anywwhheeaooahhh , Captain, anywheeaaaaoohhhh…to rid the RDCW of the scourge that is corporate wrestling led by the false prophet that is Doc Paragon I will fight you anywhere.

Crowd: “ BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Monroe: “He’s Mad, Mad I tell you.”

Sirens blare through the Cheesedome..
Cue sound bite over the speakers….

Winston Churchill: “We shall fight on the beaches. We shall fight on the landing grounds. We shall fight in the fields, and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender!”

Aces High blasts through the Cheesedome…..

<...and is suddenly silenced. 'Let's Get it Started' hits again, but it isn't until the real Captain Sammitch steps out onto the ramp - in orange-and-black New Balances and orange jersey and warmups with black trim and numbers - that the crowd erupts into cheers...>

Captain Sammitch: Clever. I gotta hand it to you, Pig Iron, that was clever. But I must confess I'm a bit puzzled here. You think this is all scripted?

<The crowd boos. Pig Iron just grins and nods...>

CS: You think I'm Paragon's lackey - and me and the others are just lapdogs on his leash?

<Pig Iron crosses his arms and nods again...>

CS: In that case, you must think this is all some sort of game. In which case, you've got another thing coming.

Marcum: He talks big, but we all know he's bluffing!

CS: Is that it? You think this is all a game?!?

Monroe: I think by now we ought to know better than that, Madman.

CS: First of all, Paragon doesn't run this show. Your little partner might've thrown a hissy fit because his 'friends' got confiscated, but you both should know that those who are willing to fight fair have nothing to worry about. The Sudden Death Connection doesn't do what Paragon tells them to. The Sudden Death Connection does what's right. And the Sudden Death Connection does what the fans want!

<Sammitch pauses amid pops from the crowd...>

CS: You talk like you and Darth and Grimm are somehow the answer. But I gotta know - what the hell's the question supposed to be???

<Laughter and scattered cheers from the crowd...>

CS: The truth is, I respect your abilities. You've all proven what you're made of. But I'm not afraid of you. I'm not afraid of pain. That 'iron and steel' you talk about? If that's what you've been throwing at me all month... I've had worse.

<Pig Iron's grin fades and he stares at Sammitch coldly...>

Monroe: Wow!

Marcum: Now I know he's bluffing!

CS: The fact is, Pig Iron, you've already been fighting me. You've already been trying to wipe me out. And you've put up one hell of a fight! But guess what, Pig Iron...

<Pig Iron glares at Sammitch, waiting for him to finish his sentence...>

CS: I'm still here!

<Huge pops from the crowd...>

CS: You can do whatever you want to me, Pig Iron. You and Grimm and Darth and SPAMM and whoever else you wanna dredge up can do anything you like to guys like me. But you'll never be rid of us. Because as long as there are characters like you making trouble, as long as there's an RDCW that needs us to keep it alive, as long as there are fans out there who pay good money to see something that might lift them out of the ordinary into something spectacular, we'll be here! We'll be right here where we've always been!

<More cheers from the crowd...>

CS: You can point and laugh at me, my methods, my mannerisms... even the clothes I wear. But when you attack the organization I stand for, when you attack my friends and the authorities that keep this organization going, when you attack all these fans, that we represent... you're treading on dangerous ground.

<Pig Iron is clearly not happy. He clenches the rope in front of him with white knuckles...>

CS: You think I'm afraid to fight outside this ring? I've held the Hardcore belt before, Pig Iron, whether you were there to see it or not. And if you question my ability to fight you off the mat, or with a weapon, or with other people in the way, you obviously require a demonstration of how I came by that belt. If you question whether what I am and what I do is real, you obviously require a demonstration of what I'm really made of!

Monroe: I don't think I've ever seen Captain Sammitch like this!

Marcum: Chalk it up to brain damage!

CS: Tonight, Pig Iron, I'm going to give these fans a match they'll never forget. But I'm also going to give you a match you'll never forget! You say your weapon is pain. But one thing you oughta know by now about pain... is that sooner or later it ends. Pain is temporary. What I fight for isn't. Weapons or not, in the ring or in the parking lot, before the final bell or after it, win or lose, I'm gonna be right there. Why? Because anytime, anywhere...

Crowd: SUDDEN DEATH RULES!

<'Let's Get it Started' hits over the speakers and the crowd erupts in cheers as Sammitch tosses his mike to a security guard and heads backstage. Havoc fades to commercials...>

As Havoc comes back from commercial, the camera shows a bag full of weapons, including a table leg wrapped in barbed wire and diamond encrusted knuckle dusters. The camera then pulls back to show Charlie, dressed as Michael Myers from the Halloween movies. He speaks

Charlie: You want me, Balls? Well, you got me. Tonight, It's The Million Dollar Pitbill versus The Whie Trash Kid. The Tower of London versus The Tavernsmasher.

Charlie continues to stuff the bad with weapons, all of them painful looking

Charlie: But I got two words for you, Balls: Doctor's Orders.

The crowd pops insanely, remebring Charlie's Doctor Orders match against Joe Mama

Charlie: That match saw me put my career on the line against Joe Mama. He may have won that match, but you know what, Balls? I'm still here. Joe couldn't stop me. What makes you think you can?

Charlie finishes packing, and zips the bag up

Charlie: The truth is, you'll never beat me. Hate to break it to you, Balls, but you're just not good enough to even get in the god-damn ring with me!

Charlie shoulders the bag

Charlie: I'm not Howler, and I'm not El Superbeasto. I'm The Enforcer, The Pitbull, the most dangerous man there ever was, ever is and ever will be. Here I am now: Entertain me.

Charlie pulls down the mask, and walks out of the locker room

Harlem Nocturne plays, and AJR makes his way to the ring

AJR: Since I started managing The Tuesday Night Rockers, they have appeared only very rarely in the ring in a wrestling capacity, if at all. However, after many weeks of inteneisve training, it is my pleasure to introduce The Tuesday Night Rockers! First and foremost, The Original Rocker, James Fantastic!

'You Really Got Me' plays, and James Fantastic charges into the ring, diving under the bottom rope and skidding across the ring. The crowd cheers enthusiastically, and Fantastic pulls his guitar from under the ring and starts to play along with his music, until it stops

AJR: And now, The Croatian Sensation, Tommy Savitz!

'Lyla' plays, and Tommy Savitz walks down to the ring. He climbs the turnbuckle and poses for the crowd whilst Fantastic plays along with the music. Tommy then steps down into the ring, runs and Fantastic and sprinboards off the guitar. The Crowd Pops Tommy excitedly

AJR: And Finally, The Big Bad Man from Tokyo Japan, Big T!

Sunshine of Your Love plays, and Big T walks down to the ring. He gets in over the top rope, and the crowd cheers enthusiastically. AJR hands the mic to Tommy Savitz

Tommy Savitz: For Once, I'm starting things off here. Chris Oakley, you're gonna fight The Tuesday Night Rockers as if You're Life Depended On It? Hate to break it to ya, but your life really kinda does!

The crowd laughs, and Tommy hands the mic to James Fantastic

James Fantastic: What's Happened to you Chris? Time was, you'd be hunting for The Big Cheese Title, pounding your way through everyone in your way. Remember The Rumble? You stole the show that night. Now, you're carrying a pair of neverwere's through a match that's basically irrelevant to The World Tag Team Titles. Why?

Marcum: Fantastic's being tough on his so-called friend!

Monroe: He's just being honest!

James Fantastic: Which brings me onto my next point: When was the last time The Allied Powers defended their titles? Are they even together at the moment? If they're not, why haven't they forfeited their titles? In Fact, I'm throwing the gauntlet down right here! Next chance We Get, The Rockers want a shot at the Tag Titles!

Marcum: The Tuesday Night Rockers don't deserve a shot! They're hopeless!

James Fantastic: Tonight, though, Oakley, The Rockers are putting on a damn great show even if we have to carry your partners every god-damn step of the way! When we get in the ring, prepare to see what real wrestling is!

