RKMBs Forums .::Important::. Fortress of Awesome Chat Hmmm A Little Trouble Already

Having trouble changing my profile. I make my changes and then it won't save them. I get a page saying "Cannot proceed". I tried to email for support but something's jacked up my email as well.

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer.

All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy".

The Lord replied, "Do you want lights on that bridge?"

Two women were on their way home after a night out, as you can imagine they were totally pissed.
Anyway the first women goes to her mate 'Look i'm dying for a piss can we stop and have one?'
So they stop for a pee in the 1st convinient place which happens to be a grave yard.

The first women takes a piss - wipes herself with her pants and then throws them over her shoulder
The second women has her piss and wipes herself with a wreath she picks up from a nearby headstone.

The next night both their husbands are sat in their local pub having a pint.
The first bloke says 'i'm a bit worried about our lass cos she went out last night and came ome without any pants on? Do you think shes been cheating?'
The second bloke says 'Hey mate you think you've got problems? Well my wife came home last night with a wreath in her pants saying WILL BE DEAPLY MISSED BY ALL AT THE FIRE STATION'

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%



and


K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top

An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight
attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served them.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and
announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that
he will be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you
could just put up your trays that would be super."

On his trip back down the aisle, he noticed a well dressed, rather exotic
looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those
big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can
pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a
Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant
replied, without skipping a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I am
called a Queen, so I out rank you. Tray- up, Bitch."

A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first-graders using a bowl of Lifesavers. He gave all of the children the same kind of lifesaver one at atime and asked them to identify them by color and flavor. The children began to say: "Red...................cherry," "Yellow...............lemon," "Green.................lime," "Orange...............orange." Finally, the professor gave them all honey Lifesavers. After eating them for a few moments none ofthe children could identify the taste. "Well,“ he said, "I'll giveyou all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father." One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out and yelled: "Everybody, spit them out - they're assholes!!!

What a woman says, what she really means...
I need = I want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I have a severe case of PMS
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = I want new curtains, new carpeting, new furniture, new wallpaper...
I need new shoes = the other 40 pairs are simply the wrong shade
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
I was wrong = Not as wrong as you
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
I'm not yelling! = Of course I'm yelling, this is important!


What a man says, what he really means...

I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Would you like to dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psycho trauma are you going through now?
You look upset = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
Yes, I love your new hairstyle = I liked it better before
Yes, your haircut looks good = $50 and it doesn't even look different!
I like the first dress you tried on better = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go!

Klinton has achieved true wisdom since I saw him last.

Thats cause he is now standing upright!

Thanks for the laughs but not really helping here

maybe you should post more. try spamming the Deep Thoughts forum for a while. That'll knock your post count up.

What does my post count have to do with anything?

it's too tiny. Honestly, rex has barely been her 2 years and he already has like a gabillion posts. please try harder.

sometimes if your title is too long they dont let you proceed. It has to be kinda small from what i remember rob telling me