RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts YO,JACK THE LITTLE DEATH.

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Originally posted by Nowhereman:
A British student recently needed to raise some funds,so he put his soul up for sale on ebay!
The winning bid of £17 was placed by an American (possibly called Jack,but I`m just guessing about that bit)!
When he was asked why he had bid for the students soul,he claimed it was cause he lost his soul on a bet at an air hockey game!

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Originally posted by The Storm:

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Originally posted by britneyspearsatemyshorts:
some things you should know about jack....

he's a fucking pervert,
Dude.

The man is a sex offender. With a
record. Spent six months in Chino
for exposing himself to an eight-
year-old.

When he moved down to Venice he had
to go door-to-door to tell everyone
he's a pederast.

Eight-year-olds, Dude.

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YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE.

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Originally posted by Jack, the Little Death:
Ah, so I'm not picking on some two-hundred-pounds-or-less little wuss? Cool.

A serious challenge, then. We'll have to make it fairly open-ended, since the odds are against us being anywhere near each other ... but y'never know.

Since I'm making the challenge, Britney, I suppose form demands that you get to choose the arena. Bare fists? Gloves? It's up to you.

C'mon. I've been itching for a real, hands-on fight for months, and it sounds as though you'd be the perfect guy to help me out with that itch. And we'll do it the right way, too. Civilized. No stabbing each other in the back, no sneaking up in the dark ... just two guys dealing with their crap like guys.

A duel. If it's the only way to demonstrate to you just how cool you're not -- and it seems clear that it is -- I'm eager and willing. Nothing wrong with giving or taking an honest beating.

S'up to you. Sure, it might seem a little strange, and even a bit childish, but we're both grown men, right? We have the right to settle our differences in such a way, if we're both agreeable. And if you're not the sort of guy that can handle that kind of thing, you should've shut up well before saying I'm a child molester.

One way or another, it would do us all some good, I think.

What do you say?

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Originally posted by kassandra:
watch it, little boy. one phone call and i can have you and your paltry lot in tijuana by nightfall. i'm sure you'd all be quite popular with the local hombres, especially when mr. sniffy shorts' affinity for anonymous truckers becomes well known. deportation is such a lovely thing. :)

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Originally posted by Jack, the Little Death:
Should I take that as a declination (look it up)?

C'mon. You clearly want to take a shot at me -- you did take a shot at me. Now do it honestly, like a man.

And Britney, if you were just making a joke -- here's a clue on how to let people know you're making a joke. Be funny.

I'd prefer not to give out my phone number, for obvious reasons, but my email is available. Just in case it isn't in my profile:

djacky3@yahoo.com

Set it up. I want some exercise. You can provide at least a little bit of exercise, right, Britney?

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Originally posted by Jack, the Little Death:
Orcas Island, where I'm currently sitting and typing, is off the coast of Washington, just east of the southern tip of Vancouver Island. It's a horseshoe-shaped little speck. You can find it on a big enough map.

I wouldn't suggest it as the best place to meet, since that puts way too much responsibility off my shoulders, and gives me an unfair advantage -- but at the same time, I can recommend it as a place where the cops won't interfere if we don't want them to.

If you do decide to come to Orcas Island, Britney, I recommend another tradition -- that of the "second." I suggest this for two reasons: 1) It's a bad idea for stupid people to travel alone; 2) You'll want someone to read the ferry schedule for you.

To answer your actual question, Nowhereman ... I never said I was civilized.

This does strike me as a preferable alternative to dropping bombs on little kids, though ... another idea that Britney has championed. Nobody else gets hurt this way. It may be childish, but it's just two guys being childish, and not two countries. It's a form of childishness that I can live with.

And let's remember that Britney is the one that talked smack here, originally. Now he gets to live with the consequences. He can either apologize ... or he can accept my challenge and take a beating like a man ... or he can decline and admit his punk-ass bitchness to the world by default.

I think we've both accepted Drzsmith as a facilitator, right?

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Originally posted by Jack, the Little Death:
AJR: You're thinking of Blanka.