'Do It For The Kids' plays, and The Rockers head backstage

"Faded" blasts over the speakers. The crowd gets to its feet, waiting for Joe Mama to head down the ramp. He never shows, but the music keeps playing. All of a sudden one side of the Cheese Dome gets that much louder. The rest of the crowd turns to see Joe Mama making his way through the portion of the fans. The audience is chanting. Joe Mama makes it to the ring area, swipes a microphone from the announcers table, and slides into the ring. He stands and runs two fingers long the top rope, then examines them closely. He looks to the audience, shrugs for a moment, and then brings the microphone up to speak.

Marcum: I get his costume! He's acting like a healthy wrestler who's NOT gonna have his career ended tonight!

Monroe: Marcum, just shut the hell up! The Big Cheese Champ is going to speak!

JM: JASON!!! GRIMM!!! JASON-GRIMM!!! Are you out there? Can you hear me as you prepare for our match tonight? Is Harley with you, taping up your fists and wondering what she's gotten herself into? Because you know, don't you Jason? You know exactly what's coming! It's the Last Blood Match! LAST BLOOD MATCH!!! LAST BLOOD MATCH!!!

The crowd is chanting, "Last Blood Match!!!"

JM: No referee wants to oversee this match! And I heard that a few, upon hearing the FULL details and stipulations, fainted dead away! Trick or treat, guys!!! Doc - whoever you have as the "special" referee, send 'em home! It'll be easy to tell who the winner is - just look for the one guy standing over the bloody, pulpy mess in the center of the ring!!!

Jason, all the posturing you've been doing about "The Dark Side" ends tonight. In this ring, you WILL come face to face with the Dark Side! And as your stomach churns with the nausea that will come from knowing that you don't measure up...as your eyes widen in the disbelieve that precedes the horrible realization that your end is near...as you stand before the very monster that even monsters wake up screaming from visions of...know this: what will happen tonight was INEVITABLE!!! The punishment that I will inflict upon you is necessary! Tonight, Jason, I will give you the gift that you've been begging for: your own destruction!

The crowd is cheering at what seems to the a fully-rested, healthy Joe Mama.

Monroe: It's good to have the Champion back and ready to fight!!!

Marcum: I'll believe he's 100% when I see the match!

JM: You'll notice, if you look over there (points) that there are about eight to ten empty seats. Those belong to my family. They won't be here tonight. They've made it clear that they do not agree with my decision to compete tonight against doctor's orders and sanity itself. I accept their decisions...as a matter of fact, knowing what an "honorable" competitor Jason is, I'm glad that they won't be here, as either targets or distractions. Because that the type of battle we're about to enter. That's the reality of what's to come! You ask, "What is a Last Blood Match, Joe Mama?" I tell you this - better you not know, for if I revealed even the smallest stipulation before its time, your fragile minds would reject the message as you went completely mad from fear! To tell you all now would doom you to a fear-struck death, your eyes glazed over in terror, your mouths forever locked in a silent scream! This match is not immoral! It is as AMORAL as the eldritch Old Gods that Jason pretends to know intimately!!!

Marcum: Did Joe Mama just reference Lovecraft?

Monroe: It is HALLOWEEN Handjobs...

JM: Tonight, Jason, you and I will battle! You bring your new valet and your sickness! Bring your pain and your determination. And I swear to you...as your friend and opponent...that I will end your suffering once and for all!!!

"Faded" cues up again. As the crowd cheers and chants, Joe Mama takes a moment to acknowledge them and hype them up even more. Then he exits the ring, hops over a barrier opposite from where he came in, and leave through the crowd.

Monroe: Well, Ladies and Gentlemen, we still don't know what a Last Blood Match is but I'll tell you this: we are in for one HELL of a fight tonight! That's the most focused and determined I've seen the Champ in a while!!!

Marcum: It doesn't matter how much he yells or what he yells to the crowd, Monroe! All that matters is the match itself, and I think that Grimm is ready to finish what he started last month!!!

Monroe: But Joe Mama brings up a very good point. We've yet to see Grimm tonight. We've seen the other Dark Lords. We've seen Spamm. We've seen Pig Iron. We've seen Darth and Chesty. But we have not seen the number one contender on this, the biggest night of his career! A night arguably tailor made for him!

MarcuM: You make it sound like he's hiding! Like he's afraid of Joe Mama! He's just preparing for the match!

Monroe: Maybe he is hiding! Locked away in the Dark Lords' dressing room.

At this moment, the lights in the CheeseDome abruptly switch off. After a moment, music can be heard playing throughout the speakers.

Go

Salt the dead, you close the veil
The changer of shapes alone on hooves
Autumn's cold brings the pagan dead
Who seek the warmth of the Samhain fire

Do you want a paradise
Do you want a sacrifice
This is the night to feast and dine
This is the night to laugh at death

Go go

This is the night to feast and dine
This is the night to laugh at death
Do you want a paradise
Do you want a sacrifice

Salt the dead, you close the veil
The changer of shapes is alone on hooves
And the autumn's cold brings the pagan dead
Who seek the warmth of the Samhain fire

Do you want a paradise
Do you want a sacrifice
This is the night to laugh at death
This is the night to feast and dine

As the song ends, the Cheese-O-Tron comes to life. A small flicker of candlelight can be seen. Grimm's voice can be heard, although he is not seen.

Yes. Tonight will be the night to feast and dine. To feast on VIOLENCE and dine on Joe Mama's career. Have no fear, David. I have no need to strike at you through your family. For I have already ripped out your heart. The brave front you've put up for the fans and for your family and friends is nothing more than a mask of your former self.

You look like Joe Mama. You act like Joe Mama. But you and I both know that you're just going through the motions out of some misguided sense of self sufficiency and your own personal delusions. Yes, I've ripped your heart out and tonight I will destroy it and end forever the myth of Joe Mama.

Let me put in this terms you can understand, David. I know you're an avid filmgoer. You visualize this scenario as an action film and yourself as the big hero, swooping in to save the day at the last moment.

Well, let me tell you, David, you're in the wrong movie. This is a horror film of my design. And in my film, David, the good guy loses.

The creation of the Dark Lords has set in motion something that can never be undone. The chain of events that has been set in motion cannot be stopped. The Dark Circle will be completed. And the RDCW will never be the same again.

Last Blood. Never was a match so appropriately named. For tonight it will be the last blood shed of your career. All your accomplishments. All your victories. All your hopes and dreams for the future. Will mean nothing. Because tonight you will become just another victim of the Grimmlock.

Let me leave you now with the parting lines of one of my favorite stories. ". . .And Darkness and Decay and the Red Death held illimitable dominion over all."

The Dark Days are here for you, David. Abandon all hope.

At the last words, the candle light goes out, leaving the CheeseDome in complete darkness.

Halloween Handicap Match
Nowhereman vs. Urg, PJP, and Captain Howdy

The match opened with Urg and PJP diving for Nowhereman while Captain Howdy hung back in the corner. As each man tried to put away the the former GM, the other interrupted continually. Finally, Howdy stepped into the ring and delivered three consecutive Twatbusters to all three men!

Disgusted, Howdy left the ring and walked to the back as MisterJLA was shown cheering his partner on the Cheese-O-Tron!

Urg attempted to grab Nowhereman and deliver the Caveman Crunch, but PJP told him to hold Nowhereman for a Stiff Cock in the Face! As PJP went for the move, Nowhereman ducked and PJP superkicked the caveman out of the ring and to the floor! As PJP looked in on horror, Nowhereman quickly locked in the Iron Maiden, forcing the dirty greek to tap out!

As "Kickstart My Heart" began to play, Nowhereman celebrated in the ring. But the celebration was short lived as Doc. Mid-Nite jumped out of the crowd and slid into the ring, steel chair in hand! He busted the chair over Nowhereman's skull, bloodying him and dropping him to the mat!

Monroe: Doc. Mid-Nite just made a Hardcore Housecall!

Hardcore Porn Title
Balls Nasty (C) vs. Charlie

Monroe: Up next is the Hardcore Porn Championship bout between former teammates Charlie and Balls Nasty, the reigning champ!

Marcum: Yeah, and Charlie is going to take the title back for the Family after Nasty stole it from El Superbeasto!

Monroe: Say what you will, Madman, but..... wait...... I'm getting word that something is going on backstage.

Marcum: What? Did the Hotties already start their match? With Jell-O? I wanna see!

Monroe: Will you shut up! Our crew just got a cameraman back there.

