Open Challenge for the Hardcore Porn Title
Pig Iron (C) vs. Killconey vs. Doc. Mid-Nite vs. Captain Howdy vs. Spandex Monkey Man vs. James Fantastic
“Countdown To Armageddon” erupts and Pig Iron and Schwarz walk down the ramp, and begins dragging objects from under the ring and throws them onto the mat and gets in.
Bastardo: “I guess I can only say this is probably the end of Pig Iron. We know he’s going to retire and I can’t imagine PI defending the belt against all these challengers--one at a time or no.”
Monroe: “Indeed. 5 men have accepted Pig Iron’s open challenge, and falls count anywhere. He clearly wants to lose the belt.I have a strong feeling that we’ll see a new champ and that this we be the last match we see from Pig Iron. I guess PI beat Doc Paragon and his mission is now complete.”
Bastardo: “Well. Hopefully PI goes out with a bang, and Hardcore Porn rules ensure that.”
Cry for Eternity begins playing as James Fantastic walks the ramp and enters the ring. Pig Iron wastes no time and begins hitting Fantastic on the head with Schwarz’s night stick he was hiding behind his back. Fantastic starts to slump and falls to the canvas.
Bastardo: “ My my. James’ speed isn’t going to help him when there is a night stick crushing his skull.”
PI continues to beat Fantastic’s head mercilessly and blood begins pouring onto the mat.
Monroe: “ Bughawb! He’s gonna kill him.”
Schwarz taps the mat and PI regains his composure and he flips Fantastic and gets in the quick pin as Fantastic has obviously passed out. The ref counts 3 and PI kick rolls Fantastic’s limp body out of the ring. The medics run to ringside as the bell sounds, and Doc Mid-Nite’s music begins playing. Doc casually walks to ring he gestures for Pi to move back and he then enters the ring.
Monroe: “ Mid-Nite’s no fool. He’s itching to teach Piggie a lesson and grab that belt.”
Doc runs at PI and starts punching him in the head and also the stomach area. Doc grabs a pipe lying on the canvas and hits PI in the knee. PI wrestles the pipe away and it falls out of the ring. Doc takes advantage and wails on PI’s upper body and gets in some ravaging blows to PI’s knee. Doc then lifts PI into a Lethal Dose. PI is now groggy and Doc places a garbage can between PI’s legs as he is propped on the ropes.
Batsardo: “ Oh, he’s setting up the Final Dose.”
Schwarz walks behind PI and slaps his head to awaken him, and she then yells at him. PI sees Doc climbing the ropes, and he staggers to get up. The crowd tries to get Doc to pay attention. Doc gets to the top rope and PI grabs the trash can lid and throws it at Doc, and it hits him hard in the head, and he tumbles to the floor.
Monroe: “PI throws his mighty trash can lid. Amazing.”
PI runs across the ring and leaps out of the ring onto Doc’s slouching body. He impacts Doc hard and he clutches his knee after impact. PI writhes on the floor and Doc is very limp and groggy. Schwarz throwsthe trash can lid to PI and screams at him. PI takes the trash can lid and begins hitting Doc over the head with it. He continues pounding until blood flows and the lid is utterly deformed. PI flips Doc and the ref counts 3. The bell sounds. Also Sprach Zarathustra begins playing over the Cheesedome speakers. Kilconey runs down to ringside and immediately spears PI.
Monroe: “Oh my!”
PI lies on the floor and KC gets up and gives two elbow drops to PI. KC then gets into the ring and climps to the top rope. Pi lies on the floor and KC does a moonsault onto PI. And he takes some pain because of it as his elbow is now hurting as he clutches it.
Bastardo: “Why did he do that? Insane. He had PI where he wanted him.”
KC eventually gets to his feet as PI starts gaining his senses. KC pulls out his +3 wooden sword of splintering and brings it down across PI’s back. He goes for another swipe but his sword won’t budge. Schwarz has interfered and is holding the other end.
Bastardo: “That’s about the only way Schwarz will ever hold Kilconey’s wood.”
Monroe: “ What?”
Bastardo: “ Nevermind.”
KC points at Schwarz and begins chasing her around the ring he swipes at her with the sword but continues to miss. They run around the ring 3 times and “Yakty Sax” begins playing over the Cheesedome speakers.
Bastardo: “What in the world? Is that Benny Hill music?”
Monroe: “Apparently they are getting it under control Bukkakee just told me that SPAMM was fooling around in the booth.”
KC continues to chase Schwarz, but as he runs around the ring corner PI is crouched and runs into KC full force committing the most egregious spear ever in the history of the RDCW.
Monroe: “Bughawb! That was viciously brilliant.”
PI gets to his feet and discovers the +1 ball-peen hammer of righteousness. He then delivers righteous blows to KC’s already aching body and head. KC writhes on the floor as blood flows everywhere. PI grabs a nearby chair and continues to punish KC. Finally PI covers KC and the ref counts 3.
Monroe: “The medics are busy tonight there is blood everywhere and 2 wrestlers to go.”
'The Majesty of Rock' begins playing and SPAMM makes a slow entrance to the ring.
Bastardo: “This should be interesting. Former tag partners and SPAMM knows PI very well.”
Monroe: “Oh my Gob! SPAMM just waved goodbye to PI. How insulting that must be for the Swine of Steel.”
