RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts Overheard conversations

I've been going through my old shorthand notebooks.

This dates back to 2001 on the train back home from London. 9.25pm.


DRUNK: (talking into mobile phone): "I'm coming up and I want to see my Grandson immediately."

FEMALE PASSENGER: "Excuse me, can I have my pen back?"

DRUNK: "I'll give you your pen you little bitch."

DRUNK: (talking into phone): "Donna, don't fall out with me. I don't care if you fall out with me, you're my baby. I want to see my Grandson. I don't care about you."

DRUNK: (aside): "She's ignoring me."

DRUNK: (aside): "Shaney's got a hangover."

DRUNK: (aside): "Fucking train."

DRUNK: (talking into phone): "Wake him up. Punch him."

DRUNK: (talking into phone): "Where's my baby? Where's my Grandson?"

DRUNK: (aside): "He wouldn't wake up. I said 'Punch him.'"

DRUNK: (talking into phone): "Who's on glue?"

DRUNK: (talking into phone): "These trains are shit."

DRUNK: (talking into phone): "You cost me four pounds fifty nine."

DRUNK: (talking into phone):"Bless him. Oh bless him, bless him, bless him, bless him."

DRUNK: (talking into phone. glancing out of train window): "I'm in Chalkwell."

DRUNK: (talking into phone): "What you singing? Ha, ha, ha! Go for it baby. What you like to sing? You owe me nine pounds and ninety five pence. Do you still love me? All the way? Love me for breakfast. I love you honey. I love you honey."

DRUNK: (talking into phone): "Oh shit. Oh You Bastard."

Ah, yes, gob bless the inebriated.

Gob bless us everyone!

Gob am real man

Gob am real man

Keren Camel Market, Eritrea

November 2001.

Habte: "If you have any problem buying a camel here maybe we can come to an arrangement."

Backwards7: "I'm not here to buy."

Habte: "Maybe if you are travelling to Teseney or The Sudan, you need a camel."

Backwards7: "I'm travelling to Nakfa, if there's a bus."

Habte: "Okay." dismissive gesture

Backwards7: "Which ones are your Camels?"

Habte: either distracted by something or ignoring me

Backwards7: "Where are your camels?"

Habte: "They are coming from Assab on foot. Maybe they are going to be here next week."

Backwards7: "How many camels?"

Habte: "About 40...but I do not like the price here. We bought them expensive and the journey takes a lot of expense. We have about 7 or 8 people which are responsible for about five camels each."

(shorthand gets a little hard to read here)

Backwards7: "It's a long journey."

Habte: "They left on the 1st October."

Habte: "On the journey they have no food or water."

Backwards7: "The people have no food or water!?"

Habte: translates what I have just said to some of the other camel traders. Laughter

Habte: "The people have food but there is no food for the camels"

more laughter

Backwards7: "Is it true that it takes five days on the bus from Asmara to Assab?"

Habte: "Yes. It's a bad journey. It's better to fly."

Backwards7: "What will you do if you can't sell your camels here?"

Habte: "I will stay here maybe a week or take them to The Sudan. Maybe in two weeks after they take rest."

Date: Fall, 2000
Place: Local Wal-Mart

~This brief conversation occured as I was walking through the Eletronics Department. A boy and girl, no more than 7 years of age, were waiting to play video games.~

Young Boy: So, are you a Democrat or a Christian?
Young Girl: Huh?

Heh.

While waiting in line to get in a Haunted House last night, there was a girl on her cell phone
Who kept calling someone to tell them what was happening
"this guy is chasing the girl with a chainsaw!'

"Now hes banging on the port a potty"

"oh now theres a giant bat"

I was talking to Len at work the other day...

Me "I heard you had some cat story today."

Len "Yeah, I ran over Mrs.Smith's cat."

Me "No shit! Heh... what'd you do?"

Len "Well i was backing out my driveway and there was a little bump, you know, like when you drive over your newspaper or something. So I get out the car figuring I'll just grab the paper and get to work, right?"

Me "Yeah, ok."

Len "But it was Mrs.Smith's cat. And I felt really bad 'cause you know her husband just died last month and she's just so old... and here I killed her cat."

Me "Bummer."

Len "So I go across to her house, we live on opposite corners, and I ring the bell and she answers the door and I say, 'I'm really sorry about this, blah blah blah,' and could I either reemburse her for what her cat was worth, or drive her to the humane society, she can't drive herself anymore, and take her for a new cat or whatever... and she says, 'No, I'd like you to just give me what my cat was worth.' and so I was figuring maybe $200, $300 tops, and she says '$10,000.' and I said, 'ten thousand? Look, mam, I'm really sorry, but I just don't have that kind of money for a cat.' and she says '$10,000' and, again, I say, 'I won't give you ten thousand, but how about two or three hundred?' and you know what she did?"