The Cheese-o-tron comes to life with a shakey picture as the cameraman runs down the hall. He turns a corner to see Balls Nasty cracking a shovel over Charlie's back.

Monroe: My gawd! Balls Nasty has attacked Charlie backstage.

Marcum: Does he have no shame?

Nasty drops the broken shovel handle and shoves Charlies face first into the wall. As Charlie wobbles on his feet Balls rips off the Michael Myers mask and tosses it away. Nasty then punches Charlie in the face a couple of times before hitting a clothesline. A ref finally runs in and keeps to the sidelines.

Monroe: I guess this means the match is officially underway!

Nasty goes for the pin, but Charlie kicks out after only a one count. As Nasty pulls Charlie to his feet, the Brit elbows Nasty in the midsection several times to break the hold. He uses a few punches to weaken Nasty before trying to break away to regain some energy. Nasty recoups and follows after Charlie. As he rounds a corner, Charlie hits him with a flourescent bulb right across the face. Nasty falls back, covering his eyes.

Charlie goes on the offensive and hammers Nasty with lefts and rights, before spinning him round and slamming him headfirst into a wall. The Million Dollar Pitbull then goes for a pinfall, but Nasty kicks out on one. As Balls gets to his feet Charlie attempts to nail him with a steel chair, but Nasty dodges and kicks the chair into Charlie's face.

Monroe: Who leaves all those damn chairs lying around?

Nasty then picks up Charlie, but the Family Enforcer comes back with a series of elbows to Nasty's ribcage, and the pair proceed to pummel each other with a series of vicious
punches that carry them all the way to the carpark. There, Nasty spears Charlie into the side of a car before picking him up and powerbombing him onto the bonnet.

Monroe: Whose car is that anyway?

As Charlie rolls onto the ground Nasty climbs on top of the car and hits The Kentucky Falls, driving Charlie's face into the concrete. Nasty then goes for a pin, but Charlie manages to kick out on two. However, he struggles to get back to his feet, and Nasty promptly slams him headfirst into the window of a big black Ferrari, busting him open.

Marcum: Hey, that's Charlie's car!

As Balls Nasty picks up Charlie and continues the fight, they come upon an attractive woman who, although clearly not Asian OR high-school aged, is dressed up in a Japanese
schoolgirl-style sailor suit.

Monroe: Wait a minute, she looks familiar.

Marcum: Of course she does! She's Street Fighter Alpha's Sakura!

Both wrestlers seem distracted by the woman in the Sakura costume, though Balls Nasty seems suspicious.

Monroe: No, there's something funny about this.

Marcum: Well, I'll admit she fills that Sailor Suit in nicer than Sakura did.

Suddenly, a huge man dressed up as a robed Sumo wrestler crashes into Balls Nasty as Charlie looks on, looking as if he'd been expecting this.

Monroe: Now this is terrible!

Marcum: GOOD GOB! It's about to get worse, he's taking off his robe!

The man in the E Honda costume removes his robe and goes for a 100 hand slap, managing to miss all 100 times. The woman in the sakura costume uses the distraction to go after Balls Nasty with an odd sort of roundhouse kick that gratuitously flashes her panties.

Marcum: The flower kick! I almost gave myself carpal tunnel syndrom making sakura do that move over and over!

Monroe: Why would you even say that on the air? I've figured out what's going on here!

Marcum: Me too! The cosplayers have risen up on this, their day of greatest power and are overthrowing society! I, for one, welcome our new, costume-clad overlords and offer my services as a well known TV host to further their cause.

Monroe: Would you cut that out?

Charlie, after getting a few moments rest, is now helping the two people in Street Fighter costumes attack Balls Nasty. The three of them step away as another man steps into
frame. He can only be seen from behind, but the long, blonde wig as well as the red, sleeveless Karate outfit he's wearing could only indicate he's the Street Fighter group's Ken. He pulls out a lighter and what apperars to be tissue paper.

"Ken": HADOKEN!

"Ken" lights the paper and throws it at Balls Nasty, creating a fireball

Monroe: I know who they really are! "E Honda" must be big Fat Elvis! And that means "Sakura" and "Ken" must be...

"E Honda" holds a chair in front of Balls Nasty and "Ken" smashes it into Balls Nasty's face with a spinning hook kick.

Monroe: ...Ariel and Johnny Evil!

Johnny Evil: He's all yours.

But Balls Nasty isn't ready to give up the fight just yet. He swings out wildly with punches that almost manage to connect.

Monroe: He's still somewhat blinded from the fireball!

Nasty attempts to grab Johnny Evil but BFE takes a run up and hits a Big Splash onto Balls Nasty. He then picks up Balls Nasty as Charlie steps back in and drills Balls with a running knee to the groin. BFE then hands him the bag from Charlie's promo.

BFE: Y'forgot this

Charlie then grins, and unzips the bag, producing a steel bar which he beats Balls Nasty over the head with, sending fresh blood pouring down his face. Charlie and the group then bundle Balls Nasty into the back of his car and drive off.

Monroe: Where's Charlie going?

Marcum: All I know is I wouldn't...wait, here he comes!

Sure enough, Charlie's car drives down the ramp and Charlie gets out, dragging Balls. He goes to throw Balls into the steel ringsteps, but Balls reverses the throw and drives Charlie
headfirst into the steel!

Monroe: Balls Nasty is making a comeback!

Marcum: It'll never last! Remember, Johnny Evil is still around!

Johnny, Ariel, and BFE follow the two down to ringside, where BFE steps up behind Nasty and begins hammering him with forearm blows to the back! BFE picks Nasty up and bodyslams him on the arena floor as Johnny climbs up onto the apron and hits an asai moonsault onto the Hardcore Porn champion!

Marcum: I KNEW IT! The Family is unstoppable!

Charlie staggers back to his feet, and Johnny hands him a pair of diamond encrusted knuckle dusters before picking Balls Nasty and irish whipping him towards Charlie, who
brings him down with The Million Dollar Pitbull. Balls drops to the mat with a resounding thud, and Charlie covers him for the pin!

Marcum: Brilliant! Charlie's just got his first belt, and the Family have finally brought an end to Balls Nasty!

Johnny Evil then grabs a mic and speaks.

Johnny Evil: Ladies and Gentlemen...Evil has returned to the RDCW!

Halloween Housecall
Doc. Mid-Nite vs. Doc. Mid-Shite

Doc. Mid-Shite hit the ring as "Cemetary Gates" played. Standing in the ring he posed for the crowd to thunderous boos.

"Lethal Injection" started up as the real Doc. Mid-Nite made his way to ringside again.

Monroe: It's time for another housecall, Madman!

MarcuM: Will the real Doc. Mid-Nite please stand up?

The two masked mid-nite marauders quickly broke into a fast paced exchange of moves as Mid-Shite took Mid-Nite out of the ring with a headscissors and followed up with a suicide dive!

MarcuM: He is the real Mid-Nite!

Monroe: No, he isn't!

Mid-Shite attempted a Blackout Bomb outside the ring, but Mid-reversed into a backbodydrop that sent the imposter onto the steel guardrail backfirst!

Monroe: BUHGAWB!!!

Mid-Nite picked the imposter up and administered a Lethal Dose DDT onto the floor!

MarcuM: That's not right!

Rolling his foe back into the ring, the Mid-Nite Express finished him off with a full on Nite Cap that sent his foe into unconsciousness!

As Mid-Nite picked up the three count, he began to untie the imposter's mask and pull it off!

Monroe: Who is it? Who is it?

MarcuM: He's. . .he's wearing another mask!

Monroe: It's Senor Muerte!

Muerte scrambled out of the ring, as Mid-Nite held his imposter mask up in triumph!

Technical Scientific Match
Dr. William Paragon vs. Spandex Monkey Man

"Ode to Joy" rang out through the CheeseDome as Dr. William Paragon entered the arena, surrounded by security guards. As Paragon made his way to ringside, the cameras focused upon a glass case upon a pedestal near the ring. Within the case were Mr. Sledge Hammer and Mr. Staple Gun, Spamm's implements of destruction.

Paragon removed his robe and his old championship belt before placing them in the hands of a ring attendant. Paragon awaited his foe in the ring.

