Quote:

Bastardo: ...so I said, Bang 'er? I just m-



Out of nowhere, a trumpet blares!

Quote:

Bastardo: What the F-



Regal-sounding music plays next! The Cheesedome darkens, except for a spotlight that is cast on the entrance to the Cheesedome ramp. Jeeves is standing there!

Quote:

Jeeves: ALL HAIL KING ILL MAC! ALL HAIL KING ILL MAC! ALL HAIL KING ILL MAC!



MisterJLA emerges from behind the Cheesedome curtain, and he is dressed like a king! He is wearing a crown, with a purple cape and holding a scepter! Joe Mama, Captain Howdy, Doc.Mid-Nite, and Charlie follow!

Quote:

Jeeves: ALL HAIL KING ILL MAC! ALL HAIL KING ILL MAC! ALL HAIL KING ILL MAC!



JLA takes his time strolling to the ring. He often pauses and waves to the crowd. Charlie and Mid-Nite hold the ring ropes open, and JLA enters the ring first. All of JLA and his entourage enter the ring, the music stops, and JLA is ready to speak...

Quote:

JLA: <Long dramatic pause> Kingeth of the Mook-taineth!



The crowd boos!

Quote:

JLA: Thou hast witnesseth the crowning of a King! Boweth before your King!



Joe Mama, Charlie, Jeeves, and Doc. Mid-Nite execute mock "Ric Flair" style bows, while JLA smiles in approval. Captain Howdy stands in the corner of the ring with his arms folded with a look on his face.

Quote:

Monroe: What the Hell are you doing? Sit back down!

Bastardo: He said to bow before the King! C'mon Monroe, show some respect!



Quote:

JLA: At Prom Night, I vanquished Count Chewy of Walrus, Sir Spandex of Monkey Man, King of Philly Snarf, and Duke Drz of Smith! I am the World's Heavyweight Champion, and the King of the Mook-tain!



More boos from the crowd...

Quote:

Monroe: He's really getting into this "King" bit.

Bastardo: This be thine first EPIC promo since Prometh Nighteth! Thou shall...

Monroe: Please stop.



Quote:

JLA: As if my accomplishments were not already sufficient, last week on HAVAK, my loyal subjects Captain Howdy...

Howdy: I taint ye subject! Damn it! FUCK OFF!

JLA: That interruption was most uncalled for! Where was I? Ah yes! Captain Howdy, Doc. Mid-Nite, and myself gave a solid trashing to the Sudden Death Connection! Pip pip! Sudden Death indeed!

And then, that rotten scoundrel Captain of Sammitch threw down the gauntlet, and challenged my team to a rematch at RDCW Convolution, which shall be the greatest PPV EVAR!

Imagine that! A lowly commoner having the audacity to challenge a blue blood such as myself! Is nothing sacred?

I have pondered Sammitch's poorly conceived challenge, and I have decided to be generous and accept his proposal for a steel cage rematch at RDCW Convolution!



The crowd cheers!

Quote:

JLA: <whispering to his teammates> PSSST! Check it, dudes! I only defend the gold at PPV's, and I can't lose the belt in a tag match! I'll get a free pass and have another month added to my title reign! Is this too cool, or what?



JLA turns his attention back to the crowd...

Quote:

JLA: Furthermore...



RDCW General Manager thedoctor interrupts JLA’s speech!

Quote:

thedoctor: I'm glad to see you agreed to the match, your royal anus. It should be a great Main Event. You are the World Champion, and your teammate Captain Howdy is the Hardcore Porn Champion. On the Sudden Death side, Captain Sammitch has the IC Championship. Which got me thinking...the RDCW cannot have three titles tied up in a six-man match. Not if the belts are NOT being defended. So now they are.

<cheap, huckster voice> So now at Convolution, it will be a double decker six man tornado tag match! All six men will duke it out at the same time. And if any champion, JLA, Howdy, or Sammitch pins or taps, not only will their team lose the match, but also they lose their belt to the man that defeated them!




The crowd cheers, and The IV wildly protest.

Quote:

JLA: FUCK!

Bastardo: So let me get this straight? A double decker, six man tornado tag match, with three different titles that are on the line? The match is over when one member of either The IV team or the Sudden Death Connection is pinned or taps? All six men fight at the same time in two different cages? If a champion takes the fall, he loses his belt?

Sounds rather... <Bastardo stares into the camera>

CONVOLUTED!

Monroe: That's the general idea!





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