Streetfighter II was a favorite of mine when I was in highschool. At lunchtime, we'd run down to the only convenience store on the island, which had the only video games on the island, one of which was Streetfighter II. I was the champ for about a year, and Ryu was my favorite character. He just seemed so me. And he looked like me. These are important things to a teenager.

Then I stopped playing, and some junior high kid took my title. I was never able to regain it. Past the age of eighteen, I seemed to lose all ability to play fighting games. Maybe it had something to do with getting into real fights, I dunno.

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Originally posted by Jack, the Little Death:
C'mon. I know some of you guys would love to be able to take a shot at me. This is your big chance to live vicariously through Britney.

What, no jokes? No unfunny references to washed-up TV stars? No casual ridicule? I sense tension, kids.

Maybe it's just different for you guys when you aren't picking on a girl?

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Originally posted by Jack, the Little Death:
Picking on Lor now, just 'cause she points out the obvious (that calling you guys honorable is like calling the Shrub an honest businessman)? That's just weak.

Penis enlargement surgery, guys. It worked for Bobbit, it can work for you.

Or, hell, you could at least learn some funny jokes.

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Originally posted by Jack, the Little Death:
How can you win? I have yet to see you even show up.

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Originally posted by Jack, the Little Death:
Actually, as I told Britney, I'm willing to travel for the chance to beat him up. :)

I only suggested using my island because it has a lot of logistical advantages, not the least of which is that it has a grand total of three cops (maybe four in the summer), none of whom particularly care what the poor kids do as long as the rich summer people aren't disturbed. I'm just not entirely certain about the legality of what I'm proposing -- I don't think it's technically illegal for two guys to agree to fight, as long as nobody dies.

I've also got some infrastructure here. This isn't exactly the first time this kind of thing has happened around here. It's an island. We don't get many comicbooks and unless you've got cable or satellite, all of our TV channels are Canadian. People get bored.

I also stated, however, that since I was the one that gave the challenge, Britney is the one that gets to choose the method and place. If he wants to choose some other place, that's up to him. All I ask is a reasonable amount of time to get there. I can understand why he might not want to use my island, since that might give me a certain home-turf advantage.

Not that it can make much of a difference. If Britney is the kind of guy I think he is -- and so far I've seen little to indicate that I might be wrong -- we could fight in his kitchen, I could have both hands tied my back and be blindfolded and really really high and he'd still get his ass kicked.

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Originally posted by Jack, the Little Death:
And I'm sorry, Lor ... I'm being as civilized as I know how to be. The guy called me a child molester -- and has yet to apologize for it. Smacking him about the head and torso seems quite necessary, for his good as much as for my own.

And isn't this civilized, in a way? We aren't saying that "might makes right." We aren't claiming that I'll be right and Britney will be wrong after I tie him up like a pretzel. We aren't letting other people get caught in any crossfire, we shouldn't have any kind of "colateral damage." This is just about the idea that if you're willing to offend a person's honor, you should be willing to back it up. If you cause harm to another person and expect to risk no consequences, you're just a punk.

This is the same guy that champions the idea of dropping bombs on little kids, too. I'm curious to see if he's willing to put his money where his mouth is. I want to see if these guys are all talk, like I suspect. He's willing to order the death of little kids on the other side of the world, but is he willing to get his own nose broken?

There's no crime in getting your ass kicked, Britney. It happens to everybody, sooner or later, even if you do everything right. Especially if you do everything right.

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Originally posted by Jack, the Little Death:
If you guys were so sure about Britney's ability to take me in a fight, you'd be telling him to accept the challenge.

Hey, for all I know, Britney is a tough guy. Maybe even a really tough guy. I doubt it -- my experience is that you generally find brains and balls in the same people, and I've seen none of either from this guy. But I could be wrong.

I'm willing to take that chance. How 'bout you, Britney?

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Originally posted by Jack, the Little Death:
Think of it as an experiment. Maybe not a very worthy experiment, but who better to test these things than us young guys?

And just think, Britney -- if you kick my ass, you'd be the hero of so many right-wing posters. :)

And if you lose -- is that really such a loss for you?

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Originally posted by Kristogar Velo:
Jack's right, you know.

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