Finally, after several moments, Spamm's music began to play. Some fans cheered. Some booed. Spamm did not appear. The crowd was puzzled.

Mike Monroe: Where could Spamm be?

Madman MarcuM: Maybe he got smart and realized he couldn't go one on one with a legend like Paragon!

After several moments, Spamm finally emerged from backstage, looking very disheveled. His mask was half twisted around. One hand was handcuffed. The cuffs were broken at the chain and the other cuff was missing.

Spamm charged into the ring and immediately tore into Paragon with abandon! Lothar ordered the bell to ring and the match was underway! Spamm whipped Paragon into the ropes and went for a dropkick, but Paragon stepped aside and Spamm hit the mat! Paragon grabbed Spamm's left leg and hooked in a half boston crab, holding the Dark Lord on the mat.

Spamm crawled forward, attempting to reach the ropes, but Paragon continually pulled him away. Finally, Spamm managed to reverse out, and tried for an armbar but Paragon poked him in the eyes!

Monroe: What kind of scientific wrestling do you call that?

MarcuM: Greco-Roman eyepoke!

Paragon grabbed Spamm and placed him in a headlock. Spamm struggled to escape before finally lifting Paragon up into a backdrop, slamming him on the mat! Spamm picked him up and hit a Monkey T! He climbed up the top rope and went for the Dark Clown!

But Paragon rolled out of the way and Spamm crashed into the mat! Paragon taunted his foe, but Spamm tried for a rollup! Paragon kicked out at one and a half. Frustrated, Paragon shoved Spamm. Spamm shoved him back and the two began to exchange chops!

Spamm bounced off the ropes and went for a flying forearm, but Paragon ducked under and Spamm tangled himself in the ropes! Paragon mocked the former superhero, slapping him in the face, before rolling out of the ring.

Monroe: Where's he going?

Paragon walked over to one of the guards and and asked for the case to be opened. The guard complied and Paragon pulled Mr. Sledge Hammer out of the case.

MarcuM: He's got Mr. Sledge Hammer!

Paragon rolled back into the ring and nailed Spamm with a brutal shot from the sledgehammer that knocked him loose from the ropes and sent him to the floor!

Lothar immediately signaled for the bell, disqualifying Paragon and awarding the match to Spamm! Began to celebrate, strutting in the ring. As he did so, he failed to notice Spamm climbing up the turnbuckle behind him!

Spamm took flight, and caught Paragon, managing to hit a flying leg lariat on Paragon!

Monroe: BANANA! BANANA! BANANA!

Spamm lifted Mr. Staple Gun up and began attacking Paragon, stapling his head!

Monroe: BUHGAWB!!!!!!

MarcuM: He can't do that! Paragon's a BBN official!

Paragon broke away and bailed out of the ring, heading for the back as Spamm's music began to play. The Monkey Man celebrated in-ring as the announcers cut to match replays.

Hotties Costume Match Women's Booby Title
Lor (C)vs. Meeko vs. Nuriko

"Turning Japanese" blasts over the speakers and the fans cheer as Nuriko walks out to the ring sporting her kimono. On the steps of the ring, she opens the kimono and allows it to slowly drop to the ground, revealing a yellow jumpsuit.

Marcum: I knew it! She is a homicidal maniac!

Monroe: I'm pretty sure that's just a costume of the Bride!

Marcum: That doesn't look like the Bride of Frankenstein to me!

Monroe: Not that bride!

"Strike It Up" starts blasting over the speakers just as Nuriko enters the ring. Meeko walks out onto the stage, wearing a white naughty nurse outfit with pink trim, black stockings, and white high heels. The first three buttons of her top are open revealing a hint of her black lace bra. PenWing is at her side, and uses the cane to help him as they make their way to the ring to the roars of the fans. PenWing helps Meeko up the steps, and he holds the ropes for her to enter the ring. He then steps down and walks towards an empty front row seat. As he sits down, some fans pat him on the back and shake his hand.

Marcum: Of course, PenWing had to have a front row seat for this one.

Monroe: He's just doing his job tonight. And don't you have a closer seat?

Marcum: That's not the point!

"Revolution" blasts over the speakers and Dominatrix Harlequin Lor struts down the ramp, all the while twirling her whip. She cracks it near some gawking fans along the way. Just as she enters the ring, both Meeko and Nuriko lunge at her, taking her to the ground as Lothar signals the bell.

Monroe: Buhgawb! Meeko and Nuriko have just ambushed Lor with an opening double team!

Marcum: Lor is fighting back, but the other divas seem to have too strong of a hold on her!

Lor fights back to her feet, but Meeko and Nuriko manage to deliver a double spine buster. Together, they grab a leg and tear the latex away.

Monroe: They just depantsed Lor!

Marcum: Purple and black lace!

Lor kicks the two away, and gets to her feet. Although her top is still intact, she is now only wearing a purple and back lace thong and knee high boots from the waist down. However, this does not seem to phase the Lone She-wolf as she leaps into the air for a double clothesline. With both divas down, Lor reaches for Meeko's top and yanks, popping off the buttons as she pulls the top off, revealing Meeko's black lace bra.

Marcum: All those things I said about Meeko? I still mean them, but damn she's hot!

Monroe:

Nuriko comes up behind Lor and takes her down with a swinging neck breaker. She tries to unhook Lor's corset, but Meeko steps behind Nuriko and locks her into a Meekoplex. Not through, Meeko continues to weaken Nuriko with two more Meekoplexes. After almost losing her bra, Meeko lets go to fix herself after the third Meekoplex. Seeing Lor back on her feet, Meeko quickly climbs the ropes and runs towards Lor, jumping off and taking her down with a Meekocanrana. Again, Meeko pauses to fix herself before going to Nuriko and ripping off the top half of her jumpsuit, revealing an American flag bra. Meeko continues to try and pull of Nuriko's jumpsuit, but Lor gets back to her feat and spins Meeko around. She kicks her in the stomach and drops her with Punch & Judy. Nuriko quickly gets back up, but she walks into a first to the stomach from Lor, who then pulls bends her forward and has the Last Laugh. Lor quickly rips away the rest of Nuriko's jumpsuit, revealing her matching American flag bikini bottom, and disqualifying her from the match.

Monroe: Nuriko has been disqualified!

Marcum: I see that!

Meeko struggles to get back to her feet, and Lor tries to lock in Harlequinade, but Meeko twists out of the hold and turns around to lock Lor in a body scissors. As Lor struggles to break the hold, Meeko begins working on Lor's corset. Lor finally reaches for a rope, but when Lothar forces Meeko to break the hold, Lor's corset falls off, leaving her top only protected by the black and purple latex.

Marcum: Oh boy! Each diva is just one good grab away from a win!

The two circle each other for a minute. Finally, Meeko lunges at Lor with a spear, but Lor sidesteps her and grabs her skirt, tearing it away as Meeko flies through the ropes and out of the ring. Lor holds it up in triumph as the Lothar signals the bell and "Revolution" blasts over the speakers.

Monroe: Lor has successfully defended her Boobie Belt!

Marcum: And her boobies!

PenWing crosses over the barrier and walks over to Meeko, helping her to her feet. He reaches under the ring and pulls out a robe, which he drapes around her. They walk up the ramp, but when they reach the top, Howler races at them delivering a double Full Moon. Both Meeko and PenWing hit the ground hard. Meeko looks to be knocked out. The crowd booes loudly, and Lor takes that moment to disappear.

Monroe: Buhgawb! Howler just ambushed PenWing and Meeko!

Marcum: I thought I saw a full moon out there tonight!

Highwayman walks out behind Howler, carrying a table. As they set it up, PenWing gets back to his feet and blindsides Howler with a Spin-o-rama. Both wrestlers fall to the ground as PenWing clutches his leg for a moment. He gets back up, but walks right into a superkick from Highwayman.

Marcum: Stand and Deliver! That's what I always say!

Monroe: That's fucked up! That ain't right!

Marcum: Hey, that's what I say!

Monroe: You sure seem to say a lot!

Highwayman helps Howler back up, and they walk to PenWing. Together, they lift him back to his feet. Howler gets a hold of PenWing's waist, and lifts him into the air as Highwayman runs to the other side of the table. Together, they bring PenWing down with La Cosa Bastardo, sending him through the table. "Moby Dick" by Led Zeppelin starts playing as Howlerama admire their work.

