RKMBs Forums .::Important::. off topic and offensive posts What if your sex organs could talk?

What would they say?

MERCY!

Mine would say, " Not tonight, I've got a headache..."

Find a girlfriend!!

I need a boyfriend!

What do you mean "what if", Poindexter?

Just ask any man, they all think with their dicks, so it's almost the same thing

long time no see

Nope.

Absolute Value of Positive and Negative Numbers
The number of units a number is from zero on the number line. The absolute value of a number is always a positive number (or zero). We specify the absolute value of a number n by writing n in between two vertical bars: |n|.
Examples:
|6| = 6
|-0.004| = 0.004
|0| = 0
|3.44| = 3.44
|-3.44| = 3.44
|-10000.9| = 10000.9

Another Way To Die
Jack White Alicia Keys


know the player with the slick trigger finger for Her Majesty
Another one with the golden tone voice and then your fantasy
Another bill from a killer turned a thrill into a tragedy

A door left open
A woman walking by
A drop in the water
A look in the eye
A phone on the table
A man on your side
Someone that you think that you can trust is just
Another way to die

Another tricky little gun giving solace to the one that will never see the sunshine
Another inch of your life sacrificed for your brother in the nick of time
Another dirty money, heaven sent honey turning on a dime

A door left open
A woman walking by
A drop in the water
A look in the eye
A phone on the table
A man on your side
Someone that you think that you can trust is just
Another way to die

590 591 592

Cocaine is a crystalline tropane alkaloid that is obtained from the leaves of the coca plant. The name comes from "coca"in addition to the alkaloid suffix -ine, forming cocaine. It is both a stimulant of the central nervous system and an appetite suppressant. Specifically, it is a dopamine reuptake inhibitor, a norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor and a serotonin reuptake inhibitor. Because of the way it affects the mesolimbic reward pathway, cocaine is addictive.
Nevertheless, cocaine is used in medicine as a topical anesthetic, even in
children, specifically in eye, nose and throat surgery.Cocaine in its purest form is a white, pearly product. Cocaine appearing in powder form is a salt, typically cocaine hydrochloride. Street market cocaine is frequently adulterated or “cut” with various powdery fillers to increase its weight; the substances most commonly used in this process are baking soda; sugars, such as lactose, dextrose, inositol,and mannitol; and local anesthetics, such as lidocaine or benzocaine, which mimic or add to cocaine's numbing effect on mucous membranes. Cocaine may also be "cut" with other stimulants such as methamphetamine.Adulteratedcocaine is often a white, off-white or pinkish powder.

A Cats Prayer


Although I am too proud to beg, and may appear to be a very independent creature, I ask for your loving care and attention.

Translation: I'm the boss, serve me.


I rely on you for my well being much more than you may realise.

Translation: Go out and earn money to keep me in the style to which I intend to become accustomed.


This I promise you, my benefactor, that I will not be a burden on you nor will I demand more of you than you care to give.

Translation: The more attention I get, the more I want. You may have to hire another slave for me (by the way, I lie!).


I will be a quiet peaceful island of serenity for you to gaze upon; a soft soothing body to caress, and I shall purr with pleasure to rest your weary ears.

Translation: I will tear round the house smashing ornaments at 3 a.m., infest the house with fleas, and bite your mother when she comes to visit (did I mention that I lie?).


Since I am a gourmet who appreciates different taste sensations, I pray you will give me a variety of nutritious foods and fresh water daily.

Translation: I need Evian water, changed at least six times per day, chilled but not too cold. Any food offerings that you make, no matter how expensive, will be turned down if I think there is a chance that I can scrounge the three day old bread that next door put out for the birds.


You know dear friend, how I love to sleep. Allow me, I pray, a warm sheltered place where I can rest peacefully and feel secure.

Translation: Don't you dare wake me, I know where you sleep, and will get revenge - claw type bloody revenge!


If I am wounded in battle or suffering from disease, please tend me gently, and see that I am treated by loving and competent hands.

Translation: I reserve the right to mangle the most expensive hands you hire to treat me.


Please protect me from the inhuman humans who would hurt and torture me for their own amusement. I am accustomed to your gentle touch and am not always suspicious nor swift enough to avoid such malicious acts.

Translation: If you ever find out that it was me who bit your mother's thumb and gave her tetanus, I'll have to claim that she woke me up when I was having a bad dream.


In my later years when my senses fail me and my infirmities become to great to bear, allow me the comfort and dignity that I desire for my closing days and help me gently in my pain or passing.

Translation: When I've had enough of being pampered, please send me to my next reincarnation, where I look forward to being satisfactorily served once more.


Hear this prayer, my dear friend, my fate depends on you.

Translation: I might just accept you as slave, if you behave yourself.

What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone.
What do cats use to make coffee? A purrcolator.
What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck? A duck filled fatty puss.
If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws.
Why is the cat so grouchy? Because he's in a bad mewd.
If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat? None! They were copy cats.
Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you? That depends on whether you're a man or a mouse.
How does the cat get its own way? With friendly purrsuasion.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew.
What has more lives than a cat? A frog because it croaks every night.
What is a cat's favourite subject in school? HISStory.
What do cats like to eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.
How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up.
What's happening when you hear "woof... splat... meow... splat?" It's raining cats and dogs.
Why are cats such good singers? Because they're very mewsical.
What do you call newborn kittens who keep getting passed from owner to owner? Chain litter.
What is the cat's favourite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
How many cats can you put into an empty box? Only one. After that, the box isn't empty.
Why do you always find the cat in the last place you look? Because you stop looking after you find it.
If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a three foot window? Because the window is closed.
What is a cat's favourite movie? "The Sound of Mewsic."
What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy Claws.
Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can't? Your lap.
Why did the cat put oil on the mouse? Because it squeaked.
What side of the cat has the most fur? The OUT-side.
What is a cat's favourite car? The Catillac.
What kind of cat will keep your grass short? A Lawn Meower.
Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats? Because each of them was guilty of purrjury.
What do you use to comb a cat? A catacomb.
Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark!
Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? Because he's always spotted.

Lord Palmerdale: Are you in charge here?
The Doctor: No, but I'm full of ideas.

--

Eldrad: Where are your weapons?
The Doctor: [tapping his head] In here.

--

A 92 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. At his follow up visit the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'." The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful."


--

A guy is walking down the street with some chicken wire under his arm. His neighbor sees him and asks what he has. The guy replies, "Its chicken wire and I'm going to catch some chickens." His neighbor says, "You fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire." Later that night, he sees the guy walking down the street dragging 12 chickens. The next day he sees him walking down the street with some duct tape under his arm. Once again he asks what the guy is up to. The guy says he has some duct tape and he is going to catch some ducks. He replies, "You fool, you can't catch ducks with duct tape." Sure enough later that night, he sees the guy walking down the street dragging 12 ducks behind him. The next day, he sees the guy walking with something else under his arm. He asks what it is. The guy replies, "Its pussy willow." He says, "Hold on, let me get my hat."


--

Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.
- Mark Twain

The test of any good fiction is that you should care something for the characters; the good to succeed, the bad to fail. The trouble with most fiction is that you want them all to land in hell, together, as quickly as possible.
- Mark Twain

It is personalities not principles that move the age.
- Oscar Wilde

Being a poet is one of the unhealthier jobs--no regular hours, so many temptations!
- Elizabeth Bishop

A best seller was a book which somehow sold well simply because it was selling well.
- S. Boorstein

There is probably no hell for authors in the next world -- they suffer so much from critics and publishers in this.
- C. N. Bovee