Me "Whassat?"

Len "She called the COPs on me, that's what she did!"

Me "No fuckin' way!"

Len "Yeah! And they Gave me a ticket."

Me "A ticket?! What for?!!"

Len "Disputing the price of pussy on a streetcorner."

:lol:

I'm sorry. Too much effort and not enough recoil in the end.

Whatever. It was funny when I was half listening and measuring out Nystatin powders.

Plus, he's somewhere like 30 years my senior. Don't expect much out of people that much older than you.

I don't. Matter a' fact, I never expect much from anything. Like Batman for instance!

So is his neighbor still mad at him?

I think God got that cat killed because Stupid Dogg was wanking.

[ 11-02-2003, 03:15 PM: Message edited by: I'm Not Mister Mxypltk ]

I'd like to run him over for telling such a lame joke. Then I'd laugh.

You people have stingy senses of humor.

I bet you don't even laugh at the popsicle stick jokes.

...

Enlighten us.

You laugh.... because it's really funny. Improves general disposition. Find the humor in every given situation.

...nirvana...

I don't like jokes about dead cats.

Those aren't funny....

Eddie Murphy has yet to ever be funny.

'Cept his Songs By Buh-Wheat skit on old SNL.

'Cept in Trading Places.

And Coming to America.

"Rocky Marciano! Rocky Marciano!!! Rocky Marciano ain't shit!"

I like the theme song to Beverly Hills Cop.

I used to write at 130 words a minute. Now it's more like 50.

Prospect of Whitby public house, 7:15pm November 2nd 2003.

The Landlord is sitting on the wrong side of the bar, chatting up some German woman.

Landlord: "This is the oldest pub in London."

German woman: "The oldest pub on the waterfront."

Landlord: "No, it's the oldest pub in London."

A man at the bar puts on his jacket, accidentally raising his T-shirt and revealing his massive beer gut.

Landlord: "Did you have to uncover that?"

Landlord: "It's like an advert for Pirelli."

The man makes to leave.

Landlord: "Bye bye darling."

Man: "I haven't gone yet."

Landlord: "Don't come back, piss off."

Man: "Buy a round and I'll stay."

Landlord: "Ta da, see you tomorrow."

The man is almost out the door.

Landlord: "Are you on a promise tonight or something?"

Man leaves.

Man returns.

Landlord: "Oh fuck it, you're back again. Make up your mind. You're worse than a fiddler's elbow."

Man 2: "He's like a girl."

Landlord: "Yeah, not a very attractive one."

Man 3: "What's a fiddler's elbow?"

Landlord: "Back and forth, back and forth."

A middle-aged man and a much younger woman enter the establishment.

Middle-aged man: "We've come to spend money in your bar and you're just sitting here."

Landlord: "Good evening Madam, it's a pleasure" gets up off of the barstool and ceremoniously kisses the girl's hand "It's a pleasure Madam."

Middle-aged man: "What's the food like this evening?"

Landlord: "Wonderful."

Middle-aged man: "That's your opinion."

Landlord: "It's the only opinion that matters in here."

Man 4: Playing on the slot machine with his girlfriend. "That's not going to win, that won't pay."

Man 4: "One special."

Man 4: "Two nudges then. They're normal nudges."

Man 4: "Boost."

Man 4: "Four quid. We're staying there? Four quid up?"

Machine pays out.

Never! Alf's the greatest!

Remember Alf? He's back!.....in pog form.

If there's one thing that I've learned from watching The Simpsons, it's that you should never exchange your best friend's soul for ALF pogs.

When I saw it was too late for me...

Reminds me of that time when I found my parents talking about buying christmas presents and the money to give us for the tooth fairy......so tragic!

Btw......how come we can't bring back the older threads? Why are they all locked?

Are you trying to spam?

The threads on the last page are locked for...various reasons. Click a few pages before for active ones.

Whenever I spam this forum I try to move all the locked threads to the last pages.

No.......just waiting for the tylenol to kick in......so I can sleep.I'm done wading through old stuff

Besides, I'm determined to keep my post count high WITHOUT spamming grrrrrrrr, spammers is one of those things that ticks me off ;p

I know isn't it annoying? God, why must people do that?

You're practically begging for it.