Monroe: This is so wrong!

Marcum: This is what happens when you mess with the Family!

Suddenly, Howlerama seem startled, and they start to run down the ramp. Chewy Walrus and Killconey come bolting down after them and the fans cheer. However, the veteran tag team escapes into the crowd, leaving the newest members of the Sudden Death Connection no choice but to care for their manager and teammate.

Falls Count Anywhere
Captain Sammitch vs. Pig Iron

Marcum: “ Oooh, I think its coming.”

Monroe: “ What’s coming, what’s coming?”

Marcum: “Falls Count Anywhere!”

Sirens echo through the cheesedome and Countdown to Armageddon erupts through the speakers.

Marcum: “Methinks Pig Iron is going to fall tonight to the man, the legend…Captain Sammitch.”

Monroe: “And remember..Falls Count Anywhere.”

Pig Iron enters the ring to a variety of cheers and boos from the crowd and takes off his hooded robe.

“Let’s Get It Started” begins playing and the crowd erupts into a fury of roars and mania. Captain Sammitch begins to enter the ring wearing his trademark attire in blue and white.

Monroe: “There he is.”

PI wastes no time and makes a running slide under the bottom rope and spears CS as he is entering the ring. Both wrestlers land on the floor and exchange blows. CS stands up holding his lower back and PI leaps from his knees into a run and again spears an unsuspecting CS into the guard rail. Both wrestlers topple over the railing into the crowd. The crowd goes wild and as both men stand up they again begin to exchange punches. Guards move in to move back the crowd of fans. CS spins around behind PI as he fakes a punch and puts PI into a sleeper hold. PI seems to be blacking out but fights to keep his faculties.

Monroe: “ Sleeper. Sleeper!”


CS has the upper hand and appears ready to get the limp arm win when PI lifts his legs grabs CS’s head from behind and drops to the ground turning the move into a Pork U (rude awakening). Both wrestlers are hurt and the concrete has taken its toll. Weary, the men try to get to their feet and stumble to keep their balance.

The cameras fade into a live backstage shot with Bookkaki.


B: This is Bookkaki, Havoc numbah one anoncah! I wus eating my dinnel when Spandeecckks monkah man came lunning in wi a gasorine Kahn and a bic righter. He set the entile buffah taber on file..it’s all on file!

Monroe: “ What’s that cheeky monkey up to?”

As both wrestlers stand up they again begin to punch each other trying to get some needed adrenaline. CS gets PI reeling backwards and begins to lay a devastating assault of blows.

Crowd: “ One…Two…Three..Four…Five…Six….”

CS then puts the Sammitch Spin spinning kick right into PI’s noggin. PI rolls backwards into the stairs leading to the backstage area as they keep moving and battling through the crowd. PI slumps to the floor facedown CS then drops down to flip PI over and as the count goes to 2 PI gives CS a quick knee to the jewels from his back as CS was too far over top of him. CS is writhing in pain..looking like he’s going to puke as PI staggers to his feet and begins the trek up the stairs into the backstage area. The camera follows the beleaguered PI as he makes his way down the dim hallway..he nears the metal, double doors. The doors blast open into a blare of bright light as Sammitch made a running tackle into PI through the double doors again onto the concrete.

Marcum: “ Bughawd! Bughawd!”

CS gets up quickly..still looking groggy and stands over the face down and woozy PI….

Monroe: “ It is..he’s going to do it…he is…SAMMITCH SUBMISSION!”

Wrenching down on the modified walls of Jericho CS has PI in a world of pain. PI begins to grimace in pain and then he reaches his arms back and pulls down CS’s warm up pants and undees. CS lets his grip go to cover up his embarrassment.

B: “ Bookkaki sah Sammerch bars..sammerch bars!”

PI is on his feet and backpedaling closer to the flaming buffet table in obvious pain and bloody faced from landing on the concrete floor. CS makes another run at PI… and PI reverses into CS’s own Sammitch Suplex right onto and through the flaming buffet table. PI grinds CS’s face with his elbow the ref moves into to stop the maneuver. CS brings his closed fist up to hit PI and misses nearly hitting the ref.

Monroe:” NO..NO.”

PI grabs a hot silver serving dish and whacks CS across the head 3 times then brings the deformed serving dish sideways (with all his weight) into CS’s stomach/rib area. CS doubles over in pain still writhing on the floor.. The table’s flames have lit up CS’s warm up pants, barely aware he attempts to get to his feet and snuff the flames. PI then puts the distracted CS into…

Marcum: “ Bughawd….Schwein Slop Suplex.. Can sammitch break the modified Northern Lights?”

CS is head down into a bowl of fruit and wincing, trying to get a grab of the concrete to break the maneuver….1….2…….3…… The ref motions…

Crowd: “ Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.”

Sammitch gets to his knees and looks quite distraught and in disbelief…shaking his head.

SPAMM goes over to Pig iron and whispers in his ear. Pig Iron reaches down and grabs a burned banana from the crushed bowl of fruit. He peels the banana and throws the peel at the defeated Captain Sammitch..

PI: “ SPAMM wanted me to give you something to remember from the Dark Lords”

Throws CS the banana…”Thank SPAMM for the fried bananas.”

SPAMM sticks his tongue out at the Captain..

Monroe: “ Well, at least this wasn’t a title bout. A good showing by the Captain…can you believe that silver platter? Where do the dark Lords with a victorious Pig Iron go from here?”

Darth grabs the back of JLA's shirt with both hands and tosses him down the ramp. JLA rolls down and stops himself at the bottom. He struggles to get to his feet but falls flat on his face.

Monroe: Looks like JLA's night is over already!

Marcum: I can't believe what I'm seeing from the IC champ!

Darth slowly walks towards JLA, but when he begins to lean forward JLA quickly rolls to his back and kicks Darth's legs out from under him with a Russian leg sweep.

Monroe: Buhbawb! He was playing possum!

Marcum: I knew it!

JLA quickly jumps to his feet and runs to the ring, sliding in under the ropes. Darth takes his time to get up, and walks to the ring. He grabs a hold of the ropes, and leaps to the ring apron. JLA runs at Darth and tries to knock him down with a shoulder, but Darth pulls the ropes down and JLA flies over them, landing hard outside the ring.

Monroe: That had to hurt!

Darth jumps down and walks over to the casket. He reaches to open it, but JLA races to his feet and grabs Darth from behind. Using all of his might, JLA lifts Darth off his feet and pulls him back into a suplex. Darth breaks free of the hold on impact and rolls away from JLA. He gets to his hands and knees, but JLA is already on his feet, and he kicks Darth in the head, causing Darth to-

Marcum: He's just shaking it off!

A look of horror comes over JLA's face as Darth returns to his feet. Darth cracks his neck, and JLA lunges at him, running into a big boot.

Monroe: Darth Mauled JLA!

Marcum: Oh no! He's going for the casket!

Again, Darth reaches for the casket, but this time it's Jeeves, having run down the ramp, who swings at Darth with the Super Soaker, breaking it on his back. Darth turns to face JLA's valet, and Jeeves stands his ground, raising his fists in defiance. Darth blinds him with Hellfire (red mist), and Jeeves drops to his knees screaming. Finally unopposed, Darth lifts open the casket lid, and falls back as a brass-knuckled fist connects with his face.

Monroe: What was that?!

Marcum: It's Captain Howdy! He really does care about JLA!

Howdy gets out of the casket and walks up to Darth, quickly delivering a Twatbuster. JLA finally gets back to his feet, and he and Howdy start dragging Darth to the casket.

Marcum: It's all over now!

Suddenly, the crowd starts to cheer as PJP and Urg race down the ramp. Howdy notices in time to release Darth and brace himself, but he still gets sent to the ground by a double clothesline. JLA falls under Darth's weight, and it's up to Jeeves, still wiping his eyes, to roll Darth off of JLA.

Monroe: It's total chaos out here!

Marcum: Someone needs to remove PJP and Urg from ringside! They're interfering in the match!

Monroe: And How-BUHGAWB! Double Howdyslams to PJP and Urg! And he's not done!