PI charges at SPAMM and SPAMM moves to the side and kicks into PI’s damaged knee dropping PI to the floor. SPAMM gets PI into a figure 4 and grinds on the knee. Schwarz is mysteriously absent. SPAMM continues with the punishment as PI is scrambling to try to get leverage his hand slides through a pool of KC’s blood. PI then takes as much as he can get in his palm—rises up and slings it into SPAMM’s eyes. SPAMM breaks the hold trying to get the blood away from his eyes, but the goofy mask makes it difficult.
Bastardo: “ That’s why superheroes shouldn’t wear capes and wrestlers shouldn’t wear masks. That is just disgusting who knows what is in that blood?”
PI limps up to a standing position and SPAMM is swatting at the invisible and obviously can’t see much of anything. Schwarz appears from under the apron skirt next to PI and hands him something.
Monroe: “Bughawb! It’s Mr Sledgehammer! Where did it come from--how did Schwarz obtain it?”
PI crashes Mr Sledgehammer into SPAMM’s stomach several times as Schwarz sets a chair on fire. PI takes the chair and whacks SPAMM with it several times until blood is flowing and SPAMM appears limp. PI lifts SPAMM into a Hog Heaven and brings him down onto the Cheesedome floor. The ref counts 3, and Schwarz hands PI…
Monroe: “ Mr Staplegun???”
PI staples SPAMM”s mask to his face in a gruesome show of contempt. Medics again come.
Monroe: “all this bloodshed. Unbelievable, PI is like a maniac tonight. How will he fare against Captain Howdy?”
Captain Howdy begins playing. CH is nowhere to be seen. PI enters the ring to await and Schwarz circles the ring behind PI. Just then Joe Mama jumps over the railing and grabs Schwarz. He handcuffs her to the railing and jumps back into the crowd waiving the keys at PI and taking them with him. PI goes down to Schwarz, limping, looking disgusted--at himself. He pats Schwarz’s shoulder and Captain Howdy walks down the ramp.
Bastardo: “ Howdy looks confident and very upset. Doc did take a beating. Is that a gleam of happiness in his eye? Is tonight his night?”
PI runs at CH and CH kicks PI’s leg. CH picks up the chair and begins pounding it on PI”s knee. PI writhes in pain.
Monroe: “Now, this will be a fair fight…no Schwarz.”
CH then takes the +1 ball-peen hammer and hits PI’s Knee. PI looks to be in severe pain…
Bastardo: “ Now that hurts. If he wasn’t looking to retire I’d say this injury might force him to anyway.”
CH continues to punish the knee and body of PI by kicking him. CH chuckles and waits for the crowd to pop. Then PI sees the +3 wooden sword and brings it across CH’s face as Ch goes down to taunt him. CH is a bit shaken up, and his face glows red as he looks for a weapon. PI brings himself to the ring and hobbles up to it..he gets to the first rope as CH finds Mr Sledgehammer. PI looks to be jumping from the rope…
Monroe: “He’s gonna try for a Pig on The Wing…”
PI flies through the air slightly missing his target and CH brings Mr Sledgehammer up and hits PI on the head in mid-air. PI goes limp and CH flips PI and gets the easy pin as the ref counts 3. The ref checks PI and calls for the medics…
Monroe: “That looked absolutely horrible…horrible.”
Bastardo: “ Yeah, he’s not moving he’s out.”
Schwarz looks concerned and shakes at her handcuffs…the medics begin performing CPR on PI after checking his vitals. CH stops celebrating as he holds the belt over his shoulder…. Security guards run down the ramp. One of them is carrying a bolt cutter..he cuts Schwarz loose and all 3 go over to PI…the medics push them back as they continue with CPR…Captain Sammitch walks out the entrance and looks onward, and looks concerned. The medics bring out the portable defibrillator. Schwarz drops to her knees crying and Syxxty Nine of the MWO comforts her..Nowhereman looks stern. CH shakes his head and strokes the belt and looks at it and back to PI. The medics stare at each other and lift PI onto the stretcher and hurridly rush him up the ramp and Sammitch backs away.
Bastardo: “This is truly tragic…I don’t know what to say.”
Bukkakkkei stops filming as several wrestlers escort Schwarz up the ramp….
Monroe: “Well, folks…we’ll keep you...ahem…updated, but this looks like a tragic night for the RDCW.”
Over the Cheesdome speakers……
Pig Iron: “I tell you Officer Schwarz, people like us can make a difference, when one becomes a whoaayyah of darkness…a Dark Lord…one can do the things that need to be done. You see, Officer Schwarz, we are real men of darkness. We beat people until they are bloodied and crumpled into a lifeless mass on the floor….this is true. We are the last of a select group of warriors left ...true Whoaayaaahhhs of pain and darkness in a world of untalented jobbers and fake breasts.”
Pig Iron: “The eternal battle of steeellll begins now, the battle begins anew, and the waar continues. The glorious war against Paragon, and I will be the instrument, Paragon. The Whooaaayyaaahh off Paaaainnnn will end your rule of villainy, and the RDCW will be reborn—in the image of the victors.”
Monroe: “It seems the Whooayaahs eternal battle is over, but the pain will live on for all of us here at the RDCW.”