Howdy lifts PJP up and drops him onto the barrier. He turns to Urg, but the caveman is back on his feet, and clotheslines Howdy over the barrier, and into the crowd. Urg follows after him, and they take the fight into the stands, PJP slowly following them, waiting for his next shot.

Monroe: Looks like PJP and Urg have taken Captain Howdy out of the equation!

Marcum: Those two should be locked up! How can they be allowed to run amuck like this?!

Jeeves finally manages to help JLA to his feet, and takes a minute to check him over, making sure he doesn't have a concussion. JLA waives him off, and climbs to the ring apron. He makes a big show of tapping his elbow as he stomps his feet.

Monroe: What is JLA doing?

Marcum: He's going to drop an elbow on Darth, I think.

JLA leaps into the air, but Darth quickly sits up, and JLA lands on the ground. Darth gets to his feet and turns to JLA, but he stops when Chesty screams.

Monroe: Buhgawb! Jeeves his holding Chesty's hair! This is disgraceful!

Darth shrugs as Chesty low-blows Jeeves. He yelps in pain, and Darth races towards him with lightning speed, hitting the Oman (running DDT). JLA gets back his feet, and goes for a chair, but Chesty grabs it at the same time and starts fighting with him over it as Darth walks towards them. JLA finally rips the chair away from Chesty, but gets pulled toward him and spits red mist in his face. JLA drops the chair and screams as his hands go to his face. Chesty reaches into JLA's pants and pulls out his jumbo sized pair of socks, waiving them in the air.

Monroe: Chesty just defiled JLA!

Marcum: That's fucked up! That ain't right!

Darth hits the Oman on JLA, and lifts him up in the air with a choke hold as he walks to the casket. Darth Sabreslams him into the casket, and closes the lid. Lothar signals the bell and "Imperial March" plays over the speakers and James White declares Darth the new Inter-Cunt-Inental champion.

As Darth and Chesty walk up the ramp, a distraught Jeeves crawls to the casket. He slowly gets to his feet and opens the lid. Jeeves looks inside, and a look of shock comes over his face. The camera pans in, but instead of seeing a beaten JLA-

Monroe: BUHGAWB! The casket is empty! JLA has disappeared!

Marcum: It's not possible! How did this happen? Where is MisterJLA?!

6 Man Tag
Bond Brigade (Chris Oakley, Senior Perdicion, & Hombre Lagarto) vs. Tuesday Night Rockers (James Fantastic, Big T, & Tommy Savitz)

James Fantastic, Two-Ton Tommy, & Tommy Savitz head out to the ring in a camouflaged Hummer with Arnold Judas Rimmer at the wheel as "You Really Got Me" blasts out over the Cheesedown PA speakers.

MONROE:That vehicle is a perfect metaphor for what we're about to see tonight--the Bond Brigade and the Tuesday Night Rockers are going to war!

Fantastic picks up the mic and is about to address the crowd when "Rooster" starts playing over the PA; the camera pans over to four men wearing utility coveralls and barely convincing disguises as the Rockers look around wondering where the Bond Brigade could be...

MARCUM:Somethin' smells fishy here, Monroe....

As the camera pulls back, the four coveralled men discard their suits and take off their disguises to reveal Chris Oakley, Ian Bond, Senor Perdicion, and Hombre Lagatro.The crowd goes nuts as the Brigade members tear into the Rockers,who immediately hit back.

MONROE:The Bond Brigade making a pre-emptive strike on the Tuesday Night Rockers!

MARCUM:I knew there was somethin' funny about this setup!

In an attempt to restore order,the referee sends AJR and Ian Bond back to the locker; not that it does much good, as Two-Ton Tommy is brawling with Senor Perdicion near the timekeeper's table and Tommy Savitz is going toe-to-toe with Chris Oakley and Hombre Lagarto simultaneously.Seeing his teammate in trouble,James Fantastic nails Chris with a chair shot to the back.

MARCUM:Jimmy Faboo's pullin' out all the stops to win!

Lagarto retaliates for Fantastic's chair shot with a Cyclone right to the TNR leader's face; Two-Ton Tommy in turn power-bombs him through a table, prompting an enraged Senor Perdicion to chase him and Tommy Savitz back to the locker room area.

MONROE:It comes down to Chris Oakley and James Fantastic!

MARCUM:Ain't it the truth!

Oakley and Fantastic go after each with everything up to, including, and beyond the kitchen sink; as Oakley delivers a thunderous Red Alert on Fantastic, it looks like he's got the match won for sure. As the ref's count hits two and a half, though, Fantastic kicks out and nails Oakley with a DDT.

MARCUM:Whoa! I didn't think Jimmy Faboo had it in him!

MONROE: Me either!

The TNR leader mounts the top rope to huge pops from the Cheesedome crowd and hits the One and Only to get the three-count and the victory.

MONROE:The Tuesday Night Rockers win!What a way to close out this match!

MARCUM:Jimmy Faboo might have won the battle,Monroe,but the war ain't over yet!

Last Blood Match
Da Rules and Da Ref

After several video packages, including one for upcoming RDCW dvd releases, we cut back to the arena. The ring ropes have been taken down and replaced with strands of barbed wire. Two baseball bats wrapped in barbed wire have been placed in the ring.

James White is standing outside the ring and begins to run down the rules for the Last Blood Match!

JW: "Ladies and Gentlemen, this next contest is our main event of the evening! It is a Last Blood Match for the RDCW World Heavyweight Cheese Championship!

The rules of Last Blood are as follows: The ring ropes have been replaced with barbed wire. Barbed wire wrapped baseball bats have been placed in the ring as well. The match does not officially start until both men are bleeding. There are no countouts and no disqualifications. Pinfalls and submissions will likewise, not count. The match will end when one wrestler has been determined unable to continue!"

JW: "And now, here is your special referee for this event!"

James White pauses as a familiar guitar chord begins to play over the loudspeakers and a shabbily dressed, overweight, scruffy man walks out onto the rampway. He's wearing sweat pants, sneakers, and a flannel overshirt over a Hedgehog Jack "Unwanted" tshirt.

JW: "Ladies and gentlemen, the hardcore legend, Mick Foliage!!!"

The fans go wild as Foliage does his trademark gestures before carefully stepping into the ring.

Last Blood Match
Grimm's Entrance

The CheeseDome darkens once again, and blue lights shine on the entranceway. Nekromantix "Black Wedding Intro" begins to play as fog rolls out onto the entranceway.

Through the fog walks a green robed figure. The figure pauses and begins to remove the bright emerald robe that obscures their identity.

Monroe: BUHGAWB!!!!!! It's Harleykwin!

MarcuM: She's dressed as Dawn!

Harleykwin pauses and gestures to the rampway as the now familiar matte black, Gigeresque sarcophagus rolls out. The music begins to change up as "Dia De Los Muertos" plays and the doors open.

Grimm steps out of the sarcophagus. He is dressed as Lon Chaney's Phantom in the Red Death outfit from the Ball sequence.

Monroe: Well, he was quoting Poe earlier!

James White: "Now entering the arena, he weighs in at 285 pounds, he stands six foot five. Representing the Dark Lords, he is accompanied by Harleykwin, from the Asylum. . .This. . .is. . .GRIMM!!!!!!!!"

Grimm and Harleykwin walk down to the ringside area. As Grimm removes the elaborate costume, handing the pieces to Kwin who hands to a ringside attendant to return to the back. Now wearing only his long, black tights, gladiator boots, orange tape around his hands and wrists, and jack o' lantern face paint, Grimm climbs into the ring. He holds the wire strands open for Harley to climb in as well. She motions for White to hand her a mic and he does.

Grimm walks over to a corner and sits down to await his opponent. Harley sits in his lap and holds up the mic.

Harleykwin: Joooooeeeeee Mamaaaaaaaaaaa. . .come out and plaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

James White: His opponent, hailing from Boston Massachusetts...he is the Heavyweight Cheese Champion! The Enforcer! The Lone Wolf!! JOE MAMA!!!

"Faded" plays and Joe Mama steps out from the back onto the ramp. He is wearing his black jeans, steel-toed boots, and his Red Sox visitor's jersey (#33). The Big Cheese Belt is over his left shoulder. He's holding a microphone in his right hand. As he walks down the ramp he speaks, and the volume of his entrance music is lowered to let everyone hear him.

JM: No, Jason. No costumes. No false identities or made up personas. No characters tonight. Just you and me. Rage calling to rage. Hate calling to hate. Blood calling to blood. You and I settle this once and for all.

As he stands near the ropes, not in the ring just yet, Joe Mama looks at Harleykwin.His face is blank, but there seems to be...pity?...in his eyes.

JM: And you...I asked you to stay out of this. As your friend and someone who cares about you, I begged you to stay away. You didn't listen. You thought I was joking. Or maybe you just don't care. But it doesn't matter. Your fate is sealed just as Jason's fate is sealed. Just as my fate is sealed. This ends tonight. For Jason. For me. And for you...

The crowd gasps as Joe Mama uses Harleykwin's real name. Her cocky grin and haughty demeanor melt away into shock, horror...and rage. Her face twists into a mask of hate and she screams at Joe Mama. Joe Mama grabs the barbed wire top rope with both hands and squeezes. He enters the ring with blood rising from the wounds in his hands, eyes locked on Grimm. He shows the wounds to him, smiling, and then they clash...

Right before the two goliaths clash Harley gets up off of Grimm's lap. She is calm and the fury that had flashed before in her eyes when Joe Mama called her by her birth name is now gone. One look at both Grimm and Joe Mama's faces and it clear that neither is sure as to what she plans on doing. They were not prepared for this. Harley's face betrays nothing. The Cheesedome goes quiet in anticipation, eager to see what she is going to do.



Harley approachs Joe Mama and he looks at her perplexed, uncertain as to what she wants. She stops a breath away from Joe Mama and looks up into his face. She looks almost... sad... regretful. She holds out her hands and for a moment JM doesn't understand, but then it dawns on him - Harley wants his bleeding hands. He holds them out to her, blood dripping from his damaged hands and she takes them tenderly.



Marcum: I don't believe it! I don't believe it! What is she doing?!!



Monroe: Is Harley leaving the Dark Lords? Is what Joe Mama said finally hitting her?



Marcum: Look! Grimm is beside himself!



The camera flashes over to Grimm and his face is flush with anger - and though we can't hear what he is saying he is is clearly confused, betrayed, and irate.



Harley: (she raises her face up from viewing his ruined hands and looks up tenderly at JM) You poor, poor baby...



Grimm is in the background still stomping around, looking annoyed, his face a mask of disbelief. JM has a smug look that crosses his - it is the look of "I told you so" and he smiles triumphantly at Grimm. As Joe Mama looks sweetly at her Harley brings his right hand up to her face in one quick move brings his bloodied hand across her mouth. Joe Mama looks horrified and the crowd goes wild. Harley licks Joe Mama's blood from her lips, his blood still smeared across part of her mouth, and she smiles a wicked smile.



Harley: Delicious. I'm sure Grimm will enjoy drinking your blood even more.



Harley turns on her heel and leaves a shocked Joe Mama in the ring. She struts back to Grimm. Grimm is smirking at the turn of events. She looks at Grimm and says, "It's your turn, baby. Take him."



The Cheesedome is in an uproar as Grimm and Joe Mama prepare to face each other...

Grimm takes a swing at Joe, who steps back and grabs his arm, twisting it into a hammerlock. Joe pounds on Grimm's twisted arm, attempting to weaken it.

MarcuM: A wrestling move? In this match?

Monroe: Smart wrestling. He's doing the unexpected!

JM attempts to move Grimm over to one side of the ring, edging him closer to the barbed wire strands. Grimm manages to hold back and reverses out of the hold, placing JM in a sideheadlock and pounding away on JM's forehead, attempting to open it up.

Joe pushes him off and Grimm hits the ropes, ripping open several cuts on his arm and back. He pulls himself off and walks into a running clothesline from JM! JM walks over to a neutral corner and grabs one of the barbed wire wrapped ballbats. He smiles and holds it up for the fans to see.

Monroe: It's Loosie! Loosie's back!

But he waits too long and Grimm recovers, hitting him with a spear! JM drops the bat and Grimm picks it up. He points towards Harley at ringside and picks JM up. Grimm begins sawing the bat back and forth on JM's forehead, bloodying him up.

Monroe: He's busting open Joe Mama with his own bat!

MarcuM: That ain't right!

Grimm smiles sadisticly as JM's blood begins to spill forth from the open wound in his forehead. He takes a shot at JM's back with the bat that resounds through the arena!

Monroe: Fans, this is not going to be pleasant to watch.

He picks JM up and positions him for a side russian leg sweep. Grimm kicks back as both men crash down onto the barbed wire strands!

Monroe: BUHGAWB!!!!!!!!!!!

MarcuM:

The strands on that side of the ring threaten to pull over as JM's body becomes wrapped up in it. Mick Foliage heads over to attempt to release JM but Grimm stops him. Foliage attempts to pull JM loose again, but Grimm shoves him out of the way and begins berating him.

Foliage shoves Grimm back and starts screaming in his face! Momentarily shocked, Grimm steps back a bit. He turns to the crowd and does the crucifix pose as they boo him loudly.

Foliage lifts JM up and off of the ropes and helps him steady himself. Grimm runs towards the pair, but JM scoops him up and into a powerslam!

Joe Mama stands up and wipes the blood from his eyes, flinging some onto Grimm and some towards Harleykwin. While Mick Foliage checks on Grimm, Joe Mama grabs another bat and walks back to his opponent. He moves Foliage out of the way, raises the bat, and brings it straight down onto Grimm's ribs. Joe Mama's face is a gory mask of joy as he hits Grimm over and over again with the bat, and blood starts to seep into the mat.

Marcum: Why isn't the ref pulling Joe Mama away from Grimm? That ain't right!

Monroe: Maybe he's letting Joe get a little payback for having his forehead torn open!

Mick Foliage pushes Joe Mama away from Grimm, and the two get into a shouting match in the center of the ring. Grimm has the chance to stand up and catch his breath so, when Joe Mama rushes at him to hit another clothesline, he's able to use Joe Mama's momentum to toss him over the top string of barbed wire and onto the floor.

As Mick Foliage issues a warning to a clearly unimpressed Grimm, Harleykwin approaches Joe Mama and starts screaming things at him. Foul things. She moves in to get a shot in, but Joe Mama stands up and faces her. She moves away, still shouting obscenities. Joe Mam moves to re-enter the ring and his met by Grimm who pulls him in, locks him in a front facelock, and starts driving his forearm into the back of Joe Mama's neck.

Monroe: That's cheap and disgusting! Grimm's capitalizing on the same injury he caused a month ago!

Marcum: Hey, all's fair in this match! No DQ, right?

Joe Mama drops to one knee under the force of Grimm's blows. Suddenly, Grimm's look of confidence turns into one of shock and pain. As he releases Joe Mama and takes a couple steps back, it's evident that Joe Mama hit him with a low blow. Joe Mama stands up and quickly grabs a doubled over Grimm to hit a swinging neckbreaker. As Grimm rolls over to get up to his feet, Joe Mama hits him with some leg drops to the back of his neck. Then he pulls Grimm to his feet and brings him over to the “ropes”. He drapes Grimm’s head over the top wire and pulls the middle wire over it, trapping Grimm’s neck between the two strips of barbed wire, which choke and cut into him. Grimm tries to free himself as Joe Mama starts driving his fists and knees into Grimm’s already damaged ribcage.

Marcum: Where the hell is Mick Foliage in all this? Shouldn’t he bee doing his job?

Monroe: What job is that? No DQ…remember?

Marcum: Screw you, Monroe!

Mick Foliage grabs Joe Mama and half pulls, half drags him away from Grimm. Joe Mama is fighting against him, trying to continue his attack, but Mick is able to stay in between the competitors. Now it’s Joe Mama’s turn to get the warning. He jabs a finger into Mick’s chest and yells at him. Meanwhile, Grimm is able to free himself, though his neck and throat is rubbed raw and bleeding in places. As Champion and Ref continue to argue, Harleykwin slides a steel chair into the ring near Grimm’s feet. He picks it up and Joe Mama turns around just in time to get hit with a chairshot.

Joe Mama drops to the mat as Grimm stands the chair in the center of the ring. He picks JM up and drops him onto the chair for a devastating 138!

Grimm rolls JM over and goes for a cover, but JM raises his shoulder at two. Grimm berates Foliage for a "slow count."
He picks JM's head up and begins pounding away at it again. The ring is beginning to be covered in the blood of both men.

. . .more to come. . .

Grimm picks up JM, and wincing slightly from the pain in his ribs, slings him over his shoulder. He points towards one of the turnbuckles.

Monroe: What's he gonna do?

MarcuM: This isn't part of his usual attack plan!

Monroe: They're pulling out all the stops here, Madman!

Grimm runs toward the turnbuckle aiming JM's back towards it. At the last moment, JM manages to slip away, pushing Grimm into the turnbuckle! Grimm staggers out of the corner, holding his ribs and walks right into JM who hits a powerful Enforcer spinebuster that leaves both men laying on the mat!

Mick Foliage stands over both men, looking very apprehensive.

Monroe: Mick's not sure what to do! Both men are down!

MarcuM: What a match! These two guys are sacrificing their bodies!

Harleykwin pounds on the mat as Foliage begins counting both men.

At the five count, both men begin to stagger to their feet. Grimm pulls himself up by the barbed wire ropes, cutting open one of his hands. He leans against the ropes.

Across the ring, Joe Mama pulls himself to his feet as well. Feeling a rush of energy from the fans as they applaud both men, JM takes a risk and rushes towards Grimm.

Grimm ducks down backbodydrops JM over the "ropes" and out to the ring floor! Grimm takes a few steps back and dives through the "ropes" himself, cutting himself open again, including a long gash on his left arm! He lands on JM, knocking him backwards as the two fall over the guardrail and into the screaming fans!

Fans: RDCW! RDCW! RDCW! RDCW! RDCW! RDCW!

Joe Mama and Grimm battle through the chanting crowd. Neither man can get the advantage. Blood is hitting the fans, who either don't notice or don't care. Joe Mama is focusing on Grimm's battered ribcage while Grimm is working on Joe Mama's injured neck.

Monroe: These men are giving as good as they get! No quarter asked; none given!

Marcum: How are either of them still standing, with all the blood they've lost? What's keeping these two on their feet???

Monroe: You're watching two of the RDCW's elite, Marcum! These men will find a way to keep fighting! A title, mutual hatred, these fans...these are two men who won't fall for ANYONE!

The two competitors work their way back to the ring. Grimm grasps Joe Mama by the throat and delivers a variation of the Kobe Special, driving the champion hard onto the ring floor. As Grimm reenters the ring area, Joe Mama is slowly getting back to his feet. Grimm delivers a Crapping Wizard that connects. The fans are chanting both men's names as Grimm clears off the announcer's table.

Monroe: Dammit Grimm! What're you doing???

Marcum: Don't question him! He's finishing this match!!!

Grimm turns to grab Joe Mama. As Grimm pulls him to his feet, Joe Mama drives a shoulder into Grimm mangled ribcage. Grimm obviously feels the effects of the shot, but continues to drag Joe Mama to the table. Joe Mama drives another shoulder into Grimm's side. Grimm lets go of Joe Mama, who shoves him into the ring's side. Grimm hits and stumbles backwards into a reverse Fireman's Carry. Joe Mama lifts Grimm across his shoulders...

Marcum: What's this? A Torture Rack? There's no submission!

Monroe: He's working on Grimm's ribs and back! He's...

...and hits an East Coast Hammer in that position!

Monroe: MY GAWD!!! Did you see how Grimm hit the ring floor? That had to have broken his neck!

Marcum: What the hell was that? The way Grimm's head bent back on impact...this match is going too far!!!

Joe Mama picks up Grimm and delivers a brain buster at ringside. Then he pulls Grimm up to his feet and rolls him back into the ring. As he tries to enter the ring himself, Joe Mama is attacked from behind by Harleykwin, who rakes him across the face with her fingernails, reopening the wounds on his forehead and face. She batters his back and ribs as he tries to clear new blood from his eyes. In the ring, Foliage is checking on Grimm's condition. Grimm weakly shoves him away as he works his way off his back and to his feet. As he grabs the steel chair that was left in the ring, Joe Mama is able to shove Harleykwin away and slide back into the ring...and into a chair shot from Grimm!

Fans: RDCW!!! RDCW!!! RDCW!!! RDCW!!! RDCW!!! RDCW!!! RDCW!!! RDCW!!! RDCW!!! RDCW!!!

Grimm hits Joe Mama with two more chair shots, and then pulls him to his feet and towards the turnbuckles. Grimm sets up the Triple-6 Bomb, and then turns towards the announcers table and hits a sitting Triple-6 Bomb, sending them both through the table. The sound of both men going through the table is drowned out by the noise from the crowd.

Monroe: BUHGAWB!!!!!!!!!!!!! These two men are killing each other!

MarcuM: This isn't right, Monroe! This is too much!

Monroe: The announce table is gone! The ring, the competitors, the fans. . .covered in blood! Both men are just brutalizing each other!

MarcuM: I'm. . .I think I'm in shock, Monroe. . .I need to sit down. . .

After several long moments, Grimm pulls himself to his feet. He's holding his ribs with one arm and rolls into the ring. He breaks Mick Foliage's count and rolls back outside and begins looking for something under the ring.

He pulls a ladder out from under the ring and sets one end on the ring apron and the other on the guardrail. He turns to head back towards the announce position, but Joe Mama is waiting for him! JM goes for a clothesline, but Grimm ducks under and attempts a bearhug! Pain shoots through his ribs, however, and he releases Joe.

Joe nails a right hand and looks out to the crowd. A fan in the front row hands Joe Mama a pumpkin pie. JM looks at the pie and with a wicked grin, he smashes it directly into Grimm's face!

MarcuM: I hear Grimm loves to eat pie!

Monroe: What?

MarcuM: Well, what's what Harley told me!

Joe irish whips Grimm into the ladder and Grimm bounces off and hits the floor, holding his ribs! Joe pulls the ladder down and sets it up before starting to climb to the top!

Monroe: He's going up to the top!

MarcuM: No! Don't do it! It's too dangerous!

Monroe: I have to agree! This is an extremely risky move!

JM flies off the top of the ladder, going for his patented Flying Teabag Slam, but Grimm lifts up his knees as JM crashes into them! Both men are rolling on the floor in pain.

Fans: RDCW! RDCW! RDCW! RDCW! RDCW!

Grimm tries to pull himself back up, but his ribs are hurting bad. Harleykwin heads over to help lift him back up. She walks him over to the ring and he rolls back in, still holding his ribs.

JM slowly gets back up and heads for the apron. As he starts to roll in, Harleykwin runs back over and using the apron, kicks him in the back of the head!

Monroe: She's not supposed to be in the match like this!

JM slumps back overon the apron as Grimm pulls himself into a sitting position in the corner. Mick Foliage begins to count again. Grimm reaches over and grabs on the barbed wire ballbats and tries to stand. Joe pulls himself into the ring again and crawls over to where the other bat is laying.

He picks himself up and both rush towards the center of the ring where Mick Foliage is standing. Both men deliver one devastating swing as Grimm aims for the head and neck and Joe aims for the chest and ribs! The pair of barbed wire wrapped ball bats collide with Mick Foliage violently as all three men fall in the center of the ring!

Monroe: My Gob. . .

MarcuM: This is too much. They have to stop this.

All three men are down in the center of the ring and not moving.

Monroe: We have to get someone down here? Can we get someone down here to check on them?

Finally, GM The Doctor and several officials race down to the ringside area and carefully step into the ring. After looking over the carnage, they signal to the back for help as several EMTs head down to the area with gurneys.

All three men are loaded onto the gurneys carefully and wheeled out of the arena and to ambulances in the parking lot.

Monroe: Fans, this is terrible. This. . .we knew this match would be violent. . .we knew it would be brutal. . .

MarcuM: Everything's covered in blood! My costume's ruined!

Monroe: Fans, we can only hope we haven't witnessed the end of these men's careers tonight. We'll see you on Tuesday Night Havoc and hopefully we'll have an update on their status. Good night and Gob bless.